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Everyone Has a Breaking Point: Melissa's Story of Resilience and Recovery · Skirts Up!

• 0:10
  If
• 0:10
  you
• 0:10
  got
• 0:10
  a
• 0:11
  problem?
• 0:11
  Lottie's
• 0:12
  got
• 0:12
  the
• 0:13
  answer?
• 0:14
  She
• 0:14
  won't
• 0:14
  sugarcoat
• 0:15
  them?
• 0:16
  Cause
• 0:16
  it's
• 0:16
  Lottie
• 0:16
  and
• 0:17
  Lottie
• 0:17
  don't
• 0:17
  lie?
• 0:25
  Cause
• 0:26
  it's
• 0:26
  Lottie
• 0:26
  and
• 0:26
  Lottie
• 0:27
  don't
• 0:27
  lie?
• 0:29
  Hello
• 0:30
  to
• 0:30
  Lottie
• 0:30
  don't
• 0:31
  lie.
• 0:31
  It
• 0:31
  is
• 0:31
  Samantha
• 0:32
  and
• 0:33
  Melissa.
• 0:34
  Welcome.
• 0:34
  Welcome
• 0:35
  back.
• 0:35
  How
• 0:36
  are
• 0:36
  you?
• 0:38
  I'm
• 0:38
  doing
• 0:38
  good.
• 0:39
  It's
• 0:40
  been
• 0:40
  a
• 0:40
  wild
• 0:41
  couple
• 0:41
  of
• 0:41
  weekends
• 0:42
  over
• 0:42
  here.
• 0:43
  How
• 0:43
  about
• 0:43
  you?
• 0:44
  You?
• 0:44
  I'm
• 0:45
  good.
• 0:45
  I'm
• 0:46
  good.
• 0:47
  You
• 0:47
  actually
• 0:47
  have,
• 0:48
  like,
• 0:48
  a
• 0:48
  fun.
• 0:49
  You
• 0:49
  had
• 0:49
  a
• 0:49
  really
• 0:49
  fun
• 0:50
  weekend
• 0:50
  the
• 0:51
  other,
• 0:51
  what,
• 0:52
  two
• 0:52
  weekends
• 0:52
  ago?
• 0:53
  Yeah,
• 0:54
  Mother's
• 0:54
  Day
• 0:54
  weekend.
• 0:55
  You
• 0:55
  guys
• 0:55
  might
• 0:55
  remember
• 0:56
  Vital.
• 0:56
  I
• 0:57
  went
• 0:57
  to
• 0:59
  go
• 0:59
  watch
• 0:59
  one
• 0:59
  of
• 0:59
  her
• 1:00
  shows,
• 1:00
  and
• 1:00
  Melissa
• 1:01
  couldn't
• 1:01
  make
• 1:01
  it.
• 1:02
  So
• 1:02
  some
• 1:02
  of
• 1:02
  my
• 1:03
  besties
• 1:03
  came
• 1:03
  to
• 1:04
  to
• 1:04
  support
• 1:05
  Arya
• 1:06
  and
• 1:07
  Britney
• 1:07
  and
• 1:07
  Courtney.
• 1:08
  And
• 1:09
  you
• 1:10
  would
• 1:10
  think
• 1:11
  that
• 1:11
  when
• 1:11
  all
• 1:11
  of
• 1:12
  us
• 1:12
  get
• 1:12
  together,
• 1:13
  some
• 1:13
  real
• 1:13
  shit's
• 1:14
  gonna
• 1:14
  go
• 1:14
  down,
• 1:14
  right?
• 1:14
  Like,
• 1:15
  we're
• 1:15
  gonna
• 1:15
  get
• 1:15
  into
• 1:15
  trouble.
• 1:16
  Well,
• 1:17
  our
• 1:17
  first
• 1:17
  night
• 1:17
  there,
• 1:18
  actually,
• 1:18
  we
• 1:19
  got
• 1:19
  into
• 1:20
  Nashville.
• 1:20
  We
• 1:20
  got
• 1:20
  our
• 1:21
  nails
• 1:21
  done,
• 1:21
  we
• 1:21
  ate
• 1:21
  barbecue,
• 1:22
  and
• 1:23
  then
• 1:23
  we
• 1:23
  just
• 1:23
  looked
• 1:24
  at
• 1:24
  each
• 1:24
  other,
• 1:24
  and
• 1:24
  we're
• 1:24
  like,
• 1:25
  let's
• 1:25
  get
• 1:25
  matching
• 1:25
  tattoos.
• 1:27
  And
• 1:27
  so
• 1:28
  we
• 1:28
  go
• 1:28
  to
• 1:28
  the
• 1:29
  tattoo
• 1:29
  shop
• 1:29
  and
• 1:30
  somehow
• 1:30
  end
• 1:30
  up
• 1:30
  with
• 1:30
  matching
• 1:31
  dinosaur,
• 1:32
  like,
• 1:32
  cute
• 1:32
  little
• 1:33
  dinosaur
• 1:33
  tattoos
• 1:34
  with
• 1:34
  holding
• 1:35
  knives.
• 1:35
  I
• 1:36
  don't
• 1:36
  know
• 1:36
  why
• 1:36
  or
• 1:37
  how.
• 1:37
  They
• 1:37
  were
• 1:37
  just
• 1:38
  dinosaurs.
• 1:39
  That's
• 1:39
  what
• 1:39
  we
• 1:39
  should
• 1:39
  do.
• 1:40
  And
• 1:40
  we
• 1:40
  were
• 1:40
  all
• 1:41
  sober.
• 1:41
  We
• 1:41
  did
• 1:42
  not
• 1:42
  have
• 1:42
  any
• 1:42
  alcohol.
• 1:43
  Whose
• 1:44
  idea
• 1:44
  was
• 1:44
  it
• 1:44
  to
• 1:44
  get
• 1:45
  a
• 1:45
  murder
• 1:45
  dinosaur?
• 1:46
  And
• 1:46
  was.
• 1:46
  What
• 1:47
  was
• 1:47
  the
• 1:47
  reason
• 1:47
  behind
• 1:47
  it?
• 1:48
  They
• 1:48
  were
• 1:48
  just
• 1:49
  hardcore,
• 1:49
  like,
• 1:49
  murder
• 1:50
  dinosaur.
• 1:50
  It's
• 1:50
  so
• 1:50
  cute.
• 1:51
  It's
• 1:51
  so
• 1:51
  funny.
• 1:51
  And
• 1:51
  I'm
• 1:51
  like.
• 1:52
  My
• 1:52
  thought
• 1:52
  is
• 1:53
  more
• 1:53
  of
• 1:53
  like,
• 1:53
  how
• 1:53
  about
• 1:54
  two
• 1:54
  of
• 1:54
  us
• 1:54
  get
• 1:54
  a
• 1:54
  slice
• 1:54
  of
• 1:55
  bread,
• 1:55
  like,
• 1:55
  cartoon,
• 1:56
  you
• 1:56
  know,
• 1:56
  with
• 1:56
  arms
• 1:56
  and
• 1:56
  legs,
• 1:57
  and
• 1:57
  one
• 1:58
  get
• 1:58
  a
• 1:58
  jar
• 1:58
  of
• 1:58
  peanut
• 1:58
  butter,
• 1:59
  and
• 1:59
  one
• 1:59
  get
• 1:59
  a
• 1:59
  jar
• 1:59
  of
• 2:00
  jelly,
• 2:00
  and
• 2:00
  we
• 2:00
  can
• 2:00
  be
• 2:00
  like
• 2:01
  peanut
• 2:01
  butter
• 2:01
  jelly
• 2:02
  sandwiches.
• 2:03
  And
• 2:03
  I
• 2:03
  was
• 2:03
  like,
• 2:03
  that
• 2:04
  sounds
• 2:04
  fun
• 2:04
  and
• 2:04
  cute.
• 2:04
  And
• 2:05
  they're
• 2:05
  like,
• 2:05
  murder
• 2:05
  dinosaurs.
• 2:08
  I
• 2:08
  like
• 2:08
  what
• 2:09
  he
• 2:09
  did.
• 2:10
  Yes.
• 2:11
  Yeah.
• 2:12
  Courtney,
• 2:12
  because
• 2:12
  she
• 2:13
  works
• 2:13
  in
• 2:13
  the
• 2:13
  school
• 2:13
  system,
• 2:13
  she,
• 2:14
  instead
• 2:14
  of
• 2:15
  a
• 2:15
  knife,
• 2:15
  has
• 2:15
  a
• 2:16
  flower.
• 2:16
  And
• 2:16
  I
• 2:17
  was
• 2:17
  like.
• 2:18
  I
• 2:18
  mean,
• 2:18
  I
• 2:18
  was
• 2:19
  sober.
• 2:19
  Why
• 2:19
  didn't
• 2:19
  I
• 2:19
  think
• 2:20
  to
• 2:20
  put
• 2:20
  a
• 2:20
  freaking
• 2:20
  microphone
• 2:21
  dinosaur,
• 2:22
  like,
• 2:22
  instead
• 2:22
  of
• 2:23
  a
• 2:23
  knife?
• 2:23
  Like,
• 2:25
  so
• 2:25
  cute.
• 2:26
  I
• 2:26
  don't
• 2:27
  know
• 2:27
  what
• 2:27
  I
• 2:27
  was
• 2:27
  thinking.
• 2:28
  And
• 2:28
  then
• 2:28
  after
• 2:29
  we
• 2:29
  got
• 2:29
  our
• 2:29
  matching
• 2:29
  tattoos,
• 2:30
  we
• 2:30
  got
• 2:30
  back
• 2:31
  to
• 2:31
  our
• 2:31
  apartment
• 2:31
  at
• 2:32
  10pm
• 2:32
  we
• 2:33
  literally
• 2:33
  snuggled
• 2:34
  under
• 2:34
  our
• 2:34
  blankets
• 2:35
  in
• 2:35
  the
• 2:35
  living
• 2:35
  room
• 2:35
  and
• 2:35
  all
• 2:35
  read
• 2:36
  books
• 2:36
  until
• 2:36
  we
• 2:36
  fell
• 2:37
  asleep.
• 2:37
  And
• 2:37
  that
• 2:37
  was
• 2:38
  our
• 2:38
  first
• 2:38
  night
• 2:38
  in
• 2:38
  Nashville.
• 2:40
  But
• 2:40
  the
• 2:41
  next
• 2:41
  day,
• 2:42
  I'm
• 2:42
  not
• 2:42
  going
• 2:42
  to
• 2:43
  share
• 2:43
  quite
• 2:44
  what
• 2:44
  we
• 2:44
  got
• 2:44
  into,
• 2:45
  but
• 2:45
  we
• 2:45
  got
• 2:46
  into
• 2:46
  something,
• 2:46
  and
• 2:47
  we
• 2:47
  came
• 2:47
  back
• 2:47
  to
• 2:47
  the
• 2:47
  room.
• 2:48
  We
• 2:48
  were
• 2:48
  like,
• 2:48
  what
• 2:48
  the
• 2:48
  Fuck
• 2:49
  did
• 2:49
  we
• 2:49
  do?
• 2:50
  And
• 2:50
  we
• 2:51
  had
• 2:51
  a
• 2:51
  few
• 2:51
  drinks,
• 2:52
  and
• 2:52
  then
• 2:52
  I.
• 2:53
  We
• 2:53
  just
• 2:53
  look
• 2:53
  around
• 2:53
  the
• 2:54
  room
• 2:54
  at
• 2:54
  each
• 2:54
  other,
• 2:54
  and
• 2:54
  I
• 2:55
  go,
• 2:55
  I'm
• 2:55
  gonna
• 2:55
  go
• 2:55
  get
• 2:56
  my
• 2:56
  nipples
• 2:56
  pierced.
• 2:59
  And
• 2:59
  so
• 2:59
  we
• 3:00
  all,
• 3:00
  with
• 3:00
  little
• 3:01
  shots
• 3:01
  in
• 3:01
  our
• 3:01
  purse,
• 3:02
  go
• 3:02
  across
• 3:03
  the
• 3:03
  street,
• 3:03
  and
• 3:03
  we
• 3:04
  all
• 3:04
  get
• 3:04
  our
• 3:04
  nipples
• 3:05
  pierced.
• 3:06
  And
• 3:06
  that.
• 3:07
  That
• 3:07
  was
• 3:08
  Nashville.
• 3:09
  Matching
• 3:09
  tattoos.
• 3:11
  Sam
• 3:11
  came
• 3:11
  home,
• 3:12
  she
• 3:12
  called
• 3:13
  her,
• 3:13
  and
• 3:13
  Courtney
• 3:13
  called
• 3:13
  me
• 3:14
  on
• 3:14
  the
• 3:14
  way
• 3:14
  home,
• 3:14
  and
• 3:14
  she's
• 3:14
  like,
• 3:15
  so
• 3:15
  would
• 3:15
  you
• 3:15
  have
• 3:15
  done
• 3:15
  it,
• 3:16
  Melissa?
• 3:16
  And
• 3:16
  I
• 3:16
  was
• 3:16
  like,
• 3:17
  absolutely
• 3:18
  not.
• 3:20
  Oh,
• 3:21
  you
• 3:21
  would
• 3:21
  have.
• 3:22
  You
• 3:22
  would
• 3:22
  have.
• 3:22
  Especially
• 3:23
  if
• 3:23
  you
• 3:23
  went
• 3:23
  to
• 3:24
  the.
• 3:24
  What
• 3:24
  the
• 3:24
  fuck?
• 3:24
  Show
• 3:25
  that
• 3:25
  we
• 3:25
  went
• 3:25
  to.
• 3:29
  I
• 3:29
  wouldn't.
• 3:29
  I
• 3:30
  wouldn't.
• 3:30
  The
• 3:31
  way
• 3:31
  for
• 3:31
  me
• 3:31
  to
• 3:32
  decompress
• 3:32
  is
• 3:32
  not
• 3:33
  to
• 3:33
  go
• 3:33
  inflict
• 3:33
  pain
• 3:34
  on
• 3:34
  my
• 3:34
  little
• 3:34
  nipples.
• 3:36
  Well,
• 3:37
  it's.
• 3:37
  It's
• 3:37
  a
• 3:38
  story.
• 3:38
  It
• 3:38
  was.
• 3:38
  Yeah,
• 3:39
  it's
• 3:39
  a
• 3:39
  story.
• 3:39
  We
• 3:39
  call
• 3:39
  it
• 3:39
  Mom's
• 3:40
  Gone
• 3:40
  Wild.
• 3:41
  And
• 3:41
  it's
• 3:41
  like,
• 3:42
  a
• 3:42
  story.
• 3:42
  We
• 3:42
  really
• 3:43
  didn't
• 3:43
  go
• 3:43
  wild,
• 3:43
  but
• 3:44
  we
• 3:44
  did
• 3:44
  come
• 3:44
  home
• 3:45
  with
• 3:45
  odd
• 3:45
  stuff.
• 3:45
  I
• 3:46
  want
• 3:46
  to
• 3:46
  go
• 3:46
  tattoo
• 3:46
  with
• 3:47
  y'
• 3:47
  all.
• 3:48
  Y.
• 3:49
  You
• 3:49
  should
• 3:49
  get
• 3:49
  one
• 3:49
  of
• 3:50
  the
• 3:50
  murder
• 3:50
  dinosaurs
• 3:50
  with
• 3:51
  us.
• 3:51
  I
• 3:51
  would.
• 3:52
  Yeah,
• 3:52
  I
• 3:52
  could
• 3:52
  put,
• 3:52
  like,
• 3:53
  a.
• 3:53
  I
• 3:53
  would
• 3:54
  put
• 3:54
  a
• 3:54
  flower.
• 3:55
  Courtney
• 3:55
  did.
• 3:56
  And
• 3:56
  I
• 3:56
  would
• 3:56
  do
• 3:57
  a
• 3:57
  T.
• 3:57
  Rex.
• 3:57
  Like,
• 3:57
  Courtney,
• 3:58
  too,
• 3:58
  because
• 3:58
  I
• 3:59
  have
• 4:00
  short
• 4:00
  arms.
• 4:01
  Apparently,
• 4:02
  she
• 4:02
  does,
• 4:02
  too.
• 4:04
  Yeah.
• 4:05
  So
• 4:05
  that
• 4:05
  happened.
• 4:06
  And
• 4:06
  then
• 4:07
  I
• 4:07
  thought
• 4:07
  you
• 4:07
  guys
• 4:07
  would
• 4:08
  really
• 4:08
  appreciate
• 4:08
  this
• 4:09
  fail,
• 4:09
  so
• 4:10
  I'm
• 4:10
  just
• 4:10
  gonna
• 4:10
  go
• 4:10
  into
• 4:11
  that.
• 4:11
  So
• 4:11
  we
• 4:11
  got
• 4:12
  this
• 4:13
  camper
• 4:13
  trailer,
• 4:14
  and
• 4:15
  Andrew
• 4:15
  helped
• 4:16
  me
• 4:16
  to
• 4:16
  go
• 4:16
  get
• 4:16
  it.
• 4:16
  He
• 4:17
  drove
• 4:17
  me
• 4:17
  and
• 4:17
  Nora,
• 4:18
  like,
• 4:18
  two
• 4:18
  hours
• 4:18
  to
• 4:19
  go
• 4:19
  pick
• 4:19
  it
• 4:19
  up.
• 4:19
  It
• 4:20
  took
• 4:20
  three
• 4:20
  hours
• 4:20
  to
• 4:21
  get
• 4:21
  it
• 4:21
  back
• 4:21
  home.
• 4:22
  And
• 4:23
  we
• 4:23
  get
• 4:23
  it
• 4:23
  dropped
• 4:24
  in
• 4:24
  our
• 4:24
  yard
• 4:24
  and
• 4:24
  situated.
• 4:25
  And
• 4:25
  it's
• 4:26
  a
• 4:26
  rehab
• 4:26
  project,
• 4:26
  so
• 4:27
  we
• 4:27
  gotta
• 4:27
  tear
• 4:28
  it
• 4:28
  apart
• 4:28
  and,
• 4:29
  you
• 4:29
  know,
• 4:29
  rebuild
• 4:30
  it.
• 4:31
  And
• 4:32
  I.
• 4:33
  The
• 4:34
  next
• 4:34
  day,
• 4:34
  Nora
• 4:35
  and
• 4:35
  I
• 4:35
  were
• 4:35
  the
• 4:35
  only
• 4:35
  ones
• 4:36
  home.
• 4:36
  The
• 4:36
  kids
• 4:36
  were
• 4:36
  still
• 4:36
  at
• 4:37
  school.
• 4:37
  Simon's
• 4:38
  at
• 4:38
  work,
• 4:39
  and
• 4:39
  we.
• 4:40
  I
• 4:40
  take
• 4:40
  Nora
• 4:41
  into
• 4:41
  the
• 4:41
  camper
• 4:41
  so
• 4:41
  I
• 4:41
  can
• 4:41
  take
• 4:42
  some
• 4:42
  measurements,
• 4:42
  because
• 4:42
  I
• 4:43
  wanted
• 4:43
  to
• 4:43
  start
• 4:43
  measuring
• 4:43
  out
• 4:44
  some
• 4:44
  of
• 4:44
  the
• 4:44
  finishings
• 4:44
  that
• 4:45
  I
• 4:45
  want
• 4:45
  to
• 4:45
  put
• 4:45
  in
• 4:45
  in
• 4:45
  there.
• 4:46
  And
• 4:46
  the
• 4:46
  camper
• 4:47
  door
• 4:47
  shuts
• 4:48
  as
• 4:48
  it
• 4:48
  does,
• 4:49
  and
• 4:49
  Nora
• 4:50
  and
• 4:50
  I
• 4:50
  are
• 4:50
  hanging
• 4:50
  out
• 4:50
  in
• 4:50
  the
• 4:50
  camper.
• 4:51
  I'm
• 4:51
  doing
• 4:51
  my
• 4:51
  measurements,
• 4:52
  and
• 4:52
  then
• 4:52
  we're
• 4:53
  ready
• 4:53
  to
• 4:53
  get
• 4:53
  out.
• 4:53
  And
• 4:54
  I
• 4:54
  go
• 4:54
  to
• 4:55
  open
• 4:55
  the
• 4:55
  camper
• 4:55
  door,
• 4:56
  and
• 4:56
  the,
• 4:57
  like,
• 4:57
  handle
• 4:57
  breaks.
• 4:58
  But
• 4:58
  I
• 4:58
  couldn't
• 4:59
  tell
• 4:59
  if
• 4:59
  the
• 4:59
  handle
• 4:59
  breaks.
• 5:00
  Cause
• 5:00
  I
• 5:00
  couldn't
• 5:00
  remember
• 5:00
  how
• 5:00
  you
• 5:01
  get
• 5:01
  out
• 5:01
  of
• 5:01
  the
• 5:01
  camper
• 5:01
  in
• 5:01
  the
• 5:02
  first
• 5:02
  place.
• 5:02
  And
• 5:02
  so
• 5:02
  I'm
• 5:03
  sitting
• 5:03
  here,
• 5:03
  like,
• 5:03
  just
• 5:04
  aimlessly
• 5:05
  wiggling
• 5:05
  all
• 5:06
  these
• 5:06
  notches
• 5:06
  and
• 5:06
  turning
• 5:07
  all
• 5:07
  these
• 5:07
  things
• 5:07
  and
• 5:07
  pulling
• 5:08
  on
• 5:08
  all
• 5:08
  the
• 5:08
  things
• 5:08
  on
• 5:08
  the
• 5:09
  door,
• 5:09
  and
• 5:09
  I'm
• 5:09
  like,
• 5:09
  what
• 5:09
  the
• 5:09
  hell?
• 5:10
  It
• 5:10
  won't
• 5:10
  open.
• 5:10
  And
• 5:11
  so
• 5:11
  then
• 5:11
  Nora
• 5:12
  starts
• 5:12
  freaking
• 5:12
  out,
• 5:13
  and
• 5:13
  I'm
• 5:13
  like,
• 5:13
  it's
• 5:13
  fine.
• 5:14
  It's
• 5:14
  fine.
• 5:14
  This
• 5:14
  is
• 5:14
  adventure.
• 5:15
  It's
• 5:15
  fine.
• 5:16
  And
• 5:16
  she's
• 5:16
  not
• 5:16
  fine.
• 5:16
  She.
• 5:17
  She
• 5:18
  is
• 5:18
  in,
• 5:19
  like,
• 5:20
  catastrophic
• 5:20
  mode.
• 5:21
  Like,
• 5:21
  she
• 5:21
  thinks
• 5:21
  we're
• 5:21
  about
• 5:21
  to
• 5:21
  die
• 5:22
  for
• 5:22
  some
• 5:22
  reason.
• 5:22
  And
• 5:22
  so
• 5:23
  I'm
• 5:23
  like,
• 5:23
  okay,
• 5:23
  give
• 5:23
  me
• 5:23
  a
• 5:23
  second.
• 5:24
  And
• 5:24
  I
• 5:24
  try
• 5:24
  to
• 5:24
  call
• 5:25
  Simon.
• 5:25
  He
• 5:25
  doesn't
• 5:25
  answer.
• 5:26
  I
• 5:26
  call
• 5:26
  him
• 5:26
  again.
• 5:26
  He
• 5:26
  doesn't
• 5:27
  answer,
• 5:27
  call
• 5:27
  again.
• 5:28
  And
• 5:28
  I'm
• 5:28
  like,
• 5:28
  crap.
• 5:29
  Okay.
• 5:29
  So
• 5:29
  I
• 5:29
  just
• 5:29
  text
• 5:30
  him
• 5:30
  91
• 5:30
  1.
• 5:31
  And
• 5:31
  then
• 5:31
  I
• 5:31
  was
• 5:32
  like,
• 5:32
  you
• 5:32
  call
• 5:32
  Andrew?
• 5:33
  Oh,
• 5:33
  he
• 5:33
  texted
• 5:33
  me.
• 5:35
  Yeah,
• 5:35
  yeah,
• 5:35
  yeah.
• 5:36
  Because
• 5:36
  I
• 5:36
  was
• 5:36
  like,
• 5:36
  maybe
• 5:37
  his
• 5:37
  phone
• 5:37
  is
• 5:37
  just
• 5:37
  like,
• 5:38
  maybe
• 5:39
  he's
• 5:39
  just
• 5:39
  ignoring
• 5:39
  it
• 5:40
  because
• 5:40
  he's
• 5:40
  in
• 5:40
  an
• 5:40
  appointment,
• 5:41
  but
• 5:41
  it's
• 5:41
  still
• 5:41
  on,
• 5:41
  but
• 5:42
  he
• 5:42
  had
• 5:42
  it
• 5:42
  on
• 5:43
  airplane
• 5:43
  mode,
• 5:43
  so
• 5:43
  he
• 5:43
  wasn't
• 5:44
  getting
• 5:44
  the
• 5:44
  messages.
• 5:45
  And
• 5:45
  so
• 5:46
  then
• 5:46
  I
• 5:46
  decided
• 5:46
  to
• 5:46
  call
• 5:46
  Andrew,
• 5:47
  and
• 5:47
  I
• 5:47
  call
• 5:47
  Andrew.
• 5:48
  I'm
• 5:48
  like,
• 5:48
  hey,
• 5:48
  I
• 5:49
  think
• 5:49
  we're
• 5:49
  locked
• 5:49
  in
• 5:49
  the
• 5:50
  trailer,
• 5:50
  and
• 5:51
  it's,
• 5:51
  like,
• 5:51
  90
• 5:51
  degrees
• 5:52
  outside.
• 5:54
  And
• 5:55
  so
• 5:56
  Andrew's
• 5:57
  like,
• 5:57
  oh,
• 5:57
  hold
• 5:57
  on.
• 5:57
  Let
• 5:57
  me
• 5:58
  call
• 5:58
  you
• 5:58
  on
• 5:58
  video.
• 5:58
  And
• 5:58
  so
• 5:59
  I
• 5:59
  get
• 5:59
  on
• 5:59
  video
• 5:59
  with
• 5:59
  Andrew,
• 6:00
  and.
• 6:00
  And
• 6:00
  I'm
• 6:01
  showing
• 6:01
  him
• 6:01
  the
• 6:01
  nod,
• 6:01
  and
• 6:01
  I
• 6:02
  was
• 6:02
  like,
• 6:02
  I
• 6:02
  don't
• 6:02
  know
• 6:02
  which
• 6:02
  one
• 6:03
  of
• 6:03
  these
• 6:03
  opens
• 6:03
  the
• 6:03
  door,
• 6:03
  but
• 6:04
  none
• 6:04
  of
• 6:04
  them
• 6:04
  are
• 6:04
  opening
• 6:04
  the
• 6:04
  doors,
• 6:05
  so
• 6:05
  I
• 6:05
  don't
• 6:05
  know.
• 6:05
  And,
• 6:06
  you
• 6:06
  know,
• 6:06
  Nora's
• 6:06
  just
• 6:06
  screaming.
• 6:07
  And
• 6:07
  he
• 6:08
  goes,
• 6:08
  okay,
• 6:08
  well,
• 6:08
  maybe
• 6:09
  we
• 6:09
  need
• 6:09
  to
• 6:09
  get
• 6:09
  someone
• 6:09
  to
• 6:10
  try
• 6:10
  and
• 6:10
  open
• 6:10
  it
• 6:10
  from
• 6:10
  the
• 6:10
  outside.
• 6:11
  And
• 6:11
  I
• 6:11
  was
• 6:12
  like,
• 6:12
  okay,
• 6:13
  yeah,
• 6:13
  all
• 6:14
  right.
• 6:14
  You're
• 6:14
  probably
• 6:14
  right.
• 6:14
  We
• 6:15
  can
• 6:15
  try
• 6:15
  that.
• 6:16
  And,
• 6:16
  I
• 6:17
  mean,
• 6:17
  Nora
• 6:17
  and
• 6:17
  I
• 6:17
  were
• 6:18
  probably
• 6:18
  locked
• 6:18
  in
• 6:18
  the
• 6:18
  trailer
• 6:19
  for
• 6:19
  45
• 6:19
  minutes.
• 6:19
  And
• 6:20
  then
• 6:20
  Amelia
• 6:20
  gets
• 6:20
  home
• 6:21
  from
• 6:21
  school,
• 6:21
  and
• 6:22
  I'm
• 6:22
  like,
• 6:22
  hello,
• 6:23
  Amelia.
• 6:24
  Help
• 6:24
  us.
• 6:25
  So
• 6:26
  she
• 6:26
  comes
• 6:26
  over
• 6:26
  to
• 6:27
  the
• 6:27
  trailer.
• 6:27
  Well,
• 6:27
  actually,
• 6:28
  she
• 6:28
  calls
• 6:28
  me,
• 6:29
  and
• 6:29
  she
• 6:29
  goes,
• 6:29
  are
• 6:30
  you
• 6:30
  in
• 6:30
  the
• 6:30
  trailer?
• 6:30
  Someone's
• 6:31
  calling
• 6:31
  you
• 6:31
  to
• 6:31
  the
• 6:32
  trailer?
• 6:32
  That's
• 6:32
  adorable.
• 6:34
  She's
• 6:34
  like,
• 6:34
  I
• 6:35
  know
• 6:35
  not
• 6:35
  to
• 6:35
  go
• 6:36
  to
• 6:36
  weird
• 6:36
  vehicles
• 6:37
  and
• 6:37
  get
• 6:37
  in
• 6:38
  them.
• 6:39
  And
• 6:39
  I
• 6:40
  was
• 6:40
  like,
• 6:40
  yes,
• 6:40
  it's
• 6:41
  me.
• 6:41
  Like,
• 6:41
  can
• 6:41
  you
• 6:41
  open
• 6:42
  the
• 6:42
  door?
• 6:42
  We're
• 6:42
  stuck.
• 6:43
  And
• 6:43
  she
• 6:43
  comes
• 6:43
  over,
• 6:44
  and
• 6:44
  she
• 6:44
  opens
• 6:44
  the
• 6:44
  door,
• 6:45
  and
• 6:46
  I'm
• 6:46
  like,
• 6:46
  oh,
• 6:47
  thank
• 6:47
  God.
• 6:47
  And
• 6:47
  so
• 6:47
  Nora
• 6:48
  and
• 6:48
  I
• 6:48
  get
• 6:48
  out,
• 6:48
  and
• 6:49
  then
• 6:49
  we.
• 6:50
  You
• 6:50
  know,
• 6:50
  we
• 6:50
  get
• 6:50
  out,
• 6:51
  we
• 6:51
  shut
• 6:51
  the
• 6:51
  camper
• 6:51
  door,
• 6:51
  and
• 6:52
  Amelia
• 6:52
  goes,
• 6:52
  did
• 6:53
  you
• 6:53
  try
• 6:53
  the
• 6:53
  other
• 6:53
  door?
• 6:55
  No.
• 6:55
  Like,
• 6:57
  yeah,
• 6:57
  there's
• 6:57
  a
• 6:57
  second
• 6:58
  door.
• 6:58
  And
• 6:58
  I
• 6:59
  know
• 6:59
  she,
• 7:00
  oh,
• 7:01
  no,
• 7:01
  that's.
• 7:02
  And
• 7:02
  I
• 7:02
  was
• 7:03
  like,
• 7:03
  oh,
• 7:03
  man,
• 7:04
  I
• 7:04
  feel
• 7:04
  so
• 7:04
  really
• 7:05
  stupid.
• 7:05
  And
• 7:05
  so
• 7:05
  I
• 7:05
  tried
• 7:06
  it,
• 7:06
  and
• 7:06
  sure
• 7:06
  enough,
• 7:06
  that
• 7:06
  door
• 7:07
  works
• 7:07
  just
• 7:07
  fine.
• 7:07
  If
• 7:08
  I
• 7:08
  just
• 7:08
  would
• 7:08
  have
• 7:08
  remembered
• 7:09
  that
• 7:09
  there
• 7:09
  was
• 7:09
  a
• 7:09
  door
• 7:09
  in
• 7:10
  the
• 7:10
  bedroom
• 7:10
  of
• 7:10
  the
• 7:11
  camper,
• 7:11
  and
• 7:12
  I
• 7:12
  felt
• 7:13
  really
• 7:13
  dumb
• 7:13
  until
• 7:13
  I
• 7:14
  went,
• 7:14
  you
• 7:14
  know
• 7:14
  what?
• 7:15
  I
• 7:15
  had
• 7:16
  a
• 7:16
  freaking
• 7:16
  toddler
• 7:17
  screaming
• 7:17
  in
• 7:17
  my
• 7:18
  ear,
• 7:18
  freaking
• 7:19
  out.
• 7:19
  Andrew
• 7:20
  was
• 7:20
  with
• 7:20
  me
• 7:20
  when
• 7:21
  I
• 7:21
  inspected
• 7:21
  it
• 7:21
  and
• 7:22
  bought
• 7:22
  it.
• 7:23
  He,
• 7:23
  too,
• 7:23
  inspected
• 7:24
  and
• 7:24
  was
• 7:24
  there
• 7:24
  with
• 7:24
  me
• 7:25
  when
• 7:25
  I
• 7:25
  bought
• 7:25
  it.
• 7:25
  He
• 7:26
  should
• 7:26
  have
• 7:26
  been
• 7:26
  like,
• 7:26
  did
• 7:27
  you
• 7:27
  try
• 7:27
  the
• 7:27
  second
• 7:27
  door?
• 7:28
  So
• 7:28
  I'm
• 7:29
  gonna
• 7:29
  say
• 7:29
  that
• 7:30
  Andrew
• 7:30
  failed
• 7:31
  worse
• 7:31
  than
• 7:31
  I
• 7:31
  did.
• 7:32
  Oh,
• 7:33
  no,
• 7:33
  I'm
• 7:33
  sticking
• 7:33
  to
• 7:33
  it.
• 7:38
  Wow,
• 7:38
  that's
• 7:38
  a
• 7:39
  good
• 7:39
  story,
• 7:39
  Emelia.
• 7:41
  She's
• 7:41
  like,
• 7:42
  am
• 7:42
  I
• 7:43
  the
• 7:43
  only
• 7:43
  sane
• 7:43
  one
• 7:44
  in
• 7:44
  this
• 7:44
  family?
• 7:46
  Did
• 7:47
  you
• 7:47
  try
• 7:47
  the
• 7:47
  second
• 7:47
  door?
• 7:48
  Like,
• 7:49
  no.
• 7:50
  Stop
• 7:50
  it
• 7:50
  with
• 7:50
  your
• 7:51
  common
• 7:52
  sense.
• 7:56
  That's
• 7:56
  adorable.
• 7:58
  Melissa,
• 7:59
  I
• 7:59
  know
• 7:59
  that
• 8:00
  you
• 8:00
  had
• 8:00
  an
• 8:00
  unfortunate
• 8:01
  event,
• 8:01
  but
• 8:02
  it's
• 8:03
  really
• 8:03
  important
• 8:03
  to
• 8:03
  share
• 8:03
  because
• 8:04
  it
• 8:04
  would
• 8:04
  be
• 8:05
  so
• 8:05
  helpful,
• 8:05
  especially
• 8:06
  since
• 8:06
  we
• 8:06
  have
• 8:07
  conversations
• 8:07
  around
• 8:08
  safety
• 8:10
  about
• 8:11
  domestic
• 8:12
  violence
• 8:12
  and
• 8:12
  stuff.
• 8:12
  And
• 8:13
  it's
• 8:13
  really
• 8:13
  not
• 8:13
  even
• 8:14
  a
• 8:14
  fail
• 8:14
  on
• 8:14
  you,
• 8:14
  but
• 8:15
  I
• 8:15
  feel
• 8:15
  like
• 8:15
  it's
• 8:16
  a
• 8:16
  fail
• 8:16
  in
• 8:17
  general.
• 8:17
  That's
• 8:18
  really
• 8:18
  important.
• 8:19
  Yeah.
• 8:20
  So,
• 8:21
  as
• 8:21
  you
• 8:22
  guys
• 8:22
  know,
• 8:22
  I
• 8:23
  am
• 8:23
  a.
• 8:24
  Well,
• 8:24
  I
• 8:25
  filed
• 8:25
  for
• 8:25
  divorce.
• 8:26
  My
• 8:26
  attorney
• 8:27
  told
• 8:27
  me
• 8:27
  that
• 8:28
  she
• 8:29
  would.
• 8:30
  As
• 8:30
  soon
• 8:30
  as
• 8:30
  the
• 8:30
  judge
• 8:30
  signed
• 8:31
  the
• 8:31
  papers,
• 8:32
  the
• 8:32
  guy
• 8:32
  who
• 8:32
  is
• 8:32
  supposed
• 8:33
  to
• 8:33
  serve
• 8:33
  Brett
• 8:34
  was
• 8:35
  supposed
• 8:35
  to
• 8:35
  call
• 8:35
  me
• 8:36
  and
• 8:36
  say,
• 8:37
  hey,
• 8:37
  I'm
• 8:37
  serving
• 8:37
  him
• 8:38
  this
• 8:38
  day,
• 8:39
  this
• 8:39
  time,
• 8:40
  so
• 8:40
  that
• 8:40
  I
• 8:40
  would
• 8:40
  know
• 8:40
  what's
• 8:41
  going
• 8:41
  on.
• 8:42
  And
• 8:42
  I
• 8:42
  had
• 8:42
  planned
• 8:42
  this
• 8:42
  whole
• 8:43
  time,
• 8:43
  like,
• 8:43
  to
• 8:43
  give
• 8:43
  Brett
• 8:44
  a
• 8:44
  heads
• 8:44
  up,
• 8:44
  because
• 8:46
  I
• 8:46
  think,
• 8:47
  one.
• 8:47
  It's
• 8:47
  only
• 8:47
  fair
• 8:48
  to
• 8:48
  not,
• 8:48
  like,
• 8:49
  have
• 8:49
  to
• 8:49
  be
• 8:49
  sideswiped
• 8:50
  with
• 8:50
  something
• 8:51
  like
• 8:51
  that.
• 8:51
  And
• 8:52
  I
• 8:52
  really.
• 8:52
  He
• 8:52
  is
• 8:53
  kind
• 8:53
  of
• 8:53
  in
• 8:54
  a
• 8:54
  very
• 8:55
  emotional
• 8:55
  and
• 8:55
  sensitive
• 8:56
  state
• 8:57
  since
• 8:57
  I've
• 8:57
  left,
• 8:58
  and
• 8:58
  I
• 8:58
  didn't
• 8:58
  want
• 8:59
  to
• 8:59
  surprise
• 8:59
  him
• 9:00
  with
• 9:00
  it.
• 9:01
  So
• 9:01
  I
• 9:01
  was
• 9:01
  going
• 9:01
  to
• 9:01
  be
• 9:01
  like,
• 9:02
  hey,
• 9:03
  you
• 9:03
  know,
• 9:03
  in
• 9:03
  the
• 9:03
  next
• 9:03
  couple
• 9:04
  days,
• 9:04
  you're
• 9:05
  going
• 9:05
  to
• 9:05
  be
• 9:06
  served
• 9:06
  with.
• 9:06
  I
• 9:07
  filed
• 9:07
  for
• 9:07
  divorce.
• 9:08
  So
• 9:09
  suddenly,
• 9:10
  one
• 9:10
  night
• 9:10
  this
• 9:10
  week,
• 9:11
  I
• 9:11
  get
• 9:11
  a
• 9:11
  text
• 9:12
  from
• 9:12
  Brett,
• 9:12
  and
• 9:12
  he's
• 9:12
  just
• 9:13
  really,
• 9:13
  really,
• 9:14
  really
• 9:14
  upset,
• 9:14
  saying
• 9:15
  some
• 9:15
  pretty
• 9:16
  awful
• 9:16
  things.
• 9:17
  And
• 9:17
  then
• 9:17
  he
• 9:18
  says,
• 9:19
  I
• 9:19
  just
• 9:19
  got
• 9:19
  the
• 9:20
  divorce
• 9:20
  thing,
• 9:21
  and
• 9:21
  now
• 9:21
  I
• 9:21
  have
• 9:22
  to
• 9:22
  spend
• 9:22
  tons
• 9:22
  of
• 9:22
  money
• 9:22
  to
• 9:23
  figure
• 9:23
  out
• 9:23
  how
• 9:23
  much
• 9:24
  you're
• 9:24
  gonna,
• 9:25
  like,
• 9:25
  try
• 9:25
  to
• 9:25
  screw
• 9:26
  me
• 9:26
  over
• 9:26
  with.
• 9:27
  And
• 9:27
  I
• 9:27
  was
• 9:27
  just
• 9:28
  like,
• 9:28
  wait,
• 9:28
  what
• 9:28
  is
• 9:28
  going
• 9:29
  on?
• 9:29
  And
• 9:30
  it
• 9:30
  was
• 9:30
  late
• 9:30
  at
• 9:30
  night.
• 9:30
  And
• 9:30
  so
• 9:31
  I
• 9:31
  didn't
• 9:31
  respond
• 9:32
  yet.
• 9:32
  Cause
• 9:32
  I
• 9:32
  wanted
• 9:32
  to
• 9:33
  talk
• 9:33
  to
• 9:33
  the
• 9:33
  attorney,
• 9:33
  my
• 9:33
  attorney
• 9:34
  first.
• 9:34
  So
• 9:35
  I
• 9:35
  called
• 9:35
  her
• 9:35
  the
• 9:35
  next
• 9:35
  day,
• 9:36
  first
• 9:36
  thing,
• 9:36
  and
• 9:36
  she's
• 9:37
  like,
• 9:38
  we
• 9:38
  know
• 9:38
  we're
• 9:39
  waiting
• 9:39
  on
• 9:39
  the
• 9:39
  judge
• 9:39
  to
• 9:40
  sign
• 9:41
  the
• 9:41
  paper
• 9:42
  still.
• 9:42
  So,
• 9:42
  like,
• 9:43
  I
• 9:44
  can
• 9:44
  promise
• 9:44
  you,
• 9:44
  we
• 9:45
  did
• 9:45
  not
• 9:45
  serve
• 9:46
  him.
• 9:47
  And
• 9:47
  so
• 9:47
  I
• 9:47
  was
• 9:47
  just.
• 9:47
  So
• 9:48
  I
• 9:48
  texted
• 9:48
  Brett
• 9:48
  back,
• 9:49
  and
• 9:49
  I
• 9:49
  was
• 9:49
  just
• 9:49
  like,
• 9:49
  what
• 9:49
  are
• 9:50
  you
• 9:50
  talking
• 9:50
  about?
• 9:50
  He
• 9:51
  said,
• 9:51
  I
• 9:51
  got
• 9:51
  the
• 9:51
  divorce
• 9:52
  thing.
• 9:52
  And
• 9:52
  I
• 9:52
  was
• 9:52
  like,
• 9:52
  what
• 9:52
  divorce
• 9:53
  thing?
• 9:53
  And
• 9:54
  he
• 9:54
  just
• 9:54
  kind
• 9:54
  of
• 9:54
  Was
• 9:55
  being
• 9:55
  very.
• 9:55
  He
• 9:56
  was
• 9:56
  being
• 9:56
  very
• 9:56
  elusive.
• 9:57
  And
• 9:58
  so
• 9:58
  then
• 9:58
  finally
• 9:58
  it
• 9:59
  came
• 9:59
  out
• 9:59
  that
• 10:00
  some
• 10:00
  attorney
• 10:02
  that
• 10:03
  was
• 10:03
  looking
• 10:03
  for
• 10:03
  a
• 10:04
  buck,
• 10:05
  I
• 10:05
  guess,
• 10:05
  goes
• 10:05
  on
• 10:05
  the
• 10:06
  state
• 10:06
  website,
• 10:06
  like.
• 10:07
  And
• 10:07
  you
• 10:07
  have
• 10:07
  to
• 10:07
  make
• 10:07
  an
• 10:08
  account
• 10:08
  to,
• 10:08
  like,
• 10:08
  go
• 10:09
  on
• 10:09
  there.
• 10:09
  It's
• 10:09
  a
• 10:09
  thing.
• 10:10
  And
• 10:11
  he
• 10:11
  looks
• 10:11
  at
• 10:11
  all
• 10:11
  the
• 10:12
  people
• 10:12
  who
• 10:12
  have
• 10:12
  recently
• 10:12
  filed
• 10:13
  and
• 10:13
  he
• 10:13
  goes
• 10:14
  and
• 10:14
  contacts
• 10:14
  their
• 10:14
  exes.
• 10:15
  I
• 10:15
  think
• 10:15
  it's
• 10:16
  disgusting.
• 10:17
  It
• 10:17
  really,
• 10:18
  really
• 10:18
  upset
• 10:19
  me
• 10:19
  because,
• 10:20
  like,
• 10:21
  what
• 10:21
  if
• 10:21
  I
• 10:22
  was
• 10:22
  in
• 10:22
  a
• 10:22
  situation
• 10:22
  where
• 10:23
  I
• 10:23
  wasn't
• 10:23
  out
• 10:23
  of
• 10:23
  the
• 10:23
  home
• 10:24
  and
• 10:24
  he
• 10:24
  was
• 10:24
  abusive?
• 10:25
  I'm
• 10:26
  gonna
• 10:26
  say
• 10:26
  Brett
• 10:27
  is
• 10:27
  not
• 10:27
  physically
• 10:28
  abusive
• 10:28
  and
• 10:29
  never
• 10:29
  has
• 10:29
  been
• 10:30
  to
• 10:30
  me.
• 10:30
  But.
• 10:33
  It'S
• 10:33
  just
• 10:34
  ridiculous
• 10:35
  that
• 10:35
  somebody.
• 10:36
  It's
• 10:36
  like
• 10:37
  a
• 10:37
  freaking
• 10:38
  ambulance
• 10:39
  chaser
• 10:39
  would
• 10:40
  go
• 10:40
  and
• 10:41
  do
• 10:41
  something
• 10:41
  like
• 10:42
  that
• 10:42
  just
• 10:42
  to
• 10:42
  make
• 10:43
  some
• 10:43
  money.
• 10:43
  He
• 10:44
  knows
• 10:44
  that
• 10:44
  Brett's
• 10:45
  in
• 10:45
  a
• 10:45
  volatile
• 10:46
  state.
• 10:46
  Probably
• 10:48
  all
• 10:48
  the
• 10:48
  people
• 10:48
  that
• 10:48
  he
• 10:49
  contacts,
• 10:49
  he
• 10:49
  knows
• 10:50
  that.
• 10:50
  And
• 10:50
  he
• 10:50
  knows,
• 10:51
  like,
• 10:51
  if
• 10:51
  he
• 10:51
  can,
• 10:51
  like,
• 10:52
  stir
• 10:52
  them
• 10:52
  up
• 10:52
  and
• 10:53
  get
• 10:53
  them
• 10:53
  all
• 10:53
  worried
• 10:53
  and
• 10:53
  scared,
• 10:55
  he
• 10:55
  can
• 10:55
  make
• 10:55
  money.
• 10:56
  So
• 10:56
  I'm
• 10:56
  pretty
• 10:57
  upset.
• 10:58
  It
• 10:58
  is
• 10:58
  Memorial
• 10:59
  Weekend,
• 10:59
  so
• 10:59
  happy
• 10:59
  Memorial
• 11:00
  Day,
• 11:00
  everybody.
• 11:01
  So
• 11:01
  I'm
• 11:02
  waiting
• 11:02
  till.
• 11:03
  Yeah.
• 11:03
  Tomorrow,
• 11:04
  Tuesday
• 11:04
  to
• 11:04
  call
• 11:04
  the
• 11:05
  attorney
• 11:05
  and
• 11:05
  just
• 11:05
  give
• 11:05
  her
• 11:05
  a
• 11:06
  heads
• 11:06
  up.
• 11:06
  And
• 11:07
  I
• 11:07
  feel
• 11:07
  like
• 11:07
  something
• 11:08
  like
• 11:08
  that
• 11:08
  should
• 11:08
  be
• 11:08
  illegal.
• 11:12
  I
• 11:12
  mean,
• 11:13
  we
• 11:13
  do
• 11:13
  a
• 11:13
  lot
• 11:13
  of
• 11:13
  work
• 11:13
  with
• 11:14
  domestic
• 11:14
  violence,
• 11:15
  I
• 11:15
  feel
• 11:15
  like.
• 11:15
  And
• 11:15
  a
• 11:16
  lot
• 11:16
  of,
• 11:16
  you
• 11:16
  know,
• 11:16
  acknowledgement
• 11:17
  towards
• 11:17
  it
• 11:18
  and
• 11:19
  why
• 11:19
  I've
• 11:19
  never
• 11:20
  heard
• 11:20
  that
• 11:21
  you
• 11:21
  filed
• 11:21
  for
• 11:22
  divorce
• 11:22
  and
• 11:22
  someone
• 11:22
  could
• 11:23
  find
• 11:23
  out
• 11:23
  and
• 11:23
  then
• 11:23
  contact
• 11:24
  your.
• 11:25
  The
• 11:25
  person
• 11:25
  you're
• 11:25
  filing
• 11:25
  against.
• 11:26
  Like,
• 11:26
  that
• 11:26
  could
• 11:26
  be
• 11:27
  so
• 11:27
  dangerous
• 11:28
  for
• 11:28
  someone.
• 11:29
  Yeah,
• 11:29
  it
• 11:29
  could.
• 11:30
  I
• 11:30
  mean,
• 11:30
  he's
• 11:31
  a
• 11:31
  lawyer,
• 11:31
  so
• 11:31
  he
• 11:31
  should
• 11:32
  know
• 11:32
  the
• 11:32
  rules,
• 11:32
  so
• 11:33
  I
• 11:33
  guess
• 11:33
  it's
• 11:33
  not
• 11:33
  illegal.
• 11:34
  That's.
• 11:35
  That's
• 11:35
  a
• 11:36
  joke.
• 11:36
  That's
• 11:37
  a
• 11:37
  joke.
• 11:37
  So
• 11:37
  I
• 11:37
  was.
• 11:37
  I'm
• 11:38
  going
• 11:38
  to
• 11:38
  talk
• 11:38
  to
• 11:38
  her
• 11:38
  tomorrow
• 11:39
  and
• 11:39
  just
• 11:39
  see,
• 11:39
  like,
• 11:39
  if
• 11:39
  there's
• 11:40
  anything
• 11:40
  I
• 11:40
  can
• 11:40
  do.
• 11:41
  And
• 11:41
  what
• 11:41
  would.
• 11:42
  What
• 11:42
  would
• 11:42
  a
• 11:42
  woman
• 11:43
  do
• 11:43
  if
• 11:43
  she's
• 11:44
  wanting
• 11:44
  to
• 11:44
  file
• 11:44
  now?
• 11:45
  Now
• 11:45
  she's
• 11:45
  even
• 11:45
  more
• 11:46
  scared
• 11:46
  to.
• 11:46
  Right.
• 11:47
  Because
• 11:47
  something
• 11:48
  like
• 11:48
  this
• 11:48
  could
• 11:48
  happen.
• 11:49
  So
• 11:50
  I
• 11:50
  do
• 11:51
  know
• 11:51
  that
• 11:51
  your
• 11:51
  attorney
• 11:52
  wants
• 11:52
  to
• 11:52
  be
• 11:52
  on
• 11:53
  the
• 11:53
  podcast,
• 11:53
  so
• 11:54
  maybe
• 11:54
  we
• 11:54
  can
• 11:55
  have
• 11:55
  her
• 11:55
  on
• 11:55
  and
• 11:56
  talk
• 11:56
  about
• 11:57
  situation
• 11:57
  a
• 11:57
  little
• 11:57
  bit.
• 11:58
  Yeah,
• 11:58
  not
• 11:58
  your
• 11:58
  situation,
• 11:59
  but,
• 11:59
  like,
• 11:59
  that
• 12:00
  type
• 12:00
  of
• 12:00
  situation.
• 12:01
  Like,
• 12:01
  absolutely.
• 12:02
  100%.
• 12:03
  Oh,
• 12:03
  yeah.
• 12:03
  She's
• 12:04
  seen
• 12:04
  some
• 12:04
  things.
• 12:05
  She's
• 12:05
  been
• 12:05
  doing
• 12:05
  this
• 12:06
  for
• 12:06
  years,
• 12:07
  but,
• 12:07
  yeah,
• 12:07
  we'll
• 12:07
  find
• 12:08
  out.
• 12:08
  I'll
• 12:08
  get
• 12:08
  some
• 12:08
  more
• 12:09
  information
• 12:09
  and
• 12:09
  come
• 12:10
  back.
• 12:11
  Yeah,
• 12:12
  for
• 12:12
  sure.
• 12:12
  To
• 12:13
  the
• 12:13
  pod.
• 12:14
  So,
• 12:15
  yeah,
• 12:15
  that
• 12:15
  happened.
• 12:17
  Fun
• 12:17
  stuff.
• 12:18
  Well,
• 12:19
  at
• 12:19
  least
• 12:19
  we
• 12:19
  can
• 12:20
  hopefully
• 12:20
  help
• 12:20
  someone
• 12:21
  with
• 12:21
  it.
• 12:21
  So.
• 12:22
  Yeah.
• 12:22
  Keep
• 12:22
  someone
• 12:23
  safe.
• 12:24
  Today
• 12:25
  is
• 12:25
  our
• 12:25
  last
• 12:26
  episode
• 12:26
  for
• 12:27
  Mental
• 12:27
  Health
• 12:27
  Awareness
• 12:28
  Month,
• 12:29
  and
• 12:29
  it
• 12:30
  is
• 12:30
  your
• 12:30
  story.
• 12:32
  It
• 12:32
  is.
• 12:33
  I'm
• 12:33
  a
• 12:33
  little
• 12:33
  nervous
• 12:34
  Because
• 12:34
  I
• 12:34
  haven't
• 12:35
  heard
• 12:35
  it
• 12:35
  at
• 12:35
  all
• 12:35
  since
• 12:36
  we
• 12:36
  recorded.
• 12:37
  I
• 12:37
  didn't
• 12:38
  have
• 12:39
  a
• 12:39
  super
• 12:39
  big
• 12:40
  plan
• 12:40
  when
• 12:40
  I
• 12:40
  went
• 12:40
  in
• 12:41
  on
• 12:41
  how
• 12:41
  to
• 12:41
  tell
• 12:41
  the
• 12:42
  story.
• 12:42
  I
• 12:43
  think,
• 12:43
  actually,
• 12:44
  speaking
• 12:44
  of
• 12:44
  fails,
• 12:44
  I
• 12:44
  think
• 12:45
  my
• 12:45
  fail
• 12:45
  probably
• 12:46
  was
• 12:46
  that
• 12:47
  I
• 12:47
  had
• 12:47
  told
• 12:48
  you,
• 12:48
  Sam,
• 12:48
  that
• 12:48
  I
• 12:48
  wanted
• 12:49
  to
• 12:49
  talk
• 12:49
  about
• 12:49
  my
• 12:49
  miscarriages,
• 12:51
  but
• 12:51
  I
• 12:51
  didn't
• 12:52
  really
• 12:52
  talk
• 12:52
  to
• 12:53
  you
• 12:53
  about
• 12:53
  how.
• 12:53
  I
• 12:54
  also
• 12:54
  wanted
• 12:54
  to
• 12:54
  talk
• 12:54
  about
• 12:55
  my
• 12:55
  whole
• 12:55
  mental
• 12:55
  health
• 12:56
  journey.
• 12:57
  And
• 12:57
  so
• 12:57
  I
• 12:58
  feel
• 12:58
  like
• 12:58
  you
• 12:59
  thought
• 12:59
  I
• 12:59
  was
• 12:59
  jumping
• 12:59
  around
• 13:00
  a
• 13:00
  little
• 13:00
  bit.
• 13:00
  You
• 13:01
  were
• 13:01
  worried
• 13:01
  about
• 13:01
  time,
• 13:03
  which
• 13:03
  I
• 13:03
  freaked
• 13:04
  you
• 13:04
  out
• 13:04
  about
• 13:04
  time
• 13:05
  because
• 13:05
  I.
• 13:06
  Didn'T
• 13:06
  get
• 13:06
  to
• 13:07
  the
• 13:07
  one
• 13:07
  part
• 13:07
  of.
• 13:07
  The
• 13:08
  story
• 13:08
  in
• 13:08
  time.
• 13:09
  And
• 13:10
  so
• 13:10
  I
• 13:10
  don't
• 13:11
  know
• 13:11
  how
• 13:11
  it's
• 13:11
  gonna
• 13:12
  come
• 13:12
  across
• 13:12
  as
• 13:12
  the
• 13:12
  recording
• 13:13
  guys.
• 13:13
  I
• 13:13
  don't
• 13:13
  know.
• 13:14
  I
• 13:14
  feel
• 13:14
  like
• 13:14
  we're
• 13:15
  gonna
• 13:15
  find
• 13:15
  out
• 13:15
  together.
• 13:17
  Well,
• 13:17
  you
• 13:18
  know,
• 13:18
  what
• 13:19
  isn't
• 13:19
  like,
• 13:20
  don't
• 13:21
  most
• 13:21
  of
• 13:21
  us
• 13:21
  have,
• 13:22
  like,
• 13:22
  ADHD
• 13:23
  and
• 13:23
  anxiety
• 13:23
  and
• 13:24
  stuff?
• 13:24
  And
• 13:24
  I
• 13:24
  feel
• 13:24
  like
• 13:24
  this
• 13:25
  is
• 13:25
  a
• 13:25
  perfect
• 13:25
  depiction
• 13:26
  of
• 13:26
  what
• 13:26
  it
• 13:26
  may
• 13:26
  end
• 13:27
  up
• 13:27
  being
• 13:27
  like.
• 13:27
  And
• 13:28
  that's
• 13:28
  also
• 13:28
  mental
• 13:28
  health.
• 13:28
  Well,
• 13:29
  thank
• 13:29
  you,
• 13:30
  thank
• 13:30
  you,
• 13:30
  thank
• 13:31
  you
• 13:31
  for
• 13:31
  that.
• 13:31
  And
• 13:32
  also,
• 13:32
  I
• 13:32
  forgot
• 13:32
  to
• 13:33
  say,
• 13:33
  me.
• 13:33
  Being
• 13:33
  paranoid
• 13:34
  of
• 13:34
  like,
• 13:34
  wait,
• 13:34
  wait,
• 13:35
  we
• 13:35
  got.
• 13:36
  We
• 13:36
  gotta
• 13:36
  be
• 13:36
  on
• 13:36
  time.
• 13:36
  And,
• 13:37
  you
• 13:37
  know,
• 13:37
  my
• 13:37
  little.
• 13:39
  You're
• 13:39
  talking
• 13:39
  about
• 13:39
  you.
• 13:40
  No,
• 13:40
  no,
• 13:41
  you're
• 13:41
  good.
• 13:41
  I
• 13:42
  mean,
• 13:43
  you
• 13:44
  were
• 13:44
  like,
• 13:45
  are
• 13:45
  we
• 13:45
  gonna
• 13:46
  tell
• 13:46
  the
• 13:46
  things
• 13:46
  she
• 13:46
  came
• 13:47
  here
• 13:47
  to
• 13:47
  tell?
• 13:47
  And
• 13:47
  I
• 13:47
  was
• 13:48
  like,
• 13:48
  well,
• 13:48
  wait,
• 13:49
  I
• 13:49
  really
• 13:50
  wanted
• 13:50
  to
• 13:50
  tell
• 13:50
  everything.
• 13:51
  And
• 13:51
  so
• 13:52
  it
• 13:53
  was
• 13:53
  just
• 13:53
  failed
• 13:54
  communication
• 13:54
  on
• 13:54
  my
• 13:54
  part.
• 13:55
  But
• 13:56
  also,
• 13:56
  I
• 13:56
  wanted
• 13:57
  to
• 13:57
  point
• 13:57
  out
• 13:57
  I'm
• 13:57
  very
• 13:57
  excited
• 13:58
  because
• 13:58
  we
• 13:58
  have
• 13:58
  the
• 13:58
  glorious
• 13:59
  and
• 14:00
  not
• 14:00
  elusive.
• 14:01
  We
• 14:01
  talk
• 14:01
  about
• 14:01
  her
• 14:01
  every
• 14:02
  month,
• 14:02
  every
• 14:03
  week.
• 14:06
  Every
• 14:06
  day.
• 14:07
  She
• 14:07
  joined
• 14:07
  us
• 14:07
  on
• 14:08
  the
• 14:08
  podcast
• 14:08
  because,
• 14:09
  yeah,
• 14:10
  she's
• 14:10
  been
• 14:10
  through
• 14:11
  a
• 14:11
  lot
• 14:11
  of
• 14:11
  my
• 14:12
  past
• 14:12
  with
• 14:12
  me
• 14:12
  and
• 14:13
  seen
• 14:13
  it
• 14:13
  happen.
• 14:15
  So
• 14:15
  I
• 14:15
  just
• 14:15
  kind
• 14:16
  of
• 14:16
  wanted
• 14:16
  that,
• 14:16
  like,
• 14:16
  extra
• 14:17
  support
• 14:17
  to
• 14:17
  help
• 14:17
  me
• 14:18
  tell
• 14:18
  my
• 14:18
  story
• 14:19
  and.
• 14:19
  And
• 14:19
  it
• 14:19
  was
• 14:20
  really
• 14:20
  cool.
• 14:20
  And
• 14:20
  she's
• 14:20
  also.
• 14:21
  It
• 14:21
  is
• 14:21
  cool
• 14:21
  to
• 14:22
  hear
• 14:22
  her
• 14:22
  like
• 14:23
  back
• 14:23
  of
• 14:23
  it.
• 14:24
  So.
• 14:24
  Yeah,
• 14:24
  and
• 14:24
  it
• 14:25
  was
• 14:25
  cool
• 14:25
  because
• 14:25
  there
• 14:25
  was
• 14:25
  a
• 14:26
  couple
• 14:26
  times
• 14:26
  when
• 14:26
  or
• 14:26
  at
• 14:27
  least
• 14:27
  once
• 14:27
  that
• 14:28
  she
• 14:28
  said
• 14:28
  something.
• 14:29
  I
• 14:29
  was
• 14:29
  like,
• 14:29
  oh,
• 14:29
  I
• 14:30
  don't
• 14:30
  remember
• 14:30
  it.
• 14:31
  I
• 14:31
  did
• 14:31
  not
• 14:31
  remember
• 14:32
  it
• 14:32
  that
• 14:32
  way.
• 14:32
  And
• 14:33
  then
• 14:33
  also
• 14:33
  getting
• 14:33
  her
• 14:34
  therapeutic
• 14:35
  insight.
• 14:35
  She
• 14:35
  didn't
• 14:35
  therapize
• 14:36
  me.
• 14:36
  Cause
• 14:36
  that
• 14:37
  wouldn't
• 14:37
  be
• 14:37
  ethical.
• 14:38
  But
• 14:38
  she
• 14:39
  definitely
• 14:39
  had
• 14:39
  some
• 14:39
  insight
• 14:40
  and
• 14:40
  some
• 14:40
  helps
• 14:41
  for
• 14:41
  people
• 14:41
  going
• 14:42
  through
• 14:42
  some
• 14:42
  of
• 14:42
  the
• 14:42
  same
• 14:42
  stuff.
• 14:43
  So
• 14:43
  what's
• 14:44
  also,
• 14:44
  like,
• 14:44
  interesting
• 14:45
  is
• 14:45
  that
• 14:45
  after
• 14:46
  my
• 14:46
  episode,
• 14:47
  I
• 14:47
  can
• 14:47
  hear
• 14:47
  a
• 14:47
  toddler
• 14:49
  after
• 14:50
  my
• 14:50
  episode
• 14:51
  came
• 14:51
  out,
• 14:51
  Simon
• 14:52
  listened
• 14:52
  to
• 14:52
  it
• 14:53
  and
• 14:55
  he
• 14:55
  actually
• 14:56
  came
• 14:56
  to
• 14:56
  me
• 14:57
  after
• 14:57
  he
• 14:57
  listened
• 14:57
  to
• 14:57
  it
• 14:58
  and
• 14:58
  he
• 14:58
  had
• 14:59
  gotten
• 14:59
  really
• 14:59
  emotional
• 14:59
  and
• 15:00
  he
• 15:00
  was
• 15:00
  like,
• 15:01
  you.
• 15:02
  It's.
• 15:03
  He
• 15:04
  was
• 15:04
  like,
• 15:05
  it's
• 15:06
  crazy.
• 15:06
  Not
• 15:07
  crazy.
• 15:07
  He
• 15:07
  said,
• 15:08
  it
• 15:08
  was
• 15:08
  interesting
• 15:08
  to
• 15:08
  hear
• 15:09
  me
• 15:10
  give
• 15:11
  my
• 15:11
  regulations
• 15:12
  of
• 15:12
  what
• 15:12
  had
• 15:12
  happened.
• 15:13
  And
• 15:13
  he
• 15:13
  was
• 15:14
  just
• 15:14
  really
• 15:14
  emotional
• 15:15
  because
• 15:15
  he
• 15:15
  was
• 15:15
  like,
• 15:15
  that's
• 15:16
  not
• 15:16
  even
• 15:16
  the
• 15:16
  half
• 15:16
  of
• 15:17
  it.
• 15:17
  He
• 15:17
  was
• 15:17
  like,
• 15:18
  you.
• 15:19
  You
• 15:19
  don't.
• 15:20
  He's
• 15:20
  like,
• 15:21
  it's
• 15:21
  crazy
• 15:21
  what
• 15:22
  you
• 15:22
  don't
• 15:22
  remember.
• 15:22
  I
• 15:22
  mean,
• 15:23
  I
• 15:23
  understand
• 15:23
  what
• 15:23
  you
• 15:23
  don't
• 15:24
  remember.
• 15:24
  And
• 15:24
  he
• 15:24
  was
• 15:24
  like,
• 15:25
  it
• 15:25
  was.
• 15:26
  It
• 15:26
  was
• 15:26
  devastating.
• 15:27
  It
• 15:27
  was
• 15:27
  a
• 15:27
  lot.
• 15:28
  It
• 15:28
  was
• 15:28
  hard.
• 15:29
  Yeah.
• 15:30
  Traumatic.
• 15:30
  Yeah.
• 15:31
  He
• 15:31
  was
• 15:31
  like,
• 15:31
  it
• 15:31
  was
• 15:32
  very
• 15:32
  traumatic.
• 15:32
  And
• 15:33
  you
• 15:33
  did
• 15:33
  not
• 15:34
  depict
• 15:34
  it
• 15:34
  as.
• 15:35
  As
• 15:35
  traumatic
• 15:36
  as
• 15:36
  it
• 15:36
  was.
• 15:36
  And
• 15:36
  I
• 15:36
  was
• 15:36
  like,
• 15:37
  well,
• 15:37
  I
• 15:37
  really
• 15:37
  tried
• 15:38
  to
• 15:38
  just
• 15:38
  say
• 15:38
  what
• 15:39
  I
• 15:39
  remember,
• 15:40
  and
• 15:40
  that's
• 15:40
  what
• 15:41
  I
• 15:41
  remember.
