Latest / Curiously Guided Podcast / Ep.13 | How to Start Embracing Your Inner Critic

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Ep.13 | How to Start Embracing Your Inner Critic · Curiously Guided Podcast

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to the Curiously Guided Podcast.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: We're your hosts, Mariah and Che, two intuitive business strategists exploring the intersection of entrepreneurship, spirituality, and the subconscious mind.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you're interested in exploring and learning how to integrate strategy with energetics to help you grow a profitable business in a way that actually feels good, then you're in the right place.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: In today's episode, we are talking all things inner critic, which is a topic that Mariah and I have a lot to say about, and most of the people I know and work with.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Even in my personal life, we all struggle with some version of an inner voice that has this kind of constant negative dialogue going on.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, a big part of my growth, my personal growth and business growth has come as a result of becoming aware of how loud the inner critic was, you know, really taking a look at the inner dialogue that was going through my own head and realizing, wow, I spend a big chunk of my time thinking negative things, you know, particularly about myself.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so, and most of us are really kind of stuck in these loops of, you know, like shame spirals, or I'm not good enough at this, or I'm not perfect enough in that way.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so we spend a lot of time in these negative thought patterns.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that really has an effect on how you show up in the world, and it has an effect on what you believe is possible for you and in your mood on a day-to-day basis and the actions you take, you know.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, I first became aware of my inner critic.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: I learned about a book called Mindset by Carol Dweck, which I think is a game changer, and it's all about, you know, you can either have a fixed mindset in life or you, you know, just believe that things are the way they are.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the however smart you are, you're not going to get any smarter.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: And you're not however athletic you are, that's what it is.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: And and however, you know, social you are, that's what it is.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: And there's no room to grow or improve or get worse.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's just is what it is.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And and then the flip side of that, which is a more empowering mindset, is called the growth mindset, where you look at everything as an opportunity to get better.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, life is a science experiment.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm constantly learning, I'm constantly growing.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so one of the activities, Carol, just the whole idea of growth mindset, is very helpful for me.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it really removes a lot of the heaviness and stickiness around things that don't go right, you know, and everything's a learning opportunity is so much better than like a fail.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: But one thing Carol talks a lot about is the inner critic and how derailing those kind of negative thought spirals can be.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: And she really encourages you to name your inner critic and personify it.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so for me, my I named my inner critic Arthur, and he's turned into this character that has kind of helped me separate from the inner critic and you know, take a look at it in a from a more objective place and and really reframe my relationship to it.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, so just identifying Arthur was my first step, and it I still deal with this today.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: I actually just went through an intensive all-around the inner critic with one of our former podcast guests, Natasha.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I the the dance with the inner critic has evolved for me.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's been transformational for me to just even be aware of it and to start to rework my relationship around it.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: And um, it's something I really am passionate about talking about because I think a lot of people just go through life totally unaware of you know what's going on.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Mariah, I know that we Mariah, this is actually her idea to do this episode today.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: You mentioned that it's been popping up a lot for you lately.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Talk to me about that.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's the inner critic.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of like I feel like we all grow up with this.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just thinking about like myself in high school and like how loud that inner critic was, and how it's like I chose to follow that voice because I didn't realize that there was another option.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because my parents, you know, didn't know about the inner critic, didn't know that we could become the observer and things like that.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like I didn't really start exploring the inner critic and becoming the observer until, to be honest, probably around when I read that book by Carol Dwack.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like I think that that was one of the books that kind of fell into my lap when I was just walking around my local library.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: One of those just like I didn't know what I didn't know until I realized that I didn't know it.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I think at the time I kind of called like this awakening to the inner critic, I kind of referred to it as more of like a spiritual awakening.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: But now I feel like, I mean, yeah, it could be looked at like that as like a spiritual awakening of sorts, but I'd like to modernize that a little bit and just be like, it's kind of becoming aware that we have a hell of a lot more power than we thought that we did.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: And that once we become the observer, well, first it's the fact that we can become the observer, because I didn't even know what that meant before.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: But it's it's realizing that we have a lot more power and we can choose this mindset and we can we can choose to detach from these negative thoughts, but also realizing that it's part of the human experience and that sometimes we can't detach easily, and that's okay.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: And like we're meant to sit in that spiral, but just even the smallest shift into noticing that you're in a spiral and not allowing yourself to play into the drama of it, not being like, what does this story mean about me?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: What does this thought mean about me?
