Latest / High n' Dry Podcast / Episode 57. The Magical Memory Machine & Papa Smurf vs. Jerry Mouse (Feat. Joe Wheeldon, Author)

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Episode 57. The Magical Memory Machine & Papa Smurf vs. Jerry Mouse (Feat. Joe Wheeldon, Author) · High n' Dry Podcast

0:15
SPEAKER_02: All right.
0:15
SPEAKER_02: Well, so hey everyone.
0:16
SPEAKER_02: Welcome to High and Dry Podcast, the only podcast where we do all of our own stunts.
0:21
SPEAKER_02: I'm your host, Ryan Barron North, with me as always, James Crosslin.
0:24
SPEAKER_02: James, what's happening?
0:25
SPEAKER_03: Not much.
0:26
SPEAKER_03: It's uh had a nice long weekend last week, you know.
0:30
SPEAKER_03: I hope everyone had had a happy Martin Luther Teen Jr.
0:33
SPEAKER_03: Day.
0:34
SPEAKER_03: Um I'm just happy to be here.
0:37
SPEAKER_03: Just happy to chill, spend some time talking.
0:40
SPEAKER_03: I hope everyone else is happy to be here too.
0:42
SPEAKER_03: For sure, for sure.
0:43
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
0:43
SPEAKER_02: No, and so joining us first time guest, welcome to the show.
0:46
SPEAKER_02: We have Joe Wheeldon, aspiring indie writer, horror aficionado.
0:50
SPEAKER_02: Uh Joe, what's going on, man?
0:51
SPEAKER_02: How are you doing?
0:52
SPEAKER_02: Thanks for coming by.
0:53
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, no worries.
0:54
SPEAKER_05: Really um, really glad to be here.
0:56
SPEAKER_05: Like the love the podcast, really funny.
0:58
SPEAKER_05: You seem like pretty chill guys, so really cool to be here.
1:01
SPEAKER_02: Hell yeah.
1:02
SPEAKER_02: We've known each other for 30 seconds and we're already talking about the Holocaust.
1:07
SPEAKER_05: The best icebreaker, is it?
1:09
SPEAKER_02: Um so uh, I mean, real quick, are you working on anything right now?
1:12
SPEAKER_02: Uh any big projects you got going on, writing anything?
1:15
SPEAKER_02: Tell us about your work.
1:17
SPEAKER_05: So um my first book was like a dark fantasy.
1:21
SPEAKER_05: Um I reread it again a couple of months ago and realized that um the grammar in there is terrible.
1:27
SPEAKER_05: So currently um I'm going over it again, like um re-editing it and like not changing the story, but like making it flow a little bit better.
1:34
SPEAKER_05: So that's what I'm working on at the minute.
1:36
SPEAKER_05: Um my other two uh I've done like a little horror novella um and then a more serious, like longer horror novel um recently that came.
1:44
SPEAKER_05: I republished that about two months ago, so that's out there now.
1:47
SPEAKER_05: But yeah, release sort of awesome, awesome.
1:51
SPEAKER_02: Scary stuff.
1:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, sounds good.
1:53
SPEAKER_02: I like it.
1:53
SPEAKER_02: I like it.
1:54
SPEAKER_02: I dabble in a little bit of horror writing myself.
1:56
SPEAKER_02: Sure does.
1:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so we'll we'll see what comes of it.
1:59
SPEAKER_02: But uh it's good to have you guys on.
2:01
SPEAKER_02: I think we're having a good time.
2:02
SPEAKER_02: Um, so for those of you who are you know new to the show or uh catching our newest guest up, um this is how this thing works.
2:09
SPEAKER_02: We start every episode off with a philosophical debate and moral conundrum, a quandary, and then it devolves into a fist fight like those things often do.
2:16
SPEAKER_02: But before we do any of that, what makes it so special is that we're drunk and high as hell.
2:21
SPEAKER_02: So everyone go ahead and pour 'em up.
2:25
SPEAKER_02: Uh James, what are you smoking this week?
2:29
SPEAKER_03: That's right.
2:30
SPEAKER_03: Uh so I we do do that, don't we?
2:31
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
2:32
SPEAKER_03: Um, so this week I'm smoking a wonderful concentrate.
2:37
SPEAKER_03: It's a butter, uh, and it is called Champagne Supernova.
2:42
SPEAKER_03: Like that.
2:43
SPEAKER_03: Like the Oasis song, yeah.
2:47
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
2:47
SPEAKER_03: Uh it's pretty great.
2:48
SPEAKER_03: It's pretty fantastic.
2:50
SPEAKER_03: I love it.
2:50
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it makes you really it gets you really chill, it gives you a nice uh burst of euphoria.
2:55
SPEAKER_03: Uh so I should be I should be really chill for this one.
2:58
SPEAKER_03: Um gets you ready to listen to some Oasis.
3:01
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I mean Make sure to listen to a really strange like bob cut.
3:07
SPEAKER_03: Don't act like you both didn't love Oasis in their heyday because everybody did.
3:14
SPEAKER_03: I I heard the one song, but honestly, no.
3:16
SPEAKER_02: Didn't I read somewhere that was all yeah, their assholes, yeah.
3:20
SPEAKER_05: Okay, we have a no.
3:24
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
3:25
SPEAKER_02: That's what assholes do when they get together.
3:27
SPEAKER_02: They probably listen to their own music and it's like, you wrote that?
3:30
SPEAKER_05: No, you wrote that.
3:32
SPEAKER_00: Fuck you.
3:33
SPEAKER_05: Fuck you.
3:35
SPEAKER_05: I can't say I'm a big fan of voice.
3:37
SPEAKER_05: It's like I feel like everyone knows the songs because you have to, you know.
3:40
SPEAKER_05: You're you're forced to like to know that to sing them, yeah.
3:46
SPEAKER_02: Well, all right.
3:47
SPEAKER_02: James was listening to them of his own free will.
3:49
SPEAKER_03: I was the whole time.
3:50
SPEAKER_03: I just chose to.
3:52
SPEAKER_02: Well.
3:55
SPEAKER_02: The rest of us were forced.
3:57
SPEAKER_02: That's fair.
3:58
SPEAKER_02: I mean, you you're welcome, you know.
4:01
SPEAKER_02: Like when you two put their album on everyone's damn computer.
4:05
SPEAKER_02: Oh gosh.
4:07
SPEAKER_02: Uh uh so uh and uh Joe, you see you're coming to us as a drunken philosopher.
4:12
SPEAKER_02: What are you drinking today?
4:13
SPEAKER_05: I'm drinking a dead man's fingers, say spice rum.
4:17
SPEAKER_02: Very delicious.
4:19
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm not familiar.
4:20
SPEAKER_03: Okay, you're gonna have to tell us how that is.
4:22
SPEAKER_03: They get a little chonky sometimes.
4:24
SPEAKER_03: You gotta really massage the throat to get those fingers down.
4:29
SPEAKER_05: But if you squeeze all the juice out of them, they go down easier.
4:35
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna be joining you guys with Maker's Mark Stave Profile number 46.
4:41
SPEAKER_02: I I've been on a little bit of a maker's mark kick, and I I try and bring the cheap shit on here.
4:46
SPEAKER_02: And this guy, I mean, he's not the biggest bottle in the world, and he still cost me 40 bucks, so I don't know if this is really the way that you know our you know, our unwashed listeners want to go, but uh but you know that people listening to our podcast can't afford a$40 bottle about that.
5:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so they're gonna live vicariously through me today.
5:07
SPEAKER_02: Um, but you know, he's 94-proof, uh wood furnished series.
5:12
SPEAKER_02: So I'll let you guys know how it goes.
5:13
SPEAKER_02: Uh we'll see if it's any different than just normal makers mark that's like$40 a bottle.
5:18
SPEAKER_02: So all right, so our first one.
5:21
SPEAKER_02: This one goes out to Cher, Carl Urban, and our newest guest, Joe Wilden.
5:26
SPEAKER_02: Joe, thank you so much for being on here.
5:27
SPEAKER_02: This one's you.
5:29
SPEAKER_02: Cheers.
5:32
SPEAKER_02: All right, all right.
5:36
SPEAKER_02: Tastes good.
5:38
SPEAKER_02: Tastes good.
5:40
SPEAKER_02: Well, Joe, I'm anxious to hear about yours.
5:42
SPEAKER_02: How was it?
5:43
SPEAKER_05: Um it's not too like it tastes like pork.
5:49
SPEAKER_05: Um it's like it's not it's you know, sometimes you get a spice rum and it's like real, like real spicy, flavorful.
