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8 Phrases you may hear when dealing with a Narcissist or toxic person · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on beautiful people Welcome to another
• 0:03
  episode of the narcissist Code. I'm your favorite self aware
• 0:06
  narcissist Mr. Lee Hammock better known as mental illness
• 0:09
  across all social media platforms.
• 0:11
  This your first time stay in my face and hearing my lovely
• 0:13
  voice. I'm a clinically diagnosed
• 0:14
  narcissist and I use my platform on social media to raise
• 0:17
  awareness for NPD, get more people in new therapy and also
• 0:20
  validate the victim, survivors and thrivers of said disorder.
• 0:24
  Said toxic people, said toxic drink.
• 0:26
  Today's episode is going to be about 8 more terms and
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  definitions that you might hear when you're dealing with a
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  narcissist or a toxic person. This is Part 3.
• 0:35
  The other two parts are going to be in the description of this
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  video. I'm going to link the other two
• 0:40
  parts into the description in the podcast.
• 0:44
  But this is part three. So this is 24 all together.
• 0:47
  Y'all. Part three.
• 0:49
  I've already done 16 definitions.
• 0:51
  I'm going to link the other two, but this is part right here.
• 0:53
  Y'all, but before we hop into today's episode, y'all make sure
• 0:56
  you join the newsletter e-mail list.
• 0:58
  Seriously. I have kids books coming out, I
• 1:00
  have courses coming out, new merch, new stuff, new things
• 1:03
  going on and within my life, behind the scenes type of stuff.
• 1:06
  So join the newsletter. The link is in the description
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  as well. I don't spam people, I don't see
• 1:10
  in BS is literally just good communications and things like
• 1:14
  that. So link is in the description.
• 1:16
  Yeah, seriously. But yeah yeah yeah.
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  Eight terms. So the first term we're going to
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  talk about is love bombing, love bombing or idealization.
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  Y'all the first term is going to be love by me or idealization.
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  This is the first stage of the narcissistic abuse, toxic abuse
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  cycle right here. Y'all love bombing.
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  Idealization is when a narcissistic person, when you
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  first meet them or whatever they're giving you, they're
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  they're giving. They're bombing you with love.
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  It's a bomb. It's literally an explosion of
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  love. It's not a slow drip where you
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  get to know each other. It's Hey, I met you.
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  You know my first name. I know your first name.
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  You want to. You really want to know my last
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  name? Marry me and it'll be your last
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  name. We learn.
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  You learn it at the same time. When you sign the marriage
• 2:01
  certificate, it's pretending to be or giving you everything that
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  pretending to give you, right? Not pretended.
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  Like, literally giving you everything that you want and
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  need sometimes. Like pretending to be the person
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  that you've always been praying for, like the person you prayed
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  for to God. Love bombing is intense.
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  It's just, yeah, this is when they wrap you up.
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  This is when they get you. This is when you miss the red
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  flags. This is when they are, you know,
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  this is when they they're literally promising you a future
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  together. Love bombing is not it can feel
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  like real love, but in the end it doesn't end up looking or
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  being real love because it was just an obsessive stage.
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  When a narcissistic person is like lifting you the highest of
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  heavens, they're putting you on this pedestal.
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  But the same pedestal that they put that they put you on, they
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  can knock you off of. They will knock you off of
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  eventually. This is how it goes from
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  narcissistic people. Y'all, sooner or later you're
• 2:50
  going to get knocked off this pedestal.
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  The love bombing idealization is the first definition, y'all the
• 2:56
  second one. Triangulation.
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  Triangulation. This is when it's like the
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  triangle shape. Y'all the narcissistic person,
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  toxic person is pitting you against somebody else or pitting
• 3:07
  somebody else against you, maybe somebody you don't even know.
• 3:11
  A lot of times this works in relationships with the
• 3:14
  narcissist and the new supply and you.
• 3:17
  They triangulate, they turn the new supply on you, they turn you
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  against the new supply. Y'all don't even know each
• 3:23
  other. Sometimes Y'all when you're
• 3:24
  trying to coparent with somebody you don't like and then they got
• 3:27
  a new partner, they are trying to triangulate you.
• 3:30
  It's it's using, it's turning people against each other or
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  manipulating multiple people. In a narcissistic person that
• 3:37
  y'all be arguing, fussing and fighting.
