Latest / The iAlign Podcast with Flint Mitchell / iAlign #66 - In the End, YOU Always Deliver the Final Blow To Yourself

Transcript

iAlign #66 - In the End, YOU Always Deliver the Final Blow To Yourself · The iAlign Podcast with Flint Mitchell

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: You're listening to the I Align podcast with Flint Mitchell, where I provide stories, resources, and tools for ambitious builders who are ready to gain control over procrastination, overthinking, and distraction.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I had just pulled money out of my savings account to pay my rent.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: My relationship was ending.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was overweight, half from fat and half from just stress inflammation, because I was having quite a bit of insomnia.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I was lying on the ground of my apartment, like a corpse, spiraling into the abyss of chaos that was my mind.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what the voice in my mind said to me in that moment?
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: It said, What an opportunity.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: To which I laughed back and said, Fuck you.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: This is Flint from Isoline.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I went from a life of stagnation, scrolling, procrastination, and feeling behind to one of clear, consistent, confident action, authenticity, and freedom.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: In that moment, the business that I was building was in one of its first true lows.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: I was in a relationship that was nearing its end.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: And even though she's a wonderful person, the end of a relationship is always stressful.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was behind on the science and engineering consulting work that I was doing in order to supplement my business income.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I hadn't built them because I was behind.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: And therefore I was behind on my own income itself, which led me to feeling financially anxious, which, when added onto the anxiety of my relationship, of my health, of just my self-image in general, it was a gnarly moment.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it was September.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: So we were just about to head into the most stressful part of the year, which is the end of it, the end of Q4, the real reflection on your business revenue for the year, the holidays, and beneath all of it, the approaching feeling that I wasn't going to accomplish that which I set out to accomplish during that year.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: All of this pressure was starting to mount.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't lie to you, it was fucking brutal.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I have an ace up my sleeve that not too many people know about.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because for years, long before this relationship or this business that I was building or any of these things that existed in my life at that point, I had been training my mind to do one simple thing.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that one thing was to say the words, this is an opportunity, no matter how low I felt.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it was even in moments that seemed probably fucked up.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: My grandmother was passing away years ago, and I told myself, this is an opportunity.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I turned that into an opportunity to support my family and to support myself and to become more emotionally resilient during hard times.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Someone might look at you and think, your grandmother was dying, and you said this is an opportunity.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I would say, yes, I know it sounds fucked up, but that's what I chose because I believe by having my mind say that when I'm at my lowest, I have the highest chance of acting in a way that makes me proud regardless.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now, for the first 25 years of my life, I didn't have this party trick.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: I relied on shame and self-criticism to make progress.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: And in the short term, sure, that shame sometimes held me accountable to take an action that I wanted to take in that moment.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is one of the traps that people fall into, is that sometimes shame does actually help you in the short term to take an action.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: But in parallel, it also led me straight to compulsive behaviors in order to handle the greater levels of shame or disappointment or anxiety or emotion that shame-based accountability doesn't help you handle.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because from an emotional perspective, you're actually making life harder on yourself, even if you are taking some of the practical next steps and actions.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: So because I attacked myself instead of support myself in the low moments, sometimes I would get a little bit of it done, but inevitably I would also lead myself into doom scrolling, into pornography, into procrastination, into overeating, which obviously in turn led me away from my goals and from my sense of self because I was no longer aligned with the man that I wanted to be, with my values.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: In those moments, instead of this as an opportunity, I would think, holy shit, I can't believe I did that again.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: God, how could I, how could I be here again?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: I just never learn.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Or the one that seems optimistic, I'll never do that again.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm better than this.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Which then leads into maybe this isn't for me.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: I can never do this right.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: All those negative voices that start attacking yourself and beating yourself up, that sometimes provoke an action forward, but generally just leads you back into the vicious negative feedback loop that further reinforces the negative compulsive behaviors that you were trying to avoid in the first place.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that the reason people fail to achieve their goals over the long term, or people who make some success in some areas of their life, but the rest of their life is falling apart, like in their family and their health, is because they have unconsciously trained themselves over the course of their lives to use shame as accountability.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: So when their brute force and willpower run out and they face a failure or a major obstacle, their true self-talk and voices come out.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And those voices are the only ones that know the full you.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: And if they don't support you, they can be fucking vicious.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: And like in my past, they would tear me down further than I already was.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: I can basically guarantee you that if I talked to myself the way I did when I was 18 or 22 or 25 in that moment that I brought up earlier when I was spiraling on my carpet in my apartment, I would not be talking to you about this.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: I would not have this business.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: I would not have succeeded in the way that I have so far.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: I would not be pursuing my dreams and my missions and my goals, and I would not be handling the stressors in positive, healthy ways.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: I would have quit.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: There's no doubt in my mind.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because at the end of the day, in the high moments, in the low moments, in the boring moments, in all the moments, the way you speak to yourself and the way you support yourself or don't is the only thing you genuinely have control over.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so sure, sometimes shame-based accountability works in the short term.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: But when you get knocked down, it's the thing that finishes the job.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Your self-talk and the way you view yourself are the things that actually knock you out.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: They're the things that actually make you quit.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing external.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: The last blow is always dealt by yourself.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: When, in those moments, even if they felt like personal failures, what you really needed was compassion.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And if you resonated with this and you want to change the way that you speak to yourself, you want to change the way that your mind handles major obstacles to offer you compassion and opportunity instead of scrolling and avoidance and self-attacks during the boring moments or the low moments or the intense moments or the end of the year stress, the holiday stress, the loneliness.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to learn how to handle those obstacles and change the way you speak to yourself such that you engage yourself in a compassionate and supportive way, DM me.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'll show you how.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Peace.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you enjoyed that episode.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you've been told your entire life that you're smart and you have potential, but you continue to see yourself not do what you said you would do again and again, and it's made you stop trusting in yourself or that you will ever achieve that potential, I want to help you.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Together, you and I will implement a core value-based system that will help you become decisive and focused.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to feel the relief from the weight on your shoulders because of the decreased noise in your head.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Strength each morning because you trust yourself to turn lost avoidant hours of your life into forward progress.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Peace when you no longer have to hide how you actually spend your time.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, pride in yourself when you close your eyes every night before you go to sleep.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: If that's of interest to you, click the first link in the show notes, fill out the 30 second application, and grab a time on my calendar.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Spots are obviously limited because of my time and availability, but if they fill up and you're a good fit, I'll make sure you get on the wait list.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: I look forward to speaking with you.