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It Hurts! What Does Betrayal Feel Like To Someone With Narcissistic Personality Disorder · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What does betrayal feel like to a narcissist?
• 0:03
  It's one of the questions that I get y'all.
• 0:05
  And since y'all been liking these story times that I'm
• 0:07
  doing, I'm going to tell you what betrayal feels like on a
• 0:11
  deep conscious level from a person diagnosed with NPD.
• 0:15
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammond.
• 0:16
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:18
  The Narcissist Code. Welcome back y'all, Welcome
• 0:38
  back. Welcome back.
• 0:39
  Before we hop into today's episode, y'all make sure if you
• 0:41
  haven't already to check out one of my cameos.
• 0:44
  I do cameos. If you have a dying question
• 0:46
  that you've been dying to ask a diagnosed narcissist, do a
• 0:50
  cameo. They get, they can get in depth,
• 0:52
  they're super cheap, I do them really quickly and all that
• 0:55
  other good stuff. Y'all cameos are in a link in
• 0:57
  the description of every video and podcast I do.
• 1:00
  But yeah, y'all narcissistic toxic people in betrayal.
• 1:05
  So I've told y'all about the story about how my one of my
• 1:08
  best friend, Oh my goodness, how one of my best friends betrayed
• 1:12
  me. My camera just slid out of drop
• 1:14
  out. One of my best friends betrayed
• 1:17
  me when he tried to ruin my life with talking to somebody from my
• 1:20
  platform. Another one of our good friends
• 1:23
  betrayed me in a different way. He bought a house from someone
• 1:28
  else. I know.
• 1:31
  That sounds pity. I thought late lately you cut a
• 1:33
  friend off because they bought a house with someone else.
• 1:36
  Yes. Yeah, I am AI was a realtor for
• 1:39
  a long time in North Carolina. I still am, right?
• 1:42
  I'm still If you need to buy or sell a house in North Carolina,
• 1:44
  I'm your guy, right. So I was a realtor for a long
• 1:47
  time and I was getting when I was getting started in the
• 1:49
  business. That's the way I fed my family.
• 1:51
  I was like, man, I'm my friends and family.
• 1:53
  Go buy houses from me. I'm helping so many people out
• 1:56
  like strangers are buying houses from.
• 1:58
  I have my brother, my, my own, my son's mom and her husband buy
• 2:01
  a house. I I was helping people buy
• 2:02
  houses left and right, right. So when it comes time for one of
• 2:07
  my good friends, who you know me, I was supportive of his
• 2:10
  journey for a long time. We'll call him Charles, right?
• 2:14
  Charles actually started doing YouTube full time, right?
• 2:17
  I was like, I was supportive of his journey.
• 2:18
  I was like, man, when you ready to buy a house, let me know.
• 2:21
  We talked for a year. We had friends since we were
• 2:23
  kids, right? So it comes as I take him to
• 2:27
  this place where you get like new houses built, right?
• 2:30
  It's called True Homes in Greensboro.
• 2:32
  I took him to true homes. Him and his wife, right, Took
• 2:35
  the true homes. They say they weren't.
• 2:36
  They said that they weren't ready.
• 2:38
  They wanted to see some other houses 1st and take their time
• 2:42
  and whatnot, whatnot. So a couple months went by,
• 2:44
  right? And I was just like, I was still
• 2:46
  sitting in them houses. I think I took them to see a
• 2:48
  house or two. Maybe I forgot it's been years.
• 2:50
  Took them to see a house or two. And one day out of nowhere,
• 2:54
  Charles messages me. He's like, man, don't worry
• 2:57
  about the house search no more right now, man.
• 2:58
  We, we good to go If we found the house.
• 3:01
  I was like, wait, don't worry about the house search because
• 3:04
  you, you found the house. My heart is already beating
• 3:06
  fast, right? And I'm already shifting into
• 3:09
  anger. I'm already angry.
• 3:10
  Now wait, wait. I know they didn't buy a house
• 3:12
  without me after I put them on something, right?
