Latest / Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design / 95 | Why Fixing Your Money Mindset Starts with Emotional Regulation—Not Just a Budget

Transcript

95 | Why Fixing Your Money Mindset Starts with Emotional Regulation—Not Just a Budget · Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design

• 0:00
  Erin Gray: Do you ever feel like your money mindset is something that you've tried to shift, but it's just not changing, no matter how much you think about it or journal on it?
• 0:07
  Erin Gray: I used to believe that if I just thought positively in air quotes about money, everything would shift.
• 0:15
  Erin Gray: But what I realized was that money mindset isn't just something that exists in your head.
• 0:19
  Erin Gray: It truly is connected to your body, your emotions and even your nervous system.
• 0:25
  Erin Gray: And in today's episode, we're going to explore why your money mindset isn't just in your head and what to do about it to finally make lasting change.
• 0:33
  Erin Gray: Do you want to create a system to stop avoiding your money?
• 0:36
  Erin Gray: Maybe you're feeling guilt and shame when it comes to finances.
• 0:39
  Erin Gray: Welcome to your Money, your Rules.
• 0:43
  Erin Gray: I'm Erin, a former certified financial planner and CFO, and yet I used to avoid my money and had fear, no matter how much we had.
• 0:50
  Erin Gray: I can't wait to teach you how I overcame my money avoidance and started consistently managing my finances in a really simple way.
• 0:58
  Erin Gray: It's time to get comfortable with money.
• 1:00
  Erin Gray: I love connecting and supporting you.
• 1:02
  Erin Gray: I've recently created a Facebook community called money mindset tips for women in business, and it is a safe place where you can come, you can ask your questions.
• 1:12
  Erin Gray: You can connect with other women that are just like you to receive more support.
• 1:16
  Erin Gray: You can search it on Facebook and I'll also put the link in the show notes.
• 1:20
  Erin Gray: Okay, so before I dive into talking about why money mindset isn't just in your head you know how I always talk about, like, what is your ritual to sit down with money Just wanted to say I have my little latte today, my little iced chai latte.
• 1:33
  Erin Gray: I typically do that when it comes time to sit down with my money, but I'm like you know what, I'm recording some podcasts today and I am going to have chai latte, so let's dive in.
• 1:42
  Erin Gray: I want to talk about why our money mindset isn't just in our head.
• 1:46
  Erin Gray: Like, I remember probably the first two to three years of me getting into coaching and it was a lot of air quotes, money mindset, right, just very much thinking differently.
• 1:58
  Erin Gray: But it wasn't until I actually got into my body that things started to change and our money beliefs as much as what we're told that like, oh, it's just thinking differently.
• 2:08
  Erin Gray: They are deeply rooted in our body and our nervous system and anybody that thinks differently just say certain words that could trigger and watch what your body does, right, I mean, I have met so many people and this has been my experience too, like my dad has.
• 2:26
  Erin Gray: My you know dad and his company, way back when you know, had some experiences with the IRS and there was some time, probably years right, where I would get letters from the IRS and it could be something as simple as, like, you changed your address or you know this form or whatever it might be, and I would feel in my body, I would feel this tenseness so clearly experiences that we have had in our past.
• 2:53
  Erin Gray: Our body remembers this.
• 2:55
  Erin Gray: So our money beliefs aren't just conscious thoughts, right, they are emotional responses stored in the nerve nervous system and, like I mentioned, if you grew up in an environment where money was scarce, where your parents fought about money, where you were told you can't have that, or you got in trouble because you were constantly asking for what you wanted, your nervous system has learned to associate money with stress and fear and anxiety or and or.
• 3:26
  Erin Gray: Right, your, your body remembers that.
• 3:29
  Erin Gray: These beliefs and these reactions show up physically in your body when you make financial decisions or when you're about to make financial decisions.
• 3:38
  Erin Gray: Right, maybe you feel that tightness in your chest when you get a letter from the IRS or when someone even mentions IRS right, I mean the CPAs so often talk about oh well, you don't want to get audited Like there's so much fear that we have around the IRS.
• 3:54
  Erin Gray: And recognizing, are you feeling that tightness in your chest when you think about the IRS?
• 4:01
  Erin Gray: Or maybe you feel tightness in your chest when you're thinking about investing, or maybe even guilt or shame, like hiding, when you think about spending money and investing money on yourself.
