Latest / Scam Goddess / Blessed Up by Crab Legs & Free Bus Fare w Joel Kim Booster (Fraud Friday)

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Blessed Up by Crab Legs & Free Bus Fare w Joel Kim Booster (Fraud Friday) · Scam Goddess

• 0:19
  Speaker 1: What's poppin', congregation? It's your girl Lacey Mosley, a.k.a. Scam Goddess.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: The podcast all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we love them.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Sometimes we hate them. I don't know. We'll see along
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: the way.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Congregation, if you are an OG member, please stand up
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: out of your pews and recite with me.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: I am very what? Yes. Excited. A scam. All right.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: Said like a man. Yes.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: You already hear that beautiful laugh, so you know I'm
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: excited for today's guest. We have an actor, comedian, producer,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: and writer, and the homie on the show. He's the
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: host of the new reality dating show, Bravo's Love Hotel,
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: which premiered on April 27th, 2025. So y'all can get
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: out there and get some of that Bravo Love Hotel
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: in your eyeballs right now. You may also know him
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: from his other shows.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: Okay, come on. Hit TV shows. Excuse me. Looped on
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: Apple TV, which was renewed for season three. Okay, honey,
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: that's what we're talking about. Get them seasons.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: He's also the host of a podcast called Bad Dates
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: and is riding high from Fire Island, which won GLAAD
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Media Awards and earned him two Emmy nominations. If you
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: haven't seen Fire Island, y'all know I love that movie.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: I literally was a foot soldier for that movie. Okay.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: congregation please welcome the talented joel kim booster to the show.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: Oh my god what an intro this is incredible we
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: got to get you on bad dates because i know
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: you got some stories oh yes i know you have
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: some stories sadly recently there's trauma there there's trauma there i.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: Can tell we do we turn it we spin.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: It exactly monetize it monetize the trauma Are.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: You ever in like a weird situation where you're like, damn,
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: I'm going to get some good content out of this?
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: Oh, all the time. The amount, like, stand-up brain has
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: broken me in such a way where I will stay
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: in a situation much longer than I need to just
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: because I'm like, well, I got to see how this
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: turns out. You know, like, it is so crazy. Like,
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: bad hookups, bad, like, social interaction, like, anything. Like, I
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: literally have had such terrible hookups recently. but they're so
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: wild and funny that I'm like, well, somebody's coming, you know?
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: And then I will be dining out on this story forever.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: A good long while.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: I can't attest to that because on Monet X Change's show,
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: you did share a hookup story that was so outlandish.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: All of us were like gooped and gagged and gasped.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: We were like, sir, sir.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: As it continued. I'm the same way.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: I'm that way with people, but I'm also that way
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: with scams. Like if I feel like something is a scam,
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: now I'm in it. Now we both in it.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: You're responding to the Robo text messages.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Yes, when I get the Robo that's like, hey. hey, Tom,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: we're golfing today. I'm like, oh my gosh, this is
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Tom's phone. What time are we golfing?
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I want to know. What's the end game?
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: I love golf. I love golf. What are you going
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: to give me in exchange? Right.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: Where are we meeting up? Like, I'm so... I want
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: to know what the endgame is. I know.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: There's nothing more fun than fucking with those people.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Not at all. It's great. I'm like, you're going to
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: waste my time. I don't waste yours.
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: It's like some person in another country who barely speaks
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: English who does not understand the bit.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: But I want to.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: Know the endgame of that one. I haven't figured it
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: out yet. And everyone keeps asking, you know? Why do
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: people keep texting me saying hi or something?
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: Well, because there are old people who fall for it.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: There are people... It would not happen if people did
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: not fall for it.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Well, I say hi back. Like, I try to engage
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: in conversation with these people and then they.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: Stop talking to me.
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: Well, that's what they want at first until you start
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: getting weird. Like, once I start getting weird where I'm like, oh,
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: I just, I bet you have the deepest voice. Like,
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: can you send me a voice note? Like, you know, like.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: See, you're taking it there. I'm trying to be on
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: the ride. You're like, show feet. Yeah, exactly.
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: That'll shut them up real quick. Yeah.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, then they're going to leave you all red. I'm like,
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to play along. Like, yeah, like, who's Tom?
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: That's not me. But like, I love golf. Like, I
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: want to, come on, help me.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: You know what I want to know the end game of?
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: Is there is an epidemic, especially in WeHo, of like
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: phones getting stolen. Like every weekend I have a friend
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: whose phone got stolen. My phone has been stolen three times.
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: Except I now have this case. that makes it look
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: like an Android. And boy, do people not want to
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: steal my phone now. Oh, that's the new scam, y'all.
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: Pro tip, pro tip. They think it's an Android, they say, no,
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: thank you. And the thing is, the thing is, is
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: that it's all, a lot of them are, it's like
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: a ring of women. And it's perfect because you go
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: to WeHo, you go to these gay bars, you're invisible
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: to us. You know, like no one's paying attention to
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: the girls. They're all trying to get laid. And I
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: saw one get caught by security And I walked by
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: her and she had one of those big sling purses inside.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: I kid you not over a dozen iPhones in that bag.
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: And my thing is, is it's not easy to just
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: restart a cell phone and then resell it. I want
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: to know the pipeline from those girls to then who
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: they report to, to then what happens to that iPhone.
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: Because one time my iPhone got stolen and I turned
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: on like find my iPhone or whatever. And a week
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: later it woke up in Beijing. And I'm like, how
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: did it get stolen in Mexico and woke up in Beijing?
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: It's like, what is the process? I'm actually fascinated.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: Your iPhone went on vacation.
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: I want to meet one of these girls and be like,
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: I'm not going to call the cops or anything. You're
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: not going to get in trouble. I just want to know.
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: like step by step, what happens to these phones? Like,
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: I'll give you a phone.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: I feel like that's a pretty simple process, right?
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: If you're like, one phone just for the info, I
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: feel like it's a pretty simple process. It's like, we
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: take the phone and then we give it to someone
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: who obviously knows how to jailbreak the phone, wipe it,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: and then we go resell it.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: But it's not that, it's not as easy as it
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: used to be. It used to be really easy to
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: jailbreak a phone, but the technology, like the advances in
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: the phones, it's not as easy. It's not as simple
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: as just jailbreaking it and then wiping it and then
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: selling it. Like there's, There's other things that they have
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: to be doing in order to get the phone ready
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: to be reused.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: See, I feel like with technology, there's always someone, there's
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: always a scammer who finds a loophole.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: There's somebody out there who's like 1-0-0-1-5-1-2.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: Innovators in STEM.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: You know, like, yes, we got scammers in STEM.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: Scammers in STEM.
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: But that's it's so interesting to me because you held
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: up your phone and like obviously the audience can't see
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: but just when we put this out can we get
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: a photo of like what his phone case looks like
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: so joel has like a square phone case just a
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: square and y'all know the android loves like a rectangular
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: situation they love an angle they want the phone to be.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: Sharp like i'll be talking to somebody who's fucked out
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: of their mind and i'll be like oh let's exchange
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: like instagrams and i'll hand them my phone and they'll
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: be like oh baby i don't know how to use
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: an android and i'm like Are your eyes crossed? The shape.
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: You're cut off. This is an iPhone, babe. Like, you
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: know how.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: To use this.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: They saw a shape. We're lucky that they can see
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: a shape.
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: I didn't want to say it.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: We're lucky that they recognize the shape, okay? They're like, bitch,
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: is this a rhombus? Oh, no, I don't know how
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: to use that. I don't know how to use it.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: OK, but that's really smart. I might have to invest
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: in one of those sharp cases.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: And they're cute, too. Because that's like really the only
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: distinction between the iPhone and other phones. iPhone tries to
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: keep the cases like.
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: The edges all smooth. That's square. Or the smooth edge.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they're like a smooth edge. But then the Android's like, yeah,
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: we want an aggressive square.
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: Now, isn't an effective case for protecting my phone? Am
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: I going to the Apple store after this to get
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: a brand new phone because it's cracked to hell? But,
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: you know, safety first, you know?
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: Get it now before those prices go up. That was great.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: What's your relationship with scams? But I still do want
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: to ask you the question because it's been a minute since.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: You've been on the show.
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: No, and I think we talked about this a little
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: bit last time. Like we're millennials and we are the
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: scam generation because we've had to. Like nothing has come
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: super easy for us other than if you have rich parents,
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: whatever and whatnot, you know. But like from the time
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: I was 17 years old, out on my own, not
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: taking a dime from my parents, I scammed my way
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: through adulthood because there is just no other way to
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: do it. Like, and it's like simple things like, you know,
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: like does shoplifting count as a scam? A little bit,
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: you know, like, you know, it is.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: I mean, it falls under the umbrella. We just say robbery.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: If you're, if you're trying to convince someone, like my
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: scam was, is the classic self-checkout.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: Oh, yes.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: And then. You're not scanning everything, baby. No. And, like,
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: I don't do this anymore. Sometimes I make the noise myself.
