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Susan Gold - Toxic Family · Postcards to the Universe

0:07
Welcome to Postcards to the Universe with Melissa Capria. Do you believe in magic?
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What if you were told that all you had to do was get a
0:17
little creative and work a magic spell to bring anything you can imagine into your
0:22
life. Here on Postcards to the Universe, we will share manifesting tips,
0:28
postcards, creativity, abundance, and prosperity. Here's your host, Melissa Capria.
0:37
Hey everybody, and welcome to Postcards to the Universe with Melissa Creating the
0:41
Life you Crave. It's Wednesday. It's my favorite day. I love doing
0:45
my show. I hope you guys are doing well. I got a new
0:48
mic, so from what I understand it sounds pretty good. So you guys
0:54
let me know. It's a really nice mic, so hopefully it'll be nice
0:58
and clear, and let me know what you guys think. I'm a really
1:00
cool guest today. She's author Susan Gold and she's going to join me in
1:06
just a few minutes and we're going to be sharing her story from her book
1:10
Toxic Family, Transforming childhood Trauma into adult Freedom, and it's about her journey
1:15
and I think everybody pretty much can relate to some kind of toxicity right from
1:21
our childhood. That happens somewhere, whether from family, friends, school,
1:23
bullies. Who knows. We've all experienced it to some degree. So I'm
1:27
excited to talk to her in just a couple minutes about that. To my
1:32
regulars, thanks so much, guys for joining me. Each week, I
1:36
see that, you know, I get downloads from each week. I get
1:40
a little thing that tells me the downloads I get for people who are listening
1:44
to the podcast, and it makes me very happy. And I get emails
1:47
from people who tell me that they really enjoy my show. So I really
1:49
appreciate that, and I appreciate you coming back. And if you are new
1:53
to my show, welcome. Thank you so much for being here. And
1:57
I hope you do keep coming back and you can all so listen to the
2:00
show at any time on the replays. We always put up the replay after
2:04
the show goes live, because we're live, we record live. But a
2:07
little bit about me. I am an author. I'm a photographer and artist,
2:12
and I have a book and it's called Postcards to the Universe. Harness
2:15
the Universe's power and manifest your dreams. And the way that I laid out
2:19
the book is There are thirty manifesting stories in the book, along with the
2:24
photos that I took of the contributors manifesting postcards. And I call manifesting postcards
2:30
because they're sort of like a little minivision board. People create them, they
2:34
rate, they write, and they put down in any way. They want
2:38
what it is they want to bring into their life, and they send it
2:40
to me. And when their manifestation became the reality, they shared with me
2:46
their stories and that's what I included in the book, and so it was
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really fun putting it together. And I also I had a whole I put
2:57
a bunch of writing exercises in a whole tool box full of stuff about how
3:01
to manifest in the main areas that we always could use more abundance, and
3:06
that's love and money and health and career. So a lot of times people
3:09
don't know exactly what it is they want, but they just know they want
3:13
to be happier, they want to have more money, but they're not quite
3:15
sure what they want to do with it. So that's what helps us get
3:20
real clear on what it is we want. So that's how I broke down
3:23
the book. So I would love it if you would check it out and
3:27
you can find it of course on Amazon dot com and Barnes and Noble dot
3:30
com. Or if you want to get it from your favorite bookstore and they
3:34
don't have it, you can just ask them to order it and they can
3:36
get it for you. Each week I ask people to send me a manifesting
3:40
postcard, and a manifesting postcard is really powerful, and if you want to
3:46
know how to do it, you can find out how to do it on
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my website Postcards to the Universe dot com, and there's an address on there
3:52
about where to send it. And if you do sign up for my newsletter
3:57
to join my movement, you get a free you get actually to free gifts
4:00
and one is a little ritual on manifesting and the other is just more in
4:06
depth about creating a manifesting postcard, So you can check that out. And
4:11
if you like Facebook and you like to join groups on Facebook that are fun
4:15
and uplifting, I have a group. It's public. It's called Postcards of
4:18
Love, So you can join me over there and you can post anything uplifting,
4:23
sweet, funny, all good stuff. I've been sharing the last few
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weeks because I recently started doing a workshop, and it's called Manifesting through Gratitude,
4:34
a visual journey, and it's really cool because as far as my own
4:43
personal experience, I have found that gratitude, being more grateful for what we
4:46
already have, is like the fastest way to bring in more of the things
4:51
that we want. So the workshop is going to be going on a continuous
4:56
basis, So it starts it's a five week workshop. It's Thursday evenings six
5:00
to eight, and then once one ends, we're going to be starting over
5:04
for a new one with a new group of people who want to join,
5:08
So you can join me and I would love it. It's two hours on
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Thursday evenings. It's going to be on your from the comfort of your home,
5:16
so you don't have to go anywhere. And I'm breaking it down into
5:23
different sections. So each week we're going to cover a different area of our
5:30
life to be grateful for. So Week one focuses on worthiness and self love
5:34
because we have to build on that. We have to feel worthy of those
5:38
things that we are asking for. Week two will cover our health and wellness,
5:43
because when we don't feel good and our health isn't well, it's really
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really hard to do and accomplish the other things we want. Week three looks
5:53
at our money story and our financial abundance. Week four we go into our
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personal relationships, which is family, friends, and of course romance. And
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then the final week is going to be dedicated to a personal check in,
6:04
sharing experiences and what comes up for us in an open Q and A.
