Latest / Just & Joyful with Kristin Carver Smith / Mental Health Check-Up: Healing After Hospitalization | Just and Joyful S2E1
Transcript
- Kristin Carver Smith: Welcome to season two of Justin Joyful with Kristen Carversmith. I am your host, of course, Kristen Carversmith, or KCS, as so many folks call me. We did it, y'all. We not only made it through season one, we rocked it. And you were such a massive part of that. And so I I want to first just say that. Thank you so much for listening, for sharing, for all of the messages, the DMs, the texts, the phone calls, the emails. I was just so moved. and also, if I'm honest, saddened sometimes by the amount of people who unfortunately know what it looks like to ex you know, have or experience a mental health crisis, or, you know, experience trauma. And so I I feel so honored that so many of you shared your experiences or, you know, wanted to just reach out and say, that happened to me too. I, you know, or I have a family member or a loved one, someone close to me. So I just thank you so much for trusting us with your story and with your messages. And I am so, so excited to be sitting here today and to be kicking off season two. You know, when this podcast really dropped on my heart, as I shared with you in season one, I mean, gosh, this has like been so long in the works, and also what it is today is very much You know, again, something that came to me at the end of 2025 when I was just trying to figure out like, how am I going to share this story, this ex this experience that I had? How do I want to share it with the world? Do I even want to do that? And then it was like the podcast. That's how I'm gonna do that. Like this podcast has been sitting on my heart for so long. This is where we share the stories. This is where we talk to the people. This is where we have really nuanced conversations. This is where we're really curious. And this is where, you know, my hopes is that just and joyful becomes this community of people who go, like, I'm really trying to figure out how to live a just and joyful life, like, not just of in the world, but also for myself. And so as I'm sitting here, it's been two years since I left the hospital and at this time in 2024, I was probably I think it was four or five days into something called partial hospitalization at Vanderbilt. And you know, if I'm honest, those first like four or five days of that program, which was a two-week program, was I was still just very much like trying to pick the pieces of of my life back up. And You know, I haven't shared this with you before, but I I think I I I am gonna start giving you a little bit more context for what you know what what all sort of transpired, if you will. as I'm comfortable and as I think, you know, sort of makes sense here, but my my brain was very much trying to figure out how to make sense of the events that had occurred. And you know, when you experience sleep deprivation and you know, in my case also starvation and you know, all all those those things, the r the results can be so devastating. And like I said, your brain is just trying to protect itself, it's just trying to make sense of something that feels so senseless and so four days into, you know, PHP, I'm you know, still under trying to understand how you know, I got here. And I'm sharing this with you because I think about the day that I'm recording this, it is currently August 4th, 2026. And I am coming to you from my living room in our new home in a new city. I am staring across the way in my living room at wallpaper that I hung up a few months ago. I got my little dog you know, here with me as well. And I'm I'm looking at this wallpaper and in a lot of ways it feels like it's so much more than just wallpaper. It is this symbol of Every day I am becoming more myself. Every day I am getting closer to coming back home to the person that I have always been and stepping into the bigness of the life that, you know, as a woman of faith that I I believe that God has planned for me. And so I'm I'm looking at this wallpaper and I'm I'm proud of myself for installing wallpaper. but I think back to August of 2024. and having wallpaper in my home and actually having to rip it down, like take it down. And maybe this, I don't know, maybe it sounds more dramatic than what it is, but I think for me, you know, I'm someone who, as you could probably tell if you're tuning in and watching right now, like you see that I have a really colorful, like red and black and patterned you know, shirt on. And I'm someone who loves color and I love pattern. And for me, it's just so symbolic of joy. And and so having to take that wallpaper down in 2024 and after all the hard work that I had put in on it was I was sad because it it was touching on something deeper. It was, I felt like at that time I was really having to sterilize my environment because I was so overstimulated by so many things. And I just like I gravitated towards whites and beigas and just you know things that felt like so neutral and and comforting in that way. And so to be to be sitting here now and to be surrounded by if you could see my space right now, it's full of green. And it's