Latest / Soul Salon with Ayandastood / 24: let it become | on creativity, relationships, & life 🐛🐝🦋🐣

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24: let it become | on creativity, relationships, & life 🐛🐝🦋🐣 · Soul Salon with Ayandastood

• 0:00
  I hope that you will honor the magic in you
• 0:01
  by understanding that you cannot fully contain,
• 0:04
  predict or control its expression.
• 0:07
  Hello sunshine and welcome back to paradigm shift
• 0:10
  with I understood, a place where we reframe what is
• 0:14
  and reimagine what could be.
• 0:16
  I hope you enjoy today's episode.
• 0:18
  Let's paradigm shift together.
• 0:21
  To honor the title of this episode,
• 0:23
  I have written nothing down
• 0:25
  and I am going to let this conversation unfold
• 0:30
  and let it become.
• 0:32
  So many of us get really stuck in the planning mode
• 0:37
  and we try to plan everything
• 0:39
  and we ask ourselves these questions.
• 0:41
  Should I go this way or should I go that way?
• 0:43
  So for example, when it comes to starting a project,
• 0:46
  you may think to yourself,
• 0:48
  I need to have my one thing,
• 0:49
  but I don't know what that thing is.
• 0:51
  And so we obsess and we really think about
• 0:55
  how we want this thing to unfold.
• 0:57
  Instead of just letting ourselves let it become
• 1:01
  because paradoxically, being and becoming
• 1:04
  are so interconnected,
• 1:06
  just as we cannot help being,
• 1:08
  we also cannot help becoming.
• 1:11
  And so interestingly, when we let something new be,
• 1:15
  we let it become.
• 1:17
  And that's a conversation I want to talk about today.
• 1:19
  I want to talk about surrendering
• 1:21
  and releasing ourselves from the planning mindset,
• 1:24
  from the control mindset,
• 1:26
  from the predictability mindset,
• 1:29
  into a mindset of embracing uncertainty.
• 1:33
  That's what we want to get into today.
• 1:35
  First, I want to say that this relates
• 1:37
  to so many aspects of life.
• 1:39
  In a creative project,
• 1:41
  we may try to plan to a tea
• 1:43
  what we want this new podcast to be
• 1:46
  or this book that we're writing about to be
• 1:48
  or this idea we have for starting a YouTube channel
• 1:51
  or a TikTok presence, any of these things.
• 1:53
  We may plan and plan and plan.
• 1:55
  We're talking to our friends, we're talking to ourselves.
• 1:57
  We are creating lists and lists and lists
• 1:59
  of what we need to do or what we could do.
• 2:02
  And then sometimes there's this big trade-off
• 2:04
  in our mind of like, for example,
• 2:06
  should I go general or should I have a niche, you know?
• 2:09
  Should I make the name this or should I make it that?
• 2:12
  Instead of just allowing us the gift of starting
• 2:15
  and letting it unfold, creatively things
• 2:20
  become something so different
• 2:22
  from what you expected them to be in the beginning.
• 2:24
  So for example, this podcast is always evolving
• 2:28
  and currently it's in an era that's really about creativity
• 2:32
  and it's about the things that I need,
• 2:35
  like the food that I need to keep going
• 2:39
  on this creative path that I'm hoping other people
• 2:42
  can be nourished by as well.
• 2:45
  And so it's about nourishment and it's about creativity
• 2:48
  and it's about believing in yourself enough to create.
• 2:53
  Because that's the phase that I'm in.
• 2:54
  But when I started this podcast,
• 2:56
  that's not what I thought it would be about at all.
• 2:58
  You know what I mean?
• 2:59
  Because in the beginning I was planning
• 3:01
  and I was thinking, okay, I wanted to be about this
• 3:03
  and this and this.
• 3:04
  And with the name paradigm shift,
• 3:06
  I imagined it to be big paradigms
• 3:09
  that I would be tackling.
• 3:11
  The problem is your energy may not be
• 3:13
  at the place that you think it will be in the beginning.
• 3:16
  And so I hope to loop back to that.
• 3:17
  I hope to have conversations around society,
• 3:21
  around social myths, around whose imagination
• 3:24
  are we living in.
• 3:25
  I just don't have the energy to bring that to you right now.
• 3:28
  But I'm letting it become.
• 3:30
  I'm letting it evolve in the way that it needs to.
• 3:33
  And by no means reach some point where you could say,
• 3:36
  oh, it's been a quote unquote success
• 3:38
  in the eyes of the society.
• 3:40
  But to me it has been because I'm honoring my consciousness
• 3:44
  and I'm honoring my becoming.
• 3:47
  And I'm sharing myself in a way that feels daunting to me
• 3:50
  but also fully necessary.
• 3:52
  And I'm also hearing incredible stories
• 3:55
  and feedback from you.
• 3:56
  I read all the comments on the Spotify poll function
• 4:00
  which please interact.
• 4:01
  I read them and I love them and they nourish me
• 4:03
  and they lift me up.
• 4:05
  And I need to find a way to incorporate that feedback
• 4:07
  into these episodes,
• 4:08
  but I'm going to let that happen and let that become.
• 4:11
  But basically this era that it's in I'm really proud of
• 4:15
  because I have trusted in the mystery.
• 4:19
  Remember, lean into mystery, not mastery from Julia Cameron.
