Latest / The Gill Athletics Track and Field Connections Podcast / #17: Gill1918 presents Derek Fey "Coach-Life Balance"

Transcript

#17: Gill1918 presents Derek Fey "Coach-Life Balance" · The Gill Athletics Track and Field Connections Podcast

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  Welcome to the Gill 1918 Project, a podcast series by
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  coaches, for coaches powered by Gill Athletics.
• 0:06
  Think of this as the Ted Talks of track and field coaching.
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  Short, insightful, and packed with valuable strategies to help
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  you grow as a coach. We'll bring in the once a year
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  track clinic straight to your ears daily.
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  Interested in creating your own episode?
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  Everyone's welcome to participate.
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  Check out the show notes below For more information.
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  Now let's get into today's topic.
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  This is Derek Phi and today we're going to be talking about
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  how to maintain a healthy coach job life balance.
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  I'll be the first to admit that I'm the last person that should
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  be talking about this, especially coming off a weekend
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  where at the facility that I I coach at, we hosted 5 meets in a
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  three day span. So we're talking 14 hour a day,
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  a 12 hour a day and 11 hour days.
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  So you know, somewhere around 36 hours for for three days work.
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  So again, this I am not the expert on this and I don't claim
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  to be and my wife would wouldn't laugh at me for saying that.
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  So just to introduce myself a little bit more, I am the head
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  cross country coach and assistant track coach at College
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  of Saint Mary in Omaha, NE. This is my 12th year there.
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  Prior to that, I was the head boys cross country coach and
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  distance track coach at West Side High School for seven
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  years. And then I am also at the moment
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  actually teaching at West Side. So I have a full time job
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  teaching social studies and then another, we'll just call it full
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  time job coaching at the collegiate level.
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  And I also electronically time local meets, high school meets.
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  As I've seen there's a, a very large gap in people that are,
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  are able to electronically time meets.
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  So really my, my third job is becoming more full time as well.
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  So this topic is is near and dear to my heart because I have
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  failed so miserably at keeping that balance.
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  Hopefully a few things that I have learned or I am currently
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  learning or am thinking about in the future might ring true for
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  you. Maybe you can take a couple
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  things. And maybe if anything, maybe
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  you're just nodding your head saying, OK, Yep, this sounds,
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  this sounds pretty familiar. So yeah, I want to get that out
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  of the way. I'm, I'm not qualified to teach
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  anybody on this, to talk about this, this particular topic, but
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  it is something that in the past year, I've, I've really made an,
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  an effort, an intentional effort to, to try and, and figure
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  things out. And, and not that my life was
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  spiring out of out of control, but it's just more how can I
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  make the people around me happier?
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  How can I keep myself healthy? And I've learned a few things
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  and, and, and I'll go over a couple of those.
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  So the, the, the first one is just that you got to keep
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  whatever your top, top priority is.
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  You have to, you have to keep that your top priority.
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  And I'm not talking on the coaching side of things.
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  I know we, we all are thinking about coaching.
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  We're thinking about the next track meet, we're thinking about
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  the next event, We're thinking about so many things related to
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  our sport because it is such AI mean it's a fantastic sport.
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  It's the personally, I think it's the best sport on earth.
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  It's also one of the more time consuming in your thought
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  process and in your daily life because there's just so many
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  events and there's so many athletes to keep track of and
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  keeping your head and you, you want the best for them.
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  But I'm talking about with a top priority, something outside of
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  your work, something outside of, of your team.
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  For some of you, for some of us, it's family.
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  Maybe you're, you're married, you have a relationship.
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  If, if that's not you, maybe religion is, is your top
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  priority. Maybe it's a hobby, maybe it's
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  friends, whatever that is, whatever your top priority is.
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  And it's going to be different for everybody.
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  And I'm not going to preach or tell you which one it should be.
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  Just know that you have to keep that at the forefront of your
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  mind that that that that's important.
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  And that doesn't mean that you're going to be able to give
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  it the proper attention at all times.
