Latest / ok storytime / My fiancé EXPOSED my best friend's REAL feelings…by pretending to be me! -r/amiwrong | Reddit Stories | EP3153

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My fiancé EXPOSED my best friend's REAL feelings…by pretending to be me! -r/amiwrong | Reddit Stories | EP3153 · ok storytime

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Angie.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: And this is Riley, your favorite OK Storytime host. And
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: we got some great stories coming up.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: But before that, we have a quick two minute break
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: from our sponsors that keep the show alive.
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: My fiance exposed my best friend's real feelings by pretending
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: to be me.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Identity theft is a serious thing, Jim.
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: Something crazy happened in the last two days, and I'm
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: not sure if I'm reacting correctly. I want honest advice
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: on if what I'm feeling is valid or my boyfriend
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: is correct for what he did.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: You're just crazy.
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: You're crazy. My 24 female fiance, Mark, 25 male, and
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: I have been together for two years.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Two.
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: Mark has always had a problem with my best friend, Jacob,
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: 24 male. Jacob and I have been friends since as
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: far as I can remember and have always been very close.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: I see.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Mark says that he is jealous about our friendship because
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: Jacob clearly lacks boundaries when it comes to me. However,
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: Jacob is attracted to the same gender, and Mark knows that.
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: Mark and I have had many fights regarding Jacob, and
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: I did try to put safe distance between Jacob and me. However,
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: Jacob is very flamboyant and loves hugging and kissing me
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: on my cheeks. He does the same to all the
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: girls in our friend group. I... So it could be
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: totally a Mark thing. This could be Mark is just
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: kind of, you know, coming up with being angry over nothing.
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: Or.
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: This is that episode of Malcolm in the Middle where
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: Francis pretends to be J with G so that he
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: can flirt with all the girls.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: I agree with that. Also, some people are a little
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: too touchy.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: Some people, yeah.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: I think it's fair to be like, hey, even if
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: he is just a friend, I don't like how much
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: he's touching.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: A little too touchy. I feel that way with some guys.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: I understand where Mark is coming from, but Jacob is
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: almost like one of the girls in our group, and
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: he doesn't mean anything weird.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Does one of the girls do that to you? That's
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: my question.
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from TA by friend 342,
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: and if you want to spit your own stories, go
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: to the r slash showcase story time subreddit. I'm Sophia.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: I'm Riley.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We're only human. So let
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: us know in the comments.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: What do you think?
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: And OP says... The issue happened this Friday. Mark and
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: I were at a party at my friend's house where
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: Jacob was also attending. We were all having fun, and
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: Jacob at one point hugged me from behind and lifted
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: me into the air.
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: I asked him to put me down immediately, and he did,
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: and apologized. He then did the same to one of
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: my friends. She loved it, and we all continued having
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: a good time. That's so funny. He's like, put me down,
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: and he's like, okay.
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: Hey!
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: Immediately on to the next person.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: Everyone gets one. There's a funny scene of that happening in,
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: oh my God, what was it?
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: It reminds me of Abbott Elementary.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: Oh, yes.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: There's a scene where, I forget the name of the woman,
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: but she's going to make fun of this one guy,
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: and then she gets thrown off course, and then she
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: immediately goes and makes fun of the janitor. Mark was
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: standing on the side and saw this. When we got home,
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: I was tired and slept immediately.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Uh-oh.
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: Pretending to be me. That Mark did not like that
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: he did that, and he should avoid doing it when
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: Mark is around. Jacob replied, saying that he knows Mark
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: is jealous of our friendship and called Mark an insecure baby.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: I don't like that. I don't like what Mark is doing,
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: and I don't like what Jacob's saying.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Come on, guys. Let's just be friends.
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: Mark got angry, but instead of getting into a fight,
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Mark replied, as me, and said that he agrees. And
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: I also feel the same about Mark. He started subtly
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: flirting with Jacob and telling him that even though he's
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: attracted the same gender, I sometimes think about how it
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: would be to be with him. Jacob responded to the
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: flirting and Mark sent Jacob an intimate, non-unclothed selfie from
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: my phone. that I had taken for Mark.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: Oh, dude.
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: Immediately breaking up.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: What?
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: The second I find out Mark did that, done.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: What the heck? That's so weird.
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: That's such a breach of trust.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: Even if OP was clothed, the fact that it was
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: still an intimate photo and Mark sent that to someone
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: else just because he was insecure about what Jacob would do.
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: No.
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: Jacob also started spicy texting and telling me that although
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: he is attracted to the same gender... He would love
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: to make an exception for me.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: Oh, this is what he wanted the whole time.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: Both these guys suck. Send them to the jail.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: Mark is so happy right now. I knew it. I
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: told you. Whatever it takes, I'm going to get that
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: out of him. Even if I have to make sure
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: he's gay. I'm going to figure it out.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: I'm going to figure it out.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: Ooh, party three.
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: He probably would suggest it. Mark seems like the... Type
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: of guy who's like, I'll do whatever it takes. He
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: also said that he has been thinking about me for
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: many years and suspects he may be behind. Mark eventually
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: ended their conversation. When I got up in the morning,
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: Mark handed me the phone and told me that Jacob
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: has been lying to me the whole time and he
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: does have feelings for me despite being attracted to the
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: same gender. I hate both of these guys.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: This is... How heartbreaking. That is pretty heartbreaking.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: OP loses her friend and also her... Boyfriend sucks.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: Oh, man.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: He couldn't.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: I mean, like, still would have been awful that he
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: took Opie's phone and pretended to be her. But he
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: probably could have come back from it if he hadn't
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: sent the photo.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: I agree with that. Because my question is, if you
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: do suspect this of your partner's friend, how do you
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: go about it in a way where you can get
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: that answer? And this is a smart way to do it.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: Not very trustworthy, but he lost it the second he said, yeah,
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: I agree with you. Totally agree with you.
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: I was shocked and felt betrayed by Jacob. I had
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: let my guard down around him because I knew he
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: was attracted the same gender and started replaying our entire friendship.
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: In all the instances, he was extremely inappropriate with me.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: I went to Jacob's house and told him that Mark
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: played a prank on him and how disappointed I was.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: Jacob was very apologetic and kept on asking me if
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: I truly had feelings for him, as he does want
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: to be with me. Dude, are you not listening? We
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: had a big fight and I left. When I was
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: in my car on my way back, I realized that
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: Mark also was very inappropriate with Jacob. Firstly, he added
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: Jacob as bi by pretending to be me. And secondly,
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: sent an intimate photo of me to Jacob. I confronted
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: Mark and he said that it was the only way
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: you could have gotten Jacob to trust him and spill
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: the beans.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: No.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: No.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: I disagree with that. Over text, you can say a
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: lot of things.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: And that's how it could work. You could have been like,
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: I love you.
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: That's insane. She could have, like Mark could have pretended
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: to say, again, I still think it's a breach of
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: trust that he was texting as OP at all. But
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: like the fact that he thought the photo was the
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: only way.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: What if he used a different photo of a different girl?
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: I still don't like that.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: You don't like that? What if it was like her feet,
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: but it was a different girl?
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: Just her feet. Just her feet. Just a feet photo.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: What do you think about that? Is that okay? I
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: have a different girl. Oh, you want it to be her?
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: I don't know. It's weird all around.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: If he had to send any photo.
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: I guess the feet.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Okay. Sophia's on board with feet.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: He said that he always suspected Jacob had feelings for
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: me based on how he looks. And he just took
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: a shot and baited Jacob. Mark also said that Jacob
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: has seen me unclothed, which he has when I was
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: in high school, in the past, and sending a non-unclothed
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: selfie should not be a big deal.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: That's like actually crazy. That's actually crazy. That's like saying, oh, well,
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: he's seen you in a bathing suit, so who cares
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: if I sent an intimate photo that was only meant
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: for my eyes. Wow.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: Could he have sent a bikini photo to him?
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: Still would have been weird, but would have been better
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: than an intimate photo.
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: Hmm.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I feel like this is on the
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: same train though.
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: I think because it has the same like intention.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: I see.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: It would still be bad. I agreed with Mark at
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: that point.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Oh, what?
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: You agreed with Mark at that point? No.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: Dude, I hope you have a real one in your life.
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: Please. Someone needs to tell you.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: Girl.
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: However, the more I think about it, the more I
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: am conflicted if what Mark did was okay.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: It's not.
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: He pretended to be me and talked to my best friend.
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: He then sent a photo from my phone to him,
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: which I would never want anyone except Mark to see.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: I am conflicted if I'm being anti-queer and being angry
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: at Jacob because he never told me he was bi.
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: I don't know if attracted to the same gender people
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: when they do have feelings for others should be shame
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: for it if they never mentioned it. Am I wrong?
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Poor OP.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: She just got bombs with so much information.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: This poor girl. She's like, well, am I being anti-queer
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: if I'm upset that my best friend who I let
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: see me and touch me in ways that I would
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: not let a person who was attracted to me do?
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: And then I find out that they were attracted to
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: me the whole time, and obviously that changes our interactions.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: It's not anti-queer, it's you're anti-lying.
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: At that point, that's what it is.
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: Exactly.
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: And then you're like, oh, should I be upset that Mark,
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: my boyfriend who I trust, sent a photo of me
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: that I only sent to him? Like, yes, those are
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: both obviously wrong things.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: Pack your bags and move to Portland.
• 9:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: If you're in Portland... You got to figure it out.
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: Start over. Start over in Portland. But there is an update.
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: Let me start by saying that I take my engagement
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: with Mark very seriously. I forgot they were engaged.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: Stop it. Dude, that was true. This was like boyfriend
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: movie he was doing. Not a fiance.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: I'm strictly a monogamous person and I would never do
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: anything that would make him upset. But he would. He
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: would do something that would make you upset.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: And he has.
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: Mark told me that he did not like how Jacob
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: touches me one year into our relationship, and I immediately
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: told Jacob to stop. So OP's out here being like, yeah,
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: I've been setting boundaries the whole time. However, Jacob is
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: an integral part of our friends group, and I can't
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: just stop being friends with him. I always maintain my boundaries,
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: but I agree that sometimes they're blurred because Jacob was
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: attracted to the same gender. Jacob's only dated guy so far,
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: and I never had any reason to suspect that he
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: would want me to cheat on Mark with him. That
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: is absolutely disgusting above everything else. After the incident, I
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: was really heartbroken and felt betrayed by Jacob. Jacob kept
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: on calling me because he wanted to apologize and explain
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: his side. However, I didn't want to see him. He
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: made one of my best friends talk me into talking
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: to him, but I declined. Finally, Mark told me that
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: I should talk to him because he may have been...
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: wasted that night and not thinking straight i mean he
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: was thinking straight and or just got carried away.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: That's the whole thing that's why we're here it's because
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: he started.
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: Thinking straight i agreed to meet jacob but told him
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: that mark would be with me and also my best
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: friend joined us why is mark getting off scott free
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: this is ridiculous i'm more mad at mark Uh, yeah,
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: I am more mad at Mark than I am at
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: Jacob right now because Mark is the person that I trusted.
• 11:45
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: He's my fiance.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: These are two men. I don't know. I look at
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: this as like a, uh, love triangle.