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: I don't need to do this anymore.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: Beep-boop. Yeah. Doop-boop. It's not about... It's about the principle.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: But you know that.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: If I work here, I'm gonna get my wages. Exactly.
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: Well, and you know the one time I was arrested
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: for shoplifting... Oh, my goodness. was when I was in college.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: I had no health insurance. I was deathly ill. And
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: I shoplifted cold medicine. And I got caught. And it's
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: not on my record or anything anymore. Like, it was
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: my first offense, whatever. But the fact that I was
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: so sick and had no other options and so poor
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: that I couldn't afford the cough medicine. I think, you
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: know what? I did something wrong, but it's an indictment
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: on this country. I don't know if it's wrong.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: It's like you needed medicine. And if the country wasn't
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: busy robbing us all blind.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: You wouldn't have that. Exactly. There's no reason in one
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: of the richest countries in the world, a 19-year-old with
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: bronchitis has to go into a CVS and try and
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: shoplift cold medicine. Like it's just like that shouldn't have
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: been the option for me. Right.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: And this is not like you're getting like a meth
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: lab amount of like Sudafed.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: You're getting something that you need. No, I'm not.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: See, I was with you on the scamminess, but that
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: one to me isn't a scam.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: That was necessity.
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: And we completely understand. Well, and sometimes scams are. Yeah.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: A lot of times You know, there's certain people who
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: it's like, you don't really have to be in fraud.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: Like, babes, your family has money. Like, why are you
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: doing this? You just love it for the art.
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: Of the game. Exactly. Wynonna, she just wanted to feel something. Yes.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: You know, she was getting in the car, smoking that
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: cigarette all hard with a shaky hand.
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: But, you know, it's so funny because I think. like, millennials, like,
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: we are the hustle generation and we are the scam generation.
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: And I think those two things intertwine a lot of
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: the time. Like, we have been for the time, since
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: the time we were in our 20s. Mm-hmm. hitting the pavement, scamming, doing,
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: taking every job, doing everything we can. And it's not,
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: it's not necessarily a scam, but like those, that desperation
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: and that need, because everything got so much harder the
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: minute we turned 21. Like, it's just like, sometimes those things,
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: intersect and our and like the scam can be a
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: little bit of a hustle and the hustle can be
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: a little bit of a scam and it's just a
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: fact of life for.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: Us I agree I mean like and then there's like
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: a thin line between a hustle and a scheme hustle
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: and scheme are cousins scheme okay they're first cousins yeah
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: They love to hang out together.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: And, you know, a hustle and a schemer right there.
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: Not blood related, though. They're the kind of cousins where
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: it's like, that's my cousin. That's my cousin.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: See, I feel like they are first cousins. I feel
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: like they are blood related on their mama's side because
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: don't nobody know their daddy family.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: Don't nobody play with their daddy cousins. But on your
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: mama's side, that's your real cousin.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I feel like they're a little closer than that.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: You know, you might be running a hustle and then
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: it turns into a scheme. You might have a scheme
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: and then it blends into a hustle.
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: Speaking of schemes and hustles, like you see, speaking again
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: of like the way our generation has developed and like
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: tried to make it is like you see some of
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: these influencers on Instagram or TikTok or whatnot. like selling
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: their wares, selling their vegan protein meal plan. Meanwhile, they
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: are juiced to hell. They are on steroids, but they
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: are selling themselves as like this fitness guru who only
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: eats pea protein and tofu. And if you only eat
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: pea protein and tofu, you can look like me. And
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: it's like, That's a scam and a scheme. Yeah.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: You know? That's a scam and a scheme.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: Just like Goop. Exactly.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: Goop got the girl's guy. But now Goop is like
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: going under. Apparently, there's a shift in the market right now.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: I've been reading about this, that wellness is now kind
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: of being chucked out of the window. Because, you know,
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: for a minute, celebrities were all selling their creams, you know,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: and their drops and their tinctures.
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: Well, who the fuck can afford those creams? Exactly.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: Who the fuck can afford those creams?
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: And it's like the whole time, baby girl, we know
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: your Botox lady. We know your Juvederm lady. That's okay.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: I get some of those things myself. But I'm not
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: out here being like, ooh, I rubbed this cream.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: No and the fact is it's like her customer base
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: is like narrowing narrowing narrowing because it's like there's so
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: much going on and everyone is everyone is struggling it's
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: like i don't have the money for a jade egg
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: to shove up my pussy.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: Right now i don't need a five thousand dollars i
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: need to put.
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: Food on the table you know and the jade egg
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: is not gonna cut it no.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: All right. So we're going to get into our next
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: segment here.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: This is normally Historic Hoodwings, but y'all, I told you,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: we're taking the tariffs off the bonus.
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: Episodes, okay?
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: Okay? We're taking them off.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: We put them on, we take them off. We put
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: them on, we take them off.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so if you don't know, Stitcher Premium is a
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: now defunct platform. Yeah, it's been gone for quite some time, yeah.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: But when it was a thing, because the show is
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: now old as Methuselah, we would have bonus episodes for
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: Stitcher Premium listeners where we'd read your listener letters.
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: Sure.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: And all of those episodes are gone. I don't know
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: where they are. But lucky for me, because I'm a scammer,
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: I keep receipts. So I still have the letters. So
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: we are releasing them from behind the scammy vaults.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: And so Joel is going to be here to give
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: us names and opinions.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: All throughout this episode.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: So if you're an OG listener, something sounds a little familiar,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: look at you, knowing things.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: The lore, the lore, the lore.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: Somebody was subscribed to Stitcher Premium. Right.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: Those three of y'all who were subscribed to Stitcher Premium.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, y'all getting a reboot. But everybody else is something new.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: But also, you know, Joel is a new person, so
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: we don't even know what he's going to have to say.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: And I'm a new person now, too.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: I've changed.
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: You've changed.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: It's been almost six years.
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: The body and the hair.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: I've changed.
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: The volume.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the hair. The hair has really changed me. It's
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: full of secrets and lies.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: All right, but as always, email your scams, snitch on
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: your friends, your family, and your enemies at scamgottaspot at gmail.com.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: Just make sure the scam is retired because we don't
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: want to what? Yes, fuck up your bag.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: Unless it's like a fun bag we could get into.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: So, Joel, are you ready to sit in our confessional
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: boots today?
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: Yes, let's do this.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: Confessions. So, I need a fake name for this person.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: Okay, fake name for this person. We don't care about dinner,
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: so it could literally be anything. We're going to call
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: them Moses.
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: Moses!
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: It's going to be a biblical theme today, I think.
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: Old Testament.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: I love a theme.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: I love a theme. Yes, very good.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: So... I, Moses, worked at a locally owned grocery store
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: at 16 as my second job.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: I am now in my 30s.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: My first was at 14 delivering newspapers, which meant— Get
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: your bag.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: Look at that. Starting early. I love that.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: I don't know how you do that. I had a
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: stepdaddy one time. He was very brief. It was kind
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: of like a Kim K situation.
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: But I had a stepdaddy, and he— He had a
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: huge ass? Okay. Mr.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: Tim he didn't make it far but Mr.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Tim would deliver newspapers and sometimes I don't know why
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: the fuck I had to be in it but you
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: know I'm like four or five like in the back
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: of the car while they throwing out newspapers like with Mr.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: Tim no baby that's your job I know I should.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: Have been in my bed who gonna come get me
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: y'all lock the door So Moses says that they were
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: waking up at 4 a.m. to get paid $ 10 an
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: hour and that Moses had to pay for his own
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: rubber bands to deliver.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: Papers for two hours. A scam, I tell you, says Moses.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know why you got to pay for
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: the rubber bands.
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but he's getting scammed right now.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sorry. Y'all would have got like naked ass
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: papers then. OK, we're going wild dog in the news today.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: I'm not getting rubber bands.
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: The print media is not doing well. They cannot even
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: afford fucking rubber bands right now.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: Like this had to be a little back in the day.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: Are people still getting newspapers to their doors? I don't
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: think they do that no more.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: I get the LA Times. It comes to your door?
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: It does. I like it because I don't like looking
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: at my phone for that kind of stuff. And it does. Now,
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: do I read it page to page? Cover to cover?
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: Absolutely not.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: Oh, come on, Joel. You got to flex one time
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: and just have a paper out in public. On the 101,
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: fully driving with a newspaper in front of me.
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: You got to shake it out, make a lot of noise,
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: get all the attention. I feel like that in like
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: a hipster coffee shop. Just like, oh, what a nice
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: little impromptu photo shoot. I would come and take pictures,
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: like unironically, if you're reading a newspaper in like a
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: very country coffee shop. I'm like, oh, caught in the act.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: I didn't even know you could physically touch news anymore.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: I didn't know they put it on paper. It's wonderful.
