Latest / GlowInto / Glow&Tell "Friendships After 40"
Transcript
- Jennifer Joyner: Welcome to Glow and Tell, a glow and two conversation about the things women over 40 are thinking about, living through, and talking about. Today I want to talk about something that I think changes in ways we don't always expect as we get older. Friendship after 40. When we were younger, friendships can feel almost automatic. We meet people at school, at work, through our kids, through our sports, through our neighborhoods. Our lives put us in the same places over and over again. And relationships grow from there. But somewhere along the way, things start to change. Kids grow up, your career shifts, people move, marriages change. Some women become caregivers for aging parents, some become empty nestards, some are rebuilding their lives after divorce, and some are starting businesses or completely reinventing themselves. And suddenly the friendship that once fit naturally into our lives doesn't always fit the same way anymore. That doesn't necessarily mean anything went wrong. Sometimes it simply means we changed. I think friendship after 40 deserves a real conversation because while this stage of life can be incredibly freeing, it can also be surprisingly lonely. So we're going to talk about what happens to friendships as we get older, why some relationships fade, why others become stronger, and why this might actually be the perfect time. To become much more intentional about the women we allow into our lives. One of the hardest things to accept is that not every friendship is meant to follow us through every stage in our lives. There are women we have known for decades who were exactly the right people for one chapter of our story. Maybe you raised children together, maybe you worked together, maybe you were neighbors, maybe you spent every weekend sitting beside each other at soccer games or dance competitions. And then the thing that connected you changes. The children graduate, someone changes jobs, someone moves, someone gets divorced, and suddenly you realize that the friendships that you had were built partly around a life that no longer exists. That doesn't make friendship fake. It doesn't erase the memories. It simply means that relationships may belong in a particular season. I think women sometimes put enormous pressure on themselves to hold on to friendships simply because they existed for a long time. Longevity alone doesn't necessarily make a relationship healthy or meaningful. Sometimes growing means allowing a friendship to change. And there are friendship breakups. We don't talk about those nearly enough. Romantic breakups are recognized, and there are songs about them, movies about them, and entire sections of bookstores devoted to them. But losing a friend can hurt just as deeply. Sometimes there isn't even a dramatic ending. There isn't a big fight. There isn't that one moment that someone says, we're not friends anymore. Instead, the phone calls become less frequent, the invitations stop, the conversations become surface level. And then one day you realize that someone who once knew everything about your life really doesn't know you anymore. That loss can be incredibly painful. And sometimes friendship endings also teach us something. They show us what we need. They show us that we no longer tolerate. And they often reveal how much we've changed. Another thing that happens after 40 is that women often begin making decisions based less on what everyone else expects and more on what they actually want. And that can change your friendships too. Maybe you decided to leave a marriage, maybe you stopped drinking. Maybe you became more focused on your health, or maybe you decided you don't want to spend every weekend doing the things you've always done. When you begin changing your life, the people around you sometimes have to adjust to the new version of you. Some will celebrate it, some will be inspired by it, and some will be uncomfortable with it. And that's an interesting thing about growth. Sometimes the people who are comfortable with the old version of us don't quite know what to do with the woman we're becoming. And that's really okay because part of getting older is realizing that we don't need everyone to understand every decision we make. There's another side to friendship after 40 that I think deserves more attention, and that's loneliness. Technology tells us that we're more connected than ever. We can see what hundreds of people are doing every single day. And we know where they went to dinner, we know where they vacationed, when their children got married. What concert they attended, but seeing someone's life online isn't the same thing as being part of someone's life. You can have hundreds or even thousands of social media connections and still not have someone you feel comfortable calling and saying, I had a terrible day. Can we talk? And that's the connection that matters. Real friendship requires more than liking someone's photo. It requires showing up. The interesting thing about Is that while friendship can become harder after 40, I also think it can become better because we know ourselves better. We aren't necessarily looking for people simply because they're nearby anymore. We are looking for real connection. We're looking for women who understand us, make us laugh, challenge us, encourage us, and celebrate our success without feeling threatened by it. We don't need to shrink to feel comfortable. And sometimes those women enter our lives much later than expected. One of the biggest myths about friendship is that your closest friends should be the people you've known forever. And that's just simply not true. Some of the most important people in our lives may be people you haven't met yet. Mm-hmm. Coming soon to Glow and Tell and to Glow and Two, events created specifically for women after 40. Glow and Two will be bringing women together through events inspired by the same pillars you already see throughout the stories, podcast conversations, and contributing voices on Glow'2. We'll talk about style that evolves and what personal style looks like as we move through different seasons of life. Through What Shapes Us Now, we'll bring women together to talk about podcasts, books, media, conversations, and ideas influencing us today. And inside the workplace, we'll focus on what women over 40 are building, changing, leading, and navigating in their careers and businesses. And it will all lead to a larger longevity event where we'll bring together a panel of experts to talk about health, wellness, strength, and lifestyle issues. That matter as we think about living well for the decades ahead. Those won't just be events to sit and listen. They'll be opportunities to connect, learn, meet other women, and have the kinds of conversations we don't always make room for. So more details are coming soon. Keep following Glowin' too because I think these are going to be events you'll want to be a part of. Friendship takes intention, but there's one catch. Making friends as adults requires effort. When we were younger, proximity did a lot of the work for us. Now we actually have to reach out. We have to say, do you want to grab a coffee? Do you want to have lunch? Would you like to go to that event with me? And then there is the important part. We actually have to follow through because I think women say we should get together hundreds of times. And then six months passes, life gets busy. But friendships don't survive on good intentions alone. They survive because somebody sends the text and they choose the date, they make the reservation, and they say Tuesday at six, does that work? So what kind of friend are you? Maybe friendship after 40 isn't only about asking whether we have good friends. Maybe we should ask, am I being a good friend? Am I checking in? Do I celebrate other women's wins? Do I make room for friendships in my life? Am I listening without immediately trying to fix everything? Am I showing up when friends aren't easy? Because the friendships we look for often begin with becoming that kind of friend ourselves. Maybe the goal after 40 isn't to have a huge circle. Maybe it's to have the right circle. Maybe we know who we are now. Just not who we used to be. And women can sit with you during difficult seasons and celebrate loudly with you during the good ones. But who are the women who are willing to grow alongside of you? If you've been feeling like your friendships are changing, you're not alone. Maybe you're outgrowing some relationships and maybe you're reconnecting with old ones. And maybe you're realizing you want deeper relationships. Maybe you simply Are you ready in your life to meet some new people? And whatever season you're in, don't assume your friendship story is already written. Some of the women who will become incredibly important to you may still be ahead of you. And I'd love to hear from you. How have your friendships changed after 40? Have you lost friendships? Have you found unexpected new ones? Reconnected with someone from your past. Send me a message or join the conversation on Glow Into social media because I have a lot of women that have been saying this exact same thing to me. And if there's another topic about life after 40 that you want to talk about, let me know. Because glow and tell is all about making room for the conversations that come with becoming who you are now. So until next time, keep glowing into who you were always meant to be.