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Transcript

How to Resolve Inner Conflict, Set Boundaries, Build Trust & Heal Your Relationships · The Inspired Speaker Network

• 0:07
  Welcome to Evolving with Elle, where a capable woman recognizes what she's managing, understands
• 0:17
  the responsibilities that she's carrying, and chooses self-honoring over self-abandonment,
• 0:25
  and decides to continue, change, or release.
• 0:31
  I am Elle. I bring the mirror, the map, and the message. You choose how you show up in a way that honors your capacity.
• 0:41
  So let's lean in, learn, and evolve together.
• 0:47
  Hey, LJ here with LaQuincia Nichols. I am so glad that I got her on here because she runs a
• 0:59
  Conflict Clarity Lab, and you guys know the other day I was sharing with you about being able to
• 1:07
  talk about what I'm proud of, but at the same time feeling some kind of way because I was told to
• 1:15
  always be humble, not be proud, not be braggadocious, but that created that internal conflict.
• 1:24
  And in life, I was just going through, okay, I made this step, I made that step, made it to management.
• 1:32
  I'm just chasing results based on the role that I'm in. So the role that I was talking about was
• 1:38
  the employee role, and I was doing the things. I did that, right? I did entry level to manager
• 1:45
  in four years. Yes, I did that, but I didn't take the time to celebrate because there were other
• 1:51
  role responsibilities hanging around. I wasn't just an employee. I was a mother, I was a wife,
• 1:58
  a friend, a sister, a daughter, all of those things, and they were just kind of merged into one.
• 2:05
  But as we reflected on what we get to celebrate, now it's time to talk about the life disruptions
• 2:14
  that kind of flow along with it all. And that is why LaQuincia is here. So Q, I'm going to give
• 2:21
  you the floor. Share with us what you want us to know about yourself and whatever you are comfortable
• 2:29
  sharing about your life journey and also share what you are most proud of.
• 2:37
  Absolutely. So I love that, and I think I honor and respect the fact that you are willing to say
• 2:44
  I never stopped to take a moment and really celebrate myself. And what's exciting about that,
• 2:50
  and I think also sometimes what's hard about that is a lot of us were taught to not celebrate
• 2:56
  because of being humble. So there's so many things that we didn't get to revel in the accomplishment
• 3:01
  of because it was just set up on us as expectation. Well, that's what you're expected to do.
• 3:07
  I'm not going to reward you for the things that you should be doing, right? But in that, we don't
• 3:12
  learn how to also receive those celebrations of ourselves. We start to put ourselves in a space of,
• 3:19
  oh, well, here's the thing. I'm a better gift giver than gift receiver. I want to be good at
• 3:25
  both. I want to receive nice gifts, and I want to give out nice gifts, right? Yes. So I'll back up
• 3:31
  and I'll start to share with the audience. So yes, I'm LaQuincia Nichols. I'm the owner of Experience
• 3:36
  Coaching, and I really work at the intersection of conflict, communication, relationships,
• 3:41
  and also where that may impact your revenue if you're a business owner. And a lot of the work
• 3:47
  that I do was informed by, I would say, the generation and the location in which I grew up.
• 3:53
  I am a girl from Southern California. I grew up seeing conflict handled very poorly,
• 3:59
  but also very successfully. And where I saw where conflict was not handled well, you know,
• 4:07
  there could be things, either traumatic loss, broken relationships, but also lost opportunities.
