Latest / QUESTION EVERYTHING / Stop Blocking Miracles + Manifest The Life You Want: with Gabrielle Bernstein

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Stop Blocking Miracles + Manifest The Life You Want: with Gabrielle Bernstein · QUESTION EVERYTHING

0:04
Speaker 1: Big things happen when you're pretty, pretty bold, pretty clever,
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Speaker 1: pretty strong. I'm Danielle Robe, and each week my guests
0:12
Speaker 1: and I have conversations that put a new spin on
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Speaker 1: pretty This is pretty smart.
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Speaker 2: Do you believe in miracles?
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Speaker 1: Until about a year ago, I'm not sure I could
0:24
Speaker 1: have said I did. I've talked about it a lot
0:27
Speaker 1: on this podcast, so those of you that listen every
0:29
Speaker 1: week probably know that I've had a little bit of
0:32
Speaker 1: a rocky relationship with faith.
0:34
Speaker 2: I wanted to find it.
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Speaker 1: I wanted to believe in something, but it just never
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Speaker 1: felt totally organic or sincere for me.
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Speaker 2: And then I met a man, just a friend.
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Speaker 1: My mom's listening, freaking out that there's a man in
0:47
Speaker 1: my life she doesn't know about.
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Speaker 2: But let me tell you about this guy.
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Speaker 1: He has the most beautiful relationship with faith I had
0:57
Speaker 1: ever seen. He's Catholic, but his faith actually had nothing
1:02
Speaker 1: to do with his religion. He was tapped into himself,
1:07
Speaker 1: to people in his path, and to the universe at large.
1:11
Speaker 1: It felt like he embodied the words my yoga teacher
1:14
Speaker 1: says at the end of every class, the divine in
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Speaker 1: me honors the divine in you, and the light in
1:20
Speaker 1: me sees the light in you. Watching him move throughout
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Speaker 1: the world sort of felt like I had a front
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Speaker 1: row seat to someone with a superpower. It started to
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Speaker 1: make me slow down and be more aware and not
1:32
Speaker 1: think of things in my life. As a coincidence, I
1:37
Speaker 1: felt myself organically moving closer to faith. So I started
1:41
Speaker 1: down a road of reading, which is always what I
1:43
Speaker 1: do when I'm curious, and I picked up mary Anne
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Speaker 1: Williamson's book, A Return to Love. It had been on
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Speaker 1: my shelf for years. Oprah has called Marianne one of
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Speaker 1: her few spiritual advisers.
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Speaker 2: This book is so beautiful.
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Speaker 1: And it's a quick read for anybody who feels like
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Speaker 1: you want to pick it up. And in it, Marianne
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Speaker 1: defines a miracle as a shift in perception from fear
2:07
Speaker 1: to love. And that is when I came to Gabby Bernstein.
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Speaker 1: So I'd known of Gabby for quite some time. You
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Speaker 1: all probably do too. She's a New York Times bestselling author.
2:20
Speaker 1: She has nine books an amazing podcast. I really love
2:24
Speaker 1: her pod, and she was once named a new Thought
2:27
Speaker 1: leader by Oprah.
2:28
Speaker 2: But it wasn't always like this for her.
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Speaker 1: In two thousand and five, after a year's long battle
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Speaker 1: with drug and alcohol addiction. She called out to the
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Speaker 1: universe for help, and she said she got a message
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Speaker 1: back loud and clear in the time since. Gabby's dedicated
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Speaker 1: her life to the study of miracles. In her book
2:47
Speaker 1: Super Attractor, she says it starts by thinking there must
2:50
Speaker 1: be a better way. And when she said that, or
2:54
Speaker 1: when she wrote that, it resonated for me because that's
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Speaker 1: how it started for me.
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Speaker 2: I thought there must be a better way.
3:01
Speaker 1: So in that same book, she shares about how she
3:03
Speaker 1: learned to be open to divine guidance and the miracles
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Speaker 1: that life holds, and she explains that.
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Speaker 2: We're all capable of it.
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Speaker 1: She talks really clearly about how to develop the skill
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Speaker 1: of manifestation or attraction, how to forgive our thoughts, redirect
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Speaker 1: our energy, and embrace the path you're.
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Speaker 2: Meant to take in life.
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Speaker 1: So today I'm asking Gabby for her unfiltered thoughts on
3:24
Speaker 1: tapping into the greater power of the universe. I want
3:27
Speaker 1: to unpack the methods that work and find out what
3:30
Speaker 1: doesn't can. I want to discover how we could all
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Speaker 1: be getting in our way when trying to embark on
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Speaker 1: our spiritual journey. Because I believe we all deserve some miracles. So, Gabby,
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Speaker 1: you've said, I've always known there is a non physical
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Speaker 1: presence beyond my physical site.
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Speaker 2: When did you first.
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Speaker 1: Feel that you had a power that you could harness.
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Speaker 3: I was.
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Speaker 4: Sixteen and had been really struggling with depression and anxiety.