• 15:41
  And
• 15:41
  so
• 15:42
  I.
• 15:42
  At
• 15:43
  some
• 15:43
  point,
• 15:43
  maybe
• 15:43
  we'll
• 15:44
  have
• 15:44
  him
• 15:44
  on
• 15:45
  to
• 15:45
  talk
• 15:45
  about
• 15:45
  the
• 15:46
  full
• 15:46
  spectrum
• 15:46
  and
• 15:47
  what
• 15:47
  it
• 15:47
  was
• 15:47
  like
• 15:47
  to
• 15:47
  have
• 15:48
  when
• 15:48
  you
• 15:48
  have
• 15:48
  the
• 15:48
  full
• 15:49
  memory
• 15:49
  of
• 15:49
  what
• 15:49
  was
• 15:50
  going
• 15:50
  on.
• 15:51
  Yeah.
• 15:51
  Yeah,
• 15:52
  that'll
• 15:52
  be
• 15:52
  interesting.
• 15:53
  So
• 15:53
  you're
• 15:54
  gonna
• 15:54
  hear
• 15:54
  us
• 15:55
  towards
• 15:55
  the
• 15:55
  end
• 15:56
  go,
• 15:56
  oh,
• 15:57
  we
• 15:57
  forgot
• 15:57
  about
• 15:58
  this,
• 15:58
  and
• 15:59
  end
• 15:59
  abruptly.
• 16:00
  I
• 16:00
  have
• 16:00
  no
• 16:00
  idea
• 16:01
  how
• 16:01
  far.
• 16:01
  How
• 16:02
  far
• 16:02
  you
• 16:02
  guys
• 16:02
  will
• 16:02
  hear,
• 16:03
  but
• 16:03
  you
• 16:03
  might
• 16:03
  hear
• 16:03
  that.
• 16:04
  And
• 16:04
  that
• 16:04
  happened.
• 16:04
  If
• 16:05
  it
• 16:05
  doesn't.
• 16:05
  If
• 16:05
  it
• 16:05
  doesn't
• 16:06
  get
• 16:06
  it
• 16:06
  edited.
• 16:08
  Yeah.
• 16:08
  All
• 16:08
  right.
• 16:09
  Enjoy
• 16:09
  our
• 16:10
  last
• 16:10
  episode
• 16:11
  for
• 16:12
  mental
• 16:12
  health
• 16:12
  awareness
• 16:13
  and
• 16:14
  Happy
• 16:15
  Memorial
• 16:15
  Day.
• 16:16
  Happy
• 16:17
  Memorial
• 16:17
  Day.
• 16:18
  Oh,
• 16:18
  I
• 16:18
  will
• 16:19
  add,
• 16:19
  be
• 16:20
  gentle
• 16:20
  with
• 16:20
  me,
• 16:21
  because
• 16:21
  I
• 16:21
  get
• 16:21
  real
• 16:21
  vulnerable.
• 16:23
  You
• 16:24
  do.
• 16:24
  Of
• 16:25
  course
• 16:25
  they're
• 16:25
  going
• 16:25
  to
• 16:25
  be
• 16:25
  gentle.
• 16:33
  All
• 16:34
  right,
• 16:34
  so
• 16:34
  do
• 16:35
  you
• 16:35
  want
• 16:35
  to
• 16:35
  remind
• 16:36
  everyone
• 16:36
  who
• 16:36
  we
• 16:37
  have
• 16:37
  with
• 16:37
  us
• 16:37
  today?
• 16:37
  Today?
• 16:38
  Yes,
• 16:38
  I
• 16:38
  do.
• 16:39
  It
• 16:39
  is
• 16:39
  the
• 16:39
  one
• 16:40
  and
• 16:40
  only
• 16:40
  Melissa
• 16:41
  Walker.
• 16:42
  Not
• 16:42
  the
• 16:42
  one
• 16:42
  that
• 16:42
  we
• 16:42
  mention
• 16:43
  in
• 16:43
  every
• 16:43
  episode.
• 16:44
  Yeah.
• 16:44
  Oh,
• 16:45
  that's
• 16:45
  right.
• 16:46
  She's
• 16:47
  like,
• 16:47
  oh,
• 16:47
  no,
• 16:49
  no,
• 16:49
  seriously.
• 16:51
  One
• 16:51
  day
• 16:51
  that
• 16:51
  I
• 16:52
  was.
• 16:53
  I
• 16:53
  was
• 16:53
  sick,
• 16:54
  and
• 16:54
  I,
• 16:54
  like,
• 16:54
  spent
• 16:55
  the
• 16:55
  whole
• 16:55
  day
• 16:55
  laying
• 16:56
  in
• 16:56
  bed
• 16:56
  catching
• 16:57
  up
• 16:57
  on
• 16:57
  Yalls
• 16:57
  podcast.
• 16:58
  I
• 16:58
  was
• 16:58
  like,
• 16:59
  is
• 16:59
  this
• 16:59
  supposed
• 17:00
  to,
• 17:01
  like.
• 17:02
  Wait,
• 17:03
  what
• 17:03
  did
• 17:03
  you
• 17:03
  say?
• 17:03
  Is
• 17:03
  this
• 17:04
  supposed
• 17:04
  to
• 17:04
  be,
• 17:04
  what,
• 17:05
  this.
• 17:05
  Much
• 17:06
  of
• 17:06
  an
• 17:06
  ego
• 17:06
  boost,
• 17:07
  listening
• 17:07
  to
• 17:07
  my
• 17:07
  friends?
• 17:09
  Oh,
• 17:10
  absolutely.
• 17:10
  Please
• 17:11
  take
• 17:11
  it.
• 17:13
  That
• 17:13
  is
• 17:13
  so
• 17:13
  funny.
• 17:14
  I
• 17:15
  love
• 17:15
  it.
• 17:15
  No,
• 17:16
  but
• 17:16
  seriously,
• 17:17
  everyone,
• 17:17
  like,
• 17:18
  anyone,
• 17:18
  if
• 17:18
  we're
• 17:19
  like,
• 17:19
  what's
• 17:19
  your
• 17:19
  favorite
• 17:19
  episode?
• 17:20
  Or
• 17:20
  what
• 17:20
  episode
• 17:20
  meant
• 17:21
  the
• 17:21
  most
• 17:21
  to
• 17:21
  you?
• 17:21
  They're
• 17:21
  always
• 17:22
  like,
• 17:22
  that
• 17:22
  episode
• 17:23
  with
• 17:23
  the
• 17:23
  therapist,
• 17:24
  Melissa
• 17:24
  Walker,
• 17:24
  because
• 17:25
  there
• 17:25
  were,
• 17:25
  like,
• 17:26
  actual
• 17:26
  resources
• 17:27
  and
• 17:27
  tangible
• 17:28
  things
• 17:28
  that,
• 17:28
  like,
• 17:28
  we
• 17:29
  actually
• 17:29
  learned
• 17:30
  and
• 17:30
  could
• 17:30
  utilize.
• 17:32
  Yeah.
• 17:32
  So
• 17:32
  actually,
• 17:32
  one
• 17:33
  of
• 17:33
  my
• 17:33
  personal
• 17:33
  friends,
• 17:34
  close
• 17:34
  friends
• 17:35
  from
• 17:35
  high
• 17:35
  school,
• 17:35
  she
• 17:36
  was
• 17:36
  like,
• 17:36
  no,
• 17:37
  I.
• 17:37
  I
• 17:37
  didn't
• 17:38
  realize
• 17:38
  I
• 17:38
  had
• 17:38
  postpartum
• 17:39
  depression,
• 17:39
  like,
• 17:39
  really,
• 17:40
  really
• 17:40
  bad.
• 17:40
  And
• 17:41
  because
• 17:41
  of
• 17:41
  that
• 17:41
  episode,
• 17:42
  I
• 17:42
  learned
• 17:42
  that
• 17:42
  you
• 17:42
  can
• 17:42
  search
• 17:43
  for
• 17:43
  a
• 17:43
  therapist
• 17:44
  like
• 17:44
  that,
• 17:45
  you
• 17:45
  know,
• 17:45
  and
• 17:45
  how
• 17:45
  to
• 17:45
  find
• 17:46
  one
• 17:46
  that's
• 17:46
  comfortable
• 17:46
  for
• 17:46
  you.
• 17:47
  And
• 17:47
  she
• 17:47
  was
• 17:47
  like,
• 17:47
  I
• 17:47
  was
• 17:47
  able
• 17:47
  to
• 17:48
  find
• 17:48
  one
• 17:49
  that
• 17:49
  way.
• 17:50
  So.
• 17:50
  Yeah.
• 17:51
  Oh,
• 17:51
  I'm
• 17:52
  so
• 17:52
  glad.
• 17:53
  Yeah.
• 17:54
  I
• 17:55
  mean,
• 17:55
  not
• 17:55
  yay
• 17:56
  for
• 17:56
  the
• 17:56
  postpartum,
• 17:56
  but
• 17:57
  yay
• 17:57
  that
• 17:57
  she
• 17:57
  was
• 17:57
  able
• 17:57
  to.
• 17:59
  Because
• 17:59
  that's
• 18:00
  one
• 18:00
  of
• 18:00
  the
• 18:00
  things
• 18:01
  that
• 18:01
  mental
• 18:02
  health
• 18:02
  is
• 18:02
  like
• 18:03
  this
• 18:03
  big
• 18:03
  ambiguous
• 18:05
  thing
• 18:05
  and
• 18:05
  people
• 18:05
  hear
• 18:06
  about
• 18:06
  therapy,
• 18:06
  but
• 18:07
  there
• 18:07
  are
• 18:07
  all
• 18:07
  these
• 18:07
  like
• 18:07
  misconceptions
• 18:09
  and
• 18:10
  every
• 18:10
  TV
• 18:10
  show
• 18:11
  ever
• 18:12
  has
• 18:12
  terrible
• 18:12
  portrayals
• 18:13
  of
• 18:13
  unethical,
• 18:15
  poor
• 18:16
  therapists
• 18:17
  and
• 18:17
  when
• 18:17
  they're
• 18:18
  good,
• 18:18
  they
• 18:18
  turn
• 18:18
  out
• 18:18
  to
• 18:18
  be
• 18:19
  the
• 18:19
  villain.
• 18:20
  Yeah.
• 18:23
  Well,
• 18:23
  I
• 18:24
  don't
• 18:24
  know.
• 18:24
  I
• 18:24
  feel
• 18:25
  like
• 18:25
  in
• 18:26
  the
• 18:26
  newer
• 18:26
  generation
• 18:27
  it's
• 18:27
  becoming
• 18:27
  very
• 18:28
  more
• 18:28
  normal
• 18:29
  in
• 18:29
  actually
• 18:30
  what
• 18:30
  everyone
• 18:31
  doesn't.
• 18:32
  I
• 18:32
  haven't
• 18:32
  technically
• 18:33
  released
• 18:33
  it
• 18:33
  yet,
• 18:33
  but
• 18:34
  I'm
• 18:34
  sure
• 18:34
  you
• 18:34
  guys
• 18:34
  may
• 18:35
  have
• 18:35
  heard
• 18:35
  by
• 18:35
  time
• 18:35
  this
• 18:36
  drops,
• 18:36
  but
• 18:36
  I'm
• 18:37
  getting
• 18:37
  licensed
• 18:38
  in
• 18:38
  RTT
• 18:38
  therapy
• 18:39
  and
• 18:40
  my
• 18:40
  goal
• 18:41
  is
• 18:41
  to
• 18:41
  use
• 18:42
  that
• 18:42
  and
• 18:43
  teach
• 18:44
  schools
• 18:44
  that
• 18:45
  this
• 18:45
  needs
• 18:45
  to
• 18:45
  be
• 18:45
  part
• 18:46
  of
• 18:46
  the
• 18:46
  educational
• 18:47
  system.
• 18:47
  Like
• 18:47
  we
• 18:47
  shouldn't
• 18:48
  be
• 18:48
  30
• 18:48
  years
• 18:48
  old
• 18:48
  learning
• 18:49
  about
• 18:49
  attachment
• 18:49
  styles
• 18:50
  and
• 18:50
  how
• 18:50
  to
• 18:51
  add
• 18:52
  affirmations
• 18:52
  and
• 18:52
  how
• 18:53
  that
• 18:53
  can
• 18:53
  really
• 18:53
  affect
• 18:53
  our
• 18:53
  day
• 18:54
  to
• 18:54
  day
• 18:54
  life.
• 18:54
  And
• 18:55
  just
• 18:55
  like
• 18:56
  all
• 18:56
  these
• 18:56
  like
• 18:56
  little
• 18:56
  tidbits
• 18:57
  that
• 18:57
  we
• 18:58
  should
• 18:58
  be
• 18:59
  taught
• 18:59
  in
• 18:59
  school.
• 18:59
  So
• 19:00
  my
• 19:00
  goal
• 19:00
  is,
• 19:01
  once
• 19:01
  I
• 19:01
  get
• 19:01
  licensed
• 19:02
  is
• 19:02
  we're
• 19:03
  gonna
• 19:03
  get
• 19:03
  this
• 19:03
  in
• 19:03
  schools
• 19:04
  one
• 19:04
  way
• 19:04
  or
• 19:04
  the
• 19:04
  other.
• 19:05
  Yeah,
• 19:06
  it's
• 19:06
  so
• 19:06
  cool.
• 19:06
  So
• 19:07
  I,
• 19:07
  I
• 19:07
  just
• 19:08
  have
• 19:08
  to
• 19:08
  say
• 19:08
  she's
• 19:09
  actually
• 19:09
  even
• 19:09
  speaking
• 19:09
  with
• 19:10
  somebody
• 19:10
  who,
• 19:11
  who
• 19:11
  is
• 19:11
  part
• 19:12
  of
• 19:12
  the
• 19:12
  program
• 19:12
  that
• 19:12
  she's
• 19:13
  gonna
• 19:13
  go
• 19:13
  to,
• 19:14
  who
• 19:14
  has
• 19:14
  done
• 19:14
  it
• 19:15
  in
• 19:15
  over
• 19:15
  in
• 19:16
  uk.
• 19:18
  Okay.
• 19:19
  But
• 19:19
  yeah,
• 19:19
  I
• 19:19
  have
• 19:20
  not
• 19:20
  even
• 19:20
  heard
• 19:20
  of
• 19:20
  this.
• 19:21
  So
• 19:21
  this
• 19:21
  is
• 19:21
  like
• 19:22
  a
• 19:22
  license
• 19:22
  that.
• 19:23
  Like
• 19:24
  I
• 19:24
  will
• 19:24
  not
• 19:25
  be
• 19:25
  a
• 19:26
  therapist
• 19:26
  in
• 19:27
  general.
• 19:27
  Like
• 19:27
  I
• 19:27
  didn't,
• 19:27
  I
• 19:28
  didn't
• 19:28
  go
• 19:28
  through
• 19:28
  all
• 19:29
  the
• 19:29
  like
• 19:30
  schooling.
• 19:31
  This
• 19:31
  is
• 19:31
  a
• 19:32
  therapist
• 19:32
  licensed
• 19:33
  in
• 19:33
  this
• 19:33
  program.
• 19:34
  So
• 19:34
  basically
• 19:35
  it's
• 19:35
  like
• 19:35
  a
• 19:35
  hypnosis
• 19:36
  type
• 19:36
  of
• 19:37
  let's
• 19:37
  contact
• 19:38
  your
• 19:39
  subconscious,
• 19:40
  go
• 19:40
  to
• 19:40
  the
• 19:40
  root
• 19:41
  cause
• 19:41
  of
• 19:41
  like
• 19:41
  what
• 19:42
  has
• 19:42
  stemmed
• 19:42
  this
• 19:43
  negativity
• 19:43
  thought
• 19:44
  or
• 19:44
  this
• 19:44
  limited
• 19:45
  self
• 19:45
  belief
• 19:46
  or
• 19:46
  whatever
• 19:46
  and
• 19:47
  then
• 19:47
  reframe
• 19:47
  that
• 19:48
  mind
• 19:49
  and
• 19:49
  so
• 19:49
  you're
• 19:50
  solving
• 19:50
  it
• 19:50
  from
• 19:50
  the
• 19:50
  subconscious
• 19:52
  to
• 19:52
  come
• 19:52
  out.
• 19:53
  And
• 19:54
  you
• 19:54
  can
• 19:55
  do
• 19:55
  that
• 19:55
  without
• 19:56
  their
• 19:56
  licensing.
• 19:57
  Me
• 19:57
  and
• 19:58
  hypnosis,
• 19:59
  we
• 19:59
  have
• 19:59
  to
• 19:59
  go
• 20:00
  through
• 20:00
  like
• 20:00
  a
• 20:00
  business
• 20:01
  course.
• 20:01
  We
• 20:01
  have
• 20:02
  to
• 20:02
  go
• 20:02
  through,
• 20:04
  what's
• 20:04
  it
• 20:04
  called,
• 20:05
  like
• 20:05
  when
• 20:05
  you
• 20:05
  go
• 20:05
  to
• 20:05
  the
• 20:05
  doctor.
• 20:06
  Hipaa.
• 20:07
  We
• 20:07
  have
• 20:07
  to
• 20:07
  go
• 20:07
  through
• 20:07
  like
• 20:07
  a
• 20:07
  HIPAA
• 20:08
  certificate.
• 20:09
  Certificate
• 20:10
  thing
• 20:10
  or
• 20:11
  course.
• 20:11
  And.
• 20:12
  Yeah,
• 20:13
  like
• 20:13
  what
• 20:14
  a
• 20:14
  six
• 20:14
  month
• 20:14
  program?
• 20:15
  It's
• 20:15
  a
• 20:16
  ten
• 20:16
  month
• 20:16
  program.
• 20:17
  I
• 20:17
  can
• 20:17
  hear
• 20:18
  you.
• 20:18
  You're
• 20:18
  like,
• 20:18
  this
• 20:18
  doesn't
• 20:19
  sound
• 20:19
  legit.
• 20:23
  I,
• 20:23
  I
• 20:23
  have,
• 20:24
  I
• 20:24
  have
• 20:24
  questions,
• 20:24
  but
• 20:24
  I'm
• 20:25
  excited
• 20:25
  for
• 20:25
  you.
• 20:26
  But
• 20:26
  because
• 20:27
  this
• 20:27
  is
• 20:27
  releasing,
• 20:28
  this
• 20:28
  episode,
• 20:28
  we'll
• 20:29
  be
• 20:29
  dropping
• 20:29
  like
• 20:29
  the
• 20:30
  mental
• 20:30
  health
• 20:30
  month.
• 20:31
  This
• 20:31
  is
• 20:31
  excited
• 20:31
  to
• 20:32
  kind
• 20:32
  of
• 20:32
  talk
• 20:33
  about
• 20:33
  some
• 20:33
  mental
• 20:34
  health
• 20:34
  journeys
• 20:35
  that
• 20:35
  we've
• 20:36
  been
• 20:36
  through.
• 20:36
  Yeah,
• 20:37
  I
• 20:37
  say
• 20:37
  we,
• 20:38
  but
• 20:38
  I'm
• 20:39
  more
• 20:39
  talking
• 20:39
  about
• 20:39
  myself.
• 20:40
  We're
• 20:40
  going
• 20:40
  to
• 20:40
  talk
• 20:40
  about
• 20:40
  me
• 20:40
  today.
• 20:41
  We
• 20:42
  are.
• 20:42
  But,
• 20:43
  you
• 20:43
  know,
• 20:43
  now
• 20:43
  that
• 20:44
  you
• 20:44
  mentioned
• 20:44
  that
• 20:44
  my
• 20:45
  story
• 20:45
  will
• 20:46
  have
• 20:46
  already
• 20:46
  been
• 20:46
  released.
• 20:47
  The
• 20:47
  one
• 20:47
  who
• 20:48
  taught
• 20:48
  us
• 20:48
  about
• 20:48
  rtt.
• 20:49
  Yeah,
• 20:50
  she
• 20:50
  will
• 20:50
  have
• 20:50
  already
• 20:51
  been
• 20:51
  released.
• 20:51
  That's
• 20:52
  true.
• 20:52
  It
• 20:53
  all
• 20:53
  fits.
• 20:53
  It's
• 20:54
  very
• 20:54
  interesting.
• 20:54
  It's
• 20:55
  very.
• 20:55
  It's
• 20:56
  somewhat
• 20:56
  akin
• 20:56
  to
• 20:57
  emdr.
• 20:57
  Have
• 20:58
  you
• 20:58
  heard
• 20:58
  of
• 20:58
  rtt?
• 21:00
  Okay,
• 21:01
  yeah.
• 21:01
  What's
• 21:01
  the
• 21:01
  neat.
• 21:02
  What's
• 21:02
  Rabid
• 21:03
  Transitional
• 21:04
  therapy?
• 21:05
  Oh,
• 21:05
  wait,
• 21:05
  did
• 21:05
  you
• 21:05
  say
• 21:06
  it's
• 21:06
  from
• 21:06
  the
• 21:06
  uk?
• 21:07
  Because
• 21:08
  I
• 21:08
  do
• 21:08
  Google
• 21:09
  something
• 21:09
  recently
• 21:11
  and
• 21:12
  maybe
• 21:12
  it
• 21:12
  was
• 21:12
  that
• 21:13
  somebody
• 21:13
  asked
• 21:13
  me
• 21:13
  if
• 21:13
  I
• 21:13
  had
• 21:14
  heard
• 21:14
  of
• 21:14
  it
• 21:14
  and.
• 21:14
  I.
• 21:15
  Marissa
• 21:15
  Pierre
• 21:16
  is
• 21:16
  the
• 21:16
  creator.
• 21:17
  Who?
• 21:17
  It
• 21:18
  was
• 21:18
  a
• 21:18
  guy.
• 21:18
  I
• 21:18
  thought,
• 21:19
  oh,
• 21:20
  there's
• 21:20
  two.
• 21:21
  A
• 21:21
  guy
• 21:21
  created
• 21:22
  RRT
• 21:24
  and
• 21:24
  then
• 21:24
  a
• 21:24
  female
• 21:24
  created
• 21:25
  rtt.
• 21:26
  Okay.
• 21:27
  Are
• 21:27
  they
• 21:27
  the
• 21:27
  same?
• 21:28
  Just
• 21:28
  like,
• 21:28
  different
• 21:28
  names?
• 21:29
  Similar.
• 21:31
  I
• 21:32
  think
• 21:32
  I
• 21:32
  looked
• 21:32
  at
• 21:32
  the
• 21:32
  RRP
• 21:33
  website.
• 21:34
  That
• 21:34
  one
• 21:35
  is
• 21:35
  what
• 21:35
  licensed
• 21:36
  professionals
• 21:37
  like
• 21:37
  will
• 21:38
  go
• 21:38
  through
• 21:38
  and
• 21:38
  it
• 21:38
  is
• 21:39
  studied
• 21:40
  to
• 21:40
  help
• 21:41
  in
• 21:41
  intense
• 21:42
  trauma,
• 21:42
  ptsd,
• 21:43
  like
• 21:44
  veterans
• 21:44
  type
• 21:44
  stuff.
• 21:46
  RTT
• 21:46
  is
• 21:47
  a
• 21:47
  little
• 21:47
  less
• 21:48
  of
• 21:48
  that.
• 21:49
  Like
• 21:49
  having
• 21:49
  to
• 21:50
  be
• 21:50
  already
• 21:51
  a
• 21:51
  licensed
• 21:51
  professional.
• 21:53
  Okay,
• 21:53
  interesting.
• 21:54
  Yeah.
• 21:55
  Anyways,
• 21:56
  I
• 21:56
  want
• 21:56
  to
• 21:57
  talk
• 21:57
  about
• 21:57
  you,
• 22:00
  but.
• 22:00
  Okay,
• 22:00
  so
• 22:01
  the
• 22:01
  reason
• 22:01
  we
• 22:02
  have
• 22:02
  Melissa
• 22:03
  Walker
• 22:03
  on
• 22:03
  today
• 22:03
  is
• 22:04
  because,
• 22:04
  like,
• 22:04
  you've
• 22:04
  been
• 22:05
  there,
• 22:05
  like,
• 22:06
  for
• 22:06
  me
• 22:07
  through
• 22:07
  everything.
• 22:08
  We
• 22:08
  met
• 22:08
  when
• 22:09
  I
• 22:09
  was
• 22:09
  19.
• 22:11
  Yeah.
• 22:11
  I
• 22:11
  was
• 22:12
  20.
• 22:12
  Like,
• 22:12
  Ivy
• 22:13
  wasn't
• 22:13
  born
• 22:13
  yet.
• 22:14
  Yeah,
• 22:14
  20.
• 22:15
  I
• 22:15
  was
• 22:15
  20.
• 22:15
  And
• 22:16
  how
• 22:16
  did
• 22:16
  you
• 22:16
  guys
• 22:16
  meet?
• 22:16
  Like
• 22:17
  in
• 22:17
  a
• 22:17
  school,
• 22:17
  like
• 22:18
  college
• 22:18
  or.
• 22:18
  Like
• 22:19
  I
• 22:19
  was
• 22:20
  a
• 22:20
  nanny
• 22:20
  in
• 22:21
  Ohio
• 22:21
  and
• 22:22
  I
• 22:22
  went
• 22:22
  to
• 22:23
  church
• 22:23
  and
• 22:24
  I
• 22:24
  met
• 22:25
  Melissa.
• 22:26
  Oh,
• 22:26
  yeah,
• 22:27
  In
• 22:27
  Ohio.
• 22:28
  Yes,
• 22:29
  in
• 22:29
  Ohio.
• 22:31
  My
• 22:31
  husband.
• 22:31
  I
• 22:31
  went
• 22:31
  to
• 22:32
  Hiram
• 22:32
  College
• 22:33
  and
• 22:33
  our
• 22:33
  church
• 22:33
  was
• 22:34
  in
• 22:34
  Hiram,
• 22:34
  Ohio.
• 22:35
  Melissa
• 22:36
  number
• 22:36
  three
• 22:36
  also
• 22:37
  went
• 22:37
  to
• 22:37
  Hiram
• 22:38
  College.
• 22:38
  Yep.
• 22:39
  I
• 22:39
  think
• 22:39
  she
• 22:39
  was
• 22:39
  on
• 22:40
  her
• 22:40
  mission
• 22:40
  at
• 22:40
  the
• 22:40
  time,
• 22:40
  though,
• 22:41
  if
• 22:41
  I
• 22:41
  remember
• 22:41
  correctly.
• 22:43
  And
• 22:44
  yeah,
• 22:44
  she
• 22:44
  had
• 22:44
  just
• 22:45
  left.
• 22:45
  I
• 22:45
  hadn't
• 22:45
  met
• 22:46
  her.
• 22:46
  Yeah,
• 22:47
  they
• 22:47
  hadn't.
• 22:47
  Melissa
• 22:48
  number
• 22:48
  one
• 22:49
  and
• 22:49
  Melissa
• 22:49
  number
• 22:49
  three
• 22:50
  hadn't
• 22:50
  met
• 22:50
  each
• 22:50
  other.
• 22:53
  There
• 22:53
  was
• 22:54
  a
• 22:54
  bunch
• 22:54
  of
• 22:54
  Melissa's
• 22:55
  in
• 22:55
  that.
• 22:55
  In
• 22:55
  that.
• 22:56
  In
• 22:56
  that
• 22:56
  ward
• 22:56
  at
• 22:57
  church.
• 22:57
  Oh,
• 22:58
  yeah,
• 22:58
  that's
• 22:58
  fine.
• 22:58
  I
• 22:58
  have
• 22:59
  to
• 22:59
  number
• 22:59
  Andrews.
• 23:00
  There's
• 23:00
  too
• 23:00
  many
• 23:00
  of
• 23:00
  them.
• 23:01
  Oh,
• 23:01
  really?
• 23:02
  Okay.
• 23:03
  I've
• 23:03
  only.
• 23:03
  Well,
• 23:03
  you
• 23:03
  can
• 23:04
  tell
• 23:04
  Andrew
• 23:04
  that
• 23:05
  he's
• 23:05
  the
• 23:05
  only
• 23:05
  one
• 23:05
  that
• 23:05
  I
• 23:06
  know.
• 23:06
  He's
• 23:06
  the
• 23:06
  only
• 23:06
  one
• 23:07
  in
• 23:07
  my
• 23:07
  eyes.
• 23:07
  Yes.
• 23:09
  So
• 23:10
  actually
• 23:10
  I
• 23:10
  actually
• 23:11
  have
• 23:11
  a
• 23:11
  memory
• 23:11
  of
• 23:12
  when
• 23:12
  we
• 23:12
  first
• 23:12
  met
• 23:13
  and
• 23:14
  how,
• 23:14
  like.
• 23:15
  And
• 23:16
  it
• 23:16
  kind
• 23:16
  of
• 23:16
  highlights,
• 23:17
  like,
• 23:17
  how
• 23:17
  like,
• 23:18
  not.
• 23:18
  Okay,
• 23:18
  both
• 23:18
  of
• 23:19
  us
• 23:19
  were.
• 23:19
  Oh,
• 23:20
  tell
• 23:21
  me.
• 23:22
  And
• 23:23
  I
• 23:23
  think
• 23:23
  about
• 23:23
  this
• 23:23
  every
• 23:24
  now
• 23:24
  and
• 23:24
  then,
• 23:25
  but,
• 23:26
  like,
• 23:26
  we
• 23:26
  were
• 23:26
  talking
• 23:27
  in
• 23:27
  the
• 23:27
  Parking
• 23:27
  lot
• 23:28
  of
• 23:28
  church.
• 23:29
  And
• 23:30
  we
• 23:30
  both
• 23:30
  kept
• 23:30
  saying
• 23:31
  I'm
• 23:31
  sorry
• 23:31
  for,
• 23:31
  like,
• 23:32
  nothing.
• 23:32
  And
• 23:33
  we
• 23:33
  were
• 23:33
  like,
• 23:33
  I'm
• 23:33
  sorry.
• 23:33
  No,
• 23:34
  I'm
• 23:34
  sorry.
• 23:34
  No,
• 23:34
  I'm
• 23:34
  sorry.
• 23:35
  No,
• 23:35
  I'm
• 23:35
  sorry.
• 23:37
  Like
• 23:37
  this
• 23:38
  like,
• 23:38
  I'm
• 23:38
  sorry
• 23:39
  loop.
• 23:41
  And
• 23:42
  I
• 23:42
  remember
• 23:42
  being
• 23:42
  really
• 23:43
  excited
• 23:43
  to
• 23:43
  meet
• 23:44
  you.
• 23:44
  And,
• 23:44
  like,
• 23:44
  I
• 23:45
  got
• 23:45
  into
• 23:45
  the
• 23:45
  car
• 23:45
  with
• 23:46
  my
• 23:46
  husband
• 23:46
  and
• 23:46
  I
• 23:46
  left.
• 23:47
  But,
• 23:47
  like,
• 23:48
  I
• 23:48
  was
• 23:48
  like,
• 23:48
  why
• 23:48
  were
• 23:49
  we
• 23:49
  both
• 23:49
  so
• 23:49
  sorry?
• 23:50
  Like,
• 23:51
  there
• 23:51
  was
• 23:52
  nothing.
• 23:52
  Like,
• 23:52
  that's
• 23:53
  how
• 23:53
  insecure
• 23:53
  we
• 23:54
  both
• 23:54
  were
• 23:54
  that
• 23:54
  we
• 23:54
  just
• 23:54
  like,
• 23:54
  had
• 23:55
  to
• 23:55
  apologize
• 23:55
  for.
• 23:56
  Like.
• 23:56
  Yeah,
• 23:57
  it's
• 23:58
  true.
• 23:58
  And
• 23:58
  I
• 23:58
  still
• 23:59
  have
• 23:59
  a
• 23:59
  problem
• 23:59
  with
• 23:59
  that.
• 24:00
  And
• 24:00
  then
• 24:00
  going
• 24:00
  to
• 24:01
  Japan
• 24:02
  on
• 24:02
  my
• 24:03
  mission
• 24:03
  didn't
• 24:03
  help
• 24:04
  either
• 24:04
  because,
• 24:05
  like,
• 24:05
  there
• 24:05
  you
• 24:06
  just.
• 24:06
  Instead
• 24:06
  of
• 24:06
  saying,
• 24:07
  excuse
• 24:07
  me
• 24:08
  sorry,
• 24:08
  there's
• 24:08
  this
• 24:09
  you.
• 24:09
  Instead
• 24:10
  of
• 24:10
  saying
• 24:10
  just
• 24:10
  excuse
• 24:11
  me.
• 24:11
  Like,
• 24:11
  you
• 24:11
  say,
• 24:12
  I'm
• 24:12
  sorry
• 24:13
  for
• 24:13
  everything.
• 24:13
  Yeah.
• 24:14
  And
• 24:15
  so
• 24:15
  that
• 24:15
  kind
• 24:15
  of
• 24:15
  like
• 24:16
  made
• 24:16
  it
• 24:17
  even
• 24:17
  harder
• 24:17
  for
• 24:17
  me
• 24:17
  to
• 24:17
  get
• 24:17
  out
• 24:18
  of.
• 24:18
  But
• 24:18
  when
• 24:18
  you
• 24:18
  guys
• 24:19
  met,
• 24:19
  is
• 24:19
  this
• 24:19
  pre
• 24:20
  licensed
• 24:20
  therapist
• 24:21
  Melissa?
• 24:22
  Yeah.
• 24:23
  So
• 24:23
  I.
• 24:23
  I
• 24:24
  mean,
• 24:24
  I
• 24:24
  didn't
• 24:24
  get
• 24:26
  even
• 24:26
  go
• 24:26
  to
• 24:26
  grad
• 24:26
  school
• 24:26
  until
• 24:27
  like
• 24:28
  more
• 24:28
  than
• 24:28
  10
• 24:29
  years
• 24:29
  later.
• 24:29
  Oh,
• 24:30
  okay.
• 24:30
  And.
• 24:31
  And
• 24:31
  I
• 24:32
  was
• 24:32
  in
• 24:32
  college
• 24:32
  at
• 24:32
  the
• 24:33
  time,
• 24:33
  and
• 24:33
  I
• 24:33
  was
• 24:33
  not
• 24:33
  like
• 24:34
  a
• 24:34
  psychology.
• 24:34
  I
• 24:34
  mean,
• 24:35
  psychology
• 24:36
  majors
• 24:36
  don't
• 24:36
  learn
• 24:37
  anything
• 24:37
  anyway.
• 24:38
  But
• 24:38
  I
• 24:38
  wasn't.
• 24:38
  I
• 24:39
  was
• 24:39
  a
• 24:39
  major
• 24:40
  and
• 24:40
  an
• 24:40
  English
• 24:40
  minor.
• 24:41
  So,
• 24:41
  like.
• 24:42
  Yeah,
• 24:42
  I
• 24:42
  was
• 24:43
  not
• 24:43
  anywhere
• 24:44
  in
• 24:44
  any
• 24:45
  health
• 24:46
  space.
• 24:46
  And
• 24:46
  I
• 24:46
  hadn't
• 24:47
  been
• 24:47
  to
• 24:47
  therapy
• 24:47
  or
• 24:48
  anything.
• 24:48
  Oh,
• 24:49
  okay.
• 24:50
  I
• 24:50
  hadn't
• 24:51
  either,
• 24:51
  actually.
• 24:51
  Oh,
• 24:52
  we
• 24:52
  can
• 24:52
  talk
• 24:52
  about
• 24:53
  that
• 24:53
  too.
• 24:53
  So
• 24:53
  you
• 24:53
  guys
• 24:54
  met
• 24:54
  each
• 24:54
  other
• 24:55
  when.
• 24:55
  You
• 24:55
  guys.
• 24:56
  We're
• 24:56
  both
• 24:56
  in
• 24:57
  a
• 24:57
  mentally
• 24:59
  different
• 24:59
  place
• 24:59
  than
• 25:00
  you
• 25:00
  are
• 25:00
  now.
• 25:00
  Oh,
• 25:00
  for
• 25:00
  sure.
• 25:01
  Yes.
• 25:02
  Okay.
• 25:03
  Now
• 25:03
  granted,
• 25:03
  I
• 25:04
  would
• 25:04
  hope
• 25:04
  that
• 25:05
  we
• 25:05
  would
• 25:05
  have
• 25:05
  been
• 25:05
  in
• 25:05
  a
• 25:06
  mentally
• 25:06
  different
• 25:06
  place.
• 25:06
  I
• 25:06
  mean,
• 25:07
  we're
• 25:07
  20
• 25:07
  years
• 25:07
  later,
• 25:07
  right?
• 25:08
  So
• 25:09
  if
• 25:09
  we
• 25:09
  haven't
• 25:09
  grown,
• 25:10
  then
• 25:11
  there's.
• 25:11
  Something
• 25:12
  five
• 25:12
  years
• 25:12
  later.
• 25:12
  Really
• 25:13
  over
• 25:13
  half
• 25:14
  our
• 25:14
  lives.
• 25:14
  Like
• 25:14
  25
• 25:15
  years.
• 25:15
  Like,
• 25:15
  I
• 25:15
  think
• 25:15
  25.
• 25:16
  Yeah,
• 25:17
  you're
• 25:18
  right
• 25:18
  because
• 25:18
  we
• 25:18
  met
• 25:19
  in
• 25:19
  2019.
• 25:22
  No,
• 25:23
  no.
• 25:28
  Yes.
• 25:29
  I
• 25:29
  was
• 25:29
  trying
• 25:29
  to
• 25:29
  say
• 25:30
  1999.
• 25:33
  Yeah,
• 25:34
  it
• 25:34
  was
• 25:34
  probably
• 25:34
  1999.
• 25:35
  That
• 25:36
  is
• 25:36
  so
• 25:36
  funny.
• 25:37
  Yeah,
• 25:37
  it
• 25:37
  was.
• 25:38
  Because
• 25:38
  I
• 25:38
  remember
• 25:40
  when
• 25:40
  I
• 25:40
  was
• 25:41
  a
• 25:41
  nanny,
• 25:41
  I
• 25:41
  remember
• 25:42
  I
• 25:42
  turned
• 25:42
  20
• 25:42
  there
• 25:43
  and
• 25:44
  she
• 25:44
  got
• 25:44
  me
• 25:44
  tickets
• 25:45
  to
• 25:45
  Phantom
• 25:45
  of
• 25:45
  the
• 25:45
  Opera.
• 25:47
  My.
• 25:48
  The
• 25:48
  people
• 25:48
  I
• 25:48
  worked
• 25:48
  for.
• 25:48
  But
• 25:49
  anyway,
• 25:49
  okay,
• 25:50
  so,
• 25:51
  yeah,
• 25:52
  so
• 25:52
  I.
• 25:52
  Would
• 25:52
  say
• 25:53
  this
• 25:54
  time
• 25:55
  kind
• 25:55
  of
• 25:56
  stems
• 25:57
  a
• 25:58
  lowest
• 25:59
  of
• 25:59
  the
• 25:59
  lows
• 25:59
  for
• 25:59
  you,
• 25:59
  like
• 26:00
  this
• 26:00
  time
• 26:00
  period.
• 26:01
  Nope,
• 26:01
  nope.
• 26:02
  This
• 26:03
  time
• 26:03
  period
• 26:03
  was
• 26:04
  me
• 26:05
  kind
• 26:05
  of
• 26:05
  spreading
• 26:06
  my
• 26:06
  wings
• 26:06
  a
• 26:06
  little
• 26:06
  bit,
• 26:07
  I.
• 26:07
  Would
• 26:07
  say
• 26:08
  a
• 26:08
  little.
• 26:09
  It
• 26:09
  wasn't
• 26:10
  the
• 26:10
  first
• 26:10
  time
• 26:10
  I'd
• 26:10
  lived
• 26:11
  away
• 26:11
  from
• 26:11
  home,
• 26:11
  like,
• 26:12
  by
• 26:12
  any
• 26:12
  means.
• 26:13
  Like,
• 26:13
  actually,
• 26:14
  I
• 26:14
  didn't
• 26:14
  live
• 26:15
  at
• 26:15
  home
• 26:15
  before
• 26:16
  I
• 26:16
  went
• 26:16
  and
• 26:16
  became
• 26:16
  a
• 26:17
  nanny.
• 26:17
  But
• 26:17
  I
• 26:18
  feel
• 26:18
  like
• 26:18
  I
• 26:18
  was
• 26:18
  in
• 26:19
  a
• 26:19
  different
• 26:19
  state.
• 26:19
  I
• 26:20
  was
• 26:20
  just
• 26:20
  kind
• 26:20
  of.
• 26:21
  I
• 26:21
  don't
• 26:21
  know.
• 26:21
  I
• 26:21
  was
• 26:21
  just
• 26:21
  finding
• 26:22
  myself
• 26:22
  and
• 26:24
  making
• 26:24
  new
• 26:24
  friends
• 26:25
  and.
• 26:26
  Yeah.
• 26:26
  But
• 26:27
  I
• 26:28
  don't
• 26:28
  think
• 26:28
  I
• 26:28
  realized
• 26:30
  the
• 26:31
  effect
• 26:31
  that,
• 26:31
  like,
• 26:32
  growing
• 26:32
  up
• 26:33
  the
• 26:34
  way
• 26:34
  that
• 26:34
  I
• 26:34
  did
• 26:35
  maybe
• 26:35
  had
• 26:36
  on
• 26:36
  me,
• 26:36
  if
• 26:36
  that
• 26:36
  makes
• 26:36
  sense.
• 26:37
  I
• 26:37
  think
• 26:37
  I
• 26:37
  was
• 26:37
  still
• 26:38
  in
• 26:38
  that,
• 26:38
  like,
• 26:39
  phase
• 26:39
  of
• 26:39
  thinking
• 26:41
  there
• 26:41
  wasn't
• 26:41
  anything
• 26:43
  to
• 26:43
  work.
• 26:43
  Like,
• 26:43
  I
• 26:44
  never.
• 26:44
  It
• 26:44
  didn't
• 26:44
  even
• 26:44
  enter
• 26:44
  my
• 26:45
  mind.
• 26:45
  It
• 26:45
  never
• 26:45
  entered
• 26:45
  my
• 26:46
  mind.
• 26:46
  That
• 26:46
  was
• 26:46
  like,
• 26:46
  a
• 26:46
  different
• 26:46
  type
• 26:47
  of
• 26:47
  lifestyle.
• 26:48
  Yeah.
• 26:48
  I
• 26:49
  would
• 26:49
  need
• 26:49
  therapy
• 26:49
  one
• 26:50
  day.
• 26:50
  Yeah.
• 26:51
  Okay,
• 26:52
  so
• 26:53
  what
• 26:53
  stemmed
• 26:54
  you
• 26:55
  into
• 26:56
  needing
• 26:57
  therapy?
• 26:57
  Okay.
• 26:58
  When
• 26:59
  I
• 26:59
  was
• 27:00
  21,
• 27:01
  I
• 27:01
  ended
• 27:01
  up
• 27:02
  going
• 27:02
  on
• 27:02
  a
• 27:02
  mission
• 27:03
  for
• 27:03
  the
• 27:03
  church.
• 27:04
  Was
• 27:04
  this
• 27:04
  Japan.
• 27:05
  Yep.
• 27:05
  Okay.
• 27:06
  And
• 27:06
  it
• 27:06
  was
• 27:06
  in
• 27:06
  Japan,
• 27:07
  and
• 27:08
  I
• 27:08
  was
• 27:09
  having,
• 27:09
  like,
• 27:10
  a
• 27:10
  really,
• 27:11
  really
• 27:11
  hard
• 27:12
  time
• 27:13
  emotionally,
• 27:14
  I
• 27:14
  guess
• 27:14
  you
• 27:15
  could
• 27:15
  say.
• 27:16
  And
• 27:17
  the.
• 27:17
  So
• 27:18
  when
• 27:18
  you're
• 27:18
  over,
• 27:18
  like,
• 27:19
  on
• 27:19
  a
• 27:19
  mission,
• 27:20
  there's
• 27:20
  this
• 27:20
  one
• 27:21
  person
• 27:21
  who's
• 27:21
  in
• 27:22
  charge
• 27:22
  of
• 27:22
  all
• 27:22
  of
• 27:22
  the
• 27:22
  young
• 27:23
  missionaries,
• 27:23
  and
• 27:24
  he
• 27:24
  was
• 27:24
  the
• 27:24
  mission
• 27:24
  president.
• 27:25
  And
• 27:26
  I
• 27:26
  was
• 27:26
  meeting
• 27:27
  with
• 27:27
  him
• 27:27
  once,
• 27:27
  and
• 27:27
  he's
• 27:28
  like,
• 27:28
  I
• 27:28
  really
• 27:28
  just
• 27:29
  would
• 27:29
  like
• 27:29
  you
• 27:29
  to
• 27:29
  meet
• 27:30
  with
• 27:30
  the
• 27:30
  mission
• 27:31
  doctor.
• 27:32
  And
• 27:33
  he
• 27:33
  was
• 27:34
  a
• 27:35
  psychiatrist.
• 27:36
  No.
• 27:37
  Huh?
• 27:37
  Psychiatrist.
• 27:38
  I
• 27:38
  always
• 27:38
  say
• 27:39
  I'm
• 27:39
  wrong.
• 27:39
  Thanks,
• 27:39
  Melissa.
• 27:41
  Yeah,
• 27:41
  he
• 27:42
  was
• 27:42
  a
• 27:42
  psychiatrist.
• 27:43
  And
• 27:43
  I
• 27:43
  was
• 27:44
  just
• 27:44
  like,
• 27:44
  I
• 27:44
  don't.
• 27:45
  I
• 27:45
  don't
• 27:45
  believe
• 27:45
  in
• 27:46
  therapy.
• 27:46
  Like,
• 27:46
  we
• 27:46
  grew
• 27:47
  up.
• 27:47
  My.
• 27:47
  My
• 27:47
  dad
• 27:48
  was
• 27:48
  like,
• 27:48
  we.
• 27:48
  Okay,
• 27:49
  this
• 27:49
  is
• 27:49
  not
• 27:49
  good.
• 27:50
  But
• 27:50
  we
• 27:50
  found
• 27:51
  out
• 27:51
  my
• 27:51
  grandpa
• 27:51
  was
• 27:52
  on
• 27:52
  Prozac,
• 27:53
  and
• 27:53
  we
• 27:53
  all
• 27:53
  made
• 27:53
  fun
• 27:53
  of
• 27:53
  him.
• 27:54
  Oh,
• 27:54
  I
• 27:55
  know.
• 27:55
  Because
• 27:56
  it's
• 27:56
  like,
• 27:56
  it's
• 27:57
  mind
• 27:57
  over
• 27:57
  matter.
• 27:58
  And
• 27:59
  there's.
• 28:00
  Oh,
• 28:00
  boohoo,
• 28:01
  you.
• 28:01
  Why
• 28:02
  are
• 28:02
  you
• 28:02
  so
• 28:02
  upset?
• 28:03
  It
• 28:03
  like,
• 28:03
  your
• 28:03
  life's
• 28:03
  not
• 28:04
  that
• 28:04
  hard
• 28:05
  anyway.
• 28:06
  So
• 28:06
  I
• 28:06
  just
• 28:07
  was
• 28:07
  kind
• 28:07
  of
• 28:07
  like,
• 28:08
  no,
• 28:08
  I'm
• 28:08
  not
• 28:08
  going
• 28:08
  to
• 28:08
  go
• 28:09
  see
• 28:09
  the
• 28:09
  doctor.
• 28:09
  And
• 28:09
  he's
• 28:09
  like,
• 28:10
  well,
• 28:10
  I
• 28:10
  wish
• 28:10
  you
• 28:10
  would,
• 28:11
  because
• 28:12
  you
• 28:12
  have,
• 28:12
  like,
• 28:13
  one.
• 28:13
  The
• 28:14
  only
• 28:14
  thing
• 28:14
  I
• 28:14
  remember
• 28:14
  him
• 28:15
  saying
• 28:15
  is,
• 28:15
  you
• 28:16
  take
• 28:17
  everything
• 28:17
  on
• 28:18
  as
• 28:18
  if
• 28:18
  everything's
• 28:18
  your
• 28:19
  fault,
• 28:19
  Things
• 28:20
  that
• 28:20
  you
• 28:21
  can't
• 28:21
  control.
• 28:22
  It's
• 28:22
  like,
• 28:22
  I
• 28:23
  just
• 28:23
  need
• 28:23
  you
• 28:23
  to
• 28:23
  go
• 28:23
  talk
• 28:23
  to
• 28:24
  this
• 28:24
  guy.
• 28:25
  So
• 28:26
  I
• 28:26
  went
• 28:26
  in
• 28:26
  there,
• 28:27
  and
• 28:27
  I
• 28:27
  remember
• 28:27
  sitting
• 28:28
  down,
• 28:28
  the
• 28:28
  first
• 28:28
  thing
• 28:28
  I
• 28:29
  said
• 28:29
  is,
• 28:29
  I
• 28:29
  don't
• 28:29
  want
• 28:29
  to
• 28:29
  be
• 28:30
  here.
• 28:30
  I'm
• 28:30
  only
• 28:30
  here
• 28:31
  because
• 28:32
  President
• 28:32
  Grange
• 28:33
  told
• 28:33
  me
• 28:33
  to
• 28:33
  come.
• 28:34
  Yeah.
• 28:34
  And
• 28:34
  he
• 28:35
  was
• 28:35
  like,
• 28:35
  oh,
• 28:35
  well,
• 28:36
  I'm
• 28:36
  really
• 28:36
  glad
• 28:37
  that
• 28:37
  you
• 28:37
  decided
• 28:38
  to
• 28:38
  listen
• 28:39
  to
• 28:39
  him,
• 28:40
  that
• 28:40
  you
• 28:40
  have
• 28:40
  so
• 28:41
  much
• 28:41
  respect
• 28:41
  for
• 28:41
  him.
• 28:42
  He
• 28:42
  was
• 28:42
  very
• 28:43
  nice
• 28:43
  to
• 28:43
  me,
• 28:44
  but
• 28:44
  he
• 28:44
  basically
• 28:45
  just
• 28:45
  started
• 28:45
  asking
• 28:46
  me
• 28:46
  a
• 28:46
  bunch
• 28:46
  of
• 28:46
  questions
• 28:46
  about
• 28:47
  myself
• 28:47
  and
• 28:47
  how
• 28:47
  I
• 28:48
  grew
• 28:48
  up.
• 28:49
  And
• 28:49
  I
• 28:50
  remember
• 28:50
  just
• 28:51
  sitting
• 28:51
  with
• 28:51
  him
• 28:52
  for
• 28:52
  probably
• 28:52
  a
• 28:52
  couple
• 28:52
  hours
• 28:53
  and
• 28:53
  then
• 28:53
  just
• 28:54
  bawling
• 28:54
  at
• 28:54
  the
• 28:54
  End.
• 28:55
  And
• 28:55
  I
• 28:55
  remember
• 28:55
  him
• 28:55
  saying,
• 28:56
  let's
• 28:57
  turn.
• 28:57
  Let's
• 28:57
  put
• 28:57
  you
• 28:58
  on
• 28:58
  some.
• 28:58
  On
• 28:59
  some
• 28:59
  medicine
• 28:59
  for
• 29:00
  your
• 29:00
  anxiety
• 29:00
  and
• 29:00
  depression.
• 29:02
  He.
• 29:02
  I
• 29:02
  remember
• 29:02
  him
• 29:02
  saying,
• 29:03
  you've
• 29:03
  probably
• 29:03
  been
• 29:04
  dealing
• 29:05
  and
• 29:05
  struggling
• 29:05
  with
• 29:05
  this
• 29:06
  stuff
• 29:06
  since
• 29:06
  you
• 29:06
  were
• 29:06
  in
• 29:07
  your
• 29:07
  early
• 29:07
  teens.
• 29:08
  Yeah.
• 29:08
  It
• 29:09
  was
• 29:09
  just.
• 29:09
  It
• 29:09
  was
• 29:09
  very.
• 29:10
  It
• 29:10
  was
• 29:10
  very
• 29:11
  weird
• 29:12
  for
• 29:12
  me.
• 29:12
  I
• 29:12
  was.
• 29:12
  I
• 29:12
  was
• 29:13
  humiliated
• 29:15
  because
• 29:15
  I
• 29:15
  felt
• 29:15
  like
• 29:15
  there
• 29:16
  was
• 29:16
  something
• 29:16
  wrong
• 29:16
  with
• 29:16
  me.
• 29:17
  I
• 29:17
  remember
• 29:18
  they
• 29:18
  had
• 29:18
  to
• 29:18
  call
• 29:18
  my
• 29:18
  parents
• 29:19
  and
• 29:19
  tell
• 29:19
  them
• 29:19
  that
• 29:19
  I
• 29:19
  was
• 29:19
  going
• 29:20
  on
• 29:20
  medication
• 29:21
  because
• 29:21
  it's
• 29:21
  just.
• 29:22
  It's
• 29:22
  just
• 29:22
  a
• 29:22
  lot
• 29:22
  of
• 29:23
  rules
• 29:23
  and
• 29:23
  stuff.
• 29:24
  And
• 29:25
  so
• 29:25
  they
• 29:25
  told
• 29:26
  my
• 29:26
  parents.
• 29:26
  I
• 29:26
  remember,
• 29:26
  like,
• 29:27
  begging
• 29:27
  them
• 29:27
  not
• 29:28
  to
• 29:28
  call
• 29:28
  them.
• 29:29
  Yeah.
• 29:29
  As
• 29:29
  a
• 29:30
  adult,
• 29:30
  that's.
• 29:31
  That
• 29:31
  is
• 29:31
  embarrassing.
• 29:32
  You
• 29:32
  should.
• 29:33
  Yeah.
• 29:33
  Now
• 29:33
  that
• 29:33
  I
• 29:34
  think
• 29:34
  about
• 29:34
  it.
• 29:34
  Yeah.
• 29:35
  Sketchy.
• 29:36
  Now
• 29:37
  that
• 29:37
  I.
• 29:38
  And
• 29:38
  the
• 29:39
  HIPAA.
• 29:39
  Right.
• 29:40
  This
• 29:40
  breaks
• 29:40
  HIPAA.
• 29:41
  Right
• 29:42
  one.
• 29:42
  I
• 29:42
  mean,
• 29:43
  you
• 29:43
  were
• 29:43
  21
• 29:43
  or
• 29:44
  22,
• 29:44
  like,
• 29:45
  sketchy.
• 29:47
  Okay,
• 29:48
  you're
• 29:48
  right.
• 29:49
  But
• 29:49
  at
• 29:49
  the
• 29:50
  time,
• 29:50
  I
• 29:50
  mean,
• 29:51
  it
• 29:51
  was
• 29:51
  Japan,
• 29:51
  but
• 29:51
  still,
• 29:52
  wasn't
• 29:52
  there
• 29:52
  hipaa?
• 29:55
  I
• 29:55
  don't
• 29:55
  know.
• 29:56
  There
• 29:56
  might
• 29:56
  now
• 29:57
  be.
• 29:58
  It
• 29:58
  might
• 29:58
  have
• 29:59
  been
• 29:59
  after
• 29:59
  that
• 30:00
  hipaa.
• 30:01
  It's
• 30:01
  funny
• 30:01
  because,
• 30:02
  like,
• 30:02
  the
• 30:02
  first
• 30:03
  time
• 30:03
  I've
• 30:03
  ever
• 30:03
  even
• 30:03
  thought
• 30:04
  that
• 30:04
  that
• 30:04
  wasn't
• 30:05
  okay.
• 30:06
  I
• 30:07
  guess
• 30:07
  I
• 30:07
  just
• 30:07
  was
• 30:07
  like,
• 30:08
  no.
• 30:08
  Like,
• 30:08
  you're
• 30:09
  the
• 30:09
  church.
• 30:09
  They
• 30:10
  own
• 30:10
  you
• 30:10
  while
• 30:10
  you're
• 30:11
  on
• 30:11
  a
• 30:11
  mission.
• 30:11
  They
• 30:11
  don't.
• 30:12
  But
• 30:12
  I
• 30:13
  don't
• 30:13
  know.
• 30:13
  I
• 30:13
  guess
• 30:13
  I
• 30:14
  just
• 30:14
  felt
• 30:14
  like.
• 30:15
  Yeah.
• 30:16
  I
• 30:16
  mean,
• 30:16
  like,
• 30:17
  psychologically,
• 30:18
  like.
• 30:19
  Yeah.
• 30:20
  Some
• 30:20
  people
• 30:20
  have
• 30:20
  good
• 30:20
  experiences
• 30:21
  on
• 30:21
  admissions.
• 30:21
  A
• 30:22
  lot
• 30:22
  of
• 30:22
  people
• 30:23
  have
• 30:24
  bad
• 30:24
  missions.
• 30:25
  Yeah.
• 30:26
  And
• 30:26
  I'll
• 30:27
  say
• 30:27
  I
• 30:27
  did
• 30:27
  have
• 30:28
  a
• 30:28
  good
• 30:28
  experience.
• 30:28
  Like,
• 30:29
  honestly,
• 30:29
  if
• 30:29
  it
• 30:29
  weren't
• 30:30
  for
• 30:30
  President
• 30:30
  Graham's,
• 30:31
  I
• 30:31
  wouldn't
• 30:31
  probably
• 30:32
  be
• 30:32
  where
• 30:33
  I
• 30:33
  am
• 30:33
  today.
• 30:34
  And
• 30:35
  so,
• 30:35
  again,
• 30:35
  this
• 30:35
  is
• 30:36
  Pre
• 30:36
  Melissa
• 30:37
  Walker
• 30:37
  being
• 30:37
  licensed.
• 30:38
  Pre
• 30:39
  Melissa
• 30:39
  Walker
• 30:39
  being
• 30:39
  licensed.
• 30:40
  She
• 30:41
  wrote
• 30:41
  me
• 30:41
  letters
• 30:42
  in
• 30:42
  Japan.
• 30:43
  I
• 30:44
  should
• 30:44
  go
• 30:44
  try
• 30:44
  to
• 30:44
  find
• 30:44
  some.
• 30:45
  That's
• 30:46
  fun.
• 30:46
  I
• 30:46
  don't.
• 30:47
  I
• 30:47
  mean,
• 30:47
  I.
• 30:47
  I
• 30:47
  know
• 30:48
  we
• 30:48
  did,
• 30:48
  but,
• 30:48
  like,
• 30:48
  I
• 30:48
  don't
• 30:49
  remember.
• 30:49
  Like,
• 30:50
  I'm
• 30:50
  sure
• 30:50
  they
• 30:50
  lost.
• 30:51
  I
• 30:51
  have
• 30:51
  this
• 30:51
  picture
• 30:52
  of
• 30:52
  Ivy
• 30:52
  that
• 30:52
  I
• 30:53
  took
• 30:53
  with
• 30:53
  me,
• 30:53
  because
• 30:53
  one
• 30:53
  of
• 30:54
  the
• 30:54
  things
• 30:54
  that
• 30:54
  you
• 30:55
  would
• 30:55
  do
• 30:56
  is
• 30:57
  we
• 30:57
  were
• 30:58
  encouraged
• 30:58
  to,
• 30:59
  like,
• 30:59
  make
• 30:59
  something,
• 31:00
  like
• 31:00
  a
• 31:00
  little
• 31:00
  photo
• 31:01
  album.
• 31:01
  I
• 31:02
  think
• 31:02
  it
• 31:02
  was
• 31:02
  called
• 31:02
  a
• 31:02
  jiko
• 31:02
  shokai.
• 31:03
  It's
• 31:03
  like
• 31:03
  an
• 31:03
  introduction
• 31:04
  book,
• 31:05
  and
• 31:06
  it's,
• 31:06
  like,
• 31:07
  of
• 31:07
  friends
• 31:07
  and
• 31:07
  family
• 31:08
  and
• 31:08
  people
• 31:08
  from
• 31:09
  America
• 31:10
  to
• 31:10
  kind
• 31:10
  of,
• 31:11
  like,
• 31:11
  just
• 31:12
  start
• 31:12
  talking
• 31:12
  to
• 31:12
  people
• 31:13
  because
• 31:14
  people
• 31:15
  would
• 31:15
  want
• 31:15
  to
• 31:15
  know
• 31:15
  where
• 31:16
  we
• 31:16
  came
• 31:16
  from.
• 31:16
  And
• 31:17
  I
• 31:17
  had
• 31:17
  a
• 31:17
  picture
• 31:17
  of
• 31:17
  Ivy,
• 31:18
  and
• 31:18
  she
• 31:18
  was
• 31:18
  a
• 31:18
  baby,
• 31:19
  and
• 31:20
  she
• 31:20
  was
• 31:20
  in
• 31:20
  the
• 31:20
  leaves,
• 31:21
  and
• 31:21
  her.
• 31:22
  Her,
• 31:22
  like,
• 31:22
  little
• 31:22
  porcelain.
• 31:23
  Oh,
• 31:23
  I
• 31:23
  know
• 31:23
  that
• 31:24
  picture.
• 31:24
  We
• 31:25
  have
• 31:25
  that
• 31:25
  picture
• 31:25
  in
• 31:25
  the
• 31:25
  photo
• 31:25
  album.
• 31:26
  And
• 31:26
  her
• 31:26
  eyes
• 31:26
  are,
• 31:26
  like,
• 31:27
  so
• 31:27
  blue.
• 31:28
  So
• 31:28
  Blue.
• 31:29
  She's
• 31:30
  like.
• 31:30
  It's
• 31:30
  like
• 31:30
  a
• 31:30
  pile
• 31:30
  of
• 31:31
  autumn
• 31:31
  leaves.
• 31:31
  That
• 31:32
  she's
• 31:32
  lying
• 31:32
  in.
• 31:32
  I
• 31:33
  have
• 31:33
  one
• 31:33
  like
• 31:34
  that
• 31:34
  with
• 31:34
  Logan.
• 31:35
  It's
• 31:36
  beautiful.
• 31:36
  But
• 31:37
  anyway,
• 31:37
  I
• 31:37
  remember.
• 31:38
  Yeah,
• 31:38
  people
• 31:38
  loved
• 31:39
  that
• 31:39
  picture
• 31:39
  too.
• 31:40
  But
• 31:40
  anyway.
• 31:41
  All
• 31:42
  right,
• 31:42
  what
• 31:42
  did
• 31:42
  you
• 31:42
  want
• 31:43
  to.
• 31:43
  Share
• 31:43
  with
• 31:43
  us
• 31:43
  today?
• 31:43
  So
• 31:44
  mental
• 31:44
  health
• 31:45
  awareness.
• 31:47
  Let's.
• 31:47
  She's
• 31:48
  going
• 31:49
  to
• 31:49
  get
• 31:49
  off
• 31:49
  track.
• 31:49
  I
• 31:49
  guess.
• 31:50
  We
• 31:50
  got
• 31:50
  off
• 31:50
  track.
• 31:51
  Yes,
• 31:51
  we
• 31:51
  did.
• 31:52
  We're
• 31:52
  30
• 31:52
  minutes
• 31:53
  in
• 31:53
  and
• 31:53
  we
• 31:53
  have
• 31:53
  not
• 31:53
  talked
• 31:54
  about
• 31:54
  why
• 31:54
  we're
• 31:54
  here.
• 31:56
  As
• 31:57
  you
• 31:57
  guys
• 31:57
  heard
• 31:58
  me
• 31:58
  talk
• 31:59
  about
• 31:59
  how
• 32:00
  I
• 32:00
  had
• 32:00
  a
• 32:00
  lot
• 32:00
  of
• 32:01
  trauma
• 32:01
  and
• 32:01
  then
• 32:01
  it
• 32:02
  turned
• 32:02
  into
• 32:02
  these
• 32:03
  really
• 32:03
  embarrassing
• 32:03
  seizures.
• 32:04
  But
• 32:04
  I
• 32:05
  think
• 32:05
  what
• 32:05
  we
• 32:05
  have
• 32:06
  learned
• 32:06
  together
• 32:07
  is
• 32:07
  that
• 32:07
  everyone
• 32:07
  has
• 32:08
  that
• 32:08
  breaking
• 32:08
  point
• 32:09
  moment,
• 32:09
  whether
• 32:09
  they
• 32:09
  want
• 32:10
  to
• 32:10
  admit
• 32:10
  it
• 32:10
  or
• 32:10
  not,
• 32:11
  or
• 32:11
  they
• 32:11
  hit
• 32:11
  their
• 32:11
  like
• 32:12
  low
• 32:12
  lowest
• 32:12
  and
• 32:12
  they
• 32:12
  realize
• 32:13
  they
• 32:13
  need
• 32:13
  help.
• 32:13
  Yeah.
• 32:14
  And
• 32:15
  I
• 32:16
  shared
• 32:16
  what
• 32:16
  brought
• 32:17
  me
• 32:17
  into
• 32:17
  that.
• 32:17
  And
• 32:18
  I
• 32:18
  think
• 32:18
  you
• 32:18
  were
• 32:18
  wanting
• 32:19
  to
• 32:19
  share
• 32:19
  kind
• 32:19
  of
• 32:20
  what
• 32:20
  brought
• 32:20
  you
• 32:21
  into
• 32:21
  that.
• 32:21
  Yeah.
• 32:22
  So
• 32:22
  that
• 32:22
  was
• 32:22
  the
• 32:22
  beginning
• 32:23
  of
• 32:23
  it
• 32:23
  was
• 32:24
  being.
• 32:24
  Was
• 32:25
  seeing
• 32:25
  the
• 32:25
  doctor
• 32:26
  in
• 32:26
  Japan.
• 32:27
  So
• 32:28
  coming
• 32:28
  back
• 32:29
  to
• 32:29
  the
• 32:29
  States
• 32:30
  after
• 32:30
  that
• 32:30
  actually
• 32:31
  was
• 32:31
  really
• 32:31
  hard
• 32:31
  because
• 32:34
  I
• 32:34
  didn't
• 32:34
  have
• 32:34
  culture
• 32:35
  shock
• 32:35
  going
• 32:35
  over
• 32:35
  there,
• 32:35
  but
• 32:36
  I
• 32:36
  did
• 32:36
  coming
• 32:36
  home.
• 32:37
  I
• 32:38
  don't
• 32:38
  know
• 32:38
  how
• 32:38
  to
• 32:38
  explain
• 32:39
  it,
• 32:39
  but
• 32:40
  I
• 32:40
  guess
• 32:41
  just
• 32:41
  because
• 32:41
  every
• 32:41
  second
• 32:42
  of
• 32:42
  your
• 32:42
  life
• 32:42
  is
• 32:42
  planned
• 32:43
  out
• 32:43
  for
• 32:43
  you
• 32:43
  on
• 32:43
  a
• 32:43
  mission,
• 32:45
  you
• 32:45
  have
• 32:45
  to
• 32:45
  get
• 32:45
  up
• 32:45
  at
• 32:46
  6
• 32:46
  o'
• 32:46
  clock
• 32:46
  in
• 32:46
  the
• 32:46
  morning.
