Latest / I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger Winegar / Steph Tolev Disobeys Bridger

Transcript

Steph Tolev Disobeys Bridger · I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger Winegar

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: When I invited you here I thought.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: I made myself perfectly clear When you're a guest in
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: my home You gotta come to me empty-handed I said
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: no gifts, your presence is presence enough And I already
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: had too much stuff So how do you dare disobey me?
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Guitar solo.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Welcome to I Said No Gifts. I'm Bridger Weiniger. It's
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: a little after 7 p.m. I'm here to inspire and
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: motivate you. Ah, what is happening? I stopped at Target
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: on the way here just to have something to talk about.
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: Now we've talked about it, so I guess we can
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: move on. I, well, I also went to Lowe's in
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: the same parking lot. There's a strip mall in Burbank,
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: California that is going to offer you every big box
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: retailer you could possibly imagine. And I walked away with nothing.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: I'm looking for a pot. Finding an indoor pot is
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: a nightmare. So that didn't happen. I think this all started,
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: I got a bad salad for lunch. This is the
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: second time I've ordered it. I'm trying to commit to
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: memory that I hate this particular salad. And it's set
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: Kind of the mood for the rest of the day. So,
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: what are you going to do? Is there anything else
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: I need to talk about? No, I don't think so.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: I feel like, do you know what? I think it's
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: time for a new leader in the fast casual space, restaurant-wise.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: We need, you know, for a long time it was Chipotle,
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: and I think America is lost. We don't have a
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: fast casual restaurant that we can all turn to in,
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: you know, in a pinch. So that restauranteurs get on it.
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: Patreon.com slash I said no gifts. Come on over. Support
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: the podcast. Be absolutely spoiled by me. I mean, the
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: content is overflowing. And calling it content is gross because
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: it's really artfully done. So come on over. Let's get
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: into the podcast. Today's guest is absolutely fantastic. It's Steph Tolev. Steph,
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: welcome to I Said No Gifts.
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: What about sweet green for the restaurant? Yes, I'm one
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: of those.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: Do you want my problem with sweet green? What? The
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: kale is as dry as you could possibly imagine.
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: It's not massaged. They need to massage it. They need
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: a kale masseuse in there.
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you're the biggest salad company in the country.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: And you're not massaging your kale.
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: Not even a light whisper of it. Not even like
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: a thumb. Nothing. They're doing nothing over there. It is dry,
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: but I always get the two salad dressings. I don't
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: care about the calories. I need a wet salad. Of course.
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: How else are you going to swallow it? I don't know.
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: They say dry. They say light, medium, or heavy. I'm like, bitch,
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: load me up with some fucking sauce.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: Make it a soup.
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'd love a soup. By the bottom, it is
• 3:22
  Speaker 4: quite soupy. I get a spoon.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: That's a sign of a good salad. It is.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: Wetness.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: Otherwise, the kale is like tissue paper in a gift wrap.
• 3:30
  Speaker 4: Well, you're obsessed with gifts, clearly. I'm obsessed with gifts.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: That's why I'm thinking about it all the time.
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: That's why you can't eat. You're like, I'm just thinking
• 3:36
  Speaker 4: of my next gift. That's your problem. I do get
• 3:38
  Speaker 4: the kale salad. I get the harvest bowl. Oh.
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: I'm obsessed with it. See, I get the kale Caesar.
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: See? Why are we both eating it then?
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: Maybe we like it.
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: Maybe we actually like how dry it is because that's
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: bizarre that we both get that.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's interesting. I mean, it has everything there that
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: I would like to eat.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: And then I just get it and I think, oh
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: my God, how did they, are they dehydrating the kale?
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: It seems like it's sitting out. It seems like it's
• 4:01
  Speaker 4: sitting out.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: Just spray it down.
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: A light rinse. A light rinse. I did a video,
• 4:06
  Speaker 4: speaking of content, you know when you post something that
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: you think is the funniest thing you've ever done? Uh-huh.
• 4:10
  Speaker 4: I was a kale masseuse. And I set up this
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: whole thing like a bed, and I massaged this kale.
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: It is the worst video I've ever posted in my life.
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: I think I hit 10K, and I've tried to post
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: it three more times. It's so bad. But I had
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: this soft music playing, and I was like, ooh, does
• 4:25
  Speaker 4: that feel good? And I was just rubbing this piece. Bombed.
• 4:28
  Speaker 4: You know what?
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: When did you make this?
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: A while ago. But I've reposted it since getting more followers.
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: They still don't like it.
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: That is a bad feeling. Once you've grown an audience,
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: you're like, well, there just wasn't enough people at the time.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no.
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: It's it's unliked. It's it's wildly unliked. And I'm I'm
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: not going to drop it. I might post it again.
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: You know, I've mentioned it. It's coming back.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: I hope it's like 30 minutes long and you just
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: can't figure out why people aren't sticking around. Why?
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: Because I don't show the kale to the very end.
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: They're like, I don't understand what this is. Really like
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: to drag people.
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: Did you during this whole salad debacle, the lettuce and everything,
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: did you stop? Neither did I. You're not going to
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: stop me.
• 5:04
  Speaker 4: Excuse us. We live in Los Angeles. We're on camera.
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: I'm not supposed to eat lettuce. What am I supposed
• 5:07
  Speaker 4: to eat, french fries? I don't understand what these people
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: think we're supposed to do here.
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: There's nothing stopping me.
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: Also, I already had diarrhea, which I feel like everyone
• 5:15
  Speaker 4: already did. That's what I was confused by. I'm like,
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: everyone's out here logging every day? I haven't logged in years.
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: That really is a thing to me where I'm like,
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: it just doesn't seem like that big of a threat
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: unless I'm a senior or a toddler.
• 5:26
  Speaker 4: Yes. And still, there also aren't they doing it, too? Yeah.
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: I mean, certainly toddlers. Oh, and I guess also seniors.
• 5:32
  Speaker 4: I mean, I'm not checking seniors' butts, but I assume
• 5:35
  Speaker 4: there's some wetness back there.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: Those are the two diaper ends, you know.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: See?
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: Exactly. They're diaper ending the book end there. I feel like...
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: I'm confused when people are just having salt logs. So
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: none of it was going to affect my day-to-day at all.
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: And I'm now probably bringing something horrible into my life.
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: I'm begging for something.
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: Bad to happen to me. Well, you know what? What
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: are we doing? Something's always going to happen. It doesn't matter.
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: You had a bad salad today. Something's happening tomorrow. You know?
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: That's my negative space I'm in right now.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: Tell me about the Harvest Bowl.
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: See, I got you excited.
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: I'm curious about the Harvest Bowl.
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: You got your sweet potatoes. Okay. Thinly sliced.
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: Okay, that is a huge thing for me.
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: Roasted.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: Because a thick sweet potato.
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: They never cook properly. Right.
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: Hard. Hard as rocks.
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: You can't have those rocks in a salad. No, no, no.
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: Then you got goat cheese, and they give you a
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: big scoop. A hefty scoop.
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: I feel like that should be in every salad.
• 6:33
  Speaker 4: Why isn't it?
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: Goat cheese.
• 6:35
  Speaker 4: It spreads nice.
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: Oh, it's fantastic.
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: It doesn't go bad for a while, too. You never
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: get bad goat cheese.
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: No. And again, this is us inviting that into our lives.
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: Also, can we get sponsored, both of us, by Sweetgreen
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: for the descriptions we're doing here? Also, it's the lowest calorie.
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: If you get the one dressing.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: If you get the one. But again, we've discussed this.
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: Then you get, what do you have with it? You have,
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: you roast a chicken.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: Okay, delicious. Another key to a salad for me.
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: I get the almonds on the side. I feel like
• 7:04
  Speaker 4: the almonds push it over the edge.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: You don't like an almond.
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: I don't like an almond in a salad. I like
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: an almond snack.
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: Where are you going for a crunch?
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: Sometimes some of the corners of the sweet potatoes, they've
• 7:13
  Speaker 4: been roasted too hard. Oh, interesting. And you get a
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: bit of a crunch.
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: So you're relying on a mistake.