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But at the end of each two hour workshop, we're going to have questions
6:13
and answer part And what makes my workshop a little bit different than maybe some
6:18
of the ones that you guys have seen, is we're going to be doing,
6:23
of course, the writing exercises for clarity, but I'm asking people to
6:29
use their camera phones because as a photographer that's my wheelhouse, right and how
6:34
we can use photo prompts to help us shift our thinking and start living in
6:40
gratitude by using our camera to find those things in our environment that we already
6:45
have. It's going to be like a beautiful visual gratitude a journal by the
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end of the course. So it's going to it's so much fun. I'm
6:55
so excited about it, and I'm going to have all my students make a
7:00
manifesting postcard in each area of that we're working on at the end of each
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week, and so you're going to come away after you know, five weeks,
7:10
feeling so much more joyful in your life. I mean, just because
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we take for granted a lot, a lot, and I am guilt together
7:19
too about the things we already have. Right, So this is just a
7:24
course that makes us focus on what we already have to shift our energy into
7:30
from lack into abundance. And once we're in abundance, baby, then everything
7:34
we want starts coming to us in the most craziest, unbelievable ways that you
7:40
could even imagine. So check it out so you can find it on my
7:44
website under workshops. But also if you go to find f I N D
7:48
uniquely U n I q U e l yu dot com forward slash Melissacaprio,
7:56
you can get all the information about the workshop. So please, if you
8:01
have any questions, you know, just email me. I'm an open book
8:03
share whatever you guys need to know. Okay, So a little bit more,
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I share a magical message each week. It's an image of a manifesting
8:11
postcard and I photograph it because I love affirmations and it's a reminder for me,
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so I like to share it on all my social media. And this
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week's is to love, and it's just you know, I mean, I
8:26
don't really need to give much of an explanation on how to love, but
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it's just a reminder for us to give more love wherever we see a need
8:33
for it, whether it's romance, friends, family, animals. I kind
8:39
of use this weeks with like an animal theme about how do we love our
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animals? Like that was just what inspired me. But it's not just set
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to that. It's to show more love to others and of course to ourself.
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That's the most important thing. And that's going to seg me, segue
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me to my guest, because that's what she did for herself. From her
9:03
background. So let me give you a little bit about Susan So. Susan
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Gold was raised in a challenging and chaotic family system, the middle child of
9:11
five. To fully thrive, she bravely chose to meet the demons of her
9:16
upbringing that were continuing to repeat. Her book, Toxic Family, Transforming Childhood
9:22
Trauma into Adult Freedom is about that journey and a small rural town in central
9:28
Pennsylvania. Young Susie is facing trauma as the middle child in a violent and
9:33
chaotic household. Her brilliant, alcoholic astrophysicist father and equally ingenious, mentally ill
9:41
homemaking mother have collided in dysfunction, creating five children in short succession, with
9:48
covert and overt abuse running rampant, a riveting and intense chronicle of a childhood
9:54
filled with harsh initiations, all led to a masterful and thought provoking transfer.
10:00
The bulliant belief and determination of a young girl with a vision who would not
10:05
bend to self destruct, but rather would convert her experience to triumph are told
10:11
masterfully in this stunning work. Susan leaves us with support and practical tools she
10:16
uses today to move forward. Centered around each sections theme, breathwork, journaling,
10:22
meditation, movement, all combined in a creative healing process. She is
10:28
leading retreats, webinars, workshops, and private sessions to help others drop outdated
10:33
storylines and programming in exchange for living from the heart and authentic freedom as adults.
10:41
So if you want to find out more about Susan, you can go
10:43
to her website Susangold dot us. Welcome Susan, thanks so much for being
10:50
here today. The lista I'm thrilled to be here and oh my gosh,
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you are leading up with such hard and such creativity or what is beautiful you're
11:03
manifesting? Bookcards are amazing and the BODA is genius. I'm gonna go hit
11:11
quick and put it in my card. Oh thank you. Yeah, it
11:16
was really great to put it together, you know it was. I mean,
11:20
you know when we're going to talk about your book now, your book.
11:22
Your book is a very very personal memoir of some very painful experiences that
11:28
you went through like mine. I mean, I you know, paint got
11:33
me to where I needed to go, but mine was more fun putting together
11:37
and light you know, so I can't even imagine what that must have been
11:43
U having the courage to write your story. You want to share a little
11:46
bit with us about your story and what made you feel like you wanted to
11:52
share it with people. Well, in two thousand and seven, I was
11:56
told by an Irish seer that I had a book to and I promptly shoved
12:01
that idea under the closest carpet. Then in twenty nineteen, I had back
12:07
to back intuitive tell me I had a book to write, the last one
12:11
telling me I had three books, right, And I thought Okay, I
12:16
better get busy before it's a freaking library. So I was encouraged to write
12:24
my own personal and professional experience. I was told it was unique, and
12:28
I said, how is this unique? It's sort of like everyone's. But
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I got to it, and yeah, I know my story isn't like everyone's.
