Latest / Dear Chelsea / We Don’t Condone Murder with Ari Graynor

Transcript

We Don’t Condone Murder with Ari Graynor · Dear Chelsea

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine. Hi Chelsea, Hi.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: Where are you at right now?
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: You're all over well, I've it's been a rough run
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: of things.
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: I am dying.
• 0:10
  Speaker 4: I'm sick.
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: I just came from Sun Valley where I shot my
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: birthday video. I seem to have picked up a cold
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: on top of the infection that I have in my shoulders.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: So I believe I'm dying.
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: But I have been dying now for like three or
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: four years, and I feel like fighting it really hard.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: So we went to Sun Valley meet a bunch of
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: my girlfriends to shoot my birthday video.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Was quite a production. There was a lot of moving parts.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: I had my friends Reggie and Lola christ in Sun
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: Valley set up the whole thing and organize it. And
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: it involved a lot of things, a lot of mountains,
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: a lot of bikinis, a lot of skiing, and the
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: sun came out just in time.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Oh beautiful. That's all you can hope for on your birthday.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Well, my birthday's coming up. Tuesday is my birthday. Everyone,
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: February twenty fifth, I turned fifty years old. I'm midlife joy.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: That's what we're calling it. Chelsea Joy Handler is experienced
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: midlife joy. My new book.
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: I'll have what she's having my seventh book. My seventh
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: book is coming out on February twenty fifth.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm pretty pumped.
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: About turning fifty. I'm not going to pretend that I'm
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: upset about it, because I'm not.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: I'm so happy for you. This is going to be
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: the decade of your life. I foresee it. I see it.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Thank you, I thank you. I appreciate that. But even
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: though I am dying, I feel amazing.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: I'm so pleased.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: I'm fighting this infection in my arm from my shoulder thing,
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: and that's going away.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Hopefully.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: I get my pick line out February twenty fourth, the
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: day before my birthday.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Great time me. I've had one drink in four weeks.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: I had a beer the other night when we got
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: to sun Jali, just to celebrating attitude. Then I announced
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: my European tour, which is going to take place May
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: in June. I'm going to like thirteen sixteen cities in Europe,
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: from like Oslo, Recuvic to Oslo and Portugal, Lisbon, all
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: these places.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: So that's pretty excited.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: And yes, I know Lisbon is the capital of Portugal
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: and Portugal isn't part of Lisbon, but I said it
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: in the wrong order, so that's really exciting. And my
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: Netflix special, which we just showed a clip of yesterday,
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: is coming out March twenty fifth, and I've just parted
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: rays with Dog. Doug was met in Sun Valley by
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: my bell, who flew home with him while I flew
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: back to Whistler because I'm having a birthday party, a
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: pre birthday party here before I leave for New York
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: to promote my book.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: It's probably not suitable for children like Dog.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: No, my book is probably not suitable for our children,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: or adults for that matter.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: Our guest today stars in Winning Time, Missus America, and
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: most recently Monsters. She played Leslie Abramson in the Lyle
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: and Eric Menenda story. Please welcome actress, Ari Grainer.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Hi, juju Hi, it's a jew festival. How are you?
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: It's a Jew bez. I'm great.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: How are you wecome to the podcast? Ari Grainer.
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: I'm so happy to be on here and see you.
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: I met a good jollyon years ago.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Where did we meet? Refresh my memory? Please?
• 3:05
  Speaker 4: It was probably seventeen to eighteen years at Jenny and
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: Jason Oh.
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, two hot messes, the hot two of
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: the hottest messes.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: And actually that's not fair to Jason.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: Jenny's really the hot mess of the two, even though
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: Jason is also a high missed them.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Do you guys not see each other anymore?
• 3:25
  Speaker 5: Are you?
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: Where are you? You're in New York, right, I'm in
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: New York. I'm in upstate New York.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Now, Oh yes, you just bought your first big girl house.
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: I got a big girl house like six months before
• 3:36
  Speaker 4: the pandemic. I bought like a house built in eighteen
• 3:40
  Speaker 4: oh three with sixty two acres and a barn built
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: in seventeen ninety six. And it's it's crazy. It's been
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: like a hole. It's almost amazing.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Just in time to go back to that, just to
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: go back to that century.
• 3:54
  Speaker 4: That's right, everyone needs to step back into eighteen oh three.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: Well, congratulations on that.
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: Thank you.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: Isn't it nice to be a female homeowner?
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: It truly, truly is. I mean, it was a wild
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: thing doing it right before the pandemic. And I was
• 4:10
  Speaker 4: dating somebody at the time, but he hadn't seen the place,
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: and then we broke up, and then it was pandemic
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: and me and my dog were just like, great, now
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: we'll just face our existential crisis out on the land
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: and in this new house. And it was a pretty wild.
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: I think it's really powerful when you are a single
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: woman and are able to buy property.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: It shouldn't really be.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: As I was reading her notes, it is something that
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: you were talking about, because I thought it was a
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: great point about how long ago it was. It wasn't
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: that long ago where we had to get man's permission
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: to even have our name on a deed or to
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: cot they had to coast side a card to co
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: vouch for us to get I mean.
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: What like the seventies, Like it was not that long ago.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: What a nightmare? That sounds like.
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: I really hope we're not headed back in that direction,
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: even though all fingers are pointing in that direction.
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: I know it's a scary time for sure, but yeah,
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: I mean it's felt like the power of that, like
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: it was a huge internal sense of power of not
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: only buying the place, but then being here alone and
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: having a space where it's like, you know, we have
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: all these like images of like the Marlborough Man or
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: like men alone in the woods and doing their thing,
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: but we don't only have that for women. And then
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: when I was here and I was out on the
• 5:31
  Speaker 4: land and doing my thing and being in solitude and
• 5:35
  Speaker 4: being like, this is my place. This is a powerful I.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Like out on the land.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, do you have like stuff like animals out on
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: the property.
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: No. I mean there's like the wild animals, you know,
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: so there's the occasional bear sighting. There's like some random
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: weasel kind of creatures and muskrats by the pond, and
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: deer and fox and you know, it's like all of that.
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: But I don't have chickens yet.
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: Eventually, have you ever seen any of those black black
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: king snakes up there in upstate New York?
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: Not a black king snake, I don't think, But there
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: are snakes. We called the big one Matild. We said
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: bulgeoue metild. I don't know why she got named Matild.
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: But there are these like enormous garden stakes. And one
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: got in the house. But I wasn't home and my
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: parents were here. My mom sent me this picture of
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: like a snake like this big that had I guess,
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: crawled through like the stone walls and was in the
• 6:32
  Speaker 4: living room and she had to take it out. And
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: I was very glad I wasn't home well.
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: So I do used to date this guy who had
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: a house in upstate New York and he had this
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: and there was this guy that lived in one of
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: the properties around him, and he knew I have I
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: have like a phobia of snakes, and they have all
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: those black, thick king snakes up in upstate New York.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: And he told us he once opened up his cellar
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: turned on lights, and I mean it was pitch black
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: and all you saw were all these little sets of
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: white eyes, and that there were dot and it dozens,
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: dozens and king snakes resting on top of each other.