5:57
SPEAKER_05: It's not too flavorful.
5:58
SPEAKER_05: It could do with a bit more of a punch, maybe a bit it's cinnamony, I'd say.
6:07
SPEAKER_05: It's quite sweet.
6:07
SPEAKER_05: It's it's like yeah, sweet.
6:10
SPEAKER_05: That's my that's my take on this.
6:12
SPEAKER_05: I'm I'm not a rum connoisseur.
6:15
SPEAKER_03: Well, James, how about how was yours?
6:16
SPEAKER_03: How'd you do?
6:17
SPEAKER_03: Mine's fantastic.
6:17
SPEAKER_03: I I love it.
6:18
SPEAKER_03: Uh it's really floral.
6:20
SPEAKER_03: Uh it kind of it's kind of like walking into a field of wildflowers, and you kind of get that huge burst of like floral uh smell in your nostrils.
6:30
SPEAKER_03: It's really fantastic.
6:31
SPEAKER_03: I I love champagne supernova.
6:33
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, no, and the only way for mine, the only way I know to really describe it would be on something only like alcoholics would understand, but um it has the initial like the front of your mouth is just like your normal maker's mark, but then as it hits the back of your throat, it just like pulls back and it just slides on down.
6:50
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so it's it's not bad.
6:51
SPEAKER_02: Smooth.
6:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's smooth, yeah.
6:53
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, very smooth.
6:54
SPEAKER_02: All right, well, pour them up.
6:56
SPEAKER_02: It's time for our second shot, second hit.
6:59
SPEAKER_03: I I also want to, while you're looking that up, because I know you didn't look it up again.
7:03
SPEAKER_03: I never um you never you'll never look it up.
7:06
SPEAKER_03: Um I also got a suggestion uh from from a listener that we need to put who's we need to say audibly who's fighting up at the top, like near the top, uh, because some people put it on shuffle and and they don't know if they've heard the episode before.
7:23
SPEAKER_03: Uh so up top, our fighters are gonna be uh Jerry of Tom and Jerry fame versus Papa Smurf of what's he in, the trolls?
7:33
SPEAKER_00: No, I'm just gonna versus Papa Smurf.
7:38
SPEAKER_03: So you can't y'all can look forward to that coming up in 20 minutes, you know, to start the fight.
7:43
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so 20 minutes until Jerry pops off against Papa Smurf.
7:47
SPEAKER_02: Um, so and our second toast, this one is oh Emerald, if you're listening, this looks like it's all thanks to you.
7:54
SPEAKER_02: Uh Canada is just lit up.
7:56
SPEAKER_02: We have Thanks the country of Canada.
8:00
SPEAKER_02: We got Toronto, Oshawa, Oshawa, I don't know.
8:04
SPEAKER_02: Oshawa.
8:04
SPEAKER_02: Oshawa, there it is.
8:05
SPEAKER_02: Glendale, Pickering, uh, oh, and then Kent, Ohio.
8:09
SPEAKER_02: So uh here's to all those places.
8:11
SPEAKER_02: Cheers.
8:12
SPEAKER_03: Thanks, Kent, Ohio, Canada.
8:14
SPEAKER_03: God love Canada.
8:21
SPEAKER_03: Canada has that border, we're all about to start jumping.
8:24
SPEAKER_03: Are you uh are you Brits still salty about Canada?
8:28
SPEAKER_03: Uh or do you still own Canada technically?
8:30
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
8:31
SPEAKER_05: I didn't know we were salty about Canada.
8:33
SPEAKER_05: I think most British people see them in a most most British people want to go to Canada, so I think we like it's the same for Americans.
8:44
SPEAKER_05: Most British people I know, I don't know.
8:45
SPEAKER_03: Maybe you mean it's not packed and you can see trees and stuff.
8:51
SPEAKER_05: Fresh air?
8:52
SPEAKER_05: What is this?
8:55
SPEAKER_02: Um uh Nathan on here.
8:57
SPEAKER_02: Uh no, uh he was uh Wales, right?
8:59
SPEAKER_02: That's where he's from.
9:00
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we discovered we have another you know UK uh guest who comes on and we were talking to him, just like, how do you guys have any room left?
9:07
SPEAKER_02: And we realized it's because he's the only one who is populating Wales at all.
9:15
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
9:16
SPEAKER_05: Not many other people want to live there to be fair.
9:21
SPEAKER_05: Against the country, it's just the the names for things are so long, nobody can be bothered to pronounce them.
9:26
SPEAKER_05: I'm not going there.
9:28
SPEAKER_03: It's not nothing against the country.
9:31
SPEAKER_03: Just the people are terrible.
9:34
SPEAKER_02: The plot of land is fine.
9:39
SPEAKER_02: Uh Nate, that one was to you.
9:41
SPEAKER_04: Go fuck yourself.
9:42
SPEAKER_04: Uh it's a small country.
9:45
SPEAKER_04: You probably it's probably next door.
9:48
SPEAKER_02: Uh well, so then uh that brings us into our third shot, third hit, third toast.
9:54
SPEAKER_02: This is guests toast.
9:56
SPEAKER_02: Joe, what's it to?
9:58
SPEAKER_05: Um I would like to toast the famous Bollywood actor uh Shah Rukh Khan.
10:05
SPEAKER_05: Um no reason in particular.
10:07
SPEAKER_05: I just think that you know maybe he'll maybe this will bestow on him some like good luck for the day, and maybe he'll have a great day.
10:16
SPEAKER_02: Excellent.
10:17
SPEAKER_02: So his name a little earlier, and you know, not particularly a fan.
10:20
SPEAKER_02: I just thought why not?
10:21
SPEAKER_05: I knew this was coming, so I thought someone better benefit from this.
10:25
SPEAKER_02: So all right.
10:27
SPEAKER_02: Uh here's I I did I already missed the name.
10:30
SPEAKER_02: What was it?
10:30
SPEAKER_02: Who is the two?
10:31
SPEAKER_02: Uh Shah Rukh Khan.
10:32
SPEAKER_02: Shah Rukh Khan Khan.
10:34
SPEAKER_05: Here's to you.
10:35
SPEAKER_05: Shaka Khan.
10:36
SPEAKER_05: Shah Rukh Khan Cheers.
10:39
SPEAKER_02: Cheers.
10:43
SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, the the flavor of the 46, it kind of starts coming in at the back.
10:49
SPEAKER_02: You get like almost like you feel a lot of the spice at your Adam's apple, if you know that makes any sense.
10:55
SPEAKER_02: Your clavical region there.
10:57
SPEAKER_05: I have um I've never drunk this rum neat before.
11:00
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
11:01
SPEAKER_05: And um I'm regretting my choice.
11:05
SPEAKER_05: That's easy.
11:06
SPEAKER_05: You only got one more to go.
11:08
SPEAKER_05: A much nicer rum in the cupboard.
11:12
SPEAKER_02: Mistakes were made.
11:14
SPEAKER_02: Well, that brings us into the actual podcast.
11:17
SPEAKER_02: So all right.
11:20
SPEAKER_02: So the question I I have a it's you know, it's a fun one I kind of picked.
11:24
SPEAKER_02: I think it'll go in some interesting ways.
11:25
SPEAKER_02: And it sort of has a few facets to it.
11:27
SPEAKER_02: You guys kind of choose how to answer or what direction you want to take it in.
11:32
SPEAKER_02: Um but so the the question I have for you guys is that we've come to the point now where, and this is a future question, um, we've had the technology to completely erase your memories.
11:46
SPEAKER_02: Um, and then just kind of put you back into the world.
11:49
SPEAKER_02: If you were to go through this sort of procedure for whatever reason, if you, you know, what was it, uh, eternal sunshine of the spotless-minded yourself?
11:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
11:57
SPEAKER_02: One, would it still be you?
11:59
SPEAKER_02: And two, depending on which way you want to go, what you want to answer, what sort of person would they be unleashing on the world you now having lost all of your memories?
12:10
SPEAKER_02: Um, and you know, just the basic knowledge of how to continue.
12:16
SPEAKER_02: You still you know, you still maintain things like uh you know, your educational level and things of that nature.
12:22
SPEAKER_02: It's just your personal experiences have been erased.
12:26
SPEAKER_03: But our educational experience is a personal experience.
12:30
SPEAKER_03: Don't act like everybody on on earth gets like a standard education with no personal behind it.
12:36
SPEAKER_02: This is the future.
12:39
SPEAKER_05: So you you mean like you just you just don't become like fetal, like just it doesn't erase you, so you're a potato struggling to breathe like like a fish.