12:37
Thank goodness, and Toxic Family is not my title, it's my publisher's
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title. But my title was transforming childhood trauma into adult freedom, because that's
12:54
what it is to me. I've done so much work over decades and it's
13:01
really found healing and Melissa, maybe it's it's, you know, remnants of
13:07
my southern California days. But I do believe that I was placed in my
13:13
family with purpose, and I have tremendous respect for the roles that my dad
13:20
and my mom played alone with my siblings, and I have gratitude and that's
13:26
been a transformative shift for me as I've walked this earthly walk on this thought
13:35
forsaken planet. Right, well, it's not surprising that they would pick Toxic
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Family because, like, just from having experience working with a publisher, they
13:46
want people to pick up your book, right, that's the main goal is
13:50
to grab your book, just to pick it up and then read what it's
13:54
about, so can I can understand that. But yeah, it is about
13:58
your transform transforming the toxicity that you experienced into healing and what you can share
14:07
with others because a lot of people have been through some really terrible things and
14:11
they don't they don't know what to do with all of that pain. And
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so when you read somebody else's story, it makes you think, well,
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God, look at what she went through, look at what she's doing.
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I can do it too, you know. And that's why I feel I'm
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here. I mean, I had an amazing and littering career working with you
14:35
know, household names and as a producer for television and film, but honestly,
14:41
I'm here to create conversation around a taboo topic and to clear you know,
14:50
toxic family, blood wise and ancestry. And there's no shame in the
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help to drop that shape and to really get to a place of beauty and
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freedom. Hm. So you said you made a comment, You said that
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you believe, and I'm I'm believing that more and more the older I get
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and the more I learn. Is that And you know, a lot of
15:20
people like Boohoo this, but that we make our choices before we incarnate about
15:26
the experiences we're going to have, because there's something our soul needs to learn,
15:33
you know, So so we're we're kind of clear in what we're signing
15:37
up for. Is that what you mean by that? Like, because I've
15:41
heard that thought from others and and I'm starting to wonder, you know,
15:46
maybe that is possible, you know, for our own soul's evolution. Yeah.
15:52
I mean you talk about and have created a movement around manifestation which is
15:58
so explosive it and I firmly believe that I taped this all out. I
16:04
mean, free will does exist, but it's honestly, Melissa, the only
16:11
way that I can really make sense of it all and really feel the peace
16:18
in it. And I have created huge opportunity for soul evolution during this walk.
16:26
And what I'm really grateful for is that I had the strength. I
16:30
had the support team around me, you know, on this earth and on
16:34
the other side that to encourage me and to help me walk through you know,
16:41
all that I have with love in my heart the best that I could
16:48
and to the best of my ability, and just the fact that that I'm
16:52
able to put it down in black and white and share it with others.
16:56
I mean, there have been many the podcast hosts that have you interviewed me
17:02
saying why would you write a book record or how could you expose this truth
17:08
about your own experience? And honestly, this is the reason that I'm here
17:17
to open this dialogue. Yeah, well, you want to share a little
17:22
bit from your book about what it was like in your household as as a
17:26
kid, so people listening can kind of understand, you know, what we're
17:30
talking about. I was the middle of five children, and my dad is
17:37
a genius astrophysicist who also had an issue with alcohol and sexual addiction and narcissism.
17:49
And my mother has five children in very short succession. I think she
17:56
was thirty by the time she had all of us, and she was relegated
18:02
to being a carecaker and really self food through food. And it took me
18:11
until my twenties, Melissa, to realize that diet pills that were prescribed back
18:15
then were speed So I was being raised by an alcoholic and a speed freak.
18:22
And I also believe she had mental illness because she could be incredibly lived
18:29
and just so gentle and then switch on a dine and I was being beaten
18:37
almost to the point of losing consciousness, and I didn't know why. So
18:44
it was quite chaotic in my home. Abuse was flattered over, every previce,
18:48
every type of abuse imaginable, and then it was denied and glossed over.
18:57
We looked so from the outside, inn I mean, somehow my high
19:03
school friends have gotten wind of this, I guess through social media. Those
19:07
that have gotten the book are stunned with my story. My college boyfriend is
19:12
like I never knew, he'd never let on, And honestly, to me,
19:18
I knew that I was in a chaotic home. I wished myself away.
19:22
I did believe when the morning after I graduated high school at seventeen,
19:30
But I didn't understand the depth of the toxicity until the red flag started to
19:36
appear in my early adult li And I imagine that a lot of those red
19:41
flags showed up in romantic relationships, right, Oh my goodness, Yeah that
19:49
pays out. Yeah, lots of lots of arguing and drama, and initially
19:57
and then clinical depression. The ten year struggle with clinical depression off and on,
20:04
and even though I had incredible recovery, I got clean when I was
20:10
twenty five, and it was a long term meditator, and you know,
20:15
overcame the clinical depression, I mean suicidal depression for me, suicidal thoughts.
20:22
I was six years old. I was in front of the cabinet that had
20:26
pots and pans and the nives stored in the chopping block, and I took
20:30
one of the nine bouts and I surveyed the blade and I said, I
20:34
could just put this through my chest right now, it would all be over.
