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The Excuses We Make to Justify Indulgence · Sri Aurobindo Studies

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  We make resolutions to change certain behaviours.
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  Our minds are made-up. We are certain that we can make
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  the needed change. Many people make New Year's
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  resolutions to change something, perhaps to lose weight, to
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  discontinue some habit, to avoid expressing anger or some other
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  intention we have, such as to be a more forgiving person, to
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  express love and goodwill towards others more often,
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  etcetera. Putting aside those habits for
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  the time being that lead to physical addiction, withdrawal
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  symptoms, etcetera, which necessarily fall into a somewhat
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  more intensive category of review and discussion, we
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  determine that from henceforth we will not do the particular
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  thing that we are focused on changing and then we wind up in
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  the situation and see ourselves doing it.
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  It may be something like giving up certain habits of eating
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  snacks between meals. This occurs frequently.
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  We then find ourselves going to the refrigerator or the pantry
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  and taking the snacks we determine to avoid.
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  Another one tries to justify various forms of sexual
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  enjoyment under the guise of it being a tantric method of
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  gaining mastery over the sexual power.
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  While it may be possible that an initiated tantric practitioner
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  with guidance and a realized teacher could indeed find a way
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  through to the proposed result, in most cases we find that there
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  is no real change or transformation or mastery, but
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  simply another way to justify sexual activity.
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  When the mental will has decided, for whatever reason, to
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  abstain and shift the energy focus elsewhere.
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  The vital being is attached to its habits of enjoyment.
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  It does not easily give them up. The mental decision may thus
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  come into conflict with the vital desire nature.
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  It is a virtually universal human experience that the desire
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  of the vital finds a way to justify its continuation to the
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  mental being, and we thus come up with justifications and
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  excuses for the continuance of those very actions that we had
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  previously determined to stop. The mother notes quote even the
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  most beautiful theories. Even if one knows mentally many
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  things and holds admirable principles, that is not
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  sufficiently strong to create a will capable of resisting an
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  impulse at one time. You are quite determined.
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  You have decided that it would be thus, for example, that you
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  would not do such a thing. It is settled, you will not do
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  it. But how is it that suddenly you
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  do not know how or why, nor what has happened?
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  You have not decided anything at all, and then you immediately
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  find in yourself an excellent reason for doing the thing.
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  Among others, there's a certain kind of excuse which is always
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  given. Well, if I do it this time, at
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  least I shall be convinced that it is very bad, and I shall do
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  it no longer, and this will be the last time.
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  It is the prettiest excuse one always gives to oneself.
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  This is the last time I am doing it.
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  This time I am doing it to understand perfectly that it is
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  bad and that it must not be done and I shall not do it anymore.
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  This is the last time. Every time it is the last time,
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  and you begin again. Of course, there are some who
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  have less clear ideas and who say to themselves, after all,
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  why don't I want to do it? These are theories, they are
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  principles that might not be true.
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  If I have this impulse, what is it that tells me that this
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  impulse is not better than a theory?
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  It is not for them the last time.
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  It is something they accept as quite natural.
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  Between these two extremes there are all the possibilities.
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  But the most dangerous of all is to say, well, I am doing it once
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  more this time. That will purify me of this
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  afterwards. I shall no longer do it now.
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  The purification is never enough.
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  End Quote. Reference Srioro Bindu and the
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  Mother looking from Within, Chapter 4.
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  Ordeals and Difficulties, page 78.