12:52
SPEAKER_02: You come out of it with the level of education that you receive, shitting all over myself.
12:57
unknown: Yeah.
12:59
SPEAKER_03: Just screaming and crying.
13:01
SPEAKER_05: I can't walk.
13:03
SPEAKER_05: I definitely feel if I finish this bottle of rum, that's probably how I'm gonna end up like I'm a potato now.
13:12
SPEAKER_02: Well, uh, but but you get what I'm saying.
13:14
SPEAKER_02: God damn.
13:16
SPEAKER_03: So I so so I think what you're saying is just that without your experience having social experiences erased.
13:23
SPEAKER_03: But everything's social.
13:25
SPEAKER_03: So I don't know.
13:25
SPEAKER_03: Let's let Joe go for it.
13:26
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, let's see what happens.
13:27
SPEAKER_03: Let's just take it where we want to take it.
13:29
SPEAKER_05: So you're just like a blank.
13:30
SPEAKER_05: So like so I guess I guess that's because like growing up, your own personal experiences and things help teach you right from wrong, don't they?
13:39
SPEAKER_05: So you're eventually being born again as like a like a psychopath.
13:43
SPEAKER_05: You've got no memory of what's right and wrong.
13:46
SPEAKER_05: So I guess you could be like the worst thing.
13:49
SPEAKER_05: You you could walk up to somebody and just like snap their neck.
13:53
SPEAKER_05: So why is this wrong?
13:58
SPEAKER_03: Um Yeah, you know they'll die, but like what what does that mean if you have no experience to of of the emotional consequences of death?
14:08
SPEAKER_02: Well, I mean that brings up the question then is just all of our morality strictly cultural.
14:12
SPEAKER_02: You know, well we'll continue, Joe.
14:13
SPEAKER_02: What do you continue?
14:15
SPEAKER_05: Um I guess so, because you have to learn everything well, you don't have to learn everything new again.
14:19
SPEAKER_05: I think like it'd be interesting because it would be interesting to see if we develop into the same person again.
14:26
SPEAKER_05: Um I think it would be a bad thing because I always think like I imagine in the future that's how they'd punish like criminals just to like wipe their minds of things and like make them a blank slate again and then set them out.
14:39
SPEAKER_02: Have you guys ever seen Demolition Man with Sylvester's stallone?
14:43
SPEAKER_02: And yeah, um, and he comes out of the cryostasis knowing how to knit.
14:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
14:50
SPEAKER_02: Key skill, key memory.
14:52
SPEAKER_02: No, and I always thought like the cryostasis for prison.
14:55
SPEAKER_02: I I feel like at that point you the society needs to just evolve beyond prison because now it's just like, all right, we can't deal with you right now, we'll see you in like 30 years.
15:05
SPEAKER_02: And the guy's just that was a great map, the best I've slept ever.
15:09
SPEAKER_02: I'm ready to kill again.
15:12
SPEAKER_03: I feel I killing was getting boring, but I feel energized.
15:16
SPEAKER_05: This is my reward.
15:17
SPEAKER_05: I'm definitely gonna kill again.
15:19
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we get to kill in the future.
15:21
SPEAKER_02: This is sweet.
15:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean, that'd be fantastic.
15:23
SPEAKER_02: I mean, like anytime I'm like, you know what?
15:25
SPEAKER_02: I don't really know how I'm feeling about this era.
15:28
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna go kill somebody and someone and go get frozen.
15:34
SPEAKER_02: Um, and see what what's next.
15:36
SPEAKER_02: You know, maybe Sandra Bullock will teach me how to love in the future.
15:39
SPEAKER_03: You didn't know if they're the military again.
15:40
SPEAKER_03: Like they'd unfreeze you to fight in some fucking war.
15:43
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know they would.
15:45
SPEAKER_03: God damn it.
15:47
SPEAKER_05: Or you'll just put their light just defrost you to put somebody else's mind in you or something like that altered carbon show, or some you'll you'll just be uh you'll just be a meat sex.
15:56
SPEAKER_05: But that I think that's like what they because prisons are just getting fuller and fuller, aren't they?
16:00
SPEAKER_05: So instead of putting people in prisons, just mind wipe, memory's gone.
16:04
SPEAKER_05: Out you go.
16:05
SPEAKER_05: Mow that loan.
16:06
SPEAKER_05: You're asleep now.
16:08
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
16:10
SPEAKER_02: And the boring dystopia continues.
16:12
SPEAKER_02: Oh boy.
16:13
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
16:14
SPEAKER_04: Replace it.
16:15
SPEAKER_02: Well, James, what do you think?
16:17
SPEAKER_02: Uh they've they've erased your memory, sentenced you back out into the world.
16:21
SPEAKER_02: What the fuck did they just release?
16:23
SPEAKER_03: So I think there's that episode of Rick and Morty, the the Morty's mind blowers, where they kind of explore this topic, and and Morty says at one point, uh, you know, how am I supposed to learn anything if I keep having my memories erased?
16:39
SPEAKER_03: And that's the truth, is you know, you talked about how your education sticks, um, and and you're you're like a functional human and stuff, but you can't do that.
16:49
SPEAKER_03: Like every part of every part of your life is a learning experience that that um that creates the kind of person you are.
16:58
SPEAKER_03: Uh no, no experience has zero effect on who you are as a person.
17:04
SPEAKER_03: Um so there's no way to isolate those things.
17:07
SPEAKER_03: Um I think that I think that Joe's absolutely right that you would they essentially what they're doing is they're they're creating a sociopath with like uh they're just they're just like let's remove all all moral understanding.
17:21
SPEAKER_03: They could do that just by like taking a piece of your brain out.
17:25
SPEAKER_03: You know, we could do that today, like damaging someone's brain in a way that they just do.
17:30
SPEAKER_02: I mean, like oh god.
17:31
SPEAKER_02: Like back in like the 1800s, if you decided to cross-dress, they would just lobotomize you and teach you how to knit.
17:39
SPEAKER_03: Um that's really yeah, lobotomy is such a fucked up.
17:42
SPEAKER_03: It is terrifying.
17:44
SPEAKER_03: And and the way they like did it in the US at least, I actually don't know about other places in the world, but I assume it was very similar, was like uh it happened to uh JFK's sister.
17:55
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
17:56
SPEAKER_03: Um she she was like a rebellious young woman who might have had something like dyslexia or a learning disability, and she and hit her father was like, she's an embarrassment to the family, and they fucking lobotomized her, and she spent like when she was like in her twenties, they lobotomized her, and she's she was like alive for like 60 years, lobotomized, just like hid away from the world.
18:20
SPEAKER_03: And you know, when I learned that, I was like, damn, that how many people who weren't like wealthy and able to tell their story did that happen to?
18:29
SPEAKER_03: That was just an option, yeah.
18:30
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it was just an option for for families to be like, man, my daughter's my daughter's too into boys.
18:36
SPEAKER_03: Can you take her brain away?
18:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, Lee R.
18:39
SPEAKER_02: Harvey Oswald is just actually her boyfriend, and this this was her event.
18:47
SPEAKER_02: They're like, shut him the fuck up, shut him the fuck up.
18:51
SPEAKER_04: Thomas paying the fence red again.
18:54
SPEAKER_04: Taking down the botany center.
18:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
18:57
SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
18:58
SPEAKER_02: I I mean, like you want a horror story, just all you have to do is describe those like five minutes where you strapped the table and they're fucking charging the drill.
19:07
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
19:09
SPEAKER_05: Didn't they is like sometimes it was just they were just pins like in um they just hammer them in, wouldn't they?
19:16
SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah, yeah.
19:17
SPEAKER_02: Well, I find I preferred Dewalt, uh DeWalt drills for my lobotomies.
19:22
SPEAKER_02: I they get right on in there.
19:24
SPEAKER_02: Um but yeah, you know, if you have a hammer and whatever.
19:26
SPEAKER_02: I reliable.
19:28
SPEAKER_03: The guy who invented that procedure said he performed it over 4,500 times.
19:33
SPEAKER_03: And and his goal wasn't to like he didn't do follow-ups.
19:38
SPEAKER_03: He he was like not concerned with like how they good.
19:42
SPEAKER_03: No, a lot of people like died from the procedure because he was like an unclean person and he'd use unclean equipment, and he like did no follow-ups on procedures, and um like his goal was to do it as fast as possible.
19:55
SPEAKER_03: He was like, he was like, I can do a lobotomy in under five minutes, and he would like have he would like bring do it like in people's living rooms and shit.
20:02
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it was crazy.
20:03
SPEAKER_03: It's a it's a crazy, it's a crazy fucking story.
