Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #267 Foreskin Cleaning & Other Things You Can’t Unhear

Transcript

#267 Foreskin Cleaning & Other Things You Can’t Unhear · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

0:00
Speaker 1: Before we get into this episode, Ash and myself just
0:03
Speaker 1: wanted to talk very briefly about the news that came
0:06
Speaker 1: out on the weekend regarding Sam Wood. You may know
0:09
Speaker 1: him from The Bachelor, but media has reported that he
0:12
Speaker 1: has now been charged with two counts of domestic violence,
0:14
Speaker 1: including assault, occasioning bodily harm, and strangulation in a domestic setting.
0:20
Speaker 1: And whilst we can't go into specific details or speculate
0:24
Speaker 1: any more than what is currently out there with those
0:26
Speaker 1: charges that are all allegations at this stage, I think, Ash,
0:29
Speaker 1: everyone is in a similar situation where we're just completely
0:33
Speaker 1: shocked at these allegations. This is someone who has built
0:37
Speaker 1: a very successful business, heroing, championing, making women stronger, which
0:44
Speaker 1: is why I find, and I'm sure a lot of
0:46
Speaker 1: people find, these allegations so confronting. But first and foremost,
0:52
Speaker 1: our thoughts are with the victim or victims.
0:55
Speaker 2: But we need to let the legal system do what
0:57
Speaker 2: they need to do to essentially get to the bottom
1:00
Speaker 2: of that. I think it's a time for men to
1:03
Speaker 2: start to speak up that this is not okay. I mean,
1:06
Speaker 2: all I see on social media at the moment after
1:09
Speaker 2: this is it seems to be women having the conversation,
1:12
Speaker 2: but men need to have the conversation. Like you and
1:14
Speaker 2: I need to have the conversation that you should not
1:16
Speaker 2: be laying your hands on anyone, let alone a woman.
1:20
Speaker 2: I think it's, it's really.
1:22
Speaker 3: Yeah.
1:23
Speaker 1: One thing that's great with this podcast is that I
1:26
Speaker 1: think we can reshape what masculinity means. And I don't know,
1:30
Speaker 1: it feels like we're not making progress at times.
1:34
Speaker 4: Yeah.
1:34
Speaker 2: Right.
1:35
Speaker 1: And you think I can only begin to appreciate how
1:39
Speaker 1: incredibly frustrating it must be for women who are like, hey,
1:43
Speaker 1: What's it got to fucking take? But I think if
1:46
Speaker 1: nothing more, this is a real indication that the great
1:49
Speaker 1: men out there, and I know there are so many,
1:52
Speaker 1: we need to be doing constantly as much as we
1:54
Speaker 1: can to communicate how to respectfully treat women.
1:58
Speaker 2: I think we need to be encouraging other men to
2:00
Speaker 2: be having conversations with their groups of friends around how
2:03
Speaker 2: this sort of thing is not okay.
2:06
Speaker 4: It is not okay. It is not normal. And it
2:09
Speaker 4: needs to stop essentially.
2:10
Speaker 5: Absolutely.
2:10
Speaker 4: Absolutely.
2:11
Speaker 2: To any man out there listening to this, have the
2:14
Speaker 2: conversation with the people around you, the closest people around you,
2:17
Speaker 2: so that they know, you know, that this is inappropriate
2:21
Speaker 2: and that violence against women is completely and utterly the
2:24
Speaker 2: wrong thing to do.
2:26
Speaker 4: On that note, let's get into the episode. Matt, I'm
2:29
Speaker 4: not sure if he noticed. Hang on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
2:32
Speaker 4: We don't. This show don't wait for nobody.
2:34
Speaker 3: Am I the one slowing us down today?
2:36
Speaker 4: What do you mean by today?
2:37
Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
2:40
Speaker 4: Wow. I am on. Let's get a show on the road.
2:42
Speaker 4: I don't know if you've noticed, but there's an extra
2:44
Speaker 4: body in the room. Well, half body. There's three and
2:47
Speaker 4: a half of us today. The half that I'm talking
2:50
Speaker 4: about is Mr. Lou Boy. Can we call him Lou Boy?
2:53
Speaker 3: Can I call him L-Dog?
2:54
Speaker 4: L-Dog. He's going to tell us a joke to open
2:57
Speaker 4: the show. So let's start the show and then Louie's
2:58
Speaker 4: going to open it. He's very shy, but that's okay.
3:01
Speaker 3: We'll get it out of him.
3:02
Speaker 4: Tell us a joke. We'll shake it out of you, Louie.
3:20
Speaker 3: Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I'm Matty J.
3:22
Speaker 4: And I'm Ash.
3:23
Speaker 3: And this is a podcast all about the parentings. It
3:27
Speaker 3: is the good.
3:27
Speaker 4: The parentings.
3:28
Speaker 3: It is the bad.
3:30
Speaker 4: And the relatable.
3:31
Speaker 3: And we have started to give advice. We've crept in there.
3:33
Speaker 3: So this will be an episode of none of that.
3:36
Speaker 4: Let's back that right up.
3:37
Speaker 3: Yeah. So apologies for those of you who are listening.
3:40
Speaker 3: They've written in. They've said, hey, just want to let
3:42
Speaker 3: you guys know. Advice is creeping in. We hear you.
3:45
Speaker 3: We've acknowledged it. It'll stop.
3:47
Speaker 4: I know. I was just listening to the Fair Work chat.
3:50
Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
3:50
Speaker 4: And I was like, should I call Fair Work on Matt?
3:52
Speaker 3: We're consultants now.
3:55
Speaker 4: Now, the stage is set, and I don't want to
3:57
Speaker 4: make you too nervous because it's not live, Lou. You
4:00
Speaker 4: can just tell it as many times as you like.
4:02
Speaker 4: All right, you ready? We want to hear this joke.
4:04
Speaker 3: Take it away, Louie. Not yet.
4:06
Speaker 4: Who's there?
4:07
Speaker 3: Who's there?
4:08
Speaker 5: Pooh.
4:09
Speaker 3: Pooh who?
4:10
Speaker 4: Who left a poo in the toilet? Very good. Nothing
4:16
Speaker 4: better than a classic knock-knock joke.
4:18
Speaker 3: Almost too good.
4:19
Speaker 5: Louis asked me how he wanted to make you guys
4:22
Speaker 5: laugh and I was like, well, they really like poo jokes.
4:26
Speaker 4: Guilty. We do like poo jokes.
4:28
Speaker 6: And he had the perfect one.
4:29
Speaker 4: I've got one for you.
4:30
Speaker 3: Okay, go on.
4:31
Speaker 4: Who's there? Woo.
4:32
Speaker 3: Woo-hoo.
4:33
Speaker 4: Settle down. It's just a podcast. Oh, did you like that?
4:36
Speaker 3: Louise was better.
4:38
Speaker 4: Louise was better, yeah. Oscar loves the poo ones.
4:40
Speaker 1: Yeah.
4:41
Speaker 4: Good job. Thank you, Louis. I'm worried for my job.
4:43
Speaker 3: I know. What is it people are like?
4:45
Speaker 4: Bring him back. People are like, it's one doting dad
4:48
Speaker 4: and Louis. What's the deal? What's the deal with boo?
4:53
Speaker 4: With kindy. What's the deal with knock-knock jokes?
4:56
Speaker 5: All right, Louis is set up with his headphones and
4:58
Speaker 5: a movie, so he should be right.
5:00
Speaker 6: For the rest of the ep.
5:01
Speaker 3: About bloody time.
5:02
Speaker 4: He'll probably interrupt. He is a child.
5:04
Speaker 3: Vic, I'm glad you could squeeze us into your schedule.
5:09
Speaker 4: Very true.
5:10
Speaker 3: I do remember.
5:12
Speaker 4: I don't recall.
5:13
Speaker 3: Okay.
5:14
Speaker 4: Okay, so just to set the scene, Matt and I
5:17
Speaker 4: have come in today on a Tuesday, regular Tuesday. It's
5:19
Speaker 4: school holidays, hence why Louie's here.
5:21
Speaker 3: It is a regular Tuesday, isn't it?
5:22
Speaker 4: And Vic's hurrying us along and we're like, what the fuck?
5:24
Speaker 3: And she's like, I've got to beat the traffic. Traffic
5:28
Speaker 3: for who? What?
5:29
Speaker 4: Someone's going on holidays. Yeah. How dare you? Dude. And
5:33
Speaker 4: she's like, hurry up because I'm not going to be here.
5:37
Speaker 5: I got one week between today's record and then our
5:40
Speaker 5: next record, which is a very exciting guest. So I
5:42
Speaker 5: was like trying to maximise the time away. We're driving
5:45
Speaker 5: all the way to the Gold Coast.
5:46
Speaker 3: Also, Vic's in a bikini right now.
5:49
Speaker 4: She's like, hurry up, I'm trying to tan.
5:51
Speaker 3: She's putting tanning oil on her shoulders as we spin.
5:55
Speaker 4: She's trying to get one of us to do her back.
5:57
Speaker 4: What for, Vic? I only do one woman's back and
6:00
Speaker 4: that's April's because sometimes I squeeze her butt.
6:04
Speaker 3: Driving to the Gold Coast.
6:06
Speaker 1: Okay, and I will put my hand up and say
6:09
Speaker 1: we do forget quite a lot.
6:10
Speaker 4: Not me, man. But I forgot this one.
6:12
Speaker 3: Did you forget to ask us or did you ask?
6:15
Speaker 4: We talked about it. I asked so many times. Okay.
6:18
Speaker 6: Like weeks ago.
6:20
Speaker 4: Well, bad news, it's cancelled. After last week we've given
6:25
Speaker 4: fair work advice. You're fired.
6:27
Speaker 3: No, no.
6:29
Speaker 4: Okay.
6:29
Speaker 3: I can't yell.
6:30
Speaker 4: I'm not allowed to yell because of the neighbours.
6:32
Speaker 6: Oh, yeah.
6:32
Speaker 3: Keep it down out there.
6:34
Speaker 1: The business consultants, I almost, for those of you who
6:37
Speaker 1: are wondering, Maybe they've just joined us after a big gap.
6:40
Speaker 1: We used to record at my house. Poppy ruined that dream.
6:43
Speaker 1: We now have our own studio in North Sydney.
6:45
Speaker 4: She's to blame.
6:46
Speaker 1: And we have business consultants down the hallway.
6:49
Speaker 4: We're surrounded in therapists, business analysts, business consultants, and I saw,
6:55
Speaker 4: what was the other one?
6:56
Speaker 6: It's probably some sort of tech support or something.
6:58
Speaker 4: There's no need to insult them like that. All right.
7:03
Speaker 3: We're just living the corporate dream.
7:04
Speaker 4: I know.
7:05
Speaker 3: We moved in, we're like, woo-hoo.
7:07
Speaker 4: These guys are just trying to do their nine-to-fives and
7:09
Speaker 4: get through it, have a good time, and we're just like.