• 7:18
  Speaker 4: That's correct. I also sometimes, I like just, I don't
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: like chewing too much. More of a swallower. I don't
• 7:24
  Speaker 4: need to be. mucking around with my teeth for that
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: long you know what I mean.
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: I'll tell you what as I'm getting older I'm finding
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: myself choking more Yes, same. Really?
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: Oh, what is that?
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: Okay, it's actually good to hear another adult has this happening.
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: It's bad. It's scary.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: It's really a weird feeling because I was like, I
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: thought those were days, that was like elementary school. It's
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: getting to a point where I'm like, I have to
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: chew everything a lot.
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: That's the problem. I have choked in the last year
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: probably three times to the point where I'm like, one
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: of them was scary. And I'm always alone.
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: When it's happening, you're just like, oh, this is the time.
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: This is it. And I don't want to go out
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: like that.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, no.
• 7:58
  Speaker 4: That can't be the way. Choking on a sweet green
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: salad alone? No, no, no.
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: If I'm going to die choking, it's also while driving
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: and I steer off the freeway because I'm choking.
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: I want a public. I want to be in like a,
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: what is that place called? Not Switzerland. That like pizza
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: parlor out here that I've never seen anybody.
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: Shakey's.
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: Shakey's, that's it.
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: Happy birthday, Seth.
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: I want to die at a Shakey's choking because you
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: know no one in there knows how to do the Heimlich.
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: I want to be in a public place and maybe
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: that video will go viral. Finally. Finally. And then they'll
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: play my kale one. We don't care that she died.
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: That's fine.
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's really quite frightening. And I used to swallow
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: every piece of gum I would chew.
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: What?
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: This was a big political statement for me. This was something,
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: this is what I got the most political about. I
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: felt like, why isn't everybody swallowing the gum?
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: This is crazy. Why not? Why not? Because I feel
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: like you've just collected every little thing that's in your tooth.
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: It's been sitting there for a long time. It's like
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: a dirty piece.
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, shoot it into your stomach acid. What's wrong with that?
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: Wouldn't it come out whole?
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: I'm not checking.
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: You're not checking? You're not looking in? Are you crazy?
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: You're not sending it to the lab?
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: You're not taking everyone into a Ziploc bag and carrying
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: it to your doctor? You don't look in?
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: No.
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: You never look? You go, you wipe, you flush, and
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: you go on with your day?
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: Not every time. No, certainly not. And not to a
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: point where I'm looking for people. Well, you're not in
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: there with two sticks. People are eating breakfast right now.
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: Well, I'm sorry. They don't poo?
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: It's a good question, though. It's a fair question.
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: I think it's a fair question. I guess I assumed
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: everyone did look.
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I look, I would say probably every fourth.
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: Every fourth? I don't know.
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: I'm not even thinking about it.
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: I'm thinking and I'm having a long heart peak. I'm
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: for sure looking. There's no way I'm not.
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: I guess like you just see because you're like, you turn, you.
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: Know, like. Yeah, you turn, like. I guess some people flush.
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: Some people like to flush their sitting. I know people
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: do that because they want the smell. I like to
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: take a little peek first.
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: I'm actually, now I'm like fully like, I rarely. do
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: i for whatever reason i was i was picturing myself standing.
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: Well you should be standing yeah i just like i
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: like to have a little peeksy i'm not standing and
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: then going like this and moving the toilet paper around
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: i i just have a little just to know just
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: to see how i'm doing it makes me feel like
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: i'm healthy Yeah, I.
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: Think you do need to occasionally look, especially if you're
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: not feeling right.
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: You know, I don't think you're supposed, what I'm doing
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: sounds wrong.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: It sounds like you're, it's kind of like a little
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: entertainment for you.
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: I feel like I'm sick.
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: This is a private show.
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I've got some. Gross kink for my own shit
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: is what I'm realizing right now on this public podcast.
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: So that's good. That's good for me to find that
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: out now.
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: And I have a problem with just, I was just
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: being agreeable and just saying, yeah, I do. And then
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: I'm realizing, no, that's not nearly, I'm not doing that
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: nearly as often as I'm claiming to.
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: No, no, no, you're not doing it at all.
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: And I'm also imagining myself standing next to a full toilet.
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: No, that's, well, that's where it gets weird because you're
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: not getting up.
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: And like putting your hands in the bowl and getting
• 10:56
  Speaker 4: in there. Like, I don't know what you're thinking. That's
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: what I feel like you think I'm doing. I'm like
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: lifting up the seat to get closer. I don't know
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: what the heck you think is going on there.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: This is where I reveal I've never used a toilet. Yeah,
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: you've just had.
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: A hole in your– oh, do you want to hear
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: something crazy? What? I just ran into– did you see
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: the big debacle with the guy in the billboard?
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God, yes. Wait, has something bad happened to him?
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, no.
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: Because something could.
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well, because now that we're talking about this poopoo
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: caca stuff.
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: Right, right.
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: I just ran into this guy on the street today.
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: He's out of the billboard.
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: He's out of the billboard.
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: He had a puppy, so I got distracted. I saw
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: the dog, and then he's like, hey, he recognized me.
• 11:35
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, oh, it's a hard-raising puppy. I don't
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: know who this guy is.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: Whatever.
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: Very attractive. Oh. And then I go, yeah, it's a
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: hard-raising puppy. He goes, you're telling me I'm the guy
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: from the billboard.
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: Oh, I was going.
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: And I went, all right. Like, he really wanted me
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: to know, but I was intrigued because my first question,
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: I went, how do you go to the bathroom up there?
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: Right, of course. What did he say?
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: Can't tell.
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: Can't tell. Okay, so then he's not staying up there.
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: No, or he's standing beside the toilet looking in. He
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: didn't want to talk about it.
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: They're sneaking him out.
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: Or there's like a special little toilet up there. Well,
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: then tell. Tell me. I need to know. Is it
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: a bucket?
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: It's not a trade secret.
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: No. Yeah, what the heck?
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: Like you're going to steal the idea for your own billboard?
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: I'm not going in a billboard. Listener, if you're not aware,
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: it was basically a stunt for some TV show or
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: movie where a man... was in a house living in
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: the house in a billboard.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: And it was like right on Sunset Boulevard. Right. So
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: it was very public. And I think at first people
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: didn't really get it because they're like, oh, it's some
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: animatronic or something. Right. And then he'd like look back.
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: It is, the problem is, I couldn't tell you what
• 12:35
  Speaker 4: the name of the show is.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: No.
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: And so I'm like, it didn't work that well.
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: No, it didn't work at all.
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: I'm not, we both have no idea what the show is.
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: I just knew there's a man in there. That's all
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: I knew.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: And there was a house. I'm like, Well, this sounds
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: like they're going too far with the promotion, so I'm
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: not even going to look into it. It must be bad.
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: I assume, well, it's bad.
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: Okay, that's where you went with it. Okay, okay, okay.
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: I just went with exactly, I need to know what's
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: going on there.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: How do they find this particular guy? Is that a
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: Craigslist post?
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: I don't know, because he was really good looking. So
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: I feel like it was almost wasted. He was so
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: far up there.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you could have had anybody up there.
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: Some ghoul up there mucking around. You don't know what's
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: going on. You can't see him.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: This is the hunchback of Notre Dame?
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I could have been up there. That would have
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: been perfect casting. Yeah. I mean, what the hell? It
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: was bizarre. I didn't get too far into it.
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: But you kind of can't blame him for... I mean, like,
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: the only way anyone will ever know is he has
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: to just tell people flat out.
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: Yes, exactly.
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: Because why else would anyone know? You can't put that
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: in your credits on IMDb.
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: No, no, no.
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: Guy in Billboard. He just added me on Instagram.
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: Should I see?
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: Oh, he's really pushing.
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: No, I was going to say, no, but should I see?
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: Should I see what his Bible is?
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes.
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: Guy from Billboard. Like, okay, this guy really... really loves
• 13:41
  Speaker 4: this credit.
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: Did you see it in person no I was away
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: see this is another thing where I'm like there's a
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: chance it didn't even happen and we're all just talking about.
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: It but you didn't see people post.
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: It well we don't trust I mean that could all
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: be made up.
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: I saw friends posting it you saw friends I saw
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: friends in their.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: Stories maybe paid promotion part of the street team.