• 7:10
  Speaker 4: No.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I was like, that is like a scene for my
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: worst nightmare movie.
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, Luckily, like the snakes are not the issue
• 7:18
  Speaker 4: for me. It's rodentia is the problem. And so when
• 7:22
  Speaker 4: I first moved here and and there was the first
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: couple of mouse sightings, I was like, I just have
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: to move. I'll have to sell it. I'm I'm out run,
• 7:32
  Speaker 4: I'm leaving a house I can never go inside ever again,
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: So burn it down.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: What is rodentia exactly? Isn't that an an of rodentne rat.
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: It's like if I see like a mouse, I completely
• 7:44
  Speaker 4: lose my shit, and I've gotten better, like the big
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: like I could be alone for like months at a
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: time and figure out how to make that be okay.
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: But if there was a mouse or a dead mouse
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: in the house, I was like, this is something I
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: can't deal with. This is this is like the true
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: conference of my abilities. But snakes, like, I'm okay, that's funny.
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: I think people either have it about it's usually snakes
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: or spiders, and then it's usual spiders, Like I can
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: deal if I see a mouse, I'm not excited, but
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: I'm not going to lose it.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: Like if I saw a snake.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: Even in the wilderness, I have an issue with them
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: being there.
• 8:18
  Speaker 6: I'm okay with snakes, yeah, Spiders, Yeah that holds up.
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: Fighters okay too. It's like it's something about the way
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: the mouse moves. And I think I also have like
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: a traumatic experience with a hamster in my youth and
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: I never quite got over.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: It didn't involve Richard Gears, but you know that's why
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: he had to move to Spain. He's actually he's on
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: the right track. He got the fuck out of here.
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: I was like, wait, that story, it's so funny. When
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: you hear rumors like that for so many years and
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: so many years that you know.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: That rumor that career struck a Gerbil off his ass.
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: But it's like, how can you be a person that
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: goes around and those rumors are like, there's no recourse.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: You just have to sit there and take it. You
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: just have to sit there because it's so ludical. Is
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: it could be completely made up or it could be
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: completely true. We'll never know, and maybe he doesn't.
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: Remember, maybe maybe he was in a black ari.
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: I was so first, I'm so impressed with your acting.
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: I think you're such a gifted and talented actress, as
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: do many others obviously, and I saw you in it
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: was at missus America, right, you were amazing in that.
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: And then most recently you were in Monsters, The Menandez
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: Brother's Story playing Leslie Stall their attorney, which sorry, sorry, sorry.
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: Leslie Abra, but Leslie Stall is great too. I'd love
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: to play her an attorney too. I think she was
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: on sixty minutes perfect Leslie Stall.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: Leslie tight curls.
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the same.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: I am so eager to hear about your thoughts about
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: the Menendaz Brothers and like what you think, I mean, are.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: They evolving right now?
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Well now, because Kim.
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: Kardashian is trying to get them out of jail, and
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: I think she's success She's succeeding.
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: Well she was, I mean, you know now, look, I
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: mean I've been I was like embroiled for a year
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: and playing their defensive journeys. So obviously I was coming
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: at it from, you know, a very specific point of view.
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: I strongly believe it's time for them to be out
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: of jail. And Kim and all the gen zers who
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: found the Menendez trial on YouTube when it came in
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: twenty twenty one and then sort of started this movement
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: like on TikTok with them, and then the DA who
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: just who didn't get reelected, was like, get them out
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: of there. And now I just hope they don't get
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: stuck in another round of political maneuvering, because it's time
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: and it feels like the sentiment is like it's time
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: to look at this. And then this new DA keeps
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: pushing their trial date and I think it just got
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: moved again until March. It was supposed to be January thirtieth,
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: but they've been in for thirty five years. You know,
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: they both got college degrees, they have been helping hospice
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: with older inmates, they started a green space program. They've
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: never had another incident, and you know, I think just
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: if that trial happened now, I think it would be
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: looked at in a different kind of way than it
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: was by them.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: So you're like on their side, right you?
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: Is that? What?
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I am?
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: You believe you believe because there's there's a lot of
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: back and forth about whether or not they were abused
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: to the degree that they claimed they were, and whether
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: or not this punishment is justified or if it's just
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: a sentencing. And because I came away from watching that,
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: I mean, I think I watched the real documentary and
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: then I watched your series, and I came away just
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: more confused than ever. I wasn't convinced that they were
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: as abused as they said they were. And then I
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: was like, God, if this, if these were two girls,
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't hesitate to believe them, you know, And I
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: had to think about why I didn't believe them, because
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: I was like, well, I just but and then I've
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: never been you know, I've never had that kind of
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: manipulation in my life where somebody was manipulating, Like if
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: if somebody did treat you that way and you were
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: you did turn into a grown man who could defend
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: yourself that you wouldn't because you're so brainwashed and you're
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: so there's such a power dynamic there. So talk to
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: me a little bit about what you learned about that,
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: because I'm so curious as from an insider's perspective.
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean that was kind of at the crux
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: of the first trial, which was that basically the original
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: trial was a hung dury and it came down basically
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: along gender lines because the men didn't believe that boys
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: could be sexually abused, and culturally people didn't believe that,
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: which is absurd, you know. And I think that the
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: psychological impact, which is you know what leslie over the
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: course of that trial and the six years that she
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: was working with them, was trying to get people to
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: understand the psychology of abuse and of trauma, and and
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: you know, people being like, well, why didn't they just leave?
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: And it's like when you've been not only like horrifically
• 13:14
  Speaker 4: sexual abused, but also essentially brainwashed, the culture of control
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: within that house or in an abusive relationship you don't
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: realize you you can or how, or when people are
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: constantly threatening your life, you know. And even now, we
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: still don't really have like a correct recourse for victims
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: of abuse, who have tried to get away, who have
• 13:41
  Speaker 4: tried to divorce, who have tried to have restraining orders.
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: I'm not I'm not in any way condoning killing people
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: by anyway, but that's not what I'm here to do.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: A spouse's retaliation in the form of murder.
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, It's not something I'm signing up for, but
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: it is a part of the justice system that I
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: think is four women, four children of when you were
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: in a position in your life is on the line.
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: Does that mean that you should then be in prison
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: for the rest of your life because it was the
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: only way that you could survive. To me, I would
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: say not, but you know that's just me.
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: So what about the fact that was it Lyle that
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: was on the who was talking to his girlfriend after
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: the fact and admitted to lying about the sexual abuse.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: What about that component of information.
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: Well, here's what I feel about that, which is like, also,
• 14:38
  Speaker 4: they did so much research on the show, So stuff
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: that was in there was correct. I never read the
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: book that she wrote. I was sort of like, I'm
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: staying on my defense track. But psychologically, there's something that
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: I can understand about that of like when you have
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: revealed your deepest, most unspeakable secret. I mean, first of all,
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: there is nothing more unspeakable than sexual abuse, especially when
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: you've come from a family where you are told your
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: entire life what you must never do is speak of something,
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: and then to share that, to reveal that, I think
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: there's like an automatic reaction to then want to protect
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: and defend and close up. I mean I even feel
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: that way, and I'm like therapized up the wazoo. But
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: when I have like a very vulnerable moment, there still
• 15:32
  Speaker 4: is the reaction afterwards to want to try to like
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: take it back or make a joke or do what
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: you know, there's a kind of a natural response to that.