• 32:47
  You
• 32:47
  have
• 32:47
  to
• 32:47
  like,
• 32:48
  literally
• 32:50
  every
• 32:50
  second
• 32:50
  of
• 32:51
  the
• 32:51
  day
• 32:51
  is
• 32:51
  planned
• 32:51
  out
• 32:51
  until
• 32:52
  9
• 32:52
  o'
• 32:52
  clock
• 32:52
  at
• 32:52
  night
• 32:52
  when
• 32:53
  you
• 32:53
  go
• 32:53
  to
• 32:53
  bed.
• 32:53
  So
• 32:54
  then
• 32:54
  going,
• 32:54
  coming
• 32:55
  home
• 32:55
  and
• 32:55
  just
• 32:56
  kind
• 32:56
  of
• 32:56
  finding
• 32:57
  my
• 32:57
  own
• 32:57
  self,
• 32:57
  having
• 32:58
  to
• 32:58
  like.
• 32:58
  I
• 32:59
  don't
• 32:59
  know,
• 32:59
  it's
• 32:59
  just,
• 32:59
  it's
• 33:00
  scary
• 33:00
  and
• 33:00
  it's
• 33:00
  hard.
• 33:02
  I
• 33:02
  was
• 33:02
  about
• 33:02
  five
• 33:02
  years.
• 33:03
  I
• 33:03
  would,
• 33:03
  I
• 33:03
  don't
• 33:03
  know,
• 33:04
  in
• 33:04
  2008,
• 33:05
  I
• 33:05
  would
• 33:05
  say
• 33:05
  is
• 33:05
  when
• 33:06
  I
• 33:06
  kind
• 33:06
  of
• 33:06
  had
• 33:06
  a
• 33:06
  breakdown.
• 33:07
  I
• 33:07
  remember
• 33:07
  talking
• 33:07
  to
• 33:08
  you
• 33:08
  on
• 33:08
  the
• 33:08
  phone.
• 33:09
  You
• 33:09
  were
• 33:09
  living
• 33:09
  in
• 33:10
  your
• 33:10
  parents
• 33:10
  house
• 33:10
  after
• 33:10
  your
• 33:11
  mission.
• 33:11
  Yeah.
• 33:12
  And
• 33:12
  like
• 33:12
  we're
• 33:13
  chatting
• 33:14
  and
• 33:14
  like
• 33:15
  back
• 33:15
  in
• 33:15
  the
• 33:15
  day
• 33:15
  I
• 33:16
  was
• 33:16
  definitely
• 33:16
  a
• 33:16
  phone
• 33:16
  talker
• 33:17
  and
• 33:17
  I'm
• 33:17
  like
• 33:17
  trying
• 33:18
  to
• 33:18
  chat
• 33:18
  and
• 33:19
  like
• 33:19
  catch
• 33:19
  up.
• 33:20
  And
• 33:20
  your
• 33:20
  parents
• 33:21
  were
• 33:21
  like,
• 33:22
  get
• 33:22
  off
• 33:22
  the
• 33:22
  phone,
• 33:22
  missy.
• 33:23
  Get
• 33:23
  off
• 33:23
  the
• 33:23
  phone.
• 33:23
  Get
• 33:23
  off
• 33:24
  the
• 33:24
  phone.
• 33:24
  I
• 33:24
  was
• 33:24
  like.
• 33:25
  And
• 33:26
  I
• 33:26
  was
• 33:26
  like,
• 33:26
  why?
• 33:27
  Like
• 33:27
  why
• 33:27
  aren't
• 33:27
  you
• 33:28
  allowed
• 33:28
  to
• 33:28
  talk
• 33:28
  on
• 33:28
  the
• 33:28
  phone?
• 33:28
  And
• 33:29
  you're
• 33:29
  like,
• 33:29
  I
• 33:29
  have
• 33:29
  to
• 33:29
  go.
• 33:30
  My
• 33:30
  parents
• 33:30
  don't
• 33:30
  like
• 33:31
  it
• 33:31
  when
• 33:31
  I'm
• 33:31
  on
• 33:31
  the
• 33:31
  phone.
• 33:32
  And
• 33:33
  I
• 33:33
  don't
• 33:35
  know
• 33:35
  if
• 33:35
  you
• 33:35
  realize
• 33:36
  like
• 33:36
  how.
• 33:38
  Controlled.
• 33:40
  Yeah,
• 33:41
  yeah,
• 33:42
  I.
• 33:42
  I
• 33:42
  was
• 33:42
  like
• 33:44
  that
• 33:44
  word.
• 33:45
  But
• 33:45
  it
• 33:45
  was
• 33:45
  like
• 33:46
  even
• 33:46
  talking
• 33:46
  on
• 33:46
  the
• 33:47
  phone
• 33:47
  to
• 33:47
  somebody
• 33:47
  outside,
• 33:48
  like
• 33:48
  it
• 33:49
  really
• 33:49
  bugged
• 33:49
  them.
• 33:50
  And
• 33:50
  you
• 33:50
  were
• 33:51
  like,
• 33:52
  I'm
• 33:52
  like,
• 33:52
  you
• 33:52
  are
• 33:53
  a
• 33:53
  grown
• 33:53
  Ass.
• 33:53
  Adult.
• 33:54
  Talking
• 33:54
  to
• 33:54
  your
• 33:54
  friend,
• 33:54
  like,
• 33:55
  why
• 33:55
  aren't
• 33:56
  you
• 33:56
  allowed?
• 33:56
  And
• 33:57
  if
• 33:57
  you
• 33:57
  weren't
• 33:57
  bothering,
• 33:58
  like,
• 33:58
  it
• 33:58
  was
• 33:58
  loud.
• 33:59
  It's
• 33:59
  not
• 34:00
  like
• 34:00
  they
• 34:00
  were
• 34:00
  watching
• 34:01
  tv.
• 34:02
  It's
• 34:02
  not
• 34:02
  like
• 34:02
  they
• 34:03
  needed
• 34:03
  to
• 34:03
  make
• 34:03
  a
• 34:03
  phone
• 34:03
  call.
• 34:04
  It's
• 34:04
  not
• 34:04
  like
• 34:04
  you
• 34:04
  were
• 34:04
  tying
• 34:05
  up
• 34:05
  the
• 34:05
  line.
• 34:05
  It
• 34:05
  was
• 34:05
  just
• 34:05
  like,
• 34:07
  very.
• 34:08
  And
• 34:08
  I
• 34:08
  didn't
• 34:09
  understand
• 34:09
  it
• 34:09
  at
• 34:09
  the
• 34:10
  time
• 34:10
  because
• 34:10
  this
• 34:10
  was
• 34:10
  all
• 34:11
  pre.
• 34:12
  Going
• 34:12
  to
• 34:12
  grad
• 34:12
  school.
• 34:13
  But
• 34:13
  now
• 34:14
  I
• 34:14
  look
• 34:14
  back
• 34:14
  at
• 34:14
  that,
• 34:14
  I'm
• 34:15
  like.
• 34:15
  Like,
• 34:15
  at
• 34:15
  the
• 34:15
  time,
• 34:16
  I
• 34:16
  was
• 34:16
  like,
• 34:16
  oh.
• 34:16
  And
• 34:17
  like,
• 34:18
  looking
• 34:18
  back,
• 34:18
  I'm
• 34:19
  like,
• 34:19
  yeah,
• 34:20
  that
• 34:20
  speaks
• 34:20
  volumes.
• 34:21
  Yeah.
• 34:22
  No,
• 34:22
  that
• 34:22
  would
• 34:22
  give
• 34:22
  you,
• 34:23
  like,
• 34:23
  that
• 34:23
  feeling
• 34:24
  of
• 34:24
  being
• 34:24
  an
• 34:24
  inconvenience.
• 34:25
  I
• 34:25
  feel
• 34:25
  like
• 34:26
  setting
• 34:27
  that
• 34:27
  into
• 34:27
  you.
• 34:28
  Yeah,
• 34:29
  for
• 34:29
  sure.
• 34:30
  Wow.
• 34:30
  Interesting.
• 34:31
  Because.
• 34:31
  Yeah,
• 34:32
  you're
• 34:32
  right.
• 34:32
  Even
• 34:32
  to
• 34:32
  this
• 34:33
  day,
• 34:33
  I
• 34:33
  don't
• 34:33
  really
• 34:33
  think.
• 34:34
  I
• 34:34
  hadn't
• 34:34
  really
• 34:34
  thought
• 34:35
  of
• 34:35
  it
• 34:35
  that
• 34:35
  much.
• 34:36
  It's.
• 34:36
  But
• 34:37
  you're
• 34:37
  right.
• 34:37
  It
• 34:37
  was
• 34:38
  just
• 34:38
  a
• 34:38
  lot
• 34:39
  of.
• 34:40
  I
• 34:40
  guess
• 34:40
  control
• 34:40
  is
• 34:41
  the
• 34:41
  best
• 34:41
  word.
• 34:42
  I
• 34:42
  don't
• 34:43
  know.
• 34:44
  But
• 34:45
  yeah.
• 34:46
  So
• 34:46
  then
• 34:46
  I
• 34:47
  remember
• 34:47
  I
• 34:47
  ended
• 34:47
  up
• 34:47
  moving
• 34:48
  out
• 34:48
  and
• 34:48
  a
• 34:49
  lot
• 34:49
  of
• 34:49
  things
• 34:49
  transpired.
• 34:50
  Like,
• 34:50
  I
• 34:50
  was
• 34:50
  working
• 34:51
  at
• 34:51
  a
• 34:51
  dental
• 34:51
  lab.
• 34:52
  I
• 34:52
  don't
• 34:52
  remember
• 34:53
  what
• 34:53
  exactly
• 34:54
  set
• 34:55
  me
• 34:55
  off,
• 34:55
  but
• 34:55
  I
• 34:55
  wasn't
• 34:56
  having.
• 34:56
  I
• 34:56
  wasn't
• 34:57
  getting
• 34:57
  like,
• 34:57
  actual
• 34:58
  therapy.
• 34:59
  I
• 34:59
  was
• 35:00
  just,
• 35:00
  I
• 35:01
  guess
• 35:01
  you
• 35:01
  could
• 35:01
  say
• 35:01
  medicated,
• 35:02
  because
• 35:02
  I
• 35:03
  still
• 35:03
  stayed
• 35:03
  medicated
• 35:04
  after
• 35:04
  I
• 35:04
  got
• 35:04
  off
• 35:04
  the
• 35:05
  mission.
• 35:05
  Okay.
• 35:07
  But
• 35:08
  then
• 35:09
  I
• 35:10
  remember
• 35:10
  things
• 35:11
  transpired.
• 35:12
  I
• 35:12
  remember
• 35:13
  walking
• 35:14
  out
• 35:14
  on
• 35:14
  my
• 35:14
  job,
• 35:15
  and
• 35:15
  then
• 35:17
  I
• 35:17
  remember
• 35:18
  dating
• 35:18
  somebody
• 35:19
  that
• 35:19
  made
• 35:20
  me
• 35:20
  feel
• 35:23
  used,
• 35:24
  I
• 35:24
  guess
• 35:24
  you
• 35:24
  could
• 35:24
  say.
• 35:26
  And
• 35:27
  I
• 35:27
  don't
• 35:28
  know,
• 35:28
  I'm
• 35:28
  trying
• 35:28
  to
• 35:28
  think
• 35:28
  what
• 35:29
  else
• 35:29
  was
• 35:29
  going
• 35:29
  on
• 35:29
  in
• 35:29
  my
• 35:29
  life
• 35:30
  at
• 35:30
  that
• 35:30
  time
• 35:30
  that
• 35:30
  would
• 35:31
  have,
• 35:31
  like,
• 35:31
  spiraled
• 35:32
  me,
• 35:32
  but
• 35:32
  basically
• 35:32
  I
• 35:33
  just
• 35:33
  spiraled.
• 35:33
  And
• 35:34
  I
• 35:34
  didn't
• 35:34
  want
• 35:34
  to
• 35:34
  be
• 35:34
  alive
• 35:35
  anymore.
• 35:36
  And
• 35:36
  so
• 35:36
  I
• 35:37
  did
• 35:37
  try
• 35:37
  to
• 35:37
  unalive
• 35:38
  myself,
• 35:39
  and
• 35:41
  I
• 35:41
  ended
• 35:41
  up
• 35:42
  in
• 35:42
  the
• 35:42
  hospital
• 35:44
  drinking
• 35:44
  charcoal
• 35:45
  and
• 35:46
  getting.
• 35:47
  Make
• 35:47
  it.
• 35:47
  Have
• 35:47
  them
• 35:47
  making
• 35:47
  me
• 35:48
  throw
• 35:48
  up.
• 35:49
  And
• 35:49
  then
• 35:49
  because
• 35:49
  I
• 35:50
  lived
• 35:50
  in
• 35:50
  South
• 35:50
  Carolina,
• 35:51
  they
• 35:53
  have
• 35:53
  laws
• 35:53
  there
• 35:54
  where
• 35:55
  they
• 35:55
  have.
• 35:56
  You
• 35:56
  have
• 35:56
  to
• 35:56
  be
• 35:56
  admitted.
• 35:57
  I
• 35:57
  think
• 35:57
  that's
• 35:58
  everywhere.
• 35:58
  Is
• 35:59
  that
• 35:59
  everywhere?
• 36:00
  No,
• 36:01
  no.
• 36:01
  Yeah.
• 36:02
  I
• 36:03
  know
• 36:03
  I've
• 36:03
  had.
• 36:04
  I've
• 36:04
  talked
• 36:04
  to
• 36:04
  so
• 36:05
  many
• 36:05
  people
• 36:05
  who
• 36:06
  have
• 36:06
  been
• 36:06
  hospitalized
• 36:06
  for
• 36:07
  attempts,
• 36:07
  who
• 36:08
  did
• 36:08
  not
• 36:08
  receive
• 36:09
  mental
• 36:09
  health
• 36:09
  treatment.
• 36:10
  And
• 36:10
  I.
• 36:11
  I
• 36:11
  think
• 36:12
  that
• 36:12
  almost
• 36:13
  always,
• 36:13
  if
• 36:13
  you've
• 36:13
  made
• 36:14
  an
• 36:14
  attempt,
• 36:14
  you
• 36:14
  probably
• 36:16
  need
• 36:17
  admitted
• 36:18
  intensive
• 36:18
  outpatient
• 36:19
  or
• 36:19
  something.
• 36:20
  But
• 36:20
  like,
• 36:21
  yeah,
• 36:21
  you're
• 36:21
  in
• 36:22
  Texas
• 36:24
  and
• 36:25
  different
• 36:25
  states
• 36:26
  have
• 36:26
  different
• 36:26
  laws.
• 36:26
  So
• 36:27
  sometimes,
• 36:27
  like,
• 36:28
  you
• 36:29
  can,
• 36:29
  like,
• 36:29
  if
• 36:29
  you
• 36:29
  voluntarily
• 36:30
  go
• 36:30
  and
• 36:30
  you
• 36:30
  sign
• 36:30
  yourself
• 36:31
  in.
• 36:31
  Cool.
• 36:32
  But
• 36:32
  if
• 36:32
  you
• 36:32
  don't
• 36:33
  voluntarily
• 36:33
  sign
• 36:33
  yourself
• 36:34
  in,
• 36:34
  in
• 36:34
  some
• 36:34
  states
• 36:35
  you
• 36:35
  have
• 36:35
  to
• 36:36
  go.
• 36:37
  And
• 36:38
  some
• 36:38
  states,
• 36:38
  if
• 36:38
  it's
• 36:39
  not
• 36:39
  voluntary,
• 36:40
  that
• 36:40
  means
• 36:41
  Handcuffs.
• 36:42
  I
• 36:42
  don't,
• 36:42
  I
• 36:42
  don't.
• 36:42
  All
• 36:43
  the
• 36:43
  states
• 36:43
  are
• 36:43
  different
• 36:43
  and
• 36:44
  even
• 36:44
  it
• 36:44
  can
• 36:44
  be
• 36:44
  different
• 36:44
  from
• 36:44
  county
• 36:45
  to
• 36:45
  county
• 36:45
  in
• 36:45
  some
• 36:46
  states.
• 36:46
  So
• 36:46
  then
• 36:46
  what
• 36:46
  was
• 36:47
  your
• 36:47
  experience?
• 36:47
  Okay,
• 36:48
  so.
• 36:48
  Okay.
• 36:49
  I'm
• 36:49
  actually
• 36:49
  glad
• 36:49
  you're
• 36:50
  talking
• 36:50
  because
• 36:50
  it
• 36:50
  gave
• 36:50
  me
• 36:50
  a
• 36:51
  second
• 36:51
  to
• 36:51
  kind
• 36:51
  of
• 36:51
  think.
• 36:52
  Yeah.
• 36:52
  So
• 36:53
  I
• 36:53
  ended
• 36:53
  up
• 36:53
  being
• 36:53
  hospitalized
• 36:54
  that
• 36:54
  night.
• 36:54
  I
• 36:54
  went
• 36:54
  off
• 36:54
  in
• 36:55
  the
• 36:55
  ambulance
• 36:56
  and
• 36:57
  because
• 36:57
  of
• 36:58
  the
• 36:58
  rules
• 36:58
  and
• 36:58
  the
• 36:58
  laws,
• 36:59
  state
• 36:59
  laws,
• 36:59
  I
• 37:00
  had
• 37:00
  to
• 37:00
  stay
• 37:01
  in
• 37:01
  the
• 37:01
  hospital
• 37:02
  until
• 37:02
  for
• 37:02
  I
• 37:03
  was
• 37:03
  about
• 37:03
  a
• 37:03
  week
• 37:03
  actually
• 37:04
  because
• 37:04
  there
• 37:05
  was
• 37:05
  nothing
• 37:05
  open
• 37:06
  in
• 37:06
  any
• 37:06
  in
• 37:07
  the
• 37:07
  Lakes
• 37:07
  state
• 37:08
  run
• 37:08
  institution.
• 37:09
  Like,
• 37:10
  like
• 37:10
  they
• 37:10
  didn't
• 37:10
  have
• 37:10
  space.
• 37:11
  They
• 37:11
  didn't
• 37:11
  have
• 37:11
  space
• 37:12
  and
• 37:12
  so
• 37:12
  I
• 37:13
  had
• 37:13
  to
• 37:13
  stay
• 37:13
  in
• 37:13
  the
• 37:13
  hospital
• 37:14
  for
• 37:14
  about
• 37:14
  a
• 37:14
  week.
• 37:14
  I
• 37:14
  remember
• 37:15
  friends
• 37:15
  coming
• 37:15
  to
• 37:15
  visit
• 37:16
  me
• 37:16
  while
• 37:16
  I
• 37:16
  was
• 37:16
  there
• 37:16
  and
• 37:17
  like.
• 37:18
  Oh.
• 37:18
  And
• 37:19
  I
• 37:19
  also
• 37:19
  remember,
• 37:20
  just
• 37:20
  a
• 37:20
  side
• 37:21
  note,
• 37:21
  I
• 37:22
  remember
• 37:22
  one
• 37:22
  of
• 37:22
  the
• 37:22
  biggest
• 37:23
  things
• 37:23
  that
• 37:23
  actually
• 37:23
  did
• 37:24
  kind
• 37:24
  of
• 37:24
  set
• 37:24
  me
• 37:24
  off.
• 37:25
  I
• 37:26
  really
• 37:26
  had
• 37:26
  like
• 37:26
  this
• 37:27
  a
• 37:27
  lot
• 37:27
  of
• 37:27
  self
• 37:28
  loathing
• 37:29
  and
• 37:29
  part
• 37:29
  of,
• 37:30
  I
• 37:30
  just
• 37:30
  remembered
• 37:30
  part
• 37:30
  of
• 37:31
  it
• 37:31
  was
• 37:31
  because
• 37:32
  of
• 37:32
  that
• 37:32
  guy
• 37:32
  I
• 37:32
  was
• 37:33
  dating
• 37:33
  and
• 37:33
  I
• 37:33
  felt
• 37:34
  like
• 37:34
  I
• 37:34
  was
• 37:34
  being
• 37:35
  used.
• 37:35
  And
• 37:36
  at
• 37:36
  the
• 37:37
  same
• 37:37
  time
• 37:37
  though
• 37:38
  I
• 37:38
  did
• 37:38
  have
• 37:38
  premarital
• 37:39
  sex
• 37:40
  and
• 37:40
  I
• 37:41
  was
• 37:41
  discommuni
• 37:42
  or
• 37:42
  what's
• 37:42
  it
• 37:42
  called?
• 37:42
  Disfellowship
• 37:43
  from
• 37:43
  the
• 37:43
  church.
• 37:44
  And
• 37:45
  so
• 37:45
  that
• 37:45
  like
• 37:46
  made
• 37:46
  me
• 37:46
  feel
• 37:46
  like
• 37:46
  I
• 37:47
  was
• 37:47
  a
• 37:47
  really,
• 37:47
  really
• 37:47
  awful
• 37:48
  person
• 37:49
  because
• 37:49
  growing
• 37:50
  up
• 37:50
  that
• 37:50
  was
• 37:50
  my
• 37:50
  identity.
• 37:51
  Yeah.
• 37:52
  One
• 37:52
  thing,
• 37:53
  I
• 37:53
  don't
• 37:54
  know
• 37:54
  if
• 37:54
  it
• 37:54
  was,
• 37:54
  I
• 37:54
  don't,
• 37:55
  I
• 37:55
  don't
• 37:55
  know
• 37:55
  like
• 37:55
  if
• 37:55
  it
• 37:56
  was
• 37:56
  that
• 37:56
  person
• 37:56
  or
• 37:56
  if
• 37:56
  it
• 37:56
  was
• 37:57
  a.
• 37:57
  There
• 37:58
  was
• 37:58
  something
• 37:58
  that
• 37:58
  happened
• 37:59
  during
• 37:59
  that
• 37:59
  time
• 37:59
  though
• 38:00
  that
• 38:00
  like
• 38:00
  you
• 38:00
  really
• 38:01
  put
• 38:01
  on
• 38:01
  yourself.
• 38:02
  And
• 38:02
  we
• 38:02
  were
• 38:02
  talking
• 38:03
  about
• 38:03
  it
• 38:03
  like
• 38:03
  years
• 38:04
  later
• 38:04
  I
• 38:04
  think
• 38:05
  when
• 38:05
  you
• 38:05
  were
• 38:05
  living
• 38:06
  with
• 38:06
  us
• 38:06
  before
• 38:06
  I
• 38:06
  was
• 38:07
  a
• 38:07
  therapist
• 38:07
  and
• 38:07
  I
• 38:07
  was
• 38:08
  like
• 38:08
  that
• 38:09
  thing
• 38:09
  that
• 38:09
  happened
• 38:09
  wasn't
• 38:10
  your
• 38:10
  fault.
• 38:10
  And
• 38:10
  you're
• 38:11
  like
• 38:11
  no,
• 38:11
  it
• 38:11
  was
• 38:12
  because
• 38:12
  of
• 38:12
  da
• 38:12
  da
• 38:12
  da
• 38:13
  da.
• 38:13
  And
• 38:13
  I'm
• 38:13
  like
• 38:14
  no,
• 38:15
  no,
• 38:16
  like
• 38:16
  that
• 38:16
  wasn't
• 38:17
  your
• 38:17
  fault.
• 38:17
  And
• 38:17
  you're
• 38:17
  like
• 38:17
  no,
• 38:17
  it
• 38:18
  was
• 38:18
  my
• 38:18
  fault.
• 38:18
  And
• 38:19
  like
• 38:19
  I
• 38:19
  like
• 38:19
  kind
• 38:20
  of
• 38:20
  argued
• 38:20
  with
• 38:20
  you
• 38:21
  and
• 38:21
  unfortunately
• 38:22
  I've
• 38:22
  had
• 38:22
  that
• 38:22
  argument
• 38:23
  people
• 38:23
  since.
• 38:25
  What
• 38:25
  thing
• 38:25
  was
• 38:25
  it?
• 38:26
  Remind
• 38:26
  me.
• 38:26
  Non
• 38:27
  consensual.
• 38:28
  Oh,
• 38:29
  so
• 38:30
  okay,
• 38:30
  yes.
• 38:31
  That
• 38:31
  actually
• 38:32
  happened
• 38:32
  even
• 38:33
  longer
• 38:34
  ago.
• 38:35
  That
• 38:35
  was
• 38:35
  something
• 38:36
  that
• 38:36
  happened
• 38:36
  when
• 38:36
  I
• 38:36
  was
• 38:37
  younger
• 38:37
  before
• 38:37
  I
• 38:37
  met
• 38:37
  you.
• 38:38
  That
• 38:38
  was
• 38:38
  one
• 38:39
  of
• 38:39
  the
• 38:39
  things
• 38:39
  that
• 38:39
  I
• 38:40
  do
• 38:40
  remember
• 38:40
  you
• 38:40
  teaching
• 38:41
  me
• 38:41
  like
• 38:42
  that
• 38:43
  used
• 38:43
  the
• 38:44
  R
• 38:44
  word.
• 38:44
  You
• 38:44
  said
• 38:44
  that
• 38:45
  was
• 38:45
  rape.
• 38:46
  And
• 38:46
  this
• 38:47
  is
• 38:47
  back
• 38:47
  in
• 38:47
  now
• 38:48
  we're
• 38:48
  kind
• 38:48
  of
• 38:48
  going
• 38:48
  back
• 38:49
  to
• 38:49
  when
• 38:49
  I
• 38:49
  met
• 38:50
  you
• 38:50
  in
• 38:50
  2019.
• 38:51
  I
• 38:51
  remember
• 38:51
  you
• 38:52
  saying
• 38:52
  that
• 38:52
  to
• 38:52
  me
• 38:52
  and
• 38:52
  I
• 38:52
  was
• 38:52
  like,
• 38:53
  no,
• 38:53
  as
• 38:53
  in.
• 38:53
  19,
• 38:54
  like
• 38:54
  in
• 38:54
  20.
• 38:55
  You
• 38:55
  mean
• 38:55
  in
• 38:56
  1999.
• 38:57
  That
• 38:58
  know
• 38:58
  our
• 38:58
  year
• 38:58
  1999
• 39:00
  when
• 39:01
  I
• 39:01
  was
• 39:01
  19.
• 39:02
  Yeah.
• 39:02
  That's
• 39:02
  a
• 39:02
  lot
• 39:02
  of
• 39:03
  nines.
• 39:03
  Yeah.
• 39:04
  Yeah.
• 39:05
  Having
• 39:05
  that
• 39:05
  conversation,
• 39:05
  like,
• 39:06
  in
• 39:06
  my
• 39:06
  bedroom
• 39:07
  in
• 39:07
  Little
• 39:07
  Elm,
• 39:08
  Texas,
• 39:08
  we
• 39:09
  might
• 39:09
  have.
• 39:09
  Had
• 39:09
  it
• 39:10
  again
• 39:10
  then.
• 39:11
  Maybe
• 39:11
  I
• 39:11
  never
• 39:12
  really
• 39:12
  did
• 39:12
  believe
• 39:12
  you
• 39:13
  because
• 39:13
  she
• 39:14
  did
• 39:14
  try
• 39:14
  to
• 39:14
  get
• 39:14
  me
• 39:14
  to,
• 39:15
  like,
• 39:15
  see,
• 39:15
  like,
• 39:16
  that's.
• 39:17
  That
• 39:17
  was
• 39:17
  not
• 39:17
  your
• 39:18
  fault,
• 39:18
  and
• 39:18
  I
• 39:19
  didn't
• 39:19
  believe
• 39:19
  it.
• 39:19
  So
• 39:20
  I
• 39:20
  think
• 39:20
  I
• 39:20
  probably
• 39:20
  was
• 39:20
  carrying
• 39:21
  that
• 39:21
  around
• 39:21
  with
• 39:21
  me.
• 39:21
  I
• 39:21
  never
• 39:22
  got
• 39:22
  therapy
• 39:22
  over
• 39:22
  that.
• 39:23
  I
• 39:23
  never
• 39:23
  did.
• 39:24
  So,
• 39:24
  like.
• 39:24
  Yeah.
• 39:25
  So
• 39:25
  then
• 39:25
  in
• 39:25
  2008,
• 39:26
  whenever
• 39:27
  I
• 39:27
  had
• 39:27
  my
• 39:27
  breakdown,
• 39:28
  of
• 39:28
  course
• 39:28
  that's
• 39:28
  going
• 39:28
  to
• 39:29
  be
• 39:29
  one
• 39:29
  of
• 39:29
  the
• 39:29
  things.
• 39:29
  Just
• 39:30
  one
• 39:30
  of
• 39:30
  the
• 39:30
  many
• 39:31
  baggage
• 39:31
  pieces
• 39:32
  that
• 39:33
  kind
• 39:33
  of
• 39:33
  like,
• 39:33
  broke
• 39:34
  the
• 39:34
  camel's
• 39:34
  back,
• 39:34
  I
• 39:35
  guess
• 39:35
  you
• 39:35
  could
• 39:35
  say.
• 39:36
  So
• 39:36
  you're
• 39:37
  in
• 39:37
  the
• 39:37
  hospital.
• 39:37
  In
• 39:37
  the
• 39:37
  hospital
• 39:38
  for
• 39:38
  a
• 39:38
  week.
• 39:39
  This
• 39:39
  is
• 39:39
  the
• 39:40
  part
• 39:40
  that
• 39:40
  I
• 39:40
  had
• 39:40
  forgotten.
• 39:41
  Melissa
• 39:42
  Walker
• 39:42
  reminded
• 39:43
  me
• 39:43
  they
• 39:44
  made
• 39:44
  so
• 39:45
  to
• 39:45
  be
• 39:45
  transported
• 39:46
  from
• 39:46
  the
• 39:46
  hospital
• 39:47
  to
• 39:47
  the
• 39:48
  mental
• 39:49
  hospital.
• 39:49
  I
• 39:50
  did
• 39:50
  forget
• 39:51
  this.
• 39:51
  They
• 39:51
  had
• 39:51
  a
• 39:52
  police
• 39:52
  officer
• 39:52
  escort
• 39:53
  me,
• 39:53
  and
• 39:54
  I
• 39:54
  had
• 39:54
  to
• 39:54
  be
• 39:54
  handcuffed
• 39:55
  in
• 39:55
  the
• 39:55
  back
• 39:55
  of
• 39:55
  a
• 39:55
  police
• 39:56
  car.
• 39:56
  And
• 39:56
  it
• 39:57
  doesn't
• 39:57
  make
• 39:57
  any
• 39:57
  sense.
• 39:58
  It's
• 39:59
  horrible.
• 40:01
  That's
• 40:01
  traumatizing.
• 40:02
  It
• 40:02
  was
• 40:03
  traumatizing.
• 40:04
  And
• 40:04
  then
• 40:04
  my
• 40:05
  parents
• 40:05
  were
• 40:05
  there
• 40:07
  at
• 40:07
  the
• 40:07
  hospital
• 40:08
  to
• 40:08
  meet
• 40:08
  me,
• 40:09
  and
• 40:09
  I
• 40:09
  remember,
• 40:10
  like,
• 40:10
  getting
• 40:10
  out
• 40:10
  of
• 40:11
  the
• 40:11
  car
• 40:11
  and
• 40:12
  walking
• 40:12
  into
• 40:12
  the
• 40:12
  hospital
• 40:13
  like
• 40:13
  that,
• 40:13
  and
• 40:14
  it
• 40:14
  was
• 40:14
  so
• 40:14
  embarrassing
• 40:15
  and
• 40:15
  humiliating.
• 40:16
  Oh,
• 40:17
  my
• 40:17
  gosh.
• 40:17
  Yeah.
• 40:18
  And
• 40:18
  it's
• 40:19
  weird
• 40:19
  because
• 40:19
  it's
• 40:19
  like,
• 40:20
  obviously
• 40:21
  I
• 40:21
  didn't
• 40:21
  do
• 40:21
  anything,
• 40:22
  so
• 40:22
  why
• 40:22
  would
• 40:22
  I
• 40:22
  be
• 40:22
  so
• 40:23
  embarrassed?
• 40:23
  But
• 40:23
  it's
• 40:24
  just.
• 40:24
  I
• 40:24
  don't
• 40:24
  know
• 40:24
  why.
• 40:25
  Why
• 40:25
  was
• 40:25
  I
• 40:25
  so
• 40:25
  embarrassed?
• 40:26
  Because
• 40:26
  wearing
• 40:27
  cuffs
• 40:27
  are
• 40:27
  shameful.
• 40:28
  Plus,
• 40:28
  your
• 40:28
  family
• 40:29
  culture
• 40:30
  of,
• 40:30
  like,
• 40:31
  mental
• 40:31
  illness
• 40:31
  is
• 40:32
  shameful.
• 40:34
  Yeah.
• 40:34
  Yeah,
• 40:34
  it's
• 40:35
  true.
• 40:36
  So
• 40:36
  that
• 40:36
  was
• 40:36
  a
• 40:36
  lot.
• 40:37
  I
• 40:38
  ended
• 40:38
  up
• 40:38
  being
• 40:38
  there
• 40:39
  for
• 40:40
  three
• 40:40
  or
• 40:41
  four
• 40:41
  weeks,
• 40:42
  and
• 40:42
  I
• 40:42
  think
• 40:42
  that's
• 40:43
  a.
• 40:43
  That's
• 40:43
  not
• 40:43
  bad.
• 40:44
  It's
• 40:44
  not
• 40:45
  too
• 40:45
  bad,
• 40:45
  I
• 40:45
  guess.
• 40:46
  But
• 40:46
  you're
• 40:47
  really.
• 40:47
  When
• 40:47
  you
• 40:47
  first
• 40:48
  get
• 40:48
  in
• 40:48
  there,
• 40:48
  they're
• 40:49
  saying,
• 40:49
  like,
• 40:49
  okay,
• 40:49
  it
• 40:49
  could
• 40:50
  be
• 40:50
  anywhere
• 40:50
  from,
• 40:50
  like,
• 40:51
  oh,
• 40:51
  it
• 40:51
  could
• 40:52
  be
• 40:52
  just
• 40:52
  a
• 40:52
  week.
• 40:53
  And
• 40:53
  we
• 40:53
  were
• 40:53
  hoping
• 40:54
  it
• 40:54
  was
• 40:54
  just
• 40:54
  going
• 40:54
  to
• 40:54
  be
• 40:55
  a
• 40:55
  week.
• 40:55
  For
• 40:55
  context,
• 40:56
  insurance
• 40:57
  usually
• 40:57
  pays
• 40:58
  for
• 40:58
  seven
• 40:58
  to
• 40:58
  10
• 40:58
  days.
• 40:59
  So
• 41:00
  I
• 41:00
  didn't
• 41:01
  even
• 41:01
  realize
• 41:01
  insurance
• 41:02
  would
• 41:02
  pay
• 41:02
  for
• 41:02
  it.
• 41:03
  Well,
• 41:03
  so
• 41:03
  I
• 41:03
  don't
• 41:04
  know
• 41:04
  what
• 41:04
  the
• 41:04
  deal
• 41:04
  was.
• 41:04
  I
• 41:05
  didn't
• 41:05
  have
• 41:05
  insurance.
• 41:06
  And
• 41:06
  since
• 41:07
  it
• 41:07
  was
• 41:07
  a
• 41:07
  state
• 41:07
  hospital,
• 41:08
  state
• 41:08
  house,
• 41:08
  at
• 41:08
  least
• 41:08
  in
• 41:09
  Texas,
• 41:09
  things
• 41:10
  might
• 41:10
  be
• 41:10
  different
• 41:10
  in
• 41:10
  South
• 41:10
  Carolina.
• 41:11
  In
• 41:11
  Texas,
• 41:12
  though,
• 41:13
  almost
• 41:13
  nobody
• 41:13
  goes
• 41:13
  to
• 41:14
  the
• 41:14
  state
• 41:14
  hospital,
• 41:15
  especially
• 41:15
  if
• 41:15
  you
• 41:15
  have
• 41:15
  insurance.
• 41:16
  But.
• 41:17
  But
• 41:17
  just
• 41:17
  for
• 41:18
  context,
• 41:18
  what
• 41:19
  insurance
• 41:19
  and
• 41:19
  of
• 41:19
  course,
• 41:20
  what
• 41:20
  insurance
• 41:20
  thinks
• 41:20
  is
• 41:21
  right
• 41:21
  and
• 41:21
  what's
• 41:21
  actually
• 41:21
  right
• 41:22
  are
• 41:22
  not
• 41:23
  always
• 41:23
  aligned.
• 41:24
  Almost
• 41:24
  ever.
• 41:25
  But,
• 41:26
  like,
• 41:27
  the
• 41:27
  kind
• 41:27
  of
• 41:28
  normal
• 41:29
  expectation
• 41:29
  is
• 41:30
  seven
• 41:30
  to
• 41:30
  10
• 41:31
  days.
• 41:31
  So
• 41:31
  I
• 41:31
  would
• 41:31
  say
• 41:31
  three
• 41:32
  or
• 41:32
  four
• 41:32
  weeks
• 41:33
  is.
• 41:34
  To
• 41:34
  me,
• 41:34
  that
• 41:35
  says
• 41:35
  this
• 41:35
  was
• 41:36
  a
• 41:36
  real
• 41:37
  severe
• 41:37
  thing.
• 41:38
  Yeah.
• 41:39
  Okay.
• 41:39
  To
• 41:40
  get
• 41:40
  out,
• 41:40
  you
• 41:41
  had
• 41:41
  to
• 41:41
  go
• 41:41
  in
• 41:41
  front
• 41:41
  of
• 41:42
  a
• 41:42
  judge.
• 41:43
  And
• 41:44
  I
• 41:44
  remember.
• 41:46
  So,
• 41:46
  okay.
• 41:47
  My
• 41:47
  parents
• 41:47
  would
• 41:48
  come
• 41:48
  and
• 41:48
  visit.
• 41:48
  There
• 41:49
  was
• 41:49
  a
• 41:49
  few
• 41:49
  things,
• 41:49
  too,
• 41:49
  that
• 41:49
  happened
• 41:50
  during
• 41:50
  that
• 41:50
  time.
• 41:50
  Like,
• 41:50
  I
• 41:51
  had
• 41:51
  a
• 41:51
  roommate
• 41:51
  who.
• 41:53
  Oh,
• 41:53
  yeah.
• 41:53
  There
• 41:54
  was
• 41:54
  so
• 41:54
  much
• 41:54
  that
• 41:54
  put
• 41:55
  me
• 41:55
  there,
• 41:55
  I
• 41:55
  forgot
• 41:56
  I
• 41:57
  had
• 41:57
  a
• 41:57
  dog
• 41:57
  who
• 41:58
  had
• 41:58
  been
• 41:59
  put
• 41:59
  down
• 42:00
  without
• 42:00
  me
• 42:01
  knowing
• 42:01
  while
• 42:01
  I
• 42:01
  was
• 42:01
  out
• 42:01
  of
• 42:02
  town.
• 42:02
  Oh,
• 42:03
  my
• 42:03
  gosh.
• 42:04
  So,
• 42:04
  yeah,
• 42:04
  there's
• 42:05
  a
• 42:05
  lot
• 42:05
  of
• 42:05
  stuff
• 42:05
  that
• 42:05
  happened,
• 42:06
  and
• 42:06
  it
• 42:06
  just
• 42:06
  all
• 42:06
  kind
• 42:06
  of,
• 42:07
  like,
• 42:07
  culminated.
• 42:08
  But
• 42:08
  anyway,
• 42:09
  while
• 42:09
  I
• 42:09
  was
• 42:10
  there,
• 42:10
  I
• 42:11
  do
• 42:11
  remember
• 42:11
  that
• 42:12
  my
• 42:12
  parents
• 42:12
  would
• 42:12
  come
• 42:13
  visit
• 42:13
  me.
• 42:13
  And
• 42:13
  I
• 42:14
  remember
• 42:14
  this
• 42:14
  one
• 42:14
  particular
• 42:15
  time,
• 42:16
  and
• 42:16
  the
• 42:16
  whole
• 42:16
  time
• 42:17
  I
• 42:17
  was.
• 42:17
  They
• 42:17
  were
• 42:17
  there,
• 42:18
  and
• 42:18
  they
• 42:18
  were
• 42:18
  just
• 42:18
  yelling
• 42:19
  at
• 42:19
  me
• 42:19
  about
• 42:21
  how
• 42:21
  I
• 42:22
  clearly
• 42:22
  didn't
• 42:22
  understand
• 42:23
  the
• 42:23
  atonement
• 42:23
  of
• 42:24
  Christ
• 42:24
  because
• 42:24
  if
• 42:24
  I
• 42:25
  did,
• 42:25
  I
• 42:26
  wouldn't
• 42:26
  have
• 42:27
  hated
• 42:28
  myself
• 42:28
  or
• 42:28
  wanted
• 42:28
  to,
• 42:29
  you
• 42:29
  know,
• 42:30
  disappear
• 42:31
  from
• 42:31
  the
• 42:31
  world
• 42:31
  because
• 42:33
  I
• 42:33
  would
• 42:33
  have
• 42:33
  been
• 42:33
  able
• 42:33
  to
• 42:33
  give
• 42:34
  all
• 42:34
  of
• 42:34
  my
• 42:35
  problems
• 42:35
  over
• 42:36
  to
• 42:36
  Christ.
• 42:37
  Right.
• 42:37
  And
• 42:38
  I'm
• 42:38
  just
• 42:38
  like,
• 42:38
  that's
• 42:39
  not
• 42:40
  at
• 42:40
  all,
• 42:40
  like.
• 42:41
  I
• 42:41
  don't
• 42:41
  know.
• 42:42
  But
• 42:42
  then
• 42:42
  it
• 42:43
  would,
• 42:43
  like,
• 42:43
  put
• 42:43
  that
• 42:44
  burden
• 42:44
  on
• 42:44
  you
• 42:45
  and
• 42:45
  make
• 42:45
  you
• 42:45
  panic
• 42:46
  of
• 42:46
  like,
• 42:46
  oh,
• 42:46
  you're
• 42:47
  right.
• 42:47
  Like,
• 42:47
  there
• 42:47
  is
• 42:47
  something
• 42:47
  wrong
• 42:48
  with
• 42:48
  me.
• 42:48
  And
• 42:48
  then
• 42:48
  would
• 42:49
  that,
• 42:49
  like,
• 42:49
  transpire
• 42:50
  into,
• 42:50
  like.
• 42:51
  Well,
• 42:51
  interestingly,
• 42:52
  I
• 42:52
  want
• 42:52
  to
• 42:53
  say
• 42:53
  I
• 42:53
  didn't
• 42:53
  feel
• 42:53
  like
• 42:54
  they
• 42:54
  were
• 42:54
  right.
• 42:54
  I
• 42:55
  guess
• 42:55
  I
• 42:55
  kind
• 42:55
  of,
• 42:55
  like,
• 42:55
  fought
• 42:56
  back
• 42:56
  against
• 42:56
  it,
• 42:57
  and
• 42:57
  that's
• 42:57
  why
• 42:57
  we
• 42:57
  kind
• 42:58
  of
• 42:58
  were,
• 42:58
  like,
• 42:58
  fighting
• 42:58
  and.
• 42:59
  But
• 42:59
  at
• 42:59
  the
• 42:59
  same
• 43:00
  time,
• 43:01
  even.
• 43:02
  Even
• 43:02
  in
• 43:02
  denial,
• 43:03
  I
• 43:03
  guess
• 43:03
  maybe
• 43:03
  there's
• 43:03
  a
• 43:03
  part
• 43:04
  of
• 43:04
  me
• 43:04
  that's
• 43:04
  like,
• 43:05
  oh,
• 43:05
  what
• 43:06
  is
• 43:06
  wrong?
• 43:07
  I
• 43:07
  don't
• 43:07
  know.
• 43:07
  What.
• 43:08
  Do
• 43:08
  you
• 43:09
  remember
• 43:09
  any
• 43:09
  of
• 43:09
  that,
• 43:09
  Melissa?
• 43:10
  I
• 43:11
  wasn't.
• 43:11
  We
• 43:11
  talked
• 43:11
  about
• 43:12
  it
• 43:12
  later,
• 43:12
  and
• 43:13
  I
• 43:13
  just
• 43:13
  remember,
• 43:14
  like,
• 43:14
  when
• 43:14
  you
• 43:14
  were
• 43:14
  telling
• 43:15
  me
• 43:15
  later
• 43:16
  that,
• 43:16
  like,
• 43:16
  they
• 43:16
  kept
• 43:17
  saying,
• 43:17
  okay,
• 43:17
  well,
• 43:18
  you're
• 43:18
  probably
• 43:18
  about
• 43:18
  ready
• 43:19
  to
• 43:19
  leave,
• 43:20
  like,
• 43:20
  in
• 43:20
  the
• 43:20
  next
• 43:20
  few
• 43:20
  days,
• 43:21
  and
• 43:21
  then
• 43:21
  your
• 43:21
  parents
• 43:21
  would
• 43:21
  come
• 43:22
  visit
• 43:22
  you,
• 43:22
  and
• 43:22
  then
• 43:23
  you'd,
• 43:23
  like,
• 43:24
  take
• 43:24
  a
• 43:24
  nosedive
• 43:25
  your
• 43:26
  wellness.
• 43:27
  And
• 43:27
  the
• 43:27
  doctor
• 43:27
  was
• 43:28
  like,
• 43:28
  yeah,
• 43:28
  no,
• 43:28
  we
• 43:29
  got
• 43:29
  to
• 43:29
  keep
• 43:29
  you
• 43:29
  longer.
• 43:29
  And
• 43:29
  I
• 43:30
  didn't
• 43:30
  the
• 43:30
  doctor
• 43:31
  eventually
• 43:31
  say,
• 43:31
  like,
• 43:32
  don't
• 43:32
  let
• 43:32
  her
• 43:32
  family
• 43:32
  come
• 43:33
  anymore
• 43:33
  or
• 43:33
  something
• 43:33
  like
• 43:34
  that?
• 43:34
  That's
• 43:35
  exactly
• 43:35
  right.
• 43:35
  I
• 43:36
  forgot
• 43:36
  about
• 43:36
  that.
• 43:37
  So
• 43:37
  they.
• 43:37
  I.
• 43:38
  So
• 43:38
  it
• 43:38
  was
• 43:39
  actually
• 43:39
  like,
• 43:39
  a
• 43:39
  team
• 43:39
  of
• 43:40
  doctors
• 43:40
  that
• 43:40
  you're
• 43:41
  talking
• 43:41
  to,
• 43:41
  like,
• 43:41
  a
• 43:41
  social
• 43:42
  worker
• 43:42
  and
• 43:42
  a
• 43:42
  doctor
• 43:42
  and
• 43:43
  a
• 43:43
  nurse
• 43:43
  practitioner.
• 43:44
  I
• 43:44
  don't
• 43:44
  know.
• 43:45
  And
• 43:45
  they
• 43:45
  would,
• 43:46
  like,
• 43:46
  get
• 43:46
  together
• 43:46
  and
• 43:47
  have,
• 43:47
  like,
• 43:47
  little
• 43:47
  pout.
• 43:48
  Oh,
• 43:48
  I
• 43:48
  think
• 43:49
  that's
• 43:49
  not
• 43:49
  PC
• 43:49
  to
• 43:49
  say
• 43:50
  anymore,
• 43:50
  which
• 43:50
  it
• 43:51
  probably
• 43:51
  never
• 43:51
  was.
• 43:51
  But
• 43:52
  they
• 43:52
  would
• 43:52
  have
• 43:53
  meetings
• 43:53
  about
• 43:53
  you
• 43:54
  and
• 43:54
  then
• 43:54
  decide
• 43:55
  where
• 43:56
  and
• 43:56
  what
• 43:56
  you
• 43:56
  should
• 43:57
  do
• 43:57
  next.
• 43:58
  And
• 43:58
  I
• 43:58
  remember
• 43:58
  after
• 43:59
  one
• 43:59
  of
• 43:59
  the
• 43:59
  meetings,
• 44:01
  one
• 44:01
  of
• 44:01
  the
• 44:01
  doctors
• 44:02
  came
• 44:02
  back
• 44:02
  to
• 44:02
  me
• 44:02
  and
• 44:02
  said,
• 44:03
  you
• 44:03
  know,
• 44:03
  we've
• 44:04
  been
• 44:04
  talking
• 44:04
  about
• 44:04
  it,
• 44:04
  and
• 44:04
  every
• 44:05
  time
• 44:05
  they
• 44:05
  come
• 44:05
  in,
• 44:05
  you
• 44:06
  decline.
• 44:06
  It's
• 44:07
  okay
• 44:08
  if
• 44:08
  you
• 44:08
  tell
• 44:08
  them
• 44:09
  that
• 44:09
  you
• 44:09
  don't
• 44:09
  want
• 44:09
  them
• 44:10
  to
• 44:10
  visit
• 44:10
  you,
• 44:11
  and
• 44:11
  it's
• 44:11
  okay
• 44:12
  for
• 44:12
  you
• 44:13
  to,
• 44:13
  like,
• 44:14
  not
• 44:14
  have
• 44:14
  them
• 44:15
  in
• 44:15
  your
• 44:15
  life
• 44:15
  as
• 44:16
  much
• 44:16
  as
• 44:16
  they
• 44:16
  have
• 44:16
  been
• 44:16
  in
• 44:17
  the
• 44:17
  past.
• 44:18
  And
• 44:18
  I.
• 44:19
  That
• 44:19
  was
• 44:20
  hard
• 44:20
  for
• 44:20
  me
• 44:21
  because.
• 44:22
  But
• 44:22
  it
• 44:22
  was
• 44:22
  a
• 44:22
  person
• 44:22
  of
• 44:23
  authority,
• 44:23
  I
• 44:23
  guess,
• 44:23
  telling
• 44:24
  me.
• 44:24
  And
• 44:24
  so
• 44:24
  I
• 44:24
  felt
• 44:24
  like,
• 44:24
  okay,
• 44:25
  yeah,
• 44:26
  I
• 44:26
  guess
• 44:27
  I
• 44:27
  can
• 44:27
  do
• 44:27
  it.
• 44:27
  I
• 44:28
  remember
• 44:28
  that
• 44:29
  they
• 44:29
  even
• 44:30
  had
• 44:30
  said,
• 44:31
  if
• 44:31
  you
• 44:31
  don't,
• 44:32
  they
• 44:32
  don't
• 44:32
  have
• 44:32
  to
• 44:33
  be
• 44:33
  there
• 44:33
  when
• 44:34
  you
• 44:34
  go
• 44:34
  in
• 44:34
  front
• 44:34
  of
• 44:34
  the
• 44:34
  judge.
• 44:35
  Like,
• 44:35
  you
• 44:35
  don't
• 44:36
  have
• 44:36
  to
• 44:36
  have
• 44:36
  them
• 44:36
  there.
• 44:37
  And
• 44:37
  that
• 44:37
  was
• 44:37
  a
• 44:37
  really
• 44:38
  big
• 44:38
  decision
• 44:38
  for
• 44:39
  me
• 44:39
  to
• 44:39
  make,
• 44:39
  too,
• 44:40
  because
• 44:40
  they're.
• 44:41
  Already
• 44:41
  expecting
• 44:42
  you,
• 44:43
  and
• 44:43
  now
• 44:43
  you're
• 44:43
  saying,
• 44:44
  don't
• 44:44
  show
• 44:44
  up.
• 44:44
  Yeah,
• 44:45
  exactly.
• 44:46
  And
• 44:46
  so,
• 44:47
  yeah,
• 44:47
  they
• 44:48
  didn't
• 44:48
  show
• 44:48
  up.
• 44:48
  And.
• 44:50
  Yeah.
• 44:50
  And
• 44:51
  I
• 44:51
  was
• 44:51
  able
• 44:51
  to
• 44:51
  kind
• 44:51
  of.
• 44:52
  Like,
• 44:52
  get
• 44:52
  myself
• 44:53
  together,
• 44:53
  go
• 44:53
  back
• 44:53
  home
• 44:54
  after
• 44:54
  this.
• 44:55
  No.
• 44:55
  And
• 44:55
  I
• 44:56
  didn't
• 44:56
  have
• 44:56
  a
• 44:56
  place
• 44:56
  to
• 44:56
  go
• 44:57
  back
• 44:57
  to
• 44:57
  because
• 44:57
  my
• 44:58
  roommate
• 44:58
  ended
• 44:58
  up
• 44:59
  getting
• 44:59
  out
• 44:59
  of
• 44:59
  our
• 44:59
  apartment
• 45:00
  lease
• 45:00
  and
• 45:00
  moving
• 45:01
  in
• 45:01
  with
• 45:01
  her
• 45:01
  boyfriend
• 45:02
  or
• 45:02
  maybe
• 45:03
  getting
• 45:03
  married.
• 45:03
  I
• 45:03
  can't
• 45:03
  remember
• 45:04
  what
• 45:04
  happened,
• 45:04
  but
• 45:04
  she
• 45:04
  got
• 45:04
  rid
• 45:05
  of
• 45:05
  our
• 45:05
  apartment
• 45:05
  lease.
• 45:06
  And
• 45:07
  so
• 45:07
  what
• 45:07
  did
• 45:07
  you
• 45:07
  do?
• 45:08
  I
• 45:08
  stayed
• 45:08
  with
• 45:09
  some
• 45:09
  friends.
• 45:09
  And
• 45:10
  you
• 45:11
  came
• 45:11
  to
• 45:11
  live
• 45:11
  with
• 45:11
  us.
• 45:12
  I
• 45:12
  came
• 45:12
  to
• 45:12
  live
• 45:12
  with
• 45:12
  the
• 45:12
  Walkers.
• 45:13
  Oh.
• 45:13
  Yeah.
• 45:14
  So
• 45:14
  Thomas,
• 45:15
  me
• 45:15
  let
• 45:16
  me
• 45:16
  stay
• 45:16
  with
• 45:16
  them
• 45:16
  for,
• 45:17
  I
• 45:18
  would
• 45:18
  say,
• 45:18
  about
• 45:18
  a
• 45:18
  week.
• 45:19
  And
• 45:19
  you
• 45:20
  were
• 45:20
  trying
• 45:20
  to
• 45:20
  talk
• 45:20
  me
• 45:20
  into
• 45:21
  coming
• 45:21
  out.
• 45:22
  We
• 45:22
  were
• 45:22
  like.
• 45:23
  She
• 45:23
  was
• 45:23
  so
• 45:24
  worried
• 45:24
  about
• 45:24
  being
• 45:24
  a
• 45:25
  burden.
• 45:26
  And
• 45:28
  I
• 45:28
  remember
• 45:29
  saying
• 45:29
  to
• 45:30
  you,
• 45:30
  like,
• 45:30
  I
• 45:30
  was
• 45:31
  like.
• 45:31
  I
• 45:31
  was
• 45:31
  totally
• 45:32
  being
• 45:32
  sincere,
• 45:32
  but
• 45:32
  I
• 45:33
  was,
• 45:33
  like,
• 45:33
  trying
• 45:33
  to
• 45:33
  convince
• 45:33
  you.
• 45:33
  I'm
• 45:34
  like,
• 45:34
  it
• 45:34
  would
• 45:35
  be
• 45:35
  a
• 45:35
  huge
• 45:35
  help
• 45:36
  to
• 45:36
  us
• 45:36
  because
• 45:37
  my
• 45:37
  husband
• 45:38
  had
• 45:39
  lost
• 45:39
  his
• 45:39
  job
• 45:39
  at
• 45:39
  Pfizer.
• 45:40
  We
• 45:41
  were,
• 45:41
  like,
• 45:41
  trying
• 45:41
  to
• 45:41
  do
• 45:41
  this
• 45:42
  startup
• 45:42
  business.
• 45:43
  I
• 45:43
  was
• 45:43
  trying
• 45:43
  to,
• 45:44
  like,
• 45:44
  work,
• 45:44
  but
• 45:45
  the
• 45:45
  kids
• 45:45
  were
• 45:45
  little.
• 45:46
  And,
• 45:46
  like,
• 45:46
  there's
• 45:46
  no
• 45:46
  way
• 45:47
  that,
• 45:47
  like,
• 45:47
  without
• 45:47
  any
• 45:47
  work
• 45:48
  experience,
• 45:48
  I
• 45:48
  could
• 45:48
  make
• 45:49
  enough
• 45:49
  money
• 45:49
  to
• 45:49
  pay
• 45:49
  for
• 45:50
  daycare
• 45:50
  for
• 45:51
  two
• 45:51
  little
• 45:51
  kids.
• 45:52
  Like,
• 45:52
  it
• 45:52
  just
• 45:52
  went.
• 45:53
  So
• 45:53
  we
• 45:53
  were
• 45:53
  like,
• 45:53
  honestly,
• 45:54
  like,
• 45:55
  having
• 45:55
  somebody
• 45:56
  to
• 45:56
  help
• 45:56
  with
• 45:56
  the
• 45:56
  kids,
• 45:57
  help
• 45:57
  with
• 45:57
  the
• 45:57
  business
• 45:58
  would
• 45:59
  be
• 45:59
  the
• 45:59
  biggest
• 46:00
  help
• 46:00
  in
• 46:00
  the
• 46:00
  world
• 46:00
  to
• 46:00
  us.
• 46:01
  You
• 46:01
  would
• 46:01
  be
• 46:01
  doing
• 46:01
  us
• 46:02
  a
• 46:02
  favor.
• 46:03
  And
• 46:03
  while
• 46:03
  you're
• 46:04
  getting
• 46:04
  back
• 46:04
  on
• 46:04
  your
• 46:04
  feet.
• 46:05
  And,
• 46:05
  I
• 46:05
  mean,
• 46:06
  it
• 46:06
  was
• 46:06
  true.
• 46:06
  And
• 46:07
  also,
• 46:07
  we
• 46:07
  were
• 46:07
  very
• 46:08
  happy
• 46:08
  to
• 46:08
  be,
• 46:08
  like.
• 46:09
  Like,
• 46:09
  we
• 46:09
  knew
• 46:09
  that
• 46:09
  we
• 46:10
  could,
• 46:10
  like,
• 46:10
  be
• 46:11
  a
• 46:11
  safe
• 46:12
  place.
• 46:12
  Yeah.
• 46:13
  Honestly,
• 46:14
  it
• 46:14
  was
• 46:14
  very
• 46:15
  safe.
• 46:15
  I
• 46:16
  feel
• 46:16
  like
• 46:16
  I
• 46:16
  learned
• 46:17
  so
• 46:17
  much
• 46:17
  at
• 46:17
  that
• 46:17
  time,
• 46:18
  and
• 46:18
  I
• 46:18
  know
• 46:18
  I
• 46:19
  wasn't
• 46:19
  easy
• 46:19
  to
• 46:19
  live
• 46:19
  with.
• 46:19
  There
• 46:20
  was
• 46:20
  times
• 46:20
  when,
• 46:20
  like,
• 46:21
  I
• 46:21
  would
• 46:21
  just
• 46:21
  disappear
• 46:21
  into
• 46:22
  the
• 46:22
  room,
• 46:22
  and
• 46:23
  I.
• 46:23
  Don'T
• 46:23
  think
• 46:24
  you
• 46:24
  were
• 46:24
  easy
• 46:24
  to
• 46:25
  live
• 46:25
  with,
• 46:25
  and
• 46:26
  I
• 46:27
  very.
• 46:27
  Yeah,
• 46:28
  because
• 46:28
  you
• 46:28
  were,
• 46:28
  like,
• 46:29
  overly
• 46:29
  accommodating.
• 46:30
  But
• 46:30
  there
• 46:31
  were
• 46:31
  probably,
• 46:31
  like,
• 46:31
  a
• 46:32
  couple.
• 46:32
  Like,
• 46:32
  the
• 46:32
  couple
• 46:32
  of
• 46:33
  times
• 46:33
  that
• 46:33
  we
• 46:33
  had,
• 46:33
  like,
• 46:33
  a
• 46:34
  couple
• 46:34
  of,
• 46:34
  like,
• 46:34
  disagreements.
• 46:36
  I
• 46:36
  definitely
• 46:36
  feel
• 46:36
  like
• 46:36
  I
• 46:36
  was
• 46:37
  the
• 46:37
  bitch
• 46:38
  on
• 46:38
  both
• 46:38
  of
• 46:38
  those.
• 46:41
  I.
• 46:41
  I
• 46:41
  only.
• 46:42
  I.
• 46:42
  I
• 46:42
  don't
• 46:42
  even
• 46:42
  remember.
• 46:43
  I
• 46:43
  only
• 46:43
  remember
• 46:43
  one
• 46:44
  thing,
• 46:44
  and
• 46:44
  that
• 46:44
  was.
• 46:44
  Cause
• 46:44
  you
• 46:44
  reminded
• 46:45
  me
• 46:45
  of
• 46:45
  it.
• 46:45
  But
• 46:46
  anyway.
• 46:47
  So
• 46:48
  you
• 46:48
  got
• 46:48
  back
• 46:48
  on
• 46:48
  your
• 46:49
  feet.
• 46:49
  Yeah,
• 46:49
  by
• 46:49
  living
• 46:50
  with
• 46:50
  them,
• 46:50
  but.
• 46:51
  But
• 46:51
  I
• 46:51
  was
• 46:51
  able
• 46:52
  to,
• 46:52
  like,
• 46:52
  watch
• 46:52
  them
• 46:53
  with
• 46:53
  Ethan
• 46:53
  and
• 46:53
  Ivy
• 46:54
  and
• 46:54
  just
• 46:55
  kind
• 46:55
  of
• 46:55
  see,
• 46:55
  like,
• 46:56
  one
• 46:56
  of
• 46:56
  the
• 46:56
  biggest
• 46:56
  things
• 46:57
  that.
• 46:57
  Something
• 46:57
  healthy
• 46:58
  there.
• 46:58
  See
• 46:59
  something
• 46:59
  healthy.
• 47:00
  One
• 47:00
  of
• 47:00
  the
• 47:00
  biggest
• 47:01
  things,
• 47:01
  and
• 47:01
  it
• 47:01
  seems
• 47:02
  so
• 47:02
  small
• 47:02
  that
• 47:02
  I
• 47:03
  learned
• 47:03
  was
• 47:03
  people
• 47:03
  are
• 47:04
  more
• 47:04
  important
• 47:04
  than
• 47:04
  things.
• 47:06
  And
• 47:06
  I
• 47:06
  remember,
• 47:07
  like,
• 47:07
  that
• 47:08
  blew
• 47:08
  my
• 47:08
  mind.
• 47:09
  Like,
• 47:09
  you
• 47:10
  could
• 47:10
  break
• 47:10
  a
• 47:10
  dish,
• 47:11
  and
• 47:12
  you
• 47:12
  were
• 47:12
  still
• 47:13
  more
• 47:13
  important
• 47:13
  than
• 47:14
  getting
• 47:14
  mad
• 47:14
  about
• 47:14
  the
• 47:15
  dish
• 47:15
  being
• 47:15
  broken
• 47:15
  or,
• 47:16
  like,
• 47:16
  you
• 47:16
  could
• 47:16
  probably
• 47:16
  wreck
• 47:17
  a
• 47:17
  car.
• 47:18
  And
• 47:18
  it
• 47:19
  was
• 47:19
  still.
• 47:19
  That
• 47:19
  is
• 47:20
  so
• 47:20
  funny.
• 47:20
  I
• 47:20
  think
• 47:20
  I
• 47:20
  had
• 47:21
  to
• 47:21
  learn
• 47:21
  that,
• 47:21
  like,
• 47:22
  later
• 47:22
  in
• 47:22
  life,
• 47:22
  too.
• 47:23
  Like,
• 47:23
  if
• 47:23
  we
• 47:24
  got,
• 47:24
  like,
• 47:24
  a
• 47:24
  drop
• 47:25
  of
• 47:25
  spaghetti
• 47:25
  sauce,
• 47:26
  like,
• 47:26
  on
• 47:26
  the
• 47:26
  carpet,
• 47:27
  it
• 47:27
  was
• 47:27
  like,
• 47:27
  oh,
• 47:28
  my
• 47:28
  gosh,
• 47:28
  am
• 47:28
  I
• 47:29
  about
• 47:29
  to
• 47:29
  die
• 47:29
  now?
• 47:30
  And,
• 47:31
  like,
• 47:31
  getting
• 47:31
  to
• 47:32
  the
• 47:32
  point
• 47:32
  of,
• 47:32
  like,
• 47:33
  I
• 47:33
  think
• 47:33
  I
• 47:33
  was
• 47:34
  hard
• 47:34
  on
• 47:34
  the
• 47:34
  kids
• 47:34
  for
• 47:35
  a
• 47:35
  while.
• 47:35
  Of
• 47:36
  like,
• 47:36
  you
• 47:36
  just
• 47:36
  got
• 47:37
  a
• 47:37
  spot
• 47:37
  on
• 47:37
  the
• 47:37
  carpet.
• 47:38
  Now
• 47:38
  I
• 47:38
  have
• 47:38
  to
• 47:38
  clean
• 47:38
  it.
• 47:39
  And
• 47:39
  now
• 47:39
  I'm
• 47:39
  like,
• 47:40
  it's
• 47:40
  okay.
• 47:41
  It's
• 47:41
  like,
• 47:41
  let's
• 47:42
  just
• 47:42
  drop
• 47:42
  the
• 47:42
  spaghetti
• 47:43
  on
• 47:43
  the
• 47:43
  floor.
• 47:43
  Like,
• 47:43
  it's
• 47:43
  okay.
• 47:44
  We're
• 47:44
  gonna
• 47:44
  fix
• 47:44
  it.
• 47:45
  Exactly.
• 47:46
  And
• 47:46
  the
• 47:46
  other
• 47:46
  thing
• 47:47
  I
• 47:47
  remember
• 47:47
  about
• 47:47
  that
• 47:48
  time,
• 47:49
  I
• 47:49
  really,
• 47:49
  really
• 47:49
  wanted
• 47:50
  a
• 47:50
  dog.
• 47:51
  And
• 47:51
  Melissa
• 47:52
  Walker.
• 47:52
  Melissa
• 47:53
  was
• 47:53
  like,
• 47:53
  well,
• 47:53
  get
• 47:53
  a
• 47:54
  dog.
• 47:54
  And
• 47:54
  I
• 47:55
  was
• 47:55
  like,
• 47:55
  what?
• 47:55
  But
• 47:56
  in
• 47:56
  your
• 47:56
  house.
• 47:57
  Because
• 47:57
  I
• 47:58
  wouldn't
• 47:58
  want
• 47:58
  it
• 47:58
  to
• 47:58
  be
• 47:58
  outside.
• 47:58
  We
• 47:59
  didn't
• 47:59
  have
• 47:59
  any
• 47:59
  pest.