7:12
Speaker 3: As we were about to record, I did a little wee-wee,
7:14
Speaker 3: as I normally do.
7:17
Speaker 6: You've got to be quiet, otherwise you're going to.
7:19
Speaker 4: Have to leave.
7:20
Speaker 3: Should I smack him?
7:24
Speaker 5: No.
7:25
Speaker 4: Okay, no, just shake him. I'd buy tickets to that show.
7:27
Speaker 4: Just shake him. Actually, I would like to see him
7:30
Speaker 4: hit you.
7:30
Speaker 3: No, don't, because he'll do that then.
7:32
Speaker 4: Okay, stay there.
7:33
Speaker 3: I almost took a sandwich and he threw a fist
7:35
Speaker 3: at me.
7:36
Speaker 4: He did, yeah.
7:36
Speaker 3: That's what we did. Kids wanted to beat me up.
7:38
Speaker 4: It's probably because it's a roll and you called it
7:40
Speaker 4: a sandwich.
7:41
Speaker 3: What was on the roll, Vic?
7:42
Speaker 6: Biscoff spread.
7:43
Speaker 3: Oh, is it?
7:44
Speaker 4: Oh, la-dee-da.
7:45
Speaker 3: I wonder what rating that would get by the nutritionists
7:48
Speaker 3: if they were here.
7:48
Speaker 4: Can we get the babel in here?
7:49
Speaker 5: Nothing at all, but I knew he would eat it
7:52
Speaker 5: and that would.
7:53
Speaker 6: Keep him quiet.
7:53
Speaker 3: Is it a brioche bun?
7:55
Speaker 6: No, it's just a nice fresh bread roll from Bakersfield.
7:58
Speaker 4: Oh, must be nice. You're up early enough to go
8:00
Speaker 4: to the bakery.
8:01
Speaker 5: No, we got them yesterday, but Dan's very particular about
8:03
Speaker 5: he has to have fresh bread.
8:05
Speaker 4: Oh, Kiwis. Fresh bread and their butter. Where's their butter from?
8:09
Speaker 4: New Zealand.
8:09
Speaker 3: Yeah. Is that before or after they have sex with
8:11
Speaker 3: the sheep?
8:14
Speaker 4: Gotcha, Dan.
8:15
Speaker 3: Gotcha.
8:16
Speaker 4: I wonder if that sex is consensual.
8:20
Speaker 3: Okay, moving on along. Hey, when I was awake recently,
8:24
Speaker 3: which we'll get into.
8:25
Speaker 4: You did miss. You leave. You didn't leave the country.
8:30
Speaker 4: You left. Well, you did.
8:31
Speaker 3: I was in international waters.
8:33
Speaker 4: So you were in international waters. You were on a cruise,
8:35
Speaker 4: which I do feel a little left out because you
8:36
Speaker 4: went with another family. And we'll talk about that in private.
8:40
Speaker 4: because I'm going to bring it up with you.
8:42
Speaker 3: Sure.
8:43
Speaker 4: April's making me bring it up with you. But you missed, arguably,
8:47
Speaker 4: the weirdest weekend ever. We had an invasion.
8:51
Speaker 3: The great moth invasion of 2026.
8:52
Speaker 1: Are you guys, you're injured, you're okay, you're alive?
8:56
Speaker 4: I'm lucky to be alive.
8:58
Speaker 6: I've become really good at catching them.
8:59
Speaker 4: They put up a fight, man. I was fighting one
9:01
Speaker 4: in the kids' room and it spilled out into the
9:03
Speaker 4: street and I.
9:04
Speaker 3: Was it a North Sydney thing, like Northern Beaches?
9:07
Speaker 4: No, Bondi.
9:08
Speaker 6: South Sydney, Western Sydney, everywhere.
9:10
Speaker 3: And what was it? How?
9:11
Speaker 4: Okay, so apparently it's been since 2017 that we've had
9:17
Speaker 4: a migration of these moths, which after me killing about
9:23
Speaker 4: 30 of them realised that they were technically endangered before
9:25
Speaker 4: this weekend. So I've killed like 30 endangered animals and
9:29
Speaker 4: I'm a zoo ambassador. So I'm sorry. I did it
9:33
Speaker 4: for science.
9:35
Speaker 5: But also it's because we had a very mild winter
9:37
Speaker 5: and mild winters create perfect breeding grounds for moths.
9:40
Speaker 4: Yeah, they do.
9:41
Speaker 3: Yeah, freaky little things.
9:42
Speaker 4: Yeah, they're just like, come over here and fuck me. Yeah,
9:44
Speaker 4: the moths are like, come on, fuck each other.
9:48
Speaker 3: All the moths are like, are you fucking really horny
9:50
Speaker 3: or is it just me?
9:51
Speaker 4: Who's next? But I thought I was.
9:55
Speaker 5: Going crazy because every time I'd bring a load of
9:57
Speaker 5: washing inside, when you're putting the clothes away, you're like, I'm.
10:00
Speaker 6: Moth would fly out and then another moth. And I'm like,
10:01
Speaker 6: what have we done?
10:02
Speaker 5: And then I realised it wasn't just us, it was everyone.
10:04
Speaker 3: I know.
10:04
Speaker 4: My kids haven't slept in their room since.
10:06
Speaker 3: They're scared.
10:07
Speaker 4: So first of all, it was I take pride in
10:10
Speaker 4: being called up to kill a bug.
10:12
Speaker 6: Oh, do you kill them?
10:14
Speaker 4: Oh.
10:15
Speaker 5: Oh.
10:15
Speaker 4: I mean rescue. Rescue with my fist. Anyway. So the
10:25
Speaker 4: kids were like, Dad, there's another one. And I was like, oh, fuck,
10:27
Speaker 4: I'm in there.
10:28
Speaker 3: Everyone step aside.
10:29
Speaker 4: Step aside, son. They put up a fight, man. I
10:32
Speaker 4: said to April, it's like I'm at the pub and
10:34
Speaker 4: I'm like, come on, I'll just take this to the
10:35
Speaker 4: street because it's falling out the kid's bedroom door.
10:37
Speaker 3: How would you rescue the moth?
10:41
Speaker 4: I started with a tea towel where I was whipping.
10:43
Speaker 5: Yeah.
10:44
Speaker 4: Because they were in the top corner.
10:45
Speaker 6: Slow death.
10:48
Speaker 3: First I would drown them.
10:49
Speaker 4: First I would de-wing them and let them walk around. Oh,
10:56
Speaker 4: my God. And then I would attach them mouth to
10:59
Speaker 4: arse like a moth human centipede.
11:01
Speaker 3: The kids are like, Daddy, is it dead yet?
11:03
Speaker 4: Not yet. Not yet. I'd rather watch them eat and
11:05
Speaker 4: shit in each other's mouths. They've done nothing but fuck
11:07
Speaker 4: for months.
11:07
Speaker 3: LAUGHTER Oh, it's good to laugh.
11:13
Speaker 4: I'm like wrestling these fucking moths out of the kids' room.
11:17
Speaker 4: And they just kept reappearing so much. Macy, out cold,
11:21
Speaker 4: by the way. So she's on the bottom bunk. She
11:23
Speaker 4: doesn't notice a thing. She's like, Oscar is just every
11:27
Speaker 4: two minutes in the bedroom. There's another one. There's another one.
11:30
Speaker 3: Were they just coming if you left a door ajar?
11:33
Speaker 4: They got in all the washing, sneaky fuckers. So what
11:36
Speaker 4: happened was I thought I'd cleared the room out and
11:38
Speaker 4: then like a good dad, I folded the washing. Okay.
11:44
Speaker 4: Thank you. I folded the washing. And then because the
11:46
Speaker 4: kids were still awake, but they were reading their books,
11:48
Speaker 4: I thought I might just sneak in and put this away.
11:50
Speaker 4: Put it away. Walked out.
11:55
Speaker 3: Ash, come on. You're going to get us kicked out
11:57
Speaker 3: of this fucking studio.
11:58
Speaker 4: I don't care. Can I say I don't care? And
12:00
Speaker 4: the reason I don't care is because- I do this
12:03
Speaker 4: for the doters.
12:04
Speaker 3: Even the doters are like, can you just- Just tone it.
12:06
Speaker 4: Down a little bit. You're just talking about de-winging a moth.
12:10
Speaker 4: I'm surprised. Actually, this is probably the only safe place
12:13
Speaker 4: in Sydney, this studio. Oh, yeah. Because it's been locked
12:16
Speaker 4: up all weekend. This is a moth freezer. Check your pockets. Yeah,
12:20
Speaker 4: no one's brought in- Honestly, did you get home and
12:22
Speaker 4: there's no moths at your house? They don't like the.
12:25
Speaker 3: Air in Bondi. Okay. Oh, wow. We- We were having
12:29
Speaker 3: such a nice record. The moment Bondi's brought up, you
12:31
Speaker 3: guys start spitting on me like I'm fucking nothing.
12:34
Speaker 5: I didn't.
12:34
Speaker 3: You were about to laugh at his joke. Look at
12:36
Speaker 3: the laugh.
12:37
Speaker 4: She told me to say it.
12:38
Speaker 6: That's such a lie.
12:40
Speaker 4: You're leaving early, so.
12:41
Speaker 3: All right. Vic's looking at the clock already. I know.
12:47
Speaker 3: She's clock watching. She's got to be on the highway
12:50
Speaker 3: in five minutes.
12:51
Speaker 4: What time do you want to plan on leaving?
12:52
Speaker 3: I think I do remember approving that leave.
12:55
Speaker 1: Can I just, not to attack, actually two things. I
12:59
Speaker 1: made a joke about Perth people.
13:02
Speaker 3: All right?
13:02
Speaker 4: You should.
13:03
Speaker 3: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
13:05
Speaker 4: Backwards town.
13:06
Speaker 3: Jesus, Ash.
13:08
Speaker 4: It's quiet, man.
13:09
Speaker 3: You know what?
13:09
Speaker 4: I'm going after people.
13:10
Speaker 3: No, don't. Because apparently, I think the way it's worked out,
13:15
Speaker 3: I don't know how we've gotten here, but majority of
13:17
Speaker 3: our listeners are from WA.
13:19
Speaker 4: Yeah.
13:19
Speaker 3: Because they're all like, you fucking what now?
13:21
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's because they're a bit behind.
13:22
Speaker 3: Because there was a guy, the son was called Baz,
13:25
Speaker 3: driving with his kid on his lap. Oh, yeah, Baz.
13:27
Speaker 3: Happened in Perth. And I was like, of course it
13:29
Speaker 3: happened in Perth. Because, you know, that's Perth people behavior.
13:31
Speaker 4: That's a fair comment. I don't know.
13:33
Speaker 1: And then a few people have been like, you better
13:35
Speaker 1: fucking watch yourself. And I was like, you and who else?
13:38
Speaker 1: And then all the donors were like us.