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Speaker 4: My mom, who was a longtime meditator, taught me how
4:07
Speaker 4: to meditate, and she gave me a mantra, and she
4:09
Speaker 4: gave me the steps to really settle my system, and
4:14
Speaker 4: I went to I went away with my boyfriend that
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Speaker 4: weekend to some random house. It was like a friend
4:20
Speaker 4: of a friend's house, and I remember walking in and
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Speaker 4: feeling really anxious. I walked up to this little tiny
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Speaker 4: room in the house and I said, I'm just going
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Speaker 4: to go meditate, because that's the thing I known how
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Speaker 4: to do now. And I sat and I started meditating,
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Speaker 4: and I started to feel as if the anxiety was
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Speaker 4: being lifted off of me, and my hands kind of
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Speaker 4: went numb, and I started to feel as though there
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Speaker 4: was a presence around me, supporting me, healing me, releasing
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Speaker 4: me of that energy. I from that point forward, knew
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Speaker 4: that I wasn't alone and that there was always an
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Speaker 4: energetic support system, and it's been that development of that
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Speaker 4: relationship to that connection ever since.
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Speaker 1: So I actually just read So for a Tractor, Oh
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Speaker 1: for the first time. I'm now going down a wormhole
5:04
Speaker 1: of your book.
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Speaker 2: There are nine of them, and one of.
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Speaker 1: The things that has really struck me is the idea
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Speaker 1: that you're not alone, You're not at it alone, that
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Speaker 1: support that you're talking about. I've heard you talk about miracles,
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Speaker 1: especially when you were struggling with addiction and you said
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Speaker 1: you were just sitting there one night, surrendering, asking for
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Speaker 1: a sign.
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Speaker 2: Do you still believe in miracles?
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Speaker 3: Oh?
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Speaker 4: Yeah, Well I think that there's this really cool quote
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Speaker 4: from this metaphysical text that miracles are natural, but when
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Speaker 4: they're not occurring, something has gone wrong. I think that
5:40
Speaker 4: we all are living in this way where we're just
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Speaker 4: consistently blocking the miraculous because we built up a belief
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Speaker 4: system that is very worldly. It's fear, it's trauma, it's disconnection,
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Speaker 4: and of course we have so many different outside influences
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Speaker 4: that would take us away from that miracle mindset. But
6:01
Speaker 4: the beauty that as we start to read books like
6:03
Speaker 4: Super Attractor, listen to interviews like this, and just start
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Speaker 4: to slightly adjust and adjust back into that miracle mindset.
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Speaker 3: We can return to something that never left us. It's
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Speaker 3: just it's been blocked and.
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Speaker 2: Is the miracle mindset. What you talk about when you
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Speaker 2: say getting back to the truth is who you are.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, I believe that we all have the capacity to
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Speaker 4: live in the world with a positive, solution seeking sense
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Speaker 4: of support, energetic support, and awareness of spiritual connection beyond us,
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Speaker 4: the spiritual connection of your own whatever you decided to be.
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Speaker 4: But like I said, we're in this constant struggle of
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Speaker 4: the problems, the war, the divisiveness, whatever it might be,
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Speaker 4: the bullying that every single moment of life is almost
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Speaker 4: taking us away from the truth. To your point, the
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Speaker 4: truth of who we are, and that truth of who
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Speaker 4: we are is very simple. It's that we are in
6:59
Speaker 4: our hearts passionate, caring, calm, just absolutely loving beings every
7:05
Speaker 4: single person. But many of us have experiences that make
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Speaker 4: us detour from that space.
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Speaker 1: So to your point, I've heard you talk about joy
7:15
Speaker 1: and how it's such a specific factor in this equation
7:19
Speaker 1: when all everything is going wrong. How do you find
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Speaker 1: the joy so that you can be a super attractor.
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Speaker 4: Well, you don't You're not going to go right from
7:27
Speaker 4: everything's wrong to joy. That's just not I mean, it's
7:31
Speaker 4: not impossible, but it's not the move. The move is
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Speaker 4: to lean into something slightly better. And so if you're
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Speaker 4: in a really low place, even just leaning into optimism
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Speaker 4: or possibility or hope starts to build you up the
7:49
Speaker 4: ladder towards that ultimate desire.
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Speaker 3: Which is joy.
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Speaker 4: You're not going to go from despair to joy. That's
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Speaker 4: just not going to happen.
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Speaker 1: I love the word possibility. Yeah that feels exciting. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: practical too, because you're right, it's hard to be like
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Speaker 1: everything's going wrong right now, I'm going to be joyful.
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Speaker 3: You can't.
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Speaker 4: And I think that that's where a lot of people
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Speaker 4: get it wrong, because they're like whitewashing the problem they're looking.
8:12
Speaker 4: They're just sort of affirming over it or pushing past it,
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Speaker 4: which only just really allows it to multiply. So what
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Speaker 4: we really need to do when it comes to moving
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Speaker 4: out of a disconnected place or a uncomfortable, sad place
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Speaker 4: is to just reach for that next best feeling. Possibility
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Speaker 4: is the best. I always love the affirmation. It's like
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Speaker 4: probably something I say over and over again throughout the
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Speaker 4: day is I'm open to creative possibilities because if something
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Speaker 4: that working out, Okay, it's not working out, So what's
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Speaker 4: the creative possibility that's going to be revealed to me?