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  And a narcissistic person is sometimes they can take a step
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  back and just y'all are fighting only because the narcissist is
• 3:45
  in the picture. If the narcissist remove
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  themselves, the triangle collapses and y'all don't even
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  know each other. Y'all don't even interact.
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  The narcissist is the central focus in the drama, in the
• 3:55
  conflict triangulation. It happens all the time.
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  Y'all the next term. This is going to be a double
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  term. Y'all scapegoat and golden
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  child. So scapegoat and golden child
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  have to do with narcissists and their children, toxic people and
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  their children. The escape goat child is like
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  what it sound like, the scapegoat.
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  They get the worst of treatment, they get blamed for everything.
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  They get held accountable for things.
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  You know the narcissistic person takes all their anger and
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  frustration out in an escape goat.
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  Children could be a step kid, could be whoever it is in there.
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  Like they they get it all. The scapegoat gets the
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  leftovers. Pretty much the leftover love
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  from the narcissistic person. But like I said, leave the
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  leftover love. Where does the rest of the love
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  go? To the golden child or children?
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  The golden child? The children the narcissist sees
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  their, sees their good qualities reflected back at them from the
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  from the golden child. So the narciss is the golden
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  child. Like you treat gold like like
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  like you see. You treat gold like it's
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  valuable, don't you? So the narcissistic person in
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  this circumstance is treating the golden child like a valuable
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  child. You see what I'm saying?
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  The golden child is is covered in gold.
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  The scapegoat child is covered in rust.
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  You see what I'm saying? Rust used to be, could be a,
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  could be a beautiful metal, but it's just been oxidized and
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  treated badly, hasn't been taken care of.
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  So golden children get they still get traumatized, but they
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  get treated better than scapegoat children from the from
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  the outside eye. It's still trauma.
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  It's still trauma. They still go through trauma
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  because they don't get held to the same standards like they get
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  lifted up, don't get. Being a golden child can be
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  extremely tough as well. I'm not saying.
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  I'm not saying it's like it's being a child of narcissists is
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  difficult regardless. You mean the scapegoat.
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  Children get treated way worse than go to children and get the
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  brunt of everything. Y'a.
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  The 4th definition is going to be smear campaign.
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  Y'all the smear campaign from a narcissist.
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  The smear campaign is a is literally smearing your name or
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  reputation in poop smear campaign life.
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  Covering your reputation. Trying to try to discredit you
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  by lying. Making up rumors, Just saying
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  all kinds of BS. Just lying on your name.
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  Trying to hurt your feelings. Trying to ruin your reputation
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  in public or wherever, wherever that narcissistic person is.
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  Trying to get out ahead of you. To discredit your name, to
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  discredit your you know, to maybe get you fired from a job.
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  To maybe make you lose friends and family members and things
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  like that. Because they think you are the
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  narcissistic person. Think that you hurt their
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  felons. So they're trying to hurt you.
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  That's just how it goes. You hurt me.
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  I need to hurt you. I'm just returning the favor.
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  I'm just matching your energy. No, the smear campaign does not
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  have the truth in the yell. The smear campaign is full of
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  lies and rumor. You telling your story about
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  what you went through with a narcissist, as long as it's the
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  truth, cannot be a smear campaign.
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  The smear campaign cannot be the truth.
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  It doesn't contain the truth. And the truth is not a smear
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  campaign. It just cannot be.
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  So telling your story does not, is not a smear campaign.
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  You you launched A smear campaign.
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  I mean, you telling your story, you're telling people I did to
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  you, You telling people what I did to you.
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  You know what I'm saying? The truth cannot be a smear
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  campaign. Y'all.
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  It just cannot be. And the best way to deal with
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  the smear campaign, a lot of times y'all, is to just ignore
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  it because the narcissistic person wants you to be argue,
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  fussing, fight with them. That's just how it goes.
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  They really, really want you to fight and fuss with them.
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  And the smear campaign doesn't always happen at the end of a
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  relationship with the narcissist.
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  The smear campaign can happen during the IT can have start
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  happening during the relationship.
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  They can start talking Jung about you to their friends and
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  family. Why y'all are actively still
• 7:25
  together. That happens quite a bit as
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  well. Y'all got to be very, very
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  weary. Very careful of that as well.