13:40
Speaker 3: And I was like, sorry.
13:41
Speaker 4: First of all, you're a few hours behind us, so
13:43
Speaker 4: bugger off. And then second of all, it's a long
13:46
Speaker 4: way for you to come and have a crack at it.
13:49
Speaker 1: Don't.
13:49
Speaker 3: They'll fly over on moths.
13:51
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll just stick the moths on there.
13:53
Speaker 3: Maybe the Perth people sent the moths. They came from Perth.
13:56
Speaker 6: Do you know what?
13:56
Speaker 5: In my moth research, because I got really hyper fixated
14:00
Speaker 5: on this, Moths can actually travel in the wind all
14:03
Speaker 5: the way to New Zealand.
14:04
Speaker 3: No.
14:06
Speaker 5: Yeah.
14:06
Speaker 3: Really? How do they track that? Seriously, for real life.
14:08
Speaker 4: Yeah, do they, what do they just have one?
14:10
Speaker 5: Well, there's moths here that are obviously a specific species
14:13
Speaker 5: that were then found in New Zealand and they travel
14:15
Speaker 5: on the wind because we had huge storms like the
14:18
Speaker 5: night after the moths arrived and so we're like, yes,
14:20
Speaker 5: the storm's going to blow them away.
14:22
Speaker 3: And New Zealand's like, what?
14:24
Speaker 4: Yeah, you'd hate to be like caught in a westerly
14:26
Speaker 4: and be like, yeah, we're on the way to New Zealand.
14:28
Speaker 4: And then an easterly comes and you're like, no, we're
14:31
Speaker 4: going back. We're stuck in the wind again.
14:34
Speaker 3: Also the yucca tree, the yucca tree drop, which no
14:38
Speaker 3: one really jumped on the bandwagon of rage that I had,
14:40
Speaker 3: which is that's fine. Fuck you all.
14:42
Speaker 4: I didn't even really understand. You didn't know.
14:44
Speaker 3: What day it was.
14:45
Speaker 6: No, a lot of the doters did.
14:46
Speaker 4: Did they?
14:47
Speaker 6: They were all like, that is wrong.
14:48
Speaker 3: But then they thought that.
14:49
Speaker 6: But they wanted more information.
14:50
Speaker 3: They thought, oh.
14:51
Speaker 6: And I'm like, listen to the pod.
14:52
Speaker 3: Listen to the pod, man.
14:53
Speaker 4: How much more information do these people need?
14:55
Speaker 3: Well, not everyone.
14:56
Speaker 1: A few people thought that he was propagating because you
14:58
Speaker 1: cut off a yucca, plant that. But I'm going to
15:01
Speaker 1: dispute that claim because the neighbour also has yuccas on
15:05
Speaker 1: his side. So he wouldn't need to cut mine down
15:09
Speaker 1: because he's got his own yuccas to propagate.
15:12
Speaker 3: End of.
15:12
Speaker 4: But maybe he wanted to go, well, that tree might think,
15:16
Speaker 4: was he not propagating me?
15:17
Speaker 3: Very, very good point.
15:18
Speaker 4: I don't even own a tree.
15:21
Speaker 3: None at all.
15:21
Speaker 4: Not one tree.
15:22
Speaker 3: Any plants?
15:23
Speaker 4: I have one plant that's a peace lily.
15:26
Speaker 3: We bought peace lilies on the weekend.
15:28
Speaker 4: Did you?
15:28
Speaker 3: Yeah.
15:29
Speaker 4: Mine dies every two weeks. Oh.
15:31
Speaker 6: You just have to give it water and.
15:32
Speaker 4: Then water it. Yeah, I know. It comes back to life.
15:34
Speaker 6: It's the coolest plant ever.
15:36
Speaker 3: You just have to water it.
15:37
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know. We forget.
15:39
Speaker 5: It's the sort of plant where it like– wilts and
15:42
Speaker 5: looks like it's dead and you give it water.
15:45
Speaker 4: They're so dramatic.
15:46
Speaker 3: So dramatic.
15:46
Speaker 4: They're like, oh, I'm thirsty.
15:48
Speaker 3: I'm going to die.
15:49
Speaker 4: I'm a thirsty tree.
15:50
Speaker 3: And then you give it like a drop of water
15:52
Speaker 3: and it's like, oh, I'm back.
15:52
Speaker 4: That's not enough.
15:54
Speaker 3: They're the toddler of trees.
15:55
Speaker 4: They are. Well said.
15:56
Speaker 3: They are.
15:56
Speaker 4: Definitely a bit dramatic. So yuck is done.
15:58
Speaker 3: Right.
15:59
Speaker 4: I've got a question for you. Okay. My wife, April,
16:01
Speaker 4: my beautiful wife.
16:02
Speaker 3: She is beautiful.
16:03
Speaker 4: Thank you. Get your hands off her.
16:04
Speaker 6: Did you use the intimacy pillow this morning?
16:06
Speaker 4: No, not this morning. Maybe later.
16:08
Speaker 3: Is that thing just riddled with cum in the corner
16:11
Speaker 3: of the room?
16:11
Speaker 4: It's like, please, stop. Not again. It's like I'm reaching
16:16
Speaker 4: for something behind the pillow and it's like, no.
16:19
Speaker 3: Also, good level just then. I've noticed. Well done. You
16:23
Speaker 3: didn't shout.
16:24
Speaker 4: Just you wait. Good boy. Crash out phrases.
16:29
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
16:30
Speaker 4: So April used to, her biggest crash out phrase used
16:33
Speaker 4: to be, Oh, for fuck's sake.
16:35
Speaker 3: Classic.
16:36
Speaker 4: Honestly, if this was Family Feud, that would be number one.
16:39
Speaker 3: Yeah. Okay? That's mine.
16:41
Speaker 4: That's yours.
16:42
Speaker 3: Why do we all love it? For fuck's sake.
16:44
Speaker 4: For fuck's sake.
16:45
Speaker 3: It's just the... April's got a new one. Go on.
16:49
Speaker 4: I've picked up on it and then she's admitted it
16:51
Speaker 4: to me after I already knew because I'm quite an
16:53
Speaker 4: observant guy.
16:54
Speaker 3: Very.
16:55
Speaker 4: Every now and then in the house I would just
16:56
Speaker 4: hear like a bit of a mutter, like she's muttly.
16:59
Speaker 4: You know that cartoon mutter?
17:02
Speaker 3: The dog?
17:02
Speaker 4: Yeah.
17:03
Speaker 3: Yes.
17:03
Speaker 4: And then I hear this, are you a little fucker?
17:05
Speaker 4: I don't know. Mum?
17:08
Speaker 5: I was going to say, that sounds like Ash.
17:11
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm like, what's going on? And then April, like
17:13
Speaker 4: a few days went by and she was like, I'm
17:16
Speaker 4: not sure if you noticed. I've been a little bit,
17:18
Speaker 4: a little bit like just edgy. I'm like, okay. I
17:21
Speaker 4: was like, does it have anything to do with you
17:23
Speaker 4: calling everything a little fucker? And she's like, how did
17:25
Speaker 4: you know? I'm like, babe.
17:27
Speaker 3: I can hear it.
17:27
Speaker 4: I can hear it.
17:28
Speaker 3: Every two seconds.
17:29
Speaker 4: I'll be literally in the one room. I'm like, let's
17:32
Speaker 4: face it, I'm gaming. And I just hear this, oh, fucker.
17:37
Speaker 6: Louie's going to be loving this chat.
17:38
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's going to get in the car and be like, hey, mommy,
17:40
Speaker 4: little fucker. Louie, don't do that.
17:44
Speaker 3: Oh, Louie, fuck you.
17:46
Speaker 5: Oh, God, the car trip to Port Macquarie is going
17:48
Speaker 5: to be hectic.
17:49
Speaker 4: Hey, Louie, make sure you save some of them swear
17:53
Speaker 4: words for when your dad gets in the car, yeah?
17:57
Speaker 5: Also, we need to convince Dan to come on the pod.
18:00
Speaker 4: Oh, yeah. Well, now that Louie's been on, Dan will
18:02
Speaker 4: be on. Yeah. April's dad, Popper, he is quite an
18:06
Speaker 4: under-the-breath mutterer and she's picked it up from him. I
18:09
Speaker 4: call her little Frankie. She hates it because his name's Frank.
18:12
Speaker 3: Yeah.
18:12
Speaker 4: And so he'll walk around the house and he'll be like,
18:14
Speaker 4: things to do, fucking, fucking, or he'll like a cupboard
18:18
Speaker 4: will close. He'll be like, fuck off. So April's turned
18:21
Speaker 4: into a dad. Just random parts of the day I'll
18:23
Speaker 4: hear this, fuck off. Oh, shit. Does Laura have a
18:28
Speaker 4: crash outbreak?
18:30
Speaker 3: She normally just looks at me and she's like, why
18:31
Speaker 3: the fuck did I marry you?
18:34
Speaker 4: Matt. I don't know.
18:37
Speaker 3: Laura mixes it up.
18:38
Speaker 1: Mine is I love her for fuck's sake. And then
18:41
Speaker 1: are you fucking kidding me?
18:43
Speaker 4: Oh, yeah, that's good.
18:45
Speaker 3: Oh, God.
18:45
Speaker 4: Oh, God. We really. He's like a parrot. He's like, fuck.
18:49
Speaker 4: Holly wants a fuck.
18:52
Speaker 3: Pull the curtain back. I know. He's there smoking.
18:54
Speaker 4: This is the most sweary episode and there's a child
18:59
Speaker 4: in the room and I think that's the point. Yeah, yeah.
19:01
Speaker 6: I said to Louis, I was like, look, you're going
19:03
Speaker 6: to hear a lot of swearing today. It's okay. It's
19:06
Speaker 6: a special treat that you're here and we'll never talk.
19:09
Speaker 3: About it again. It's confusing, isn't it? Because, you know.
19:11
Speaker 4: Because then he also said you're allowed to swear.
19:14
Speaker 6: I did.
19:15
Speaker 5: Because then he asked me, he's like, can I swear?
19:18
Speaker 5: I'm like, only in this room. If you feel like
19:20
Speaker 5: you really need to do it, this is a safe space.
19:21
Speaker 3: This is the swearing room.
19:22
Speaker 4: Maybe we should tell all the other businesses, if any
19:24
Speaker 4: of them need to let off some steam.
19:26
Speaker 3: Come in here.
19:26
Speaker 6: This is the fuck room.
19:27
Speaker 4: So what's yours, for fuck's sake?
19:28
Speaker 5: Yeah.
19:29
Speaker 4: All right, well, this is to the doters. Can you
19:31
Speaker 4: please send us what your mum crash out phrase is?
19:33
Speaker 4: If it's anything other than those ones, like if it's
19:35
Speaker 4: something very specific, that'd be great. Moving on.
19:38
Speaker 3: Ash, I don't know if you saw in the media recently.