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Speaker 4: That mindset shift just opens so many doors, opens up
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Speaker 4: your awareness to what's possible. If you're in the storyline
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Speaker 4: of oh, that's impossible, it's not going to happen. Of course,
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Speaker 4: that's going to just stay impossible.
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Speaker 1: When did you first notice that your thoughts were actually changing?
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Speaker 4: Wow, that's a nice question. Well, I've been noticing it
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Speaker 4: all along. I've been in this field for seventeen years,
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Speaker 4: and I've been noticing every step of the way that
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Speaker 4: it just gets more and more.
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Speaker 3: Grace comes in.
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Speaker 4: Very recently, in the last few years, I've felt just
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Speaker 4: a quantum shift of Oh, I'm not really I'm part
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Speaker 4: of this world, but I'm not stuck in this world,
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Speaker 4: and I have the opportunity I can think of my
9:24
Speaker 4: way into a really good spot most of the time.
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Speaker 3: So even when shitty things happen.
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Speaker 2: What does it feel like when you're in that and.
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Speaker 3: Not just think my way in know that there's another way.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, what does it feel like when I'm in that place? Well,
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Speaker 4: I think that it comes back to the word possibility.
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Speaker 4: It just feels open and expansive and upbeat and optimistic
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Speaker 4: and seeking and willing to feel into the problem temporarily
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Speaker 4: so that it can be processed. I'm not ignoring life's
9:56
Speaker 4: issues in any way, shape or form.
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Speaker 3: I'm actually just working with them.
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Speaker 4: I had to call with my FA therapist yesterday and
10:01
Speaker 4: we hadn't spoken in a while because she.
10:03
Speaker 3: Was on vacation and then I had taken some time off.
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Speaker 3: I'm like, no offense. But I was like, I'm doing
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Speaker 3: really good, and she's like, that's because.
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Speaker 4: You've been doing the self help and of course I
10:13
Speaker 4: write self help books. But she's like, but you've been
10:16
Speaker 4: practicing what you preach, so you've become your internal therapist.
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Speaker 4: And it's not that I don't need my own therapist.
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Speaker 4: Of course, I want to keep going with her for
10:25
Speaker 4: a long time. But there's an inner parent within all
10:29
Speaker 4: of us, or an inner therapist, or an inner guide,
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Speaker 4: and when we start to let that part of us
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Speaker 4: be the leader and our life, this is so much
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Speaker 4: more graceful and easy.
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Speaker 1: When you talk about miracles and being open to them,
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Speaker 1: what's the first step towards recognizing them because I'll give
10:50
Speaker 1: you an example. I think say a brand emails you
10:54
Speaker 1: say it's like a car company, say it's accurate, and
10:58
Speaker 1: all of a sudden you start seeing accurate as all
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Speaker 1: of the road.
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Speaker 2: Is it a coincidence or is it serendipity?
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Speaker 3: I think that there's different ways of looking at it.
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Speaker 4: So like if something comes into your awareness and then
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Speaker 4: you see it everywhere, it's typically the opposite. It's like
11:12
Speaker 4: you're seeing it everywhere and then it comes into your awareness.
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Speaker 4: That's usually when you're getting guidance, right, So it's like.
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Speaker 3: It can be reversed, of course.
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Speaker 4: But for instance, if you keep getting somebody keeps telling
11:24
Speaker 4: you read this book, and then another person's like read
11:25
Speaker 4: this book, and then the book shows up on Amazon,
11:27
Speaker 4: and then the books here and the books there, and
11:28
Speaker 4: then you meet the author on the street and the
11:30
Speaker 4: hot their hands to the book. It's like that's or
11:33
Speaker 4: you get enough messages and you're like, final, just buy
11:35
Speaker 4: the freaking book.
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Speaker 3: So that's sort of the synchronistic guidance.
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Speaker 4: Of course, it could it be reversed, but I think
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Speaker 4: the reverse is like now it's on your mind, so
11:43
Speaker 4: now you're kind of just noticing and aware of it.
11:45
Speaker 4: So it's more about what's being presented to you that
11:47
Speaker 4: shows up in your awareness, and then that's a form
11:50
Speaker 4: of guidance.
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Speaker 3: Okay. And then if you want to ask the universe.
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Speaker 4: For a sign, for instance, asking for a sign for
11:57
Speaker 4: hiring somebody new, and I was like, this sounds macing silly,
12:00
Speaker 4: but this is how I live. And I was like, Okay,
12:02
Speaker 4: I need to see a lily because that's one of
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Speaker 4: my signs I asked for.
12:06
Speaker 3: And I hadn't seen it. I hadn't seen it, had
12:07
Speaker 3: to I walked.
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Speaker 4: Into this building and there was lilies in the front
12:11
Speaker 4: hall and then I think that there's a painting with
12:15
Speaker 4: some lilies over there.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a lily, lilies on a painting. And so
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Speaker 3: I was like, oh, there's my sign.
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Speaker 1: How did you come up with lilies? So can you
12:25
Speaker 1: ask for any sign specifically?