• 11:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: And I'm close to both of them. I feel, I
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: would feel betrayed by both.
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: I don't know. It's just so sad because OP is
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: getting like thrown around by these two guys who don't
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: care about her feelings, but claim to love her. We
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: met in our apartment yesterday and all of us just
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: sat silently for a while. Jacob told me that he
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: was wasted that night and was in a flirty mood.
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: He felt bad based on how I reacted when he
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: tried to lift me and wanted to apologize for it. However,
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: after I replied and started talking to him, he was
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: having fun and just made those comments. After he woke up,
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: he realized how horrible it was to say those things
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: to me considering I'm engaged. I asked him why he
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: didn't apologize to me immediately, and he was silent. He
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: didn't try to blame Mark for causing a rift in
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: our friendship and told Mark that he understood why he
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: did that and also apologized to him. I don't. If
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: Mark gets to just like have no consequences for this,
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: I'm going to be pissed off. I asked Jacob if
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: he really had thought about sleeping with me in the
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: past and he denied it, but I.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Could see he was not completely truthful.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: This is the point where we got to tell the truth.
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you just got to be like, yeah.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: Get it all out there.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: I did. I asked him if he has slept with
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: any other girls in the past and he said that
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: he had. He told us that he had slept with
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: two women in the past but did not enjoy it.
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: He thinks he's not bi. However, he said that he
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: always appreciated the person I was and does have deep
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: platonic feelings for me. He told me that the women
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: he slept with were just random wasted hookups, but he
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: sometimes wondered how it would be like because he cares
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: for me and has always wondered how it would be
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: if he was with a woman who he was attracted
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: to and cared about. He then went on to tell
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: me that he finds me attractive, but in a platonic way.
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: Mark immediately interrupted him and told him to cut it off.
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: He again apologized to us and told us that it's
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: hard to be attracted to the same gender and come
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: at us by as both women and men hate you.
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: I don't claim to understand what that meant, but I
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: saw a lot of comments on my post where people
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: said that. I told them that I had warned him
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: about touching me inappropriately in the past because Mark did
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: not like it. However, after what I know now, his
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: actions from last Friday were completely inappropriate. If any of
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: my other guy friends touched me in that way, I
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: would have not only slapped them, but never talked to
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: them again.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: What did he do?
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Like, how?
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: Well, I think he just, like, lifted her up. Oh,
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: that's right, that's right. But, like, where? I feel like
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: I could lift you up, and we could still be friends,
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: but it depends on where my hands go. It's like, what?
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: I'm so feel.
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: That's my feet. I told Jacob that I love Mark
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: and I feel bad about what he did to me
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: during the party. I told Jacob to leave us alone
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: and think about what he did. He again apologized and
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: told me that I would never understand how difficult it
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: is to be attracted to the same gender. That's like
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: so not the point.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: Wrong slice of the cake.
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: That is so like crazy. I hate both of these men.
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: For Jacob to be like, OP confronts him and says, hey, like,
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: I feel a bit betrayed that you didn't tell me
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: this and that you were touching me in that way
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: while also having feelings. And he's like, you just don't
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: understand how it is to be J with a G.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: And OP's like, what?
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: My question would be, is it hard staying that way?
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: Do you feel like you have to stay this way
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: because you've told everyone you are?
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I think that's, maybe that's what he's trying
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: to say is like, well, I think he was saying
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: that earlier of it's hard to come in as bi
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: because nobody thinks that you're bi.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: They just think that you're.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would just want more clarification on how is
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: this being difficult for you. Yeah, and is this even
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: relevant to.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: It doesn't... It just feels like he's trying to be
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: the victim.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because in this context, it's hard being J with
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: a G because you're trying to be straight right now
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: with me.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: I don't... I don't know what he's trying to say here.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: I've decided to not talk to Jacob. However, we have
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: not told any of our friends about the incident of
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: our meeting. What do you think?
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: Just give it to me straight. What happens here?
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: I literally... Don't even care about Jacob anymore because Mark is,
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: he's my op and I'm mad.
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: He's a smooth talker.
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: I'm mad. He just got away with it. Oh, he
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: was upset and he convinced her that she wasn't.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: Here's, here's my two questions that's going through my head.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: He didn't apologize. Number one, what was the photo? Because
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: whenever she typed this out, she could have been in
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: a way where it's like, that was just meant for him. Blah, blah, blah.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: Does she feel differently now? I don't know. I feel
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: like if we understood what type of photo it was,
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: we can kind of understand. Because she might have been like,
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: it was only meant for him and his eyes only.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: But it was like, oh, yeah, people post that picture
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: on Instagram.
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: Sure.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: Type stuff.
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: From what we know, she said it was only meant
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: for him. She was clothed in some manner. So I'm
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: thinking like underwear.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: And those are like the two things that we've noticed.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think the test that I would want
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: to know is if this was posted on your Instagram story,
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: would you be freaking out?
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: I guess the only thing that I'm kind of narrowing
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: in on is that she said... I was upset that
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: he posted or he sent that.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah. But like, we're, she's not mentioned that at all
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: in this side of the post.
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I know.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: That's why I'm thinking then the photo to her must've
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: not been that cheeky.
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: I don't know. It's so, it's so weird for her
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: to like not even mention it.
• 17:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: That, that's what's, that's what's bothering me. And that's why
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: I'm like, so what was the photo? Or she just,
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: since she's engaged with this guy, she's not going to
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: bring up any problems she has towards him.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: That's what it feels like.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: That might be the point. Yeah. So those are my
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: two things.
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: I was like, Let's see if she brings him up
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: in the last bit.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: Please.
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: For Mark.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: There we go.
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: I really thought about his actions. As much as I
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: was upset initially that he impersonated me and sent that
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: picture to Jacob, I know Mark would never do it
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: unless it was a nuclear option.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: What?
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: From his perspective, Jacob got away with it because he
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: was attracted to the same gender. Mark told me he
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: always suspected Jacob was giving me special treatment. And as
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: a guy, it's easy to see those things. However, he
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: respected my friendship with him. No, he didn't. And also
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: knew I took every step to keep healthy boundaries. However,
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: when Jacob messaged at 11 p.m., Mark knew something was
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: off and did what he did. I forgive him. If
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: his hypothetical girl best friend messaged me at 11 p.m.
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: and touched him inappropriately, I'm sure I would have a
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: worse reaction than Mark. I still love Mark and I'm
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: glad he did what he did to protect me. I
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: don't believe you. Oh, this pisses me off. This pisses
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: me off.
• 18:22
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: He didn't do that to protect you. He did not
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: do that to protect you. He's not thinking about you
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: at all when he texted Jacob that picture.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: He just wanted to be right.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: He wanted to be right. That's a little weird. Little weird.
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: Oh, man.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: But wow, we did it. We got through it. I
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: get why you did the things with Jacob, but why
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: have we not talked to Mark about this? That's a
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: little weird. I hope you see clearly one day.
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: Me too.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: See like Jacob. See queerly. Queerly.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: But that's the end of that story, and we got
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: another one coming right up. My fiance refused to pay
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: for our wedding after being able to fund his brothers?
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: It's your wedding. It should be your wallet. I.
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: 26 female, got engaged to Rick, 26 male, almost five
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: months ago. We dated a year prior to that. Wow.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: Quick.
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: Amount of money may confuse you because we live in
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: another country, but I'll refer to it as dollars to
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: keep it simple. We're both dentists, and our average income
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: monthly is 10K. It changes time to time.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: Monthly?
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: I mean, I guess you're a dentist, so.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: That makes sense.
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: This is relevant to what I'm about to tell. When
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: we first started dating, Rick expressed that he was going
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: to help his older brother, Dan, 27 male, financially to
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: get married, since Dan financed Rick partially through his education.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: Even though Dan and his wife decided to get married
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: after us, we waited until they got engaged to start
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: our marriage process. Rick did everything he could during their marriage.
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: He worked very hard and made around $ 250, 000 for two
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: years and gave every penny to his parents to help
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: Dan's expenses. Dan also works and made the same amount
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: by himself during this. By the way, this comes from Biturbe,
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: and if you want to.
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: And I'm Matt.
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: And we're here to give some advice in a little
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: goofy way. So give us your own advice down below.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: And OP says, when I stated that we would need
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: money for our ceremony and home, et cetera, Rick claimed
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: that his parents would save the money he earned for
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: us too. I didn't think this was likely and encouraged
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: him to save some money by himself, which he didn't.
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: He's saving all this money for everyone else.
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: I wonder if it's because he's the younger brother.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: And they said they're in a different country, so sometimes.
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: There's... Could be some sort of cultural.
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah, there's that expectation. But also, I feel like there's
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: also the pressure of his older brother helped him through school.
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: So... It's a.
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: Little crazy that seemingly he's saved all of the money
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: he's earned for his family and has not saved anything
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: for himself. Not looking too good.
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: Some people are just really bad at saving money. I'm
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: not talking from experience.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: At all, but.
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: but I guess he's good at saving money, but just
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: not for himself. Right.
• 21:09
  Speaker 4: It's like, it's kind of maybe sort of almost like
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: retail therapy, how like it feels good to use the money,
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: but not as much to save it because it feels
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: like it's going unused. And there's like that hit of dopamine.
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: He's like, he's doing something for his family. Right.
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: After Dan and his wife got married, I noticed that
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: Rick was still handing the money to his parents. We
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: work in the same company, so I can check how
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: much he makes and vice versa. I once again asked
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: him to not do that since we need to rent
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: an apartment and start buying furniture. He said it was
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: okay and his parents were saving his money for us.
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: Around five months until our marriage and three months into Dan,
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: they were doing okay financially since Rick paid for everything
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: and started considering buying a house. Rick's parents wanted to
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: talk to me. They said they had no money to
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: help us whatsoever. shocker, I'm so surprised they weren't actually
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: saving the money for your fiance.
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: Where did it go then?
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: I'm assuming they just bought things.
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: But also it's like, after you've, I assume there's like
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: a set amount that the older brother put into his education.
• 22:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: So like, is there not like, A cutoff. A cutoff,
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: or we're square, or maybe even just a little bit
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: as an extra thank you, but there should be hard
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: numbers in this.
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: He's just like, more, I'll give you more. All the
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: money goes to you guys. The reason given was Dan's
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: wedding expenses, which was not an expensive ceremony at all.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: It was quite cheap, to be honest, because of the pandemic.
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: I know that wedding cost $ 100, 000 tops. So cheap.
• 22:45
  Speaker 4: What is an expensive wedding? I don't know. That's crazy.
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: And I don't know where the rest of the money went.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: Maybe Dan's planning to buy a house with it?
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: Rick and Dan and their father made a total of
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: $ 600, 000 in two years and didn't spend much for anything
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: other than Dan's wedding and father's car, $ 80, 000. Rick says,
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: we need to borrow money or get a loan to
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: pay for two to three years after we get married.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: I don't personally think you're ready to get married if
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: you gotta get this loan done. I think you should
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: hold on or hold off on the wedding until you
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: have the money for it.