19:41
Speaker 4: Not social media, like. Mainstream.
19:42
Speaker 3: Mainstream.
19:43
Speaker 4: Wow, you've jumped.
19:44
Speaker 3: ABC, nonetheless.
19:47
Speaker 4: Okay.
19:47
Speaker 3: You like the ABC. You're a big ABC guy.
19:49
Speaker 1: Am I?
19:50
Speaker 4: Well. No.
19:51
Speaker 3: I did a little article.
19:52
Speaker 1: We talked about the health committee talking about what do
19:56
Speaker 1: parents need?
19:56
Speaker 3: How was your experience?
19:57
Speaker 4: Oh, yes.
19:58
Speaker 3: As a parent, I did put forward the suggestion of
20:01
Speaker 3: free coffee.
20:02
Speaker 4: You did put that?
20:03
Speaker 3: I submitted it. Amazing. And then what did they say? Well,
20:06
Speaker 3: they haven't said anything just yet. It's being reviewed. It
20:08
Speaker 3: will be reviewed.
20:09
Speaker 1: And a reminder to any parent out there, you can
20:11
Speaker 1: put forward your suggestions.
20:12
Speaker 3: We'll put the link in the show notes. Just let
20:15
Speaker 3: the government know what we need more of.
20:16
Speaker 4: Free coffee for parents.
20:19
Speaker 3: So my suggestion, Ash.
20:20
Speaker 1: Was greater screening and awareness for dads in regards to
20:27
Speaker 1: postnatal depression.
20:28
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay.
20:29
Speaker 3: Yeah.
20:29
Speaker 4: I feel that's appropriate.
20:31
Speaker 3: Because I was thinking of you.
20:32
Speaker 4: I know that. I was just going to say that
20:34
Speaker 4: when I was going through. I did this for you, Ash.
20:37
Speaker 4: Thank you. Me only. Yeah. I get leave. No, I
20:41
Speaker 4: get screened.
20:41
Speaker 3: Everyone's taking leave.
20:43
Speaker 4: I thought you were going to say I wanted more
20:44
Speaker 4: screen time. That's what I thought you were going to say.
20:46
Speaker 4: I was like, well, that can be arranged. Yeah, because
20:49
Speaker 4: I remember when April was obviously going through it and
20:52
Speaker 4: I was supporting her, but I didn't feel like, even
20:56
Speaker 4: though at the time I remember thinking I'm not feeling okay,
20:59
Speaker 4: but it doesn't fucking matter about me.
21:01
Speaker 5: Right.
21:01
Speaker 4: That's how I felt. And I would assume there's a
21:04
Speaker 4: lot of dads out there, whether it's now, whether it
21:06
Speaker 4: was before, whether maybe you've got anxiety about that coming up.
21:11
Speaker 4: But if you're not feeling okay, it's completely okay for
21:14
Speaker 4: you to say, I need some help. Yeah, fuck off.
21:19
Speaker 1: And we're not saying that the focus shouldn't be on
21:21
Speaker 1: mum because absolutely, first and foremost, she should get the attention.
21:26
Speaker 5: Oh, yeah.
21:26
Speaker 1: Because apparently it's traumatic.
21:28
Speaker 4: I don't know.
21:31
Speaker 6: But a happy, healthy dad will support a mum.
21:33
Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
21:33
Speaker 3: Good recovery. Thank you, Vic.
21:34
Speaker 4: I think that support, even a tiny little amount of
21:38
Speaker 4: support for dad in that situation can go a long way.
21:42
Speaker 1: But there was a couple, I didn't write back to
21:44
Speaker 1: any because we know what people are like on social media.
21:46
Speaker 1: There's just a lot of fuckwits out there. And there
21:48
Speaker 1: was a couple of people who were like, what do
21:49
Speaker 1: dads get upset about? What do dads get depressed about?
21:52
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh.
21:54
Speaker 4: I'll tell you.
21:55
Speaker 6: Don't take the bait.
21:56
Speaker 4: I know. I'll tell you. Because firsthand, I'll tell you
21:59
Speaker 4: what we get upset about. Try coming home every day
22:02
Speaker 4: to a wife that hasn't slept, a kid that hasn't slept.
22:05
Speaker 4: Everyone's crying. It's an absolute war zone in the house.
22:08
Speaker 3: You know what?
22:10
Speaker 1: People who have said comments like that, because the article
22:12
Speaker 1: got posted on social media, those people who are like,
22:15
Speaker 1: what would a dad get upset about?
22:17
Speaker 3: I'm like, I feel sorry for you.
22:19
Speaker 1: Feel sorry for you because you've obviously got a partner
22:22
Speaker 1: who does absolute fuck all.
22:25
Speaker 4: Oh, yeah. Sing it, sister.
22:26
Speaker 3: And so I was like, it's a shame that.
22:28
Speaker 1: You found yourself in a situation where the thought of
22:30
Speaker 1: a man suffering any type of mental struggle postpartum is
22:35
Speaker 1: like unimaginable to you.
22:37
Speaker 3: I was like, that sucks.
22:38
Speaker 4: Can you imagine if your partner actually opened up to you? Yeah.
22:41
Speaker 4: Like you think what could you possibly be upset about?
22:45
Speaker 4: shows how little you know about that man and what
22:47
Speaker 4: potentially he's doing when you're not there. Or when he's
22:51
Speaker 4: out in the wild, if he doesn't care about you
22:53
Speaker 4: enough to show any emotion, I feel really sorry for you.
22:56
Speaker 3: I do.
22:57
Speaker 4: I do.
22:57
Speaker 3: And I'm not going to write back to those comments.
22:59
Speaker 3: I'm going to let it slide.
23:01
Speaker 4: It's not worth it. They need to figure it out
23:02
Speaker 4: on their own.
23:03
Speaker 3: Also on social media. Whilst we're there.
23:05
Speaker 4: We're back to social media.
23:06
Speaker 3: Back to social media.
23:07
Speaker 6: This is still housekeeping.
23:09
Speaker 3: I can't remember her name.
23:10
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to the dodo who didn't know what housekeeping was,
23:12
Speaker 1: but confirming if you were.
23:14
Speaker 4: Is it Emma?
23:14
Speaker 5: No.
23:15
Speaker 4: Very good.
23:16
Speaker 3: Emma, we are still in housekeeping. We broke the internet.
23:21
Speaker 4: Did we?
23:21
Speaker 3: Oh, we did. Broke the internet.
23:22
Speaker 4: Whoops.
23:23
Speaker 1: And to me, if anyone hasn't seen the photos, it's
23:27
Speaker 1: posted on our accounts, on Two Dating Dads, plus yours
23:29
Speaker 1: and mine. A little photo shoot when we did the
23:32
Speaker 1: calendars down at Ulladulla. On the beach, sunset, hand in hand,
23:36
Speaker 1: piggybacking each other.
23:37
Speaker 4: Lovely.
23:38
Speaker 6: It was very cute. I had to take a photo.
23:40
Speaker 3: It was quick.
23:41
Speaker 4: We went down there because you wanted to go for
23:43
Speaker 4: a swim. It was too cold.
23:44
Speaker 3: It was too cold.
23:45
Speaker 1: So instead, Vic took a couple of snaps, as she
23:47
Speaker 1: does with her camera. We posted them online. It's got
23:51
Speaker 1: like a million fucking likes.
23:53
Speaker 6: 1.4 million.
23:54
Speaker 4: Likes or views? Views. Views. That's pretty good.
23:57
Speaker 3: We have to thank the gays for that. We really do.
23:59
Speaker 4: Special shout out to the gays.
24:01
Speaker 3: Yes.
24:01
Speaker 4: The bears. Yes. The bears, the twinks. All of them.
24:04
Speaker 6: It wasn't just the gays, though.
24:06
Speaker 4: It was... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't take this away from
24:08
Speaker 4: the gays.
24:08
Speaker 3: It was the friends. Okay.
24:10
Speaker 4: You tops and bottoms, you're out there doing God's work
24:13
Speaker 4: and I love you.
24:14
Speaker 5: As a family photographer, no one gets a friendship shoot,
24:17
Speaker 5: but friends are so important to us. And it was actually,
24:20
Speaker 5: I think, a really nice reminder to people to have
24:23
Speaker 5: a photo with your friends.
24:24
Speaker 4: You are absolutely right because we do talk about our friends,
24:27
Speaker 4: hang out with our friends all the time and we
24:29
Speaker 4: cherish those friends forever. But then we're like, let's get
24:31
Speaker 4: a photo shoot with my family who I hate.
24:35
Speaker 3: But also like.
24:36
Speaker 1: As far as photo shoots go, Vic, working with us
24:38
Speaker 1: as talent, I imagine it would have been quite enjoyable.
24:42
Speaker 4: We were late. I know that much.
24:44
Speaker 5: Well, one of you was very into it and the
24:46
Speaker 5: other one was very whingy.
24:47
Speaker 4: You were very whingy.
24:49
Speaker 3: I wonder if the doters can guess which one was
24:52
Speaker 3: into it and which one. There is one photo actually
24:56
Speaker 3: as I'm skipping down the beach, like a dog. Prancing.
24:59
Speaker 3: Like a little kelpie. She's like, ah. And then next
25:02
Speaker 3: to me is.
25:04
Speaker 4: Grumpy old dog over here. I'm just like, oh, my
25:07
Speaker 4: back hurts. It's cold.
25:09
Speaker 3: It's too windy.
25:09
Speaker 4: It's too windy.
25:10
Speaker 3: All the sand's bloody here.
25:11
Speaker 4: I've been forced into things. You know that.
25:14
Speaker 3: And the photos are great, Vic.
25:15
Speaker 4: Thank you.
25:15
Speaker 5: Well, actually Movember saw them and was very impressed and
25:19
Speaker 5: they have a campaign coming out about bromance and so
25:22
Speaker 5: they want to offer someone a free photo shoot with
25:25
Speaker 5: me to actually get a photo shoot with a friend.
25:28
Speaker 4: Oh, with a friend.
25:29
Speaker 3: Yeah. Do we approve that? Do we?
25:32
Speaker 4: No. Are you doing this on holidays?
25:33
Speaker 5: Well, there'll be a competition soon but, yeah.
25:37
Speaker 4: Very cool.
25:38
Speaker 6: If you have a friend, we'll have details about that
25:40
Speaker 6: very soon.
25:40
Speaker 4: And congrats to you, Vic. They're great photos. The keen
25:43
Speaker 4: eye at Movember were like, what is this?
25:46
Speaker 3: Let me say a little.
25:47
Speaker 4: Fuckers.
25:49
Speaker 3: Who took these photos of the fuckers? And we may
25:52
Speaker 3: end up on a billboard. I know.
25:54
Speaker 4: There's talk of that, yeah.
25:56
Speaker 2: There is.
