Latest / Finding New Waters / Struggling in the Right Direction with Chico West

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Struggling in the Right Direction with Chico West · Finding New Waters

0:00
To ultimately surrender is like what you're saying is to win.
0:05
And the analogy of Japan is a great example.
0:08
But our, how we're wired, who we are as, as creatures is like, if
0:13
we surrender, then we lost, you know, no, we actually, you know,
0:19
we actually gained so much more. All right, welcome back
0:23
everybody to another episode of Finding New Waters.
0:26
My name is Bea Reeves. I'm the director of business
0:28
development here at New Waters Recovery in Raleigh.
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Got a very, very special guest today.
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Very psyched to have Mr. Chico W who is in Dallas, TX.
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And I just want to say, you know what?
0:42
You're one of my favorite people I've met in this field, and I am
0:45
very psyched to have you. So welcome.
0:47
Well, thank you so much, B I've been fired up about, you know,
0:50
getting on your show and understanding more about you
0:55
from this perspective. We know each other on the golf
0:58
course and some other avenues as well.
1:01
Yeah, man. Well, same.
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And you know, I just, I remember the first time I met you, I, I
1:07
guess I'd heard your name, but I got paired up with you and Gary
1:10
Fisher, former guest on the show at the Recovery Open in Austin.
1:15
And I just remember thinking, man, this guy's got this is,
1:19
this is like he's got what I want, you know, and that's what
1:21
we're looking for in, you know, people in recovery for
1:24
mentorship and sponsorship. And you know, it's like just
1:27
want people have that, want what they have when they have that,
1:30
that peace and enjoying life clean and sober.
1:33
And you got it. So that's awesome.
1:35
Well, thank you man. And man you you've had some big
1:38
time guests. If you have Gary Fisher in our
1:41
field and you know other people I know that you've had on on
1:44
your podcast, what what a cool platform that you're doing right
1:49
here to give other people the opportunity to enjoy life clean
1:54
and sober. Absolutely, you know, and I, I
1:58
know you'll appreciate this. I mean, when I, when I pull into
2:00
the studio parking lot and I try to remember to do it before
2:04
every episode, the same way when I'm pulling into the parking lot
2:07
of a church before I'm, you know, I have the pleasure and
2:10
honor of speaking at a meeting. I just say a little prayer for
2:13
the words and just to be able to help at least one person.
2:15
And that's all I can ask. And that's what that's what I'm
2:17
doing here. And hopefully we we can achieve
2:20
that today, man. That would be that would be
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awesome day. See, see who out there in the
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big World Wide Web, you know, might come across this, hear
2:29
what you have to say. Maybe I have something to say as
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well. Well, but yeah, but The thing
2:34
is, I mean, it goes back to that, like our what my initial
2:38
impression of you is like that guy's having fun and he's like a
2:42
complete nut and and he's sober, you know, and and like, you
2:46
know, then I learned more about your kind of, you know, growing
2:49
up and your college experience. We had sort of similar
2:51
experiences. You know, we were before we got
2:53
on here talking about how you just got back from a golf trip
2:57
up in northern South Carolina and then going to Athens for the
3:01
Georgia Texas game where you know, and you didn't know that I
3:04
had started my illustrious college career at Georgia.
3:07
And y'all, y'all whipped our butt, man.
3:10
It was, it was a, it was a butt weapon.
3:13
And I loved watching Kirby Smart just kick that onside kick in
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the third quarter. Oh my goodness.
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I mean, yeah, that was to quote Pat McAfee onions, they said.
3:24
Yes, yeah. So I wouldn't be sober today if
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I didn't have fun if if life wasn't enjoyable.
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You know, I, I think, you know, I, I read this thing recently be
3:38
about a guy. Have you ever heard, you know,
3:42
struggling forward? It's a little meditation a a
3:45
meditation. I don't.
3:48
Think so? Tell me, Tell us about.
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It it's it's a cool, cool one. Actually, I have the book right
3:53
here. No struggling in the right
3:57
direction. OK, you know, and I, I was
4:00
thinking about this is man, that last Monday I go, maybe I'll
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read this. It's a little daily meditation,
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you know, last Monday, November 10th, it said good morning.
4:12
Our keynote is pray to seek to love, comfort and understand.
4:17
The meditation and prayer for the day urge us not to be
4:21
overwhelmed or paralyzed by trouble, difficulties or
4:25
failures. More than 30 years ago I met a
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long time dry alcoholic who for many years had been living
4:32
underground in Las Vegas, successfully playing poker for a
4:36
living. Having known a few people who
4:39
failed spectacularly at that endeavor, I asked how he was
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able to succeed. He replied that his success had
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nothing to do with the good hands.
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Anyone can win playing them. At the end of the day, he
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continued the he continued. The entire difference between
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success and failure is what is done with the worst hands one is
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dealt. I found that message to be
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priceless and applicable to every area of my life.
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The mountain tops of success are delightful, but the magic isn't
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what I do in the valleys of failure and despair.
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I pray today to give my entire interest, attention and love to
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the very worst hands God deals me in every aspect of my life.
