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035 - A Lover's Mistake · Wives and Daughters

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Speaker 1: Chapter thirty four of Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell.
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Speaker 1: This LibriVox recording is in the public domain, Chapter thirty four,
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Speaker 1: A Lover's Mistake. It was afternoon, Molly had gone out
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Speaker 1: for a walk. Missus Gibson had been paying some calls.
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Speaker 1: Lazy Cynthia had declined accompanying either a daily walk was
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Speaker 1: not a necessity to her, as it was to Molly
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Speaker 1: on a lovely day, or with an agreeable object, or
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Speaker 1: when the fancy took her, she could go as far
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Speaker 1: as any one. But these were exceptional cases. In general,
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Speaker 1: she was not disposed to disturb herself from her indoor occupations. Indeed,
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Speaker 1: not one of the ladies would have left the house
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Speaker 1: had there been aware that Roger was in the neighborhood.
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Speaker 1: For they were aware that he was to come down
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Speaker 1: but once before his departure, and that his stay at
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Speaker 1: home would be but for a short time, and they
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Speaker 1: were all anxious to wish him good bye before his
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Speaker 1: long absence. But they had understood that he was not
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Speaker 1: coming to the hall until the following week, and therefore
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Speaker 1: they had felt themselves at full liberty this afternoon to
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Speaker 1: follow their own devices. Molly chose a walk that had
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Speaker 1: been a favorite with her ever since she was a child.
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Speaker 1: Something or other had happened just before she left home
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Speaker 1: that made her begin wondering how far it was right
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Speaker 1: for the sake of domestic peace to pass over without
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Speaker 1: comment the little deviations from right that people perceive in
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Speaker 1: those whom they live with, or whether, as they are
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Speaker 1: placed in families for distinct purposes, not by chance merely
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Speaker 1: there are not duties involved in this aspect of their
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Speaker 1: lot in life, whether by continually passing over failings their
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Speaker 1: own standard is not lowered, The practical application of these
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Speaker 1: thoughts being a dismal sort of perplexity on Molly's part
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Speaker 1: as to whether her father was quite aware of her
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Speaker 1: stepmother's perpetual lapses from truth, and whether this blindness was
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Speaker 1: wilful or not. Then she felt bitterly enough that although
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Speaker 1: she was sure as could be that there was no
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Speaker 1: real estrangement between her and her father, yet there were
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Speaker 1: perpetual obstacles thrown in the way of their intercourse, And
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Speaker 1: she thought with a sigh that if he would but
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Speaker 1: come in with authority, he might cut his way clear
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Speaker 1: to the old intimacy with his daughter, and that they
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Speaker 1: might have all the former talks and walks and quips
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Speaker 1: and cranks and glimpses of real confidence, once again, things
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Speaker 1: that her stepmother did not value, yet which she, like
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Speaker 1: the dog in the manger, prevented Molly's enjoying. But after all,
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Speaker 1: Molly was a girl not so far removed from childhood,
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Speaker 1: and in the middle of her grave regrets and perplexities,
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Speaker 1: her eye was caught by the sight of some fine
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Speaker 1: ripe blackberries flourishing away high up on the hedge bank,
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Speaker 1: among the scarlet hips and green and russet leaves. She
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Speaker 1: did not care much for blackberries herself, but she had
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Speaker 1: heard Cynthia say that she liked them, and besides, there
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Speaker 1: was the charm of scrambling and gathering them. So she
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Speaker 1: forgot all about her troubles and went climbing up the
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Speaker 1: banks and clutching at her almost inaccessible prizes, and slipping
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Speaker 1: down again, triumphant to carry them back to the large
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Speaker 1: leaf which was to serve her as a basket. One
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Speaker 1: or two of them she tasted, but they were as
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Speaker 1: vapored to her palette as ever. The skirt of her
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Speaker 1: pretty print gown was torn out of the gathers, and
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Speaker 1: even with the fruit she had eaten. Her pretty lips
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Speaker 1: with blackberries were all besmeared and dyed. When having gathered
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Speaker 1: as many and more than she could possibly carry, she
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Speaker 1: set off home, hoping to escape into her room and
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Speaker 1: mend her gown before it had offended Missus Gibson's neat eye.
