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If You Feel Controlled: How to Recognize Manipulation (and What to Do Next) · A Capture Deep Vibs A Positive Space For Inspiration And Embracing Of Heart

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  Speaker 1: Have you ever been manipulated? If you have, you know
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  Speaker 1: how much it can hurt to be in that position.
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  Speaker 1: Manipulation is a form of abuse and prolonged exposure to
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  Speaker 1: any type of abuse can have negative effects on our
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  Speaker 1: mental and physical health. So obviously we don't want this
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  Speaker 1: to happen. But how do you know if you're being manipulated?
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  Speaker 1: And what do you do if you are being manipulated?
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  Speaker 1: Let's talk about it. Recognize the tactics. Manipulators aren't one
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  Speaker 1: trick ponies. They have an entire repertoire of strategies and
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  Speaker 1: tactics to make you do what they want. Psychotherapist Dr.
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  Speaker 1: Lee Phillips said in a Psych Central article that manipulation
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  Speaker 1: isn't always easy to spot. In fact, at times it
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  Speaker 1: can be subtle as someone may appear well-meaning toward you.
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  Speaker 1: Sometimes the manipulator gets so good at their manipulation tactics
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  Speaker 1: that it almost seems like a normal conversation. To protect
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  Speaker 1: yourself from their grip, it's important to know what manipulation
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  Speaker 1: looks like and how to recognize a master manipulator. One
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  Speaker 1: common manipulation technique is gaslighting. A 2021 research article published
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  Speaker 1: in Perspectives on Psychological Science defines gaslighting as the act
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  Speaker 1: of manipulating others to doubt themselves or question their own sanity.
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  Speaker 1: For example, Remember in Pretty Little Liars how Ezra made
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  Speaker 1: up a whole new reality for Aria to believe in?
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  Speaker 1: Just like she started questioning everything after that. After dealing
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  Speaker 1: with a gaslighter, you may question your reality too. Gaslighters
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  Speaker 1: also often use very specific manipulative phrases, which can make
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  Speaker 1: it easier for you to spot them. If you'd like
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  Speaker 1: to know what they are, we made a video on
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  Speaker 1: 10 examples of what gaslighting sounds like. Another manipulation tactic
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  Speaker 1: is being passive aggressive. Let's say you have a roommate
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  Speaker 1: and they always leave their dishes in the sink instead
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  Speaker 1: of rinsing them and putting them in the dishwasher. The
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  Speaker 1: first few times you saw this, you cleaned them to
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  Speaker 1: be nice. Now, your roommate leaves their dishes for you
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  Speaker 1: every day and night. Instead of being direct and asking
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  Speaker 1: your roommate to do their own dishes, a manipulator might say, wow,
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  Speaker 1: you had a lot of dishes today. Or geez, I
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  Speaker 1: was supposed to call my friend, but I'll have to
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  Speaker 1: call later since there's a pile of dishes to be cleaned.
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  Speaker 1: These statements don't directly tell your roommate how you feel
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  Speaker 1: and why, but they do hint at the fact that
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  Speaker 1: you're annoyed with something about the dishes. Some other manipulative
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  Speaker 1: mind games include the silent treatment, lying and denying reality,
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  Speaker 1: or using your insecurities against you. If you'd like to
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  Speaker 1: learn more about spotting a manipulator, feel free to check
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  Speaker 1: out some of our older videos on manipulation. Defending against manipulation.
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  Speaker 1: Spotting a manipulator is just the first step in protecting yourself.
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  Speaker 1: When their tactics go so far that you start feeling
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  Speaker 1: crazy or guilty, you should be able to react right away.
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  Speaker 1: Here are some powerful psychological techniques you can learn to
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  Speaker 1: fight off the manipulator. What are your boundaries? A licensed
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  Speaker 1: clinical social worker and therapist, Nedra Glover-Toib said for Very
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  Speaker 1: Well Mind, letting people know that certain things are just
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  Speaker 1: not working for you is a really helpful way to
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  Speaker 1: take back your power. And this is where boundaries come
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  Speaker 1: to play. expectations and needs that help you feel safe
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  Speaker 1: and comfortable in your relationship with others. Boundaries allowed you
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  Speaker 1: to send a clear message as to what you are
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  Speaker 1: and aren't comfortable with. Think about what your boundaries are.
