Latest / The You Project / #2146 Optimising Your Energy - Bobby Cappuccio

Transcript

#2146 Optimising Your Energy - Bobby Cappuccio · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I got a team. It's a laughing Tiff and a
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: smiling Bobby and me in the middle of both of them. Well,
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: not literally or virtually, I should say, we don't need
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: a Craig Tiff and Bobby sandwich. That'd be fucking tasty,
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: wouln't it? Definitely? Oh no, don't care. There. Hi everyone,
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Hi Bobby, Let's start with you. Hi, Bobby, Hey, Greg?
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Much better response time, well done, straight away, so proud,
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: so proud. Tiffany and Cook sent me a message at
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: at ten fifty seven, recording time eleven, saying can I
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: be five minutes late?
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: I would like you to start with the beginning of
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: this story. Now that you've brought that up. Great, what
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: have I twenty minutes that?
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Well, I may or may not have informed you that Bobby,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: in his selfishness, had moved the time another day.
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: It might have been Bobby and I or maybe even
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: mostly me, And the thought was, well, I did look
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: at the thing, and it didn't say that you were
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: on this show.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Actually it did.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: That is a fib not when I look at it.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Whoa jumbo speaking.
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: To contesting all the details of this story? All right,
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: I'm hearing about this all right? Now that I have
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: all the evidence, I'm going to make a deliberation. You're
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: both at fault. Let's carry on.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Bobby, if you just said before we started recording your
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: four dollars ninety nine per minute voice, could you I
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: see is that? What is that? What? Ladies?
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: The joke there?
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Well, I didn't know. I don't know. Is that how much?
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Who gets paid that?
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: To do?
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: What? Just to talk to desperate men or something?
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Oh do they?
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: Hi?
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: John? How should open that?
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: Exactly exactly? It sounded just like me?
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: Then?
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: How are you feeling? Oh? God? Could you imagine? Sorry? Sorry,
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: the John's out there that do that. I'm being a
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: bit insensitive. But anyway, what's the lady that you call?
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: What's her name? Again? Bobby? You told me? Is it parents? Time?
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: Or money? For that?
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: I don't respond from Brooklyn by any chance?
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: Are you forget about it?
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: Well? Now I want to talk about today.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: I got some I got some time back in my day.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Well, the podcast will go for twenty minutes less if
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: you fucking reduce your response times, that's for sure. How
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: come the podcast takes two hours? Have you listened to
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: the gaps? Or should I say the non speaking sections anyway,
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: that's all right, we love you. So I want to
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: talk today about something that often is the case where
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: it's a flow on out of a conversation I had,
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: which was this morning with someone around. We're talking about
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: the way that we use our energy, our energy, our
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: personal like Craigtiff, Bobby, it's not an infinite resource, it's
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: not limitless. We hit the wall, we get tired, we're fucked.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: We've got to sleep, we've got to stop, we've got
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: to slow down, we've got to hit the pause button.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: And so it would seem that how we use our
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: energy in terms of what we want to do be, create, change, move,
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: achieve matters a lot. And I am a person who
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: has been both very productive with my time and energy
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: and also very wasteful at times. So I want to
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: start now. This is going to require both of you
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: to give it a little bit of thought and be
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: brave because I want to go deep and I might
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: throw my bit in as well. But so question one
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: for both of you is how do you both currently
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: waste energy? What is a thing or what is a
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: habit or a ritual or an unconscious thing that you
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: do that you recognize is not a good use of
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: time or.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: Energy counting not counting cat videos on Instagram.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Well, I'll leave that up to you. You might see
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: that as part of your therapy, which God knows you need.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: So if it's meeting some kind of emotional or psychological
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: or mental health need, what's your wait? If what's what
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: for you?
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: Scrolling social media? I'm an issue with it at the
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: moment with myself, like I want to I want to
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: get rid of it a lot. I think I'm going
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: to take it off my phones again.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: But I've heard you say that ten times, like how
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: are you going to do? Like this is the thing
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: and I've done the same thing, right, So I'm not
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: throwing you under the bus because I feel like a
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: lot of us recognize things that we currently do that's
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: not not valuable, essentially a waste of energy and time.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Yet we don't proactively do anything for longer than three
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: days and then we go back to what we did,
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Like what would your plan be? Firstly, if I said
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: not your plan? B your plan A? Like if I
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: said to you, do you want to stop that scrolling
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: for like a week or a month or forever? Like
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: still using your phone? But just not burning time and
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: energy on mindless scrolling. I'm guessing you would say, I
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: want that to be a permanent change, right, yes, So
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: what does that look like for you? Like, how do
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: you actually when you've probably got like me and I'm
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: guessing Cat video Man years of scrolling behaviors, like even
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: for me, I do it less. Honestly, I do do
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: it quite a bit less, but I still do it.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: I still So what's your plan like, because I'm asking
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: this because firstly, listeners, there's no set plan that's going
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: to work for everyone. But I think everyone listening or
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: eighty percent will go yeah, that's me as well. So
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: how do we actually change it? Not just talk about it?