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: These are desperate comedians they could have they actually could
• 14:03
  Speaker 4: have taken the money for.
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: Sure you can get anyone to do anything in LA
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: for money so I mean and he's a good example of.
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: It what's the worst thing you've done for money Oh,
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: that's a great question.
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: Nothing too terrible, actually. Just a lot of horrible jobs.
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: Countless horrible jobs.
• 14:16
  Speaker 4: Okay, like what do you do?
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: And they're not even exciting food, you know, service. Catering, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: But in L.A., I had an application to Yogurtland, and
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: I had just recently been denied a job at See's
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: Candy because they didn't think I could lift over 50
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: pounds when I got my first job here as a PA.
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: So I never, within L.A., I never had like a,
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: just a normal outside-the-industry job, which is interesting. What's the
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: worst job you've done?
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: Out here, I think catering was pretty brutal. I babysat
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: a girl, and I lied and said I could babysit,
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: and I had no idea what I was doing. I
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: was like, this is a nightmare. No, but catering is bad.
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: The guy was, like, coked up.
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: It was all, like, celebrities. And they were, like, brutal.
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: They'd treat you like ass. Of course.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: Right. Yeah.
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: That's a tough one. Yeah.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: There have been, like, two jobs that I've worked less
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: than 72 hours at. One was I worked at the
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: Postal Service when I lived in Utah at their data
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: entry center with, like, a bunch of– weirdly, a bunch
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: of polygamist women worked there. Oh. And then other normal people. Well, yeah, normal.
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: We'll say normal.
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't be calling them normal. I don't
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: know what to tell you here. That's crazy.
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: You're just putting in zip codes, but they wouldn't let
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: you use the normal keypad. You had to relearn how
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: to use a keyboard to put in numbers, and it
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: was ice cold in there. After two days, I was like,
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: this feels like it was designed to, like, break people.
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: So I left that job.
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: But that's probably, like, the most miserable job. I've never had, like,
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: a shameful job.
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: Well, I used to clean the Airbnbs.
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: Oh, was that, find anything weird?
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: Well, kind of, but speaking of, because we discussed before
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: the pod that we met, we may have met at
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: Good Heroin, which was a show, it's still going on
• 15:55
  Speaker 4: behind a coffee shop in Echo Park, but I did,
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: they had this big, like, three-year anniversary show, and I, like,
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: it was, like, they went to the region downtown LA,
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: and it was, like, everyone from, like, Comedy Central came,
• 16:07
  Speaker 4: and I had the set of the night.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: Sorry, everybody.
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: I know I did. Everyone told me I did. I killed,
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: and then that next morning I had to go clean
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: Airbnb And whoever it was, was like, like project out
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: all over the whole place. So I had to like
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: lift in the toilet seat and take a toothpick. And
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: I remember just picking, you know, little screws in the back.
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: I had to pick the barf out. And I was like,
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: what have I done with my life? I moved from
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: Canada for this. I was so upset.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's a tough one.
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: It was a tough one to swallow.
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the one where you're like, if you can
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: push through that, then you've really made it to the
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: other side. Yeah.
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: It's just condoms and fake eyelashes. That's the worst that
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: you find.
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: Oh, fake eyelashes.
• 16:43
  Speaker 4: That's surprising.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: I guess people are ripping those off at the end
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: of the night.
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: I guess in the heat of passion, they're like, I've
• 16:49
  Speaker 4: got you. Who cares what I look like now? I'm
• 16:52
  Speaker 4: somebody else. And then they get ripped off. That's it.
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: That's exactly it. It's exactly right.
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: Don't advertise the network.
• 17:02
  Speaker 4: What am I drinking? I have no idea what's under here.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: Well, speaking of shameful behavior, Steph, I was looking forward
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: to having you on the podcast. I thought Steph will
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: come by. We'll have a nice time. Move on with
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: our evening.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: The podcast is called I Said No Gifts. So I'll
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: just say I was floored when you walked in holding...
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm realizing? What?
• 17:25
  Speaker 4: This gift really ties in with.
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: Oh, you're kidding. This happens on occasion.
• 17:32
  Speaker 4: Oh, my God.
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: This is where I start to think simulation.
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: Look, we've never met officially, and I'm Canadian, and we're
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: nice people. So that's why you get a gift. Right.
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: There's nothing to do with the theme of the podcast
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: and the fact that I was held at gunpoint and
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: told to bring one. But, yes, there is a gift
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: here for you if you'd like. If you're not watching,
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: you have to watch the YouTube just for this gift alone.
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: I'm so curious. Okay, I'm pulling it.
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: Halloween's around the corner. And what better gift can we give? No,
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: I do need this back. This wasn't my wrap. This
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: actually was my dish towel. I do need that back. Please.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: It's a skeleton sitting on the toilet.
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: Yes, it is.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: Wait, wait, wait.
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: There is a button.
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God. Well, we have to get this next.
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: You've got to get this out on this. Trust me.
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: It's alive.
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: And he has several catchphrases.
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: What did he just say?
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: I don't know what that one was. I haven't heard
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: that one yet. I've been playing with it.
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: Let's try it again.
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: Lightning.
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry, what does it even say? I think he
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: said lightning. Lightning.
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: And then he farted and he said thunder. Oh, okay.
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: That's a good joke.
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: These are funny.
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: This is.
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: See, that doesn't work with the fiction of the skeleton.
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: No, it doesn't. Okay, that's what you're taking from this?
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: That's a plot hole here. Okay.
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: Okay. I was like, I got to get a gift.
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: And I went through CVS, and I saw this, and
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: then a little girl walked up to me, she goes,
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: what's that? I go, press the button, and her parents
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: weren't around, and then she pressed it. I was like,
• 19:23
  Speaker 4: I probably shouldn't have let this stranger do this. But
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: I was laughing. I look, again, clearly I like potty humor.
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: Oh, this is great.
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: It's the perfect time of year. We're coming up to fall.
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: But I don't know where anyone would keep this in
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: a house. In the bathroom? I'm confused.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good question, because people's bathroom counters are
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: already so cluttered. That little girl, by the way, is
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: just now core memory. She's going to think about you
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: for the rest of her life. life.
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: I hope she doesn't, because that was terrifying. Because I
• 19:53
  Speaker 4: was alone laughing at this in the aisle. And then
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: there was a very long line at the CVS, besides
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: the Whole Food and Silver. Very long line. I don't
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: know why.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: It's CVS.
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: And everyone has normal things, and then I'm holding this.
• 20:05
  Speaker 4: And one woman goes, oh, Halloween. And I go... Yeah,
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: skeleton on the party. I don't know how to talk
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: to people in public, I guess.
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: The official name, by the way, is animated spooky toilet skeleton.
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: I guess I missed that. Animated spooky toilet.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: Look, I love Halloween.
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: Are you a Halloween guy?
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: I love Halloween. Well, actually, this is what I'll say.
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: I love the concept of Halloween. I love everything that
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: goes into it. But about every other year, I just
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: have no interest in participating in any way.
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I can see that.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: And I don't know how it comes and goes.
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: I feel like it's just if you're too busy, the
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: idea of getting the costume together and doing it all,
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: it's too much.
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: But I love the mood.
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: I just love seeing, especially when people get ugly, like
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: when hot people dress ugly. And just people looking silly.
• 20:52
  Speaker 4: I love a house party. A Halloween house party is
• 20:55
  Speaker 4: my favorite.
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: You rarely get to see people looking different than their
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: normal selves.
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, especially out here.
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: I have this one friend who's very pretty, Julia, and
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: she loves dressing up like a man. And she goes hard,
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: and she looks so ugly. And it really gets me going.
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: It really makes me laugh.
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: Do you dress up every year?
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: What were you last year?
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: I think it was Hall & Oates with my fiance. Oh,
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: that's great.
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: Were you Hall or Oates?
• 21:19
  Speaker 4: The mustache one.
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: I don't know. I don't know who they are, but
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: he has the same hair as the other guy and
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: I have the same hair as the other guy. We
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: look exactly like them.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: And they're now, I think, suing each other or something.
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I know it's bad.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: That's a shame. After all those years.
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: After all those years. They were so good. Just relax.
