Latest / Impact Ready / 133. What Will This Give Me

Transcript

133. What Will This Give Me · Impact Ready

• 0:02
  Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
• 0:06
  your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
• 0:09
  Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
• 0:12
  energy each day. This is for those who seek to
• 0:15
  make life truly meaningful. Get ready for impact.
• 0:22
  Hi there. Welcome to the show.
• 0:23
  Thank you for listening today for anyone who is feeling lost
• 0:27
  in their life or anyone who might be feeling stuck or for
• 0:30
  anyone who is just searching for what might be coming next for
• 0:34
  them. This show is for you.
• 0:36
  This episode is for you because this episode is all about
• 0:40
  getting clarity about all the things that we want most in life
• 0:44
  and and all of the desires that we have.
• 0:47
  And the reason for this episode is because people very much
• 0:51
  struggle with clarity. And when you ask them the
• 0:54
  question, what do you want most in your life, Oftentimes it's
• 0:58
  very hard for them to answer. And often people think that they
• 1:02
  know what they want, but when you ask them why they want it,
• 1:06
  they don't have a clear answer. And so in the spirit of having
• 1:11
  impact by being the creator of your life and really creating a
• 1:15
  life that feels fulfilled and meaningful to you, not just a
• 1:19
  life, but one that feels fulfilled and meaningful, I want
• 1:23
  to share a very simple way to help get clarity on what it is
• 1:27
  that you want and why you want it.
• 1:29
  Before we get into it, let's start with some examples of some
• 1:33
  common desires, and these are from clients that I coach.
• 1:37
  When I ask clients what it is that they want, they might say
• 1:40
  things like this. I want my business to have top
• 1:43
  line revenue of 10 million this year.
• 1:45
  I want to buy a second home in a sunny place.
• 1:48
  I want to get promoted to a vice president level.
• 1:51
  I want to be able to take three big vacations a year.
• 1:55
  I want to lose 30 lbs. I want my gross income to be
• 1:58
  over $1,000,000. I want to have 25 transactions
• 2:02
  this year. I want to have a deep, loving
• 2:05
  marriage with my spouse. So all of these are just
• 2:08
  examples and they're all great. Every desire is unique to the
• 2:12
  individual, and I think it's important for us to be able to
• 2:16
  think about these desires and vocalize them, really speak them
• 2:18
  out, speak out our dreams, because it's part of the human
• 2:22
  experience to have wants and desires.
• 2:25
  And those desires will change as we continue to live out our days
• 2:30
  on Earth. Being in a state of desire is
• 2:32
  not a bad thing. It's just part of being human.
• 2:35
  But clarity is not a given when it comes to desires.
• 2:39
  Knowing that you want something is not always the same as
• 2:42
  understanding why you want it. And many times people will say
• 2:45
  that they want something. They'll have a dream or a desire
• 2:48
  for something, and then they will get there.
• 2:50
  They'll get to that dream. They'll achieve the thing and it
• 2:53
  doesn't give them the feeling they want.
• 2:55
  It doesn't create the fulfilled life for them.
• 2:58
  So why does this happen? Well, it could be for a lot of
• 3:01
  reasons. First, people might have desires
• 3:03
  that are shaped by cultural and societal expectations.
• 3:07
  We often want things without even knowing why we want them.
• 3:11
  Sometimes it's expectations that we think we should be meeting,
• 3:15
  and so we create a list of desires for ourselves that match
• 3:18
  the expectations, but not necessarily the life we truly
• 3:22
  want to lead. For example, a person who wants
• 3:25
  to climb the corporate ladder and get promoted to a very
• 3:28
  specific salary with a very specific car and a reserved
• 3:32
  parking spot for themselves at a corporation.
• 3:34
  You take that person when really they don't enjoy the job.
• 3:38
  They don't care about the car because they don't really enjoy
• 3:40
  driving or being in traffic. They don't like corporate life,
• 3:43
  they don't want to manage anybody, and their real dream is
• 3:47
  to live in the country pursuing a passion for bread making.