• 4:23
  So I think that that's really, really important.
• 4:27
  But another area of life that shows up in is relationships.
• 4:31
  How often do so many of us obsess over
• 4:33
  what we are looking for in someone?
• 4:35
  We say I want them to be this.
• 4:36
  They can't be this, but I want them to be that.
• 4:39
  We are obsessing over the criteria,
• 4:41
  especially if you're a maximizer,
• 4:43
  meaning that you try to seek out the optimal the best option
• 4:47
  which has been so culturally informed, right?
• 4:50
  Because our choices are being shaped
• 4:53
  by things like dating algorithms
• 4:55
  and by things like all our conception of our choices,
• 4:57
  not our choices themselves,
• 4:58
  but our understanding of what we should be looking for
• 5:01
  is shaped by a dating platform
• 5:04
  that obviously just wants us hooked on its algorithm
• 5:07
  and on its mechanism of seeking partnership.
• 5:10
  That's what we're doing or seeking love, whatever we are.
• 5:14
  So we obsess over what we want something to be.
• 5:17
  And then we deprive ourselves of the reality.
• 5:20
  Like we're living in an illusion.
• 5:21
  There is no perfect partner.
• 5:23
  There is no way to optimize or to construct
• 5:28
  this imaginary individual from thin air.
• 5:31
  And it's a form of avoidance.
• 5:33
  I saw a TikTok on this many years ago.
• 5:35
  I could not tell you who it was,
• 5:36
  but they said that this type of perfectionism
• 5:39
  and this type of having such not high standards,
• 5:42
  but unrealistic standards.
• 5:45
  That's not realistic.
• 5:45
  It's not realistic that you can invent a human being
• 5:49
  and that that person is going to be what transpires.
• 5:52
  Most people who are in long term relationships say things like,
• 5:55
  this is not at all the person I expected to end up with, right?
• 5:58
  And I kind of no longer am fully seeking out this one person.
• 6:02
  Obviously I long for romance,
• 6:03
  but I no longer have hinged all my requirements
• 6:07
  on this romantic ideal,
• 6:09
  which as I've mentioned,
• 6:10
  I think can often be a distraction
• 6:11
  from how isolated so many people are
• 6:14
  and how much they are made to depend
• 6:16
  on a very fragile relationship structure.
• 6:19
  I'll do another episode on that another time.
• 6:21
  But essentially it's a form of depriving ourselves
• 6:24
  from the becoming because when you're open-minded,
• 6:27
  you allow yourself to meet someone
• 6:28
  who you could never have thought
• 6:30
  would be the person for you, right?
• 6:33
  And yet you have this deep, beautiful connection with them.
• 6:36
  Why?
• 6:37
  Because you cannot plan for that.
• 6:39
  It's like, imagine in nature you plan to seed.
• 6:43
  You don't know what that tree's going to become.
• 6:44
  You can't say, you know, I want to seed
• 6:46
  that grows to the left first and then to the right,
• 6:48
  but not too right because that would be weird.
• 6:50
  Like, let's go left and let's stay straight
• 6:52
  and then let's have lots of leaves,
• 6:53
  but not too many leaves on each branch
• 6:55
  because that's what we do.
• 6:57
  Because we've grown up in this colonial imagination
• 7:00
  of society and of selfhood,
• 7:02
  we overestimate our ability to control our creations,
• 7:07
  our relationships, our lives.
• 7:10
  And so we also overestimate our ability
• 7:12
  to predict what we actually will want.
• 7:14
  How many people say this?
• 7:15
  Where they say, I thought I wanted this,
• 7:16
  then I had that, so that's what I wanted at all, you know what I mean?
• 7:20
  So when we think of creativity and relationships as seeds,
• 7:24
  then all we can do is do our best to nourish the seeds within us
• 7:29
  to create the conditions such that they may grow
• 7:32
  and then to just surrender and trust in the process.
• 7:35
  And then trust that not all of the seeds are going to grow.
• 7:38
  Not all of the seeds are going to be able to be nourished
• 7:42
  by the conditions and the environment that we're living in,
• 7:44
  by the people that surround us, the beings, the organisms.
• 7:47
  You know what I mean?
• 7:48
  By the atmosphere that it's in.
• 7:50
  And sometimes we have to let those seeds just be.
• 7:52
  Sometimes we don't have the energy to nourish those seeds.
• 7:56
  But to pretend that we can control, imagine this.
• 8:00
  Let's say you have an idea for something that you want to start.
• 8:04
  And you say, okay, this is the seed.
• 8:06
  By telling yourself, you can control how that seed is going to grow.
• 8:10
  You're depriving yourself of the randomness and the absurdity
• 8:14
  and the real like magic of chaos that can occur
• 8:18
  when we let things actually really just grow.
• 8:21
  And it's a way of trying to assert our need to dominate
• 8:25
  and control something uncontrollable.
• 8:29
  Someone on my sub-sac recommended the book,
• 8:30
  The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts to me.
• 8:33
  And it kept coming up, like I kept being surrounded
• 8:37
  by messages from the universe
• 8:38
  and it wanted me to read this book.
• 8:39
  Like people kept mentioning it in these off-chance ways.
• 8:43
  And I decided, okay, fine, let me read this book.
• 8:46
  I've started it on my about like 50 pages in
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  so like a third of the way in.