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: Who cares? It's the same amount of money. Your lives
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: are over. Yeah, you're done now. No one's buying Hall & Oates.
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: My best costume ever, I think, I dressed up like
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: Tobias from Arrested Development.
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: Oh, blue? No, wheelchair.
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: I rented a wheelchair. Oh, wow. The hair for the plugs.
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: And I'll tell you what, you know Gabby Windy?
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, of course.
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: I went to her party because I'm good friends with
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: Robbie Hoffman, her wife. And when I tell you, all
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: of her friends are like hot reality star lesbians. And
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: when I rolled in, in this wheelchair, I made my
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: friend roll me in, the looks on there, no one
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: knew who I was. No, I just thought I was
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: a man in a wheelchair.
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: No one knew. They thought I was a sick man
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: in a wheelchair. And then my friend Jessica Michelle came in.
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: She came in as Tobias, a never nude. So she
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: had tape on her tits and jean shorts and a
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: bald cap and a mustache. No one talked to us.
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: Just an absolute mood killer.
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: We were in the backyard alone the entire party. No
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: one thought we were funny. They were just like, oh,
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: what is this? We looked crazy. In my opinion, the funniest.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: Ever, though.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: I love that. This is a frequent feeling for me
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: on Halloween where I'm like, I end up explaining my
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: costume or people or just the feeling of walking in
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: people not knowing.
• 22:45
  Speaker 4: Yes, yes. That's what it was last year. I went
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: as Bubalina. So Bubalina, do you have you heard of this?
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: I actually might have to show you. No, this is, okay,
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: so this is my biggest, speaking viral, my biggest viral clip.
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: I did Stavros' podcast, and he goes, you look like
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: this Greek, this Greek, it'll be worth it.
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: No, I'm on board with finding out what her boobalina is.
• 23:09
  Speaker 4: A Greek admiral. He goes, you look exactly like her.
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: I go, who the fuck are you talking about? It's
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: my fucking twin. Have I ever looked more like a woman?
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: That's amazing.
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: Are you insane? Wow. It's literally, it's literally me. So
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: I was like, I, so I dressed up exactly like
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: her last year. And I'll tell you what, only like
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: three people knew. Do you have pictures of it? I do. Yes, okay.
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: That's a deep dive, but I'm like, it was, I
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: can send and you can post, but like, it was,
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: it was, only three people knew who I was because
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: of like the clip, this.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: Other clip, whatever, or like, but it was, It was insane.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: And also, it kind of just looks like a Halloween costume.
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: So people, if they don't want to know, they just
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: assume that's something I'm not aware of.
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: Exactly.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: Or she's a peasant woman or something.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: I put the photo up and they're like, oh, my God,
• 23:51
  Speaker 4: it's you.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: And it was.
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: It was a lot of explaining. So this year, I
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: usually have an idea by now of what I want
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: to be. Maybe I'll do skeleton on the toilet.
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: Animated spooky toilet skeleton.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: Sorry.
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: When explaining.
• 24:03
  Speaker 4: To say it like that, people won't know who I am. Oh, gosh. Yeah,
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: I got to do animated spooky. Is this one of
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: your funniest gifts?
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: This is a great gift. This is an absolutely fantastic gift. Okay, okay.
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: Because I was like, I can't get, it's got to
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: be an actual gift.
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: Some people bring things that don't feel like a gift.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: And it's just like, well, what are we doing here?
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: I know. Because my one friend was like, you bring
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: a banana. I go, that's not a gift.
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: Then we're just talking about a banana for a few seconds.
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: No, I had to go buy something fun.
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: And I love Halloween. I love talking about.
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: I love time on Halloween.
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: So it's a nice segue into that.
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: Do you have costume ideas this year?
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: No.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: My costume ideas usually come about 48 hours before the.
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: Okay, okay, okay.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: And then I think this is part of the problem
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: because then that puts me in a bad mood for
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: quite a while. Then it pays off. But those two
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: days before are so stressful.
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: It pays off. Okay, what was your last memorable Halloween costume? Um.
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: The last one, and this one required so much explaining,
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: but it was Jessica Chastain just trying to run a
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: few errands. But I knew I wanted to be Jessica Chastain,
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: but that's not enough.
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: No, no, no. We are funny people. We can't just
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: have one. It's got to be something.
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: It's got to have several layers to confuse people and mystify.
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: I just look in the closet. I see things and
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: I put them together. So I ended up being like
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: a woman on a terrible vacation. That was a nice one.
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: Oh, that's fun.
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: Anne of Green Gables. I often look to other red-headed women.
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: Yes. I look for men and big noses. Maybe I
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: can do Adrian Brody this year.
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: Oh, you could be the brutalist. See, that's good. And
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: then you could be extremely boring all night.
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: Yes, and just talk to nobody and have long, drawn-on conversations.
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: That sounds actually great. I love a theme. Yes. But
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: now that I have a fiancé, I like dressing up
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: with him, so it's like that's fun.
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: Right, right.
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: I never get to do duo costumes.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: Did you dress up as a kid?
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: Were there any memorable costumes then?
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: My mom dressed me up as Phantom of the Opera,
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: and I had no idea who it was, but the
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: teachers loved it, and I was like, I hate this.
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: And my nose didn't fit into the mask, because I
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: had a big nose as a kid, and those masks
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: are not built for people like this.
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: They're not built for every face.
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: No, they're not. It's like a regular small face, and
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: I was all askew the whole time.
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God. I've never thought. They're built for the
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: smallest nose.
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: Very small nose.
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: Like a post-op nose.
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: Post-op nose.
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: This is pre-op for sure. I didn't know. I didn't have,
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: I can't think of any like crazy ones. It was
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: always like more like I was a cheerleader. Right. Nothing
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: like a spider one year. Like, you know, I used
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: to Highland dance.
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: Oh my God.
• 26:38
  Speaker 4: So my parents were like, wear the kilt. Now you're
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: a Scottish guy. I'm like, but I wear the kilt
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: all the time.
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: This is part of my life.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: Literally.
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: So I would just wear the Irish jig was one
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: and then the sailors hornpipe was another dance. So I
• 26:49
  Speaker 4: just wore those costumes.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: Can you still dance like that?
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: I can.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow.
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: Is that like a party trick for you?
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: If I'm really drunk, yeah.
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: Right, that makes perfect sense.
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: Or if I'm with somebody like my sister or my
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: mom who can dance too, it's more as a group.
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: Just me alone dancing as a 41-year-old woman jumping up
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: and down. I was like, what's she doing over there?
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: It just looks strange.
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: How long did you do it for?
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: From three to 18. That's incredible. My whole life, yeah,
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: a very long time.
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: And is that something people, I guess people make a
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: career out of that?
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: No. No.
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: No, you become a teacher or like a judge. Actually,
• 27:20
  Speaker 4: my mom made a career out of it. My mom
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: is a dance teacher and examiner and She still works.
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: She travels every weekend, yeah.
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: But at 18, you were like, enough is enough.
• 27:27
  Speaker 4: I wasn't good.
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: So when I'm not good at something, I don't do it. Right.
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: It makes no sense. Giant feet, giant nose, throwing me
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: off balance. No, it didn't make any sense. I didn't
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: love it.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: But.
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: Now I'm like, okay, Brutalist, that's a good costume.
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: That's not a bad one. That's like if there are
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: two Halloween parties, like one the next day or something,
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: that's a good backup costume or something.
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, it's not like we need the
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: cuspid one.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: What day of the week is Halloween this year? This
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: is also something that really affects the.
• 27:56
  Speaker 4: Way I celebrate it. Yes, yes. Because if I have
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: a show, too, I don't dress up on stage. Not funny.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: No.
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: It's on a Saturday this year. See, I have a show.
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: It's not going to happen. Right.
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: It's not going to happen. There's one day. Which day
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: is it that, like— It takes place that people kind
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: of don't celebrate it. Then they do it the following day.
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: Or the following weekend. What is that? There's some weird thing. No,
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: we're done. It's over. You have 24 hours for Halloween.
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: We can't. The following Friday? No, no, no. We're into November.
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: Or miles past that point.
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: This is already put away. This has been smashed. This
• 28:27
  Speaker 4: has been, the skeleton's long gone.