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: And so in a way I understand where here's this
• 15:45
  Speaker 4: young man who's just revealed the most painful things and
• 15:50
  Speaker 4: the bravado of being like, I didn't you know, it
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: wasn't real. I don't remember what was said or what
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: was actually said, but I understand the emotional response to
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: want to close up, take it back, defend after revealing
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: something so unbelievably painful.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: Heart Yeah, because right after.
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: The murders day, I think the biggest thing that was,
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: you know, they went on the shopping sprees, they spent
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: all this money.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: They were acting just.
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: So they were dumb kids. I mean, right, they were
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: also dumb kids. But I also feel like I did
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: so much research about Leslie and I just think she's incredible,
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: and I guess for me, it's like to believe that
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: also they were not abused, means essentially that you think
• 16:36
  Speaker 4: she made that story up. And from all of my
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: research about her, like people had opinions about her, she
• 16:45
  Speaker 4: was a real firecracker and not everybody liked her, but
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: nobody ever called in to question her integrity ever with
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: any of her clients throughout her career about having to
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: make up stories of their life, like she's not a snake.
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: She's so brilliant. It's like she's too smart to have
• 17:05
  Speaker 4: to make up something like that on their behalf. In
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: my personal belief and defense of her.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: And did you have a lot of interaction with her?
• 17:13
  Speaker 4: With Leslie now, sadly I've not talked to her.
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: What are some other like surprising things that you learned
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: about her and doing the research.
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: Well, one thing that I think is really fun is
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: that Joan Didion and John Gregory Dunn, who's Dominic Dunn's brother,
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: were like her best friends. And so I feel like
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: when you find out that Joan Didion is her best friend,
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: you're like, well, she's definitely no snooze, you know, Like
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: that's it that like tells you about a person you know,
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: and she you know, she went to law school in
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: the late sixties as a single mother and drove a
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: yellow Corvette, and she came from Queen's and her grandmother
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: was a labor organizer and organizing and fighting against the man,
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: and they were like a family that fought and you know.
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: And then her there was like a her father basically
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: like completely her parents were divorced, but then her father
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: completely disappeared from her life. They thought that he had
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: moved to Florida to have another family, and it turned
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: out that he was living like a couple blocks away,
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: and she didn't speak to him for thirty four years.
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: Oh and then during the trial, during the first trial,
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: she reconnected with her father, adopted a baby, and her
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: mother died like all during the first trial, which is
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: crazy to think about.
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: Wow, it's amazing to think about people's lives, certain people's lives,
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: like you know, the backstory going to law school in
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: the sixties as a woman, just that alone, right, I
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: wonder what that was like in a yellow Corvette. I
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: wonder what kind of car Leslie Stall was driving at
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: that time.
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: I know, let's get Leslie Stall on the phone.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: Early cars.
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: I reel like and when you go in, like when
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: you're playing such a character, because you want I mean,
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: I don't know, I'm not really an actor actor, So
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: when you're playing a character, you don't want to impersonate them, right,
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: You don't want to make a caricature.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: You want to do your version of them.
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: Is that correct? Yes? Yes, I mean I definitely didn't. Yeah,
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: you don't want to do an impersonation. But also like
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: the juicyness of the opportunity of playing a real person,
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: being like I want to try to honor and get
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: down this person's essence and also you know, the rhythm
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: of how she spoke and where her voice was and
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: how she moves and all that stuff. But yeah, I
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: mean that was like the terror of working on it.
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: Myself and then showing up and you know, because I don't, like,
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: I don't work with a coach or anything. I do
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: this sort of like unconscious dream work that is its
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: own thing. But like I'd never heard myself do it
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: out loud basically until I showed up on set. I
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: mean I did it in the audition, but you know, auditions,
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: you're just kind of starting that process where you watch
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: like a couple videos and you know, I had listened
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: to her audio book, but yeah, I was so scared
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: because I was like, I don't know, am I doing
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: this right? I mean I sort of felt that way
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: throughout the whole shoot, Like we were still shooting episode eight,
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: and I remember saying to Ian Brennan, who is one
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: of the co creators of the show, and he was
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: also directing, and I just remember sort of standing there
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: and being like, do you think I'm good? And he
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: was like, what do you mean? The scene was good?
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I mean like,
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: do you think I'm good as Leslie? And he was like,
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: what are you talking about? Like you are Leslie? What
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: do you mean? And I was like, okay, this finess, man.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: How did you not you didn't what does the voice
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: or the accent? I mean, I mean on your own.
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: Like I did kind of, but it's sort of like
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: I would hear it. I mean, and I was just watching.
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: I was watching everything with her. She wrote a book
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: and she also did the audio books, so I would
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: listen to that all the time. I would fall asleep
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: to her voice said policy to the book. And you know,
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: like there were days on set when I did it,
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: but especially in the very beginning, I had one day
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: of shooting and then I had I think three weeks
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: off or a month, and you know, those are the
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: dark days of the soul, when it's the interstitial time
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: where you're like, what have I done? Am I going
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: to be fired? Am I doing this right? And I
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: think because you do, like everybody kind of has their
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: own way of doing it, Like some people are watching
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: everything and trying to get it perfectly, Like there's some
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: videos from the trial that I wanted it to be
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: as close to the thing as possible. But then sometimes
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: people play real people, but they just are like, I'm
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: doing completely doing my own version of it, and they're
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: both right, you know, but it's just like a matter
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: of if it works within the context of the thing.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: But okay, go back to what you were saying. You
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: do some dream sequence. What did you just mentioned earlier
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: before that.
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so there's this creative dream work I do, and
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: it sort of is about tapping into your unconscious as
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: a way of tapping into your creative source, like this
• 22:45
  Speaker 4: idea that sort of every character comes to you for
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: a reason and at this time, and it's like, what
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: are you able to explore sort of through this character
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: of this work. So some times you use an actual
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: dream and you sort of walk through the dream in
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: your mind. It's very it's very hard to describe, but
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: it's really powerful. And I sort of used the episode
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: five where me and Cooper Katchi plays Eric Menandez where
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: it's a one shot, one seen conversation with us in prison,
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: and sort of used that and walked through that, and
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: a lot of really interesting things came up for me
• 23:29
  Speaker 4: in that about anger, about like confronting and owning my
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: own anger. Because Leslie was somebody who is like very
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: in touch with her anger and would define herself as
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: a as a fighter, like a fighting type, and I'm
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: less of a fighting type, Like I have a lot
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: of anger, but it's not. You know, I think for
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: women it's hard to own anger. It's hard to know
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: or for me, for me just speaking for myself, where
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: it's it's there. But I think tapping into that and
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: owning that and holding that and that was such a
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: big part of I think where she was coming from
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: an episode five of like the anger of what they
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: had gone through and what there was parents like that
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: that was not what parenting was, and so there was
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: you know, it's it's a it's a deep way of
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: getting in touch with something without it being like, what's
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: my objective in the scene, you know, it's like a
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: deep right, right, I'm doing a great job. I think
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: I'm doing a very good job describing well.