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  The next term is going to be JADE.
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  JADEJADE is a technique, an acronym for Do not justify, Do
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  not attack. I mean do not argue, do not just
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  JAD. Do not justify.
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  Argue, Defend, explain. So justify, argue, defend,
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  explain. You put do not in front of each
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  one of those words. So don't justify, don't argue,
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  don't defend yourself. Don't explain.
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  This technique helps you communicate with narcissistic
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  people y'all and protect your emotional health.
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  It just does it sometimes. Physical health.
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  Because you can't always, you can't always go.
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  No contact with a narcissist or toxic person.
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  So using the J technique helps maintain your sanity.
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  Y'all because narcissistic people want to try to trigger
• 8:20
  you into an argument. Want to try to trigger you to
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  fuss a fight with them? They want to try to trigger you
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  and and you know, just make you battle with them, make you fight
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  with them. Because if they can, if they can
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  trigger you, they can control you.
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  So do you. When a narcissistic person says
• 8:35
  something to you, you you want to justify yourself.
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  You want. Yeah.
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  You want to justify yourself, which ends up leading to an
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  argument, which ends up leading to you defending yourself with
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  leads to you in there over explaining yourself.
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  Yeah, they don't care. Don't.
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  Don't overexplain yourself to somebody who's not even trying
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  to listen, who's not trying to hear you anyway.
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  They just want their goal to just prove you wrong.
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  They're not trying to listen to you.
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  They don't want to. I'm saying they don't care.
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  At the end of the day, they do not care.
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  They don't, you know, they don't care about how you feel.
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  At the end of the day, as long as they're feelings, they feel
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  like they won. They want, they want to defeat
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  you. So as long as they make you feel
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  defeated, they have accomplished their goal.
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  So don't justify, argue, defend, explain, don't get, don't get
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  roped into a conflict. Y'all you don't.
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  I heard that you don't have to attend every argument that
• 9:22
  you're invited to. I heard that now.
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  But yeah, that is, that is absolutely true.
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  You do not have to attend every argument that you're invited to.
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  Y'all my mic came off. Give me one second, you'll hear
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  a couple of quick sounds. Y'all bear with me.
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  Okay, we're back. Next term is going to be yellow
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  rock, Yellow rock, Yellow rock. You know grey rock is when
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  you're dealing with a narcissistic person and you just
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  remove their emotional responses to them.
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  You don't let them trigger you emotionally.
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  It just you. You become like a rock.
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  Y'all become born as a rock. Be very careful using grey rock
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  because sometimes people will, you know they would.
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  They'll lose their minds. Yellow rock is low communication
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  with a narcissist or tax a person, especially when you're
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  trying to Co parent with them. Y'all.
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  Yellow rock intent yellow rock means you are only and this is
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  my interpretation of y'all. You only are responding to
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  what's necessary about the kids. You're skimming for the kids
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  names like they send you a long message.
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  You have to read that. Don't read the whole message.
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  Skim for the kids names. Read that sentence before, read
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  the sentence after, and keep it moving.
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  Y'all because and don't and only reply to the part about the kids
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  you don't like to say. You can be friendly to people
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  like that. Don't try to be friends with
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  them but like you you you yellow rock is mean.
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  You is extremely low contact about the children.
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  We're only talking about the children.
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  We're not asking how their day. I mean you can ask how that day
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  is going like oh, hope you have hope you're having a good day.
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  The kids this don't get entangled into it though.
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  Oh my day is going terrible. I need help with it.
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  No, no, no. What about the kids?
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  Always about the kids. Redirect about the kids.
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  Hey kids, the the kids names are not in it.
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  You're not responding to it. The kid.
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  If this is not about the kids you're not into, you're not
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  entertaining it. Don't do it.
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  I'm just telling you yellow rock become boring.
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  Do that type of stuff. Y'all give.
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  Don't remove your emotional reactions because your emotional
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  reaction is like currency to narcissist.
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  It's like giving them money. The next one y'all #7 is the
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  discard phase. Discarded discard phase.
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  The final stage of a narcissistic toxic abuse
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  relationship. Y'all discarded.
• 11:27
  You got discarded by the narcissist.
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  You know the the cycle goes. Love, bombing, idealization,
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  devalue, discard, discard is when they get rid of you.
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  I tell this people all the time you out.