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  And one metaphor that has really stuck with me
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  is as humans, in our attempt to seek securities.
• 8:57
  And by that, we mean certainty, the lack of change,
• 9:01
  something fixed.
• 9:02
  He says that it's essentially like trying to send someone
• 9:05
  a parcel of water.
• 9:08
  So you take water, which is evolving, complex, fluid,
• 9:12
  which cannot be contained and then you try to contain it, right?
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  It's an impossible task because you're taking something fluid
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  and you're trying to make it fixed.
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  You're taking something evolving
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  and you're trying to make it unchanged.
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  You're taking something expansive
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  and you're trying to make it contained.
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  You will never succeed.
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  And in fact, the attempt itself speaks to your lack of willingness
• 9:37
  to accept the nature of the substance that you're dealing with.
• 9:41
  If you were to face the absolute truth of water,
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  you would never try to send it in a parcel, in a package.
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  You would accept the insecurity
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  as in literally lack of being secured,
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  lack of the state of being secure.
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  And you would say, well, this is a fluid
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  and changing river substance or substance.
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  I cannot send it in a package.
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  And yet when we try to simplify and we try to control
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  and we try to dominate, we are doing the same thing.
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  So to let it become is to understand
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  that the nature of life and the nature of creating
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  and the nature of relating is fluid.
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  And it can't be contained and it can't be predicted
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  and it can't be made to be fixed.
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  And I think we underestimate our power
• 10:29
  when we try to fix ourselves.
• 10:32
  If you are trying to do something on the internet, for example,
• 10:35
  there's a lot, a lot of pressure to niche down
• 10:38
  and to have that one thing you're known for.
• 10:41
  This is something I grapple with.
• 10:43
  And even though I tell myself you don't need that one thing,
• 10:45
  you can be yourself, you can be expansive.
• 10:47
  I still have that voice in my head that's saying, no,
• 10:50
  you need to have the thing.
• 10:52
  What is the thing?
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  What do you do for people?
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  Like what is your one thing?
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  And how can you keep doing that?
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  And then I have to tell myself,
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  I am not a commodity.
• 11:00
  I cannot be commodified.
• 11:02
  And the reason they want us to have a niche
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  or to have one thing is so that we can be more consumable
• 11:08
  so that we can be more easily consumed.
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  But we are not born for consumption.
• 11:15
  And so if we want to share ourselves authentically, well,
• 11:18
  think about speaking to people in your life, friends,
• 11:20
  or yourself, what you journal about.
• 11:22
  I mean, it changes literally every single day
• 11:24
  because you are changing.
• 11:26
  There may be themes that you are continually fascinated by.
• 11:30
  And that's beautiful and wonderful.
• 11:31
  And I do love it if you are the type of person
• 11:34
  who is deeply in love with something.
• 11:36
  I think that's amazing, but we need to honor ourselves.
• 11:39
  We need to honor the fact that we are water
• 11:42
  that cannot be put into a parcel.
• 11:44
  I think that's the same as trying to find one niche.
• 11:49
  One thing that you are about.
• 11:51
  That's so unhuman, you know what I mean?
• 11:53
  Unless it is, I mean, we are 8 billion people.
• 11:55
  Unless it is what's natural to you.
• 11:57
  I think unless you really are someone who craves
• 12:02
  going deep on one topic.
• 12:04
  And I think each of us have both of these impulses within us.
• 12:07
  So when we let things become,
• 12:09
  we also allow ourselves to access our full wisdom
• 12:14
  and intelligence.
• 12:15
  What do I mean by that?
• 12:17
  There's that classic example of a mother
• 12:19
  who is trying to save her child
• 12:20
  and the car is burning in a fire.
• 12:22
  And suddenly she's able to access the strength
• 12:25
  that she never knew was possible, right?
• 12:28
  And it's unconscious.
• 12:29
  It's not that she's deciding, okay,
• 12:31
  now I'm going to tap into my supersonic strength.
• 12:34
  And yet we have to believe that strength was always in her
• 12:37
  and her body had the intelligence to kick in that adrenaline
• 12:40
  such that she was able to expand in her capacity,
• 12:43
  that fight or flight response.
• 12:46
  That is natural intelligence
• 12:49
  that she tapped into in a situation
• 12:51
  that we would wish would not occur.
• 12:54
  But a more positive spin on this
• 12:56
  is when we let things become, for example,
• 12:58
  when we speak with no preparation
• 13:00
  or with no, I mean preparation is a difficult word
• 13:03
  because our lives are a preparation.
• 13:05
  You know what I mean?
• 13:06
  Everything I've ever thought red experience
• 13:08
  prepared me for this moment, but that's the point.
• 13:10
  There's an intelligence that's bigger than us,
• 13:13
  a wisdom that's bigger than us,
• 13:14
  a collective wisdom as well,
• 13:16
  that we can access,
• 13:18
  but when we try to exert too much dominance
• 13:20
  and control over something,
• 13:21
  when we try to plan everything,
• 13:24
  we do a disservice to that intelligence.
• 13:27
  You actually have everything you need to begin right now
• 13:31
  and to keep going, because beginning is the one thing,
• 13:33
  it's very difficult, but to keep going.