25:57
Speaker 3: In my head I was like, is it going to
25:58
Speaker 3: be like, I don't know if you saw Life Uncut,
26:02
Speaker 3: took a photo with a billboard in Melbourne.
26:04
Speaker 6: Oh, yeah, we should so do that.
26:05
Speaker 3: I'm like, please, please, please, please, please be a big
26:07
Speaker 3: old billboard. Be bigger than theirs. Do you remember we
26:10
Speaker 3: were getting lunch the other week and as we were
26:11
Speaker 3: walking back, Vic, We look at the building that we're
26:14
Speaker 3: in and there's a billboard on the building. Nash was like,
26:16
Speaker 3: I'm going to buy that billboard.
26:20
Speaker 4: No, I actually said we should buy the building.
26:23
Speaker 3: I was like.
26:24
Speaker 4: And then you're like, what? I'm like, aim high, Matt.
26:26
Speaker 4: And you're like, billboard? I'm like, okay.
26:28
Speaker 3: You're like, I'm going to look at how much that costs.
26:30
Speaker 3: And I tell you what, if there's one thing that
26:32
Speaker 3: I'm going to fucking do, it'll be putting us on
26:34
Speaker 3: that billboard.
26:34
Speaker 4: My kids will starve and we'll be on that billboard.
26:36
Speaker 3: Daddy, I'm hungry. Why don't we have any presents this Christmas?
26:40
Speaker 3: Because Matt and Nash needed to be on a billboard.
26:44
Speaker 4: That's the present.
26:45
Speaker 1: So, Movember, no pressure. I bet you want to bus
26:47
Speaker 1: stop somewhere, somewhere in like Perth.
26:50
Speaker 4: Better than I reckon.
26:51
Speaker 3: Joking Perth people, that's a joke I like to know.
26:52
Speaker 4: Yeah, it'll be like in Perth and we'll be completely backwards.
26:56
Speaker 4: The campaign will be well and truly over by the
26:58
Speaker 4: time it's put up in Perth.
27:02
Speaker 3: Shit.
27:03
Speaker 4: Shit.
27:03
Speaker 3: Honestly, Perth people, we actually, if we ever do a tour,
27:07
Speaker 3: we're going to Perth first.
27:08
Speaker 4: I got a tattoo in Perth once. Love Perth. 4am job.
27:10
Speaker 4: Do you want to see it? It's right here. That one.
27:14
Speaker 3: Oh, God.
27:15
Speaker 4: So it's an upside down, so it's not cool with
27:17
Speaker 4: an emoji, thumbs up, and then it's a, it was honestly,
27:22
Speaker 4: the guy's eyes were like that. Anyway, breaking news. Let's
27:28
Speaker 4: go straight into the news, Vig. What have you got
27:29
Speaker 4: for us?
27:30
Speaker 5: Before we get into the news, I just wanted to
27:31
Speaker 5: give a little shout out to Orla, who was one
27:34
Speaker 5: of my photography clients over the week, and she.
27:36
Speaker 3: Sorry, Orla?
27:38
Speaker 5: Orla.
27:39
Speaker 6: It's a Celtish name.
27:41
Speaker 4: Ah.
27:41
Speaker 3: Irish.
27:42
Speaker 4: What's Celtish? Irish.
27:43
Speaker 3: Irish. Yeah.
27:45
Speaker 6: It's a beautiful name, Orla.
27:46
Speaker 3: Orla.
27:47
Speaker 6: Anyway, she is a grief counsellor and she is a
27:49
Speaker 6: huge donor.
27:50
Speaker 3: Oh, I don't know about you. I don't know. Orla-la.
27:55
Speaker 4: No, I'm kidding. That's what I was going to say. Go, go, go.
28:00
Speaker 5: But she sends her clients the episodes to listen to
28:03
Speaker 5: as part of her grief counselling.
28:05
Speaker 4: As like a distraction from the rest of their lives or?
28:08
Speaker 5: No, she says, you know, she can tell them all
28:10
Speaker 5: she can, but you guys actually sink in. So for
28:14
Speaker 5: a husband or a client who's male, she will send
28:18
Speaker 5: them specific episodes and say, go for a walk and
28:20
Speaker 5: listen to this episode.
28:21
Speaker 6: Mental health walk.
28:22
Speaker 4: I thought you'd like that.
28:23
Speaker 5: And yeah, she literally recommends specific episodes. So like one
28:27
Speaker 5: about when you had postnatal depression or one about miscarriage.
28:30
Speaker 1: So what you're saying is that Orla is outsourcing her
28:33
Speaker 1: work To us.
28:35
Speaker 4: And she's getting paid the full amount.
28:36
Speaker 5: Okay.
28:37
Speaker 3: Okay.
28:37
Speaker 4: That's how I'm seeing this. One, I appreciate it, but two,
28:41
Speaker 4: I also do not appreciate it because I'm missing a
28:44
Speaker 4: shitload of money here. Vic, I only do this for
28:47
Speaker 4: the money. Just so you know and you and everyone knows,
28:51
Speaker 4: I only do that. Thank you all.
28:52
Speaker 3: And if anyone is listening from Orla, please, I'm all
28:55
Speaker 3: out of laughs. No, I don't know. I don't know.
28:59
Speaker 4: All right then. What's breaking news?
29:01
Speaker 3: No, actually, if you are a listener sent from Orla,
29:03
Speaker 3: Message us. Let us know.
29:05
Speaker 4: Yeah.
29:05
Speaker 6: I thought that was really sweet.
29:06
Speaker 4: Message or email us.
29:08
Speaker 6: Oh, my God. Sorry, Ola.
29:14
Speaker 3: Or DM us.
29:15
Speaker 4: We could go all day.
29:16
Speaker 3: Okay.
29:17
Speaker 5: Well, I think let's keep the laughs going, shall we?
29:23
Speaker 5: A 36-year-old man from Cheshire required an emergency circumcision and
29:27
Speaker 5: heavy antibiotics. after placing popping candy beneath his foreskin and
29:32
Speaker 5: failing to wash properly. Over three weeks, the dissolving candy
29:37
Speaker 5: mixed with built-up grime to form a painful.
29:30
Speaker 6: Thank you.
29:45
Speaker 5: Now recovering at home, he's warned others that what seemed
29:47
Speaker 5: like harmless candy experimentation nearly cost him his life.
29:51
Speaker 3: You don't, that's not an awareness piece that needs to
29:54
Speaker 3: go out there. Like no one's going, why don't I
29:57
Speaker 3: put this popping candy in my foreskin?
29:59
Speaker 4: What's that article?
30:00
Speaker 3: Oh God, it's a bad idea.
30:02
Speaker 4: It's like one of those things, it's like who, why,
30:05
Speaker 4: why did you try this? And also, can I just
30:08
Speaker 4: give a very friendly reminder to all of the uncircumcised
30:13
Speaker 4: kings out there, Wash behind your foreskin, please. Question. Question
30:18
Speaker 4: from the back. The circumcised one in the back.
30:20
Speaker 5: Hi.
30:21
Speaker 1: Coming from someone who's been circumcised since they were six
30:24
Speaker 1: or five, I believe it was.
30:25
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're a late onset circumcision.
30:27
Speaker 6: Who is Ange?
30:28
Speaker 4: Hey, let me come over here. No, don't.
30:31
Speaker 3: For anyone who doesn't remember, I was born with too
30:33
Speaker 3: much foreskin.
30:34
Speaker 4: Yeah, the sick skin.
30:35
Speaker 3: Yes. Okay, this is going to be a dumb question.
30:38
Speaker 3: Go on.
30:38
Speaker 1: But I hope this is a place of no judgment here.
30:41
Speaker 1: And you, Ash, are someone who I think is very hygienic.
30:44
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'll brush my teeth like three or four times
30:46
Speaker 4: a day.
30:46
Speaker 3: There you go.
30:47
Speaker 5: Okay.
30:47
Speaker 3: So how often are you washing your foreskin?
30:50
Speaker 4: It's the cleanest part of my body. There's nothing cleaner
30:52
Speaker 4: on me. My dick and balls are the cleanest thing
30:56
Speaker 4: I own.
30:56
Speaker 3: Prove it.
30:58
Speaker 4: All right. Honestly, I wash it so meticulously and as
31:02
Speaker 4: everyone should.
31:03
Speaker 3: How often?
31:04
Speaker 4: Any chance, like I'd do it right now if you
31:05
Speaker 4: said wash your dick.
31:06
Speaker 3: But like, are you doing it like every shower?
31:08
Speaker 4: Yeah. And again?
31:09
Speaker 3: Again.
31:10
Speaker 4: Any chance I can to clean behind my foreskin, I'll
31:13
Speaker 4: do it. The gays are like, this is the best
31:16
Speaker 4: podcast in the world.
31:20
Speaker 3: And with soap or what are you using?
31:21
Speaker 4: Anything I can get my hands on.
31:23
Speaker 3: Because doesn't it sting?
31:24
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm curious because I've got to obviously teach Louis
31:26
Speaker 5: how to do it.
31:27
Speaker 4: This is inappropriate. I don't need you to show me. Oh.
31:37
Speaker 3: That's crossing a line, Vic.
31:38
Speaker 4: Oh, God.
31:38
Speaker 3: This is Ash's genitalia we're talking about.
31:43
Speaker 4: I'm not asking for a show and tell.
31:46
Speaker 3: Oh, there it is.
31:47
Speaker 6: How do you teach Oscar?
31:49
Speaker 4: How do you teach Oscar? That's a good question. His
31:51
Speaker 4: mum does. No. Look, I just say, look, you've got
31:55
Speaker 4: to pull it back as far as you can. Okay,
31:59
Speaker 4: just to give it a little wash behind. My mum
32:01
Speaker 4: was always the same with me. She was like, make
32:03
Speaker 4: sure you wash. She was always like, remember, I love you,
32:05
Speaker 4: but wash behind your ears and your foreskin. Look, I
32:09
Speaker 4: do have a horrible story I was told by someone,
32:12
Speaker 4: whether you guys are ready for.
32:13
Speaker 5: It or not.
32:13
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course we are.
32:14
Speaker 4: A friend of mine who is part of the adult industry,
32:17
Speaker 4: I think you can put two and two together here
32:19
Speaker 4: who I'm talking about. His name may or may not
32:21
Speaker 4: be the Girthmasters.
32:22
Speaker 2: Yep.
32:22
Speaker 4: But he was telling me about a friend of his
32:25
Speaker 4: who was a S worker who had a client, folded
32:29
Speaker 4: it back, and he hadn't washed under there. She reckons
32:34
Speaker 4: it was so repulsive she had to leave.
32:37
Speaker 3: Oh.
32:38
Speaker 4: Don't be that guy. I know. That's the bright face.
32:41
Speaker 6: Isn't that why they call it dick cheese?
32:43
Speaker 3: Wow.
32:43
Speaker 4: Wow. Okay. This is a family friendly podcast. It really isn't.
32:47
Speaker 4: I don't know. What am I supposed to do with that?