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: So one of the first things I've started doing, which
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: I did for a long time and then stopped, Like
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: we find reasons to stop for a week, we like, yeah,
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: so phone out of the room at night, because then
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: you can't pick it up in the morning. You have
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: to think about it, and it has to be a
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: deliberate action to go and get it to do that.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: So if I don't sleep with it in my room
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: of a night, which stopped because I would be chatting
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: to Scottie of a night, so I'd have my phone
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: and talk to him and pop in bed. We'd keep
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: chatting and then I'd hang up, So then it's there.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: And then that I used to my sleep improved a
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: lot when I took it out of my room, so
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: I've reinstated that, Like I can keep my headphones on
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: and put the phone in the kitchen and hep in
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: bed and still talk and then when the phone call
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: hangs up, it disconnects. Yes, So that's that's the first thing.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: And the other thing I think is in your relationship
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: with social media and just getting honest about the cost
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: of it and then putting barriers in place. Like I've
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: used apps they don't work because they work for a
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: little while, but then I end up switching them off
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: for just to go do one quick thing. It's hard
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: because I use it for business, I use it for
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: posting reels, I use it for engagement on my podcast.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: But I've got other devices, and for a period of time,
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: I took the apps off my phone. So if I
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: wanted to access Facebook, I had to use the URL
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: like the meat web browser, and that worked amazingly.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: But then why do you stop? Why did you stop?
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: Because I changed back to an old phone because my
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: phone's crapped itself, and now and then I've just gotten
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: back straight back into the old habit and away we're young.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: M all right, let's go back and forth a bit.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: But Bobby, what do you waste time on? Rumination?
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah? I ruminate a lot? Yeah?
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Is there a main focus or is it anything?
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: Oh? Proa Now it's it's it's when I think I've
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: done something that is going to let somebody down. I've
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: noticed that's a big trigger. It's like, well, what if
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: I did this? What if I did that? Like even
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: when we were moving, like we're in the process of
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: moving right now, and it's like every decision is hmm,
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: would have been a better decision if I had done
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: this versus do that? Should I have moved here or
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: should I have moved there?
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: Ah?
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: Well, what would happen if you know, I chose this
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: call the scheme versus? And it's all around what if
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: somebody is not completely happy? Or what if I'm not
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: optimizing my environment and I'm not as productive as it
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: could be, and then I let somebody else down? And
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: it's like that's kind of interesting.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Psychologically, what is what is itotential answer or pot answer
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: to that, like that seems like a big one. That
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: seems like an unconscious, almost involuntary river that you're swimming
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: in and it's controlling you. You're not controlling in.
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, if I had to guess this is just again
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: my perspective, it could be a lot because this is complicated.
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: Maybe it's the fact that it's approval seeking may or
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: maybe it comes from you know, and we talked about
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: this on the show before. Maybe it comes from where
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: if I did something wrong or got disapproval, even in
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: the slightest way, the punishments were extreme, and I've gotten
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: a lot better at that because now I recognize I
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: was like, oh, this isn't me, this is my rumination,
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: Like it's not Bobby sitting here going back and forth.
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: Somewhere around fifty percent of the time, I can now recognize, no, no, no,
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: this is just how I'm prois in the situation. This
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: is just a condition response in me to where before
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: one of the time it's like, oh my goodness, why
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: are you like this? I'm not. So I'm getting better
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: at this progressively, far from what I need to be.
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: But those are possible root causes.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Do you think that we Yeah, do you think that
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: most of our energy wasting? I kind of hate to
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: think how much energy and time and not that I
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: don't think any of life's not about productivity and efficiency
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: and box sticking and constantly meeting the requirements of the
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: to do list and then we look up and where
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: ad and we're fucked. But geez, we've been productive but miserable. Right,
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: So of course it's a balance. But do you think
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: most of the stuff that we regret, like I regret
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: wasting a lot of time on social media and a
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: little bit like you may be looking for approval because
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I was insecure or because of all my own bullshit.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: But do you think that's conscious or unconscious? I feel
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: like maybe I'm like, we're kind of aware of it,
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: but in the moment, we're not aware. TI.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: I think that's I think that's true. I mean, there's
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: a lot that we you know, we might be consciously
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: aware of, but human behavior is so complex that if
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: you take a look at the things that we're aware of,
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: there's probably a lot more underneath the surface that not
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: only are we not aware of, we would never even
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: consider it. I know I've talked about this particular book
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: I've talked about Sapolski's book Determined and Behaved. Those two books,
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: while not an easy read, is a fascinating reader. And
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: if you could go through those two books and still
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: believe you understand everything about why you do something, or
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: even funnier, why somebody else does something, read those books again,
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: it's it's fascinating. I think there's also not just this
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: unconscious element of why we do things we don't want
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: to do, but what's the payoff?
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Somewhere?
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: Tiffany staying up and not removing those apps from her
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: phone is getting a benefit from scrolling on social media
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: because I used to do the same thing. I had
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: my apps on you know, completely different device. Then I
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: had to go away for a while and then bring
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: that device. So I put all my apps back on
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: my main phone. I haven't taken them off, and I
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: was markedly better. So somewhere there's a benefit there for me. Yes,
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: it's conditioning and I've been doing it for a while,
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: but there's a benefit in my rumination. There's a benefit
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: in my self flagillation, there's a benefit in my scrolling,
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: and I think that creates ambivalence and in both of
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: those the things that we don't want, the consequences and
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: the benefits we're getting. There's elements that are conscious, and
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: then there's also elements that we have no idea.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. The other day I was at office works
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: for our American friends and international friends. That's you know
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: those joints. I don't know is that international or only
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: Australian TIF Bobby, do you have office works over there?