20:38
And I heard my mother yelling from the hallway, and I put that
20:42
in my back so fast and clamba the chetistry. But that was that was
20:48
the first real suicidal thought that I had, and I've I've struggled with it
20:53
off and earned throughout throughout my adulthood. Wow, we were such a baby
21:00
at six years old. Oh my god, that's like heartbreaking, you know
21:04
that you were so young. Now is your family? Are your parents still
21:08
alive? My dad is? My mom transitioned probably like four years ago.
21:15
But we were very um telepathically connected, and I didn't realize it until she
21:23
trans transferment. I was carrying on the same conversations I had from opposite sides
21:30
of the country. So what is your dads say about your book? Did
21:34
he read it? And your siblings? How is that? Because sometimes what
21:40
happens is the one in the family that tells the truth, you know,
21:45
is the truth teller gets cast out a lot and gets rejected, you know,
21:48
because they don't want their secrets known. Right, everybody wants to keep
21:52
the secrets hidden. So how is that for you? Honestly, it's been
21:59
really tough. So I could not write this book by committee. And I
22:04
knew that, and I'm still a super EmPATH Melissa, So I had to
22:10
write this book in truth. I shared with my family that I was writing
22:14
a book, and I thought if anybody said they wanted to read the manuscript,
22:18
I would share it with him them. And then my sister has read
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the book and she said she had no idea how much pain I was.
22:30
In her memory of our childho is very different than mine. She feels she
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had an idelic up bringing. My oldest brother, his childhood is almost all
22:41
blacked out because the trauma was so great. Yeah, and he read the
22:47
book and was completely traumatized his whole construct and it's been I believe ultimately it
22:59
would be a gear for him to move through to become more present in his
23:06
life and more authentick to his own inner being. But it's pretty painful right
23:12
now. And my father is still on the sense whether he wants to read
23:18
the book or not, and I totally totally respect his wishes, and I
23:23
don't expect him, you know, don't really want him to read it,
23:27
because honestly, I know in my heart he did the very best he could.
23:33
He came forth from abuse himself, like my mother kids from horrible abuse.
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It was abused children, raising abused children for decades through the ancestry,
23:47
and I know that, and I had conversation with my father about that,
23:51
and he authentically loved all of us, all of his kids, as best
23:56
as he's able to. And I know that in my heart, and that's
24:00
what matters to me today, that life. Yeah. Yeah, Well,
24:06
you have to tell your story from your perspective because it is interesting. And
24:11
I know that from experience having siblings, and we each have a very different
24:18
um you know, experience growing up and with our parents, you know,
24:23
so I can understand how everybody, depending on where they came in the family
24:30
line and what was going on in the family at the time. You know,
24:33
how everybody could one sibling could be like, really that that I don't
24:38
I don't remember that, or I didn't have that experience, you know,
24:41
So that's not surprising to me that that your family is, you know,
24:47
kind of like scattered about where they are with the story. But this is
24:52
your experience. So you have to describe, you know, your truth and
24:56
how you experienced it growing up in that life. So you go through this,
25:03
you're you know, you have all the trauma. You're grown up.
25:06
You're seeing the red flags, like what was the moment that you said I
25:10
need to heal this, Like where was the spark of to creating the transformation
25:15
from the trauma? Well, I used to watch Barbara Walters on my beam
25:18
bed chair in my basement on my belly when I was ten growing up,
25:22
and I just wanted to get to New York City as soon as possible.
25:25
I did. I was nineteen living in Greenwich Village on my own doing and
25:29
internship, and I went there after college and I worked at a large global
25:33
talent agency and wasn't making enough money to pay the bills, so I took
25:38
on a side job as an exercise trainer, a personal trainer in Barbara Walters
25:44
became one of my coins. So that's a manifestation that's watching her, and
25:51
that's it. That's it. That's an example of it right there. You
25:52
put the thought, you put the feeling out there, and she was somehow
25:56
attracted and you guys met. That's it right there. So at seven am.
26:03
I ran her doorbell one morning and she said, didn't get in here,
26:06
what's going on. She was a great interviewer for a reason, and
26:08
she got it out of me very quickly. I've been sexually harassed by my
26:12
boss in the workplace the day before, and she said, I'm coming to
26:17
work with you this morning and we're going to confront this gentleman together. And
26:19
I said, yeah, no, Barbara, I got this one. And
26:23
so I did confront my boss, who promptly fired me. I had two
26:27
and a half months of cash in the bank, I was newly sober,
26:33
and I had just execated myself from another abusive relationship where the gentleman held the
26:38
purse strings. I'm embarrassed to say. And Barbara said, come be Merve's
26:44
assistant, my fiance. He was running a film distribution company at the time.
26:48
And I said, Barbara, I can't be another assistant after what I've
26:51
experienced, but thank you. So I launched my own talent brokerage firm and
26:57
ended up knocking on the door of the factory to convince Andy Warhol to do
27:04
a commercial for Pontiac that he did not want. Wow, sounds like a
27:11
really amazing time to be in New York. All right, let's I want
27:15
to hear more. So let's pause here because I just looked at the clock
27:18
and we're at the half hour mark. So let's take our break now,
27:21
and then we'll come back and keep talking to you. Guys. Stay tuned
27:22
and Blackness a couple of minutes with Susan Conscious Media for Conscious Minds ome Times
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Com. Hi. I'm Melissa Caaprio from Postcards to the Universe, Creating the
29:26
life you crave. Do you believe in magic? What if I told you
29:30
all you had to do is get a little creative and work a dream spell
29:33
to bring anything you can imagine into your life. Well, guess what.