12:27
Speaker 3: Yeah, anything you want, you just ask. Yeah.
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Speaker 4: In Super Attractor, I tell a story about how I
12:34
Speaker 4: was trying to conceive and in that time I was
12:36
Speaker 4: having at a lot of issues.
12:38
Speaker 3: With conception and natural conceptions. I was just trying. It
12:42
Speaker 3: was year after year and I kept not getting pregnant.
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Speaker 4: This was my mid thirties and I finally hit this
12:47
Speaker 4: wall where I was like doing some fertility treatment IUI
12:52
Speaker 4: and I did my first round of it, thinking like, oh,
12:54
Speaker 4: it's gonna work in the first round, and it didn't.
12:56
Speaker 4: And I was like so depressed and so upset. And
12:59
Speaker 4: my sign from my child was a lily, and I
13:02
Speaker 4: kept asking for the lilies and asking for the lilies,
13:04
Speaker 4: and I was really depressed this one day because the
13:06
Speaker 4: first round didn't work. And I sat with my husband
13:09
Speaker 4: and we were sitting at his desk and I was crying.
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Speaker 4: My phone was on the desk and it was off,
13:16
Speaker 4: shut off. All of a sudden, this song that wasn't
13:20
Speaker 4: saved in my phone. It was just a song. I
13:24
Speaker 4: was aware. I won't even think I was aware of
13:26
Speaker 4: the song. I know the artist. A song called Waygo
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Speaker 4: Lily starts playing on my working phone and it's like
13:33
Speaker 4: over and over, Waygo Lily, Wago, Lily Wago Lily.
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Speaker 3: I pick up the phone. I'm like, I don't know
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Speaker 3: what's going on. This is so strange. I start listening
13:39
Speaker 3: to the lyrics. I'm like, holy shit.
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Speaker 4: And then I look at the name of the album
13:45
Speaker 4: and the album is I saw the sign.
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Speaker 3: No it's not it's it's sam Amadon. It's a beautiful song.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, waygo Lily, And there's so many other levels of
13:56
Speaker 4: synchronicity that but and then I got pregnant the next month.
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Speaker 4: So it's a sign that you're being guided. It's not
14:01
Speaker 4: always that you're gonna getting signs that you're gonna.
14:02
Speaker 3: Get what you want. Sometimes you don't get a sign,
14:04
Speaker 3: and that's a sign too.
14:05
Speaker 1: Oh that's kind of like therapy, right, like no decisions
14:07
Speaker 1: also a decision.
14:08
Speaker 3: That's correct, that's correct.
14:10
Speaker 1: I didn't know that part. No sign is a sign?
14:12
Speaker 1: Can you say more about that?
14:14
Speaker 3: Yeah?
14:14
Speaker 4: So in my book, the Universe Has your Back, I
14:16
Speaker 4: give the whole lessons of how to ask the universe
14:18
Speaker 4: for a sign.
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Speaker 3: And people love this.
14:20
Speaker 4: But you can be like, oh my, I on the
14:22
Speaker 4: right track, or is this relationship right for me? But
14:25
Speaker 4: you can't manipulate the universe right, So you can't be
14:28
Speaker 4: like I wanted a blue car, but that car is
14:30
Speaker 4: kind of purple and maybe it's you know, it's bullshit,
14:32
Speaker 4: so you have to close your eyes to it. I'd
14:35
Speaker 4: like to see that sign and then stop looking. And
14:37
Speaker 4: then just like today, I walked in and I saw
14:39
Speaker 4: the lilies and then if you don't get it, that's
14:42
Speaker 4: a sign too, So stop looking.
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Speaker 3: That's their message. It's not right, you know.
14:45
Speaker 4: And I really think that people have to make logical
14:47
Speaker 4: decisions and I have to really stick to their gut
14:50
Speaker 4: and trust themselves. It's not just about like, am I
14:52
Speaker 4: seeing my sign? But that's always a supportive, additional way
14:54
Speaker 4: of getting messages from a spiritual presence.
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Speaker 1: I grew up Jewish and not religious, and religion was almost.
15:05
Speaker 3: Me too, okay, And.
15:09
Speaker 1: Moving to LA I started reading books and being curious
15:12
Speaker 1: about spirituality. And I looked at all of the people
15:15
Speaker 1: in my life that I admire most, and they all
15:17
Speaker 1: believed in God's source, whatever you want to call it.
15:20
Speaker 2: And I was like, what am I missing here?
15:22
Speaker 1: And I've started seeing signs, I've started feeling and it's
15:26
Speaker 1: really about feeling open. It's the most wild experience for
15:30
Speaker 1: someone who was kind of a skeptic.
15:33
Speaker 3: You know, Well, you're right, it is about becoming open. Yeah,
15:35
Speaker 3: I think that's the whole thing.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's very cool.
15:38
Speaker 1: So nine books filled with so much love. I was
15:43
Speaker 1: going to say wisdom or advice, but it didn't feel right.
15:47
Speaker 1: They're filled with love, you say, manifest a life beyond
15:51
Speaker 1: your wildest dreams. We hear so many people talk about manifestation.