• 48:00
  Yeah,
• 48:01
  it
• 48:01
  wasn't
• 48:02
  like
• 48:02
  that.
• 48:02
  Like,
• 48:02
  we
• 48:02
  were,
• 48:02
  like.
• 48:03
  Not
• 48:03
  like,
• 48:03
  the
• 48:04
  kids
• 48:04
  were
• 48:04
  little.
• 48:05
  I
• 48:05
  don't
• 48:05
  think
• 48:05
  we
• 48:05
  even
• 48:06
  had
• 48:06
  the
• 48:06
  bunnies.
• 48:06
  Like,
• 48:07
  we
• 48:07
  didn't.
• 48:07
  No,
• 48:07
  you
• 48:07
  didn't.
• 48:08
  We
• 48:08
  had
• 48:09
  no
• 48:09
  pets
• 48:09
  at
• 48:09
  that
• 48:09
  time.
• 48:10
  So,
• 48:11
  you
• 48:11
  know,
• 48:11
  going
• 48:11
  from,
• 48:12
  like,
• 48:12
  no
• 48:12
  pets
• 48:13
  to
• 48:13
  a
• 48:13
  dog,
• 48:13
  it's
• 48:13
  a
• 48:14
  bit
• 48:14
  of
• 48:14
  a
• 48:14
  transition.
• 48:15
  But
• 48:16
  the
• 48:16
  kids
• 48:16
  enter
• 48:17
  Waverly.
• 48:17
  It
• 48:18
  was
• 48:18
  Waverly.
• 48:19
  Yeah.
• 48:19
  And
• 48:19
  the
• 48:20
  kids,
• 48:20
  like,
• 48:20
  all
• 48:20
  of
• 48:21
  us,
• 48:21
  love
• 48:21
  Waverly.
• 48:21
  But,
• 48:22
  like,
• 48:22
  the
• 48:22
  kids
• 48:22
  were,
• 48:22
  like,
• 48:22
  so,
• 48:23
  so
• 48:24
  excited.
• 48:25
  Yeah.
• 48:26
  They
• 48:26
  were
• 48:26
  so
• 48:27
  sweet
• 48:27
  with
• 48:27
  her.
• 48:28
  Oh.
• 48:28
  One
• 48:29
  very
• 48:29
  important
• 48:29
  thing
• 48:30
  that
• 48:30
  we
• 48:30
  forgot
• 48:30
  to
• 48:31
  say
• 48:31
  is
• 48:31
  you
• 48:32
  had
• 48:32
  one
• 48:32
  rule
• 48:33
  when
• 48:33
  I
• 48:33
  came
• 48:33
  to
• 48:33
  live
• 48:33
  with
• 48:34
  you.
• 48:34
  Do
• 48:34
  you
• 48:34
  remember
• 48:34
  it?
• 48:35
  I
• 48:36
  Think
• 48:36
  it
• 48:36
  was.
• 48:36
  You're
• 48:37
  not
• 48:37
  allowed
• 48:37
  to
• 48:37
  try
• 48:37
  to
• 48:38
  kill
• 48:38
  yourself
• 48:38
  because
• 48:38
  it
• 48:39
  would
• 48:39
  traumatize
• 48:39
  my
• 48:39
  kids.
• 48:40
  Pretty
• 48:41
  much.
• 48:42
  Two
• 48:42
  rules.
• 48:44
  Okay.
• 48:45
  Get
• 48:45
  therapy.
• 48:47
  Okay.
• 48:47
  Yeah,
• 48:48
  I.
• 48:48
  Because
• 48:48
  I.
• 48:49
  My
• 48:49
  only
• 48:49
  concern,
• 48:50
  and
• 48:50
  it
• 48:50
  was
• 48:50
  a
• 48:51
  real
• 48:51
  concern
• 48:51
  was,
• 48:51
  like,
• 48:52
  my
• 48:52
  kids
• 48:52
  are
• 48:53
  going
• 48:53
  to
• 48:53
  be
• 48:53
  attached
• 48:54
  to
• 48:54
  you.
• 48:54
  Yep.
• 48:55
  And
• 48:56
  if,
• 48:57
  like,
• 48:58
  you
• 48:59
  attempt
• 48:59
  again,
• 49:00
  they're
• 49:00
  going
• 49:01
  to
• 49:01
  know
• 49:01
  about
• 49:01
  it
• 49:01
  and
• 49:02
  it's
• 49:02
  going
• 49:02
  to
• 49:02
  affect
• 49:03
  them.
• 49:03
  And
• 49:04
  so,
• 49:05
  like,
• 49:05
  the,
• 49:06
  like,
• 49:07
  I
• 49:07
  have
• 49:07
  to
• 49:08
  protect
• 49:08
  my
• 49:08
  kids
• 49:08
  from
• 49:09
  being
• 49:09
  traumatized
• 49:10
  by
• 49:11
  that.
• 49:11
  Yeah.
• 49:12
  So
• 49:12
  that's
• 49:13
  really
• 49:13
  fair.
• 49:14
  How
• 49:14
  is
• 49:14
  that.
• 49:14
  How
• 49:15
  did
• 49:15
  that
• 49:15
  feel
• 49:15
  for
• 49:15
  you,
• 49:16
  Melissa
• 49:16
  Walker,
• 49:17
  to
• 49:17
  have
• 49:17
  to
• 49:17
  say
• 49:17
  that
• 49:17
  to
• 49:18
  your
• 49:18
  friend?
• 49:19
  Like,
• 49:19
  hey,
• 49:20
  there's
• 49:20
  a
• 49:20
  rule
• 49:20
  in
• 49:20
  my
• 49:20
  house.
• 49:21
  You
• 49:21
  can't
• 49:21
  attempt
• 49:22
  to
• 49:22
  kill
• 49:22
  yourself.
• 49:22
  Because,
• 49:23
  like,
• 49:23
  I
• 49:24
  feel
• 49:24
  like
• 49:24
  that's
• 49:24
  awkward.
• 49:25
  I
• 49:25
  just.
• 49:27
  I
• 49:27
  just
• 49:27
  felt
• 49:28
  like
• 49:28
  I'm
• 49:28
  very
• 49:29
  happy
• 49:30
  thing.
• 49:30
  But,
• 49:30
  like,
• 49:31
  my
• 49:31
  kids.
• 49:31
  My
• 49:32
  first
• 49:32
  responsibility
• 49:32
  is
• 49:33
  to
• 49:33
  my
• 49:33
  kids.
• 49:33
  And,
• 49:36
  like,
• 49:36
  that.
• 49:37
  That
• 49:37
  I'm
• 49:38
  not
• 49:38
  like.
• 49:38
  And
• 49:39
  I
• 49:39
  understand
• 49:39
  that.
• 49:40
  Yeah.
• 49:41
  No,
• 49:41
  I
• 49:41
  just.
• 49:42
  I
• 49:42
  love
• 49:42
  that
• 49:42
  you
• 49:42
  were,
• 49:43
  like,
• 49:45
  brave
• 49:45
  enough
• 49:45
  to
• 49:45
  just,
• 49:46
  like,
• 49:46
  you
• 49:46
  know,
• 49:46
  protect
• 49:47
  your
• 49:47
  kids
• 49:47
  first.
• 49:47
  Because
• 49:48
  I
• 49:48
  feel
• 49:48
  like
• 49:48
  if
• 49:48
  I
• 49:48
  was
• 49:48
  in
• 49:48
  this
• 49:48
  situation,
• 49:49
  I
• 49:49
  would
• 49:49
  just,
• 49:49
  in
• 49:50
  my
• 49:50
  head,
• 49:50
  be
• 49:50
  like,
• 49:50
  okay,
• 49:51
  this
• 49:51
  is
• 49:51
  gonna
• 49:51
  be
• 49:51
  really
• 49:51
  traumatizing
• 49:52
  if
• 49:52
  this
• 49:52
  happens.
• 49:53
  Let's
• 49:53
  just
• 49:54
  hope
• 49:54
  it
• 49:54
  doesn't
• 49:54
  happen.
• 49:55
  And,
• 49:55
  like,
• 49:55
  instead
• 49:55
  of,
• 49:56
  like,
• 49:56
  getting
• 49:56
  in
• 49:57
  front
• 49:57
  of
• 49:57
  it
• 49:57
  and
• 49:57
  just
• 49:57
  being
• 49:57
  like,
• 49:57
  to
• 49:58
  be
• 49:58
  clear.
• 50:00
  That's
• 50:00
  another
• 50:00
  thing
• 50:01
  I
• 50:01
  learned
• 50:01
  from
• 50:01
  Melissa
• 50:02
  Walker,
• 50:02
  and
• 50:02
  it's
• 50:03
  been
• 50:03
  a
• 50:03
  huge
• 50:04
  boon
• 50:05
  on
• 50:05
  my
• 50:05
  mental
• 50:05
  health
• 50:06
  journey
• 50:06
  is
• 50:06
  communication.
• 50:07
  One
• 50:08
  of
• 50:08
  the
• 50:08
  things
• 50:08
  I
• 50:08
  remember
• 50:08
  you
• 50:09
  always
• 50:09
  kind
• 50:09
  of
• 50:09
  saying
• 50:10
  is,
• 50:10
  like,
• 50:10
  you
• 50:10
  can't
• 50:10
  be
• 50:11
  mad
• 50:11
  about
• 50:11
  something
• 50:12
  that
• 50:13
  you
• 50:13
  never
• 50:14
  voiced
• 50:15
  was
• 50:15
  bothering
• 50:15
  you.
• 50:16
  Right.
• 50:17
  And
• 50:17
  I
• 50:17
  remember,
• 50:18
  like,
• 50:18
  yes,
• 50:18
  you
• 50:18
  can
• 50:19
  be,
• 50:19
  I
• 50:19
  guess.
• 50:19
  But
• 50:19
  I
• 50:20
  remember
• 50:20
  you
• 50:20
  being
• 50:20
  very,
• 50:21
  like,
• 50:21
  hey,
• 50:22
  we
• 50:22
  talk
• 50:22
  about
• 50:22
  things
• 50:23
  in
• 50:23
  this
• 50:23
  family.
• 50:24
  Well,
• 50:24
  you
• 50:24
  can,
• 50:25
  like,
• 50:25
  your
• 50:26
  feelings
• 50:26
  are
• 50:26
  always
• 50:26
  valid,
• 50:27
  but,
• 50:27
  like,
• 50:27
  if.
• 50:27
  If
• 50:28
  I
• 50:28
  don't
• 50:28
  know
• 50:28
  something,
• 50:29
  like,
• 50:29
  like,
• 50:30
  you
• 50:30
  gotta
• 50:30
  tell
• 50:30
  me.
• 50:31
  And
• 50:31
  then
• 50:31
  if
• 50:31
  I
• 50:32
  don't
• 50:32
  do
• 50:32
  it,
• 50:32
  then
• 50:32
  you
• 50:32
  can
• 50:32
  be
• 50:33
  mad,
• 50:33
  but,
• 50:33
  like.
• 50:34
  Yeah,
• 50:34
  you
• 50:34
  can't
• 50:35
  fix
• 50:35
  what
• 50:35
  you
• 50:35
  don't
• 50:35
  know.
• 50:36
  Yeah,
• 50:36
  exactly.
• 50:37
  So.
• 50:38
  So
• 50:38
  she's
• 50:38
  always
• 50:38
  been
• 50:39
  really
• 50:39
  good
• 50:39
  about
• 50:39
  that.
• 50:41
  And
• 50:41
  I
• 50:41
  would
• 50:41
  say,
• 50:42
  yeah.
• 50:42
  So
• 50:42
  being
• 50:42
  able
• 50:43
  to
• 50:43
  get
• 50:43
  there.
• 50:44
  So
• 50:44
  immediately
• 50:45
  I
• 50:45
  had
• 50:45
  to
• 50:45
  go.
• 50:45
  I
• 50:46
  went
• 50:46
  and
• 50:47
  found
• 50:48
  a
• 50:48
  therapist.
• 50:49
  Not
• 50:49
  really.
• 50:49
  And
• 50:50
  did
• 50:50
  this
• 50:50
  feel,
• 50:51
  like,
• 50:51
  more
• 50:51
  comfortable
• 50:52
  to
• 50:52
  you
• 50:52
  than
• 50:52
  the
• 50:52
  first
• 50:53
  time
• 50:53
  you
• 50:53
  saw
• 50:53
  the
• 50:53
  therapist,
• 50:54
  or.
• 50:56
  Yeah,
• 50:57
  so
• 50:57
  the
• 50:57
  first
• 50:58
  time
• 50:58
  it
• 50:58
  was
• 50:58
  like,
• 50:58
  we
• 50:59
  had
• 50:59
  that
• 50:59
  one
• 50:59
  big,
• 50:59
  long
• 51:00
  talk,
• 51:00
  and
• 51:00
  then
• 51:00
  it
• 51:00
  was
• 51:01
  medication,
• 51:01
  and
• 51:01
  that's
• 51:02
  pretty
• 51:02
  much
• 51:02
  all
• 51:02
  it
• 51:02
  was.
• 51:03
  I
• 51:03
  don't.
• 51:03
  I
• 51:04
  hadn't
• 51:04
  accidentally
• 51:05
  had,
• 51:05
  like,
• 51:06
  the
• 51:06
  real.
• 51:07
  The
• 51:07
  first
• 51:08
  time
• 51:08
  I
• 51:08
  had,
• 51:08
  like,
• 51:08
  real
• 51:09
  therapy
• 51:10
  was
• 51:10
  in
• 51:10
  the
• 51:10
  hospital.
• 51:11
  Okay.
• 51:11
  Okay.
• 51:12
  And
• 51:12
  then.
• 51:13
  And
• 51:13
  there
• 51:13
  was
• 51:13
  a
• 51:14
  Lot
• 51:14
  of
• 51:14
  CBT
• 51:14
  in
• 51:14
  there.
• 51:15
  Cognitive
• 51:16
  behavioral
• 51:16
  therapy,
• 51:17
  which
• 51:18
  actually
• 51:19
  was.
• 51:19
  It
• 51:20
  worked
• 51:20
  for
• 51:20
  me
• 51:20
  at
• 51:20
  the
• 51:20
  time.
• 51:21
  It
• 51:21
  was
• 51:22
  very.
• 51:23
  Here's
• 51:23
  the
• 51:23
  flaws
• 51:24
  in
• 51:24
  your
• 51:24
  thinking.
• 51:24
  And
• 51:25
  I'm
• 51:25
  like,
• 51:25
  I'm
• 51:26
  not
• 51:26
  flawed.
• 51:26
  And
• 51:26
  then
• 51:27
  I'm
• 51:27
  like,
• 51:27
  oh
• 51:27
  yeah,
• 51:27
  that
• 51:28
  is
• 51:28
  flawed.
• 51:28
  Fine.
• 51:31
  But
• 51:31
  yeah.
• 51:32
  So
• 51:33
  I
• 51:33
  forgot
• 51:33
  where
• 51:34
  I
• 51:34
  was
• 51:34
  going.
• 51:35
  We
• 51:35
  had
• 51:35
  you
• 51:36
  immediately
• 51:37
  found
• 51:37
  a
• 51:37
  therapist.
• 51:37
  Okay.
• 51:38
  So
• 51:38
  what
• 51:38
  I
• 51:38
  ended
• 51:39
  up
• 51:39
  having
• 51:39
  to
• 51:39
  do
• 51:39
  is
• 51:39
  I
• 51:40
  didn't
• 51:40
  have
• 51:40
  insurance,
• 51:40
  I
• 51:41
  didn't
• 51:41
  have
• 51:41
  any
• 51:41
  money.
• 51:42
  So
• 51:42
  I
• 51:42
  went
• 51:42
  over
• 51:42
  and
• 51:43
  found
• 51:43
  like.
• 51:44
  I
• 51:44
  think
• 51:44
  you
• 51:44
  might
• 51:44
  have
• 51:45
  googled
• 51:45
  it
• 51:45
  for
• 51:46
  me,
• 51:46
  Melissa.
• 51:46
  Like
• 51:47
  there
• 51:47
  was
• 51:47
  some
• 51:47
  state.
• 51:50
  Did
• 51:50
  you
• 51:50
  go
• 51:50
  to.
• 51:50
  I
• 51:51
  think
• 51:51
  you
• 51:51
  went
• 51:51
  to
• 51:51
  Mhmr.
• 51:53
  Yes,
• 51:53
  actually.
• 51:53
  I
• 51:54
  bet
• 51:54
  you're
• 51:54
  right.
• 51:54
  I
• 51:54
  did.
• 51:55
  What
• 51:55
  does
• 51:55
  that
• 51:55
  stand
• 51:55
  for?
• 51:57
  So.
• 51:58
  So
• 51:58
  this
• 51:58
  is
• 51:58
  funny.
• 51:59
  It.
• 52:00
  It
• 52:00
  used
• 52:00
  to
• 52:01
  stand
• 52:01
  for
• 52:02
  like
• 52:02
  back
• 52:03
  in
• 52:03
  the
• 52:03
  day
• 52:03
  it
• 52:03
  stood
• 52:04
  for
• 52:04
  mental
• 52:04
  health,
• 52:04
  mental
• 52:05
  retardation.
• 52:06
  But
• 52:06
  since
• 52:07
  I
• 52:08
  think
• 52:08
  anymore
• 52:08
  they
• 52:08
  like
• 52:09
  changed
• 52:09
  all
• 52:09
  of
• 52:09
  their
• 52:10
  stuff
• 52:11
  that
• 52:11
  it's
• 52:11
  just
• 52:12
  Mhmr.
• 52:12
  But
• 52:12
  it's.
• 52:13
  It's
• 52:13
  the
• 52:13
  state
• 52:14
  mental
• 52:14
  health.
• 52:14
  Well,
• 52:15
  it's
• 52:15
  the.
• 52:15
  If
• 52:16
  I'm
• 52:16
  ever.
• 52:16
  If
• 52:17
  I
• 52:17
  ever
• 52:17
  win
• 52:17
  a
• 52:17
  billion
• 52:18
  trillion
• 52:18
  dollars,
• 52:18
  I'm
• 52:19
  gonna
• 52:19
  redo
• 52:19
  Texas's
• 52:20
  state
• 52:22
  mental
• 52:22
  health.
• 52:22
  But
• 52:22
  yeah,
• 52:23
  it's
• 52:23
  underfunded,
• 52:24
  but
• 52:24
  it's.
• 52:24
  It's
• 52:24
  the
• 52:25
  like
• 52:25
  state
• 52:25
  paid
• 52:25
  for
• 52:26
  Medicaid
• 52:26
  paid
• 52:26
  for.
• 52:27
  For
• 52:27
  mental
• 52:28
  health.
• 52:28
  I
• 52:28
  remember
• 52:29
  going
• 52:30
  and
• 52:30
  sitting
• 52:30
  in
• 52:30
  this
• 52:31
  lobby
• 52:31
  and
• 52:31
  it
• 52:31
  was
• 52:31
  almost
• 52:32
  like
• 52:32
  the
• 52:32
  dmv.
• 52:33
  You're
• 52:33
  just
• 52:33
  sitting
• 52:33
  there
• 52:34
  with
• 52:34
  like
• 52:34
  tons
• 52:36
  a
• 52:36
  number.
• 52:37
  It's
• 52:38
  super.
• 52:38
  Yeah,
• 52:38
  it's,
• 52:39
  it's.
• 52:39
  It's.
• 52:40
  And
• 52:40
  it's
• 52:41
  like
• 52:41
  where
• 52:41
  all
• 52:41
  the
• 52:41
  people
• 52:42
  who
• 52:43
  don't
• 52:43
  have
• 52:43
  money
• 52:44
  and
• 52:44
  have
• 52:44
  severe
• 52:45
  mental
• 52:45
  illness
• 52:45
  go.
• 52:46
  So
• 52:46
  like,
• 52:46
  it
• 52:46
  doesn't.
• 52:47
  It's
• 52:47
  a
• 52:48
  really
• 52:48
  good
• 52:48
  program.
• 52:48
  But
• 52:49
  like
• 52:50
  it's.
• 52:50
  It's
• 52:51
  trying.
• 52:52
  Yeah.
• 52:53
  Yeah.
• 52:54
  I
• 52:54
  remember
• 52:54
  going.
• 52:55
  I.
• 52:55
  Every
• 52:55
  time
• 52:56
  I
• 52:56
  went,
• 52:56
  I
• 52:56
  would
• 52:56
  meet
• 52:56
  with
• 52:57
  a
• 52:57
  different
• 52:57
  therapist
• 52:57
  and
• 52:58
  every
• 52:58
  time
• 52:58
  I
• 52:58
  went
• 52:59
  it
• 52:59
  was
• 52:59
  like,
• 52:59
  you
• 52:59
  have
• 52:59
  to
• 52:59
  tell
• 52:59
  your
• 53:00
  whole
• 53:00
  life
• 53:00
  story
• 53:00
  again.
• 53:01
  Absolutely
• 53:01
  not.
• 53:02
  It
• 53:02
  was
• 53:02
  not
• 53:02
  amazing.
• 53:03
  I'll
• 53:03
  be
• 53:04
  honest.
• 53:04
  But
• 53:06
  it
• 53:06
  did
• 53:06
  keep
• 53:07
  me
• 53:07
  on
• 53:07
  medication.
• 53:08
  Which
• 53:09
  medication?
• 53:10
  I'm
• 53:10
  just
• 53:10
  gonna
• 53:11
  say
• 53:11
  thank
• 53:12
  goodness
• 53:12
  that
• 53:13
  we
• 53:13
  have
• 53:13
  it
• 53:13
  because
• 53:14
  it's
• 53:14
  an.
• 53:15
  Even
• 53:15
  if
• 53:15
  it's
• 53:15
  not
• 53:15
  the
• 53:16
  end
• 53:16
  all
• 53:16
  be
• 53:16
  all
• 53:16
  and
• 53:16
  it's
• 53:17
  not
• 53:17
  a
• 53:17
  true
• 53:17
  fix.
• 53:18
  It's
• 53:18
  enough
• 53:18
  to
• 53:19
  help
• 53:19
  you
• 53:19
  like
• 53:20
  makes
• 53:21
  calm
• 53:21
  down
• 53:21
  enough
• 53:21
  to.
• 53:22
  To
• 53:23
  work
• 53:23
  on
• 53:23
  yourself.
• 53:23
  I.
• 53:24
  I
• 53:24
  would
• 53:24
  say.
• 53:25
  Yeah,
• 53:25
  that's
• 53:26
  how
• 53:26
  I
• 53:26
  feel
• 53:26
  about
• 53:26
  it
• 53:26
  too.
• 53:27
  Yeah.
• 53:27
  I
• 53:28
  remember
• 53:28
  that
• 53:28
  first
• 53:28
  day
• 53:29
  I
• 53:29
  went.
• 53:30
  Somebody
• 53:31
  actually,
• 53:31
  they
• 53:31
  just
• 53:32
  kind
• 53:32
  of
• 53:32
  like.
• 53:32
  I
• 53:33
  just
• 53:33
  remember
• 53:33
  going
• 53:33
  through
• 53:34
  and
• 53:34
  meeting
• 53:34
  with
• 53:34
  different.
• 53:35
  Now
• 53:35
  you're
• 53:35
  gonna
• 53:35
  go
• 53:35
  down
• 53:36
  the
• 53:36
  hall
• 53:36
  and
• 53:36
  talk
• 53:36
  to
• 53:36
  this
• 53:36
  person
• 53:37
  and
• 53:37
  then
• 53:37
  this
• 53:37
  person.
• 53:38
  And
• 53:38
  in
• 53:38
  the
• 53:38
  end,
• 53:39
  somehow,
• 53:39
  somewhere,
• 53:41
  someone
• 53:41
  There
• 53:41
  signed
• 53:42
  me
• 53:42
  up
• 53:42
  for
• 53:42
  disability.
• 53:43
  Oh,
• 53:43
  really?
• 53:44
  Yeah,
• 53:44
  because
• 53:45
  I
• 53:46
  couldn't
• 53:46
  work.
• 53:47
  Like,
• 53:47
  I
• 53:47
  just.
• 53:47
  I
• 53:48
  was
• 53:48
  living
• 53:48
  with
• 53:49
  my
• 53:49
  friends,
• 53:49
  you
• 53:50
  know,
• 53:50
  and
• 53:51
  so
• 53:51
  I
• 53:51
  remember
• 53:51
  being
• 53:52
  really
• 53:52
  ashamed
• 53:53
  about
• 53:53
  that
• 53:53
  too.
• 53:54
  But
• 53:55
  they
• 53:55
  kept
• 53:55
  saying,
• 53:56
  no,
• 53:56
  this
• 53:56
  is
• 53:56
  what
• 53:57
  it's
• 53:57
  for.
• 53:58
  This
• 53:58
  is
• 53:58
  what
• 53:58
  it's
• 53:58
  for.
• 53:59
  It's
• 53:59
  for
• 53:59
  people
• 53:59
  to
• 53:59
  get
• 54:00
  back
• 54:00
  on
• 54:00
  their
• 54:00
  feet.
• 54:01
  And,
• 54:01
  like,
• 54:01
  so
• 54:01
  I
• 54:02
  was
• 54:02
  on
• 54:02
  disability
• 54:02
  for
• 54:02
  a
• 54:03
  while
• 54:03
  and
• 54:03
  getting
• 54:04
  help
• 54:04
  and
• 54:04
  slowly
• 54:04
  trying
• 54:05
  to
• 54:05
  grow
• 54:05
  and
• 54:05
  become
• 54:07
  more
• 54:07
  healthy
• 54:08
  and.
• 54:09
  But
• 54:09
  I
• 54:09
  would
• 54:10
  say
• 54:10
  it
• 54:10
  was
• 54:10
  a
• 54:10
  long
• 54:10
  road
• 54:11
  because
• 54:11
  then
• 54:12
  in
• 54:12
  that
• 54:12
  time,
• 54:13
  I
• 54:13
  would
• 54:13
  say
• 54:14
  I.
• 54:14
  I
• 54:15
  met
• 54:15
  my.
• 54:16
  And
• 54:16
  married
• 54:17
  my
• 54:17
  ex
• 54:17
  husband
• 54:18
  who
• 54:19
  had
• 54:19
  his
• 54:20
  own
• 54:20
  issues.
• 54:20
  Did
• 54:21
  you
• 54:21
  meet
• 54:21
  him,
• 54:22
  like,
• 54:23
  where
• 54:23
  you
• 54:23
  guys
• 54:23
  were
• 54:23
  living
• 54:24
  together
• 54:25
  or
• 54:25
  In
• 54:26
  Texas?
• 54:26
  Yeah,
• 54:27
  so
• 54:27
  I
• 54:28
  met
• 54:28
  him
• 54:29
  through
• 54:29
  a
• 54:29
  friend
• 54:30
  that
• 54:30
  we
• 54:30
  went
• 54:30
  to
• 54:30
  church
• 54:31
  with.
• 54:31
  It
• 54:31
  was
• 54:31
  her
• 54:31
  brother.
• 54:32
  Oh,
• 54:33
  okay.
• 54:33
  So
• 54:34
  you
• 54:34
  and
• 54:34
  Melissa
• 54:35
  Walker
• 54:35
  were
• 54:35
  still
• 54:36
  Mormon?
• 54:37
  Yes.
• 54:37
  Mm.
• 54:38
  Oh,
• 54:39
  okay.
• 54:39
  Okay.
• 54:40
  Yeah.
• 54:41
  And
• 54:42
  so
• 54:42
  then
• 54:43
  this
• 54:43
  guy
• 54:43
  was
• 54:44
  from
• 54:44
  Brazil,
• 54:45
  and
• 54:45
  then
• 54:46
  he.
• 54:46
  He
• 54:46
  was.
• 54:47
  He
• 54:47
  was
• 54:48
  nice.
• 54:48
  And
• 54:48
  even
• 54:48
  to
• 54:48
  this
• 54:49
  day,
• 54:49
  I.
• 54:50
  Maybe
• 54:50
  I'm,
• 54:50
  like,
• 54:51
  seeing
• 54:51
  things
• 54:51
  not
• 54:52
  clearly.
• 54:53
  Still,
• 54:53
  but
• 54:54
  have
• 54:55
  tons
• 54:55
  of
• 54:55
  red
• 54:55
  flags.
• 54:56
  Like,
• 54:56
  I
• 54:56
  have,
• 54:56
  like,
• 54:56
  a
• 54:56
  couple
• 54:57
  of,
• 54:57
  like,
• 54:57
  pink
• 54:58
  flags
• 54:58
  about
• 54:58
  him,
• 54:59
  but
• 54:59
  I
• 54:59
  didn't
• 54:59
  have,
• 54:59
  like,
• 54:59
  a
• 54:59
  ton
• 55:00
  of
• 55:00
  huge
• 55:00
  red
• 55:00
  flags
• 55:00
  about
• 55:01
  him.
• 55:01
  Yeah,
• 55:01
  same.
• 55:02
  Okay,
• 55:03
  that's
• 55:03
  a.
• 55:03
  That's
• 55:03
  a
• 55:04
  fair
• 55:04
  sign.
• 55:04
  Yeah.
• 55:05
  But
• 55:05
  the
• 55:05
  truth
• 55:05
  is,
• 55:05
  he.
• 55:06
  He.
• 55:06
  He
• 55:07
  was
• 55:07
  bipolar.
• 55:08
  He
• 55:08
  had
• 55:09
  a
• 55:09
  really,
• 55:09
  like,
• 55:11
  how.
• 55:11
  What's
• 55:11
  the
• 55:11
  word?
• 55:12
  Like,
• 55:12
  tumultuous
• 55:13
  past
• 55:14
  and
• 55:14
  background,
• 55:15
  and
• 55:16
  he
• 55:16
  was
• 55:16
  dealing
• 55:16
  with
• 55:16
  his
• 55:17
  own
• 55:17
  things,
• 55:17
  and
• 55:17
  I
• 55:17
  just
• 55:17
  don't
• 55:18
  think
• 55:18
  that
• 55:19
  you
• 55:19
  want
• 55:19
  to
• 55:19
  be
• 55:19
  in
• 55:19
  a
• 55:20
  relationship
• 55:20
  with
• 55:20
  anyone
• 55:21
  until
• 55:21
  your
• 55:21
  own
• 55:21
  shit
• 55:22
  is
• 55:22
  figured
• 55:22
  out.
• 55:23
  Yeah.
• 55:23
  And
• 55:24
  I
• 55:24
  still
• 55:24
  hold
• 55:24
  that
• 55:25
  to
• 55:25
  this
• 55:25
  day.
• 55:25
  And
• 55:26
  I
• 55:26
  don't
• 55:26
  think
• 55:26
  my
• 55:26
  own
• 55:26
  shit
• 55:27
  is
• 55:27
  even
• 55:27
  still
• 55:27
  figured
• 55:28
  out,
• 55:28
  actually.
• 55:29
  Well,
• 55:29
  no
• 55:30
  one.
• 55:30
  Well,
• 55:30
  she
• 55:30
  can't
• 55:31
  have
• 55:31
  it
• 55:31
  figured
• 55:32
  out
• 55:32
  because
• 55:32
  nobody,
• 55:33
  like,
• 55:33
  is
• 55:33
  ever
• 55:34
  like,
• 55:34
  oh,
• 55:34
  my.
• 55:34
  Is
• 55:35
  fully
• 55:35
  figured
• 55:35
  out.
• 55:36
  Like,
• 55:36
  that's
• 55:36
  not.
• 55:36
  Yeah,
• 55:37
  right,
• 55:38
  Right.
• 55:38
  But
• 55:39
  if
• 55:39
  he's
• 55:40
  that
• 55:40
  severe
• 55:40
  in
• 55:40
  his
• 55:41
  own
• 55:41
  mental
• 55:41
  health
• 55:42
  and
• 55:42
  you're
• 55:42
  still
• 55:42
  trying
• 55:43
  to
• 55:43
  work
• 55:43
  out
• 55:43
  your
• 55:43
  own
• 55:44
  severe
• 55:44
  mental
• 55:44
  health,
• 55:44
  I.
• 55:45
  That's
• 55:46
  not
• 55:46
  space
• 55:46
  for
• 55:46
  either
• 55:46
  of
• 55:46
  you.
• 55:47
  Okay,
• 55:47
  that's
• 55:47
  a
• 55:47
  very
• 55:47
  good
• 55:47
  point.
• 55:48
  To
• 55:48
  improve.
• 55:49
  That's
• 55:49
  a
• 55:49
  very
• 55:49
  good
• 55:49
  point.
• 55:50
  A
• 55:50
  battling
• 55:50
  of.
• 55:51
  Let
• 55:52
  me
• 55:52
  suppress
• 55:52
  mine
• 55:53
  because
• 55:53
  you
• 55:53
  need
• 55:53
  me.
• 55:54
  No,
• 55:54
  I'm
• 55:54
  going
• 55:54
  to
• 55:54
  suppress
• 55:55
  mine
• 55:55
  because
• 55:55
  you
• 55:55
  need
• 55:55
  me.
• 55:55
  And
• 55:55
  then
• 55:56
  build
• 55:56
  up,
• 55:56
  build
• 55:56
  up,
• 55:56
  build
• 55:57
  up,
• 55:57
  crash.
• 55:58
  I
• 55:58
  don't
• 55:58
  know.
• 55:58
  That's
• 55:59
  just
• 55:59
  my.
• 55:59
  That
• 55:59
  is.
• 56:00
  No,
• 56:00
  that
• 56:00
  was
• 56:01
  like,
• 56:01
  a
• 56:01
  perfect
• 56:03
  assessment
• 56:04
  of
• 56:04
  that
• 56:04
  relationship.
• 56:05
  Sound
• 56:05
  like.
• 56:07
  I
• 56:07
  agree.
• 56:08
  That
• 56:08
  is
• 56:08
  exactly
• 56:08
  where
• 56:09
  that
• 56:09
  went.
• 56:10
  Yes.
• 56:10
  I
• 56:11
  was
• 56:11
  just
• 56:11
  speaking
• 56:11
  from
• 56:12
  my
• 56:12
  own
• 56:12
  experiences
• 56:13
  that.
• 56:13
  That's
• 56:13
  what
• 56:13
  it
• 56:13
  felt
• 56:13
  like.
• 56:14
  It
• 56:14
  felt
• 56:14
  like,
• 56:14
  like,
• 56:14
  you're
• 56:15
  not
• 56:15
  stable.
• 56:15
  I'm
• 56:16
  not
• 56:16
  Stable.
• 56:16
  But
• 56:16
  I
• 56:16
  have
• 56:16
  to
• 56:16
  pretend
• 56:17
  to
• 56:17
  be
• 56:17
  stable
• 56:17
  because
• 56:17
  you're
• 56:18
  not.
• 56:18
  And.
• 56:19
  Yeah,
• 56:20
  that.
• 56:20
  No,
• 56:20
  that
• 56:21
  was
• 56:23
  exactly.
• 56:24
  Call
• 56:24
  me
• 56:24
  therapist.
• 56:27
  We
• 56:27
  will
• 56:28
  soon.
• 56:28
  RTT
• 56:30
  or
• 56:30
  whatever.
• 56:31
  Okay.
• 56:32
  So
• 56:33
  then
• 56:33
  we
• 56:33
  had,
• 56:33
  like,
• 56:34
  an
• 56:34
  issue
• 56:35
  where.
• 56:36
  So
• 56:36
  this
• 56:36
  is
• 56:37
  where
• 56:37
  things.
• 56:37
  This
• 56:38
  is
• 56:38
  the
• 56:38
  part.
• 56:38
  This
• 56:38
  is
• 56:38
  the
• 56:39
  meat
• 56:39
  that
• 56:39
  Sam
• 56:39
  wants.
• 56:39
  Me
• 56:40
  to
• 56:40
  get
• 56:40
  to.
• 56:42
  This
• 56:42
  is
• 56:43
  what
• 56:43
  leads
• 56:43
  to
• 56:44
  the
• 56:44
  part
• 56:44
  that
• 56:45
  you
• 56:45
  technically
• 56:45
  wanted
• 56:45
  to
• 56:46
  talk
• 56:46
  about.
• 56:46
  I
• 56:46
  didn't
• 56:46
  know
• 56:47
  about
• 56:47
  what
• 56:47
  we
• 56:47
  just
• 56:47
  talked
• 56:48
  about.
• 56:48
  I
• 56:48
  did
• 56:48
  not
• 56:49
  know
• 56:49
  about
• 56:49
  that.
• 56:49
  You
• 56:49
  and
• 56:50
  Melissa
• 56:50
  Walker.
• 56:51
  Yeah.
• 56:51
  So
• 56:53
  basically,
• 56:54
  Vincent
• 56:54
  and
• 56:55
  I
• 56:55
  found
• 56:56
  out
• 56:56
  that
• 56:57
  we
• 56:57
  were
• 56:57
  pregnant
• 56:58
  because
• 56:58
  I
• 56:59
  was
• 56:59
  in
• 56:59
  a
• 56:59
  car
• 56:59
  accident.
• 57:01
  And
• 57:01
  they
• 57:01
  were
• 57:01
  like.
• 57:02
  That's
• 57:02
  how
• 57:02
  you
• 57:02
  found
• 57:02
  out?
• 57:03
  Yeah,
• 57:03
  they
• 57:03
  were
• 57:03
  like,
• 57:04
  by
• 57:04
  the
• 57:04
  way,
• 57:04
  you
• 57:05
  want
• 57:05
  the
• 57:05
  good
• 57:05
  news
• 57:05
  or
• 57:05
  the
• 57:06
  bad
• 57:06
  news?
• 57:06
  And
• 57:06
  they're
• 57:07
  like,
• 57:07
  your
• 57:07
  P
• 57:07
  test
• 57:07
  came
• 57:08
  back
• 57:08
  and
• 57:08
  you're
• 57:08
  pregnant.
• 57:09
  And
• 57:09
  I
• 57:09
  was
• 57:09
  like,
• 57:11
  yeah.
• 57:11
  I
• 57:12
  was
• 57:12
  like,
• 57:12
  no,
• 57:12
  no.
• 57:13
  And.
• 57:13
  And
• 57:13
  I
• 57:14
  was.
• 57:14
  But.
• 57:17
  Was
• 57:18
  it
• 57:18
  shortly
• 57:19
  was
• 57:19
  nothing.
• 57:20
  We
• 57:20
  lost
• 57:21
  the
• 57:21
  baby.
• 57:22
  And
• 57:22
  that
• 57:22
  was
• 57:23
  sad.
• 57:23
  Yeah.
• 57:24
  It
• 57:24
  was
• 57:24
  just
• 57:24
  a
• 57:24
  baby.
• 57:25
  And
• 57:25
  so
• 57:26
  then
• 57:26
  from.
• 57:26
  I
• 57:27
  didn't
• 57:27
  realize
• 57:27
  that
• 57:27
  there
• 57:27
  were.
• 57:28
  Yeah.
• 57:29
  So
• 57:30
  from
• 57:30
  there,
• 57:31
  we
• 57:31
  kind
• 57:31
  of
• 57:31
  were
• 57:31
  like,
• 57:31
  oh,
• 57:32
  wow.
• 57:32
  This
• 57:32
  wasn't
• 57:32
  really
• 57:32
  on
• 57:33
  our
• 57:33
  radar.
• 57:33
  Like,
• 57:33
  I
• 57:33
  guess
• 57:34
  we
• 57:34
  kind
• 57:34
  of,
• 57:34
  like,
• 57:34
  knew
• 57:34
  we
• 57:35
  weren't
• 57:35
  trying
• 57:35
  not
• 57:35
  to
• 57:36
  have
• 57:36
  children,
• 57:36
  but
• 57:37
  I
• 57:37
  don't
• 57:38
  know.
• 57:38
  It
• 57:38
  was
• 57:38
  kind
• 57:38
  of
• 57:38
  like,
• 57:39
  well,
• 57:39
  now
• 57:40
  let's
• 57:40
  have
• 57:40
  a
• 57:40
  baby.
• 57:41
  I
• 57:41
  don't
• 57:41
  know.
• 57:42
  Yeah.
• 57:42
  And
• 57:42
  so
• 57:42
  then
• 57:44
  I'm
• 57:45
  trying
• 57:45
  to
• 57:45
  remember
• 57:45
  how.
• 57:46
  Because
• 57:46
  the
• 57:46
  second
• 57:46
  one
• 57:47
  was
• 57:47
  actually
• 57:47
  kind
• 57:47
  of
• 57:47
  a
• 57:47
  surprise,
• 57:48
  too.
• 57:48
  And
• 57:48
  I
• 57:48
  don't
• 57:48
  remember
• 57:48
  how
• 57:49
  we
• 57:49
  found
• 57:49
  that
• 57:49
  out.
• 57:49
  Is
• 57:49
  this.
• 57:50
  So
• 57:50
  you
• 57:50
  guys
• 57:50
  decided.
• 57:51
  So
• 57:51
  this
• 57:52
  unfortunate,
• 57:53
  like,
• 57:54
  learning
• 57:54
  of,
• 57:55
  oh,
• 57:55
  there's
• 57:55
  a
• 57:55
  baby
• 57:56
  and
• 57:56
  then
• 57:56
  miscarriage,
• 57:57
  did
• 57:57
  this
• 57:57
  stem,
• 57:58
  like,
• 57:58
  let's
• 57:58
  get
• 57:59
  married
• 57:59
  and
• 57:59
  start
• 57:59
  trying
• 57:59
  to
• 58:00
  have
• 58:00
  a
• 58:00
  kid
• 58:00
  who
• 58:01
  already
• 58:01
  married.
• 58:01
  Oh,
• 58:02
  okay.
• 58:02
  Okay.
• 58:02
  Yeah.
• 58:02
  Sorry.
• 58:03
  Yeah.
• 58:04
  But
• 58:04
  I
• 58:04
  wouldn't
• 58:05
  like,
• 58:05
  the
• 58:06
  little
• 58:06
  bit
• 58:06
  of
• 58:06
  time
• 58:07
  like
• 58:08
  most
• 58:08
  things.
• 58:10
  And
• 58:10
  Vincent
• 58:11
  stayed
• 58:11
  with
• 58:11
  us
• 58:12
  in
• 58:12
  your
• 58:12
  old
• 58:12
  room
• 58:14
  for,
• 58:14
  like,
• 58:15
  a
• 58:15
  little
• 58:15
  bit
• 58:15
  of
• 58:16
  time
• 58:16
  until
• 58:16
  they
• 58:17
  got
• 58:17
  married,
• 58:18
  like,
• 58:18
  when
• 58:18
  he
• 58:18
  got
• 58:18
  to
• 58:18
  America.
• 58:19
  Oh,
• 58:19
  so
• 58:20
  you
• 58:20
  guys
• 58:20
  were
• 58:20
  still
• 58:20
  trying
• 58:20
  to
• 58:20
  do,
• 58:21
  like,
• 58:21
  the
• 58:21
  Mormon
• 58:21
  way
• 58:21
  of,
• 58:22
  like,
• 58:22
  we
• 58:22
  know
• 58:22
  we
• 58:22
  want
• 58:23
  to
• 58:23
  be
• 58:23
  together,
• 58:23
  but
• 58:24
  let's.
• 58:24
  We
• 58:24
  can't
• 58:24
  live
• 58:24
  together.
• 58:25
  And.
• 58:25
  Okay.
• 58:26
  Actually.
• 58:27
  Yeah.
• 58:28
  But
• 58:28
  then
• 58:28
  we
• 58:28
  didn't
• 58:28
  do
• 58:29
  a
• 58:29
  very
• 58:29
  good
• 58:29
  job
• 58:29
  at
• 58:29
  it.
• 58:30
  And
• 58:30
  he
• 58:30
  came
• 58:31
  and
• 58:31
  he
• 58:31
  stayed
• 58:31
  at
• 58:32
  the
• 58:32
  apartment
• 58:32
  with
• 58:32
  me.
• 58:33
  And
• 58:33
  then.
• 58:34
  Shameful.
• 58:34
  Then
• 58:35
  the
• 58:35
  bishop.
• 58:35
  No,
• 58:36
  it
• 58:36
  is.
• 58:36
  And
• 58:36
  then
• 58:37
  the
• 58:37
  bishop,
• 58:37
  when
• 58:37
  we
• 58:37
  went
• 58:38
  and
• 58:38
  spoke
• 58:38
  to
• 58:38
  him
• 58:38
  because
• 58:39
  we
• 58:39
  wanted
• 58:39
  him
• 58:39
  to
• 58:39
  marry
• 58:40
  us,
• 58:40
  was
• 58:40
  like,
• 58:41
  well,
• 58:42
  we.
• 58:43
  He
• 58:43
  goes,
• 58:43
  you
• 58:44
  guys
• 58:44
  need.
• 58:45
  And
• 58:45
  he
• 58:45
  was
• 58:45
  really
• 58:45
  nice.
• 58:46
  And
• 58:46
  so
• 58:46
  it's,
• 58:46
  like,
• 58:47
  hard
• 58:47
  for
• 58:48
  me
• 58:48
  to
• 58:48
  like,
• 58:49
  yeah,
• 58:50
  because
• 58:50
  this
• 58:51
  is
• 58:51
  kind
• 58:51
  of
• 58:51
  messed
• 58:51
  up.
• 58:52
  But
• 58:52
  he
• 58:52
  basically
• 58:53
  said,
• 58:54
  you
• 58:54
  guys
• 58:55
  are
• 58:55
  Living
• 58:55
  in
• 58:56
  sin.
• 58:57
  You
• 58:57
  need
• 58:57
  to
• 58:57
  move
• 58:57
  your
• 58:58
  wedding
• 58:58
  up
• 58:58
  and
• 58:58
  get
• 58:59
  married,
• 58:59
  like,
• 58:59
  pronto.
• 59:00
  Because
• 59:00
  we
• 59:00
  wanted
• 59:01
  to
• 59:01
  get
• 59:01
  married,
• 59:01
  like,
• 59:02
  in
• 59:02
  a
• 59:02
  few
• 59:03
  months
• 59:04
  before
• 59:04
  his
• 59:05
  visa
• 59:05
  ran
• 59:05
  out.
• 59:05
  Right.
• 59:06
  But
• 59:07
  we
• 59:07
  still
• 59:07
  didn't
• 59:07
  want
• 59:07
  to
• 59:07
  get
• 59:07
  married,
• 59:08
  like,
• 59:08
  right
• 59:08
  then.
• 59:09
  But
• 59:09
  he's
• 59:09
  like,
• 59:09
  you
• 59:09
  guys
• 59:09
  need
• 59:09
  to
• 59:10
  get
• 59:10
  married
• 59:10
  now
• 59:11
  or
• 59:11
  I'm
• 59:12
  gonna
• 59:12
  have
• 59:12
  to
• 59:12
  excommunicate
• 59:13
  you
• 59:13
  both.
• 59:13
  And
• 59:14
  so
• 59:14
  I
• 59:14
  was
• 59:14
  like,
• 59:15
  okay.
• 59:15
  So
• 59:15
  we
• 59:16
  ended
• 59:16
  up
• 59:16
  getting
• 59:17
  married
• 59:17
  really
• 59:17
  fast,
• 59:18
  which
• 59:19
  was
• 59:19
  not
• 59:19
  a
• 59:19
  deal.
• 59:20
  And
• 59:20
  I.
• 59:20
  I
• 59:20
  do
• 59:20
  think
• 59:21
  that
• 59:21
  if
• 59:21
  I
• 59:22
  hadn't
• 59:22
  got
• 59:22
  married
• 59:22
  right
• 59:23
  away.
• 59:23
  An
• 59:24
  awesome,
• 59:25
  fast,
• 59:26
  almost
• 59:27
  free
• 59:27
  wedding,
• 59:27
  though.
• 59:28
  It
• 59:28
  was
• 59:28
  gorgeous.
• 59:30
  She
• 59:30
  bought
• 59:30
  my
• 59:30
  wedding
• 59:31
  dress.
• 59:32
  Yeah.
• 59:33
  And,
• 59:33
  like,
• 59:33
  she
• 59:34
  got
• 59:34
  the
• 59:34
  most
• 59:34
  beautiful
• 59:35
  dress.
• 59:36
  And
• 59:36
  it
• 59:37
  was
• 59:37
  like.
• 59:38
  Like.
• 59:38
  I
• 59:38
  don't
• 59:38
  know
• 59:38
  why
• 59:39
  it
• 59:39
  was
• 59:39
  a
• 59:39
  second,
• 59:39
  but
• 59:40
  it
• 59:40
  was,
• 59:40
  like,
• 59:41
  so
• 59:41
  cheap.
• 59:42
  It
• 59:42
  was
• 59:42
  gorgeous.
• 59:43
  And,
• 59:43
  like,
• 59:44
  everything
• 59:44
  was
• 59:44
  good.
• 59:44
  Like,
• 59:45
  it.
• 59:45
  We
• 59:45
  did
• 59:46
  the
• 59:47
  most
• 59:47
  awesome
• 59:47
  fast,
• 59:48
  almost.
• 59:48
  That's
• 59:49
  true.
• 59:49
  That's
• 59:50
  true.
• 59:50
  Oh,
• 59:50
  I
• 59:50
  believe
• 59:51
  it.
• 59:51
  But
• 59:51
  I.
• 59:52
  I
• 59:52
  don't
• 59:52
  feel
• 59:54
  I.
• 59:54
  In
• 59:54
  my
• 59:55
  brain.
• 59:55
  If
• 59:55
  you
• 59:56
  knew
• 59:56
  that
• 59:56
  you
• 59:57
  were
• 59:57
  going
• 59:57
  to
• 59:57
  get
• 59:57
  married
• 59:57
  anyways
• 59:58
  in
• 59:58
  a
• 59:58
  couple
• 59:58
  of
• 59:58
  months
• 59:58
  to.
• 59:58
  For
• 59:59
  his
• 59:59
  visa,
• 1:00:00
  and
• 1:00:00
  then
• 1:00:00
  they're
• 1:00:00
  like,
• 1:00:00
  no,
• 1:00:01
  get
• 1:00:01
  married
• 1:00:01
  right
• 1:00:01
  now.
• 1:00:01
  I
• 1:00:02
  mean,
• 1:00:02
  would
• 1:00:02
  that
• 1:00:02
  really
• 1:00:02
  have
• 1:00:02
  changed
• 1:00:03
  a
• 1:00:03
  whole
• 1:00:03
  lot
• 1:00:03
  of
• 1:00:03
  what?
• 1:00:04
  I
• 1:00:04
  do
• 1:00:04
  think
• 1:00:05
  so.
• 1:00:06
  We
• 1:00:06
  would
• 1:00:06
  have
• 1:00:06
  had.
• 1:00:07
  Because
• 1:00:07
  we
• 1:00:07
  were
• 1:00:07
  already
• 1:00:08
  having
• 1:00:08
  some,
• 1:00:09
  like,
• 1:00:09
  kind
• 1:00:09
  of
• 1:00:09
  big
• 1:00:09
  fights.
• 1:00:10
  Okay.
• 1:00:11
  And
• 1:00:11
  I
• 1:00:12
  really
• 1:00:12
  think
• 1:00:12
  that.
• 1:00:13
  I
• 1:00:13
  think
• 1:00:13
  it
• 1:00:14
  kind
• 1:00:14
  of
• 1:00:14
  might
• 1:00:14
  have
• 1:00:14
  come
• 1:00:14
  down
• 1:00:14
  to
• 1:00:15
  it
• 1:00:15
  and
• 1:00:15
  been
• 1:00:15
  like,
• 1:00:15
  I
• 1:00:16
  don't
• 1:00:16
  know.
• 1:00:16
  I
• 1:00:17
  don't
• 1:00:17
  know.
• 1:00:17
  I
• 1:00:17
  don't
• 1:00:17
  know.
• 1:00:18
  Who
• 1:00:18
  knows,
• 1:00:19
  right?
• 1:00:19
  Happens
• 1:00:19
  for
• 1:00:19
  a
• 1:00:20
  reason,
• 1:00:21
  I
• 1:00:21
  guess.
• 1:00:22
  I
• 1:00:22
  don't
• 1:00:22
  know.
• 1:00:23
  What
• 1:00:23
  do
• 1:00:23
  you
• 1:00:23
  think
• 1:00:23
  about
• 1:00:23
  that
• 1:00:23
  one,
• 1:00:24
  Melissa?
• 1:00:25
  I
• 1:00:25
  hadn't
• 1:00:25
  thought
• 1:00:25
  of
• 1:00:26
  it
• 1:00:26
  before,
• 1:00:26
  but
• 1:00:26
  I
• 1:00:26
  do
• 1:00:26
  remember
• 1:00:27
  you
• 1:00:27
  had
• 1:00:27
  a
• 1:00:27
  big
• 1:00:27
  fight
• 1:00:28
  the
• 1:00:28
  morning
• 1:00:28
  of
• 1:00:28
  your
• 1:00:28
  wedding,
• 1:00:29
  and
• 1:00:29
  you're
• 1:00:29
  like,
• 1:00:29
  well,
• 1:00:30
  crap,
• 1:00:30
  like,
• 1:00:30
  are
• 1:00:30
  we
• 1:00:30
  getting
• 1:00:31
  married
• 1:00:31
  today
• 1:00:31
  or
• 1:00:31
  what?
• 1:00:33
  And,
• 1:00:33
  like,
• 1:00:33
  forgot
• 1:00:34
  about
• 1:00:34
  that.
• 1:00:35
  No,
• 1:00:36
  but
• 1:00:36
  you
• 1:00:36
  were
• 1:00:36
  like,
• 1:00:36
  I
• 1:00:36
  don't,
• 1:00:37
  like,
• 1:00:37
  are
• 1:00:37
  we
• 1:00:37
  getting
• 1:00:37
  married?
• 1:00:38
  We
• 1:00:38
  just.
• 1:00:38
  He
• 1:00:38
  just.
• 1:00:39
  I
• 1:00:39
  don't
• 1:00:39
  remember
• 1:00:40
  what
• 1:00:40
  you
• 1:00:40
  guys
• 1:00:40
  said
• 1:00:40
  to
• 1:00:40
  each
• 1:00:40
  other,
• 1:00:41
  but
• 1:00:41
  it
• 1:00:41
  was
• 1:00:41
  mean
• 1:00:42
  and
• 1:00:42
  nasty.
• 1:00:43
  Yeah.
• 1:00:43
  Oh,
• 1:00:44
  wow.
• 1:00:46
  Yeah.
• 1:00:47
  Anyway,
• 1:00:48
  so,
• 1:00:48
  yes,
• 1:00:48
  we
• 1:00:48
  found
• 1:00:48
  out
• 1:00:49
  we
• 1:00:49
  were
• 1:00:49
  pregnant,
• 1:00:49
  and
• 1:00:50
  then
• 1:00:50
  we
• 1:00:50
  kind
• 1:00:50
  of
• 1:00:50
  got
• 1:00:50
  excited,
• 1:00:51
  like,
• 1:00:51
  oh,
• 1:00:51
  maybe
• 1:00:52
  we
• 1:00:52
  could
• 1:00:52
  have
• 1:00:52
  a
• 1:00:52
  baby.
• 1:00:53
  And
• 1:00:53
  I
• 1:00:54
  wouldn't
• 1:00:54
  say
• 1:00:54
  we,
• 1:00:54
  like,
• 1:00:55
  started
• 1:00:55
  trying.
• 1:00:55
  Trying,
• 1:00:56
  but
• 1:00:56
  again.
• 1:00:57
  But
• 1:00:57
  it
• 1:00:57
  happened
• 1:00:57
  again.
• 1:00:58
  Trying
• 1:00:58
  to
• 1:00:58
  not.
• 1:00:59
  Yeah,
• 1:00:59
  exactly.
• 1:00:59
  But
• 1:01:00
  then
• 1:01:00
  it
• 1:01:00
  was
• 1:01:00
  like,
• 1:01:00
  a
• 1:01:00
  little
• 1:01:00
  more
• 1:01:01
  like,
• 1:01:01
  oh,
• 1:01:01
  I'm
• 1:01:01
  kind
• 1:01:01
  of
• 1:01:02
  excited
• 1:01:03
  if
• 1:01:03
  this
• 1:01:03
  could
• 1:01:03
  happen
• 1:01:04
  again.
• 1:01:05
  And
• 1:01:05
  then
• 1:01:05
  we
• 1:01:06
  did
• 1:01:06
  get
• 1:01:06
  pregnant
• 1:01:07
  again,
• 1:01:08
  and
• 1:01:08
  this
• 1:01:08
  time
• 1:01:08
  it
• 1:01:09
  was
• 1:01:09
  a
• 1:01:09
  set
• 1:01:09
  of
• 1:01:09
  twins.
• 1:01:10
  How
• 1:01:11
  far
• 1:01:11
  after
• 1:01:12
  the
• 1:01:12
  first
• 1:01:12
  one?
• 1:01:14
  Not
• 1:01:14
  within
• 1:01:14
  the
• 1:01:15
  same
• 1:01:15
  year,
• 1:01:15
  maybe,
• 1:01:16
  I
• 1:01:16
  would
• 1:01:17
  say.
• 1:01:17
  But
• 1:01:18
  yeah,
• 1:01:18
  so
• 1:01:18
  this
• 1:01:19
  time
• 1:01:19
  it
• 1:01:19
  was
• 1:01:19
  twins.
• 1:01:20
  And
• 1:01:20
  I
• 1:01:20
  remember
• 1:01:21
  going
• 1:01:21
  to
• 1:01:21
  this,
• 1:01:22
  and
• 1:01:22
  I.
• 1:01:22
  I
• 1:01:22
  was
• 1:01:22
  on
• 1:01:23
  Medicare
• 1:01:24
  Because
• 1:01:24
  I
• 1:01:24
  had
• 1:01:25
  disability.
• 1:01:25
  I
• 1:01:25
  was
• 1:01:25
  on
• 1:01:26
  disability.
• 1:01:26
  So
• 1:01:26
  I.
• 1:01:26
  You
• 1:01:27
  know,
• 1:01:27
  and
• 1:01:28
  I
• 1:01:28
  remember
• 1:01:29
  no
• 1:01:29
  doctors
• 1:01:29
  wanted
• 1:01:30
  to
• 1:01:30
  accept
• 1:01:30
  the
• 1:01:30
  Medicare.
• 1:01:31
  And
• 1:01:31
  so
• 1:01:31
  I
• 1:01:31
  just
• 1:01:31
  found,
• 1:01:31
  like,
• 1:01:32
  this
• 1:01:32
  one
• 1:01:32
  doctor
• 1:01:32
  that
• 1:01:33
  finally
• 1:01:33
  would
• 1:01:33
  see
• 1:01:33
  me.
• 1:01:34
  And
• 1:01:34
  I
• 1:01:34
  went
• 1:01:34
  and
• 1:01:35
  saw
• 1:01:35
  her,
• 1:01:36
  and
• 1:01:37
  she
• 1:01:37
  was
• 1:01:38
  like,
• 1:01:38
  oh,
• 1:01:38
  yeah,
• 1:01:39
  here's
• 1:01:39
  your
• 1:01:39
  babies.
• 1:01:39
  And
• 1:01:39
  then.
• 1:01:40
  Then
• 1:01:40
  I
• 1:01:40
  went
• 1:01:41
  back
• 1:01:41
  again.
• 1:01:41
  And
• 1:01:42
  then
• 1:01:42
  the
• 1:01:42
  second
• 1:01:42
  time,
• 1:01:43
  she
• 1:01:43
  couldn't
• 1:01:43
  find
• 1:01:43
  their
• 1:01:43
  heartbeat.
• 1:01:45
  And
• 1:01:45
  then
• 1:01:45
  she
• 1:01:45
  said,
• 1:01:47
  oh,
• 1:01:47
  well,
• 1:01:48
  just
• 1:01:49
  come
• 1:01:49
  back
• 1:01:49
  next
• 1:01:49
  week
• 1:01:51
  and
• 1:01:51
  we'll
• 1:01:51
  try
• 1:01:52
  again.
• 1:01:52
  And
• 1:01:53
  I
• 1:01:53
  was
• 1:01:53
  so
• 1:01:53
  naive.
• 1:01:54
  I
• 1:01:55
  just
• 1:01:55
  thought,
• 1:01:55
  okay,
• 1:01:56
  they're
• 1:01:56
  hiding.
• 1:01:57
  Yeah,
• 1:01:57
  they're
• 1:01:57
  small.
• 1:01:58
  They're
• 1:01:58
  hiding
• 1:01:58
  under
• 1:01:59
  an
• 1:01:59
  organ
• 1:01:59
  or
• 1:01:59
  something.
• 1:02:00
  And
• 1:02:02
  so
• 1:02:02
  I
• 1:02:02
  went
• 1:02:02
  back
• 1:02:02
  the
• 1:02:02
  next
• 1:02:03
  week,
• 1:02:03
  and
• 1:02:03
  she
• 1:02:03
  still
• 1:02:03
  didn't
• 1:02:04
  find
• 1:02:04
  them.
• 1:02:05
  And
• 1:02:05
  she
• 1:02:06
  had
• 1:02:06
  me
• 1:02:06
  go
• 1:02:06
  back
• 1:02:06
  every
• 1:02:07
  week
• 1:02:07
  for
• 1:02:07
  five
• 1:02:08
  weeks.
• 1:02:09
  Wow.
• 1:02:10
  You
• 1:02:10
  don't
• 1:02:10
  know
• 1:02:11
  that.
• 1:02:11
  You
• 1:02:11
  don't
• 1:02:11
  remember
• 1:02:11
  this.
• 1:02:13
  And
• 1:02:13
  this
• 1:02:13
  sounds
• 1:02:14
  really
• 1:02:14
  incompetent.
• 1:02:16
  Oh,
• 1:02:16
  it
• 1:02:16
  gets
• 1:02:16
  worse.
• 1:02:17
  It
• 1:02:17
  gets
• 1:02:17
  better.
• 1:02:17
  Oh,
• 1:02:18
  I
• 1:02:18
  can't
• 1:02:18
  believe
• 1:02:18
  you
• 1:02:18
  don't
• 1:02:19
  remember
• 1:02:19
  this.
• 1:02:20
  Well,
• 1:02:21
  I'm
• 1:02:21
  learning,
• 1:02:21
  too.
• 1:02:21
  Keep
• 1:02:22
  going.
• 1:02:22
  Okay.
• 1:02:23
  So
• 1:02:23
  she
• 1:02:23
  had
• 1:02:24
  me
• 1:02:24
  go
• 1:02:24
  back
• 1:02:24
  every
• 1:02:24
  week.
• 1:02:25
  Why
• 1:02:26
  didn't
• 1:02:26
  you
• 1:02:26
  do
• 1:02:26
  a
• 1:02:26
  blood
• 1:02:26
  test?
• 1:02:27
  Because
• 1:02:27
  your
• 1:02:27
  hormone
• 1:02:27
  levels
• 1:02:28
  would
• 1:02:28
  have
• 1:02:28
  showed
• 1:02:28
  it,
• 1:02:29
  right?
• 1:02:30
  Yeah.
• 1:02:30
  So
• 1:02:30
  then
• 1:02:31
  I
• 1:02:31
  end
• 1:02:32
  up
• 1:02:32
  in
• 1:02:32
  the
• 1:02:32
  emergency
• 1:02:33
  room
• 1:02:33
  for
• 1:02:33
  a
• 1:02:34
  dnc,
• 1:02:35
  and
• 1:02:35
  the.
• 1:02:36
  Doctors
• 1:02:36
  there
• 1:02:36
  were
• 1:02:37
  like,
• 1:02:37
  you
• 1:02:37
  had
• 1:02:37
  a.
• 1:02:38
  Complication,
• 1:02:38
  had
• 1:02:38
  to
• 1:02:39
  go
• 1:02:39
  to
• 1:02:39
  the
• 1:02:39
  hospital.
• 1:02:39
  And
• 1:02:39
  then
• 1:02:40
  they
• 1:02:40
  were
• 1:02:40
  like,
• 1:02:40
  oh,
• 1:02:40
  this
• 1:02:40
  is.
• 1:02:41
  Yeah,
• 1:02:41
  I
• 1:02:42
  think
• 1:02:42
  somebody
• 1:02:42
  said,
• 1:02:43
  I
• 1:02:43
  don't
• 1:02:43
  remember
• 1:02:43
  if
• 1:02:43
  I
• 1:02:43
  had
• 1:02:44
  a
• 1:02:44
  complication
• 1:02:44
  or
• 1:02:44
  if
• 1:02:45
  somebody
• 1:02:45
  was
• 1:02:45
  like,
• 1:02:45
  you
• 1:02:45
  need
• 1:02:45
  to
• 1:02:46
  get
• 1:02:46
  out
• 1:02:46
  of
• 1:02:46
  the
• 1:02:46
  hospital.
• 1:02:46
  This
• 1:02:46
  isn't
• 1:02:47
  okay.
• 1:02:48
  And
• 1:02:48
  it
• 1:02:48
  might
• 1:02:48
  have
• 1:02:48
  been
• 1:02:48
  you.
• 1:02:49
  But
• 1:02:49
  I
• 1:02:49
  ended
• 1:02:49
  up
• 1:02:50
  going
• 1:02:50
  in
• 1:02:51
  and.
• 1:02:51
  Because
• 1:02:52
  somebody's
• 1:02:52
  saying,
• 1:02:52
  like,
• 1:02:52
  you
• 1:02:52
  could
• 1:02:52
  get
• 1:02:53
  really
• 1:02:53
  sick
• 1:02:53
  if
• 1:02:53
  you
• 1:02:53
  leave
• 1:02:54
  those
• 1:02:54
  babies
• 1:02:54
  in
• 1:02:55
  there.
• 1:02:56
  And
• 1:02:56
  so
• 1:02:56
  I
• 1:02:56
  went
• 1:02:56
  to
• 1:02:57
  the
• 1:02:57
  emergency
• 1:02:57
  room.
• 1:02:57
  The
• 1:02:57
  doctor
• 1:02:58
  there
• 1:02:58
  said,
• 1:02:59
  who
• 1:02:59
  is
• 1:02:59
  your
• 1:02:59
  doctor?
• 1:03:00
  And
• 1:03:01
  I
• 1:03:01
  told
• 1:03:01
  them.
• 1:03:02
  And
• 1:03:02
  then
• 1:03:02
  they
• 1:03:02
  came
• 1:03:02
  back
• 1:03:03
  an
• 1:03:03
  hour
• 1:03:03
  later
• 1:03:03
  and
• 1:03:04
  were
• 1:03:04
  like.
• 1:03:04
  Because
• 1:03:04
  it
• 1:03:04
  was
• 1:03:04
  just
• 1:03:05
  all
• 1:03:05
  day,
• 1:03:05
  lots
• 1:03:05
  of
• 1:03:05
  waiting
• 1:03:06
  in
• 1:03:06
  a
• 1:03:06
  room.
