Latest / Aspergers & Autism Podcast [The Aspie World] AuDHD / You’re Not Alone: Finding Support as an Autism Parent

Transcript

You’re Not Alone: Finding Support as an Autism Parent · Aspergers & Autism Podcast [The Aspie World] AuDHD

• 0:02
  Hey guys, what's going on? Welcome to the Aspol podcast.
• 0:05
  And this is kind of a little bit different today.
• 0:06
  This is just audio only. Usually I'm just repurposing,
• 0:08
  you know, audio from my videos that I purposely make in a way
• 0:11
  that I can use them for the podcast.
• 0:13
  But today a little bit differently.
• 0:14
  I come across a new friend. I'm going to say new friend,
• 0:17
  this is Greer Jones. And it's kind of cool because
• 0:20
  you got same last name as me, right?
• 0:22
  So Daniel Jones, Greer Jones who must be related somehow.
• 0:24
  Now I'm joking everybody but Greer actually runs she runs the
• 0:29
  podcast and it's just fascinating because her mission
• 0:32
  is really something I think is is is highlighting.
• 0:36
  There's there's a gap here for support, right for what is
• 0:39
  about. Anyway, I'll let her explain.
• 0:41
  But anyway, guys, if you are new to the podcast and you haven't
• 0:44
  yet subscribed, make sure you subscribe because I can see all
• 0:46
  you guys, 70% of you guys are listening and not even
• 0:48
  subscribed. So please hit subscribe.
• 0:51
  I also have figured out the ads thing so you don't get
• 0:54
  interrupted with crazy ads right now.
• 0:56
  And Greer, do you want to take it away?
• 0:58
  Tell us who you are and what you do and that kind of thing.
• 1:01
  Yeah, so I'm Greer. I'm like, I always had a joke.
• 1:06
  Now my I'm Greer. I'm a mum podcaster and advocate
• 1:10
  which I always seem so silly to me but very true I think.
• 1:13
  It's good. Because yeah.
• 1:15
  I do the thing of like I have autism, idiot OCD and dyslexia.
• 1:18
  Like I do this like 4 like thing like it's part of who you are,
• 1:21
  right? Yeah, yeah.
• 1:22
  So, OK, so you're a podcaster mum advocate?
• 1:25
  Yeah. And yeah, I started the
• 1:27
  unfinished idea about a year ago.
• 1:30
  I will just add, I know this is, I think audio only, but I do
• 1:34
  have my son next to me. So if you hear little voices,
• 1:36
  it's just everyday life, right? It's.
• 1:38
  Just. Part of everyday.
• 1:40
  But yeah, so I started a podcast called the Unfinished Idea, kind
• 1:45
  of for two reasons. One was I wanted a space where
• 1:49
  people who were raising autistic children or just neurodivergent
• 1:53
  children, not even just autistic children, but neurodivergent
• 1:56
  children could feel seen and heard and just be just know that
• 2:02
  they're not alone. I think that was kind of my big
• 2:04
  message is, is that, you know, they're not alone in this
• 2:06
  journey and just talk about in the everyday.
• 2:10
  It's the everyday like it's the getting to school and kind of
• 2:14
  how that can be a struggle one day, but then the next day go
• 2:17
  great, you know, and you know, getting, I remember going, my
• 2:22
  oldest goes to like scouts, Beavers, whatever it's called.
• 2:25
  And like, I remember putting in the group like, Oh, we're really
• 2:31
  struggling today. Like, you know, just overwhelm,
• 2:34
  blah, blah, blah, blah. And one of the moms like
• 2:36
  privately messaged me and she wasn't being mean or anything,
• 2:38
  but she's just like, I don't understand why this is a big
• 2:40
  deal like that, you know, like all these things.
• 2:45
  And she wasn't again, not being mean.