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what does it mean about my life and what I'm doing and how I'm moving forward?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: Instead, it's that shift into, wow, I noticed that like I'm really being really like self-judgy.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm judging the hell out of myself right now, and realizing that every single person goes through that and it's okay.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: And the simple fact of just noticing that it's happening is where most of the power is.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like that was like a huge shift for me.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's in the noticing because when you start to notice it, you're kind of building that muscle.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, the noticing allowed me to, oh, there's Arthur, a lot quicker than what I used to do, which was I'd have the thought and then it would kind of come around again, and then I would make up some story about it, and then that thought would grow more, and then I'd feel it in my body, you know, the kind of like get butterflies or anxiety, and and it would just spiral from there.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you can spot it at the beginning and get good at spotting it, that is really where the magic happens.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: But before we dive too far in, would you go into I think the idea of the observer is really empowering and um just like define what that is, and I think it's important for like inner critic as well.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so it's kind of similar to the way that you go about it.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: So you give your inner critic a name.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: For me, that just never really stuck.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: I see it from more of like, I guess like a mystical perspective, a spiritual perspective of like a bird's eye view of like, I am not my ego.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: I am not just this body.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: I have a higher self, I have a higher perspective that oversees everything.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so to me, when I kind of like pull out, it's like I see myself the human going through the thing, having the inner critic, seeing the story.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like I'm observing myself have the story.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like just taking a super big step back to get that bird's eye view of like something else is happening besides just this thing that I'm feeling in my physical body and in my ego, and like what is it called?
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: The the something mind, the um like blanking out.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Subconscious mind?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's the not the ancestral mind, the primitive mind.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, like you're listening.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like the animal mind, that type of thing.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: That's kind of how I see it.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: The ego, it's like it's trying to keep me safe.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not a bad thing, but it's noticing that, like, oh, this is interesting, that it's it's triggering that.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: And for some reason, I need to be kept safe according to my brain.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, let me take a step back and kind of view it from a higher perspective.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: So the observer, the idea I first learned about it from like meditation, but it's the idea that like you are not your thoughts.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of us feel like whatever thought comes into our head is true, and we need to like hold on to it and like dissect it and analyze it and compare it.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then the thing is when you hold on to a thought, your body can often um, you know, translate that into a feeling, so then it shows up physically in your body.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, the idea of like, oh, I am not my thoughts, I could just have a thought and then like let it go and and not really obsess about it.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: That was like a game changer for me.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: And in in meditation, you learn this technique of like literally imagine yourself watching your mind and like watch the thoughts come in and watch the thoughts leave.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: And that's kind of the idea of the observer is like, can you separate yourself from your thoughts and kind of take a look at it?
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like Mariah said, like a bird, um, kind of like looking down on the bigger picture, force through the trees.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I think that having that skill and awareness takes time to develop, but the stronger it becomes, the easier this kind of work gets.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: And like Mariah touched on, one thing I do want to say at the beginning of all of this is I for a long time had this story of like inner critic is bad and I need to kill it and stomp it and punch it in the face.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and that didn't work for me because inner critic is honestly just like it is our our lizard brains, right?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's whatever is inside of us that wants us to stay safe, wants us to stay comfortable.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so a lot of times resistance and inner critic will pop up when you are pushing yourself towards goals, but towards growth, towards becoming a higher version of you.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: And inner critic will come around.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, if I have too much of that like violent language for it, it becomes like a heavy kind of like battle.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: That that didn't really work for me.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: And instead, the language I and the way I've really reframed is my inner critic is kind of my friend.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: He's a character in my life that sometimes gets a little too loud and really needs to turn the volume down, right?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but he's here and I need to figure out how to dance with him because he's really communicating with me something really important, you know, like he's really showing me where, you know, um in life, you know, like where where do I need to push myself?
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Where do I need to shine light on dark spaces?
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, how do I need to grow?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: He really gives me a lot of valuable information.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, reframing the relationship, it was like first learning about inner critic, and then second, how do I turn this like kind of adversarial fighting vibe into something more loving?
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because really, at the end of the day, it's probably you know, like it's inner child as well.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a lot of like subconscious programming we have going on, things we learned as a child, trauma responses, like it's a lot of different things.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so having some compassion for it and kind of viewing it as a buddy that's along for this ride with you in this life, um, that's been really helpful for me because it again helps me step away from like the heaviness and the intensity and kind of that like emotional turmoil that I think we think a lot with inner critic.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it goes from something that you need to defeat to kind of just like a signpost for you to get curious.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, look, another tie back to curiously guided.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's so insightful though, Brian.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: I think you're right.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: When inner critic is getting loud, you know, kind of zoom out.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: What what do you what's the data point here?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like what is that trying to communicate to you?
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times inner critic will be the loudest right before you're a breakthrough.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, like you've been working at something, and like right before you're about to go on stage or whatever it is, that's when that voice gets loud because it's like we gotta, this is our last chance, you know, we gotta like fight to stay safe.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Is that the truth?
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you can push through, which is the solution to dancing with the inner critic, like take the step, you can start to prove to yourself that it is safe and it's okay to grow and it's okay to do the thing, right?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's really again, just like everything we talk about, a muscle and action is the answer, right?