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Speaker 1: The front door was easily opened from the outside, and
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Speaker 1: Molly was out of the clear light of the open
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Speaker 1: air and in the shadow of the hall when she
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Speaker 1: saw a face peep out of the dining room before
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Speaker 1: she quite recognized whose it was, And then Missus Gibson
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Speaker 1: came softly out, sufficiently at least to beckon her into
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Speaker 1: the room. When Molly had entered, Missus Gibson closed the door.
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Speaker 1: Poor Molly expected a reprimand for her torn gown and
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Speaker 1: untidy appearance, but was soon relieved by the express of
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Speaker 1: Missus Gibson's face, mysterious and radiant.
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Speaker 2: I've been watching for you, dear. Don't go upstairs into
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Speaker 2: the drawing room, Love, it might be a little interruption
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Speaker 2: just now. Roger Hamley is there with Cynthia, and I've
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Speaker 2: reason to think in fact, I did open the door unawares,
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Speaker 2: but I shut it again softly, and I don't think
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Speaker 2: they heard me. Isn't it charming? Young love? You know,
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Speaker 2: oh how sweet it is?
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Speaker 3: Do you mean that Roger has proposed to Cynthia?
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Speaker 1: Asked Molly.
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Speaker 2: Not exactly that, But I don't know. Of course I
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Speaker 2: know nothing. Only I did hear him say that he
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Speaker 2: had meant to leave England without speaking of his love,
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Speaker 2: but that the temptation of seeing her alone had been
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Speaker 2: too great for him. It was symptomatic, was it not,
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Speaker 2: my dear? And all I wanted was to let it
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Speaker 2: come to a crisis without interruption. So I've been watching
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Speaker 2: for you to prevent your going in and disturbing them.
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Speaker 1: But I may go to my own room, mayn't I
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Speaker 1: pleaded Molly. Of course, said missus Gibson a little testily.
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Speaker 2: Only I had expected sympathy from you at such an
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Speaker 2: interesting moment.
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Speaker 1: But Molly did not hear these last words. She had
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Speaker 1: escaped upstairs and shut her door instinctively. She had carried
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Speaker 1: her leaf full of blackberries.
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Speaker 3: What would blackberries be to Cynthia? Now she felt as
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Speaker 3: if she could not understand it all. But as for
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Speaker 3: that matter, what could she understand? Nothink?
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Speaker 1: For a few minutes her brain seemed in too great
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Speaker 1: a world to comprehend anything but that she was being
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Speaker 1: carried on in the earth's diurnal course with rocks and
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Speaker 1: stones and trees, with as little volition on her part
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Speaker 1: as if she were dead. Then the room grew stifling,
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Speaker 1: and instinctively she went to the open casement window and
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Speaker 1: leaned out, gasping for breath. Gradually, the consciousness of the soft,
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Speaker 1: peaceful landscape stole into her mind and stilled the buzzing confusion.
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Speaker 1: There Bathed in the almost level rays of the autumn
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Speaker 1: sunlight lay the landscape she had known and loved from childhood,
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Speaker 1: as quiet, as full of low humming life, as it
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Speaker 1: had been at this hour for many generations. The autumn
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Speaker 1: flowers blazed out in the garden below. The lazy cows
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Speaker 1: were in the meadow beyond, chewing their cud in the
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Speaker 1: green aftermath. The evening fires had just been made up
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Speaker 1: in the cottages beyond in preparation for the husband's home coming,
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Speaker 1: and was sending up soft curls of blue smoke into
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Speaker 1: the still air. The children let loose from school were
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Speaker 1: shouting merrily in the distance, and she just then she
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Speaker 1: heard nearer sounds and opened door steps on the lower
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Speaker 1: flight of stairs.
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Speaker 3: He could not have gone without even seeing her. He
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Speaker 3: never never would have done so cruel a thing, never
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Speaker 3: would have forgotten poor little Molly, however happy he might be.
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Speaker 1: No there were steps and voices, and the drawing room
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Speaker 1: door was opened and shut once more. She laid down
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Speaker 1: her head on her arms that rested on the window sill,
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Speaker 1: and cried.
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Speaker 3: She had been so distrustful as to have left the
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Speaker 3: idea and her mind that he could go without wishing
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Speaker 3: her good bye, her whom his mother had so loved
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Speaker 3: and called by the name of his little dead sister.