32:52
Speaker 4: Dip a bicky in it. That's what you do. You
32:55
Speaker 4: guys are disgusting.
32:56
Speaker 3: Oh, my fucking God. Okay, good to know. Thank you, Ash,
32:59
Speaker 3: for that very helpful bit of information.
33:01
Speaker 4: So wash your foreskins. There it is. There it is.
33:03
Speaker 4: Are we still in housekeeping?
33:05
Speaker 6: We are now out.
33:05
Speaker 1: We are. We are officially out. We've closed the door
33:09
Speaker 1: on housekeeping and moving on.
33:11
Speaker 4: And now it's story time. I know. That might as
33:14
Speaker 4: well be the housekeeping episode. I want to show you
33:21
Speaker 4: a video. Show us a video. Take your pants off
33:24
Speaker 4: and show me that video. Take your pants back, roll
33:27
Speaker 4: it back and show me that video.
33:27
Speaker 3: Oh, God.
33:29
Speaker 4: Have you claimed it? Actually, I have claimed it. Oh, God.
33:34
Speaker 4: Who's editing this?
33:35
Speaker 3: Me.
33:35
Speaker 4: Actually, no, I'm not.
33:38
Speaker 3: Vic's like.
33:39
Speaker 4: Who is editing this one?
33:41
Speaker 6: I've outsourced to Lockie. He's going to love it.
33:43
Speaker 3: Oh, my gosh.
33:44
Speaker 4: Lockie, send this to your friends.
33:46
Speaker 3: And shout out to Lockie.
33:47
Speaker 4: Yeah, shout out to Lockie. What does yours look like
33:50
Speaker 4: when you roll it back?
33:50
Speaker 3: Oh, God.
33:52
Speaker 4: Okay, show us the video. Okay, sorry, yes. Matt, I
33:54
Speaker 4: have a video that I want to show you of
33:56
Speaker 4: my beautiful daughter, Macy, who's turning five next month, a
33:59
Speaker 4: month after next.
34:00
Speaker 3: What a change of gears. Sorry, what a change of gears.
34:02
Speaker 4: Playing with her beloved Bubba. Ah. I just want to
34:06
Speaker 4: see if you can see anything that may or may
34:09
Speaker 4: not be off about this video. Oh, my God. Show
34:14
Speaker 4: me her.
34:16
Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
34:17
Speaker 4: Oh, I see. She has to keep it on. Oh,
34:22
Speaker 4: it has to. Okay.
34:24
Speaker 6: All right.
34:25
Speaker 3: She's like a plastic surgeon.
34:27
Speaker 4: Explain what you've just watched.
34:28
Speaker 3: She's done some work on this doll. This doll is just, oh,
34:31
Speaker 3: my God, is bug-eyed, just wrapped in sellotape.
34:36
Speaker 4: So the other day.
34:37
Speaker 3: Sellotape or sticky tape?
34:38
Speaker 4: Either either.
34:40
Speaker 3: Why sellotape?
34:41
Speaker 4: That's a conversation for another time. That's a debate. You're right.
34:44
Speaker 4: We can debate that later. So this is what's happened
34:48
Speaker 4: over the weekend.
34:49
Speaker 3: Okay.
34:49
Speaker 4: Macy's. Ask for some sticky tape. I said, no worries.
34:53
Speaker 4: She's probably doing some arts and crafts, something lovely like that.
34:55
Speaker 4: I don't know, maybe she's making me something.
34:56
Speaker 5: Yeah.
34:57
Speaker 4: I'd love to see that.
34:58
Speaker 1: Sometimes kids just come at you with random requests and
35:00
Speaker 1: instead of having to dig and find out what it's for,
35:03
Speaker 1: you just say, path of least resistance, here's the tape.
35:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, as long as you're not going to hurt yourself,
35:07
Speaker 2: that's fine. Anyway, so I'm making myself lunch, as one
35:11
Speaker 2: does at lunchtime.
35:12
Speaker 3: Makes sense.
35:13
Speaker 4: Well said. And then I went, I sat down at
35:16
Speaker 4: the table and I was– Shocked with what I saw.
35:19
Speaker 4: Also concerned with what I saw. My daughter has sellotaped,
35:25
Speaker 4: or sickotaped, we haven't worked that out yet, over the
35:27
Speaker 4: doll's face. For what reason? I do not know. But
35:31
Speaker 4: it is the freakiest looking thing I've ever seen.
35:35
Speaker 3: You better sleep with your eyes open, pal.
35:37
Speaker 4: Well, there's a movie called Bad Boy Bubby.
35:39
Speaker 3: What's that one?
35:40
Speaker 4: From like, oh, would it be in the 90s maybe?
35:43
Speaker 4: If someone knows what I'm talking about, this is going
35:45
Speaker 4: to sound horrible. It was a child who cling-wrapped his parents'
35:48
Speaker 4: face while they were asleep. Oh.
35:50
Speaker 3: To kill them.
35:51
Speaker 4: To kill them.
35:51
Speaker 3: Okay.
35:52
Speaker 4: And then he did it to the cat. Bad boy Bubby.
35:55
Speaker 3: Bad boy Bubby. Haven't seen it. I will watch it.
35:58
Speaker 4: Should I be concerned or is it just complete?
36:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude. Oh, my God.
36:02
Speaker 6: Yeah, it was scary.
36:03
Speaker 4: It's scary. Yeah, we'll put it up on our socials.
36:06
Speaker 6: It reminds me of that scary doll from Toy Story.
36:09
Speaker 4: Yeah, she taped the eyelids open.
36:11
Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
36:12
Speaker 4: Specifically on separate bits.
36:14
Speaker 1: But also she was the only one in the family
36:17
Speaker 1: who wasn't scared of the moths. She was sleeping sound asleep.
36:21
Speaker 4: She can also lie point blank to my face.
36:23
Speaker 3: Oh, my gosh. Psychopath.
36:25
Speaker 4: Yeah, dude. Okay. Sleep with one eye open. If I'm
36:28
Speaker 4: not here next week, you guys know why.
36:30
Speaker 3: All right, Jessica Dahmer, because she's a girl. Oh, Jeffika.
36:34
Speaker 3: There it is. Thank you.
36:35
Speaker 2: Jerika.
36:36
Speaker 4: Jerika.
36:39
Speaker 3: Sorry, Jerrica. Jerrica Dama.
36:41
Speaker 4: She's just like, I just want to take a couple
36:43
Speaker 4: of pictures. All right.
36:46
Speaker 5: Sorry.
36:46
Speaker 4: Moving on. You were on a cruise.
36:47
Speaker 3: I was on a cruise. Hey, I was on a cruise.
36:49
Speaker 3: And I got back from the cruise this morning. It
36:52
Speaker 3: was weird because- Who did you go with? I got with-
36:56
Speaker 3: Marley was there.
36:57
Speaker 4: My Marley.
36:58
Speaker 3: Lola. Laura did come. Nana was there as well.
37:01
Speaker 4: And?
37:02
Speaker 3: And another family. Our neighbors.
37:04
Speaker 4: Can you believe that? I know.
37:05
Speaker 6: Where was our invite?
37:06
Speaker 4: You were probably on another holiday somewhere.
37:11
Speaker 3: Good. Good shift of attention on your bit. Thank you.
37:14
Speaker 6: I know.
37:15
Speaker 4: Anyway, hurry this up because she's got to get on holidays.
37:18
Speaker 3: The cruise was good. But, yeah, I got off the boat,
37:21
Speaker 3: the ship, I should say.
37:22
Speaker 4: They hate it when you call it a boat.
37:24
Speaker 3: You cannot call it a boat.
37:25
Speaker 4: They hate it.
37:26
Speaker 6: Because it's not a boat.
37:26
Speaker 4: It is a ship.
37:27
Speaker 3: But it's a boat. It floats. It floats. It's a boat.
37:31
Speaker 4: I call a boat a boat. A spade a spade. Yeah.
37:34
Speaker 4: A ship a ship.
37:35
Speaker 3: Naval people need to chill out.
37:38
Speaker 4: The seamen really need to chill out.
37:39
Speaker 3: They do need to. Very good.
37:40
Speaker 4: The seamen.
37:41
Speaker 3: Very good.
37:42
Speaker 4: There's seamen all over that boat, and I don't mean
37:43
Speaker 4: the people who work there. There he is.
37:46
Speaker 3: That's why I did this podcast with you.
37:47
Speaker 4: Thank you. Thank you.
37:48
Speaker 1: When I got off the boat, the ship, sorry, this morning,
37:52
Speaker 1: went home, dropped the kids off, and then drove back
37:54
Speaker 1: past the ship, and I was like, hello, ship. But
37:57
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm a bit fucking drunk still because.
37:59
Speaker 4: I'm just– we had a bit of swell.
38:00
Speaker 3: It was like two-meter swell, and so– I like it.
38:03
Speaker 3: Any moths? No, not a single moth.
38:06
Speaker 4: You lucky bastard.
38:07
Speaker 3: I know.
38:07
Speaker 4: You're the only kids in Sydney that aren't terrorised.
38:10
Speaker 3: I'm there drinking a pina colada and you guys are like.
38:12
Speaker 4: Every man for themselves.
38:14
Speaker 3: The moths are coming.
38:15
Speaker 4: The plague. Yeah, I know.
38:17
Speaker 3: Like the day of reckoning is upon us.
38:20
Speaker 4: I know.
38:20
Speaker 6: I thought it was like the world was ending or something.
38:22
Speaker 3: I checked the group chat between you guys and it's
38:24
Speaker 3: like 84 messages and it's just Ash being like taken
38:27
Speaker 3: by the moths and flown out into the horizon.
38:29
Speaker 4: I've been 10 rounds with a bunch of moths.
38:32
Speaker 3: But the cruise was great, man.
38:33
Speaker 1: I mean, I do wish my kids were just a
38:35
Speaker 1: little bit more fucking grateful, if I'm being honest.
38:38
Speaker 4: Oh, it's every time.
38:40
Speaker 3: I just wish they were a little bit more, you know, like,
38:43
Speaker 3: come on, guys.
38:43
Speaker 4: Like a thank you, Dad, or like a this is great.
38:46
Speaker 4: I'm so lucky to be here. No, it's like. My
38:49
Speaker 4: fucking thing is cold.
38:50
Speaker 3: They had a Dr. Seuss breakfast. So they have Thing
38:53
Speaker 3: 1 and Thing 2 characters.
38:55
Speaker 4: And they have green eggs and ham? Literally.
38:57
Speaker 1: And they serve you and they're singing songs. And then
39:00
Speaker 1: the kids are like, this is pretty good. And then
39:02
Speaker 1: the next thing they're like.
39:04
Speaker 3: We have to go back to the, yeah. Take your
39:06
Speaker 3: pants off.
39:06
Speaker 4: What else you got?
39:07
Speaker 3: What else you got?