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: It's against nature. I really don't like that feeling.
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: No, no, no.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: It's not for me.
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: No.
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: Are you into going to haunted houses?
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: No, I don't love that. I went to the, what's
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: the one with the Halloween, the Disney one? The line
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: is too long.
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: The lines, that's like a scary universal night or whatever,
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: Halloween horror night.
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: Yes, and then you're seeing the guy pop out and
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: you know he's there. They do good at like moving
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: them around though, but I'm like, it's hard to get
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: scared when there's somebody with flip flops in front of you.
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: Like I'm like, okay, this guy's going to trip and
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: I'm worried when I'm tripping on some cord. I'm like
• 29:04
  Speaker 4: annoyed by it. Like I get too distracted with the annoyance.
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and you go late at night and then you
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: have to wait in line. It's just like made to
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: exhaust me.
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: It really, unless you're paying for like the extra. I'm like,
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: you'll try drinking. And then you got to pee and
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: the bathroom line's long. It's a whole thing.
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: Someone was just telling me, I think there's now a
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: $ 500 ticket to go to that. That's like the ultimate experience.
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm sorry, but if you're paying $ 500 for
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: a Halloween ticket, your credit card should be taken away.
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: Yes, yes.
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: The government should intervene.
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: I think so. One night? Or that's not like the
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: whole pass?
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: I didn't look into it.
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: I'm making a lot of assumptions.
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: And I'm like agreeing. Yes, yes. But that seems like
• 29:45
  Speaker 4: a little much for one night of just getting.
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: 500 bucks to be spooked?
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: No, not for me. I'll tell you one thing that
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: will scare me every single time is a chainsaw. It's
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: absolutely not fun for me.
• 29:57
  Speaker 4: No.
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: It's just torture.
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: They come too close.
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: They come way too close. And I simply don't trust
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: anyone working on one of these things. No, no, no.
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: You should. No, no, no. You should not.
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: Of course not.
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: No, no, no. It's a lot of open mic comedians.
• 30:10
  Speaker 4: It's a lot of gross men. I always picture it
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: as a man. There's a man in there mucking. He's groping.
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: He's touching. I don't want to be part of it.
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: No, thank you.
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: I have no interest in being spooked and then almost
• 30:23
  Speaker 4: touched and then... It's too much for me. I don't
• 30:25
  Speaker 4: like being spooked. It's fun. Halloween, the fun part. The
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: drinking and the costumes.
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: Do you like a spooky movie?
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: Not really. I get too scared.
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: What's the scariest you'll go?
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: Scariest I'll go? God damn. I'm scared of the Chucky movies.
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: Oh, I've never watched one.
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: I haven't either because I don't like that. Right. And
• 30:45
  Speaker 4: I just watched a Mike Myers one. What's the one?
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: Halloween.
• 30:49
  Speaker 4: Halloween. I don't like that.
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: Halloween's scary.
• 30:51
  Speaker 4: It's scary.
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's actually pretty frightening.
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: Oh, what the heck? He's always mucking around, keeps coming back,
• 30:56
  Speaker 4: just showing up. Women are already scared of men stalking us.
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 31:00
  Speaker 4: And appearing in our house. And then I had to
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: watch this? I don't like it.
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: You live that every day.
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: I live that every single day. I don't need to
• 31:07
  Speaker 4: be spooked at home.
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: It is satisfying. What happens? It gets his eye poked
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: out by a hanger. Is that true?
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: I don't know. I don't think. To be honest, I
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: didn't watch. And I end up covering my face after
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: the movie. I'm like, that's a waste of money. Now
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: I've missed after the movie. Now I'm annoyed.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: It's interesting that you're so, I guess Halloween is just
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: like also just a party.
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm more party and more fun and candy. And
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: I loved trick-or-treating as a kid.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: And do you decorate your place for Halloween?
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: It's like a fall decoration. Not crazy, though. Just a
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: couple little... Not that. My whole house is this. You
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: go by my house, I have that in my front lawn,
• 31:43
  Speaker 4: but huge. A 40-foot... I paid a lot of money
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: for it. This really is a 40-foot... And I had
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: to keep it there all year round. I was like,
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: I actually can't move it.
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: It's immovable.
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: It was not a blow-up. It was actually... It was
• 31:57
  Speaker 4: made of marble. This is bolted into the cement.
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: I had to get a permit to put this up.
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: I did. The L.A. County approved it. So they were like, yeah, okay,
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: this is kind of fun.
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: It does feel like something, because the 12-foot skeleton has
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: become such a thing, it's like, how do they top that?
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: I don't know if there's another move.
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: You can't get any bigger, really, at this point. It
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: feels dangerous.
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so I don't know where you go from here.
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: No, no, no.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: Some people go too far, I would say.
• 32:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not. I just moved, so I'm actually in
• 32:28
  Speaker 4: a house now that I can hand out candy, because
• 32:30
  Speaker 4: before I was in an apartment complex in East Hollywood,
• 32:31
  Speaker 4: and I was like, we're not doing it there. It's
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: very dangerous. It's very dangerous. But now I'm like, oh,
• 32:35
  Speaker 4: it's a nice neighborhood. And so we're like, so I
• 32:37
  Speaker 4: can like hand out. I want to hand out. I
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: like handing out. That's very nice. Because I'm rude. If
• 32:41
  Speaker 4: you show up, if you're like a 15-year-old with just
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: like a top hat on, I go, I don't think so, pal.
• 32:45
  Speaker 4: It's not enough for me. You got to dedicate, okay?
• 32:47
  Speaker 4: You got to put a whole costume on. You got
• 32:49
  Speaker 4: to be younger. You can't be, I pushed it. I
• 32:51
  Speaker 4: think I was 18 the last time I went. 18? What?
• 32:57
  Speaker 4: I was 18. I definitely was 18. And I went
• 32:59
  Speaker 4: on a date. This guy was dating at the time,
• 33:01
  Speaker 4: dressed like Ronald McDonald's. And he came with me, and
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: he was older, so he should not. He was like 24.
• 33:05
  Speaker 4: He should not. He should not have. He tried to
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: fool around with me. I was like, buddy, you're dressed
• 33:13
  Speaker 4: as Ronald McDonald.
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: What about this is supposed to be attractive? You're taking
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: the trick or treating.
• 33:18
  Speaker 4: As Ronald McDonald? Like, none of this is good.
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: But that's probably happened to somebody dressed as Ronald McDonald.
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: It's probably worked for somebody.
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: Oh, I don't know. It was not an attractive costume.
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: I really don't think it was.
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: If you can drive, you should not be trick-or-treating.
• 33:36
  Speaker 4: No, you're right. You're right. This is advice I should
• 33:39
  Speaker 4: listen to. I think my parents were like, you're not.
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: I go, I am. I may have done a couple blocks,
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: but I was in full costume.
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: Were you dressed as?
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: I was like this punk bunny thing. It was actually
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: very bizarre. It wasn't actually that good. I probably shouldn't
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: have gotten any candy. I was a pig. I liked
• 33:54
  Speaker 4: the sport of getting it all and just like sifting it.
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: It is still fun as an adult to get free things.
• 34:00
  Speaker 4: And there you go.
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: I mean, I've just revealed the entire thing. The reason
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: I do this podcast.
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah. You just like free shit. That's all it is.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 34:08
  Speaker 4: You hear that here? He said no gifts. Well, now
• 34:11
  Speaker 4: we know why.
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: Six years. I finally give it away.
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: And it's over that gift out of all the gifts.
• 34:19
  Speaker 4: Was it all worth it? Was it all worth it
• 34:22
  Speaker 4: for that?
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: No, I absolutely love this thing. I think this is
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: just going to be in the studio from now on.
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: It might have to. You can't bring that.
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: We'll find a place for it. And we'll probably, yeah,
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: we'll just take it out of this little box.
• 34:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: Let's see if there are any other, I wonder who, like,
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: do they have a writer's room for this?
• 34:39
  Speaker 4: Oh, bursting at the seams. Sorry, I find it funny.
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: I hate this so much.
• 34:51
  Speaker 4: I actually find that funnier than most comedians. That gets me.
