Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1137 - P's on Earth: The 4 P's You Need This Christmas

Transcript

#1137 - P's on Earth: The 4 P's You Need This Christmas · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's their Happy Family's podcast.
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  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
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  Speaker 2: wants answers. Now.
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  Speaker 1: Kylie came to me the other day and said, we
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  Speaker 1: need to do a we need to do what your
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  Speaker 1: child needs for Christmas this year podcast episode. Kylie told
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  Speaker 1: me that she had come up with two things, beginning
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  Speaker 1: with pee, that our children need and wanted to do
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  Speaker 1: an episode about that. So I come up with a
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  Speaker 1: couple of peace as well. I'm really excited to share
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  Speaker 1: my peace for Christmas. Four things that your children need
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  Speaker 1: for Christmas, beginning with pea because alliteration is fun. Kylie,
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  Speaker 1: We're going to go one on one. You first, then
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  Speaker 1: me what was your first pe.
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  Speaker 2: Look, I don't know what you've got in mind, but
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  Speaker 2: you won't find any of my gifts under the tree
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  Speaker 2: that you can't wrap them, you can't buy them, right,
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  Speaker 2: but I think they will bring a lot more joy
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  Speaker 2: to your Christmas experience.
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  Speaker 1: So, now, while you're talking about your first pee for
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  Speaker 1: Christmas that is apparently not under the tree, I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to rewrite my other two piece because.
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  Speaker 2: The kids do not penguins.
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  Speaker 1: Just what's your first one?
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  Speaker 2: Peace? I think back to all of the experiences that
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  Speaker 2: we've had over the years with Christmas and the amount
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  Speaker 2: of stress and strain parents put on themselves to provide
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  Speaker 2: this perfect experience for our kids. And I think that
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  Speaker 2: as I've thought back on those experiences, I have spent
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  Speaker 2: more Christmases exhausted or grumpy because I'm exhausted as a
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  Speaker 2: result of trying to create that perfect space. What our
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  Speaker 2: kids actually need is this stress free environment where Mum
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  Speaker 2: and Dad are actually joyful in the experience instead of
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  Speaker 2: being worried about making sure the creamberulet is fired up
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  Speaker 2: or whatever it is.
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  Speaker 1: I love that you said, Crimbly. I don't think we've
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  Speaker 1: ever had krembla for Christmas, ever, I.
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  Speaker 2: Am thinking about it. I would really like some of
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  Speaker 2: our this is.
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  Speaker 1: This is beautiful, and I'm pretty sure everyone would agree
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  Speaker 1: with the concept, but it doesn't feel practical because there's
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  Speaker 1: family coming to visitor. We've got to go to families homes.
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  Speaker 1: The kids wake up and they make a lot of noise,
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  Speaker 1: and there's anything but peace, and I don't know if
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  Speaker 1: the kids want things to be peaceful.
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  Speaker 2: Peaceful, and I'm not suggesting it needs to be quiet,
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  Speaker 2: And I'm going to use the word reverence.
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  Speaker 1: By the way. I like the idea of a peaceful
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  Speaker 1: Christmas day with six kids, peace and quite.
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  Speaker 2: It's nice. You don't need to take the word peace literally.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not suggesting you need to be quiet and hushed
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  Speaker 2: and all of that kind of stuff. But it's an
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  Speaker 2: opportunity to let go of all of the anks, all
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  Speaker 2: of the worry, all of the stresses, and just be
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  Speaker 2: together in that moment. You can make as much noise
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  Speaker 2: as you want.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, very good. No, I know, I said we're
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  Speaker 1: going to go you me, you me, But I'm really
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  Speaker 1: interested in what your second one is. And I'm the
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  Speaker 1: one pushing the buttons. So what's what's your second one?
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  Speaker 2: It's a little bit ciliche. We've all heard it before.
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  Speaker 2: Our kids need our presence, not present.
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  Speaker 1: It's okay, and.
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  Speaker 2: It really taps in beautifully with my initial one of peace.
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  Speaker 2: That acknowledge meant that what they actually need is mum
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  Speaker 2: and dad to be in the moment, present with each other,
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  Speaker 2: instead of worrying about how many presents they've got under
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  Speaker 2: the tree. When our family was young, we used to
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  Speaker 2: travel up the Freeway every Christmas Day. We were either
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  Speaker 2: staying with one family and then we traveled to the
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  Speaker 2: other family or we would be interstate, and so we
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  Speaker 2: actually weren't in our own home. The kids didn't wake
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  Speaker 2: up in their own beds, they didn't unwrap gifts underneath
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  Speaker 2: their own Christmas tree, and about I think our eldest
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  Speaker 2: was about ten when they finally looked at us and
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  Speaker 2: they just said, can we just wake up in our
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  Speaker 2: own bed and have Christmas at home?