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: It's still there.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: So that's a scam, though. You shouldn't have bought them
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: rubber bands. Everybody would have just got a floppy-ass paper.
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: So anyway, the grocery store was acquired by a big
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: chain on the East Coast while I was there. Because remember,
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Moses did the newspaper thing when they were, yeah, like,
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: you know, 14. And then 16, they had the grocery store.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: New ownership meant changes.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: In the store.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: We got a fancy new touchscreen register. I was a
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: bit of a scammer and petty thief at this point,
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: so I realized pretty quickly that you can set the
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: register to training mode and essentially look like you're cashing
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: someone out but not actually charging them.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: Not you knowing POS. Okay. That's a real scammer right there.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: You found the window real quick.
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: This person is a hero.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: This person is a hero. This person is Robin Hood.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: This is a victimless crime. I don't give a shit
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: about the conglomerate grocery store.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: Do you know how much food they throw away?
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: This is just us helping with waste.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: So realizing this, Moses said, I told my mom and
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: she was immediately on board to scam and steal groceries.
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: From the store while I worked there. Come on, mama.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: See, mama said, I know who I raised. I know
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I raised the scammer. Okay, listen, look at you making
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: your mama proud. I love that that was your first
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: phone call too. Our grocery heist. She'd pile up a
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: cart full of shit we would never buy because we
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: were broke, then get into line. As soon as she
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: was up starting to check out, I would switch my
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: register to training mode. She'd pretend to use the card machine,
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: and I would print her a fake receipt and send
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: her on her way.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: Yes, Ocean's Eleven. I fucking love this. And here's the
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: fucking thing. I know that grocery store was not paying
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: that boy a living wage. There's no way.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: Moses says, Okay.
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: Yes, ma'am.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: Let my people go. Get them groceries.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: There were hard times for my family, and I was
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: thrilled to be eating free crab legs for dinner at home.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: And at 16 years old, my sense of risk had
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: not yet developed, and I figured I'd have a good
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: lie if I got caught.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: Yes, you would. You'd be like, I'm just a girl, honey.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: I was training. I didn't know.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: I didn't know.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: What button did I hit? I can't breathe.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: You didn't train me well enough.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: So, on the scale of scams, where would you rate this?
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Do you think this is kind of good, kind of bad,
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: kind of indifferent, harmless?
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: Definitely good. Yeah, I would say good.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: I would say good. And the thing that pisses me
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: off about stuff like this is, like, you see this with, like,
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: Walgreens or whatever or whenever there's like people they're like
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: well it's the employee shoplifting and that's why we have
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: to raise prices and that's why I have to close
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: stores and it's like hey baby why don't you CEO
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: take a billion dollar pay cut and then you won't
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: have to close all these fucking stores and And none
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: of this fucking shoplifting is making a dent in your
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: bottom line. Stop lying to us.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: You fucking idiot. And you have insurance.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Like, can we start being for real about shrink, which
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: is what corporations call it when people steal, like shrink
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: of the merchandise.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: Let's just be for real. Y'all have insurance.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: Also, I'm tired of going into stores and everything is
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: locked up. Why do I have to call an attendant
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: to get some orange juice?
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: What do you mean?
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: The orange juice bandit?
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: The way— I will press that button to get my
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: deodorant and then walk around the block and have a
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: meal and then come back and they still haven't come
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: to unlock the deodorant yet. I have to like, I literally,
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: it's so insane. I bring a book. I'm like, I'm
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: going to be here for a while because this deodorant
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: is not going to get locked up.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: And they're so cheap as hell.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: Okay, at least if you're going to have us over
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: here like we in prison, can you at least have
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: one person whose whole.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: Job, the whole shift is just to unlock shift?
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: Why is that person also stocking up boxes of shit
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: and then they got to stop and then come over
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: with the key?
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: You're going to unlock her. You're supposed to be the
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: man just running around here with the key.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: Can we talk about how nefarious it is that, like, okay,
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: I get it. Electronics, lock it up. The La Mer,
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: lock it up. Sure. But the fact that you want
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: to keep people from getting deodorant, soap, like, like, hygiene
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: items like that's just hate you hate poor people and
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: why they're the.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Most stolen is like their necessity maybe we should look
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: at why they're being stolen but I mean look that's
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: a whole like we know where we're at the ghetto.
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: Welcome to church welcome to scam goddess.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: Church amen amen I will say this last thing though
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: this is a shout out to the pavilions on Melrose in.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: Los Angeles I don't know why when I go.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: Through self-checkout y'all got these self-checkout like thugs now okay.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: Oh they're watching like no but here's the thing Okay,
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: you're watching. Boop, boop, boop, boop. I'm going to scan
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: my items. Whatever. That's not my issue. I'll pay for shit.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: That's not my issue. My issue is that I know
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: in California.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: If you don't bring your little hemp bags from home,
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: that you get charged 10 cents per bag. Personally, I
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: work at the store if I'm going through self-checkout. So
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: when they ask me how many bags, I always say zero.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: Tell me why now. They don't even put the bags
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: next to the self-checkout anymore.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: You gotta click how many bags you want, and then
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: the fucking bag sergeant comes over and literally licks her
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: finger and pulls out the exact amount of plastic bags
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: that you ordered and paid for.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: That is some bullshit. We should all be able to
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: steal bags, Los Angeles.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: Can I give a little scam, a grocery store scam,
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: that I've been using for years, which is you hit
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: up the hot bar first. As you're shopping, you eat
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: everything you put in that box from the hot bar.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: And by the time you check out, you've had a
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: meal and there ain't nothing to pay for. Try it
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: at home, kids.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: You know, in the early 2000s, they used to just
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: pop a few grapes in the mouth.
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: No, no, no. Now we're taking a whole hot bar meal.
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: You put the egg rolls. You put the chicken masala.
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: You took everything, baby. And you, by the time you're
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: done shopping, you're done with that box. You throw it out.
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: Nobody needs to be the wiser. Listen.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: We got to get creative out here. Times are weird.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: Let's get to our next con.
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: I can't wait.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: I need a fake name for this person.
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: We're going to call this person Rebecca.
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: Rebecca.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: So Rebecca says, hey, Lacey, y'all better give me a
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: good scammer name and I will cry if I hear
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: my scam.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: I hope you like Rebecca.
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: I hope you like Rebecca. Rebecca with the good hair.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: Rebecca with the good hair is great. Okay, Rebecca, I
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: think you should be satisfied. So I just started a
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: new job in the downtown area of my big city.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: I know you say make sure the scam is retired,
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: but this was too good not to tell you. Anyways,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: I'm a young single mother and a couple of dollars
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: here and there.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: Adds up, honey.
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: Ain't that the truth?
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: Yes, it does.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: Also, the traffic downtown is crazy to get out after
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: work and my job does not reimburse parking and it
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: can get up to $ 16 a day. So I've decided
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: it's best to take the bus. So, yeah, job not
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: reversed in parking. Like, how do you expect me to
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: get here, babes? Like, what do you want me to do?
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: I hope you're okay with me being late because I
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: had to take three buses to get here.
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: Like, now I'm paying to go to work.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, we pay for gas, but, like, gas
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: plus parking?
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: Gas plus parking. $ 60 a day. And now I have
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: to sit on a bus and be racially attacked because
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: every time I've ever been on an L.A. city bus,
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: there's been a racial incident. And I... And that is
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: an extra, that's added labor to this woman's job that
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: she does not need. I don't even know if she's
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: a person of color. Not the microaggression mobile.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: Literally, you don't even have to.
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: Be a person of color. On the bus, you will
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: experience horrors unlike horrors you've never known. I'm speaking specifically
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: of LA, though. I will say- The buses in New York,
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: the buses in Chicago, brilliant.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: Well, that's because those are commuter cities. Exactly.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: People who are commuting in LA, it's like much different
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: than like normal commuter cities because it's a car city.
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: Exactly. Yeah.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: I've never been on a bus in LA.
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: Wait, can I talk about a scam really quick?
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: My favorite party scam to talk about. Did you know
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: that in the 1940s and 50s, LA had the most
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: state-of-the-art public transit system in the world? People would come
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: from all over the world to study our public transit system.
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: It was state-of-the-art. It was like the future of We
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: were heading in a great direction. And then a conglomerate
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: that owned tires, oil, and cars bought it all up.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: And they said, we'll keep it open. We'll improve it.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: And then they immediately shut it all fucking down because
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: they wanted to make LA the very first urban car city.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: And boy, did it work. And boy, does it fucking suck.
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: Because can you imagine... If L.A. 's public transit system
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: was able to evolve over the last 60 years. Oh,
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: my gosh. We would look like China. New York goodbye.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: We would have shit like floating in the air and shit.
