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What's The #1 Thing That Makes a Narcissist Want To Change? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What's the difference between a narcissist that is willing to
• 0:02
  work on themselves and those that are not?
• 0:05
  What's the biggest change what you get?
• 0:07
  2 narcissist. One wants to work on themselves,
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  one doesn't. What's the biggest difference
• 0:13
  between those two people? That's what we're talking about
• 0:16
  today, y'all. And if you're new here, my name
• 0:18
  is Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
• 0:20
  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:41
  Boom, welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back.
• 0:43
  What's the difference y'all? You got to tell me what?
• 0:46
  What? First of all, we have too deep
• 0:47
  into the video. What do you think the biggest
• 0:49
  difference is? Right there, right?
• 0:51
  I know that some people will say self-awareness, right?
• 0:55
  Which is, it's understandable to say self-awareness, but
• 0:58
  self-awareness is one part of it, right?
• 1:01
  As a self aware diagnosed narcissist, a lot of people
• 1:05
  think the self-awareness part, self-awareness part is the part
• 1:08
  that makes me different, but it's not right.
• 1:12
  It makes me different from the most narcissist.
• 1:14
  But I tell people all the time that self aware, the, the, you
• 1:19
  know, the pre, the, the moniker, the pre moniker, whatever you
• 1:21
  want to call it, the label, the title self aware just means, I
• 1:27
  know that's what self aware means.
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  Self aware means I know, I know who I am.
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  I know I have this going on. I'm aware that I affect my
• 1:36
  environment in a certain type of way.
• 1:38
  I'm aware that I, that I affect the people around me in a
• 1:41
  certain type of way. I'm aware of all of that, right?
• 1:45
  That's what self-awareness means.
• 1:47
  So you can have two self aware narcissists, one that's doing
• 1:50
  good, another does not. And what separates those two?
• 1:54
  So I had therapy yesterday and I asked my you know my therapist.
• 1:57
  Me and my therapist had a chat about that.
• 1:59
  I like what what makes the what's the biggest difference
• 2:01
  right there? What's the biggest difference
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  between 2 self aware narcissists that one does better, one
• 2:07
  doesn't? Acceptance.
• 2:13
  That's the big word right there y'all.
• 2:15
  Acceptance is the main difference between a narcissist
• 2:19
  that is willing to work on themselves and when it is not
• 2:22
  acceptance because you can think out, I'm going to be real.
• 2:25
  There's some other, there's other self aware narcissists out
• 2:28
  there. That's just the truth.
• 2:30
  There are a lot of other self aware narcissists out there.
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  You know what I mean? Not a ton of them, but there are
• 2:35
  a lot, right? There are a lot out there, but
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  not all of them have good intentions.
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  Not all of them are good people. Not all of them even want to
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  even care about being considered a good person.
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  Some of them do not care about being good people.
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  Some of them do not care about the effect that they have on
• 2:51
  their environment. Some of them just do not care
• 2:53
  about how they hurt people. What they say.
• 2:56
  Hey look, I'm a self aware narcissist.
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  Emphasis on the narcissist. That means I know who I am.
• 3:03
  That means you have to make the choice of dealing with me,
• 3:08
  right? That means you, if you want to
• 3:10
  deal with me, if you want to coexist with me, then you have
• 3:14
  to put up with who I am. self-awareness does not mean
• 3:17
  better. It just does not, it does not
• 3:20
  mean better. I think that right there sets
• 3:22
  people off. But Lee, how can I, Lee, how do
• 3:26
  I Lee, how do I, how do I, how do I make my narcissist self
• 3:31
  aware? Self aware does not mean that
• 3:34
  they're going to be better. Self aware just means that
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  they're going to be themselves. Self aware just means, hey,
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  look, I know who I am, I know what I'm doing.
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  I know that I have this going on.
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  It does not mean that I'm going to change my behaviors.
• 3:52
  Because the biggest difference is the acceptance, the ability
• 3:55
  to accept that this is what you have going on.
• 4:00
  Notice I just said what you have going on, right?
• 4:03
  Because that's right, there is another difference.
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  The ability to accept that this is what you have, but it's not
• 4:12
  who you are. That's the biggest difference
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  right there. That's what it is.