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Well, I love it and you know what it made me think of though,
5:31
is you know, he Chico and I are also do a Bible study that I've
5:35
recently joined. We do on on Zoom or Google Meet
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on Tuesdays at 1:00 PM Eastern 12 central and I was I read the
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Philippians 214 through 218 I think today and listen to the
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beginning of that podcast. We kind of base it off the Bible
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Caddy podcast that Raleigh's own Webb Simpson and Will Kane and
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some other guys, William Kane and some other guys do and it
6:03
the the first line. It is basically don't be grump.
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What is it grumpy and complain what?
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What is? It grumbling, grumbling.
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Grumbling, do not grumble or complain.
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Something to that effect. And that's exactly what we're
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talking about here, man. It's like if I can find joy in
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the things that aren't going my way, you know, quote, UN quote,
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that's what really, that's what serenity is really all about for
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me. And then I've that I've found
6:29
through recovery because, yeah, like this guy's hand, it's easy
6:32
when you have a royal flush, it's easy to be happy.
6:34
You know, that's like kind of that situational thing.
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But if I'm able to find joy in the the valleys, as it says in
6:40
that reading and in the, you know, the what, what otherwise
6:43
we looked at is not not fun, then then I've really got
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something going. Would you agree with that?
6:48
Oh, completely. And that's what I was thinking
6:50
of when I was getting on this podcast is, yeah, life is
6:54
wonderful and I do enjoy life. But man, in I have 36 years of
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sobriety in my 36 years, I've had a lot of valleys, a lot of
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failures, a lot of despair, you know?
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But I continued like the big book says, trudge the road of
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happy destiny, you know, like the Bible says, you know, to
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continue like last week's lesson, to continue to work out
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my salvation with fear and trembling is like when I do
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those things, you know, no matter what gets thrown my way,
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I can, I, I can find a piece that transcends all
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understanding. And that's, and that's only
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through the grace of God that it's, it's come that way.
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And so it's like I've had these ups and downs, some cool, some
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really cool things happen. But then a lot of things in
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recovery where there were, there were some real big valleys and
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some failures and stuff like that.
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And that I don't get my identity from the successes and I don't
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get my identity from the failures.
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That's the thing. That's the the magic that's
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happening today. Right, And that just kind of,
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you know, when I when I first got sober and and they were
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people say, Hey, you know, we're trying to live in the 456, not
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the Super highs and super lows, the ones and tents, but kind of
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just strive for mediocrity, you know, and that doesn't mean do a
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mediocre job with, you know, the task at hand or in a
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relationship or, or at work, but just to not try to just, you
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know, kind of like wear it like a loose garment, you know, and
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just take it as it comes and not get too wrapped around the axle
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and not get too excited, you know.
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Yes, because we're, because everybody's going to have ups
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and downs, you know, and peaks and valleys, you know, where,
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where life really happens is, is in between that, that three to
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seven, that four to six, you know, that's where that
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day-to-day, you know, you know, grunge happens.
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You know, we're gonna, there's going to be some ups and downs.
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How, how do you play those? Like what Don, you know, Don M
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is saying right there in, in stumbling in the right
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direction, He's saying, how do we, how do we face the trials in
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our life? You know, that's where the real
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magic happens. What happens when, you know, if
9:23
you go through a divorce, save it.
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I, I've been spending time with some of the men that lost their
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daughters this summer at Camp Mystic.
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You know, it's like that is huge.
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I can't, I can't even comprehend what they're going through.
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But how, how do we, you know, as a person, how do I, I push
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forward? How do I struggle?
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Well, you know, I've heard that term a bunch, you know,
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struggling. Well, also gives us the hope
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for, you know, the cool stuff that happens when we spend time,
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you know, in fellowship with other men, you know, and stuff
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like that. I hear you.
10:06
Yeah, I mean, and the the peaks and valleys are something that,
10:13
you know, it's the obvious seems like, you know, the Super highs
10:16
like means high. But no, I mean, I can get, you
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know, it's too over overzealous sober too.
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And I all of this stuff, it's just interesting because, you
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know, I grew up, I was confirmed in the Episcopal Church, never
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grew up very religious or anything, went to Episcopal
10:33
schools and and never denied God.
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You know, I always believed in God and I, you know, I had a
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great education and great parents and upbringing.
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So basically all this stuff that we're talking about now and that
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I've learned in recovery were presented to me throughout my
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life, but I either I just kind of rejected it, misunderstood
10:54
it, or, you know, kind of turned it upside down.
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Like when I heard people say when I first came into, into the
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rooms, you know, I felt like I got the map, but it was just
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upside down. You know, I kind of, I kind of
11:06
felt like that. And now it's like all this stuff
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that, you know, I, I guess a lot of people just, you know, didn't
11:12
need to go to the depths of addiction and alcoholism to find
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these answers, but that, you know, they were always right
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there waiting for me and for, for us, you know.
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So one thing I want to make sure I did talk to you about though,
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is so you're first of all, tell us just what what all do you do?
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Well, right, right now what I'm, what I'm doing is I have a
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little podcast called filter optional with my wife.
