Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / THE 20-YEAR HOOVER: When the "Old Version" of Him Shows Up at Your Door 👴🏾🚩

Transcript

THE 20-YEAR HOOVER: When the "Old Version" of Him Shows Up at Your Door 👴🏾🚩 · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Her toxic ex showed up to her doorstep 20 years after they
• 0:03
  broke up. Now this is Michelle and
• 0:06
  Michelle has a huge problem. Her ex from 2 decades ago just
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  popped up to her house out of nowhere unannounced.
• 0:14
  And let me give you a little background on how we even got to
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  this point in the 1st place. Michelle said she and her ex,
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  we'll call him Toxic Timmy, when they met when they were in their
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  20s, it wasn't a high school sweetheart situation but more
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  like a post high school early adulthood type of relationship
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  in their 20s. It wasn't sunshine and rainbows.
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  She said that Toxic Timmy started off as as an amazing
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  person like they all do right, But eventually he got strung out
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  on drugs and started to treat her horribly.
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  Now Michelle has a big heart, so she didn't break over him
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  immediately, even though she felt like she should have, she
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  didn't do it. It's like the little impact on
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  her shoulder was whispering in her ear to give him another
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  chance, right? So she did.
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  She listened to the little impact on her shoulder.
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  Now old Toxic Timmy. He was thrilled that she decided
• 1:00
  to stay so he was on his best behavior.
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  They both agreed that Timmy would spend most of his time
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  with Michelle so that he wouldn't feel pulled towards the
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  drugs like a tractor. Be like Michelle tried to step
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  in between him and the drugs, trying to like a barrier, right?
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  He also decided to give all his money to her so he wouldn't run
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  off and spend it on drugs. During this time, things were
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  actually going pretty good in the relationship.
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  In one night Timmy lost it. Michelle said he disappeared,
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  wouldn't pick the phone up or anything.
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  He disappeared for a few hours and then out of nowhere she got
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  a call for him to come pick him up from the projects.
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  The projects y'all. Because he owed money for drugs.
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  The dealers the the dealers legit kidnapped him and wouldn't
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  let him leave without paying him.
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  So it seemed like toxic Timmy tried to run off on the plug in
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  1/4. So he ended up having to call
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  Michelle because remember Michelle has all his money.
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  After that Timmy's mom sent him to rehab three times out his own
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  mom and then three times. As soon as he got back out he
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  was right back on the stuff. Michelle said she couldn't
• 2:07
  handle it anymore so she broke up with him and rightfully so,
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  he was putting her through hell. 10 years go by and somehow they
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  ended up together again. Somehow now in their in their
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  30s it did. This relationship in the 30s
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  didn't last as long because although Timmy wasn't on drugs
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  anymore, he was now a serial cheater.
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  It's like he put down the drug addiction and became addicted to
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  cheating, like literally addicted to stepping outside the
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  relationship. After she broke up with him the
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  second time, she started thinking about the first time
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  they dated and, and how he probably was cheating back then.
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  But the drugs were such a big issue that she kind of ignored
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  or overlooked everything else that was going on because of the
• 2:50
  because of the drugs, right? So just to refresh your memory,
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  we got a period of time of them dating in their 20s and a
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  separate period of them dating in their 30s, Not ten years all
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  together. Right now after this breakup,
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  Michelle gets a 20 year break from toxic Timmy.
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  She doesn't hear anything from him at all.
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  It's almost like he didn't even exist.
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  Then one day, about 20 years after the breakup, Michelle is
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  sitting at home watching TV and all of a sudden she gets a knock
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  on her door. Now Michelle is old school.
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  She didn't ask who it was, Nothing.
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  She just hopped up, open the door, and right there in front
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  of her stood A disheveled older man with Gray hair rocking her
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  tattered baseball cap. Her words.
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  At first he had his head down, and then he slowly raised his
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  head up for the great reveal. Y'all it was toxic Timmy ass. 20
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  years later. She had no idea where the hell
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  it came from or how he even got her address.
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  But now he's here standing in front of her with a ball cap and
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  a sob story. So apparently over the last 20
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  years Timmy had found a nice woman and settled down.
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  Timmy said said he kicked the drugs and decided to get
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  addicted to having a family. Timmy got addicted to having a
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  family. Y'all, I mean Timmy got got busy
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  and ended up having six kids, 66 of them things who are all grown
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  now. Now I bet y'all wondering what
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  the hell is 56 year old toxic Timmy doing here?