you know, I have this incredible, you can go to my Instagram and you can see this as well, but it's like I have this incredible patterned wallpaper that's kind of symbolic of the woods. There's trees. I've got, you know, moody greens and blacks and grays and blues and I've got you know color in my books and all of these things and it's just it feels like this This reinforcing and just like this, like again, just the symbol of I have been doing the work for a really long time now. and I'm continuing to do the work because it does not stop at like all of a sudden I feel better and so I don't have to, I'm never gonna be triggered again, I'm never gonna be bothered again. Not you know, I'm just so evolved that I don't need help. that's just not the case. And so I'm continuing to dig in and do the work and just get to know myself and get to know continuing to get to know like who I am without all the things that I thought made made me, quite frankly. So I don't know if you can relate to that. I don't know if you are in a season two where you're having to rip out the wallpaper and you're having to and you know, literally and metaphorically where you're having to go, I don't know, it feels like yeah, I have to have like some sterile, neutral environment right now, you know, again in all the ways, because life's just really kind of been too much. I I've been there. I get it. and if I'm really honest with you, when I was In the thick of that, I did not know how I was going to climb out of that pit. but I just the consistency of putting one foot in front of the other, on days even when you do not want to, I think I'm sitting here, apart from just God, truly, I'm also sitting here because of the consistency of showing up, even when I didn't want to show up, putting in the work, going to therapy, even when I didn't want to do that. sometimes waiting patiently even when I didn't want to do that. And I say that with gritted teeth. that was tough. but what is really emerging and blooming is. This new vision. And I'm so excited throughout season two to continue to bring you along this journey as I grow, as Angelina grows, and as we share, and as we invite more amazing guests who are really gonna help us do what I said at the beginning of this episode, which is if we want to. actually create a more just and joyful world. Part of that is living a just and joyful life for ourselves. And don't think I realized that when, the create a more just and joyful world sort of like phrase message kind of fell into my spirit a few years ago that I thought that that was just going to be a professional sort of mission. And it's actually become a a deeply personal one. I think I also thought that that was going to be something that was like happening externally. and that, you know, yeah, I would participate in that. But I don't think that I I sort of understood at the time that if again, if I really want to create a more just and joyful world, then what does it look for me to have And to create a just and joyful life for myself. And that's where this podcast is gonna go. We're still gonna talk about mental health because the the mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, you know, components, all of that plays into us living a just and joyful life. And I'm so curious about what goes on in. the minds of people who are actually embodying that. And I think that's the, you know, commitment that I want to make to you is that we're gonna continue to explore that. We're gonna do that. I'm gonna really try to do that without judgment. I don't know about y'all, but sometimes I can, I can, I can be a little judgy wudgy. I'm not proud of it. so exploring that without judgment, with a lot of curiosity, without shame and with a lot more humor. I you know I've seen some things, I've lived through some stuff, and one of the ways that I have been able to get through that is with humor. And perhaps you identify with that. But One of the things that I looked back on for last season as Angelina and I were meeting and retreating is that we missed the laughter. And I think in our the last episode that we did for season one, my gosh, y'all, we laughed literally so hard. We were at like one point I was like, we can't, I mean, I don't know that we're gonna be able to record because we're laughing so hard. And it felt so good. It felt so good to laugh like that. And I I think as we are again trying to create this more just and joyful world. And, you know, my hopes is that even as a listener, that you're like, yeah, yeah, like that's the like I wanna I yes, I'm trying to create a more just and joyful world. Like th maybe those are the words to the thing that you have been feeling for a while, but just didn't know like What is it that I'm you know trying to do here? I'm I'm pretty sure you're trying to create a more just and joyful world and you're trying to do it in whatever corner of the world that you feel like you you can and that you have gifts and talents to offer. And so, you know, this bringing the humor, bringing the laughter into it. It's like sometimes I feel like, and y'all are gonna have to keep holding me accountable for this. Truly, I welcome this. Is