• 23:23
  Speaker 4: There's some aspect of like, yes, let's get married. Like
• 23:27
  Speaker 4: we love each other. We'll make it work. But also
• 23:29
  Speaker 4: like if you're in debt and you're having to pay
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: for all this stuff, you're not going to be happy.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: Exactly. It's like either have a cheap wedding and just,
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: you know, go to the courthouse or wait until you
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: can afford it. Why would you go in debt for
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: a party that goes on for one day? Or maybe
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: a couple of days if you're in a different culture.
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: Which I refused. And once again, requested him to get
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: the money he earned from his parents. But he says
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: that money is gone for good and we need to
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: look ahead. Where did it go? Where did it go?
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: He knew where it was going and he just didn't
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: want to tell her.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: He absolutely knew something was up with it.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: And I don't know if it's filial piety. I don't
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: know if it was like shame that he was like,
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: putting it away and having to give it and not
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: saving it for themselves, but he knew the entire time.
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think so. I think he knew. Because why
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: else would you give it to the parents unless you
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: wanted them to use the money? Why would you give
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: it to them? They're not a bank.
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: But maybe he's just bad with managing his own funds.
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: But also, he's got a bank. He's a dentist.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: So, I don't know.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: Weird. Weird.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: I feel stuck and stressed at the moment. I earned
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: as much as Rick did and will pay for my
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: share of the wedding and goods, unlike Dan's sister-in-law, who
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: didn't pay for anything at all, which will cost us
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: around the same as Dan's 120,000 tops. So we'll share 60-60.
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: Your wedding is way too expensive.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: If.
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: You know, your fiance wants to go in debt for this.
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: This is ridiculous.
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: Like, I'm just caught up on the fact that for
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: them $ 100, 000 is cheap. I get that they're kind of
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: well off because they're dentists and there's two of them
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: and they're working. But, like, what are you?
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: But they're also, like, not well off enough for a
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: $ 120, 000 wedding.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: Because they're going to debt. This is a little silly.
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: But he says he doesn't know where to get $ 60, 000.
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: And he says he would need to work too hard
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: for three months until her marriage. But then what was
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: he doing all this time? And also three month payment
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: isn't enough for a wedding, which I doubt he would
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: give it to his parents anyway.
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: Is there any chance he's actually not giving it to
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: the parents and there's a secret third place? The third
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: option is a secret family. There's a third space. Something
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: like that. Or he's like swirling it away for like
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: a car that he wants.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: Well, we know the father just bought a car. So
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: could be. I feel hopeless for a future and I
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: feel deceived, which makes me depressed. I have no motivation
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: to work or buy things for the house because I
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: don't want to pay with loan money. And edit, I
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: forgot to mention that we'll be seeing someone for premarital
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: counseling tomorrow. And I feel like it's too late to postpone.
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: Rented the apartment already. And it's also pointless because the
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: family would keep getting their money until marriage and us
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: getting married would put a stop to that. Maybe I'm
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: lying to myself, but I love this man so, so much.
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: And don't want to see red flags. It's really hard
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: to accept reality sometimes. So it seems like the main
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: issue is that this guy is not saving his money.
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: Doesn't have enough money for the wedding or even for
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: their house. And OP doesn't really know how to handle this.
• 26:37
  Speaker 4: Like if OP is already having trouble with the finances
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: now that they're separate. And they're not even married and
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: together yet. And they're not really dependent upon each other legally.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: Speaking, like, she doesn't seem like she's dependent on him now.
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: But legally speaking, they would be tied together if they
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: get married. Like, that's not a good way to start
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: a marriage and have a foundation.
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: I completely agree. It seems like he is still so
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: attached to his family for obvious reasons. But he hasn't
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: started to consider OP as the new family unit. Which
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: is an issue if he's going to give all of
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: your guys' money away.
• 27:17
  Speaker 4: If this is how it's starting now, it's only going
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: to get worse. There's a small chance it could get better.
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: Maybe he is actually doing something with it. He just
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: doesn't want to tell her yet, and it'll be good
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: in the end. Maybe he is saving up for a
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: secret house for them or something, or slowly putting money
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: down into it. He doesn't want her to know, which
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: is unlikely because they already said they have the apartment.
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: Optimistically speaking, it could end up well, but I highly
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: doubt that he's going to get better after this one
• 27:46
  Speaker 4: This one.
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: Last time you're going to be deceptive.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: Let's see if he changes anything. Update. It's been two
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: months since I first posted, and I thought some of
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: you wanted to know what's going on here, so here
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: it goes. We went to couples therapy right after I
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: posted that.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: That's good.
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: We've been there a few times, and a plan to
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: keep going regularly has been put in place. We came
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: to the conclusion during therapy that Rick needs to separate
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: himself from his family psychologically and financially.
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: Wait.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: The psychiatrist said that he is attached to them in
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: an unhealthy way and needs to act like an individual,
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: which is the hardest part for him. He tried to
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: do that during our relationship by getting therapy for himself,
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: but wasn't successful. He kept giving all the money to
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: them and then acting the way they commanded. But he
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: once again tried talking to his family after we went
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: to therapy. I guess that therapy session made him see
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: the situation clearly and how serious it was. Our therapist
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: resonated with me about wanting to leave if things won't change,
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: and he saw the reality of it. Anyways, he talked
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: to them and stopped giving what he earns altogether. Not
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: a dime this time. And we finally started to save
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: our money for our home and marriage expenses. We bought
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: some furniture already, but since we started from zero, it'll
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: take quite some time to save all of it. So
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: we postponed the ceremony to an unknown date. We'll get
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: married whenever we feel ready.
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: Just what was his plan after they got married?
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: I don't know. It seems like he was just going
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: to keep giving all his money away until OP kind
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: of snapped him out of it.
• 29:19
  Speaker 4: I understand in some cultures where, especially with overseas workers,
• 29:23
  Speaker 4: you'll work in a country and send some of what
• 29:26
  Speaker 4: you make home. That is different. They live in the
• 29:29
  Speaker 4: same country. And he's giving all. The dad is working
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: and has enough to buy a new car with the
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: help he's given.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and even Opie's.
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: Brother is working and has enough money for his own wedding.
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: Is Opie's brother sending any money at home at all?
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: Or is it just on Rick as the younger sibling?
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know.
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: That's a good question. We haven't really heard if Dan
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: is sending any money home. But definitely a good thing
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: that Opie called out before the wedding. It seems like
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: they're working on it. So it's a good sign.
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: Honestly, big green flag that Rick was willing to go
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: to therapy. Consistently do it. And then take the advice.
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: Exactly. No, I completely agree. Now about the money Rick
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: made all this time. The therapist said that it's not
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: my place to ask him where the money went since
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: he made it himself. I disagree with your therapist. You're
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: about to get married.
• 30:21
  Speaker 4: You're about to get married. That money should have been like,
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: For you two together, and as a couple that's joining together,
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: it's important that you're on the same page about finances.
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think there's a difference between, it's not
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: okay to demand that he put his money, or do
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: something with his money that you want, because you're not
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: married yet. But you should absolutely be talking about how
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: you spend money. In general, because you should know how
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: you spend your finances.
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: Contextually, also, this is about how he wouldn't spend money
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: for their own wedding.
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 30:57
  Speaker 4: And it's like, okay, so what did you do with
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: the money that you had that you could have that
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: was going to them?
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: Giving me an explanation about the money he made earlier
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: would make him dependent. I don't know if that's the
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: right word to me. Like it made him dependent to
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: his family before, and it's not a healthy thing. reasonable
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: but not what i wanted to hear i don't agree
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: with that so she asked rick if he wanted to
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: learn the money's whereabouts and if he's gonna confront his
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: family or not and he said he won't do that
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: huh so guys i'll never know what happened to all
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: that money i bet they just like bought a car
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: or something if they spent it all which they pretended
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: they did or saved it or bought dan an apartment
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: with it i have no idea because rick doesn't plan
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: to ask them at all.
• 31:39
  Speaker 4: It seems to me like Dan is just the favorite
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: child and they probably gave it all to him. Yeah. Like,
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: so technically they did spend it by spending it on
• 31:50
  Speaker 4: Dan's funds or whatever. And then Dan's like, they said,
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: Dan's funny. I'm buying a house now.
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 31:55
  Speaker 4: So that's where all the money went.
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: In my opinion, wherever it is, I don't and shouldn't
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: give an F anymore. I read all your comments from
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: last post and wanted to thank everyone for your great advice.
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: And that's the end of the story.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: I think you should get a new therapist if your
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: therapist thinks that you're not allowed to ask your partner
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: what they're doing with their money.
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: It's like, I understand therapists have training that we don't.
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: And that in general, they're supposed to act in your
• 32:25
  Speaker 4: best interest. Yeah. But it's also like they're people too.
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: And I don't trust everybody just because they have a
• 32:31
  Speaker 4: special fancy certification.
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they're not always right. They're not always right. And
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: I think that you should have a level of honesty
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: and openness about finances before you get married. But that's
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: the end of that story. And we got another one
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: coming right up.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: Hey, it's Carly, your favorite axolotl host here. We're going
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: of ads from our sponsors.
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: My girlfriend blows every dollar she earns, so I had
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: to say something.
• 32:59
  Speaker 4: Where does it all go?
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: I'm 24 and my girlfriend just turned 21. So she
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: probably has not learned how to be financially responsible yet.
• 33:07
  Speaker 4: No.
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: We've been dating for over a year. We'll be two
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: in October. She's great. I love her. She's sweet, warm, beautiful,
• 33:15
  Speaker 3: and I want many more moments with her. So writing
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: this does pain me. Ever since our first moment together,
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: I've noticed she's a bit less conservative than me and
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: a lot of other people in regards to spending. A
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: bit about our backgrounds and why this is such a
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: shock to me. I immigrated from Bangladesh to the US
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: when I was four with my family in 2003. I
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: grew up in a working class area of Queens and
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: it took our family almost 12 years to move to
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: a better neighborhood in Long Island. And part of that
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: is my parents' initially frugal and wise spending. We didn't
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: splurge on anything in the 2000s beyond a birthday gift.
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: They saved and worked enough to ensure me and my
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: siblings could spend the rest of our youth in a
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: better community. By the way, this comes from Kony2017. And
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: if you want to submit your own stories, go to
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: the r slash okay story time subreddit.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: I'm Sophia.
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: And I'm Matt.
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. So let us know what
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: you think in the comments. And Opie says, My girlfriend
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: is also an immigrant, except they're a wealthy family from Australia.
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: And she grew up in one of the more affluent
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: zip codes in North Carolina. What a travel. Australia to
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: North Carolina?
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: I don't even know what is in North Carolina.
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: I mean, Riley's from North Carolina. Sawmills. That is, I've
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: never ever heard of anyone from Australia moving to specifically
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: North Carolina.
• 34:42
  Speaker 4: I mean, maybe if it was for like a specific
• 34:44
  Speaker 4: job opportunity, I can understand like going to like states
• 34:48
  Speaker 4: like that.
• 34:48
  Speaker 5: Interesting.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: Interesting.
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: Unfortunately, she's a little spoiled, but that's to be expected.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: She spends a lot of money on the most useless crap,
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: like $ 300 clothes, and replaces her phone every two years.
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: But in the 14 months we've been together, it's been twice.
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: Her phone? She's replaced her phone twice?
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: I mean, I know people do that, especially if they're techie.