• 1:03:07
  And
• 1:03:07
  they
• 1:03:07
  came
• 1:03:08
  back
• 1:03:08
  and
• 1:03:08
  were
• 1:03:08
  like,
• 1:03:09
  she
• 1:03:09
  does.
• 1:03:10
  The
• 1:03:10
  reason
• 1:03:10
  she
• 1:03:11
  kept
• 1:03:12
  having
• 1:03:12
  you
• 1:03:12
  come
• 1:03:12
  back
• 1:03:13
  every
• 1:03:13
  week
• 1:03:13
  is
• 1:03:13
  because
• 1:03:13
  she
• 1:03:14
  wanted
• 1:03:14
  you
• 1:03:14
  to
• 1:03:14
  pass
• 1:03:15
  the
• 1:03:15
  naturally.
• 1:03:15
  She
• 1:03:16
  hasn't.
• 1:03:16
  Her
• 1:03:16
  license
• 1:03:17
  has
• 1:03:17
  been
• 1:03:17
  revoked.
• 1:03:19
  Yeah.
• 1:03:20
  She
• 1:03:20
  couldn't
• 1:03:20
  do
• 1:03:21
  your
• 1:03:21
  DNC
• 1:03:22
  in
• 1:03:22
  a
• 1:03:22
  hospital,
• 1:03:23
  so.
• 1:03:24
  Oh,
• 1:03:24
  you
• 1:03:24
  don't
• 1:03:25
  remember?
• 1:03:25
  This.
• 1:03:27
  Is
• 1:03:28
  walking.
• 1:03:28
  Look
• 1:03:28
  at
• 1:03:28
  that
• 1:03:28
  face.
• 1:03:29
  I'm
• 1:03:29
  in
• 1:03:29
  shock.
• 1:03:30
  Yeah.
• 1:03:31
  And
• 1:03:31
  so
• 1:03:31
  I
• 1:03:32
  was
• 1:03:32
  just.
• 1:03:32
  So
• 1:03:33
  they
• 1:03:33
  were
• 1:03:33
  pretty
• 1:03:33
  upset.
• 1:03:34
  I
• 1:03:34
  don't
• 1:03:34
  know
• 1:03:35
  what
• 1:03:35
  happened
• 1:03:35
  to
• 1:03:36
  her
• 1:03:36
  after
• 1:03:36
  that,
• 1:03:36
  but
• 1:03:36
  I
• 1:03:37
  do
• 1:03:37
  remember
• 1:03:37
  people
• 1:03:38
  being
• 1:03:38
  like,
• 1:03:38
  you
• 1:03:38
  should
• 1:03:39
  sue.
• 1:03:39
  You
• 1:03:39
  should
• 1:03:39
  go,
• 1:03:39
  and
• 1:03:40
  something.
• 1:03:40
  And.
• 1:03:41
  And
• 1:03:41
  I
• 1:03:41
  thought.
• 1:03:42
  And
• 1:03:42
  I
• 1:03:42
  kind
• 1:03:42
  of,
• 1:03:43
  to
• 1:03:43
  this
• 1:03:43
  day,
• 1:03:43
  regret
• 1:03:43
  that
• 1:03:43
  I
• 1:03:44
  didn't,
• 1:03:44
  but
• 1:03:44
  I
• 1:03:44
  just
• 1:03:44
  didn't
• 1:03:44
  want
• 1:03:45
  to
• 1:03:45
  deal
• 1:03:45
  with
• 1:03:45
  it.
• 1:03:45
  It
• 1:03:45
  was
• 1:03:45
  just
• 1:03:45
  so
• 1:03:46
  much.
• 1:03:47
  And
• 1:03:47
  so.
• 1:03:48
  But
• 1:03:48
  I.
• 1:03:49
  Only
• 1:03:49
  thing
• 1:03:49
  that
• 1:03:49
  I
• 1:03:49
  regret
• 1:03:50
  is
• 1:03:50
  the
• 1:03:50
  fact
• 1:03:50
  that
• 1:03:51
  she
• 1:03:51
  could
• 1:03:51
  still
• 1:03:52
  keep
• 1:03:52
  doing
• 1:03:52
  that
• 1:03:52
  to
• 1:03:53
  other
• 1:03:53
  people.
• 1:03:53
  And
• 1:03:53
  I.
• 1:03:55
  Yeah.
• 1:03:55
  Wait,
• 1:03:55
  can
• 1:03:55
  she.
• 1:03:56
  Her
• 1:03:57
  license
• 1:03:57
  is
• 1:03:57
  already
• 1:03:57
  revoked.
• 1:03:58
  And
• 1:03:59
  how
• 1:03:59
  is
• 1:03:59
  she
• 1:03:59
  even
• 1:04:00
  practice.
• 1:04:02
  I.
• 1:04:02
  I
• 1:04:03
  don't
• 1:04:03
  know.
• 1:04:04
  Medicare
• 1:04:04
  without
• 1:04:04
  an
• 1:04:04
  active
• 1:04:05
  license.
• 1:04:05
  This
• 1:04:05
  is
• 1:04:05
  all.
• 1:04:06
  I
• 1:04:06
  don't
• 1:04:06
  know.
• 1:04:07
  I
• 1:04:08
  don't
• 1:04:08
  know.
• 1:04:08
  They
• 1:04:08
  said.
• 1:04:09
  Well,
• 1:04:09
  okay,
• 1:04:09
  so
• 1:04:10
  they
• 1:04:10
  said
• 1:04:10
  her
• 1:04:10
  license
• 1:04:11
  to.
• 1:04:11
  To
• 1:04:11
  do
• 1:04:11
  surgeries
• 1:04:12
  in
• 1:04:12
  the
• 1:04:12
  hospital
• 1:04:12
  was
• 1:04:13
  revoked.
• 1:04:13
  So
• 1:04:13
  I.
• 1:04:13
  Maybe
• 1:04:14
  there's
• 1:04:14
  different
• 1:04:14
  ones.
• 1:04:14
  Privileges.
• 1:04:15
  Maybe
• 1:04:15
  it's
• 1:04:16
  hospital
• 1:04:17
  privileges.
• 1:04:17
  Oh,
• 1:04:19
  okay,
• 1:04:20
  then
• 1:04:20
  that's
• 1:04:20
  what
• 1:04:20
  it
• 1:04:20
  was.
• 1:04:21
  And
• 1:04:21
  so.
• 1:04:21
  And
• 1:04:22
  I
• 1:04:22
  never
• 1:04:22
  found
• 1:04:22
  out
• 1:04:22
  why
• 1:04:23
  or
• 1:04:23
  anything
• 1:04:24
  like
• 1:04:24
  that,
• 1:04:24
  but
• 1:04:24
  they
• 1:04:25
  were
• 1:04:25
  just
• 1:04:25
  like,
• 1:04:25
  don't
• 1:04:26
  just
• 1:04:26
  stay
• 1:04:27
  away
• 1:04:27
  from
• 1:04:27
  her.
• 1:04:28
  Yeah.
• 1:04:28
  So
• 1:04:29
  I
• 1:04:29
  carried
• 1:04:29
  my
• 1:04:30
  twins
• 1:04:30
  till.
• 1:04:32
  Yeah.
• 1:04:33
  How
• 1:04:33
  far
• 1:04:34
  along
• 1:04:34
  were
• 1:04:34
  you?
• 1:04:35
  Not
• 1:04:35
  super
• 1:04:35
  far.
• 1:04:36
  It
• 1:04:36
  was
• 1:04:36
  13
• 1:04:36
  weeks.
• 1:04:38
  Yeah,
• 1:04:39
  but
• 1:04:39
  five
• 1:04:40
  weeks
• 1:04:40
  of.
• 1:04:41
  It
• 1:04:41
  was
• 1:04:41
  just.
• 1:04:42
  It
• 1:04:42
  was.
• 1:04:42
  It
• 1:04:42
  was
• 1:04:42
  awful.
• 1:04:43
  That.
• 1:04:43
  That
• 1:04:43
  would
• 1:04:43
  be
• 1:04:43
  traumatizing
• 1:04:44
  to.
• 1:04:45
  To
• 1:04:45
  realize
• 1:04:46
  you've
• 1:04:46
  been
• 1:04:46
  carrying,
• 1:04:47
  like,
• 1:04:48
  deceased
• 1:04:49
  fetuses.
• 1:04:50
  Well,
• 1:04:50
  like
• 1:04:50
  in
• 1:04:50
  the.
• 1:04:50
  Yeah,
• 1:04:51
  it
• 1:04:51
  was
• 1:04:51
  awful.
• 1:04:51
  I
• 1:04:52
  actually
• 1:04:52
  have.
• 1:04:53
  I'm
• 1:04:54
  trying
• 1:04:54
  to
• 1:04:54
  decide
• 1:04:54
  if
• 1:04:55
  I
• 1:04:55
  should
• 1:04:55
  read
• 1:04:55
  this
• 1:04:55
  or
• 1:04:55
  not,
• 1:04:56
  because
• 1:04:56
  I
• 1:04:56
  feel
• 1:04:56
  like.
• 1:04:57
  Oh,
• 1:04:58
  I
• 1:04:58
  might
• 1:04:58
  let
• 1:04:58
  you
• 1:04:59
  read
• 1:04:59
  it.
• 1:04:59
  You
• 1:04:59
  want
• 1:04:59
  me
• 1:05:00
  to
• 1:05:00
  read
• 1:05:00
  it
• 1:05:00
  out
• 1:05:00
  loud?
• 1:05:00
  Yeah.
• 1:05:01
  So
• 1:05:01
  I
• 1:05:01
  found
• 1:05:01
  a
• 1:05:01
  Facebook
• 1:05:02
  post
• 1:05:02
  that
• 1:05:02
  I
• 1:05:02
  wrote
• 1:05:02
  back
• 1:05:03
  then.
• 1:05:03
  Oh.
• 1:05:04
  And
• 1:05:04
  I
• 1:05:04
  Actually,
• 1:05:04
  I
• 1:05:04
  didn't
• 1:05:05
  read
• 1:05:05
  it
• 1:05:05
  just
• 1:05:05
  now.
• 1:05:05
  I
• 1:05:06
  haven't
• 1:05:06
  read
• 1:05:06
  it
• 1:05:06
  or
• 1:05:06
  heard
• 1:05:07
  it
• 1:05:07
  for
• 1:05:07
  a
• 1:05:07
  long
• 1:05:07
  time,
• 1:05:07
  but
• 1:05:07
  I
• 1:05:07
  just
• 1:05:08
  found
• 1:05:08
  it.
• 1:05:08
  I'll
• 1:05:08
  let
• 1:05:08
  you
• 1:05:09
  read
• 1:05:09
  it.
• 1:05:09
  You
• 1:05:09
  guys
• 1:05:09
  want
• 1:05:09
  to
• 1:05:09
  hear?
• 1:05:11
  Okay,
• 1:05:11
  so
• 1:05:12
  I'm
• 1:05:12
  ready
• 1:05:12
  to
• 1:05:12
  share.
• 1:05:13
  It's
• 1:05:14
  been
• 1:05:14
  a
• 1:05:14
  really
• 1:05:14
  difficult
• 1:05:14
  six
• 1:05:15
  months,
• 1:05:15
  two
• 1:05:16
  miscarriages.
• 1:05:17
  The
• 1:05:17
  last
• 1:05:17
  one
• 1:05:17
  was
• 1:05:18
  a
• 1:05:18
  beautiful
• 1:05:18
  set
• 1:05:18
  of
• 1:05:18
  twins.
• 1:05:19
  I
• 1:05:19
  first
• 1:05:20
  wanted
• 1:05:20
  to
• 1:05:20
  say
• 1:05:20
  how
• 1:05:20
  grateful
• 1:05:21
  I
• 1:05:21
  am
• 1:05:21
  for
• 1:05:21
  the
• 1:05:21
  friends
• 1:05:22
  and
• 1:05:22
  family
• 1:05:22
  I
• 1:05:22
  have
• 1:05:23
  who
• 1:05:23
  support
• 1:05:23
  and
• 1:05:24
  love
• 1:05:24
  me
• 1:05:24
  through
• 1:05:24
  everything.
• 1:05:25
  And
• 1:05:26
  when
• 1:05:26
  I
• 1:05:26
  ask
• 1:05:26
  for
• 1:05:26
  space,
• 1:05:27
  I
• 1:05:28
  also
• 1:05:28
  would
• 1:05:28
  like
• 1:05:28
  to
• 1:05:29
  explain
• 1:05:29
  that
• 1:05:29
  miscarriages
• 1:05:30
  are
• 1:05:30
  a
• 1:05:30
  very
• 1:05:30
  painful
• 1:05:31
  loss
• 1:05:31
  to
• 1:05:31
  experience.
• 1:05:32
  The
• 1:05:32
  most
• 1:05:33
  difficult
• 1:05:33
  part
• 1:05:33
  was
• 1:05:33
  not
• 1:05:34
  that
• 1:05:34
  I
• 1:05:34
  had
• 1:05:35
  to
• 1:05:35
  carry
• 1:05:35
  them
• 1:05:35
  for
• 1:05:35
  weeks
• 1:05:36
  after
• 1:05:36
  they
• 1:05:36
  had
• 1:05:36
  passed,
• 1:05:37
  though.
• 1:05:37
  That
• 1:05:37
  was
• 1:05:38
  heartbreaking
• 1:05:39
  for
• 1:05:39
  me.
• 1:05:40
  The
• 1:05:40
  most
• 1:05:40
  difficult
• 1:05:41
  part
• 1:05:41
  was
• 1:05:41
  going
• 1:05:41
  into
• 1:05:42
  the
• 1:05:42
  hospital
• 1:05:42
  and
• 1:05:42
  coming
• 1:05:43
  out
• 1:05:43
  without
• 1:05:43
  my
• 1:05:43
  babies
• 1:05:44
  in
• 1:05:44
  my
• 1:05:44
  arms.
• 1:05:45
  My
• 1:05:46
  first
• 1:05:46
  words
• 1:05:47
  out
• 1:05:47
  of
• 1:05:47
  anesthesia
• 1:05:48
  were,
• 1:05:48
  where
• 1:05:49
  are
• 1:05:49
  my
• 1:05:49
  babies?
• 1:05:49
  I
• 1:05:49
  want
• 1:05:50
  to
• 1:05:50
  see
• 1:05:50
  my
• 1:05:50
  babies.
• 1:05:51
  The
• 1:05:51
  nurses
• 1:05:51
  were
• 1:05:52
  very
• 1:05:52
  kind,
• 1:05:52
  but
• 1:05:52
  told
• 1:05:53
  me
• 1:05:53
  that
• 1:05:53
  they
• 1:05:53
  had
• 1:05:53
  already
• 1:05:54
  been
• 1:05:54
  sent
• 1:05:54
  to
• 1:05:55
  pathology
• 1:05:56
  for
• 1:05:56
  testing.
• 1:05:57
  It's
• 1:05:57
  like
• 1:05:57
  having
• 1:05:58
  your
• 1:05:58
  heart
• 1:05:58
  ripped
• 1:05:58
  out
• 1:05:59
  of
• 1:05:59
  you,
• 1:06:00
  yet
• 1:06:00
  not
• 1:06:00
  being
• 1:06:01
  able
• 1:06:01
  to
• 1:06:01
  see
• 1:06:02
  it,
• 1:06:02
  to
• 1:06:02
  know
• 1:06:03
  it
• 1:06:03
  ever
• 1:06:03
  existed.
• 1:06:04
  You
• 1:06:05
  have
• 1:06:05
  nothing
• 1:06:05
  tangible
• 1:06:06
  to
• 1:06:06
  put
• 1:06:06
  your
• 1:06:06
  love
• 1:06:07
  in.
• 1:06:07
  Say
• 1:06:08
  goodbye
• 1:06:08
  to.
• 1:06:08
  You
• 1:06:09
  feel
• 1:06:09
  crazy
• 1:06:09
  and
• 1:06:10
  lost,
• 1:06:10
  full
• 1:06:10
  of
• 1:06:10
  emotions
• 1:06:11
  and
• 1:06:11
  empty
• 1:06:11
  at
• 1:06:12
  the
• 1:06:12
  same
• 1:06:12
  time.
• 1:06:13
  All
• 1:06:13
  I
• 1:06:13
  have
• 1:06:14
  is
• 1:06:14
  a
• 1:06:14
  blurry
• 1:06:15
  sonogram
• 1:06:16
  picture
• 1:06:16
  to
• 1:06:16
  remind
• 1:06:16
  me
• 1:06:17
  that
• 1:06:17
  my
• 1:06:17
  babies
• 1:06:17
  were
• 1:06:17
  real.
• 1:06:18
  They
• 1:06:18
  were
• 1:06:18
  growing,
• 1:06:19
  their
• 1:06:19
  hearts
• 1:06:20
  were
• 1:06:20
  strong.
• 1:06:20
  And
• 1:06:20
  my
• 1:06:21
  grief
• 1:06:21
  is
• 1:06:21
  not
• 1:06:21
  for
• 1:06:22
  Nothing.
• 1:06:22
  I
• 1:06:23
  share
• 1:06:23
  this
• 1:06:23
  not
• 1:06:23
  for
• 1:06:24
  pity,
• 1:06:24
  but
• 1:06:24
  to
• 1:06:25
  hopefully
• 1:06:25
  raise
• 1:06:26
  a
• 1:06:26
  bit
• 1:06:26
  of
• 1:06:26
  awareness
• 1:06:27
  to
• 1:06:27
  the
• 1:06:27
  fact
• 1:06:27
  that
• 1:06:27
  the
• 1:06:28
  grief
• 1:06:28
  is
• 1:06:28
  real.
• 1:06:29
  Oh,
• 1:06:30
  I
• 1:06:30
  forgot
• 1:06:30
  about
• 1:06:30
  all
• 1:06:31
  that.
• 1:06:31
  Yeah.
• 1:06:33
  Yeah.
• 1:06:34
  That's
• 1:06:34
  how
• 1:06:34
  it
• 1:06:34
  felt.
• 1:06:35
  Yeah.
• 1:06:36
  You
• 1:06:36
  feel
• 1:06:36
  kind
• 1:06:36
  of
• 1:06:36
  crazy.
• 1:06:37
  Like,
• 1:06:37
  there's,
• 1:06:38
  like.
• 1:06:39
  People
• 1:06:39
  don't
• 1:06:39
  talk
• 1:06:39
  about
• 1:06:40
  miscarriages,
• 1:06:40
  really.
• 1:06:41
  I
• 1:06:41
  don't
• 1:06:42
  know
• 1:06:42
  why
• 1:06:43
  either.
• 1:06:43
  Because
• 1:06:44
  it's
• 1:06:45
  real
• 1:06:45
  grief.
• 1:06:46
  Yeah.
• 1:06:47
  I
• 1:06:47
  don't.
• 1:06:47
  I
• 1:06:47
  don't
• 1:06:47
  know.
• 1:06:48
  The
• 1:06:48
  word
• 1:06:49
  for
• 1:06:49
  it
• 1:06:49
  is
• 1:06:50
  ambiguous
• 1:06:50
  loss.
• 1:06:51
  And
• 1:06:52
  there
• 1:06:52
  are
• 1:06:52
  a
• 1:06:52
  lot
• 1:06:52
  of
• 1:06:53
  things
• 1:06:53
  in
• 1:06:53
  our
• 1:06:54
  society
• 1:06:55
  that
• 1:06:56
  fall
• 1:06:57
  under
• 1:06:57
  ambiguous
• 1:06:58
  loss.
• 1:06:59
  And
• 1:06:59
  it's.
• 1:06:59
  It's
• 1:07:00
  like,
• 1:07:00
  so,
• 1:07:01
  like,
• 1:07:01
  when
• 1:07:01
  somebody
• 1:07:02
  dies,
• 1:07:03
  people
• 1:07:03
  kind
• 1:07:03
  of
• 1:07:04
  expect
• 1:07:04
  you
• 1:07:04
  to
• 1:07:05
  have
• 1:07:05
  a
• 1:07:05
  grieving
• 1:07:05
  process,
• 1:07:06
  but
• 1:07:07
  if
• 1:07:07
  it's
• 1:07:07
  not
• 1:07:07
  something
• 1:07:08
  that
• 1:07:08
  is,
• 1:07:08
  like,
• 1:07:09
  a
• 1:07:09
  universally
• 1:07:10
  shared
• 1:07:11
  thing,
• 1:07:12
  then
• 1:07:13
  it
• 1:07:13
  kind
• 1:07:14
  of
• 1:07:14
  gets,
• 1:07:15
  like,
• 1:07:15
  nobody
• 1:07:15
  wants
• 1:07:15
  to
• 1:07:15
  hear
• 1:07:16
  about
• 1:07:16
  it.
• 1:07:16
  It's
• 1:07:16
  kind
• 1:07:16
  of
• 1:07:16
  taboo.
• 1:07:18
  And
• 1:07:18
  so.
• 1:07:19
  And
• 1:07:19
  you
• 1:07:19
  don't
• 1:07:19
  really
• 1:07:19
  know
• 1:07:19
  how
• 1:07:20
  to
• 1:07:20
  grieve
• 1:07:20
  it
• 1:07:20
  because,
• 1:07:20
  like
• 1:07:21
  you
• 1:07:21
  said
• 1:07:21
  in
• 1:07:21
  that
• 1:07:22
  Facebook
• 1:07:22
  post,
• 1:07:23
  like,
• 1:07:23
  there's
• 1:07:23
  no
• 1:07:23
  tangible
• 1:07:24
  evidence.
• 1:07:25
  Like,
• 1:07:25
  not
• 1:07:26
  everybody
• 1:07:26
  can
• 1:07:26
  relate
• 1:07:27
  to
• 1:07:27
  it.
• 1:07:28
  And
• 1:07:28
  so
• 1:07:28
  you
• 1:07:28
  go
• 1:07:29
  through
• 1:07:29
  the
• 1:07:29
  same
• 1:07:29
  grieving
• 1:07:30
  process,
• 1:07:30
  but
• 1:07:31
  you
• 1:07:31
  don't
• 1:07:31
  have
• 1:07:31
  the
• 1:07:31
  support,
• 1:07:34
  family
• 1:07:34
  and
• 1:07:34
  friends,
• 1:07:35
  or
• 1:07:35
  the
• 1:07:35
  understanding
• 1:07:36
  of
• 1:07:36
  people.
• 1:07:37
  And,
• 1:07:38
  I
• 1:07:38
  mean,
• 1:07:38
  that
• 1:07:38
  happens
• 1:07:41
  with
• 1:07:41
  miscarriages
• 1:07:42
  a
• 1:07:42
  lot.
• 1:07:43
  It
• 1:07:43
  can
• 1:07:43
  happen
• 1:07:43
  with
• 1:07:44
  even
• 1:07:44
  abortions.
• 1:07:45
  It
• 1:07:45
  can
• 1:07:45
  happen
• 1:07:46
  with
• 1:07:47
  divorces.
• 1:07:48
  It
• 1:07:48
  can
• 1:07:48
  happen
• 1:07:49
  with,
• 1:07:50
  like,
• 1:07:51
  loss
• 1:07:51
  of
• 1:07:51
  dreams
• 1:07:52
  or,
• 1:07:52
  like,
• 1:07:53
  if
• 1:07:53
  you
• 1:07:53
  lose
• 1:07:53
  a
• 1:07:54
  limb
• 1:07:54
  or
• 1:07:54
  become
• 1:07:54
  disabled.
• 1:07:55
  Like,
• 1:07:55
  all
• 1:07:56
  of
• 1:07:56
  those
• 1:07:56
  things
• 1:07:56
  are
• 1:07:56
  kind
• 1:07:56
  of
• 1:07:57
  ambiguous
• 1:07:57
  loss
• 1:07:58
  things,
• 1:07:59
  and
• 1:08:00
  they.
• 1:08:01
  They
• 1:08:01
  are
• 1:08:01
  very
• 1:08:01
  real,
• 1:08:02
  but
• 1:08:02
  people
• 1:08:02
  don't
• 1:08:02
  really
• 1:08:03
  have
• 1:08:03
  words
• 1:08:03
  for
• 1:08:03
  them,
• 1:08:04
  and
• 1:08:04
  society
• 1:08:04
  doesn't
• 1:08:05
  really
• 1:08:05
  recognize
• 1:08:05
  them.
• 1:08:06
  Yeah.
• 1:08:07
  So
• 1:08:07
  it
• 1:08:07
  kind
• 1:08:07
  of
• 1:08:07
  gets
• 1:08:07
  swept
• 1:08:08
  of
• 1:08:08
  like,
• 1:08:08
  you'll
• 1:08:08
  be
• 1:08:08
  fine.
• 1:08:09
  Yeah,
• 1:08:10
  yeah,
• 1:08:11
  yeah.
• 1:08:12
  Actually,
• 1:08:13
  I
• 1:08:13
  remember
• 1:08:14
  waking
• 1:08:14
  up
• 1:08:14
  in
• 1:08:14
  the
• 1:08:15
  hospital
• 1:08:16
  because
• 1:08:16
  I
• 1:08:16
  had
• 1:08:16
  told
• 1:08:17
  them
• 1:08:17
  beforehand
• 1:08:17
  that
• 1:08:17
  I
• 1:08:17
  wanted
• 1:08:18
  to
• 1:08:18
  see
• 1:08:18
  them.
• 1:08:19
  I
• 1:08:19
  know
• 1:08:19
  that
• 1:08:19
  sounds
• 1:08:19
  morbid.
• 1:08:20
  No,
• 1:08:20
  I
• 1:08:21
  actually
• 1:08:21
  reading
• 1:08:22
  that,
• 1:08:22
  like,
• 1:08:22
  that's.
• 1:08:23
  I
• 1:08:23
  got,
• 1:08:23
  like.
• 1:08:23
  I
• 1:08:23
  paused
• 1:08:24
  because
• 1:08:24
  I
• 1:08:24
  was
• 1:08:24
  like,
• 1:08:25
  we
• 1:08:25
  already
• 1:08:25
  sent
• 1:08:25
  them
• 1:08:26
  to
• 1:08:26
  pathology.
• 1:08:26
  Like,
• 1:08:27
  like,
• 1:08:28
  if
• 1:08:28
  you're
• 1:08:29
  taking
• 1:08:29
  them
• 1:08:30
  out,
• 1:08:31
  why
• 1:08:31
  could
• 1:08:32
  you
• 1:08:32
  not
• 1:08:32
  have
• 1:08:33
  at
• 1:08:33
  least
• 1:08:33
  touched
• 1:08:34
  them?
• 1:08:34
  I
• 1:08:35
  don't
• 1:08:35
  know.
• 1:08:35
  Right.
• 1:08:35
  Like,
• 1:08:36
  I
• 1:08:36
  think
• 1:08:36
  maybe
• 1:08:36
  they
• 1:08:37
  need
• 1:08:37
  to
• 1:08:37
  normalize
• 1:08:37
  something
• 1:08:38
  like
• 1:08:38
  that.
• 1:08:39
  Maybe
• 1:08:39
  just
• 1:08:40
  because
• 1:08:40
  it's
• 1:08:40
  not.
• 1:08:41
  Maybe
• 1:08:41
  because
• 1:08:42
  they
• 1:08:42
  wouldn't
• 1:08:42
  have
• 1:08:42
  looked
• 1:08:42
  like
• 1:08:43
  fully
• 1:08:43
  formed
• 1:08:44
  babies
• 1:08:44
  yet.
• 1:08:45
  I
• 1:08:45
  don't
• 1:08:45
  know.
• 1:08:45
  But
• 1:08:45
  I
• 1:08:46
  do
• 1:08:46
  remember
• 1:08:46
  saying
• 1:08:47
  beforehand
• 1:08:47
  that
• 1:08:47
  I
• 1:08:47
  wanted
• 1:08:48
  to
• 1:08:48
  see
• 1:08:48
  them.
• 1:08:48
  And
• 1:08:48
  apparently
• 1:08:49
  I.
• 1:08:50
  I
• 1:08:50
  just
• 1:08:50
  remember
• 1:08:51
  waking
• 1:08:51
  up
• 1:08:51
  screaming,
• 1:08:52
  and
• 1:08:53
  the
• 1:08:53
  nurses
• 1:08:53
  were
• 1:08:54
  like.
• 1:08:54
  I
• 1:08:54
  just
• 1:08:54
  remember
• 1:08:54
  hearing
• 1:08:55
  nurses,
• 1:08:55
  like,
• 1:08:55
  around
• 1:08:56
  me
• 1:08:56
  saying,
• 1:08:56
  I
• 1:08:56
  don't
• 1:08:57
  know
• 1:08:57
  what
• 1:08:57
  to
• 1:08:57
  do.
• 1:08:57
  I've
• 1:08:58
  never.
• 1:08:58
  This
• 1:08:58
  has
• 1:08:58
  never
• 1:08:58
  happened
• 1:08:59
  before.
• 1:09:00
  And
• 1:09:00
  I
• 1:09:00
  guess
• 1:09:00
  I
• 1:09:01
  was
• 1:09:01
  like,
• 1:09:01
  in
• 1:09:01
  the,
• 1:09:02
  like,
• 1:09:03
  recovery
• 1:09:04
  space,
• 1:09:04
  coming
• 1:09:05
  out
• 1:09:05
  of
• 1:09:05
  anesthesiology,
• 1:09:07
  and,
• 1:09:07
  like,
• 1:09:07
  there's
• 1:09:07
  other
• 1:09:07
  people
• 1:09:08
  there
• 1:09:08
  trying
• 1:09:08
  to
• 1:09:08
  come
• 1:09:09
  out
• 1:09:09
  and
• 1:09:09
  I
• 1:09:09
  was
• 1:09:09
  like
• 1:09:10
  screaming
• 1:09:10
  and
• 1:09:11
  crying.
• 1:09:11
  Okay.
• 1:09:11
  But
• 1:09:12
  I
• 1:09:12
  will
• 1:09:12
  say,
• 1:09:12
  I
• 1:09:13
  don't
• 1:09:13
  know
• 1:09:13
  if
• 1:09:13
  that
• 1:09:13
  just
• 1:09:14
  wasn't
• 1:09:14
  like
• 1:09:14
  acknowledged
• 1:09:15
  back
• 1:09:15
  then,
• 1:09:16
  but
• 1:09:16
  like,
• 1:09:17
  women
• 1:09:17
  coming
• 1:09:17
  out
• 1:09:17
  of
• 1:09:18
  anesthesia,
• 1:09:19
  they.
• 1:09:20
  You
• 1:09:20
  come
• 1:09:20
  out
• 1:09:20
  either
• 1:09:21
  fighting,
• 1:09:21
  screaming,
• 1:09:22
  fighting,
• 1:09:23
  like
• 1:09:23
  swinging,
• 1:09:24
  or
• 1:09:24
  you
• 1:09:24
  come
• 1:09:24
  out
• 1:09:24
  weeping,
• 1:09:25
  crying.
• 1:09:25
  Oh,
• 1:09:26
  I
• 1:09:26
  just.
• 1:09:26
  I
• 1:09:26
  didn't
• 1:09:26
  know.
• 1:09:27
  I've
• 1:09:27
  only.
• 1:09:28
  I've.
• 1:09:28
  That's
• 1:09:28
  the
• 1:09:29
  only
• 1:09:29
  time
• 1:09:29
  I've
• 1:09:29
  ever
• 1:09:29
  come
• 1:09:29
  out
• 1:09:30
  doing
• 1:09:30
  anything.
• 1:09:30
  Usually
• 1:09:31
  I
• 1:09:31
  just
• 1:09:31
  wake
• 1:09:31
  up.
• 1:09:33
  Yeah,
• 1:09:33
  I'm
• 1:09:33
  a
• 1:09:33
  weeper
• 1:09:34
  up.
• 1:09:34
  And
• 1:09:34
  then
• 1:09:34
  I
• 1:09:35
  feel
• 1:09:35
  like
• 1:09:36
  embarrassing.
• 1:09:36
  I'm
• 1:09:36
  like,
• 1:09:37
  I
• 1:09:37
  don't
• 1:09:37
  know
• 1:09:37
  why
• 1:09:37
  I'm
• 1:09:37
  crying.
• 1:09:37
  Like,
• 1:09:38
  no,
• 1:09:38
  you
• 1:09:38
  either
• 1:09:38
  wake
• 1:09:38
  up
• 1:09:38
  fighting
• 1:09:39
  or
• 1:09:39
  you
• 1:09:39
  wake
• 1:09:39
  up
• 1:09:39
  crying
• 1:09:39
  like
• 1:09:40
  you're
• 1:09:40
  fine.
• 1:09:40
  And
• 1:09:40
  I'm
• 1:09:40
  like,
• 1:09:41
  okay.
• 1:09:41
  Oh,
• 1:09:41
  interesting.
• 1:09:43
  Yeah.
• 1:09:43
  So
• 1:09:43
  I
• 1:09:44
  woke
• 1:09:44
  up
• 1:09:44
  screaming
• 1:09:44
  and
• 1:09:45
  fighting
• 1:09:45
  and
• 1:09:45
  yelling
• 1:09:46
  and
• 1:09:46
  they
• 1:09:47
  were
• 1:09:47
  like,
• 1:09:47
  I
• 1:09:47
  don't
• 1:09:48
  know
• 1:09:48
  what
• 1:09:48
  to
• 1:09:48
  do.
• 1:09:49
  And
• 1:09:49
  then
• 1:09:49
  I
• 1:09:50
  was
• 1:09:50
  like,
• 1:09:50
  I
• 1:09:50
  just
• 1:09:50
  want
• 1:09:50
  to
• 1:09:51
  see
• 1:09:51
  my
• 1:09:51
  babies.
• 1:09:51
  They're
• 1:09:51
  like,
• 1:09:52
  they
• 1:09:52
  don't.
• 1:09:52
  They're
• 1:09:52
  not
• 1:09:53
  here.
• 1:09:53
  They're
• 1:09:53
  not
• 1:09:53
  here.
• 1:09:54
  And
• 1:09:54
  then
• 1:09:54
  I
• 1:09:54
  was
• 1:09:54
  crying
• 1:09:54
  and
• 1:09:55
  it
• 1:09:55
  was
• 1:09:55
  a
• 1:09:56
  whole
• 1:09:56
  thing,
• 1:09:56
  a
• 1:09:56
  realization.
• 1:09:57
  So.
• 1:09:57
  Yeah,
• 1:09:58
  trauma.
• 1:09:58
  Yeah.
• 1:09:59
  And
• 1:09:59
  so
• 1:10:00
  from
• 1:10:01
  there
• 1:10:01
  I
• 1:10:01
  just
• 1:10:01
  had
• 1:10:01
  like
• 1:10:02
  a
• 1:10:02
  really
• 1:10:02
  hard
• 1:10:02
  time
• 1:10:02
  getting
• 1:10:03
  out
• 1:10:03
  of
• 1:10:04
  that
• 1:10:04
  slump.
• 1:10:04
  And
• 1:10:05
  I
• 1:10:05
  want
• 1:10:06
  to
• 1:10:06
  say
• 1:10:06
  that
• 1:10:08
  the
• 1:10:08
  fall.
• 1:10:08
  So
• 1:10:09
  then
• 1:10:09
  it
• 1:10:09
  was
• 1:10:09
  the
• 1:10:09
  following
• 1:10:10
  Mother's
• 1:10:10
  Day,
• 1:10:11
  and
• 1:10:12
  it's
• 1:10:12
  gonna
• 1:10:12
  sound
• 1:10:13
  so
• 1:10:13
  crazy,
• 1:10:14
  but
• 1:10:15
  I
• 1:10:15
  started
• 1:10:15
  cutting.
• 1:10:17
  I
• 1:10:17
  remember
• 1:10:17
  you
• 1:10:18
  mentioning
• 1:10:18
  that.
• 1:10:18
  And
• 1:10:19
  another
• 1:10:19
  episode.
• 1:10:21
  The
• 1:10:21
  only
• 1:10:22
  thing
• 1:10:22
  I
• 1:10:22
  can
• 1:10:22
  explain.
• 1:10:25
  Well,
• 1:10:25
  I
• 1:10:25
  had
• 1:10:26
  promised
• 1:10:26
  Melissa,
• 1:10:27
  and
• 1:10:27
  I
• 1:10:27
  remember
• 1:10:28
  this.
• 1:10:28
  I
• 1:10:29
  was
• 1:10:29
  like,
• 1:10:29
  I.
• 1:10:29
  Cause
• 1:10:30
  I
• 1:10:30
  wanted
• 1:10:30
  to.
• 1:10:31
  I
• 1:10:31
  wanted
• 1:10:31
  to
• 1:10:31
  try
• 1:10:31
  and
• 1:10:32
  attempt
• 1:10:32
  suicide
• 1:10:33
  again.
• 1:10:33
  And
• 1:10:33
  you
• 1:10:33
  were.
• 1:10:34
  I
• 1:10:34
  thought
• 1:10:35
  you
• 1:10:35
  and
• 1:10:35
  Vincent
• 1:10:35
  were
• 1:10:36
  living
• 1:10:36
  in
• 1:10:36
  your
• 1:10:37
  own
• 1:10:37
  space
• 1:10:37
  or
• 1:10:38
  so.
• 1:10:38
  Yes,
• 1:10:39
  we
• 1:10:39
  were,
• 1:10:40
  but
• 1:10:40
  he
• 1:10:41
  actually
• 1:10:41
  wasn't.
• 1:10:42
  This
• 1:10:42
  is
• 1:10:43
  a
• 1:10:43
  whole
• 1:10:44
  nother
• 1:10:44
  thing
• 1:10:44
  too.
• 1:10:45
  So
• 1:10:45
  he
• 1:10:45
  actually
• 1:10:45
  got
• 1:10:45
  a
• 1:10:46
  job
• 1:10:46
  as
• 1:10:46
  a
• 1:10:46
  truck
• 1:10:46
  driver.
• 1:10:47
  And
• 1:10:47
  he
• 1:10:48
  left
• 1:10:48
  and
• 1:10:48
  didn't
• 1:10:49
  come
• 1:10:49
  home
• 1:10:49
  for
• 1:10:49
  nine
• 1:10:49
  months
• 1:10:50
  with
• 1:10:50
  no
• 1:10:50
  communication.
• 1:10:52
  He
• 1:10:52
  would
• 1:10:52
  call
• 1:10:52
  me
• 1:10:52
  every
• 1:10:53
  maybe
• 1:10:53
  once
• 1:10:53
  a
• 1:10:53
  week.
• 1:10:54
  It
• 1:10:55
  was
• 1:10:55
  bad.
• 1:10:55
  But
• 1:10:56
  while
• 1:10:57
  he
• 1:10:57
  was
• 1:10:57
  gone,
• 1:10:58
  in
• 1:10:58
  the
• 1:10:58
  beginning,
• 1:10:59
  ish.
• 1:11:00
  Was
• 1:11:00
  that
• 1:11:01
  Mother's
• 1:11:01
  Day.
• 1:11:02
  And
• 1:11:02
  I
• 1:11:02
  just
• 1:11:03
  remember
• 1:11:04
  wanting
• 1:11:05
  to
• 1:11:05
  not
• 1:11:05
  be
• 1:11:05
  alive
• 1:11:06
  anymore
• 1:11:06
  again.
• 1:11:08
  But
• 1:11:09
  I
• 1:11:09
  remember,
• 1:11:09
  like,
• 1:11:09
  I
• 1:11:09
  promise
• 1:11:10
  I
• 1:11:10
  would
• 1:11:10
  never
• 1:11:10
  do
• 1:11:10
  that
• 1:11:10
  to
• 1:11:11
  Ethan
• 1:11:11
  and
• 1:11:11
  Ivy.
• 1:11:11
  And
• 1:11:12
  so
• 1:11:12
  I.
• 1:11:13
  I
• 1:11:13
  wouldn't
• 1:11:13
  do
• 1:11:13
  it.
• 1:11:13
  But
• 1:11:14
  then
• 1:11:14
  I
• 1:11:14
  started
• 1:11:14
  cutting
• 1:11:15
  and
• 1:11:15
  it
• 1:11:15
  was
• 1:11:15
  this.
• 1:11:16
  This
• 1:11:16
  crazy
• 1:11:17
  thing.
• 1:11:17
  Like,
• 1:11:17
  I
• 1:11:17
  guess
• 1:11:17
  I
• 1:11:17
  just
• 1:11:18
  felt
• 1:11:18
  like
• 1:11:18
  I
• 1:11:18
  wanted
• 1:11:19
  to
• 1:11:19
  shed
• 1:11:19
  blood
• 1:11:20
  that
• 1:11:20
  I
• 1:11:20
  couldn't
• 1:11:20
  have
• 1:11:21
  shed,
• 1:11:21
  that
• 1:11:22
  I
• 1:11:22
  did,
• 1:11:22
  that
• 1:11:22
  I
• 1:11:22
  might
• 1:11:22
  have
• 1:11:23
  shed
• 1:11:23
  during
• 1:11:23
  childbirth.
• 1:11:24
  It
• 1:11:25
  sounds
• 1:11:25
  crazy.
• 1:11:26
  No,
• 1:11:26
  it
• 1:11:27
  doesn't.
• 1:11:27
  That's
• 1:11:28
  like.
• 1:11:28
  No,
• 1:11:28
  that's.
• 1:11:29
  That's.
• 1:11:30
  Do
• 1:11:30
  you
• 1:11:31
  want
• 1:11:31
  me
• 1:11:31
  to
• 1:11:31
  like,
• 1:11:31
  go
• 1:11:31
  in?
• 1:11:31
  Yeah.
• 1:11:32
  Yeah.
• 1:11:33
  Okay.
• 1:11:33
  I'm
• 1:11:33
  very
• 1:11:33
  interested.
• 1:11:34
  So
• 1:11:35
  every
• 1:11:37
  self
• 1:11:37
  destructive
• 1:11:38
  behavior,
• 1:11:39
  so
• 1:11:39
  to
• 1:11:39
  speak,
• 1:11:40
  has
• 1:11:41
  a
• 1:11:42
  purpose.
• 1:11:42
  Like,
• 1:11:43
  it's.
• 1:11:43
  It's
• 1:11:43
  trying
• 1:11:44
  to
• 1:11:44
  communicate
• 1:11:45
  Something.
• 1:11:46
  And
• 1:11:47
  so.
• 1:11:47
  And
• 1:11:47
  cutting
• 1:11:48
  is,
• 1:11:50
  like,
• 1:11:50
  almost
• 1:11:51
  always
• 1:11:51
  has
• 1:11:51
  a
• 1:11:52
  symbolic
• 1:11:52
  value.
• 1:11:54
  Like,
• 1:11:55
  I
• 1:11:56
  don't
• 1:11:56
  want
• 1:11:56
  to
• 1:11:56
  say
• 1:11:56
  a
• 1:11:56
  hundred
• 1:11:56
  percent
• 1:11:57
  of
• 1:11:57
  the
• 1:11:57
  time,
• 1:11:57
  but
• 1:11:57
  like.
• 1:11:59
  Like,
• 1:11:59
  very,
• 1:11:59
  very
• 1:12:00
  frequently
• 1:12:00
  cutting
• 1:12:01
  has
• 1:12:01
  a
• 1:12:02
  symbolic
• 1:12:02
  value
• 1:12:02
  for
• 1:12:03
  somebody.
• 1:12:03
  So
• 1:12:04
  sometimes
• 1:12:04
  people
• 1:12:04
  are
• 1:12:05
  like,
• 1:12:05
  well,
• 1:12:05
  I
• 1:12:05
  need
• 1:12:05
  to
• 1:12:06
  be
• 1:12:06
  punished,
• 1:12:06
  and
• 1:12:06
  so
• 1:12:07
  I'm
• 1:12:07
  punishing
• 1:12:07
  myself.
• 1:12:08
  Or
• 1:12:08
  sometimes
• 1:12:08
  people
• 1:12:08
  are
• 1:12:08
  like,
• 1:12:09
  like,
• 1:12:09
  you're
• 1:12:09
  saying
• 1:12:10
  real
• 1:12:10
  pain.
• 1:12:11
  This
• 1:12:11
  is
• 1:12:11
  pain.
• 1:12:12
  Like
• 1:12:12
  cut
• 1:12:13
  pain,
• 1:12:13
  the
• 1:12:14
  other
• 1:12:14
  thing
• 1:12:14
  that
• 1:12:15
  cutting
• 1:12:15
  does.
• 1:12:16
  And
• 1:12:16
  no,
• 1:12:16
  nobody
• 1:12:17
  knows
• 1:12:17
  this
• 1:12:17
  on
• 1:12:17
  a
• 1:12:17
  conscious
• 1:12:18
  level,
• 1:12:18
  but
• 1:12:18
  they
• 1:12:19
  kind
• 1:12:19
  of
• 1:12:19
  intuit
• 1:12:20
  it
• 1:12:20
  is.
• 1:12:20
  We
• 1:12:21
  feel
• 1:12:21
  emotional
• 1:12:22
  pain
• 1:12:22
  and
• 1:12:22
  physical
• 1:12:22
  pain
• 1:12:23
  in
• 1:12:23
  the
• 1:12:23
  same
• 1:12:23
  part
• 1:12:23
  of
• 1:12:24
  our
• 1:12:24
  brain,
• 1:12:25
  but
• 1:12:25
  the
• 1:12:25
  physical
• 1:12:26
  pain
• 1:12:26
  actually
• 1:12:27
  feels
• 1:12:28
  less
• 1:12:28
  bad
• 1:12:28
  than
• 1:12:28
  the
• 1:12:29
  emotional
• 1:12:29
  pain.
• 1:12:30
  And
• 1:12:30
  so
• 1:12:31
  we
• 1:12:31
  can
• 1:12:32
  convert
• 1:12:32
  it
• 1:12:33
  from
• 1:12:33
  emotional
• 1:12:34
  pain
• 1:12:34
  into
• 1:12:34
  physical
• 1:12:35
  pain.
• 1:12:36
  Then
• 1:12:37
  our
• 1:12:37
  body
• 1:12:37
  releases
• 1:12:38
  the
• 1:12:38
  endogenous
• 1:12:39
  opioids.
• 1:12:39
  We
• 1:12:40
  feel
• 1:12:40
  a
• 1:12:40
  lot
• 1:12:40
  better.
• 1:12:41
  Plus,
• 1:12:41
  we've
• 1:12:42
  communicated
• 1:12:43
  to
• 1:12:43
  ourselves
• 1:12:44
  like,
• 1:12:44
  we've,
• 1:12:45
  like,
• 1:12:45
  shed
• 1:12:45
  that.
• 1:12:45
  Like
• 1:12:46
  you
• 1:12:46
  said,
• 1:12:46
  like,
• 1:12:46
  shed
• 1:12:46
  that
• 1:12:47
  blood.
• 1:12:48
  And
• 1:12:48
  so
• 1:12:49
  it
• 1:12:49
  makes
• 1:12:50
  actually
• 1:12:50
  a
• 1:12:51
  million
• 1:12:51
  percent
• 1:12:51
  sense.
• 1:12:52
  Wow.
• 1:12:53
  Thanks
• 1:12:53
  for
• 1:12:54
  saying
• 1:12:54
  or
• 1:12:54
  explaining
• 1:12:55
  that.
• 1:12:55
  Yeah.
• 1:12:56
  That.
• 1:12:57
  Yeah.
• 1:12:57
  Never
• 1:12:58
  judge
• 1:12:58
  anybody
• 1:12:58
  for
• 1:12:58
  cutting
• 1:12:59
  or
• 1:12:59
  for
• 1:12:59
  their
• 1:12:59
  reasons
• 1:13:00
  for
• 1:13:00
  cutting
• 1:13:00
  because
• 1:13:01
  it
• 1:13:01
  actually
• 1:13:01
  always
• 1:13:02
  makes
• 1:13:02
  sense.
• 1:13:03
  Yeah,
• 1:13:05
  it
• 1:13:05
  was
• 1:13:05
  traumatizing
• 1:13:07
  for,
• 1:13:07
  I
• 1:13:07
  guess.
• 1:13:08
  Well,
• 1:13:08
  I
• 1:13:08
  know
• 1:13:08
  it
• 1:13:08
  was
• 1:13:09
  traumatizing
• 1:13:09
  for
• 1:13:09
  you
• 1:13:09
  at
• 1:13:09
  the
• 1:13:10
  time
• 1:13:10
  because
• 1:13:10
  I
• 1:13:10
  remember
• 1:13:12
  I
• 1:13:12
  was
• 1:13:12
  at
• 1:13:12
  the
• 1:13:13
  point
• 1:13:13
  where
• 1:13:13
  I
• 1:13:13
  was
• 1:13:13
  like,
• 1:13:13
  wait,
• 1:13:14
  I'm
• 1:13:14
  bleeding
• 1:13:14
  way
• 1:13:14
  more
• 1:13:14
  than
• 1:13:15
  I
• 1:13:15
  meant
• 1:13:15
  to.
• 1:13:16
  Oh,
• 1:13:16
  no.
• 1:13:17
  So
• 1:13:17
  it
• 1:13:17
  turned
• 1:13:17
  into,
• 1:13:18
  like,
• 1:13:18
  an
• 1:13:18
  accidental,
• 1:13:19
  like,
• 1:13:19
  attempt
• 1:13:19
  kind
• 1:13:20
  of.
• 1:13:20
  No,
• 1:13:21
  it
• 1:13:21
  wasn't
• 1:13:22
  even
• 1:13:22
  that
• 1:13:22
  much,
• 1:13:22
  but
• 1:13:23
  it
• 1:13:23
  was,
• 1:13:23
  like,
• 1:13:23
  still
• 1:13:24
  a
• 1:13:24
  lot
• 1:13:24
  of
• 1:13:24
  blood.
• 1:13:24
  And
• 1:13:25
  I
• 1:13:25
  ended
• 1:13:25
  up
• 1:13:25
  calling
• 1:13:26
  Scott
• 1:13:26
  because
• 1:13:27
  I
• 1:13:27
  was
• 1:13:27
  afraid
• 1:13:27
  to
• 1:13:27
  call,
• 1:13:28
  not
• 1:13:28
  afraid
• 1:13:28
  to
• 1:13:28
  call
• 1:13:29
  you.
• 1:13:29
  I
• 1:13:29
  didn't
• 1:13:29
  want
• 1:13:29
  you
• 1:13:29
  to
• 1:13:29
  have
• 1:13:30
  to
• 1:13:30
  come
• 1:13:30
  see
• 1:13:30
  it.
• 1:13:31
  And
• 1:13:31
  so
• 1:13:31
  I
• 1:13:31
  called
• 1:13:31
  Scott.
• 1:13:32
  But
• 1:13:32
  then
• 1:13:32
  you
• 1:13:32
  came
• 1:13:32
  over
• 1:13:32
  anyway
• 1:13:33
  because
• 1:13:33
  of
• 1:13:33
  course
• 1:13:33
  you
• 1:13:33
  would.
• 1:13:34
  Right.
• 1:13:34
  And
• 1:13:35
  I
• 1:13:35
  was
• 1:13:36
  gonna
• 1:13:36
  sit
• 1:13:36
  home
• 1:13:36
  and.
• 1:13:36
  Be
• 1:13:37
  like,
• 1:13:37
  it's
• 1:13:37
  fine.
• 1:13:38
  You
• 1:13:38
  just
• 1:13:39
  get
• 1:13:39
  home,
• 1:13:40
  like,
• 1:13:40
  sipping
• 1:13:41
  my
• 1:13:41
  hat
• 1:13:42
  cocoa.
• 1:13:44
  Okay,
• 1:13:45
  I
• 1:13:45
  have
• 1:13:45
  to
• 1:13:45
  say
• 1:13:45
  something
• 1:13:46
  crazy.
• 1:13:46
  Okay.
• 1:13:47
  I
• 1:13:47
  didn't
• 1:13:47
  see
• 1:13:48
  it
• 1:13:48
  exactly,
• 1:13:49
  like,
• 1:13:49
  in
• 1:13:49
  my
• 1:13:49
  brain
• 1:13:50
  as,
• 1:13:50
  like,
• 1:13:50
  what
• 1:13:50
  you're
• 1:13:50
  explaining,
• 1:13:51
  but
• 1:13:51
  I
• 1:13:51
  had
• 1:13:51
  a
• 1:13:51
  dream
• 1:13:52
  that
• 1:13:54
  you
• 1:13:54
  are
• 1:13:54
  injured
• 1:13:55
  and
• 1:13:55
  you're,
• 1:13:55
  like,
• 1:13:56
  sitting
• 1:13:56
  in
• 1:13:56
  this
• 1:13:56
  small
• 1:13:57
  space
• 1:13:58
  and
• 1:13:59
  you
• 1:13:59
  call
• 1:14:00
  Scott
• 1:14:01
  and
• 1:14:01
  Melissa
• 1:14:01
  and
• 1:14:02
  like,
• 1:14:02
  I.
• 1:14:02
  I
• 1:14:02
  actually
• 1:14:03
  literally
• 1:14:03
  have
• 1:14:03
  seen
• 1:14:03
  this
• 1:14:03
  in
• 1:14:04
  my
• 1:14:04
  brain.
• 1:14:04
  Really?
• 1:14:04
  Not
• 1:14:05
  like
• 1:14:05
  that
• 1:14:05
  you
• 1:14:05
  were,
• 1:14:05
  like,
• 1:14:05
  bleeding,
• 1:14:06
  bleeding,
• 1:14:06
  but
• 1:14:06
  there
• 1:14:06
  was
• 1:14:06
  an
• 1:14:06
  emergency,
• 1:14:07
  you
• 1:14:07
  needed
• 1:14:07
  help,
• 1:14:08
  and
• 1:14:09
  they
• 1:14:10
  show
• 1:14:10
  up.
• 1:14:10
  Because
• 1:14:11
  that's
• 1:14:11
  been
• 1:14:11
  there
• 1:14:11
  for
• 1:14:12
  me,
• 1:14:12
  for
• 1:14:12
  everything.
• 1:14:13
  Yeah,
• 1:14:14
  yeah,
• 1:14:15
  it
• 1:14:15
  makes
• 1:14:15
  sense
• 1:14:15
  that
• 1:14:16
  you
• 1:14:16
  would.
• 1:14:17
  That's
• 1:14:17
  so
• 1:14:17
  weird.
• 1:14:18
  Yeah.
• 1:14:18
  So
• 1:14:19
  from
• 1:14:19
  there,
• 1:14:20
  it
• 1:14:20
  was
• 1:14:20
  kind
• 1:14:20
  of
• 1:14:20
  like,
• 1:14:20
  okay,
• 1:14:21
  look,
• 1:14:21
  I'm
• 1:14:21
  clearly
• 1:14:22
  in
• 1:14:22
  a
• 1:14:22
  place
• 1:14:22
  again.
• 1:14:23
  That's
• 1:14:23
  not
• 1:14:23
  amazing.
• 1:14:25
  And.
• 1:14:25
  But
• 1:14:25
  this
• 1:14:26
  time
• 1:14:26
  around,
• 1:14:26
  instead
• 1:14:27
  of
• 1:14:27
  being
• 1:14:28
  state
• 1:14:28
  mandated,
• 1:14:30
  it
• 1:14:30
  was
• 1:14:30
  like,
• 1:14:31
  I.
• 1:14:32
  I
• 1:14:33
  know
• 1:14:33
  where
• 1:14:34
  I'm
• 1:14:34
  headed.
• 1:14:35
  I
• 1:14:35
  can
• 1:14:35
  see
• 1:14:35
  what's
• 1:14:36
  happening
• 1:14:36
  now,
• 1:14:36
  and
• 1:14:37
  I'm
• 1:14:37
  not
• 1:14:37
  gonna
• 1:14:38
  let
• 1:14:38
  myself
• 1:14:38
  get
• 1:14:39
  to
• 1:14:39
  that
• 1:14:39
  space.
• 1:14:39
  And
• 1:14:39
  so
• 1:14:40
  I
• 1:14:40
  admitted
• 1:14:40
  myself
• 1:14:41
  into
• 1:14:41
  a
• 1:14:41
  hospital.
• 1:14:42
  I
• 1:14:42
  think
• 1:14:42
  that's
• 1:14:43
  awesome.
• 1:14:43
  Well,
• 1:14:43
  thank
• 1:14:44
  you.
• 1:14:44
  Because
• 1:14:45
  we
• 1:14:45
  know
• 1:14:45
  people
• 1:14:45
  right
• 1:14:46
  now
• 1:14:46
  that
• 1:14:46
  were
• 1:14:46
  just
• 1:14:46
  like,
• 1:14:47
  can
• 1:14:47
  you
• 1:14:47
  please
• 1:14:47
  just
• 1:14:47
  admit
• 1:14:48
  yourself?
• 1:14:48
  Like,
• 1:14:49
  you
• 1:14:49
  need
• 1:14:49
  help?
• 1:14:50
  This
• 1:14:50
  is
• 1:14:50
  not
• 1:14:51
  going
• 1:14:51
  well.
• 1:14:53
  Unfortunately,
• 1:14:53
  that
• 1:14:54
  is
• 1:14:54
  a
• 1:14:54
  true
• 1:14:54
  statement.
• 1:14:54
  But
• 1:14:56
  it's
• 1:14:56
  embarrassing.
• 1:14:57
  And
• 1:14:57
  I
• 1:14:57
  feel
• 1:14:57
  like
• 1:14:58
  I.
• 1:14:58
  I
• 1:14:58
  was
• 1:14:58
  like,
• 1:14:59
  do
• 1:14:59
  I
• 1:14:59
  want
• 1:14:59
  to
• 1:14:59
  tell
• 1:14:59
  people
• 1:15:00
  that
• 1:15:00
  I
• 1:15:00
  went
• 1:15:00
  into
• 1:15:00
  the
• 1:15:01
  hospital
• 1:15:01
  twice
• 1:15:01
  in
• 1:15:02
  my
• 1:15:02
  life?
• 1:15:02
  No.
• 1:15:03
  That
• 1:15:03
  you
• 1:15:03
  learned
• 1:15:03
  from
• 1:15:03
  the
• 1:15:04
  first
• 1:15:04
  time.
• 1:15:04
  The
• 1:15:04
  first
• 1:15:04
  time
• 1:15:05
  you
• 1:15:05
  didn't
• 1:15:05
  know
• 1:15:05
  you
• 1:15:05
  needed
• 1:15:05
  help.
• 1:15:06
  This
• 1:15:06
  time
• 1:15:06
  you're
• 1:15:07
  like,
• 1:15:07
  I
• 1:15:07
  need
• 1:15:07
  help.
• 1:15:08
  Like,
• 1:15:09
  yeah,
• 1:15:10
  help
• 1:15:10
  me.
• 1:15:10
  You're
• 1:15:11
  right.
• 1:15:11
  And
• 1:15:12
  it
• 1:15:12
  was
• 1:15:12
  worth
• 1:15:12
  it.
• 1:15:12
  Like.
• 1:15:13
  And
• 1:15:13
  then.
• 1:15:13
  So
• 1:15:13
  then
• 1:15:13
  I
• 1:15:13
  went
• 1:15:14
  in.
• 1:15:14
  I
• 1:15:14
  don't
• 1:15:15
  remember
• 1:15:15
  how
• 1:15:15
  long
• 1:15:15
  I
• 1:15:15
  was
• 1:15:15
  there.
• 1:15:16
  Not
• 1:15:16
  as
• 1:15:16
  long.
• 1:15:16
  Maybe
• 1:15:17
  a
• 1:15:17
  couple
• 1:15:17
  weeks,
• 1:15:17
  five,
• 1:15:18
  seven
• 1:15:18
  days.
• 1:15:19
  No,
• 1:15:19
  I
• 1:15:19
  don't.
• 1:15:19
  I
• 1:15:20
  feel.
• 1:15:20
  I
• 1:15:20
  don't
• 1:15:20
  feel.
• 1:15:20
  Oh,
• 1:15:21
  not
• 1:15:21
  even
• 1:15:22
  like
• 1:15:22
  a
• 1:15:22
  week.
• 1:15:23
  And
• 1:15:23
  I
• 1:15:24
  want
• 1:15:24
  to
• 1:15:24
  point
• 1:15:24
  out
• 1:15:25
  your
• 1:15:25
  parents
• 1:15:25
  had
• 1:15:25
  some
• 1:15:26
  growth,
• 1:15:26
  too,
• 1:15:26
  because
• 1:15:26
  they
• 1:15:27
  were
• 1:15:27
  in
• 1:15:27
  contact
• 1:15:28
  with
• 1:15:28
  me
• 1:15:29
  a
• 1:15:29
  lot,
• 1:15:29
  especially
• 1:15:30
  your
• 1:15:30
  dad.
• 1:15:30
  Your
• 1:15:30
  dad
• 1:15:30
  called
• 1:15:31
  me,
• 1:15:31
  like,
• 1:15:31
  almost
• 1:15:32
  every
• 1:15:32
  day.
• 1:15:34
  They
• 1:15:34
  were
• 1:15:35
  supportive
• 1:15:37
  and
• 1:15:37
  concerned.
• 1:15:38
  Like,
• 1:15:39
  I
• 1:15:39
  just
• 1:15:39
  think
• 1:15:39
  it's
• 1:15:40
  worth
• 1:15:40
  noting
• 1:15:40
  the
• 1:15:41
  change
• 1:15:41
  here.
• 1:15:41
  Well,
• 1:15:42
  just
• 1:15:42
  to
• 1:15:43
  interject,
• 1:15:44
  what
• 1:15:45
  I
• 1:15:45
  have
• 1:15:45
  realized
• 1:15:46
  from
• 1:15:47
  certain
• 1:15:47
  parents
• 1:15:48
  is
• 1:15:48
  that
• 1:15:49
  they
• 1:15:49
  put
• 1:15:49
  on
• 1:15:50
  a
• 1:15:50
  very
• 1:15:50
  good
• 1:15:50
  mask
• 1:15:51
  to
• 1:15:51
  other
• 1:15:51
  people
• 1:15:52
  outside.
• 1:15:53
  So,
• 1:15:53
  like,
• 1:15:53
  do
• 1:15:53
  you
• 1:15:54
  think
• 1:15:54
  that
• 1:15:54
  was
• 1:15:54
  a
• 1:15:54
  mask
• 1:15:54
  of,
• 1:15:55
  let
• 1:15:55
  me
• 1:15:55
  show
• 1:15:55
  a
• 1:15:55
  good
• 1:15:55
  effort?
• 1:15:56
  Like,
• 1:15:56
  I'm
• 1:15:56
  a
• 1:15:56
  good
• 1:15:57
  person.
• 1:15:57
  I
• 1:15:57
  really
• 1:15:57
  care
• 1:15:57
  about
• 1:15:58
  her.
• 1:15:58
  Like,
• 1:15:58
  so
• 1:15:59
  let
• 1:15:59
  me,
• 1:15:59
  like,
• 1:15:59
  show
• 1:16:00
  that
• 1:16:00
  to
• 1:16:00
  you.
• 1:16:02
  There
• 1:16:02
  might
• 1:16:02
  have
• 1:16:03
  been
• 1:16:03
  some
• 1:16:03
  of
• 1:16:04
  that,
• 1:16:05
  but
• 1:16:05
  I
• 1:16:05
  think.
• 1:16:06
  I
• 1:16:06
  mean,
• 1:16:06
  I
• 1:16:06
  think
• 1:16:07
  privately
• 1:16:07
  to
• 1:16:08
  you,
• 1:16:08
  they
• 1:16:08
  were
• 1:16:08
  still
• 1:16:09
  a
• 1:16:09
  lot
• 1:16:09
  more
• 1:16:09
  supportive,
• 1:16:09
  weren't
• 1:16:10
  they?
• 1:16:10
  They
• 1:16:10
  were.
• 1:16:10
  Oh,
• 1:16:11
  okay.
• 1:16:11
  Okay.
• 1:16:12
  Yeah,
• 1:16:12
  that's
• 1:16:13
  true.
• 1:16:14
  I
• 1:16:14
  remember.
• 1:16:14
  So
• 1:16:15
  my
• 1:16:15
  dad,
• 1:16:15
  actually,
• 1:16:15
  over
• 1:16:16
  the
• 1:16:16
  years,
• 1:16:16
  I
• 1:16:16
  mean.
• 1:16:17
  Because
• 1:16:17
  this
• 1:16:17
  is
• 1:16:17
  what.
• 1:16:17
  What
• 1:16:18
  we're
• 1:16:18
  talking
• 1:16:19
  from.
• 1:16:20
  So
• 1:16:20
  that
• 1:16:20
  would
• 1:16:20
  have
• 1:16:20
  been,
• 1:16:21
  like.
• 1:16:21
  I
• 1:16:21
  think
• 1:16:22
  I
• 1:16:22
  was
• 1:16:23
  in
• 1:16:23
  grad
• 1:16:23
  school
• 1:16:24
  at
• 1:16:24
  that
• 1:16:24
  time.
• 1:16:25
  Right.
• 1:16:25
  Like,
• 1:16:25
  so
• 1:16:25
  it's
• 1:16:26
  only,
• 1:16:26
  like,
• 1:16:26
  2013,
• 1:16:27
  2014.
• 1:16:29
  Yeah.
• 1:16:29
  At
• 1:16:30
  this
• 1:16:30
  point.
• 1:16:31
  Yeah,
• 1:16:32
  I
• 1:16:32
  bet.
• 1:16:32
  Like,
• 1:16:32
  early
• 1:16:33
  2014.
• 1:16:33
  When
• 1:16:34
  was
• 1:16:34
  that
• 1:16:34
  Facebook
• 1:16:35
  post?
• 1:16:36
  Yeah,
• 1:16:36
  2015.
• 1:16:38
  It
• 1:16:38
  was
• 1:16:38
  2015.
• 1:16:39
  Okay.
• 1:16:39
  So
• 1:16:40
  I
• 1:16:40
  was
• 1:16:40
  out
• 1:16:40
  of
• 1:16:40
  school
• 1:16:40
  and,
• 1:16:41
  like,
• 1:16:41
  a
• 1:16:41
  baby
• 1:16:42
  practitioner.
• 1:16:42
  Yep.
• 1:16:43
  Yep.
• 1:16:45
  So
• 1:16:45
  this
• 1:16:45
  is
• 1:16:45
  baby
• 1:16:46
  practice
• 1:16:46
  for
• 1:16:46
  you?
• 1:16:47
  Yeah,
• 1:16:48
  I
• 1:16:48
  was
• 1:16:48
  just
• 1:16:48
  helping
• 1:16:49
  her
• 1:16:49
  out.
• 1:16:51
  Okay.
• 1:16:51
  Funny.
• 1:16:51
  Not
• 1:16:52
  funny.
• 1:16:54
  Yeah.
• 1:16:54
  So
• 1:16:55
  it's.
• 1:16:55
  Yeah,
• 1:16:55
  it's
• 1:16:56
  just
• 1:16:56
  one
• 1:16:56
  of
• 1:16:56
  those
• 1:16:56
  things.
