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“Why Me?” · Inspiration and Transformation

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Welcome to inspiration and transformation from the banks of the Gunga with Sadvi Bagwati Saraswati,
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an American Sanyasi living at the parmarth Nikitan Ashram in Rishikesh, India.
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Sadvi is President of the Divine Shakti Foundation, a charitable organization bringing education,
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vocational training, upliftment and empowerment programs to women and children. Sadvi is also
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Secretary General of the Global Interfaith Wash Alliance and director of the world famous International
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Yoga Festival. Joined the musings of an American Sanyasi as Sadvi shares the wisdom
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and teachings of her Guru, His Holiness Pujiaswami Chitinant Saraswatiji, Welcome everyone to
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inspiration and transformation from the holy banks of the Sacred Gunga River in the land
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of Rishikesh, India. You can't convince your mind of anything. And the
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reason you can't convince your mind is when you decide, let's just say,
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okay, today, I'm going to convince my mind that my dharma is to
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walk this path instead of the path my mind has been walking. Okay,
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Now, when you say that, who's listening to you say that. Who
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hears you say that, You've said it quietly, I'm not anybody around you.
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You've said it to yourself, who's inside listening the mind, so you
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can't you can't catch it unaware. It would be like it would be like
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if you and your wife, if you're married, we're saying, Okay,
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today is the day we're gonna convince Jimmy that he's not allowed to have any
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more sugar because it's really bad for him. Today is the day. And
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you've sat at the dining table plotting how you were going to convince him,
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but you didn't realize that Jimmy was actually listening to the whole thing through the
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doorway. Now, when he knows exactly what your plan is, he's ready,
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He's got an answer for everything you're gonna say. There's no way you're
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going to convince him. So a lot of us waste a lot of time
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and energy trying to convince our minds. It's like it's like if anybody's ever
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taken acting class, either a professional wine or just drama in school, and
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you've ever had to play one of the exercises they do, is they'll actually
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have you play both roles. You know, they do it with kids usually,
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but you kind of jump back and forth, so it's a dialogue.
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And sometimes they'll do a dialogue with two of you, but sometimes they'll actually
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make you play both roles and it's a fun exercise. Gets the bro you
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know, they do it also sometimes and like improvisation classes, how quickly can
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you think you're jumping literally back and forth physically but also personality wise playing both
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roles, And if anybody's ever done it, or you can just imagine it,
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it's something that gets you laughing, gets everybody laughing at you, gets
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you really frustrated if you take it too serious lee, because you actually can't
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do it. As your mind is thinking about what person A is going to
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say. Well, the part of your mind planning person b's response is listening,
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and so while you're trying to speak from person A, the mind of
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person B is already and you can't actually keep your mind only on person A
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or B at one time. But we play that game in our own minds
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when we try to convince our minds of something right. So the mind is
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saying, it's really our dharma to do this, and then the mind says,
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no, it isn't. That's just what you heard. So and so
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say, but what do they know? No, no, look over here,
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look at this guy. And then the mind says no, really in
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all the scriptures, all the gurus, and then the mind here says And
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you bounce back and forth like a ping pong ball, and all you get
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is really tired, really frustrated. You use up all the glucose stores in
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your brain, blood sugar drops, and you need a nap. You've gotten
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nowhere and you need a nap. So the only way to do it actually
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is to realize that you cannot use the mind to convince the mind, which
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means that we have to stop leading the mind. And when I say the
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mind, I don't mean all of the mind. I mean the specific part
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of the mind that distresses us. Call it the ego, call it the
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critic. But I like to think about it as the roommate you would have
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kicked out of your house years ago. Right. Imagine Imagine that you rented
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out a room in your house and you had somebody come in and all they
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did was torture you all day and all night while you ate, while you
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were trying to sleep, while you were bathing while you were reading. All
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they did was keep telling you you don't have enough money, you don't have
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a house in the right area of town. This is wrong, that's wrong.