29:37
I've got the spell for you. Postcards to the Universe, a global movement
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for manifestation, is a casting magical tool for you to use whenever you want.
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How does living in passion sound to you? Join me in my movement
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where you get to create in the magical playground. Let's think outside the box
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we explore our hearts and allow the alchemy of our dreams to appear.
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And don't forget to tune in each week here on Home Time's Radio with my
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Time. I share tips on creativity, abundance and prosperity, and you will
30:19
be introduced to the coolest guests, trailblazers, mystics and creatives who enrich our
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lives. Welcome back if you're just joining me. I'm talking with Susan Gold
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and we are talking about her her book and her journey and her experience.
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From her title of her book is Toxic Family Transforming childhood Trauma into adult Freedom.
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So, Susan, we left off before the break that you were in
30:52
New York, and it's really how old were you when you met Barbara Walters?
30:56
You were only like nineteen or twenty? Yeah, I was. I
31:00
was young. I was the fact that you said no, I can't believe
31:04
you would say that. That says something about the person that you are.
31:10
At that young of an age for somebody is established bar hole thing to say,
31:15
sorry, I can't be in a sit your system's assistant. I need
31:18
to create my own thing. Like you know, that's not something you usually
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hear about from somebody so young. You know that you you had. I
31:26
guess you had this inner knowing or this inner calling that was like leading you
31:30
somewhere. You kind of just knew it. I think that's always been with
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me. I think it's been one of my strong suits. I think it's
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what kept me going through through my childhood and then on into adulthood. I've
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had two corporate gigs, the first with ICM, the talent agency, and
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the second with Fox, and they didn't last very long. I'm just like
31:51
a square peg in a round hole when it comes through the system, so
31:55
speak, it's just is not a fit. I've always been sort of half
32:00
out of the matrix until I fully woke up and stepped right out step trying
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out. So some of the work that you're doing now, like are you
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okay? So you you well, let me just let you finish your story.
32:16
So you're in New York, You're you're knocking on your you talked to
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Andy Warhol into doing what was it a Pontiac commercial? Yeah, I must
32:28
have been wild. Oh my god, it must have been so fun being
32:30
in New York at that time with all the artists and the creatives, like
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I can't even imagine. It must have been like really really cool. So
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um, what like made you start to go from Okay, I'm going to
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be working and doing this kind of work too. I want to start working
32:45
inside myself. I want to start healing. I want to start sharing these
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healing modalities that I'm finding that I see of helped me with other people,
32:52
Like how did that all kind of manifest? Well, getting sober was the
32:58
first step, so that what I needed for a level playing field to do
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the work that I needed to do to shop transform. And so I've been
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sober since before you were born I think nineteen eighty five. And oh no,
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I was born Okay, and then four and a half years clean,
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I went to my first rehab because I was I was suffering from a suicidal
33:29
depression. I had a work project that was sort of replicating the role that
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I played, or one of the roles I played, which was to break
33:38
up my parents' fights, so I was the mediator in between. It echoed
33:44
and I had a bit of a breakdown and became suicidal. Went to a
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treatment center, learned about clinical depression, and then later learned about narcissistic abuse,
33:54
and it just all sort of unveiled its stuff as I've continued to take
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this walk on this earthly plane, and you know, I was really encouraged
34:07
because people said, you have so much experience in so many different areas,
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and so much to share just on a personal and professional level. So that's
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when I decided to take it a little more seriously. Plus, you know
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that little inner voice that gives you the imagining from the years, that intuitive
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voice that can be very loud, and ultimately that started in southern California.
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You know you need you need a more rural setting, you need a bigger
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sky. Your central nervous system needs to settle down that five G tower that
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just went on the neighbor's block. Looks not so fun, So I started
34:46
to look around at other options. I had a cabin in the Catskills when
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I lived in New York City, and Montana was not on my bucket list.
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But ultimately I came here and checked it out and fell in love.
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And this has given me the space and the creativity. I'm the nurturing.
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It's it's where I was able to finish and have the book published, and
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now I'm serving others that have watched a similar trauma that I have. M
35:16
Yeah, I'm a firm billion believer that you have to find your place,
35:21
your home, because you can live in the most beautiful California is beautiful,
35:24
you know, Florida beaches are beautiful or whatever. But if you're not feeling
35:30
the connection to the earth in those places, and that's not where you're supposed
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to be, right, you know. Obviously went to Montana, Yeah,
35:38
which is beautiful, by the way, it's beautiful. Yeah. I love
35:43
New York City. When I learned there, I loved la, you know,
35:46
and I really thought I'd stay in California, certainly until my son graduated
35:52
from college. She's he's going to finish in May, finishing in three years
35:55
instead of four. But the universe said, we get fined, and sometimes
36:00
you have to follow that that lead. That's certainly what I've found has not
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gone on in life. Yeah, it's definitely not always the easier, softer
36:10
way, but for me, it's helped me flourish as a human being.