• 34:56
  Speaker 4: We got to find out who the voice is. Bursting
• 34:59
  Speaker 4: at the seams. I could have. What the hell?
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: How did you not book this show?
• 35:04
  Speaker 4: How did I not book this animated spooky toilet skeleton voiceover? Ah,
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: that's going to leave a mark. Oh, God. Oh, I
• 35:17
  Speaker 4: really love it. I might buy one for myself.
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: I think you should.
• 35:20
  Speaker 4: I think I might.
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: Also, I'll go back to you saying that everyone in
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: line at CVS had normal things. I actually think this
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: is the most normal thing you can buy at CVS.
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: When people are buying groceries at CVS, I just— No, no, no. Groceries.
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: There are other stores.
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: Other stores. I think it's good for a fun gift.
• 35:35
  Speaker 4: Their gift dial is ridiculous.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: I almost got you. It was this or I was
• 35:38
  Speaker 4: holding this giant FIFA gold chain medal. But I was like,
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: wasn't this funny to me?
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: Who is that for?
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: I don't know. And it was also like 20 bucks.
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: I'm like, for this? No. If I'm putting 20 bucks down,
• 35:49
  Speaker 4: it's going to where it's at the end. It's spooky.
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what they should really lean into. I'm not
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: going there to buy a box of crackers or anything.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: Maybe they're just depending on really weak, sick people that
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: are just like, I can't go anywhere else. I'm going
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: to buy this.
• 36:01
  Speaker 4: To me, it's like makeup sick or like cleaning supplies
• 36:05
  Speaker 4: like last minute if I'm like not going to somewhere
• 36:08
  Speaker 4: else or something. Yeah.
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: I'm just so baffled every time I go in there
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: and I see people just buying regular things. It's just irresponsible.
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: No, it is.
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: Probably the same people buying $ 500 tickets to Scary Night. Yeah.
• 36:19
  Speaker 4: To scary night. You know what? If there was something
• 36:23
  Speaker 4: called scary night, I might pay 500 bucks to see
• 36:26
  Speaker 4: just what that was about. Come by scary night to
• 36:29
  Speaker 4: some guy. See, that could be just a man's garage.
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: Or someone's house.
• 36:32
  Speaker 4: That's someone's house and that is scary. Just going to
• 36:34
  Speaker 4: a man's house alone. That's every night. And that was
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: every date I ever went on in Los Angeles. It
• 36:40
  Speaker 4: was called scary night. It's a new app.
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: Find someone to have a scary night with.
• 36:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: Well, I think we should play a game.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 36:53
  Speaker 4: Love games.
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: I need a number between one and ten from you.
• 36:57
  Speaker 4: Seven. Okay.
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: I have to do some light calculating to get our
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: game pieces. So right now you can promote, recommend, do
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: whatever you want.
• 37:03
  Speaker 4: Okay. I have a podcast that you should come on.
• 37:06
  Speaker 4: I would love to. Now that we're best friends.
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: Now that we're dear friends.
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: It's called Steph Infection. It's all about body stuff. Come
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: see my dates. Come see me live. I'm funny live.
• 37:15
  Speaker 4: Steph Tolev on Instagram. Oh, I'm on season three of Tires.
• 37:20
  Speaker 4: On Netflix. It just came out today.
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: Oh, today?
• 37:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah, literally today.
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: Everybody finds Steph everywhere.
• 37:27
  Speaker 4: I'm around. And find my kale video. It's hilarious.
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: Support her kale video, for God's sake.
• 37:33
  Speaker 4: God's sakes, watch my kale video.
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: A lot of work in that one.
• 37:36
  Speaker 4: It actually was the longest I ever spent making this guy.
• 37:39
  Speaker 4: It should be so long.
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: That's a real bad feeling.
• 37:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's the worst.
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: When the feedback doesn't match the work. Then you just
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: wonder why. Never try again.
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: Why it took three hours to make that video.
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: The moment anything becomes long or frustrating for me, I
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: say I'm not doing it because there's just no chance.
• 37:56
  Speaker 4: Exactly.
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: Okay, we're going to play two games. First, we're going
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: to play a game called Invite List, and I'm going
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: to start naming a list of celebrities. You say invited
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: or not invited, and once we get to 10, that's
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: the party.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: And you can say why or why not. You don't
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: have to.
• 38:13
  Speaker 4: It's just up to you.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: Sure.
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: Okay, so let's get going. Al Roker.
• 38:19
  Speaker 4: Yes, invited.
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: Liza Minnelli.
• 38:21
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: Shailene Woodley.
• 38:24
  Speaker 4: Don't know who it is, so no.
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: Chris Hemsworth.
• 38:27
  Speaker 4: Nah, he's overrated now.
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: Kirsten Dunst.
• 38:30
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: Machine Gun Kelly.
• 38:33
  Speaker 4: No! The heck would he be doing there? In the
• 38:37
  Speaker 4: God's name, would he?
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: Someone's inviting him to a party.
• 38:40
  Speaker 4: Well, I don't want him in my house.
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: Addison Rae.
• 38:46
  Speaker 4: Don't know who that is, so no.
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: Dr.
• 38:47
  Speaker 4: Oz.
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 38:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, just to get weird answers out of them.
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: Katherine Hahn.
• 38:56
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: Nora Jones.
• 38:59
  Speaker 4: Don't know who that is, so no.
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: Shonda Rhimes.
• 39:02
  Speaker 4: No.
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: Gloria Estefan.
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 39:06
  Speaker 4: Someone said I look like her once.
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: Interesting.
• 39:08
  Speaker 4: I don't. I don't think I do at all.
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to picture what she looks like.
• 39:11
  Speaker 4: Not me. Don't look over here if you're looking for
• 39:14
  Speaker 4: any eyes, nose, or mouth equivalencies. It's not over here.
• 39:18
  Speaker 4: It's very off.
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: Again, why people tell. I mean, Gloria, I think, is
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: a beautiful woman. But like anytime somebody tells another person
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: who they look like, it's a huge mistake.
• 39:29
  Speaker 4: It's never. close.
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: I just have to, like, I have to repeat that
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: over and over because people really struggle with that. Hey,
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: do you know who you look like? I'm like, stop.
• 39:37
  Speaker 4: Yes, you're like, you don't. Yes.
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: Mitch McConnell. No! Get him out of the hospital!
• 39:43
  Speaker 4: Get him out of here! Get him into a party!
• 39:45
  Speaker 4: Him and Machine Gun Kelly can go to their own,
• 39:47
  Speaker 4: they can go to Scary Night and have a fucking blast.
• 39:50
  Speaker 4: They can go off.
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: Those two arm and arm being chased by a chainsaw.
• 39:53
  Speaker 4: They're chasing each other with a chainsaw. This is terrifying.
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: Liam Neeson.
• 39:58
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: Mitski.
• 40:01
  Speaker 4: Don't know who that is.
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: Mick Jagger.
• 40:02
  Speaker 4: Huh. Yeah.
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: I feel like if you get the chance.
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 40:08
  Speaker 4: Why not? He's going to be.
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Limited time.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 40:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 40:13
  Speaker 4: We need him in there.
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: We need him in there.
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: Danny Trejo.
• 40:16
  Speaker 4: Yes, that's nine. Okay.
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: So you've got one left.
• 40:19
  Speaker 4: Okay, so I've got to make it good.
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: Sigourney Weaver.
• 40:24
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a really undeniable one, right?
• 40:28
  Speaker 4: Who would be the next one?
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to decide if I should tell you.
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: What the heck?
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: Michael Jordan.
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: No, no, no.
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: It was more just for the rules of the game.
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: I'm always wondering.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: Sorry.
• 40:42
  Speaker 4: Sorry, I'm a rule breaker.
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: But I actually think I should tell you because what
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: if it had been an exciting one?
• 40:46
  Speaker 4: Yes, and then I would have been like, what the heck?
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: You would have left him with regret.
• 40:49
  Speaker 4: Exactly. And I don't want that.
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: I want people to leave this podcast feeling as bad
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: as possible.
• 40:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay.
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: Okay, and now we're going to play a game called
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: Gift or a Curse. I'm going to name three things.
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: You're going to tell me if they're a gift or
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: a curse and why.
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: And then I'll tell you if you're right or wrong
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: because there are correct answers.