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And so her and I are are doing that some similar things with
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you, like what you're doing, but then more on that coaching
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front, helping people really what we like to call step into
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the messy middle. You know, a lot of people
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struggle Alcoholics, non Alcoholics, you know what you
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know, Alcoholics called normies, you know, church going people.
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We just struggle stepping into the messy middle.
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And so we try to help people breakdown what the messy middle
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is and how to do that. And then I'm doing some, some
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coaching and consulting for, for a construction company that's
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here in Dallas, Austin and Atlanta.
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And so working with their executives and some of their
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employees as well. I have a private practice.
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I'm an I'm ALPC licensed professional counselor doing
12:30
that as well. And then working with a program
12:35
that you're familiar with. They called me the brand
12:37
ambassador. I don't know really what that
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means, but it's called on site and so I do some stuff with on
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site and I love that. We love them too.
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We're Co hosting at dinner with them tonight in Raleigh.
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We're absolute huge fans of on site milestones and everybody.
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Yeah, cool. So you know I I basically knew
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all that you did. I thought I did, but I didn't
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know about the consult. I've heard you mention the
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construction company. I know you were doing that in an
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official capacity. That's really cool.
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And so you though just to back up, I mean, you're 57 now, is
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that right? That is correct.
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OK, and you got sober 36 years ago.
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So quick math, you're 21, probably maybe 20.
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Tell us about that man, because I know that like I said at the
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beginning, you know, we both had some, you know, non illustrious
13:25
college to start off with and got our got our acts together.
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You well, well before I did. So tell us a little bit about
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that. It, it's funny, someone was
13:33
asking me about it the other day and I, you know, you've been
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sober a long time and you kind of forget some of those things.
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And it, you know, I, I'd like the big book says I don't want
13:44
to shut the door on the past or, or regret anything.
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And I, I don't. It's just life has moved
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forward. I got sober, I turned 21 in
13:54
treatment. I withdrew from school the first
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day of my junior year of college and I was at SMU.
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And so my, my drinking career started back in middle school,
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you know, in the state of Texas when I was drinking, the
14:13
drinking age was 18. And you know, I had a buddy
14:16
that, you know, in 7th and 8th grade, kind of Italian looking
14:19
guy. He was buying beer for the high
14:21
school kids 'cause he just was already shaving, you know, he
14:24
was one of those guys. And so from from the beginning,
14:30
I, I had it, it was all over my family.
14:34
Alcoholism, my grandmother, she died 30 years of sobriety, but
14:40
was in and out of treatment from 1962 to 1985, you know, so 23
14:47
years. And she would get different time
14:50
periods in that. So alcoholism was all over that
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I, my, my drinking career started strong and ended strong.
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It was there was never I, I tried to control it.
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I, I, I, you know, moved on to drugs.
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I went to last night, I went to a little gathering here in
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Dallas, even though I grew up in San Antonio of our high school
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and there was people from the 50s that graduated from the high
15:25
school in San Antonio that I went to to 20/20/20.
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So there was, there was about 100 people there.
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And there was jokes with the people in my class making say
15:40
about, oh, Chico didn't know any of the teachers.
15:43
He just knew the vice principal because he was always in
15:46
trouble. And so from day one, I was
15:49
always in trouble. And I would, I would try to stop
15:54
my drinking. I did all sorts of things.
15:57
I went up to North Carolina thinking that would solve the
16:00
problem when I was graduating high school to a little school
16:03
called High Point and my drinking, you know, career there
16:09
total, a car, all sorts of different things.
16:12
But what was really going on was this emptiness inside, you know,
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and I'd grown up in a strong Christian home and was rebelling
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against that. And my last drink was August
16:26
26th, 89, on August 28th, 89. I, I'd gotten arrested on the
16:33
26th and my sobriety date is the 28th 'cause I smoked a joint
16:37
after I got out of jail. But that's, you know, I, I fit
16:43
the criteria I have, you know, all the isms, you know, a year
16:50
before I had a, you know, I, you know, I, I don't want to try to
16:55
inflate that, but just my personality is all or nothing.
16:59
And I saw that. And when I went to treatment, I
17:05
was going because I got arrested for the second time, assault on
17:11
a police officer. I'd gotten arrested at the Dean
17:14
Dome right there in at a year before assaulting a police
17:20
officer. And isn't it Orange County?
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Isn't that the county that it's in?
17:25
And so when I applied to get my license for, you know, my
17:30
master's in counseling, I had to get the records of that assault
17:35
on a police officer in Orange County, North Carolina.
17:40
But I got arrested for the second time, assaulting a police
17:42
officer. I was scared.
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I had no intention to be sober today, 36 years later.
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I just was trying to get out of trouble.
17:53
And so the great thing about what, what treatment provided
17:56
for me, it gave me this opportunity to get away from
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college, from family, from everything else and take a look
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internally, you know, take a look.
18:07
Oh, wow, internally to to address, you know, that
18:14
spiritual malady that was happening internally.
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I was, I was like, what the big book says.
18:20
I was the actor trying to run the whole show.