• 4:14
  And when I moved from being sort of a girl in the neighborhood that I grew up into,
• 4:18
  and to the corporate woman that I am, right, the corporate leader that I was,
• 4:23
  I also saw more and more women, especially, who would be leading wonderful organizations,
• 4:29
  maybe leading sales teams, whatever that may be. And they were wonderful advocates for everyone else
• 4:35
  around them. But when it came time to speak up for what they needed, right, whether it would be
• 4:40
  the strategy that maybe they want to try and deploy, maybe it was a promotion that they should
• 4:46
  have raised their hand for, but they didn't. Or, right, just saying, you know what, this isn't
• 4:50
  working for me, and I'm going to go do something that feels more aligned with where I'm in my life
• 4:54
  now. I wanted to provide a structure, you can call it a framework, just a way for women to
• 5:03
  lean into that conversation prepared, right, and with the clarity first of what it is that you're
• 5:08
  looking for, and then how do you really back into that. And so I do that through my Conflict
• 5:14
  Clarity Lab that you talked about, I do that through my SPARK framework, but I do it through
• 5:18
  conversations like we're about to have, right, just pushing the envelope a tad bit, asking that
• 5:24
  next level question, just so we can open up into transparent conversation that has an end goal of
• 5:31
  closeness, richness, more robustness, but also trust. And I think that's missing from a lot of
• 5:37
  our relationships. Oh, yes, it is. I have so many questions I want to ask you. And so let's start
• 5:47
  with that trust question that you were sharing. As people, women who have been through some
• 5:58
  challenging times, things that disrupt our lives, or maybe we don't even
• 6:05
  know what our lives are because we're so busy sacrificing for everybody else. You haven't
• 6:11
  been able to step back and observe because you're so busy in it. Yes. And because of that,
• 6:19
  what I remember being guarded. Yeah, I had a wall up, couldn't trust anybody suspicious of everything
• 6:30
  around me. And I not only that, I have seen other women that I've worked with, that are so guarded,
• 6:41
  you ask them a question from plain curiosity, and they are raring to bite your head off,
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  or say, Oh, what you trying to sell me? What's in this for you? And, and there's so much defensiveness
• 6:59
  rather than discernment. Yeah. So
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  in your work in supporting women with that kind of conflict and getting clear with themselves,
• 7:14
  do you support them in helping to get that guard down? The guard has to come down. And I think it,
• 7:24
  we can't move to true connection. You don't have to take off all of your guards, right? Because
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  some of those are there to truly protect you. But when your guards are prohibiting you from
• 7:34
  developing rich relationships with people, then I would say that's probably something to think
• 7:42
  about because oftentimes we talk about, well, this is my boundary. If someone crosses it, then
• 7:46
  I'm done with them. Well, oftentimes, and what I see a lot in the work that I do is that we're
• 7:52
  penalizing people for crossing a boundary that we never verbally stated to them, right? We expect
• 7:57
  for them to know. And to me, that's hard because you're not setting that person up to be successful
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  in the relationship with you, right? Oftentimes when you think about when you start doing
• 8:08
  something new, or maybe you take on a new job or a new role, you'll learn. So you'll be advised,
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  what are the expectations? What are the responsibilities? What are the things that
• 8:15
  you can or you cannot do? We don't move as clearly in relationships or friendships in the same way.
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  So what I say is if you know that you have some hard lines, right? A boundary that may be out of
• 8:28
  the general norm for most people, that's something that's incumbent upon you to share with those
• 8:33
  people so they know. But when you talk about letting down the guard, I think there's a lot
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  of intersection in that question, right? Because you have that question for me, I sit here as a
• 8:43
  woman, right? But on top of that, a black woman, right? And so my gauge and my relationship with
• 8:51
  trust may be very different than women of a different background, right? And so with that,
• 8:57
  it's a first knowing that with most women, it's usually competitive, right? So how do we first
• 9:04
  stop and say, I'm not wanting to compete with you. What I want to be able to do is understand where
• 9:09
  you're coming from. Through that, I have to get to know you. That comes through answering questions.
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  But if you come from a place of asking questions, asking why, asking that third question was seen
• 9:21
  as disrespect or you're judging me or whatever that may be, then you're already coming into this
• 9:27
  with a sense of you don't want to connect. And if you don't want to connect, that's one thing.
