Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / I'll Do Better Tomorrow - The Virtue of Patience

Transcript

I'll Do Better Tomorrow - The Virtue of Patience · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. It's Friday
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: the thirteenth. That was my best laugh. You didn't even
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  Speaker 1: know it was my wicked witch, my kind of monster laugh.
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  Speaker 1: The more hot, tough crowd today, missus Happy Families. Are
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  Speaker 1: you awake? You're with us? I know it's Friday, I
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: know it's been a long week, but are you there?
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: I was just thinking about the other night we were
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: going for a walk and a car pulled into the
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: driveway listening to Michael Jackson's thrill Lark.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: I kind of felt like I was in nineteen eighty
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  Speaker 1: four for a second. I felt like I'd literally been
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  Speaker 1: transported back to their thinking that your darkness crawls across
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: the land. Today, we're not talking about Friday the thirteenth.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: It is our older but of tomorrow, Happy Families Friday Edition,
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: and we're going to talk to you about how to
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: have awesome relationships with the in laws.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: You don't have any gruesome stories you're going to share.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: No, Plus a powerful story about patients, maybe the most
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: underrated tool in the parental toolkit, and more untill coming
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: up in a sex day with us. Hello, Welcome to
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: the Happy Family Podcast, where you get real parenting solutions
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: every single day. This is Australia's most downloaded parent podcast.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: I just love saying that makes me feel special. Thanks
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: for listening to us, because we do our very best
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: to add value to your life and make your family
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: feel more functional. My name is so Justin Colson here
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: with my wife and under our six kids. Missus Happy families.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Kylie Coulson, Kylie.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Who's I just need a theme song?
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: I'm sure that JR can do something here.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: Sez because busy place.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: How good is JR? Do you feel special?
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: It so special?
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: You are special? Do you want to go first today, ladies,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: fair gentlemen? Or should I kick off our older better tomorrow?
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Lessons learned and what we can do to make family
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: life for ourselves and for a happy families. Listeners are
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: better at starting tomorrow.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: Well, I know that you've had a pretty good week,
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: so do you start all right?
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I'm going to do it two stories for me. I
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  Speaker 1: know that that's being a bit greedy.
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  Speaker 2: It is being very greedy.
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  Speaker 1: I'll make them both fast. Number one, we have a
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to say tradition is the wrong word, but
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  Speaker 1: I've created a pattern, a habit, a habit. I do
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  Speaker 1: this thing. There we go. I do this thing, and
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  Speaker 1: I'm not doing it as nearly often as I should.
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  Speaker 1: But we've decided that one of the most.
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  Speaker 2: Important I don't think you can use the words should,
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  Speaker 2: because there's no shoulds.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, there's no rules nobody. We want to have better
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  Speaker 1: relationship with our in laws at the generation below us,
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  Speaker 1: that is our kids husbands, than we have with the
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  Speaker 1: generation above us, that is your parents and my parents,
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: my parents. Actually we do reason we will. Your parents
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  Speaker 1: can sometimes be a little bit challenging, and I haven't
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: had a great our history. My history with your parents
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  Speaker 1: is patchy. Can we say that. I've said it. It's
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: out there, and in an effort to make sure that
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  Speaker 1: we can combat that in the upcoming generation so that
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  Speaker 1: our sons in law look at us with positivity and
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  Speaker 1: warmth and wants to be around us, I've decided that
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: every quarter or thereabouts, maybe it's every six months, every
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  Speaker 1: so often, I take our son in law out for breakfast.
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  Speaker 2: And what are we going to do once we have
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  Speaker 2: six of them, I'm going to.
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  Speaker 1: Have a lot of breakfasts, evidently, So I took our
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  Speaker 1: son in law out for breakfast on Saturday morning of
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  Speaker 1: last week, we went to a great cafe. We sat
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  Speaker 1: down and we just talked for like an hour and
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  Speaker 1: a half.
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  Speaker 2: You're gone a long and it wasn't long enough.
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  Speaker 1: And when it was over, I was like, we really
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  Speaker 1: need to get in the car and go back because
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  Speaker 1: people are going to be waiting for us. And he's like, yeah, no,
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  Speaker 1: but this is fine, isn't it? And I was like,
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  Speaker 1: it really is and he meant it and I meant it.