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Speaker 1: And as she thought of the tender love Missus Hamley
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Speaker 1: had borne her, she cried the more for the vanishing
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Speaker 1: of such love for her off the face of the earth.
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Speaker 1: Suddenly the drawing room door opened, and some one was
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Speaker 1: heard coming upstairs. It was Cynthia's step. Molly hastily wiped
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Speaker 1: her eyes and stood up and tried to look unconcerned.
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Speaker 1: It was all she had time to do before Cynthia,
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Speaker 1: after a little pause at the closed door, had knocked,
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Speaker 1: and on an answer being given, had said, without opening
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Speaker 1: the door.
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Speaker 4: Molly, mister Roger Hamley is here and wants to wish
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Speaker 4: you good bye before he goes.
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Speaker 1: Then she went downstairs again, as if anxious just at
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Speaker 1: that moment to avoid even so short a tete a
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Speaker 1: tete with Molly. With a gulp and a fit of
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Speaker 1: resolution as a child makes up its mind to swallow
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Speaker 1: a nauseous dose of medicine, Molly went instantly downstairs. Roger
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Speaker 1: was talking earnestly to Messus Gibson in the bow of
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Speaker 1: the window when Molly entered. Cynthia was standing near, listening,
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Speaker 1: but taking no part in the conversation. Her eyes were
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Speaker 1: downcast and she did not look up as Molly drew
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Speaker 1: shyly near.
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Speaker 5: Roger was saying, I could never forgive myself if I
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Speaker 5: had accepted a pledge from her. She shall be free
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Speaker 5: until my return. But the hope, the words her sweet
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Speaker 5: goodness have made me happy beyond description, Oh.
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Speaker 1: Molly, suddenly becoming aware of her presence and turning to
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Speaker 1: her and taking her hand in both of his.
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Speaker 5: I think you have long guessed my secret, have you not?
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Speaker 5: I once thought of speaking to you before I left
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Speaker 5: and confiding it all to you. But the temptation has
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Speaker 5: been too great. I have told Cynthia, how fondly I
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Speaker 5: love her as far as words can tell, and she says.
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Speaker 1: Then he looked at Cynthia with passionate delight and seemed
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Speaker 1: to forget in that gaze that he had left his
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Speaker 1: sen to Molly half finished. Cynthia did not seem inclined
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Speaker 1: to repeat her saying whatever it was, but her mother
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Speaker 1: spoke for her.
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Speaker 2: My dear sweet girl, values your love as it ought
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Speaker 2: to be valued. I am sure, and I believe.
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Speaker 1: Looking at Cynthia and Roger with intelligent archness.
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Speaker 2: I could tell tales as to the cause of her
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Speaker 2: indisposition in the spring.
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Speaker 1: Mother said Cynthia. Suddenly, you know it was no such thing.
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Speaker 4: Pray, don't invent stories about me. I have engaged myself
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Speaker 4: to mister Roger Hamley, and that is enough.
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Speaker 1: Enough, more than enough, said Roger.
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Speaker 5: I will not accept your pledge. I am bound, but
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Speaker 5: you are free. I like to feel bound. It makes
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Speaker 5: me happy and at peace. But with all the chances
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Speaker 5: involved in the next two years, you must not shackle
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Speaker 5: yourself by promises.
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Speaker 1: Cynthia did not speak at once. She was evidently revolving
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Speaker 1: something in her own mind. Missus Gibson took up the word.
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Speaker 2: You are very generous, I am. I'm sure perhaps it
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Speaker 2: will be better not to mention it.
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Speaker 4: I would much rather have it kept a secret.
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Speaker 1: Said Cynthia, interrupting.
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Speaker 2: Certainly, my dear love, that was just as I was
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Speaker 2: going to say. I once knew a young lady who
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Speaker 2: heard of the death of a young man in America
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Speaker 2: whom she had known pretty well. And she immediately said
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Speaker 2: she'd been engaged to him, and even went so far
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Speaker 2: as to put on weeds. And it was a false report,
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Speaker 2: for he came back well and merry, and declared to
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Speaker 2: everybody he had never so much as thought about her.
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Speaker 2: So it was very awkward for her. These things had
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Speaker 2: much better be kept secret until the proper time has
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Speaker 2: come for divulging them.
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Speaker 1: Even then and there, Cynthia could not resist the temptation
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Speaker 1: of saying.