• 2:47
  She was just trying to like, I don't, I don't understand, like
• 2:49
  help me understand. And so that really like sparked
• 2:52
  the idea of like people just don't get what the everyday is
• 2:55
  like. And so through the podcast, just
• 2:58
  having everyday conversations about about the everyday with,
• 3:02
  you know, parents with professionals, with authors,
• 3:04
  like you name it, and very informal, just really chats.
• 3:10
  But then also realizing that there's a whole group of people
• 3:13
  out there who want to support, you know, those who are, who are
• 3:17
  neurodivergent or raising neurodivergent kids.
• 3:19
  I think about my parents, you know, or my best friend, who
• 3:23
  they're all neuro typical and want to understand what is it
• 3:28
  like, you know what? And so again, creating that
• 3:32
  space where people can learn and grow and understand a bit more
• 3:35
  about the everyday, which has been really fun.
• 3:37
  I've learned a lot. I if you told me a year and a
• 3:40
  half ago that I'd be podcasting, my tagline would be mom
• 3:45
  podcaster advocate. I would have probably laughed at
• 3:47
  you because I was in, like, I felt I was alone.
• 3:52
  You know, I was like, no one else understands.
• 3:55
  You know, like I always say, when we got our son's diagnosis,
• 3:59
  it felt like I was thrown into a pitch black maze and told find
• 4:03
  your way out, you know, like you're just all of a sudden in a
• 4:07
  whole different world. Yeah.
• 4:09
  Yeah. And did.
• 4:10
  Yeah. And so.
• 4:12
  Here in the UK, right? Yes.
• 4:14
  And yeah. Did you Did you also feel like
• 4:16
  there was like little to no support afterwards?
• 4:20
  Yeah, like we, so we, we went private.
• 4:23
  I'll just be honest, we love the NHS, but we went private because
• 4:27
  yeah, yeah, yeah, we knew that. Yeah.
• 4:31
  Like the wait list was just really long and we knew we were
• 4:35
  just being told actually things that weren't true about support.
• 4:38
  So they're like, we can't support you until you have a
• 4:40
  diagnosis and all these weird things that I look back and I'm
• 4:44
  like, that was not true. Like, but but yeah, so we just
• 4:50
  thought we need, we need to get him a diagnosis.
• 4:52
  Like if that's how he's going to get support.
• 4:53
  Because I have an education background.
• 4:55
  So I kind of knew he was on the spectrum as in the big, big
• 5:00
  neurodivergent spectrum. I wasn't sure if it was like
• 5:02
  autism or AEC or both or dyslexia or, you know, like I
• 5:07
  didn't know. So.
• 5:08
  I get. It.
• 5:09
  Yeah, So yeah. And then from there, yeah, go.
• 5:15
  Sorry, no. How do you feel like what is the
• 5:18
  most common? Because like you must speak to
• 5:20
  like a lot of kind of like other parents in your divergent kids
• 5:22
  and stuff. What do you feel is like the
• 5:24
  most common thing that you guys struggle with?
• 5:27
  Like what It was like, what is like the the thing that everyone
• 5:30
  when you hear you're like, ah, yeah, you know, this old
• 5:32
  chestnut. Yeah, I think there's two things
• 5:36
  that when come to mind is 1, the meltdowns, because they can be
• 5:41
  so overwhelming for that, for the child who's going through
• 5:45
  them, but also for the parent who's trying to support them and
• 5:47
  keep them safe. And like, you know, and I find
• 5:50
  that to be just emotionally draining.
• 5:52
  It takes a lot of energy out of me 'cause then the meltdown
• 5:55
  happens and then you got to keep going with life.
• 5:57
  You know? You can't just sit in a dark
• 5:59
  room for an hour and recoup, especially.
• 6:03
  If you have. Like other kids.
• 6:06
  So I, I think meltdowns and understanding meltdowns is a big
• 6:11
  thing. And then also just the, the
• 6:13
  judgement that we as parents get because you know, a lot of
• 6:20
  children who are neurodivergent, not all of them, but a lot of
• 6:23
  them don't look any different than any child.