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  Speaker 1: It was just so delightful, And just keep on coming
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  Speaker 1: back to this thing. How do you spell love? Love
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  Speaker 1: is spelled t im when we make the time to
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  Speaker 1: invest in the relationships, when we show people that we
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  Speaker 1: want to see them and hear them and value them,
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  Speaker 1: when they feel accepted, when we're willing to give. There's
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  Speaker 1: this quote that I have right here on my desk
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  Speaker 1: and I use it all the time. I look at
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  Speaker 1: it and I just I take it as inspiration. The
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  Speaker 1: quotes from Simone will a while I don't know, and
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  Speaker 1: it says attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.
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  Speaker 1: It's from a letter to the poet Joe book or
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  Speaker 1: I can't say his last name from nineteen forty two.
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  Speaker 1: Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity, and
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  Speaker 1: that's kind of what this breakfast is about. So when
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  Speaker 1: we came back from breakfast time, maybe it was the
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  Speaker 1: same morning, or maybe later that day our second daughter, Oh, hello,
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  Speaker 1: our second daughter's getting married. I don't know if we've
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: I don't think we've said that on the podcast. Our
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: second daughter is getting married. So our future son in
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  Speaker 1: law was home and I said, I've just come back, Elijah,
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  Speaker 1: I've just come back from breakfast with Jared. Guess what,
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  Speaker 1: you and I are going to have breakfast every three
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  Speaker 1: to six months as well. Get used to it, buddy.
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  Speaker 1: And he was looking at me like what is going
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  Speaker 1: on here? Like no, no, no's And Jared stepped in. He said,
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  Speaker 1: we just had the best morning. So you've got this
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  Speaker 1: precedent set now. And I don't know, I mean, hopefully
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  Speaker 1: Elijah will be cool with it. Maybe he won't, maybe
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  Speaker 1: he won't want to. But attention is the rarest and
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  Speaker 1: purest form of generosity. In my old A better tomorrow
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  Speaker 1: is if you want to have great relationship with the
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  Speaker 1: in laws, you've got to spend time with them. And
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  Speaker 1: maybe it's easier when you're the father in law and
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  Speaker 1: you're taking the son in law out. Incidentally, our daughters
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  Speaker 1: often say, when are you taking me out for breakfast?
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  Speaker 2: You might have said to Elijah that you actually ditch
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  Speaker 2: the girls.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, need some man time. He need some testosterone pumping
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  Speaker 1: around the place. So anyway, that's my first one. The
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: second one, really quickly is just the underrated virtue of patients.
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  Speaker 1: Two quick stories around this number one. I asked one
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  Speaker 1: of the kids to come and help with the dishes
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  Speaker 1: the other night while I was in the kitchen, I
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  Speaker 1: was slaving away. It was hot, the air conditioner wasn't working,
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  Speaker 1: and you know, it's like hands in the hot sink
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  Speaker 1: and you can just feel the sweat trickling down your back.
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  Speaker 1: And I was in the kitchen on my own, and
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  Speaker 1: I was feeling quite miserable and sorry for myself, even
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  Speaker 1: though I do like doing the dishes. So I called
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  Speaker 1: out to daughter X. I won't say which one it was,
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  Speaker 1: and no response. So I caught out again, no response,
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  Speaker 1: caught out a third time, no response, fourth time. I
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  Speaker 1: went to the door. Because this is what I teach
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  Speaker 1: people to do. Actually make sure you've got people's attention
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  Speaker 1: before you start talking to them, and I said, I've
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  Speaker 1: caught you four times, and she said, I've got my
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  Speaker 1: headphones on. I didn't know. I said, well, I can
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  Speaker 1: do it. Some help in the kitchen. She rolled her
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  Speaker 1: eyes like God's the worst thing I've ever asked her
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  Speaker 1: to do. And then I just left it. And I thought,
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  Speaker 1: I'm not going to have a fight about it because
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  Speaker 1: I'm already hot and bothered and I'm starting to get
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  Speaker 1: a head full of steam as well. And what was
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  Speaker 1: so funny is that about two minutes later she walked
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  Speaker 1: out of her own volition. She just needed that time
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  Speaker 1: to process and go Okay, I was in the middle
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  Speaker 1: of doing this thing. It's not really that important. Dad's
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  Speaker 1: wants my help. I don't really want to help him.