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Speaker 4: Mamma, I will promise you I won't put on weeds.
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Speaker 4: Whatever reports come of mister Roger.
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Speaker 1: Hamley, Roger, please he put in in a tender whisper, and.
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Speaker 4: You will all be witnesses that he has professed to
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Speaker 4: think of me if he is tempted afterwards to deny
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Speaker 4: the fact. But at the same time, I wish it
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Speaker 4: to be kept a secret until his return, and I
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Speaker 4: am sure you will all be so kind as to
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Speaker 4: attend my wish. Please, Roger, Please, Molly, Mamma, I must
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Speaker 4: especially beg it of you.
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Speaker 1: Roger would have granted anything when she asked him by
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Speaker 1: that name, and in that tone, he took her hand
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Speaker 1: in silent pledge of his reply. Molly felt as if
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Speaker 1: she could never bring herself to name the affair as
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Speaker 1: a common piece of news. So it was only missus
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Speaker 1: Gibson that answered aloud, my dear child.
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Speaker 2: Why especially to poor me? You know I'm the most
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Speaker 2: trustworthy person alive.
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Speaker 1: The little pendule on the chimney piece struck the half hour.
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Speaker 1: I must go, said Roger in dismay.
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Speaker 5: I had no idea. It was so late. I shall
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Speaker 5: write from Paris. The coach will be at the George
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Speaker 5: by this time and will only stay five minutes.
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Speaker 1: Dearest Cynthia, He took her hand, and then, as if
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Speaker 1: the temptation was irresistible, he drew her to him and
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Speaker 1: kissed her.
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Speaker 5: Only remember you are free.
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Speaker 1: Said he, as he released her and passed on to
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Speaker 1: Missus Gibson.
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Speaker 4: If I had considered myself free.
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Speaker 1: Said Cynthia, blushing a little, but ready with her repartee
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Speaker 1: to the last.
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Speaker 4: If I had thought myself free, do you think I
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Speaker 4: would have allowed that?
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Speaker 1: Then Molly's turn came, and the old brotherly tenderness came
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Speaker 1: back into his look, his voice.
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Speaker 5: His bearing, Molly, you won't forget me. I know I
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Speaker 5: shall never forget you nor your goodness to her.
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Speaker 1: His voice began to quiver, and it was best to
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Speaker 1: be gone. Missus Gibson was pouring out unheard and unheeded
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Speaker 1: words of farewell. Cynthia was re arranging some flowers in
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Speaker 1: a vase on the table, the defects in which had
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Speaker 1: caught her artistic eye. Without the consciousness penetrating to her mind,
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Speaker 1: Molly stood numb to the heart, neither glad nor sorry
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Speaker 1: nor anything, but stunned. She felt the slackened touch of
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Speaker 1: the warm, grasping hand She looked up for till now
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Speaker 1: her eyes had been downcast, as if there were heavy
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Speaker 1: weights to their lids, and the place was empty where
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Speaker 1: he had been. His quick step was heard on the stair.
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Speaker 1: The front door was opened and shut, and then as
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Speaker 1: quick as lightning, Molly ran up to the front attic,
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Speaker 1: the lumber room, whose window commanded the street down which
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Speaker 1: he must pass. The window clasp was unused and stiff.
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Speaker 1: Molly tugged at it unless it was open, and her
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Speaker 1: head put out that last chance would be gone.
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Speaker 3: I must see him again, I must, I.
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Speaker 1: Must, she wailed out, as she was pulling there. He
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Speaker 1: was running hard to catch the London coach. His luggage
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Speaker 1: had been left at the George before he came up
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Speaker 1: to wish the Gibsons good bye. In all his hurry,
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Speaker 1: Molly saw him turn round and shade his eyes from
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Speaker 1: the level rays of the westering sun, and rake the
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Speaker 1: house with his glances in hopes she knew of catching
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Speaker 1: one more glimpse of Cynthia. But apparently he saw no one,
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Speaker 1: not even Molly at the attic casement, for she had
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Speaker 1: drawn back when he had turned, and kept herself in shadow,
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Speaker 1: for she had no right to put herself forward as
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Speaker 1: the one to watch and yearn for farewell signs.
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Speaker 3: None came another moment he was out of sight for years.