• 3:50
  I don't know, that's just a silly example, but you get the
• 3:52
  point. So in order to get really clear
• 3:56
  on what it is you want in your life, it's not enough to ask the
• 4:00
  question what do you desire or what do you want?
• 4:02
  There are two other important questions to think about to give
• 4:06
  yourself that true clarity. And those two questions are one,
• 4:10
  what will that give me? And two, what would it take to
• 4:14
  get there? The first question, what will
• 4:18
  that give me? Is meant to inform you about the
• 4:20
  feelings and emotions you would have as a result of achieving
• 4:24
  that desire. Because ultimately, what we're
• 4:26
  going for is the feeling. Anything we do, any action we
• 4:30
  take, whatever we are motivated to work for, it's all for the
• 4:33
  pursuit of a feeling. For example, you want a new car,
• 4:38
  it's typically because you think it will give you specific
• 4:41
  feelings, whether it's confidence or joy or pride or
• 4:45
  power or prestige, etcetera. You get the idea.
• 4:49
  You want to make $1,000,000 a year, you might expect that it
• 4:53
  would give you the feelings of freedom or being stress free,
• 4:57
  opportunity, joy, excitement, pride, etcetera.
• 5:01
  Those types of feelings. We are always in pursuit of
• 5:04
  feelings and so that question, what will that give me is all
• 5:09
  for the purpose of understanding the feelings you're after.
• 5:14
  So take the example of my client's desire of wanting to
• 5:17
  buy a second home in a sunny place.
• 5:19
  This is a real example, by the way.
• 5:21
  When I asked them to consider the question, what will that
• 5:23
  give me, they responded with, well, it would give me peace, it
• 5:29
  would give me joy being in the sun, it would give me
• 5:31
  relaxation, it would give me ease because it would feel like
• 5:34
  it was an easier place for me to live.
• 5:37
  And so they were very clear about the feelings that they
• 5:40
  wanted to feel as a result of this desire they had.
• 5:43
  Now take the example of one of my clients wanting to be
• 5:46
  promoted to a vice president level.
• 5:49
  When I asked this question, she actually figured out that the
• 5:52
  feelings that she would have as a result of getting to that vice
• 5:56
  president level were not exactly what she was hoping for.
• 6:00
  She realized that what she would feel is more stress with
• 6:03
  managing more people when they didn't really enjoy managing
• 6:07
  people. She was hoping that it would
• 6:09
  give them a feeling of pride and worthiness, but realized that
• 6:12
  they didn't need the vice president title to feel that and
• 6:15
  they actually didn't enjoy the work that they were doing enough
• 6:18
  to fight that hard for the position.
• 6:20
  She realized it wasn't going to bring her the joy that she was
• 6:24
  hoping for by reaching that level.
• 6:26
  Instead, it really felt like it would actually take away from
• 6:28
  the joy because of the time commitment that a vice president
• 6:31
  level would require. So you can see how this works in
• 6:34
  both directions. And it's a very important
• 6:36
  question to ask because if you don't know exactly what your
• 6:38
  desire will give you in terms of feelings and emotions, it's hard
• 6:42
  to feel the clarity around that desire and the true why, why you
• 6:47
  work for it, why you're pursuing it.
• 6:50
  The other side effect to asking this question is that often
• 6:54
  people realize that the feelings they're searching for by
• 6:57
  reaching for these desires, they're all feelings and
• 6:59
  emotions that they have access to right now.
• 7:03
  And that is often really mind blowing for people.
• 7:06
  They work through this exercise and realize, oh, what I'm really
• 7:10
  looking for and hoping to find is feelings of joy and freedom
• 7:13
  and peace and self pride and self-confidence and Oh my God, I
• 7:17
  can actually feel all of those things in my current day-to-day
• 7:21
  to a degree. I don't have to wait until I
• 7:24
  achieve that thing. And that realization alone is so
• 7:27
  impactful for people because they realize they don't have to
• 7:30
  wait to start enjoying their life.