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  Like I said, I'm coming off of about 36 hours of work in the
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  past three days. So it wasn't meant to be for
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  this past weekend to do much with my wife.
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  And all of you that are in the track and field world know that,
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  you know, especially if you're in the high school ranks,
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  you're, you're talking 22 meets a week, maybe maybe 3 meets a
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  week if you've got, you know, freshman only squad or you've
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  got 2 JV meets in a week or varsity and two JV.
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  Whatever it is, it, it's not always going to happen that that
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  top priority gets the proper attention.
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  It, it's not, it's just not part of part of the gig that we're
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  in. And I will get back to that in a
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  moment as far as relationships and and the people around you
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  and things like that, But just keep that top priority in the
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  forefront of your mind when you can make decisions that involve
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  that top priority in, in fitted in there.
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  And, and it sounds bad. And again, I'm hoping my wife
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  never hears this, but you know, you, you, your schedules, my
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  schedule are such that it is a matter of fitting those things
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  in. And that's how you make it a
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  priority. I'm going to fit that in.
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  I'll give you a couple examples here in in a second.
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  But the most important thing for keeping that top priority, a top
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  priority is that you have to let go of things.
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  And, and I'm talking of the coachings stuff.
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  So I'm a type A person. I like things organized and I'm
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  a perfectionist. And again, not to say that
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  everything that we produce at my program or the meats that we run
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  or the events that I'm involved in that it's perfection.
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  It's not. But I'm, I'm type A personality,
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  I'm deeply invested and I, I want things to go a certain way.
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  And when I'm running a meet, I want things to go a certain way.
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  It needs to be done this way and it needs to be done that way.
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  And in the past, it has become, I need to do it this way.
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  And I'm really the only one that can do it this way.
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  And so that burden really is on me.
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  And I'm going to make it my burden.
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  I'm going to own it because I want it to be done this way in
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  in this way perfectly. So what I have found, at least
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  in the last year, whether that's my assistant coach and cross
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  country, you know, maybe it's a a mile repeat day or maybe we're
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  doing, you know, repeat five hundreds.
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  If I have a a recruit, maybe I'm going to go go see.
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  I give that work out off to to my assistant.
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  I would not have done that in the past and that'll get to my
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  next thing about trust. But I have started delegating
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  those things. Delegation is, is extremely,
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  extremely difficult for type A folks like me and people that
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  are perfectionists. That is that might be the
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  hardest thing to do for someone with, with my personality.
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  And I have found over the last year I've I've tried in order to
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  keep that top priority a top priority.
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  I have tried to delegate things. I've tried to hand things off,
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  knowing that OK, first of all, it's going to be OK if something
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  happens. If something happens, it'll be
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  fine. There's ways that we can fix it,
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  you know, But it's also that thing about trust.
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  So you have to trust the people around you.
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  You have to trust that that they know what they're doing, and you
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  have to trust that they're going to do it correctly.
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  And that again, that's a difficult skill to have when
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  you're talking about, you know, organization of things if
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  you're, if you're a personality like me.
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  So just to give an example of that, this past weekend we were
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  hosting a meet and I had my distance group in charge of like
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  taking gait and doing concessions and a couple of
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  things moving blocks during the meet.
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  And I knew I was going to be gone for 36 hours and three
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  days. So I had told my wife, hey, you
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  know, let's meet up for for dinner on on Friday.
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  Let's meet up for dinner. Well, don't you have a meet?
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  You know, she texted me. Don't you have a meet?
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  Yes, got a meet. But let's meet up for I can
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  leave. I'm going to leave.
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  And so we went to dinner for two hours, relaxed.
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  I wasn't thinking of the meet. I wasn't concerned.
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  I handed it off to the folks that I expected to take care of
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  it. They took care of it.
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  And it made for a much, much easier weekend as far as, you
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  know, my relationship because that that top priority that was,
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  was not going to be the focus for that three day span.
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  I found a way to delegate, found a way to let go and could leave
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  and, and focus on that top priority.