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There was a song Billy Joel wrote that all these girlfriends
18:29
said this is about you. And it was, it's a song called
18:33
Big Shot. I was always trying to be a big
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shot, didn't ya? You know.
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And so if, if you listen to those words, that was that was
18:42
me. And so when I went to treatment
18:45
and then went to back then, they called it halfway house.
18:49
I had this opportunity to look at myself and I didn't like the
18:53
person I was when I drank and used drugs and all of a sudden I
18:57
didn't really know who Chico was.
19:00
And so I really had this opportunity to get in there and
19:04
do the work. So when you you asked me
19:07
earlier, what do I do? I want to encourage people to do
19:10
the work and it can be Alcoholics, it can be non
19:14
Alcoholics, but it's just like to truly get freedom is to
19:20
really unpack and get into the messy middle and do the work.
19:25
Yeah, man, I I'm glad you kind of made that distinction there
19:28
at the end too, that it would, you know, people don't have to
19:30
be, you know, they don't have to be, they don't have to be
19:32
addicts or Alcoholics to do the work and find some kind of, you
19:36
know, we can call it recovery, but just serenity.
19:38
But it keeps seeking and doing whatever, whatever work, you
19:41
know, whatever, you know, a therapist or coach like Chico
19:44
recommends or, you know, we, it's like, you know, Chico and
19:47
I, you know, we play a lot of golf and I, I use this analogy a
19:50
lot. So when I go take a lesson, I'm
19:55
asking for help from that instructor, you know, and I go
19:59
out there and the guy shows me what I'm doing wrong and then we
20:03
fix it on the range and then I've got to go struggle.
20:07
Well, when I play golf on on for for 18 holes because I it's new
20:13
and uncomfortable. But if I go back to my old ways
20:15
because that's comfortable and I can kind of get by like that,
20:18
that's no progress. So you know when I asked for
20:21
help. I've got a, the most important
20:23
part, I mean, it's the hardest thing in the world to ask for,
20:25
but I've got to receive it, you know, and by receiving it is
20:28
doing the work that's prescribed and outlined by whoever we're
20:31
asking help from, whether that's Chico or some other kind of, you
20:36
know, a treatment center in the case of new waters or people in
20:39
new waters or whatever that looks like.
20:41
But that's kind of the way I look at it.
20:43
And it's always helpful for me to use a golf analogy.
20:45
So I'm I'm fond of that one. Yeah, and, and the best golfers
20:50
in the world continue to work on their game, you know, and if
20:54
we're not working on our stuff, it like like the reading that I
20:58
read earlier by Don M it's like it's easy to do well when you
21:03
have the winning hand. You know it.
21:06
The harder thing is to win in whatever you're doing when
21:10
you're, you're dealt a crappy hand.
21:13
You know, how do I do that? Do I get in and start playing
21:16
the victim? You know, do I go to the woe me?
21:20
You know it. It's like, you know, you talked
21:23
about our Bible study. One of my favorite 2 verses in
21:26
all the scripture is King David. It's in Psalms 5116 and 17.
21:34
And this is, you know, King David's crying out to God after,
21:38
you know, he, you know, had sex with Bathsheba, you know, and
21:43
was, you know, just really remorseful.
21:47
And he cries out and says, the sacrifices of God are not burnt
21:50
offerings or I would offer them. The sacrifices of God are a
21:54
broken spirit and a broken and contrite heart, O God as I am.
21:59
And so it's like, how do I step into my brokenness?
22:04
You know, it's like I don't need to keep doing all this stuff.
22:08
When I say doing the work, yes, we got to do the work.
22:11
But a lot of people in the world, Alcoholics, non
22:15
Alcoholics, whoever it is keep Oh, if I'm good at that, if I do
22:19
this and I'm right with this and I'm right with that and I'm and
22:23
they keep doing the same thing. They're really not doing the
22:27
work. Doing the work is getting to
22:29
that place of brokenness, getting to that place that it's
22:33
all right to be broken and not have all, all of everything in
22:37
life all together. You know to be honest with
22:41
yourself and then with others. That's doing that work.
22:47
Yeah, and the, the, I forget the name for it, but the, the
22:51
Chinese vases that are cracked but then mended with gold.
22:55
You know, that just sort of the analogy is, you know, we're,
22:57
we're actually more beautiful with the, with the mending and
23:00
cracked and fractured. But then, you know, mended
23:03
together and covered with gold than we are and perfectly, you
23:06
know, kind of uncracked flawless, like we kind of all
23:11
want to, you know, pretend to be, you know, and that kind of
23:14
goes back to sort of what you're saying.
23:16
It's like so many of us, myself included, you know, no matter
23:21
how spiritual I am, I can still kind of lean into this a little
23:23
bit. You know, we want everything to
23:25
look right. And that was kind of how I was
23:27
before I got sober to. I mean, just, I mean, I was as
23:33
long as it looked like everything was OK, I just, I was
23:35
like, yeah, it's fine. You know, And I, I would put
23:38
models together as a kid and I look back and I would put models
23:42
together and put the, the shell of the car, like the, you know,
23:45
a Tom at F15 from Top Gun or a Daisy Duke Jeep and all the, you
23:49
know, the doors and the, and the wheels and the lights and the
23:52
stickers. But then like no engine, you
23:55
know, and it was just kind of a ended up being a metaphor for my
23:57
own life. It's like I'm kind of making
23:59
these appearances look good, but I am really kind of empty on the
24:04
inside, you know? For sure.