• 7:33
  The enjoyment and the appreciation can happen right
• 7:35
  now, every single day, even as they work towards those desires.
• 7:40
  And side note, the more you practice a feeling, the bigger
• 7:44
  it is, the more that it lives there when you actually achieve
• 7:47
  the thing that you're working for.
• 7:49
  And we've talked about that in previous podcasts.
• 7:52
  It's all about celebrating the winds and practicing feeling the
• 7:56
  specific feelings you want to feel before you even get there.
• 8:00
  The next really powerful question is to ask what will it
• 8:03
  take me to get there? And the reason why this is
• 8:06
  important is because often when it comes to big desires, it
• 8:10
  requires that you take a specific path to get there.
• 8:14
  And if people aren't sure or haven't thought about that path,
• 8:17
  the desire itself can feel a little bit vague, or the path to
• 8:21
  it can be very slow, or people find out they aren't willing to
• 8:25
  do what it takes to get there in reality.
• 8:28
  For example, when it comes to the case of the client who
• 8:31
  wanted to be the vice president of her company when she was
• 8:35
  asked this specific question, what will it take to get there?
• 8:38
  She started mapping it out what it would take for her to reach
• 8:41
  that level. And then in the end, it became
• 8:44
  very clear to her that she wasn't willing to make some of
• 8:47
  the sacrifices that would have taken her because they didn't
• 8:50
  align with what she really wanted for her life.
• 8:53
  And that was a big aha moment for her.
• 8:55
  Asking that question, what would it take for me to get there
• 8:58
  showed her that that desire was a little bit out of alignment
• 9:01
  for what really was a fulfilled life for her.
• 9:04
  Now, of course, you can't always know exactly what it's going to
• 9:07
  take for you to get to what you desire.
• 9:09
  But oftentimes you have a basic understanding of some of the
• 9:12
  choices that you'd have to be making, some of the things you
• 9:15
  might have to be sacrificing, or some of the decisions and
• 9:17
  choices that you'd have in front of you to be on the path to
• 9:21
  getting what you want. We can all acknowledge that the
• 9:24
  path to becoming Olympic medal gymnast is going to be very
• 9:28
  specific and take a lot of sacrifice and time and
• 9:31
  commitment to be able to get there.
• 9:33
  Not everybody is willing to make those choices to reach that
• 9:36
  desire. So my challenge to you this week
• 9:40
  is to think about some of the greatest desires in your life.
• 9:44
  And this might actually require you to take out a piece of paper
• 9:47
  and pen and writing some things out.
• 9:50
  But for every desire you have, especially the big ones, the big
• 9:53
  dreams, ask yourself these two questions.
• 9:56
  What will it give me and what would it take to get there?
• 10:00
  And this is a really helpful jumping off point to getting
• 10:02
  more clarity about the things that really matter to you in
• 10:06
  your life. And when you can find that
• 10:08
  alignment, when you can really be moving in the direction that
• 10:11
  leads you to your most fulfilled life, that's when you feel like
• 10:15
  a powerful creator of your life. That's when you have the most
• 10:18
  impact, not only for yourself, but for the people around you.
• 10:21
  It makes things a lot more fun and it brings you a lot more of
• 10:25
  those feelings that you're ultimately searching for.
• 10:28
  So I hope this helps you today. I hope this spurs on some
• 10:31
  insights. I hope it provides a path for
• 10:34
  you to get unstuck, to get unlost, and to get a little bit
• 10:39
  more clarity about the things that you want in your life.
• 10:42
  So thank you for being here and for listening.
• 10:44
  And as always, thank you for being ready to impact.
• 10:47
  Thanks for listening to Impact Ready.
• 10:49
  I hope today's episode inspired you to own your impact and
• 10:52
  recognize that you are powerful. By elevating our energy and
• 10:55
  awareness, we can create exponential change in this life.
• 10:59
  If you enjoyed today's insights, share them with a friend and
• 11:02
  subscribe to the show for more. I truly appreciate you.
• 11:05
  Thanks again for being here.