Latest / Parent's Talk with Francine Juhlin / EPISODE 3: How Control Restricts Freedom and Limits Future Success

Transcript

EPISODE 3: How Control Restricts Freedom and Limits Future Success · Parent's Talk with Francine Juhlin

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Practicing these tools and learning these tools.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: Was a gift that.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I will cherish for the rest of my life, and
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: I hope other parents will cherish it because we are
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: in a society where we don't know how to listen,
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  Speaker 1: and we want to speak over people and we want
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  Speaker 1: to tell them what they need to do.
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  Speaker 2: And so, you know, letting go controls caution.
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  Speaker 3: When you control, you keep somebody and check, you limit
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: their potential, You regulate their freedom, and you restrain their
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  Speaker 3: ability to make independent choices and pursue their own goals.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Welcome to parents talk.
• 0:50
  Speaker 4: We believe in nurturing strong and competent kids today rather
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: than fixing broken adults.
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: Too much.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: We've been so programmed to control.
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  Speaker 1: And I see a lot of people experiencing anxiety and
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  Speaker 1: experiencing depression. They feel that way because they can't control
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  Speaker 1: the outcome.
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  Speaker 4: That filters down to the kids, because when you try
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  Speaker 4: to control everything, they never get to learn how to
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  Speaker 4: be themselves.
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  Speaker 1: I have a whole new experience with my son, who
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: is a senior now. All my other children are adults.
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  Speaker 1: I have two grand babies, but I feel like I
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: was given a second chance with my last one to
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  Speaker 1: start shifting the way I was living, or you should
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: have did this, or when he didn't bring home grades
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: that weren't to my expectations. It was just like, okay,
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  Speaker 1: well this is not going to fall on me. I'm
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  Speaker 1: going to leave this in your hands and that's where
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  Speaker 1: it's going to be at. And yeah, I'm not going
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: to be like those other parents walking out of parent conferences.
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  Speaker 2: And like what's wrong with you? Why didn't you do this?
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  Speaker 1: And you know, and so you realize, like just those
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: gestures are traumatic because we start feeling like we're failures.
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  Speaker 1: We start feeling like we're not good enough and how
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  Speaker 1: can I please my mom? So we end up, you know,
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  Speaker 1: attaching ourselves to drugs.
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  Speaker 2: Alcohol, you know, foods.
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  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what it is. We
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  Speaker 1: just find something to comfort us.
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  Speaker 4: They break the cycle.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, Yes.
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  Speaker 4: The greatest gift my mom ever gave me. And I
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  Speaker 4: didn't realize that at the time. I wanted to join
• 2:45
  Speaker 4: the Navy when I was seventeen and she wouldn't sign
• 2:48
  Speaker 4: the papers. She made me wait till I was eighteen,
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  Speaker 4: but she never told me not to, even though it
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  Speaker 4: hurt her deeply when I she cried when the recruiter
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  Speaker 4: came and took away, but she wanted it to be
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: my choice. It is gift my mother taught me was
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  Speaker 4: to not follow the crowd, even though I really wanted
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  Speaker 4: to follow the crowd. Up until I was fifty years old,
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  Speaker 4: I was trying to fit in everywhere. But by not
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: letting me go to boot camp when all my friends were,
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  Speaker 4: she gave me that time to think it is just
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: something I really wanted to do. And then when I
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  Speaker 4: was of legal age, I made my own choice.
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  Speaker 1: We can still give children at a younger age a choice, yes,
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  Speaker 1: but also limit it.
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  Speaker 2: Right.
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  Speaker 1: I also see I also see a lot of in
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  Speaker 1: society where we make a lot of excuses, you know,
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  Speaker 1: Oh I give it to them because they did.
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  Speaker 2: I didn't have it as a child, you know. And
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  Speaker 2: I'm just like, oh my gosh, like this programming that
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  Speaker 2: we have and to say, just like me.
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  Speaker 1: These are part of the one of the courses that
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  Speaker 1: I teach, which is called the Clarity Catalyst Course. It's
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  Speaker 1: an emotional intelligence and mindfulness course, and it takes you
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  Speaker 1: down a road of like every week you're practicing no judgments,
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  Speaker 1: no expectations, just like me. And when we judge somebody,
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  Speaker 1: you remind yourself, oh my god, just like me, And
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  Speaker 1: so that kind of like takes you a step back
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  Speaker 1: of like recognizing that we are just like everybody.
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  Speaker 4: That's the one thing I learned is before I went
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  Speaker 4: through my whole big, long change journey, I've used to
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  Speaker 4: get annoyed at people so and then I get frustrated
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  Speaker 4: and angry, and I could feel the tension inside of me,
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  Speaker 4: and I know I was that crazy driver, you know,
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  Speaker 4: people looking at me like, oh my god, what's going
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  Speaker 4: on in that car? And then when I finally realized
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  Speaker 4: that we're all just trying to lead our lives. We're
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  Speaker 4: all just trying to do what we have to do.
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  Speaker 4: Some people make the wrong decisions in doing it, but
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  Speaker 4: that's their learning experience. Once I learned that, my whole
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  Speaker 4: demeanor changed and I am just a happier, calmer person. Now.
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  Speaker 4: When I look at parents, like in the grocery store,
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  Speaker 4: and I see them getting frustrated and angry with their children,
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  Speaker 4: I think it's time for them to reflect on why
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  Speaker 4: is their child acting that way? Is it's something they
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  Speaker 4: learned something, because the children if they don't know what's
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  Speaker 4: going on, and as you know from the you know,
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  Speaker 4: birth until five years old. The children feel your energy.
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  Speaker 4: So if your child is acting out, even if you
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  Speaker 4: look how cool and collected on the outside, your child
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  Speaker 4: is feeling your energy. Just like when I was in
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  Speaker 4: the car getting angry at the world, the world felt
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  Speaker 4: my negative energy, which attracted more negative energy to me.
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  Speaker 1: I got to experience this firsthand with my grandkids. My
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  Speaker 1: daughter ended up having two, two of them back to back,
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  Speaker 1: just like me, same age, young nineteen, got married yo,
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  Speaker 1: and I had them here and my granddaughter was crying
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  Speaker 1: and all.
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  Speaker 2: Of a sudden, I was laying down watching TV and
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  Speaker 2: I was like, Dandy, stop your crying.
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  Speaker 1: And I like, I had this voice of wisdom, like
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  Speaker 1: tell me, like why are you yelling at her? And so,
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  Speaker 1: you know, social media and things that I watch play
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  Speaker 1: a big role in me recognizing.
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  Speaker 2: Like I've filtered out a lot of my life.
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  Speaker 1: I don't watch the news, I don't listen, I don't
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  Speaker 1: follow people who are posting negative stuff or self disjudgment.
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  Speaker 2: So I really filter out, and.
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  Speaker 1: I'm watching things that inspire me, following people that inspire me,
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  Speaker 1: and so music that inspires me.
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  Speaker 2: Everything.
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  Speaker 4: We hope we inspired you to change the way you
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  Speaker 4: think you just change one thought. How will you inspire
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  Speaker 4: your children to be more confident? Stay tuned to Parents
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: Talk and if you want more information about the Confidence
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: Club for Kids, just PLoP a comment down below. I'll
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  Speaker 4: get back to you just as soon as I can.
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  Speaker 4: This is Francine Julien, the founder of the Confidence Club
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  Speaker 4: for Kids. We'll see it later