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: I mean, I've never heard about this before, so it's
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: my introduction. So that's okay. I don't have to fully understand.
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: I just wanted to get a sense of what you
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: were talking about. As soon as you said dream work,
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: I'm like, we're gonna need to go back to that
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: for a second. Yeah, Okay, We're going to take a
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: break and we'll be right back with Ari Grainer.
• 24:49
  Speaker 6: And we're back with are you ready to give some advice?
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: All r are you ready to give some at least
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: some of the Are you ready to give some legal advice?
• 24:57
  Speaker 4: Because legal advice the most all advised dating advice. I
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: cannot way medical.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: You know we do a lot of that here.
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: Oh I mean medical too, Yeah, no, I got it.
• 25:07
  Speaker 6: Well, this it's so funny how sometimes things will come
• 25:10
  Speaker 6: up earlier in the episode that we then have questions about.
• 25:12
  Speaker 6: So our first question is a write in. It comes
• 25:15
  Speaker 6: from Wendy. Wendy says, Dear Chelsea, I am a woman
• 25:18
  Speaker 6: in the United States. I feel extremely unsafe with the
• 25:21
  Speaker 6: current administration. I'm a feminist and activist and have become
• 25:25
  Speaker 6: much more active since the DABS decision. I even host
• 25:28
  Speaker 6: a podcast about deconstructing patriarchy and living life on your
• 25:31
  Speaker 6: own terms. However, I feel compelled to move out of
• 25:35
  Speaker 6: this soon to be a shithole. My friend says, like
• 25:38
  Speaker 6: James Baldwin, I will regret leaving to better myself while
• 25:41
  Speaker 6: leaving everyone else behind.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: I disagree. At what point did people start leaving Germany.
• 25:47
  Speaker 6: I can still do all feminist and activist interests while
• 25:49
  Speaker 6: living overseas. I can fly back and do keynotes, host
• 25:52
  Speaker 6: my podcast, and write my substack and talk on social media.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: Do you think I'll regret moving out, Wendy.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: I would say, go for it.
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: I personally, if you are not comfortable with what's happening,
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: you go, and if you have the means to go. Absolutely.
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: I think a lot of people are having these thoughts,
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: and I think you have to do what's right for
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: your sanity.
• 26:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree with that. I agree with that, And
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: I don't know. I mean, it's so hard to know
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: of like all the specifics of what you're who you're leaving,
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: but it's also people. You still hold those people in
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: your life, you know, and there's there's other life to
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: be had, there's other experiences to be had, there's other
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: places to live, and I think, like fine, listening to
• 26:40
  Speaker 4: that voice is important. I mean, these are questions I
• 26:42
  Speaker 4: ask myself. Do I don't know, do you ask yourself
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: those questions?
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: Jo Oh, absolutely, I'm thinking about it all the time.
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: I'm always thinking about it. I just watched Lee last night,
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: that Kate Winslet movie that. Yeah, it takes place during
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: World War Two and like the Rise of Hitler, her
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: whole life was happening during the Rise of Hitler.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: And she talks to the movie like the character.
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: It happened so slowly, yet it happened so quickly, like
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: they watched it, but it didn't seem real. It seemed
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: like a dream. It seemed surreal, and then it was real.
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: And then you had to exist within that. And it's like,
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: how do you exist when Hitler's trying to take over
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: Europe and he's the most powerful man in Europe? And
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: she talks about living a life under that, like within that,
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: living a life and then choosing, And then she became
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: a war photographer because she had to do her part.
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: She felt so compelled to do her part. And whatever
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: your part is, you can still do that without being
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: in this country.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: I believe that. I don't think you have to be
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: here to fight.
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: And I totally understand wanting to get out of here,
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: and I would say, if that's your inclination, go for it.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: You can.
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: Of course, you're not gonna you know, the people in
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: your life or in your life, they're not going anywhere, but.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: You might be.
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: And you know, if that's your decision, absolutely I totally
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: get it.
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: I think you should go. Wendy, Yeah, I agree.
• 27:57
  Speaker 6: I find myself wanting to sort of like bury my
• 27:59
  Speaker 6: head in the sand a little bit, and like, this
• 28:01
  Speaker 6: is not what Wendy's doing.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: She's like, I'm going to keep up the good fight.
• 28:04
  Speaker 6: But if you need to remove yourself from the physical
• 28:06
  Speaker 6: location in order to like keep your stamina to keep
• 28:09
  Speaker 6: doing that, it's probably the right choice.
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: Well, And fighting can look like a lot of different ways,
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: or resistance can look like a lot of different ways,
• 28:16
  Speaker 4: Like it's it doesn't just have to be what we
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: think of of, like fighting in a traditional sense, like
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: that can also be stepping outside of the norm or
• 28:27
  Speaker 4: what you think you're supposed to do and showing a
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: resistance about what feels right to you. Yeah, go, Wendy go.
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: Maybe I'll be following you.
• 28:35
  Speaker 6: Yeah, And Wendy, send us the name of your podcast.
• 28:37
  Speaker 6: We'll put it in the show notes so people can
• 28:38
  Speaker 6: check it out. Our first color is Bree. Bree says
• 28:42
  Speaker 6: Dear Chelsea. I'm thirty five, and I've been in a
• 28:44
  Speaker 6: series of monogamous relationships since i was eighteen. I left
• 28:48
  Speaker 6: a tenure relationship with a great man who I still
• 28:51
  Speaker 6: adore as a friend, then fucked around and found myself
• 28:53
  Speaker 6: in a relationship with a raging alcoholic, then somehow ended
• 28:57
  Speaker 6: up in a relationship with a man. Child put myself
• 28:59
  Speaker 6: through the ringer and have been in therapy for two
• 29:01
  Speaker 6: and a half years to find out a lot about
• 29:03
  Speaker 6: myself as well as what I want in a partner.
• 29:06
  Speaker 6: A year and a half ago, I told my therapist
• 29:08
  Speaker 6: about all the qualities I wanted in a man, and boom,
• 29:11
  Speaker 6: I met him that night and can now finally say
• 29:13
  Speaker 6: I'm in a loving and healthy relationship with someone I
• 29:16
  Speaker 6: truly see a future with.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: He's a little.
• 29:19
  Speaker 6: Older than me and has been ready to move in
• 29:21
  Speaker 6: together for a couple months. But here's a thing. I
• 29:23
  Speaker 6: love living alone and I'm having a very hard time
• 29:27
  Speaker 6: thinking about leaving my apartment and living with someone else again.
• 29:30
  Speaker 6: Help a sister out, how do I handle this?
• 29:33
  Speaker 7: Bri?
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: Hibri Hibri, Wow, Bri, I totally I feel you.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: This is our special guest today, Ari Grainer, Hi, I
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: feel you.
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: And is there any way you can keep your apartment
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: while you move in with him?
• 29:50
  Speaker 7: I mean I could, but it's so expensive where I live,
• 29:53
  Speaker 7: and like that would be The dream is to keep
• 29:55
  Speaker 7: my apartment, for sure, but I don't know how I
• 29:57
  Speaker 7: would work that financially.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: It is the only thing.