39:08
Speaker 1: They're just a split second of nothing happening. They're like, well,
39:11
Speaker 1: I'm fucking bored and this sucks. I'm like, you've literally,
39:14
Speaker 1: you've done arts and crafts. You've built a little like necklace.
39:18
Speaker 1: You've had your breakfast served by Dr.
39:20
Speaker 3: Seuss characters. You've done dancing. We're about to do karaoke
39:23
Speaker 3: and it's not even 11 o'clock and you're already fucking bored.
39:26
Speaker 4: I know. As soon as there's any break.
39:27
Speaker 5: Maybe there's like too much stimulation and they're just like,
39:30
Speaker 5: must keep going. Yeah.
39:32
Speaker 1: I do have to say a couple of things, a
39:33
Speaker 1: couple of things, and I want to just preface this
39:36
Speaker 1: chat with a shout out to Nana because she is
39:40
Speaker 1: and has been Nellie.
39:43
Speaker 3: Thank you, Vic.
39:44
Speaker 5: Ellie.
39:45
Speaker 3: Nellie. She changed her name. Not Nana, not Ellie.
39:47
Speaker 4: It's Nellie. Not legally though. No.
39:49
Speaker 6: No, not legally. As her nana name.
39:53
Speaker 4: It's a disorder.
39:54
Speaker 3: She is an enormous help most of the time.
39:58
Speaker 1: She's a vocal help. It is so nice having her
40:03
Speaker 1: on the cruise because Poppy's still having two naps during
40:05
Speaker 1: the day and in those moments Nellie's like, I'm happy
40:08
Speaker 1: just to sit in the room with the white noise
40:12
Speaker 1: blaring and it's blacked out.
40:13
Speaker 3: She's like, I'll have another nap. But then there are
40:15
Speaker 3: other moments where... And she may listen to this episode
40:19
Speaker 3: and I love you so much, but there are other
40:21
Speaker 3: moments where it's kind of like having a fourth child.
40:28
Speaker 4: I'm not getting involved. Okay, no.
40:29
Speaker 3: So, and just in my defence, and again, 90% of
40:33
Speaker 3: the time, incredible.
40:34
Speaker 4: Why am I sweating?
40:37
Speaker 1: So we get to Moreton Island, which is where the
40:40
Speaker 1: ship docks. You see there for a day.
40:42
Speaker 4: The boat.
40:43
Speaker 3: The boat.
40:44
Speaker 1: Obviously, a lot of people on the cruise ship come
40:47
Speaker 1: onto the island, and at certain periods of the day,
40:50
Speaker 1: it's very busy.
40:51
Speaker 4: There's only one stop on this boat. Everyone's getting off.
40:54
Speaker 3: Yeah. And we're having a great time because the weather
40:56
Speaker 3: was amazing. We're on the beach. We're on the water.
40:59
Speaker 3: And before you know it, you're like, shit, it's 12 o'clock.
41:01
Speaker 1: And the kids are like, we're fucking hungry. And you're like, okay,
41:04
Speaker 1: I've got to go order something. 2,000 people also are
41:08
Speaker 1: hungry at 12 o'clock as well. So big queues, okay?
41:12
Speaker 1: And so Nana goes– Who wants pina coladas? And I'm like, hey,
41:21
Speaker 1: that's a great suggestion.
41:22
Speaker 4: Read the room, Nana.
41:23
Speaker 3: She has this thing that she's like, we need a
41:26
Speaker 3: pina colada.
41:27
Speaker 1: And I think she's got ADHD. And when she gets
41:29
Speaker 1: an idea and she's like, does anybody want a pina colada?
41:31
Speaker 1: And everyone's like, oh, do you know what?
41:33
Speaker 3: Okay for now. We'll get one later.
41:35
Speaker 4: Probably some food would do.
41:35
Speaker 3: And she's like, I'm getting pina coladas.
41:37
Speaker 4: Was there no line at the pina colada thing?
41:39
Speaker 3: No, the fucking line's enormous. Enormous lines. And I'm like, hey,
41:43
Speaker 3: now what we're going to do first, We're going to
41:45
Speaker 3: just feed the kids because they're hungry and getting pretty crabby.
41:48
Speaker 3: Get that sorted. Then we'll go get the pina coladas.
41:50
Speaker 3: And she's like, she goes, okay, okay.
41:53
Speaker 6: Like this is my holiday.
41:54
Speaker 4: I know.
41:55
Speaker 3: All right.
41:55
Speaker 1: So then we go to one place to order burgers,
41:58
Speaker 1: but they only serve burgers. There's another lineup which does
42:01
Speaker 1: fish and chips and nuggets for the kids.
42:04
Speaker 3: So I'm like, that's fine.
42:05
Speaker 1: Me and Nellie are together right now. I line up
42:07
Speaker 1: for the burger line, which is a massive fucking line,
42:10
Speaker 1: by the way.
42:11
Speaker 3: And I go to Nellie. I say, hey.
42:14
Speaker 1: I'm going to stay in this line. You go to
42:16
Speaker 1: the other line. It's just over there. That's the other line.
42:20
Speaker 1: You wait there. And by the time I order here,
42:22
Speaker 1: I'll come.
42:23
Speaker 3: And meet you.
42:23
Speaker 1: And she goes, but what do the kids want? And
42:25
Speaker 1: I was like, it doesn't matter because that line's also enormous.
42:28
Speaker 1: And this line's moving pretty quick.
42:29
Speaker 3: So by the time I get to you, you'll just
42:30
Speaker 3: be towards the front. But if you get to the front,
42:33
Speaker 3: just get some chicken nuggets and some fish and chips.
42:35
Speaker 3: And she's like, what?
42:36
Speaker 5: Who?
42:37
Speaker 4: Her?
42:37
Speaker 3: Pina Colada. She's like. And then she's like, but I can't.
42:43
Speaker 3: But where's the line? It's right there.
42:44
Speaker 4: Just stand here.
42:45
Speaker 3: And then I go, do you know what? It's fine.
42:47
Speaker 3: You stay with me. We'll do this together. So I
42:50
Speaker 3: look at the menu and then look back and I go, fuck.
42:54
Speaker 3: She's gone.
42:56
Speaker 4: Oh, my God.
42:57
Speaker 3: She's gone. And I'm like.
42:59
Speaker 6: She's like a toddler.
43:00
Speaker 3: I look around and literally I just glance at them
43:01
Speaker 3: and you glance back, disappeared. Disappeared.
43:04
Speaker 4: She's quite short.
43:05
Speaker 3: I know she's just like, I'm fucking thirsty.
43:09
Speaker 4: She's quite short too. I was just like, I can't
43:11
Speaker 4: see her even.
43:11
Speaker 3: She just dissolves into the crowd. So I order my hamburgers.
43:15
Speaker 3: I go to the other line thinking that she's going
43:17
Speaker 3: to be there.
43:17
Speaker 4: No.
43:19
Speaker 1: No sign of her. And I'm like, she's never going
43:21
Speaker 1: to answer her phone. So I'm calling her, calling her,
43:23
Speaker 1: calling her. Finally, fifth ring caller, she's.
43:26
Speaker 3: Like, hello? And I'm like, where are you? And she's like,
43:29
Speaker 3: I'm in a line. And I'm like, line for what?
43:32
Speaker 3: She's like, I don't know.
43:33
Speaker 4: Oh, my God.
43:35
Speaker 3: And I'm like, where are you? She's like, somehow wandered
43:38
Speaker 3: into another restaurant, lined up there, and I'm like, come
43:42
Speaker 3: back to where we were. She's like, I'm lost.
43:44
Speaker 4: How?
43:45
Speaker 3: So I'm like, fuck, so I order for the kids.
43:47
Speaker 3: I'm then trying to find Nellie who's lost on the
43:50
Speaker 3: island somewhere.
43:50
Speaker 4: Yeah. She was like, did you see that article? It
43:53
Speaker 4: was like, drunk guy helps search parties find himself. That's
43:57
Speaker 4: what it's like. For five hours, she's just like, where
44:00
Speaker 4: is she?
44:01
Speaker 3: Where was she? Pina Colada line. She was just drunk
44:06
Speaker 3: under a tree with five Pina Coladas.
44:07
Speaker 4: She just joined a random line.
44:09
Speaker 3: But she just, she loves a chat. So we're getting,
44:11
Speaker 3: I had to get off the ship this morning and
44:14
Speaker 3: I was like in a rush because Vic has a
44:16
Speaker 3: holiday to go to.
44:16
Speaker 2: I know.
44:17
Speaker 3: And so you can get off at 7 o'clock. So
44:19
Speaker 3: I'm like, hey, guys, bags packed.
44:21
Speaker 4: We're at the front door at 7 to get off.
44:23
Speaker 3: Let's go off. We're walking off and I'm like, where
44:25
Speaker 3: the fuck's Nellie? And she's talking to a crew member.
44:27
Speaker 3: She's like, where are you from? And she was like.
44:30
Speaker 4: It's on her badge.
44:31
Speaker 3: Crew member's like, oh, I'm actually from America.
44:33
Speaker 4: My mum was like, what?
44:34
Speaker 3: And how long have you been on ground?
44:36
Speaker 4: Not America.
44:36
Speaker 3: And I was like, Nellie.
44:38
Speaker 4: Don't mention Trump. Don't mention Trump. No talking.
44:42
Speaker 3: You're not allowed to talk to anyone.
44:44
Speaker 4: I know. I've cruised with your mum.
44:46
Speaker 3: Yes.
44:47
Speaker 4: Your mum and my dad together. Oh, my God. But
44:50
Speaker 4: they just don't shut up. I know. The last cruise
44:53
Speaker 4: that we were on, dad had to get wheeled off
44:55
Speaker 4: in a wheelchair. He got pneumonia.
44:56
Speaker 3: That's right.
44:57
Speaker 6: Poor dad.
45:00
Speaker 4: It was the first one off the boat when we docked.
45:02
Speaker 4: And it's like 6 a.m.
45:03
Speaker 3: In the morning.
45:04
Speaker 4: Anyway, so we're like in our room and because you're
45:07
Speaker 4: up against the dock, you can see the ramp. You
45:09
Speaker 4: just see dad getting pushed in his wheelchair. And the
45:14
Speaker 4: kids are like, what? What's happening here?
45:17
Speaker 3: What's pneumonia?
45:18
Speaker 4: Straight to hospital.
45:19
Speaker 3: How do you get that?
45:21
Speaker 4: It was just after his triple bypass. So he wasn't 100%,
45:26
Speaker 4: but he was able to cruise and travel and stuff
45:28
Speaker 4: like that.
45:29
Speaker 3: Drama queen, isn't he?
45:30
Speaker 4: I know. We were at karaoke. And I've had about
45:32
Speaker 4: 30 red wines and what did I sing? Tequila, but
45:36
Speaker 4: I did it specifically out of tune and out of time.