• 4:16
  Erin Gray: So notice where you feel that tension, where you feel that discomfort, where it feels like you're shrinking when you start thinking about money.
• 4:24
  Erin Gray: And that is your body's way of signaling that there is an emotional I don't want to like calling it block, but there is an emotional energy.
• 4:33
  Erin Gray: I don't even like the word stuckness, but there's something there for you to start paying attention to that's tied to the mindset.
• 4:42
  Erin Gray: The second key is that your subconscious mind holds the key to your money mindset right, the subconscious holds most of our beliefs and our patterns about everything in life, especially with money.
• 4:56
  Erin Gray: Dr Joe Dispenza.
• 4:57
  Erin Gray: He states I think you know that our subconscious runs roughly about 95% of our daily life Like think about how you drive and you probably don't even remember how you got from point A to point B, or you get up in the morning and you have this routine like you're running on autopilot.
• 5:11
  Erin Gray: That's your subconscious mind that's taking control.
• 5:13
  Erin Gray: That is not a conscious thought, right?
• 5:16
  Erin Gray: I don't think about how I brush my teeth.
• 5:18
  Erin Gray: Most of the time I go through the motions.
• 5:21
  Erin Gray: That is the subconscious mind.
• 5:22
  Erin Gray: So about 95% our subconscious runs about 95% of our daily life and then our conscious mind runs about 5%.
• 5:31
  Erin Gray: So these beliefs that we formed during childhood around money, past experiences that we've had with people that we've either been with business partners, just societal right they shape the way that we think and we act and we feel with money today.
• 5:50
  Erin Gray: So if you have a deep rooted belief that you don't deserve wealth, or that money is hard to come by or you're going to have to work hard for money, it's going to show up in your actions, right?
• 6:01
  Erin Gray: Maybe you're avoiding investment opportunities, or maybe you're procrastinating on savings, or maybe you receive a lot of money and then you quickly get rid of it, like that is all coming from that subconscious, those deep rooted beliefs.
• 6:17
  Erin Gray: So start with awareness.
• 6:21
  Erin Gray: Maybe you want to practice journaling or to uncover what are my subconscious money beliefs and the quickest way to do this is what are my actions?
• 6:34
  Erin Gray: Because with your actions, then you can start digging deeper and like what are those beliefs that would create that action?
• 6:41
  Erin Gray: Right, someone who has a great relationship with money and with knowing that they're always taken care of and they can always figure it out.
• 6:50
  Erin Gray: When they, let's just say, you know, someone mentions the IRS, they don't feel anything in their body.
• 6:55
  Erin Gray: It's just like, oh, that's, that's an organization that you know reviews and audits taxes and it is what it is.
• 7:02
  Erin Gray: Right.
• 7:02
  Erin Gray: So, recognizing what are you feeling in your body based on what are the actions that you are taking.
• 7:11
  Erin Gray: So what messages did you hear when you were growing up and how do those beliefs affect how I feel in my body and how I act around money?
• 7:22
  Erin Gray: Now you know your energy, your emotions.
• 7:27
  Erin Gray: They play a huge role.
• 7:28
  Erin Gray: They're intertwined.
• 7:29
  Erin Gray: Right, emotions are energy in motion.
• 7:32
  Erin Gray: Right, they're tied.
• 7:33
  Erin Gray: Our energy, our emotions are tied to our money mindset.
• 7:37
  Erin Gray: So if you experience anxiety or fear around money, that emotional energy is going to affect how you relate to it.
• 7:45
  Erin Gray: Right, positive emotions and I don't like calling them positive or negative emotions, but emotions that are on the vibrational scale that are higher in frequency, like gratitude, and I don't know if trust is is, uh, an emotion, but I would.
• 8:02
  Erin Gray: I would pair trust with secure.
• 8:06
  Erin Gray: You know, those types of emotions can shift your relationship with money, while some of those lower vibration emotions, like shame and guilt, can block our ability to create or manage money effectively.
• 8:20
  Erin Gray: Because when we are in that lower vibration emotion we are creating from that space.
• 8:27
  Erin Gray: There was a specific episode on Lucy and Desi, where I think it's Ethel and Lucy are in that chocolate factory and they're on that conveyor belt, you know, and they're like trying to eat the chocolate as quickly as they can.