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: Are you guys in the same city, so we're like.
• 30:03
  Speaker 7: Forty five minutes apart, which I love because it's like
• 30:06
  Speaker 7: space and we both live by the ocean, so it's perfect.
• 30:09
  Speaker 7: But it's just like, yeah, so we're forty five minutes apart,
• 30:12
  Speaker 7: but the commute doesn't really bug us or anything.
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: I honestly, I'm going to just say that I would
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: stay where you are. Thankes surprise here, I know, But
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: I would just say, any distance you can have with
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: you someone you love, you met this great guy, it
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: sounds perfect for you, and it sounds like you manifested
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: it like very quickly, and if you're really into and
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: you dig your alone time, I really would be hesitant
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: to give that up.
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: I had to say my partner now that I've been
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: with for four and a half years, I live in
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: upstate New York and he lives in Seattle half the
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: time because he has a sixteen year old And I
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: don't know, after like a lot of relationships of like
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: serial monogamy, living with peoplelah blah blah, sometimes I think
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: it's harder to be with somebody all of the time
• 31:04
  Speaker 4: than it is to be away from each other sometimes,
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: and I don't know, I think it can look a
• 31:11
  Speaker 4: lot of different ways where you can have like a beautiful, full, intimate,
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: committed relationship and not have to live together all of
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: the time.
• 31:21
  Speaker 8: Yeah, totally, I fully agree with you.
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, forty five minutes away is nothing like that is nothing.
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: I mean, I've been in so many long distance relationships
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: and they work great because there's not an overdose of
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: the person in my life. I want to miss someone,
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: you know, that's what makes me keep coming back. So
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: and you seem like that same type if you're saying that.
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but you're saying it's too hard the financials of
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: holding onto this relationship, this apartment, now that's.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: So hard or no, I we can keep our living
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: situation as is. And that's the thing.
• 31:57
  Speaker 7: I never want to live with someone just because it's
• 31:58
  Speaker 7: financially smart like that. I've done that and it's not
• 32:02
  Speaker 7: the right way to approach things. But yeah, I can
• 32:04
  Speaker 7: keep my spot now for as long as I want.
• 32:06
  Speaker 7: He can keep his spot. It's more just the he
• 32:09
  Speaker 7: wants to live together, and I'm like, I'm not ready.
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: Can you can? Do you have the kind of work
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: life where you can go stay with him for you know,
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: like a week on, a week off kind of thing.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, totally, totally. I work from home so it's easy.
• 32:27
  Speaker 7: And my therapist she had mentioned doing like a trial run.
• 32:31
  Speaker 7: But even that, I'm like, I know I'm gonna want
• 32:34
  Speaker 7: to go home.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, I'm gonna want my space.
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: Have you talked to him about it, like about your hesitancy?
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he knows everything. He actually knows.
• 32:45
  Speaker 7: I was asking you guys for advice too, and he
• 32:47
  Speaker 7: was like, good, get her advice, and I was like,
• 32:50
  Speaker 7: not agree with what you want.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: But I just think you have to.
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: As women, we really have to listen to ourselves. And
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: sometimes we get swept away in an emotion and a
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: feeling and we make a decision and based on what
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: someone else wants for our relationship. And of course he
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: wants to live with you. Of course he wants to
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: see you every morning when you wake up. But if
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: that's not the type of person you are, and I
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: think this is more and more true for women everywhere.
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: You're going to end up presenting that, you're going to
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: end up feeling crowded, and you may sabotage the relationship,
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: not definitely, but possibly. So why even risk it if
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: you have a good thing going forty five minutes is nothing.
• 33:24
  Speaker 4: And it's so chic to live apart, and it's like
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: both places can feel like a version of home, and
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: like having alone time is important, Like I feel like
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: that has been like the key pillar of my life
• 33:38
  Speaker 4: and healthy relationships has been like how much time I
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: need alone and reckoning with that because for so long
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: it felt like there was something wrong with me for
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: requiring the amount of alone time I need it And
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: it has nothing to do with the relationship or bearing
• 33:56
  Speaker 4: on any anything except that, like it's important autonomy. Alone
• 34:02
  Speaker 4: time is good and your relationship can flourish within that.
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: So and then you can just spit it be like
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: this is how committed I am to you.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: I'm going to keep my apartment.
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: Because I believe we're going to go like for the
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: long haul, and I want us, I want us to
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: be successful, and I think that's going to be part
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: of our success.
• 34:21
  Speaker 6: Yeah, okay, I love the idea that our head of
• 34:23
  Speaker 6: like even if it's a few days on and a
• 34:25
  Speaker 6: few days off, or a week on and a week off,
• 34:27
  Speaker 6: like do it part time, but it doesn't have to
• 34:29
  Speaker 6: be like let's try it for six months.
• 34:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, especially forty five minutes away, you know,
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: and it's like a week. Yeah, like going there for
• 34:38
  Speaker 4: a week, then I have a couple of days, then
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: he can come there if he can, Like I don't know,
• 34:44
  Speaker 4: I've found that that's worked very well for me. And
• 34:48
  Speaker 4: now this feels like our home together, but also what
• 34:54
  Speaker 4: I can do how I feel, or like what I
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: can do for myself when I'm alone in my you know,
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: my week off. Well he's back. It's like I need
• 35:04
  Speaker 4: that time.
• 35:05
  Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, same.
• 35:06
  Speaker 7: It's like a recharge for sure, and like a reset
• 35:08
  Speaker 7: and recenter and the whole thing.
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: For sure.
• 35:10
  Speaker 8: I completely agree.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: So I guess my question is, though, is like what
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: if it becomes a deal.
• 35:14
  Speaker 8: Breaker and then I have to choose between the two?
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: Do you think it will become a deal breaker?
• 35:19
  Speaker 8: I think so in the future.
• 35:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah, how long have you guys been together. We're coming
• 35:24
  Speaker 4: up on two years. Well, also, I feel like in
• 35:27
  Speaker 4: two years, who knows how you'll feel or how he feels, right,
• 35:30
  Speaker 4: you know, like in this moment, especially if maybe it's
• 35:34
  Speaker 4: you commit to different chunks of time together. So it's
• 35:37
  Speaker 4: thinking about doing like a week together and then three
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: days apart, and that like maybe there's a way to
• 35:44
  Speaker 4: structure some of that time, so you both know how
• 35:49
  Speaker 4: you are committed to spending big chunks of time together
• 35:52
  Speaker 4: while also having that time apart, and then you know
• 35:55
  Speaker 4: your feelings might change in a few years.
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: Or commit to doing a month together and then teach
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: yourselves both a lesson because I'm sure by the end
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: of it you both want fucking three days off.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: Like you know what I mean.
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: You can be like, sure, let's try. I'll come live
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: with you for one month straight and then let's discuss it.
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: Let's regroup and see how we both liked that, you know,
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: like experimentally.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would definitely trust your gut.
• 36:21
  Speaker 6: And if he does, make it a deal breaker, call
• 36:23
  Speaker 6: in and do a MINISOD for couples.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: Counseling and we'll do couples counseling.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: Love that idea fun?