• 3:15
  He's like, oh, OK, man. I was like, OK, I'm like, why is
• 3:18
  that? You know, I was like, so I was
• 3:20
  like, what's going on? He's like, y'all, y'all found a
• 3:22
  house? He's like, yeah, my wife has a
• 3:26
  friend that's a realtor that took us to True Homes and now we
• 3:30
  we're under contract to buy a house at True Homes.
• 3:33
  I was like, wait, what? Huh.
• 3:39
  Y'all under at true did not take out the true holes.
• 3:43
  Did not put you on true holes. How are you here with somebody
• 3:46
  else? How'd you get to buy the house?
• 3:48
  Some man, I ain't lie to y'all. That felt unbelievably it it it
• 3:55
  hurt. It sucked, right?
• 3:57
  And I took that to heart. I was like, OK, cool.
• 4:01
  So now he's in my mind as a narcissist.
• 4:04
  It felt like he stabbed me with $1000 right in my mind now,
• 4:08
  regardless of how long we've been friends, he's now an enemy.
• 4:14
  He is now this. Is this the third story I didn't
• 4:17
  told about cutting a friend off. Damn.
• 4:18
  I've been cutting friends off left and right.
• 4:22
  Boy, I'm having some realizations on this, on this
• 4:24
  doing these story times. Man, I had to do better, Donna,
• 4:28
  I really have to do better. It's crazy.
• 4:30
  But yeah, I so I told my wife, my wife was like, Oh my
• 4:33
  goodness, are you OK? I was like, yeah, I was like,
• 4:36
  yeah, I'm OK. I'm never talking to him again.
• 4:39
  And my wife, this is not, this is not the first time she heard
• 4:41
  me say that. She's like, you go talk to him
• 4:43
  again. It's like, not that serious.
• 4:44
  You you're making money elsewhere.
• 4:45
  You have, you got a bunch of sales going on.
• 4:47
  You're fine. We're fine.
• 4:48
  I like, no, I'm not talking to him again.
• 4:50
  And she knew I was serious, dude.
• 4:51
  And she's like, OK, damn. And since that day, this has
• 4:53
  been like 3-4 years. This before I started YouTube.
• 4:56
  So we've got 3-4 year. I talked to him, they said
• 4:58
  nothing to him. They removed him from Facebook,
• 4:59
  ain't talking to him, ain't responding to no messages.
• 5:02
  I'm like, I'm done. Because that to me, that's the
• 5:04
  ultimate betrayal. Or like you knew how you knew.
• 5:06
  This is how I fed my family. We've been friends for so long.
• 5:09
  At least you could have just said, hey, we're going to go
• 5:11
  with a different realtor. I would have been look, would I
• 5:14
  still? Would that still have sucked?
• 5:16
  Yes. That's still what they would
• 5:18
  have sucked completely right? They would have sucked.
• 5:21
  It would have. But I could have got over that.
• 5:24
  I promise you. I could have got over there.
• 5:25
  Y'all, it's the fact that not only did you use another
• 5:28
  realtor, you went behind my back and then you went to the place
• 5:30
  that I took you. I'm like man.
• 5:33
  This felt in my mind he was now an enemy because when he started
• 5:38
  his YouTube stuff, I was sharing this stuff keep trying to get
• 5:40
  people to follow watching. I would let his videos play
• 5:43
  night. He I would let his videos play
• 5:45
  just so they get the ad revenue just so they get his watch time
• 5:47
  up support support support now come down like Bert.
• 5:50
  You could have just said hey, we got somebody else.
• 5:52
  I would have been hurt again, but I wouldn't have felt like
• 5:55
  the Public Enemy #1 So when you betray somebody like you, when
• 5:58
  you betray somebody like me, we don't get y'all.
• 6:01
  We do not get over that. So if you feel like, if you feel
• 6:05
  like you've betrayed A narcissist before or you done a
• 6:07
  narcissist wrong, they will not get over it.