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Did you see that over there? You know you really said the stupidest
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thing at dinner tonight. Why couldn't you be smart like this guy. Don't
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you think your wife might be cheating on you? Well, you know,
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even if you were, you took better care of yourself, she wouldn't have
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to be cheating on you. I mean, you would have kicked that guy
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out so long ago. Keep your security deposit, no problem, just leave,
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take it all back. I don't want your rent. Just go.
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And yet we allow that being to live in our minds, and we listen
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to him or her twenty four seven, and we actually pay attention, and
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we actually do things accordingly. So what's really most important is simply to see
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that part of the mind as other. I'm usually all about oneness and self,
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but in this case, it actually helps to see it as other,
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not bad, not wrong. Don't try to kill it. It's not about
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murdering your roommate. But it's about seeing it as separate from that self.
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And when you see it as that, then you recognize that you don't actually
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have to listen to it twenty four seven, that you can consciously make a
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decision about where your mind is going to go. Because there's there's a lot
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more to your mind than just this ego self, the programmed self, the
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habitual self. The mind is also that which tells you to meditate, which
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sends you into sat song that's got you thinking about dharma. That's what we're
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going to call your conscious mind, the mindful mind, the deliberate mind,
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the mind with the power of vague to discriminate. When we meditate on our
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third eye that's called the agia chakra, we meditate upon it to open up
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that eye, that power of discrimination that enables us to see truth from falsehood.
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So what you want is to give more energy, awareness, attention to
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the conscious mind, the deliberate the mind that's anchored to your heart, could
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call it the heartful mind, and to give less attention, less time to
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that unconscious, subconscious rambling that's trying to take you astray. So when that
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part of the mind pipes up to fight to pull you back to the old
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ways, to say the mustay, it go on its way. Imagine that
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it's the roommate and you're just sending it's on its way. No, I'm
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so sorry. That room has actually been led out. So sorry, there's
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no more room, no vacancy. All right, but I'll keep you posted.
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I'll let you know if something comes up. So you're not killing it,
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you're not brating it, because ultimately it was formed within you. It
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was actually formed too in its own perverted sense help you. It thinks that
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what it is doing is protecting you and helping you. So you're just saying
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that, must say, let it go its own way, and then turn
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your mind, the deliberate, conscious, mindful mind back to what you are
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focusing on. Whether you're meditating, you're praying, you're doing Joppa, you're
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doing savor, you're at work, you're cooking dinner, you're doing your gratitude
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practice, you're planning how you're going to live your dharma more every minute and
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every moment, whatever you're doing, just draw the you aware in his back.
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I always say that thoughts are vehicles that take us places, and before
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you get on that vehicle, you better be sure it's going where you want
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to end up. And so frequently those vehicles that come are not going where
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we want to go, so we don't get on them. Just I must
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say bye and you come back, because you know, you know what your
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dharma is, you know what you're supposed to be doing. Take that control.
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You've got the power. We just have to exercise it, and you
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can as long as you stay conscious. That's the key, Just staying conscious.
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Brought to you by RAIN and this station. Welcome back to Inspiration and
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Transformation. I'm so glad to have you all back here with me. I
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was diagnosed with cancer in December of twenty twenty one. I am taking treatment,
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and because it is rough on my body, I keep asking myself,
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why me? I get so frustrated, even though I have a very supportive
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family. How can I find peace? Well, first of all, I'm
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I'm so sorry to hear about your your diagnosis. The the first piece I
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think that's really critical to realize is it's not your fault. You know,
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we're in a very interesting time these days, with science showing us the power
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of the mind. Right. We now have all of these incredible all scientific
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machines testing ability, ability to test energy, ability to be able to see
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what's happening on the most basic levels of brain waves, of brain chemistry,
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of body chemistry, of immune system, of thought, of energetic patterns,
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and that's given us a lot of beautiful power. We now know that what
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we think, what we believe, has a huge impact on our world.