• 13:35
  You actually have everything you need,
• 13:37
  but you assume that there's so much that you need to go
• 13:42
  and acquire and plan for acquire as a knowledge wise,
• 13:45
  like there's more books you need to read,
• 13:47
  there's more things you need to know,
• 13:49
  there's more life experiences you need to have
• 13:51
  that you do such a disservice to what you've already experienced.
• 13:55
  And so by letting it become, by sitting down and saying,
• 13:57
  I'm gonna speak, words are gonna come out
• 13:59
  and those words are going to be meaningful to someone.
• 14:02
  You're honoring the fact that you have this bigger wisdom
• 14:06
  in you that you can tap into.
• 14:11
  We are all so wise.
• 14:13
  That's something I deeply believe.
• 14:14
  We are all so wise.
• 14:17
  With a pencil in your hand, you're gonna draw something, babe.
• 14:20
  It doesn't have to be, what is good?
• 14:22
  What is, you're going to draw something,
• 14:24
  you're going to allow yourself to let it become
• 14:27
  because that's what we do.
• 14:29
  In our being is the state of becoming,
• 14:32
  which is so paradoxical and wonderful, you know?
• 14:36
  Because basically becoming is a process of letting things be
• 14:42
  again and again and again, right?
• 14:44
  So you start the podcast, you press record
• 14:46
  and then you let the first word be.
• 14:48
  Then you let the second word be.
• 14:50
  Then you let the third word be.
• 14:51
  It just is, it's not being forced.
• 14:53
  It's being pulled from the depths of both personal
• 14:58
  and collective wisdom which are connected,
• 15:00
  which are necessarily co-constitutive, right?
• 15:03
  You are part of the collective.
• 15:05
  The collective is part of you.
• 15:08
  So if I sit to you, babe, let's record a podcast right now.
• 15:10
  I'm telling you, you would come up with something
• 15:12
  that people would want to listen to
• 15:14
  because you have all the wisdom within you
• 15:16
  and because you are letting it become.
• 15:19
  I just think there's so much we are underestimating
• 15:25
  about our power to create.
• 15:27
  And similarly, when we think of the relationship example,
• 15:31
  when we tell ourselves we know what we want in a person,
• 15:34
  I think sometimes we are depriving ourselves
• 15:36
  from letting things become.
• 15:37
  And I'm not saying, because you know,
• 15:39
  the things that people say when you ask them
• 15:40
  what they're looking for, it's not I want someone
• 15:43
  who really makes me feel alive.
• 15:46
  I want someone who I have a deep connection with.
• 15:49
  I want intimacy.
• 15:50
  It's, I want them to be this height.
• 15:52
  It depends obviously who you ask.
• 15:54
  But I want them to be this height.
• 15:55
  I want them to be this role.
• 15:56
  It's like a status symbol versus a partner.
• 15:59
  Now, we can get into that more.
• 16:01
  But essentially, when we say, okay,
• 16:03
  I want to let it become, there are some constraints.
• 16:06
  Like obviously I'm not saying have no standards.
• 16:08
  I'm not saying have no desires even for what you create.
• 16:11
  You know, we all desire to create something
• 16:14
  for example, meaningful.
• 16:15
  If this episode became something, let it become,
• 16:18
  became something that I was not happy with sharing,
• 16:22
  then I simply would let it become something that I don't see.
• 16:26
  But when we let the constraints be a little bit less constrained,
• 16:30
  we allow ourselves to be open to more possibilities.
• 16:35
  We surrender in a way.
• 16:37
  Let's talk about relationships and letting things become.
• 16:40
  Things evolve in a way that can be really painful in some ways
• 16:43
  and really beautiful in others.
• 16:45
  The painful evolution is, for example, friendships.
• 16:47
  Oh, my word.
• 16:48
  That you thought would be there for the whole of your life.
• 16:52
  That you thought, this is my ride or dies is my person.
• 16:55
  And the absolute heartbreak and terror,
• 16:58
  when it turns out that that was not the case.
• 17:01
  It's so painful.
• 17:03
  And I'm in my late 20s and I think it's a natural time
• 17:06
  where some of those friendships start to wither
• 17:11
  and it's extremely painful.
• 17:14
  And my best friend has this analogy
• 17:16
  that he learned from, I think, a TED talk
• 17:18
  that basically friendships are like a forest.
• 17:22
  You have your root friends, okay?
• 17:24
  You're the tree, maybe.
• 17:25
  And the root friends, those are the people
• 17:28
  who make you feel stable and grounded.
• 17:31
  They are your earth people.
• 17:32
  They make you feel like, okay, I'm tethered.
• 17:35
  I belong and many of us don't have that
• 17:37
  and no wonder we feel like we're floating,
• 17:40
  like we have no sense of place.
• 17:43
  I'm very, very grateful that I have those root friends.
• 17:48
  And then you have the friends on the other hand
• 17:51
  who are like butterflies.
• 17:53
  They come in and out of your life,
• 17:54
  unpredictably, randomly.
• 17:56
  Maybe you catch up after five years,
• 17:58
  after two years, after three months
• 18:00
  and it's wonderful, but it's a butterfly.
• 18:02
  You can't hang on to it.
• 18:03
  You can't cling to it.
• 18:04
  You can't make it into a root.
• 18:07
  And something very painful is when a root
• 18:09
  becomes a butterfly.