• 6:26
  And so when they are having a meltdown in the store or a
• 6:29
  restaurant or the park, they just look like entitled
• 6:33
  children, like, but they're not, they're not like, yeah.
• 6:36
  And I've had, I mean, I had a comment from someone, a total
• 6:40
  stranger on the street. My son was having a meltdown.
• 6:43
  He sat down on the, like, sidewalk path, whatever you want
• 6:47
  to call it, and was like just holding him and just kind of
• 6:50
  we're trying to calm and breathe and just, you know, trying to do
• 6:53
  it. And this woman walked past me
• 6:55
  and was like, oh, he's such a little brat.
• 6:58
  Like, you know, And I just was like, I was shocked that she
• 7:00
  said that because she's a stranger.
• 7:05
  Like, I mean, shocked anyone would say that.
• 7:07
  But then also like, the fact that he's like a stranger and
• 7:10
  just didn't know. Like that was a really, again, a
• 7:13
  big turning point for me of like, OK, the world is not going
• 7:15
  to understand him, but I can, I can help the world do that.
• 7:19
  Like I can advocate for my child to help the world do that.
• 7:22
  And so that was when I really started sharing a lot more about
• 7:25
  our everyday kind of first online and then obviously
• 7:29
  through the podcast. And so, yeah, she kind of
• 7:33
  spurred me on the stranger spurred me on to do that.
• 7:35
  But I just it was a big even now we go places and and I can tell
• 7:41
  people are like, oh, why is she? Why is she allowing bad
• 7:44
  behavior? I think is what and it, but it's
• 7:48
  not. It's not.
• 7:49
  Yeah, it's because they don't. See the bigger picture, right?
• 7:51
  They're seeing like a small snapshot like the the the
• 7:53
  viewpoint they have is a very narrow kind of like come out of
• 7:57
  nowhere viewpoint, right? Yeah, exactly.
• 8:00
  And it's that idea that they, someone said to me once that
• 8:04
  they're seeing, like you said, exactly that snapshot, they're
• 8:07
  seeing 30 seconds of a 24 hour a day, you know.
• 8:10
  And so don't let their viewpoint change your whole day.
• 8:14
  It's. And that was and that was
• 8:15
  something that really helped me. Yeah, and it's and it's crazy,
• 8:18
  isn't it? And I always like, you know,
• 8:21
  it's funny, like there's only, and I always say there's a
• 8:23
  haters. And when you're doing stuff
• 8:24
  online, you'll know you'll get haters, right?
• 8:25
  You always get haters. I don't like using the word hate
• 8:27
  because like I always try and steer away from that word.
• 8:29
  But that you know, the negative natives and there's only two
• 8:32
  ways to deal with them, right? You can either do what Taylor
• 8:36
  Swift says. You say, you know such thing as
• 8:38
  a hater, There's just somebody who needs more love.
• 8:40
  So you just over, you know, just overwhelm them with kindness.
• 8:43
  Like if somebody says to me online like you're an A hole or
• 8:46
  whatever, I'm always like, I hope you're OK.
• 8:48
  You're taking time out of your day.
• 8:50
  Your life is very, very precious and it's only short and you're
• 8:53
  taking that time to come in and talk nonsense to me.
• 8:56
  I hope you're OK. And if there is anything I can
• 8:58
  help you with, just reach out because I genuinely mean that.
• 9:01
  Because if somebody is, you know, if if like I don't know,
• 9:03
  eBay, dude, 68 is like coming online and saying like Dan,
• 9:06
  you're an hour or whatever. I'm like, dude, like you're not
• 9:10
  OK Clearly. Like what is going on?
• 9:12
  I wish. And then I say I wish what's
• 9:14
  going on in your life is OK. I'm not 9 times out of 10,
• 9:16
  they'll come back and be like, hey, look, I'm having a bad day.
