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Ten Questions for Readers of Erotica · Pastor John Piper's answers

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  The battle against lust is the topic this week, and the topic of many
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  weeks before, and one of the most dominant themes in the history of our
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  podcast is you can see in the new APJ book, there's a time to
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  defeat lust at the root with the cross, and that's the theme that we're
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  going to pick up next time. But first, there's a time to confront
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  patterns of lust in others. That's today in this heartbreaking email from a surprised
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  wife, Hello, Pastor John. My husband and I are both Believers,
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  married for decades, with a great marriage and solid relationship, or so I
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  thought. He never gave me any reason for doubt. He's an elder in
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  our local church. We've raised four children together, all happily married and serving
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  the Lord in different capacities. But I recently discovered on his phone that he
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  reads erotica, fictional stories filled with explicit sexual content. It's not visual images
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  or video, not torn in the traditional sense, but lurid descriptions in written
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  prose. It was very disturbing to me. He's a well respected businessman of
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  integrity, so discovering this dark secret is disturbing and discouraging. How sinful is
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  this genre? Should I confront him with it. I love him dearly and
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  he has been a very dedicated and loving husband, and I don't want to
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  jeopardize my relationship with him. It is seriously sinful, and you should definitely
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  confront your husband with this. And if he thinks it is insignificant and does
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  not compromise his role as a church leader, then you should encourage him to
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  share this with his fellow leaders elders and show them what he's reading and confirm
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  that they approve. I don't doubt that this is a disqualifying, sinful pattern.
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  He needs to forsake this and seek forgiveness and purity of heart. Now,
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  I think the most, maybe the most helpful thing I could do,
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  is to assist you in your difficult confrontation of your husband. So what I
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  want to do is give you anybody else who wants to listen in ten questions
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  that he should ask himself, and that you can print out. I don't
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  even know, Tony, whether all the people who listen to APG realize that
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  you have these transcribed, and then when we post them on Desiring God,
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  people can not only listen, but they can print them out. So I'm
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  drawing attention to that here, because I think that might be helpful for this
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  woman to do, is go to d G and print out these ten questions,
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  and maybe you should go over them with your husband. I don't think
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  you should be at all ashamed that you sought out counsel about how to deal
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  with this issue and you didn't betray any confidences. Nobody knows but you and
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  he what you're dealing with. Nor do I think you should be ashamed of
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  getting help in formulating these questions, namely help from me. That's what we
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  do. That's what we are in the ministry for all of us are doing
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  things to help each other. So here are my ten questions that I think
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  he should ask, And I would just say to all of our listeners,
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  ask yourself these questions with regard to what you're watching on TV, what you're
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  watching on videos, what you're listening to, what kind of audio books you're
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  listening to, podcasts you're listening to. Just these are really really helpful questions
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  for me, and I hope they will be for others. Number One,
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  in this erotic reading, are you seeking and setting your mind on the things
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  that are above? Where Christ is clautions three one and two. If then
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  you have been raised with Christ, see the things that are above, where
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  Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things
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  that are above, not on things that are on the earth Colussians three,
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  one and two. Number two, In this erotic reading, are you setting
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  your mind on things of the flesh or of the spirit? Romans eight five.
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  Those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of
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  the flesh, and those who live according to the spirit set their minds on
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  the things of the spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is
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  death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.
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  Number three In this erotic reading, are you thinking about what is honorable and
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  pure and lovely and commendable Philippians four eight. Whatever's true, whatever's honorable,
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  whatever's just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable.
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  If there's any excellence, if there's anything worthy of praise, think about these
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  things. Four in this erotic reading, are you cultivating a heart that can
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  see God? Matthew five eight. Blessed are the pure in heart, for
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  they shall see God. Are you helping that alone? Number five? In
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  this erotic reading, are you mistakenly assuming that the worst temptations come through the
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  eye, not the ear, but the temptation that ruined the world, the
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  whole world in Genesis three came through the ear from Satan's voice, and so
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  did the temptation of Jesus in the wilderness. The heart is the primary seat
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  of holiness, and the ear is as good a pathway of corruption as is
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  the eye. Number six In this erotic reading, would you mind if your
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  fellow elders church leaders knew what you were reading? Or are you content to
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  be a hypocrite? Matthew twenty three twenty seven? Woe to you, scribes
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  and Pharisees, hypocrites, For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear
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  beautiful, but within are full of dead people's bones and all uncleanness. So
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  you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy
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  and lawlessness. Number seven in this erotic reading, do you pray with David
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  for a pure heart? Psal I'm fifty one to ten. Create in me
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  a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me?
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  Are you praying that as you go there? Eight? In this erotic reading,
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  are you setting up a base of operations for the flesh? Romans thirteen
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  fourteen Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision, literally,
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  make no base of operations for the flesh to gratify its desires. Number nine
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  Is this erotic reading a sign of failing faith? Acts fifteen nine? The
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  Holy Spirit made no distinction between us Jews and those gentiles having cleansed their hearts
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  by faith. That's what fail does. It purifies, it cleanses the heart.
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  If this isn't happening, faith is in a perilous condition. And finally,
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  number ten, in this erotic reading, can Christ read it with you?
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  Or are you pushing him away and saying in effect that this lust is
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  more desirable than fellowship with Christ? One Corinthians one nine. God is faithful
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  by whom you were called into the fellowship of His son, Jesus Christ,
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  our Lord. The Christian life is fellowship, sweet close communion with fellowship with
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  Christ. Is that fellowship sustained through your erotic reading? Is he welcome to
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  read along? Or are you pushing him away? Now, my counsel,
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  is that you speaking to the wife. Now pray earnestly for the courage to
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  confront your husband, and that you pray for the preparation of his heart to
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  receive your words. And I might just add that I don't believe this humble,
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  prayerful confrontation needs to be a contradiction of this wife's heart of submission to
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  her husband. Submission has never meant the endorsement of or the participation in a
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  husband's sin. In fact, the willingness to take the risk and point her
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  husband to the Lord can be a beautiful act of submissive self sacrifice in the
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  service of her husband's holiness. That's what we're going to pray for. Yeah,
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  thank you, Bestor John. And to find these ten questions, all
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  written out and edited in clean transcripts, go to Askpastor John dot com.
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  All of our episodes are transcribed. This one will be at the top of
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  the list of the episodes if you go there today or soon. If you
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  find this episode late and you're looking for the transcript, just type in the
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  episode number in the search bar, twenty forty seven. That's the episode number,
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  twenty forty seven, and you'll find these questions. You'll find the transcript.
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  Hey, thanks for joining us today. Have a question to ask Pastor
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  John, email me, ask Pstor John at desiring good dot org. Well,
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  from confronting lust in others to weeding out the root of lust within ourselves.
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  To that work we turn next time, I'm hero Sony RANKI you We'll
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  see Thursday.