• 1:16:56
  It's
• 1:16:57
  like,
• 1:16:58
  wow.
• 1:16:59
  But
• 1:16:59
  then.
• 1:17:00
  But
• 1:17:00
  I
• 1:17:00
  know
• 1:17:00
  there's
• 1:17:01
  people
• 1:17:01
  who
• 1:17:01
  have
• 1:17:02
  met
• 1:17:02
  me
• 1:17:02
  that
• 1:17:02
  wouldn't
• 1:17:03
  have
• 1:17:03
  guessed
• 1:17:03
  that.
• 1:17:04
  So
• 1:17:05
  I
• 1:17:05
  guess
• 1:17:05
  it's
• 1:17:05
  worth
• 1:17:05
  sharing
• 1:17:06
  and
• 1:17:06
  just
• 1:17:06
  saying,
• 1:17:06
  like,
• 1:17:07
  it's
• 1:17:07
  okay
• 1:17:07
  to
• 1:17:08
  be
• 1:17:08
  vulnerable.
• 1:17:08
  It's
• 1:17:09
  okay
• 1:17:09
  to
• 1:17:10
  admit
• 1:17:10
  that
• 1:17:10
  you're
• 1:17:11
  in
• 1:17:11
  a
• 1:17:11
  bad
• 1:17:12
  place,
• 1:17:12
  you
• 1:17:13
  know,
• 1:17:13
  and
• 1:17:13
  we
• 1:17:13
  can't
• 1:17:14
  always
• 1:17:14
  get
• 1:17:14
  out
• 1:17:14
  of
• 1:17:14
  that
• 1:17:14
  place
• 1:17:14
  by
• 1:17:15
  ourselves.
• 1:17:15
  Actually,
• 1:17:15
  I
• 1:17:15
  don't
• 1:17:16
  think
• 1:17:16
  we
• 1:17:16
  really
• 1:17:17
  can.
• 1:17:17
  I
• 1:17:17
  think
• 1:17:17
  that
• 1:17:18
  we're
• 1:17:18
  meant
• 1:17:18
  to
• 1:17:19
  be.
• 1:17:19
  We're
• 1:17:19
  a
• 1:17:19
  societal
• 1:17:20
  people.
• 1:17:20
  As
• 1:17:21
  we've
• 1:17:21
  learned
• 1:17:21
  in
• 1:17:21
  other
• 1:17:22
  seasons.
• 1:17:22
  Like,
• 1:17:22
  we
• 1:17:22
  are
• 1:17:23
  all
• 1:17:23
  a
• 1:17:23
  part
• 1:17:23
  of
• 1:17:23
  each
• 1:17:24
  other.
• 1:17:24
  So
• 1:17:24
  it's
• 1:17:25
  like
• 1:17:25
  we
• 1:17:25
  have
• 1:17:25
  to
• 1:17:26
  all
• 1:17:26
  support
• 1:17:26
  each
• 1:17:26
  other.
• 1:17:27
  Yeah.
• 1:17:30
  I
• 1:17:30
  think
• 1:17:30
  so.
• 1:17:31
  But
• 1:17:31
  like
• 1:17:31
  you
• 1:17:32
  mentioned
• 1:17:32
  on
• 1:17:32
  the
• 1:17:32
  first
• 1:17:32
  episode
• 1:17:33
  of
• 1:17:33
  this
• 1:17:33
  season,
• 1:17:34
  you
• 1:17:35
  are
• 1:17:35
  going
• 1:17:35
  through
• 1:17:35
  a
• 1:17:35
  tough
• 1:17:36
  time
• 1:17:36
  right
• 1:17:36
  now.
• 1:17:36
  You
• 1:17:37
  are
• 1:17:37
  going
• 1:17:37
  through
• 1:17:37
  a
• 1:17:37
  divorce.
• 1:17:38
  Yeah.
• 1:17:38
  And
• 1:17:39
  I
• 1:17:39
  feel
• 1:17:39
  like
• 1:17:40
  that
• 1:17:40
  could
• 1:17:41
  have
• 1:17:41
  been
• 1:17:42
  a
• 1:17:42
  traumatizing
• 1:17:43
  stem
• 1:17:43
  of
• 1:17:44
  your
• 1:17:44
  past
• 1:17:45
  and
• 1:17:45
  that
• 1:17:45
  you
• 1:17:46
  could
• 1:17:46
  have
• 1:17:46
  spiraled
• 1:17:47
  out
• 1:17:47
  and
• 1:17:47
  just,
• 1:17:49
  you
• 1:17:49
  know,
• 1:17:49
  just
• 1:17:50
  had
• 1:17:50
  a.
• 1:17:50
  Maybe
• 1:17:51
  another
• 1:17:51
  episode.
• 1:17:51
  But
• 1:17:52
  I
• 1:17:52
  will.
• 1:17:52
  Like,
• 1:17:53
  you
• 1:17:54
  have
• 1:17:54
  been.
• 1:17:55
  So.
• 1:17:57
  This
• 1:17:58
  is
• 1:17:58
  not
• 1:17:58
  me,
• 1:17:58
  like,
• 1:17:59
  on
• 1:17:59
  me.
• 1:17:59
  Like,
• 1:17:59
  this
• 1:18:00
  is
• 1:18:00
  a
• 1:18:00
  you
• 1:18:00
  problem.
• 1:18:01
  And,
• 1:18:02
  like,
• 1:18:02
  so
• 1:18:03
  obviously
• 1:18:03
  those
• 1:18:04
  experiences
• 1:18:05
  have
• 1:18:05
  taught
• 1:18:05
  you,
• 1:18:06
  like,
• 1:18:06
  what
• 1:18:06
  is
• 1:18:07
  personal,
• 1:18:08
  like,
• 1:18:08
  you.
• 1:18:09
  And
• 1:18:09
  what
• 1:18:09
  is
• 1:18:09
  not
• 1:18:09
  a
• 1:18:10
  you
• 1:18:10
  problem
• 1:18:10
  where
• 1:18:11
  you've
• 1:18:11
  been,
• 1:18:11
  like,
• 1:18:12
  very.
• 1:18:13
  This
• 1:18:13
  isn't
• 1:18:13
  a
• 1:18:14
  me
• 1:18:14
  problem.
• 1:18:14
  This
• 1:18:14
  is.
• 1:18:15
  You
• 1:18:15
  gotta
• 1:18:15
  figure
• 1:18:15
  out
• 1:18:15
  your.
• 1:18:16
  I'm
• 1:18:16
  gonna
• 1:18:16
  figure
• 1:18:16
  out
• 1:18:16
  my.
• 1:18:17
  So
• 1:18:17
  I'm
• 1:18:17
  gonna.
• 1:18:20
  Like.
• 1:18:21
  But
• 1:18:21
  no
• 1:18:22
  but,
• 1:18:22
  like,
• 1:18:22
  that's.
• 1:18:22
  That's
• 1:18:23
  growth.
• 1:18:23
  Right.
• 1:18:24
  Like,
• 1:18:24
  knowing
• 1:18:25
  that
• 1:18:26
  I
• 1:18:26
  am
• 1:18:26
  better
• 1:18:27
  than
• 1:18:27
  this,
• 1:18:28
  this
• 1:18:28
  time
• 1:18:28
  around
• 1:18:29
  and
• 1:18:29
  you've
• 1:18:29
  been
• 1:18:30
  able
• 1:18:30
  to
• 1:18:30
  handle
• 1:18:30
  it
• 1:18:31
  with
• 1:18:31
  the
• 1:18:31
  support
• 1:18:31
  of
• 1:18:32
  your
• 1:18:32
  friends
• 1:18:32
  and
• 1:18:33
  you
• 1:18:33
  feel
• 1:18:33
  comfortable
• 1:18:33
  with
• 1:18:34
  that?
• 1:18:34
  Yeah,
• 1:18:35
  I.
• 1:18:35
  I
• 1:18:35
  would
• 1:18:36
  say.
• 1:18:36
  Thank
• 1:18:36
  you.
• 1:18:40
  Yeah.
• 1:18:41
  I'm
• 1:18:41
  so.
• 1:18:41
  I
• 1:18:42
  am
• 1:18:42
  seeing.
• 1:18:42
  I
• 1:18:43
  am
• 1:18:43
  talking
• 1:18:43
  to
• 1:18:44
  a
• 1:18:44
  doctor
• 1:18:45
  every
• 1:18:45
  month.
• 1:18:46
  As
• 1:18:46
  you
• 1:18:46
  should.
• 1:18:46
  I
• 1:18:47
  do
• 1:18:47
  too.
• 1:18:47
  I'm
• 1:18:47
  gonna
• 1:18:48
  start
• 1:18:48
  seeing
• 1:18:49
  a
• 1:18:49
  therapist
• 1:18:49
  again,
• 1:18:50
  but
• 1:18:50
  I'm
• 1:18:50
  not
• 1:18:50
  gonna
• 1:18:50
  do
• 1:18:50
  EMDR
• 1:18:51
  this
• 1:18:51
  time.
• 1:18:53
  Only
• 1:18:53
  because
• 1:18:55
  I
• 1:18:55
  feel
• 1:18:55
  like
• 1:18:55
  last
• 1:18:55
  time
• 1:18:56
  I
• 1:18:56
  did
• 1:18:56
  it
• 1:18:57
  sometimes
• 1:18:57
  it
• 1:18:58
  can
• 1:18:58
  pull
• 1:18:58
  up
• 1:18:58
  a
• 1:18:58
  lot.
• 1:18:59
  Yeah.
• 1:18:59
  I
• 1:18:59
  don't
• 1:18:59
  know.
• 1:18:59
  I
• 1:18:59
  wonder
• 1:19:00
  you
• 1:19:00
  would
• 1:19:00
  think
• 1:19:00
  about
• 1:19:00
  that,
• 1:19:00
  Melissa.
• 1:19:01
  Well,
• 1:19:02
  I
• 1:19:02
  don't
• 1:19:02
  think
• 1:19:02
  you
• 1:19:02
  have
• 1:19:03
  to
• 1:19:03
  do
• 1:19:03
  emdr.
• 1:19:04
  I
• 1:19:04
  do
• 1:19:04
  think
• 1:19:05
  you
• 1:19:05
  sh.
• 1:19:05
  I
• 1:19:05
  think
• 1:19:06
  it
• 1:19:06
  would
• 1:19:06
  be
• 1:19:06
  good
• 1:19:06
  if
• 1:19:07
  you
• 1:19:07
  saw
• 1:19:07
  somebody
• 1:19:08
  who
• 1:19:08
  does
• 1:19:09
  train
• 1:19:09
  spotting.
• 1:19:10
  Yeah.
• 1:19:11
  Brain
• 1:19:11
  would
• 1:19:12
  be
• 1:19:12
  fine,
• 1:19:12
  but
• 1:19:12
  brain.
• 1:19:13
  So
• 1:19:13
  all
• 1:19:13
  of
• 1:19:13
  those
• 1:19:13
  trauma
• 1:19:14
  modalities,
• 1:19:14
  whether
• 1:19:16
  it's
• 1:19:16
  brain
• 1:19:17
  spotting
• 1:19:18
  or
• 1:19:18
  somatic
• 1:19:19
  experiencing
• 1:19:21
  or
• 1:19:22
  a
• 1:19:22
  good
• 1:19:23
  internal
• 1:19:23
  family
• 1:19:23
  systems
• 1:19:24
  person
• 1:19:25
  or
• 1:19:27
  santre,
• 1:19:28
  like,
• 1:19:29
  they're
• 1:19:29
  all
• 1:19:29
  going
• 1:19:30
  to
• 1:19:30
  bring
• 1:19:30
  up
• 1:19:30
  your
• 1:19:30
  shit,
• 1:19:32
  but
• 1:19:32
  I
• 1:19:33
  don't
• 1:19:33
  really
• 1:19:34
  think
• 1:19:34
  that
• 1:19:35
  you're
• 1:19:35
  going
• 1:19:35
  to
• 1:19:35
  have
• 1:19:35
  good
• 1:19:36
  therapy
• 1:19:36
  if
• 1:19:37
  you
• 1:19:37
  don't
• 1:19:37
  want
• 1:19:38
  to
• 1:19:38
  bring
• 1:19:38
  up
• 1:19:38
  your
• 1:19:38
  shit.
• 1:19:39
  That's
• 1:19:39
  true,
• 1:19:39
  too.
• 1:19:40
  It
• 1:19:40
  doesn't
• 1:19:41
  have
• 1:19:41
  to
• 1:19:41
  be
• 1:19:41
  emdr,
• 1:19:42
  but
• 1:19:43
  I
• 1:19:43
  would
• 1:19:43
  say
• 1:19:44
  a
• 1:19:45
  trauma
• 1:19:46
  modality.
• 1:19:49
  I
• 1:19:49
  can
• 1:19:50
  feel
• 1:19:50
  there's
• 1:19:50
  some
• 1:19:50
  fear
• 1:19:51
  behind
• 1:19:51
  that
• 1:19:51
  because.
• 1:19:53
  Okay,
• 1:19:53
  so
• 1:19:54
  I
• 1:19:54
  know
• 1:19:54
  that
• 1:19:54
  I
• 1:19:54
  have
• 1:19:55
  a
• 1:19:55
  lot
• 1:19:55
  of
• 1:19:55
  shit,
• 1:19:55
  and
• 1:19:55
  I
• 1:19:55
  know
• 1:19:56
  what
• 1:19:56
  that's
• 1:19:56
  done
• 1:19:56
  to
• 1:19:56
  me
• 1:19:56
  in
• 1:19:57
  the
• 1:19:57
  past.
• 1:19:57
  I
• 1:19:57
  don't
• 1:19:57
  want
• 1:19:58
  to
• 1:19:58
  do
• 1:19:58
  that
• 1:19:58
  again.
• 1:19:59
  And
• 1:19:59
  so,
• 1:19:59
  like,
• 1:19:59
  do
• 1:20:00
  you
• 1:20:00
  feel
• 1:20:00
  fearful
• 1:20:01
  that,
• 1:20:01
  like,
• 1:20:01
  if
• 1:20:01
  you
• 1:20:01
  have
• 1:20:02
  to
• 1:20:02
  bring
• 1:20:02
  up
• 1:20:02
  shit
• 1:20:03
  again
• 1:20:03
  and,
• 1:20:03
  like,
• 1:20:03
  try
• 1:20:04
  and
• 1:20:04
  work
• 1:20:04
  it
• 1:20:04
  out
• 1:20:04
  for
• 1:20:05
  a
• 1:20:05
  third
• 1:20:05
  time,
• 1:20:06
  that
• 1:20:06
  it
• 1:20:06
  will
• 1:20:06
  lead
• 1:20:06
  to
• 1:20:07
  the
• 1:20:07
  severity.
• 1:20:08
  No,
• 1:20:08
  I'll
• 1:20:09
  be
• 1:20:09
  honest.
• 1:20:09
  The
• 1:20:10
  reason
• 1:20:10
  that
• 1:20:10
  I
• 1:20:10
  was.
• 1:20:11
  That
• 1:20:11
  I
• 1:20:11
  even
• 1:20:11
  said
• 1:20:12
  that
• 1:20:12
  is
• 1:20:12
  because
• 1:20:12
  the.
• 1:20:13
  The
• 1:20:13
  guy,
• 1:20:13
  the.
• 1:20:14
  My
• 1:20:14
  nurse
• 1:20:14
  practitioner
• 1:20:15
  that
• 1:20:15
  I
• 1:20:15
  do
• 1:20:15
  see,
• 1:20:16
  he
• 1:20:17
  had
• 1:20:17
  said
• 1:20:18
  something
• 1:20:18
  like,
• 1:20:19
  you've
• 1:20:19
  kind
• 1:20:19
  of
• 1:20:19
  got
• 1:20:20
  a
• 1:20:20
  lot
• 1:20:20
  right
• 1:20:20
  now.
• 1:20:21
  Uh,
• 1:20:21
  oh.
• 1:20:22
  I
• 1:20:22
  said
• 1:20:22
  something
• 1:20:22
  to
• 1:20:23
  him
• 1:20:23
  about
• 1:20:23
  the
• 1:20:23
  EMDR
• 1:20:24
  being
• 1:20:24
  kind
• 1:20:24
  of
• 1:20:24
  taxing
• 1:20:25
  and
• 1:20:25
  exhausting
• 1:20:26
  for
• 1:20:26
  me
• 1:20:26
  last
• 1:20:26
  time
• 1:20:26
  I
• 1:20:27
  did
• 1:20:27
  it.
• 1:20:27
  But
• 1:20:27
  I
• 1:20:28
  also.
• 1:20:28
  It
• 1:20:29
  was
• 1:20:29
  also,
• 1:20:29
  like,
• 1:20:29
  really
• 1:20:29
  good
• 1:20:30
  for
• 1:20:30
  me.
• 1:20:30
  Like
• 1:20:31
  Melissa
• 1:20:31
  said,
• 1:20:31
  you
• 1:20:31
  have
• 1:20:32
  to,
• 1:20:32
  like,
• 1:20:32
  dig
• 1:20:32
  up
• 1:20:32
  the.
• 1:20:33
  And
• 1:20:33
  go
• 1:20:33
  through
• 1:20:33
  the
• 1:20:33
  hard
• 1:20:34
  stuff
• 1:20:34
  to
• 1:20:34
  be
• 1:20:34
  able
• 1:20:34
  to
• 1:20:34
  get
• 1:20:34
  better.
• 1:20:37
  Like,
• 1:20:37
  you
• 1:20:38
  don't
• 1:20:38
  have.
• 1:20:38
  So
• 1:20:39
  not
• 1:20:39
  every
• 1:20:40
  session
• 1:20:40
  is
• 1:20:41
  time
• 1:20:41
  to
• 1:20:41
  dig
• 1:20:41
  up
• 1:20:41
  the
• 1:20:42
  old
• 1:20:42
  stuff.
• 1:20:42
  Okay,
• 1:20:44
  like
• 1:20:44
  that,
• 1:20:45
  like.
• 1:20:45
  And
• 1:20:46
  if
• 1:20:46
  you
• 1:20:46
  have
• 1:20:46
  a
• 1:20:46
  therapist
• 1:20:47
  who's
• 1:20:47
  like,
• 1:20:47
  we
• 1:20:47
  have
• 1:20:48
  to
• 1:20:48
  EMDR
• 1:20:48
  every
• 1:20:49
  session
• 1:20:50
  and
• 1:20:50
  we
• 1:20:51
  have
• 1:20:51
  to
• 1:20:51
  do
• 1:20:51
  the
• 1:20:52
  old
• 1:20:52
  work
• 1:20:52
  and
• 1:20:53
  not
• 1:20:53
  focus
• 1:20:53
  on
• 1:20:54
  the
• 1:20:54
  right
• 1:20:54
  now,
• 1:20:54
  that's,
• 1:20:55
  I
• 1:20:55
  would
• 1:20:56
  say,
• 1:20:56
  not
• 1:20:56
  a
• 1:20:57
  great
• 1:20:57
  therapist,
• 1:20:57
  or
• 1:20:58
  at
• 1:20:58
  least
• 1:20:58
  I
• 1:20:58
  wouldn't
• 1:20:58
  want
• 1:20:58
  to
• 1:20:58
  see
• 1:20:59
  that.
• 1:20:59
  They're
• 1:20:59
  interesting.
• 1:21:02
  So,
• 1:21:02
  like,
• 1:21:02
  if
• 1:21:03
  you
• 1:21:03
  were
• 1:21:03
  my
• 1:21:03
  client,
• 1:21:04
  going
• 1:21:04
  through
• 1:21:05
  what
• 1:21:05
  you're
• 1:21:05
  going
• 1:21:05
  through
• 1:21:06
  right
• 1:21:06
  now,
• 1:21:07
  like,
• 1:21:08
  when
• 1:21:08
  you're
• 1:21:08
  in
• 1:21:09
  this
• 1:21:09
  moment
• 1:21:09
  of
• 1:21:10
  dealing
• 1:21:10
  with
• 1:21:10
  this
• 1:21:10
  stuff,
• 1:21:11
  you
• 1:21:11
  deal
• 1:21:11
  with
• 1:21:12
  this
• 1:21:12
  moment,
• 1:21:12
  this
• 1:21:12
  stuff,
• 1:21:14
  and
• 1:21:14
  then
• 1:21:14
  as
• 1:21:15
  you
• 1:21:15
  get
• 1:21:15
  a
• 1:21:15
  little
• 1:21:15
  farther
• 1:21:16
  away
• 1:21:16
  from
• 1:21:16
  it
• 1:21:16
  in
• 1:21:17
  the,
• 1:21:17
  you
• 1:21:17
  know,
• 1:21:18
  several
• 1:21:18
  months
• 1:21:19
  out,
• 1:21:20
  then
• 1:21:21
  it's
• 1:21:21
  like,
• 1:21:21
  okay,
• 1:21:22
  well,
• 1:21:23
  you
• 1:21:23
  know,
• 1:21:23
  now
• 1:21:23
  that
• 1:21:23
  we're
• 1:21:24
  getting
• 1:21:24
  a
• 1:21:24
  little
• 1:21:24
  bit
• 1:21:24
  more
• 1:21:24
  stable,
• 1:21:25
  are
• 1:21:25
  we
• 1:21:25
  ready
• 1:21:26
  to
• 1:21:26
  kind
• 1:21:26
  of
• 1:21:26
  connect
• 1:21:26
  some
• 1:21:27
  dots?
• 1:21:28
  Are
• 1:21:28
  we
• 1:21:28
  not
• 1:21:28
  ready
• 1:21:28
  to.
• 1:21:29
  I
• 1:21:29
  mean,
• 1:21:29
  I.
• 1:21:30
  I
• 1:21:30
  never
• 1:21:30
  make
• 1:21:30
  anybody
• 1:21:32
  deal
• 1:21:32
  with
• 1:21:32
  any.
• 1:21:32
  Like,
• 1:21:33
  even
• 1:21:33
  if
• 1:21:33
  I
• 1:21:33
  know
• 1:21:33
  that
• 1:21:33
  they
• 1:21:34
  have
• 1:21:34
  something
• 1:21:35
  to
• 1:21:36
  deal
• 1:21:36
  with.
• 1:21:37
  So.
• 1:21:37
  Yeah,
• 1:21:38
  like,
• 1:21:38
  even
• 1:21:38
  if.
• 1:21:38
  Like,
• 1:21:39
  because
• 1:21:39
  they've
• 1:21:40
  told
• 1:21:40
  me
• 1:21:40
  in
• 1:21:40
  their,
• 1:21:40
  you
• 1:21:41
  know,
• 1:21:41
  history
• 1:21:41
  or
• 1:21:41
  whatever,
• 1:21:42
  you
• 1:21:43
  know,
• 1:21:43
  maybe
• 1:21:43
  every
• 1:21:43
  six
• 1:21:44
  months,
• 1:21:44
  I'll
• 1:21:44
  be
• 1:21:44
  like,
• 1:21:44
  so
• 1:21:45
  remember
• 1:21:45
  that
• 1:21:45
  thing
• 1:21:46
  that
• 1:21:46
  we
• 1:21:46
  haven't
• 1:21:47
  talked
• 1:21:47
  about
• 1:21:47
  yet?
• 1:21:48
  Or
• 1:21:48
  do
• 1:21:49
  you
• 1:21:49
  want
• 1:21:49
  to
• 1:21:49
  talk
• 1:21:49
  about
• 1:21:49
  talking
• 1:21:50
  about
• 1:21:50
  it?
• 1:21:50
  And
• 1:21:51
  if
• 1:21:51
  they
• 1:21:51
  say
• 1:21:51
  yes,
• 1:21:51
  great.
• 1:21:52
  And
• 1:21:52
  if
• 1:21:52
  they
• 1:21:52
  don't
• 1:21:52
  say
• 1:21:53
  yes,
• 1:21:53
  then
• 1:21:53
  we
• 1:21:54
  don't.
• 1:21:54
  Because,
• 1:21:55
  like,
• 1:21:56
  there
• 1:21:56
  are
• 1:21:56
  therapists
• 1:21:57
  who
• 1:21:57
  will
• 1:21:57
  thrap
• 1:21:57
  you.
• 1:21:57
  Right?
• 1:21:58
  Like,
• 1:21:58
  don't,
• 1:21:58
  don't,
• 1:22:00
  like,
• 1:22:00
  don't
• 1:22:01
  do
• 1:22:01
  what
• 1:22:01
  you
• 1:22:01
  don't
• 1:22:02
  like.
• 1:22:02
  It's
• 1:22:02
  your
• 1:22:03
  therapy.
• 1:22:03
  You
• 1:22:03
  take
• 1:22:04
  control
• 1:22:04
  of
• 1:22:04
  it.
• 1:22:04
  If
• 1:22:05
  you're
• 1:22:05
  like,
• 1:22:05
  no,
• 1:22:05
  I
• 1:22:05
  am
• 1:22:05
  here
• 1:22:06
  to
• 1:22:06
  talk
• 1:22:06
  about
• 1:22:06
  my
• 1:22:06
  current
• 1:22:07
  divorce.
• 1:22:09
  Maybe
• 1:22:09
  later
• 1:22:09
  we
• 1:22:10
  can
• 1:22:10
  deal
• 1:22:11
  with
• 1:22:11
  this,
• 1:22:11
  but
• 1:22:11
  right
• 1:22:11
  now,
• 1:22:12
  I'm
• 1:22:12
  here
• 1:22:12
  to
• 1:22:12
  talk
• 1:22:12
  about
• 1:22:12
  my
• 1:22:13
  current
• 1:22:13
  life
• 1:22:13
  transition.
• 1:22:14
  Okay,
• 1:22:14
  cool.
• 1:22:15
  Then.
• 1:22:15
  I
• 1:22:15
  mean,
• 1:22:15
  when
• 1:22:16
  you're
• 1:22:16
  in
• 1:22:16
  a
• 1:22:16
  life
• 1:22:16
  transition,
• 1:22:19
  like,
• 1:22:19
  yeah,
• 1:22:19
  your
• 1:22:20
  life
• 1:22:20
  transition
• 1:22:20
  is
• 1:22:21
  not
• 1:22:21
  time
• 1:22:21
  to
• 1:22:21
  be
• 1:22:22
  connecting
• 1:22:22
  the
• 1:22:22
  dots
• 1:22:24
  to
• 1:22:24
  your
• 1:22:25
  parent
• 1:22:25
  issues
• 1:22:25
  that's
• 1:22:26
  going
• 1:22:26
  to.
• 1:22:26
  Stack
• 1:22:26
  on
• 1:22:27
  to
• 1:22:27
  what
• 1:22:27
  you're
• 1:22:27
  currently
• 1:22:27
  dealing.
• 1:22:28
  With
• 1:22:28
  like,
• 1:22:28
  okay,
• 1:22:29
  that
• 1:22:29
  actually
• 1:22:31
  can
• 1:22:31
  fit
• 1:22:31
  on
• 1:22:31
  your
• 1:22:32
  plate.
• 1:22:32
  Yeah.
• 1:22:33
  Yeah,
• 1:22:33
  that
• 1:22:34
  makes
• 1:22:34
  sense
• 1:22:34
  to
• 1:22:34
  what
• 1:22:34
  maybe
• 1:22:35
  Dr.
• 1:22:35
  Appling
• 1:22:35
  was
• 1:22:36
  trying
• 1:22:36
  to
• 1:22:36
  say.
• 1:22:37
  So
• 1:22:37
  it's
• 1:22:37
  not
• 1:22:38
  don't
• 1:22:38
  go
• 1:22:38
  to
• 1:22:38
  an
• 1:22:38
  EMDR
• 1:22:39
  therapist.
• 1:22:39
  It's
• 1:22:40
  don't
• 1:22:40
  do
• 1:22:40
  emdr.
• 1:22:42
  Or
• 1:22:42
  if
• 1:22:42
  you're
• 1:22:42
  going
• 1:22:42
  to
• 1:22:42
  do
• 1:22:42
  emdr,
• 1:22:43
  like,
• 1:22:44
  you
• 1:22:44
  can
• 1:22:44
  do
• 1:22:44
  EMDR
• 1:22:45
  about
• 1:22:45
  your
• 1:22:46
  divorce.
• 1:22:47
  Like,
• 1:22:47
  yeah,
• 1:22:48
  you
• 1:22:48
  can
• 1:22:49
  do
• 1:22:49
  recent,
• 1:22:50
  current,
• 1:22:50
  and
• 1:22:50
  even,
• 1:22:51
  like,
• 1:22:51
  I'm
• 1:22:51
  really
• 1:22:51
  scared
• 1:22:52
  about,
• 1:22:52
  like,
• 1:22:53
  this
• 1:22:53
  thing
• 1:22:53
  that's
• 1:22:53
  coming
• 1:22:53
  up,
• 1:22:54
  like
• 1:22:54
  the
• 1:22:54
  finalization,
• 1:22:55
  or
• 1:22:55
  I'm
• 1:22:55
  scared
• 1:22:55
  about
• 1:22:56
  whatever
• 1:22:57
  you
• 1:22:57
  can
• 1:22:57
  even
• 1:22:58
  do.
• 1:22:58
  It's
• 1:22:59
  so.
• 1:23:00
  But
• 1:23:00
  you.
• 1:23:00
  You.
• 1:23:00
  You
• 1:23:01
  can
• 1:23:01
  keep
• 1:23:01
  it
• 1:23:01
  focused
• 1:23:02
  on
• 1:23:02
  the.
• 1:23:02
  Right
• 1:23:02
  now.
• 1:23:03
  Okay.
• 1:23:04
  I'm
• 1:23:04
  really
• 1:23:04
  glad
• 1:23:05
  you
• 1:23:05
  said
• 1:23:05
  that,
• 1:23:05
  because
• 1:23:05
  I
• 1:23:06
  think
• 1:23:06
  I
• 1:23:06
  did
• 1:23:06
  take
• 1:23:07
  it
• 1:23:07
  to.
• 1:23:07
  Oh,
• 1:23:08
  I
• 1:23:08
  just
• 1:23:08
  don't
• 1:23:08
  need
• 1:23:08
  to
• 1:23:08
  be
• 1:23:08
  doing
• 1:23:08
  EMDR
• 1:23:09
  right
• 1:23:09
  now.
• 1:23:10
  Whereas
• 1:23:10
  I
• 1:23:10
  bet
• 1:23:11
  you
• 1:23:11
  100%
• 1:23:12
  that
• 1:23:12
  we.
• 1:23:13
  What.
• 1:23:14
  What
• 1:23:14
  you
• 1:23:14
  just
• 1:23:14
  said
• 1:23:14
  is
• 1:23:15
  more
• 1:23:15
  what
• 1:23:15
  he
• 1:23:15
  meant
• 1:23:16
  because
• 1:23:16
  he
• 1:23:16
  did
• 1:23:16
  kind
• 1:23:16
  of
• 1:23:16
  say,
• 1:23:17
  you
• 1:23:17
  know,
• 1:23:17
  it's.
• 1:23:18
  Let's.
• 1:23:19
  Let's
• 1:23:20
  not
• 1:23:20
  dig
• 1:23:20
  up
• 1:23:21
  other
• 1:23:21
  things.
• 1:23:21
  Let's
• 1:23:22
  just
• 1:23:22
  focus
• 1:23:22
  on.
• 1:23:22
  This
• 1:23:23
  is
• 1:23:23
  kind
• 1:23:23
  of
• 1:23:23
  what
• 1:23:23
  he
• 1:23:23
  had
• 1:23:24
  said.
• 1:23:24
  So
• 1:23:24
  that
• 1:23:25
  doesn't.
• 1:23:26
  Trauma
• 1:23:26
  specialists,
• 1:23:28
  considering
• 1:23:28
  your
• 1:23:28
  history,
• 1:23:29
  don't
• 1:23:30
  they
• 1:23:30
  know.
• 1:23:31
  Yeah.
• 1:23:32
  And
• 1:23:32
  a
• 1:23:32
  good
• 1:23:32
  trauma
• 1:23:33
  specialist
• 1:23:33
  is
• 1:23:33
  going
• 1:23:34
  to
• 1:23:34
  understand
• 1:23:34
  that
• 1:23:34
  balance.
• 1:23:35
  I
• 1:23:35
  mean,
• 1:23:35
  I'm
• 1:23:36
  not
• 1:23:36
  going
• 1:23:36
  to
• 1:23:36
  say,
• 1:23:38
  like,
• 1:23:39
  why
• 1:23:39
  is
• 1:23:39
  that?
• 1:23:39
  We've
• 1:23:39
  all
• 1:23:40
  been
• 1:23:40
  to
• 1:23:40
  mad
• 1:23:40
  there.
• 1:23:42
  Right.
• 1:23:43
  And
• 1:23:43
  I
• 1:23:43
  don't,
• 1:23:44
  you
• 1:23:44
  know.
• 1:23:44
  Or
• 1:23:44
  I
• 1:23:45
  say
• 1:23:45
  therapists
• 1:23:45
  that
• 1:23:46
  were
• 1:23:46
  not
• 1:23:46
  a
• 1:23:46
  good
• 1:23:46
  fit
• 1:23:46
  for
• 1:23:46
  us
• 1:23:47
  at
• 1:23:47
  that
• 1:23:47
  time.
• 1:23:47
  Yeah,
• 1:23:48
  yeah,
• 1:23:48
  yeah.
• 1:23:48
  That
• 1:23:49
  makes
• 1:23:49
  sense.
• 1:23:49
  But,
• 1:23:50
  yeah,
• 1:23:50
  so
• 1:23:50
  that's
• 1:23:51
  kind
• 1:23:51
  of
• 1:23:51
  where
• 1:23:51
  I
• 1:23:51
  am.
• 1:23:52
  So
• 1:23:52
  I
• 1:23:52
  would
• 1:23:52
  say
• 1:23:52
  third
• 1:23:53
  time's
• 1:23:53
  the
• 1:23:53
  charm.
• 1:23:54
  And
• 1:23:54
  going
• 1:23:54
  through
• 1:23:55
  another.
• 1:23:55
  Well,
• 1:23:56
  we
• 1:23:56
  know.
• 1:23:57
  Going
• 1:23:57
  through.
• 1:23:58
  No,
• 1:23:58
  we're
• 1:23:58
  saying
• 1:23:59
  three.
• 1:23:59
  Three.
• 1:24:00
  Three
• 1:24:00
  times
• 1:24:00
  the
• 1:24:00
  charm.
• 1:24:01
  You're
• 1:24:01
  not
• 1:24:01
  going
• 1:24:02
  through,
• 1:24:02
  like,
• 1:24:02
  what
• 1:24:02
  you
• 1:24:02
  went
• 1:24:03
  through.
• 1:24:03
  That's
• 1:24:03
  true.
• 1:24:04
  That's
• 1:24:04
  true.
• 1:24:04
  Because
• 1:24:04
  each
• 1:24:04
  time
• 1:24:05
  I've
• 1:24:05
  gotten.
• 1:24:05
  But,
• 1:24:06
  like,
• 1:24:07
  what
• 1:24:08
  Walker
• 1:24:08
  said
• 1:24:08
  is
• 1:24:10
  there's
• 1:24:11
  the.
• 1:24:11
  What
• 1:24:12
  did
• 1:24:12
  you
• 1:24:12
  call
• 1:24:12
  it?
• 1:24:13
  It's
• 1:24:13
  an
• 1:24:13
  S
• 1:24:13
  word.
• 1:24:14
  And
• 1:24:14
  grieving
• 1:24:14
  period.
• 1:24:15
  I
• 1:24:15
  feel
• 1:24:15
  like
• 1:24:16
  this
• 1:24:16
  is
• 1:24:16
  a
• 1:24:16
  situation
• 1:24:17
  where
• 1:24:17
  you
• 1:24:17
  could
• 1:24:18
  end
• 1:24:18
  up
• 1:24:18
  in
• 1:24:19
  that
• 1:24:19
  situation.
• 1:24:21
  Not
• 1:24:21
  an
• 1:24:21
  S
• 1:24:21
  word.
• 1:24:22
  Ambiguous.
• 1:24:22
  Ambiguous.
• 1:24:23
  Not
• 1:24:23
  a
• 1:24:24
  C
• 1:24:24
  word.
• 1:24:26
  Ambiguous
• 1:24:26
  loss.
• 1:24:27
  Yeah.
• 1:24:30
  Like,
• 1:24:31
  I
• 1:24:31
  could
• 1:24:31
  see
• 1:24:31
  that
• 1:24:32
  you
• 1:24:32
  maybe
• 1:24:33
  would
• 1:24:33
  start
• 1:24:33
  to
• 1:24:33
  go
• 1:24:34
  through
• 1:24:34
  a
• 1:24:34
  problem
• 1:24:34
  even
• 1:24:34
  though
• 1:24:34
  you're
• 1:24:34
  like,
• 1:24:35
  yeah,
• 1:24:35
  this
• 1:24:35
  isn't
• 1:24:35
  a
• 1:24:35
  me
• 1:24:35
  problem.
• 1:24:36
  Like,
• 1:24:36
  I'm
• 1:24:37
  good.
• 1:24:38
  No,
• 1:24:38
  thank
• 1:24:38
  you.
• 1:24:40
  You.
• 1:24:40
  I
• 1:24:40
  promise
• 1:24:40
  you're
• 1:24:41
  gonna
• 1:24:41
  agree,
• 1:24:42
  yeah,
• 1:24:42
  there's
• 1:24:42
  grief.
• 1:24:43
  And
• 1:24:43
  I
• 1:24:43
  think
• 1:24:44
  that
• 1:24:44
  also
• 1:24:44
  isn't
• 1:24:45
  recognized
• 1:24:45
  because
• 1:24:46
  people
• 1:24:46
  are
• 1:24:46
  gonna
• 1:24:46
  be
• 1:24:46
  like,
• 1:24:47
  no,
• 1:24:48
  you
• 1:24:48
  should
• 1:24:48
  have
• 1:24:48
  been
• 1:24:48
  doing
• 1:24:48
  this.
• 1:24:48
  Like,
• 1:24:49
  why
• 1:24:49
  are
• 1:24:49
  you.
• 1:24:49
  That's
• 1:24:50
  so
• 1:24:50
  true.
• 1:24:50
  Going
• 1:24:50
  through
• 1:24:51
  divorce
• 1:24:51
  can
• 1:24:51
  be
• 1:24:52
  tricky
• 1:24:52
  because.
• 1:24:52
  It'S
• 1:24:53
  like,
• 1:24:54
  they
• 1:24:54
  weren't
• 1:24:55
  good.
• 1:24:55
  That.
• 1:24:56
  But
• 1:24:57
  well.
• 1:24:57
  And
• 1:24:57
  also,
• 1:24:57
  like,
• 1:24:58
  if
• 1:24:58
  you're
• 1:24:58
  the
• 1:24:58
  one
• 1:24:58
  doing
• 1:24:58
  the
• 1:24:59
  leaving.
• 1:24:59
  Some
• 1:24:59
  people
• 1:25:00
  are
• 1:25:00
  like,
• 1:25:00
  well,
• 1:25:00
  why
• 1:25:00
  are
• 1:25:00
  you
• 1:25:00
  sad?
• 1:25:01
  You're
• 1:25:01
  the
• 1:25:01
  one
• 1:25:01
  that
• 1:25:01
  left.
• 1:25:02
  Exactly.
• 1:25:03
  Exactly.
• 1:25:04
  Yeah.
• 1:25:05
  But
• 1:25:06
  it
• 1:25:06
  is
• 1:25:06
  sad.
• 1:25:06
  Like,
• 1:25:06
  I
• 1:25:07
  didn't
• 1:25:07
  get
• 1:25:07
  married
• 1:25:07
  so
• 1:25:08
  I
• 1:25:08
  could
• 1:25:08
  get
• 1:25:08
  divorced.
• 1:25:10
  And
• 1:25:10
  I
• 1:25:11
  loved
• 1:25:11
  this
• 1:25:11
  person.
• 1:25:12
  Yeah.
• 1:25:12
  And
• 1:25:13
  I
• 1:25:13
  still
• 1:25:13
  love
• 1:25:13
  this
• 1:25:14
  person.
• 1:25:15
  What
• 1:25:15
  is
• 1:25:16
  interesting
• 1:25:16
  is
• 1:25:18
  in
• 1:25:18
  our
• 1:25:18
  last
• 1:25:18
  episode
• 1:25:19
  that
• 1:25:19
  we
• 1:25:19
  recorded,
• 1:25:20
  you
• 1:25:21
  remembered
• 1:25:22
  and
• 1:25:22
  recalled
• 1:25:23
  and
• 1:25:23
  talked
• 1:25:23
  about
• 1:25:23
  a
• 1:25:23
  time
• 1:25:24
  where
• 1:25:26
  this
• 1:25:27
  husband
• 1:25:27
  and
• 1:25:28
  did
• 1:25:29
  something
• 1:25:29
  very,
• 1:25:29
  very
• 1:25:29
  sweet
• 1:25:30
  for
• 1:25:30
  you
• 1:25:30
  by
• 1:25:30
  writing
• 1:25:31
  you
• 1:25:31
  that
• 1:25:32
  entry.
• 1:25:32
  And
• 1:25:33
  I
• 1:25:33
  was
• 1:25:33
  like,
• 1:25:33
  he
• 1:25:34
  did
• 1:25:34
  that.
• 1:25:35
  And
• 1:25:35
  it,
• 1:25:35
  like,
• 1:25:35
  kind
• 1:25:36
  of
• 1:25:36
  just
• 1:25:36
  like,
• 1:25:36
  really
• 1:25:37
  reminds
• 1:25:38
  you,
• 1:25:38
  like,
• 1:25:38
  there's
• 1:25:39
  good.
• 1:25:39
  They're
• 1:25:39
  not
• 1:25:39
  a
• 1:25:39
  bad
• 1:25:40
  person.
• 1:25:40
  Yeah.
• 1:25:41
  They're
• 1:25:41
  going
• 1:25:42
  through
• 1:25:42
  a
• 1:25:42
  bad
• 1:25:42
  time
• 1:25:43
  and
• 1:25:43
  it's
• 1:25:43
  just
• 1:25:43
  not.
• 1:25:44
  Yeah.
• 1:25:44
  Cohesive
• 1:25:45
  to
• 1:25:45
  exactly
• 1:25:46
  what
• 1:25:47
  is
• 1:25:47
  right
• 1:25:47
  now.
• 1:25:47
  But,
• 1:25:48
  you
• 1:25:48
  know,
• 1:25:48
  it's
• 1:25:49
  okay
• 1:25:49
  to
• 1:25:49
  say
• 1:25:49
  you're
• 1:25:49
  not
• 1:25:49
  a
• 1:25:50
  bad
• 1:25:50
  person.
• 1:25:50
  It's
• 1:25:50
  just,
• 1:25:51
  we
• 1:25:51
  are
• 1:25:51
  not
• 1:25:53
  working.
• 1:25:54
  Yeah.
• 1:25:55
  Yeah.
• 1:25:56
  So,
• 1:25:57
  yeah,
• 1:25:58
  that
• 1:25:58
  would
• 1:25:58
  be
• 1:25:58
  sad.
• 1:25:59
  Yeah.
• 1:25:59
  To
• 1:26:00
  remember
• 1:26:01
  this
• 1:26:01
  was
• 1:26:02
  great
• 1:26:02
  at
• 1:26:03
  one
• 1:26:03
  point.
• 1:26:04
  Yeah.
• 1:26:05
  And
• 1:26:05
  what
• 1:26:06
  could
• 1:26:06
  be.
• 1:26:06
  Or
• 1:26:06
  what.
• 1:26:07
  Yeah.
• 1:26:07
  What
• 1:26:07
  was
• 1:26:08
  so.
• 1:26:09
  But
• 1:26:09
  anyway,
• 1:26:10
  that's
• 1:26:10
  my
• 1:26:11
  mental
• 1:26:11
  health
• 1:26:11
  journey
• 1:26:12
  up
• 1:26:12
  until
• 1:26:12
  now.
• 1:26:13
  And
• 1:26:13
  I
• 1:26:13
  know
• 1:26:13
  it's
• 1:26:14
  going
• 1:26:14
  to
• 1:26:14
  be
• 1:26:14
  never
• 1:26:14
  ending.
• 1:26:15
  Like,
• 1:26:15
  we're
• 1:26:15
  always
• 1:26:15
  trying
• 1:26:16
  to
• 1:26:16
  grow
• 1:26:16
  and
• 1:26:16
  be
• 1:26:16
  better.
• 1:26:16
  Right.
• 1:26:17
  So
• 1:26:18
  while
• 1:26:18
  you
• 1:26:18
  are
• 1:26:19
  not
• 1:26:19
  the
• 1:26:19
  first
• 1:26:19
  one
• 1:26:20
  on
• 1:26:20
  this
• 1:26:20
  podcast
• 1:26:21
  that
• 1:26:21
  has
• 1:26:21
  shared
• 1:26:21
  about
• 1:26:22
  trying
• 1:26:22
  to
• 1:26:22
  unlive
• 1:26:23
  themselves,
• 1:26:23
  so
• 1:26:23
  I
• 1:26:23
  think
• 1:26:24
  that,
• 1:26:25
  one,
• 1:26:25
  you're
• 1:26:26
  not
• 1:26:26
  alone.
• 1:26:26
  Yeah.
• 1:26:27
  Two,
• 1:26:27
  it
• 1:26:28
  is
• 1:26:28
  very
• 1:26:30
  vulnerable
• 1:26:30
  and
• 1:26:30
  brave
• 1:26:31
  to.
• 1:26:31
  To
• 1:26:31
  share
• 1:26:31
  that.
• 1:26:32
  Well,
• 1:26:32
  thank
• 1:26:32
  you.
• 1:26:33
  Very
• 1:26:33
  deep.
• 1:26:34
  And
• 1:26:36
  I
• 1:26:36
  know
• 1:26:36
  from
• 1:26:37
  personal
• 1:26:37
  experience
• 1:26:37
  that
• 1:26:37
  it's
• 1:26:38
  not
• 1:26:38
  easy
• 1:26:38
  to
• 1:26:38
  talk
• 1:26:39
  about
• 1:26:40
  hard
• 1:26:41
  stuff
• 1:26:42
  with
• 1:26:42
  your
• 1:26:42
  parents
• 1:26:43
  and,
• 1:26:43
  like,
• 1:26:43
  feeling,
• 1:26:44
  especially
• 1:26:44
  when
• 1:26:44
  they're
• 1:26:44
  alive,
• 1:26:45
  like,
• 1:26:45
  being
• 1:26:46
  able
• 1:26:46
  to
• 1:26:46
  be
• 1:26:46
  honest
• 1:26:47
  and
• 1:26:47
  be
• 1:26:47
  like,
• 1:26:47
  yeah,
• 1:26:47
  no,
• 1:26:47
  we.
• 1:26:48
  We
• 1:26:48
  have
• 1:26:48
  some
• 1:26:48
  problems.
• 1:26:49
  Yeah.
• 1:26:49
  And
• 1:26:50
  of
• 1:26:50
  course,
• 1:26:51
  the
• 1:26:51
  vulnerability
• 1:26:51
  of
• 1:26:52
  just,
• 1:26:52
  like,
• 1:26:52
  how
• 1:26:53
  deep
• 1:26:53
  and,
• 1:26:53
  like,
• 1:26:54
  traumatic
• 1:26:54
  an
• 1:26:54
  experience
• 1:26:55
  is.
• 1:26:55
  Yeah.
• 1:26:56
  Yeah.
• 1:26:57
  So
• 1:26:57
  I'm
• 1:26:57
  not
• 1:26:57
  even
• 1:26:58
  sure
• 1:26:58
  where
• 1:26:58
  to
• 1:26:58
  end
• 1:26:58
  it.
• 1:26:58
  I
• 1:26:59
  feel
• 1:26:59
  like
• 1:26:59
  I
• 1:26:59
  brought
• 1:27:00
  us
• 1:27:00
  onto
• 1:27:00
  a
• 1:27:00
  downer.
• 1:27:01
  But
• 1:27:01
  no,
• 1:27:02
  you
• 1:27:03
  guys
• 1:27:03
  are
• 1:27:03
  not
• 1:27:03
  alone.
• 1:27:04
  So
• 1:27:05
  to
• 1:27:05
  me,
• 1:27:05
  this
• 1:27:06
  is
• 1:27:06
  like
• 1:27:06
  a
• 1:27:07
  normal
• 1:27:07
  conversation.
• 1:27:08
  Like,
• 1:27:08
  that
• 1:27:08
  I
• 1:27:08
  have,
• 1:27:09
  like
• 1:27:10
  10
• 1:27:10
  times
• 1:27:10
  a
• 1:27:10
  week.
• 1:27:11
  She
• 1:27:11
  is.
• 1:27:13
  I
• 1:27:13
  am
• 1:27:13
  the
• 1:27:13
  trauma
• 1:27:14
  whore.
• 1:27:15
  Do
• 1:27:15
  I
• 1:27:15
  need
• 1:27:15
  to
• 1:27:15
  do
• 1:27:16
  Trauma
• 1:27:16
  Horror
• 1:27:16
  Part
• 1:27:17
  three?
• 1:27:17
  Is
• 1:27:17
  that
• 1:27:17
  what
• 1:27:17
  this
• 1:27:18
  is?
• 1:27:21
  So
• 1:27:22
  I
• 1:27:23
  remember
• 1:27:23
  I
• 1:27:23
  was
• 1:27:23
  tired.
• 1:27:24
  So
• 1:27:24
  we
• 1:27:25
  live
• 1:27:25
  in
• 1:27:25
  an
• 1:27:25
  equestrian
• 1:27:26
  community
• 1:27:26
  and
• 1:27:27
  I'm
• 1:27:27
  really
• 1:27:27
  good
• 1:27:27
  friends
• 1:27:27
  with
• 1:27:28
  my
• 1:27:28
  neighbor
• 1:27:28
  and
• 1:27:28
  we
• 1:27:28
  trail
• 1:27:29
  ride
• 1:27:29
  around
• 1:27:29
  our
• 1:27:30
  neighborhood
• 1:27:30
  a
• 1:27:30
  lot.
• 1:27:32
  And
• 1:27:33
  I
• 1:27:33
  remember
• 1:27:33
  having
• 1:27:33
  this
• 1:27:34
  conversation
• 1:27:34
  with
• 1:27:34
  her.
• 1:27:35
  I
• 1:27:35
  don't
• 1:27:35
  even
• 1:27:36
  know.
• 1:27:36
  Like,
• 1:27:36
  to
• 1:27:37
  me
• 1:27:37
  it
• 1:27:37
  was
• 1:27:37
  just
• 1:27:37
  like
• 1:27:37
  a
• 1:27:37
  normal
• 1:27:38
  conversation
• 1:27:39
  and,
• 1:27:40
  like,
• 1:27:40
  I
• 1:27:40
  was
• 1:27:40
  totally
• 1:27:40
  talking
• 1:27:41
  about
• 1:27:42
  suicide
• 1:27:43
  and
• 1:27:43
  passive
• 1:27:43
  thoughts
• 1:27:44
  of
• 1:27:44
  death
• 1:27:44
  and,
• 1:27:44
  like,
• 1:27:45
  all
• 1:27:45
  these
• 1:27:45
  things
• 1:27:45
  that,
• 1:27:45
  to
• 1:27:46
  me
• 1:27:46
  are
• 1:27:46
  just
• 1:27:46
  like
• 1:27:46
  the
• 1:27:46
  most
• 1:27:46
  normal.
• 1:27:47
  And
• 1:27:47
  I'm
• 1:27:47
  just
• 1:27:47
  like.
• 1:27:49
  And
• 1:27:49
  she's
• 1:27:50
  like,
• 1:27:50
  that
• 1:27:50
  was
• 1:27:51
  a
• 1:27:51
  downer.
• 1:27:52
  And
• 1:27:52
  I
• 1:27:52
  Was
• 1:27:52
  like,
• 1:27:52
  what?
• 1:27:53
  Why?
• 1:27:57
  She's
• 1:27:58
  like,
• 1:27:58
  suicide.
• 1:27:59
  Really?
• 1:27:59
  You
• 1:27:59
  don't
• 1:28:00
  think
• 1:28:00
  that's
• 1:28:00
  a
• 1:28:00
  downer?
• 1:28:00
  I
• 1:28:00
  was
• 1:28:01
  like,
• 1:28:01
  actually
• 1:28:01
  I
• 1:28:02
  think
• 1:28:02
  it's
• 1:28:02
  really
• 1:28:02
  normal.
• 1:28:03
  Like,
• 1:28:03
  doesn't
• 1:28:04
  everybody
• 1:28:04
  have
• 1:28:05
  a
• 1:28:05
  history
• 1:28:05
  of
• 1:28:05
  suicidality?
• 1:28:06
  Like,
• 1:28:06
  she's
• 1:28:07
  like,
• 1:28:07
  no.
• 1:28:07
  I
• 1:28:07
  was
• 1:28:08
  like,
• 1:28:08
  yes.
• 1:28:09
  Okay.
• 1:28:09
  Actually
• 1:28:10
  I'm
• 1:28:10
  really
• 1:28:10
  glad
• 1:28:10
  that
• 1:28:11
  you
• 1:28:11
  said
• 1:28:11
  that.
• 1:28:11
  Yeah,
• 1:28:11
  no,
• 1:28:11
  that's
• 1:28:12
  really
• 1:28:12
  funny.
• 1:28:12
  She's
• 1:28:12
  in
• 1:28:13
  denial.
• 1:28:17
  Everybody
• 1:28:17
  in
• 1:28:18
  my
• 1:28:18
  world
• 1:28:18
  has
• 1:28:18
  a
• 1:28:19
  history
• 1:28:19
  of
• 1:28:19
  suicidality.
• 1:28:20
  And
• 1:28:21
  so
• 1:28:21
  maybe
• 1:28:22
  I'll
• 1:28:22
  throw
• 1:28:22
  out
• 1:28:23
  some
• 1:28:23
  like,
• 1:28:23
  just
• 1:28:24
  like
• 1:28:24
  some
• 1:28:24
  history.
• 1:28:25
  So
• 1:28:25
  please.
• 1:28:25
  When
• 1:28:25
  I
• 1:28:26
  was
• 1:28:26
  a
• 1:28:26
  baby
• 1:28:26
  therapist,
• 1:28:27
  so
• 1:28:27
  before
• 1:28:28
  I.
• 1:28:28
  When
• 1:28:28
  I
• 1:28:28
  was
• 1:28:28
  pre
• 1:28:28
  licensed.
• 1:28:29
  So
• 1:28:30
  you've
• 1:28:30
  got
• 1:28:30
  to
• 1:28:30
  get
• 1:28:31
  two.
• 1:28:31
  So
• 1:28:32
  in
• 1:28:32
  Texas
• 1:28:33
  it's
• 1:28:33
  2,000
• 1:28:33
  hours,
• 1:28:34
  a
• 1:28:35
  thousand
• 1:28:35
  hours
• 1:28:36
  of
• 1:28:36
  which
• 1:28:36
  has
• 1:28:36
  to
• 1:28:37
  be
• 1:28:38
  face
• 1:28:38
  to
• 1:28:39
  face.
• 1:28:39
  And
• 1:28:39
  then
• 1:28:39
  a
• 1:28:39
  thousand
• 1:28:39
  hours
• 1:28:40
  can
• 1:28:40
  be
• 1:28:40
  like,
• 1:28:41
  you
• 1:28:41
  know,
• 1:28:41
  doing
• 1:28:41
  your
• 1:28:42
  notes
• 1:28:42
  or
• 1:28:43
  whatever
• 1:28:43
  you're
• 1:28:43
  doing
• 1:28:45
  and.
• 1:28:46
  And
• 1:28:46
  as
• 1:28:46
  if.
• 1:28:47
  Oh
• 1:28:47
  no,
• 1:28:47
  it
• 1:28:47
  was
• 1:28:47
  three.
• 1:28:48
  Sorry.
• 1:28:48
  It
• 1:28:48
  was
• 1:28:48
  3000
• 1:28:49
  hours.
• 1:28:49
  1500
• 1:28:50
  face
• 1:28:50
  to
• 1:28:50
  face.
• 1:28:51
  1500
• 1:28:53
  it
• 1:28:53
  is.
• 1:28:53
  It
• 1:28:54
  took
• 1:28:54
  like
• 1:28:55
  three
• 1:28:55
  years
• 1:28:55
  because
• 1:28:56
  I
• 1:28:56
  wasn't
• 1:28:56
  working
• 1:28:56
  full
• 1:28:56
  time.
• 1:28:58
  And
• 1:28:59
  750
• 1:29:00
  of
• 1:29:00
  those
• 1:29:00
  hours
• 1:29:00
  had
• 1:29:00
  to
• 1:29:01
  be
• 1:29:01
  couples
• 1:29:02
  and
• 1:29:02
  families
• 1:29:02
  because
• 1:29:02
  I
• 1:29:03
  was,
• 1:29:03
  I'm
• 1:29:03
  a
• 1:29:03
  family
• 1:29:03
  therapist.
• 1:29:04
  Whereas
• 1:29:04
  LPCs
• 1:29:05
  don't
• 1:29:05
  have
• 1:29:06
  to
• 1:29:06
  have
• 1:29:06
  the
• 1:29:06
  couple
• 1:29:06
  family
• 1:29:06
  hours.
• 1:29:07
  So
• 1:29:09
  to
• 1:29:09
  get
• 1:29:09
  more
• 1:29:09
  hours
• 1:29:09
  and
• 1:29:09
  to
• 1:29:10
  get
• 1:29:10
  more
• 1:29:10
  money.
• 1:29:10
  I
• 1:29:10
  did
• 1:29:11
  crisis
• 1:29:11
  for
• 1:29:11
  mhmr,
• 1:29:12
  that
• 1:29:13
  same
• 1:29:13
  place
• 1:29:13
  that
• 1:29:14
  you
• 1:29:14
  went.
• 1:29:15
  And
• 1:29:15
  so
• 1:29:15
  what
• 1:29:16
  MHMR
• 1:29:17
  does
• 1:29:17
  is
• 1:29:17
  if
• 1:29:17
  somebody
• 1:29:19
  is
• 1:29:19
  in
• 1:29:19
  crisis,
• 1:29:20
  crisis
• 1:29:20
  defined
• 1:29:21
  as
• 1:29:21
  suicidal,
• 1:29:22
  homicidal
• 1:29:22
  or
• 1:29:22
  psychotic,
• 1:29:23
  and
• 1:29:24
  if
• 1:29:24
  they
• 1:29:24
  don't
• 1:29:24
  have
• 1:29:25
  insurance
• 1:29:26
  then,
• 1:29:27
  or
• 1:29:27
  if
• 1:29:27
  they
• 1:29:27
  just
• 1:29:28
  like
• 1:29:28
  call
• 1:29:28
  the
• 1:29:28
  hotline,
• 1:29:29
  then
• 1:29:30
  we
• 1:29:30
  go.
• 1:29:31
  I
• 1:29:31
  remember
• 1:29:31
  you
• 1:29:31
  having
• 1:29:32
  to
• 1:29:32
  do
• 1:29:32
  this.
• 1:29:33
  Yeah,
• 1:29:33
  I
• 1:29:33
  mean,
• 1:29:35
  was
• 1:29:35
  a
• 1:29:36
  terrible
• 1:29:37
  experience
• 1:29:39
  because
• 1:29:39
  like
• 1:29:40
  I'd
• 1:29:40
  have
• 1:29:40
  to
• 1:29:40
  get
• 1:29:41
  up
• 1:29:41
  at
• 1:29:41
  three
• 1:29:41
  in
• 1:29:41
  the
• 1:29:41
  morning
• 1:29:41
  and
• 1:29:42
  go
• 1:29:42
  to
• 1:29:42
  the
• 1:29:42
  mental
• 1:29:43
  hospital
• 1:29:43
  and
• 1:29:43
  assess
• 1:29:44
  people
• 1:29:45
  like
• 1:29:45
  on
• 1:29:45
  call.
• 1:29:46
  Yeah,
• 1:29:47
  I
• 1:29:47
  did,
• 1:29:47
  I
• 1:29:47
  did
• 1:29:48
  weekends
• 1:29:48
  on
• 1:29:48
  call
• 1:29:50
  and.
• 1:29:50
  But
• 1:29:51
  I
• 1:29:51
  mean
• 1:29:51
  it
• 1:29:51
  paid
• 1:29:51
  good
• 1:29:52
  money
• 1:29:52
  and
• 1:29:52
  I
• 1:29:52
  got
• 1:29:52
  a
• 1:29:52
  lot
• 1:29:52
  of
• 1:29:53
  hours
• 1:29:53
  doing
• 1:29:53
  it.
• 1:29:53
  And
• 1:29:54
  the
• 1:29:54
  most
• 1:29:55
  important
• 1:29:55
  thing
• 1:29:55
  is
• 1:29:56
  that
• 1:29:56
  the
• 1:29:56
  experience
• 1:29:57
  that
• 1:29:57
  I
• 1:29:58
  got
• 1:29:58
  from
• 1:29:58
  it,
• 1:29:59
  like
• 1:30:00
  I
• 1:30:00
  kind
• 1:30:00
  of
• 1:30:00
  think
• 1:30:01
  everybody
• 1:30:01
  should
• 1:30:01
  have
• 1:30:02
  to
• 1:30:02
  like
• 1:30:02
  every
• 1:30:02
  mental
• 1:30:03
  health
• 1:30:03
  professional
• 1:30:04
  should
• 1:30:04
  have
• 1:30:04
  to
• 1:30:04
  have
• 1:30:04
  some
• 1:30:05
  like,
• 1:30:05
  I
• 1:30:05
  feel
• 1:30:05
  like
• 1:30:06
  there
• 1:30:06
  should
• 1:30:06
  be
• 1:30:06
  a
• 1:30:06
  rotation
• 1:30:06
  where
• 1:30:07
  you
• 1:30:07
  have
• 1:30:07
  to
• 1:30:07
  do.
• 1:30:08
  Because
• 1:30:09
  the
• 1:30:09
  experience
• 1:30:10
  that
• 1:30:10
  I
• 1:30:10
  got
• 1:30:10
  from
• 1:30:10
  it
• 1:30:10
  was
• 1:30:11
  so
• 1:30:11
  incredibly
• 1:30:12
  valuable.
• 1:30:13
  And
• 1:30:14
  about
• 1:30:15
  90,
• 1:30:16
  at
• 1:30:16
  least
• 1:30:16
  90%
• 1:30:17
  of
• 1:30:17
  the
• 1:30:18
  people
• 1:30:19
  that
• 1:30:19
  we
• 1:30:20
  assessed
• 1:30:21
  were
• 1:30:21
  being
• 1:30:21
  assessed
• 1:30:21
  for
• 1:30:21
  suicidality.
• 1:30:23
  And
• 1:30:23
  then
• 1:30:23
  a
• 1:30:23
  very
• 1:30:24
  small,
• 1:30:24
  I
• 1:30:25
  mean
• 1:30:25
  I
• 1:30:25
  think
• 1:30:25
  it
• 1:30:25
  was
• 1:30:25
  only
• 1:30:25
  two
• 1:30:25
  or
• 1:30:26
  three
• 1:30:26
  people
• 1:30:26
  the
• 1:30:26
  whole
• 1:30:26
  time.
• 1:30:26
  I
• 1:30:27
  did
• 1:30:27
  it
• 1:30:27
  for
• 1:30:27
  a
• 1:30:27
  year
• 1:30:27
  and
• 1:30:27
  a
• 1:30:27
  half
• 1:30:28
  were
• 1:30:28
  homicidal.
• 1:30:29
  And
• 1:30:29
  they
• 1:30:30
  were
• 1:30:30
  not
• 1:30:30
  scary,
• 1:30:30
  by
• 1:30:30
  the
• 1:30:31
  way.
• 1:30:31
  I
• 1:30:31
  want
• 1:30:31
  to
• 1:30:31
  put
• 1:30:31
  that
• 1:30:31
  out
• 1:30:32
  there.
• 1:30:32
  We
• 1:30:32
  were
• 1:30:32
  assessing
• 1:30:33
  them
• 1:30:33
  for
• 1:30:33
  suicidality
• 1:30:34
  and
• 1:30:34
  I
• 1:30:35
  did
• 1:30:35
  not
• 1:30:35
  feel
• 1:30:35
  scared.
• 1:30:36
  And
• 1:30:36
  I
• 1:30:36
  just
• 1:30:36
  want
• 1:30:36
  to
• 1:30:36
  like
• 1:30:37
  Kind
• 1:30:37
  of.
• 1:30:37
  Oh,
• 1:30:38
  that's
• 1:30:38
  an
• 1:30:38
  interesting.
• 1:30:39
  And
• 1:30:39
  I've
• 1:30:39
  had
• 1:30:40
  one.
• 1:30:41
  I've
• 1:30:41
  had
• 1:30:41
  one
• 1:30:42
  client
• 1:30:42
  in
• 1:30:42
  private
• 1:30:42
  practice
• 1:30:43
  who
• 1:30:43
  had
• 1:30:43
  homicidal
• 1:30:44
  or
• 1:30:44
  two.
• 1:30:45
  And
• 1:30:45
  I
• 1:30:45
  want
• 1:30:45
  to
• 1:30:45
  say
• 1:30:45
  homicidality
• 1:30:46
  sounds
• 1:30:47
  really
• 1:30:47
  scary,
• 1:30:48
  but
• 1:30:48
  even
• 1:30:48
  though
• 1:30:48
  I
• 1:30:48
  haven't
• 1:30:49
  did
• 1:30:49
  a
• 1:30:49
  ton,
• 1:30:49
  it's
• 1:30:50
  not
• 1:30:50
  as
• 1:30:50
  scary
• 1:30:50
  as
• 1:30:50
  it
• 1:30:50
  sounds
• 1:30:51
  because
• 1:30:52
  at
• 1:30:52
  least
• 1:30:52
  all
• 1:30:53
  of
• 1:30:53
  the
• 1:30:53
  ones
• 1:30:53
  that
• 1:30:53
  I
• 1:30:53
  did,
• 1:30:53
  people
• 1:30:54
  were,
• 1:30:54
  like,
• 1:30:54
  very
• 1:30:54
  aware.
• 1:30:55
  They
• 1:30:55
  weren't
• 1:30:55
  just,
• 1:30:55
  like,
• 1:30:55
  gonna,
• 1:30:56
  like,
• 1:30:56
  go
• 1:30:56
  postal
• 1:30:57
  on
• 1:30:57
  the
• 1:30:57
  nearest
• 1:30:58
  school.
• 1:30:59
  It
• 1:30:59
  was
• 1:30:59
  like
• 1:31:00
  they.