15:57
Speaker 1: The question I got most from people when I like
15:59
Speaker 1: put out that I was interviewing you.
16:02
Speaker 2: Was I'm doing all the steps.
16:04
Speaker 1: I hadn't heard about this, but somebody said, there isn't
16:07
Speaker 1: Driftwood should know what that means. I'm visualizing, I'm being
16:11
Speaker 1: open hearted, I have positive thoughts. I think I worked
16:13
Speaker 1: through my personal blocks. How can I stay positive when
16:17
Speaker 1: nothing's happening?
16:18
Speaker 4: Oh well, you got to stop looking for the outside
16:22
Speaker 4: circumstances to be the reason why you're positive. Assume an
16:26
Speaker 4: energy that's joyful without having it all in front of you.
16:30
Speaker 3: And that's really that's what I write about.
16:33
Speaker 4: It's like, you can't the things be The boyfriend, the money,
16:36
Speaker 4: the job, the career cannot be your source of happiness.
16:39
Speaker 3: Those are the after effect of your happiness.
16:41
Speaker 4: And so if you read any of my books and
16:43
Speaker 4: work any of my books, particularly my latest book, Happy Days,
16:46
Speaker 4: if you work any of these books, I'll show you
16:49
Speaker 4: the way to start to undo any disconnect from that
16:53
Speaker 4: inner joy and start to cultivate that joy even when
16:56
Speaker 4: things aren't working out. Because yes, everything starts to come
16:59
Speaker 4: and to your life when you are in a better state,
17:03
Speaker 4: but you can't force it.
17:05
Speaker 1: Where can people start if they don't know how to manifest?
17:09
Speaker 2: Where to go? I know, obviously I.
17:11
Speaker 3: Would read Super Attractor?
17:12
Speaker 4: Yeah, or read the Universe as You're back and then
17:13
Speaker 4: read Super Attractor.
17:15
Speaker 2: Did I read it out of order?
17:16
Speaker 3: Not at all?
17:17
Speaker 4: No, No, you read what you need, like if that's
17:19
Speaker 4: what you were saying, that's what you were ready for.
17:21
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I would do that.
17:22
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a bad answer, but it's kind of I
17:24
Speaker 4: think if anyone of my readers were sitting there and they, like,
17:27
Speaker 4: someone said that didn't big, I'll read this book.
17:29
Speaker 1: So no, it's true because I actually have one of
17:30
Speaker 1: the things I loved about Super Attractors. You give specific examples,
17:34
Speaker 1: so the ideas don't feel amorphous.
17:37
Speaker 3: That's right.
17:37
Speaker 2: Is there a difference between what we attract and what
17:39
Speaker 2: we manifest?
17:40
Speaker 3: That's an interesting question.
17:42
Speaker 4: No one's ever asked that for me. Okay, so what
17:43
Speaker 4: we attracts what we manifest? Well, not necessarily, because I
17:48
Speaker 4: think that I would just use that word interchangeably. Really,
17:51
Speaker 4: but we attract what we are, we manifest what we believe.
17:56
Speaker 4: So I think it's somewhat interchangeable, because what manifesting is
18:01
Speaker 4: is the reflection back to you, the attraction back to
18:04
Speaker 4: you of what you believe you're worthy of, who you
18:06
Speaker 4: believe you are.
18:07
Speaker 1: That's a really interesting answer claim manic manifesting.
18:11
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was gonna say that that reader or that
18:13
Speaker 4: listener who came through was sounding like they might be
18:16
Speaker 4: maniphis the cadence of the question. Correct, The manic manifesting is.
18:22
Speaker 4: You're a great interviewer by the way, the.
18:24
Speaker 3: Manic manifest you are.
18:26
Speaker 4: The man manifesting is like when you're you know, reading
18:30
Speaker 4: all the books and you've got the vision board and
18:32
Speaker 4: you're like saying mantras and you're making wishless and you're
18:36
Speaker 4: looking for science and you're just forcing. Being in a
18:39
Speaker 4: relationship with the universe with an energy beyond your own
18:42
Speaker 4: is like any relationship. If you're dating somebody and you're
18:45
Speaker 4: just like constantly calling and constantly like trying to make
18:48
Speaker 4: another plan, they're gonna.
18:49
Speaker 3: Be out, thank you.
18:52
Speaker 4: And so I think that that's very similar with our
18:54
Speaker 4: relationship to the universe, and that we are often pushing
18:59
Speaker 4: and controlling and so we're missing that response. We're blocking
19:05
Speaker 4: the actual communication. We're just having a one way conversation.
19:10
Speaker 4: And so to be in communion with that connection, you
19:14
Speaker 4: have to communicate. You have to listen, not just ask,
19:18
Speaker 4: but you have to listen. You have to slow down,
19:21
Speaker 4: and in that stillness is when you can start to
19:23
Speaker 4: get messages.
19:23
Speaker 1: I love that word communion that you just used. There's
19:27
Speaker 1: something that feels peaceful about that.
19:29
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, totally.