• 41:05
  Speaker 4: Oh, okay.
• 41:06
  Speaker 3: And you can lose the game.
• 41:07
  Speaker 4: Oh, wow. Okay.
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: And you can again go home feeling horrible.
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: Okay, okay.
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: All right. This first one is from a listener named Elliot.
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: Gift or a curse ordering for the table?
• 41:17
  Speaker 4: Curse. Why? You don't know what I want. The nerve
• 41:22
  Speaker 4: of some people or the table unless it's– okay, wait.
• 41:25
  Speaker 4: There's an unless for this one. Unless it's a restaurant
• 41:28
  Speaker 4: they've been to a lot and they.
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: You don't agree with me at all.
• 41:33
  Speaker 4: Wow. Unless it's a place that, like, they've been there,
• 41:36
  Speaker 4: they know the chef, they're like, trust me, I'm here
• 41:38
  Speaker 4: all the time, blah, blah, blah. But I'm like, if
• 41:39
  Speaker 4: somebody doesn't really know that well, maybe about my own dish,
• 41:42
  Speaker 4: sometimes I see people sharing and they, like, lick the
• 41:44
  Speaker 4: fork and they go back in. I can't be having that.
• 41:47
  Speaker 4: So I think it's a curse.
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: Correct.
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: Oh, wow.
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: Oh, no. I mean, just anytime this starts happening, I'm
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: so uncomfortable.
• 41:56
  Speaker 4: It doesn't happen to me often.
• 41:57
  Speaker 3: I know, and thank God. Maybe I'm doing it.
• 41:59
  Speaker 4: Oh, maybe I'm doing it. Maybe it's because I'm the one.
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: Every meal you've ever been to, you've ordered for the table.
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: You just don't realize.
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: No, no. I'll order an app. You guys have some
• 42:08
  Speaker 4: of this. I'm never like, Sean's getting the fucking gull
• 42:13
  Speaker 4: or whatever the hell.
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: The alpha attitude of I'm just going to take control
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: of this. Because, yeah, I just want my own plate
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: of food.
• 42:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: I want to make my little choice.
• 42:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's a small group. It's like we're already
• 42:24
  Speaker 4: knowingly doing that. No.
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, no. No one should do that.
• 42:28
  Speaker 4: No.
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: Okay, this next one is from a listener named Misty.
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: Gift or a curse? When you start a new job
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: and the person training you says a task is so
• 42:36
  Speaker 3: easy it's impossible to mess up.
• 42:38
  Speaker 4: That's a curse. That's so insane. Why would you jinx that?
• 42:41
  Speaker 4: And then you're putting that on me? This is day
• 42:43
  Speaker 4: one training? Is this how you're talking to me?
• 42:45
  Speaker 3: No.
• 42:45
  Speaker 4: I don't love that. I hate that.
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: Correct.
• 42:49
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's an absolute curse. They're setting you up for failure.
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: Of course they are.
• 42:53
  Speaker 3: To look like a complete loser. Or an idiot.
• 42:55
  Speaker 4: Like, what if it's a crazy hard thing? You don't
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: know what I find easy and what's not easy. No,
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: that's insane.
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: That's actually, I think, them trying to undercut you. Yes.
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: Trying to make you feel less secure at the workplace.
• 43:04
  Speaker 4: They're getting in your head. Day one. Right. Exactly. How dare.
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: They are playing with your mind. Okay, this final one
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: is from a listener named Sarah. Gift or a curse,
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: the schedule send feature for emails.
• 43:17
  Speaker 4: I mean, the way... I work, I would say it's
• 43:20
  Speaker 4: a curse. Because it's like, why can't you just do
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: it right then? You have a little to-do list. You
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: know you're going to send something. You get it done then.
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: Why are you scared? It has to go out a
• 43:30
  Speaker 4: certain time? I'm confused. Maybe I'm wrong. I feel like
• 43:33
  Speaker 4: I'm wrong on this one.
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: You're correct.
• 43:35
  Speaker 4: You win the game. I win the game.
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: Emailing is stressful enough. The idea of setting up a
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: whole thing.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 43:40
  Speaker 4: To me....
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: I'm now going to be worried even longer.
• 43:44
  Speaker 4: Yes, yes.
• 43:45
  Speaker 3: And I feel like you're just preparing yourself for some
• 43:47
  Speaker 3: sort of horrible accident.
• 43:49
  Speaker 4: It's also like why you have to schedule it.
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: I don't understand why you would ever schedule it.
• 43:53
  Speaker 4: You're already writing it out and then you go, I
• 43:55
  Speaker 4: don't want to send it now. Well, send it now.
• 43:57
  Speaker 4: You wrote it out.
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: Or wait to write it.
• 43:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: See?
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: No element of it makes any sense to me. Unless
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: you're like sending out a 20% off coupon for your
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: retailer that you work for.
• 44:08
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: Otherwise.
• 44:10
  Speaker 4: It doesn't make any sense.
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: A personal email schedule, you'll never be getting one of
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: those from me.
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, no.
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: That's a ticking time bomb.
• 44:18
  Speaker 4: It really is.
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: Well, you won the game. That's very impressive, actually.
• 44:21
  Speaker 4: Wow, look at me. Good at games. See, bring me
• 44:24
  Speaker 4: to your Halloween party. I'm a hoot. I'll be dressed
• 44:27
  Speaker 4: like a man in a wheelchair and might leave some
• 44:31
  Speaker 4: marks on your floor. But the problem, too, is the wheelchair.
• 44:34
  Speaker 4: It cost me like $ 300 for one night. I was
• 44:36
  Speaker 4: so pissed. I drive to North Hollywood, and I was
• 44:39
  Speaker 4: so committed to the bit. I was like, I got it.
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: It costs $ 300 to rent a wheelchair?
• 44:42
  Speaker 4: Because I think I waited too long to get back.
• 44:45
  Speaker 4: I kept it an extra day, and they charged me
• 44:47
  Speaker 4: a double.
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: I mean, even $ 150? It seemed like a lot. It
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: seems like something that you should be able to rent for,
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: I would say, if you had me guess, $ 15 a day.
• 44:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's what I thought. It's like renting a car.
• 44:58
  Speaker 4: I went to some Goodwills, too. I was looking for one.
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 45:01
  Speaker 3: That's probably a rare find at a Goodwill.
• 45:03
  Speaker 4: Too late. I pulled a U, 48 hours. I was panicked.
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: How much is just a ride? Standard wheelchair cost to buy.
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: I don't know where I went.
• 45:11
  Speaker 4: I went to this place, like Wheels and Deals up
• 45:13
  Speaker 4: in North Hollywood. I don't know what that was named.
• 45:17
  Speaker 4: I think I found a bad place.
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you got ripped off in a huge way.
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and then the payoff of the party wasn't worth it.
• 45:24
  Speaker 4: It was a lot. And I couldn't drink because I
• 45:27
  Speaker 4: had to drive with the wheelchair. I didn't want to
• 45:30
  Speaker 4: lug it in an Uber, so I was sober. Stone
• 45:33
  Speaker 4: sober bringing a wheelchair to Gabby Windy's party. ridiculous behavior I'm.
• 45:39
  Speaker 3: Now picturing a wheelchair on Price is Right people trying
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: that would be I think the weirdest thing that you
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: could put as a thing to guess the price on
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: Price is Right.
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah that would be well because it's yeah depending.
• 45:48
  Speaker 3: On it's like a standard hospital wheelchair.
• 45:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah you would think $ 10 one would think one would
• 45:54
  Speaker 4: think those old wheelchairs that are like rickety no no
• 45:57
  Speaker 4: they're quite expensive and they're hard to find at Halloween
• 46:01
  Speaker 4: so how many people are renting wheelchairs for Halloween costumes
• 46:05
  Speaker 4: I'll tell you what I saw nobody else in one
• 46:07
  Speaker 4: I saw nobody else in one, so I don't know
• 46:09
  Speaker 4: if it's like a skateboarding accident time of year or something.
• 46:12
  Speaker 4: People are hobbling around.
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think people are kind of probably falling down
• 46:16
  Speaker 3: at scary night.
• 46:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's what it is.