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That we are literally, through our thoughts, co creating our wild and it's
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incredibly powerful. The shadow side of that is when things happen that we would
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like not to have happened, a cancer diagnosis, a house that burns down,
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or any one of the other myriad things that could happen that we didn't
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want to happen, it's become really easy to feel like I somehow made this
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happen. And if you find yourself living in a kind of New Age world
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where the West has sort of co opted some of Eastern thought but without necessarily
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the full depth of it, you may find yourself surrounded by people who say
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things like, well, you've you've made this happen. Your thought pattern has
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created your cancer, and that's just not true. And so it's really critical
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to realize that, yes, we've got this incredible power from our minds to
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create our world, and our minds are not single handedly creating our world.
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My favorite example of this is if you walk off of the rooftop, no
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matter what month you chant, no matter how spiritual you may be, no
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matter how deeply you may believe that you have wings, you are going to
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crash to the ground because you can't outthink gravity. As far as laws of
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energy go, gravity trump's thought. Now, that doesn't mean that thought isn't
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powerful. It's credibly powerful. And there are things that happen in our world
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that are not because we have made them happen with our thoughts, or that
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somehow we've done something bad and we are being punished. So the first pieces,
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this is not your fault. The second piece, though, is you've
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got a lot of power actually to change your situation. It may be written
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in your karmic journey that you're actually going to change the workings of your immune
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system and that you're going to become cancer free, or it may be written
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in your karmic journey that what you're going to change is or lack of peace
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with this diagnosis, and that the diagnosis will stay, but that you're going
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to be able to find a piece a freedom in it such that your world
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changes, even though your physical body may not. The best case scenario of
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a terminal illness is not always to cure it. That implies that our sole
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purpose of being alive on earth is to be able to string together as many
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days as we possibly can before we die. In that model, regardless of
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what you do, achieve, experience, serve, the success of your life
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is to be measured by the sum total of days you have been able to
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squeeze out life. But that's not what a successful life is. It's not
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about the days in the life, but about the life in the days.
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Right. And so we certainly know people who are quite old, but you
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think, you know what, if I had to die to day or change
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places with that person, I'd rather die to day in my life than be
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ninety ninety five a hundred but in that person's life. And so the question
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always to ask ourselves is how can I in this situation, whether it's a
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cancer diagnosis, whether it's having simply failed an exam, margotten fired from your
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job, or getting left by a spouse or a beloved, or having an
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accident that God forbid handicaps you the question in every circumstance of life, and
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by the way, not only the negative ones, the positive ones as well.
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We get a raise, we get a promotion, we are a huge
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success, we get married, we get the job. In every circumstance,
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the question to ask ourselves. Is what am I supposed to learn here?
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What's the lesson? Because karma is not a system of rewards and punishments.
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It's not you've been good, so you are rich and successful. You're poor,
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so you must have been bad and the universe is punishing you. It's
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not that the karmic cycle works to give us exactly what we need in order
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to take our next step closer to our awareness. And for some, the
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next step may come in abundance and success and financial prosperity. For some it
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may come in a whole other situation. But the question is always the same,
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what am I supposed to learn here? What's the teaching? Why has
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the universe given me this situation? And so to our beloved family member who
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sent in this question, the way to find peace is to realize that your
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job here is not about how many days of life you can string together,
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because that's really stressful. I mean, when you've got a diagnosis that is
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fatal. I mean, life is a fatal diagnosis. So anything beyond that,
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I mean, as we are alive, it's a fatal diagnosis. We're
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all dying, every one of us. Every one of us has a terminal
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disease, it's called life. It's going to end in death. So whether
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on top of that you also have another disease that could end in death,
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could end in remission, and then you die of something else. Either way,
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we've all got a terminal illness or a terminal opportunity called life. And
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so it's very stressful if we think that what we're supposed to do is managed
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to somehow avoid the very nature of life, which is death. I mean,
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that's really stressful. We're not supposed to age, We're not supposed to
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get gray hair, we're not supposed to get wrinkled, right, I mean
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aging has become a failure forget even terminal illnesses. Anti aging is like the
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thing, right as though somehow, if you don't look ten or twenty years
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younger than you are, you're a failure, right, You've let yourself go
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somehow. Thou shalt not have gray hair at any cost, Thou shalt not
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have wrinkles at any cost. Right, And if you have them, it
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means that you just don't have the means to take care of them, or
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that you don't have access to you know, someone who could guide you and
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how to take care of these problems, and so it's stressful. So instead
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of thinking about how can I string together more days, think about how can
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every moment that I have be one that I utilize to get close to God?