36:16
Yeah, you got to listen to those nudges. You got to ask why
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am I feeling this way and find out because there is some your your souls
36:23
trying to lead you somewhere for a reason. I'm a firm believer in that,
36:27
a firm believer in that. So I wanted to ask you because you've
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suffered from clinical depression, and I've heard people make comments about I mean,
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I've never had clinical depression. I've had situational depression, you know, where
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something traumatic has happened and it was the depression follow that. But then as
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soon as I process the grief, the depression lifted. So but a lot
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of people don't understand clinical depression. You know, they may see somebody they
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think, oh my god. You know, especially when you hear somebody who
36:57
actually has taken their own life, and you're thinking like and you'll hear people
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say, well, that's so selfish, how could they do that to their
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family? And and like how you know what, you know, like people
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don't really understand it, And you would never see those words to somebody who
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you could see was physically, say, suffering from cancer and who was really
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sick. You would never say something to them like the way that people talk
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about people who suffer clinical depression, because you can't see it, you know,
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visually, So how would you what would you say to everybody who's listening,
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you know, about clinical depression and to somebody who may be listening who's
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struggling, Well, hold on for the miracle is all I want to say.
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And there's nothing worse than that solid, flat, gray feeling. And
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for me, I just wanted to have some kind of connection with sensation and
37:54
because it was so flat, and ultimately hold on to the miracle, because
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if you take yourself out, you're probably going to take the wrong person out
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And then oh my goodness, what if you have to just come back and
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repeat the whole dang thing over again. So it's probably a lot better just
38:14
to walk through it. But for me, you know, getting help was
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essential, which I did, and then I could see the sign, so
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I didn't have to flip as low into the depression. I moved from New
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York to LA for what I thought was a great career move, but it
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was really to meet one of my biggest gurus of my life. And I'm
38:35
using the word duru as a teacher, and that was the man who would
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become my ex husband and we ultimately divorced. It was a horrendous story,
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but I won't go into that now. But the last two months I started
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slipping back into that depressive say. The difference was I could catch it.
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I set up a friend for each day of the week, a different friends,
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seven friends, and I would check in make a call if I was
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depressed or having suicidal thoughts seriously and they didn't pick up, I would commit
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on the phone to call the next person until I got somebody alive and talked
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it through. And that really helped me through the end of that experience.
39:21
Yeah, because you at this point had been aware of where you would go
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to when you were in the worst part of your clinical depression, so you
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could start feeling the signs of things coming on by trusting you know how you're
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feeling. In the moment. Yeah, because clinical depression a lot people don't
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understand it. It's very hard to grasp if you don't suffer from it,
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right, I mean, did you hear that from other people? Like why
39:49
you know, like what's wrong with you? You know, like or just
39:52
you know, put on a smile on your face and you'll feel better,
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like that kind of stuff. Some of that, some of that, but
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authentically, when you're not drinking or using any kind of mood altering drug,
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you've got to step up and you've got to find a way through or you're
40:14
gonna lapse back into behaviors that really don't work for you. So I guess
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that was a plus of that. Yeah, Yeah, you didn't want to
40:22
slip back into your old habits of because you know that that cycle is just
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going to keep taking you down and down and down. So um, you
40:30
said something, I mean your ex husband, whatever that was, was he
40:34
also a narcissist? Because you as you talk about coaching, you know,
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about helping people who maybe in the middle of you know, separating from a
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narcissist, whether it's divorced or separation. So did you did you attract that
40:47
because of your dad? Like that always makes me. I'm always curious how
40:51
that works out. Well, my dad told me that, you know,
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my tastes were really rich, and I was going to have a hard time
40:58
finding anybody that would want me. So that's stuck in my being. And
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what I end story that because you adopted, we took on that story,
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right, Okay? Yeah, And I would carry more weight than was reasonable
41:12
in a relationship. And yes, I do believe that my ex husband may
41:16
be suffering from narcissism, and I tried to make him accountable, which you
41:22
just don't do through a postnuptual agreement. We got to the last point of
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and I thought our marriage was going to be saved, even though I knew
41:30
it was well passed the expiration date. And that's when his eyes went into
41:35
those slits and he folded his arms and he said, I'm hiring an attorney
41:38
and I'm filing for divorce. And that intuitive voice came to me, this
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is the universe doing for you what you cannot do for yourself. And it
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was, and it was a year of excruciating pain. He took up residence
41:52
in the mastery by choice, went to a partial conversion in our garage in
41:59
a home, bought and paid for our family, and that is the billboard.