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: New York who? Like, literally, we would be one of
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: the greatest cities in the world. And instead, I'm stuck
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: in fucking traffic trying to get downtown to the Ikea.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: That makes so much sense because I often wonder how
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: like older buildings here like don't have parking.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, who paved this city? Rabbits? Like why?
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: Look it up after we get off because it looked cool.
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: It looked like Jetson's sort of style futurism. And it
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: obviously would have evolved and looked different. But like there
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: were like gondolas going up into the hills to take
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: people up. Taking people up into the hills.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: It's crazy.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: Oh, we were robbed.
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: Talk about a scam. This conglomerate being like, oh, we'll.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: Keep it open. Of course not. I mean, I've watched
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: enough Secession. We know it's a hostile takeover. And Bonnie's like,
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: shut it down. That shit ain't right. I watch Common
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: Side Effects. Y'all can't fool me. Okay, if you haven't
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: watched the show, it's good.
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: It's a cartoon on HBO.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: It really is. Great show. I love it.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: So this is a scam already, Rebecca, that you have
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: to take the bus because you can't take your car.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: So Rebecca says, our city's public transportation system is absolutely garbage.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: We can relate.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: But they recently allowed riders to purchase bus passes through
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: the mobile app. What they haven't done is upgrade the
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: ticket collector system. So there's nowhere to scan the purchase
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: bus pass. And the driver just flags you down, which,
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: I mean, they get paid regardless. So why should they care?
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: I know that's right. Mind your damn business. More people
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: need to do that, okay? I literally just saw something
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: blow up on the internet about some lady at H &
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: M who wouldn't let two black girls shop there.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, girl, you don't.
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: Own H & M.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: Or that man at.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: Walmart who was trying to fight the other man at
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Self Checkout who works at Walmart. Like, you don't own
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: Wally Barnes.
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: This is always my issue. I'm like, you owe these
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: people nothing.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: Nothing.
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: They are paying you nothing. Dust. You owe them nothing.
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: Why do you care so much?
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: This is where I implore my kind of dark theory,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: but it's really worked for me in so many aspects
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: of my life. And it's when there's something that I
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: don't want to do or it doesn't feel like it
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: applies to me or whatever.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: You know, I think like, what would they do if
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: I was dead? Yeah.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: You know, so if I go to a job and
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: if I die the next day, they're going to have
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: another bitch in my chair. You know, like, why would I,
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm not going to do anything. I'm going
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: to do what I would do if I was dead.
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: People ask me for money.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, hmm, but what if I was dead?
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: Where would they get that money from? And that's when
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: I'm like, they would figure it out. So I'm going
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: to pretend I'm dead.
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: That is such a brilliant framing device to look at things.
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: Whenever you feel outside pressure coming from others. If you
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: are the grocery store clerk, Think about it for a second.
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: If you were dead, do you think that company would mourn? Right.
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: Do you think that company would say, we can't make
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: it without Rebecca?
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: No.
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: Rebecca is too important. We need Rebecca.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: No.
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: They're going to think of that. They're going to... Drag
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: in some other Rebecca and hope and pray.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: Before the funeral, too.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: That she doesn't figure out the training mode.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: You don't show up for your shift. Right. Yeah. Right.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: To figure out. Exactly.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: No.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: So what if I was there?
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: So long story short, Rebecca says, I've reused the first
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: bus pass I ever bought by taking a screenshot of
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: it on my phone and nobody has ever questioned it.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: I've saved almost $ 100 in bus fare so far and
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: I hope to keep it up.
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: Girl, keep going.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: Keep going.
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: I am literally at the sidelines of like the Olympics,
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: the like hundred meter dash going.
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: I'm handing out orange slices and water. Keep going. You
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: can do it.
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: I want that number up. I want that number at
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: the end of the year. I want you to be
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: able to pay for a fucking switch to that's going
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: to be a $ 900, 000 now because of the tariffs. I
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: want you to put all that money so that you
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: can buy something nice for yourself because that is what
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: you deserve. literally, unless they're going to improve the bus system,
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: the public transportation system, I ain't paying for shit. Right. Okay?
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: Because already my tax dollars are going for that shit,
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: and already they ain't doing shit about it. Nope.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: And I hate when things go up in price but
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: not up in quality.
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: I'm like, bags, what are we doing? Nothing looks new.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: Nothing looks nice.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: No. Why? Every time Netflix goes up, I'm like, oh,
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: so you're going to give me another B-tier bus? German
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: dating show that I can't even, like, why am I
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: paying for this? And you're gonna pay for it. And
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: I'll watch it. But, like, I.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll be there.
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm there.
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: Subtitles on. Not on my phone. I will be watching
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: the drama on Love is Blind Ukraine. You know, like,
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: I want.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: Not Love is Blind Ukraine. Oh, Lord Jesus! Robbery!
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: I need another fake name, Joel.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: Uh, This one, I'm going to go Atticus.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: Atticus. Now, is Atticus in the Bible? No. Okay, okay.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: I think it's a Rebecca in there.
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: No, there's definitely a Rebecca in there.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: Atticus. You never know. Who has fully read the Bible? Like,
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: fully read it.
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: Cover to cover, babe. Cover to cover.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: Cover to cover. In the beginning. Oh, that's my favorite part.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: What can I do?
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: In the beginning, the word was with God and the
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: word was God. And I could keep going, but I won't.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: And I love that you can. That's a flex.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: So Atticus says, in the past, I've worked at several
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: tech startups in the tech startup capital of the world.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to guess you're near Cupertino.
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: Yep.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: You know, for the longest, I did not know why
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: the iPhone said Cupertino.
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: No.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: If you don't know, if you a dummy out there
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: like me, it's because that's where the Apple headquarters are.
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: Yes, that's where it is.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: That's the headquarters location. So I was like, what the
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: fuck Cupertino on here? What the fuck is Cupertino?
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the Apple headquarters. And now you can pretend
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: you knew all along if you didn't know, okay? Because
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: I didn't, okay? So probably near Cupertino. Atticus says, I
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: understand the fertility of this field and like stunting like
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: a bad bitch. So I've always had a side hustle
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: or two while working full time.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: Oh, geez.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: I love that it's like stunting like a bad bitch.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: I feel like in San Francisco, that's like wearing like
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: a $ 5, 000 white t-shirt that only a certain people know
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: is $.
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: 5, 000. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: But like the embroidery stitcher, you have to get very close.
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's leasing a Tesla. Yeah.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: I love quiet, loud luxury.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: It's like if you're rich, you know how expensive it is,
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: but everybody else doesn't.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: It's like you're still flexing, bro.
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: And I love that for you. And, you know, now
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: Mark Zuckerberg, he dresses like.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: Mark and Zuckerberg?
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: Mark and Zuckerberg.
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: Mark and Zuckerberg?
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: Marko Zuckerberg? Yeah. Yeah, Marko Zuckerberg. Now he'd be dressing
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: like he's a little dicky. Oh, my God. He'd look
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: like a little dicky rich cubs.
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: Get out of those ASOS basics, you... Dumb motherfucker.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: Don't say he's in expensive clothes and now.
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: He got a little curly fur. He got a perm.
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: They're made to look like ASOS Basics, but they are
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: $ 600 a t-shirt. Literally.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: And, you know, he got a chain now. I don't
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: know what's going on. He having a crisis. He looks
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: better than he did. That bald haircut was terrifying.
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: Sure, on the outside. Yeah, no.
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: Come on, on the inside. Yeah, let's get this photo
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: up of little Dickie here.
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: They call him Golden Delicious.
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: Oh, that man. That man damaged one time by rejection
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: from a woman, and now he has ruined our entire lives.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: And listen, I mean, I can't disagree with his philosophy
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: because I talk about on the show that if you're
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: a hater, you should get a hater job. And I
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: want to shout out, in San Francisco, shout out to
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: the young lady who came up to me. And at
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: the time, you were working at a shroom store. I
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: don't know if you still work there, but those shrooms
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: were great.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much. But....
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: Also, she told me, she was like, you know, you
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: really inspired me when you said the thing about hater jobs. Like,
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: I love the pocket watch and now I'm in school
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: to become a CPA.
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: And I was like, I know that's right.
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: I know that's right.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: You got to channel that hateration into something positive.
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: And I mean, he did that.
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: Evil villain route you gotta give it up you gotta
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: give it up in terms of hater jobs he took
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: it to the next.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: Level oh yeah he said i hate.
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: This woman i'm going to destroy the world i will
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: burn the world to the ground because this brunette rejected me.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: Like literally at first it just started i'm gonna make
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: an app so we can rate her in college and
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: then it just took.
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: Off from there if only we knew i support you
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: atticus i support.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: You i support you atticus so you know be a
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: bad bitch atticus So one of.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: My longest hustles was working as a sexy masseuse, a.k.a.