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  Speaker 1: I remember telling I told my family that, and I'm
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  Speaker 1: the oldest of six kids. Myself and my younger siblings
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  Speaker 1: were like, I can't believe you're not going to show
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  Speaker 1: up for Christmas. And I was like, well, I've got
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  Speaker 1: my own family now, and they all accused me of
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  Speaker 1: being really selfish. Over the years, several of them have
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  Speaker 1: come to me and said, we gave a really hard
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  Speaker 1: time about that, but we're all feeling it now because
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  Speaker 1: they've all got younger families who are growing, and they're
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  Speaker 1: sort of going, it's really nice to wake up in
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  Speaker 1: your own home on Christmas Day. But whether you do
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  Speaker 1: or not, it's really it's about I say this all
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  Speaker 1: the time. Can spell love t im and of all
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  Speaker 1: the times of the year when this is supposed to happen,
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  Speaker 1: Christmas day is the day where you would expect that
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  Speaker 1: this would be absolute where we're really available for one another.
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  Speaker 2: And I think if you were to ask each about
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  Speaker 2: kids now, what is their favorite Christmas experience? It is
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  Speaker 2: literally being able to wake up together. They open up
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  Speaker 2: their stockings on our bed, which is getting rather small
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  Speaker 2: these days now that we've got all of these big bodies.
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  Speaker 1: Not to mention a son in law who sits on
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  Speaker 1: the edge of the bed as well, it's weird, uncomfortable.
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  Speaker 2: And then we just enjoy time together. We actually don't
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  Speaker 2: make a big deal about Christmas branch or anything like that.
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  Speaker 2: We really just have a swim in the pool, we'll
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  Speaker 2: go to the beach. But it literally is a laid back,
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  Speaker 2: chill day where we're there is it's peaceful in that
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  Speaker 2: we're not worried about anything else and we are in
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  Speaker 2: the moment with each other.
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  Speaker 1: And I need to just quickly add, in case Jared's listening,
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  Speaker 1: you can sit on the edge of our bed on
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  Speaker 1: Christmas morning anytime. It's no problem. Just want to be
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  Speaker 1: clear about that. So your two peas that our children
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  Speaker 1: need the gifts that our children need this Christmas. Number one,
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  Speaker 1: they need peace. That is well, we want to have
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  Speaker 1: a home that has an absence of conflict, doesn't have
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  Speaker 1: to be hushed and quiet, but rather there's a peaceful
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  Speaker 1: atmosphere where we can just enjoy being together, which ties
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  Speaker 1: in with your second one, which is presence, not the
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  Speaker 1: presence under the tree, although let's be honest, if they
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  Speaker 1: don't get any of those, they're going to be pretty disappointed.
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  Speaker 1: They need both kinds of presents. They need our presence
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  Speaker 1: and a few things to under let's not talk about
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  Speaker 1: that going to be suffering financially for years because of
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  Speaker 1: that one. So they're the two that you come up with,
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  Speaker 1: the two piece that our children need. I've also I've
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  Speaker 1: done a little bit of work on this, Kylie.
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  Speaker 2: Please tell me there's no penguins.
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  Speaker 1: There are no penguins. You are absolutely safe.
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  Speaker 2: What are your two piece?
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  Speaker 1: My two piece, now that I've been thinking about it.
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  Speaker 1: Another one, playfulness, I think on a Christmas Day, Playfulness
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  Speaker 1: is about lighthearted nurs bringing that joyful energy and counterbalancing
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  Speaker 1: the potential seriousness of peace, which I'm not bagging it.
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  Speaker 1: I actually quite like it. But you can be peaceful
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  Speaker 1: and present and still be playful, yes, of course. And
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  Speaker 1: I just I think if we can remember that connection
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  Speaker 1: is about being seen and heard and valued, that doesn't
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  Speaker 1: always have to be serious like normally when we're talking
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  Speaker 1: about connection and being present, we're talking about being there
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  Speaker 1: and holding our children's hands as they go through a
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  Speaker 1: big emotion and looking into their eyes and validating and
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  Speaker 1: doing all of the emotion coaching stuff. But you can
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  Speaker 1: be present and you can have peaceful interactions.
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  Speaker 2: Is it about being at peace with yourself and at
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  Speaker 2: peace with the relationationships in the room.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah? And just playing. I think if we can play
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  Speaker 1: some silly games and share some wonderfully bad dad jokes
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  Speaker 1: and have unexpected fun.
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  Speaker 2: And last year we did a whole heap of those
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  Speaker 2: minute to Win It challenges. Oh yeah, yeah, kids just
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  Speaker 2: loved it.
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  Speaker 1: It's so much fun. It's about full engagement and enjoying
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  Speaker 1: each other's company. And you know something that you didn't
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  Speaker 1: mention in your list of things beginning with pe. You
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  Speaker 1: know what our kids don't need that starts with peak.