• 36:27
  Speaker 4: Perfect, right?
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: Thanks?
• 36:29
  Speaker 4: Okay, bye ba bye.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: I think.
• 36:33
  Speaker 4: By the way, do you watch couples Therapy?
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: I love it? I love it.
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: I love watching therapy. It's the best me to or
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: not is such a good therapist? Yeah, I really's good.
• 36:46
  Speaker 4: She is.
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: Whenever they talk, whenever we see her personal life, I'm like, no, no,
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: I don't I don't want to see anything about her
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: personal life, like she's such a good therapist. I just
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: want to keep her in that little bubble, you know
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: what I mean, totally. Yeah, I don't want to know
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: that you have a son.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: I don't. I'm not interested she has.
• 37:01
  Speaker 4: A son, I think so, I think she has a.
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: Silars Yeah, don't.
• 37:08
  Speaker 4: Well.
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: Our next question comes from Catherine.
• 37:10
  Speaker 6: I think she needs a little bit of like a
• 37:13
  Speaker 6: confidence boost here, so she says, Dear Chelsea, I went
• 37:16
  Speaker 6: through a bit of a hard time a few years ago,
• 37:18
  Speaker 6: and just this year started dating again.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: It's been a rollercoaster, for sure.
• 37:22
  Speaker 6: I've had some people I've been interested in, dated, slept with,
• 37:25
  Speaker 6: but nothing's panned out. My workplace shares a building with
• 37:28
  Speaker 6: another company. I've had negative experiences in the past dating
• 37:31
  Speaker 6: coworkers and have a strict no coworkers policy for myself.
• 37:35
  Speaker 6: When I first started the job, I noticed a good
• 37:37
  Speaker 6: looking guy at the other company, but never had reason
• 37:40
  Speaker 6: to interact. He introduced himself to me when there was
• 37:42
  Speaker 6: a random fire in the building, and then a couple
• 37:44
  Speaker 6: months later, a weird accident led to him talking to
• 37:46
  Speaker 6: me again. We've chatted a few times since. Recently, he's
• 37:50
  Speaker 6: intentionally brought himself into my orbit, and I'm pretty sure
• 37:52
  Speaker 6: he's also interested. My issue is that even though we
• 37:56
  Speaker 6: don't work together, we share an open workspace.
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: Second ish you.
• 38:00
  Speaker 6: A different colleague of mine has proven to be a
• 38:02
  Speaker 6: bit of a gross person when it comes to at
• 38:04
  Speaker 6: work relations. Because my work crush and this colleague associate,
• 38:08
  Speaker 6: I can't help but worry that my crush shares the
• 38:10
  Speaker 6: same kind of locker room talk as this colleague. I
• 38:13
  Speaker 6: pride myself on my reputation at work, so everything in
• 38:16
  Speaker 6: me is screaming not to pursue it. But I don't
• 38:19
  Speaker 6: want to write off my first real crush in four years.
• 38:21
  Speaker 6: Should I give him a chance despite my colleague's bro talk?
• 38:24
  Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: And this is also Catherine.
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: So afterine what they're doing? What is all of this nonsense?
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: This is all noise? Get after it.
• 38:38
  Speaker 8: This is this is the noisiest thing.
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: I now will turn the fucking volume down and get
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: down to the basics. You are attracted to someone who
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: is attracted to you just because he has so. I
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: have a news flash for you, Like guys you're gonna
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: date are gonna have asshole friends, period.
• 38:56
  Speaker 8: Friends. I don't even I've been talking to exactly.
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: You don't even know if all of this is like supposition.
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: You're not even sure what's happening, and you're built, you're
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: making like eighty different blocks for you to get to
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: this person that may or may not even be true.
• 39:11
  Speaker 4: You can also tell him, I mean you can also like,
• 39:14
  Speaker 4: this is what I love about getting like dating when
• 39:16
  Speaker 4: you're older is like you can also say the things
• 39:21
  Speaker 4: early on where I feel like, when you're young, you're
• 39:22
  Speaker 4: so afraid of saying a wrong thing that is like
• 39:25
  Speaker 4: gonna make somebody run. And then I feel like when
• 39:27
  Speaker 4: you get older, you're like, let me just say all
• 39:29
  Speaker 4: the things so like, and then you can decide what
• 39:32
  Speaker 4: you want to do, and I'll decide what I want
• 39:33
  Speaker 4: to do. And you can also be like I'm worried
• 39:36
  Speaker 4: about this, you know, or like here's a concern of
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: mine and just talking it through and who knows what
• 39:41
  Speaker 4: he'll say about it?
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: And moreover, what makes you think that they are our friends?
• 39:46
  Speaker 8: I kind of am not wired for workplace flirtations anymore.
• 39:49
  Speaker 8: No shit, I've definitely bumbled through those a little bit.
• 39:52
  Speaker 5: I And anytime I was like, okay, you know, I
• 39:54
  Speaker 5: can work it in there, he's just like so dead
• 39:56
  Speaker 5: pan like about what's going on in our company. And
• 39:59
  Speaker 5: then I'm just like, Okay, well now it's not the
• 40:01
  Speaker 5: time for this kind of thing. And then just the
• 40:04
  Speaker 5: way that he speaks about my colleagues is kind of
• 40:09
  Speaker 5: what's hinting that there's really maybe not the best interaction there.
• 40:13
  Speaker 5: It's kind of just a we work in the same environment.
• 40:16
  Speaker 5: I'm going to keep the peace kind of thing. But
• 40:18
  Speaker 5: I also have to be very careful what I say
• 40:20
  Speaker 5: about that, because again I don't know him very well,
• 40:22
  Speaker 5: so maybe he's going to say what I've been saying
• 40:24
  Speaker 5: back to these people.
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, oh my god, we have to ex
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: give you. You have to put your head in a
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: shampoo bowl and wash all of this garbage out. You
• 40:33
  Speaker 3: are just running around in circles in your head. You
• 40:36
  Speaker 3: like this guy, he likes you. Forget everything else you do.
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: Not even work together. First of all, I'm not against
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: that either workplace romance. It's like where adults supposed to meet,
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: they work together. That's where happened for me.
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: So that's silly. That's a silly rule.
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: And like all these rules you have are just kind
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: of like you have to work very hard at stripping
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: away all of this noise, and that's going to be
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: a practice for you, but you can do it.
• 40:58
  Speaker 6: I think you should just go ask him out, because
• 41:00
  Speaker 6: he's made it clear you don't want to like let
• 41:02
  Speaker 6: it go too long, and then he's like feeling like he's.
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: Send him send him an email. Go just listen. It
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: seems to like to me that you're being very flirtatious.
• 41:09
  Speaker 3: If you want to ask me on a date, let
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: me know and I can respond very straightforward.
• 41:14
  Speaker 8: I go to work on that, yeah.
• 41:17
  Speaker 4: Or just be like, do you want to get a
• 41:19
  Speaker 4: drink after work or something?
• 41:21
  Speaker 8: I finished work at eleven, He's done a five point
• 41:22
  Speaker 8: thirty like pm PM.
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: Okay, Well, would you be comfortable writing an email like that?