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Speaker 1: She shut the window softly and shivered all over. She
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Speaker 1: left the attic and went to her own room, But
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Speaker 1: she did not begin to take off her out of
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Speaker 1: door things till she heard Cynthia's foot on the stairs.
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Speaker 1: Then she hastily went to the toilet table and began
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Speaker 1: to untie her bonnet strings, but they were in a
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Speaker 1: knot and took time to undo. Cynthia's step stopped at
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Speaker 1: Molly's door. She opened it a little.
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Speaker 3: And said, may I come in? Molly?
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Speaker 1: Certainly, said Molly, longing to be able to say no
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Speaker 1: all the time. Molly did not turn to meet her,
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Speaker 1: So Cynthia came up behind her, and, putting her two
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Speaker 1: hands round Molly's waist, peeped over her shoulder, putting out
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Speaker 1: her lips to be kissed. Molly could not resist the action,
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Speaker 1: a mute entreaty for a caress. But in the moment
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Speaker 1: before she had caught the reflection of the two faces
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Speaker 1: in the glass. Her own read ey, pale, with lips
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Speaker 1: dyed with BlackBerry juice, her curls tangled, her bonnet pulled awry,
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Speaker 1: her gown torn, and contrasted it with Cynthia's brightness and
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Speaker 1: bloom and the trim elegance of her dress. Oh it
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Speaker 1: is no wonder, thought poor Molly, as she turned round
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Speaker 1: and put her arms round Cynthia and laid her head
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Speaker 1: for an instant on her shoulder, the weary, aching head
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Speaker 1: that sought a loving pillow in that supreme moment. The
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Speaker 1: next she had raised herself and taken Cynthia's two hands,
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Speaker 1: and was holding her off a little, the better to
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Speaker 1: read her face.
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Speaker 3: Cynthia, you do love him dearly, don't.
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Speaker 1: You, Cynthia winced a little. Aside from the penetrating steadiness
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Speaker 1: of those eyes, he.
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Speaker 4: Speak with all the solemnity of an adoration.
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Speaker 1: Molly said, she laughing a little, at first to cover
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Speaker 1: her nervousness, and then looking up at Molly.
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Speaker 4: Don't you think I've given a proof of it? But
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Speaker 4: you know I've often told you I've not the gift
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Speaker 4: of loving, I said pretty much the same thing to him.
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Speaker 4: I can respect, and I fancy, I can admire, and
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Speaker 4: I can like, but I never feel carried off my
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Speaker 4: feet by love for any one, not even for you,
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Speaker 4: little Molly, and I am sure I love you more
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Speaker 4: than no.
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Speaker 1: Don't, said Molly, putting her hand before Cynthia's mouth, in
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Speaker 1: almost a passion of impatience.
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Speaker 3: Don't don't, I won't hear you. I ought not to
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Speaker 3: have asked you. It makes you tell lies?
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Speaker 1: Why, Molly said, Cynthia, in her turn, seeking to read
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Speaker 1: Molly's face.
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Speaker 4: What's the matter with you? One might think you cared
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Speaker 4: for him yourself.
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Speaker 1: I said Molly, all the blood rushing to her heart suddenly,
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Speaker 1: then it returned, and she had courage to speak, and
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Speaker 1: she spoke the truth as she believed it, though not
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Speaker 1: the real actual truth.
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Speaker 3: I do care for him. I think you have won
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Speaker 3: the love of a prince amongst men. Why I am
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Speaker 3: proud you. Remember that he has been to me as
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Speaker 3: a brother, and I love him as a sister. And
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Speaker 3: I love you doubly because he has honored you with
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Speaker 3: his love. Come.
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Speaker 1: That's not complimentary, said Cynthia, laughing but not ill, pleased
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Speaker 1: to hear her lover's praises, and even willing to depreciate
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Speaker 1: him a little in order to hear more.
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Speaker 4: He's well enough, I dare say, and a great deal too,
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Speaker 4: learned and clever, ferst stupid girl like me. But even
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Speaker 4: you must acknowledge he's very plain and awkward. And I
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Speaker 4: like pretty things and pretty people.
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Speaker 3: Cynthia, I won't talk to you about him. You know
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Speaker 3: you don't mean what you are saying, and you only
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Speaker 3: say it out of contradiction, because I praise him. He
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Speaker 3: shan't be run down by you, even in joke.