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  And then when I get done with the meat, you know, she asks a
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  question about it, I'll answer, but I don't talk about, I'm not
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  going to talk about track and field when we have a, a meet
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  that I'm coaching at. If, if she asks, you know how
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  they do, I'll explain it. But after that it's, it's, you
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  know, what do we want to do? What you know, now I should say
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  this. If you're in a relationship with
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  a track person, I happen to be married to a non, non athlete.
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  And so I think I've had to learn, I've been married for
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  coming up on on three years and I've had to learn, you know,
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  listen, this is how the sport works.
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  It's not like any other sport. It's not, it's not basketball
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  practice. It's not football practice.
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  I couldn't tell you how long practice is going to go today.
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  I couldn't tell you how long practice is going to go any day
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  because at any, any moment one of my athletes is going to ask a
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  question that I'm going to pay attention to and we're going to
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  go through it. And whatever that concern is or
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  whatever we're talking about is going to get done.
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  Which means the nine to five thing.
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  As we all know as track coaches, it's not a thing.
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  And if you're in a relationship with someone or your your top
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  priority is not, we'll just say, is not aware of what what the
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  sport entails. It takes a lot more.
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  It takes a lot more work on your part to be able to explain
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  things and to be, you know, obviously the old, the age-old
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  things of communicate, communicate, communicate.
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  Yes, communication is, is key, but there's you need to over
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  communicate as far as a non athlete, if you're in a
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  relationship or your top priority is with people that
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  understand the sport of track and field, then you probably
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  have a lot less explaining to do and, and and what not.
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  But that doesn't mean you should neglect or can neglect those top
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  priorities. I just have to, I've had to
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  massage the, you know, 12 hour days and explain those in a bit
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  of detail about why this happens this way and why that happens
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  that way because of my situation.
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  You might not be in that situation, but for those that
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  don't, aren't familiar, I'll just say aren't familiar with
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  track and field. Obviously it's a different sport
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  and and we do things differently.
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  In fact, I had AI had a a local high school coach that was a
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  former colleague of mine who went back to high school
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  coaching said, you know, I asked him, how's it, how's it getting
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  back into high school? Track and field say, well, man,
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  you know, you've got 80 people on a roster, but that's the
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  team. There's no, obviously there's no
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  JV team, there's no varsity team.
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  This stuff, it changes week to week.
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  It could change the day before a meet.
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  And I've got the secretary in the athletic department asking
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  about a list 3 days in advance for the bus.
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  And we have to know who's going to be missing class 3 days in
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  advance. And, and you know, your, your,
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  your basketball coach who has the JV squad can just copy and
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  paste the, the, the roster list every week and just send it out
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  and takes all of about 10 seconds.
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  My list. I got to think, OK, who is in
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  the 1600? Who's in the 100 dash?
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  Who am I taking? Who am I moving up?
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  Who, who is going to run JV next week?
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  So, you know, obviously there's just a lot more to our sport and
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  it, it does pose issues with our own personal lives And, and that
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  balance, because it's crucial that my favorite, it's hokey,
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  It's it's goofy, I get it. But one of my favorite movies is
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  Karate Kid. I was born in 1979.
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  So that was right in my, my youth.
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  Karate Kid was my is still in my top five of favorite movies.
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  But when Mr. Miyagi says, you know, life is about balance, I
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  mean that couldn't, it couldn't be more true.
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  It's just about balance. You have to be able to balance
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  everything. And I think as track coaches, we
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  tend, we tend to put that coaching part as just our entire
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  life that that is, that is all we think about.
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  That is all we do. And for those people around us
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  or those other priorities that we try and make, they take such
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  a back seat. And, and I'm not saying, and
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  again, everybody, everybody can do whatever they want.
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  I'm not telling you how to live your life, but I just have found
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  that I have to let go of things. I have to, I have to delegate.