• 8:42
  Erin Gray: I view our emotions like that going through the conveyor belt.
• 8:45
  Erin Gray: You cannot feel shame and guilt and put it on the conveyor belt and on cannot feel shame and guilt and put it on the conveyor belt and on the other side, get peace and trust and gratitude, like what goes in comes out.
• 8:55
  Erin Gray: And so if you are practicing, you know shame and guilt and not feeling confident with your money on a consistent basis, like that's what you're going to create in your life and I want you to know.
• 9:09
  Erin Gray: If that's where you are, it's totally okay.
• 9:11
  Erin Gray: Right, we can change this, we can work through this.
• 9:14
  Erin Gray: This is some of the work that I do with my clients, so that we can start thinking more neutrally about money, where it isn't so emotionally charged, like we all start somewhere, right?
• 9:25
  Erin Gray: I mean, if you look at where I was, I don't want to say I was a shit show, but it kind of felt like a shit show about five years ago, right.
• 9:32
  Erin Gray: Everything felt like a threat in terms of money, right, because that is what my body remembered from young being.
• 9:40
  Erin Gray: You know childhood, right, I had so many years of suppressing and repressing a lot of emotions that I felt with money and trying to fix it externally versus actually doing the internal work to get to be more peaceful with money.
• 9:56
  Erin Gray: So, check in with your emotions regularly, right.
• 10:00
  Erin Gray: What feelings are coming up when you think about sitting down with your money?
• 10:05
  Erin Gray: What feelings are coming up when you're like, okay, it's time to talk to my spouse about money?
• 10:10
  Erin Gray: How am I feeling in my body?
• 10:11
  Erin Gray: Acknowledge these emotions?
• 10:16
  Erin Gray: I think so.
• 10:17
  Erin Gray: So often we can go to judgment, but get curious, right.
• 10:20
  Erin Gray: Think about your body.
• 10:23
  Erin Gray: All that is trying to do and all that it has ever done is try to keep you safe, and that is the way that it knows how.
• 10:31
  Erin Gray: But we can also teach it that there's a different way, right.
• 10:34
  Erin Gray: There's a different way to be with money.
• 10:35
  Erin Gray: There's a different way to feel when I want to sit down with my spouse and talk about money, or I want to sit down with my CPA or bookkeeper and I want to look at my numbers.
• 10:45
  Erin Gray: There's a different way that I get to choose how I want to feel.
• 10:49
  Erin Gray: So, acknowledging and getting curious about those emotions, letting them tell you the story that's going on within your body, and then shifting them right.
• 10:57
  Erin Gray: You don't have to go from scared and guilt and shame to empowerment and abundance and gratitude, but you can go to neutrality, you can go to curiosity and helping that shift your energy.
• 11:10
  Erin Gray: You know, one of the things I think that the self-development world has kind of led us astray on is that money mindset is just about thinking positively, right.
• 11:20
  Erin Gray: It's about like oh, I'm abundant, I'm abundant, I'm abundant, I'm like.
• 11:23
  Erin Gray: Well, if your body doesn't feel abundant, you are not going to be abundant, right?
• 11:28
  Erin Gray: So it is this recognition that affirmations are important.
• 11:34
  Erin Gray: Right, thinking and changing the way our belief system around money is important, but they're just part of the equation If your nervous system and your subconscious beliefs are out of alignment with what your conscious thoughts are and what you're thinking.
• 11:51
  Erin Gray: It's harder to create that lasting change because you, like I said, you're 95% of subconscious.
• 11:59
  Erin Gray: So when you're repeating affirmations for the sake of just repeating affirmations, but your body doesn't believe it, you're not going to be able to change that vibration.
• 12:09
  Erin Gray: So I always suggest what are the affirmations, these neural pathways that you're building in your brain?
• 12:15
  Erin Gray: Our brains are highly flexible, right Neuroplasticity.
• 12:18
  Erin Gray: We can change.
• 12:20
  Erin Gray: Now we know we can change thinking.
• 12:22
  Erin Gray: We can change our neural pathways to think and become someone differently.
• 12:27
  Erin Gray: But it has to start from a place of our body believing at first.
• 12:31
  Erin Gray: So making sure your affirmations are coming from the place of I'm learning how to manage my money.
• 12:37
  Erin Gray: I'm becoming the person that sits down with her money.