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: I believe we do. Yeah.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: It's like a great, big joint that supplies no office
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: works is like a big giant Oh. Actually yeah, everything
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: from whiteboard markers to desks, to computers, phones, like it's
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: the one stop shopped, even bloody coffee for the staff room. Yeah. Anyway,
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: I was there and I was buying some other stuff,
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: and I was looking at some dumb phones. They call
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: them dumb phones. I don't have. They're officially called that.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: But it's an analog phone or whatever that is. Is
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: that the right term? Analog? Anyway, it's got no Internet access.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: It's not you know, can't you can't look at any
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: you can't put apps on it, you can't look at
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: it doesn't get emails. It's like it's a phone. It's
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: got big numbers, and I bought one for the old man.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: He doesn't know this yet, but anyway, I bought one,
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: and I thought, this is what I should have. I
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: should have so not all the time, but half my
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: day I use this number, and the eight people in
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: the world who have to have to be able to
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: have access to me, they have this number. But I
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: can't get distracted because it doesn't do anything. So then
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: my thought is to put go to the cafe, do
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: my bizo between kind of six and eight, then turn
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: that phone off, then turn the other one on till
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: about four, and then I've got eight hours through the
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: day where I can't pick and put that phone somewhere
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: else and turn it off, and then people can still
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: contact me or reach me, but I can't get distracted.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: What do you think of that, Tiff as a concept.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: I love it because I always think of remember how
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: we've talked about how if you're for even if your
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: phone is off, if it's in the same room as
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: you have ten percent cognitive decline. So I think about,
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: even if there's not apps on the phone, your relationship
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: up to this point is that device has all of
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: this in it and the potential for it where when
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: that's not there, the thoughts like when it's not in
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: the bedroom, I can't help my brain looked for it.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: The first time I ever removed it from my bedroom,
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: I would have these I wouldn't recognize my brain going, oh,
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: we've got to know this or we've got to do
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: that a reason to pick it up and look something
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: up or write something down, and I was like, no,
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: it's not it. We can't go to sleep, brain.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Anyway, That's something I'm thinking about because I
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: need something that's practical, because otherwise I'll just like something
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: that means I actually can't access it, because I don't
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: know that with that, mister willpower, I don't know that
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: I have the willpower or that in the moment awareness,
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Like I'm picking it up and looking at shit, and
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: I know I've made a decision, but I don't feel
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: like I've made a decision, you know what I mean.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: It's like it's just I know it's not unconscious, but
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: it kind of feels like it.
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: So my next question for both of you is, so,
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: when you are in more of a conscious space, how
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: do you decide where to invest your energy physical, mental,
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: emotional energy and maybe how to allocate that in terms
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: of some kind of productivity hierarchy or whatever, like do
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: you make conscious decisions about your emotional, energetic, and even
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: time investment? Bobby?
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And it depends on what I've got on day
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: to day, Because I, like you, things pop up. I mean,
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: all three of us, we're two weeks from now. My
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: day could look very different now versus three days from now.
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: When somebody puts a request then, but I'll ask myself.
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: I find that questions are more powerful for me then
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: determined statements. Okay, I'm going to focus on this where
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: it's like, okay, what is the single most important thing
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: I need to do today if I did nothing else,
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: what one thing has the highest payoff if done? And
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: the flip side of that is what one thing has
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: the greatest consequences if not done? Because I get distracted
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: very easily. So I could have ten things on my
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: to do list, but one of them matters most to
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: my career, to my job, my organization, and three of
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: them it's like, oh wow, I need to get this done.
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: But if I don't do it today, the consequences are well,
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: not that much, if any at all. So that's an
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: easy one for.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: Me, And what's the mental sorry, what's the mental and
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: emotional pathway to that being? Like? None, I'm doing it now.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: I'm not talking about it with some friends. I'm doing
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: it like I feel like if there was no choice,
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: Like if magically, all of a sudden, you know, iPhones
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: and apps and the like weren't a thing we go
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: ah and in a week, we'd adapt because they're not
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: there anymore. So we don't think about it, we don't
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: obsess about it, we don't reach for it because it's
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: just not an option. How do we have a version
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: of that in our own kind of world that we
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: create where it's like with me, I can drink beer
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: whenever I want, but I don't drink beer or booze ever,
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: not because I'm better than anyone, Because in my mind,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: that's not an option. It's not a thing I do.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: I don't reach for it. Would I like it? Maybe
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: I would like it? Would it make me feel good? Probably?
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: I don't know. But you know, when you have something
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: in your head where you go, that's just not a
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: thing I do. And that's absolute, that's not dependent on
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: willpower or self control or situational awareness. But you know,
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: how do we have that kind of alcohol kind of
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: thing like I do with some other habit that's also
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: potentially destructive or unproductive. How do we get from the
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: idea now to the reality in our life?