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: Rub and Tug. Okay.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: I'll spare the details to protect my fellow sex workers,
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: but let's just say.
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: Some of us made upwards of $ 30, 000 a month. Anywho,
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: I know that's... Listen, listen. And if you're out there judging,
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: some of y'all are here fucking for free.
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: I know a gentleman on OnlyFans who farts on cakes
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: and makes six figures a month. I'm not joking you.
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: I am not joking.
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: Farting on cakes?
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: Farting on cakes. All kinds of cakes. Birthday cakes, wedding cakes.
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: Why did I think of that?
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: Special occasion cakes. You could do some.
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: Betty Crocker.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: You can fall.
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: No, and it's like not even sexual. It's just his ass.
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: But it's just like, yeah. No, I mean.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: It's just his ass and it's not sexual?
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: Just his ass on the cake. That's it. Wow.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: So you could be, listen, if you got a special
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: talent out.
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: There, monetize it. That is so innovative. Yes, monetize it.
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: That's really innovative.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: Anywho, Atka says, the scam is I flipped one of
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: my tech company bosses, the CEO company, into a John.
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: Oh. Oh.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: Good.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: My young dumb ass confessed to having a crush on him,
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: and rather than be a responsible leader, he ran with
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: it and ended up becoming a massage client of mine.
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: Oops.
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: Hey. Yeah.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: So, I mean, crushes are free. You know, sleeping with
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: people is free.
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: I guess this is a better... The problem is, is like,
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: did he pay you for the massage?
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: I think so. She said client, or they said client.
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: That is tough, because here's the thing. I'm not in
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: favor of blackmail. I don't believe in blackmail, unless in
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: certain situations. But you need to ask for a raise, baby.
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: You need to ask for a raise right now. Because...
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: i don't know that's an hr violation.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah i mean but then who start like you said
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: you had a crush.
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: No i guess the other option is is that like
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: hey i really enjoyed the massage i gave you i
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: hope you had fun too the price is going up yeah.
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: I think the price just needs to go the.
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: Price is yeah because the stakes are a little bit
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: higher now yeah you're my boss i'm your employee you
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: need to pay me a little bit more.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: But also, if you're working in the tech field, like,
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: I thought they were supposed to be paying a lot. Okay,
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: but this is a tech startup.
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: Tech startup. Yeah, it could be a lot of different things.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: If you don't have a lot of VCs and, you know,
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: injecting capital, perhaps.
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: In San Francisco, babe, like, I know a Google project
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: manager who makes a shit ton of money on OnlyFans.
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: They don't give a shit. They really don't. Like, and
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: he's open about it.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: I don't mean, like, having the secret job. I just
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: mean needing to have another job.
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, no, it is crazy.
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: Shouldn't the coins be, like, rolling in?
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: You'd think. But San Francisco, very expensive city. Very expensive.
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: Very expensive city to live in. He's just putting that
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: money away to save.
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: You know? You know what? And I'm not mad at it.
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: Not mad at it at all.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: I'm going to give you the title, the working title
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: of this before we start, before you give me the name, okay? So,
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: we've been hearing, like, lots of confessions from proud scammers
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: among our listeners, but we couldn't wrap up the episode
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: without someone from the congregation snitching on their own family
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: and friends.
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: Which, as I said before, scamgoddesspot at gmail.com. Snitch on
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: your friends and your family to just make sure the
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: scam is what? Retired, yes, because we don't want to, yes,
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: fuck up your bag.
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: Amen.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: So, This is a fake mistress fraud. And it says,
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: snitching on my dad's friend. And then in caps, I
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: don't give a fuck.
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: Clearly. So what would you like to title this person?
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: Okay. We're going to go Jezebel.
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: Jezebel.
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: Now we're calling you Jezebel. You're like, I'm snitching on
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: the Jezebel. Okay, but I love it.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: So Jezebel says, I write you today all the way
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: from Brazil. I was a longtime listener, first time snitcher.
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: So a little background.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: This scam happened to my father's friend with whom my
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: dad shares a singular brain cell with.
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: Came out the gate.
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: Swinging.
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: Swinging. This man, I need another fake name.
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: This man, Bartholomew.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: So Bartholomew, we're going to call him Bart.
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: Bart.
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: This man, Bart, is a married man, a leader in
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: the church, and a pillar in the community. We got
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: to stop having community pillars because clearly the infrastructure is bad.
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: I feel like everybody in the community can just hold
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: up the same amount of weight because when we have
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: a pillar, the pillar always falls.
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: It is one of those things that I do not
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: trust people immediately when they want a leadership position in
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: the church or when they want to be a pillar
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: in the community or when they want to be president,
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: quite frankly, because I'm like, there is something intrinsically wrong
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: with you. To want that, to want that work, And
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: you want the glory. You want the attention. You don't
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: want to do the work. Like, I do not fundamentally
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: trust people who want to be in leadership positions like that.
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: I think... I don't think they should be allowed. I
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: think it should be, we should find the person who
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: wants it the least, who's the most qualified and say, sorry, babe,
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: it's yours. Yeah.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: No, we're not going to let you walk away. No, no,
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: it's actually the government is acquiring you.
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: And now you have to do this job. I would
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: love that. I literally just saw a video and I'm
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: not going to get, this is the only thing I'm
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: going to say about it. I don't want to go
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: any further, but of our current president, there was a
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: church service where this lady was like painting real fast
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: on a canvas and picture of that orange man and
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: he's like looking at a tiny tiny cross in the
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: distance like Jesus on a very tiny cross and he's
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: in the forefront of the photo and while she's like
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: slashing and painting it's always like a very thin white
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: woman who's barefoot and in a tight dress and she's
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: like painting and slashing and painting and this is a
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: fucking like it was like a huge amphitheater full of
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: people like filming and crying and they're playing gospel music
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: and everyone's like.
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: Ah, man. And she's painting that man.
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: And I was like, y'all done lost the plot now.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: And they're like, y'all did this with Obama. I was like, no,
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: we did not go to church and pray to Obama. Like, yes,
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: we had some songs. My president is black is still
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: a bop. You know, we had some t-shirts. We, you know,
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: our grandies got commemorative plates. We did not bring Obama
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: to the church.
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: I had a lot of notes.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: Next to Jason.
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: I had a lot of notes for Obama. I love
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: the playlist, but I had some notes. Yeah, love the playlist.
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: Loved his book selections, loved his favorite movies. Do we
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: have notes? I mean, but you can't be the head
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: war criminal and not be a war criminal.
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: No, exactly. That's like what America's all about. exactly i'm
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: so glad you have taste but you bombed a lot
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: of people so you know.
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: And we remember um but at the same time we
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: weren't painting pictures like ah man like that's come on
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: now so So Bartholomew is a married man, right? He's
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: a leader, he's a pillar, all these things.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: He's seen as an honest man and has been saving
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: money for his daughter's wedding.
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: And then, so this is again, Bart. So Bart met
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: a woman on God's internet. You know, we know about,
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: I don't know about God's internet. I feel like I've
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: been on the devil's internet for a while and God
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: not letting me dial up.
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: Cause every time I get on there, I'm like, well,
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: God is not here.
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: God's country.
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: God is not in this place.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: Not online.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: So they messaged back and forth. And he was honest
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: to God having a text message affair with this lady.
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: So remember, this is Bart.
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: He's a pillar of the community.
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: He's got a wife.
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: And he had met another woman on the intranets. And
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: now he's texting back and forth with this woman. Having
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: an emotional affair. I know you don't shame. And normally
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: I don't either. But honestly, shame. Says in all caps.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: So Jezebel said that. Jezebel said shame. So Jezebel says
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: he had a wife at home and was having a
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: straight up affair. There were my loves and promises of
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: spending a lifetime together. And then in parentheses, Jezebel says,
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: and nudes, of course.
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: Of course.
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: Gotta, gotta, gotta.
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: How does Jezebel have privy to all this information?
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: I don't know, Jezebel.
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: She got his login or something?
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: Jezebel, you all up in this man's phone.
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: So she claimed to be an American cop, not FBI,
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: not Army, just a regular police officer, on duty in Turkey, the.
• 41:09
  Speaker 3: Country, for some reason. ACAB. ACAB in Turkey.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: Right, ACAB in Turkey.
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: Now, if she was smart, she would have sent Israel
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: because we literally do send police officers over there to train.
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: So that would have been plausible.
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: We ain't sending people to Turkey.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: We ain't sending nobody to Constantinople.
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: Okay, though.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: So she told him that while serving a warrant, And
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: looking for drugs in a Turkish cave. So while she's
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: doing that, she's serving a warrant. She's looking for drugs
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: in a Turkish cave.
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: She's splunking for drugs.
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: She's splunking. You know how you be splunking.