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Because even with a cancer diagnosis, you marry very well die being hit
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by a car long before the cancer kills you. I mean not to be
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morbid, but you know every time we get in a car it's a serious
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possibility. Or you may recover completely and die of something else. I don't
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know, but neither to you. And all we know is what you've got
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is this minute you've got today, and use today not to prevent tomorrow,
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but to be as full as you possibly can. Can you experience the presence
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of God in you today, right here, right now, because that's going
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to stay with you. The body eventually will drop, but that which you
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actually experience stays with you. When we go from lifetime to lifetime, along
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with the soul, the subtle body goes. Mun buddhi'anchard travels with us.
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My knowledge, math problems, equations that I memorize, they don't go with
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me. That actually gets filed in the very neurons of my brain. That's
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not mun, it's brain the brain chemistry learns how to remember that. But
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the impressions the Sun's goddess wisdom experience that becomes an impression upon mun which actually
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stays with us. It's the nature, the nature of our mind. So
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use these days. Whether this body stays with you or not, the mind
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will stay with you. So use this time to get that mind to be
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the best friend that you would want to travel from this life into the next
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life, whether it's six months from now or sixty years from now, use
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this time to find that truth to experience it. This is OTRFM, part
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sad Vi Bag of the Saraswati with inspiration and transformation. Spiritual plateaus. Absolutely,
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they happen. Absolutely In the beginning, I used to fight it.
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There was somewhere to go, we had to go. It was like if
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the train you were on suddenly stopped for no reason, right, and you're
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looking at your watch and you're thinking, well, there's no way we're going
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to reach by nine o'clock now, and every minute you look out the window
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and the train still isn't moving, and you're thinking, oh my god,
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I got somewhere to be, and so you get very stressed. And in
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the beginning, for me, I felt like that every time I would hit
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a plateau, well, I've got somewhere to be, like I'm I'm supposed
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to be right, expanding, opening, deepening, awakening, I know this
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place, I've been here. Now I need to go higher, further,
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deeper, more and spiritually it's even it's even more difficult than it is in
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a train, because even though in a train we obviously all want to reach
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our destination. Spiritually, when you have tasted tasted that bliss, tasted that
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oneness, tasted that ecstasy, to feel like you are not able to reach
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there, or like, okay, now you have fully gotten used to the
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drop of bliss. You now you're ready for the ocean, and you just
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can't quite get there, it's very frustrating, and so yes, it absolutely
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has happened to me. In the beginning, I used to fight it,
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and what I discovered is that, like so much in life, fighting it
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actually makes it worse. It actually pushes you farther back from where you were
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going, because when you fight it, what you're saying is there is a
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problem with this moment. Present moment not good enough, present breath not good
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enough. Here and now not good enough, and that pulls you out of
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the perfection of the press isn't moment. And so what I've realized over the
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years is to actually just accept and embrace it the same way that if you're
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an agriculturalist and you've got a field, well, anybody who I guess an
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agriculturalist isn't really the right word. A farmer might be a more appropriate term
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if you were. If you were a farmer, good farmers know that you
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can't use the same field over and over and over again without giving it a
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break. The smartest, most intelligent methods of farming always will leave a field
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follow for some time. It's in that period that it actually the nourishment reach
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arges itself. It's like the ground recharges itself, and the same thing actually
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happens with us. We go through seasons in our life like nature goes through
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seasons. You wouldn't curse your tree for not having green leaves in the middle
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of a snowy winter. Stupid tree, what's wrong with you? Right?