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  Speaker 1: They don't need perfection and we keep on shooting for
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  Speaker 1: perfection on Christmas Day and you're just not going to
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  Speaker 1: get there. I think that it's about delight and humor
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  Speaker 1: and presence and having a peaceful day. And you're going
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  Speaker 1: to have a more perfect Christmas that way than shooting
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  Speaker 1: for a perfect Christmas tree and a perfect layout and
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  Speaker 1: spread on the table and a perfectly cooked meal and
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  Speaker 1: a perfectly balanced diet and a perfectly wrapped gift. The
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  Speaker 1: perfection is irrelevant. It's about playfulness so much more.
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  Speaker 2: So.
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  Speaker 1: That's my first one.
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  Speaker 2: What is your second?
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  Speaker 1: My second one, I'm going to get a bit deep
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  Speaker 1: on this one. We've made no secret of the fact
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  Speaker 1: that we have a faith background, and so Christmas is
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  Speaker 1: a really sacred time of year for us. It's a
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  Speaker 1: time where we celebrate the birth of the individual, the
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  Speaker 1: person that we believe is the most important person to
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  Speaker 1: ever walk the planet. It's a time of reflection, it's
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  Speaker 1: a time of recognizing Jesus in our lives. And so
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  Speaker 1: I want to add purpose. Now, you don't have to
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  Speaker 1: be religious for Christmas to be a time of purpose.
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  Speaker 1: But I think that when we consider the meaningful aspects
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  Speaker 1: of Christmas beyond consumerism and the surface level celebrations, and
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  Speaker 1: we intentionally create traditions and develop shared values and connect
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  Speaker 1: with the spiritual or the philosophical significance of the day
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  Speaker 1: and of the season. It makes the day beautiful. And
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  Speaker 1: so we have traditions around the purpose of Christmas in
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  Speaker 1: our home where we open up the Bible and we
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  Speaker 1: read the Bible story from Luke chapter two and from Matthew,
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  Speaker 1: and we spend time in that, and we spend time singing.
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  Speaker 1: Not just root off the red Nosed Reindeer and we
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  Speaker 1: wish you a merry Christmas, but we spend time singing
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  Speaker 1: silent night. And there's something there's something deep and profound
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  Speaker 1: and meaningful about having the pea of purpose in Christmas.
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  Speaker 1: This is the p that I think transforms Christmas from
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  Speaker 1: a potentially chaotic event into an opportunity for really intentional
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  Speaker 1: family bonding. A few years ago, I read a book
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  Speaker 1: called Born This Happy Morning, and it introduced this idea
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  Speaker 1: of three levels of Christmas. Level one is Santa and
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  Speaker 1: jingle bells and decorating gift giving, and that's the level
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  Speaker 1: that most of us are pretty happy going for on
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  Speaker 1: a Christmas day. Level two is about remembering the reason
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  Speaker 1: for the season. That is the beautiful, important part of Christmas.
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  Speaker 1: The shepherds Joseph and Mary are baby born in a manger.
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  Speaker 1: But level three Christmas is the love of Christ that
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  Speaker 1: he would not only be born as a babe, but
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  Speaker 1: that he would die on the cross for our sakes.
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  Speaker 1: And I know there are a lot of people who
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  Speaker 1: are listening who are not religious and might be rolling
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  Speaker 1: their eys or getting ready to push the fast forward
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  Speaker 1: thirty seconds move to the end. But whether you've got
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  Speaker 1: the religious tradition or some other purpose behind it, when
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  Speaker 1: we invoke purpose and bring that into our conversation, when
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  Speaker 1: we make that part of our Christmas, it feels different.
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  Speaker 1: It gives it a depth and a meaning that I
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  Speaker 1: think is so valuable, and it's something that I'm looking
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  Speaker 1: forward to on Christmas, even on Christmas Day as we
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  Speaker 1: celebrate that level of Christmas with our kids as well.
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  Speaker 2: Four gifts you won't find wrapped under any Christmas tree
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  Speaker 2: but will make such a difference to the way you
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  Speaker 2: experienced Christmas this year. Peace, presence, playfulness, and purpose. So
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  Speaker 2: we hope this makes your Christmas a merry and bright one.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, And you've got about twenty days to pull those
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  Speaker 1: four things together and make sure that they're all set
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  Speaker 1: to go, as well as everything else that you're going
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  Speaker 1: to be doing. We really hope that it's peaceful Christmas.
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  Speaker 1: We'll be back tomorrow on the Happy Families podcast with
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  Speaker 1: our second last I'll Do Better Tomorrow of the year.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening. The Happy Famili's podcast
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  Speaker 1: is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. For more
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  Speaker 1: information and details and ideas about making your family happier,
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  Speaker 1: visit us at happy families dot com dot au.