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  But I think that really leans into a more of a lonely existence, whether it's professional or
• 9:39
  personal, because whatever you do, you need a network of people around you who are willing
• 9:44
  to speak up for you when you are in or you're not in those rooms. But also people love to be
• 9:54
  engaged and also in relationships with people who they trust. I build trust over time, getting to
• 10:00
  know you, watching how you show up, what works for you and what doesn't. So for me, the thing with
• 10:05
  trust is you can only do so much. You have to first be willing to say, are there some misalignments
• 10:15
  that I may have with that person? And if not, then it's just about getting to know them. Now,
• 10:19
  do we spend the time to get to know people? I don't think we do that as much as we used to.
• 10:24
  Right. I so agree. I so agree with that. It's not an all or nothing. It's a both and.
• 10:33
  With the both and, it's not saying to just open yourself up willy nilly.
• 10:43
  Yeah, it is. But it's also not be so closed off and hard that no one can get in.
• 10:53
  Absolutely. I mean, have you ever tried having a conversation with someone and all you get is
• 10:57
  yes and no answer? They don't expound on anything. They don't have any sort of deep
• 11:02
  point of view. And sometimes, you know, depending on their background,
• 11:07
  someone may have taken that from them, right. And tell them that their voice wasn't of value.
• 11:12
  And so they may have that conflict of how much do I share or I've tried to share different areas
• 11:16
  before and it hasn't been valued or it's been thrown back in my face. Or, you know, maybe they
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  just don't have the language, right. Sometimes we are dealing with deeper issues in regards to
• 11:29
  sharing. Very true. And specifically on those short answers, there's definite wounds there.
• 11:42
  Well, let me, let me not say definite. There's probably some unexpressed or undealt with wounds.
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  And the reason I said probably, or definitely was I was thinking myself, you know,
• 11:58
  for me, so it shouldn't happen for everybody else. Right. That's the thing that we don't want to do.
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  So probably 99% of the time, it may be from, right. And I can laugh about it and smile about
• 12:18
  it now because I was able to look at myself in the mirror. Yeah. That was not an easy thing to do.
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  And as we sit here and we talk, the thing I always let everyone know that as you're here
• 12:36
  on Evolving With Elle, I bring the mirror, the map and the method, and my guests are doing the same
• 12:44
  thing. Q has brought up some wonderful points for us to reflect on when it comes to trust,
• 12:53
  being guarded. And are we so guarded that we don't let anything in? And when we don't let anything
• 13:04
  in, guess who else is stuck? The person on the inside of that gate. Because you're not letting
• 13:13
  it out. Nope. Right. Sometimes there are different guards or protections that we put on when we were
• 13:21
  children or teenagers or young adults that you needed at that time. Right. But until you sit
• 13:28
  back and then intentionally take that guard off and say, you know what, I'm going to open up this
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  area of my life. I'm going to share a little bit more. I think about even, you know, oftentimes
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  there's different sort of coping mechanisms we could have of why we want to stay guarded or say
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  we have low trust. Right. And I think even in terms of social media, sometimes what I've learned as
• 13:53
  I've been able to mature through this, because maturity and age are not always the same.
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  They are not. But as I've been able to mature through this and as I became more consistent
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  with who I am, how I show up, the messaging that is true to me, well, there was less conflict
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  with me and who I presented on social media. It's the same person. Right. But if I'm so busy trying
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  to present someone else because I haven't done the deeper work to say, you know what, I am someone who
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  is a bit bubbly muscle, someone who likes to go quiet and silent at times. There are all these
• 14:29
  parts of me that make me who I am. And that's OK. But it has more to less to do with the other
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  person and more to do with me. Oftentimes when we're not willing to share about who we are,
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  it's because we are still dealing with it. Right. And we don't have the answer. We don't have the
• 14:53
  solution. So we don't want anyone to question because also we may not be ready to make that
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  decision. And one of the best things I ever heard someone share to me when I asked them a question
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  and they said, I'm not ready to say those words out loud yet because once I say them out loud,
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  I have to own it and I don't want to have to own it because then I got to make a decision.
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  And then that decision may require me to do something different. Right.