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: Little baby steps towards the thing.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's how you start to even that relationship back out.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, inner critic used to, I feel like have the driver's seat.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: So now the way that I'm thinking about it is more like, hey, I've got the wheel again.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: And he kind of grabs every once in a while, but I'm like getting back more in control.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like something that I remember really shifting the perspective around this was when somebody said, the inner critic isn't usually your own voice.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's usually somebody from like childhood, which is why I'm glad that you brought up just like the childhood healing and the things that happen back then.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: And it's because like I I'm studying to be a certified hypnotherapist.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I think by the time that maybe this episode goes out, I'll be almost graduated.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: But in a lot of these practice sessions that I've had with people, we've had to like we work on confidence, like lack of confidence, even weight issues that people want to kind of just explore a little bit.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: So using hypnotherapy, we go into a hypnotic state.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, it's not, it doesn't feel very different than like going into a deep meditative state.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like allowing the inner critic to step aside and giving the subconscious mind the platform to speak.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of the times, and when I regress my clients back to like a memory in childhood, are like, where did this first come up?
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: Or like, what is the root cause?
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: Or like, you know, where did this start?
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of the times it's from an experience in childhood that the parent or whoever else was in there, they might have not known that the child was going to take it this way, but it still sits in your subconscious as like this this limiting belief.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: So, like an example that I like to give here is like if we had a mom and the mom has two kids and she's giving like the younger son a bath, and the older daughter comes in and she's like, hey, mom, look, I drew this picture.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: And the mom's like, hold on, sweetie, like I'm I'm giving your brother a bath.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: Even though the mom didn't mean to do any, she didn't do anything wrong.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: That little girl could have internalized, wow, my mom doesn't have time for me.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not good enough.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: She doesn't pay attention to me.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: My creativity isn't good enough.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: And just that can start creating those subconscious scripts that can then start fueling this inner critic as an adult.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I really like that, Mariah.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for bringing that up.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think that that's been something for me to work through of what from my even though my childhood wasn't like what I would call capital T trauma, you know, like I didn't have these big major events that happened that but there was a lot of little stuff.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, it's not anything that like my parents did wrong, but there's ways that I understood what was going on that um I kind of had just bypassed and I didn't really understand like how those situations really still affect me and my decision making on a day-to-day basis.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I I think that's important to bring up of like, even if you don't particularly have this big memory of like this big experience that you need to go back to, there are things from when we were all developing that really shaped the way we view the world.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's really our responsibility as adults to go back and take a look at those and decide which ones need to stay and which ones may need to be rewritten, right?
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, especially with the subconscious.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: So I mean, there's been studies and just like research that that says that our subconscious mind is like a sponge from when we were in the womb around the third trimester to around seven or eight years old is when it's the most pliable.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like we don't have the self-awareness to like figure everything out because we're young.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: So we're just absorbing everything.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like we're trying to understand the world based off of the world around us.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: So that's where a lot of the times, and I mean, just from my experience with clients in hypnotherapy, a lot of the times we tend to go back to childhood memories.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of them are not like big T trauma for some of my clients.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: And even for myself, I remember when I had a hypnotherapy session, I went back to like a conversation that I was having with my brother when he was playing hacky sack with his friends.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like it wasn't anything, I was like, wait, what?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: But he said something.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: And if I were to talk to him about it today, he would literally be like, I said that?
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like what?
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like it he would not even remember, but it's stuck in my internal system.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then I started taking that on as my own story, but it wasn't even my perspective.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it can even be, you know, to tie it back to inner critic, how you learned to talk about yourself, you know, like did you get in trouble a lot?
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: Were you shamed a lot?
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, were there a lot of situations where you kind of could pick up this, like Mariah said, somebody else's voice criticizing you or making you feel bad in a certain certain situation?
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: And even you could observe, you know, just how um family dynamics, you know, do we yell?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: Do what kind of how do we handle conflict?
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like all of those things we're picking up and we are like almost taking in as quote unquote normal.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: This is normal behavior.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so a lot of times that isn't, it was just what was in your situation, or it's how you interpreted a situation.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times those like stories, the seeds of them really did come from just casual, off-handed comments from somebody, or somebody really like innocently doing something that really affected you in a certain way, right?
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's like how you remember it, and then how then when you get stressed and triggered today, that tape starts to play.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: It I had a friend recently say it's almost like you just like get on this highway and go.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like we have these just like program responses, because that's how we've always dealt with that kind of trigger.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: Just get in the car, drive down the highway.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like we do the same thing every single time over and over.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: So the whole point of this is where are your highways?
