Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / How do narcissists really feel inside

Transcript

How do narcissists really feel inside · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So one of the main questions that I get is how do narcissists
• 0:03
  really feel inside of themselves if you're new here, my name is
• 0:06
  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
• 0:08
  narcissist and welcome to another episode of the
• 0:10
  Narcissist Code. So welcome back, welcome back,
• 0:29
  welcome back. Y'all.
• 0:30
  So how do narcissistic people really feel inside?
• 0:35
  Like what is going on inside the mind of a narcissistic person?
• 0:40
  I know this is one of the questions that I get a lot of
• 0:42
  times it's not. And this is just generalized
• 0:45
  y'all, How are narcissists walking around?
• 0:47
  What is going on inside of our minds?
• 0:49
  What is going on inside? So I think this is going to be a
• 0:52
  2 parter within the same video. I can tell you how I felt before
• 0:57
  I became self aware and I can tell you how I felt after
• 1:00
  becoming self aware, becoming self aware, becoming a self
• 1:04
  aware, becoming self aware of my personality disorder and
• 1:06
  whatnot. So one of the main things that I
• 1:09
  would say that before I was aware is that I will always just
• 1:13
  feel it's not. Yeah, I didn't feel empty.
• 1:15
  I don't people just say narcissist feel empty inside.
• 1:18
  I wouldn't consider it empty. I would just say it's
• 1:21
  unfulfilled. You know, I feel like emptiness
• 1:23
  is just just blank slate. There's nothing going on.
• 1:26
  Like nothing. There's no there's no gears
• 1:28
  turning. We're just blank slates of
• 1:30
  emptiness. Just robotic meat sacks here to
• 1:33
  destroy. I don't.
• 1:35
  I don't believe that. I think that a lot of
• 1:38
  narcissists, right, are just unfulfilled, like we walking
• 1:42
  around feeling unfulfilled. So we're trying to feel
• 1:46
  fulfilled. We're not trying to fill and
• 1:47
  fill a void. We want to make sure we want to
• 1:51
  matter. At the end of the day, I think
• 1:54
  most narcissists want to matter in some way.
• 1:58
  Great, like we want to leave a legacy.
• 2:00
  Legacy is important for narcissists.
• 2:01
  Like you didn't want just don't want to pass away and just be a
• 2:04
  be a blip on humanity. You know you're just like, oh,
• 2:07
  I'm a blip like, oh, he lived, he died.
• 2:11
  That's it. You want to matter.
• 2:13
  So you run, You run around, try to be fulfilled.
• 2:16
  Try to make yourself happy. Wanting contentment like we want
• 2:22
  that happen is we feel like we don't have that fulfillment.
• 2:26
  That's why you see a lot of narcissists that are thrill
• 2:29
  seekers. They seek out thrills to feel
• 2:33
  fulfilled, to feel like they matter, to feel their adrenaline
• 2:37
  flow, to feel alive. You see, I don't think it's
• 2:41
  emptiness. I think it's the lack of
• 2:44
  fulfillment, you know, That's why I just you hear me, you all
• 2:48
  heard me say this before. If y'all been following me for a
• 2:49
  while. It's the pursuit of happiness.
• 2:51
  Narcissist. It's like the movie.
• 2:53
  Narcissist are pursuing happiness because we want to be
• 2:56
  fulfilled. We want to have that.
• 2:58
  We want to be just. We want to matter.
• 3:00
  Y'all narcissist. People want to matter.
• 3:03
  That's why they have a lot of them have kids.
• 3:05
  That's why a lot of them are trying to be successful.
• 3:07
  That's why a lot of them just try to climb the ladders of
• 3:10
  success, even at the the expense of others.
• 3:15
  So many do that. So many do this thing right.
• 3:19
  So, so many do that right there because they want to be
• 3:22
  fulfilled. They will use other people for
• 3:25
  their fulfillment. That's why narcissist will use
• 3:29
  you, abuse you and then discard you because they want to feel
• 3:32
  fulfilled. That's why they love bomb you.
• 3:34
  Because during the love bombing phase, the narcissist feels that
• 3:39
  like, I feel the most alive during the love bombing phase.
• 3:43
  Because it seems like I matter. You matter to me, but I also
• 3:47
  matter to you because we're connected now.
• 3:50
  You say, well, we're connected like I feel like you make me
• 3:53
  feel alive. That's why you see a lot of
• 3:55
  narcissist that love the love bombing phases where I'm going
• 3:59
  to do a singular one out video about the love bombing phase and
• 4:02
  how narcissist feel doing it. But but a lot of them love that
• 4:07
  phase. Because we feel alive right
• 4:09
  there. Because we feel we don't.
• 4:11
  We don't feel dead. We just feel like we haven't
• 4:13
  been activated. We love being activated.
• 4:15
  It's unfulfillment, you know? I want to be activated.
• 4:18
  I'm not. I'm not dead inside.
• 4:20
  I want to be activated. I feel like I'm just inactive.
• 4:23
  I need something to activate me. So when I'm love bonding you,
• 4:26
  I'm act as active as I'm going to be.