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  Speaker 1: She had to work it out, but because I was patient,
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  Speaker 1: she came and she helped really happily. She had a
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  Speaker 1: good attitude. It went really well. But what I didn't
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  Speaker 1: tell her was that at least four times in that
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  Speaker 1: two minutes that I was waiting and being patient and
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  Speaker 1: nearly put my hands out of the sink, drive them
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  Speaker 1: on the tetawel and stormed in her room and said,
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: how hard is it faired? Income, have a go, make
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  Speaker 1: a contribution, be part of the family. I so badly
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  Speaker 1: wanted to just test strips off her, but that wouldn't
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  Speaker 1: have ended well and patience. Patience got us there. So
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  Speaker 1: that's my alder. Bed tomorrow, I said I had a
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  Speaker 1: second story. I'm not going to share it. It's another
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  Speaker 1: story about patience, and it makes the same point. When
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  Speaker 1: we're patient, we get better outcomes, and when we are impatient,
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  Speaker 1: we tend to just put people against us.
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  Speaker 2: Just as a side note, yeah, the kids often talk
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  Speaker 2: about how much they enjoy listening to the podcast and
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: hearing their name meant to.
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  Speaker 1: Me, I'm not mentioning this one's name.
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  Speaker 2: But after you'd taken our son in law, Jared out
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  Speaker 2: for breakfast, he made the comment that he'd asked chat
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  Speaker 2: GPT if he knew who Justin Colson's son in law was.
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  Speaker 1: Sorry, I just need to clarify. Chat GPT is not
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: a he, it's an IT. It's just an AI bot.
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  Speaker 1: But anyway, so she has chat whether or not it
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  Speaker 1: knew it knew who I was, who his son.
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  Speaker 2: In law was, and it said I have no idea.
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  Speaker 1: Of course, Jared was.
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  Speaker 2: Like, could it be Jared.
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  Speaker 1: Had a conversation with them.
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  Speaker 2: And it said, well, it has reference to Jared in
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  Speaker 2: many podcasts.
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  Speaker 1: Well, now you're calling me the This is confusing, isn't it. Hey?
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  Speaker 1: After the break, Missus Happy Family is with her old
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  Speaker 1: do better tomorrow and how it changed the game in
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: our family.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: This week.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: We're back. This is the Happy Famili's podcast. Thank you
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: so much for listening. If you're enjoying the pod, please like, subscribe,
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: and even share the podcast with people around you. The
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: more people who find out about it, the more families
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: we make happier. And that's kind of our goal here,
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: not kind of, that's exactly, that's explicitly that's precisely what
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: we're looking for. We want to make an impact. If
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: our podcast helps your family be happier, if it gives
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: you some entertainment in the morning, if it makes a
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: difference in your home, please share the pod with those
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: around your lives. Five star rating and review were like
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: those two Missus Happy Families over to you older about
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: it tomorrow? What did you learn this week? What did
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: you get right? What did you get wrong? How does
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: it change the game for all of us?
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: A handful of years ago, I watched a reel where
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: a mum shared that she just had this little catch
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: phrase that she used to share with her kids every
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: time they left the house. Was just a little reminder
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  Speaker 2: of who they were and what they stood for.
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  Speaker 1: And we created our own as a result of that.
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  Speaker 2: We did. And I have to admit that when our
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: kids go away, whether it's just overnight to hang out
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: at a friend's place or they've gone on a road
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: trip for three or four days, I kind.
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  Speaker 1: Of breathe a high of relief, like I do.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: I do, Yeah, I do, because I feel like I
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  Speaker 2: can just focus on the people in my space, and.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: We have so many people in our space, so when
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  Speaker 1: there's one or two less, it does feel goind of good. Okay, yep.
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  Speaker 2: But as a result, sometimes I think the kids that
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: are away wonder if I am thinking about them. And
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  Speaker 2: it's not that I'm not thinking about them, but I'm
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: not worrying about them in the same way I have
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: to worry about the people in my space.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, out a side out of mind kind.