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: Try to figure out what where that started from and how can we kind of start to rework those grooves and patterns and thought patterns in particular in our brain.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I feel like bringing it back to the self-judgment too, it's like self-judgment.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, just looking at my own family, especially with my mom, it was so normalized.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: Me hearing my mom talk badly about herself was normal.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: So then it's like we even take on just like what we're witnessing, even as like in the most confusing years of our lives in high school.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I remember thinking it was funny to like judge myself and to judge others.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: And like it was just so normalized that it really took a lot of conscious effort as an adult to be able to be like, wait a minute, it doesn't have to be this way.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: So I feel like that, yeah, that that's really empowering too.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then meditation, it fell into my lap, but like that has been the one practice that consistently invites me to create space for me to start noticing the inner critic, to start identifying it, to start becoming self-aware about it.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, I'm not saying that everybody has to go in and like meditate.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: If that feels good, then do it.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: I know for you it could be breath work and like journal prompts and stuff like that, but like just having some kind of practice for you to take a step towards once you notice the inner critic, I feel like that's really helpful.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's a great transition into we we always like to like wrap up the episodes.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: With some kind of like useful tips, guidance, help, advice for how to handle it when the inner critic gets loud, you know?
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so the first tip is really can you practice what we've been describing, this idea of becoming the observer, detaching from thought, really like holding things and evaluating them from almost like a third-party lens.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then the next step is for me, what I mentioned earlier, what am I for me when the inner critic's loud, I'm like, okay, what's going on here?
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, maybe I'll journal or meditate.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'll try to like get at like, okay, what why is this so loud?
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really visual, so I'll imagine literally like the dial is up.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna turn it down and I'm gonna say, what is this trying to tell me right now?
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: And usually it's something around being scared of something new, right?
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: So can I get to the the core of the idea?
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: And and then, okay, for me, I'll do like uh if I'm really scared about something, I'll play out the worst case scenario.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm scared about doing something, and I'll be like, all right, what's what's the worst that could happen here?
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm homeless living under a bridge.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, really play it out.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then you can like when you do that, it kind of becomes a little lighter.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, wait a second, this is not really that big of a deal.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: None of this really fucking matters, as Mariah and I say all the time.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: I can kind of lighten up the heaviness that I feel around this.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's again like just starting to laugh with the inner critic for me, like lighten up the situation, and then having the courage to do the thing anyway, you know, like really identifying what is a baby step I can take here to kind of prove to myself that it is safe to move forward.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then that way, the more and more I do that, the more proof I have, the better I get at it.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: When I hear the inner critic now, it's more of like, I see you, inner critic, I hear you, but I'm not gonna listen.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna do it anyway.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: And like that is really the goal, and that gets easier and easier the more baby steps you do, despite the inner critic.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it kind of for me, I just feel again, like more in an empowered place in my relationship to where it's not in control, it's just more of like a signpost, like you said.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: So doing the thing, building the trust, you know, trust comes up a lot in this episode.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, taking the opportunity to explore curiosity, build trust with yourself that that is in fact a safe step to take.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: You can do it, and then keep going, right?
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then the and here's the other thing you are not gonna, you're gonna get derailed, right?
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: Progress is not linear.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: So don't beat yourself up and don't shame yourself.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: Notice, you know, when things get off track, in our critics gonna pop in really quick, spot it, right?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: Do it all over again.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: But trying not to, when things don't go perfectly, because they won't, don't get so derailed with the shame spiral and try to get back on as quick as possible.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, I love how you how you really laid all of that out.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, the question that I ask myself that really allows me to separate from it, like once once I've meditated, once I've identified that it's a thing, that I'm okay, like I'm I'm having some inner critic drama happening right now.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: I like to ask the question, is this thought that I'm having actually true?
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of similar to like your worst case scenario, which I do ask Jay quite often to hold space to play worst case scenario with me because like that is just really helpful.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: But also like asking myself, is this actually true?
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like if I have a fear that like I'm not gonna sell a package this month or I'm not gonna get a new client, I'm just like, okay, it's I don't know what's the date, December 21st when we're recording this.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, there is how many more days left in the month?
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: Is it actually true that there is no way that I can get another client, make money in any way, or sell something?
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's not true.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: That is literally not true at all.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_01: It takes one opportunity, one email, one something to completely shift the trajectory of an entire month, of an entire day, of whatever.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: So asking if it's actually true.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: And then usually the answer, actually, all of the time, the answer is no, because it's like this drama that's being just like blown out of proportion.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: But in my body, it feels true.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_01: In my body, it's like the anxiety, the overwhelm, everything that I'm feeling that feels true.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_01: So don't, as you're noticing this, know that the feelings that you're feeling, like they are real, like to your ego, it is real that this is a fear.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: But the thing is, is to switch the perspective, to be like, okay, we're not trying to bypass the feeling.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to feel the feeling.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: But then, like you said, how do we take a step and move past it?