• 18:11
  It's so painful, okay?
• 18:13
  When someone you used to be so rooted in
• 18:16
  becomes a fleeting presence in your life
• 18:18
  and even more painful may be the complete loss
• 18:20
  of that person from the ecosystem.
• 18:22
  They completely lift the building.
• 18:24
  They're not a root, they're not a butterfly,
• 18:25
  they're not a leaf, they're not a flower, they're gone.
• 18:29
  And the loss of that, you know, it's uprooted.
• 18:32
  Like you've lost a root, you are less stable
• 18:34
  until you can find more roots.
• 18:37
  And so when I say let it become, unfortunately,
• 18:39
  it's also facing the facts of what has become.
• 18:42
  Because I think sometimes we know something has changed,
• 18:46
  but we try to cling to the facts that it was.
• 18:50
  I actually have always had an episode idea in my mind
• 18:52
  when a root becomes a butterfly
• 18:54
  of unpacking the pain of lost friendships
• 18:57
  or the pain of a change in a friendship closeness
• 19:01
  that you could not have predicted.
• 19:02
  It's very painful.
• 19:05
  It's very painful.
• 19:06
  And yet we know that in the book,
• 19:09
  there was no insecurity.
• 19:10
  He says that composition and decomposition
• 19:13
  are fundamental to life.
• 19:14
  It's the whole idea that birth and death,
• 19:17
  there are all these processes that are always
• 19:19
  and already happening and that are fundamental
• 19:22
  and inextricable from the life experience.
• 19:27
  So sometimes they think it becomes means letting things die
• 19:31
  or acknowledging when they have died.
• 19:34
  It's extremely painful,
• 19:37
  but it's facing a deeper truth.
• 19:41
  Last year when I was going through a breakup,
• 19:43
  it was the exact same period
• 19:45
  where my best friend came into my life.
• 19:47
  And so this idea of birth and death,
• 19:49
  so co-constitutive, often so coupled
• 19:53
  that when one space in our life dies,
• 19:56
  it's also a space which is also generative,
• 19:59
  which is also giving birth for something else
• 20:03
  to enter that space.
• 20:04
  And that's why breakups can be so deeply powerful
• 20:07
  because even though they're so painful,
• 20:11
  they always open up a space, a space to love ourselves more,
• 20:15
  a space to be more honest with ourselves,
• 20:17
  a space to interrogate why we were in that relationship at all,
• 20:21
  which is what I interrogated with that breakup
• 20:24
  is like, why did we do this to ourselves?
• 20:27
  Why were we not true to ourselves?
• 20:30
  So there was the death of the relationship,
• 20:32
  there was the space for intimacy,
• 20:33
  there was the friendship that came out of that.
• 20:36
  And that friendship was something that we let become
• 20:40
  because we hadn't spoken in like six years.
• 20:42
  We went to university together,
• 20:44
  we met there in our final year,
• 20:47
  we had a beautiful connection,
• 20:48
  but it was by no means that we were best friends.
• 20:50
  We just had meaningful, deep conversations
• 20:52
  when we were together.
• 20:53
  And I remember he said to me,
• 20:55
  you have star power, you're gonna be a star.
• 20:57
  Right now, I'm just trying to do my best to shame my voice,
• 21:00
  but it was just a funny thing to say.
• 21:03
  And then like six years later, I kid you not,
• 21:08
  he DMs me on Instagram, and mind you,
• 21:09
  I used to not really read Instagram DMs at the time.
• 21:14
  And so it was just so shocking that I opened this one
• 21:17
  and that I read it, and he was saying,
• 21:19
  how do you deal with all the TikTok hate
• 21:22
  and how do you deal with just even the frightfulness
• 21:26
  of going viral and then this started a whole friendship.
• 21:29
  And now we speak like every single day for more than an hour
• 21:33
  and we let it become, we let it be,
• 21:35
  it was so shocking to me that we were so aligned.
• 21:38
  And it's just completely not anything I could have predicted
• 21:43
  and it's amazing, you know what I mean, amazing
• 21:45
  because I'm so loved and held.
• 21:48
  And then there's the friend you lock eyes with
• 21:49
  and you're like, I'm in it for life, babe.
• 21:51
  That's what happened with me and my other best friend,
• 21:53
  she and I speak less often, but we are just soul sisters,
• 21:58
  you know what I mean?
• 21:59
  And I just love her so deeply.
• 22:02
  And I feel like I am making a new best friend
• 22:04
  or a new person who is someone I consider a sister.
• 22:08
  And that's been so amazing.
• 22:10
  And I love just falling in love again and again with people.
• 22:13
  So in letting it become, we surrender the illusion
• 22:18
  the illusion that we are in control.
• 22:22
  And we create space for becoming.
• 22:26
  And just sitting down to do the thing that you want to do
• 22:29
  that your heart feels called to
• 22:31
  is a way of making space for becoming.
• 22:33
  But another thing is we can't be overly judgmental
• 22:36
  of what becomes until it's fully become.
• 22:39
  What do I mean by this?
• 22:40
  So you can't write and edit at the same time.
• 22:43
  Like you have to let yourself have the first draft
• 22:46
  because then it's become, if you are writing and editing,
• 22:49
  well, you are curtailing the possibilities of that thing
• 22:51
  before they've even been given a chance to fully be.
