Latest / Deep Thoughts / You won the game… but lost the joy?

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You won the game… but lost the joy? · Deep Thoughts

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Have you ever found yourself thinking, once I get that promotion,
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: or you know, once I buy that dream house, or
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  Speaker 1: once I finally achieve that goal, like then I'll finally
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: be happy.
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  Speaker 2: Many people do think this way.
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  Speaker 1: It's this pervasive idea that happiness is kind of waiting
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  Speaker 1: for us at the top of some mountain.
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  Speaker 2: Well, this is the arrival fallacy, and that's what we're
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  Speaker 2: going to be exploring today.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: The arrival fallacy.
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  Speaker 2: It's this illusion that if we reach a specific goal,
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  Speaker 2: it guarantees happiness.
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  Speaker 1: It's a really interesting term, arrival fallacy. Where does that
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  Speaker 1: come from?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, so the term was coined by doctor tal Ben Shahar.
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  Speaker 2: He's a leading expert in the field of positive psychology, Okay,
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  Speaker 2: and his research shows that even people who achieve great success,
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  Speaker 2: they still feel this emptiness.
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  Speaker 1: So even those who you would think, oh, they've got
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  Speaker 1: it all, they've reached the top of that mountain, they
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  Speaker 1: still don't have that happiness exactly.
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  Speaker 2: They get to the top and instead of feeling fulfilled,
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  Speaker 2: they feel this void.
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  Speaker 1: I see. So it really challenges that convent idea that
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  Speaker 1: success equals.
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  Speaker 2: Happiness, right, And I think this disconnect comes from the
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  Speaker 2: temporary nature of happiness that we get from achievements. So
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  Speaker 2: you achieve a goal, there's that initial euphoria, but it
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  Speaker 2: fades and then we're on to the next goal, thinking
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  Speaker 2: that will be the one that brings lasting happiness.
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  Speaker 1: So it's a cycle. You achieve a goal, you experience
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  Speaker 1: a little bit of joy, you set a new goal,
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  Speaker 1: and then the cycle repeats.
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  Speaker 2: It's like climbing a ladder that never ends. You never
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  Speaker 2: actually reached the top.
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  Speaker 1: So are we all just destined to be on this
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  Speaker 1: endless pursuit of happiness.
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  Speaker 2: Let's look at some real world examples to really see
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  Speaker 2: how this plays out. Okay, have you heard of Ray Allen,
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  Speaker 2: the NBA player, Yes, the NBA legend. Yeah, he dedicated
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  Speaker 2: his whole career to winning a championship. He thought that
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  Speaker 2: would be the ultimate.
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  Speaker 1: Achievement, and he did achieve that did he.
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  Speaker 2: Won a championship with the Boston Celtics, right, But later
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  Speaker 2: he said he felt this hollowness after winning. Really the victory,
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  Speaker 2: it was important, but it didn't change who he was
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  Speaker 2: as a person.
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  Speaker 1: You still Ray Allent, just with a trophy exactly.
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  Speaker 2: And it shows that even achieving a lifelong dream isn't
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  Speaker 2: a guarantee for happiness.
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  Speaker 1: Wow. So even achieving something that huge doesn't necessarily bring
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  Speaker 1: that lasting fulfillment.
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  Speaker 2: And we see this with other people too, Okay, like
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  Speaker 2: Michael Phelps, the Olympian, the most decorated Olympian in history. Yes,
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  Speaker 2: even at the height of his career, he struggled with depression.
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  Speaker 1: That's so surprising to me. I would think that level
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  Speaker 1: of success would equal constant happiness.
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  Speaker 2: It's a common misconception that outward success means inner happiness.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. I guess. We see these famous figures and we
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  Speaker 1: think they must have it all.
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  Speaker 2: But these examples show that the arrival fallacy can affect anyone.
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  Speaker 1: So it's not just about these big achievements like winning
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  Speaker 1: an NBA championship or Olympic gold medal. It could happen
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  Speaker 1: with anything exactly. This is making me rethink my own
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  Speaker 1: to do list and how I view happiness.
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  Speaker 2: It's important to recognize that external achievements don't automatic equal
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  Speaker 2: lasting happiness.
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  Speaker 1: So if reaching those milestones doesn't guarantee happiness, what does.
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  Speaker 2: That's the question we need to explore. But first we
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  Speaker 2: need to understand a concept that goes hand in hand
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  Speaker 2: with the arrival fallacy. It's called the hedonic treadmill.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: The hedonic treadmill, what is that.
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  Speaker 2: Imagine running on a treadmill. Okay, you're putting an effort,
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  Speaker 2: but you're not really going anywhere.
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  Speaker 1: You're staying in the same place exactly.