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because we're not allowing the inner critic to paralyze us or to hold us back or to have this limiting belief that keeps us comfortable.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: Instead, it's okay, I'm noticing this.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to feel the fact that I feel overwhelmed.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_01: I feel the anxiety.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to sit with that, see how it feels.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then what helps for me is taking extra space or doing something for self-care or like being really tender with myself.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I just got the vision of like what I did probably last week.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: I was complete sad girl about something and I allowed myself to be sad girl.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then I was like, wow, I'm going to be, I'm sad girl tonight.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: And that's just the way that it is.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: So I took a nice hot shower and I put on my fuzzy robe and I wrapped myself in like 75 blankets and I put on my fuzzy slippers and I lit a candle and I was like, I'm going to be sad girl, but I'm going to be comfy sad girl, and I'm going to watch a movie that either will make me laugh or make me cry, and I'm just going to be in it.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I allowed myself to be in it for that night.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: And the next morning I woke up and I was like, hmm, I don't feel like sad girl anymore.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe all I needed was just some TLC for myself with a nice fuzzy robe.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: So it's sometimes the action step forward doesn't have to be this big dramatic thing.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's literally just giving yourself some love.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you were having a conversation with a child or parenting a child or like talking to your niece or whoever, what would you say to them?
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's usually a really great reframe of just like, what would a child need right now?
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_01: Because we when we become adults, it's like we lose that sighting of like maybe this little kid or the little kid inside of us, maybe we just need some space and a fuzzy blanket.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's exactly right.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when I am having like down days, in our critic is loud, the answer is not work harder, usually.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: The answer is I need to go outside.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: I need to like play, I need to do something nice for myself, you know, like um whatever feels a lot of it is just like sitting down, tuning in, and asking, you know, what do you need right now?
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: And um that metaphor that Mariah just brought up, I do want to say before I wanted to say it in this episode.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um one tool that you can use to really examine your inner dialogue, because I think especially if this kind of concept is new to you, it's really hard to spot at the beginning because it's so normalized.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: The way, like just um self-deprecating is very normal in our culture, and like we're trained to really put ourselves down and and then we do it really internally a lot without realizing it.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: So someone said to me, you know, imagine everything you say to yourself, imagine saying it to a child or to your best friend or to your mother, like literally imagine them in a chair and like you saying those things to them, um, or imagine them, like if you were sitting in the chair and they're behind you, imagine how they would talk to you and notice the difference, right?
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I thought about what I was saying to myself, and then like if my mom knew that I was saying that to myself, or if my friend knew that I was saying that to myself, they would be so mad, and I would never say that to them, or to uh like a my inner child or to another child, I would never speak that way, and so there's a lot of opportunity for gentleness here.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: Be more gentle with yourself.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my in-laws make fun of me, but my like my favorite phrase that I tell everyone is like, don't be so hard on yourself, you know.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: Life is really hard.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the worst thing you can do is when you are down, is to continue to beat yourself up for being down.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: So find the gentleness, find the compassion, you know, be kind to yourself.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: That is really the practice here.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and if even if that feels really hard, like because sometimes I'm just thinking about like past moments where I'm just like, yo, but beating myself up feels good in a weird way, because like, oh, damn, and sometimes you can't pull out of that.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_01: So what I find, if you're just like, oh, damn, it feels really good to talk shit to myself today.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_01: Call a friend.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_01: Allow somebody that's really supportive, that really cares about you, that really loves you, that also has the emotional capacity to hold space.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_01: Allow them to just witness you in your shit because it gets like you, it's another way for you to separate yourself from the thought because now you're saying it out loud to somebody else.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_01: And now it's opening the door for them to reflect back to you what you're saying.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_01: So that's why I think me and Shay Vox, like on we're on Voxer, and I'm just like, yo, this limiting belief is coming up.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like this.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, Shay does say that all the time, where she's kind of just like, don't beat yourself up about this.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_01: You're doing great.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes I hold that space for her.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_01: And other people in my life, like that dynamic, you might have to test it out before you find like the person that you go to, because you know, dynamics in our lives can be a little sticky.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_01: But I think verbalizing to rationalize allows us to observe our thoughts and our limiting beliefs and our patterns and our inner critic from a different perspective.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because once you allow somebody to give feedback on that, it can help you shift it and be like, oh, this isn't linear.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: This isn't only, there isn't only one way to look at this.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're right.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think like processing, Mariah says that a lot, verbalized to rationalize.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's wonderful advice.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: Either get a friend where you can kind of talk through things in a safe space, or if you don't have that luxury or are in emergency um journaling, this is like free flow, like a stream of conscious.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_00: Don't, you're not writing anything to be published, right?
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: Just sit down and write.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_00: Literally write what is going through your head, write it out.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then what happens with me, at least when I do this, I I think I've talked about on the podcast before, I'm a big fan of like um morning pages.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: Just get up, like brain dump three pages, like get all the gunk out.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_00: Is that Julia Cameron again?