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  Such true words have not been spoken. And what I also want to introduce at this time,
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  Pew, is. As we're talking about this inner work, there are different avenues in which that inner
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  work can be done, because I know I'm not a mental health professional, are you? Me neither. Go talk
• 15:45
  to the people who are licensed to do that. Yes, please. And. With those licensed mental health
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  professionals, they help you do that deep work, touch and express the things that you
• 16:02
  are not ready to yet. Right. They help you develop that plan in order to do it. And I,
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  I know there's a lot of people who are like, oh, going to mental health professionals,
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  that really doesn't work. That's their opinion. Yeah. And my opinion and my experience is.
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  It has been beneficial to me because. When some big life disruptions happened,
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  there was a lot that happened all at once. And it was too much for me to share with a friend
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  because the friend did not have the capacity to hold it because guess what? They were going through
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  something too. Yeah. Well, guess what? Also, I think with that, it's not their responsibility
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  to hold that for them for you. Oh, it's not. It's a little bit unfair for us to think that
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  we should be able to put all of this lift and shift that to someone else on top of everything
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  that they're managing through as well. Right. And that is why investing in mental health
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  professionals. Those are the people who said I signed up to help you with your load. Yes.
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  And I think, you know, one of my my closest, dearest friends is a licensed therapist.
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  And we she and I, you know, when I moved into coaching and consulting work, we had a lot of
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  conversations just about the differences. And what was great is we really figured out a way
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  to be having a true sort of referral system for people who may have come to me. Right. And maybe
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  they need help that is beyond my capability, which is very easy for me to be able to tell
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  because I what I love about, you know, talk therapy is it sort of takes you in the past and it helps
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  you kind of figure out a lot of the reasons why you move forward. But in terms of coaching and
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  the way I'm working with clients, it's about understanding, like, how do we make quick work
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  right, quick action, quick steps and move forward and move forward. Right. And that requires a lot
• 18:08
  of and I say a lot of playfulness. Right. Because you have to be willing to go out and try and come
• 18:15
  back and see, did it work right? And with that, then it allows for us to be able to adjust and
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  sort of a dance that we do back and forth of what feels right for you. Where do we need to pull back?
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  But the people who are doing them, the mental health work in an official licensed capacity
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  to me, they are people I love to be in partnership with. I don't see any reason for us to sort of
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  have any conflict between the two of we both sort of work in our own swim lanes.
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  I agree with you, Q, very much so, because the difference between coaching or a consultant or
• 18:55
  a strategist is we are supporting the woman who is receiving that healing from the mental health
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  professional regarding what has been in the past. And we're like, OK, well, you're here right now.
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  Let's help you move forward. Let's support you as you make those decisions and play and partner
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  with you as you say, hey, this is what I expect to happen going forward. And then we'll see. Right.
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  And then be able to learn and say, oh, no, that didn't work. Great. What did you learn? Let's
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  lean into that. Yes, it's it's going to be uncomfortable. So as you are coaching these
• 19:41
  women through like their internal conflict. How do you support them in knowing like, hey.
• 19:52
  This is where the conflict is coming from. It's OK to have this internal conflict,
• 19:59
  be aware of it, how to move it forward. I'm saying so many things here. Yeah. You pick
• 20:05
  where you want. I think it's it's it's multilayered. Right. I think that's why
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  there's so much to say there, because there is the woman who I am now. Right. Versus the person
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  I was probably raised to be and also the person that I want to be, you know, maybe 10 or 15 years
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  from now and to a certain point, all of those those different iterations of myself will be
• 20:29
  in conflict because I will need to shed certain parts or certain certain skins of myself to be
• 20:36
  able to put on the new skin I need within this stage of my life. And that can be very hard because
• 20:43
  as you're going through that shedding process, which it truly, truly is a lot of people talking
• 20:50
  about healing. Right. And they make it look really fun on social media. But when you're doing the
• 20:55
  real healing work, it's messy. It is uncomfortable. It can be a little dark at times. It can feel very
• 21:02
  isolating. The people around you won't really sometimes understand how to even respond to you
• 21:08
  anymore because the conversations and the interests are that you maybe had before.