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you just be splunking for drugs.
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, as a cop. As a cop.
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: Just a regular cop.
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: She went from traffic tickets to splunking in Turkey for
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: that dope. You know, as one does.
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: So she said while she was doing this, she came
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: across a treasure appraised for over.
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: $ 5 million.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: I just want to know if buried treasure is a
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: myth or if anybody... I know Sandy Jenkins, the fruitcake fraudster,
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: he did try to bury some treasure near a lake
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: before he got arrested by the FBI. But I want
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: to know if there is really treasure, because.
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: I don't know why y'all so fall for this.
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: Is it movie propaganda?
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: I got to say, I feel like the people of
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: Turkey would have found this by now. If there were
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: $ 5 million that existed somewhere in a cave in Turkey...
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: I feel like they're on the case. Yeah. Like, what
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: is the what are the odds that this fucking police
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: officer stumbled upon five million dollars in a cave smoking
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: for drugs? Like, because, you know, if there were drugs
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: in that cave, there were other people smoking in that cave.
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: Who could have found that treasure? Found this treasure. What
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: is she in the Temple of Doom? Like what ancient
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: artifact is she stealing from the country of Turkey that's
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: worth five million dollars?
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: This is Indiana Jones right here. But she in Turkey.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: Turkiana Jones. So, however, as always, there was a catch.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: If the Turkish government found out about the treasure, they
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: would seize it because it was their own national treasure.
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: Isn't that a movie?
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah. She's stealing the Declaration of Independence right now.
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: So she needed help smuggling the found treasure out of
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: Turkey fast.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: And she also had to do it fast. No reason
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: why there's a rush other than this is a scam.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: I told y'all when people put time constraints on stuff. Again,
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: just think, what if I was dead?
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: There's always 30 seconds to think about anything. You got
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: 30 seconds. Say it all out loud. It's not going
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: to make sense.
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: Read back the messages first.
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: So, however, but she did send those news. Those news
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: probably popping. So, however, as always, you know, there's this catch, right? So,
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: lucky for her, this honest man, Bartholomew, remember, the pillar
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: of the community, did not have the shared brain cell
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: that weekend. Because remember she said her and this man,
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: her daddy and this man had a shared brain cell.
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: It was on loan.
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: It was on loan.
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: The dad had it. She said, I guess my dad
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: was using it, the shared brain cell, LOL. See, you
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: coming in, I don't even have to write the jokes.
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: You got a whole set here.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: So, She asked him for 5,000 Brazilian Rios to ship
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: the treasure out of the country through her diplomatic friend
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: who promised to split the treasure with them.
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: Oh, and now we got a third character coming in.
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: We got a third character, diplomatic friend.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: You know how you just, you a cop and then
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: you go to Turkey and you spelunk for drugs and
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: you also have a diplomatic friend. Now the diplomatic friend
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: can't just, they can't do this together. They need him
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: and his money to the diplomatic friend.
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: Because the friend ain't that diplomatic.
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: No.
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: Okay, money make me diplomat. Money make me dip. So
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: it wasn't long until that friendly smuggling diplomat contacted him, however,
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: to inform him that the treasure had been confiscated by
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: customs and that they needed an extra 7,000 Brazilian reais
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: to bribe them into releasing the treasure.
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: No, that's the exchange rate over there in Brazil. You
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: know what? I don't care. It's a lot of money. Right.
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: And then also, if it's in customs, So they're trying
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: to bribe it out of customs. So they're not even
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: talking about paying, like, a tariff or, like, a tax.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: They're saying, like, or a VAT or anything. They're talking about,
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: we need to bribe the customs people.
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: And they're shady. And they're shady to the tune of
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: exactly 7,000 USD. So, oh, no, the treasure, Jezebel says.
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: I cannot stress enough how much he did not have
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: access to that one brain cell because he once again
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: dipped into his daughter's wedding fund and sent $ 7, 000. Oh,
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: my God, this man. Then he came to my father.
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: a 70-something-year-old man who had been using their shared brain
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: cell to try and explain why vaccines are bad and
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: healthy diet is all you need.
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: Just to brag about how savvy he was and how
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: he'd make bank with his mistress. So Bart came to
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: dumb dad who had the brain cell, who was currently
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: injecting ivermectin, and said... I'm about to make so much
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: money with my mistress, who I've never met, and also
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: this diplomat, who I also have never met, who has
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: asked me for copious amounts of cash.
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: Are there cameras in here? Where are the cameras? I
• 46:00
  Speaker 3: need to direct it. Where are the cameras?
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: There are cameras. I will give you a camera. I
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: will give you a camera.
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: Okay. You're on. What is wrong with these people? And
• 46:15
  Speaker 3: that's the preview for the episode.
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: I don't know what's wrong with these people. And also
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: just bragging about this. Y'all are y'all 70s. Like, y'all
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: should have known better.
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God. Yeah.
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: So it says, my dad having possession of their shared
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: brain cell, right, informed him that it was obviously a scam.
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: Well, thank God for dad. Right.
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: You know what? That cell is working. That's a strong
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: brain cell.
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: So Bartholomew insisted, however, that his girlfriend was real, like
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: them reals. And when the diplomat friend contacted him again
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: to ask him for, guess what, more money, my father
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: picked up the phone and started asking questions. At this point,
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: the diplomat, who had no problem communicating with Bartholomew in Portuguese, claimed.
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: He no hablo Portuguese.
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: That's not right.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: So they're all Brazilian, and they were speaking Portuguese before,
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: but all of a sudden he was like, language barrier?
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: That's a classic move when you're scamming somebody.
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: No speaking English.
• 47:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I don't, no English.
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: No English.
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: No English. No other language either.
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: No English, right?
• 47:17
  Speaker 3: What I mean.
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: Is no English. I don't want to speak English with you.
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: I'm going to start using that. People will come after
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: me on the street. No English. Nope. Like in a
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: perfect English accent. No English. No English.
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: So finally my dad's friend became convinced that the diplomat
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: was a scammer.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: Finally. But was convinced his mistress wasn't in on it.
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: Not bae. Not bae who's to meet him today. He
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: immediately contacted her to tell.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: Her that he wanted to rescue her and ask her
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: how this man was forcing her to participate.
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: In his scam. My God. Misogynist on top of everything.
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: Not believing that a woman could be capable.
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: She's not smart enough for that.
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: No, she's not smart enough to scam me out of
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: however many dollars. She needs a man's help to do that.
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: Honestly, run with it, sis. I'm like, my dumb woman
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: brain and my ovaries. My ovaries don't know.
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: How to run a con.
• 48:08
  Speaker 3: I forgot to speak Portuguese. I don't know how to
• 48:10
  Speaker 3: speak it anymore. I can't.
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: So keep in mind, he'd never verbally spoken with this woman.
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: The whole affair was via text message and presumably stolen nudes.
• 48:20
  Speaker 3: My God.
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: So he didn't even heard her voice. She was like, hello.
• 48:24
  Speaker 3: They weren't FaceTiming. They were nothing.
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: I mean, he's in his 70s. They don't really know
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: how to do a FaceTime. That's true.
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: And that's perfect because obviously a man knows what to
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: say to get another man like interested and pretend to
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: be a woman.
• 48:39
  Speaker 3: Right. Yeah.
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: So she hit him with a bunch of my love.
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: What are you talking about? Nonsense. And after he begrudgingly
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: admitted she finally after she was like, babe, what are
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: you talking about? Babes, babes. He was like, OK, she's
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: probably in on it. It took too long, bro.
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, what a journey.
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: He was so pissed and wanted to go to the police.
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: My dad reminded him that before finding out it was
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: all a scam, he believed he was helping her.
• 49:07
  Speaker 3: Commit illegal acts.
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, scam a whole country.
• 49:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: And was willingly going along with it. Yeah, once you're
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: in it, you spy versus spy.
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: You know what?
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: You can't be like, I was trying to do crime,
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: and then it turned out that the other criminal did
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: crime on me. Arrest them.
• 49:20
  Speaker 3: Our friend, Jezebel, is it? I don't even know. Tanya,
• 49:23
  Speaker 3: whatever we named her.
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: Yes, Jezebel.
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: Kudos to her. What a foolproof plan. I need your
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: help committing an illegal act. Oh, the scammer. Yeah, yeah.
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: We never named the mistress.
• 49:33
  Speaker 3: Oh, Tanya.
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: Tanya.
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: Tanya is genius because the fact is, is she's right. Like,
• 49:39
  Speaker 3: She asked him to do something, help her with something illegal.
• 49:42
  Speaker 3: He has no recourse now.
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 49:44
  Speaker 3: He's been painted into this corner. He just out the money. Right.
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: Out the money and out the pussy. That's a good one. Like,
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: he ain't getting nothing.
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: He ain't getting nothing but some text messages.