• 35:10
  Speaker 4: Or like your phone breaks.
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: Or if you have one of those plans where you
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: can just replace it.
• 35:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: I actually just got a new phone, but... my old
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: phone was from high school. So still, yeah, it was
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: the 13th. So I got it like end of high school. Oh, um,
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: and I wanted to turn it in before I couldn't
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: because the 13 was about.
• 35:31
  Speaker 4: To be like with me, I will run my phone
• 35:34
  Speaker 4: into the ground and so like, we'll not charge anymore. Yeah.
• 35:37
  Speaker 4: Is like, cause it's perfectly fine. I don't want to
• 35:40
  Speaker 4: spend that money and I don't have that fancy plan
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: where you can switch because I don't need it.
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: Like I'm not a, Oh, I guess maybe not all,
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: but I, It depends on things, because I know as
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: long as it's at $ 13 and above, you can trade
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: it in and get a little bit of money.
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but I mean, I have a work phone, except
• 35:57
  Speaker 4: for my personal phone, so I don't really need to
• 36:00
  Speaker 4: do that that much, but I can see if people
• 36:02
  Speaker 4: need it to be up-to-date. And considering how most people's
• 36:07
  Speaker 4: lives at this point are on their phones, I don't
• 36:09
  Speaker 4: really see that as too bad of an expense.
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: That being said, she's very charitable and sweet. She volunteers
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: at a foundation for struggling youth, has done many charity
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: initiatives with her friends in developing countries. The point is
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: she's not some wiener who stunts on people who didn't
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: have it as good as her. Just a preppy sorority
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: girl who's blown every penny she makes. She's a nursing
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: student who's working a placement at a hospital. So ever
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: since she's been making some big girl money, her spending
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: has increased even more. But still, let me break it down.
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: In 2023, she spent 94% of her discretionary income... Excluding
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: daddy's money. I spent 53% and made 25 times what
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: she made. She often complains that she's running out of money.
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: Have you checked her transactions, babe? Anyways, today, technically yesterday,
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: she came back to New York after spending the holidays
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: with her family. She brought me a Christmas gift, a
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: cashmere sweater that costs $ 1, 200. I bought her a $ 350
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: DJ set, since that's something she's expressed interest. Expensive, but
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: still pales in comparison. She got a lot of money
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: from her extended family because it was her birthday on
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: the first, and apparently she spent most of it on
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: the gift. I don't know how to react. So I
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: told her how thankful I am to have her in
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: my life and how much I appreciated her gift. But
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: then I told her that despite all that, I really
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: want her to start becoming smarter with her finances as
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: we progress. I've offered to help her with that since
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: I have a bit more experience with saving. But she
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: took it as me not being grateful for her gift.
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: despite me making it very clear that I was enamored
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: by it and told me I shouldn't tell her what
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: to do. She was very offended. I don't think OP
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: said anything wrong there.
• 37:53
  Speaker 4: I think it's timing.
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe just shouldn't have done.
• 37:56
  Speaker 4: It with the gift. Give it like a month so
• 38:00
  Speaker 4: that it's not in her mind that you're talking about
• 38:04
  Speaker 4: the gift at all.
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: I think that's a good idea. Could have not done
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: it with, so she didn't associate it with you being
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: unhappy with the gift at all.
• 38:13
  Speaker 4: I'm also detecting a lot of latent resentment from OP
• 38:17
  Speaker 4: because the backgrounds.
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it really does feel a bit with the language
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: that he is kind of mocking her a little, like
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: daddy's money and she's a little spoiled. And I don't
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: think he's wrong about her spending habits or for bringing
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: it up, but I agree timing.
• 38:35
  Speaker 4: I agree that she, especially if, She is actually, and
• 38:39
  Speaker 4: he's not exaggerating, spending 94% of her income just on stuff.
• 38:43
  Speaker 4: Like I get it. I spend my money on a
• 38:45
  Speaker 4: lot of stupid things. I just bought like a mini,
• 38:48
  Speaker 4: I kickstarted a mini pinball table because I love pinball.
• 38:53
  Speaker 4: And that was a stupid purchase that I shouldn't have done.
• 38:55
  Speaker 4: But it's not like I'm spending $ 1, 200 on someone's gift.
• 38:59
  Speaker 4: Like I do a lot of good gift giving, but
• 39:01
  Speaker 4: I'm not spending $ 1, 200 on a single item. But it's like,
• 39:05
  Speaker 4: I'm getting the fact that he's, that they're from different backgrounds.
• 39:08
  Speaker 4: He probably feels maybe a little inferior. He probably feels
• 39:11
  Speaker 4: a little bit of, I guess, shame or jealousy that
• 39:13
  Speaker 4: his family didn't come from money. And that he feels
• 39:16
  Speaker 4: like he's worked for what he has and he doesn't
• 39:18
  Speaker 4: feel like maybe she's earned it quite as much. And
• 39:21
  Speaker 4: there's some anger there. It's misplaced, but he's not wrong
• 39:25
  Speaker 4: in saying that she needs, especially if they're looking for
• 39:28
  Speaker 4: a future together. Yeah.
• 39:29
  Speaker 5: She needs.
• 39:30
  Speaker 4: To start managing the money carefully.
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: Especially if she's complaining about it.
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: But OP continues, she started crying and told me she
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: would spend the night at her friend's house to calm down,
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: which I respected. And I haven't seen her since then.
• 39:44
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: Uh-oh. Oh.
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: I didn't mean to come off that way, and I
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: really hate seeing her upset. I just want her to
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: become more responsible if our relationship were to go much further.
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: I might sound like a bad person, but if we
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: have kids, I don't want them to end up like
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: her in regards to being spoiled. And that's not possible
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: if their mother continues to spend every bit of money
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: that she receives. What do you guys think? Am I wrong,
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: and how do I navigate this? I can't tell if
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: I messed up or was in the right.
• 40:15
  Speaker 6: And.
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: Edit, we rent a place together, and I have to
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: pay most of the rent, sometimes all of it because
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: of that.
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: See, that's a huge issue.
• 40:23
  Speaker 4: There it is. There's a lot of that resentment.
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: He's like, I'm paying for everything, and you're just buying
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: $ 1, 200 cashmere sweaters for me, but still.
• 40:32
  Speaker 4: She's also 21.
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 40:33
  Speaker 4: You have to remember that. She's an adult, and she
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: should be responsible, but she's also- Barely an adult. Ideally,
• 40:41
  Speaker 4: they're still in college right now, should be?
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: I mean, he's not.
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: He's 24. Probably not.
• 40:46
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: She's a nursing... Student? No, I think she's probably resident.
• 40:52
  Speaker 4: I think it's something like that.
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: So she's out of school. Probably just out of school.
• 40:57
  Speaker 4: Okay. Maybe, actually.
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: That would be pretty young.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: She might be a student.
• 41:01
  Speaker 4: But either way... I don't remember from the beginning.
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, either way, she's very young.
• 41:04
  Speaker 4: She's in an earlier stage of her life. And yes,
• 41:06
  Speaker 4: she should be financially responsible. But it's still really early. Yeah.
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: I think it makes sense why she's got some of that,
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: you know, irresponsibility. But I think you could sit her
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: down and say, hey, I want to, just so we
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: don't have resentment, I would like to split these finances equally. Like,
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: I don't want to have to pay all of the money.
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: And then maybe that would teach her to save her
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: money better. If you were like, hey, I'm not going
• 41:32
  Speaker 3: to cover you for rent. You know, going forward, it
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: needs to be split equally because we're making.
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: Such and such money, you know?
• 41:39
  Speaker 4: Do you think it would help or hurt if OP made, like,
• 41:42
  Speaker 4: an actual breakdown and spreadsheet and budget and showed, like,
• 41:47
  Speaker 4: in plain black and white, irrefutable numbers where things are going?
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: I think that would probably be great. Do you think
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: OP might, like, take that as offensive or, like, that
• 41:56
  Speaker 4: he's attacking her?
• 41:57
  Speaker 3: The girlfriend?
• 41:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah. I mean, yeah, girlfriend.
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: Probably. It's difficult.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: It's difficult.
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: It seems like she's sensitive about that.
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: But you could try.
• 42:04
  Speaker 4: Do you think the girlfriend... is aware of that like
• 42:08
  Speaker 4: difference in background and upbringing and like wealth. Do you
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: think maybe she's ashamed that she came for money or
• 42:15
  Speaker 4: like even aware of how it makes her boyfriend feel?
• 42:18
  Speaker 4: Or is that something that maybe that do you think
• 42:19
  Speaker 4: it's not?
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: I don't think she's super aware of it. I think,
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: I think she's more just insecure. I don't know. I, yeah,
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: I'm not sure. It doesn't seem like she's super aware,
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: but she is deeply insecure about him questioning her. Maybe
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: she's like, I'm an adult now and people are still
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: questioning me. But let's see. Second edit. I'm definitely going
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: to wait for her to feel better and then have
• 42:45
  Speaker 3: a serious talk about her with finances and what should
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: be expected in a relationship while being as fair as
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: I can.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: We have an.
• 42:53
  Speaker 3: Update 11 days later. Let's see if Opie succeeded in
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: having that conversation.
• 42:57
  Speaker 4: 11 days.
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: I hope it wasn't like she stayed away for 11 days.
• 43:03
  Speaker 3: My girlfriend came back to our apartment the day after
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: all of this happened.
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: She apologized for getting upset and leaving to go to
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: her friends, and I apologized for not being more appreciative
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: of her generosity and told her I'm just happy to
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: have her back home. The next few days were just
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: spent normally how we did before the holidays, and we
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: didn't talk about what happened that day. Until last week.
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: The electricity bill for December came in. The amount wasn't
• 43:27
  Speaker 3: too high, but I figured this was the perfect context
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: to have this discussion. We sat down and I explained
• 43:33
  Speaker 3: to her that the only reason I care about her
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: destructive habits are because I genuinely want her for the
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: long run and to help her with financial literacy for
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: her own sake. Adding on that if she were just
• 43:44
  Speaker 3: some random chick I liked, then I wouldn't really care
• 43:47
  Speaker 3: what happens to her. I probably threw in like three
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: to four I love you's, meant them all. And she
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: seemed to like that explanation much more than the one
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: from before. I love you and you should work on
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: your finances, but I love you. Also, you're a bit broke.
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: And I love you.
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: She's like, oh, he keeps saying I love you. She
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: told me her parents never really taught her about savings
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: and other stuff like that. Yeah, that makes sense. Which
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: makes sense. But also told me she doesn't want to
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: rely on them after 25. So it's even more important
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: for her to learn.
• 44:20
  Speaker 4: So she's willing to rely on them for four more years.
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, she's like, after I'm 25. Right now, it's okay.
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: I like... Being spoiled.
• 44:27
  Speaker 4: Look, I said that after COVID was over that I
• 44:30
  Speaker 4: would start being more responsible and stop spending stupid money.
• 44:34
  Speaker 4: COVID ended like, what, five years ago-ish? Four or five
• 44:38
  Speaker 4: years ago? I'm still spending stupid money.