• 22:55
  If you're writing an essay, you can't say,
• 22:57
  okay, I'm going to write a word, edit a word,
• 22:59
  write a word, edit a word.
• 23:00
  Like I do this all the time, but I'm failing to let it become
• 23:04
  what my spirit felt so called to write about.
• 23:07
  So it's about surrendering control
• 23:09
  and understanding that there is a place,
• 23:10
  there is a place for editing, there is a place for judging.
• 23:13
  But the place is not now.
• 23:16
  The place is not now.
• 23:18
  So trusting in the process,
• 23:20
  I think is another form of letting it become.
• 23:23
  I am really, really rooting for your becoming,
• 23:26
  not as a person, because here you are.
• 23:29
  Remember being and becoming are related,
• 23:31
  but that you'll give yourself more room to play.
• 23:33
  Players divine becoming, let's just talk about that.
• 23:36
  Because play is so unpredictable.
• 23:38
  Players are form of surrendering
• 23:40
  to simply how little control we have.
• 23:43
  I think improv is another beautiful example of this.
• 23:47
  Improv is letting it become in its purest form.
• 23:52
  Because it's saying, listen, what's in the box?
• 23:54
  There's no box, but I'll say, oh, a hamster.
• 23:57
  You know what I mean?
• 23:58
  I don't do improv, but I think there's so much wisdom
• 24:00
  we can draw from that craft dancing.
• 24:03
  Oh my goodness, it's letting it become.
• 24:05
  Ooh, singing, like making things up,
• 24:09
  play is letting it become.
• 24:11
  Playfulness, embracing life with a sense of playfulness.
• 24:15
  That to me is such an epitomizing example
• 24:19
  of letting it become.
• 24:21
  Children, I just saw this child
• 24:24
  and they were walking on the ground
• 24:26
  and they just made it a hopscotch thing.
• 24:28
  I forgot the name.
• 24:29
  They let it become.
• 24:30
  They use their imagination to let it become something it wasn't.
• 24:33
  It is, I mean, who am I to say it wasn't?
• 24:35
  So imagination, sensuality, play,
• 24:39
  these are all forms of letting something become
• 24:43
  what it is calling to be.
• 24:47
  But we have to be in that space of play
• 24:49
  in order to experience play.
• 24:51
  And I think as adults, we're so deprived
• 24:54
  from the wisdom and the experience of play.
• 24:58
  And play is becoming.
• 25:00
  When you're in a conversation with someone,
• 25:02
  I have this one friend, when I speak to her,
• 25:04
  I literally have no clue what's gonna happen,
• 25:06
  but I feel like I'm dancing.
• 25:08
  Like I feel like I'm playing with life.
• 25:09
  Like it's funny, I'm laughing, I'm giggling.
• 25:11
  It's so divine, it's so wonderful, it's delicious.
• 25:15
  And I've surrendered completely.
• 25:17
  I'm not trying to control it.
• 25:18
  I'm not trying to make it be something.
• 25:20
  I'm just surrendering to it and I'm letting it become.
• 25:23
  Actually, when I was speaking about dating,
• 25:25
  how often do we deprive ourselves of becoming
• 25:27
  by overly like interviewing people
• 25:29
  in the beginning of the experience?
• 25:31
  That is not letting it become.
• 25:33
  You don't need to interview someone.
• 25:36
  You can experience them.
• 25:39
  You know, just allow yourself,
• 25:41
  what if this is the last conversation you had
• 25:43
  before you were gonna die?
• 25:44
  Someone, there's a podcast that asks you to ask that
• 25:47
  when you on a date.
• 25:48
  You're gonna try and make that the most playful,
• 25:50
  fun and beautiful conversation you could have.
• 25:51
  You're not gonna say, so what do you do when this,
• 25:54
  you know, how many this do you, like, no,
• 25:56
  that's trying to fix something.
• 25:58
  It's trying to tie a parcel over water
• 26:01
  because also you're trying to judge someone as something.
• 26:04
  That's another thing with becoming.
• 26:08
  First impressions, don't define someone.
• 26:11
  How someone seems in the beginning isn't who they are.
• 26:15
  So let that become also.
• 26:17
  That's why I also always believe unless it was horrendous,
• 26:19
  like, obviously, like with a little bit of,
• 26:22
  but if you're unsure, just go on another date
• 26:24
  because you don't know what it's gonna become.
• 26:26
  You don't know if that person was nervous,
• 26:27
  you don't know if they just are more guarded
• 26:30
  around new people.
• 26:31
  You have no idea how the human spirit
• 26:33
  and all the directions it can be.
• 26:35
  So judgment is a form of the opposite of letting it become.
• 26:38
  It's a form of tying the parcel around the water.
• 26:41
  It's saying, I know what this is.
• 26:42
  This is a this thing.
• 26:44
  I know what type of person this is.
• 26:45
  This is a this type of person.
• 26:47
  No, everything is so much more complex than that.
• 26:50
  We reduce people to the thing that we find difficult about them,
• 26:54
  ignoring the fact that that's often a projection of ourselves.
• 26:56
  You know what I mean?
• 26:57
  No one is one thing.
• 26:59
  No one is simply that one thing you don't like about them.
• 27:01
  Yet we say, oh, that person is unreliable.
• 27:04
  We don't give them a chance.