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  Those aren't the things that light you up anymore. So you almost have to reintroduce yourself to
• 21:19
  people all the time. And even in that right internally, you'll start to think about, do I
• 21:26
  really want to reintroduce myself to them? Because if they are still the person that they were,
• 21:31
  the new person who I am, the evolved person who I am, we may not be on the same frequency anymore.
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  We may not have the same things to talk about. And for some, it is easier for them to stay in this
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  vacillating back and forth of I'm kind of in, I'm kind of out because they don't want to lose
• 21:50
  everything that they've been so connected with. But to do that, to be able to say, okay, that's
• 21:57
  who I was and that's got me ready for this step here. Now, as I'm in here and I'm doing this and
• 22:02
  I'm probably excelling, but at that same time, I am preparing myself for the shedding of this skin
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  for the woman that I need to become next. And even the people who are with me right now,
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  there are certain people that I may have to, again, shed them too, right? Because if they're
• 22:19
  not willing to continue to be just as ambitious as I may be in the better development, right?
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  So whether it is personal or business, but overall development of who I am as a being,
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  that I'm not going to slow down my evolution process for the comfort of who they want me to be.
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  Because oftentimes as you're making those evolutions, it's a mirror, right? Back to
• 22:45
  your three Ms, it's a mirror of some of the choices or the actions they're deciding not to do,
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  staying in their excuses, staying in that disappointment, staying in that judgment,
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  rather than just saying, you know what? It didn't work out, but I'm not going to stop
• 23:00
  me from trying again. I'm just going to try a different way.
• 23:03
  Mm hmm. Yes. And I remember hearing Michelle Obama in an interview say that she and Barack
• 23:15
  were trying to pull people up the mountain with them. And then they had to realize it's like,
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  okay, I can't pull you up. You either come or you stay. That's my understanding of what I
• 23:29
  understand of what she said. And that lines up with what you're, you are saying. And it is a
• 23:38
  challenge to separate in relationship to someone who was pivotal at a particular point in your life
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  because they served a purpose. Absolutely. That relationship was real and it was connected.
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  And that can be a huge challenge, but with discernment,
• 24:05
  you get to say and be honest with yourself. And here's also the wonderful thing that I've
• 24:11
  experienced. Some people will self separate from you and you don't even have to make the decision
• 24:19
  and you can just say, okay, I don't have to pull anymore. I'm a little lighter.
• 24:26
  Well, cause here's the thing with that too, Elle, is like when you're thinking about,
• 24:29
  and that's such a great visual, right? I'm trying to pull people up the mountain.
• 24:33
  Number one, maybe they're not ready, right? Because they still have a lot of shedding that
• 24:36
  they have to do. Do they have the skills that are required, right? That is for that next level.
• 24:42
  Are they ready for that? Now to a certain level, I absolutely believe readiness is,
• 24:47
  it's a decision. It's a choice. It's not as much as a feeling as people like to lean on.
• 24:52
  You decide, right? I'm going to do this and I'm going to figure out the skills I need to get that
• 24:58
  thing done. But on the other hand, the self selection is also a marvelous thing to watch
• 25:04
  as well because it's the little things, right? You see maybe less engagement from them on your
• 25:09
  social media because the posts that you're posting no longer aligned with the things
• 25:13
  they're interested in. When they call you, right? If they call you or in my case, the phone,
• 25:18
  it starts to dry up because my conversations are different. The way I want to spend my time
• 25:23
  is maybe a little bit different. I value different types of conversations.
• 25:28
  So as I start to do that, my circle starts to change, right? And I liken it to people when
• 25:34
  people get really into health and fitness. Well, guess what? All of their friends start becoming
• 25:39
  gym people, right? Because that's what they like to do with each other.