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: Wow, that's I think that's a complicated question because there's
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: practices that we engage in that are conditioned that that
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: may not serve us. I mean maybe at one time
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: they did. And then there's the whole thing around addiction
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: and what drives that. So, I mean, if there was
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: no oxygen in my room, I just wouldn't breathe, and
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: because I'd have no choice.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: It definitely wouldn't use your apps, though.
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: Definitely not definitely, not not for very long. I mean
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: that's a serious problem. If I'm gasping for hour and
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: I'm like, oh god, I'm alive for another sixty seconds,
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: that's one more cat video I can get in.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let me just check my ij stats.
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: That's a serious issue. But yeah, it's it's like, Okay,
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: of course I wouldn't breathe because I have no access
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: to oxygen. But if I have I have ox access
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: to oxygen, I'm gonna do everything I can to take
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: that one more breath. I think that's a different situation
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: than forming your identity around I'm just not the type
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: of person who does this, you know. For me, I
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: think my identity is around the gym, no matter how
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: many injuries I get, no matter how messed up I get,
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: I'm just not the type of person who won't work out.
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: And that's not a willpower thing at all. At this point,
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: it's almost, you know again, this is something we talked about.
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: It takes more willpower for me to say I'm going
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: to stay out of the gym because I need more
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: recovery or I'm gonna stay out of the gym because
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: I got these weird injuries. Because my identity is I
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: am this person. So I think, you know, the whole
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: question around not what am I going to discipline myself
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: to do or not do where it is valuable, but
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: more sustainably, who am I? And who am I not?
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: What do you think about the concept? I'll start with
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: you tif of some kind of public declaration, not necessarily
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: on social media, but maybe to your five year friends,
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: or to your bloke or to the people you train with.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: You go, this is what I'm doing. I want you guys,
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: help me stay a bit accountable and you know, give me,
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: give me some grief if I'm not. I don't know,
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: like I know that and I've said this before, but
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: one of the things I really regretted badly when I
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: started my PhD is that I told everyone I was
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: doing a PhD because I wanted to fucking give up
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: thirty nine times. And if I hadn't told anyone, I
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: probably well, I definitely would have thought of it because
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: the first six months were horrible, but part of me,
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: probably my ego, just kept me like showing up and
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: doing it because I didn't want to be that guy
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: that went back, I'm doing this, which I never said,
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: But what do you think of the concept of saying
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: it out loud? Was that keep you more? Is that
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: a good or a bad pressure or no pressure?
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: I reckon accountability is a good pressure, but I reckon
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: there's that It's different for different people. So you know,
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: for me, accountability is more who can help or who
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: can be on the team, Like there's a bit of
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: or who can I drag in to help so that
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: I will stay on this. Like if I just if
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: I picked five people and said I'm going to do this,
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: give me a bit of grief. If I don't mate,
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: I'd go them if they came at me when I'd stopped.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: It's like.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: I think, sometimes I reflect on when I'm not doing
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: something that I say I want to do, I have
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: to revisit my values. Do I actually want this? Is
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: this obviously not a priority because I know I'm very
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: disciplined with the things that are a priority. So let's
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: sit down and ask ourselves why this doesn't seem to
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: be a priority. What makes me want to do it
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: and what's making me not do it? Accountability? But back
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: to that though, Yeah, I think for me is a
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: big one. But dependent on how I structure that what
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: that looks like.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: Are you I want to ask this question, this is
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: not a two edge question. Are you really disciplined with
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: the things that are important to you that you're more
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: comfortable with? Like? What about the things you fucking hate
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: doing and don't want to do but you know they're important.
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: I think I'm disciplined with that too, Yes, Yeah, And.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: What's one thing you hate doing that you're consistently good with? Oh?
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: Look, I just think of all of that the admin
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: required for running a podcast and running it, you know
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: the amount of episodes I've done, and doing it on
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: the day all of the time, like making it a structure.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: And when I implemented that program and the socials that
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: go with it, I did each platform slowly because I went,
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: this will fall over. I probably won't keep doing this
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: because sometimes I start things and then I don't keep going.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: And now every day I post something on that Instagram,
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: but which I've been terrible for years, not being very consistent.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: But I want, well, if you want this to be better,
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: you have to post one thing every Day's it? One
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: thing every day? And so every day now I do
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: that one thing. Sometimes I don't want to. I'm like,
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: I don't want to do that.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: And what about Bobby? The process of like the awareness
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: stepping out of the micro the minutia of the day
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: to day being in the day and trying to step
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: away from the day a bit and then figure out
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: what where does my energy need to be today? Like
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: what is the best use of my energy? As we
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: record this Thursday, the twenty third of April, Like do
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: you ever get your shit together in the morning and think, okay,
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: in terms of what I need to get done today,
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: how do I invest my energy wisely?