• 1:31:01
  They
• 1:31:01
  thought
• 1:31:01
  about
• 1:31:01
  it,
• 1:31:02
  but
• 1:31:02
  they
• 1:31:02
  weren't
• 1:31:02
  going
• 1:31:02
  to
• 1:31:02
  do
• 1:31:02
  it.
• 1:31:03
  It'd
• 1:31:03
  be
• 1:31:03
  more
• 1:31:03
  scary
• 1:31:04
  if
• 1:31:04
  they
• 1:31:05
  weren't
• 1:31:05
  aware,
• 1:31:06
  I
• 1:31:06
  guess.
• 1:31:07
  Yeah.
• 1:31:08
  Yeah.
• 1:31:08
  And
• 1:31:09
  then
• 1:31:09
  the.
• 1:31:10
  The
• 1:31:10
  ones
• 1:31:10
  that
• 1:31:10
  were
• 1:31:10
  the
• 1:31:10
  most
• 1:31:11
  uncomfortable.
• 1:31:11
  Uncomfortable
• 1:31:12
  for
• 1:31:12
  me
• 1:31:12
  to
• 1:31:12
  work
• 1:31:12
  with
• 1:31:12
  were
• 1:31:13
  the
• 1:31:13
  people
• 1:31:13
  with
• 1:31:13
  psychosis.
• 1:31:14
  But
• 1:31:14
  anyway,
• 1:31:15
  all
• 1:31:15
  that
• 1:31:15
  to
• 1:31:15
  go
• 1:31:15
  back
• 1:31:16
  to
• 1:31:16
  say,
• 1:31:16
  I
• 1:31:16
  don't
• 1:31:17
  know,
• 1:31:17
  can
• 1:31:17
  I
• 1:31:17
  maybe
• 1:31:17
  share
• 1:31:18
  some
• 1:31:18
  interesting
• 1:31:19
  stuff
• 1:31:19
  about
• 1:31:19
  suicidality?
• 1:31:21
  So
• 1:31:22
  would
• 1:31:22
  that
• 1:31:22
  be
• 1:31:23
  helpful?
• 1:31:24
  Yeah,
• 1:31:24
  I
• 1:31:24
  actually
• 1:31:25
  do
• 1:31:26
  have
• 1:31:26
  a
• 1:31:26
  question,
• 1:31:26
  too
• 1:31:26
  that
• 1:31:27
  I
• 1:31:27
  think
• 1:31:27
  is
• 1:31:27
  extremely
• 1:31:27
  helpful.
• 1:31:28
  I.
• 1:31:28
  Everyone
• 1:31:29
  says
• 1:31:29
  if
• 1:31:29
  you're
• 1:31:29
  suicidal,
• 1:31:30
  like,
• 1:31:30
  call
• 1:31:31
  this
• 1:31:31
  hotline,
• 1:31:32
  but
• 1:31:32
  I
• 1:31:33
  think
• 1:31:33
  a
• 1:31:33
  lot
• 1:31:33
  of
• 1:31:33
  people
• 1:31:33
  are
• 1:31:33
  actually
• 1:31:34
  scared
• 1:31:34
  to
• 1:31:34
  call
• 1:31:34
  the
• 1:31:34
  hotline
• 1:31:35
  because
• 1:31:35
  who
• 1:31:35
  is
• 1:31:35
  it
• 1:31:35
  getting
• 1:31:36
  reported
• 1:31:36
  to?
• 1:31:36
  So,
• 1:31:37
  like,
• 1:31:37
  is
• 1:31:38
  it
• 1:31:38
  really
• 1:31:38
  that
• 1:31:39
  confidential
• 1:31:40
  to
• 1:31:40
  call
• 1:31:40
  the
• 1:31:40
  suicide
• 1:31:41
  hotline
• 1:31:41
  and
• 1:31:41
  safe
• 1:31:42
  to,
• 1:31:42
  like,
• 1:31:42
  be
• 1:31:42
  like,
• 1:31:43
  hey,
• 1:31:43
  I
• 1:31:44
  am,
• 1:31:44
  like,
• 1:31:45
  feeling
• 1:31:45
  like
• 1:31:45
  I
• 1:31:46
  need
• 1:31:46
  to
• 1:31:46
  kill
• 1:31:46
  myself.
• 1:31:47
  Like,
• 1:31:47
  or
• 1:31:48
  do
• 1:31:48
  they
• 1:31:48
  call
• 1:31:48
  the
• 1:31:49
  cops
• 1:31:49
  on
• 1:31:49
  you?
• 1:31:50
  Like,
• 1:31:50
  what.
• 1:31:50
  What
• 1:31:50
  is
• 1:31:51
  that?
• 1:31:51
  Is
• 1:31:51
  it
• 1:31:51
  safe?
• 1:31:52
  Okay,
• 1:31:52
  so
• 1:31:53
  that's
• 1:31:53
  a
• 1:31:53
  really
• 1:31:53
  good
• 1:31:54
  question.
• 1:31:54
  I
• 1:31:55
  will
• 1:31:56
  share
• 1:31:56
  with
• 1:31:57
  you.
• 1:31:57
  I
• 1:31:57
  have.
• 1:31:58
  I
• 1:31:58
  screenshotted,
• 1:32:00
  like,
• 1:32:00
  resource
• 1:32:01
  that
• 1:32:01
  was
• 1:32:01
  on
• 1:32:01
  one
• 1:32:01
  of
• 1:32:01
  my
• 1:32:01
  therapist
• 1:32:02
  pages
• 1:32:02
  of
• 1:32:02
  groups
• 1:32:03
  that
• 1:32:03
  you
• 1:32:03
  can
• 1:32:03
  call
• 1:32:03
  that
• 1:32:04
  don't
• 1:32:04
  call
• 1:32:04
  the
• 1:32:04
  police,
• 1:32:05
  because,
• 1:32:05
  yeah,
• 1:32:07
  they
• 1:32:07
  will
• 1:32:07
  take
• 1:32:08
  you
• 1:32:08
  in
• 1:32:08
  handcuffs.
• 1:32:09
  Right.
• 1:32:09
  And
• 1:32:09
  sometimes
• 1:32:10
  it's
• 1:32:10
  not
• 1:32:10
  helpful.
• 1:32:12
  So
• 1:32:14
  my
• 1:32:14
  experience
• 1:32:14
  with
• 1:32:14
  the
• 1:32:15
  National
• 1:32:15
  Suicide
• 1:32:15
  Hotline,
• 1:32:16
  I
• 1:32:16
  wouldn't
• 1:32:17
  tell
• 1:32:17
  anybody.
• 1:32:17
  Don't
• 1:32:18
  call
• 1:32:18
  it.
• 1:32:19
  But,
• 1:32:19
  like,
• 1:32:20
  they
• 1:32:20
  put
• 1:32:20
  you
• 1:32:20
  on
• 1:32:20
  hold
• 1:32:21
  forever.
• 1:32:22
  What?
• 1:32:24
  Yeah,
• 1:32:25
  I.
• 1:32:25
  I've
• 1:32:25
  never
• 1:32:25
  had
• 1:32:26
  anybody
• 1:32:26
  actually,
• 1:32:26
  like,
• 1:32:27
  get
• 1:32:27
  through,
• 1:32:28
  like,
• 1:32:29
  oh,
• 1:32:30
  yeah.
• 1:32:31
  So
• 1:32:31
  I
• 1:32:32
  will
• 1:32:32
  say
• 1:32:32
  the
• 1:32:32
  one
• 1:32:33
  that
• 1:32:33
  I
• 1:32:33
  really,
• 1:32:33
  really,
• 1:32:34
  really
• 1:32:34
  like,
• 1:32:35
  Trevor
• 1:32:35
  Project,
• 1:32:36
  which
• 1:32:36
  is
• 1:32:36
  specifically
• 1:32:37
  for
• 1:32:38
  young
• 1:32:38
  LGBT
• 1:32:39
  people.
• 1:32:40
  But
• 1:32:40
  the
• 1:32:40
  Trevor
• 1:32:41
  Project,
• 1:32:41
  you
• 1:32:41
  can
• 1:32:41
  text
• 1:32:42
  them,
• 1:32:42
  you
• 1:32:42
  can
• 1:32:42
  call
• 1:32:43
  them,
• 1:32:43
  you
• 1:32:43
  can,
• 1:32:43
  like,
• 1:32:44
  chat,
• 1:32:44
  like,
• 1:32:45
  on
• 1:32:45
  their
• 1:32:45
  website.
• 1:32:46
  And
• 1:32:47
  they
• 1:32:47
  seem
• 1:32:47
  to
• 1:32:48
  be
• 1:32:48
  really
• 1:32:48
  good.
• 1:32:48
  They're
• 1:32:48
  pretty
• 1:32:49
  well
• 1:32:49
  funded.
• 1:32:49
  And
• 1:32:50
  I
• 1:32:50
  almost,
• 1:32:51
  like,
• 1:32:51
  I
• 1:32:51
  don't
• 1:32:51
  want
• 1:32:52
  anybody
• 1:32:52
  to
• 1:32:52
  abuse
• 1:32:53
  the
• 1:32:53
  system.
• 1:32:53
  But
• 1:32:53
  at
• 1:32:53
  the
• 1:32:53
  same
• 1:32:54
  time,
• 1:32:54
  like,
• 1:32:54
  I've
• 1:32:55
  had
• 1:32:55
  the
• 1:32:55
  most
• 1:32:55
  success
• 1:32:55
  with
• 1:32:56
  people
• 1:32:56
  contacting
• 1:32:57
  the
• 1:32:57
  Trevor
• 1:32:57
  Project.
• 1:32:58
  So
• 1:32:58
  maybe
• 1:32:59
  you're,
• 1:33:00
  like,
• 1:33:00
  bisexual
• 1:33:01
  that
• 1:33:01
  day.
• 1:33:01
  If
• 1:33:02
  you
• 1:33:02
  need
• 1:33:02
  a
• 1:33:02
  reason.
• 1:33:06
  You
• 1:33:06
  have
• 1:33:06
  to
• 1:33:06
  be
• 1:33:07
  within
• 1:33:07
  the
• 1:33:07
  community
• 1:33:08
  to
• 1:33:08
  call,
• 1:33:08
  like,
• 1:33:09
  for
• 1:33:09
  suicidal
• 1:33:09
  thoughts.
• 1:33:10
  Or
• 1:33:10
  could
• 1:33:10
  you
• 1:33:10
  just
• 1:33:11
  be.
• 1:33:12
  I
• 1:33:13
  don't.
• 1:33:13
  I
• 1:33:14
  don't
• 1:33:14
  know.
• 1:33:14
  Like,
• 1:33:14
  I
• 1:33:14
  don't
• 1:33:14
  want
• 1:33:15
  it,
• 1:33:15
  like,
• 1:33:15
  it's
• 1:33:16
  for
• 1:33:16
  LGBTQ
• 1:33:18
  young
• 1:33:18
  people,
• 1:33:19
  like,
• 1:33:20
  so
• 1:33:20
  good
• 1:33:20
  at
• 1:33:20
  what
• 1:33:20
  they
• 1:33:20
  do.
• 1:33:21
  So
• 1:33:22
  good
• 1:33:22
  at
• 1:33:22
  what
• 1:33:22
  they
• 1:33:22
  do
• 1:33:23
  that
• 1:33:23
  maybe,
• 1:33:24
  maybe
• 1:33:25
  if
• 1:33:25
  you
• 1:33:25
  called
• 1:33:25
  them,
• 1:33:25
  maybe
• 1:33:25
  they
• 1:33:26
  would
• 1:33:26
  be
• 1:33:26
  like,
• 1:33:27
  hey,
• 1:33:27
  here's
• 1:33:27
  a
• 1:33:27
  resource
• 1:33:28
  that's
• 1:33:28
  more
• 1:33:28
  appropriate
• 1:33:29
  for
• 1:33:29
  you.
• 1:33:29
  Or
• 1:33:29
  maybe
• 1:33:30
  you
• 1:33:30
  just
• 1:33:30
  tell
• 1:33:31
  them
• 1:33:31
  that
• 1:33:31
  you're
• 1:33:31
  an
• 1:33:31
  lgbt.
• 1:33:32
  I
• 1:33:32
  don't
• 1:33:32
  know.
• 1:33:32
  Like,
• 1:33:32
  I
• 1:33:33
  don't
• 1:33:33
  want
• 1:33:33
  to
• 1:33:33
  be
• 1:33:35
  like,
• 1:33:35
  but
• 1:33:35
  they're
• 1:33:36
  good.
• 1:33:36
  Like,
• 1:33:36
  they,
• 1:33:37
  they
• 1:33:37
  handle
• 1:33:37
  it
• 1:33:37
  appropriately.
• 1:33:39
  So,
• 1:33:39
  okay,
• 1:33:40
  I'm
• 1:33:40
  gonna
• 1:33:40
  call
• 1:33:40
  them.
• 1:33:40
  I'm
• 1:33:41
  gonna
• 1:33:41
  call
• 1:33:41
  them.
• 1:33:42
  Well,
• 1:33:42
  only
• 1:33:43
  if
• 1:33:43
  you're
• 1:33:43
  suicidal.
• 1:33:44
  Like,
• 1:33:44
  don't.
• 1:33:45
  But
• 1:33:45
  to
• 1:33:45
  get
• 1:33:46
  the
• 1:33:46
  scoop,
• 1:33:46
  like,
• 1:33:47
  hey,
• 1:33:48
  just.
• 1:33:48
  Oh,
• 1:33:49
  yeah,
• 1:33:49
  like,
• 1:33:49
  like,
• 1:33:49
  call
• 1:33:50
  your,
• 1:33:50
  like,
• 1:33:50
  main
• 1:33:50
  number
• 1:33:51
  if
• 1:33:52
  you
• 1:33:52
  have
• 1:33:52
  insurance.
• 1:33:54
  And
• 1:33:54
  if
• 1:33:55
  you
• 1:33:55
  want
• 1:33:56
  to
• 1:33:56
  go
• 1:33:56
  to
• 1:33:56
  the
• 1:33:57
  mental
• 1:33:57
  hospital
• 1:33:58
  because
• 1:33:59
  you
• 1:33:59
  really
• 1:34:00
  feel
• 1:34:00
  unsafe
• 1:34:01
  and
• 1:34:01
  you
• 1:34:01
  really
• 1:34:01
  feel
• 1:34:02
  like
• 1:34:02
  you
• 1:34:02
  might
• 1:34:02
  benefit,
• 1:34:04
  then
• 1:34:04
  you
• 1:34:05
  can
• 1:34:05
  just
• 1:34:05
  go
• 1:34:06
  to
• 1:34:06
  your
• 1:34:06
  nearest
• 1:34:06
  private
• 1:34:07
  mental
• 1:34:07
  hospital
• 1:34:07
  and
• 1:34:08
  give
• 1:34:08
  them
• 1:34:08
  your
• 1:34:08
  insurance
• 1:34:09
  information
• 1:34:09
  and
• 1:34:10
  admit
• 1:34:10
  yourself.
• 1:34:11
  If
• 1:34:11
  you
• 1:34:11
  don't
• 1:34:12
  have
• 1:34:12
  insurance,
• 1:34:13
  you
• 1:34:13
  probably
• 1:34:13
  need
• 1:34:14
  to
• 1:34:14
  go
• 1:34:14
  through
• 1:34:14
  whatever
• 1:34:15
  your
• 1:34:15
  area's
• 1:34:16
  equivalent
• 1:34:16
  of
• 1:34:16
  MHMR
• 1:34:17
  is
• 1:34:18
  because
• 1:34:18
  there
• 1:34:18
  is
• 1:34:19
  probably
• 1:34:19
  a
• 1:34:19
  state
• 1:34:19
  or
• 1:34:20
  county
• 1:34:20
  resource
• 1:34:21
  that
• 1:34:21
  will
• 1:34:21
  pay
• 1:34:22
  for
• 1:34:22
  that
• 1:34:22
  for
• 1:34:22
  you.
• 1:34:23
  Now,
• 1:34:24
  they
• 1:34:24
  aren't
• 1:34:24
  going
• 1:34:24
  to
• 1:34:24
  pay
• 1:34:24
  for
• 1:34:24
  the
• 1:34:25
  seven
• 1:34:25
  to
• 1:34:25
  10
• 1:34:25
  days
• 1:34:25
  that
• 1:34:26
  insurance.
• 1:34:26
  Is
• 1:34:26
  going
• 1:34:26
  to
• 1:34:26
  pay
• 1:34:27
  for.
• 1:34:28
  If
• 1:34:28
  you
• 1:34:28
  have
• 1:34:28
  insurance,
• 1:34:29
  though,
• 1:34:29
  you
• 1:34:29
  should
• 1:34:30
  know,
• 1:34:30
  and
• 1:34:30
  you
• 1:34:30
  probably
• 1:34:31
  don't
• 1:34:31
  know
• 1:34:31
  that
• 1:34:32
  there
• 1:34:32
  is
• 1:34:32
  an
• 1:34:32
  intermediate
• 1:34:33
  step
• 1:34:33
  between
• 1:34:34
  regular
• 1:34:34
  therapy
• 1:34:35
  and
• 1:34:35
  inpatient.
• 1:34:36
  And
• 1:34:36
  it's
• 1:34:37
  really.
• 1:34:37
  There
• 1:34:38
  are
• 1:34:38
  actually
• 1:34:38
  two
• 1:34:38
  intermediate
• 1:34:39
  steps.
• 1:34:39
  One
• 1:34:40
  is
• 1:34:40
  partial
• 1:34:42
  hospitalization
• 1:34:43
  php,
• 1:34:44
  and
• 1:34:44
  one
• 1:34:45
  is
• 1:34:45
  intensive
• 1:34:45
  outpatient.
• 1:34:46
  So
• 1:34:46
  the
• 1:34:47
  partial
• 1:34:47
  hospitalization
• 1:34:48
  programs.
• 1:34:48
  Yeah,
• 1:34:48
  that's
• 1:34:49
  what
• 1:34:49
  the
• 1:34:49
  other
• 1:34:49
  P
• 1:34:49
  is,
• 1:34:49
  partial
• 1:34:50
  hospitalization
• 1:34:50
  programs.
• 1:34:51
  Those
• 1:34:51
  usually
• 1:34:52
  come
• 1:34:52
  with
• 1:34:53
  a
• 1:34:53
  psychiatrist
• 1:34:54
  and
• 1:34:55
  medication
• 1:34:55
  management.
• 1:34:56
  And.
• 1:34:58
  And
• 1:34:58
  a
• 1:34:58
  lot
• 1:34:58
  of
• 1:34:58
  these
• 1:34:58
  are
• 1:34:59
  online.
• 1:34:59
  Not
• 1:34:59
  the
• 1:35:00
  inpatient
• 1:35:00
  ones,
• 1:35:00
  but
• 1:35:00
  the
• 1:35:00
  PHPs
• 1:35:01
  and
• 1:35:01
  the
• 1:35:01
  IOPS
• 1:35:02
  a
• 1:35:02
  lot
• 1:35:02
  of
• 1:35:02
  times
• 1:35:02
  are
• 1:35:02
  online.
• 1:35:04
  And
• 1:35:05
  like
• 1:35:05
  PHPs,
• 1:35:06
  you'll
• 1:35:07
  have
• 1:35:07
  like
• 1:35:07
  your
• 1:35:07
  weekly
• 1:35:08
  check
• 1:35:09
  in
• 1:35:09
  with
• 1:35:09
  a
• 1:35:09
  psychiatrist.
• 1:35:11
  They
• 1:35:12
  tend
• 1:35:12
  to
• 1:35:12
  be
• 1:35:12
  like,
• 1:35:13
  maybe
• 1:35:14
  all
• 1:35:14
  day,
• 1:35:14
  Monday
• 1:35:15
  through
• 1:35:15
  Friday,
• 1:35:16
  you
• 1:35:16
  know,
• 1:35:16
  like
• 1:35:16
  a
• 1:35:16
  work
• 1:35:17
  day.
• 1:35:17
  And
• 1:35:19
  those
• 1:35:19
  are
• 1:35:19
  a
• 1:35:19
  lot
• 1:35:20
  more
• 1:35:21
  like
• 1:35:21
  skills
• 1:35:21
  based.
• 1:35:22
  Like,
• 1:35:22
  they
• 1:35:22
  have
• 1:35:22
  skills
• 1:35:22
  groups,
• 1:35:23
  they
• 1:35:23
  have
• 1:35:23
  process
• 1:35:23
  groups.
• 1:35:24
  Whereas
• 1:35:24
  if
• 1:35:24
  you
• 1:35:24
  go
• 1:35:24
  to
• 1:35:25
  the
• 1:35:25
  mental
• 1:35:25
  hospital,
• 1:35:25
  they're
• 1:35:26
  really.
• 1:35:27
  Most
• 1:35:27
  mental
• 1:35:27
  hospitals
• 1:35:28
  are
• 1:35:29
  not.
• 1:35:30
  They
• 1:35:30
  mostly
• 1:35:30
  do
• 1:35:31
  med
• 1:35:31
  management
• 1:35:31
  and
• 1:35:32
  they
• 1:35:32
  keep
• 1:35:32
  you
• 1:35:32
  from
• 1:35:32
  killing
• 1:35:32
  yourself.
• 1:35:33
  But
• 1:35:33
  yeah,
• 1:35:33
  I
• 1:35:34
  feel
• 1:35:34
  like
• 1:35:34
  they're
• 1:35:34
  just
• 1:35:34
  trying
• 1:35:35
  to
• 1:35:35
  get
• 1:35:35
  you
• 1:35:35
  under
• 1:35:35
  control.
• 1:35:37
  Yeah.
• 1:35:37
  Like,
• 1:35:38
  and
• 1:35:38
  if
• 1:35:38
  you're
• 1:35:38
  not,
• 1:35:39
  like,
• 1:35:39
  at
• 1:35:39
  the
• 1:35:40
  point
• 1:35:40
  of
• 1:35:40
  killing
• 1:35:40
  yourself,
• 1:35:41
  if
• 1:35:41
  you're
• 1:35:41
  just
• 1:35:41
  like,
• 1:35:41
  I
• 1:35:42
  would
• 1:35:42
  rather
• 1:35:42
  be
• 1:35:42
  dead,
• 1:35:43
  but
• 1:35:44
  like,
• 1:35:44
  or
• 1:35:45
  I'm
• 1:35:45
  thinking
• 1:35:45
  about
• 1:35:45
  being
• 1:35:45
  dead,
• 1:35:46
  but
• 1:35:46
  I'm
• 1:35:46
  not,
• 1:35:46
  like,
• 1:35:47
  gonna
• 1:35:47
  do
• 1:35:47
  it,
• 1:35:47
  or
• 1:35:48
  like,
• 1:35:48
  I'm
• 1:35:48
  thinking
• 1:35:48
  about
• 1:35:49
  doing
• 1:35:49
  it,
• 1:35:49
  but
• 1:35:49
  I'm
• 1:35:49
  not
• 1:35:49
  gonna
• 1:35:49
  do
• 1:35:49
  it
• 1:35:50
  right
• 1:35:50
  now.
• 1:35:50
  Don't.
• 1:35:51
  Probably
• 1:35:52
  impatient
• 1:35:53
  is
• 1:35:53
  not
• 1:35:53
  your
• 1:35:53
  best,
• 1:35:54
  best
• 1:35:54
  fit.
• 1:35:55
  Probably
• 1:35:55
  IOP
• 1:35:56
  or
• 1:35:56
  PHP
• 1:35:57
  is
• 1:35:58
  a
• 1:35:58
  better
• 1:35:58
  fit
• 1:35:58
  for
• 1:35:58
  you.
• 1:35:59
  So
• 1:35:59
  I
• 1:35:59
  did
• 1:36:00
  do
• 1:36:00
  intensive
• 1:36:00
  outpatient
• 1:36:01
  care
• 1:36:02
  after
• 1:36:02
  the
• 1:36:02
  second
• 1:36:03
  time
• 1:36:04
  in
• 1:36:04
  Texas,
• 1:36:04
  after
• 1:36:05
  I
• 1:36:05
  came
• 1:36:05
  out
• 1:36:05
  of
• 1:36:05
  the
• 1:36:05
  hospital
• 1:36:05
  then.
• 1:36:06
  And
• 1:36:07
  I
• 1:36:07
  would
• 1:36:07
  say
• 1:36:07
  that
• 1:36:07
  was
• 1:36:08
  actually
• 1:36:08
  really
• 1:36:08
  beneficial.
• 1:36:09
  Yeah,
• 1:36:10
  a
• 1:36:10
  lot
• 1:36:10
  of
• 1:36:10
  group
• 1:36:11
  therapy.
• 1:36:12
  You
• 1:36:13
  did
• 1:36:13
  group
• 1:36:13
  some
• 1:36:13
  one
• 1:36:13
  on
• 1:36:14
  one?
• 1:36:14
  Yeah,
• 1:36:15
  yeah.
• 1:36:15
  I've
• 1:36:16
  had
• 1:36:16
  people
• 1:36:16
  have.
• 1:36:17
  I've
• 1:36:17
  never
• 1:36:17
  had
• 1:36:18
  anybody
• 1:36:18
  have
• 1:36:18
  a.
• 1:36:19
  I've
• 1:36:19
  had
• 1:36:19
  a
• 1:36:19
  lot
• 1:36:19
  of
• 1:36:19
  clients
• 1:36:20
  had
• 1:36:20
  bad
• 1:36:20
  experiences
• 1:36:21
  in
• 1:36:21
  the
• 1:36:21
  mental.
• 1:36:22
  In
• 1:36:22
  the
• 1:36:22
  inpatient
• 1:36:23
  mental
• 1:36:23
  hospital.
• 1:36:24
  I've
• 1:36:24
  had
• 1:36:24
  a
• 1:36:25
  couple
• 1:36:25
  of
• 1:36:25
  people
• 1:36:25
  who
• 1:36:25
  have
• 1:36:26
  had
• 1:36:26
  like,
• 1:36:26
  okay.
• 1:36:27
  Ish
• 1:36:28
  experiences.
• 1:36:30
  People
• 1:36:30
  tend
• 1:36:31
  to
• 1:36:31
  have
• 1:36:32
  positive
• 1:36:33
  or
• 1:36:33
  not
• 1:36:33
  worse
• 1:36:34
  than
• 1:36:34
  neutral
• 1:36:34
  experiences
• 1:36:35
  with
• 1:36:35
  IOP
• 1:36:35
  and
• 1:36:36
  php.
• 1:36:37
  So
• 1:36:38
  like
• 1:36:38
  I
• 1:36:38
  really.
• 1:36:38
  If
• 1:36:39
  you,
• 1:36:39
  especially
• 1:36:39
  if
• 1:36:39
  you
• 1:36:39
  have
• 1:36:39
  insurance,
• 1:36:42
  then
• 1:36:43
  you
• 1:36:43
  may
• 1:36:43
  not
• 1:36:43
  have
• 1:36:44
  IOP
• 1:36:44
  or
• 1:36:45
  PHP
• 1:36:45
  as
• 1:36:45
  an
• 1:36:45
  option.
• 1:36:45
  But
• 1:36:46
  if
• 1:36:46
  you
• 1:36:46
  have
• 1:36:46
  insurance
• 1:36:48
  and
• 1:36:48
  you're
• 1:36:48
  like,
• 1:36:50
  not
• 1:36:50
  okay,
• 1:36:51
  I
• 1:36:51
  would
• 1:36:52
  look
• 1:36:52
  into
• 1:36:52
  that
• 1:36:52
  first.
• 1:36:53
  If
• 1:36:53
  you're.
• 1:36:53
  I
• 1:36:54
  don't
• 1:36:54
  know
• 1:36:54
  if
• 1:36:54
  Pathlight
• 1:36:55
  is
• 1:36:55
  only
• 1:36:56
  in
• 1:36:56
  Texas,
• 1:36:56
  but
• 1:36:56
  the
• 1:36:57
  one
• 1:36:57
  that
• 1:36:57
  I've
• 1:36:57
  had
• 1:36:57
  consistently
• 1:36:58
  good
• 1:36:58
  results
• 1:36:59
  with
• 1:37:00
  in
• 1:37:00
  Texas
• 1:37:00
  and
• 1:37:00
  it's
• 1:37:01
  online
• 1:37:01
  is
• 1:37:02
  called
• 1:37:02
  Pathlight
• 1:37:03
  Behavioral
• 1:37:03
  Health.
• 1:37:03
  And
• 1:37:04
  I
• 1:37:04
  don't
• 1:37:04
  know
• 1:37:04
  if
• 1:37:05
  it's
• 1:37:05
  only
• 1:37:05
  Texas
• 1:37:05
  or
• 1:37:05
  if
• 1:37:06
  it's
• 1:37:06
  in
• 1:37:06
  other
• 1:37:06
  places,
• 1:37:07
  but
• 1:37:07
  I'm
• 1:37:08
  like,
• 1:37:08
  do
• 1:37:08
  Pathlight.
• 1:37:09
  Path
• 1:37:09
  light's
• 1:37:10
  amazing.
• 1:37:10
  And
• 1:37:12
  they
• 1:37:12
  do.
• 1:37:12
  It's
• 1:37:13
  like
• 1:37:13
  three
• 1:37:13
  hours,
• 1:37:14
  three
• 1:37:14
  times
• 1:37:15
  a
• 1:37:15
  week
• 1:37:15
  for
• 1:37:15
  their
• 1:37:15
  IOP
• 1:37:17
  and
• 1:37:17
  it's
• 1:37:18
  like,
• 1:37:18
  it's
• 1:37:18
  a
• 1:37:18
  good
• 1:37:19
  program.
• 1:37:19
  It's
• 1:37:19
  a
• 1:37:19
  combination.
• 1:37:20
  Combination
• 1:37:20
  of
• 1:37:21
  CBT
• 1:37:21
  and
• 1:37:21
  DBT
• 1:37:22
  and
• 1:37:23
  their
• 1:37:23
  skills
• 1:37:23
  groups
• 1:37:24
  and
• 1:37:24
  like
• 1:37:25
  their
• 1:37:25
  process.
• 1:37:25
  Like,
• 1:37:26
  I
• 1:37:26
  really,
• 1:37:27
  I
• 1:37:27
  really
• 1:37:27
  like.
• 1:37:28
  Okay,
• 1:37:29
  so
• 1:37:30
  the
• 1:37:30
  other
• 1:37:30
  thing
• 1:37:30
  I
• 1:37:31
  wanted
• 1:37:31
  to
• 1:37:31
  say
• 1:37:31
  about
• 1:37:32
  suicidality
• 1:37:33
  is
• 1:37:34
  I'm
• 1:37:34
  going
• 1:37:34
  to
• 1:37:35
  actually
• 1:37:35
  share
• 1:37:35
  the
• 1:37:35
  risk
• 1:37:35
  of
• 1:37:36
  harm
• 1:37:36
  assessment
• 1:37:36
  that
• 1:37:37
  we
• 1:37:37
  did
• 1:37:37
  at
• 1:37:37
  MHMR
• 1:37:39
  because
• 1:37:39
  I
• 1:37:39
  made
• 1:37:39
  myself
• 1:37:39
  a
• 1:37:39
  cheat
• 1:37:40
  sheet
• 1:37:40
  because
• 1:37:40
  it
• 1:37:40
  was
• 1:37:40
  such
• 1:37:41
  a
• 1:37:41
  good
• 1:37:42
  assessment
• 1:37:43
  and
• 1:37:43
  I
• 1:37:43
  didn't
• 1:37:43
  want
• 1:37:44
  to
• 1:37:44
  ever
• 1:37:44
  forget
• 1:37:44
  it.
• 1:37:44
  Like
• 1:37:45
  I
• 1:37:45
  had
• 1:37:45
  it
• 1:37:45
  really
• 1:37:45
  memorized.
• 1:37:47
  Is
• 1:37:47
  this
• 1:37:47
  an
• 1:37:47
  assessment
• 1:37:48
  that
• 1:37:48
  we
• 1:37:48
  can
• 1:37:48
  do
• 1:37:48
  on
• 1:37:49
  ourselves,
• 1:37:49
  like
• 1:37:49
  when
• 1:37:50
  we're
• 1:37:50
  trying
• 1:37:50
  to
• 1:37:50
  assess
• 1:37:50
  like
• 1:37:51
  where
• 1:37:51
  we
• 1:37:51
  are?
• 1:37:51
  Or
• 1:37:51
  is
• 1:37:51
  this
• 1:37:51
  like
• 1:37:51
  a
• 1:37:52
  mental.
• 1:37:52
  Like
• 1:37:53
  a
• 1:37:53
  therapist
• 1:37:54
  tool?
• 1:37:54
  No,
• 1:37:55
  like
• 1:37:55
  this
• 1:37:55
  is
• 1:37:55
  not
• 1:37:56
  for.
• 1:37:57
  This
• 1:37:57
  is
• 1:37:57
  not
• 1:37:57
  a
• 1:37:57
  personal.
• 1:37:58
  This
• 1:37:58
  is
• 1:37:58
  a
• 1:37:58
  therapist
• 1:37:59
  assessment.
• 1:37:59
  But
• 1:37:59
  okay,
• 1:38:00
  okay.
• 1:38:00
  That
• 1:38:01
  I
• 1:38:01
  wanted
• 1:38:01
  to
• 1:38:01
  share
• 1:38:02
  some
• 1:38:02
  of
• 1:38:02
  the
• 1:38:02
  thing
• 1:38:02
  that's.
• 1:38:03
  Some
• 1:38:03
  of
• 1:38:03
  the
• 1:38:03
  things
• 1:38:03
  that's
• 1:38:04
  on
• 1:38:04
  it
• 1:38:04
  so
• 1:38:04
  that
• 1:38:04
  people
• 1:38:04
  understand
• 1:38:05
  kind
• 1:38:05
  of.
• 1:38:07
  Like.
• 1:38:07
  What
• 1:38:08
  goes
• 1:38:08
  in
• 1:38:08
  to
• 1:38:09
  suicidality.
• 1:38:10
  These
• 1:38:10
  are
• 1:38:10
  kind
• 1:38:10
  of
• 1:38:10
  the
• 1:38:10
  things
• 1:38:11
  that,
• 1:38:11
  like
• 1:38:13
  if
• 1:38:13
  an
• 1:38:13
  assessment
• 1:38:13
  is
• 1:38:13
  being
• 1:38:14
  done
• 1:38:14
  on
• 1:38:14
  you
• 1:38:14
  to
• 1:38:14
  determine
• 1:38:15
  your
• 1:38:15
  risk,
• 1:38:16
  like
• 1:38:16
  these
• 1:38:16
  are
• 1:38:16
  things.
• 1:38:17
  And
• 1:38:17
  this
• 1:38:17
  is
• 1:38:17
  going
• 1:38:17
  to
• 1:38:17
  be
• 1:38:18
  kind
• 1:38:18
  of
• 1:38:18
  insightful
• 1:38:18
  because
• 1:38:19
  you'll
• 1:38:19
  be
• 1:38:19
  like,
• 1:38:20
  oh,
• 1:38:20
  I
• 1:38:20
  didn't
• 1:38:21
  realize
• 1:38:21
  that
• 1:38:21
  that
• 1:38:21
  was
• 1:38:22
  maybe
• 1:38:23
  part
• 1:38:23
  of
• 1:38:23
  this.
• 1:38:23
  Or
• 1:38:24
  I
• 1:38:24
  didn't
• 1:38:24
  realize.
• 1:38:25
  Right.
• 1:38:25
  So
• 1:38:26
  this.
• 1:38:26
  So
• 1:38:26
  it's
• 1:38:26
  a
• 1:38:26
  very
• 1:38:26
  holistic
• 1:38:27
  bio
• 1:38:28
  social
• 1:38:30
  it's
• 1:38:30
  like.
• 1:38:31
  It's
• 1:38:31
  a
• 1:38:31
  biopsychosocial
• 1:38:32
  assessment,
• 1:38:33
  meaning
• 1:38:33
  it
• 1:38:34
  takes
• 1:38:34
  into
• 1:38:34
  account
• 1:38:35
  all
• 1:38:35
  the
• 1:38:35
  things,
• 1:38:35
  right?
• 1:38:36
  Like
• 1:38:36
  your
• 1:38:36
  family,
• 1:38:37
  your
• 1:38:38
  job,
• 1:38:38
  like,
• 1:38:39
  everything.
• 1:38:39
  Okay.
• 1:38:40
  So
• 1:38:42
  we
• 1:38:42
  would
• 1:38:43
  assess
• 1:38:43
  for
• 1:38:43
  your
• 1:38:44
  passive
• 1:38:44
  thoughts
• 1:38:44
  of
• 1:38:44
  death.
• 1:38:45
  So
• 1:38:45
  passive
• 1:38:45
  thoughts
• 1:38:45
  of
• 1:38:45
  death
• 1:38:46
  and
• 1:38:46
  suicidal
• 1:38:46
  thoughts
• 1:38:47
  are
• 1:38:47
  two
• 1:38:47
  different
• 1:38:47
  things.
• 1:38:47
  Passive
• 1:38:48
  thoughts
• 1:38:48
  of
• 1:38:48
  death
• 1:38:48
  is
• 1:38:48
  like,
• 1:38:49
  I
• 1:38:49
  wish
• 1:38:49
  I
• 1:38:49
  didn't
• 1:38:50
  wake
• 1:38:50
  up
• 1:38:50
  in
• 1:38:50
  the
• 1:38:50
  morning.
• 1:38:50
  I
• 1:38:51
  want
• 1:38:51
  to
• 1:38:51
  just
• 1:38:51
  disappear.
• 1:38:52
  I
• 1:38:52
  wish
• 1:38:53
  God
• 1:38:53
  would
• 1:38:53
  take
• 1:38:53
  me.
• 1:38:53
  But
• 1:38:54
  you're
• 1:38:54
  not
• 1:38:54
  going
• 1:38:54
  to
• 1:38:54
  do
• 1:38:54
  it,
• 1:38:55
  but,
• 1:38:55
  like,
• 1:38:55
  you
• 1:38:55
  don't
• 1:38:55
  want
• 1:38:55
  to
• 1:38:56
  be
• 1:38:56
  here,
• 1:38:56
  and
• 1:38:56
  you
• 1:38:56
  just
• 1:38:57
  want
• 1:38:57
  to,
• 1:38:57
  like,
• 1:38:58
  disappear.
• 1:39:00
  My
• 1:39:00
  clients
• 1:39:01
  have
• 1:39:01
  passive
• 1:39:01
  thoughts
• 1:39:01
  of
• 1:39:02
  death.
• 1:39:02
  Like,
• 1:39:03
  I
• 1:39:03
  don't
• 1:39:03
  think
• 1:39:04
  I
• 1:39:04
  have
• 1:39:04
  a
• 1:39:05
  day
• 1:39:05
  where
• 1:39:05
  I
• 1:39:05
  don't
• 1:39:05
  talk
• 1:39:06
  to
• 1:39:06
  somebody
• 1:39:06
  with
• 1:39:06
  ptod.
• 1:39:07
  Like,
• 1:39:08
  I
• 1:39:08
  feel
• 1:39:08
  like
• 1:39:08
  PTOD
• 1:39:09
  is
• 1:39:09
  a
• 1:39:09
  lot
• 1:39:09
  of
• 1:39:09
  people's
• 1:39:10
  baseline.
• 1:39:11
  And
• 1:39:13
  if
• 1:39:13
  that's
• 1:39:14
  you,
• 1:39:14
  I
• 1:39:15
  would
• 1:39:15
  say
• 1:39:16
  definitely
• 1:39:17
  get
• 1:39:17
  on
• 1:39:17
  meds,
• 1:39:17
  definitely
• 1:39:18
  get
• 1:39:18
  on
• 1:39:18
  therapy.
• 1:39:19
  And
• 1:39:19
  usually
• 1:39:20
  medicine
• 1:39:20
  therapy
• 1:39:22
  will
• 1:39:22
  probably
• 1:39:23
  get
• 1:39:23
  you
• 1:39:23
  to
• 1:39:23
  where
• 1:39:23
  you're
• 1:39:23
  like,
• 1:39:24
  okay
• 1:39:24
  with
• 1:39:24
  living
• 1:39:25
  again.
• 1:39:26
  You
• 1:39:26
  probably
• 1:39:27
  don't.
• 1:39:27
  If
• 1:39:27
  you
• 1:39:28
  want
• 1:39:28
  to
• 1:39:28
  do
• 1:39:28
  IOP
• 1:39:28
  or
• 1:39:29
  php,
• 1:39:29
  you
• 1:39:30
  could.
• 1:39:31
  But
• 1:39:31
  to
• 1:39:31
  me,
• 1:39:32
  passive
• 1:39:32
  thoughts
• 1:39:33
  of
• 1:39:33
  death
• 1:39:33
  is
• 1:39:33
  a
• 1:39:34
  get
• 1:39:34
  on
• 1:39:34
  meds.
• 1:39:34
  More
• 1:39:34
  normal
• 1:39:35
  than
• 1:39:35
  we
• 1:39:35
  might
• 1:39:35
  think.
• 1:39:36
  Suicidal.
• 1:39:37
  It's
• 1:39:37
  a.
• 1:39:38
  To
• 1:39:38
  me,
• 1:39:38
  it's
• 1:39:38
  everybody.
• 1:39:39
  Like,
• 1:39:39
  I.
• 1:39:39
  I
• 1:39:39
  don't
• 1:39:40
  know,
• 1:39:40
  like,
• 1:39:41
  not.
• 1:39:41
  Not
• 1:39:41
  everybody.
• 1:39:42
  Like,
• 1:39:42
  once
• 1:39:42
  they're
• 1:39:43
  in
• 1:39:43
  therapy
• 1:39:43
  and
• 1:39:43
  on
• 1:39:43
  meds.
• 1:39:44
  But,
• 1:39:44
  like,
• 1:39:45
  pretty
• 1:39:45
  much
• 1:39:45
  everybody
• 1:39:45
  at
• 1:39:46
  the
• 1:39:46
  start
• 1:39:46
  of
• 1:39:46
  therapy
• 1:39:47
  is
• 1:39:47
  like,
• 1:39:47
  yeah,
• 1:39:47
  I'd
• 1:39:47
  rather
• 1:39:48
  not
• 1:39:48
  be.
• 1:39:48
  Yeah.
• 1:39:48
  I
• 1:39:49
  mean,
• 1:39:49
  I
• 1:39:49
  also
• 1:39:49
  specialize
• 1:39:50
  in
• 1:39:50
  trauma.
• 1:39:50
  Right.
• 1:39:51
  So
• 1:39:51
  that's
• 1:39:51
  not
• 1:39:51
  everybody
• 1:39:52
  who
• 1:39:52
  goes
• 1:39:52
  to
• 1:39:52
  therapy,
• 1:39:52
  but,
• 1:39:53
  like,
• 1:39:53
  yeah,
• 1:39:53
  my
• 1:39:54
  people.
• 1:39:55
  So
• 1:39:55
  taking
• 1:39:55
  into
• 1:39:56
  account
• 1:39:56
  that,
• 1:39:57
  like,
• 1:39:57
  how
• 1:39:57
  long
• 1:39:57
  has
• 1:39:57
  this
• 1:39:58
  been
• 1:39:58
  going
• 1:39:58
  on
• 1:39:58
  and
• 1:39:58
  how
• 1:39:58
  often
• 1:39:59
  is
• 1:39:59
  it.
• 1:39:59
  Is
• 1:39:59
  it
• 1:39:59
  all
• 1:40:00
  the
• 1:40:00
  time
• 1:40:00
  every
• 1:40:00
  day,
• 1:40:01
  or
• 1:40:01
  is
• 1:40:01
  it,
• 1:40:01
  like,
• 1:40:02
  fleetingly
• 1:40:03
  a
• 1:40:03
  couple
• 1:40:03
  times
• 1:40:03
  a
• 1:40:04
  year?
• 1:40:04
  If
• 1:40:04
  it's
• 1:40:04
  fleeting,
• 1:40:04
  like,
• 1:40:04
  a
• 1:40:05
  couple
• 1:40:05
  of
• 1:40:05
  times
• 1:40:05
  a
• 1:40:05
  year,
• 1:40:06
  you
• 1:40:06
  know,
• 1:40:06
  that's
• 1:40:06
  not
• 1:40:07
  as
• 1:40:07
  big
• 1:40:07
  of
• 1:40:07
  a
• 1:40:07
  deal.
• 1:40:07
  If
• 1:40:07
  it's
• 1:40:08
  like,
• 1:40:08
  all
• 1:40:08
  the
• 1:40:08
  time,
• 1:40:08
  every
• 1:40:08
  day
• 1:40:09
  you're
• 1:40:09
  like,
• 1:40:09
  I
• 1:40:09
  want
• 1:40:09
  to
• 1:40:09
  disappear.
• 1:40:10
  I
• 1:40:10
  want
• 1:40:10
  to
• 1:40:10
  not
• 1:40:10
  be
• 1:40:10
  here
• 1:40:10
  anymore.
• 1:40:11
  And
• 1:40:11
  then
• 1:40:12
  suicidal
• 1:40:12
  thoughts.
• 1:40:13
  If
• 1:40:13
  you're
• 1:40:13
  actually
• 1:40:13
  having
• 1:40:14
  thoughts
• 1:40:14
  of
• 1:40:14
  like,
• 1:40:14
  okay,
• 1:40:15
  this
• 1:40:15
  is
• 1:40:15
  how
• 1:40:15
  I
• 1:40:15
  would
• 1:40:15
  do
• 1:40:15
  it.
• 1:40:16
  This
• 1:40:16
  is
• 1:40:16
  when
• 1:40:16
  I
• 1:40:16
  would
• 1:40:16
  do
• 1:40:17
  it.
• 1:40:18
  That
• 1:40:18
  to
• 1:40:18
  me
• 1:40:19
  is,
• 1:40:20
  let's
• 1:40:21
  definitely
• 1:40:22
  be
• 1:40:22
  on
• 1:40:22
  beds.
• 1:40:22
  Let's
• 1:40:23
  a
• 1:40:23
  take.
• 1:40:23
  Definitely
• 1:40:23
  be
• 1:40:23
  in
• 1:40:24
  therapy.
• 1:40:24
  Let's
• 1:40:24
  talk
• 1:40:24
  to
• 1:40:24
  our
• 1:40:25
  therapist
• 1:40:25
  about
• 1:40:25
  if
• 1:40:25
  we
• 1:40:25
  want
• 1:40:26
  to
• 1:40:26
  and
• 1:40:26
  if
• 1:40:26
  we,
• 1:40:27
  like,
• 1:40:27
  have
• 1:40:27
  a
• 1:40:27
  plan.
• 1:40:28
  Like,
• 1:40:29
  this
• 1:40:29
  is
• 1:40:29
  the
• 1:40:30
  thing
• 1:40:31
  I'm
• 1:40:31
  going
• 1:40:31
  to
• 1:40:31
  use
• 1:40:31
  to
• 1:40:31
  do
• 1:40:32
  it.
• 1:40:32
  I
• 1:40:32
  writing
• 1:40:33
  goodbye
• 1:40:33
  notes
• 1:40:34
  to
• 1:40:34
  my
• 1:40:34
  family.
• 1:40:34
  Like,
• 1:40:35
  okay,
• 1:40:36
  like,
• 1:40:36
  if
• 1:40:36
  you're
• 1:40:36
  writing
• 1:40:36
  goodbye
• 1:40:37
  to
• 1:40:37
  your
• 1:40:37
  family,
• 1:40:37
  you
• 1:40:38
  need
• 1:40:38
  to
• 1:40:38
  go
• 1:40:38
  to
• 1:40:38
  the
• 1:40:38
  hospital.
• 1:40:39
  Like,
• 1:40:39
  yeah,
• 1:40:40
  has.
• 1:40:40
  Go.
• 1:40:40
  Do
• 1:40:41
  not
• 1:40:41
  collect
• 1:40:41
  $200.
• 1:40:42
  Go
• 1:40:43
  to
• 1:40:43
  the
• 1:40:43
  hospital.
• 1:40:45
  Okay.
• 1:40:46
  We
• 1:40:46
  would
• 1:40:46
  assess
• 1:40:47
  for
• 1:40:47
  homicidal
• 1:40:47
  Thoughts,
• 1:40:48
  I
• 1:40:48
  don't
• 1:40:48
  come
• 1:40:48
  across
• 1:40:49
  that
• 1:40:49
  very
• 1:40:49
  often.
• 1:40:50
  So
• 1:40:51
  cutting
• 1:40:52
  or
• 1:40:52
  other
• 1:40:52
  types
• 1:40:52
  of
• 1:40:53
  self
• 1:40:53
  harm
• 1:40:54
  are
• 1:40:54
  not
• 1:40:54
  the
• 1:40:54
  same
• 1:40:55
  as
• 1:40:55
  suicidal
• 1:40:55
  thoughts.
• 1:40:56
  They
• 1:40:56
  are
• 1:40:56
  a
• 1:40:57
  risk
• 1:40:57
  factor
• 1:40:57
  though
• 1:40:57
  because
• 1:40:58
  like
• 1:40:58
  if
• 1:40:58
  you
• 1:40:59
  are
• 1:40:59
  self
• 1:40:59
  harming,
• 1:41:00
  you
• 1:41:00
  are
• 1:41:01
  more
• 1:41:01
  at
• 1:41:01
  risk.
• 1:41:01
  But
• 1:41:02
  they're
• 1:41:02
  two
• 1:41:02
  different
• 1:41:02
  things
• 1:41:03
  and
• 1:41:03
  I
• 1:41:03
  want
• 1:41:03
  people
• 1:41:03
  to
• 1:41:03
  know
• 1:41:04
  that
• 1:41:04
  they're
• 1:41:04
  two
• 1:41:04
  different
• 1:41:04
  things.
• 1:41:05
  That
• 1:41:05
  makes
• 1:41:05
  sense
• 1:41:06
  if
• 1:41:06
  you've
• 1:41:06
  had
• 1:41:06
  a
• 1:41:07
  previous
• 1:41:07
  attempt.
• 1:41:07
  So
• 1:41:08
  the
• 1:41:08
  way
• 1:41:08
  I
• 1:41:08
  see
• 1:41:08
  it
• 1:41:08
  is
• 1:41:08
  like
• 1:41:09
  the
• 1:41:09
  lowest
• 1:41:09
  that
• 1:41:09
  you've
• 1:41:10
  ever
• 1:41:10
  been.
• 1:41:11
  It's
• 1:41:11
  like
• 1:41:12
  yeah,
• 1:41:12
  you
• 1:41:12
  kind
• 1:41:12
  of
• 1:41:13
  fill
• 1:41:13
  that
• 1:41:13
  up.
• 1:41:13
  Like
• 1:41:14
  it
• 1:41:14
  like
• 1:41:14
  however
• 1:41:16
  deep
• 1:41:16
  you've
• 1:41:16
  dug
• 1:41:16
  your
• 1:41:16
  hole,
• 1:41:17
  you
• 1:41:18
  fill
• 1:41:18
  that
• 1:41:18
  back
• 1:41:18
  in
• 1:41:18
  as
• 1:41:19
  you
• 1:41:19
  do
• 1:41:19
  all
• 1:41:19
  your
• 1:41:19
  mental
• 1:41:19
  health
• 1:41:20
  things.
• 1:41:20
  But
• 1:41:20
  like
• 1:41:20
  that
• 1:41:21
  dirt
• 1:41:21
  isn't
• 1:41:21
  as
• 1:41:22
  compact
• 1:41:22
  as
• 1:41:23
  like
• 1:41:23
  the
• 1:41:23
  dirt
• 1:41:23
  around
• 1:41:24
  it.
• 1:41:24
  And
• 1:41:24
  so
• 1:41:24
  like
• 1:41:26
  to
• 1:41:26
  your
• 1:41:26
  lowest
• 1:41:26
  again
• 1:41:27
  kind
• 1:41:28
  of
• 1:41:28
  relatively
• 1:41:29
  easy.
• 1:41:30
  So
• 1:41:30
  lowest
• 1:41:31
  and
• 1:41:31
  then
• 1:41:32
  making
• 1:41:32
  an
• 1:41:32
  attempt,
• 1:41:34
  it's
• 1:41:34
  not
• 1:41:35
  that
• 1:41:35
  hard
• 1:41:36
  to
• 1:41:36
  get
• 1:41:36
  back
• 1:41:36
  down
• 1:41:36
  to
• 1:41:37
  being
• 1:41:38
  at
• 1:41:38
  suicide.
• 1:41:38
  Right,
• 1:41:39
  right.
• 1:41:40
  And
• 1:41:40
  so
• 1:41:40
  it's
• 1:41:41
  previous
• 1:41:41
  attempts
• 1:41:42
  are
• 1:41:42
  definitely
• 1:41:43
  a
• 1:41:43
  risk
• 1:41:43
  factor.
• 1:41:44
  You
• 1:41:44
  know,
• 1:41:44
  just
• 1:41:45
  be
• 1:41:45
  aware
• 1:41:45
  of
• 1:41:45
  that.
• 1:41:45
  Yeah.
• 1:41:46
  Preparatory
• 1:41:47
  acts,
• 1:41:47
  like
• 1:41:47
  giving
• 1:41:48
  things
• 1:41:48
  away,
• 1:41:48
  writing
• 1:41:48
  notes.
• 1:41:49
  If
• 1:41:49
  you're
• 1:41:49
  doing
• 1:41:49
  preparatory
• 1:41:49
  acts,
• 1:41:50
  please
• 1:41:50
  go
• 1:41:50
  to
• 1:41:50
  the
• 1:41:50
  hospital.
• 1:41:52
  Having
• 1:41:52
  access
• 1:41:53
  to
• 1:41:53
  guns,
• 1:41:54
  it
• 1:41:54
  like
• 1:41:55
  increases
• 1:41:55
  your
• 1:41:56
  risk
• 1:41:56
  because
• 1:41:59
  people
• 1:41:59
  don't
• 1:42:00
  usually
• 1:42:00
  like
• 1:42:00
  people
• 1:42:01
  might
• 1:42:02
  survive,
• 1:42:03
  like
• 1:42:04
  cutting,
• 1:42:04
  like
• 1:42:05
  suicidal
• 1:42:05
  cutting
• 1:42:06
  or
• 1:42:06
  they
• 1:42:06
  might
• 1:42:06
  survive
• 1:42:07
  taking
• 1:42:07
  pills.
• 1:42:07
  But
• 1:42:08
  usually
• 1:42:08
  people
• 1:42:08
  don't
• 1:42:09
  attempt
• 1:42:10
  if
• 1:42:10
  they're
• 1:42:10
  using
• 1:42:10
  guns
• 1:42:12
  and
• 1:42:12
  usually
• 1:42:13
  like
• 1:42:13
  less
• 1:42:14
  like
• 1:42:14
  more
• 1:42:14
  often
• 1:42:15
  complete
• 1:42:16
  suicide
• 1:42:16
  if
• 1:42:17
  they
• 1:42:17
  are
• 1:42:18
  using
• 1:42:18
  ropes.
• 1:42:20
  So
• 1:42:21
  you
• 1:42:22
  said
• 1:42:22
  attempt,
• 1:42:23
  but
• 1:42:23
  I
• 1:42:23
  think
• 1:42:23
  you
• 1:42:23
  meant
• 1:42:24
  succeed.
• 1:42:27
  It's
• 1:42:28
  called
• 1:42:28
  completing.
• 1:42:29
  Completing
• 1:42:29
  suicide.
• 1:42:30
  Okay.
• 1:42:31
  Yes,
• 1:42:31
  but
• 1:42:31
  I
• 1:42:31
  probably
• 1:42:32
  awkward.
• 1:42:34
  So
• 1:42:34
  yeah.
• 1:42:34
  So
• 1:42:35
  access
• 1:42:35
  to
• 1:42:35
  guns.
• 1:42:36
  If
• 1:42:36
  you
• 1:42:36
  are
• 1:42:36
  having
• 1:42:37
  suicidal
• 1:42:37
  thoughts
• 1:42:38
  at
• 1:42:38
  all,
• 1:42:39
  please
• 1:42:39
  don't
• 1:42:40
  let
• 1:42:40
  yourself
• 1:42:40
  have
• 1:42:40
  access
• 1:42:41
  to
• 1:42:41
  guns.
• 1:42:41
  Like
• 1:42:42
  give
• 1:42:42
  them
• 1:42:42
  to
• 1:42:42
  a
• 1:42:42
  friend,
• 1:42:44
  have
• 1:42:44
  them
• 1:42:45
  in
• 1:42:45
  a
• 1:42:45
  safe
• 1:42:45
  that
• 1:42:46
  you
• 1:42:46
  don't
• 1:42:46
  have
• 1:42:46
  the
• 1:42:46
  code
• 1:42:46
  to.
• 1:42:47
  Like
• 1:42:47
  guns
• 1:42:48
  and
• 1:42:48
  suicidality,
• 1:42:49
  please,
• 1:42:49
  please
• 1:42:50
  don't
• 1:42:50
  mix
• 1:42:50
  them.
• 1:42:51
  I
• 1:42:51
  will
• 1:42:51
  also
• 1:42:52
  say
• 1:42:52
  alcohol
• 1:42:53
  and
• 1:42:53
  suicidality
• 1:42:54
  are,
• 1:42:54
  are,
• 1:42:55
  do
• 1:42:56
  not
• 1:42:56
  go
• 1:42:56
  together
• 1:42:56
  either
• 1:42:57
  because
• 1:42:58
  you're
• 1:42:58
  a
• 1:42:58
  lot
• 1:42:58
  more
• 1:42:58
  likely
• 1:42:59
  to
• 1:42:59
  attempt
• 1:43:00
  drunk
• 1:43:01
  then
• 1:43:01
  you
• 1:43:01
  are.
• 1:43:02
  I'm
• 1:43:02
  not
• 1:43:03
  encouraging
• 1:43:03
  to
• 1:43:03
  anyone
• 1:43:04
  to
• 1:43:04
  do
• 1:43:04
  anything
• 1:43:04
  illegal,
• 1:43:05
  but
• 1:43:06
  people
• 1:43:06
  don't
• 1:43:07
  very
• 1:43:07
  often
• 1:43:07
  attempt
• 1:43:08
  when
• 1:43:08
  they
• 1:43:08
  are
• 1:43:09
  high.
• 1:43:09
  But
• 1:43:10
  they
• 1:43:10
  do.
• 1:43:10
  People
• 1:43:11
  will
• 1:43:11
  attempt
• 1:43:11
  when
• 1:43:11
  they're
• 1:43:12
  drunk,
• 1:43:12
  when
• 1:43:12
  they're
• 1:43:12
  not
• 1:43:13
  otherwise
• 1:43:13
  suicidal.
• 1:43:14
  So
• 1:43:15
  avoiding
• 1:43:16
  alcohol
• 1:43:17
  and
• 1:43:18
  also
• 1:43:19
  like
• 1:43:19
  mixing
• 1:43:19
  alcohol
• 1:43:20
  with
• 1:43:20
  like
• 1:43:21
  benzos
• 1:43:21
  or
• 1:43:21
  narcotics,
• 1:43:22
  like
• 1:43:22
  again,
• 1:43:22
  please
• 1:43:23
  stay
• 1:43:23
  away.
• 1:43:24
  And
• 1:43:24
  I
• 1:43:24
  understand
• 1:43:24
  like
• 1:43:25
  if
• 1:43:25
  you're
• 1:43:25
  suicidal
• 1:43:25
  you
• 1:43:26
  probably
• 1:43:26
  want
• 1:43:26
  to
• 1:43:26
  drink,
• 1:43:27
  but
• 1:43:27
  if
• 1:43:28
  you
• 1:43:28
  could
• 1:43:28
  use
• 1:43:29
  something
• 1:43:29
  else
• 1:43:30
  to
• 1:43:30
  dissociate
• 1:43:31
  that
• 1:43:31
  isn't
• 1:43:31
  alcohol.
• 1:43:33
  And
• 1:43:33
  I'm
• 1:43:33
  not
• 1:43:34
  encouraging
• 1:43:34
  you
• 1:43:34
  to
• 1:43:34
  do
• 1:43:34
  anything
• 1:43:35
  illegal
• 1:43:35
  but
• 1:43:35
  like
• 1:43:37
  weed.
• 1:43:39
  I
• 1:43:39
  mean
• 1:43:39
  they
• 1:43:40
  tried
• 1:43:40
  to
• 1:43:40
  put
• 1:43:40
  me
• 1:43:40
  on
• 1:43:40
  a
• 1:43:41
  benzo.
• 1:43:41
  I
• 1:43:42
  don't
• 1:43:42
  drink,
• 1:43:42
  but
• 1:43:43
  they
• 1:43:43
  tried
• 1:43:43
  to
• 1:43:43
  put
• 1:43:43
  me
• 1:43:43
  on
• 1:43:43
  a
• 1:43:44
  Benzo.
• 1:43:46
  After
• 1:43:47
  the
• 1:43:47
  dog
• 1:43:47
  died.
• 1:43:48
  Well,
• 1:43:50
  but
• 1:43:50
  that's
• 1:43:50
  okay.
• 1:43:51
  Oh,
• 1:43:51
  I
• 1:43:51
  don't
• 1:43:51
  know.
• 1:43:51
  I
• 1:43:52
  was
• 1:43:52
  scared.
• 1:43:52
  I
• 1:43:53
  didn't
• 1:43:53
  take
• 1:43:53
  it.
• 1:43:55
  That's
• 1:43:55
  a
• 1:43:55
  different
• 1:43:56
  conversation
• 1:43:56
  for
• 1:43:56
  a
• 1:43:56
  different
• 1:43:57
  day.
• 1:43:57
  I
• 1:43:57
  personally,
• 1:43:58
  I,
• 1:43:59
  I
• 1:43:59
  think
• 1:43:59
  benzos,
• 1:44:00
  rescue
• 1:44:00
  meds
• 1:44:01
  are
• 1:44:01
  fantastic.
• 1:44:02
  Oh,
• 1:44:03
  okay.
• 1:44:03
  I
• 1:44:03
  got
• 1:44:03
  scared
• 1:44:03
  and
• 1:44:04
  I
• 1:44:04
  didn't
• 1:44:04
  kill
• 1:44:04
  it.
• 1:44:07
  I,
• 1:44:07
  I
• 1:44:08
  mean,
• 1:44:08
  I,
• 1:44:08
  I
• 1:44:08
  love
• 1:44:08
  benzos
• 1:44:09
  as
• 1:44:09
  a
• 1:44:09
  rescue
• 1:44:09
  med,
• 1:44:10
  but
• 1:44:10
  you
• 1:44:10
  can
• 1:44:11
  get
• 1:44:11
  addicted
• 1:44:11
  and
• 1:44:11
  so
• 1:44:12
  you
• 1:44:12
  do
• 1:44:12
  have.
• 1:44:12
  To,
• 1:44:12
  you
• 1:44:12
  want
• 1:44:12
  to
• 1:44:12
  like
• 1:44:12
  stay
• 1:44:13
  on
• 1:44:13
  it.
• 1:44:13
  Take
• 1:44:13
  them
• 1:44:13
  as
• 1:44:15
  do.
• 1:44:15
  Do
• 1:44:15
  Take
• 1:44:16
  them
• 1:44:16
  as
• 1:44:16
  prescribed
• 1:44:16
  and
• 1:44:17
  don't
• 1:44:17
  exceed
• 1:44:17
  your
• 1:44:17
  prescribed
• 1:44:18
  dose.
• 1:44:18
  For
• 1:44:19
  sure.
• 1:44:20
  But
• 1:44:20
  I
• 1:44:20
  mean,
• 1:44:22
  they're
• 1:44:22
  great.
• 1:44:23
  I
• 1:44:24
  mean,
• 1:44:24
  if
• 1:44:24
  you're
• 1:44:24
  having
• 1:44:24
  a
• 1:44:24
  panic.
• 1:44:25
  They
• 1:44:25
  have
• 1:44:25
  a
• 1:44:25
  place.
• 1:44:25
  Yeah,
• 1:44:26
  they
• 1:44:26
  have.
• 1:44:26
  I,
• 1:44:27
  I
• 1:44:27
  am
• 1:44:27
  all
• 1:44:27
  for
• 1:44:28
  Klonopin
• 1:44:29
  for
• 1:44:29
  a
• 1:44:29
  panic.
• 1:44:29
  I
• 1:44:30
  am
• 1:44:30
  not
• 1:44:30
  a
• 1:44:30
  doctor,
• 1:44:30
  though,
• 1:44:30
  and
• 1:44:30
  I
• 1:44:31
  can't
• 1:44:31
  say
• 1:44:31
  that.
• 1:44:31
  Talk
• 1:44:32
  to
• 1:44:32
  your
• 1:44:32
  fiber
• 1:44:33
  and
• 1:44:34
  follow
• 1:44:34
  their.
• 1:44:34
  Yeah,
• 1:44:35
  okay.
• 1:44:36
  History
• 1:44:36
  of
• 1:44:37
  abuse
• 1:44:37
  and
• 1:44:37
  trauma.
• 1:44:39
  Huge
• 1:44:39
  risk
• 1:44:39
  factor
• 1:44:40
  for
• 1:44:40
  suicidality.
• 1:44:41
  We
• 1:44:41
  know
• 1:44:42
  this.
• 1:44:42
  I
• 1:44:42
  don't,
• 1:44:42
  I
• 1:44:42
  mean,
• 1:44:42
  I
• 1:44:43
  don't
• 1:44:43
  think
• 1:44:43
  anybody
• 1:44:44
  here
• 1:44:44
  or
• 1:44:44
  anybody
• 1:44:45
  listening
• 1:44:46
  to
• 1:44:46
  your
• 1:44:46
  show
• 1:44:46
  is
• 1:44:47
  going
• 1:44:47
  to
• 1:44:47
  be.
• 1:44:47
  Guess
• 1:44:48
  right.
• 1:44:49
  Yeah.
• 1:44:51
  Specific
• 1:44:52
  risk
• 1:44:52
  factors
• 1:44:54
  that
• 1:44:54
  we
• 1:44:55
  would
• 1:44:55
  assess
• 1:44:55
  for
• 1:44:55
  are
• 1:44:56
  hopelessness,
• 1:44:57
  purposelessness,
• 1:44:59
  not
• 1:44:59
  having
• 1:44:59
  a
• 1:45:00
  support
• 1:45:00
  system,
• 1:45:00
  or
• 1:45:00
  not
• 1:45:01
  wanting
• 1:45:01
  a
• 1:45:01
  support
• 1:45:01
  system.
• 1:45:02
  Like
• 1:45:02
  being
• 1:45:02
  alone.
• 1:45:03
  I
• 1:45:03
  just
• 1:45:03
  want
• 1:45:03
  to
• 1:45:04
  be
• 1:45:04
  alone.