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Speaker 4: Well, then we won't talk of him at all. I
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Speaker 4: was so surprised when he began to speak.
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Speaker 1: So and Cynthia looked very lovely, blushing and dimpling up
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Speaker 1: as she remembered his words and looks. Suddenly she recalled
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Speaker 1: herself to the present time, and her eye caught on
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Speaker 1: the leaf full of blackberries, the broad green leaf, so
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Speaker 1: fresh and crisp when Molly had gathered it an hour
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Speaker 1: or so ago, but now soft and flebby and dying.
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Speaker 1: Molly saw it too, and felt a strange kind of
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Speaker 1: sympathetic pity for the poor inanimate leaf.
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Speaker 4: Oh what blackberries You've gathered them for me, I.
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Speaker 1: Know, said Cynthia, sitting down and beginning to feed herself,
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Speaker 1: daintily touching them lightly with the ends of her taper
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Speaker 1: fingers and dropping each ripe berry into her open mouth.
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Speaker 1: When she had eaten about half, she stopped, suddenly short.
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Speaker 4: How I shouldn't like to have gone as far as Paris.
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Speaker 1: With him, she exclaimed.
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Speaker 4: I suppose it wouldn't have been proper, But how pleasant
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Speaker 4: it would have been. I remember it.
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Speaker 1: Boulogne, another BlackBerry.
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Speaker 4: How are used to envy the English who were going
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Speaker 4: to Paris? It seemed to me then as if nobody
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Speaker 4: stopped at Boulogne but dull, stupid schoolgirls.
18:37
Speaker 3: When will he be there, asked Molly.
18:40
Speaker 4: On Wednesday, he said, I'm to write to him there.
18:43
Speaker 4: At any rate, he's going to write to me.
18:45
Speaker 1: Molly went about the adjustment of her dress in a quiet,
18:48
Speaker 1: business like manner, not speaking much. Cynthia, although sitting still,
18:53
Speaker 1: seemed very restless. Oh how much Molly wished that she
18:57
Speaker 1: would go. Perhaps after all, said Cyntha, after a pause
19:01
Speaker 1: of apparent meditation.
19:02
Speaker 4: We shall never be married.
19:04
Speaker 1: Why do you say that, said Molly, almost bitterly. You
19:08
Speaker 1: have nothing to make you think, so I wonder how
19:10
Speaker 1: you can bear to think. You won't even for a moment, Oh,
19:15
Speaker 1: said Cynthia.
19:16
Speaker 4: You mustn't go and take me or Graan's deirrior I
19:19
Speaker 4: dare say. I don't mean what I say, but you see,
19:22
Speaker 4: everything seems a dream at present. Still, I think the
19:25
Speaker 4: chances are equal, the chances for end against our marriage.
19:28
Speaker 4: I mean two years. It's a long time. He may
19:32
Speaker 4: change his mind, or I may or someone else may
19:35
Speaker 4: turn up, and I make it engaged to him. What
19:37
Speaker 4: should you think of that, Molly? And putting such a
19:39
Speaker 4: gloomy thing as death quite on one side? You see,
19:42
Speaker 4: yet in two years, how much may happen?
19:45
Speaker 3: Don't talk so, Cynthia, Please don't, said Molly piteously. One
19:49
Speaker 3: would think you didn't care for him, and he cares
19:52
Speaker 3: so much for you.
19:53
Speaker 4: Why did I say I didn't care for him? I
19:55
Speaker 4: was only calculating chances. I'm sure I hope nothing will
19:59
Speaker 4: happen to prevent them, Ma, marriage, only you know it may.
20:02
Speaker 4: And I thought I was taking a step in wisdom
20:04
Speaker 4: and looking forward to all the evils that might befall
20:07
Speaker 4: I'm sure all the wise people I've ever known thought
20:09
Speaker 4: it a virtue to have gloomy prognostics of the future.
20:13
Speaker 4: But you're not in a mood for wisdom of virtue,
20:14
Speaker 4: I see. So I'll go and get ready for dinner
20:17
Speaker 4: and leave you to your vanities of dress.
20:20
Speaker 1: She took Molly's face in both her hands before Molly
20:23
Speaker 1: was aware of her intention, and kissed it playfully. Then
20:26
Speaker 1: she left Molly to herself. End of Chapter thirty four.