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: I mean, I know you wouldn't be, but would you
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: do it?
• 41:31
  Speaker 5: I'm definitely better like writing than I asked initially. I'm
• 41:35
  Speaker 5: better at interacting with people with words using like email,
• 41:38
  Speaker 5: and then I can once because he hasn't really had
• 41:40
  Speaker 5: a chance to see my personality yet, because I've been
• 41:43
  Speaker 5: so like, I have this professional face I have to
• 41:46
  Speaker 5: put on, so I haven't really been able to show
• 41:48
  Speaker 5: my funny side or like the actual me side, which
• 41:52
  Speaker 5: is and all.
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: The voices in your head. You haven't been able to
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: show him that either.
• 41:55
  Speaker 8: I know they're just there. You know, they never take
• 41:58
  Speaker 8: a vacation.
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: Well, I think you should send him an email and
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: just put it out there.
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: Put it out there.
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: You're going to get the response that you want, and
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: then you can start dealing with all of these other
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: issues that you're creating or let them fall away as
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: you start to get to know him, and then you
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: can get to know if he's like that or if
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: he's like your friend. I'm still confused as to why
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: you think that. I don't think you really answered that question,
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: Like why do you think this guy that you have
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: a crush on is friends with your work colleague?
• 42:26
  Speaker 8: Because they all they've all mentioned him before in some context.
• 42:30
  Speaker 5: They're having these interactions that aren't work related. So I
• 42:33
  Speaker 5: just I kind of just have to assume that maybe
• 42:35
  Speaker 5: there's a friendly interaction outside of the workplace as well,
• 42:39
  Speaker 5: because I don't a.
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: Lot of assumptions, a lot of assumptions.
• 42:42
  Speaker 4: I think it's like go see like see each other outside,
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: see what the because also you might not even it's
• 42:48
  Speaker 4: like him, You might not even like him, you know,
• 42:51
  Speaker 4: or he might be the love of your life. You
• 42:53
  Speaker 4: don't know, but you got to get out of that
• 42:54
  Speaker 4: office to know.
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, listen, you have one life to live one okay,
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: so make it fucking count and work in your best interest.
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: No one is going to find love for you. You
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: have to find it for you.
• 43:06
  Speaker 8: Well, they're trying, they're trying. They're failing, but they're trying.
• 43:09
  Speaker 8: Who's day, my friends, they're invested in my love life.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: That's great. I'm glad they're invested.
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: But you can't rely on other people to find you
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: have the person here. So just don't you need to
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: go and send that email and I need you to
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: report back to us also, of course, let us know
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: what happens.
• 43:26
  Speaker 8: Okay, Well, absolutely, thank you.
• 43:28
  Speaker 4: Very Also, congrats on having a crush. A crush is
• 43:30
  Speaker 4: so fun.
• 43:31
  Speaker 8: At the beginning, not now.
• 43:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well you could extend, but you can extend the crush,
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: I mean, the flirtation can keep going and going and
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: going until you go out, and even then, it's just
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: so fun, you know, flirting back and forth, especially over email,
• 43:44
  Speaker 3: that's my favorite.
• 43:46
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I just wish it wasn't in a public space
• 43:49
  Speaker 5: that people.
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you wish a lot of things.
• 43:52
  Speaker 4: I know I do.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, all right, keep ust posted.
• 43:57
  Speaker 4: Bye bye.
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: They're going to get married and have lots of.
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: Of course they are.
• 44:02
  Speaker 4: Of course, I really want to find out what happens.
• 44:05
  Speaker 6: We will definitely check back in with her in a
• 44:07
  Speaker 6: couple of weeks and see what happened.
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: What was her name, Catherine?
• 44:10
  Speaker 6: She's a Katherine Elizabeth, just like oh and spelled all
• 44:12
  Speaker 6: the right ways. Well, we have one more question, but
• 44:15
  Speaker 6: we could take our little break and then come back.
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: It's a gesy one.
• 44:18
  Speaker 3: Okay, we'll be right back with Ari Greener. We're back
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: to we have one more question.
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: We have one more caller question.
• 44:29
  Speaker 4: Yes, this is so fun.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: It's the dream, especially when it's real. It's like sometimes
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: we get some questions and I'm like, what the fuck
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: are they asking me that for? Like, you know, but
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: some questions. I love interpersonal affairs. I love like breaking
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: up or getting the finding a crush. That was one
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: of my favorite topics. Like that will be.
• 44:51
  Speaker 4: What to do about a crush?
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: More crush questions?
• 44:54
  Speaker 4: Yes, my favorite.
• 44:56
  Speaker 6: Well, this question comes from Sarah Dear Chelsea. About a
• 45:01
  Speaker 6: year ago, my husband and I went away for a
• 45:03
  Speaker 6: few nights. My mother in law stayed at our house
• 45:05
  Speaker 6: to watch our small children sleeping in our bed to
• 45:07
  Speaker 6: stay close to the baby. When I returned, I noticed
• 45:11
  Speaker 6: that my journal, which I keep in my nightstand, had
• 45:13
  Speaker 6: obviously been tampered with. The strap was in a different
• 45:17
  Speaker 6: place than usual, my worksheets from therapy were not where
• 45:20
  Speaker 6: I left them, etc. It was totally shaken. My husband
• 45:24
  Speaker 6: handled it and addressed it with my mother in law.
• 45:26
  Speaker 6: She denied reading it and said she didn't touch it.
• 45:29
  Speaker 6: I had postpartum depression with my second child as well
• 45:32
  Speaker 6: as a recent rocky patch with my husband where I
• 45:34
  Speaker 6: relied heavily on my journal to process.
• 45:36
  Speaker 8: Oh.
• 45:36
  Speaker 6: It makes me sick to my stomach to think of
• 45:38
  Speaker 6: my mother in law reading my most intimate thoughts I
• 45:41
  Speaker 6: used to enjoy looking back on previous years and memories
• 45:44
  Speaker 6: I've written about. Every year, I write a letter to
• 45:46
  Speaker 6: my children on their birthday. I never knew if I
• 45:49
  Speaker 6: was going to give these to them, but it was
• 45:51
  Speaker 6: my most intimate thoughts about motherhood and reflecting on each
• 45:54
  Speaker 6: year with them. These letters were for me alone and
• 45:56
  Speaker 6: possibly one day my children. It makes me very upset
• 45:59
  Speaker 6: thinking she read something that was supposed to be between
• 46:01
  Speaker 6: me and my daughters. I've come to terms with her denial,
• 46:05
  Speaker 6: and I don't believe I will ever fully know the truth.
• 46:07
  Speaker 6: How do I continue to use journaling as part of
• 46:10
  Speaker 6: my toolbox and staying regulated and well. I wrote in
• 46:13
  Speaker 6: this journal every day for four years, and since that event,
• 46:16
  Speaker 6: I haven't been able to pick it up again. I
• 46:18
  Speaker 6: really loved this part of my day and it helped
• 46:20
  Speaker 6: my mental health in a big way. It doesn't feel
• 46:22
  Speaker 6: like a safe place anymore. Looking back on past years
• 46:25
  Speaker 6: now makes me angry thinking of her reading those thoughts.