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It took for me to wake up to what I was allowing because that
42:07
was a metaphor for the relationship. And what I found worked for me was
42:14
no contact. So even though we were in the same domicile, I held
42:19
no eye contact and no verbal contact for a year that it took until we
42:25
could come to an agreement. I could write him his six figure check and
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he moved on to his next source of supply. And I call him my
42:34
greatest guru because through that process he taught me my own value. My friend
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told me, oh, you're so accomplished, You're so capable. I didn't
42:43
feel that. I mean since second grade in Billy Fritz, I was attached
42:45
at the hip to some boy's attention. And that broke that cycle finally and
42:52
fully, and I actually could go and touch that inner child inside me,
42:59
that piece of my that's on this journey with me, and have profound respect
43:05
and deep love for her, and that's been pivotal to my transformation. Yeah,
43:12
no, I totally can relate to that. I had not. I
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wouldn't say my ex husband was a narcissist. He may have had a few
43:19
narcissistic tendencies, but he was emotionally abusive and he was a punisher, like
43:24
a silent treatment kind of thing. And it was very painful when I got
43:30
out of it, and I took me a while. But I, like
43:34
you look at that as a gift, not at the time, of course,
43:39
much later, as the gift that showed me about what my boundaries are,
43:45
how my worthiness like that it was he was a very big teacher in
43:50
my life and getting me, you know, to work on my own self
43:52
worth, and that has been a huge gift. So I understand the meaning
43:59
of when year when you're going through something like that, But when you're in
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the middle of it, like, let's say somebody who's listening is with a
44:06
narcissist or somebody they suspect, you know, is an arcist or has narcissistic
44:09
tendencies, what would you you know, what would you tell them, like,
44:13
what advice would you give them right now if they're going through that pain.
44:17
Well, first you have to be aware of the situation. So if
44:23
you are with someone who's a narcissist, blame is always going to ricochet back
44:29
on you and you have no escape, then you can't control it, and
44:31
you can't fix it, and you can't change it. So you have to
44:36
accept that deeply to the core of your being, and then you have to
44:40
take action. And unfortunately, if you're in a narcissistic relationship, no contact
44:50
is the only thing that works, and it's it's really difficult because it feels
44:54
unjuff and unreasonable and why can't be be accountable? They they can and the
45:01
best thing you can do is get out and no contact. Yeah, yeah,
45:08
I agree, no contact and no and no um social media stalking for
45:15
your own oh my goodness, now now yeah, for your own piece of
45:19
time. Yeah, just you. Yeah, and you will not win.
45:23
And it doesn't you know, it doesn't feel just and but it is ultimately,
45:30
you know, a great miracles came into my life. Let me talk
45:34
about manifestation. Yeah yeah, so yeah, So why don't you talk a
45:38
little bit about that, Like after you you healed that, that that was
45:43
moved out of your life and it created the space for all these things to
45:46
come into your life? What like shifted for you? What spiritual like insights
45:52
did you get? Like, yeah, share share all that with us.
45:57
Well, there's a spiritual actiom you point one finger out and three come back
46:00
at you. And while there is truth in that axiom, you have to
46:07
be careful with that axiom when you're an EmPATH and I'm a super EmPATH,
46:12
meaning I really sense the emotions too of the individual, Yeah, and the
46:17
room that I am, and you have to be careful with that one.
46:22
Especially empaths generally can attract narcissists. It's just opposite subtract, and that can
46:30
really be a detriment to moving out of abusive relationships and into health. So
46:38
yeah, I'm not sure what my point was there, but no, but
46:44
I know what you're saying. It's like you have to I think it's being
46:47
I mean what I took from it is just being very self aware. Right,
46:52
So if you or are empathic, very sensitive, an EmPATH like that
46:58
doesn't mean that as you're pointing outward, you're bringing that back into yourself,
47:02
right, you're absorbing other people's energies. So you just have to kind of
47:06
be about self aware about where you are and come up with a way to
47:09
protect yourself and draw some seriously strong boundaries. Boundaries are very important. I
47:15
love boundaries, Yeah, I've come to love them. My boundaries were completely
47:22
poorous for so long. It's hard as a as an EmPATH to feel you're
47:27
entitled and deserving of them. But I'm much better at it now. But
47:30
yeah, I'm sure. So how has your experience now looking back helped you?
47:45
Like, like, so, this is what I'm trying to ask you.
47:49
Maybe I'll get you'll understand. So there's certain people when they get hit
47:52
with a lot of things in life, right, they become resolved and they
47:58
crumble and they isolate and they stop, you know. And then there's other
48:02
people that take those experiences and say, Okay, I'm going to do something
48:08
with this. I don't want to crumble up and hide away and and just
48:13
sit there and be afraid of trying anything or doing anything. Like so,
48:17
how do those of us who have had these difficult experiences and door where do
48:22
we find the strength? Like what worked for you to to find that power
48:27
within yourself? Does that make sense? I had? Yes, I had
48:31
a crazily focused I was a former marathon or and triathlete, so I took
48:36
that focus into life. I was also a long time meditator, so I
48:42
also had that focus. And I've had that drive since I'm little, you
48:47
know, I knew I was going to get up and out of the household
48:52
I grew up in and did. I knew I was going to go to
48:54
New York City and make something of myself, preferably and on the business side
49:00
of the entertainment industry. I did. I didn't know what a producer was.
49:04
I created, you know, my job as a producer and moved through.