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: Twisting their ankles. All of those injured haunted house employees, etc.
• 46:21
  Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yes.
• 46:23
  Speaker 3: All right, let's answer a listener question. People are writing
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: in to isaidnogifts at gmail.com, and they're just kind of
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: begging for answers.
• 46:30
  Speaker 4: Begging?
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, every one of them. My listeners' lives are a disaster.
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: And they just need some– any help.
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: And they obviously have no one else to reach out to.
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: And this is why they come to you.
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: So this says, Bridger and guest, what are your top
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: tips to let the other party know you really appreciate
• 46:50
  Speaker 3: their gift? I do like receiving gifts. However, my face
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: and responses often say otherwise. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: And that's from Alice. So Alice is kind of a
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: self-admittedly deeply ungrateful person.
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 47:06
  Speaker 4: Okay, if you're saying your face and your gestures are
• 47:10
  Speaker 4: not good, I'd say start with changing those.
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: Take an acting class.
• 47:16
  Speaker 4: Take one improv class.
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: Do 101.
• 47:19
  Speaker 4: Or maybe she should tell him before he'll look. Maybe
• 47:23
  Speaker 4: she doesn't like the gifs. This is a bizarre thing.
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: Yes, practice a smile. Get a mirror and just kind
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: of spend a few hours each day just working on
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: facial expression.
• 47:32
  Speaker 4: Yes, or like things to say. Google some like, wow,
• 47:36
  Speaker 4: I love this. This seems like the easiest thing to do.
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: I think Alice needs to look deeper emotionally, I think.
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: There's some mental work that needs to be happening.
• 47:47
  Speaker 4: I think Alice has a little more going on than just... Also,
• 47:50
  Speaker 4: how many gifts are you getting that people are like, hey,
• 47:53
  Speaker 4: your face is It's not her podcast. She's got the
• 47:56
  Speaker 4: same podcast as you.
• 47:59
  Speaker 3: She has this totally joyless podcast.
• 48:02
  Speaker 4: And then people do bring her gifts to try to
• 48:03
  Speaker 4: cheer her up and it's still not working. I don't understand.
• 48:06
  Speaker 4: I feel like that's an easy fix.
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like I'm trying to think of any
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: time I've like kind of betrayed how I felt while
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: opening a gift from like somebody, you know, like a
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: loved one gave me. I don't think that's ever really happened.
• 48:20
  Speaker 4: You've never had a bad gift?
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: I think I've had bad gifts, but I've been able
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: to fake my way through it. But maybe I didn't.
• 48:24
  Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yes. No, you did. I think you're really good.
• 48:28
  Speaker 4: I've been faking my way through gifts for years. Hey,
• 48:33
  Speaker 4: guess what? You're the pro here. I'm sure you're getting it.
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: It takes a little work, but eventually you're able to
• 48:39
  Speaker 3: trick anyone.
• 48:40
  Speaker 4: Shoot, wow.
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: And it gets you on a good path.
• 48:42
  Speaker 4: I'm going to leave. I'm going to see this go
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: in the dumpster before I close my door. I swear
• 48:47
  Speaker 4: to God, I'd be so mad. You'd see them.
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: Just tumbling out of my car on the freeway.
• 48:52
  Speaker 4: It hits me on the fucking, on the five on
• 48:54
  Speaker 4: the way home. I'd be so mad.
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: Windshield shattered.
• 48:58
  Speaker 4: The damn animated spooky toilet skeleton.
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: Bursting at the seams.
• 49:05
  Speaker 4: And then farts out as it hits my windshield. Oh, gosh. Oh, boy.
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: Well, Alice, I think you just got to do the work. Yeah.
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: You got to do the work.
• 49:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or maybe like wear a mask every
• 49:16
  Speaker 4: time you get a gift.
• 49:18
  Speaker 3: I'm putting on my gift receiving mask.
• 49:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah. Before, if you know a gift's coming, I'm
• 49:22
  Speaker 4: not feeling so well. That's a good way of covering
• 49:26
  Speaker 4: it up.
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: If you like getting them so much, you got to
• 49:29
  Speaker 3: do something or people are going to stop giving to you. Yes.
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 49:31
  Speaker 3: They're going to cut you out of life. And I
• 49:34
  Speaker 3: don't know what to tell you from there. But I'm
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: glad she wrote in because she obviously has no one
• 49:37
  Speaker 3: to turn to. And we do like to help. So
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: we answered it perfectly. I think this woman's going to
• 49:44
  Speaker 3: walk away thinking, now my life, I'm starting a new chapter.
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: I'm smiling at gifts. I'm laughing. I'm saying I love
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: the gift. I'm trying to picture this person who just
• 49:56
  Speaker 3: cannot receive a gift.
• 49:58
  Speaker 4: But how is it just for the gifts? You're saying
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: if someone pays you a compliment or you're eating a
• 50:04
  Speaker 4: meal you really enjoy, at that point you're like, oh,
• 50:07
  Speaker 4: this is delicious. But then you get a gift and
• 50:08
  Speaker 4: you go, Thank you. I love it. I just don't
• 50:13
  Speaker 4: understand how it's just specifically to the gifts. There's no
• 50:16
  Speaker 4: way it's not. There's no way it's not.
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: Imagine the gift is a warm meal.
• 50:20
  Speaker 4: Yes, a warm harvest bowl from Sweetgreen.
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: A sopping wet bowl from your favorite salad retailer.
• 50:30
  Speaker 4: A soupy, soupy salad. And then the sound you make
• 50:33
  Speaker 4: after you have the harvest bowl. That's going to need stitches.
• 50:38
  Speaker 4: It actually is funny.
• 50:39
  Speaker 3: That's going to need stitches. They need to. It's crazy.
• 50:42
  Speaker 3: The next model, they're going to have to remove that
• 50:45
  Speaker 3: particular one.
• 50:46
  Speaker 4: I'm going to email these people and be like, get
• 50:48
  Speaker 4: me to be the next Skeleton Man voice. I'm so pissed.
• 50:53
  Speaker 3: From Joy Word. We don't even know what that is.
• 50:54
  Speaker 4: I've never heard a Joy Word in my life.
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: But God bless.
• 50:58
  Speaker 4: God bless.
• 50:59
  Speaker 3: Well, I have my beautiful animated spooky toilet skeleton. I'm
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: so happy about it.
• 51:04
  Speaker 4: I'm so happy you're happy.
• 51:05
  Speaker 3: It's now a permanent part of the set.
• 51:07
  Speaker 4: Uh-huh.
• 51:08
  Speaker 3: And we'll do one more.
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: Oh, never going to heal.
• 51:16
  Speaker 3: Never going to heal. Again, several of these don't work
• 51:19
  Speaker 3: with this fiction.
• 51:20
  Speaker 4: It really does not. It really does not. I think
• 51:24
  Speaker 4: I'm buying this for my whole family for Christmas. I'm
• 51:27
  Speaker 4: going to CBS.
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: On the way home.
• 51:28
  Speaker 4: I'm obsessed with this thing. Oh, my gosh.
• 51:32
  Speaker 3: I'm so happy you could be here.
• 51:33
  Speaker 4: Thank you for having me.
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: I've got a wonderful gift. I had such a lovely time.
• 51:37
  Speaker 4: Okay, so did I.
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: Listener, the podcast is over. You've got to do something
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: with your day. You've got to find your own animated
• 51:46
  Speaker 3: spooky toilet skeleton, whether literally or metaphorically. And I trust
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: you'll be able to do that. So just move on.
• 51:53
  Speaker 3: I love you.
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: Goodbye.
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: I Said No Gifts is an Exactly Right production. Our
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: senior producer is Ellis Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: mixed by Ben Tolliday. The theme song is by miracle
• 52:10
  Speaker 3: worker Amy Mann, and we couldn't do it without our
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: booker Patrick Kottner. You must follow the show on Instagram
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: at I Said No Gifts. That's where you're going to
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: don't you want to see the gifts?
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: Well, I invited you here....
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: I thought I made myself perfectly clear When you're a
• 52:34
  Speaker 2: guest in my home You gotta come to me empty-handed
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: I said no gifts, your presence is presence enough And
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: I already had too much stuff So how do you
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: dare disobey me?