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  You got to let go for me. When the meat's over, I, I think
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  about things that that could have gone better and, and maybe
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  maybe I should have done this or man, I was hoping they would
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  have done that. And after about 20 minutes, it's
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  like shut, shut it down. They'll be, there's other days
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  to think about it and I'll think about that tomorrow.
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  But right now I need to go and, and fold the laundry or I need
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  to, you know, go hang out with my wife.
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  So it's just a matter of that balance.
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  You, you have to find a way. And for me, it's teaching the
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  people you know, around just here's here's what I expect or
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  here's what I need. And then once you teach it and,
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  and you've, you've got, you know, you feel comfortable, you
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  got to let it go. It, it, it means you got to
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  trust those people around you. Because if that's, if that's not
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  the case, if you don't trust the folks around you, it, it makes
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  for a pretty miserable experience.
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  And I've again, I've just recently been doing that
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  probably in the last year or so, being able to say, Hey, I need
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  this, can you do that? And then it gets done.
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  And then I have found, oh, OK, well, that thing got done.
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  Now I can, you know, maybe have this thing done.
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  So it's not giving up all your responsibilities, but it's not
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  also having total control over every little thing in your life
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  and in your program. It's it's giving that up.
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  It's I, I have found it's, it's released a, a lot of tension
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  between certainly between me and my wife, but also just with me
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  personally. You hold on to a lot of that
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  stress. You hold on to a lot of that
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  worry and anxiety and I'm not an anxious person, but when you got
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  a lot on the on the plate, you, you have to be able to just just
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  let it go. As they said in frozen, let it
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  go, let it go. And I'm just finding that I'm,
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  I'm at the beginning of this journey.
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  I'm at the beginning of this process.
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  I'm 12 years into college coaching and you know, 19 total
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  years into the coaching realm. I am in year 1, beginning year 2
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  of really figuring out, OK, coaching is fun, coaching is
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  great, love it. It's a passion.
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  It's a passion for all of us and the people around us want to
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  share that passion. And then we got to let go at
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  times and say, let's do this other thing and let go mentally,
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  let go physically, just I'm going to detach for a second and
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  focus on something else. And again, it doesn't as far as
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  I'm concerned. I, I don't think so.
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  Maybe my athletes would, would disagree.
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  And I don't think it makes me a lesser coach.
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  It doesn't make me feel like I'm a less, less dedicated person.
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  I have found that it has made life just a bit easier and, and
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  more enjoyable than stressing and, and, and holding on to, to
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  all those things. So if, if you get anything out
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  of this, hopefully it's something along the lines of if
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  now, if all you do is coaching and that's just your thing and
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  that is, and that is your life and, and it doesn't have an
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  impact on other parts, then I mean, go for it.
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  Obviously. It's just have at it.
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  I've just found that even, you know, I love Oreos and after my
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  6th one in a sitting, that just wasn't a good idea.
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  You know, maybe after three I should have stopped.
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  And I'm finding that with pretty much everything I do.
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  OK, Let's, let's just let's get that balance back and, and focus
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  on this other thing and not not dropping any of the balls that
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  are that were juggling in the air.
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  But, but just letting go just a little bit so that the people
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  around us can, can enjoy us and, and, and we're present and we're
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  there and, and whatever that top priority is, can remain that top
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  priority. Hopefully that's helpful.
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  If not, sorry for taking up about 18 minutes of your time.
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  I wish you luck in this spring season and moving forward.
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  Hey gang, Mike Cunningham here. Hey, I hope you enjoyed this
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  episode of the Guild 1918 Project series.
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  It's really my mission, my passion to bring you massive
• 19:44
  amounts of value and I hope this one hit the mark.
• 19:48
  The Guild 1918 Project is really dependent on you if for you to
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  build your own episode, to hear your voice, to have your voice
• 19:56
  heard you have something to say and teach other coaches out
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  there. So please get a hold of me
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  e-mail text message. Twitter smoke signals get a hold
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  of me and let's help create your episode of the Guild 1918
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  Project. Hope you enjoy today and we'll
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  see you tomorrow.