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  Speaker 1: What kind of behavior bothers you? How would you like
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  Speaker 1: to be treated? By stating these things, you can potentially
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  Speaker 1: stop manipulation in its tracks. Know, know, and know. After
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  Speaker 1: you identify your boundaries, You should know how to stop
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  Speaker 1: the manipulator from walking all over them. Learning to say
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  Speaker 1: no is an important part of that. If you're having
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  Speaker 1: trouble with saying no and standing your ground, you may
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  Speaker 1: struggle with people pleasing behavior. A 2015 study published in
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  Speaker 1: the journal, Violence and Victims, states that people pleasing is
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  Speaker 1: often a response to trauma. It may stem from being
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  Speaker 1: raised in a household where your feelings were dismissed and neglected.
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  Speaker 1: And as a result, now you may be too afraid
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  Speaker 1: of other people's reactions. You don't wanna feel like a
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  Speaker 1: bad person for saying no. Working with a therapist could
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  Speaker 1: help you understand and unveil your trauma, gain confidence and
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  Speaker 1: push the manipulator far away from you. Me, myself and I.
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  Speaker 1: Since manipulators wanna make it all about themselves, you could
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  Speaker 1: turn the tables and make it all about yourself. Keep
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  Speaker 1: reminding them that you are a human being with feelings
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  Speaker 1: and that you won't let them dismiss that. There's a
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  Speaker 1: great communication strategy called I statements. Those are statements that
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  Speaker 1: focus on your emotions, your thoughts, and your beliefs. For example,
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  Speaker 1: if a manipulator tries to dismiss your feelings by saying,
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  Speaker 1: it's not a big deal, you reply by saying, I
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  Speaker 1: understand that you might not see it as a big deal,
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  Speaker 1: but I feel bad about the situation and I think
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  Speaker 1: it's unfair. This type of communication is commonly used in
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  Speaker 1: relationship or family therapy. And a 2018 research article showed
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  Speaker 1: that it can be an effective way of reducing conflict
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  Speaker 1: and hostility. a trusted insight. Even though a manipulator might
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  Speaker 1: make you feel like you're all alone, this isn't true.
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  Speaker 1: Is there a close friend, a family member, a therapist,
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  Speaker 1: or even someone you met online that you trust? If
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  Speaker 1: you recognize some red flags and think you're dealing with
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  Speaker 1: a manipulator, talk to someone. Describe your situation and ask
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  Speaker 1: them for their opinion. If you both believe you're being manipulated,
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  Speaker 1: it may be time to think about creating distance from
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  Speaker 1: that person or speaking to a mental health professional for advice.
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  Speaker 1: The aftermath. You know the tactics and you know how
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  Speaker 1: to protect yourself from potential manipulation. How do you cope
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  Speaker 1: with the fact that you were manipulated or exposed to
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  Speaker 1: forms of abuse? Firstly, you should know that it is
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  Speaker 1: not your fault if a manipulator targets you. Kim Saeed,
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  Speaker 1: a narcissistic abuse recovery coach, also says that manipulators tend
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  Speaker 1: to specifically target trusting, loving, compassionate people who may lack
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  Speaker 1: boundaries due to their kind nature. Apart from that, manipulators
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  Speaker 1: often come from dysfunctional families or suffer from personality disorders,
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  Speaker 1: according to the Mental Health Center of America. That's not
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  Speaker 1: an excuse for how they act, but it shows that
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  Speaker 1: you're not the reason for their behavior. If there's no
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  Speaker 1: way of speaking with the manipulator to set clear boundaries,
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  Speaker 1: it may be time to go low or no contact.
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  Speaker 1: Licensed psychologist Kate Balestrieri said in an article for MindBodyGreen,
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  Speaker 1: if the other person continuously bulldozes your boundaries, Going no
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  Speaker 1: contact may be a useful strategy. Working with a trauma-informed
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  Speaker 1: therapist can help you make the decision that is right
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  Speaker 1: for you. Final thoughts. So now you know how manipulation
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  Speaker 1: tactics look, how you can defend yourself, and also cope
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  Speaker 1: if you've been manipulated. Hopefully you feel confident that you
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  Speaker 1: can get your life back on track. Once you're able
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  Speaker 1: to recognize a manipulator from a mile away, they'll never
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  Speaker 1: be able to hurt you again. Give this video a
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  Speaker 1: thumbs up if you found it helpful and comment your
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  Speaker 1: thoughts down below. Don't forget to subscribe for more videos
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  Speaker 1: like this. Thanks for watching. Until next time.