49:09
So I've just always stepped up, you know, faith to alcoholism,
49:14
faith the depression. Rather than humble. I mean, I think we have
49:17
exit points along the way and we can make it. Yeah, we can
49:22
make a choice. I just knew intuitively that I had more to give and
49:30
more to live and more evolution of my own being that I wanted to achieve
49:37
while I walk this walk, and that helped inspire me forward. And I
49:45
know you help others because when I was reading in your bio, you said
49:49
that you do you do private sessions too, right, Like so somebody's listening
49:52
and like really resonates with your story, get your book and read your story
49:57
and goes, yeah, I want to reach out to her. Do private
50:00
sessions too, because I know you do webinars and workshops and stuff also,
50:04
so people can do that with you. They can work with you one on
50:07
one if they wanted. Yeah. Absolutely, And if you feel moved,
50:12
you know, you've appreciated this conversation that Melissa has led so brilliantly, and
50:16
you want to connect, you know, please send meeting now. Just go
50:21
to my website, Sup and gold at us and we'll get on a call
50:24
for half an hour. I want to hear your story. You deserve to
50:29
be heard and recognize. Oh, definitely, definitely. It's always an inside
50:36
job, you know now, everything we see on the outside of the world,
50:39
even though we want to project, it's always an inside job. And
50:45
you got to learn that sometimes the hard way, but it's the truth.
50:47
So you said, when you were talking about the things you do, you
50:52
help people drop these outdated storylines and programming. What do you mean by like
50:58
outdated storylines and Gramma, Well, I think through our family lineage, we
51:02
pick up a lot that doesn't really belong to us. I mean, some
51:07
of my stuff it's not even from current or recent path it's ancient. I
51:13
mean I remember talking to both of my grandmothers and they said they'd never married
51:17
their husbands again if they had a choice. I mean, there's a lot
51:21
of similarities that have been carried. I was replicating what my paternal grandmother did.
51:29
And so that's what I mean about dropping outdated storylines. A lot of
51:34
this trauma, this shame, this guilt, the storeline, it doesn't even
51:37
belong to us. It's like Robert's Nero and the mission, carrying that big
51:43
bag of crap, scaling that cliff with his fingernails until finally, you know,
51:46
the bag drops. And that's what I helped people do. Drop the
51:52
bags, see it from new perspectives, and find a release around it so
51:58
you can edge through it with a little bit of lightness and even sometimes joy.
52:07
Yeah. I mean, I think a lot of people don't even realize
52:12
the story that they're carrying, right, We don't even realize. It's like
52:17
a subconscious programming that we've had, that we've adopted since childhood. You know
52:23
that, you know, if you're asking, like, why does this keep
52:27
happening to me? Why can I never you know? I talk a lot
52:30
about it in my book, and I've talked about it before, especially around
52:32
money. Right, what's your money story? What is it is your money
52:37
story that you're you know, it's always hard work. I'm never going to
52:40
have enough. Where did that story come from? So it's like finding where
52:44
our stories come from is the first step, and then learning how to drop
52:49
them and shift them into a different story that a story that we want,
52:52
right, We want our story to work for us, you're so right,
52:58
well, yeah, yeah, right, Like I don't want the story of
53:04
you know, I'll never have enough money running the show. I want the
53:07
story of financial abundance is always offered to me, you know, like there's
53:12
always enough, There's always enough, because that's the story that I would rather
53:16
have. So I imagine it has the same It feels the same when you're
53:22
talking about I'm not good enough to have the relationship I want or I don't
53:27
deserve to have, you know, the person or the career or the relationships
53:32
kind of thing. Right, yeah, And it's it's time to step out
53:37
of that programming. Like you said, there's a whole nother zip code that
53:43
you can go to that you don't even Felize's right. So, now,
53:49
when did your book come out? What year did your book come out?
53:52
It came out this March. Oh, it came out so it just came
53:55
out. Oh my god. Okay, so that must have been very exciting
53:59
for you right now? Are you going to are you doing a follow up
54:01
because you said you have three books that you were that that you want to
54:06
you have two more books that you want to write, or you're just by
54:09
those ideas around. Yeah, the the universe isn't going to let me off
54:14
the hook, because that's a question that comes up often now and I've even
54:17
had topics suggested based on conversations. But um, yeah, I'm kind of
54:22
touring with ideas um now and UM, you know, writing a book for
54:29
me, Um, it's it's a task. It's it's it's work. Um.
54:35
But we'll see what comes of it. I'm sure there's there's something that
54:38
that I'm going to dive into with fun in my heart and excitement. Yeah.
54:44
Oh, it's work, all right. Let me tell you a lot
54:46
of works people don't realize that. You don't realize it until you actually sit
54:50
down and do it. And then you got to do the edits and then
54:52
the edits and then the edits and then the edits. M Is there anything
54:59
that you that I didn't get to talk about it or you wanted to share
55:02
with everybody that we didn't cover before we wrap up because we only have like
55:07
I think they even less than a minute left. Well, I just want
55:09
to thank you. I want to thank you for all the content you're producing,
55:14
all the creativity you're delivering to the world, for the creation of the
55:19
movement, and your outreach to your community Brava. Oh, thank you.
55:25
That is very very kind of you to say. And also back at you
55:30
for all the help that you're helping with people who are similar experiences and need
55:35
somebody to go to to just guide them, you know, Like I mean,
55:38
there's so many people that need help, right and I appreciate you,
55:43
Susan doing that. Thank you so much for being my guest. Guys,
55:49
check out Susan Gold and go to her website and also go check out my
55:54
Manifesting through Gratitude at Fine Uniquely you dot com. Corse that I'm doing the
56:00
workshop. It's going to be a lot of fun, all right, Guys,
56:02
Thanks for listening to Postcards to the Universe with Melissa creating the life you
56:06
crave And I'm wishing everyone a wonderful week filled with joy, abundance and love. Peace,