• 27:06
  We don't give ourselves a chance even to see the fullness
• 27:09
  of what's underlying the behavior that we observe.
• 27:11
  So letting it become is also, let us surprise ourselves.
• 27:14
  Let us be surprised.
• 27:15
  Allow ourselves to not say we already know
• 27:18
  how this is gonna go.
• 27:19
  I have no idea how anything is gonna go.
• 27:23
  What I can do within reasonable parameters
• 27:26
  of self love and self respect
• 27:27
  and mutual love for others is let it become.
• 27:30
  It is daunting, but there is wisdom in it.
• 27:33
  There's wisdom in surrender, play, sensuality, dancing,
• 27:41
  movement, improvisation, which comes in cooking,
• 27:45
  it comes in speaking, we're always improvising.
• 27:47
  We don't need the art of improv.
• 27:50
  We can embrace all the ways in our lives
• 27:52
  we're already improvising.
• 27:54
  Am I not improvising, but I'm trusting myself
• 27:58
  and I'm trusting the universe, whatever you believe in.
• 28:02
  I'm not gonna tell you what to believe in.
• 28:04
  Putting trust in something and allowing yourself
• 28:07
  to surrender to it and realizing is not that serious,
• 28:12
  is not that deep.
• 28:13
  When I started my podcast, I'd have sleepless nights.
• 28:15
  Babe, it was not that serious.
• 28:17
  You know what I mean?
• 28:18
  There's no need for me to be losing sleep over something
• 28:22
  and yet I do so, so often.
• 28:25
  With this podcast, I don't even know
• 28:27
  what it's going to become, but I'm just letting it be.
• 28:29
  Each week I'm saying, what does my heart feel cool to say?
• 28:32
  So these words, these three words came to my mind
• 28:35
  about five days ago.
• 28:37
  And basically what I do is if I'm journaling,
• 28:39
  I just write down episode 23 and then I write the title
• 28:44
  because the title for me encapsulates the energy
• 28:47
  that the idea carries for me.
• 28:49
  And then I start to relate to those words.
• 28:50
  So that's why I was saying, even though I haven't written
• 28:52
  anything down, I've been preparing
• 28:55
  through my conscious and subconscious mind
• 28:57
  over these past days.
• 29:00
  And so that's what I also think is that
• 29:01
  letting it become is also allow yourself to take a nap.
• 29:05
  So how can we be more open and be in much of a state of surrender
• 29:10
  and trust ourselves and trust in each other
• 29:13
  and trust that we have so much love to give.
• 29:17
  We only need to stop ourselves from always trying
• 29:19
  to silence that giving.
• 29:22
  We have so much wisdom to share.
• 29:25
  We only need to learn the skill.
• 29:26
  It is a skill of allowing space for that wisdom to breathe.
• 29:32
  The other day I was in a room
• 29:33
  and I didn't even realize I was sitting next to a fire
• 29:36
  and someone opened the door
• 29:38
  and suddenly I felt the warmth of the fire.
• 29:40
  So what it's oxygen for the fire to grow,
• 29:44
  everything needs space, right?
• 29:48
  So sometimes that's what we are craving.
• 29:50
  It's just the space, just the space
• 29:54
  to let that voice inside of us speak,
• 29:59
  to let it unfold, to let it become.
• 30:05
  So I'll ask you, what will you surrender to this week?
• 30:10
  What will you allow to manifest through you
• 30:13
  instead of trying to exert your control on it?
• 30:15
  Instead of trying to exert all your control,
• 30:17
  instead of all the planning,
• 30:19
  which guests am I gonna have?
• 30:20
  What are the topics gonna be?
• 30:22
  How am I gonna, when am I gonna stop?
• 30:26
  Just stop because it's when you pause
• 30:29
  that you tap into a strength,
• 30:31
  a wisdom and intelligence, a power
• 30:33
  that is bigger than your ability to plan.
• 30:37
  When you just open up your throat chakra
• 30:40
  or when you just sit down with the pencil in your hand
• 30:43
  or the keyboard in front of you
• 30:45
  and in our relationship, babes,
• 30:46
  how can we be a bit more open-hearted
• 30:48
  and open-minded, open-sold?
• 30:51
  That we have no idea what will make us happy.
• 30:54
  You know what I mean?
• 30:55
  We can't predict the type of person
• 30:57
  who would be a really good friend to us.
• 30:59
  We can't predict the type of person
• 31:00
  who would be a really good partner to us.
• 31:02
  We can create some of the parameters,
• 31:04
  but the more we loosen those parameters,
• 31:06
  like the more we make them extremely reasonable
• 31:10
  and rooted in our love needs,
• 31:12
  but not so ridiculous that they're just
• 31:14
  turning the human spirit into a commodity,
• 31:16
  like someone's height or what they can do for us.
• 31:21
  How can we release some of those constraints
• 31:24
  so that we can invite the becoming?
• 31:26
  So for you, if you've been planning,
• 31:28
  it's time to go from planning,
• 31:29
  it's letting becoming, right?
• 31:32
  It's a divine doing.
• 31:33
  It's not just do it.
• 31:35
  It's create a space.
• 31:38
  Sit down with the mic, see what happens.
• 31:41
  You can write things down.
• 31:42
  I often write things down.
• 31:43
  I'm not against planning.