• 46:28
  Speaker 6: I tried to buy a brand new journal and start fresh,
• 46:30
  Speaker 6: but I still have a mental block and can't move forward.
• 46:33
  Speaker 6: Is there any way I can get past this and
• 46:35
  Speaker 6: start using this coping skill that helped me through some
• 46:37
  Speaker 6: dark times?
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: Sarah?
• 46:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely. First of all, you have to start journaling again.
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: This is not your issue. This is your mother in
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: law's issue. She opened your book. You cannot control her.
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: She opened your journal. She invaded your privacy, so it
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: is up to you to take your power back. I
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: can guarantee you she's not going to do it again
• 46:57
  Speaker 3: after she she's been called out. But you have to
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: get a new journal and just start practicing this is
• 47:03
  Speaker 3: something that is giving you such relief and such comfort
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: that you can go to this place and write in
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: your journal each night and write this beautiful letter to
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: your daughters each year on their birthdays.
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: That is such a beautiful thing to even hear.
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: Like, You've got to keep going and do not let
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: someone else's misstep create your own misstep. You know, you
• 47:24
  Speaker 3: keep going and do whatever you need to do, and
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: if it doesn't feel right the first couple times, keep
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: doing it.
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: Just keep writing into your journal until you get back
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: to your safe space.
• 47:34
  Speaker 9: What do you think, Ari, Yeah, I mean, there's nothing
• 47:38
  Speaker 9: more like that. That kind of writing has also been
• 47:41
  Speaker 9: transformative for me. And you can't give that away to her.
• 47:47
  Speaker 4: You can't give that power to her or to That's
• 47:51
  Speaker 4: a that is something to reclaim for yourself. Absolutely, it's
• 47:56
  Speaker 4: a beautiful, beautiful practice. I totally get what a hard
• 48:00
  Speaker 4: marbal invasion that is and how hard that is, but
• 48:03
  Speaker 4: I feel like it's it's like when you'll fall off
• 48:05
  Speaker 4: a horse. Like when somebody falls off a horse and
• 48:07
  Speaker 4: they're like, I just have to get back up there
• 48:10
  Speaker 4: so that I'm not afraid to ever do it again.
• 48:12
  Speaker 4: It's like even if the writing in the beginning is
• 48:15
  Speaker 4: like I hate this, this feels wrong. I don't want
• 48:18
  Speaker 4: to do this, like just writing the honesty through it
• 48:22
  Speaker 4: to get to the upper side, because that's for you. You
• 48:25
  Speaker 4: got to keep that.
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, girl, don't let your mother in law take you down.
• 48:29
  Speaker 6: And I wonder too, if there's like a way to
• 48:31
  Speaker 6: upend it and like create a different ritual around it,
• 48:34
  Speaker 6: like doing it at a different time of day than
• 48:37
  Speaker 6: you used to it, doing it in a different place
• 48:38
  Speaker 6: like maybe used to write in bed, go to a
• 48:40
  Speaker 6: cozy chair, like really changing your ritual around it. Maybe
• 48:43
  Speaker 6: it's like saging your journal, like do something that creates
• 48:47
  Speaker 6: a different energy around it. And then yes, like start
• 48:49
  Speaker 6: with where you're at, like I'm angry that this happened.
• 48:52
  Speaker 6: I'm upset that this happened.
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: But you just also you have to realize you're holding
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: onto these emotions that are not your fault. These are
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: hurt These are her issues, not your issues. She was
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: being nosy, she had no boundaries. That doesn't change who
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: you are. You're choosing to allow her to disrupt this
• 49:10
  Speaker 3: connection you had with yourself, and that's on you.
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: You have to choose to move forward.
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: And you have to choose to be like, I'm bigger
• 49:18
  Speaker 3: than this and I'm going to get past this. And yes,
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: I understand you're upset, but don't let her take your
• 49:23
  Speaker 3: power away.
• 49:24
  Speaker 4: I also wonder if there's a way of like writing
• 49:27
  Speaker 4: a letter to her that you have no intention of
• 49:30
  Speaker 4: ever giving, but just of a reprocessing of saying all
• 49:35
  Speaker 4: the things out loud about you know, out loud via
• 49:38
  Speaker 4: writing about how that made you feel like that, just
• 49:42
  Speaker 4: to get that out, just to keep working through that too,
• 49:46
  Speaker 4: to sort of anything that's left over in the mind
• 49:49
  Speaker 4: of like you made me never want to do this again.
• 49:52
  Speaker 4: My trust is gone, you know, whatever that is that
• 49:55
  Speaker 4: you'll never ever give to her, but just as a
• 49:58
  Speaker 4: way of also get that part of your feeling out.
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: Of your brain and then put that letter in your
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: journal and she'll read it.
• 50:07
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Ari Grainer, Thank you so much for being
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: here today.
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: What a delight.
• 50:12
  Speaker 4: Thank you so much for having me. This was like
• 50:14
  Speaker 4: such a joy. I love you and I'm like just
• 50:17
  Speaker 4: so happy I got to be here. Yeah.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: I hope I see you soon.
• 50:21
  Speaker 4: You too. Okay, you're back at Jenny and Jason's. Okay,
• 50:23
  Speaker 4: bye you guys.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: Bye byeks. Do do do do do.
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: Do drum roll, Catherine, please, Chelsea Handler Abroad. Abroad is
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: my European tour, which I just announced yesterday. Tickets go
• 50:38
  Speaker 3: on sale tomorrow or today or there's a pre sale
• 50:42
  Speaker 3: code Chelsea. So I'm coming to obviously find.
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: A husband abroad.
• 50:48
  Speaker 3: I need to get the health out of this fucking country.
• 50:52
  Speaker 3: And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: coming to Rekuvic, I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: the UK, coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June.
• 51:04
  Speaker 3: I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin,
• 51:15
  Speaker 3: Barcelona and Lisbon.
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: I'm coming abroad is abroad that.
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: Sounds like fun. I'm gonna go see you abroad.
• 51:22
  Speaker 3: I I know I want to go see me abroad
• 51:24
  Speaker 3: and there all be there, All be okay, all Upcoming
• 51:29
  Speaker 3: Vegas dates March twenty first, April eighteenth, July fifth, August thirtieth,
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: November one and twenty ninth at the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas.
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: My book tour. I'll have what she's having.
• 51:40
  Speaker 3: Means I am doing book events only book events Northvale,
• 51:44
  Speaker 3: New Jersey, on February twenty fourth, February twenty fifth at
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: the ninety second Street Y, February twenty sixth, Brookline Booksmith,
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: February twenty seventh, Cincinnati, Ohio, February twenty eighth at the
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: h Foundation in Chicago, and Barnes and Noble at The
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: Girl in Los Angeles on March first, and then Seattle,
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: Washington on March third, Elliott.
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: Bay and I'll see you guys all there.
• 52:08
  Speaker 6: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
• 52:10
  Speaker 6: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
• 52:13
  Speaker 6: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
• 52:16
  Speaker 6: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and
• 52:20
  Speaker 6: be sure to check out our March at Chelseahandler dot
• 52:22
  Speaker 6: com