24:07
And and that's what I'm talking about is like we can, we can
24:10
stay busy internal, internally and externally and not really be
24:15
honest, you know, with ourselves.
24:18
And so that's, that's my journey of life, journey of recovery is
24:22
I found myself at different times getting, getting busy
24:25
trying to perform or look good or be relevant and, you know, do
24:30
all those things. I mean, I, that's something
24:32
that, you know, right now that God's really put on my heart.
24:36
It's like, man, quit trying so hard to be relevant.
24:39
You know, I have you right where I right where you're supposed to
24:43
be. You know, it's like, man, it's
24:46
like. Worker among workers.
24:48
Yes, and it and be all right with that.
24:51
You know, it's like I, I don't need I, I, the crazy thing is
24:57
both are true. It's like I want to be relevant
25:00
and I want people to know this. But then it's like really in the
25:03
big scheme of things, I, that doesn't matter at all.
25:07
You know what I've done, you know, in my past, You know what
25:11
I've, you know, accomplished? It's like, man, where am I
25:14
today? You know, am I, am I holding
25:18
space? You know, like right now for you
25:21
and I, you know, am I being honest with myself?
25:26
And that's it, That's it. That I like it.
25:28
It's a daily battle. Yeah, I, you know, hear this all
25:36
the time and I find it to be true.
25:37
You know, I wake up every day with, in my case, untreated
25:41
alcoholism, you know, and addiction.
25:43
And the way that I kind of started is like, I just kind of
25:47
the same way, you know, it's, it's equivalent to asking that
25:49
golf pro for help in a lesson. You know, I ask God to help keep
25:53
me sober that day. And but then if I ask for the
25:58
help and then go out and act like a jerk, then I'm not
26:01
receiving the help and it goes back to not receiving it, you
26:04
know, And then hopefully, you know, so far so good.
26:07
I've gotten to thank God every night for helping to keep me
26:10
sober that day and then do it all again.
26:11
But it just goes back to that, that willingness to do this
26:15
stuff, you know, willingness to kind of, you know, on some level
26:19
I'd, you know, I, I, I hear sometimes there, there's certain
26:21
prayers I say every morning and every night, depending on how
26:24
much time I have, you know, and, and I read a lot of readings and
26:27
say, you know, just just talk to God and not, and these rote
26:30
prayers are not what he really wants to hear.
26:31
But I kind of, I'm torn because I'm like, OK, I want to keep
26:35
saying them because it's part of my routine, which is worked.
26:38
And I don't want to forget them. But at the same time, I'm not
26:41
kind of, I'm not following the directions I need to be
26:43
following and really talking more openly, if that makes
26:46
sense. Yeah, it makes total sense.
26:48
And you know, I, I like those rote prayers, but I also like, I
26:53
mean, both can be true is like, I also like that conversation
26:57
and just have a having a conversation with God, you know,
27:01
and having, you know, that place of maybe the rope prayer helps
27:05
me to have that conversation with God.
27:08
I mean, the, the serenity prayer is a great prayer.
27:12
You know, it's like, do, do I really just meditate on that?
27:16
The Lord's Prayer, you know, our Father who art in heaven, is
27:20
that great prayer of do I it, it can be just that simple, but to
27:25
really for me to, to pause and go, OK, hey, what's going on?
27:30
How do I, you know, am I anxious?
27:36
Am I fearful today? You know, do do I have, you
27:39
know, some pain or resentment? Am I building a case against
27:43
others? Am I, am I biting the bait
27:47
right, You know, and. Well said.
27:49
Building a case against others, That's awesome.
27:51
Yeah, I mean, and I, I can do it and they don't even realize it.
27:57
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I.
27:58
Especially in the shower. It what?
28:00
But I, they don't even realize that I built a case like last
28:05
week, I, I sent this woman to this all.
28:10
You know, she's in her 60s. Her son came through my program.
28:14
And this is where the relevance comes in.
28:16
Her son came through my program that, you know, I sold back in
28:19
2017. And I called the woman that
28:22
works for that center. And I go, hey, here's a heads
28:25
up. Her son's sober.
28:27
Oh yeah, she called me and told me, you know, have I, has she
28:33
heard a Gaston house? And you know, the, the business
28:36
development woman goes, Oh yeah, I, I know the three owners and
28:42
all my crap came up. I go wait a minute.
28:44
There weren't 3 owners, dude. I was the one and I, I just
28:48
started to build my case against her.
28:50
And I go, wait a minute, why am I doing that?
28:54
You know, it's because I want to be relevant when I'm really not
28:58
that relevant that I, I'm, I'm at that place where man, that's
29:05
that, that daily battle that I struggle with.