19:32
Speaker 1: Oprah's podcast at the beginning, she has this line she says,
19:36
Speaker 1: want it, wish for it, let it go, yeah, which
19:38
Speaker 1: is kind of the key, right. I think letting it
19:42
Speaker 1: go is part of the manic manifestation issue that totally
19:48
Speaker 1: like if you.
19:49
Speaker 2: Want something, how do you let it go?
19:52
Speaker 3: Well, it's funny that you said that.
19:54
Speaker 4: So I did a super Soul Sessions talk for her
19:57
Speaker 4: and it is on her podcast for Oprah, and it's
20:00
Speaker 4: all about surrender. Yeah, And it's also based on a
20:04
Speaker 4: chapter in the Universe has your Back.
20:07
Speaker 3: All on the spiritual steps to Surrender.
20:09
Speaker 4: So that would be a good resource for somebody to
20:12
Speaker 4: go to YouTube and just watch that surrender The Spiritual
20:14
Speaker 4: Steps to Surrender. That's a I mean, it lays it
20:17
Speaker 4: out for you completely. But I think that the biggest
20:20
Speaker 4: thing is to forget what you think you need. What
20:22
Speaker 4: you think you need is actually so much smaller than
20:24
Speaker 4: what's actually possible for you. So let that go and
20:28
Speaker 4: open your You can want what you want right ask
20:32
Speaker 4: for Is that what she said?
20:32
Speaker 3: Want what you want?
20:33
Speaker 2: Want it, wish for it, want, want, wish.
20:36
Speaker 3: For it, Let it go. I think that follow open advices.
20:44
Speaker 1: So much of success in life hinges on support and community.
20:47
Speaker 1: I never understood that more than when I launched Pretty Smart.
20:50
Speaker 1: Here's what I mean. As a TV host, my work
20:52
Speaker 1: was fast paced, research, study, produce stories or interviews for
20:56
Speaker 1: the next day, get out into the field and do
20:58
Speaker 1: them post, produce and repeat. And when I launched the podcast,
21:01
Speaker 1: I was doing all that, But once I put the
21:02
Speaker 1: episodes out, there was a feedback loop. It was all
21:05
Speaker 1: about you, engaging, interacting, fostering.
21:08
Speaker 2: The Pretty Smart team, the community.
21:11
Speaker 1: I never experienced anything like it, and that's where squarespace
21:14
Speaker 1: comes in. Squarespace provides me with the infrastructure to build
21:17
Speaker 1: upon the community that the podcast has cultivated. Once the
21:20
Speaker 1: pod goes out, it's my lifeline to what you like,
21:23
Speaker 1: what you don't like.
21:24
Speaker 2: I love getting.
21:25
Speaker 1: Messages about the episodes, hearing your reflections are favorite moments
21:29
Speaker 1: from the guests.
21:29
Speaker 2: They come right to my phone from the contact box.
21:32
Speaker 1: Squarespace also allows you to take it a step further
21:34
Speaker 1: with email campaigns.
21:36
Speaker 2: Once people are.
21:36
Speaker 1: In touch with you, you can transform those interactions into
21:39
Speaker 1: email subscribers. When I launched the Pretty Smart limited edition sweatshirts,
21:43
Speaker 1: I started with a Squarespace email template, customized it with
21:47
Speaker 1: my brand logo and colors, and press send. And the
21:49
Speaker 1: platform has built in analytics, so I measure the impact
21:52
Speaker 1: of every email in message to learn where the site
21:55
Speaker 1: visits and sales are coming from. That means I can
21:57
Speaker 1: determine what's working and what I can work on. The
22:00
Speaker 1: Squarespace Acts is my community hub. The all in one
22:02
Speaker 1: platform is my lifeline to my pretty Smart.
22:05
Speaker 2: People.
22:05
Speaker 1: Head to squarespace dot com slash pretty Smart for a
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22:17
Speaker 2: So fear, the opposite of love is fear.
22:22
Speaker 1: Right when I was reading I started reading Mary and
22:25
Speaker 1: Williamson because of you. Yeah, and I think she defines
22:29
Speaker 1: a miracle, saying that it's when you move from fear
22:33
Speaker 1: to love, which is a cool definition.
22:35
Speaker 2: Is fear ever a good thing?
22:37
Speaker 5: Oh?
22:38
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean we have to have fear to not
22:41
Speaker 4: walk in traffic. I don't think that there's any bad
22:46
Speaker 4: part of who we are. It's just when those parts
22:49
Speaker 4: of us become extreme. So fear in a non extreme
22:54
Speaker 4: way is what allows us to speak up for ourselves
22:58
Speaker 4: or know how to get out of a room when
22:59
Speaker 4: it's it's not safe, or not walk in the middle
23:02
Speaker 4: of the street or whatever it might be right or
23:05
Speaker 4: you know, maybe even in these days, like maybe wear
23:08
Speaker 4: a mask on a plane. Like, it's not always a
23:10
Speaker 4: bad thing, but when fear becomes an extreme behavior or
23:14
Speaker 4: extreme emotion, it can become detrimental because it becomes addictive.