• 49:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: Oh, Bartholomew.
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: Somebody Google image searched hot Brazilian woman and sent those
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: pictures to him.
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: Bartholomew, you really got scammed. You paid the scammer man
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: for scam texts?
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: Like, really?
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: Like, it's like that one tweet where somebody was like,
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: I can't believe y'all out here fucking the text man.
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: Or no, it was like, I can't believe y'all out
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: here fucking the weed man for weed.
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: And then somebody retweeted it and was like, I can't
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: believe you out here fucking the text man for text. Like,
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: you fucking the text man for text. You're not even fucking,
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: you're literally giving your money away. And you're right.
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: This is an advanced form of love fraud because not
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: only are they stealing the money for you, they have
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: made the intents and purposes of that money something illegal.
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: So now your intent, it's not like they said like, oh,
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: I'm having a surgery or oh, I'm doing this thing
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: and it's like clear.
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: Out love fraud.
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: They're saying participate in illegal activity with me. So now
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: how do you go to the police? What's the legal
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: recourse when you're like, okay, so I was trying to
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: rob a bank.
• 50:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: But then these other bank robbers got there first.
• 50:49
  Speaker 3: I was trying to, I was trying to national security
• 50:52
  Speaker 3: steal money The Declaration of Independence of Turkey, and apparently
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: it turned out to be a scam. I'm sorry, but
• 50:59
  Speaker 3: I need your help.
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I need your help to get my money back
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: for the crime I was trying to commit.
• 51:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: We invested a lot in those guns and those ski masks.
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: We watched Set It Off 12 times, and I just
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: feel personally robbed when I was trying to do the robbing.
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: Exactly. I set my car on fire, and now I
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: need a new one. Right.
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I did arson, but the insurance didn't really work
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: out because they were scamming me. So, no, you can't.
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: You're involved in crime now, so you can't do anything. So, obviously,
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: he can't go to the police with this. They would
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: immediately lock him up, Jezebel says. So, Bart starts backtracking. No,
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: he wasn't trying to steal anything. He's an honest man.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: He didn't think of it as smuggling.
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: Finders keepers. Yada, yada, yada.
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: You 77-year-goddamn-years-old, you know what smuggling is, my friend.
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's one of y'all's terms, okay? Like, with hootenanny,
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: you know?
• 51:46
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 51:47
  Speaker 2: Like, that's one of y'all's old-school terms. You definitely know
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: what smuggling is, okay? It's like calling somebody a harlot.
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: You know those words. That's from your generation. So the
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: best part of it is that the scam kept happening.
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: No, I thought we were almost done. We are.
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: The lady has claimed two more victims in the same
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: town last I heard. And honestly, I stand, says Jezebel.
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: I kind of stand, too. Because here's the thing. He
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: had every opportunity. Every. Not a one alarm bell went off.
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: This is a teaching moment for this man. He's ending things.
• 52:26
  Speaker 3: He's nearing the end of his life. Now, I hope
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: he's not cleaned out. I hope he has retirement. I
• 52:30
  Speaker 3: hope he can live.
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: Well, the funny part of it is, Rupert, his daughter's wedding.
• 52:34
  Speaker 2: He's a pillar in the community. Oh, my God. His
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: daughter's wedding. His daughter's wedding.
• 52:37
  Speaker 3: His daughter's wedding.
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: Put a balloon budget out the window. Have fun at.
• 52:41
  Speaker 3: The Buca de Beppo, sweetheart, because that's about all you're
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: going to be able to afford now. Because your dad's
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: sending this Brazilian money. I cannot believe this.
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: I have faith.
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: I have no sympathy for this man.
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: You get married at the Olive Garden because when you're here,
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: you're family.
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: I have sympathy for the daughter. I have sympathy. But
• 53:00
  Speaker 3: that's pretty much it. Because quite frankly, I don't understand
• 53:04
  Speaker 3: what happens to a man... I don't, listen, I'm getting older.
• 53:08
  Speaker 3: I'm pushing 40. I get what it's like to be
• 53:09
  Speaker 3: getting older, to feel less desirable, to want that attention.
• 53:13
  Speaker 3: Do you, Joel? To want it so badly. Have you
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: seen Joel?
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: That was so nice of him.
• 53:17
  Speaker 3: We established.
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: Now you sound like a nepo baby. He's a genetic
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: nepo baby. There are no cameras in this room. I
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: know how it feels to be one of those ugly people. No,
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: I'm just kidding. Okay.
• 53:27
  Speaker 3: Listen, once you hit 40, it's like, you know, it's
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: game over. Oh, please.
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: You're going to keep getting hotter.
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: But the fact is. It's not fair. We've established there's
• 53:33
  Speaker 3: no cameras in the room, so no one can say otherwise.
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: Then you're going to see photos when I drop them.
• 53:38
  Speaker 3: These men are desperate. These men are desperate, and they
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: are so willing to go along with just an ounce
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: of love. And this is another problem.
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: But he got a whole wife. What you mean an ounce?
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: He literally got a gallon. Oh, my God. I forgot
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: about the wife. I forgot about the wife.
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: No sympathy. He got a gallon of love at home.
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: No fucking sympathy. But finish your thought, though, because it
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: may apply to somebody else.
• 53:59
  Speaker 3: I got too distracted.
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, so the woman is still around here, right,
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: doing this scam. And he had a wife. He had
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: a gal I love at home.
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: And what happened to this wife?
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: So, anyways, Bartholomew, this is Jezebel talking, became desperate to
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: cover up the money he lost before his wife found
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: out because she was like real close to kicking him out.
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: And he asked my dad for advice. So, again, they
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: swap in that one brain cell. He was like, toss
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: it back to me, bro.
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: Catch.
• 54:28
  Speaker 3: I'm wide open.
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: I need the brain cell.
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: Through their conversation, he decided to make up the difference
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: from the church.
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: He runs. No!
• 54:40
  Speaker 3: Oh. My.
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: God.
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: So through the conversation with your dad, Jezebel, they came
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: up with an ingenious plan.
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: You know what?
• 54:49
  Speaker 3: Let's just embezzle from the church. Let's just embezzle from
• 54:51
  Speaker 3: the church.
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: I mean, his standing as a pillar is already gone.
• 54:54
  Speaker 3: I'm going to need y'all to tithe 30% this month.
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 54:58
  Speaker 3: Because there is a man pretending to be a Brazilian
• 55:01
  Speaker 3: woman that conned me.
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: Conning the community, y'all.
• 55:06
  Speaker 3: So I think it's what God wants, that he wants
• 55:08
  Speaker 3: you to tithe 30%. double to triple.
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: The amount that you want. The sermons just start getting weird.
• 55:12
  Speaker 2: He was like, okay, God told me it's a flood coming,
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: so we will be meeting 50% tithes this week, okay?
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: Because we're going to build the ark.
• 55:20
  Speaker 3: Peg. Peg for this man. I hope this woman leaves him.
• 55:24
  Speaker 3: I hope that, like, he, I, you know, and I
• 55:28
  Speaker 3: do hope that he learns his lesson, and I hope
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: that the lesson that he's learned is that you are
• 55:34
  Speaker 3: 77 years old. There ain't no world where a Brazilian
• 55:38
  Speaker 3: woman wants you for anything but your money, and you
• 55:42
  Speaker 3: have a whole ass wife at home who you have
• 55:45
  Speaker 3: built a life with, have a daughter with, who is
• 55:47
  Speaker 3: probably sitting there wondering, like, I would have loved this
• 55:50
  Speaker 3: man forever till the ends of the earth, and this
• 55:53
  Speaker 3: is how he treats me? He deserves nothing.
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: Nothing.
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: But here's the thing, though. So it's a quadruple scam now,
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: Jezebel says. Scamming turkey out of the treasure, scamming his
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: sweet wife, scamming his daughter's wedding fund, and finally scamming
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: the church fund.
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: Oof! Problematic.
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: That is where it is. So we don't know if
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: this man was ever caught. I feel as though she
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: is snitching because she learned all of this from her father.
• 56:15
  Speaker 2: Probably. Jezebel learned this.
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: From her father. And here's what I need Jezebel to do.
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: You need to write an anonymous letter to that church
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: because that is not a man thing. Who should be
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: leading a church.
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: Yes. And, like, oh, Lordy Jesus.
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: But also, like, if I'm the daughter, like, I mean,
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: I guess if the wedding fund was replenished by the church,
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: I don't know where the money came from.
• 56:33
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 56:34
  Speaker 3: And the thing is, is this is kind of, like,
• 56:36
  Speaker 3: the best kind of juicy gossip drama-like scam because you
• 56:41
  Speaker 3: are so far removed from it. You're, like, three degrees
• 56:44
  Speaker 3: separated from the actual drama that it is, like, what
• 56:48
  Speaker 3: an amazing story to tell at a party.