29:10
And I'm, I build cases against others and they don't even know
29:13
it. It's like I, I love the little
29:16
sayings in a, a I'm letting them run rent free in my head.
29:20
I'm letting the committee take over.
29:22
Yeah, itty bitty shitty committee.
29:24
Yes, exactly. And I see that boardroom and
29:28
there's a battle going on. Totally.
29:32
Yeah. I mean, I just had a
29:33
conversation earlier this morning about how one of the, if
29:37
not the first, one of the first people on my 4 step was a guy I
29:43
knew in New York. And we had all these mutual
29:45
forensics to see him out at parties all the time.
29:46
And every single time I saw him, he would say, what's your name
29:50
again? And, you know, and I mean it, it
29:54
just drove me nuts, you know, that the how could he not
29:57
Remember Me? Yes.
29:59
You know, on top of how cool and great and funny and wild and,
30:03
you know, the character I am, my name is also B.
30:07
It's unforgettable. And this guy, you know.
30:09
And thankfully I have a program that helps me learn how to get
30:13
that out and forgive people. Yeah.
30:15
And to step into the messy metal, it's like, OK, right.
30:18
I have to then go, OK, what's going on with me?
30:21
How come I'm given, given that that guy, this power?
30:25
I mean, I do that all the time. It's like, why am I giving that
30:28
guy this power? Oh, man, it's bringing up this
30:31
insecurity in me. It's bringing up this place of,
30:35
oh, I, I, you know, I want to be known and seen.
30:40
You know, it's like, man, why do I need to be known and seen,
30:45
right? Yeah.
30:46
Instead of how do I how do I be may be of service to others.
30:55
You know, I'd be I've been reading this book.
30:57
I've read read it, I'm rereading it.
30:59
It's it's it's short. It's but it's deep.
31:05
And speaking about a golf analogy, my uncle is a couple
31:08
years older than me and you know, when the Houston Open
31:11
happens, he host PGA Tour players at his house.
31:17
And so he had Burns and Scotty staying at his house.
31:21
Scotty Scheffler, you know, number one player in the world.
31:25
And I, I saw my uncle, I go, have you read the book Living
31:29
Life backwards, He goes, Actually, I did a couple years
31:33
ago, Scotty and Burns were staying at my house and I saw
31:36
these young guys reading this book.
31:40
And this, this book is so powerful.
31:42
There's a whole chapter in there about me versus we, and it's all
31:47
about the book of Ecclesiastes and a chapter about me versus
31:51
we. It's like when we're so focused
31:53
on me, you know ourselves, we can't be about others.
31:59
And when I my my neighbor down the street, he has stage 4
32:03
cancer. And he talks about in the book,
32:06
if I go to bed at night thinking about others that have nothing
32:09
to do with me, I will sleep better.
32:13
And so I started going to bed at night thinking about my buddy
32:18
Mike and his wife, Nancy and his three kids and, and just, you
32:23
know, asking, you know, the God give them, you know, healing and
32:28
you know that, you know, through this chemo and radiation, he
32:31
would, you know, have some real joyful days as he's battling
32:37
this. And I just, I found myself
32:40
sleeping better. But when I go to bed at night
32:43
thinking about some conversation or how someone wronged me and
32:48
about me, man I I struggle with sleep.
32:54
Yeah. It's like how do I get out of
32:56
self? Well, you know, the you know, 12
33:00
step recovery is so full of like life cliches.
33:04
They all exist for reason. We have all these acronyms and
33:08
one that you just made me think of I hadn't thought about lately
33:11
is that they say that the ISM and alcoholism stands for I self
33:17
and me. And you're exactly right, man.
33:20
Like when I'm when I go to bed thinking about how, you know,
33:24
building a case against somebody, you know, at work or a
33:27
colleague or a, you know, a friend or the person in traffic
33:30
or, you know, whatever it is, man, you're right.
33:32
That's just just steals my serenity.
33:35
And it's like, you know, that it's like that committee in my
33:38
head is having a meeting about this case.
33:40
And it's all, I mean, it's like that analogy about, you know,
33:43
worrying's like sitting on a, sitting in a rocking chair, just
33:46
back and forth, back and forth, but we go nowhere.
33:48
And it's such a waste of time and energy.
33:50
Yeah. Yeah, and so it that's why I,
33:54
you know, I love, I love this, I love scripture and love the
33:57
Bible and what Jesus is all about.
33:59
I also like, you know, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
34:04
I got sober in 89 and I went to the my Home group was when I
34:09
came back to SMU was a bunch of old timers.
34:11
I mean, they got sober in the 50s and 60s and there was this
34:14
one guy, Don, and he always said God's gift to the 20th century
34:20
is Alcoholics Anonymous. And I think about that and I, I
34:25
like the analogy is that the Bible came more alive when I
34:29
worked, you know, the steps and did the big book.
34:33
It's it's like, you know, the, the books computers for Dummies,
34:38
you know, and it's, it's it, I think the big book is kind of
34:43
like that opening for the Bible. It's that, you know, it how I
34:50
like to say is the broke brain for dummies.
34:53
You know, it's like it helps that.
34:55
Yeah, I wanted to ask you something.