• 25:42
  And they want to figure out the next exciting protein powder and let's go to this new place,
• 25:46
  right? So it's about, we just have new but different interests. And I'm happy to introduce
• 25:54
  you into my new interest, but I'm not going to force my new interests on you. That's not fair
• 25:58
  to them. Correct. It's not fair to them, nor is it fair to you. And with what I believe we both
• 26:06
  share with the people that we want to support is you matter. You also matter. It is really,
• 26:18
  truly a both and. The relationships that you have based on being in the various roles,
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  employee, mother, spouse, parent, all of those roles have a relationship attached to them,
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  right? And there could totally be conflict between you and the person on the other side
• 26:44
  of that role that you're serving in. But you also have that conflict within yourself about,
• 26:51
  hey, how do I approach this person? What is it that I say? And Q, you mentioned earlier about
• 27:01
  a person, a woman deciding, hey, I don't need to be here anymore. So in your professional career,
• 27:10
  you weren't always a coach. So how did you step out of your corporate career into coaching? What
• 27:20
  was that internal dialogue like for you? And did you have some internal conflict with that?
• 27:27
  I had a lot of internal conflict because for all intents and purposes, I looked perfect on paper,
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  right? Like I had the job that paid me a comfortable six figures, house, married,
• 27:40
  dog, like outside of the true picket fence, I really had the things going. And right around
• 27:47
  when I turned, I would say probably my mid forties, I realized that the person who walked
• 27:54
  into the company 15 years earlier was not the same woman who was sitting in the seat. I had
• 28:01
  made a lot of evolution. I had wanted different life experiences. And I knew that the more I
• 28:10
  continue to grow in my career, right? The more it would require of me, but I actually wanted a
• 28:19
  little bit less of that and more of my own flexibility. The great part of what I was doing,
• 28:25
  and because I was leading leaders and doing already a lot of coaching and training and
• 28:30
  development and leadership talks, it was a, it was an easy lift and shift in terms of the content
• 28:38
  of what I was doing. What I had to go in my own inner critic and my own conflict was I was a
• 28:46
  corporate girl. I knew nothing about the entrepreneurial lifestyle. It was often said
• 28:52
  in my house is, you know, you go and you get that good job and you do it for 20 years. And that's
• 28:56
  just what you do. So for me, a lot of it was helping people understand that I was not having
• 29:00
  a midlife crisis, right? It was, it was not be like having like some sort of perimenopause fit.
• 29:08
  It was actually a strategic decision because I was at the crossroads in my career. And guess what
• 29:15
  they did? They gave me a coach. And as I got to continue to sit and talk with that coach and
• 29:23
  someone who was very opposite of me, a white male coach. And I remember he was like covered with
• 29:29
  tattoos and also usually coached men who were prioritizing a sober living lifestyle.
• 29:39
  Me and this guy really had no reason to be connected outside of there was just something.
• 29:42
  When I saw him, I said, I think that's the person for me. And so as he and I continued to talk,
• 29:49
  he said, I don't think that you want to do this type of job anymore. You want to do something
• 29:54
  different. You just don't know how to say it. And I said, yeah. Okay. And so as I continue to
• 30:02
  think about that and I started listening to myself and the way I was talking to other people
• 30:06
  about the work that I was doing and some of the limiting beliefs that I had that were coming from
• 30:14
  that role. And I said, oh, wow. I think I'm talking to myself. Right. Yes. And as I started
• 30:20
  to realize that I said, okay, let's start making some, some decisions. Right. And so then, you know,
• 30:25
  first you sort of have that conversation with yourself. Like, am I, do I want to have this
• 30:29
  conversation with my spouse? Right. Then you have the conversation with your spouse. Hopefully your
• 30:33
  spouse is on board. My spouse was on board. Right. So, right. Cause that also makes it easier
• 30:39
  when you have a, a system of support. Now also I would say that last S and my system of support
• 30:45
  was also, I got a severance. I had been with a company that I was with for a while and I had my
• 30:50
  own decision point. Do I take this other opportunity or do I decide to exit my role?
• 30:56
  And I said, you know what, this is a time for me to bet on me and I'm going to exit the role.