23:18
Speaker 4: It's like, Okay, i can never walk out of my
23:20
Speaker 4: house again because I'm afraid of COVID or I'm you know,
23:23
Speaker 4: when it becomes unmanageable. So no emotional state or no
23:29
Speaker 4: no way that we live is bad. There's no bad
23:31
Speaker 4: part of who we are. It's just there's parts that
23:35
Speaker 4: become very extreme.
23:36
Speaker 2: And is fear really the root of anxiety?
23:40
Speaker 4: Yeah, I definitely believe that anxiety comes from trauma, which
23:46
Speaker 4: is fear, which is unresolved events of fear. It's fear
23:51
Speaker 4: that's stuck in the body, It's stuck in the neural loops,
23:55
Speaker 4: and it can create a lot of anxiety.
23:56
Speaker 1: It's so helpful to know that when those feelings come up,
23:59
Speaker 1: you have to think about love. Love.
24:02
Speaker 3: Well.
24:02
Speaker 4: I would say that you can, like Mariam would say,
24:06
Speaker 4: return to love through a prayer or through an affirmation,
24:10
Speaker 4: but I do believe that there's also this other layer
24:13
Speaker 4: of just befriending that fear. If you try to just say, Okay,
24:17
Speaker 4: I have this fear and now I'm going to lean
24:18
Speaker 4: towards love, it's not always going to happen that quickly.
24:22
Speaker 4: It's really valuable to start to work with and befriend
24:26
Speaker 4: the fear. And I talk about that a lot in
24:29
Speaker 4: My Happy Days, my latest book, where I take a
24:31
Speaker 4: lot of the spiritual principles that I've written about before,
24:34
Speaker 4: but I take it to another level with a lot
24:35
Speaker 4: of therapeutic principles that I've used in my own life
24:39
Speaker 4: and trained in to give people even a deeper exploration
24:43
Speaker 4: of what's going on.
24:44
Speaker 1: To add on to what you just said, I really
24:48
Speaker 1: have enjoyed learning from you because of that. It feels
24:52
Speaker 1: practical and not like Abraham Hicks. For me, I'm not
24:56
Speaker 1: there yet. It's too hard for me to digest, and
24:58
Speaker 1: so the books feel so applicable.
25:02
Speaker 3: Great, I'm so happy you heard that. That's beautiful.
25:05
Speaker 1: I love this quote I read you say, the way
25:07
Speaker 1: we experience the world around us is a direct reflection
25:10
Speaker 1: of the world within us. If I want to feel supported,
25:12
Speaker 1: I must support myself. What are some tips you have
25:16
Speaker 1: for being your own biggest supporter.
25:18
Speaker 4: So what I'm teaching now, that's really at the forefront
25:22
Speaker 4: of my work, and it's the next few books I'll
25:24
Speaker 4: write is based on a model called internal family systems therapy,
25:28
Speaker 4: and I think that what I'm doing best is translating
25:32
Speaker 4: it because it's sort of dense. But the concept is
25:35
Speaker 4: very simple. We have different parts of who we are.
25:38
Speaker 4: There are extreme parts of like child trauma, exiled, jet
25:42
Speaker 4: them away, we're like never talking to you again, whether
25:44
Speaker 4: it's being bullied or abused, whatever, And then we have
25:47
Speaker 4: these other parts of us that are protector parts, So
25:49
Speaker 4: fears a protector, addictions a protector, controlling is a protector,
25:53
Speaker 4: and those become very extreme behaviors because they're really activated
25:57
Speaker 4: whenever we get that exiled part kicked up.
26:02
Speaker 3: In tracking with me.
26:03
Speaker 4: Okay, but what we all have is self, and self
26:06
Speaker 4: is the internal therapist, the internal parent, the adult resourced,
26:12
Speaker 4: undamaged part of the real, the compassionate car and calm part.
26:16
Speaker 4: And so when we let self start to lead our
26:19
Speaker 4: inner system, everything starts to really relax. And that's how
26:24
Speaker 4: I live now. And that's actually why my therapist said
26:27
Speaker 4: to me, well, you're doing all the self help, that
26:31
Speaker 4: work of literally self.
26:33
Speaker 3: Helping my internal system. So the more.
26:36
Speaker 4: Access you get to that higher self or inner guide,
26:39
Speaker 4: God within you, whatever you want to call it, the
26:43
Speaker 4: more that voice becomes the louder voice in the room.
26:45
Speaker 4: And so when you have problems, you're not going into
26:48
Speaker 4: the protector part of control or fear it. Maybe do temporarily,
26:52
Speaker 4: but you know how to self sooth. And that's a
26:55
Speaker 4: really cool way of living.
26:56
Speaker 3: Really, that's my next book.
26:59
Speaker 2: I feel like I need that, and so does everyone else.
27:01
Speaker 4: No, it's going to be the big It's going to
27:02
Speaker 4: be this very big transition of my career because this
27:05
Speaker 4: work is so extraordinary and it's sometimes only available to
27:09
Speaker 4: people in therapeutic sessions, and it has to be mainstream.
27:13
Speaker 3: It has to be brought out in a bigger way.
27:15
Speaker 1: And so I'm doing that because I've been doing therapy
27:18
Speaker 1: for probably five years now and I'm just getting to reparenting.