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: I'm just spending money on doctor's bills, which is the
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: least fun way to spend money. We also talked about
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: splitting bills. I make about $ 121, 000 before taxes, and she
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: makes $ 48, 000. So I came to the conclusion that it
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: made no sense to equally split rent or electricity since
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: I make over two times more. Instead, we decided that
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: she'd only pay 15% of rent and electricity, and she
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: also offered to pay for most of the food since
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: she loves going to the grocery store with her friends.
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: I'm paying for our gym memberships, which is $ 90 per
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: month per person, so $ 180 plus tax, and other fees
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: such as eating out, excluding dates, Bars and going out
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: and miscellaneous shopping would be individual. But in all honesty,
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: I'm still paying for stuff if she needs me to
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: during emergencies. I told her that apart from those obligations,
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: her money is hers and my money is ours. We
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: created a spreadsheet to help with budgeting purposes under her request. However,
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: I made sure to drive home the message that she
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: needs to make a goal of not spending more than
• 45:46
  Speaker 3: 70 to 75% of her salary. In case it wasn't
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: made clear in the last post, She spent 94% of
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: her 2023 income and that doesn't include money she got
• 45:57
  Speaker 3: from family. Oftentimes she asked me to e-transfer her, which again,
• 46:01
  Speaker 3: I don't have an issue doing, but what if for
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: some reason I can't, what if she can't reach me?
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: It's crucial to have an amount of cash in your
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: account at all times for emergencies.
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: What do you think about this arrangement?
• 46:15
  Speaker 4: It's actually a lot better than I thought it was
• 46:17
  Speaker 4: going to be. Like when they said, when he said like, uh,
• 46:20
  Speaker 4: We are going to split the bills. I'm like, okay,
• 46:23
  Speaker 4: this is where it's going to hit the fan.
• 46:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 46:25
  Speaker 4: But it's a lot more equitable to her.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: I was really surprised by that. Like, Opie, again, seems
• 46:31
  Speaker 4: like a pretty good person.
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: I agree.
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: And is, again, there's a little bit of anger and
• 46:36
  Speaker 4: resentment there. I think it's justified to some extent.
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: Sure.
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: She didn't get to choose her background. And, like, she
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: said she wasn't taught how to spend money, which she
• 46:46
  Speaker 4: could always learn. And I think she has.
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: It seems like Opie's teaching.
• 46:49
  Speaker 4: Opie is. right there to teach her. But OP seems
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: very understanding, very fair, very capable of getting them to
• 46:56
  Speaker 4: the place where they need to be. So I'm like
• 46:59
  Speaker 4: pleasantly surprised.
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: Me too. The only thing that I'm a little bit
• 47:03
  Speaker 3: worried about, which it seems like, you know, OP again
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: is teaching her, is that she's kind of going from one,
• 47:11
  Speaker 3: you know, like one group of people that are supporting
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: her to the next person. So like there is no
• 47:17
  Speaker 3: actual independence for her, you know?
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 47:20
  Speaker 3: Like she's not having that moment where she's completely financially
• 47:23
  Speaker 3: independent from anyone.
• 47:24
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: Like if, you know, he's not like you, I like,
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: it's still, I understand that she's in a relationship and
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: Opie's fine with supporting her, but it is, it is
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: something to note.
• 47:34
  Speaker 4: He's fine supporting her until he's not.
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 47:37
  Speaker 4: Like if, to your point, if her parents decided to
• 47:40
  Speaker 4: cut her off tomorrow and if he broke up with her, yeah,
• 47:44
  Speaker 4: he broke up with her. What is she going to do?
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: And it's cause she, you know, if, if you don't
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: have the money to support yourself alone and you're not married,
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: I mean, even if you're married, it can change anytime.
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: But like, if you're not married, there isn't really that security.
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: So I do think it's great that he is being equitable.
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: I think that he is good for this relationship, but
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: also I think there should be a teaching, like, you know,
• 48:10
  Speaker 3: a level of teaching her how to just purely support
• 48:13
  Speaker 3: herself as, you know, as an individual and as an independent. Yeah.
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: That's it. Sorry if it was a bit boring.
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: It's okay.
• 48:20
  Speaker 3: Or if anyone expected drama. Some people were telling us
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: to break up.
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: Oh well.
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: We've been together since 2022. I think working through challenges
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: and periods of change together as a young couple is
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: important in strengthening a healthy relationship. Hopefully one day we'll
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: look back at ourselves as kids and laugh. And edit,
• 48:38
  Speaker 3: some of you are upset about her money is hers
• 48:41
  Speaker 3: and my money is ours. This mindset is the norm
• 48:44
  Speaker 3: outside of the West. Men are typically expected to provide
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: for their wife and partner regardless, and it's what I
• 48:50
  Speaker 3: was raised to believe. She also still has to cover
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: her rent and groceries, but I don't mind paying for
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: miscellaneous things like a sweater or something she likes when
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: we're out. This is much more common than you think.
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: I thought it was common. But that's the end of
• 49:04
  Speaker 3: that story, folks.
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: My father's girlfriend demanded to be our mother, so I
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: stepped away entirely.
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: What a fun time!
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: My dad's girlfriend, 57 female, is being weird towards me,
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: 28 male, and my brother, 26 male, and dad, 55 male,
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: doesn't want to do anything about it. My brother and
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: I thought dad met his girlfriend, Betty, a couple years ago,
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: and we were like, cool, when he told us about
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: her after they had been on a few dates. As
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: far as we knew, he had been single for over
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: 20 years since our mom died. passed away when we
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: were babies, basically. We found out after we met Betty
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: that they actually dated for a year after mom passed,
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: and they were planning to get married and everything, but
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: our mom's parents ruined the relationship in my dad and
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: Betty's eyes. Basically, from what we can piece together, dad
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: and Betty met a few months after mom passed, and
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: she was willing to become our mom-to-be with dad. Our
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: grandparents were free childcare for Dad whenever he wanted, and
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: they were not happy with the new mom stuff, and
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: they told Dad it was way too soon. They limited
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: Betty's time with us, which Dad allowed, and they would
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: push her out of our lives, and they would tell
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: her she would never be able to just take over
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: as our mom like that, because it was disrespectful to
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: our mom and us. By the way, this comes from
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: Throwaway Kells. And if you want to submit your own stories,
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.
• 50:33
  Speaker 3: I'm Dakota. And we're here to.
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: Talk about some stuff. And you're here to talk about
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: some stuff. We'll compare notes after. And that's all I
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: have for you. As OP says, Betty was upset and
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: eventually her and dad called off their plans to get married.
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: According to Betty, it was a month before. Dad said
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: it was a week before. My grandparents said it was
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: days before. Okay, so who's lying?
• 50:57
  Speaker 4: Everyone?
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: Who's lying?
• 50:59
  Speaker 6: Who's telling the big fibs here, huh?
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: Who's the goose?
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: Either way, my dad and Betty have always blamed my
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: grandparents for it. My dad said he just couldn't afford
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: to lose them when he helped out so much. So
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: when dad and Betty reconnected two decades later, they were
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: older and we were older. Betty expected things to work
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: like they would have when we were tiny kids. She
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: acted like we should remember her and I wasn't even
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: four when they broke up and my brother was younger again.
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: It was really weird. And she has been like that
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: ever since. She acts like we had this really great
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: mother-son bond. There have been tears when she wasn't invited
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: to something. A couple of times dad was out of
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: town and she wanted to stay with me or my
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: brother and we said no. And we said no to
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: stopping by the house to keep her company. She cried
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: about kids abandoning their parents. It has been really awkward
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: and uncomfortable. We talked to dad about it and he
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: said he's finally happy with her again and can't we
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: find it sweet and embrace a motherly presence in our lives?
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: If he catches us looking weirded out, he would tell
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: us to be less obvious because it would break her
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: heart if she could see our reactions to her love.
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: Our dad had a work party we got invited to
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: and she was introducing me and my brother as her
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: and dad's sons and she was talking about the two
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: of them being proud parents. My brother told her it
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: was weird and to please stop and she started to whine.
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: Dad asked my brother why it bothered us so much
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: and to let her have her moment.
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: But it's not her moment. That's the thing.
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: She's stealing that moment from the actual mom who passed away.
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: You can say, oh, I'm the stepmom or, you know, oh,
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: I'm dating, you know, OP or OP's dad or whatever. Like,
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: it's just, why are you trying to overstep? Like you,
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: and especially the dad, grow a pair.
• 52:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's really, it comes down to like, you know,
• 52:53
  Speaker 5: whatever the dad wants, what he wants. But it's like
• 52:56
  Speaker 5: you and your dad, all the kids and your dad,
• 52:59
  Speaker 5: you need to be on the same page about what
• 53:02
  Speaker 5: you're comfortable with, with.
• 53:03
  Speaker 6: His new partner. And if you guys are like, we
• 53:06
  Speaker 6: don't want her to be our mom, like she can
• 53:09
  Speaker 6: just be Debbie, whatever.
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: And he can't, your dad can't rush that. He has
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: no idea what you guys went through. Like you guys
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: have no idea what he went through. I know he's
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: just trying to find, you know, happiness after something so
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: tragic has happened in your guys' lives, but never ever
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: will she replace what was. So he needs to stop trying.
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: And why he's trying to appease her and, like, you know,
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: just brushing off his family is beyond me. She'll also
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: randomly tell stories about the year they dated when we
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: were younger. She'll ask if we remember this or if
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: we remember that. Or she'll act like something we all
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: did together was this huge moment for all of us
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: when we remember nothing. And she'll bring up how she
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: found her grandparents cruel and vicious and unwilling to let
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: us be mothered again. She said they made her feel
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: like a criminal for trying to be mother to two
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: motherless boys.
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: Come here, children.
• 54:05
  Speaker 6: Let me be your mother.
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: Let me be mommy.
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: Just call me mom.
• 54:09
  Speaker 5: Yeah, this just boils down to like, Like, he's allowed
• 54:15
  Speaker 5: to move on and find somebody, but it's like they're
• 54:17
  Speaker 5: not allowed to just dictate the kind of relationship that
• 54:19
  Speaker 5: they're going to have with you guys. Exactly.
• 54:21
  Speaker 6: And she needs to understand that. It's two separate... He
• 54:23
  Speaker 6: needs to understand that.
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: It's two separate relationships going on here. There is the
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: family dynamic, and then there's the family plus Betty dynamic. And,
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: you know, in a perfect world, yeah, they'd all be
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: in the same, like, relationship, but they're not, though. So...
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: He needs to stop forcing you guys to feel like
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: this is a normal thing for them, because it's not.
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: I told her we had lost our mother, but we
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: weren't motherless in the sense she abandoned us. She told
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: us we had needed a mother, though, and I told
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: her I would prefer the childhood I had versus one
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: where someone else took on the role. My brother said
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: the same thing. She became bereft, and she cried about
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: how much she wanted us to love her back and
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: long for her back like she longed for the three
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: of us. Our dad was like we were always meant
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: to be a family and that we were still immature kids.