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: I need to I need a morning tool and an
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: evening or a touol and it's really it's really interesting,
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: so making this move one of the places, and one
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: of the reasons why I chose this place is because
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: I have this I don't even know if you can
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: call it a balcony, but it's enormous. It's like a
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: room outdoors and you got like this, you know, view
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: of the mountains. And when I said, oh, I could
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: go out here and literally be home but not home,
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: and it could be an oasis where I could sit.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: I don't need to bring my phone because I know
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: where it is. I could even turn the alarm on
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: so I could hear it from inside the house when
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: I know it's time to come back inside. And I
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: could sit with my work. I could sit with my
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: books and really prepare for the day. I feel that
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: when I fill my head with information and not information
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: like jumping from one post to another, reading information and
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: sound bites, but immersive learning, I get so much more clarity.
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: And then I do the same thing at the end
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: of the day with the reflective practice. I think one
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: of the reasons why I'm struggling cognitively. I am struggling
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: so much the past couple of weeks is we've been
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: this move is so stressed out, stretched out. It's the
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: longest move I've done. I don't have my rituals at all,
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: and I'm a complete mess. Like how I get at
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: this time. When I get off this show, it'll be
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: around seven in the evening. For me, I'm gonna be
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: amazed they got through the day and did anything at all.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: My growing up, my mum had this habit which she
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: was renowned for. Mary would always you know those little
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: kind of spiral bound pads that are about as big
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: as your hand, You know, those little ones, tiff and
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: they've got the spiral spiral at the top and you
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: turn it over. So everyone used to make fun of
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: Mary for her lists. Mary had a list for everything.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: She was like the list lady. You know, I should
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: have lists for groceries, should have lists for stuff she
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: bills she needed to pay, should have lists for things
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: she needed to do or people she needed to call back,
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: or like, I just grew up around lists. And the
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: fucking hilarious thing is, and I know this is the
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: most fundamental concept, but if I write a list in
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: the morning, either a written list with a pen or
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: a list in my phone. I'm definitely more productive and
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: waste less energy. And now this is just me. It
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: probably won't work for everyone, of course, but I'm just
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: better when I have a list that either of you
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: do lists? Do you do lists?
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: I have gotten so into it because there was a
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: time where I thought, okay, like people who make all
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: these lists, and I just got a weave from understand
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: one the neuroscience behind those dopamine hits, Yes, productive dopamine
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: hits or fantastic. I think I'm more engaged in my day.
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: And I'll rate all these things on the list, not
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: so I can cross them off, so I could transfer
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: them to another list. So I have a list here
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: on my mobile phone, but I also have a paper list,
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: because I'll look at that and there'll be twelve things
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: on that list. I don't care about doing all twelve
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: of those things. I'll take what's the top two? What
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: are the top two things? I'll write that down, and
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: as soon as I crossed those off, what are the
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: next two top things? So yeah, it really helps me
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: organize my mind.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: I reckon. My mom has been training her whole life
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: for cognitive decline because now she's there right, and her
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: brain doesn't work as great as it used to. And
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: now when I've got to tell her something important, I go,
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: where's your pad? She goes, Oh, it's just here. I go,
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: I get your pad. I go write this down because
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: I know she's going to forget it in eight minutes.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: But if it's written on paper, she'll get it done,
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: or she will at least recall it when she sees
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: the you know. And so even on a like for
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: eighty six year old Mary Harper, it works for her,
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: like it still works for something she's been I don't
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: know since I can remember probably sixty years. Do you
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: have a version of that tip?
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: No, I'm shocking. I use this. I have an Asana account,
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: which is like a task prioritizeation kind of thing in
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: and put a list on there which you can access
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: on your phone and on there, and I'll probably look
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: at it once every three months. I'm like going to
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: use that. That'll be really good, And I'll write my
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: list and I'll put the deadlines in and then I'll
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: revisit it in another three months. Shocking.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: I feel like, I don't know if this sounds weird,
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: but like your life, Bobby's life, your life, my life,
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: it has its own energy and its own kind of flow.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: It's like a river that's flowing, and every morning you
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: step into the river and you just start flowing with
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: the river. Yeah, yours is rappers. Yours is rocks and waterfalls,
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: and it's in kayaks and fucking oh yeah yeah yeah, yeah,
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: oh yeah, you'd be good. But my point is that
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: I think it's quite easy to do life somewhat unconsciously
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: because you have set rules, rituals, routines, like things that
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: you do every day. You know, nobody drives to work
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: going well, I put my indicator on that you just
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: put it on, will I go this road or that
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: you go? You know, you just get there and you
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: haven't even thought about how you got there because you
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: did it largely while hopefully paying attention to the road.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: But you know, on a level, you didn't think about
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: how do I do this task? You just did the
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: task because there's no alternative. But then there's the thinking
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: about of the things that I typically do in a day,
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: which of those things are moving the needle in a
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: positive or a negative direction? I know that's an overdus term.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: Moving the needle. But yeah, and being able to like,
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: I think there's a correlation between how consciously you are
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: living and the change that we're talking about, the improvement,
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: the adaptations and the recognition of things that don't serve you.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: What do you think about that, Robert?
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: For me, I can do that when I set up
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: events for myself. I think that's one of the reasons
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: we were talking about this offline, like why are you
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: doing this particular course and taking this exam? I'm taking
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: a pretty big exam in a couple of weeks, and
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: no sooner than we had that conversation, I went out
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: and invested in another really expensive course. It's like, why
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: do you keep doing this? Because it helps me be
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: more conscious about the way I'm living, Because these courses
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: are connected to something that's important to me, not just
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: something I want to have the skill sets to do,
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: but someone I want to be, and it struck me.