• 4:17
  I accept the fact that I have narcissistic personality
• 4:21
  disorder. I accept that, but that is not
• 4:24
  who I am. I have a disorganized
• 4:27
  personality. I have a personality disorder.
• 4:29
  Does not mean I have to be a bad person.
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  It just means I have to. I have to.
• 4:33
  I have to work harder to organize my life, to keep my
• 4:35
  life on track. I accept that.
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  Is it easy? Hell no.
• 4:43
  Hell no. It ain't easy.
• 4:45
  Every day is a struggle, Lee. Well, do you ever think you're
• 4:48
  going to fall back into your old ways every day?
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  Every day I struggle. Every single day, you know what
• 4:56
  I mean? I do.
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  I absolutely struggle every single day Now.
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  People just like, well, Lee, what's the point then?
• 5:02
  Are you still narcissistic? Yes.
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  But the biggest difference is I accept that I'm narcissistic and
• 5:09
  I accept that I have this personality type, this
• 5:11
  personality dynamic going on. I accept that I have a
• 5:15
  disorganized personality style and I have to work on it.
• 5:18
  I accept all of that. I really do.
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  And it's tough for people to understand when you're not in my
• 5:24
  shoes, when you don't, when you not, when you or not me, right?
• 5:28
  It's tough for a lot of people to just realize, like Lee, how
• 5:31
  do you accept being this and doing that and doing this and
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  doing that? Because I've been doing it for a
• 5:35
  long time. I understand that I can.
• 5:38
  Look, a lot of narcissists don't care about how they affect
• 5:42
  people. And I've said that over and over
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  and over and over again. I keep telling people that over
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  and over again. Like some narcissists do not
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  care, y'all? Hey, I'm self aware of my
• 5:53
  narcissism and that just means that you have to deal with me.
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  That's all. That means.
• 6:00
  I'm self aware of my effect that I have on my environment in
• 6:04
  totality. But that just means that you
• 6:07
  have to accept who I am. That doesn't mean I have to
• 6:12
  accept it. That mean I I don't have to
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  accept it. Hey, I'm self aware.
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  I don't. That doesn't mean because think
• 6:20
  about it right here, right? Think about it like this right
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  here. Yeah, sometimes narcissistic
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  people become self aware and they get worse.
• 6:29
  They get worse. There's like some people asking
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  me they're like, well, if I sit my partner your videos, do you
• 6:34
  think they would they would change their behavior?
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  You think they would make a big difference?
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  Could it make a difference Sometimes?
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  Yeah, it's a very small chance that it could make a difference,
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  but most times they're going to hate me, they're going to not
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  like me. He is wrong.
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  That big black man just wanna, he just want to lie to you.
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  He just want to clap some cheeks.
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  He just want to do everything he don't really like.
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  Y'all. He's just doing this for his own
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  advantage and you falling for it.
• 7:02
  Of course he's online talking about being a self aware
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  narcissist. Of course, 'cause he benefits
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  from it and you playing right into the trap, they'll blame me,
• 7:12
  they'll be angry at me, and they'll try to turn you on me to
• 7:14
  make it seem like I'm out here just lying my ass off for what?
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  For five years? For five years, You see what I'm
• 7:20
  saying? Five years.
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  Thank God you know what I mean? That's why I tell y'all all the
• 7:25
  time. This is where it goes.
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  This is the mental. This is the mental part of it
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  right here. It really is.
• 7:34
  They have to accept that there is a problem and then they have
• 7:37
  to be willing to address it again.
• 7:40
  I accept that I'm a narcissist can also go a bad way.
• 7:43
  I'm I accept that I'm a narcissist.
• 7:45
  Imagine this right here. This is two different reactions
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  right here. This is the reaction that I had.
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  OK, I'm a self aware narcissist and I accept the fact that I
• 7:55
  have narcissistic personality disorder, but that does not have
• 7:58
  to be. That is not who I am in
• 8:01
  totality. That is not who I have to be.
• 8:03
  I can be a better person. I don't have to let this control
• 8:06
  my life and make and make it and let it destroy my life from the
• 8:09
  inside out. I don't have to do that.
• 8:10
  I accept this. I want to take on the challenge
• 8:12
  of being a better person. Let's get it.