that You know, we can get stuck at the just part. We can get stuck at the justice part, and we can miss the joy part. Like we can miss that it is that that is such a big piece of like, why would we, why would we try to create a more just and a world with more justice if not to experience joy? Why would we do that? And so I I looked back on season one and I missed the joy. Like I'm like, we're the we are literally just and joyful. And I'm not saying that we didn't have fun, that we did not laugh, and you know, all of those things we did, but I think I am trying to personally be more intentional about seeking out laughter, about creating conditions in which I can practice joy, creating conditions in which I can laugh, in which I can take myself a whole lot less seriously because my God, I just think sometimes like in this you know, individualistic type culture that we live in. We can feel like I must have the platform and, you know, and and all of these things. It's like we can take ourselves so seriously to the point where we don't say anything or we feel like it's, you know, again, every single thing has to be approached, you know, with such gravitas. so there's a commitment here to also have a lot more fun. I'm so thankful for you. I am hopeful too. I I would love for you to along, you know, this journey and you know, for season two, please continue to see, you know, to send us messages and and DMs and emails and notes and all the things about some of the topics you'd like to see us tackle here, about some of the burning questions that you have, because chances are Someone else listening to this is, you know, struggling or dealing with the same thing. They're they have the same question. Or maybe it's even something that Angelina and I are like, yup, we are really in the thick of that right now. So I I just I believe that we can make each other better. I really do believe in, you know, as this maybe is Cliche as the sounds, but it's like I really do believe in the iron sharpens iron. And I I I want that to continue to be this place and this space. And so what, you know, what are the things that are you know, dropping in your spirit, the questions that you have about trying to live and practice a just and joyful life and create a more just and joyful world? What what does that look like for you? The DMs are are open. I cannot wait for where we're going. We Angelina and I spent the juiciest time in a small lake town in Ohio earlier this summer plotting and planning. And man, cannot, just cannot wait. The other thing that I'm excited to share a lot more with you this season is music. Yes. There is a part two. It was called part one for a reason, but there is a part two to light through that will be coming. And so I'll be sharing more about what recording that has been looking like. I'm gonna share more with you from you know, the some of the pages and entries in my journal, from you know, fall of twenty twenty four when I was really trying to write my way back to truth. write my way to, you know, making sense of things and I would often fill the pages with what I would call rap poems. And what is a rap if not a poem? Right. It's it's always that. So I don't know why I have to specifically say rap poem, but I think I am so excited to share more of these different narrative forms with you and hopefully by doing so also inspire you to play with, hmm, like, I don't know, maybe I will. write poems or a journal entry or paint or you know sing songs or dance, whatever you gotta do to express and to continue to, you know, trace your own journey of what I call light through. I hope that this place inspires you to do that. So Again, thank you so much for returning, for being here, for holding it down with us. and if there are specific guests where you're like, I just really think that y'all need to talk, or I've been wanting someone to chat with this person for a minute, also don't hesitate to let us know. Again, we're just like such curious people and this podcast we said we're not gonna proceed forward if we can't be helpful and we want this to be healthy and helpful. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for being with us and cannot wait for where we continue to go from here. And if you're not already following us on Instagram, YouTube, LinkedIn even, if you're not following us on those places, I would encourage you to do that because that's where you're gonna see, you know, some of the episodes and clips and and all of the things drop first. And if you're not already subscribed or if you don't already you know, like our YouTube channel, please go and do that. You know how the algo loves those things. And so we want to make sure that you do not miss an app. I will see you back here for episode two. And we're gonna get into something that I have sort of I've I've kind of like have I've touched, I've vaguely sort of referenced, but I've gotten a lot of questions about. How what happened with the new Fashion Co. How did what was that journey like? and where does it stand today? So I think you might have to tune into episode two because Angelina and I are going to, we're gonna get into it. So see you back here soon.