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: It gives me timelines to where if I start looking
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: out into the future like five years, I'm not nearly
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: as effectives as if I'm like, Okay, let's look out
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: five months the standard this course or just like one
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: year this thing at the end of all this when
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: you do this coursework, what'll be different? Not again, what
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: will be different in terms of doing skills and being skills?
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: What about that very human factor of our I can't
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: be fucked you know. It's like the amount of times
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: where I've had someone come up to me after I
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: do a gig. I'm not talking tencent, but one or
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: two percent. Usually a man who'll come up after I
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: do a gig. And obviously they think I'm in reasonable shape.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: They're like, how old are you? I tell them. Then
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: they're like, fucking hell, I'm ten years younger than you.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, I wish I looked like you are.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: A wish I was lean or as strong or as
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: fit or whatever their thing is in their head about
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: their perception of me. And they go, tell me what
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: you do, and then I give them a one minute
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: of overview of what I do, and most of them
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: are like, oh fuck that, Like I want that outcome,
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: but I don't want that work. It's like, yeah, I
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: want that. I would love to be that or have
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: that or operate at that level, but that seems real hard.
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's also got to be a willingness to
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: just go do some shit that isn't fun or easy
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: or comfortable to make that shift from what I'm doing
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: isn't working into what I'm doing is now working much better?
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: Right? Yeah, you know what, here's something that I'm learning
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: from myself. So the ACAUS, the International Coaching Federation, I've
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: been looking at their core componencies as principles for a living,
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: not just so every few years they get together. I
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: think that the last meeting they had was in Paris
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: and in twenty twenty five, and people who are at
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: an MCC level master coach level, we get together and
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: evaluate the code of ethics and the core competencies and
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: they kind of reevaluate them because things change. And one
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: of the things that they looked at was when you
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: are an ICF credentialed coach, you are expected to maintain
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: a certain code of ethics within your coaching practice. And
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: then they looked at that last time and said, no, no,
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: it goes deeper than that. When you're an ICF coach,
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: you are expected to maintain a certain code of ethics.
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: And my view on what ethics are and what they're
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: not is totally shifting. But that's that's tangential. You need
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: to maintain those fa in everything you do. So let's
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: say you're a coach, but you're also a plumber. You
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: need to maintain those code of ethics like when you're
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: on a plumbing job, and it'll probably make you, you know,
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: probably not a better plumber in terms of skill, but
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: in terms of customer relations. Absolutely. I was like, Wow,
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: that's amazing because if you can use those when it
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: comes to doing hard stuff. I think boundaries and guidelines
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: and principles are just as important as the practices. And
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: what are the principles that guide your life, Because if
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: your principles are set up in a way like let's
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: take a look at core competency number eight, which is
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: talking about the facilitation of growth. If that's something that
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: you hold not just for your clients, but you hold
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: it for yourself in your life, Yeah, I'm going to
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: go out and do hard shit. Why because I live
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: by that. That's a core competency of mine. That is
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: an intrinsic principle that I've committed to. I find that
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: very valuable.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, t If is there something that you have
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: recognized in the past that was a waste of energy
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: that you've actually changed, like that you've gone, yeah, I
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: really have switched that, well, flick that switch or turned
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: it around.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: I think it's often that same one I come back to.
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: Really it's the socials or it's a I think one
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: thing I've been looking at lately is priorities, like what
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: what am I doing? And getting conscious but getting conscious
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: around it. When I was doing an obscene amount of
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: productive work, what felt like double what I do now.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: The more the busier I am, the more productive I am,
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: It's great. And then trying to get more balance into
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: my day and my week and my life is really
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: challenging because when there's no urgency. So what I think,
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: what I'm looking at at the moment, if I'm honest,
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: is what self created urgency is running my perception of
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: my life. I self create urgency to get things done.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: And then that urgency sits inside my fucking emotions and
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: becomes a thing that is actually not good. It's not positive,
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: it's not productive, and it's not enjoyable. And I'm like, okay,
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: well let's start looking at all that. I think I'm
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: in the middle of something now.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: That's nice, that's good. Do you remember I don't know
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: if you're on this podcast, but I did it. Maybe
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: you edit to hurt it. Maybe you're sitting in on it.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: It was a thousand episodes ago at least with Jeff
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: Jout and he was talking about and Jeff Jout built
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: a sixty million dollar company here in Australia. Super smart dude,
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: bought it, sold it had a few peaks and troughs.