• 1:45:05
  Having
• 1:45:07
  either
• 1:45:07
  a
• 1:45:07
  lack
• 1:45:07
  of
• 1:45:08
  coping
• 1:45:08
  skills
• 1:45:08
  or
• 1:45:08
  coping
• 1:45:09
  skills
• 1:45:09
  that
• 1:45:09
  are
• 1:45:09
  negative,
• 1:45:10
  such
• 1:45:11
  as
• 1:45:11
  substances
• 1:45:12
  or
• 1:45:13
  you
• 1:45:13
  know,
• 1:45:13
  what
• 1:45:13
  you
• 1:45:14
  would
• 1:45:14
  call
• 1:45:14
  like
• 1:45:14
  your
• 1:45:14
  negative
• 1:45:14
  coping
• 1:45:15
  skills.
• 1:45:15
  Like,
• 1:45:15
  yeah,
• 1:45:17
  compulsive
• 1:45:18
  type
• 1:45:18
  behaviors.
• 1:45:19
  Another
• 1:45:20
  huge
• 1:45:20
  risk
• 1:45:21
  factor
• 1:45:21
  is
• 1:45:22
  having
• 1:45:23
  lost
• 1:45:23
  someone
• 1:45:24
  to
• 1:45:24
  suicide
• 1:45:24
  in
• 1:45:24
  your
• 1:45:25
  life.
• 1:45:25
  So
• 1:45:26
  if
• 1:45:26
  you
• 1:45:26
  maybe
• 1:45:27
  lost,
• 1:45:28
  even
• 1:45:28
  if
• 1:45:29
  it
• 1:45:29
  was
• 1:45:29
  like
• 1:45:29
  15
• 1:45:29
  years
• 1:45:30
  ago,
• 1:45:30
  but
• 1:45:31
  like
• 1:45:31
  having,
• 1:45:32
  or
• 1:45:32
  you
• 1:45:32
  lost
• 1:45:33
  a
• 1:45:33
  friend,
• 1:45:34
  losing
• 1:45:34
  someone
• 1:45:34
  to
• 1:45:35
  suicide
• 1:45:35
  definitely
• 1:45:36
  increases
• 1:45:37
  your
• 1:45:37
  risk.
• 1:45:38
  Disturbed
• 1:45:39
  thinking,
• 1:45:39
  which
• 1:45:40
  can
• 1:45:40
  be
• 1:45:40
  associated
• 1:45:41
  with
• 1:45:42
  psychosis.
• 1:45:43
  But
• 1:45:44
  things
• 1:45:44
  like
• 1:45:44
  paranoia
• 1:45:45
  can
• 1:45:46
  increase
• 1:45:46
  your
• 1:45:47
  risk.
• 1:45:47
  If
• 1:45:48
  you
• 1:45:48
  have
• 1:45:48
  a
• 1:45:49
  previous
• 1:45:49
  mental
• 1:45:50
  diagnosis,
• 1:45:51
  even
• 1:45:51
  if
• 1:45:51
  it
• 1:45:52
  was
• 1:45:52
  like,
• 1:45:52
  oh,
• 1:45:52
  I
• 1:45:53
  haven't
• 1:45:53
  had
• 1:45:53
  a
• 1:45:53
  diagnosis
• 1:45:54
  of
• 1:45:55
  whatever
• 1:45:56
  since
• 1:45:56
  I
• 1:45:57
  was
• 1:45:57
  a
• 1:45:57
  teenager,
• 1:45:58
  it
• 1:45:58
  still
• 1:45:59
  increases
• 1:45:59
  your
• 1:45:59
  risk
• 1:45:59
  for
• 1:45:59
  right
• 1:46:00
  now.
• 1:46:00
  Are
• 1:46:00
  we
• 1:46:00
  talking
• 1:46:00
  about
• 1:46:01
  just
• 1:46:01
  like
• 1:46:01
  a
• 1:46:01
  diagnosis
• 1:46:02
  of
• 1:46:02
  anxiety
• 1:46:03
  or
• 1:46:03
  depression?
• 1:46:03
  Are
• 1:46:03
  we
• 1:46:03
  talking
• 1:46:04
  about
• 1:46:04
  psychosis?
• 1:46:05
  Right.
• 1:46:05
  Oh,
• 1:46:06
  oh,
• 1:46:07
  oh,
• 1:46:07
  I
• 1:46:07
  thought
• 1:46:07
  you
• 1:46:07
  had
• 1:46:08
  psychosis.
• 1:46:09
  Oh,
• 1:46:09
  no,
• 1:46:09
  no,
• 1:46:09
  no.
• 1:46:10
  Sorry.
• 1:46:10
  Diet.
• 1:46:10
  A
• 1:46:11
  diet.
• 1:46:11
  Previous
• 1:46:12
  mental
• 1:46:12
  diagnosis.
• 1:46:14
  You
• 1:46:14
  know,
• 1:46:14
  like,
• 1:46:14
  if
• 1:46:15
  you've
• 1:46:15
  had
• 1:46:15
  a
• 1:46:15
  history
• 1:46:15
  of
• 1:46:16
  like,
• 1:46:16
  oh,
• 1:46:16
  yeah,
• 1:46:16
  I've
• 1:46:17
  been
• 1:46:17
  diagnosed
• 1:46:17
  with
• 1:46:17
  this
• 1:46:17
  and
• 1:46:18
  this
• 1:46:18
  and
• 1:46:18
  this
• 1:46:18
  and
• 1:46:18
  this
• 1:46:19
  and
• 1:46:19
  this.
• 1:46:19
  And
• 1:46:19
  I
• 1:46:19
  don't
• 1:46:19
  know
• 1:46:20
  what
• 1:46:20
  my
• 1:46:20
  current
• 1:46:20
  diagnosis
• 1:46:21
  is,
• 1:46:21
  but
• 1:46:21
  like
• 1:46:22
  when
• 1:46:22
  I
• 1:46:22
  was
• 1:46:22
  in
• 1:46:23
  eighth
• 1:46:23
  grade,
• 1:46:23
  they
• 1:46:23
  told
• 1:46:23
  me
• 1:46:23
  I
• 1:46:23
  had
• 1:46:24
  this.
• 1:46:24
  When
• 1:46:24
  I
• 1:46:24
  was
• 1:46:24
  in
• 1:46:24
  12th
• 1:46:25
  grade,
• 1:46:25
  they
• 1:46:25
  told
• 1:46:25
  me
• 1:46:25
  I
• 1:46:25
  had
• 1:46:25
  this.
• 1:46:26
  Okay,
• 1:46:27
  right.
• 1:46:27
  Like
• 1:46:28
  all,
• 1:46:28
  like
• 1:46:28
  some
• 1:46:29
  people
• 1:46:29
  have
• 1:46:29
  that
• 1:46:29
  history.
• 1:46:31
  That's
• 1:46:31
  a
• 1:46:31
  risk
• 1:46:31
  factor.
• 1:46:34
  Poor
• 1:46:34
  physical
• 1:46:34
  health
• 1:46:35
  can
• 1:46:35
  be
• 1:46:35
  a
• 1:46:35
  little
• 1:46:35
  bit
• 1:46:35
  of
• 1:46:35
  a
• 1:46:36
  risk
• 1:46:36
  factor,
• 1:46:37
  but
• 1:46:37
  your,
• 1:46:37
  your
• 1:46:38
  biopsychosocial
• 1:46:39
  Stuff.
• 1:46:39
  So
• 1:46:40
  your
• 1:46:40
  family
• 1:46:41
  situation,
• 1:46:42
  do
• 1:46:42
  you
• 1:46:42
  have
• 1:46:42
  a
• 1:46:42
  supportive
• 1:46:43
  family?
• 1:46:43
  Do
• 1:46:43
  you
• 1:46:43
  not
• 1:46:43
  have
• 1:46:44
  a
• 1:46:44
  supportive
• 1:46:44
  family?
• 1:46:45
  Are
• 1:46:45
  you
• 1:46:45
  going
• 1:46:45
  through
• 1:46:46
  a
• 1:46:46
  divorce?
• 1:46:47
  Are
• 1:46:47
  your
• 1:46:47
  parents
• 1:46:47
  getting
• 1:46:47
  divorced?
• 1:46:48
  If
• 1:46:48
  you're
• 1:46:48
  a
• 1:46:48
  kid,
• 1:46:49
  do
• 1:46:49
  you
• 1:46:50
  have
• 1:46:50
  a
• 1:46:50
  job?
• 1:46:50
  Do
• 1:46:50
  you
• 1:46:50
  like
• 1:46:51
  your
• 1:46:51
  job?
• 1:46:52
  Or
• 1:46:52
  are
• 1:46:52
  you
• 1:46:53
  losing
• 1:46:53
  your
• 1:46:53
  job?
• 1:46:54
  Or
• 1:46:54
  are
• 1:46:54
  you,
• 1:46:54
  like,
• 1:46:55
  working
• 1:46:55
  100
• 1:46:55
  hours
• 1:46:55
  a
• 1:46:56
  week
• 1:46:56
  and
• 1:46:56
  only
• 1:46:56
  getting
• 1:46:57
  paid
• 1:46:57
  for
• 1:46:57
  two
• 1:46:58
  of
• 1:46:58
  them?
• 1:46:58
  Level
• 1:46:59
  of
• 1:46:59
  education
• 1:47:00
  can
• 1:47:00
  be.
• 1:47:01
  Can
• 1:47:01
  be
• 1:47:02
  associated.
• 1:47:02
  Right.
• 1:47:03
  Like,
• 1:47:04
  but
• 1:47:04
  also,
• 1:47:04
  like,
• 1:47:05
  is
• 1:47:05
  your
• 1:47:05
  level
• 1:47:05
  of
• 1:47:05
  education,
• 1:47:06
  like,
• 1:47:07
  creating
• 1:47:07
  perfection?
• 1:47:08
  Right.
• 1:47:08
  Like,
• 1:47:08
  so,
• 1:47:09
  yeah.
• 1:47:09
  And
• 1:47:10
  obviously
• 1:47:10
  your
• 1:47:11
  housing
• 1:47:11
  situation,
• 1:47:11
  are
• 1:47:12
  you
• 1:47:12
  homeless?
• 1:47:12
  If
• 1:47:12
  you're
• 1:47:12
  homeless,
• 1:47:13
  you're
• 1:47:13
  definitely
• 1:47:13
  more
• 1:47:14
  at
• 1:47:14
  risk,
• 1:47:14
  right?
• 1:47:15
  Yeah.
• 1:47:15
  Or
• 1:47:16
  are
• 1:47:16
  you
• 1:47:16
  under
• 1:47:17
  housed
• 1:47:18
  in
• 1:47:18
  whatever
• 1:47:19
  way
• 1:47:19
  that
• 1:47:19
  is?
• 1:47:21
  And
• 1:47:21
  like,
• 1:47:22
  what
• 1:47:22
  kind
• 1:47:22
  of
• 1:47:22
  support
• 1:47:23
  do
• 1:47:23
  you
• 1:47:23
  have?
• 1:47:24
  So,
• 1:47:24
  like,
• 1:47:24
  maybe
• 1:47:25
  you
• 1:47:25
  don't
• 1:47:25
  have
• 1:47:25
  any
• 1:47:26
  family,
• 1:47:26
  but
• 1:47:26
  maybe
• 1:47:26
  somehow
• 1:47:27
  you
• 1:47:27
  magically
• 1:47:27
  have
• 1:47:28
  some
• 1:47:29
  financial
• 1:47:30
  support.
• 1:47:30
  Okay,
• 1:47:30
  well,
• 1:47:31
  that's
• 1:47:31
  a
• 1:47:31
  little
• 1:47:31
  bit
• 1:47:31
  of
• 1:47:31
  a
• 1:47:31
  protective
• 1:47:32
  factor.
• 1:47:32
  It's
• 1:47:32
  not
• 1:47:32
  the
• 1:47:33
  biggest
• 1:47:33
  protective
• 1:47:33
  factor,
• 1:47:34
  but,
• 1:47:34
  like,
• 1:47:35
  so
• 1:47:36
  that
• 1:47:36
  biopsychosocial
• 1:47:38
  stuff,
• 1:47:38
  family,
• 1:47:40
  job,
• 1:47:41
  housing,
• 1:47:42
  support,
• 1:47:43
  because
• 1:47:43
  those
• 1:47:43
  are
• 1:47:43
  your
• 1:47:43
  basic
• 1:47:44
  structure
• 1:47:44
  needs.
• 1:47:44
  Right.
• 1:47:47
  So
• 1:47:47
  all
• 1:47:47
  of
• 1:47:47
  that
• 1:47:47
  stuff
• 1:47:48
  is
• 1:47:49
  kind
• 1:47:49
  of
• 1:47:49
  goes
• 1:47:49
  into
• 1:47:52
  how
• 1:47:52
  much
• 1:47:52
  of
• 1:47:53
  a
• 1:47:53
  risk
• 1:47:53
  there
• 1:47:54
  is.
• 1:47:55
  The
• 1:47:55
  biggest
• 1:47:55
  risk
• 1:47:56
  is,
• 1:47:56
  have
• 1:47:57
  you
• 1:47:57
  had
• 1:47:57
  the
• 1:47:57
  thought,
• 1:47:58
  I
• 1:47:58
  want
• 1:47:58
  to
• 1:47:58
  kill
• 1:47:58
  myself
• 1:47:59
  today?
• 1:47:59
  And
• 1:48:00
  if
• 1:48:00
  you
• 1:48:00
  have
• 1:48:00
  that
• 1:48:01
  thought
• 1:48:01
  today,
• 1:48:01
  you
• 1:48:02
  need
• 1:48:02
  to
• 1:48:02
  get
• 1:48:02
  help.
• 1:48:03
  And
• 1:48:03
  if
• 1:48:03
  you
• 1:48:04
  are
• 1:48:04
  thought
• 1:48:05
  frequently,
• 1:48:06
  you
• 1:48:07
  need
• 1:48:07
  to
• 1:48:07
  get
• 1:48:07
  help.
• 1:48:08
  Does
• 1:48:08
  that
• 1:48:08
  make
• 1:48:08
  sense?
• 1:48:09
  Yeah.
• 1:48:10
  Yeah.
• 1:48:10
  What
• 1:48:11
  I
• 1:48:11
  was
• 1:48:12
  thinking
• 1:48:12
  as
• 1:48:12
  you're
• 1:48:12
  going
• 1:48:12
  through
• 1:48:12
  this
• 1:48:13
  list
• 1:48:13
  is
• 1:48:14
  like,
• 1:48:15
  I
• 1:48:15
  remember
• 1:48:15
  starting
• 1:48:16
  with
• 1:48:16
  my
• 1:48:16
  therapist,
• 1:48:17
  and
• 1:48:17
  then
• 1:48:18
  I
• 1:48:18
  feel
• 1:48:18
  like
• 1:48:19
  every
• 1:48:19
  other
• 1:48:19
  week
• 1:48:20
  she
• 1:48:20
  would,
• 1:48:21
  like,
• 1:48:21
  read
• 1:48:22
  through
• 1:48:22
  a
• 1:48:22
  lot
• 1:48:22
  of.
• 1:48:23
  Not
• 1:48:23
  a
• 1:48:23
  lot
• 1:48:23
  of
• 1:48:23
  them,
• 1:48:24
  because
• 1:48:24
  we've
• 1:48:24
  had
• 1:48:24
  already,
• 1:48:24
  like,
• 1:48:25
  read
• 1:48:25
  through
• 1:48:25
  them.
• 1:48:25
  But
• 1:48:27
  there
• 1:48:27
  was
• 1:48:27
  asking,
• 1:48:28
  like,
• 1:48:28
  oh,
• 1:48:29
  is
• 1:48:29
  there
• 1:48:29
  a
• 1:48:29
  past
• 1:48:30
  of,
• 1:48:30
  like,
• 1:48:31
  abuse,
• 1:48:32
  like,
• 1:48:33
  trauma
• 1:48:33
  abuse?
• 1:48:34
  Is
• 1:48:34
  there
• 1:48:35
  a
• 1:48:36
  history
• 1:48:37
  of,
• 1:48:37
  like,
• 1:48:37
  do
• 1:48:38
  you
• 1:48:38
  know
• 1:48:38
  anyone
• 1:48:38
  who's
• 1:48:38
  been
• 1:48:39
  suicidal?
• 1:48:39
  Like,
• 1:48:40
  things
• 1:48:40
  that
• 1:48:40
  I
• 1:48:40
  thought
• 1:48:40
  was
• 1:48:41
  really
• 1:48:41
  weird
• 1:48:41
  to
• 1:48:41
  ask,
• 1:48:42
  like,
• 1:48:42
  how
• 1:48:42
  is
• 1:48:42
  this.
• 1:48:42
  Like,
• 1:48:43
  she
• 1:48:43
  was
• 1:48:43
  doing
• 1:48:43
  the
• 1:48:43
  same
• 1:48:44
  assessment
• 1:48:45
  that
• 1:48:45
  I
• 1:48:45
  have
• 1:48:45
  right
• 1:48:45
  here.
• 1:48:46
  Yeah.
• 1:48:47
  And
• 1:48:47
  I.
• 1:48:47
  And
• 1:48:47
  I
• 1:48:47
  had
• 1:48:47
  no
• 1:48:47
  idea
• 1:48:48
  because,
• 1:48:48
  like,
• 1:48:49
  asking
• 1:48:49
  in
• 1:48:49
  different
• 1:48:49
  words
• 1:48:50
  than,
• 1:48:50
  like,
• 1:48:50
  what
• 1:48:50
  you
• 1:48:50
  just
• 1:48:51
  used,
• 1:48:51
  but,
• 1:48:51
  like,
• 1:48:51
  essentially
• 1:48:52
  hitting
• 1:48:52
  all
• 1:48:53
  of
• 1:48:53
  those,
• 1:48:53
  like,
• 1:48:53
  marks.
• 1:48:54
  And
• 1:48:54
  I
• 1:48:54
  remember
• 1:48:54
  just
• 1:48:54
  thinking,
• 1:48:55
  like,
• 1:48:55
  why
• 1:48:55
  aren't
• 1:48:55
  like,
• 1:48:56
  this.
• 1:48:56
  Why
• 1:48:56
  is
• 1:48:56
  she
• 1:48:56
  asking
• 1:48:57
  me
• 1:48:57
  that?
• 1:48:57
  This
• 1:48:57
  doesn't
• 1:48:57
  make
• 1:48:57
  sense.
• 1:48:58
  But
• 1:48:58
  I
• 1:48:59
  do
• 1:48:59
  remember
• 1:48:59
  she
• 1:48:59
  got
• 1:48:59
  to
• 1:48:59
  the
• 1:49:00
  job.
• 1:49:00
  Like,
• 1:49:01
  she.
• 1:49:01
  I
• 1:49:01
  remember
• 1:49:01
  her
• 1:49:02
  saying,
• 1:49:03
  how
• 1:49:03
  do
• 1:49:03
  you
• 1:49:03
  feel
• 1:49:04
  about
• 1:49:04
  your
• 1:49:04
  work
• 1:49:05
  environment?
• 1:49:05
  And
• 1:49:05
  then
• 1:49:06
  I
• 1:49:06
  just
• 1:49:06
  started
• 1:49:06
  bawling
• 1:49:08
  and
• 1:49:08
  I
• 1:49:08
  was
• 1:49:08
  like,
• 1:49:08
  I
• 1:49:08
  don't
• 1:49:09
  know
• 1:49:09
  why
• 1:49:09
  I'm
• 1:49:09
  coming.
• 1:49:11
  So
• 1:49:11
  then
• 1:49:11
  it
• 1:49:11
  turned
• 1:49:12
  out
• 1:49:12
  that,
• 1:49:12
  like,
• 1:49:13
  I,
• 1:49:13
  like,
• 1:49:13
  do
• 1:49:13
  feel
• 1:49:14
  sad
• 1:49:14
  and
• 1:49:14
  feel
• 1:49:14
  like
• 1:49:15
  my
• 1:49:15
  past
• 1:49:16
  job
• 1:49:16
  had
• 1:49:16
  let
• 1:49:16
  me
• 1:49:16
  down
• 1:49:17
  and
• 1:49:17
  that
• 1:49:17
  I
• 1:49:18
  was
• 1:49:18
  really
• 1:49:18
  holding
• 1:49:18
  onto
• 1:49:18
  a
• 1:49:19
  lot
• 1:49:19
  of
• 1:49:19
  trauma
• 1:49:19
  from
• 1:49:19
  that.
• 1:49:20
  And
• 1:49:20
  so
• 1:49:20
  that,
• 1:49:20
  like,
• 1:49:21
  gave
• 1:49:21
  us
• 1:49:21
  something
• 1:49:21
  to,
• 1:49:21
  like,
• 1:49:22
  kind
• 1:49:22
  of
• 1:49:22
  Go
• 1:49:22
  off
• 1:49:22
  of.
• 1:49:22
  Of,
• 1:49:23
  like,
• 1:49:23
  well,
• 1:49:23
  that
• 1:49:24
  doesn't
• 1:49:24
  help.
• 1:49:24
  Like,
• 1:49:24
  because
• 1:49:25
  then
• 1:49:25
  that's
• 1:49:25
  what
• 1:49:25
  led
• 1:49:25
  you
• 1:49:25
  to
• 1:49:26
  the
• 1:49:27
  ideas
• 1:49:27
  of
• 1:49:27
  suicide.
• 1:49:28
  Like,
• 1:49:29
  I
• 1:49:29
  didn't
• 1:49:29
  realize.
• 1:49:30
  I
• 1:49:30
  didn't
• 1:49:30
  really
• 1:49:31
  know
• 1:49:31
  the
• 1:49:31
  difference
• 1:49:31
  between
• 1:49:32
  passive.
• 1:49:33
  What's
• 1:49:33
  the
• 1:49:33
  passive
• 1:49:34
  thoughts
• 1:49:34
  and.
• 1:49:35
  Yeah.
• 1:49:35
  And
• 1:49:35
  what's,
• 1:49:35
  like,
• 1:49:36
  an
• 1:49:36
  actual
• 1:49:36
  risk.
• 1:49:37
  Don't
• 1:49:38
  delineate
• 1:49:38
  between
• 1:49:38
  the
• 1:49:39
  two,
• 1:49:39
  although
• 1:49:39
  to
• 1:49:39
  me,
• 1:49:39
  they're
• 1:49:40
  very,
• 1:49:40
  very
• 1:49:40
  different.
• 1:49:41
  But.
• 1:49:41
  Yeah.
• 1:49:42
  Yes.
• 1:49:42
  So
• 1:49:42
  I
• 1:49:43
  remember
• 1:49:43
  her
• 1:49:43
  asking
• 1:49:43
  these
• 1:49:43
  questions
• 1:49:44
  and
• 1:49:45
  thinking
• 1:49:45
  that
• 1:49:45
  was
• 1:49:45
  really
• 1:49:45
  weird.
• 1:49:46
  And
• 1:49:46
  then
• 1:49:49
  the
• 1:49:49
  work
• 1:49:49
  thing
• 1:49:49
  came
• 1:49:49
  up,
• 1:49:50
  and
• 1:49:50
  then
• 1:49:50
  that
• 1:49:50
  stemmed,
• 1:49:51
  like,
• 1:49:51
  obviously,
• 1:49:52
  like,
• 1:49:52
  that
• 1:49:52
  was
• 1:49:52
  a
• 1:49:52
  big
• 1:49:53
  spiral
• 1:49:54
  of
• 1:49:55
  realizing,
• 1:49:56
  oh,
• 1:49:56
  there's
• 1:49:56
  actually
• 1:49:56
  a
• 1:49:57
  lot
• 1:49:57
  of,
• 1:49:57
  like,
• 1:49:59
  suicidal
• 1:50:01
  thoughts
• 1:50:01
  than
• 1:50:02
  what
• 1:50:02
  I
• 1:50:02
  realized.
• 1:50:03
  But,
• 1:50:03
  like,
• 1:50:04
  just
• 1:50:04
  a
• 1:50:04
  compound
• 1:50:04
  of
• 1:50:04
  things.
• 1:50:05
  And
• 1:50:05
  I
• 1:50:07
  would
• 1:50:07
  have
• 1:50:07
  thought
• 1:50:07
  that,
• 1:50:08
  like,
• 1:50:08
  it
• 1:50:09
  was
• 1:50:09
  normal.
• 1:50:10
  Like,
• 1:50:11
  if
• 1:50:11
  you're
• 1:50:11
  contemplating
• 1:50:12
  suicide,
• 1:50:13
  like,
• 1:50:14
  that
• 1:50:16
  you
• 1:50:17
  are,
• 1:50:17
  like,
• 1:50:17
  already
• 1:50:18
  going
• 1:50:18
  through
• 1:50:18
  the
• 1:50:19
  process
• 1:50:19
  of,
• 1:50:19
  like,
• 1:50:20
  oh,
• 1:50:20
  this
• 1:50:21
  is
• 1:50:21
  where
• 1:50:21
  I
• 1:50:21
  would
• 1:50:21
  do
• 1:50:21
  it,
• 1:50:21
  because
• 1:50:21
  I
• 1:50:22
  want
• 1:50:22
  to
• 1:50:22
  make
• 1:50:22
  sure
• 1:50:22
  the
• 1:50:22
  kids
• 1:50:22
  or,
• 1:50:23
  like,
• 1:50:23
  husband
• 1:50:23
  doesn't
• 1:50:23
  find
• 1:50:23
  me.
• 1:50:24
  This
• 1:50:24
  is
• 1:50:24
  how
• 1:50:24
  I
• 1:50:24
  would
• 1:50:24
  do
• 1:50:25
  it
• 1:50:25
  so
• 1:50:25
  that,
• 1:50:25
  like,
• 1:50:26
  I'm
• 1:50:26
  not
• 1:50:26
  inconveniencing
• 1:50:27
  anyone.
• 1:50:27
  And,
• 1:50:28
  like,
• 1:50:28
  I
• 1:50:28
  thought
• 1:50:29
  that
• 1:50:29
  that
• 1:50:29
  was,
• 1:50:29
  like,
• 1:50:29
  normal.
• 1:50:30
  Like,
• 1:50:30
  passive
• 1:50:31
  thoughts
• 1:50:31
  that,
• 1:50:31
  like,
• 1:50:32
  aren't
• 1:50:32
  a
• 1:50:32
  big
• 1:50:32
  deal.
• 1:50:32
  That's
• 1:50:33
  active
• 1:50:33
  when
• 1:50:34
  you
• 1:50:34
  get
• 1:50:34
  to
• 1:50:34
  that
• 1:50:34
  point,
• 1:50:34
  that's
• 1:50:35
  a
• 1:50:35
  little
• 1:50:35
  bit
• 1:50:35
  more
• 1:50:35
  active.
• 1:50:35
  Yeah,
• 1:50:36
  I
• 1:50:36
  didn't.
• 1:50:37
  I
• 1:50:37
  thought
• 1:50:38
  that
• 1:50:38
  was
• 1:50:38
  passive.
• 1:50:41
  I
• 1:50:41
  mean,
• 1:50:42
  what's
• 1:50:42
  normal
• 1:50:42
  to
• 1:50:42
  us
• 1:50:43
  is
• 1:50:43
  normal
• 1:50:43
  to
• 1:50:43
  us.
• 1:50:46
  Yeah.
• 1:50:46
  So
• 1:50:46
  it
• 1:50:47
  was
• 1:50:47
  just
• 1:50:47
  interesting
• 1:50:47
  hearing,
• 1:50:48
  like,
• 1:50:48
  you
• 1:50:48
  say,
• 1:50:48
  like,
• 1:50:48
  no,
• 1:50:48
  no,
• 1:50:49
  no.
• 1:50:49
  If
• 1:50:49
  you,
• 1:50:49
  like,
• 1:50:49
  have
• 1:50:50
  a
• 1:50:50
  plan
• 1:50:50
  of,
• 1:50:50
  like,
• 1:50:50
  this
• 1:50:50
  is
• 1:50:50
  how
• 1:50:51
  I
• 1:50:51
  would
• 1:50:51
  do
• 1:50:51
  it.
• 1:50:51
  And
• 1:50:51
  where,
• 1:50:52
  like,
• 1:50:52
  you
• 1:50:52
  need
• 1:50:53
  help
• 1:50:53
  right
• 1:50:53
  now.
• 1:50:53
  And
• 1:50:54
  I
• 1:50:54
  didn't
• 1:50:54
  get
• 1:50:54
  help
• 1:50:55
  until
• 1:50:56
  it
• 1:50:56
  didn't
• 1:50:56
  get
• 1:50:56
  serious
• 1:50:57
  enough
• 1:50:57
  to
• 1:50:57
  get
• 1:50:58
  help
• 1:50:58
  until
• 1:50:59
  later.
• 1:50:59
  Like,
• 1:50:59
  much
• 1:50:59
  later.
• 1:51:00
  Like
• 1:51:00
  a
• 1:51:00
  year
• 1:51:00
  later.
• 1:51:00
  So.
• 1:51:02
  So
• 1:51:02
  you
• 1:51:02
  were
• 1:51:02
  talking
• 1:51:02
  about
• 1:51:03
  the
• 1:51:03
  job
• 1:51:04
  and
• 1:51:05
  Interesting
• 1:51:05
  study
• 1:51:05
  came
• 1:51:06
  out
• 1:51:06
  a
• 1:51:06
  couple
• 1:51:06
  years
• 1:51:07
  ago,
• 1:51:07
  and
• 1:51:07
  I'm
• 1:51:07
  sorry,
• 1:51:07
  I
• 1:51:07
  can't
• 1:51:08
  cite
• 1:51:08
  the
• 1:51:09
  study.
• 1:51:09
  I
• 1:51:10
  don't
• 1:51:10
  know.
• 1:51:10
  It's
• 1:51:10
  fine.
• 1:51:11
  But
• 1:51:11
  afterwards,
• 1:51:11
  if
• 1:51:12
  we
• 1:51:12
  want
• 1:51:12
  to
• 1:51:12
  cite
• 1:51:12
  it.
• 1:51:13
  But
• 1:51:13
  a
• 1:51:14
  study
• 1:51:14
  came
• 1:51:14
  out
• 1:51:14
  a
• 1:51:14
  couple
• 1:51:14
  years
• 1:51:15
  ago
• 1:51:17
  about
• 1:51:17
  how
• 1:51:18
  much
• 1:51:18
  your
• 1:51:18
  job,
• 1:51:19
  specifically
• 1:51:20
  your
• 1:51:20
  manager,
• 1:51:21
  impacts
• 1:51:21
  your
• 1:51:21
  mental
• 1:51:22
  health
• 1:51:24
  equal
• 1:51:25
  to
• 1:51:25
  your
• 1:51:26
  spouse.
• 1:51:27
  Whoa.
• 1:51:28
  And
• 1:51:28
  it
• 1:51:29
  was
• 1:51:29
  more.
• 1:51:30
  I
• 1:51:30
  think
• 1:51:30
  it's.
• 1:51:31
  I
• 1:51:31
  think
• 1:51:31
  all
• 1:51:31
  of
• 1:51:31
  us
• 1:51:32
  here
• 1:51:32
  would
• 1:51:32
  say,
• 1:51:32
  of
• 1:51:32
  course
• 1:51:33
  it's
• 1:51:33
  more
• 1:51:33
  than
• 1:51:33
  your
• 1:51:33
  doctor,
• 1:51:34
  but
• 1:51:34
  your
• 1:51:35
  job
• 1:51:35
  impacts
• 1:51:35
  your
• 1:51:35
  mental
• 1:51:36
  health
• 1:51:36
  more
• 1:51:36
  than
• 1:51:36
  your
• 1:51:36
  therapist.
• 1:51:39
  I
• 1:51:39
  mean,
• 1:51:40
  is
• 1:51:40
  that
• 1:51:40
  really
• 1:51:40
  that
• 1:51:41
  crazy?
• 1:51:41
  Because
• 1:51:41
  you
• 1:51:42
  spend
• 1:51:43
  about
• 1:51:43
  it.
• 1:51:43
  You
• 1:51:43
  spend
• 1:51:44
  most
• 1:51:44
  of
• 1:51:44
  your
• 1:51:44
  days
• 1:51:45
  at
• 1:51:45
  work.
• 1:51:45
  Like,
• 1:51:45
  most
• 1:51:46
  of
• 1:51:46
  your
• 1:51:46
  day
• 1:51:46
  is
• 1:51:46
  at
• 1:51:46
  work.
• 1:51:47
  Yeah,
• 1:51:47
  you're
• 1:51:47
  right.
• 1:51:48
  But
• 1:51:49
  I
• 1:51:49
  mean,
• 1:51:50
  it
• 1:51:50
  was.
• 1:51:50
  It's
• 1:51:51
  cool
• 1:51:51
  that,
• 1:51:51
  like,
• 1:51:51
  a
• 1:51:51
  study
• 1:51:51
  came
• 1:51:52
  out
• 1:51:52
  that
• 1:51:52
  measured
• 1:51:52
  it
• 1:51:53
  equal
• 1:51:53
  to
• 1:51:53
  your
• 1:51:53
  spouse
• 1:51:54
  more
• 1:51:55
  than
• 1:51:55
  your
• 1:51:55
  doctor
• 1:51:55
  or
• 1:51:56
  therapist.
• 1:51:57
  Huh?
• 1:51:58
  Yeah,
• 1:51:58
  I
• 1:51:58
  had
• 1:51:59
  spousal
• 1:51:59
  issues
• 1:51:59
  and
• 1:52:00
  Work
• 1:52:00
  issues.
• 1:52:02
  That's
• 1:52:02
  great.
• 1:52:05
  Yeah.
• 1:52:05
  So,
• 1:52:05
  I
• 1:52:05
  mean,
• 1:52:07
  definitely.
• 1:52:08
  Well,
• 1:52:09
  it's
• 1:52:09
  gotta.
• 1:52:09
  It
• 1:52:10
  plays
• 1:52:10
  a
• 1:52:10
  big
• 1:52:10
  part
• 1:52:11
  into
• 1:52:11
  your
• 1:52:11
  self
• 1:52:12
  worth
• 1:52:12
  too.
• 1:52:13
  Yeah.
• 1:52:14
  And
• 1:52:14
  like
• 1:52:14
  you
• 1:52:15
  said,
• 1:52:15
  sense
• 1:52:15
  of
• 1:52:15
  purpose,
• 1:52:16
  I
• 1:52:16
  think
• 1:52:16
  was
• 1:52:16
  one
• 1:52:16
  of
• 1:52:16
  the
• 1:52:17
  things
• 1:52:17
  that
• 1:52:17
  are
• 1:52:18
  hopelessness,
• 1:52:19
  purposefulness.
• 1:52:20
  Yeah.
• 1:52:21
  I
• 1:52:21
  felt
• 1:52:22
  like
• 1:52:22
  it
• 1:52:22
  was
• 1:52:22
  a
• 1:52:22
  waste
• 1:52:23
  of
• 1:52:23
  my
• 1:52:24
  time.
• 1:52:24
  Like,
• 1:52:24
  you
• 1:52:25
  let.
• 1:52:25
  Are
• 1:52:26
  you
• 1:52:26
  still
• 1:52:26
  around?
• 1:52:27
  Yep,
• 1:52:27
  I'm
• 1:52:27
  still
• 1:52:27
  here.
• 1:52:29
  It
• 1:52:29
  was
• 1:52:29
  like
• 1:52:29
  a
• 1:52:29
  waste
• 1:52:30
  of
• 1:52:30
  my
• 1:52:30
  time.
• 1:52:30
  Like,
• 1:52:31
  I
• 1:52:31
  spent
• 1:52:31
  a
• 1:52:31
  year
• 1:52:31
  building
• 1:52:32
  this
• 1:52:32
  into
• 1:52:32
  something
• 1:52:33
  beautiful,
• 1:52:33
  perfect,
• 1:52:34
  very
• 1:52:34
  functional.
• 1:52:35
  And
• 1:52:35
  then
• 1:52:35
  I
• 1:52:35
  had
• 1:52:36
  a
• 1:52:36
  baby
• 1:52:36
  and
• 1:52:37
  was
• 1:52:37
  gone
• 1:52:37
  for
• 1:52:38
  like
• 1:52:38
  a
• 1:52:39
  month
• 1:52:39
  and
• 1:52:39
  a
• 1:52:39
  half.
• 1:52:39
  And
• 1:52:40
  you've
• 1:52:40
  destroyed
• 1:52:41
  it.
• 1:52:41
  And
• 1:52:41
  your
• 1:52:41
  words
• 1:52:42
  to
• 1:52:42
  me
• 1:52:42
  are,
• 1:52:42
  you
• 1:52:43
  can
• 1:52:43
  fix
• 1:52:43
  it
• 1:52:43
  again.
• 1:52:44
  You
• 1:52:44
  can
• 1:52:44
  make
• 1:52:44
  it
• 1:52:44
  great
• 1:52:44
  again.
• 1:52:45
  And
• 1:52:45
  I'm
• 1:52:45
  like,
• 1:52:46
  you
• 1:52:46
  guys
• 1:52:46
  were
• 1:52:47
  so
• 1:52:47
  bad
• 1:52:47
  that
• 1:52:47
  a
• 1:52:48
  girl
• 1:52:48
  got
• 1:52:48
  mauled
• 1:52:48
  by
• 1:52:48
  a
• 1:52:49
  dog
• 1:52:49
  and
• 1:52:49
  sent
• 1:52:49
  to
• 1:52:49
  the
• 1:52:50
  hospital.
• 1:52:50
  Like,
• 1:52:51
  how
• 1:52:51
  can.
• 1:52:51
  I'm
• 1:52:51
  not
• 1:52:51
  gonna
• 1:52:52
  fix
• 1:52:52
  that.
• 1:52:52
  Like,
• 1:52:53
  you
• 1:52:53
  guys
• 1:52:53
  messed
• 1:52:54
  up.
• 1:52:54
  Yeah.
• 1:52:57
  Yeah,
• 1:52:58
  that
• 1:52:58
  makes
• 1:52:59
  sense.
• 1:53:00
  Wow,
• 1:53:00
  that's.
• 1:53:00
  Thank
• 1:53:00
  you
• 1:53:01
  for
• 1:53:01
  sharing
• 1:53:01
  all
• 1:53:01
  that.
• 1:53:02
  No,
• 1:53:02
  like,
• 1:53:02
  really
• 1:53:03
  expecting
• 1:53:03
  that,
• 1:53:03
  but
• 1:53:03
  that.
• 1:53:04
  Kind
• 1:53:04
  of
• 1:53:04
  ties
• 1:53:04
  everything.
• 1:53:05
  It
• 1:53:05
  did.
• 1:53:06
  Thank
• 1:53:06
  you.
• 1:53:07
  You're
• 1:53:07
  welcome.
• 1:53:07
  Well,
• 1:53:08
  I.
• 1:53:08
  I
• 1:53:08
  was
• 1:53:08
  like,
• 1:53:08
  I
• 1:53:09
  wonder
• 1:53:09
  if
• 1:53:09
  I
• 1:53:09
  need
• 1:53:09
  to
• 1:53:09
  like,
• 1:53:10
  prepare
• 1:53:10
  anything.
• 1:53:10
  I
• 1:53:10
  was
• 1:53:11
  like,
• 1:53:11
  I
• 1:53:11
  guess
• 1:53:11
  not.
• 1:53:12
  I'll
• 1:53:12
  just
• 1:53:12
  show
• 1:53:12
  up.
• 1:53:13
  We're
• 1:53:13
  winging
• 1:53:13
  it.
• 1:53:15
  Yeah.
• 1:53:15
  Now,
• 1:53:16
  just
• 1:53:16
  to
• 1:53:16
  kind
• 1:53:17
  of
• 1:53:17
  put,
• 1:53:17
  I
• 1:53:17
  guess
• 1:53:18
  as
• 1:53:18
  an
• 1:53:18
  ending
• 1:53:18
  thought
• 1:53:19
  and
• 1:53:19
  just
• 1:53:19
  to
• 1:53:19
  kind
• 1:53:19
  of
• 1:53:20
  put
• 1:53:20
  it
• 1:53:20
  all
• 1:53:20
  into
• 1:53:21
  perspective,
• 1:53:21
  you're
• 1:53:21
  saying
• 1:53:22
  that
• 1:53:22
  it
• 1:53:22
  is
• 1:53:22
  normal.
• 1:53:23
  What
• 1:53:23
  I
• 1:53:23
  heard
• 1:53:23
  you
• 1:53:23
  say
• 1:53:24
  is
• 1:53:24
  that
• 1:53:24
  it's
• 1:53:24
  normal
• 1:53:25
  for
• 1:53:25
  everyone
• 1:53:25
  to
• 1:53:25
  at
• 1:53:26
  some
• 1:53:26
  point
• 1:53:27
  feel
• 1:53:28
  a
• 1:53:29
  suicidal
• 1:53:31
  idealation
• 1:53:32
  at
• 1:53:32
  some
• 1:53:32
  point.
• 1:53:33
  Is
• 1:53:34
  that
• 1:53:34
  what
• 1:53:34
  I
• 1:53:34
  heard?
• 1:53:35
  I'm
• 1:53:36
  saying
• 1:53:36
  it's
• 1:53:37
  super
• 1:53:37
  common.
• 1:53:38
  Well,
• 1:53:38
  sometimes
• 1:53:38
  when
• 1:53:39
  we
• 1:53:39
  say
• 1:53:39
  the
• 1:53:39
  word
• 1:53:39
  normal,
• 1:53:40
  we
• 1:53:40
  kind
• 1:53:40
  of
• 1:53:40
  mean.
• 1:53:41
  We
• 1:53:41
  kind
• 1:53:42
  of
• 1:53:42
  interchange
• 1:53:42
  the
• 1:53:42
  word
• 1:53:42
  normal
• 1:53:43
  with
• 1:53:43
  healthy.
• 1:53:44
  And
• 1:53:44
  I
• 1:53:44
  wouldn't
• 1:53:44
  say,
• 1:53:45
  oh,
• 1:53:45
  okay,
• 1:53:45
  okay.
• 1:53:45
  Healthy.
• 1:53:46
  Right.
• 1:53:46
  Like,
• 1:53:46
  I
• 1:53:47
  would
• 1:53:47
  say
• 1:53:47
  it's
• 1:53:47
  probably
• 1:53:47
  a
• 1:53:48
  lot
• 1:53:48
  common
• 1:53:49
  than
• 1:53:49
  people
• 1:53:49
  realize,
• 1:53:50
  but
• 1:53:50
  if
• 1:53:51
  you're
• 1:53:51
  having
• 1:53:51
  thoughts
• 1:53:51
  of
• 1:53:52
  wanting
• 1:53:52
  to
• 1:53:52
  die,
• 1:53:53
  please
• 1:53:54
  get
• 1:53:54
  help.
• 1:53:55
  Like,
• 1:53:55
  yeah,
• 1:53:56
  Ideation
• 1:53:57
  is
• 1:53:57
  different
• 1:53:57
  than
• 1:53:57
  a
• 1:53:57
  passive
• 1:53:58
  thought
• 1:53:58
  too
• 1:53:58
  though,
• 1:53:58
  right?
• 1:53:59
  Yeah.
• 1:54:00
  And
• 1:54:00
  the
• 1:54:00
  other
• 1:54:01
  thing
• 1:54:01
  I
• 1:54:01
  want
• 1:54:01
  to
• 1:54:02
  say
• 1:54:02
  around
• 1:54:03
  that,
• 1:54:04
  some
• 1:54:04
  people,
• 1:54:05
  some
• 1:54:05
  therapists
• 1:54:05
  still
• 1:54:05
  do
• 1:54:06
  it
• 1:54:06
  back
• 1:54:06
  in
• 1:54:06
  the
• 1:54:06
  day.
• 1:54:07
  The
• 1:54:07
  kind
• 1:54:08
  of
• 1:54:08
  standard
• 1:54:08
  of
• 1:54:08
  care
• 1:54:09
  if
• 1:54:09
  you
• 1:54:09
  told
• 1:54:10
  your
• 1:54:10
  therapist
• 1:54:11
  that
• 1:54:11
  you
• 1:54:11
  wanted
• 1:54:12
  to
• 1:54:12
  die
• 1:54:12
  is
• 1:54:12
  they
• 1:54:13
  would.
• 1:54:13
  You
• 1:54:13
  would
• 1:54:13
  sign
• 1:54:13
  a
• 1:54:13
  contract
• 1:54:14
  that
• 1:54:14
  you
• 1:54:15
  wouldn't
• 1:54:15
  kill
• 1:54:15
  yourself.
• 1:54:16
  Which
• 1:54:16
  is
• 1:54:17
  dumb,
• 1:54:18
  right?
• 1:54:18
  Because
• 1:54:19
  it's
• 1:54:19
  probably
• 1:54:19
  saved
• 1:54:20
  a
• 1:54:20
  couple
• 1:54:20
  lives,
• 1:54:20
  but
• 1:54:20
  it
• 1:54:20
  hasn't
• 1:54:21
  saved
• 1:54:21
  a
• 1:54:22
  ton
• 1:54:22
  of
• 1:54:22
  lives
• 1:54:23
  because
• 1:54:24
  yourself,
• 1:54:25
  like,
• 1:54:25
  why
• 1:54:26
  would
• 1:54:26
  your
• 1:54:26
  contract
• 1:54:27
  with
• 1:54:27
  your
• 1:54:27
  therapist
• 1:54:28
  like
• 1:54:28
  it
• 1:54:29
  really
• 1:54:29
  it.
• 1:54:29
  That
• 1:54:30
  contract
• 1:54:30
  was
• 1:54:30
  to
• 1:54:30
  cover
• 1:54:31
  the
• 1:54:31
  therapist's
• 1:54:32
  ass
• 1:54:32
  more
• 1:54:32
  than
• 1:54:32
  got
• 1:54:33
  you.
• 1:54:34
  What
• 1:54:34
  they
• 1:54:34
  need
• 1:54:34
  to
• 1:54:35
  do
• 1:54:35
  is
• 1:54:35
  be
• 1:54:35
  like,
• 1:54:36
  you
• 1:54:36
  will
• 1:54:36
  traumatize
• 1:54:37
  my
• 1:54:37
  children
• 1:54:37
  forever,
• 1:54:38
  and
• 1:54:38
  if
• 1:54:38
  you
• 1:54:38
  do,
• 1:54:39
  I
• 1:54:40
  will
• 1:54:40
  kill
• 1:54:40
  you.
• 1:54:42
  So
• 1:54:42
  right
• 1:54:43
  like,
• 1:54:43
  and
• 1:54:43
  I.
• 1:54:44
  That's
• 1:54:45
  a
• 1:54:45
  little
• 1:54:45
  different.
• 1:54:45
  It
• 1:54:45
  worked.
• 1:54:46
  That's
• 1:54:46
  the
• 1:54:47
  support.
• 1:54:47
  So
• 1:54:47
  like
• 1:54:48
  your
• 1:54:48
  therapist
• 1:54:48
  isn't
• 1:54:49
  your
• 1:54:49
  primary
• 1:54:49
  support
• 1:54:49
  system,
• 1:54:50
  but
• 1:54:50
  the
• 1:54:50
  people
• 1:54:50
  that
• 1:54:50
  you're
• 1:54:50
  listening.
• 1:54:51
  Right,
• 1:54:52
  exactly.
• 1:54:53
  And
• 1:54:53
  you
• 1:54:53
  have
• 1:54:53
  a
• 1:54:53
  lot
• 1:54:53
  more
• 1:54:54
  attachment
• 1:54:54
  to
• 1:54:55
  these
• 1:54:55
  kids
• 1:54:55
  than
• 1:54:56
  you
• 1:54:56
  do
• 1:54:56
  to
• 1:54:56
  an
• 1:54:57
  adult
• 1:54:57
  therapist
• 1:54:58
  that
• 1:54:58
  you
• 1:54:58
  see
• 1:54:58
  for
• 1:54:58
  an
• 1:54:58
  hour
• 1:54:59
  a
• 1:54:59
  week.
• 1:55:01
  Right,
• 1:55:02
  but
• 1:55:02
  what,
• 1:55:03
  what
• 1:55:04
  hopefully
• 1:55:05
  if
• 1:55:05
  you,
• 1:55:06
  hopefully
• 1:55:06
  if
• 1:55:06
  you
• 1:55:07
  tell
• 1:55:07
  your
• 1:55:07
  therapist
• 1:55:08
  that
• 1:55:08
  you're
• 1:55:08
  having
• 1:55:09
  passive
• 1:55:09
  thoughts
• 1:55:09
  of
• 1:55:09
  death
• 1:55:10
  or
• 1:55:10
  suicidal
• 1:55:10
  thoughts
• 1:55:11
  is
• 1:55:11
  they
• 1:55:12
  will
• 1:55:12
  do
• 1:55:12
  a
• 1:55:12
  safety
• 1:55:12
  plan
• 1:55:13
  with
• 1:55:13
  you.
• 1:55:14
  And
• 1:55:14
  a
• 1:55:14
  safety
• 1:55:14
  plan
• 1:55:16
  is.
• 1:55:16
  And
• 1:55:17
  if
• 1:55:17
  you
• 1:55:17
  use
• 1:55:17
  your
• 1:55:17
  safety
• 1:55:18
  plan,
• 1:55:19
  they
• 1:55:20
  work
• 1:55:20
  now,
• 1:55:21
  obviously.
• 1:55:21
  Okay,
• 1:55:22
  you
• 1:55:22
  know,
• 1:55:23
  don't
• 1:55:23
  use
• 1:55:23
  your
• 1:55:23
  safety
• 1:55:24
  plan
• 1:55:24
  then.
• 1:55:24
  It's
• 1:55:24
  not
• 1:55:24
  going
• 1:55:25
  to
• 1:55:25
  do
• 1:55:25
  anything.
• 1:55:25
  What's
• 1:55:25
  the
• 1:55:25
  safety
• 1:55:26
  plan
• 1:55:26
  then?
• 1:55:27
  A
• 1:55:27
  safety
• 1:55:28
  plan.
• 1:55:29
  Glad
• 1:55:29
  you
• 1:55:29
  asked.
• 1:55:32
  This
• 1:55:32
  actually
• 1:55:32
  could
• 1:55:33
  really
• 1:55:33
  hopefully
• 1:55:34
  help
• 1:55:34
  someone.
• 1:55:35
  And
• 1:55:35
  what
• 1:55:35
  would
• 1:55:36
  you
• 1:55:36
  say?
• 1:55:36
  Like,
• 1:55:36
  do
• 1:55:36
  we
• 1:55:36
  know
• 1:55:37
  statistics
• 1:55:37
  about
• 1:55:37
  like
• 1:55:38
  the
• 1:55:38
  safety
• 1:55:38
  plans?
• 1:55:39
  And
• 1:55:39
  like
• 1:55:41
  you
• 1:55:41
  can
• 1:55:41
  find.
• 1:55:43
  Yes,
• 1:55:44
  there
• 1:55:44
  are
• 1:55:44
  statistics
• 1:55:45
  out
• 1:55:45
  there
• 1:55:46
  when
• 1:55:46
  they
• 1:55:46
  validated
• 1:55:47
  this
• 1:55:47
  safety
• 1:55:47
  plan
• 1:55:47
  and
• 1:55:47
  I'm
• 1:55:48
  so
• 1:55:48
  sorry,
• 1:55:48
  I
• 1:55:48
  don't
• 1:55:48
  remember
• 1:55:48
  the
• 1:55:49
  exact
• 1:55:49
  name.
• 1:55:49
  It
• 1:55:49
  has
• 1:55:50
  a
• 1:55:50
  special
• 1:55:50
  name
• 1:55:51
  and
• 1:55:52
  they,
• 1:55:52
  they
• 1:55:52
  studied
• 1:55:53
  it.
• 1:55:53
  This
• 1:55:53
  is
• 1:55:54
  the
• 1:55:54
  one
• 1:55:54
  that
• 1:55:54
  I
• 1:55:54
  learned
• 1:55:54
  when
• 1:55:54
  I
• 1:55:55
  worked
• 1:55:55
  for
• 1:55:55
  mhmr.
• 1:55:56
  And
• 1:55:57
  yes,
• 1:55:57
  there
• 1:55:58
  are
• 1:55:58
  statistics.
• 1:55:59
  They're
• 1:55:59
  really
• 1:55:59
  good
• 1:55:59
  numbers.
• 1:56:00
  And
• 1:56:01
  also
• 1:56:02
  like
• 1:56:02
  probably
• 1:56:03
  over
• 1:56:03
  half
• 1:56:03
  of
• 1:56:03
  my
• 1:56:03
  clients
• 1:56:04
  have
• 1:56:04
  safety
• 1:56:04
  plans
• 1:56:05
  on
• 1:56:05
  file
• 1:56:05
  with
• 1:56:05
  me.
• 1:56:06
  I
• 1:56:06
  mean
• 1:56:06
  I
• 1:56:06
  do
• 1:56:06
  have
• 1:56:07
  like
• 1:56:07
  one
• 1:56:07
  person
• 1:56:07
  who
• 1:56:08
  has
• 1:56:08
  like
• 1:56:09
  a
• 1:56:10
  lot
• 1:56:11
  of
• 1:56:12
  like
• 1:56:12
  her
• 1:56:13
  baseline
• 1:56:13
  is
• 1:56:14
  passive
• 1:56:14
  thoughts
• 1:56:14
  of
• 1:56:14
  death
• 1:56:15
  because
• 1:56:15
  of
• 1:56:15
  her
• 1:56:17
  trauma.
• 1:56:18
  Her
• 1:56:19
  trauma
• 1:56:19
  and
• 1:56:19
  like
• 1:56:19
  the
• 1:56:19
  stuff
• 1:56:20
  going
• 1:56:20
  on
• 1:56:20
  in
• 1:56:20
  her
• 1:56:20
  life.
• 1:56:21
  She
• 1:56:21
  works
• 1:56:22
  her
• 1:56:22
  safety
• 1:56:22
  plan
• 1:56:23
  really
• 1:56:24
  well.
• 1:56:25
  Like,
• 1:56:25
  I
• 1:56:26
  mean
• 1:56:26
  she
• 1:56:27
  checks
• 1:56:27
  in
• 1:56:27
  with
• 1:56:27
  me.
• 1:56:28
  Like
• 1:56:28
  I
• 1:56:28
  have
• 1:56:28
  my
• 1:56:29
  own
• 1:56:29
  scale.
• 1:56:29
  It's
• 1:56:29
  not
• 1:56:30
  a
• 1:56:30
  scale
• 1:56:30
  that
• 1:56:30
  everybody
• 1:56:31
  uses.
• 1:56:31
  So
• 1:56:31
  the
• 1:56:31
  numbers.
• 1:56:32
  Oh
• 1:56:32
  yeah,
• 1:56:32
  I
• 1:56:32
  think
• 1:56:32
  you
• 1:56:32
  shared
• 1:56:33
  that
• 1:56:33
  with
• 1:56:33
  us
• 1:56:33
  once.
• 1:56:34
  Yeah.
• 1:56:34
  Okay.
• 1:56:35
  So
• 1:56:35
  like
• 1:56:36
  she'll
• 1:56:36
  like
• 1:56:37
  check
• 1:56:37
  in
• 1:56:37
  with
• 1:56:37
  me
• 1:56:38
  frequently
• 1:56:38
  and
• 1:56:39
  be
• 1:56:39
  like,
• 1:56:39
  this
• 1:56:39
  is
• 1:56:39
  where
• 1:56:39
  I'm
• 1:56:40
  at
• 1:56:40
  today.
• 1:56:40
  This
• 1:56:41
  is
• 1:56:41
  where
• 1:56:41
  I
• 1:56:41
  think
• 1:56:41
  I
• 1:56:41
  might
• 1:56:41
  get
• 1:56:42
  to.
• 1:56:43
  And
• 1:56:43
  like
• 1:56:44
  she
• 1:56:44
  put
• 1:56:44
  herself
• 1:56:45
  in.
• 1:56:46
  She
• 1:56:46
  like
• 1:56:47
  got
• 1:56:47
  herself
• 1:56:49
  because
• 1:56:49
  she
• 1:56:49
  lives
• 1:56:50
  alone.
• 1:56:50
  So
• 1:56:51
  she
• 1:56:51
  like
• 1:56:52
  went
• 1:56:52
  to
• 1:56:52
  a
• 1:56:52
  friend's
• 1:56:53
  house
• 1:56:53
  for
• 1:56:54
  it
• 1:56:54
  was
• 1:56:55
  several
• 1:56:55
  days
• 1:56:55
  because
• 1:56:56
  she
• 1:56:56
  was
• 1:56:56
  like,
• 1:56:56
  I
• 1:56:56
  don't
• 1:56:56
  think
• 1:56:56
  I'm
• 1:56:57
  safe
• 1:56:57
  to
• 1:56:57
  be
• 1:56:57
  alone.
• 1:56:58
  Like,
• 1:56:59
  so
• 1:56:59
  she
• 1:56:59
  works
• 1:57:00
  saf
• 1:57:00
  plan
• 1:57:01
  and
• 1:57:02
  because
• 1:57:02
  of
• 1:57:03
  like
• 1:57:03
  extenuating
• 1:57:04
  circumstances
• 1:57:04
  in
• 1:57:04
  her
• 1:57:04
  life,
• 1:57:05
  we're
• 1:57:06
  like,
• 1:57:06
  we
• 1:57:06
  don't
• 1:57:07
  want
• 1:57:07
  to
• 1:57:07
  have
• 1:57:07
  to
• 1:57:07
  put
• 1:57:07
  you
• 1:57:08
  in
• 1:57:08
  the
• 1:57:08
  mental
• 1:57:08
  hospital.
• 1:57:08
  Like,
• 1:57:09
  I
• 1:57:09
  don't
• 1:57:09
  really
• 1:57:09
  want
• 1:57:09
  anybody
• 1:57:10
  to
• 1:57:10
  go,
• 1:57:10
  but
• 1:57:10
  like
• 1:57:10
  I
• 1:57:10
  extra,
• 1:57:11
  extra
• 1:57:11
  didn't
• 1:57:11
  want
• 1:57:11
  her
• 1:57:11
  to
• 1:57:12
  go
• 1:57:13
  and
• 1:57:13
  she
• 1:57:13
  extra,
• 1:57:13
  extra
• 1:57:14
  didn't
• 1:57:14
  want
• 1:57:14
  her
• 1:57:14
  to
• 1:57:14
  go.
• 1:57:15
  And
• 1:57:15
  so
• 1:57:16
  she's
• 1:57:16
  like
• 1:57:16
  super
• 1:57:17
  proactive
• 1:57:17
  and
• 1:57:18
  I
• 1:57:18
  mean
• 1:57:18
  she
• 1:57:19
  is
• 1:57:19
  the
• 1:57:19
  queen
• 1:57:19
  of
• 1:57:19
  the
• 1:57:19
  safety
• 1:57:20
  plan.
• 1:57:21
  And
• 1:57:22
  we
• 1:57:22
  have
• 1:57:22
  probably
• 1:57:23
  avoided
• 1:57:24
  a
• 1:57:25
  lot
• 1:57:25
  of
• 1:57:27
  problems
• 1:57:27
  because
• 1:57:27
  she
• 1:57:28
  uses
• 1:57:28
  her
• 1:57:28
  safety
• 1:57:28
  plan.
• 1:57:29
  So.
• 1:57:29
  Well,
• 1:57:29
  I
• 1:57:29
  will
• 1:57:30
  say
• 1:57:30
  my
• 1:57:30
  therapist
• 1:57:30
  has
• 1:57:31
  like,
• 1:57:31
  I
• 1:57:31
  don't
• 1:57:31
  think
• 1:57:32
  she
• 1:57:32
  calls
• 1:57:32
  it
• 1:57:32
  a
• 1:57:32
  safety
• 1:57:33
  plan,
• 1:57:33
  but
• 1:57:33
  it's
• 1:57:33
  like
• 1:57:34
  this
• 1:57:34
  made
• 1:57:35
  up
• 1:57:35
  scale
• 1:57:35
  that
• 1:57:35
  we
• 1:57:35
  made
• 1:57:36
  up
• 1:57:36
  together
• 1:57:36
  basically.
• 1:57:37
  And
• 1:57:37
  so
• 1:57:37
  like
• 1:57:38
  I
• 1:57:38
  and
• 1:57:39
  Simon
• 1:57:39
  know
• 1:57:39
  that
• 1:57:40
  if
• 1:57:40
  I.
• 1:57:41
  If
• 1:57:41
  you
• 1:57:41
  like,
• 1:57:42
  if
• 1:57:42
  we're
• 1:57:42
  in
• 1:57:42
  a
• 1:57:42
  super
• 1:57:43
  stimulating,
• 1:57:43
  stressful
• 1:57:44
  situation
• 1:57:45
  that
• 1:57:45
  if
• 1:57:46
  I
• 1:57:46
  say
• 1:57:46
  I'm
• 1:57:46
  a
• 1:57:46
  five
• 1:57:47
  out
• 1:57:47
  of
• 1:57:47
  five,
• 1:57:48
  then
• 1:57:48
  that
• 1:57:48
  means
• 1:57:49
  we
• 1:57:49
  need
• 1:57:49
  to.
• 1:57:50
  I
• 1:57:50
  need
• 1:57:51
  to
• 1:57:51
  have
• 1:57:51
  like
• 1:57:51
  a
• 1:57:51
  d.
• 1:57:52
  Stimulizing
• 1:57:53
  moment.
• 1:57:54
  Like
• 1:57:54
  I
• 1:57:54
  need
• 1:57:54
  to
• 1:57:55
  go
• 1:57:55
  de
• 1:57:55
  Escalize.
• 1:57:57
  Yes,
• 1:57:57
  my
• 1:57:57
  sins.
• 1:57:58
  You've
• 1:57:58
  seen
• 1:57:58
  it.
• 1:57:59
  Um,
• 1:57:59
  but
• 1:58:00
  if
• 1:58:00
  I
• 1:58:00
  get
• 1:58:00
  to
• 1:58:00
  a
• 1:58:00
  seven,
• 1:58:01
  like
• 1:58:01
  that's
• 1:58:01
  dire.
• 1:58:02
  Like
• 1:58:02
  whatever
• 1:58:03
  we're
• 1:58:03
  doing,
• 1:58:03
  we're
• 1:58:04
  leaving
• 1:58:04
  right
• 1:58:05
  now.
• 1:58:05
  Because
• 1:58:05
  once
• 1:58:06
  we
• 1:58:06
  get
• 1:58:06
  past
• 1:58:06
  a
• 1:58:06
  7
• 1:58:07
  to
• 1:58:08
  8,
• 1:58:08
  9,
• 1:58:08
  10,
• 1:58:09
  I
• 1:58:09
  will
• 1:58:10
  have
• 1:58:10
  a
• 1:58:10
  seizure.
• 1:58:11
  So.
• 1:58:11
  So
• 1:58:12
  like
• 1:58:12
  we
• 1:58:12
  have
• 1:58:12
  numbers
• 1:58:13
  of
• 1:58:13
  evaluating
• 1:58:14
  where
• 1:58:14
  I'm
• 1:58:14
  at.
• 1:58:16
  I
• 1:58:16
  mean
• 1:58:17
  that's
• 1:58:17
  not
• 1:58:17
  this.
• 1:58:18
  But
• 1:58:18
  that's
• 1:58:18
  a
• 1:58:18
  safety.
• 1:58:19
  I
• 1:58:19
  mean
• 1:58:19
  that's
• 1:58:19
  a
• 1:58:19
  safety
• 1:58:19
  plan
• 1:58:20
  of
• 1:58:20
  sorts.
• 1:58:20
  And
• 1:58:20
  it
• 1:58:21
  does
• 1:58:21
  work.
• 1:58:21
  It.
• 1:58:21
  Most
• 1:58:22
  of
• 1:58:22
  the
• 1:58:22
  time
• 1:58:22
  it
• 1:58:22
  does
• 1:58:22
  work.
• 1:58:23
  Yes.
• 1:58:23
  I
• 1:58:23
  can
• 1:58:23
  look
• 1:58:23
  at
• 1:58:23
  him
• 1:58:23
  and
• 1:58:24
  be.
• 1:58:24
  Or
• 1:58:24
  he'll
• 1:58:24
  look
• 1:58:25
  at
• 1:58:25
  me
• 1:58:25
  and
• 1:58:25
  be
• 1:58:25
  like,
• 1:58:25
  hey,
• 1:58:26
  what's
• 1:58:26
  your
• 1:58:26
  number?
• 1:58:27
  And
• 1:58:27
  like
• 1:58:27
  I'll
• 1:58:28
  say
• 1:58:28
  a
• 1:58:28
  number
• 1:58:28
  and
• 1:58:28
  then
• 1:58:29
  we'll
• 1:58:29
  decide.
• 1:58:30
  Okay.
• 1:58:30
  Well
• 1:58:30
  that
• 1:58:30
  means
• 1:58:30
  we're
• 1:58:31
  supposed
• 1:58:31
  to
• 1:58:31
  do
• 1:58:31
  this
• 1:58:31
  now.
• 1:58:32
  Wow,
• 1:58:33
  that's
• 1:58:34
  actually
• 1:58:34
  really
• 1:58:34
  also
• 1:58:35
  very
• 1:58:35
  supportive
• 1:58:36
  of
• 1:58:36
  him.
• 1:58:37
  Oh
• 1:58:37
  yeah,
• 1:58:38
  we
• 1:58:39
  might
• 1:58:39
  have
• 1:58:39
  to
• 1:58:40
  go
• 1:58:40
  like
• 1:58:40
  ASAP.
• 1:58:41
  No,
• 1:58:41
  I
• 1:58:41
  think
• 1:58:42
  we
• 1:58:42
  have
• 1:58:42
  to
• 1:58:42
  be
• 1:58:42
  there
• 1:58:42
  at
• 1:58:42
  3:30.
• 1:58:43
  Are
• 1:58:43
  you
• 1:58:43
  serious?
• 1:58:44
  Yeah.
• 1:58:44
  So
• 1:58:44
  we
• 1:58:44
  need
• 1:58:44
  to
• 1:58:44
  go.
• 1:58:45
  Go
• 1:58:45
  shoot.
• 1:58:46
  Okay.
• 1:58:47
  I'm
• 1:58:47
  sorry.
• 1:58:48
  Yeah,
• 1:58:48
  that's
• 1:58:49
  okay.
• 1:58:50
  Did
• 1:58:50
  you
• 1:58:50
  like
• 1:58:50
  the
• 1:58:50
  episode
• 1:58:51
  that
• 1:58:51
  you
• 1:58:51
  heard
• 1:58:51
  today?
• 1:58:52
  Great.
• 1:58:53
  Share
• 1:58:53
  it
• 1:58:53
  with
• 1:58:53
  a
• 1:58:54
  friend.
• 1:58:54
  And
• 1:58:54
  don't
• 1:58:55
  forget
• 1:58:55
  to
• 1:58:55
  rate
• 1:58:56
  and
• 1:58:56
  review.
• 1:59:03
  Sam.