• 6:10
  They might act like it, but they're waiting in the wings to
• 6:13
  bring you pain to your life. They're way there.
• 6:16
  If you, if they keep you around, I, I could be belonged.
• 6:19
  If they keep you around, they are waiting in the wings to get
• 6:24
  you back. They are waiting in the wings to
• 6:27
  get you back. Because in my mind, but the way
• 6:29
  my mind should, when I get betrayed, I'm automatically
• 6:32
  thinking about how to hurt the other person.
• 6:35
  How, how will you betray A narcissist?
• 6:38
  This is what this is what more the mind goes, let me put my
• 6:40
  narcissist hat on right in my mind.
• 6:42
  When you betray me, I have to it.
• 6:44
  It's so there's so much shame. It like takes me to a very, very
• 6:48
  dark place. Not the dark place where you
• 6:50
  want to harm yourself, the dark place where it's everything
• 6:54
  negative about me. I'm in a room where it's just
• 6:58
  everything bad that makes me feel bad about myself is in this
• 7:02
  room. It's like a jail cell, but it's
• 7:03
  open, is an open air prison because there's I can't escape.
• 7:08
  There's too many things going on here.
• 7:10
  Everything I've done wrong is in here and it's it's closing in on
• 7:13
  me, making me feel claustrophobic.
• 7:17
  The shame makes me feel cost claustrophobic.
• 7:20
  So in order to get rid of that, in order to set myself free from
• 7:24
  this, this open air prison that I'm describing, I have to find
• 7:27
  ways to make me feel better, right?
• 7:29
  I have to find ways to get out of the shame.
• 7:32
  I have to find ways to get out of this prison.
• 7:33
  I, I need to make, it's kind of like I need to make, make a
• 7:36
  makeshift key to unlock the gates to this prison.
• 7:40
  And the way you do that, the easiest way to do that, the most
• 7:43
  simple way to do that is to attack the other person in some
• 7:47
  way, shape or form is to find some way to hurt the other
• 7:49
  person right In me. My ego is so big.
• 7:53
  I'm just like, the biggest way I can hurt you is that I want to,
• 7:56
  I got physically fight people. Yeah.
• 7:58
  Could I do some type of physical vengeance?
• 8:00
  Yeah. But in my mind, my ego is so
• 8:02
  big. The best revenge that I could do
• 8:04
  is never allow you into my space again.
• 8:07
  Like, my ego was so big at that point, I'm like, I'm just going
• 8:09
  to cut you off. You don't deserve to be in my
• 8:10
  space. You don't deserve to be in my
• 8:12
  life. You don't deserve this.
• 8:14
  Right. You don't deserve it.
• 8:16
  So I cut people off instead of yeah, yeah, be real.
• 8:21
  The way I look at it now, it's super, it's super cowardice,
• 8:24
  right? Instead of having conversations
• 8:25
  like a man, I could be off. I'll cut him off.
• 8:30
  Now. My story about what?
• 8:31
  What name did I give him? My other story, The story about
• 8:35
  Cliff, My other story, I had to cut my friend off.
• 8:40
  I don't need to have a conversation with him because
• 8:41
  his betrayal was just well noted.
• 8:44
  My other friends that I've cut off you, I had to cut them off,
• 8:46
  right? I mean, I, I, I didn't have to
• 8:48
  cut them off, but I could have had a conversation with them.
• 8:51
  I'm grown now. I'm 40 years old right now.
• 8:53
  So I'm just like, I know that I'm, I'm capable of having those
• 8:56
  tough conversations right now. Even if they don't bring the
• 8:59
  other person peace, even if it, even if they're not peaceful
• 9:02
  conversations that they can bring me some kind of peace
• 9:05
  because my mind is tormented and being realistic.
• 9:07
  Yeah, because I cut my friends off.
• 9:09
  Like I feel super alone in the world right now.