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: But he's just in innately intuitively clever and gifted and
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: entrepreneurial dude. And he said to me one day, said
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: the problem And this is a while ago. Things have
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: changed a little bit, but it like lit a fucking
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: fire in my mind because he saw something about me
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: and in me that I didn't recognize. He goes, the
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: problem with your business model largely is it's the wheelbarrow model.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, what's the wheelbarrow model? And he goes,
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: You're only making dough if you pushing the wheelbarrow. So
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: I'm essentially my whole life was about trading my time
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: on my skills for money. And so if I'm doing something,
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: I can make dough. But if i'm and so the
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: idea of one efficiency that's not the most efficient. It's
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: not a bad way by the way if that's what
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: you do, if you do a certain trade or skill
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: and you get paid X per hour and that works
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: for you, and that's then that's where you should be.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: But I realized that I did a lot of things
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: that were not productive. And I still want to dedicate
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: percentage of my life doing things just to help people,
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: which is irrespective of the commercial pursuits. But yeah, I
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: realized I needed to figure out from a business point
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: of view, from a commercial viability point of view, how
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: do I, instead of one hour equals one x one
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: hour equals one x in terms of income or dollars
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: or whatever, how do I do one hour of work
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: that produces five x other than just my perceived value
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: going up as a speaker. And you know, so that's
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: when we started to do like online stuff and we've
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: got a video course in the pipeline. At the moment
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: I did my audio program, and even that little audio program,
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: which I'm not suggesting anyone by it, but it was
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: like took me, I think took my I had two
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: days to record and edit. And I'm not trying to
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: sound good to bad here because it certainly didn't make
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: me rich, but it sold it ninety seven bucks, and
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: I think in the first week we sold about sixty
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, so I'm in bed and I'm getting up.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: I'm going I made fifteen hundred dollars last night.
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: How was that?
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: Just where you go, oh, this is a pretty good
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: of investment of time and energy if we're talking through
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: through a purely commercial lens, right, I didn't understand how
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: to be more efficient, or I didn't. I certainly didn't
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: capitalize on that ability to be more efficient. So I
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: think there's that you know, when your eyes just get
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: open to something new and you go, oh, I wasn't
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: even It's like with academia. I never ever saw myself
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: as an academic, even though you know, I already had
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: a degree in the back pocket and all of that.
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: But it's like when I started, but now not that
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: I think I'm a high level academic, But now I
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: understand it. I know how to do research, I know
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: how to interpret data. I know how to write papers.
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: I know how to communicate with other academics. I know
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: how to I know how to do that. I know
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: how to inhabit that environment and not feel like a
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: total weirdo. But you can't achieve that feeling or that
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: that that personal outcome without going through that journey. You
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. I don't know what I was
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: saying there, But anyone thoughts save me, help, anyone fucking help?
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: You know what's what's mad? Every cool?
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: That's where I go.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: When you're doing when you're doing a gig and you're like,
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: which doesn't happen much these days, but it has. Where
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: you do a bit of a zinger and you stand
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: on the edge of the stage. You're gone, but aba
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: zinger and fucking two hundred people look at you, like
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: with blank faces and then you now you know you're
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: not gonna they're not going to feel the feel, the
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: silence or the gap. I just experienced that just then
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: in my sphincter snapshot for about ten seconds. So thanks
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: for helping me out. You too. You guys are awesome.
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, a real friend will just sit in it with you,
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: experience that with you.
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: That's definitely not friendship. Hey, can I just chuck into
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: Red Herring? Have either of you read It's very old,
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: now very well known, and it polarizes people. But the
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: power of now either of you read that, you read
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: it tip.
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, a long time ago. I'd actually mentioned it the
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: other day. I want to read it again.
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: I just started.
• 42:37
  Speaker 3: I read two I think I read two chapters of it. Yeah,
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: that's a lot of people's experience. And I said this
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: the other day.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: Sorry for the repetition, but god, it's making me think
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: at the moment anyway differently. I'm listening to about two
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: hours of it a day. It only goes for eight hours,
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: so I've got like four days, so I'm halfway through.
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: But it's just even looking at the world and life
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: purpose and meaning, I don't agree with everything he says.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: He's not my guru, but just to listen to somebody
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: else who has really great insights who you don't really
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: think like them, but then you listen to them and
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: you're like, this is definitely not the worst way to think.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: He's definitely not the worst way to see the world. Yes,
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: so I think I said it the other day. But listeners,
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: if you probably go the audio option, the reading option
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: for me is a little bit laborious, but definitely good
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: to go for a stroll and listen to last one
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: And this is weird and off topic and Bobby, this
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: is going to be hard for you because I know
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: that you've read one million books. So instead of saying
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: all time, most impactful book in your life, give me
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: one or two or three. And Bobby's looking at his bookcase.
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: You wouldn't know where to start. And I mean you
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: could come back next time and go, I got it wrong,
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: I forgot this book. But name one or two or
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: three books which for you not necessarily recommendations for the audience,
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: but books that you read and loved. And even now, like,
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: there's one book that I loved so much and look
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: them back. I'm almost embarrassed. I'll share it in a
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: minute because it's somewhat cheesy, but for me at the time,
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: it was the right book, by the right person with
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: the right words. What about you, Bobie.
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: Well, I did mention, I did mention?
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: Behave.
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: Yes, it's up there. Wicked The Life and Times of
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: the Wicked Witch of the Worst Gregory Maguire. It's got
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: to be one of my all time favorite.
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: Books because give us like, can you just I come
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: listening and going why on Earth? But I'm sure there's
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: a good reason.
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's very different than the theater production or the film.
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: It's a lot darker, it's a lot more complex, and
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: it creates this fictitious character to kind of sneak in
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: under in the your cognitive biases. Uh and and challenge
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: how you feel about the world. It's like you really
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: don't know anything. Yeah, step completely into whatever you think
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: you know, you probably don't. You love that.