27:23
Speaker 1: So that's still like a long time to go through therapy.
27:27
Speaker 4: I've been in therapy for almost twenty years and still
27:31
Speaker 4: working on it, right, So that's so helpful. But reading
27:34
Speaker 4: Happy Days, Happy Days is the guided path from trauma
27:37
Speaker 4: to profound freedom, and Inner Piece is my deepest book
27:39
Speaker 4: I've ever written. I think it's a must read for
27:42
Speaker 4: all humans. But you have to be willing to look
27:44
Speaker 4: at that book to be able to read it.
27:46
Speaker 1: The first interview I ever did on this podcast was
27:49
Speaker 1: Elysium and Undez.
27:51
Speaker 2: She's an MSNBC reporter.
27:53
Speaker 1: She wrote a book called Likability Trap, and it really
27:56
Speaker 1: impacted me.
27:57
Speaker 2: And she said, I'm so glad the book found you.
27:59
Speaker 2: And I said, what do you mean?
28:01
Speaker 1: I picked it up and she's like, no, no, it
28:03
Speaker 1: found you, right, it stayed with me. She was right,
28:06
Speaker 1: the books have they find you when you're ready, Right,
28:08
Speaker 1: that's right. A twenty fifteen study said millennials are less
28:12
Speaker 1: religious than previous generations, but just as spiritual. What does
28:18
Speaker 1: that tell you about this generation?
28:20
Speaker 3: I hope I've had something to do with that. You know,
28:21
Speaker 3: here we are in twelve Street.
28:22
Speaker 4: I was on thirteenth Street seventeen years ago leading these
28:25
Speaker 4: talks in reality, and all these young New York City
28:28
Speaker 4: women were coming out and just because of my twentieth
28:31
Speaker 4: at the time and just craving it. And of course
28:34
Speaker 4: this became a big movement of like the wellness industry
28:37
Speaker 4: and spiritual conversations, and look, I think there's nothing greater
28:41
Speaker 4: than that becoming a trend because it's a beautiful way
28:43
Speaker 4: of living, in a beautiful way of thinking, even if
28:45
Speaker 4: it's trendy. I think that may be part of it
28:49
Speaker 4: is that there was a conversation that was explained in lexicon.
28:53
Speaker 3: That people could resonate with.
28:55
Speaker 4: And I'm not going to be like I'm taking full
28:58
Speaker 4: credit for the reason that millennials are in in spirituality,
29:01
Speaker 4: but there's people like myself that have been doing this
29:03
Speaker 4: work for that generation. And so I think that being
29:07
Speaker 4: an explainer and a translator and writing books about this
29:13
Speaker 4: kind of content just plants a seed, and that seed
29:16
Speaker 4: can then spread to the other author who writes about it,
29:19
Speaker 4: and the other author who writes about it, and another
29:21
Speaker 4: person that opens up to it or whatever that might be.
29:23
Speaker 3: So I also think this generation is looking.
29:25
Speaker 4: For answers beyond their physical site because it's a very
29:30
Speaker 4: strange time to be alive.
29:31
Speaker 2: To a little rapid fire.
29:33
Speaker 3: Cool.
29:33
Speaker 2: A place you've been that inspires Ah.
29:36
Speaker 4: I just got back from Machu Picchu in Peru and
29:38
Speaker 4: it was one of the most incredible places ever been.
29:40
Speaker 3: And I was like downloading, what was really wild? That
29:44
Speaker 3: really cool?
29:45
Speaker 2: For people who what is downloading? Me?
29:47
Speaker 3: Like? Just feeling inspiration, connection, hearing messages.
29:51
Speaker 1: A skill you'd love to learn? What's been your greatest awakening?
29:56
Speaker 3: Really?
29:56
Speaker 4: When the ifs work quick clicked in So when I
30:00
Speaker 4: it was like, oh wait, I have a parent inside
30:04
Speaker 4: of me that can take care of me all the time.
30:06
Speaker 3: Wow.
30:06
Speaker 2: One question you should ask yourself if you're feeling stuck.
30:10
Speaker 4: Well, I would become curious and ask what do I
30:14
Speaker 4: notice in my body and what do I know about that?
30:17
Speaker 2: Your best communication tip, oh, be yourself.
30:19
Speaker 3: Just have fun of yourself.
30:21
Speaker 2: I like that you said have fun.
30:23
Speaker 3: Yeah.
30:24
Speaker 2: A book that changed your life that you think everyone should.
30:27
Speaker 3: Read or return to love Maryan Williamson's book.
30:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, I do a pretty smart question. So just
30:35
Speaker 1: like books. I feel like everybody chooses.
30:37
Speaker 2: The card they're meant to have.
30:38
Speaker 3: Yeah, what is your defining characteristic? Oh? I love that authenticity.
30:44
Speaker 2: The smartest decision you've ever.
30:45
Speaker 3: Made, getting sober seventeen years ago. Thank you, thank you,
30:51
Speaker 3: thank you.
30:53
Speaker 5: Beautiful all right, today is a good day. To have
31:23
Speaker 5: a good day.
31:23
Speaker 2: I'll see you next week