20:07
SPEAKER_03: Like if you ever if you ever get an opportunity, look it up or go on behind the bastards.
20:11
SPEAKER_03: There's one about lobotomy.
20:13
SPEAKER_03: Amazing.
20:14
SPEAKER_03: It's crazy.
20:15
unknown: Wow.
20:15
SPEAKER_02: All right.
20:16
SPEAKER_02: Well, uh well, there you go.
20:17
SPEAKER_02: Um well for me definitely don't want one.
20:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, make it sound good, but please no.
20:26
SPEAKER_02: You make it sound so tempting.
20:29
SPEAKER_02: Um, but for me, I mean, like you take away just all my memories, but you loaded me with reading, writing, arithmetic, um, and then knitting and sent me back out in the world, I would kill again.
20:43
SPEAKER_05: Um who's ordering this like memory-wise as well?
20:48
SPEAKER_05: Is it like government?
20:49
SPEAKER_05: I was dealing with a wizard.
20:51
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
20:52
SPEAKER_03: A future techno wizard.
20:55
SPEAKER_02: Well, I was dealing with a particularly bad breakup, and uh I just you know needed to start fresh.
21:01
SPEAKER_02: Um I so I mean the whole thing, it brings up the question is just your entire morality cultural.
21:10
SPEAKER_02: Is that all it is?
21:11
SPEAKER_02: Is it just cultural expectations that determine that you know me slaughtering everyone in an Arby's?
21:17
SPEAKER_02: Is that right or wrong?
21:19
SPEAKER_02: Culturally, no.
21:20
SPEAKER_02: Lobotomize you?
21:22
SPEAKER_02: Maybe not.
21:23
SPEAKER_03: We'll see what happens.
21:24
SPEAKER_02: Who knows?
21:25
SPEAKER_03: Could be could could you could be totally uh vegetable or you could be psychotic, who knows?
21:31
SPEAKER_03: Because the dude who who invented it just wanted to melon, he was just like, I'm just gonna do it and go.
21:36
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
21:36
SPEAKER_05: Maybe like because when you learn like right and wrong and things, you're as you do that as a child.
21:42
SPEAKER_05: So I wonder if it's any different as an adult when you're learning them.
21:45
SPEAKER_05: Like you could be like the best like peace, you know, peaceful person on the planet if you can if you notice what's right and wrong as an adult.
21:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
21:56
SPEAKER_02: Interesting.
21:57
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I think maybe uh so you take like uh you know wild animals.
22:01
SPEAKER_02: I mean, if you jump into like uh I mean like a lot of people like to villainize wolves in movies and things, and Liam Neeson fucking hates wolves.
22:09
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he's not a fan.
22:11
SPEAKER_02: But like the re actuality, I mean, if a wolf ain't hungry.
22:15
SPEAKER_02: You know, and he's not in dire straits, you know, he's probably just gonna keep on walking.
22:20
SPEAKER_02: And I I feel like that if as long as I'm you know they fed me on the way out of the lobotomy clinic, I probably won't murder everyone at the Arby's.
22:28
SPEAKER_05: Um, and then I could, you know, but there are still wolves that are like just like dicks though, that won't do it.
22:36
SPEAKER_02: They're just dick wolves.
22:38
SPEAKER_02: I feel like at that point, you know, I'll walk into the Arby's, uh, I'm not on a murderous rampage, and then you know, Sandra Bullock will teach me what's right and wrong again.
22:48
SPEAKER_03: You know, you know what's funny about that wolves thing is like the people who like uh glorify lone wolves.
22:54
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's like lone wolves were like separated from the pack because they're something's wrong with them.
23:00
SPEAKER_03: Something's wrong with them that people that other wolves were like, I don't want to be around you.
23:04
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and and people are like, I'm a lone wolf.
23:06
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, I I I reason, mate.
23:09
SPEAKER_03: I know because you're a piece of shit.
23:11
unknown: Yeah.
23:13
SPEAKER_05: Congratulations.
23:14
SPEAKER_05: You're wearing like a fleece jacket with a howling wolf on it.
23:18
SPEAKER_05: You don't need to tell me any more than that, my friend.
23:21
SPEAKER_03: I know, I know you're a dick.
23:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I can smell it on you.
23:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's pretty clear by the hat.
23:27
SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, um, for sure.
23:29
SPEAKER_02: Are those Labor scars?
23:32
SPEAKER_02: Well, it's like uh I see the meme very frequently where it's like every 45-year-old white dude, I'm a wolf in the herd of sheep.
23:41
SPEAKER_02: Like, congrats, bro.
23:43
SPEAKER_02: You nailed it.
23:44
SPEAKER_02: You do sound like a predator.
23:48
SPEAKER_02: Um, well, so uh Joe, any final thoughts on the topic?
23:52
SPEAKER_05: Um you know, I would be interested to try it myself on somebody to see how it would come out.
24:00
SPEAKER_02: Just in their living room in under five minutes.
24:02
SPEAKER_05: See what happens.
24:03
SPEAKER_05: If um if anyone's listening that are willing to um participate, you know.
24:08
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, anybody want a lobotomy?
24:10
SPEAKER_03: Come on down to Joseph's lobotomy emborium.
24:13
SPEAKER_03: It's just my living room.
24:15
SPEAKER_02: It's like the cannibal who posted about it and just thought maybe someone would want to be cannibalized.
24:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
24:20
SPEAKER_04: And they did.
24:21
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and someone.
24:25
SPEAKER_02: Um you don't need a lobotomy to cannibalize someone in your living room.
24:30
SPEAKER_02: That's true.
24:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, or to be all right.
24:32
SPEAKER_02: So uh James, final thoughts?
24:33
SPEAKER_03: Uh final thoughts.
24:35
SPEAKER_03: I would actually love to see what would happen if you like took a fully grown person, like kind of what Joe is hinting at.
24:39
SPEAKER_03: Like if you took a fully grown person and then took them back to like a totally blank slate where they like relearned everything and then they then you know, because their brain is fully functioning, like it's an adult like fully grown brain.
24:51
SPEAKER_03: Our brains don't stop growing until in our like like forming uh until we're in our 20s.
24:56
SPEAKER_03: So I mean, someone with a fully grown brain like approaching the world of being like there's inconsistencies here without having like the um the baggage of of being lied to as a child about the normalcy of things that really shouldn't be normal.
25:12
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, um I I'd I'd be interested in seeing that.
25:15
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
25:16
SPEAKER_02: Like why would we do it that way?
25:18
SPEAKER_05: I guess that's what it's gonna be like with like robots like AI, because if you boot up like a fresh new robot, it's not gonna have any personal experience, is it?
25:27
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and that would be awesome too.
25:29
SPEAKER_03: I think that AIs are, you know, actually, I don't know, because how do we make sure it doesn't immediately trust people?
25:36
SPEAKER_02: It doesn't instant or it doesn't like instantly jump onto 4chan and just download all that.
25:41
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, the worst person.
25:44
SPEAKER_03: Oh hell.
25:46
SPEAKER_05: I feel like the people that program robots don't trust people anyway.
25:50
SPEAKER_03: The people who program yeah, they definitely don't trust people.
25:52
SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, no, you'd plug the fucker in and he'd just be all about men's rights.
25:55
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, robots have so much so many biases.
25:58
SPEAKER_03: AI has like terrible biases.
26:00
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
26:01
SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
26:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and then yeah, for me, I would just like to see I would like to see that we do that to someone, they somehow just like maintain just sort of a uh like you you discover that certain things like walking into an Arby's and murdering everyone, you know, isn't that something that you should do?
26:18
SPEAKER_02: And you know, they understand that, and but then they're like they just look outside and like why do we all buy cars that we pilot ourselves at 75 miles an hour?
26:29
SPEAKER_02: Wouldn't a an internal public transit system be more sensible?
26:33
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, but we don't talk about that because money money, you dick.
26:39
SPEAKER_02: It's like one in a thousand of you die every day on the way to work.
26:42
SPEAKER_02: Why are you doing this?
26:44
SPEAKER_02: Why are you working for that matter?
26:47
SPEAKER_02: You have robots.
26:48
SPEAKER_05: They would go absolutely insane, wouldn't they?
26:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like this doesn't make sense.
26:54
SPEAKER_01: You lobotomize me again.
26:56
SPEAKER_03: You know, a lot of people feel that way.
26:58
SPEAKER_03: There's like this huge I feel like our generation especially is like, what the fuck is going on here?
27:04
SPEAKER_03: You know, like when we look outside, we're like, well, I don't understand any of why why any of this is the way it is.
