Latest / overslept w/ chris laker / i failed tom cruise - oct 14 2026
Transcript
- Chris Laker: this is a Brooklyn Cat Cafe T-shirt. Not sponsored. They didn't pay me to wear the t-shirt. I paid for the t-shirt at the Brooklyn Cat Cafe in Brooklyn Heights on Montague Street. There go to the Brooklyn Cat Cafe. Free ad for them. I think they are a non profit, so they don't make a profit, so they can't buy ads. They couldn't afford ads on this podcast. They help cats get adopted. Go there, have a cup of coffee, pick out a cat, new or pre-owned, take it home. New to you. Get an older cat. There's so chill. cats are the best. cats are the easiest pet to have. They're easier than a hamster. They start out kids with hamsters or guinea pigs way harder than a cat. Cats are easy. they're better company than a hamster I feel understood by a cat in a way that I don't think a hamster and gerbil they got smaller brains. They can't understand as much. And I don't think they live that long. Dogs dogs are dogs are great. Dog owners I take issue with. I'm not gonna get into that right now. Cat Cafe is in Brooklyn Heights. Brooklyn Heights is also where that store is that's feuding with Kelly Clarkson. saw it in my feed, I thought I don't care. eventually I had to see what was going on. People are mad at this store. if you're celebrity tweeting by a little store like that, I think that's fucked up. I also think the owner of that store is probably an annoying person. I don't know who the owner of that store is. I'm saying the owner of the Artisan Adult Toy Store in Brooklyn Heights. Brooklyn Heights is less of an annoying neighborhood than some other. And I love all the annoying neighborhoods. they're great. They have good restaurants. Brooklyn Heights needs some better restaurants. Not great restaurants in Brooklyn Heights. it's a rich neighborhood. It's a pretty neighborhood. Celebrities live there. When celebrities go into stores like that, they probably get treated like everybody else because that's why celebrities live in New York, is to be real. they go to LA, get famous, and they're like, I want to be real. I'm gonna go to New York, where it's gritty. And then they live in very expensive neighborhoods that are way more expensive than Los Angeles. they'll take the subway sometimes and they'll hold the poll and say, I'm a real New Yorker. Kelly Clarkson talks about driving to Brooklyn Heights. If you live in Manhattan and you drive to Brooklyn Heights, that's not very New Yorkey. I don't know how the store treated Kelly Clarkson. they might have said, You look poor, we hate you, get out of here. it's such a dumb story, I'm annoyed I'm talking about it. I'm gonna stop talking about it. I got nothing against Kelly Clarkson. I think she robbed Justin Guarini. I think he should have won American Idol life would be a lot different. She was great in that movie from Justin DeKelly. you can't deny a great performance. I don't know what she's done since then. I know she has a talk show. It's odd how common it is for singers to have talk shows, but people seem to love it. Except for that Harry Connick Jr. one that didn't last very long. I don't know. It could have been great. I have to admit, I didn't see it. That's on me. That's why a show didn't last, because people like me didn't watch it. Just like Digger. I didn't go see Digger. I feel like I failed Tom Cruise. Everybody's like, Digger bombed. I should have done something. I should have gone there. Digger is like the Harry Connick Jr. show of movies right now. Tom Cruise will be fine. You can't stop Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is smiling right now. Tom Cruise says, this is a challenge. I love a challenge. I bombed finally. I know what it feels like. my next movie is gonna be the biggest movie ever. I used to fear the bomb. Now I embrace the bomb. Good for you, Tom Cruise. You keep going. I can't help but like Tom Cruise. he seems like a really weird dude and all that Scientology stuff. I forget why I'm not supposed to like Scientology. Maybe they kidnapped somebody. Not that I would join Scientology. I know Scientology is weird, and I did watch Go and Clear when it first came on HBO years ago, but I forget why no Scientology, but I know no Scientology. I'm just gonna get to the news now. French minister accuses Elon Musk of online harassment campaigns against European leaders. I still have my Twitter account, but I haven't been on there in years. I privated my account. I don't give a shit. Don't follow me on Twitter. Do follow me on all the other bullshit that's also evil. I'm on all those things. At Chris Laker on Instagram, at Chris Laker Comedy, on TikTok and YouTube. All owned by Evil Corporations. But I have to draw the line somewhere. And that line is Elon Musk. he loves far right European political people. So I guess he's nice to them. he's an online troll. He posts misinformation know if this French minister plans on doing anything about the online harassment. He's claiming Elon Musk. I mean, I'm sure he's doing it. I just don't I haven't seen it. I have not read, I and I will not go to Elon Musk's Twitter or X. It has not been said enough. That is the dumbest name change of any corporate brand in history, it's annoyingly stupid. even people who like him still call it Twitter. But Twitter's still the thing that people use to make announcements over anything else. The EU wouldn't ban Twitter, I don't think. I don't care if they do, but I don't think they would. Just call it out like this, have some fines, then Elon Musk will write some more bullshit. Russell Brand was ruthless, calculated and manipulative sexual predator court told. I don't know if these accusations are true. I believe them, the way he got publicly baptized was walking into court with a Bible. Then