34:56
So you said you grew up in a very Christian home in San
34:59
Antonio, and then you kind of rebelled against that through,
35:02
you know, your escapades in high school into college and getting
35:04
arrested. I've also had to deal with the
35:07
Orange County Courthouse myself. And but then you get sober young
35:13
at 21 to 1989. And then what?
35:16
How did you come back to finding the church?
35:19
Or was it always there? Tell us just how'd that happen.
35:22
Oh, so yeah, So it's kind of a cool story.
35:24
So I'm in halfway house in Atlanta, GA and I, I started,
35:31
you know, I, we had to go to, you know, a meeting every day
35:34
and I was going, I don't know if you've been in Atlanta, the
35:37
Triangle group and some other groups like that.
35:40
And then me and a buddy went to Charles Stanley's church one
35:45
Wednesday night and he was talking about prayer and stuff
35:49
like that. And me and my buddy ran up.
35:51
He said, OK, now break up in 3 or 4 people.
35:54
And we ran up and prayed with them.
35:56
And I was still wrestling with my faith, but that was a seed
35:59
was planted at that moment with Charles Stanley.
36:03
I go home for Thanksgiving and I'm going to come back to
36:08
Atlanta to finish out my time. But I was on a break at
36:12
Thanksgiving and I went with my parents to church and this
36:17
missionary named Sammy Tibbets was, you know, the wall had come
36:21
down the month before in Berlin, but not in Romania.
36:26
You know, Romania had their dictator Chichesky was, you
36:31
know, trying to build a million man army and communism was all
36:35
over the place. And it wasn't big altar call or
36:40
anything, but he was just talking about being in Romania
36:44
and seeing the, the Christians, the believer, the Romanian
36:47
believers, because Ceausescu was trying to make sure that every
36:54
girl that had her period was getting impregnated to build his
36:58
army. So they, you know, it was
37:00
basically, you know, child sex trafficking.
37:04
And he, all these Christians, and he was sitting on the
37:07
hilltop and he saw these believers that were Romanian.
37:11
All they want to do was worship. And they were in a church and
37:16
the men were standing outside and the women and children were
37:18
inside worshiping. And Chesky's army came, killed
37:22
all the men, and then locked the women and children in the church
37:25
and burned them alive. And all they wanted to do was
37:28
just worship. And at that moment, God grabbed
37:32
my heart and I went up and just gave my life to the Lord.
37:37
At that moment, it's like, man, if these people are willing to
37:41
die just to believe and worship. Wow.
37:45
Now the cool thing is be Fast forward 3 1/2 years later, I, I
37:51
finished my degree at SMU overseas in Germany, working for
37:56
Young Life on the military bases.
37:58
I take 10. We had 250 people from all the
38:02
different bases, but I was in charge of 10 kids and adults to
38:07
Romania. And I'm in Romania on Easter
38:11
Sunday 1993 worshipping with Romanians.
38:17
And it was just like, man, God doing for me what I couldn't do
38:21
for myself. And so at that moment, it was,
38:25
it was crazy. Now back up, I come back from
38:29
halfway house. I'm going to finish my degree at
38:32
SMUII. You know, my life is, I'm real
38:37
involved in recovery, but also involved and just growing with
38:41
the Lord. I show up at the Student Center
38:46
on a Tuesday night for Campus Crusade for Christ, and there's
38:50
too little Theta sorority girls outside welcoming people to
38:54
crusade meeting. They hadn't seen me in six
38:57
months. You know, they remember Chico,
39:00
the wild ass SMU is kind of a small campus.
39:04
And they, I show up to go to the first crusade meeting for the
39:08
semester and they go, hey, Chico, I think you're in the
39:11
wrong place. They didn't know that my life
39:14
had radically changed. That's how jacked up I was.
39:18
It's like I get and I I get to laugh at those little moments.
39:23
Man that's really cool I I had no idea.
39:26
Thank. You for that and so so Romania
39:28
has a big it's really part of my story.
39:34
It's like man, God, God has always been, has always been
39:38
there. And it's like all of a sudden I
39:40
surrendered and, and let him in and he's and the other thing is
39:45
B, he's there for everybody. All we have to do is surrender
39:50
and surrender isn't giving up. Surrender is actually you gain
39:53
everything. That right there is the thing
39:58
that people it's impossible to explain that man, but that's
40:03
that's that's what it's all about And and in not just in
40:07
recovery from drugs and alcohol, but I mean, just turning it over
40:10
and realizing we're not in control and.
40:13
You know, when I was, when I was in treatment, I mean, I was, I
40:17
had a spiritual experience like 3 or 4 days in and I got on my
40:23
knees tonight. I got there and wept and said,
40:24
God, what have you done to me? And then three or four days
40:26
later, I had a spiritual experience getting out of the
40:29
shower and said, God, thank you for saving me.
40:31
And I was, you know, on fire for it.
40:34
But I still needed to hear these Nuggets and the surrender thing.
40:38
And all of us knew to me, I knew nothing about AANA, you know,
40:42
recovery. Like I didn't know the subtle
40:44
difference. I didn't know anything.