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  Well I'm glad you asked. The first thing out of his mouth
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  was a sad story about how his oldest son passed away.
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  Sad right? Not only did his ex-wife and all
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  five of his other kids no longer speak to him, none of them at
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  all. Now of course did Timmy take
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  accountability? No, Timmy blamed everybody but
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  himself. He it ain't his fault.
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  Everybody just just just decided to stop talking to him one day.
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  Couldn't deal with the grief of losing the the older son right?
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  So after a while, Timmy somehow convinced Michelle to feel sorry
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  for him. The little impact on the
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  shoulder, right? Talking to her again.
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  And she decided to give him another chance.
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  I mean, 20 years have gone by. He must have changed, right?
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  Rome. Toxic Timmy was worse.
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  Yeah, he was worse. Michelle said.
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  They used to argue back when they were in their 20s, but now
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  their arguments were more lethal than ever.
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  She said that whenever she would get the best of him in an
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  argument right now, instead of having a rebuttal or arguing
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  back or just being quiet and shutting the hell up, he would
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  swing on her and sometimes he would connect.
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  He'd be losing the argument y'all and just swing on her now.
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  Michelle said and I quote, I'm too old to be getting my ass
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  kicked so I'm finally done now. Toxic Timmy does not care that
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  Michelle was done y'all. So instead of packing up his
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  stuff and just leaving, he decides to trauma dump and tell
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  Michelle all the bad things that happened to him in his
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  childhood. He claims that to be a taken
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  advantage of by a female babysitter when he was seven
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  years old. I know that's sad right?
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  It's horrible, but apparently 56 year old Timmy doesn't see it as
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  horrible. He actually, he, Michelle said
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  he was kind of bragging about it happening at 7 years old.
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  That's traumatic right? Now remember, Michelle is full
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  of empathy, maybe too much empathy, right?
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  So she starts to feel bad for him again.
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  But then she realizes that not only is he physically abusive to
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  her, she found out through the Grapevine that he was also
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  abusive to his ex-wife and to all of his children, which is
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  why none of them talk to him. So not only is Timmy a woman
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  beater y'all, she also found out that he was an alcoholic, has a
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  gambling addiction, watches a lot of corn.
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  If you don't know what corn is, switch off to C4P.
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  He chained smoke cigarettes and still at 56 has a lot of mommy
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  issues. Michelle said she felt like she
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  was parenting him instead of being his girlfriend and she had
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  had enough. She was done.
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  She, Michelle was tired y'all. She was tired.
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  Although she did feel bad for him, she chose herself in this
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  situation. And I look, I don't see anything
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  wrong with that do y'all? Because yes, something may have
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  happened to him in his childhood, but that does not
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  excuse his adult behaviors, especially the abuse in trying
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  to ruin Michelle's life. She y'all, she had been drama
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  Timmy free for 20 years. For 20 years.
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  And she said even though all this new stuff started happening
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  within the first year of them being back together, she still
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  feels bad for having to kick him out because guess what?
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  Timmy didn't take it like a man. Timmy started begging and said
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  he had nowhere else to go and no one else to talk to.
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  I wonder why? Right?
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  She said that she feels like she got out of it right in time
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  because his abuse was escalating and she thought that sooner or
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  later she might have been unalive by him.
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  That he was going to unalive her.
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  If you don't know what unalive mean means, it means that you no
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  longer have to pray to God because you'll be standing right
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  next to him face to face in heaven, in the afterlife.
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  She thought that with enough time he would have gotten
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  better. But like most narcissistic
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  people who don't get help, he actually got worse.
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  I said Timmy is probably out there right now, wandering the
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  streets like the Joker looking for his next victim, which
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  absolutely will not be Michelle. So shout out to her for being
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  brave and sending in her story. Remember y'all, it's OK to
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  choose yourself even when you care about the other person.
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  It's OK to pick you now. Thanks for tuning in.
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  Hope y'all enjoyed this story. Time series y'all.
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  If you want to send your story in, shoot it to me at
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  info.info@mentalillness.net. Send me your story, tell me what
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  you look like a little bit, describe the other person and I
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  will change your name. Michelle is not her real name
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  and Toxic Timmy is not his given legal name either.
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  Y'all. Anyways, y'all, thank you for
• 8:27
  tuning in and peace.