Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #175| How To Spot and Defuse Invisible Triggers Before They Hijack Your Day and Create Overwhelm
Transcript
- 0:07Michelle Gauthier: What would your reaction be if your partner or spouse left their laundry right next to, but not in the laundry basket?
- 0:20Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to overwhelmed working woman the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:27Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
- 0:32Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life.
- 0:53Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friends, today we're going to be talking about those small and specific triggers that can drive you crazy and even potentially ruin your day or your next interaction at the very least.
- 1:00Michelle Gauthier: I'm talking about this today because the other day I was in the middle of a workday.
- 1:04Michelle Gauthier: It was a workday where I had a lot of things back to back and in between clients.
- 1:08Michelle Gauthier: I ran to my kitchen, as I often do, and I got a big glass of ice and poured myself a spin drift, which is my current favorite drink of the moment, and I went to go put it in the recycling and I pulled out we have trash and recycling and like a little pull out cabinet and I pulled it out and it had been piled so hot that the cans on the top, when I pulled it out to add my can to the top, spilled over, spilling coke zero on me and on the floor for me to have to clean up.
- 1:40Michelle Gauthier: And I was so mad and I was mad at you know who?
- 1:44Michelle Gauthier: I was mad at my handsome man friend because he is the only one who drinks Coke Zero, so I knew very well who had added two cans to an already full recycle bin.
- 1:55Michelle Gauthier: It could have just as easily been either one of my children, but I knew exactly who had done it and I was mad about it.
- 2:01Michelle Gauthier: So I yelled down the basement stairs.
- 2:05Michelle Gauthier: He was working in his office down the basement at my house and I yelled down the stairs, "you are killing me with these cans up here?
- 2:12Michelle Gauthier: And he just responded nothing, which then I thought how dare he?
- 2:18Michelle Gauthier: Doesn't he see how busy I am?
- 2:21Michelle Gauthier: Doesn't he see how many things I have to do?
- 2:23Michelle Gauthier: Does he seriously just not notice that the trash can is about to overflow?
- 2:27Michelle Gauthier: Now, to be honest, he's often the one who takes the trash out, probably more than I do.
- 2:34Michelle Gauthier: So this was a little bit of an overreaction on my part and it got me thinking.
- 2:39Michelle Gauthier: Why are there certain things that just put us over the edge, that trigger us into a bad mood that might last an hour or more or even a whole day?
- 2:48Michelle Gauthier: So I made a post and asked you guys hey, what are some of the little triggers?
- 2:52Michelle Gauthier: Not a huge deal, nothing that's actually traumatic, but just a small trigger that drives you crazy.
- 2:57Michelle Gauthier: And you had so many opinions.
- 3:00Michelle Gauthier: I will tell you the range of things that were annoying the crap out of you guys in one second.
- 3:05Michelle Gauthier: But I want to tell you that today we're going to talk about why these little triggers feel so big and common triggers that I see all the time that you guys reported to me.
- 3:14Michelle Gauthier: And then a quick tool to stop the spiral.
- 3:17Michelle Gauthier: Because you have the right, like I had the right, to be annoyed for the whole rest of the day about the coke zero spilling on my foot in my floor, but I really didn't want to.
- 3:27Michelle Gauthier: I didn't feel like letting that be the reason I was off my game.
- 3:31Michelle Gauthier: So if you notice yourself doing that and you want to stop, I'm going to tell you a quick way, just a little quick tool to use to stop the spiral and just get back to what you were doing before the annoyance.
- 3:42Michelle Gauthier: The other thing I need to remind you before we get all the way into the episode is that we are doing the declutter challenge starting on September 15th, so I want to remind you to register for that.
- 3:55Michelle Gauthier: It is going to be lots of fun and it is going to be extremely useful to you.
- 3:59Michelle Gauthier: I've designed this challenge so that you can spend however much time you have between five and 30 minutes per day or more if you've got more time to do it to declutter different things.
- 4:10Michelle Gauthier: So one example of what we'll be doing is decluttering your calendar and your commitments.
- 4:15Michelle Gauthier: We're also going to look at digital, like your home screen on your phone or your email inbox, and we're gonna look at physical things like maybe your junk drawer or your purse.
- 4:24Michelle Gauthier: So come and join us for this fun five-day decluttering.