• 31:45
  Usually I write things down,
• 31:46
  but today I wanted to not do that
• 31:48
  because I wanted to tap into randomness,
• 31:51
  like who at the end of this 30 minutes,
• 31:54
  I couldn't have predicted what would happen
• 31:56
  versus the beginning.
• 31:57
  And that's the power of letting it become.
• 31:59
  Just as a seed, we have no idea the potential
• 32:04
  for our seeds to grow.
• 32:06
  All we can do is nourish them.
• 32:09
  So I hope that your seeds are nourished.
• 32:11
  I hope that you nourish those seeds.
• 32:12
  I hope your community and people around you
• 32:14
  are there to nourish those seeds.
• 32:16
  If you don't have access to that in person,
• 32:18
  I hope you seek out the voices that nourish you.
• 32:21
  I hope you have a clear understanding
• 32:23
  of your relationship to the content that you consume
• 32:26
  and which content cuts you off
• 32:29
  from that innate power you have
• 32:31
  because comparison is that, right?
• 32:33
  And which content expands you?
• 32:35
  Is this constricting me or is this expanding me?
• 32:38
  Do not try to not consume anything that constricts you.
• 32:42
  If there's a person who consistently makes you feel terrible,
• 32:45
  unfollow, block, mute.
• 32:47
  If there's a type of content that consistently makes you feel
• 32:51
  you're not doing enough or you could be doing more
• 32:53
  in a negative way, block that out of your field.
• 32:57
  I'm such a beast and you with your consciousness.
• 32:59
  Maybe that'll be the next episode.
• 33:01
  Actually, sounds pretty good to me.
• 33:03
  Let it become.
• 33:05
  I think it's so important to limit ourselves
• 33:10
  from constricting media.
• 33:11
  And so much of the media we consume constricts us.
• 33:15
  And open ourselves up to voices, people, thoughts, ideas,
• 33:19
  art, work that expands us.
• 33:22
  For me, laughter is my expansion as well.
• 33:24
  I love laughing.
• 33:25
  Being in love and community is an expander.
• 33:28
  So hopefully we're understanding what energizes us
• 33:31
  so that we can let things become
• 33:33
  from that place of expansion.
• 33:36
  Versus when you let things become from constriction.
• 33:38
  If you just consume something you're so envious of
• 33:41
  and then you later become, what is it going to become?
• 33:44
  Maybe it's going to be about proving yourself
• 33:46
  instead of honoring yourself.
• 33:48
  Ooh, that would be a good episode as well.
• 33:51
  Don't prove yourself to others, honor yourself.
• 33:54
  Because that is how best to serve the collective as well.
• 33:57
  When we honor that part of us that's our inner child,
• 34:00
  that's our inner, just being that's our inner,
• 34:04
  our inner manifestation of love.
• 34:06
  That's who we should be honoring.
• 34:08
  The part of us that wants to be loved.
• 34:11
  The part of us that is love.
• 34:13
  The part of us that craves love that I think
• 34:15
  creating from that space is the highest form of creation
• 34:18
  in my mind.
• 34:20
  So I hope that you will let it become.
• 34:23
  I'm supporting you on your journey of becoming a person
• 34:25
  who let things become.
• 34:27
  I'm supporting you on your journey of embracing
• 34:31
  surrender, play, randomness, chaos.
• 34:34
  Chaos is fundamental to the human existence
• 34:36
  yet we deny its possibility and we deny its reality
• 34:40
  in our everyday lives and the role that it plays.
• 34:43
  So let's embrace the chaos that is constituted
• 34:46
  above the human experience.
• 34:48
  Chaos can serve us, isn't magic a form of chaos?
• 34:52
  Or is chaos a form of magic?
• 34:53
  You decide.
• 34:54
  I love you so much.
• 34:56
  You have nothing to prove to anyone, not even to yourself.
• 35:01
  You are divine, meaning you are a manifestation
• 35:05
  of all the magic that exists in the universe,
• 35:08
  the stars, the trees, the rivers.
• 35:11
  When you think of those things,
• 35:12
  don't you think of something so profoundly,
• 35:16
  I want to say the word beautiful, but the spiritual beauty.
• 35:20
  And you're made of the same substance.
• 35:23
  There is no reason we could not be invited
• 35:26
  to see ourselves and see each other
• 35:28
  with that same magic as the stars, as the oceans,
• 35:32
  as the trees, as the leopards.
• 35:35
  I hope that you will honor the magic in you
• 35:37
  by understanding that you cannot fully contain,
• 35:40
  predict or control its expression.
• 35:43
  I hope you have a delicious week.
• 35:45
  I'll see you on next week's episode.
• 35:47
  I have no idea what it's gonna be about.
• 35:48
  I cannot wait for it to become, okay?
• 35:51
  Love you so much, have a great day, bye.
• 35:54
  I hope some paradigms have been shifted
• 35:56
  for you in today's conversation.
• 35:57
  As always, if you can, please leave a five-star rating
• 36:00
  on Apple and Spotify.
• 36:01
  Like, comment, subscribe.
• 36:03
  I love you so, so much, okay?
• 36:05
  I love you.
• 36:07
  Join me on my sub-stack, links in the comment section.
• 36:09
  Go there, okay?
• 36:10
  Love you so much.
• 36:12
  Love you, bye.