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: I made the decision to take a large step away
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: from them after that and my brother followed a few
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: days later. But I don't know what this relationship will
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: look like going forward. My partner and I are planning
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: to marry next year and we plan to have children
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: together so there's all of that to think about. But
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: I just find her behavior too weird and I don't
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: like how my dad does nothing. If anyone has advice
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: or what I should do next... or expect for these relationships,
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: I would forever appreciate it. Yeah, this is a tough one,
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: because it seems like your dad's never going to stand
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: up to Betty. Seems like she kind of has him
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: wrapped around her finger, and I think he likes maybe
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: her nurturing, caring, motherly figure towards you guys, but that's
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: not how you see it. So there's just different forms
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: of a sense of motherhood here, and It's one thing
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: to actually have your bio mom, but then there's another
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: thing to have someone be forced into your life pretending
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: to be your bio mom. That's overstepping. And I don't
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: like how the dad doesn't see that.
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: But, you know, it's whatever.
• 56:25
  Speaker 6: Everybody's got blind spots, you know. Everybody's a little blind sometimes.
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: He's got to open his eyes.
• 56:32
  Speaker 6: He's got to take his blinders off.
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: I think that you... You and your partner should be okay.
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: Just distance yourself. If you don't want a relationship with,
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: you know, it stinks that now you basically don't have
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: any parents if you take the step back. But if that's,
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: you know, they're doing it as well. They're doing it
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: to themselves. They're not respecting you and your boundaries and
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: your wishes. So works both ways. But that's the end
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: of that story. And we got another one coming right up.
• 56:59
  Speaker 5: My boyfriend's mom booked our dream trip without ever asking us.
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: I'm not really sure what the.
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: Problem is here.
• 57:08
  Speaker 5: I hope the schedules line up. I, 27 female, have
• 57:12
  Speaker 5: been with my boyfriend, 28 male, for going on five
• 57:15
  Speaker 5: years now. For the entirety of our relationship, we've gone
• 57:18
  Speaker 5: on a summer vacation with his mom and brother. One year,
• 57:22
  Speaker 5: we even went away for two weeks, and I used
• 57:24
  Speaker 5: all of my PTO on the trip. As our relationship
• 57:28
  Speaker 5: has progressed, I feel like we're outgrowing the trips. It
• 57:32
  Speaker 5: interferes with our trips as a couple because my boyfriend
• 57:35
  Speaker 5: will use a week of PTO on his family trip
• 57:38
  Speaker 5: and then be stingy about using it on a.
• 57:40
  Speaker 6: Trip for the two of us. A whole other debacle
• 57:42
  Speaker 6: in itself.
• 57:44
  Speaker 5: Mother-in-law also plans every activity to the second and books
• 57:48
  Speaker 5: the date a year in advance and doesn't consult any
• 57:51
  Speaker 5: of us about it.
• 57:52
  Speaker 4: Hate that.
• 57:52
  Speaker 2: Automatically hate that.
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: See, I kind of like that. But I know my
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: family puts stuff in there that everyone likes, though.
• 57:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 58:00
  Speaker 5: A more prominent issue is that mother-in-law has been making
• 58:04
  Speaker 5: plans on our behalf without asking us. She RSVP'd us
• 58:08
  Speaker 5: to a wedding in another city and booked us a
• 58:10
  Speaker 5: hotel room for it without telling us, then gave us
• 58:13
  Speaker 5: the heads up only a month in advance. She also
• 58:17
  Speaker 5: refused to send me the wedding site so I could
• 58:19
  Speaker 5: find out the dress code and finally sent it to
• 58:22
  Speaker 5: me two days before the wedding. By the way, this
• 58:26
  Speaker 5: comes from A1N2N3I4E5. If you want to submit your own stories,
• 58:31
  Speaker 5: go to our subreddit.
• 58:33
  Speaker 4: I'm Dakota.
• 58:33
  Speaker 3: I'm Savannah.
• 58:34
  Speaker 6: We're reading this story. We're going to have thoughts. You
• 58:37
  Speaker 6: get to have yours.
• 58:38
  Speaker 5: You get to put them in the comments, and we're
• 58:39
  Speaker 5: going to freaking yap at you right now and just
• 58:42
  Speaker 5: know we don't always know everything OP says. She'll plan
• 58:46
  Speaker 5: or agree for us to go to things months in
• 58:49
  Speaker 5: advance and then only tell us right before.
• 58:51
  Speaker 6: I don't like her.
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: I don't like this.
• 58:53
  Speaker 6: I don't like this at all.
• 58:55
  Speaker 4: Stop doing this.
• 58:57
  Speaker 6: Have you told her to stop?
• 58:58
  Speaker 5: It's been a big point of contention in my relationship
• 59:00
  Speaker 5: because my boyfriend will go along with whatever she says,
• 59:04
  Speaker 5: no correcting her for doing it, and expects me to
• 59:07
  Speaker 5: also attend and play along. So this has been going
• 59:00
  Speaker 5: on for five years? And herein lies the issue.
• 59:02
  Speaker 4: It's your wimpy husband.
• 59:21
  Speaker 5: Months back, my boyfriend and I were watching a show
• 59:23
  Speaker 5: that takes place in Alaska, and since we like fishing,
• 59:26
  Speaker 5: we started to talk about visiting Alaska and fishing. My
• 59:30
  Speaker 5: boyfriend brought this up casually during dinner with his mom,
• 59:33
  Speaker 5: and she told us that it's not fair for us
• 59:36
  Speaker 5: to go without her, and that we can all go
• 59:38
  Speaker 5: as a family next year, and that she'll plan it.
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: No.
• 59:42
  Speaker 5: Him and I argued over it, and he said he
• 59:45
  Speaker 5: wouldn't let it happen. Well, yesterday we were at a
• 59:48
  Speaker 5: family event and she dropped the bomb that she planned
• 59:50
  Speaker 5: the entire trip to Alaska for next summer. It was
• 59:53
  Speaker 5: the first time we had even heard about it. The
• 59:55
  Speaker 5: trip we are going on with her. She told family
• 59:59
  Speaker 5: members all about the trip, where we'll.
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 6: Fly, how many days we're going to be there.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 5: I was shocked and upset. Also, this was something we
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 5: had said we wanted to do as a couple. So
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 5: it's even crazier that she never bothered to ask us
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 5: if there were any particular activities or cities in Alaska
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 5: that we wanted to go to. She planned the entire
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 5: itinerary without saying a word to us. I waited until
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 5: the end of the night to confront my boyfriend on it.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 5: She finally said it out loud, so he needs to
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 5: put an end to it before she plans and books it.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 5: He got really upset with me and said that he
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 5: doesn't know how to talk to her and asked me
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 5: what he should say.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 6: Brother, at this point, just ask Chat, GPT, like, what
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 6: are you doing? You're this helpless?
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I would just say it to her. I'd
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: be like, hey, actually, I think we're planning on doing
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: that as like a couple. Like obviously not in front
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: of the entire family, but I would take her to
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: the side and be like, hey, or like text her after.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 5: Your boyfriend's not actually saying he doesn't know how to
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 5: say the words.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 6: No, this is a couple's trip just for me and
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 6: my girlfriend. What he doesn't know how to do is
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 6: deal with his mom being annoying about it. That's what
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 6: he doesn't know how to deal with.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 5: I said, I don't know what you should say because
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 5: I felt guilty being the one to tell him what
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 5: to say. And it made me feel controlling. Apparently he
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 5: has never, ever put his foot down with her and
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 5: told her no to anything. And he was angry with me.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 5: I was expecting him to do it. If we did
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 5: it his way, we would just agree to go on
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 5: the trip with her and let her plan everything.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 2: What is she going to be?
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 6: Was she going to be in your honeymoon suite when
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 6: you guys get married?
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 3: No, literally.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 5: She's going to be like giving you pro tips.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 4: What are we talking about? Boundaries.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 5: He finally agreed that saying no is what needs to
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 5: happen in order for us to put an end to
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 5: her doing this to us, but I'm really upset that
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 5: it even came to this. I feel like she should
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 5: have known that going over our heads and doing this
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 5: was disrespectful to our relationship. See if this guy can
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 5: set some boundaries here, huh? Anyways, her behavior and his
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 5: lack of boundaries has put a real damper on any
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 5: of my plans to get engaged to him. If he
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 5: can't stand up to her even when she's clearly in
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 5: the wrong.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 4: How will.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 5: He ever stand up for me when he doesn't see
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 5: my point of view? How can I have kids with
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 5: someone who could allow their mom to take control of
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 5: raising them? Or plan a wedding with someone whose mom
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 5: needs to take over and plan everything without even telling us?
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 5: I can't help but feel guilty for forcing his hand
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 5: at saying no to her about this trip, and I
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 5: fear that the outcome for me could be that she
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 5: will hate me. Honestly, girl, I think, hot take here maybe,
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 5: y'all should break up.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know what his problem is. You can't
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: have a guy just be like, yes, mom, yes, mom,
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: whatever you want, mom, when you're in a relationship. That's
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: just not it.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you need to be able to say no. And
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 5: the fact that you feel guilty about this, you're mixed up.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 6: He's mixed up. Y'all need to get unmixed. Y'all shouldn't.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 5: And if you're thinking these thoughts about being like, I
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 5: don't even know if I want to get engaged to
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 5: this guy. Y'all need to split. Y'all probably should split.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 5: There's no way you should feel guilty for being like, yeah,
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 5: you need to tell your mom that our dream fishing
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 5: trip to Alaska that we talked about going on, you
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 5: and I, she's not going on that. And if he's like, no,
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 5: but what if she gets mad? He's not ready, and
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 5: you're not ready for feeling guilty about it. And it's
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 5: nobody's fault.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 6: It just sucks, and it'll feel bad. But I think
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 6: it would be for the best.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 4: For you guys.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's got to learn how to grow a pair.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: He's just sitting there in the corner waiting for, you know,
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: her directions.
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 5: You know maybe you can do a little like we
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 5: need to separate and grow as individuals and then we
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 5: can reconvene and be like do we do we miss
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 5: each other like unbearably like how do we feel what
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 5: do we like what do we change how do we
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 5: grow i don't know but that is the end of
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 5: that story and we've got another one coming up.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: Hey it's angie your favorite fake redhead host here and
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 1: we're going to get back to the stories but here's
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: a three minute ad break from our sponsors My father-in-law
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: chose his dog over his grandkids, so we're going low contact.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: Well, are they better behaved?
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: About four years ago, my father-in-law, 64 male, got his
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: dream dog, English Bulldog. We are happy for him. It's
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: been a long time coming. Father-in-law had one that he
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 1: had to rehome while my husband, 31 male, was growing
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: up due to his behavioral issues. I, 31 female, came
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: into the picture, and while Hubs and I were dating,
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 1: father-in-law rescued another one from an unloving home. No mistreatment,
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: they just weren't home with the dog and didn't care
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: about his presence. He lived with the family for about
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: a year before passing away tragically.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 3: Dang.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 2: Ugh.
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: It's probably from, like, how he got hit by a
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: car or something.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 3: Ugh.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: Oh, man.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: Are you crying?
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 1: No.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 2: No, I just have something in my eye. My uncle
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: had a pug. It's really hard for him to breathe.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: Pugs, yeah.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 2: If you love pugs, then you know there shouldn't be
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: any more pugs out there.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: Not too long after, father-in-law brought home a new English
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: bulldog puppy. They are so cute, though. Just so, like... Now,
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: I'm not a fan of English bulldogs. I've been in
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: training classes with my own dog in the past, and
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: the teacher pointed out how another puppy in the class
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: was showing dominance by climbing into the other attendee's laps.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: Since that moment, I've had a disliking for them because
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: I've always seen them frequently do this kind of behavior.