• 8:15
  That's my reaction. Now you get the other narcissist
• 8:17
  out here, right? The other narcissist out here
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  that have that same. Let's say this is not this is
• 8:22
  not me. This is the other nurse I'm
• 8:23
  taking my glass off but my narcissist had on.
• 8:27
  Y'all remember that put my narcissist had on right?
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  I accept the fact that I'm a narcissist.
• 8:36
  I'm a self aware nurses. I accept that, but I don't have
• 8:42
  to be, you know it's everybody else's fault.
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  I accept that I have a personality disorder, but I
• 8:47
  don't want to do anything about it.
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  If you want to be around me, you would have to put up with me.
• 8:51
  You got to deal with me. I have a personality disorder,
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  I'm mentally ill. I have a mental health disorder.
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  So that means I can behave any way I want to and I have always
• 9:00
  have a built in excuse. I have a personality disorder.
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  I can't get rid of it. Are you going to hold me
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  accountable? You're going to leave me for
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  something I can't control? You're going to leave me for
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  something I can't get rid of? Wow, wow, wow.
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  Narcissist hat off. I got to tell you that I got to
• 9:19
  take the narcissist's hat off. Y'all fall back into my old
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  ways. But think about it right there,
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  y'all. That's part of it.
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  Acceptance. That's the biggest difference.
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  Acceptance and the willingness to put in the work for a long
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  time. It's been 8 years.
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  It's been 8 years of me being willing to put in the work.
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  I know that doesn't seem like a long time for some people, but
• 9:40
  it's been 8 years. Sometimes it might seem like
• 9:41
  it's too long. Ask yourself, Before you send
• 9:44
  your partner, your parent to hold one of my videos, ask
• 9:47
  yourself, does this, does this person even have the propensity
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  or the ability to commit to anything outside of themselves
• 9:56
  for help? You know what I'm saying?
• 9:58
  Does this person even have the propensity or the ability to be
• 10:02
  vulnerable in any way, shape or form in front of somebody that
• 10:06
  is not me, that is not them? Did this person even have the
• 10:09
  ability to press forward and do any of this type of stuff right
• 10:12
  here? Do they?
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  Because that's going to be important for you to understand
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  as well, right? That's one of the most important
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  things for you to get and for you to grab to get a hold of and
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  try to understand. Like seriously, that really is
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  what it's going to be right there.
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  So that's something for you to get a hold of, something for you
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  to understand because you have to like power yourself up.
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  And for a narcissist, if a narcissist happens to be
• 10:34
  watching this video, yeah, you got you got to accept who you
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  have to accept who you are and be willing to put the work in.
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  You absolutely have to. That's one of the things that
• 10:44
  you have to be willing to put the work in.
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  You can't just accept the fact that you're a narcissist or you
• 10:48
  have personality disorder or you have some type of mental health
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  issue going on. You can't just accept it.
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  You have to be willing to put the work in as well.
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  There's multiple things you have to do.
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  Well, they don't, they don't sound fair.
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  Nothing. Yeah, life ain't fair.
• 11:01
  You think I asked to have a personality disorder?
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  You think I was just like, you know what?
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  You know what? God give me that personality
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  disorder over there. I would, I would, God, I would
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  enjoy that personality disorder. Give me, give me, give me, give
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  me, give me give me like a kid in the candy store.
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  Like give me, give me, give me. So acceptance and the and the
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  willingness to put in the work because that's important.
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  Y'all, acceptance and the willingness to work again, those
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  are extremely important. This is not one of those things
• 11:31
  that you can just make up and come off the top of the head
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  with and do all this kind of craziness with, right?
• 11:36
  That's not how it works. It really isn't.
• 11:40
  But anyway, y'all, I think you ready to hop off this thing?
• 11:43
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• 11:45
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• 11:48
  be in the podcast, I'm sending out emails here in a little bit
• 11:50
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• 11:53
  people online doing virtual interviews as well.
• 11:56
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• 11:59
  subscribe button if haven't share this with your friends and
• 12:01
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• 12:04
  help. They want the help survivors and
• 12:07
  victims, the narcissist, they got to find this on their own
• 12:10
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• 12:12
  up y'all what up? Before you leave make sure to
• 12:15
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• 12:16
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• 12:18
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• 12:22
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• 12:24
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• 12:27
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• 12:30
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• 12:32
  later. Peace.