• 4:29
  But in that love bombing, it's not.
• 4:31
  It can't last forever. So you just when you see a lot
• 4:34
  of narcissists that bounce from relationship to relationship to
• 4:36
  relationship or from job to job to job to get that feeling of
• 4:41
  newness, because that newness makes me feel fulfilled.
• 4:45
  It makes me seem like the newness feels like progression.
• 4:49
  It's not always progression, but it feels like progression.
• 4:52
  Just because I just because I'm in a new relationship doesn't
• 4:55
  mean that I'm progressing. You know?
• 4:58
  Just because I'm in a relationship doesn't mean I'm
• 5:00
  progressing any way, any way, shape or form.
• 5:03
  It just means I'm moving forward.
• 5:05
  It just means I'm going forward. You see what I'm saying?
• 5:07
  Newness. Sometimes they'll discard you
• 5:09
  just so they can love bomb somebody else.
• 5:13
  Imagine them getting rid of you just so that they can love bomb
• 5:16
  someone else. Because they they feel a certain
• 5:18
  type. They feel a certain type of way
• 5:19
  about themselves. Imagine that that happened so
• 5:23
  many times. Y'all.
• 5:24
  It happened so many times because I want to feel
• 5:26
  fulfilled. I've been in so many
• 5:27
  relationships when I was younger, because I was, I was
• 5:29
  feeling like blank. I was not not blank.
• 5:33
  I was feeling unfulfilled. It used to feel like emptiness,
• 5:35
  but it used to feel like emptiness.
• 5:37
  But once I understood that it's not emptiness because I I'm a
• 5:40
  human being, I move and I can do stuff, it started feeling like
• 5:43
  unfulfillment, the pursuit of happiness, the delusions of
• 5:47
  grandeur. That's one reason why the
• 5:48
  delusions of grandeur could exist right there, because we
• 5:51
  want to matter. We want to like the the, the
• 5:54
  grandiose starts and dreams like I'm a chase that dream right
• 5:57
  there. And when I get that dream, I'm
• 5:59
  going to be fulfilled. But that's what happens a lot of
• 6:02
  times with Narcissus, like we chase that dream of fulfillment,
• 6:05
  like get married, have a family. That's what that's going to make
• 6:07
  you feel fulfilled. You get it.
• 6:10
  You might be fulfilled for a little while, but it goes away
• 6:13
  because it's not contentment, it's it's fleeting.
• 6:15
  So inside, internally, we just feel like we're missing
• 6:18
  something. We're missing an internal piece.
• 6:21
  We're not empty. We're just missing something.
• 6:24
  We're missing. We're missing the right.
• 6:26
  We're missing the right screw to connect, to make the gears start
• 6:31
  to turn, to feel alive. That's why doing the love Mommy
• 6:33
  fag, it's like we find a temporary a temporary screw that
• 6:37
  makes the gears start turning. We feel more alive now than
• 6:41
  ever, but soon as we see the flaws within yourself.
• 6:44
  You know, as soon as this, you don't live up to our As soon as
• 6:47
  you don't live up to the idealized image that we've
• 6:49
  created of you. The screw bust.
• 6:52
  You know what? The situation blows itself to
• 6:55
  pieces. And then we just come, come bust
• 6:57
  and out. Everything pretty much goes to
• 6:58
  hell from that point forward. You know, the screw, which isn't
• 7:03
  metal, is like a new type of plastic.
• 7:05
  It burnt, it breaks. And then the gears stopped
• 7:07
  turning. Then we fall out of love.
• 7:09
  And then we have to seek love. We have to seek the love bombing
• 7:12
  phase elsewhere. You see, we have to seek new
• 7:15
  job. We have to seek something to
• 7:16
  fulfill. Me.
• 7:17
  We have to seek something to get the gears turning.
• 7:20
  We're not empty. We're just missing something,
• 7:22
  you know? I don't feel empty.
• 7:25
  And a lot of people just say, oh, Lee, you feel empty.
• 7:26
  No, I don't feel empty. I just feel like I'm missing
• 7:28
  something. I've always felt like I'm
• 7:29
  missing something, you know, I feel like we're missing
• 7:32
  sometimes. There could be purpose, you
• 7:34
  know, Sometimes what we're missing is actually purpose.
• 7:37
  And that's where we that's where we transition into the awareness
• 7:40
  part of my journey. Like being aware of how I feel
• 7:42
  inside, you know, how I feel inside about myself, how I feel
• 7:45
  inside. I used to internally feel, yeah,
• 7:48
  I was missing something, but now I know what I was missing.
• 7:50
  I used to just feel like, oh, what am I missing?
• 7:52
  I'm let me chase the love bombing.
• 7:54
  Let me chase this, let me chase that.
• 7:56
  That's what I'm missing. I'm missing fulfilment on that
• 7:58
  scale. What I'm missing, What I was
• 8:00
  missing is purpose. So many narcissists lack
• 8:07
  purpose. So when you're lacking purpose,
• 8:11
  the gears don't turn. When you have a purpose, when
• 8:14
  you feel like you're fulfilling your purpose, the gears will
• 8:16
  always be turning. You see, the gears always turn.