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: It requires proper training to teach them that this behavior
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: is not okay. Well, despite not liking the breed for this,
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: I always decided to do my best to love father-in-law's dogs.
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 1: I ultimately believe that there's no such thing as bad dogs,
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: just bad dog owners.
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 2: Fair, fair. I could see that. Who's that one guy?
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 5: Caesar?
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. Caesar who does the dog thing.
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 2: I know a guy that works with social media. He
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 2: plays on my basketball team. I can tell you one
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 2: story about Caesar. His name's Peter, the guy that does
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 2: the social media. Sometimes Peter will be like playing with
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 2: a dog and Caesar will be like, oh yeah, that
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 2: dog's bit like three people. Peter will go, you're telling
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 2: me this now? As I'm like creating a bond with
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 2: this dog?
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: Aw. By the way, this comes from Sarcastic Smarty. And
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories, go to
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 2: I'm Riley.
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: And we're here to talk about some stuff, give some advice,
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: and your job is to do the same, but in
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: the comments. As OP says, so there's the preface. Fast
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: forward to this new puppy coming in. He showed all
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 1: the poor behaviors of wanting to dominate everybody and anybody
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: he could. We have two children. When the dog came
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: into the picture, our son was maybe five and our
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: daughter was maybe three. This dog never left them alone.
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: He would constantly pester them, jump on them, climb on
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: top of them at every opportunity, munch on their toys, etc.
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: We did our best to guide our kids away from
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: the dog, taught them to turn their backs to him,
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 1: or step back when he tried to hop up. Father-in-law
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 1: would excuse his dog's bad behavior by saying, Bro. Bro.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: When our kids were younger, they would tease the dog
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: by shaking their toys in his face after we got
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: him to back off. We had conversations about how it's
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: not okay to antagonize the dog. Our children have grown
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: and learned not to and just want their peace and
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: keep their distance now.
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 2: I'd be doing that. I'm the definition of don't rile
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 2: the dog up. That is me. They started it because
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 2: of me.
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 3: Everyone's like, stop.
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: You're doing so well.
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 2: And I'm.
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: Like, what? Especially Donut. They're not loves me.
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 2: I was just doing a reaction there. It wasn't like a,
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 2: it wasn't a time.
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: It wasn't a time story.
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure how long it took after the dog
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: initially came into the picture, but I did eventually ask,
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: can we put the dog away? And the excuses came out.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 3: Oh, but this is his home. It's not fair to
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 3: the dog.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: My father-in-law and mother-in-law love to host regular parties. I've
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: had other company come up to me and say, wow,
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: that dog really runs the house, doesn't he? To which
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: I can't help but roll my eyes and agree. I
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 1: feel like I have asked them to put away their
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: dog at least three separate times leading up to this
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: latest Mother's Day. He has jumped onto my husband when
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: my husband ended up on the ground. Volleyball game. And
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: I've seen other guests in the same situation.
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 2: Dude, come on. I don't know.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 3: I feel like that's kind of just a dog.
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: Like if you like lay down on the ground, they're
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: going to.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 3: Be like, oh my God, I want to play.
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 2: We don't have videos or pictures of how this dog
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 2: is interacting whenever someone's on the ground.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 2: I can see where it gets out of hand. But
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 2: she's at the point where she's posting about this. It's
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 2: out of hand.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 2: It's weird. I'm just surprised your husband grew up the
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 2: way he did.
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: What do you mean?
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 2: If the dog's acting all, ah. How is your husband
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 2: not also like them?
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: This isn't just a problem with the kids. Frankly, I
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: get secondhand embarrassment watching father-in-law excuse his dog's poor behavior with, oh,
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: he's saying hi, while their guests get climbed on until
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: they get up. Now our children are older. Our son
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: is nine and our daughter is seven. We also have
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: a three-year-old nephew and a ten-month-old nephew. Our son has
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: gotten big enough that the dog doesn't really cause issues
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: with him anymore. But our daughter and three-year-old nephew are
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: genuinely afraid of the dog.
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 3: That's so sad.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: There was an incident where our son tried to protect
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 1: his little cousin from the dog. The dog hopped up
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: on our son while he was holding his cousin, and
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: the aunt, nephew's mom, got mad at my son. I
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 1: had to step in and say it is not my
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 1: son's fault the dog jumped on them and he was
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 1: trying to keep the dog away from his cousin. Aunt
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: backed off and later agreed. No, you're right. It's not
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 1: your son's fault. My husband has tried to be the
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 1: peacekeeper and has pushed off taking any action.
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 5: What?
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 1: However, he has also been getting frustrated with the dog's
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: behavior and his father enabling the dog by making excuses
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 1: for it.
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 2: Dude, I mean, at this point, Hey, Dad, we don't
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 2: want to come to your house anymore.
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not safe for the kids.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 2: I know they're getting to that point, but I think
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 2: that's why Caesar is a person that's so famous is
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 2: because so many people stop going to people's houses.
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 2: He's like, oh, you can't have any more parties because
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 2: of this thing?
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 2: All right, let's work on it.
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 3: And it's not like.
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 1: You know, the solution is, oh, just put down the
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 1: dog or something or give it away or something. It's
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: like you just have to work with it.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 4: Yep.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: You have to work with the dog. You have to
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 1: be consistent. You have to give consequences. You have to punish.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 3: Just like a child.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 2: Very disciplinary actions.
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: And it shows. It shows. I'm surprised my little John
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 2: dog that my great grandfather took care of isn't as
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 2: wild as he could be.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 4: Why? I don't know.
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 2: He was just old. They didn't really have the time
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 2: or patience to take care of a dog.
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 3: Oh, your grandpa was old.
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: I thought you meant the dog was old.
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 2: No, no, no. Little John? He's like seven, eight now.
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 3: Little John? Little John? What kind of dog is it?
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 2: He's a mountain viced.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 3: I don't even know what that is.
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 2: He's like a little hunting dog about this big.
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 5: Aw.
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's a sweet guy. He's very chill now. He
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 2: lives with my mom and dad.
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 1: Cute. Now for the day that everything really took a turn.
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 3: Mother's Day.
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 1: This is the part of the story where we are
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 1: probably the a-holes. We got to the in-laws house ready
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 1: to just enjoy ourselves. Our children ran in ahead of
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 1: us while we got stuff out of the car. I
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: walked into the house and my daughter came up to
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 1: me upset.
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 2: Wow, and then you hit the dog with your car.
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 2: Is that what you did?
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 4: No.
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 1: The dog had jumped up on her already and we
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 1: are getting sick of it. My husband walks in and
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 1: hears her crying and asks what's wrong. And I answered
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 1: the effing dog got to her already and we've been
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 1: here 10 seconds. Mother-in-law is watching this all happen. My
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 1: husband walks over to check on her, already over the situation,
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 1: as this has been happening for years. He tried to
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 1: soothe her, then the dog came over and tried to
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 1: hop up on her again while my husband was next
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 1: to her. My husband stepped in and moved the dog
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: away from our daughter. The dog was fine, got up,
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 1: and walked away. And he did leave our daughter alone
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 1: the rest of the visit.
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 2: Alright!
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 4: What does he mean move?
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 2: How did he move him?
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: I'm sure he just, like, shoved him.
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 4: Oh, okay.
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah. If a dog is coming up to you, that's
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 1: your only defense. Yeah. I mean, you have, like, same with.
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 3: A human or something.
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 1: If a human is coming in your, you know, your
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 1: barrier or whatever, it's, like, crossing your boundaries, you are
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: allowed to defend yourself.
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 2: Agreed. Yeah. Easy peasy.
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 1: From where I was standing, I could see the dog
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 1: attempt to jump on my daughter again, and I could
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: see my husband step in and move the dog away.
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 1: Mother-in-law only saw part of it from behind the kitchen island.
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: She apparently couldn't even see the dog try to jump
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 1: on our daughter again from her angle as there were
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 1: claims that the dog wasn't even near our daughter when
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 1: my husband stepped in. I went outside to cool down
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 1: and my husband joined me shortly, but not before saying
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 1: some choice words when mother-in-law and her daughter got on
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 1: him about the dog. Father-in-law was outside for this whole
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 1: interaction and didn't know about the events that happened inside.
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 2: What? You're just chilling outside?
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he's just like, I'm barbecued.
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 1: What's going on inside?
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 2: I have heard about dogs ruining families.
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 6: I mean, yeah. This is it.
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 3: If it's a mean dog?
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 2: My grandmother refuses to go visit her brother because of
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 2: his dogs.
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 3: Why?
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 1: Are they aggressive?
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 2: Labs, just like slobbery, nasty, just do whatever they want.
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 1: They're too friendly.
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 2: Not that they're friendly. They're just like, he doesn't take good.
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 4: Care of them.
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 1: So they're, like, not groomed very well, and, oh.
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So they're just dirty.
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 2: Dirty, like, slobbery, just, like, drag their mouths on you
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 2: and stuff.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 3: Ugh.
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, gross, gross behavior.
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: We went outside to join father-in-law and decided to move
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 1: on and try to enjoy our time there. After the
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 1: events inside, the dog was respecting personal space. Well, between
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: the disagreement over the dog and the choice words from
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 1: my husband, my mother-in-law and her daughter were crying. Father-in-law
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 1: found out mother-in-law was upset and went in to talk
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 1: to her. He heard their side, came out, and then
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 1: heard our side. In this moment, I decided things had
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 1: blown up. Emotions were high and we needed to leave
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 1: so everyone could cool down.
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 2: Nice.
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 1: Father-in-law begged us to stay and was sorry that our
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 1: daughter was upset, but he wasn't happy with how my
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 1: husband had handled the dog. Before leaving, I spoke to
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 1: my father-in-law about how he needs to get the dog trained.
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 3: Well, now it's like a little late.
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 1: Cause the dog is like, so.
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 2: The dog's probably around six or eight.
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 2: Cause the, they got the dog whenever the daughter was
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 2: three or when the son was three, five.
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 1: No, the son was five. The daughter was three. The
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 1: son's nine now. So four, four or five years. Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 4: It's not, it's.
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 2: Not too late. I don't think it's too late to
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 2: ever train a dog.
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 3: I mean, I do.
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 1: I think when they're like old and you know, grumpy,
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 1: they might not be as, I mean, it'll, It'll be
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 1: a lot more work. I don't think it's impossible, but
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 1: at a point they're like, nah.
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I've seen Caesar do miracles.
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 1: Father-in-law did call and talk to my husband after we left.
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 1: He encouraged my husband to apologize, and my husband did
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 1: apologize the following day after letting himself cool down. He
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 1: said sorry for getting so worked up in the moment.
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 1: Mother-in-law and daughter were upset because the dog is their baby.
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 1: And I can't help but scream to myself, what about
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 1: my babies who have been dealing with this for years?
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 6: Yikes.