27:09
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's pretty frustrating.
27:10
SPEAKER_02: Well, I mean, it's because of money.
27:12
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it is because of money.
27:13
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, uh, people sure love money.
27:16
SPEAKER_03: I've noticed the end point.
27:19
SPEAKER_03: What I've learned.
27:21
SPEAKER_05: People love money.
27:23
SPEAKER_02: They'll do they'll do fucking anything for it.
27:26
SPEAKER_02: And if, you know, a couple hundred of us have to die every day on the way to work, then so be it.
27:30
SPEAKER_04: So be it.
27:33
SPEAKER_02: Well, that being said, it's time to move into the second portion of our podcast, and Joe knows what's going on.
27:40
SPEAKER_02: It's time to pour up our final toast.
27:43
SPEAKER_02: This one to so be it.
27:49
SPEAKER_02: And to Jerry and to Papa Smurf, our combatants today.
27:53
SPEAKER_02: Here's to them.
27:54
SPEAKER_02: Cheers, boys.
27:55
SPEAKER_02: Cheers.
27:57
SPEAKER_03: I keep being behind.
27:59
SPEAKER_03: This email has to warm up.
28:00
SPEAKER_03: Oh, here we go.
28:05
SPEAKER_02: Oh, oh, this baby shower I gotta go to is gonna be off the chain.
28:10
SPEAKER_05: You'll go walk in.
28:12
SPEAKER_05: You're just gonna look at the room and think, you need a lobotomy.
28:17
SPEAKER_02: You need one.
28:18
SPEAKER_02: Or I walk in and why are we doing things this way?
28:21
SPEAKER_03: I think I think lobotomy is you lobotomy is even five minutes flash.
28:26
SPEAKER_02: You don't even know.
28:27
SPEAKER_02: I just walk in screaming about traffic, and then the wife's like, I'm I'm gonna have to put him to bed screaming.
28:35
SPEAKER_02: Shit all over himself.
28:39
SPEAKER_01: Sorry, everybody.
28:41
SPEAKER_05: Are they mine?
28:43
SPEAKER_02: Who are you, why do we make a child wear a onesie?
28:50
SPEAKER_02: We make more sense to just be naked all the time.
28:54
SPEAKER_02: Why am I driving here?
28:55
SPEAKER_05: Single tear rolled down your cheek.
28:58
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, sorry, everybody.
28:59
SPEAKER_02: I apologize.
29:00
SPEAKER_02: I'm getting lobotomized.
29:03
SPEAKER_02: Alright, so it's the moment you've all been waiting for.
29:06
SPEAKER_02: It's time to move into the second portion of our podcast, our fist fight.
29:09
SPEAKER_02: Papa Smurf going up against Jerry the Mouse.
29:13
SPEAKER_02: How we do it on high-end dry, we have a patented method for determining which one of these titans of combat is going to pull out the V.
29:22
SPEAKER_02: Um, we have a three-round method guaranteed to get you results.
29:27
SPEAKER_02: Round one, we jump into a legally distinct fight club bar held in an Applebee's basement.
29:33
SPEAKER_02: Um, Tyler Durden is played by the lovely Val Kilmer, and these two characters just punch each other to death, pound for pound.
29:41
SPEAKER_02: We got Papa Smurf Smurf coming in at three Dutch apples.
29:45
SPEAKER_02: We got Jerry, he's about the size of a mouse, and they're gonna punch each other to death.
29:51
SPEAKER_02: Round two, we zoom out into a city view where these characters have 24 hours to eliminate the other one, and then they get access to everything that makes them them.
29:59
SPEAKER_02: Whatever they get their hands on, um Papa Smurf's got Smurf berries, and Jerry's got Acme, I guess.
30:07
SPEAKER_02: And then we move into round three, which is the same thing as round two, except this time they get to bring a friend.
30:14
SPEAKER_02: So, transitioning into round one, we have just entered the Applebees, we're being escorted downstairs.
30:19
SPEAKER_02: Cher and Carl Urban have already been brought up to the box seats, ready to watch these two little guys kill each other.
30:25
SPEAKER_02: The high and dry philosophers have been seated.
30:28
SPEAKER_02: It's time to get it on.
30:29
SPEAKER_02: So punch for punch, pound for pound.
30:33
SPEAKER_02: All two pounds that are in this ring right now.
30:37
SPEAKER_01: Ounce for ounce.
30:38
SPEAKER_01: Ounce for ounce.
30:40
SPEAKER_02: Uh Joe guests first.
30:42
SPEAKER_02: What do you think's gonna go down in round one?
30:45
SPEAKER_05: So I think the first round is gonna just it's gonna be really short and like a really easy victory for Jerry.
30:52
SPEAKER_05: Because like Jerry has got like extreme strength.
30:57
SPEAKER_05: Like in the cartoons, he's like smacking Tom with like hammers and like he's lifting stuff many times his own weight.
31:04
SPEAKER_03: And Papa Smith It's a good point about that.
31:08
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, and Papa Smurf is like 500 odd years old, like something like that.
31:13
SPEAKER_05: He's he's just an old blue man in a red hat.
31:15
SPEAKER_02: Like wisdom, wisdom.
31:18
SPEAKER_05: He's got wisdom, yeah.
31:19
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, he's got wisdom enough to know he's gonna get creamed.
31:22
SPEAKER_02: Like, or he's like, I gotta let this mouse tire himself out.
31:25
SPEAKER_03: Maybe we'll be like 800 years old now and he's still got the belt.
31:29
SPEAKER_05: He's like Logan Paul or Jake, whatever the fuck his name is.
31:33
SPEAKER_05: But I guess like Papa Smith, he he might he'll probably just think he's a normal mouse.
31:37
SPEAKER_05: So he'll be he might be arrogant about it.
31:39
SPEAKER_05: Like he's been alive for a long time, so he'll just like what's up to him.
31:43
SPEAKER_03: I fought my share of mouse by trying to invade our villain.
31:48
SPEAKER_02: That's when we learned that he's a grizzled veteran of the mouse wars.
31:53
SPEAKER_02: Back again, yeah.
31:56
SPEAKER_05: He's like a whole like apple taller than Jerry as well.
31:59
SPEAKER_05: So he's feeling very tall.
32:02
SPEAKER_02: He does have an apple on Jerry.
32:03
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, but then Jerry just grabs him just by the like by the nut and just flipping up and just slams him on the floor, and then he realizes like this is the end.
32:16
SPEAKER_02: Okay, alright.
32:17
SPEAKER_02: So we're so right now coming out of the gate, we got uh Papa Smart with his balls and a vice.
32:22
SPEAKER_02: Uh James, thoughts?
32:24
SPEAKER_03: I I wonder if Jerry does Jerry display his amazing strength without using a weapon.
32:31
SPEAKER_03: That's my question.
32:33
SPEAKER_03: Because I think the I think the amazing strength of Jerry is really a testament to how great weapons are in combat.
32:40
SPEAKER_03: Um because I don't know if he's ever like punched Tom.
32:47
SPEAKER_02: Um and well he grabs like whiskers and like he knows how to fight dirty.
32:52
SPEAKER_02: He'll definitely be he'll definitely be grabbing for Smurf balls, no doubt about it.
32:55
SPEAKER_03: Sure.
32:56
SPEAKER_03: Um, and I would say, okay, so in that case, I would say Papa Smurf.
33:01
SPEAKER_03: They're they're far more humanoid, um, and they they seem to live a hobbit-like lifestyle.
33:08
SPEAKER_03: Uh where they kind of like have their own little technology.
33:13
SPEAKER_03: It was like a gag that they had their own kind of like versions of technology.
33:17
SPEAKER_02: The mushroom-based society.
33:19
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, mushroom-based technology.
33:22
SPEAKER_02: Mushroom punk shroom punk, it'd be shroom punk.
33:26
SPEAKER_03: That's a great I think that needs to happen.
33:28
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
33:29
SPEAKER_02: See, this is why people need to listen to this fucking cast.
33:31
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
33:31
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
33:32
SPEAKER_03: Um yeah, I'd say that he's probably much more reliant on technology than whereas a mouse, Jerry does have weapons and stuff, but he uh he's mostly a mouse.
33:42
SPEAKER_03: Um just out there trying to bang mice women that they hyper sexualize in that cartoon, if you remember.
33:48
SPEAKER_02: Well, they especially did with the with the white lady cat.
33:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:54
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
33:57
SPEAKER_03: Excuse me, who was in charge of drawing this sexy cat?
34:00
SPEAKER_01: Do it again.