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  There is 2 stages to the discard phase.
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  The first stage is the emotional discard where they emotionally
• 11:44
  get rid of you. They emotionally disconnect from
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  you. They emotionally remove this.
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  The love and the care and affection from you.
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  The like I said, just because they emotionally discard you
• 11:53
  doesn't mean that they will physically discard you.
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  Emotionally discard and physically discard, They can
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  both happen or one of them going to happen, you know, the first
• 12:00
  one going to happen. Like just because they
• 12:02
  emotionally disconnect from you, there's no more love, care,
• 12:04
  affection. It kind of seems like you're
• 12:06
  not. You're dating a whole different
• 12:08
  person right now. You're married to a whole
• 12:09
  different person right now. Y'all become roommates, so to
• 12:12
  speak. Like it goes like that.
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  They emotionally get rid of you, but they physically are still
• 12:18
  with you. The emotional discards, when
• 12:20
  they emotionally disconnect from, they start treating you
• 12:22
  badly. It doesn't mean that they will
• 12:24
  get rid of you. Just because they have
• 12:25
  emotionally get rid of you does not mean that they will
• 12:27
  physically get rid of you. You know what I mean?
• 12:29
  Physical and emotional discards are different.
• 12:31
  But sometimes when they emotionally discard you, when
• 12:33
  they emotionally get rid of you, they're trying to emotionally
• 12:36
  connect to someone else. And when they emotionally
• 12:39
  connect to someone else, that's when sometimes that's when they
• 12:41
  physically get rid of you. They'll physically discard you,
• 12:44
  physically break up with you, you know.
• 12:46
  But just because they mostly break up with you, that's the
• 12:48
  way that they will physically break up with you.
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  They might keep you around. Even if they find somebody else,
• 12:51
  they might keep you around and just live a double life.
• 12:54
  That happens all the time. Y'all and the last word, the
• 12:57
  last definition, y'all is the word supply.
• 13:00
  What is narcissistic supply? You know what is narcissistic?
• 13:03
  So if you Google it, if you Google what is narcissistic
• 13:07
  supply? What is narcissist supply?
• 13:09
  The first thing narcissist supply refers to the constant
• 13:12
  supply of attention and admiration needed by narcissist
• 13:15
  validation. To me, supply is just
• 13:19
  validation. Yeah, you can get validation
• 13:20
  from a lot of different sources. Supply to me doesn't
• 13:24
  necessarily. Doesn't necessarily have to come
• 13:28
  from a person. It can be a it can literally
• 13:30
  come from a job, a whatever. It doesn't have to come from a
• 13:33
  direct person. You get validation from so many
• 13:36
  different sources. Narcissistic supply is what
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  narcissistic people need to keep moving.
• 13:42
  You see what I'm saying? They need that attention.
• 13:44
  They need that supply. They need that validation.
• 13:47
  You hear somebody say, oh, you just supply to the Narciss.
• 13:49
  They mean you're just validation for the Narciss you are.
• 13:52
  You are fuel for them, so to speak.
• 13:55
  Like you're fueling the narcissistic person with
• 13:58
  whatever is going on with the situation at hand.
• 14:01
  Don't be, I say you can't help but be Like everybody out this
• 14:04
  side goes the supply. A narcissist gets from you, runs
• 14:08
  out whatever supply that they're getting from you, whatever
• 14:11
  validation, if there, if it's physical supply, if it's
• 14:14
  financial supply, if it's emotional supply, if it's mental
• 14:17
  supply. Whatever supply that
• 14:19
  narcissistic person gets from you typically runs out.
• 14:22
  Like the the validation runs low.
• 14:26
  Like they don't like the same validation that they used to get
• 14:29
  from you doesn't feel the same anymore, you know, So what?
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  It doesn't feel the same anymore.
• 14:34
  They start treating you differently.
• 14:35
  You know what I mean Now my cat is I heard that my cat just like
• 14:40
  hit button at the door. Oh my goodness.
• 14:43
  Anyways, y'all dark statistics supply all the other good stuff
• 14:46
  I'm going to like. I'm going to link the other two
• 14:47
  videos with the previous definitions in the comment
• 14:51
  section. Thank y'all for tuning in to
• 14:53
  another episode Y'all. I truly appreciate y'all if you
• 14:56
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