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  Speaker 2: Of a little bit. And anyway, the other day, we
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: actually had three children away all at once. They were
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: all all hanging out with different friends over the weekend
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: and Normally I wouldn't even think about it. I would
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: just be like, they're having fun. If they want me,
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: they know where to get me.
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  Speaker 1: And they're all adults, like they can figure life out.
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  Speaker 1: They're okay.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: But at the last minute, before I turned the light
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: off that night, I just sent them out a little
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  Speaker 2: catchphrase and just said, just wanted you to know I
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: was thinking of your love, mum. And I woke up
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  Speaker 2: the next morning to three different phone calls. Oh well,
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: they each rang me just to fill me in and
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: let me know how the night went and what their
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  Speaker 2: day looked like and what time I could expect them home.
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  Speaker 2: And it wasn't because I asked them. I peppered them
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: with lots of questions. It wasn't because they felt like
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: they had to. It was because I had taken the
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: time to just connect with them. Even though it was
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: one way they got my message late at night, it
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: made them recognize and know that they were loved, and
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: they were willing and excited to share their news with
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: me the following morning. And it was just such a
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: beautiful reminder to me that we can get so caught
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: up in what's right in front of us that we
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: miss opportunities for connection that are desperately needed by our kids.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: Because I still stand by the fact that they actually
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: want us in their lives, even when they're silent, even
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: when there's surly eye rolling.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: And ornery attitude attitudes.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: They want us. They want to share their world with us,
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  Speaker 2: and we just have to give them the teenious reason
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  Speaker 2: to jump and they will.
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  Speaker 1: So I'm going to be a little bit personal here.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Our catch phrase we've got faith background, we've never shot
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: away from sharing that is, choose the right, be a light,
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: trust in God with all your might, and that's what
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: you're sent them that night. So I was thinking about
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: there be a lot of people who are listening who
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: are not religious, but might want to think, well, what
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: could a catchphrase be when the kids leave? How can
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: I inspire my children to be the best selves when
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: they leave the house, right, And that's the whole purpose
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: of that catch phrase, And so I jotted a couple down,
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: be kind, be brave, be you. I love the idea
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: of just encouraging our kids to be strong and caring,
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: but to be themselves, to tap into their identity. Be kind,
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: be brave, be you. Imagine saying that every time you
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: can s left the house. How inspiring that message gets.
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  Speaker 1: In another one that I gotted down, choose courage, spread joy, grow.
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  Speaker 1: Oh maybe it's a bit cheesy. I don't know, but
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  Speaker 1: I just love the idea. Again. There's that choose courage,
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  Speaker 1: and when you say spread joy, you're kind of saying,
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: be a positive energizer in the lives of the people
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: around you. Here's another one, make it count, lift others up,
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  Speaker 1: never give up. So these kinds of ideas, I don't
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  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to rhyme. It doesn't have to.
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  Speaker 2: It's about tapping into what's your family.
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  Speaker 1: Value, your family values.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, and just being a really quick, easy reminder to
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: children each time they.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: Walk out the door. Yeah, be your best self. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: be a great example. It can be so simple. But
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: we've just found that those three little things that we
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: say make a really big difference, and I think that
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: they've changed the trajectory of our family. So love your
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: odd bit of tomorrow. Hopefully it inspires other families to
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: help their families to grow and thrive and to stay
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: connected as well. That's the through line for today. We
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: hope you've enjoyed the Happy Families podcast today. Thanks so much.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: For listening. The Happy Family's podcast is back Monday with
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: more great episodes to inspire your family the happiness, including
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: a conversation about Live three sixty and whether we should
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: be tracking our kids big topic. Thanks so much to
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: Justin rule On from Bridge Media. He is the producer
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: of the podcast and makes it sound awesome, makes us
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: sound great. Minhammans provides admin and additional support. If you
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: would like more information to make your family happier, visit
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: us at Happy families dot com dot a U. I
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: have a great weekend. Jess Caie Callie Coulson turning kaoson
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: to Grace building Happy.
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: This one big busy please you Yeah, and they believe
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: her in their hearts.