• 9:18
  I'm so sorry, blah, blah, blah. But the only other way to do it,
• 9:21
  and this shuts down any haters and you can do this in real
• 9:23
  life. So if you someone walking past
• 9:24
  you with mother, like your kids, such a brat, like, yeah, you're
• 9:26
  right. I'm sorry.
• 9:28
  Because what are they going to say?
• 9:30
  No, I'm not right. You know, they're not going to.
• 9:31
  They can't argue with that. So you'd be like, yeah, you're
• 9:33
  right 100% because. And you know how you know how we
• 9:37
  do it? Here's a tip.
• 9:37
  And I bet you probably know this as well.
• 9:39
  You seem a very, very intellectual woman who knows
• 9:42
  exactly how to deal with all this stuff.
• 9:44
  But in terms of how to how, how I think about it when I'm
• 9:48
  feeling sometimes when people kind of like judge me on
• 9:50
  something, I always think back to an analogy I heard.
• 9:52
  And I think it was David Goggins who said it, that he said, look,
• 9:55
  use the blue hair analogy. You know, if you don't have blue
• 9:58
  hair, that is, and someone says, hey, you've got blue hair and
• 10:00
  you clearly don't have blue hair, you go, all right, makes
• 10:04
  no difference, right? Because it's not true.
• 10:06
  So it was like, oh, your kids are black.
• 10:07
  You'd be like, Oh yeah, you're right.
• 10:09
  Because it makes no difference that what they're saying is
• 10:10
  completely relevant, right? So you're always kind of like,
• 10:12
  and this is how you build like a thicker skin, right?
• 10:13
  And I think like you have to especially in situations like
• 10:15
  that because they don't know, they don't understand, they
• 10:17
  don't see, they just see like a kid tantruming or in their
• 10:20
  tantrum and they don't see the struggle, right?
• 10:23
  But anyway, so I have a question.
• 10:25
  What is, you know, what is some tips that you can give?
• 10:28
  Because look, one of the things I feel like a lot of parents of
• 10:32
  autism can kind of all agree with is that some days you wake
• 10:35
  up and you're like, you feel so broken down and exhausted that
• 10:41
  you're like, I don't want a parent today.
• 10:43
  And this is a horrible feeling because these kids need me and I
• 10:47
  need them or this kid needs me and I need the kid, but I can't
• 10:51
  go like, what? How do you find that?
• 10:53
  What do you get? You know, how do you find the
• 10:55
  energies to go? OK, let's let's go on.
• 10:57
  Like how, what what is? Do you have any tips or anything
• 10:59
  like that? I think so.
• 11:01
  One thing that this was actually said to me even before we were
• 11:06
  on this journey of the neuro diverse worlds, but was get
• 11:09
  dressed every day. But getting dressed can mean
• 11:12
  putting on one specific thing. So for me, I put on earrings.
• 11:16
  That is my I'm I am dressed for the day.
• 11:18
  If I have earrings on like which for some people that could be
• 11:23
  lipstick, a hat, a certain shirt, like it can be whatever
• 11:26
  you want. Like you pick the one thing that
• 11:28
  you're like, OK, when I'm wearing this, I'm dressed for
• 11:30
  the day because you have a different mindset when you're
• 11:34
  dressed, like when you're, you know, and I'm not saying don't
• 11:37
  get me wrong, there are days where I don't wear earrings and
• 11:40
  I'm not saying I'm not productive, but it's just
• 11:42
  there's a different mindset when you're dressed and.
• 11:44
  Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
• 11:46
  And so I would say get dressed for the day because it helps
• 11:49
  you. And there's like studies that
• 11:51
  have been shown that when you are in the I'm dressed mindset,
• 11:55
  there's a, there's an actual name for it, but I don't know
• 11:57
  what it's called. You're, you are able to do more
• 12:02
  than you think you can. And being a parent to a
• 12:05
  neurodiverse child, you're going to have to do things that you do
• 12:09
  not think you were ever able to do.