• 31:01
  And that was scary as heck, but I knew that I could figure it out. I was willing to let myself
• 31:09
  go back in the seat of being a learner, no longer the expert. And that is where I think for me,
• 31:15
  just being willing to be a sponge and absorb and learn, right. And be okay with it, not working
• 31:22
  out right. It being okay with, I may not be invited to, you know, the happy hours of all
• 31:28
  the things that, you know, they're doing at the company level and everything that I would normally
• 31:31
  be associated with that, having to let that go to embrace something new. And I actually took like,
• 31:38
  God, maybe six to eight months. I didn't talk to anyone at my previous company because I felt like
• 31:43
  I had to like create true separation. So I wouldn't have that. What about is in the background? What
• 31:51
  if I stayed? What if I stayed? I had to make what I was doing now for a focus.
• 31:59
  Okay. Let me reflect back. What I'm hearing you say of your journey is that you had
• 32:10
  some, what I like to call life disruptions, right? Yes. Because it disrupted what was familiar.
• 32:18
  Absolutely. What was familiar was doing this corporate job, leaving all of these people
• 32:24
  and you came to this crossroads and they gave you a coach and a coach that you're like,
• 32:32
  like, as you're talking about that coach in my mind, it's like, okay, he's tatted up. He's white.
• 32:38
  He's a male. You, you, that, that doesn't seem like there's alignment there. Right. Right. But
• 32:46
  that's the thing. We can get answers and responses from people. We wouldn't ever expect
• 32:52
  answers and responses from, and he was able to articulate something to you through coaching to
• 32:59
  say, Hey, I can see it because coaches who have been through the journey, when we turn around and,
• 33:07
  and we are supporting others, we can see it because we've been through it. Absolutely. And
• 33:14
  that's what he did for you. He held up the mirror for you and put this path in front of you,
• 33:21
  so to speak. And then you started walking on your own path and you got curious. I love how you said
• 33:28
  you stopped being the expert because let's be honest, as African-American females,
• 33:36
  what do we always, many of us do? We go to school, we go and prove we're supposed to be here.
• 33:45
  We are excellent. Yes. And I'm like, let's stop. Yeah. Let's just live our lives because our lives
• 33:56
  speak for themselves. The problem or the issue. I don't want to get on that soapbox too much
• 34:05
  is that we get challenged so much. And because we are so guarded and we haven't let the right
• 34:12
  people in to speak life into us, that was probably sucked out through other things where we're like,
• 34:22
  yeah, I'm just going to be comfortable here. I found this little journal book that said,
• 34:27
  nothing great comes from a comfort zone. Nothing. So we sit around and we're like,
• 34:34
  Oh, we're comfortable spending money, getting masters one, two, three, and getting doctorates,
• 34:40
  but we're not comfortable facing ourselves in the mirror, having conversations like you and I are
• 34:47
  having, getting curious about what else is out there, being willing to play and experiment and
• 34:57
  see what is possible because we've given so much of our authority, our power away.
• 35:09
  And you were saying earlier, it's not about blaming somebody else. It's not someone else's
• 35:14
  fault. And this is not victim shaming either. It really and truly is about our choice and the
• 35:23
  choice to do something that is difficult, do something that is disruptive, not interrupt
• 35:32
  because when you interrupt something, you get back to it, you disrupt and you essentially pivot,
• 35:37
  you shift paths and break up what's familiar. Get out of that comfort zone. Stop being on autopilot.
• 35:45
  Stop living by, Ooh, corporate job. Everybody said corporate job, stay in it for 20 years and retire.