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, what happens is you're gonna see some of these thoughts written down and they seem ridiculous.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, whoa, yeah, believe that.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_00: But for some reason, it can circle in here literally for weeks.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: For me, like I'll be like obsessed, I'm stuck on something, and then I write it out and I'm like, oh, and then I can like get to the next point.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: But there has to be, you have to allow yourself to process.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: And whether you do that verbally or for me, I do it more internally and like through writing, process it, you know, like sit with the feeling, honor it.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: What data is it telling you about where you're at right now and where you're headed to go?
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then like work through it, write it out, talk about it with a friend.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: Don't just like kind of stuff it down, because I think that's where you can really kind of get stuck in some uh destructive patterns.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's like once you allow yourself to process it, once you take some extra space and some some time for self-care and really pour into yourself and don't give yourself a time limit on like how long you can do self-care for.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like if one night of being in a fuzzy robe does not feel like that filled up your cup, because maybe you've been ignoring yourself for an extended period of time and maybe you need a full week, maybe you need a month, like there is no limitation or time limit.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_01: Keep checking in with yourself, see what you need.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like that question, like Shay said, like, what do I need right now?
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: And then when you're in a space where you feel more excited to move forward, you get to decide based on your desires, what you're craving, what that next action step might be.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't have to be this huge big jump.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_01: It could literally be like, okay, I'm gonna future self-journal, I'm gonna start a gratitude list, I'm going to, I don't know, make an Instagram post, I'm gonna go for a walk.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like you get to decide what this next step is based on how you're feeling and and where you want to go and what that inner critic was trying to tell you.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, one last tip, and what Mariah just touched on gratitude.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: Gratitude is the secret superpower, super tool of everything.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if you're really in a tough moment, if you can start thinking about what do you have, what's going right right now, that always for me changes my energy almost immediately.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_00: So gratitude is really like a life raft.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: Use it.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's very helpful with this kind of stuff in particular, because you know, part of this is stopping that negative dialogue, but then now what are we replacing it with?
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_00: And how can we speak to ourselves more positively and kind of balance that negative talk with more of a I can do this growth mindset?
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we talked in our last week's episode um all about that like idea of high-fiving yourself, looking yourself in the mirror and saying nice things, you know, we're what we're working towards is eventually replacing those thoughts with more of a positive, empowering dialogue, because then think about the energy that you show up to in life and your attitude when new opportunities pop up.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that's how you get those results.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_00: But take it in baby steps.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: I really hate when people give the advice when you're down and that inner critic is loud, they're like, just dance and be positive.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm more like you, Mariah where I'm like, no, I'm moody and mad right now.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_01: And this is stop telling me to dance.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, my inner child would like to throw a tantrum, and I'm going to give her that space because I'm an adult and I get to throw tantrums if I want to.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, yes, I know that dancing would make me feel good, but when I am in that moment, it is very difficult for me to talk back to the inner critic and really take that step sometimes.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so what I'll do instead is like start with gratitude, right?
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_00: Or let yourself throw a fit, feel the emotions, work through them.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know, don't like what Mariah is saying is true.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: You can't force it.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I think one thing that I'll do is I'll I'll be like, okay, I'm gonna do some self-care, I'll take a bath or whatever, and then I still don't feel better, and then I'll shame myself again because I'm not like you know, back at it.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so a lot of this takes a lot of time and space, and again, gentleness, like let it unfold, let it grow, let it evolve.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, one thing I did want to mention, uh, Natasha referred me to a podcast called Joyful Marketing, and she has an episode called the Garbage Post Challenge.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_00: Have I talked to you about this already, Mariah?
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: No, I don't think so.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you guys are really looking for like a if you're a challenge type person, you're like, I really want to work on my relationship with my inner critic, um, I think that this challenge is super cool.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: You can we'll put in the show notes um the link to the podcast episode, but you can also just Google Google Garbage Post Challenge.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_00: And um, what this is is basically can you put out a hundred pieces of content in a month?
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so putting out a piece of content requires you like writing something new or you speaking something new, you showing your face, but can you show up publicly a hundred times in a month?
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_00: And for what that does for us perfectionists that really struggle with loud inner critic is it forces you to put out content that's not perfect.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_00: You know, for me, it'll only take me a whole day to write an Instagram post.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so the idea of the garbage post challenge is that you get you're you're taking those baby steps, you're putting yourself out there, and um, you're honestly letting your worst case scenario happen, right?
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_00: You're you're maybe not getting a ton of likes on things, like maybe you don't get a ton of comments.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: And and the thing is though, you are gonna start to get some people saying, like, this is exactly what I needed to hear today.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_00: How did you know this?