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You understand it's winter? Okay, this is the time we have empty branches.
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Come springtime the green leaves will start to come back. There are seasons
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apple trees give apples sometime of the year, not twenty four seven. And
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yet I think one of the reasons that so many of us suffer for so
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much honest spiritual path as well, is that we really expect ourselves to be
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productive on every level twenty four seven, that every day of every week,
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of every month of the year, we should be able to produce, and
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whether it's in our workplace, whether it's creatively. Ask any artist, are
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they able to produce art every day of the year. Are there days that
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they show up in their painting studio or at their writing table and nothing comes?
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Of course, there are probably more days than not. There are seasons
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in life, in creativity, there are rhythms. Our body goes through something
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called a circadian rhythm every twenty four hours. Everything changes. The systems of
37:09
our body function differently at three o'clock in the morning than they do at noon,
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which is why three o'clock in the morning is not a good time to
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eat a meal. Your digestive's digestive system just doesn't work at that hour.
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And yet we expect ourselves to be able to be productive at the snap of
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a finger. And this is true both in our external production as well as
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in our internal spiritual life. It's like, okay, yeah, God,
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all right, I'm ready, I'm here, I'm waiting. What's going on,
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I'm waiting. What's happening? Come on? And what are we doing.
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We're missing the moment. We're sending this message into the universe, present
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moment not right, which is creating our wild So when you hit that spiritual
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plateau, just go okay, here we are, here, we are here,
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you are because in the embrace of this moment, that is actually the
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path to a deeper spiritual experience. But you can't tell yourself like that.
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If you try to use it like that, it won't work. The acceptance
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of the present moment has to be real and fun, not as a means
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to an end. Yeah, I'm just accepting it because you had this better
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take me deeper. No, but I can share with you from experience when
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you really can accept Oh, okay, here we are. And by the
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way, this isn't even true only about spiritual plateaus. This is about Wow,
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I'm really angry. Okay, here we are. Look at that?
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So interesting? So interesting? How angry I am? Okay, not you're
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badge, you're wrong, stuff fit, but just huh hurry, here we
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are. And in that acceptance of the moment, that which you were wishing
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wasn't there at automatically tends to dissipate, but only when you can really just
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accept it fully, the same way that you accept barren branches in the wintertime.
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Right, maybe you were outside hoping to get an apple and instead you
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found a snow covered backyard. Wow. I mean, you could scream at
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the tree for not giving you an apple. You could throw a temper tantrum,
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but that's not really going to be very useful. Instead, can you
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just stand in the snow and say, ah, all right, here we
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are. I guess it's a snowy day. And that's what actually brings you
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into that deeper, deeper spiritual acceptance and then deeper spiritual experience. Because it's
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all about expansion. And if I can expand my cell to include those plateaus,
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if I can expand to include an inexplicable burst of anger, an inexplicable
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eyes filled with tears, If I can expand my awareness of self to just
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include all of that, knowing it's all okay. The way you know it's
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okay is it is, it is, so, therefore it is okay.
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In that expansion, you find that you enter whole new levels. This is
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OTRFM, part of the IOM Radio network. Home Times Magazine is one of
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the leading online content providers of positivity, wellness, and personal empowerment of philanthropic
41:58
organization. Their net pro seeds are funneled to support worldwide charity initiatives via Humanity
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Healing International. Through their commitment to creating community and providing conscious content, they
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aspire to uplift humanity on a global scale. Home Times co creating a more
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conscious lifestyle. Do you have time to read that inspiring book or that blog
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post you've been meaning to get to in your busy world? How do you
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improve yourself and keep your life going. I'm Lisa Kay and my Between Heaven
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and Earth Radio show can transform your life just by listening. Be uplifted with
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inspiring topics, positive stories and ideas that really work. Between Heaven and Earth
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Radio is conscious living for your soul every Wednesday at four pm Eastern Time,
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like Baldwin with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. I grew up loving
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circuses and other traveling animal shows, but it never occurred to me what life
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might be like for the animals. Training wild animals to do things they don't
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understand takes. Force routine discipline with a hook or whip with the heel of
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a boot shows the animal exactly who's the boss. Don't patronize animal acts.