40:46
And when somebody one day said talking about surrendering to
40:50
win, they said think about Japan as a history major.
40:52
And then for I guess that helped this said think about Japan at
40:55
the end of World War 2. Unconditional surrender.
40:59
They lost. They waved the white flag,
41:01
unconditional surrender. But guess what?
41:04
They built themselves up bigger and better than ever.
41:08
And I and I related to that man like, just like surrender to
41:12
win. And on that note, I, I remember
41:17
we were actually out in, in Missouri and I was, this was two
41:22
years ago and we were at that trip in Missouri and, and I was
41:26
reading Matthew Perry's book on that trip and he died while we
41:33
were there. And, and then I finished it in
41:37
the next few days. I was listening to it while I
41:39
was driving. I would read it and then I was
41:40
listening to, so I started it. He died while I was reading it.
41:43
And then I finished it. And I don't know if I would have
41:46
noticed this if he hadn't died while I was reading it.
41:48
But the last thing he says in that book is, is I think it's,
41:52
it's either the penultimate or the very last sentence.
41:55
And he says, but I will keep fighting.
41:58
And I just remember thinking, man, that's exactly why you're
42:00
dead. It's because he wouldn't
42:03
surrender, you know, he would kind of like do all these things
42:08
to make it, you know, And I mean, his intentions were
42:11
probably good, but he would, he would do everything but
42:14
completely surrender to this, you know?
42:19
Yeah, I and I like, I like how you frame that up.
42:25
It's because, you know, to, to ultimately surrender is like
42:31
what you're saying is to win. And the analogy of Japan is a
42:35
great example. But our, how we're wired, who we
42:39
are as, as creatures is like, if we surrender, then we lost, you
42:45
know, no, we actually, you know, we actually gained so much more.
42:50
You know, I, I think about that is like I last night, my wife
42:53
and I went for, you know, good hour long walk and just shared.
42:58
I was sharing with her and then she ended up sharing with me,
43:01
but I was just sharing with her just what I'm wrestling with
43:04
right now. And and she was able to hold
43:08
space and I go, if I hadn't done the work, if I hadn't
43:11
surrendered, if I haven't continued to surrender, you
43:15
know, like the big book says, I have a daily reprieve contingent
43:19
on what the maintenance of my spiritual condition.
43:22
It's like pick up our the scripture says, pick up our
43:26
cross daily and follow him. You know, I think that daily
43:30
picking up our cross is surrendered, that Jesus actually
43:34
picked up his cross and surrendered.
43:36
He knew the outcome, the worst possible death and he he
43:41
surrendered. So we're called to do that same
43:44
thing, that actual then victory comes and it and it's like,
43:50
whoa, how many times do I think I need to get back in there and
43:54
control it and you know, grab, grab the reins back over, tell
43:58
God where to go, you know, and like it's.
44:02
Right there at the end of the the Saint Francis prayer, too.
44:04
I mean, it's yeah, man. Well, God, Speaking of that, we
44:11
we're kind of up against the clock because you and I have
44:13
another appointment here in a few minutes for our good book.
44:19
Yeah. So this has been awesome.
44:23
And as we wrap up here, will you tell everybody how how to find
44:30
you and your services? And just you know what?
44:33
We're going to put all of your information on our show notes,
44:35
but just how do people find you? They're listening right now.
44:39
I I'm glad you said I used to get worried, but if you've ever
44:43
heard the guy Bob Golf, you know, love does.
44:47
Bob Golf wrote this book called love does and he put his cell
44:51
phone number on the back of the book.
44:54
You know, so the best way to get a hold of me is call my cell
44:57
phone. It's 214-384-7459.
45:02
You know, you can go to Spotify or iTunes app and look at filter
45:07
optional and get to meet I'm the no filter.
45:10
Even though I had a big filter today on your show.
45:13
My wife's the filter and so that's, you know, that's another
45:19
way. And then my e-mail is
45:20
easychico.w@meyouknowcauseimallaboutme.com. Oh, man.
45:28
Well, Chico, thank you so much for doing this today.
45:31
Thank you for being such a great example of what life is like on
45:36
the other side, clean and sober and you know, and walking with
45:41
God. And I mean it just, you know,
45:43
like I said, the first time I met you, I was like, man, I, I
45:45
just, I want what this guy has. So thank you so much for sharing
45:48
so much of your life with us today.
45:50
And we'd love to have you back sometime, man.
45:52
And I can't wait to see you here soon.
45:54
Yeah. And I need to get you on filter
45:56
optional. That would be cool.
45:58
We need to, we need to set, set that up.
46:01
That would be that would be fun. Shannon's really good at asking
46:05
some good tough questions and you would you would get to meet
46:08
her. That would be awesome.
46:10
Well, cool, man. Well, hey, thank you, buddy.
46:12
Thank you, B. You take care buddy.
46:14
Alright man. See you too.
46:15
Thank you. Bye.
46:16
If you liked what you heard today or just want to know more,
46:19
give us a call on 9196708119 or visit us at
46:24
newwatersrecovery.com. Thank you.