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 56:50
  Speaker 3: First of all.
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: This is, like, a great story to tell.
• 56:52
  Speaker 3: And it affects you exactly zero percent and it's just
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: it's so like to have to be that proximal to
• 57:00
  Speaker 3: this level of drama what a gift from god now
• 57:04
  Speaker 3: she is a woman of god because god has blessed
• 57:06
  Speaker 3: her god.
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: Has you for sending this in god has all the
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: blessings your way yeah yeah but i mean again check
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: on your older relatives they don't need to be out
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: here meeting people online.
• 57:16
  Speaker 3: Take the phone away take the phone away There's.
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: Some people who are still on dating apps, but I
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: feel like it's just because it's like they want to
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: do penetrations with people. I don't really know a lot
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: of people who are looking for love on dating apps anymore.
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: It was like a big boost for a while.
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: And now it's kind of tapering off to like, oh,
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: are you five miles away or are you a mile away? Like, oh,
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to go out.
• 57:37
  Speaker 3: It's all very GPS focused.
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: Yes. Yes. It's not about.
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: I mean, when I was looking to date people on
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: the apps, I was still GPS-focused. If you lived in Pasadena,
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, bitch, what is this? Are we in
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: some kind of fucking Nancy Meyers movie? I'm going to
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: write you a letter or some shit?
• 57:50
  Speaker 3: You know how much traffic there is in Pasadena? Some
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: guy messaged me in Venice the other day. I live
• 57:54
  Speaker 3: on the east side, and I was like, see you never.
• 57:56
  Speaker 3: I will go to San Francisco before I go to Venice.
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a long-distance relationship.
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: What do you mean?
• 58:01
  Speaker 3: I live near the Burbank Airport. Depending on what time
• 58:03
  Speaker 3: I leave, I can get door-to-door to San Francisco faster
• 58:06
  Speaker 3: than I can get to Venice. Yeah.
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: Listen, I don't even know how much posts Forever Stamps
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: are right now, okay? I'm not doing that with you.
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: Because we're certainly not driving. No, what if I drive
• 58:15
  Speaker 2: stay at your house?
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: How do I get back home? I don't have that
• 58:18
  Speaker 3: many podcasts to listen to, okay? No one does.
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: I'm watching full-length movies in my car.
• 58:28
  Speaker 3: I love it when the Uber drivers have their phone
• 58:30
  Speaker 3: up and there's clearly YouTube playing. And I'm like, I
• 58:33
  Speaker 3: don't feel like you should be watching that.
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: One of my best friends does that. Like she would
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: drive from Philly to Pittsburgh. It's like a six hour drive.
• 58:41
  Speaker 1: It's like across the state.
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: But she would like watch full television programs and movies
• 58:45
  Speaker 2: and stuff.
• 58:46
  Speaker 3: And I was like, well, let me know next time
• 58:49
  Speaker 3: she's on the road.
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: And listen, that's better than L.A.
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: Drivers.
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: I see people like phone up to the face, like
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: fully in their phone as the vehicle is operating. And
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: I'm like, why are y'all? Come on now.
• 59:00
  Speaker 3: I saw a man driving the other day. He was
• 59:02
  Speaker 3: leaning over driving. He had one hand on the wheel
• 59:06
  Speaker 3: and he was leaning over to get to like adjust
• 59:09
  Speaker 3: his his right side mirror because it was like stuck.
• 59:14
  Speaker 3: And I was like, baby, pull over. You're in the middle.
• 59:17
  Speaker 3: Like you're in the middle of driving and you were
• 59:19
  Speaker 3: leaned fully over to the passenger side seat to reach
• 59:22
  Speaker 3: out the window to push. And I was like, it
• 59:24
  Speaker 3: ain't that serious. Pull the fuck over. Yeah. Get in
• 59:27
  Speaker 3: that Wendy's parking lot and do it there.
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: And I'm gonna leave you guys with this.
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: On the driving note which is completely irrelevant to what
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: we were talking about but I don't care I had
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: a friend like I think I don't know if you
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: know her but she had posted on Facebook this was
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: like years ago and I still think about it she
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: was like guys you really need to get off your
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: phone when you're driving like anything that you're looking at
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: can wait remember what I say what if I'm dead
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: okay ask yourself that what if you're dead you're not
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: gonna get that email right now you're not gonna get
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: that text right now what if you're dead just drive
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: and I was looking at my phone and it was
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: like some important email coming in and I was finding
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: myself like on the 405 about to like read it.
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: And I was like, I thought about what she said
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: and I put my phone down.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: And when I put my phone down and I looked up,
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: there was a truck in front of me that had,
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: it was like one of those beat down pickup trucks,
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: like definitely somebody who does like contract work.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 3: Oh, I was going to say math. Okay. Yeah.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: That too, you know, you got to stay up. You
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: got to stay awake when you're building them houses.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: And so on the back of the truck was all
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: of these like windows, like glass windows that you like
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: install in the house. But like it was a bunch
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: of them stacked up on the flatbed of this pickup truck.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: And it's like one of those smaller kind of rinky-dink
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: pickup trucks.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 3: It's Final Destination tees.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: Literally.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: Like so they had strapped down with some rope or something.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: I was like, let me get out of this lane.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: Tell me why when I got out of that lane,
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: The window started.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 2: Flying off the back of the truck into traffic.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 3: Final destination, geez.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God. No, don't say that because I mean
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 2: the window man.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 3: Going to come back for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No,
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: you're the main character. You're the main character. You survived.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 2: I'm scared of so many windows in here. But yeah,
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 2: so y'all just look up from your phone. Whatever it is, remember,
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: what if I'm dead? Somebody ask you for money.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 3: I am taking that away from me today. In such
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 3: a real way, a real powerful way. What if I'm dead?
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: Like, what would you do then?
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 3: You would find another solution.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: That's how I get rid of the guilt. When somebody
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: asks me to do something that I don't want to
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: do or don't feel comfortable doing, instead of feeling that
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: external pressure and doing it anyway, which is what I
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: would do when I was younger, now I'm just like, what.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 2: If I was dead? They would have to figure this out.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: So they would figure it out either way. I wouldn't
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 2: be dead.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 3: The stakes can't be that high. If I'm dead and
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 3: they find somebody to do it, then the stakes can't
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 3: be that high. No. You know, the only way you
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 3: do it is if you say, what if I were dead?
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 3: And then you say, oh, well, there's no one else
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 3: for the job. I got to do it. There's like,
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 3: I am actually uniquely qualified to do this. If I
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 3: were dead, if I were dead, this person would be fucked.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 3: I guess I'll do it.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 2: And there's very few things where that happens.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 3: Very few things.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: So just keep that in mind, guys. So Joel, we've
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: reached the end of the show. We always ask here,
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: where would you like to be found? Anything you want
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: to plug?
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 2: Social media? People can watch you be amazing.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 3: I am blessedly off Twitter now, but you can still
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 3: find me on Instagram. Unfortunately, it's at I hate Joel Kim.
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 3: That's where all my dates are. Everything that I'm promoting
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 3: that I'm doing work-wise is on there. I hate it.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 3: I'm only on there because I have to be. But
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 3: you can still find me. I hate Joel Kim.
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: I hate joking.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 3: Listen to Bad Dates. It comes out every Monday. And
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 3: check out Loot, which will be coming out later this year.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 3: Seasons one and two are streaming on Apple. And you
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 3: can check out Love Hotel on Bravo on April 27th.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: I can't wait to see you host. I'm turning it on.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: As always, y'all can find me at D-I-V-A-L-A-C-I-D, Valacia, on
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: all platforms.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 2: I'm a masked kisser. I am still on Twitter. Scam goddess.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: If you want to see photos or anything we pulled up,
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: if you want to get your fake Android phone so
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: you can stop getting your phone stolen, you can see
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: that on our page as well at Scam Goddess Pod
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: on Instagram. You can pick up my book, Scam Goddess,
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: or get the audio book wherever the books are procured, babes.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: And then you can stream all the episodes of Scam
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: Goddess television show on Hulu. You can also stream Going
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: Dutch on Hulu as well. So get into one of
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: these things that I'm slanging, honey.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 3: Yes, ma'am.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 2: The congregation, y'all get out there and y'all stay resurrected, okay?
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 2: Imagine yourself dead when you don't want to do something
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: and then resurrect yourself again when that person figures it
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 2: out on their own, okay?
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 3: Amen.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 2: Amen.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 3: Amen. Scam.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: Scam Goddess.
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: This has been an Earwolf production in association with Team Coco.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: Scam Goddess stars and is hosted by me, Lacey Mosley, a.k.a.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: Scam Goddess. Our producer is Jessica Cisneros. And our audio
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: engineer is Rich Garcia. Research for the show is conducted
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: by Kate Doyle.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 2: Stay scheming.