34:02
SPEAKER_03: Who over in Tom and Jerry was drawing tits on this cat?
34:07
SPEAKER_02: We've we've sexualized everything for a long time now.
34:12
SPEAKER_02: So interesting though.
34:13
SPEAKER_02: It's interesting though.
34:14
SPEAKER_03: Confused in childhood, doesn't it?
34:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
34:16
SPEAKER_02: It really did.
34:17
SPEAKER_02: No, she was sexy.
34:18
SPEAKER_03: This is why we need the mind wipe to start over and be like, why are they sexualizing that cat?
34:24
SPEAKER_02: Why are there cars?
34:25
SPEAKER_02: Why is that cat sexy?
34:27
SPEAKER_02: What are we doing out here?
34:30
SPEAKER_03: What are we doing?
34:36
SPEAKER_02: That's what we should do.
34:37
SPEAKER_02: We should mind wipe someone and then make them present.
34:40
SPEAKER_03: That's perfect.
34:42
SPEAKER_03: No, why would we do that?
34:44
SPEAKER_05: Well, there will be people.
34:45
SPEAKER_05: What'd you do if they got in the office though?
34:47
SPEAKER_05: Right, first thing.
34:48
SPEAKER_05: Sexy cats.
34:50
SPEAKER_05: First thing that came to my mind.
34:52
SPEAKER_05: I I guess it's natural.
34:55
SPEAKER_03: Oh.
34:56
SPEAKER_03: Sorry, everyone.
34:58
SPEAKER_03: It turns out the it turns out the machine that wipes people's minds was created by a sexy cat lab thing.
35:07
SPEAKER_01: That's the one thing.
35:08
SPEAKER_01: It's a utopia, but we all want to fuck sexy cats.
35:13
SPEAKER_02: Um I would so for me, I think so.
35:15
SPEAKER_02: I see these guys coming in the ring, and and now like Jerry, he is like a bizarrely large mouse.
35:24
SPEAKER_03: No, he's the size of a cat's hand.
35:26
SPEAKER_03: He's not that large.
35:28
SPEAKER_02: Well, so I think his head is, though, comparatively.
35:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he's got a huge fucking head.
35:32
SPEAKER_02: I mean, something's wrong with it.
35:33
SPEAKER_05: Because of his intellect, isn't it?
35:35
SPEAKER_02: Well, I mean, that's why there's never more mice, because they've like ostracized Jerry because something's obviously wrong with his misshapen head.
35:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
35:45
SPEAKER_02: And they just understand the lone mouse.
35:48
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they just understand genetically that we need to keep him out of the gene pool.
35:53
SPEAKER_02: Fuck off Jerry.
35:56
SPEAKER_02: Go live in a hole in that house by yourself.
35:59
SPEAKER_02: Where that inept cat will harass you day in and day out.
36:04
SPEAKER_02: Alright, so we figured that out.
36:07
SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, that woman.
36:09
SPEAKER_02: Um but then uh what what I see happening here, like I see, you know, Papa Smurf, you know, with coming in at three Dutch apples, he's gonna see that I think he's gonna see rather quickly that this mouse possesses like some you know inhuman genetic mutations that have, you know, first ostracized him and second made him able to wield human weaponry.
36:33
SPEAKER_02: Um and Papa Smurf, you know, 800 years old, veteran of the Mouse Wars, um mushroom aficionado.
36:42
SPEAKER_02: I I think uh you know what he's gonna start to do here is he's gonna like, you know, bigger they are, the harder they fall, and he's gonna start like kind of dancing around, or he's gonna like play like after that first hit where he realizes that Jerry's a little more than he you know can chew, he's gonna pretend that he's wounded, you know, and he's gonna let Jerry you know come in for the finisher.
37:02
SPEAKER_02: Because we anyone who's watched Time and Jerry as a kid knows that Jerry, he's a bit of uh, you know, he's a show-off, he's a little bit of a blowhard, especially when he knows that he's on the winning side of it, which was like the whole fucking premise of the show.
37:16
SPEAKER_02: And I think that the wise Papa Smurf will play into that, he's gonna ham up an injury, and then as Jerry thinks he's a he's gonna put everything into the killing blow, Papa Smurf is gonna whip around him and like choke him out and you know.
37:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think I think the wisdom here is gonna prevail prevail.
37:35
SPEAKER_02: But that th those are my thoughts right now.
37:37
SPEAKER_02: So just a vote.
37:38
SPEAKER_02: Let's get it.
37:39
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so Joe, uh what's your vote?
37:42
SPEAKER_05: I think Jerry, I think Papa Smurf isn't isn't prepared.
37:46
SPEAKER_03: All right.
37:47
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think because Papa Smurf doesn't have access to his his magic stuff, yeah.
37:51
SPEAKER_03: Um, I think that that he's at a disadvantage, despite being a wise old uh veteran, you know.
37:58
SPEAKER_03: Um I think that he's just at a disadvantage without his tools.
38:02
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
38:02
SPEAKER_03: I think Jerry takes it.
38:03
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
38:03
SPEAKER_02: Well, well, and and the only time that the Mouse Wars came up was just one episode where he just kind of got that lost look in his eyes, and he was staring off into the mushroom.
38:13
SPEAKER_03: It zoomed in slowly for like three seconds, and then he just shook his head and then went back to normal.
38:17
SPEAKER_02: Fortunate son played for just a moment.
38:20
SPEAKER_02: Um, but uh all right, yeah, no, I definitely agree.
38:23
SPEAKER_02: Jerry, for sure, um, is gonna take this one.
38:26
SPEAKER_02: So, congratulations, Mr.
38:28
SPEAKER_02: Mouse.
38:29
SPEAKER_02: Um, Jerry has taken it round one, which transitions and uh transitions us into round two.
38:34
SPEAKER_02: Both of these characters have now received a manila envelope beneath their apartment doors.
38:38
SPEAKER_03: Um it is they have can you imagine both of them getting mail?
38:45
SPEAKER_05: A size letter as well.
38:47
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, both of them are like for people meant for people, like with the left outside of a tiny mouse hole and then propped up against a mushroom.
38:56
SPEAKER_02: Well, I like to think we have like Hedwig coming in and just whipping mail at them, right?
39:00
SPEAKER_04: They both try to catch it.
39:02
SPEAKER_04: That would freak Jerry out.
39:04
SPEAKER_04: These fucking owls should do that.
39:07
SPEAKER_02: We have an owl capable of murder and mail delivery.
39:11
SPEAKER_02: Um but so they now know that they have 24 hours to kill the other one.
39:16
SPEAKER_02: It's on.
39:17
SPEAKER_02: Joe, you're up first.
39:19
SPEAKER_02: What goes down?
39:21
SPEAKER_05: So Papa Smurf, he's like, like you said, he's a wizard and like an alchemist.
39:26
SPEAKER_05: But um he's not very much one though.
39:29
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, mushroom, but I mean, what you have to be, right?
39:32
SPEAKER_05: So um he goes to his workshop, he cooks up some potions, like he knows this this cat is probably like Loki reincarnated or something, like there's some up with his mouse.
39:42
SPEAKER_05: So he's like mixing up potions, he's gotta get his own strength up, but like his potions never work quite right.
39:49
SPEAKER_05: So I th I imagine he'll make some kind of potion to make himself super strong, and then he'll just like he'll go overboard, like he'll have like massive like hench arms and stuff to to bring to their fight.
40:00
SPEAKER_05: And like like his real strength is in like the hive mind of the other Smurfs, and and he knows he knows he doesn't have access to that, so he's really gotta like buff himself like all the magical spells and potions, like like you know, when you're playing like Skyrim and you know there's a boss come in, so you you drink all your potions and you eat all your bread.
40:22
SPEAKER_02: That is that'd be a fucking time.
40:23
SPEAKER_02: And the consequences.
40:29
SPEAKER_02: I just see Gargamel being just murdered by their their solo thought process beneath the power of Papa Smurf.
40:37
SPEAKER_05: You gotta think that.
40:38
SPEAKER_05: I think that Smurfs are like they're like a fungus-based life form, and like if like if you because they they look like mushrooms, and like the biggest organism on earth is uh is a fungus, like spreads all over the ground.
40:50
SPEAKER_05: So I think that they're all like one organism under the control of Papa Smurf.
40:55
SPEAKER_02: Interesting.
40:56
SPEAKER_02: Interesting.
40:57
SPEAKER_02: So he wow, well that brings up a lot of questions about a lot of things within their little culture.
41:02
SPEAKER_02: But yeah, um, so James, thoughts?