- 4:29Michelle Gauthier: I see all the time that one of the major causes of overwhelm is clutter in all of the various forms that I just discussed.
- 4:36Michelle Gauthier: There's a link in the show notes for you to register.
- 4:38Michelle Gauthier: When you register, you will get all the instructions and a beautiful workbook to follow, along with the daily podcast I'm also going to.
- 4:48Michelle Gauthier: For people who register and give me feedback, like tell me what they did that day or ask me a question or share a win with me, your name will get entered into a drawing and there will be prizes every day.
- 4:57Michelle Gauthier: It's going to be super fun and also it's $17.
- 5:01Michelle Gauthier: It's a no brainer.
- 5:01Michelle Gauthier: Sign up and get ready to have a decluttered fall.
- 5:05Michelle Gauthier: Doesn't that sound lovely?
- 5:06Michelle Gauthier: All right, let's get back to what was really annoying you guys.
- 5:10Michelle Gauthier: It was funny when I made this post.
- 5:12Michelle Gauthier: I got so much engagement and everybody was like commenting on everybody else's stuff.
- 5:16Michelle Gauthier: And I think it's funny because everything that was on the list, like there were themes.
- 5:20Michelle Gauthier: There was kind of the everyday disrespect or thoughtlessness, like the example I gave about the trash, but there was not returning shopping carts.
- 5:29Michelle Gauthier: Leaving dirty clothes next to the hamper but not in it, leaving dirty dishes or food in the sink, leaving empty containers in the fridge my kids totally do this move, like if it's empty, they just put it back in the fridge.
- 5:42Michelle Gauthier: Or like if the shampoo's out, it's just in the shower, empty.
- 5:45Michelle Gauthier: Someone mentioned it was a trigger when people spell a lot, like it's one word instead of two words, or people misusing there, there, there.
- 5:53Michelle Gauthier: You know when I say that out loud it sounds all the same, but you, you know what I mean.
- 5:56Michelle Gauthier: There were lots of triggers around other people's driving, so people who don't know how to do the zipper merge, or people who drive in the fast lane on the highway even when they're not going fast enough to be there.
- 6:07Michelle Gauthier: So there's all these different things and as I'm reading through the list myself, I'm like, yeah, all those things are annoying.
- 6:12Michelle Gauthier: I agree, they're all annoying, but there are very few of them that would actually make me mad enough to be upset for more than two seconds, and for me, it was the trash can.
- 6:22Michelle Gauthier: That was the one that pushed me over the edge.
- 6:25Michelle Gauthier: So let's just talk about what happens when we get mad.
- 6:29Michelle Gauthier: So I'm going to go back to my particular example of the Coke Zero spilling out of the trash can and onto my foot and onto the floor.
- 6:36Michelle Gauthier: It's not the thing.
- 6:37Michelle Gauthier: It's not the Coke Zero landingilling out of the trash can and onto my foot and onto the floor.
- 6:38Michelle Gauthier: It's not the thing.
- 6:38Michelle Gauthier: It's not the Coke Zero landing on my foot that ruins my day.
- 6:42Michelle Gauthier: It's the way that I'm thinking about it and what I make it mean.
- 6:45Michelle Gauthier: So a great question to ask yourself when you get upset like that is, what did I just make that mean?
- 6:51Michelle Gauthier: So what I made it mean is no one cares about me.
- 6:54Michelle Gauthier: No one cares if I'm busy or not.
- 6:57Michelle Gauthier: Everyone expects me to do everything.
- 7:00Michelle Gauthier: No one respects me.
- 7:02Michelle Gauthier: That is so rude and inconsiderate.
- 7:04Michelle Gauthier: I'm sure there's more, but those are the first kind of five thoughts that come to my head.
- 7:09Michelle Gauthier: So if you think about the idea of me like having to bend over and pick up a Coke Zero and then grab a rag and wipe up this drop on the floor, it's not that big of a deal.
- 7:19Michelle Gauthier: But if I'm telling myself that what that means is no one respects me and no one sees all the work that I'm doing in this house that kind of thought you can see why that made me in a bad mood and made me feel like I'm working so hard and nobody even cares.
- 7:33Michelle Gauthier: Nobody helps me.