• 12:39
  Erin Gray: I'm becoming the business woman that has regular calls with her CPA.
• 12:45
  Erin Gray: I'm becoming the you know becoming or I am in the process of, or I'm open to understanding.
• 12:53
  Erin Gray: Just really play with that language so that it feels good for you and it feels true, like in your body.
• 12:59
  Erin Gray: It feels true for you.
• 13:02
  Erin Gray: So start there with the affirmations.
• 13:05
  Erin Gray: Also, somatic practices like deep breathing is it's like I said, you always have your breath.
• 13:11
  Erin Gray: You can have someone do Reiki to move some of that energy.
• 13:15
  Erin Gray: You can do EFT, which is the emotional freedom technique, which is the tapping to help, you know, bring your body and your mind in alignment around your money, because when your body feels safe around your money, your mindset will also shift as well.
• 13:33
  Erin Gray: So start practicing getting into your nervous system, really starting to tap into your body, feeling what it feels like like that initial right, if somebody says X bill is due, what is your initial feeling in your body when someone mentions it's tax time, what is your initial feeling in your body?
• 13:53
  Erin Gray: Right, getting into your nervous system, getting it used to being with money.
• 13:58
  Erin Gray: That's why I always in the beginning recommend, like, looking at your money, either daily or weekly, for sure, so that you start teaching your nervous system and your body that you're safe and even saying that like I've I say that often like you're safe, I am safe, it's safe to be with money.
• 14:15
  Erin Gray: Okay, so the key takeaways, five of them for you money mindset is connected to your body and your nervous system.
• 14:21
  Erin Gray: Right, it's all the same.
• 14:22
  Erin Gray: Your subconscious mind really is the one in the driver's seat.
• 14:27
  Erin Gray: 95% of what happens in our life is because of our subconscious.
• 14:31
  Erin Gray: 5% is our conscious, your energy and your emotions.
• 14:35
  Erin Gray: Same thing to me.
• 14:36
  Erin Gray: They really shape your financial relationship.
• 14:39
  Erin Gray: Positive thinking, higher vibrational thinking, however you want to call it that isn't enough, right?
• 14:47
  Erin Gray: You can't just talk yourself into believing.
• 14:50
  Erin Gray: Your body has to believe it.
• 14:52
  Erin Gray: And then small somatic practices can really start to create big shifts for you.
• 14:58
  Erin Gray: So take a moment this week, practice like choose one of those somatic practices that I gave you as an exercise, like deep breathing or tapping, you know when you're starting to feel triggered around money.
• 15:11
  Erin Gray: Like I mentioned, insight Timer is a great app that you can use they have great EFT exercises and notice what emotions are coming up, even just naming the emotion in the beginning.
• 15:23
  Erin Gray: And if that is taking you into your head, okay, then don't even do that.
• 15:27
  Erin Gray: Just notice the sensation in your body and notice how you can shift that energy when you start to pay attention and you breathe through it.
• 15:35
  Erin Gray: And if you're tired of trying to think positively about money without seeing lasting results, I want to help you.
• 15:53
  Erin Gray: You can book a call with me one-on-one where we dive deep into transforming your relationship with money, starting from I truly believe the inside out.
• 15:57
  Erin Gray: Right Together, we're going to uncover the emotional triggers, your subconscious beliefs and possibly your nervous system patterns that are influencing your financial decisions.
• 16:07
  Erin Gray: So you'll walk away with personalized tools, mindset shifts and actionable steps so that you can create true financial peace and freedom and the confidence that you deserve.
• 16:21
  Erin Gray: You can schedule a call by going to my website at generatealifewelllivecom, clicking on the link work with me and then support and mentoring one-on-one, and I'll also include a link in the show notes.
• 16:35
  Erin Gray: That's all I have for you today.
• 16:36
  Erin Gray: Thank you again for tuning in, for listening and for truly changing your relationship with money.
• 16:43
  Erin Gray: Okay, I'll see you in the next episode.
• 16:44
  Erin Gray: Did you learn something today?
• 16:46
  Erin Gray: Do you know another female entrepreneur who might be avoiding her money?
• 16:50
  Erin Gray: Will you send this episode over to her for me and, if you have it in you, please leave me a review for this podcast?
• 16:58
  Erin Gray: It helps the show grow and I love hearing from you.
• 17:01
  Erin Gray: See you next week.