there was that clip of him on Piers Morgan where the Piers Morgan's like, What's your favorite quote of the Bible? he's flipping through like crazy, just trying to find something. He doesn't, he's like, other I I don't know. you go that way and you don't even have a Bible verse locked and loaded for you, I got this one. Or is it a good one. the performative Christianity and hanging out with all the right wing people, it just looked like a guy who felt pretty guilty. He looked more guilty doing that than just not doing anything. If he is convicted, I have a hard time separating the art from the artist. I guess I'm no longer going to watch my favorite movie, Arthur, starring Russell Brandt. That's the true Arth movie. There's another one from the eighties, Dudley Moore. Not nearly as good. US inflation rose to three point seven percent in September. Figures show. Yeah we know. Everything's more expensive. But I saw a very interesting presentation from the new press secretary. Compelling stuff. Trump is more popular than ever in comedy is booming, according to her. She put it really well. I mean, telegenic. Star power commanding presence. hey, I don't like Trump. But she makes some interesting points. Texas prosecutor considering felony charges for ICE agent who ran over man. This is that story, the ice agent who a guy got out of his truck and was running away from ice, and then he just hits him with the car. you're not supposed to do that. this guy is in the hospital still, he's gonna have to have more surgeries, or he had some surgeries, he's having more. the prosecutor is considering felony charges. This prosecutor is a Democrat. This is in Houston where it happened. not like everybody in Texas is a Republican. The cities tend to be Democrats because cities are where the people live and interact with other people. I think if the prosecutor even goes after this ICE agent with felony charges, that shitty governor that they have in Texas will step in. nothing will happen to this ICE agent. Ukrainian soldiers in combat have access to Starlink satellite internet restricted. Elon Musk's Starlink. Elon Musk is Aligned with the Republicans who are aligned with Russia and Ukraine did bomb some data center in Russia that was a a bot farm. And that's terrible for Elon Musk to have those bots go away. He loves those bots. That's a lot of what's going on on Twitter. You take the bots away from Twitter. Who's gonna agree with Elon Musk? British Columbia teachers suspended for posting nude sexual photos on Reddit. this is a dude who posted the photos, his teacher. I don't know if he's hot and jacked. I think that makes a difference. Well, he's suspended. And yeah, you don't post nude photos of yourself on Reddit with your face and your regular account. You have a burner account, you obscure your face. You're a teacher. Not saying just because you're a teacher, you don't get to post your dick on the internet. Of course you do. But not your face and your dick, and not on your regular account. Come on, be an adult. You're teaching the children. But he's only suspended. Go back to work with a new burner account and get back to posting whatever it is you're posting over there. Iranian woman handed death sentence for blasphemy in social media post. Everybody's gotta post everything on social media. It is awful, obviously. Shouldn't get a death sentence for posting anything or for blasphemy. The Iranian government is not good. I'm against the war, but not saying that the government is awesome I guess it's a act of defiance, standing up to the government. I respect that. I'm not brave enough to do it. fuck the Iranian government. Netflix reportedly announces its largest round of layoffs since 2022, cutting 1,000 jobs across tech, product, legal, and HR teams. There's a problem with the stock market. Everything's got to be constant growth. You got to make more money than you made last quarter or you suck. So fire people. Well, look, we make more money now because we fired people. No, you didn't get better. You just fired people. You know where else there's going to be layoffs? Everywhere is every company is going to say, Hey, we have too many people here. replace some of it with AI, some of them with just giving more work to the other people who didn't get fired. US hits Bank of America with one point two billion dollar fine over money laundering. All right. So they money laundered, they pay the fine. Is that more than they made off the money laundering? And do they get to continue to money launder? Probably. if there was that big of a money laundering crime, shouldn't somebody be arrested? No? No, just fine to the bank. There's no person involved in this. It's all okay. you're gonna money launder, be a bank. Rare fossil of T Rex cousin goes on display in New York before heading to auction. That should be in a museum, not up for auction, Well, that's gonna be bought by some weirdo tech billionaire who's gonna keep it in their house. So what? Now you have a T Rex bone. I've seen dinosaur bones at the Museum of Natural History. I'm good. Don't need one in my house. I just had to pay the suggested donation. Well, I suggested a donation of zero. So I saw it for free. Pope diagnosed with lung cancer but had successful surgery, Vatican says. He was supposed to just get a nozzle removed. That's what they were saying the other day. I posted a video last night about him getting the nozzle removed. Turns out it was cancer, but successful surgery. He is the Pope. I hope it was successful. I kind of like this Pope. As much as I don't like the Catholic Church, I kinda like this Pope. this Pope lives a long time. But after that, you gotta go young. You gotta get a young pope. I'm talking 62, 63 years old. Really. I know it sounds crazy, but you gotta go young Pope.