- 7:34Michelle Gauthier: Nobody helps me is one of my favorite thoughts to think when I'm in a frustrated mood.
- 7:40Michelle Gauthier: So if you can do that, if you can just ask yourself okay, someone just cut me off because they don't know how to do a zipper merge, what did I just make that mean?
- 7:49Michelle Gauthier: Oh, that person in front of me thinks that they're so much more important than I am and that wherever they're going is more important than where I'm going, and they just don't care about following the rules for society and they think they're better than me.
- 8:00Michelle Gauthier: And when you get into all these thoughts that you're having, that your brain has made this person cutting you off purposefully or accidentally in front of you, it makes sense that it puts you in a really bad mood.
- 8:13Michelle Gauthier: I have a couple friends who are super timely and they get so annoyed when someone is late and the reason why they get so annoyed when someone is late because they have thoughts like I made the time to get her on time.
- 8:26Michelle Gauthier: Am I just not important to you?
- 8:28Michelle Gauthier: No one values my time, no one cares about my time, they don't respect me, they're always like this, I can't count on anyone.
- 8:35Michelle Gauthier: So you can see that when you make someone being late mean all those things why it makes you so mad.
- 8:42Michelle Gauthier: So a great way to diffuse the trigger is just to ask yourself this what did my brain just make that mean?
- 8:48Michelle Gauthier: And then neutralize it by saying is, that story 100% true?
- 8:52Michelle Gauthier: Then try something more grounded.
- 8:56Michelle Gauthier: So if I try this method on myself and I say nobody cares about me, or that I'm busy or that I don't have time to take out the trash today, they just pile it up for me to do later and no one respects me.
- 9:08Michelle Gauthier: And I ask myself is that story 100% true?
- 9:12Michelle Gauthier: So no, that story is probably more like 1% true than 100% true.
- 9:18Michelle Gauthier: And then I can come up with something more grounded like wow, we all must be really busy today and just move on.
- 9:26Michelle Gauthier: If you have a trigger like sometimes, people will get triggered by a certain person posting anything.
- 9:31Michelle Gauthier: You know that person on social media where you're like, oh gag, yes, your life is perfect, whatever.
- 9:37Michelle Gauthier: If you get that kind of trigger, see what your brain is making that mean.
- 9:42Michelle Gauthier: It's probably making that mean that your life sucks or your life is boring or you're such a better person than that.
- 9:51Michelle Gauthier: And then ask yourself is that story 100% true?
- 9:54Michelle Gauthier: And see if you can find a little wiggle room for it and find a more neutral thought, like that person made a post and without having too many more thoughts about it.
- 10:03Michelle Gauthier: Again, like I said at the beginning, if you want to get triggered by this and you're okay being in a bad mood about it, you you can if you want to, but if you don't want to you don't want to waste your time being mad about the stupid trash can then use this method to question it what did my brain make this mean?
- 10:21Michelle Gauthier: And neutralize it.
- 10:22Michelle Gauthier: Ask is that story 100% true?
- 10:24Michelle Gauthier: And just try to come up with a more neutral way to think about it.
- 10:28Michelle Gauthier: These invisible triggers are just part of life.
- 10:30Michelle Gauthier: For example, there's no group lesson on zipper merging that the whole humanity is going to take to learn how to drive in the way that you see fit.
- 10:41Michelle Gauthier: Like that's just not going to happen and the goal isn't to never get triggered, it's just to notice it more quickly and recover faster, like, oh yes, that's the thing that drives me crazy, but I'm just going to let that go now.
- 10:52Michelle Gauthier: Start watching for these sneaky moments this week.
- 10:55Michelle Gauthier: See where you find them.
- 10:57Michelle Gauthier: Somebody else said when they type a whole text and somebody just writes back K like one letter word K, that they hate that.
- 11:03Michelle Gauthier: So just see what it is for you and find out what your brain makes that mean, and that'll help you see why it's annoying you so much.
- 11:11Michelle Gauthier: Okay, that's it for today.
- 11:13Michelle Gauthier: Have a great rest of the day and don't forget to register for the declutter challenge.
- 11:19Michelle Gauthier: It's going to be lots of fun and super useful.
- 11:22Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.
- 11:28Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the overwhelmed working woman podcast.
- 11:31Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.
- 11:35Michelle Gauthier: com.
- 11:37Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.