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  Speaker 2: And the hedonic treadmill says that no matter what happens
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  Speaker 2: in life, good or bad, we tend to return to
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  Speaker 2: a baseline level of happiness.
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  Speaker 1: So even after a big event, our emotional state eventually
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  Speaker 1: goes back to normal.
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  Speaker 2: It does interesting like think about buying a new car. Okay,
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  Speaker 2: at first you're excited, but that excitement fades and the
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  Speaker 2: car becomes just another car.
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  Speaker 1: Or getting a promotion at work.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're happy at first, but then you have more
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  Speaker 2: responsibility and maybe more stress, and then you get used
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  Speaker 2: to it. Even major life events like marriage, after the
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  Speaker 2: honeymoon phase, it settles into everyday life.
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  Speaker 1: So we adapt to the good and the bad we do.
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  Speaker 1: So is this adaptation what makes the arrival fallacy so powerful?
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  Speaker 1: We think chasing that next milestone will bring lasting happiness,
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  Speaker 1: but we're just on this treadmill, never really getting to
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  Speaker 1: a place of permanent bliss.
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  Speaker 2: That's the core idea. We're always looking for the next
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  Speaker 2: source of happiness without realizing that true fulfillment might not
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  Speaker 2: be found in external achievements.
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  Speaker 1: So why are we so susceptible to this illusion? Why
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  Speaker 1: do we keep falling into this trap of thinking happiness
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  Speaker 1: is just around the corner.
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  Speaker 2: Well, there are a few reasons, okay, and one of
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  Speaker 2: the big ones is the story we're told about success
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  Speaker 2: from a young age. Okay, This narrative shapes how we
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  Speaker 2: see a fulfilling life.
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  Speaker 1: This societal idea that certain achievements mean you'll be happy
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  Speaker 1: definitely plays a role in why we fall for the
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  Speaker 1: arrival fallacies.
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  Speaker 2: He's everywhere we look. It really is, like think about
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  Speaker 2: it one where kids we're told do well in school,
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  Speaker 2: go to a good college, get a high paying job
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  Speaker 2: by the ladder exactly, And it makes us think if
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  Speaker 2: we do all that will automatically be happy.
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  Speaker 1: It equates those external things with inner fulfillment.
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  Speaker 2: And that can be really misleading.
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  Speaker 1: It is because it suggests that happiness is like a
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  Speaker 1: destination you reach and then stay there forever exactly.
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  Speaker 2: But happiness is an emotion. It comes and goes. It's
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  Speaker 2: not something you can just possess permanently.
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  Speaker 1: So it's not like checking things off a list.
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  Speaker 2: No, it's not about reaching a specific point and saying, Okay,
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  Speaker 2: I'm happy now.
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  Speaker 1: It's more fluid than that. It is. It seems like
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  Speaker 1: we're also up against our own biology in this pursuit
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  Speaker 1: of happiness.
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  Speaker 2: Our brains love anticipation, oh yeah, and we're working towards
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  Speaker 2: a goal. Our brains release dopamine.
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  Speaker 1: Dopamine, the feel good chemical.
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  Speaker 2: Exactly, and that dopamine motivates us to keep going to
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  Speaker 2: achieve that goal.
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  Speaker 1: So the pleasure comes not just from reaching the goal,
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  Speaker 1: but from the anticipation leading up to it.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, the pursuit itself is rewarding.
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  Speaker 1: But then the goal is achieved, and what happens.
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  Speaker 2: The dopamine levels drop and we feel this emptiness again.
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  Speaker 1: So that explains why there's sometimes that let down after
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  Speaker 1: achieving something you've worked so hard for.
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  Speaker 2: The excitement fades and we start looking for the next
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  Speaker 2: thing to chase.
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  Speaker 1: To get that dopamine hit again.
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  Speaker 2: It's like a chemical trap that keeps us constantly seeking more.
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  Speaker 1: So how do we break free from this trap?
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  Speaker 2: Well, there's another factor at play here that we haven't
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  Speaker 2: talked about yet.
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  Speaker 1: You mentioned it earlier.
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  Speaker 2: The fear of the void, right, And this fear is
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  Speaker 2: about confronting our inner world, our thoughts and emotions, without
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  Speaker 2: the distraction of external achievements.
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  Speaker 1: So we keep ourselves busy striving and achieving so we
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  Speaker 1: don't have to look inward.
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  Speaker 2: In a way, it's like we're using achievements as a
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  Speaker 2: shield to protect us from ourselves.
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  Speaker 1: That's a really interesting idea. Are we all just running
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  Speaker 1: from ourselves?
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  Speaker 2: Then it's more common than you might think. We fill
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  Speaker 2: our lives with goals and to do lists, always seeking
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  Speaker 2: validation from the outside instead of looking for it within exactly,
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  Speaker 2: and that can keep us from truly connecting with ourselves
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  Speaker 2: and finding that inner piece.