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you're gonna start getting people that are resonating with what you're saying.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so what you're doing is you're proving to yourself that it is safe to do the thing, and even if it doesn't work out exactly how I thought, and even if the worst case scenario happens and I post something and nobody likes it, oh my God, I'm still here, I'm still alive, you know, I can always do something else.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'm gonna get all these validating things of people saying, like, wow, I really liked what you said, and that that's building my visibility muscles, right?
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I like this idea.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be honest, I'm kind of working up my courage to do it myself.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I really like this idea as a practice of like detaching from outcome and allowing yourself to express and be creative and be seen and not beat the heck up out of yourself when it doesn't work out exactly how you thought it would.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so I am going to try to challenge myself to my own version of the garbage post challenge and the new year.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you're interested in it, I would definitely recommend checking it out as a way to practice, like take what we've talked about here and really implement it.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think I heard Natasha talk about that on one of her Instagram lives.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna have to let me know how that goes.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_01: That's very, it's a very interesting concept to me.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I did Mariah, I know you can relate to this where when she first brought it up, I was like, no.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_00: No, I never do that.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you've said before, a lot of times when you have that initial strong reaction, it's like the exact same thing.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's the exact same, it's the exact thing you should do, right?
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's watching for inner critic, like, oh wow, he's loud here, what's going on?
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then the more I sat with it and like let it simmer, and I listened to her talk about it, and I even like got coached around it by her, it's like, oh, this actually sounds really empowering.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_00: And and more like I'm doing it for me, I've always thought of making content as for others.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_00: I've never really thought about it until this podcast is like, make it for me.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_00: What is the what are the conversations I want to have?
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: What you know, like um, it's really important to me that I am tapping into my own creativity and allowing myself space to explore curiosity.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_00: What am I doing with that?
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_00: How am I sharing it?
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like doing it for me as opposed to like for some business objective.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I like the idea of this kind of thing.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like it's going to help me build those muscles.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why it's resonating with me.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_01: I love I love challenges for that reason.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_01: When it's something that you're just like, oh, I don't know.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, yeah, notice that inner critic, notice that resistance that comes up because it might like you're having that strong reaction, like you said, for a reason.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_01: And another example is like, I remember when you told me that you had a hypnotherapist.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, what is a hypnotherapist?
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like, ugh, it's probably, it's just like meditation.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, no offense, Jay, but like it sounds like a you thing, and I don't see the point in it.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_01: And then literally I was like, wait a minute, I'm noticing that I'm like judging this idea super hard.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_01: Inner critic is really loud.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna explore this.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_01: And then, oh look, a month later, I was like, hey, I just signed up for like a full certification program to become a certified and licensed hypnotherapist and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's always just so interesting when you allow yourself the space to get curious about what the inner critic is trying to say.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_01: And then I remember when I was, I was channeling a message.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_01: I think it was for myself.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like sometimes I just sit on my couch and I just like say words out loud.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just channeling some information and I'll record it as like a voice memo and then I listen back.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the things that came through was like, post the shit that makes you feel squeamish because you're having that reaction for a reason.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I just think that that's a super empowering reframe.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, also like we can absolutely use our discernment where it's like, if you don't think that you should post it, by all means, like don't.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_01: But it's like post the shit that you're like, uh, this does not feel like me.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like, who am I to say this?
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_01: Who am I to post about this?
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_01: Post that shit.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because I personally have gotten feedback just like you said, where I posted stuff and I was like, ugh, this makes me have a vulnerability.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: Hangover, and now I need a fuzzy robe and fuzzy slippers and to go light a candle because I'm not having this.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then those are my posts that get the most comments that are literally like, oh my God, thanks so much.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just like, what?
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_01: That was helpful.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_01: That was awful for me.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'm like, wait a minute, let's switch this perspective.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_01: I need to get out of my own head here.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_01: The inner critic was just being a big asshole.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_00: And isn't that the way it always goes?
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's so interesting.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, one thing you brought up, I do, I keep saying this is my last point.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if you're having trouble finding the inner critic and identifying that voice, another thing to pay attention to is where are you being critical towards others and externally in life?