• 9:11
  I feel like the only people that I have around me, and this is
• 9:14
  real, the only people I have around me right now on a
• 9:16
  consistent basis are my, my, my kids and my wife and my, my
• 9:20
  brothers. And, you know, I got a couple of
• 9:22
  friends, my friend Richard and Chantez and you know, just a few
• 9:26
  people like that. But other than that, I already
• 9:28
  seen anybody, man. I'm, I'm staying in the house
• 9:29
  because like the, I'm so afraid of getting betrayed in
• 9:33
  friendships that I've shut myself off from the world,
• 9:36
  right? I'm so afraid of getting
• 9:38
  betrayed. So that's what happens
• 9:39
  sometimes. Y'all, if you're dealing with,
• 9:40
  and this is not me trying to get y'all to feel sorry for the
• 9:42
  narcissistic person in your life, right?
• 9:44
  This is me trying to just offer some perspective.
• 9:46
  Like if you are dealing with a narcissist who has cut their
• 9:49
  friends off, maybe even because they felt betrayed, right?
• 9:52
  Maybe because they felt a friend in our past betrayed them and
• 9:55
  they they haven't opened their heart up to being friends to
• 9:59
  anybody else because of that, right?
• 10:03
  Damn, I had a lot of people out cut off, man.
• 10:05
  I feel bad, man. It's a, it's a very, it can be a
• 10:09
  very lonely existence doing this life, man.
• 10:13
  I think when people see you doing social media and stuff,
• 10:15
  they think it's like this fulfillment and you have people
• 10:18
  around you all the time. Yo, I just started a podcast.
• 10:21
  I just barely have anybody. I just started a podcast.
• 10:24
  I barely talk. It sucks man, sometimes, right?
• 10:28
  It really does. I'm not crying here.
• 10:30
  No, I'm not crying. I'm a man.
• 10:32
  I'm a man. I don't cry.
• 10:33
  No joking. I'm sad though.
• 10:34
  Seriously though, because betrayal stings, it's very
• 10:39
  difficult to get rid of this betrayal.
• 10:40
  To get rid of this feeling of betrayal, I need to schedule
• 10:43
  therapy appointment, honestly, because it's very difficult to
• 10:46
  get rid of this feeling of betrayal because it's it
• 10:48
  lingers, it sits with you for a very long time.
• 10:50
  It just, it just doesn't go away.
• 10:52
  This is not like a rash you can wipe off or something like that
• 10:55
  that goes away instantaneously because you wipe, you rub a hand
• 10:58
  over it. That's not how it works, right?
• 11:00
  It's just so many moving pieces here.
• 11:02
  That's the way it goes, you know?
• 11:04
  This is the way it happens, you know?
• 11:06
  And I just feel like that's why narcissist in adulthood, Yeah.
• 11:11
  Did they rub people the wrong way or they're assholes?
• 11:13
  Yeah. But I feel like a lot of times
• 11:15
  we've been betrayed in our, in our youth or in our younger
• 11:18
  days, and we just haven't been ready to open our hearts up to
• 11:22
  friends and family members and things to do friends to true
• 11:25
  friendships and stuff like that. Man.
• 11:27
  I'm lonely as fuck, man. Seriously, man.
• 11:30
  I have my brothers and a couple of friends, but I really don't
• 11:32
  see anybody. It really has become a lonely
• 11:35
  existence, man. I'm thinking about starting a
• 11:36
  podcast, having people come into my office for the podcast just
• 11:39
  so I can have people around me so I can have interaction.
• 11:42
  I only talk to people in the gym man.
• 11:43
  Like I I'd be afraid to get betrayed.
• 11:45
  Ain't because I have no self-control or discipline,
• 11:47
  right? And it's because I'm afraid.
• 11:48
  I'm afraid to get betrayed. That betrayal hurts man.
• 11:52
  It hurts like and This is why you get a lot of narcissistic
• 11:57
  people. Also they might treat you badly
• 11:59
  in a relationship because somebody previously betrayed
• 12:01
  them. Like the woman I told a story
• 12:03
  about my narcissistic ex she got, I forgot to add this part
• 12:08
  of her story. She got betrayed by a man in
• 12:10
  hurry when she was younger and she is never let that go.