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  Speaker 1: So is all ambition then, driven by this fear of
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  Speaker 1: the void?
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  Speaker 2: Not necessarily Ambition itself isn't a bad thing, Okay, it
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  Speaker 2: depends on the motivation behind it. If it comes from
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  Speaker 2: a genuine desire to grow, to learn, to contribute, then
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  Speaker 2: ambition can be a really positive force.
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  Speaker 1: But if it's just about proving ourselves or filling a void,
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  Speaker 1: then it can lead to those traps we've been talking about.
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  Speaker 1: So it's about figuring out what's driving us exactly.
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  Speaker 2: Are we running towards something or are we running away
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  Speaker 2: from something?
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  Speaker 1: That's a big question to consider, and it seems crucial
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  Speaker 1: in breaking free from this arrival fallacy. It is, but
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  Speaker 1: how do we actually make that shift? How do we
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  Speaker 1: find that sense of fulfillment that doesn't depend on external things?
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  Speaker 2: Breaking free from this illusion it requires a change in perspective,
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  Speaker 2: a new way of thinking about success and happiness.
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  Speaker 1: I'm ready to hear more about that.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely. The first step is recognizing that the arrival fallacy,
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  Speaker 2: it's just a thought pattern. It makes us focus on
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  Speaker 2: what we're missing instead of appreciating what we have.
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  Speaker 1: So changing our perspective is key. Instead of focusing on lack,
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  Speaker 1: we need to focus on abundance exactly.
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  Speaker 2: And a big part of that is finding contentment in
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  Speaker 2: the present moment.
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  Speaker 1: Right, not constantly looking to the future for happiness.
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  Speaker 2: Remember those practices we discussed, focusing on the process instead
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  Speaker 2: of just the end goal. Yeah, enjoying the simple things
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  Speaker 2: in life, recognizing that our worth isn't tied to our
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  Speaker 2: achievement right.
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  Speaker 1: Those things help us step off that hedonic treadmill and
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  Speaker 1: appreciate what we have right now.
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  Speaker 2: They help us shift from looking for external validation to
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  Speaker 2: finding fulfillment within so we start.
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  Speaker 1: To build a sense of self worth that doesn't depend
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  Speaker 1: on what we achieve.
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  Speaker 2: When we feel that abundance, we naturally feel more grateful
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  Speaker 2: for what we have, and that leads to more contentment
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  Speaker 2: and joy.
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  Speaker 1: And that contentment doesn't mean we can't have goals or ambitions,
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  Speaker 1: not at all.
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  Speaker 2: It just gives us a stronger foundation to pursue those goals.
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  Speaker 1: From It's like we're resetting our internal compass. Instead of
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  Speaker 1: being driven by Lacks's life, we're guided by a feeling
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  Speaker 1: of wholeness and gratitude.
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  Speaker 2: And that makes our approach to life and to our
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  Speaker 2: ambitions more sustainable and more fulfilling in the long run.
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  Speaker 1: It allows us to pursue goals that really matter to us,
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  Speaker 1: goals that align with our values and maybe even contribute
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  Speaker 1: to something bigger than ourselves.
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  Speaker 2: And when our motivation comes from that place of purpose
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  Speaker 2: and meaning, it's a much more fulfilling experience.
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  Speaker 1: It's like we're finally free to run our own race,
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  Speaker 1: not the race that society tells.
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  Speaker 2: Us to run exactly, and that race, it might be
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  Speaker 2: challenging at times, but it's ultimately going to lead to
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  Speaker 2: a deeper, more lasting sense of happiness.
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  Speaker 1: And I think it's a good reminder for all of
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  Speaker 1: us to reevaluate how we view success and fulfillment.
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  Speaker 2: It's not about achieving some perfect state, but about appreciating
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  Speaker 2: the present moment, setting meaningful goals, and finding contentment in
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  Speaker 2: the process.
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  Speaker 1: Before we go, is there a final thought you'd like
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  Speaker 1: to leave our listeners with just this?
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  Speaker 2: What small step can you take today to bring more
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  Speaker 2: joy and meaning into your own journey.
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  Speaker 1: That's a great question for all of us to ponder.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us for this deep dive, and
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  Speaker 1: until next time, you find those moments of genuine fulfillment
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  Speaker 1: in your everyday life.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: Thank you for tuning in to this episode of the
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: Deep Thoughts podcast. I hope you found insights and inspiration
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: to take with you on your journey of self growth.
• 10:16
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• 10:20
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• 10:23
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• 10:28
  Speaker 1: where we'll continue to help you grow and explore your
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: full potential.