• 12:12
  And, and so being in that mindset, doing something so
• 12:15
  simple, like for me, putting on earrings, I can be wearing a
• 12:19
  hoodie and leggings and look, my hair is like chaos.
• 12:23
  But if I have earrings on for, you know, that triggers my brain
• 12:26
  to go, you're dressed for the day.
• 12:27
  You can do this. And so I said, that's my kind of
• 12:31
  big one is just to say like get dressed for the day and it takes
• 12:36
  time. Like it it does, it's a, it's a,
• 12:38
  it's a rhythm or a, a practice that you need to do.
• 12:41
  So it's not going to be instant, but it's worth it.
• 12:45
  And then the other thing I would do is reach out if your child is
• 12:49
  whatever, whatever school your child is going to or nursery,
• 12:53
  preschool, whatever, reach out to them and say, Hey, I want to
• 12:56
  meet other parents like me. I did that and we have started a
• 13:00
  whole thing in our school that's.
• 13:03
  A great. Idea I I just said I want to
• 13:06
  meet other parents like me, AKA raising children with additional
• 13:10
  needs and we did a coffee morning, which has turned into
• 13:14
  monthly coffee mornings that we do and then from that we do we
• 13:18
  also do monthly like learning sessions like online.
• 13:22
  So we get other big professionals in, you know, who
• 13:25
  are from working with the child at school or maybe just another
• 13:30
  professional, you know, who can talk about it like.
• 13:32
  And so we then have created this like learning atmosphere and
• 13:36
  it's just, it's grown. It's been amazing to see even I
• 13:39
  mean, that was a year and a half ago, like and it's grown up
• 13:45
  massively. So I would just say reach out,
• 13:47
  ask someone at your school if that's a teacher or the Cinco or
• 13:51
  whoever that whoever you have connection with to say, hey, I
• 13:55
  want to meet other other parents like me.
• 13:57
  How can we do that? Because that gives you community
• 14:01
  instinct, community that who get it and it's amazing.
• 14:04
  This is amazing. I love that.
• 14:06
  I love the whole because I I preach like the buddy system.
• 14:10
  I I preach kind of like a problem shared problem halved,
• 14:12
  and you kind of cover all of those with creating that like
• 14:17
  in, you know, by by creating the group or or the the community of
• 14:21
  people. I love that.
• 14:22
  It's great advice, so great. How do people find you online If
• 14:25
  they want to listen to more more to your podcasts?
• 14:26
  I'll try and tag you in this one if it'll allow me to, but how do
• 14:28
  people find you online? Yeah, so the podcast is called
• 14:32
  The Unfinished Idea. That's anywhere and everywhere,
• 14:35
  wherever you listen to podcasts, it will be.
• 14:37
  So just search the unfinished idea.
• 14:40
  And the logo is like a little bit of a brain.
• 14:41
  So I always say follow the brain.
• 14:43
  And then I'm on social. So I'm on Instagram, Facebook,
• 14:46
  TikTok, again under the unfinished idea.
• 14:49
  And I have each of those have a profile picture, but in them
• 14:52
  there's a brain, some more hidden, somewhat more obvious
• 14:55
  than some, but but yeah, follow me there.
• 14:58
  I'd love to have people join, you know, wherever.
• 15:02
  I have lots of things so fault, like if you get to my any of
• 15:06
  those pages, I also have a website that has all this
• 15:08
  information as well. But if you find any of those
• 15:10
  pages, there's lots of ways to connect and and get involved.
• 15:14
  Amazing. Thank you so much for being on
• 15:15
  the show. And yeah, I wish you so much
• 15:18
  luck with everything you're doing.
• 15:18
  It's amazing. Thank you for serving the
• 15:20
  community so well. Thank you.
• 15:22
  Thank you for having me. All right.