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06 - William Tell Told Again by P G Wodehouse · William Tell Told Again

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: It is my son, Walter, your excellency said, Tell your son, indeed,
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: this is very interesting. Have you any more children? I
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: have one other boy. And which of them do you
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: love the most? Eh? I love them both alike, your excellency,
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: dear me quite a happy family. Now listen to me.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Tell I know you are fond of excitement, so I
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: am going to try to give you a little. Your
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: son says that you can hit an apple on a
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: tree a hundred yards away, and I am sure you
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: have every right to be very proud of such a feat.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Freeze heart, your excellency, bring me an apple. Freezehart picked
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: one up. Some apples have been thrown at him and
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Luthold earlier in the day, and there were several lying
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: about which I am afraid is how it's a little bruised,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: your excellency, he said, having hit me on the helmet.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Thank you. I do not require it for eating purposes,
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: said Gessler. Now tell I have here an apple, a
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: simple apple, not over ripe. I should like to test
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: that feet of yours. So take your bow. I see
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: you have it in your hand, and get ready to shoot.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I am going to put this apple on your son's head.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: He will be placed a hundred yards away from you,
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: and if you do not hit the apple with your
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: first shot, your life shall pay forfeit. And he regarded
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: tell with a look of malicious triumph. Your excellency, it
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: cannot be cried. Tell the thing is too monstrous. Perhaps
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: your excellency is pleased to jest. You cannot bid a
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: father shoot an apple from off his son's head. Consider,
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: your excellency, you shall shoot the apple from off the
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: head of this boy, said Gessler sternly. I do not jest.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: That is my will. The sooner would I die, said tell.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: If you do not shoot, you die with the boy. Come, Come, tell?
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Why so cautious? They always told me that you loved
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: perilous enterprises, and yet when I give you one, you complain.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I could understand anybody else shrinking from the feet, But
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: you hitting apples at a hundred yards as child's play
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: to you? And what does it matter where the apple is,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: whether it is on a tree or on a boy's head,
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: It is an apple, just the same, proceed tell. The crowd,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: seeing a discussion going on, had left the edge of
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: the meadow and clustered round to listen. A groan of
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: dismay went up at the guff words. Down on your knees, boy,
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: whispered Rudolf de Harris, to Walter, down on your knees
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: and beg his excellency for your life. I won't, said
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Walter stoutly. Come, said Gessler. Clear a path, there, clear
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: a path. Hurry yourselves. I won't have this loitering. Look
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: you tell attend to me for a moment. I find
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: you in the middle of this meadow, deliberately defying my
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: authority and making sport of my orders. I find you
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: in the act of stirring up discontent among my people
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: with speeches. I might have you executed without ceremony. But
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: do I know nobody shall say that Hermann Gessler, the
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: governor is not kind hearted. I say to myself, I
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: will give this man one chance. I place your fate
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: in your own skillful hands. How can a man complain
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: of harsh treatment when he has made master of his
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: own fate. Besides, I don't ask you to do anything difficult.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: I merely bid you perform what must be to you
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: a simple shot. You boast of your unerring aim, Now
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: is the time to prove it. Clear the way there
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: Walter first flung himself on his knees before the governor.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Your highness, he cried, none, deny your power. Let it
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: be mingled with mercy. It is excellent, as an English
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: port will say in a few hundred years, to have
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: a giant's strength, But it is tyrannous to use it
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: like a giant. Take the half of my possessions, but
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: spare my son in law. But Waltertell broke in impatiently
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: and bade his grandfather rise and not kneel to the tyrant?