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_00: So, like Mariah was saying, like she had a big reaction to that hypnotherapist, like, oh my god, how cheesy.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I've noticed too, like when I'm being hyper-critical of others, I'll like be sarcastic and making fun of things, or like, you know, just like I see a sales page from somebody and I'm like, eye roll.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's inner critic.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_00: That is also somebody is um bothered by something on my subconscious level and feels threatened.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so a lot of times it can come out as criticism towards others.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_00: So just be aware and notice.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I've noticed a lot of times the most critical people are also the meanest to themselves on the inside, and that voice can kind of come out towards others and towards the outside.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have people in your life that are very hard, maybe give them a little space and grace too around their inner critic is allowed, you know.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe even send them this podcast episode because yeah, I mean, like we we we tend to notice it a lot more when we start noticing it in ourselves.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_01: We tend to give people a lot more grace.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_01: We tend to not take things personally a lot easier when we start to give ourselves some grace, some tenderness, and just like some space to be a damn human.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because this this shit can be changed challenging.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_01: Life can be challenging, but I think having these practices and and strengthening this self-awareness muscle, this is where our power is.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's all it all comes from the inside because that's how we operate, that's how we make decisions, that's that's how we interact with other people, that's how we create experiences based on how we're feeling on the inside.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why this shit matters.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, I know that it's cheesy, but like doing the inner work is how we change the world.
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, I'll be honest, I think that inner critic issues were the biggest thing that has held me back in business, continues to help me back in business.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_00: And to flip that, like the way that I've grown the most is by doing this work, becoming aware of it, building these muscles.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_00: And and I am now on the, I'm not gonna say on the other side of it because I do think this is more of a dance.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's something that's gonna keep popping up in different versions throughout your life, but really the skill is how can you relate to it in a different way to where it doesn't derail you every time.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so this work is powerful.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you spend time here, it may be difficult, but it will provide huge for me.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like I've reaped so many benefits and self-confidence and business growth and relationship growth, just in every area of my life.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, this shows up and and being able to have a stronger uh arsenal of tools to work with when it does pop up has been wonderful for me in my day-to-day life.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think like we're kind of reaching a natural end.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_00: Is there anything else that you're wanting to share on this before we wrap it up?
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, so I think, yeah, so I don't want to forget to mention.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_01: So if you guys need some inspiration on journaling prompts to help guide you either back to yourself, back to your desires, things like that, make sure to download the free journal prompts for the new year.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_01: So we've created that freebie for you, a bunch of journal prompts to help guide you through some of the self-reflection, self-awareness piece that we talked about.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_01: So it's totally free.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_01: Just go ahead and click the link in the show notes and you can download that freebie for those journal prompts.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_01: And we also kind of just want to plug in here that we're gonna be hosting a workshop at the end of January.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_01: And it's gonna be about how to find your focus, like a better way to plan for 2022.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really about creating a more intuitive and creative path for planning your year versus like only focusing on the metrics, the data point, the goals, all of that stuff that we kind of talked about in the previous episode.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_01: So if you guys are really craving a different approach to planning your year, whether it's personal, business, whatever it is, then definitely make sure that you download those free journal prompts to get on the email list because the people on our email list are gonna be the first ones to know when the doors open for pre-sale for that.
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then make sure that you're following us over on Instagram at Curiously Guided because we're definitely going to be posting some teaser information and opening up pre-sale over there too.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_01: So I didn't want to forget to mention that.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we are so excited.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_00: Mariah and I have a lot to say about goals to plug for our last episode if you haven't heard that yet.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and we love live group containers.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_00: So coming up in the new year, you know, one of the ways Mariah and I are pushing ourselves and taking baby steps towards um dancing a little bit more empowered with the inner critic uh is we're gonna start hosting some more live containers.
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the first one is all around, it's pretty much just like fuck goals.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we've all goals are one way to do things.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_00: We're intentionally doing the workshop a little bit later in January.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_00: So, like after you get through all the other goal setting resolutions, this is gonna be a little bit more um a different way to plan that is much more intuitive and curious.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_01: Fun, fun.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_01: Fun.
• 50:37
  SPEAKER_01: If you can't tell already, me and Shay like to have fun.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_01: We don't like to not have fun.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_00: So everything we do, which is like a balance of woo in business, right?
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna start a little bit maybe more and more quote unquote out there.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_00: We'll like start with more um mindset meditation type work, but then we're gonna end with like really tactical, hands-on activities.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_00: Our workshops are really you're involved, we're having you do things, it's very um dynamic and live.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_00: And we, Mariah and I both really love QA and kind of um like the magic that happens in a live space.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_00: So that is what we are excited to bring into the new year.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_01: So if you like listening to the podcast and you like hanging out with us, you're obviously going to love the hell out of this workshop.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_01: So make sure that you download those journal prompts, make sure that you sign up for the email list to get first dibs on the pre-sale.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, if you guys like this episode as much as we did about the inner critic and you want to share it with uh a family member or a friend or somebody that you think would love this or find it helpful because sometimes they're not mutually exclusive, uh, definitely share it with your friend.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_01: We'd absolutely appreciate it.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_01: And if you like this episode, go ahead and give us a five-star review because that allows us to grow the podcast and grow with you guys.
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, we just want to say thank you so much for listening and for your support.
• 52:13
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, remember that you have the power to create whatever the hell you want.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_00: Follow the nudge, ask questions, and let curiosity guide the way.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see you in the next episode.