• 35:53
  Um, where's the abundance in that? Where's the potential for growth in that? If you are in a
• 35:59
  position that has limits on what you can do and you are always like annual reviews,
• 36:12
  expectations again, those are some valid ones, but at the same time,
• 36:18
  it's a lot, it's a lot. And I, and I love my people who are deeply passionate about
• 36:28
  academia, right. And pursuing the degrees. But I also challenged sometimes and say,
• 36:35
  who was the degree for, unless it is truly about driving your professional career forward,
• 36:42
  or it's something that you need for whatever, whatever the thing may be. Right. But I do know
• 36:48
  some people who love to stay in that space of schooling, right. Because it's what they know,
• 36:53
  it's what they're comfortable with. But when you think about that, they've been in this sort of
• 36:57
  school space since kindergarten, preschool. Right. And so we haven't learned how to disrupt that. So I
• 37:06
  would, I would often ask, what if you didn't have school anymore? What would you do with that time?
• 37:12
  Right. And oftentimes they don't know. And sometimes it becomes scary to think about,
• 37:18
  right. Because you may have to then really start to execute on all the things that you've been
• 37:25
  going to school for and start validating, right. The time that you spent. Well, if you stay an
• 37:31
  eternal student, but guess what? All you have to do is continue to go to class.
• 37:36
  I'm ready for implementation and execution. And I do think that's one of the things
• 37:41
  that I love about being in the coaching, in the consulting industry, because it is about let's
• 37:47
  implement and let's execute. Let's move forward. Let's do the work and continue to move forward.
• 37:52
  Yes. And on that note, let's move forward to what you have for the audience today.
• 38:01
  Yeah, I'm really, really excited to share this with us to share, because I think for me,
• 38:06
  the same way it just took having the conversation with the right person. I like to open myself up
• 38:12
  to other people. And so for your audience and your listeners, I know that we're going to share
• 38:17
  it in the show notes is I'm offering 15 minutes for my conflict clarity call.
• 38:22
  It is not about a sales offer. It is truly about you bringing sort of that top line concern that
• 38:28
  you have to say, hey, is this something, how can I decide through this, right? Strategically,
• 38:34
  how should I approach this to make sure that the outcome is truly something that
• 38:38
  is what you're looking for compared to, are these just expectations and standards that
• 38:45
  other people put on you that you've just sort of been meandering through? And it's worked up until
• 38:51
  this point, but I think we all get to that crossroads and say, okay, I don't know if I can
• 38:56
  live the next 30 or 40 years, the same way I just lived these last 40. And if you know that you're
• 39:04
  looking to do it maybe a different way, I would love to be able just to guide you through that.
• 39:08
  So my 15 minute conflict clarity call free for the listeners of your show.
• 39:14
  Thank you so much, Q, because we know your time is valuable.
• 39:18
  Everyone's time is valuable.
• 39:19
  Yes, everyone's is, and you beat me to it. So ladies, gentlemen, gentlemen can come too, yes?
• 39:29
  Absolutely. Listen, I love everybody. He, she's, them, they's, however you identify,
• 39:35
  I absolutely respect. I want to make sure that you feel good in the decisions that you made.
• 39:40
  Awesome. Well, this has been a wonderful time having an evolving conversation with you
• 39:49
  about that internal conflict about your life journey and the curiosity,
• 39:55
  the learning that you are doing. And we very much appreciate your offer.
• 39:59
  So thank you so much for having me.
• 40:02
  Anytime. We are going to continue to talk, my dear.
• 40:05
  I love that.
• 40:08
  So hopefully you are willing to come back.
• 40:10
  Absolutely.
• 40:12
  At another time. So we are going to call it here. Thank you guys so much. Check out the show notes
• 40:18
  what Q has been offering you for that 15 minute conversation. Please take full advantage of it.
• 40:25
  And it will also be in our vault. So until next time.
• 40:35
  Y'all, I just had a great conversation with LaQuentia Nichols.
• 40:42
  She shared some nuggets, some gems about internal conflict and supporting people as
• 40:54
  they navigate different life challenges.
• 40:58
  So I cannot wait for you to listen to this next episode with LaQuentia and I.
• 41:07
  We're just sitting back having a conversation.
• 41:10
  Sharing our experiences. And remember, this is a time where we bring the mirror,
• 41:19
  the map and invite you into a method.
• 41:29
  So click on the link and listen to this episode.
• 41:37
  I believe it will serve you.