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: It will be a it will be a third one.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: You pause and we'll come back to you. Feel said one, Tiff,
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: what's near the top.
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: Of your list, it's how to narrow down? But three,
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: Like I banged on so much about Atlas of the
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: Heart by Brene Brown that a few times when that
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: first came out. That's brilliantt What.
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: Did you What did that do for you or what
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: shift or what awareness did that bring for you? The
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: power of.
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: Understanding the literacy around our emotions, like how we describe
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: and how we define emotion, the words we use in
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: relationship to what the meaning is. Then, so how both
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: we interpret our own emotions but how we can communicate
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: or understand other people's emotions based on the words we use.
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: It's yeah, I read it a few times and I
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: just remember going on and on about it all the time,
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: recommending it to people.
• 46:20
  Speaker 3: You have you read that, Bobby, Yes, And I found
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: it to be an outstanding read.
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: I'm the odd one out. I'll go for that after
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: eckhat yep. Second tif, Die.
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: With Zero is a book on money, and that was brilliant.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: What's the Bill Perkins wrote that? And I loved that
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: it was just a book on money, but about your
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: relationship with money, and it really makes you think differently
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: about life and how you live it and how how
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: you experience life and making memories versus material things. Good book.
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: Uh What Happened to You? By Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey. Yeah, yeah,
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: it's a really good book. Trant me to stop there?
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: Or can keep going? Yeah?
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: No, keep going.
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: Another one I really enjoyed was Annie Duke wrote a
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: book called Quit. So a lot of people have heard
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: of the book on grit. What's that is that? Angela
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: Duckworth wrote Grit Quit is a brilliant book because it
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: talks about the psychology of quitting and there's and the
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: science behind that and that I found that a really
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: interesting introspective read of our relationship with the decisions we
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: make and goes into sun clost value and all of
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: the things that we place on the decisions we make
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: and the things we hold on to, and why it's a.
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: Really provocative word quit, isn't it because it's kind of
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: got negative connotations, like nobody wants to be a quitter exactly. Yeah,
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: that's interesting, Bobby.
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: Last one, Can I just say every book that Tiffany
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: just said, I like those.
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: Two copy out?
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: I do. I don't know. I'm having a hard time
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: thinking about a third book.
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: This is great podcast.
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: One hundred books behind him on the bookshelf.
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: We'll just just mentioned, all right, honorable shout out.
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: It's it's it's probably. I don't think it's like my
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: all time favorite. What I'm realizing, what I'm embarrassed of
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: is that every book I think of is a non
• 48:36
  Speaker 3: fiction book, which that that's a growth edge for me.
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: I really need to sit with some fiction for a bit.
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: But Community to Change right by Keegan la He that is,
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: that's a great book from a coaching perspective or work
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: even personally, like exploring ambivalence both personally and organizationally.
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: Perfect more book.
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: Tales and Troubles of Horatio Jones of what oh.
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: What a bloody amazing book. Yeah, I've heard of it.
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: I've even got a copy of it. I may have
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: even read some of it. Apology to the author, who
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: Tiff and I both know and one of us has
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: intimate relations with the author. A Tiff, you can have
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: a go next week. It's not me. I'll give you
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: the tip. Ah. Well, my first cheesy book, which is
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: now a little bit embarrassing to say, but it kind
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: of just hit at the right time for me because
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: it was suited my mind at the time, which was
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: Tony Robbins. I know, that's real cheesy, but unlimited power.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: Like when I first read that, I'm like, oh, it
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: just gave me hope because there was this you know,
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: this dude who grew up in Shittsville and you know,
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: his story just resonated with me. And then to watch
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: him over the years, whether or not you like him
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: or hate him. Yeah, I really, I really it resonated
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: with me because it gave me who thought I was
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: a piece of shit, and it just I really recognized
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: a bit of him in me and I really kind
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: of aligned with that. So it wasn't I mean, the
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: words were good, but like the actual the teaching content,
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: but yeah, more so the story. I think when you
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: really resonate with some person and their story. It has
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: way more impact because I went, oh, I'm a loser
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: to I want to read this.
• 50:46
  Speaker 3: You know, Bobby, I was so disappointed with Unlimited Power
• 50:51
  Speaker 3: because I thought it was a book about solar panels. O.
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: Can you need to go back and rewrite that and
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: try and get the next one? All right, Bobby. Bobby
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: Capuccio dot Com is where you can find him. Also
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: the self.
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: Help Robert dot com.
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: Robert Capuccio apologies and I throw it up now antidote
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: fucking hell. And see when you want him to talk,
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: he doesn't, And then when you want him to shut up,
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: he doesn't fucking shut up. I love I love you
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: so much. Also, you can find him on LinkedIn. Tiffany
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: and Cook has a podcast called Roll with the Punches.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: She's also a woman about town. Available for sexy voice
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: for four dollars ninety nine per minute, So if you
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: want to chat and you better get in quick because
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: I don't think the sexy voice is going to last long.
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: We're at fifty thirty, so I'll send you and invoice
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: apps when we sign off.
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sure won't. Thanks everyone, Thanks, boys and girls appreciate
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: you