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: Where must I stand? Asked he. I'm not afraid, Father
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: can hit a bird upon the wing. You see that
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: lime tree yonder, said Gessler to his soldiers. Take the
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: boy and bind him to it. I will not be bound,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: cried Walter. I am not afraid. I'll stand still. I
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: won't breathe. If you bind me, I'll kick. Let us
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: bind your eyes at least, said Rudolf de Harris. Do
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: you think I fear to see father shoot? Said Walter.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: I won't stir a eyelash. Father, show the tyrant how
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: you can shoot. He thinks you're going to miss? Isn't
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: he an old donkey? Very well, young man muttered Gessler,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: we'll see who is laughing five minutes from now. And
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: once more, he bade the crowd stand back and leave away,
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: clear for Tell to shoot. Chap. Twelve. The crowd fell back,
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: leaving a lane down which Walter walked carrying the apple.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: There was dead silence as he passed. Then the people
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: began to whisper excitedly to one another. Shall this be
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: done before our eyes? Said Arnold of Melchthal to Werner Stalfacher,
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: of what use was it that we swore an oath
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: to rebel? If we permit this, let us rise and
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: slay the tyrant? Werner Stofatcher, prudent man, scratched his chin thoughtfully. Well,
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: he said, you see, the difficulty is that we are
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: not armed, and the soldiers are. There is nothing I
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: should enjoy more than slaying the tyrant. Only I have
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: an idea that the tyrant would slay us. You see
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: my point? Why were we so slow? Groaned our We
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: should have risen before, and then this would never have happened.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Who was it that advised us to delay? Well, said Stoufatcher,
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: who had himself advised delay. I can't quite remember it
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: the moment, but I dare say. You could find out
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: by looking up the minutes of our last meeting. I
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: know the motion was carried by a majority of two votes.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: See Gesler grows impatient. Gessler, who had been fidgeting on
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: his horse for some time, now spoke again, urging Tell
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: to hurry. Begin. He cried, Begin. Immediately replied Tell, fitting
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: the arrow to the string. Gessler began to mock him
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: once more. You see now, he said, the danger of
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: carrying arms. I don't know if you have ever noticed it,
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: but arrows very often recoil on the man who carries them.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: The only man who has any business to possess a
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: weapon is the ruler of a country, myself, for instance,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: A low common fellow, if you will excuse the description,
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: like yourself, only grows proud through being armed, and so
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: offends those above him. But of course it's no business
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: of mine. I am only telling you what I think
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: about it. Personally, I like to encourage my subjects to shoot.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: That is why I am giving you such a splendid
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: mark to shoot at you, see Tell. Tell did not reply.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: He raised his bow and pointed it. There was a
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: stir of excitement in the crowd, more particularly in that
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: part of the crowd, which stood on his right for
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: his hand. Trembling for the first time in his life,
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Tell head pointed his arrow, not had his son, but
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: straight into the heart to the crowd. Here that's the
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: wrong way. More to the left, shouted the people in
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: a panic, while Gessler roared with laughter and bade Tell,
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: shoot and chance it. If you can't hit the apple
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: or your son, he chuckled, you can bring down one
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: of your dear fellow countrymen. Tell lowered his bow, and
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: a sigh of relief went through the crowd. My eyes
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: are swimming, he said, I cannot see. Then he turned
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: to the governor. I cannot shoot, he said, Bid your
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: soldiers kill me. No, said Gessler. No, Tell, that is
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: not at all what I want. If I had wished
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: my soldiers to kill you, I should not have waited
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: for a formal invitation from you. I have no desire
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: to see you slain. Not at present I wished to
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: see you shoot. Come Tell. They say you can do
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: everything and are afraid of nothing. Only the other day
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I hear you carried a man one Bombgartner, that was
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: his name. I think across a rough sea and an
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: open boat. You may remember it. I particularly wish to
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: catch Bombgartner. Tell, now, this is a feat which calls
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: for much less courage. Simply to shoot an apple off
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: at boy's head. A child could do it. While he
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: was speaking, Till had been standing in silence, his hands
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: trembling in his eyes fixed sometimes on the governor, sometimes
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: on the sky. He now seized his quiver, and, taking
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: from it a second arrow, placed it in his belt.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Gessler watched him, but said nothing. Shoot, father, cried Walter
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: from the other end of the lane. I'm not afraid,
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: Tell calm again. Now raised his bow and took a
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: steady aim. Everybody craned forward, the front ranks in vain,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: telling those behind that there was nothing to be gained
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: by pushing. Gessler bent over his horse's neck and peered
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: eagerly towards Walter. A great hush fell on all as
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Tell released the string. Went the string, and the arrow
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: rushed through the air. A moment's suspense, and then a
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: terrific cheer rose from the spectators. The apple had leaped
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: from Walter's head pierced through the center. End of Chapter
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: twelve