45:39
Speaker 4: So like tequila. He loved it. He loved it so
45:42
Speaker 4: much he got pneumonia. The next day, our mum was like,
45:46
Speaker 4: you have to leave your dad in the room. So
45:47
Speaker 4: he was in the room for three days at Vanuatu
45:49
Speaker 4: and then we got back.
45:50
Speaker 3: Way to ruin the cruise, Dad. I know, fully. Also,
45:52
Speaker 3: I did karaoke. I saw.
45:54
Speaker 4: Yeah, actually. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up, Vic.
45:58
Speaker 4: Settle down, Vic. Whoa, settle down. We went on a
46:03
Speaker 4: cruise together. I put us down for karaoke to do
46:07
Speaker 4: it as a duet, and guess who didn't and refused
46:10
Speaker 4: to get up?
46:11
Speaker 5: Me.
46:12
Speaker 3: Him. Because I didn't know the song.
46:14
Speaker 4: What song was it?
46:15
Speaker 3: I can't remember, but it was such a fucking random song.
46:18
Speaker 4: It was the P & O theme song. It's because
46:19
Speaker 4: he was scared you'd kiss him. Yes.
46:21
Speaker 6: He wouldn't want anything from Chuck's chat.
46:23
Speaker 4: He's not scared. He wants it. Tell me more about
46:27
Speaker 4: that voice again.
46:29
Speaker 3: Tough crowd though. It was a tough crowd. Yeah. Everyone
46:32
Speaker 3: did karaoke.
46:33
Speaker 4: At least I wasn't there shaming you from the audience.
46:35
Speaker 3: I encouraged you.
46:36
Speaker 4: Oh, PTSD over here. I've never karaoke'd again and I
46:41
Speaker 4: refused to karaoke.
46:43
Speaker 3: Actually, I did.
46:43
Speaker 4: I'll do it again.
46:44
Speaker 3: And Marley did karaoke as well.
46:45
Speaker 4: Oh, yes. And she's quite good.
46:48
Speaker 3: And she was a bit flat, I thought.
46:49
Speaker 4: That's what you want to be in karaoke.
46:52
Speaker 3: And afterwards she was so nervous.
46:54
Speaker 4: Yeah.
46:55
Speaker 1: And she was like devastated because she was like, I
46:58
Speaker 1: didn't sing as good as I normally do. And I
47:00
Speaker 1: was like in tears while she was doing it.
47:03
Speaker 3: It's funny you didn't cry when I did it. Because
47:06
Speaker 3: it was terrible.
47:06
Speaker 4: You just said it was flat. Yeah. Let it go.
47:11
Speaker 6: Let it go.
47:12
Speaker 3: She was so nervous. She was absolutely.
47:15
Speaker 4: It's scary. It is scary.
47:16
Speaker 3: And I was like, you did great. And she was like,
47:19
Speaker 3: I'll never do it again. And I was like.
47:21
Speaker 4: Me and her are like this. I'll never karaoke again.
47:23
Speaker 3: Except, worst thing was, she lost her shoes. Day one.
47:27
Speaker 4: Doing karaoke?
47:28
Speaker 3: No, she left them at the pool.
47:29
Speaker 4: And they got taken.
47:31
Speaker 3: They were stolen.
47:32
Speaker 4: No, lost and found.
47:33
Speaker 3: And we found them on the last day. So the
47:35
Speaker 3: whole cruise, she's just barefoot.
47:38
Speaker 6: You only bought one pair of shoes?
47:41
Speaker 4: Don't you dare judge, Matt.
47:43
Speaker 6: That's not judgment.
47:45
Speaker 3: That sounded pretty judgy to me.
47:46
Speaker 4: That was pretty judgy. That's like planning. Yeah, I mean.
47:49
Speaker 6: Kids lose shit, especially your kids.
47:50
Speaker 4: You know that. What do you mean by your kids?
47:52
Speaker 3: Wow.
47:53
Speaker 4: Wow.
47:53
Speaker 3: Don't shame my kids.
47:55
Speaker 4: Picture's over there going, let me just dig this hole.
47:57
Speaker 1: You're there serving Louis Benoffi pie for lunch.
48:00
Speaker 3: I'm saying he can swear. And you have the nerve
48:02
Speaker 3: to judge me in my one pair of shoes.
48:05
Speaker 6: I'm not judging you, I promise.
48:07
Speaker 5: But I always have to take two pairs of everything
48:10
Speaker 5: because I'm They'll always lose something.
48:12
Speaker 4: Well, that's a you problem.
48:17
Speaker 3: Sorry, Vic. Sorry.
48:18
Speaker 4: So where did you find them? Where you left them?
48:20
Speaker 3: No, we went back, finally went back again to guest
48:22
Speaker 3: services and they're like, oh, are these the white Crocs?
48:24
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, fucking hell, yeah, yeah.
48:27
Speaker 4: Imagine the lost property that. Actually, speaking of lost property,
48:31
Speaker 4: when we went to Canberra, I got a call from
48:32
Speaker 4: the hotel and they're like, um, sir, you've left. And
48:36
Speaker 4: literally the items that I'd left was like a shirt, slides, socks, underpants, snacks,
48:42
Speaker 4: my Lego. I was like, oh, I left my pillow.
48:47
Speaker 3: The sex pillow?
48:49
Speaker 4: No, I would never leave that. I've got it in
48:50
Speaker 4: the boot of my car just in case I want
48:52
Speaker 4: to pull over.
48:53
Speaker 3: How did they send it to you? They didn't.
48:55
Speaker 4: I just said, you know what?
48:56
Speaker 3: Just keep it.
48:57
Speaker 4: Keep it. I was like, put it in the other
48:59
Speaker 4: hotel room that we still haven't stayed in. We haven't
49:01
Speaker 4: stayed in years ago. Anyway.
49:02
Speaker 3: I don't know about you guys, but I thought that
49:04
Speaker 3: was great.
49:05
Speaker 4: Honestly, I think that was very good.
49:07
Speaker 3: Partly because we bullied Vic quite a lot.
49:09
Speaker 4: More than usual. It was so much fun.
49:10
Speaker 3: And we do it, Vic, because we love you.
49:13
Speaker 4: Yes. Thank you. Bullying is fun.
49:15
Speaker 3: Don't cry.
49:17
Speaker 4: It's like, oh, God, I need this holiday. Another holiday.
49:20
Speaker 4: Weren't you just in Ulladulla? No. You were jet-setting everywhere.
49:23
Speaker 4: Ulladulla was for you guys. I don't recall.
49:27
Speaker 3: Don't remember that.
49:28
Speaker 4: I don't remember that trip.
49:29
Speaker 3: How long did the Gold Coast fall?
49:30
Speaker 6: We've got like two nights Port Macquarie. Two?
49:34
Speaker 5: Three nights Gold Coast and then we're still tossing up
49:36
Speaker 5: whether we drive back in one day or split it
49:39
Speaker 5: up again on.
49:39
Speaker 6: The way back.
49:39
Speaker 3: Oh, split it.
49:40
Speaker 4: No.
49:40
Speaker 6: Because it's the grand final.
49:42
Speaker 4: Yeah, but the worries aren't in it. The nights are.
49:45
Speaker 5: Mm.
49:46
Speaker 4: So are the Roosters.
49:47
Speaker 6: I know, but we want to go for the Knights.
49:49
Speaker 3: Yeah, me too.
49:49
Speaker 4: I think everyone except for you. Me?
49:52
Speaker 3: You can't.
49:53
Speaker 4: I've got messages that say I'm a Roosters fan now.
49:56
Speaker 3: Did I say that?
49:58
Speaker 4: Yeah, you did. Do it in one trip.
49:59
Speaker 3: Do it in one trip.
50:00
Speaker 1: But also, more importantly, Vic, you've been working incredibly hard.
50:04
Speaker 1: And I'm being serious. This is not a piss date.
50:06
Speaker 1: You have been working so hard all year and you
50:09
Speaker 1: deserve a break. So just make sure this episode is
50:12
Speaker 1: edited on time.
50:13
Speaker 4: Was Vietnam not enough? LAUGHTER Be careful. No, you deserve
50:20
Speaker 4: a break. It's a shame that you're going with your family. Hey, Lloyd.
50:25
Speaker 4: I mean, I love you everyone and the kids. Yes,
50:27
Speaker 4: have fun. Enjoy yourself. And if you've enjoyed this episode, boom.
50:31
Speaker 3: Yes.
50:32
Speaker 4: Segway.
50:32
Speaker 3: Write a review or something.
50:34
Speaker 4: Write a review.
50:36
Speaker 3: Subscribe. Subscribe.
50:37
Speaker 4: Subscribe.
50:38
Speaker 3: Definitely subscribe. And then you must, you must, you must.
50:43
Speaker 4: What's that?
50:44
Speaker 3: Follow us on social media, Two Dirty Dads. There is
50:46
Speaker 3: a TikTok. There is an Instagram. There is YouTube. And
50:51
Speaker 3: there is Facebook, the Facebook group.
50:55
Speaker 4: I'm shocked.
50:55
Speaker 3: Actually, I do want to give a mention to the
50:57
Speaker 3: YouTube Watchers.
50:58
Speaker 4: Watcher.
50:59
Speaker 6: They've really come out of the woodwork.
51:01
Speaker 3: They're funny, aren't they, those YouTube Watchers? But I like them.
51:03
Speaker 4: I've always said that they're a strange breed.
51:05
Speaker 3: They're all the Perth people.
51:06
Speaker 4: They're all from Perth. They're like, we don't have TikTok
51:09
Speaker 4: or Instagram over here yet. It's... Louie's got to go.
51:13
Speaker 4: Louie's got to go.
51:13
Speaker 3: I'm rambling.
51:14
Speaker 4: I'm rambling.
51:15
Speaker 3: I'm rambling.
51:17
Speaker 4: That looks like it wants to go on holidays.
51:20
Speaker 3: We'll see you guys on.
51:21
Speaker 6: Wait, the next episode is housekeeping answering all your doting dilemmas.
51:25
Speaker 3: Thank you.
51:26
Speaker 4: What she said.
51:27
Speaker 6: No, no, no, you said it.
51:28
Speaker 3: No, it's great.
51:29
Speaker 4: We'll keep it in.
51:29
Speaker 3: We'll keep it in.
51:30
Speaker 4: You nailed that.
51:31
Speaker 3: You delivered that very well.
51:32
Speaker 4: Glad someone remembered.
51:33
Speaker 3: And Louie, Louie, you have been very well behaved.
51:35
Speaker 6: Louie, well done on your first episode.
51:37
Speaker 3: Hey, Louie, you're just going to say bye, everyone. Goodbye.
51:42
Speaker 4: Yay.
51:42
Speaker 3: See you.
51:57
Speaker 4: Bye.
52:02
Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
52:06
Speaker 1: throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community.
52:10
Speaker 4: We pay our respects to their elders, past and present,
52:12
Speaker 4: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait
52:15
Speaker 4: Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.