• 8:21
  Doing this. Helping others, you know,
• 8:23
  Keeping my family together. Helping others heal, heal and
• 8:26
  grow. Helping other narcissists go to
• 8:28
  therapy. Helping others like this, My
• 8:30
  purpose I being on, being on the acting set.
• 8:33
  That's my purpose. I have purpose now, so my gears
• 8:35
  are always turning, so I don't feel empty on the inside.
• 8:38
  Do they turn slower some days than they do on other?
• 8:42
  Yes. The the gears don't always turn
• 8:44
  at the same speed. Right now they go.
• 8:45
  Sometimes they go slow. I wake up if I'm having a bad
• 8:47
  day. The gears are still turning.
• 8:49
  They're just turning really slow, you know?
• 8:52
  But on good days, they're just, they're they're just like a
• 8:55
  clock, like clock. Like a old, like like like Big
• 8:57
  Ben over there in London, over there in Europe, somewhere.
• 9:01
  I think it's in Paris. Wherever Big Ben is at, there's
• 9:03
  the clock spinning. You see what I'm saying?
• 9:04
  The gears are turning correctly, but this how it goes.
• 9:07
  Like I I'm aware that I've lacked purpose for so long, and
• 9:11
  that's helped me beyond measure on this healing and growth
• 9:15
  journey to understand that that's what I was lacking.
• 9:17
  You know how I feel inside right now is that I'm still I have a
• 9:20
  purpose. Like do my Does my mind shift to
• 9:23
  wanting to do a new purpose sometimes?
• 9:25
  Yeah, that happens, you know, because a lot of narcissists
• 9:28
  suffer from chronic boredom where we get bored.
• 9:31
  Even we, even when we're in our purpose, we still get bored.
• 9:34
  Tonight, we're human beings. You know?
• 9:36
  I know a lot of people don't think narcissists are human
• 9:39
  beings. I know a lot of people who don't
• 9:40
  who don't think that. I think that narcissists are
• 9:42
  human beings, which is wow to me.
• 9:44
  But it's all good, you know? It is all good just in this
• 9:47
  space and whatnot. But it's just the interesting
• 9:51
  dynamic, what people have to do and people deal with right
• 9:54
  there. Y'all.
• 9:55
  It's like a lot of narcissists don't have purpose.
• 9:57
  And when they're not living in that purpose, they feel empty.
• 10:00
  That's when they start feeling empty.
• 10:01
  Unaware narcissist probably feels empty because they don't
• 10:05
  know what they're missing. They probably feel empty.
• 10:07
  They thought they probably feel like blank slates that need to
• 10:10
  be morphed into something better.
• 10:12
  They need to chase something more.
• 10:13
  They probably feel that way, but it's not always going to be that
• 10:16
  way. You know what I mean?
• 10:17
  It's just that space that a lot of us fall into.
• 10:20
  It's just that they're dynamic and that that the crucialness
• 10:23
  that a lot of us fall into. So that's why I just tell people
• 10:25
  nowadays if you're dealing with a narcissist or a toxic person
• 10:29
  and this is how the how your life goes, you have to empower
• 10:32
  yourself to understand that they are lacking purpose and you
• 10:35
  can't be out. I know what people are going to
• 10:36
  say, well I'm going to take this video.
• 10:38
  I'm going to help my partner find that purpose.
• 10:39
  They have to find their purpose on their own y'all.
• 10:42
  I promise you they do. I know a lot of this stuff.
• 10:44
  You leave it in the hands of the narcissistic person and it feels
• 10:48
  like you're powerless. You can guide.
• 10:51
  What do you want to do with your life?
• 10:53
  Ask them. Go ask the narcissistic person
• 10:55
  if y'all still together. Ask them if they're not living
• 10:57
  in that purpose and they're unhappy.
• 10:59
  So what? What makes you happy?
• 11:00
  Like, did your job make you happy?
• 11:02
  I mean, you can ask them that if you if you're in a safe place,
• 11:04
  you can ask them that. Don't just go over and ask if
• 11:06
  y'all are in a physically abusive relationship.
• 11:09
  Don't go ask him that. And just like, well, Lee, I
• 11:10
  asked him. I got hit in my face.
• 11:11
  Don't y'all. First of all, leave their
• 11:13
  relationship. But they don't.
• 11:14
  They're going to keep hurting you.
• 11:15
  But don't do that. Be very weary.
• 11:18
  Anyway, y'all they don't tune into another episode, of course,
• 11:21
  like and subscribe for more. And as always, missile illnesses
• 11:24
  out. Peace.
• 11:25
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 11:27
  You are a mental illness Rockstar and I appreciate you
• 11:30
  for being here. If you haven't already, make
• 11:32
  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
• 11:34
  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
• 11:36
  There's also a link available up here for you to purchase my
• 11:40
  kids. But remember, it's not your
• 11:42
  fault on Amazon, so check that out.
• 11:44
  Thank you. I will see you in the next
• 11:45
  video. Peace.