41:06
SPEAKER_03: Uh so uh Jerry does get weapons now.
41:09
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
41:10
SPEAKER_03: Jerry gets weapons.
41:11
SPEAKER_03: He give Jerry a frying pan, and he's a formidable opponent.
41:14
SPEAKER_03: Um cast iron, obviously.
41:19
SPEAKER_03: Um but uh give it give him give him some a rolling pin or a golf club or lamp or something like that.
41:27
SPEAKER_03: Um but can it stand up against magic?
41:34
SPEAKER_03: Can it stand up against alchemy?
41:36
SPEAKER_03: Can it stand up against a an uh alien being crafting crafting reality bending drinks in his mushroom home?
41:47
SPEAKER_03: When Papa Smurf finally takes the gloves off.
41:50
SPEAKER_03: I don't I don't know.
41:52
SPEAKER_03: Because truly uh Papa Smurf would he doesn't have any other Smurfs.
41:56
SPEAKER_03: Is he willing to go all the way to uh to stop this mouse?
42:00
SPEAKER_03: Oh, I think so.
42:01
SPEAKER_03: You think so?
42:02
SPEAKER_05: He might go wrong though, like his potion might backfire and it might like shrink him to like one apple size or something.
42:08
SPEAKER_02: Like But I mean, but then that would just be the quirky hill he has to climb.
42:12
SPEAKER_02: Right.
42:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's the journey he goes through.
42:15
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, that's character development right there.
42:17
SPEAKER_02: All you did is introduce character development, which makes him even more unbeautiful.
42:21
SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
42:22
SPEAKER_05: But like Jerry, whenever you see like Jerry like whip out like a hammer or something, it's like from thin air, isn't it?
42:27
SPEAKER_05: So he's gotta have some like infinite dimensional weapons or something.
42:31
SPEAKER_03: He does have cartoon powers.
42:34
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
42:34
SPEAKER_03: He absolutely does have cartoon powers.
42:37
SPEAKER_03: But so does uh so does Pop Smurf.
42:40
SPEAKER_03: They're both cartoons.
42:41
SPEAKER_02: Well, here's what I say like Jerry has you know a strength you could appreciate.
42:47
SPEAKER_02: Um for sure.
42:48
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
42:49
SPEAKER_02: Um, he's got a you know a single-minded focus, and he's only lost to Tom a handful of times, but he's still lost to Tom.
42:56
SPEAKER_02: He gets arrogant.
42:57
SPEAKER_02: Jerry is an arrogant combatant.
43:00
SPEAKER_02: That's his downfall.
43:01
SPEAKER_02: I appreciate his brute strength, but Papa Smurf is bringing to the table a fucking war crime.
43:08
SPEAKER_02: Um he has mushroom-based biological bacteria weapons, and I think that he's going to douse Jerry in something that just like it's either gonna kill him slow with fevers, coughs, and boils, or it's just gonna melt him down to the fucking bone.
43:26
SPEAKER_03: If that if that doesn't work, he rages out like a berserker on his mushroom potion.
43:33
SPEAKER_02: Uh but I I think uh, you know, I think uh, you know, eight times out of ten, I think that Papa Smart's war crimes are going to uh, you know, he's gonna be like, let me show you why, you know, the American army had to withdraw from my land.
43:49
SPEAKER_02: Uh you know, just declare it a you know a financial victory.
43:55
SPEAKER_02: Um and I think that he's just gonna yeah, that's gonna be it.
43:57
SPEAKER_02: But uh so Joe, back to you.
43:59
SPEAKER_05: What's the I agree?
44:01
SPEAKER_05: You know, when I originally thought of Papa Smurf versus Jerry, I really underestimated the like pure awesome power of Papa Smith.
44:10
SPEAKER_05: And now you're talking about it, it seems very obvious that Papa Smurf is gonna win this round, like Yeah.
44:16
SPEAKER_05: He's like uh he's like a magician drug lord, isn't he?
44:21
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, he is like a magician drug lord who like has a bunch of who has a bunch of like spore replicants almost.
44:29
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
44:29
SPEAKER_03: Like controls the society of replicas.
44:34
SPEAKER_03: Sorry, Jerry.
44:37
SPEAKER_02: He just like holds out his hands and like as he dissolves Prometheus style and he just turns the world into a last of us hellhole as mushroom people to take over the world.
44:50
SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, no, I think uh if I'm hearing this correctly, I think we could just give this one to Papa Smart and uh move into round three.
45:00
SPEAKER_02: So round three, same thing as round two, 24 hours, city view, access to it all, except this time they get to bring a friend.
45:08
SPEAKER_02: Moving over to Joe, what goes down?
45:11
SPEAKER_02: Who do they bring?
45:12
SPEAKER_05: I mean, it's still looking pretty bleak, right?
45:16
SPEAKER_05: Like what can Jerry bring like a cat?
45:19
SPEAKER_05: Like Spike, yeah.
45:21
SPEAKER_05: Well Spike, true, he's pretty fierce, but still like I would say so.
45:26
SPEAKER_05: Going back to the Smurfs as like mushroom spore people, yeah.
45:31
SPEAKER_05: Like what if like Gargam?
45:33
SPEAKER_05: So you know how you have some like um mushrooms like cordyceps and things that can control your brain?
45:39
SPEAKER_05: What if Gargomel is infected with Smurfs and like they want him they're they're making him want to eat them and he's more infected?
45:46
SPEAKER_05: So if you bring what if Papa Smurf brings Gargamel, who's already heavily infected with Smurf spores, to like a populated city, and then the spores are released, and then there's just millions of Smurfs, like so you so you're you're saying that the Smurfs are using like tactics to attract Gargamel's attention frequently.
46:08
SPEAKER_05: Fighting strictly with biological warfare.
46:11
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, because they like they live in like the Smurf village is in this like place that's really hard to get to, isn't it?
46:18
SPEAKER_05: So like they must want it like their like genetic like code, they want to popular, they want to procreate like a like a fungus wood, so they want to get out of there.
46:28
SPEAKER_05: And the only way they can do that is Gogma, you know, Gargma's this rich like dude who lives in a castle.
46:34
SPEAKER_05: Surely he can get out of this place.
46:35
SPEAKER_05: So they're they're brainwashing him to get to this city.
46:39
SPEAKER_02: So now this is what I'm seeing now.
46:41
SPEAKER_02: The the they revive the series, the final episode, Gargamel, like he's looking a little worse for wear.
46:48
SPEAKER_02: He approaches Smurfville, or whatever the fuck they call it, and he just topples over, and for the first time, you see the mushroom stalk growing out of his head.
46:59
SPEAKER_02: And then just all the Smurfs, they get like they drop the bullshit, you just see their hive mind blank stares, and they just go burrow into him and lay their eggs for the next generation.
47:13
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, they bloom like a cloud of spores, like their hats just like burst, and then Gargamel breeds in all the spores.
47:24
SPEAKER_02: It turns into uh alien requiem.
47:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, perfect.
47:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
47:30
SPEAKER_01: Jesus Christ.
47:33
SPEAKER_02: And then uh then Papa Smurf just like watching the whole thing, turns around and starts setting up like the little banners for his next generation of Smurfs.
47:43
SPEAKER_02: Welcome to Smurfville.
47:47
SPEAKER_02: So and Jerry's just Jesus Christ.
47:52
SPEAKER_05: Tom looks at him, he's like, nah, mate, and then he just cooks off back home.
47:57
SPEAKER_05: You're on your own, mate.
47:59
SPEAKER_03: I don't know who Jerry can bring to compete with.
48:01
SPEAKER_03: I I hadn't thought of like using Gargumel as a as a breeding pie for mushroom people.
48:09
SPEAKER_03: Um I had thought, and and in my scenario, I think uh uh Jerry would lose as well, is uh all Papa Smurf has to do is have um is have what's her name?
48:21
SPEAKER_03: Sexy Smurf?
48:22
SPEAKER_03: Smurf.
48:25
SPEAKER_03: But the the Tom and Jerry characters are the horniest fucking characters in all of cartoons.
48:31
SPEAKER_03: Um they're so horny that any it the fucking Tom is attracted to the sexy mouse.
48:38
SPEAKER_03: Like they're they're cross species attracted to sexy cartoons.
48:43
SPEAKER_03: Sexy's universal.
48:45
SPEAKER_03: And and the dog too.
48:48
SPEAKER_03: The dog is cross species attracted to so they're just all they have to do is like have Smurfett like walk in front of them, and then Papa Spurf can like come and choke them out one at a time.