• 12:13
  Yes, she has her own, she has her own daddy issues, a daddy, a
• 12:15
  father wound that she needs to heal.
• 12:17
  But she got hurt, a boyfriend hurt her a long time ago and
• 12:20
  she's never recovered from that. And she's taken out on pretty
• 12:23
  much every single man that she's ever dated or been with,
• 12:25
  including me, including myself, who is another narcissist,
• 12:28
  right? And is it that, that?
• 12:31
  But once that first betrayal happens, you, it's like you
• 12:34
  cannot open your heart. It's like you harden your heart.
• 12:36
  It's like if we go read the Bible and God was hardening the
• 12:39
  Pharaoh's heart, right? God, it seemed like God wanted a
• 12:43
  battle, didn't He's like God sent Moses and his brother Aaron
• 12:46
  to talk to the Pharaoh. And God like Pharaoh was like,
• 12:49
  all right, this we got a deal. And then God hardened his heart.
• 12:52
  He's like, no, it no, get out of here.
• 12:54
  And then the plague happened. You know what I mean?
• 12:57
  The God wants some OPS God. Yeah, I know.
• 13:03
  I love God. Yeah.
• 13:05
  But that's what goes on, man. I promise you.
• 13:07
  This is the space, man. Like, betrayal really does suck
• 13:10
  for an arse. It's like one of those things
• 13:11
  that lingers. It's like an infection that
• 13:13
  lingers. And it's like a blood infection.
• 13:14
  It really infects your blood. And it doesn't go away until you
• 13:17
  actually do something about it. So that's why I talked to my
• 13:19
  therapist about remedying these betrayals from my past and just
• 13:24
  opening my heart up and just being like, hey, look, if
• 13:27
  somebody else hurts me in the future, it doesn't mean you have
• 13:29
  to take it out on everybody else in your somebody else hurts me.
• 13:32
  It doesn't mean everybody else has to suffer from that, right?
• 13:35
  It's so difficult, man. I've been thinking because I'm
• 13:37
  40, it's hard for me to make friends.
• 13:38
  I'm cool, I'm funny, man. Y'all see me online.
• 13:40
  This is real me. And it's just tough, man, being
• 13:43
  betrayed when you're younger. And it's like these night real,
• 13:46
  even real betrayals. Nobody slept with my wife,
• 13:48
  nobody is boring. My kids, They just bought one
• 13:50
  dude bought a house with somebody else, right?
• 13:53
  The other dude was in a toxic relationship.
• 13:55
  Like another friend. He just did some other stuff
• 13:57
  that I really never liked, like, you know, politically and
• 14:01
  whatnot. It's just like some of this
• 14:02
  stuff is not worth. Some of it is, trust me.
• 14:05
  Some of it is in their friendship worth in their
• 14:07
  friendship's over. But like, it's just betrayal can
• 14:09
  be narcissists can perceive betrayal way differently than a
• 14:13
  non narcissist can, right? Like we can be the smallest
• 14:16
  thing can be perceived as a betrayal and we won't let it go.
• 14:20
  You do. If we do, you do the smallest
• 14:21
  thing wrong to us. We can perceive that as an
• 14:24
  attack on us and we will never ever let that go.
• 14:26
  You will never ever be forgiven. We will never ever be friends
• 14:29
  again. And that's the mentality that so
• 14:31
  many people face when you're dealing with an abusive,
• 14:33
  manipulative, manipulative, toxic, narcissistic person.
• 14:35
  Man. Anyway, y'all, I'm about to.
• 14:38
  I'm about to start doing other people's story times as well.
• 14:40
  My next podcast, I'm driving 2 pockets at podcast episodes.
• 14:44
  Maybe next week. I didn't get the chance to
• 14:45
  download, so next week I'm driving 2 podcast episodes.
• 14:47
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