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 1: After this incident, my mother-in-law has been very standoffish to
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 1: my husband despite the apology. My husband and I spoke
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 1: that we would give the dog one last chance before
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 1: setting some hard boundaries with the in-laws since things had
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 1: blown up. We expected the in-laws to do something to
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 1: resolve the problems with their dog. Our next visit was
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 1: Father's Day.
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: Dang, you're not going to only ruin Mother's Day, but
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 1: Father's Day too.
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, over one kid that's a fur baby. They're just
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 2: training a dog, not putting it down, just making sure
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 2: it knows what to do. My pastor back home has
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 2: a crazy poodle, and he's 70 pounds.
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 3: Dang.
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 2: But he has a shock collar on him, and he
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 2: has trained him, and he's like, hey, look, you can't
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 2: be as crazy all the time.
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 2: He'd wrestle with them. He's like 78 and he's wrestling
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 2: with his poodle. It's really sweet.
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 1: Poodles are really smart.
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 1: They're freaky smart.
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 2: His name's Baxter.
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 1: Baxter. Our next visit was Father's Day. When we walked in,
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 1: Father-in-law said that he had medicated the dog anxiety meds
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 1: and that he shouldn't cause any issues. The in-laws had
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 1: done this in the past and it doesn't really work,
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 1: but cool. They put in some sort of effort and
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 1: it was appreciated. The in-laws had gotten a new pool
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 1: and our kids spent some time swimming. It was shaping
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 1: up to be a pretty good evening.
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 2: Uh-oh.
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 1: While sitting outside with the rest of the group, I
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 1: heard my daughter calling for help. I got up and
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 1: rushed down to where she was, out of sight from
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 1: all of us. The dog was on top of her again.
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 1: I chased off the dog, mad because I'm over this BS,
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 1: and went back to check on her. She had been
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 1: laying on the concrete to warm up after being in
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 1: the cold pool and the dog saw his opportunity. She
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 1: was upset that the dog had gotten on her and
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 1: she couldn't get up. This broke my heart for her
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 1: and I had her come sit with me while she
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 1: calmed down. I decided not to make a big deal
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 1: in the moment because I didn't want to cause another
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 1: scene but I was fuming. We left and I spoke
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 1: to my husband and we agreed that it was time
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 1: to set a hard boundary. Moving forward, the dog must
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 1: be put away or we will not be bringing the
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 1: children over anymore.
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 5: Wow.
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 2: And at this point, if you come over just by yourselves,
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 2: no kids, grandparents don't want anything to do with it.
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 2: Have you seen calls where it's like, hey, mom, how
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 2: are you? It's like, where's the grandbaby? Where are they?
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 1: Those are my parents. That's very much my parents.
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 2: I don't care about you anymore. I want this child.
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 1: We kept this to ourselves for a bit, but after
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 1: a few weeks, I got an invite to come over
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 1: for their annual 4th of July party. I looked at
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 1: my husband and said, are you going to tell them
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 1: or should I set the boundary in this text thread?
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 1: He told me I've already talked to dad and he's
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 1: not listening to me. Go for it. I wrote out
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 1: a text explaining our boundary that the dog has to
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 1: be put away from here on out if our children
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 1: are going to be over. They never responded, but father-in-law
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 1: did apparently talk to hubby and said I was being
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 1: cruel for asking them to put away the dog and
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 1: for saying the last line. My husband did his best
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 1: to translate things in a way where words would get
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 1: through to father-in-law better, and father-in-law eventually agreed to put
• 1:19:28
  Speaker 1: away the dog on the 4th of July. It was
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 1: clear that he wasn't happy to do it, but he
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 1: was going to.
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 1: I feel like you should put your dog away for
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 1: 4th of July because... One, it's misbehaved. Two, if you
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 1: set off a firework, he's probably going to go running
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 1: to try to get it or something. Or imagine trying
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 1: to light it and he attacks the person. So many
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 1: things could go wrong.
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, put the dog up. This is the whole thing.
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 1: And also, it's a firework. Wouldn't it get scared? All
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 1: dogs go inside.
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 2: I don't know. This is weird. I wouldn't go because
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 2: I'd probably leave after this. We've talked. We're done.
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 1: Well, they said that they're going to put it away.
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 2: Well, they said I'd be happy to. They didn't do
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 2: it immediately. That's what I'm having a big problem with.
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 1: The 4th of July came and they put away the dog.
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 1: When I got there, I gave father-in-law a hug and said,
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 1: I love you, to which he responded with an I
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 1: love you too. I've had a great relationship with this
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 1: side of the family for years. I don't want to
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 1: be at war with him over this. I just want
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 1: my kids to be comfortable and our boundary respected. We
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 1: had a great time. Our kids had a good visit
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 1: and we didn't bring up the situation with other guests.
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 1: Though every time I walked past mother-in-law during this party,
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 1: I got the cold shoulder or a vibe that she
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 1: was mad at me. I really got the feeling that
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 1: she was complaining about us to her friends at her party,
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 1: but this is just speculation as hubby admitted he felt
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 1: the same way. This took me by surprise. I have
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 1: always seen her as an emotionally mature person and have
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 1: frequently gone to her for advice. I've never felt this
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 1: kind of shade from her before. At the end of
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 1: the night, it was time to go because we had
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 1: another destination to get to so we could see a
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 1: firework show with our kids. The kids ran inside ahead
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 1: of me to get their stuff together and I followed
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 1: right behind them. I wasn't really paying attention but heard
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 1: mother-in-law say loudly, Oh, the dog is in here! And
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 1: I looked up to see her pull the dog back
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 1: from hopping on my daughter. I got between the dog
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 1: and my kids and had them go back into the backyard.
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 1: I told them to use the garage to leave. Then
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 1: I gathered all of their things and headed out to
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 1: the car. Okay, so at least, you know, she kind
• 1:21:37
  Speaker 1: of warned you.
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that seems like an alright attempt.
• 1:21:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that was more like an accident. Like, they were like, oh,
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 1: they're leaving. Like, let's bring them out. And then they
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 1: just happened to run inside.
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, okay.
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 3: But she stopped the dog.
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 2: She did, she did. I like this, I like this.
• 1:21:55
  Speaker 3: Oh, now we are fuming.
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 1: Fuming. Yes, the in-laws put the dog away, but decided
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 1: to test our boundary at the end by letting the
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 1: dog loose in the house. They didn't know it, but
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 1: my husband and I had spoken before and decided that
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 1: if they let the dog out during the party, then
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 1: we were going to leave immediately without a word. A
• 1:22:12
  Speaker 1: German goodbye. Isn't that an Irish goodbye?
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 2: No, it's an Irish one. OP, you were so close.
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 1: We weren't going to make a scene. Even the kids
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 1: knew the plan and were on board with leaving silently.
• 1:22:23
  Speaker 1: The in-laws waited until near the end of the party
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 1: to let the dog loose. The boundary was tested and crossed.
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 1: Maybe we are the problem for getting so worked up
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 1: over this, or for setting a boundary and requiring the
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 1: dog to be put away when our children come over,
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 1: but I just don't see it. To us, it felt
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 1: like a big fat middle finger in our face and
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 1: a statement of, we are going to do whatever we
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 1: want and we don't care about the grandkids. Hubby and
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 1: I have decided the boundary isn't enough at the moment,
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 1: and we need to go loan contact and stop going
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 1: over for the time being. We are tired of being
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 1: treated like the problem and feeling disrespected. My husband would
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 1: never have gotten so worked up on Mother's Day if
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 1: the in-laws had just respected our wishes sooner. We feel
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 1: that they are choosing the dog over their grandkids, and frankly,
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 1: they are allowed to do that. But it does make
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 1: us feel sad. I spoke to my daughter after the
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 1: 4th of July and asked her if she was happy
• 1:23:20
  Speaker 1: that Dad and I were trying to set this boundary.
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 1: Her response was a huge hug and a yes, thank
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 1: you for looking out for us. Which tells me we
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 1: are doing the right thing, right? So Reddit, are we
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 1: the problem for setting clear boundaries and asking for the
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 1: dog to be put away? I'd like to note that
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 1: we also have a hyperactive dog. He doesn't bother anybody much,
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 1: but he does like to lick people and begs for
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 1: attention by pressing up against company. We always put him
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 1: away to let our guests feel comfortable. Yes, this is
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 1: our dog's home, but we want our company to feel welcomed.
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 1: We don't understand why asking this of the in-laws is
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 1: such a huge deal when we offer the exact same
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 1: courtesy during their visits to our house.
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 6: Okay.
• 1:24:04
  Speaker 2: Let's see. I think the mom's the biggest issue. I
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 2: think the husband would be totally okay if the mom
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 2: would listen to her. I don't understand what's up with
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 2: this mother-in-law. Why is she being weird about this?
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, I thought you meant like OP, like the mom.
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 2: No, no, no.
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 1: You're talking about mother-in-law.
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 2: Talking about mother-in-law. Why is she being weird? Get over it.
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 2: It's a dog. We don't like him.
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 1: It's just the fact that the dog like is, is
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 1: the issue here, but like, they're not trying to take
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 1: accountability for it. Yeah. And instead they're just brushing it
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 1: to the side and be like, Oh, he's just saying hi. Like, no,
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 1: that's not saying hi. That's, like, bothering the kids. Like,
• 1:24:42
  Speaker 1: it is an untrained dog, and it has done this
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 1: for years. And it's not like it's just out of
• 1:24:47
  Speaker 1: the blue happening every single time. No, this is a
• 1:24:50
  Speaker 1: consistent cycle, and they're tired of it.
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 2: For years, dude. Get over it. We're not the problem.
• 1:24:56
  Speaker 2: Your dog's the problem.
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 1: I don't think you guys are the a-hole. And because
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 1: I'm sure people will say it, the in-laws are well
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 1: enough off that they can afford a dog trainer. But
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 1: putting away the dog when our children come over is
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 1: enough for us. Edit to add, mother-in-law is actually my
• 1:25:12
  Speaker 1: husband's stepmom. Her daughter is my husband's stepsister. We know
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 1: that she wouldn't hesitate to put away the dog if
• 1:25:19
  Speaker 1: it was her daughter who requested it for her own child.
• 1:25:23
  Speaker 1: There's a clear double standard between how mother-in-law treats father-in-law's
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 1: children and her own bio kids. Auntie in this story
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 1: is my husband's sister and her children are treated the
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 1: same as ours. We hope this boundary and our distance
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 1: can also help to protect our nephews in the future. Yikes.
• 1:25:41
  Speaker 2: Over a dang dog. So it's mother-in-law's dog, not father-in-law's dog.
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 2: This feels like mother-in-law's dog.
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 1: Well, technically it's like both of them, but the father-in-law
• 1:25:51
  Speaker 1: got the dog because he's always grown up with them.
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah. But she feels so passionate about this dog.
• 1:25:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she is very passionate.
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 2: So who is enabling it?
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, she's definitely enabling it. It's just unfortunate
• 1:26:04
  Speaker 1: because now you don't get to see your... Your grandkids
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 1: grow up or really get to see them.
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 2: Because of your dog.
• 1:26:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because your dogs misbehave. There's an easy fix here.
• 1:26:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:26:15
  Speaker 4: Yikes.
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 2: Some people don't learn. Some people don't learn. That's the
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 2: end of that story.