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Please contact People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals five seven six two two pet
43:19
a Welcome back. This is Sadvi Bagavati Saraswati with inspiration and transformation on an
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a level of the physical body. I have heard it said that we are
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born with a certain number of breaths and that when those breaths finish, so
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does our life. And I've heard that said actually in the experience of yoga,
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where they were speaking about why practices like praniam are so important because they
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slow the breath and therefore extend your life. If you've got a hundred breaths
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left, well you could breathe them in a minute, or you could breathe
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them in twenty minutes. Depending on how you work with your breath. So
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I've heard it said in the arena of yoga that we're born with a certain
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number of breaths. When they are over it is done. But in the
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realms of deeper spiritual experience than the working of asina and prania. What I've
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heard it said is that our destiny is created by these three different types of
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karma. Right creamon that which is immediate, sunshit, which is all of
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it, everything from past lives, this life, our wholesome total ever since
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our soul has been incarnating, and product which is that part of the sunshit
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karma which will be blossoming in this life. But remember that we also have
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free will, and our free will is intersecting with our product karma. So
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our karma is unfolding in our life. Nothing we can do about it.
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It's come from past live or earlier in this life, but our free will
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is intersecting with it. That which I do today my karma today. Karma
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means action. So my karma today is creating brand new karma fruit for my
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life, which means my actions today are changing my destiny. See if our
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destiny were pre written as in thousands of years ago, sitting somewhere on some
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cloud out in the sky, there would be absolutely no point to do sadna.
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There would be no point to meditate, there would be no point to
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study, there would be no point to serve, there would be no point
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to do anything, because we would be simply victims of the unfolding of that
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which had happened in the past. But we are not. We know that
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when we change how we are living, when we start a practice of sodden,
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we change our values, we change how we're choosing or deciding. Well,
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that's having brand new impacts on our life, and those brand new impacts
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are changing our destiny. So I no longer believe that it's about breaths in
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the body. I think that in general, obviously, working with the breath
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is a very very powerful technique spiritually, physically, emotionally, I mean,
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Pranayama is incredibly powerful. But I no longer believe that the number of breaths
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that I'm going to have was written before this body even came into birth,
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because otherwise everything that I do, the threads that are weaving from our actions
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today, would be meaningless. And nothing is meaningless, which is why we've
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been given our scriptures telling us. I mean, if if what I do
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today had no impact, why would Bogwan Krishna give us the Baguadgita. Why
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would Yashti have spent all of that time putting ganesh chea non stop work to
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write down the scriptures if nothing might? So? Clearly, it matters clearly
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when we choose a path of shrey Us or pray Us, as they cut
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the Panishad guides us in. Clearly there is a reason we are told choose
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the path of shrey Us, not the path of pray Us. If it
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were all prewritten, there would be no point. Then every scripture would just
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say eat ice cream, enjoy it, eat drink and be merry. But
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they don't. And so we know that the choices we make our threads weaving
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together with the threads that have already been woven to create the tapestry of our
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life. This brings to a close this hour of inspiration and transformation. Thank
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you so much for joining me. I'm so glad to be together with you
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all each week, and I look forward to being together again next Thursday,
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same time on Home Time's radio. Maybe you don't take to because the beaker
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with them, I can't be. I became me because the baby when we
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did. We can beating because because they can kind of did, but it
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don't because they become. I can't be. I became me, but I
54:01
can be because because they can't kind of don't because the baby. And then,
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oh, I can't be game. I became the baby. Oh I
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be be because would be because they canna don't because they beak. Look who the me