48:58
SPEAKER_02: Or she while they're distracted, she bursts into a cloud of spores that they breathe in like Jerry's jaw would like drop like cartoon-wise, and then she just like cloud of spores straight in there for the glory of Papa Smurf.
49:15
SPEAKER_05: All are one in Papa Smurf, and Papa Smurf is all.
49:20
SPEAKER_02: Um so here the one thing I would I would I will throw into Jerry's court is Spike.
49:27
SPEAKER_02: Um either Spike or the the dark you know past of uh Tom and Jerry, the the faceless maid who sometimes work in the house with a broom that puts an end to all shenanigans.
49:41
SPEAKER_02: That's true.
49:42
SPEAKER_03: Um I I I think broom that puts an end to all shenanigans is a pretty amazing power.
49:48
SPEAKER_02: Is a very amazing power.
49:50
SPEAKER_05: You could sweep away mushrooms with that, I guess.
49:52
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, and she just like blows the spores back in his fucking face and smacks him with the broom and then smacks fucking Jerry back into his hole.
50:00
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
50:01
SPEAKER_02: Um so I I think that they're either going to bring the Faceless Maid, or um, you're gonna bring Spike's ability because at this point we we have basically, you know, we start to see the truth of Pop Smurf, and and I think that crosses him in thematically into the bully of the fight.
50:20
SPEAKER_02: If you become the bully, Spike puts an end to it.
50:23
SPEAKER_03: Uh shit prevails.
50:25
SPEAKER_03: Spike is Spike is too distracted by sexiness, also.
50:29
SPEAKER_02: So then that's why I would say it goes to the faceless maid.
50:32
SPEAKER_05: He's got a single day, like he's a single dad.
50:35
SPEAKER_05: Like yeah.
50:36
SPEAKER_03: Well, so because Spike has been attractive to both Tom and Jerry dressed as women.
50:44
SPEAKER_03: That's true.
50:44
SPEAKER_03: And he knew.
50:45
SPEAKER_03: He knew.
50:46
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, but come on, they're very convincing, aren't they?
50:49
SPEAKER_02: Like So I would say that Jerry is going to bring the faceless maid whose only focus is to put an end to shenanigans and is so powerful that we are not allowed to see their face.
51:02
SPEAKER_02: That's true.
51:03
SPEAKER_05: She's like an Eldritch horror.
51:04
SPEAKER_05: Like if you gazed upon her face, you'd go insane.
51:08
unknown: Yeah.
51:08
SPEAKER_02: And I think that so I mean, like Papa Smurf, he might have like he can he's got his his spore magic, he's got he could go dirty and send out um Smurf.
51:20
SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, some terrible distraction trap.
51:25
SPEAKER_02: But then here comes the maid who has one job is to keep this place fucking clean, and we cannot have a bunch of spores on the kitchen floor.
51:32
SPEAKER_02: Um and that's gonna be a wrap.
51:35
SPEAKER_02: Um, but there's there's my thoughts on it.
51:37
SPEAKER_02: Uh uh Joe, uh final thoughts and a vote.
51:40
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, apocalyptic spore, fungus, hive mind versus eldritch god housemaid.
51:46
SPEAKER_05: That's difficult, isn't it?
51:48
SPEAKER_05: Like Yeah.
51:49
SPEAKER_05: If she's yeah, if she's if she's like pure, like totally omnipotent, then she would win, I think.
51:56
SPEAKER_03: But yeah, it dep it depends on if she's omnipresent, though.
51:59
SPEAKER_03: She's not there all the time.
52:00
SPEAKER_02: Well, but she but as soon as as soon as nonsense reaches a level where she's not down, she comes running in and starts beating the shit out of everyone with a broom.
52:11
SPEAKER_05: But if she is if she's susceptible to spores as well, and like she doesn't have a face.
52:17
SPEAKER_03: You can get spores in you in other ways.
52:19
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like athlete's foot.
52:21
SPEAKER_02: That's a fun case.
52:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
52:23
SPEAKER_02: Well, she's gonna have a mean case, like she'll have scars.
52:25
SPEAKER_02: She'll have scars from this battle, don't get me wrong.
52:27
SPEAKER_03: What if Papa Smurf gains control of the Eldritch horror?
52:31
SPEAKER_03: That is end game.
52:33
SPEAKER_03: And it makes him insane.
52:34
SPEAKER_02: And then well then I think that you know it turns it into a uh, you know, a uh you know, history, uh I forget the days of future past, and you just see like an old grizzled Jerry eventually destroys the Papa Smurf who became this nightmare mushroom in a tower.
52:55
SPEAKER_03: He has like a mecha arm.
52:57
SPEAKER_02: He has an arm that's and he shoots blasts out of one of his good eyes.
53:02
SPEAKER_03: And some he someone tries to teach him to love again, but they just can't because the horrors of war.
53:08
SPEAKER_02: Well, then you know what would happen there?
53:10
SPEAKER_02: Jerry would die in the bomb blast that destroys Papa Smurf that he set, and then it comes down to a tie.
53:16
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
53:17
SPEAKER_05: And then but he'd smile as the nukes go up.
53:20
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
53:22
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
53:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
53:24
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'll see you soon, Tom.
53:25
SPEAKER_02: And he takes one last smoke of his cigarette before the white legs.
53:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
53:31
SPEAKER_02: Um, and then you know, the Eldritch maid has to clean this all up.
53:35
SPEAKER_03: Uh Papa Smurf lives Papa Smurf lives on in spores elsewhere.
53:39
SPEAKER_03: Um I'm gonna give this, I'm saying Papa Smurf.
53:42
SPEAKER_02: So, well, so Joe, final vote?
53:44
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I say Papa Smurf.
53:46
SPEAKER_02: James Smurf?
53:47
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
53:48
SPEAKER_02: Alright, well, there you have it, folks.
53:50
SPEAKER_02: We are all in complete agreement.
53:52
SPEAKER_02: Papa Smurf takes round three, so congratulations.
53:56
SPEAKER_02: Mr.
53:56
SPEAKER_03: Smurf.
53:57
SPEAKER_03: What a crazy set of cartoons.
53:59
SPEAKER_03: Um, what are what were people thinking?
54:02
SPEAKER_03: Uh must have been on shrooms, man.
54:05
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
54:05
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
54:06
SPEAKER_03: Or really horny.
54:09
SPEAKER_05: Probably both.
54:10
SPEAKER_05: Correct.
54:11
SPEAKER_05: That's what people are about.
54:12
SPEAKER_05: That's what people are like now, isn't it?
54:14
SPEAKER_03: So just mushrooms, horny, and I just love getting high and fucking.
54:22
SPEAKER_02: Fuck yeah, dude.
54:23
SPEAKER_02: Roll it.
54:25
SPEAKER_02: Well, there you have it, folks.
54:26
SPEAKER_02: Congratulations, Mr.
54:27
SPEAKER_02: Papa Smurf.
54:28
SPEAKER_02: Uh, thank you so much to our guest, uh, John Wildden.
54:31
SPEAKER_02: Uh sorry, Joe.
54:32
SPEAKER_02: I apologize.
54:33
SPEAKER_02: I've been drinking.
54:35
SPEAKER_02: It's alright.
54:37
SPEAKER_02: Joe Wilden.
54:38
SPEAKER_02: Joe, thank you so much for coming on, man.
54:40
SPEAKER_02: Um, well, where can we find you?
54:42
SPEAKER_05: Um, so I'm on Instagram, um JD Wilden on Instagram, and that's about it.
54:46
SPEAKER_05: I'm not on any of the social.
54:47
SPEAKER_05: Oh, I'm on Twitter as well, actually.
54:49
SPEAKER_05: I forgot about that.
54:49
SPEAKER_05: But same JD Wildon, but um yeah, or you know, out and about in the mushroom fields, you'll find me.
54:57
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, uh just the mushroom fields of Wales.
55:00
SPEAKER_03: If if you're in England, he's probably like right next door, right?
55:05
SPEAKER_03: He's like a five minute drive away.
55:08
SPEAKER_05: Scotland, don't talk about it.
55:11
SPEAKER_02: Well, again, man, thank you so much.
55:13
SPEAKER_02: It's been a great time.
55:13
SPEAKER_02: We loved having you on.
55:15
SPEAKER_05: Thanks for having me.
55:15
SPEAKER_05: It's been a pleasure.
55:17
SPEAKER_02: And uh, folks listening, if you're listening to this, you know how to find us.
55:21
SPEAKER_02: Thanks for listening.
55:22
SPEAKER_02: You guys take it easy out there.
55:24
SPEAKER_02: Bye.
55:26
SPEAKER_04: Bye.