Latest / IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective / Creating a Vision for Better Parenting

Transcript

Creating a Vision for Better Parenting · IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

• 0:00
  Ben: I'm Ben Pugh and you're listening to IMPACT! Parenting with Perspective.
• 0:06
  Ben: This podcast is all about helping parents manage the mental and emotional drama that comes with parenting teens so they can focus on what's most important.
• 0:17
  Ben: Building rock solid relationships and having a powerful impact on their teen's life.
• 0:22
  Ben: Join me each week as I dive into real tools to help you and your teen turn struggles into strengths.
• 0:34
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: All right.
• 0:34
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Welcome back to the podcast.
• 0:37
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: those of you watching on YouTube, thank you for being here.
• 0:41
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And those of you listening on any of the podcast apps, thank you for checking out our podcast today.
• 0:49
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: I have my cohost Cortni back with us and.
• 0:55
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: We're here to just help you be the parent that you've always wanted to be.
• 1:02
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Cortni, before we get into what we planned about talking about, I'm just going to throw you under the bus.
• 1:08
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: You don't even know what I'm going to ask, but have you ever caught yourself like parenting, In a way that you're like, yeah, this is not even who I want to be.
• 1:19
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: Uh, often.
• 1:21
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: Yeah.
• 1:22
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Okay, good.
• 1:22
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: I thought maybe I'd be the only one.
• 1:24
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Now, let me ask you this.
• 1:25
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Do you remember being a teenager and ever having your parents parent in a way that just truly annoyed you and you thought, when I'm a mom, I'm going to blank.
• 1:39
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And you're like, I'm going to do it so much better.
• 1:41
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Did you ever think that?
• 1:42
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: Yeah.
• 1:43
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: All the time.
• 1:45
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Awesome.
• 1:48
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Wait, you still think that?
• 1:50
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: Sometimes I do things I'm like, Oh my gosh, this is my mom would do this.
• 1:53
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: I need to stop.
• 1:54
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Yeah, yeah, that's the thing.
• 1:57
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Sometimes I catch myself doing things and I'm like, oh my goodness, I sound just like my mom or just like my dad.
• 2:03
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: I asked a mom about that, I don't know, a year ago or so, and she's like, no, that never happened.
• 2:11
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And I was like, wait, as a teenager, you were never annoyed at your parents and thought, oh, when I'm a parent, I'm gonna do it completely opposite.
• 2:17
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And she's like, no, I always thought my parents were amazing.
• 2:21
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And I was like, oh,
• 2:23
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: Wow.
• 2:23
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: She must have some amazing parents.
• 2:25
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: I feel like me breathing annoys my son.
• 2:29
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: I don't have to do anything.
• 2:31
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Yeah, I feel like my kids go through stages.
• 2:34
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: My nine year old still thinks I'm pretty awesome.
• 2:38
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: My 18 year old just thinks I'm the biggest idiot ever.
• 2:43
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And I give him advice, and he doesn't listen.
• 2:45
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And then like a week or two later, he's like, Dad, what was that thing you were saying?
• 2:50
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Because my way didn't work.
• 2:52
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And I'm like, well, obviously, because, anyways.
• 2:56
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: So, The reason I asked all those questions, I feel like a lot of times as parents, it's easy to get out of touch with the type of parent that we want to be, and sometimes an easy way to get back in touch with that version of yourself is to go back to your teenage years.
• 3:19
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: In memory, like just think back and be like, what are some of the things that my parents did that annoyed me?
• 3:25
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: What are some of the things that I thought, Hey, when I'm a parent, I'm going to do things this way.
• 3:30
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And I want to just explore that for a minute.
• 3:32
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Can you think back to your teenage years?
• 3:35
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Like all those years ago, just joking.
• 3:38
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: I'm not calling you old.
• 3:40
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: That's fine.
• 3:40
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: You're older than me.
• 3:41
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: I'm not offended.
• 3:42
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Wait, I am?
• 3:44
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: I think we've talked about this.
• 3:46
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: I am, though, indeed, older than you.
• 3:48
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: Are you being sarcastic?
• 3:50
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: No, I, um, my birthday is in November.
• 3:53
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: I was born in 1981.
• 3:55
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: Exactly.
• 3:57
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Wait, when were you born?
• 3:59
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: August of 1984.
• 4:00
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: I
• 4:01
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Oh, wow, you are younger.
• 4:04
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Okay, well, okay, so you don't even have to think back as far.
• 4:07
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: What are some of the things that you remember as a teen thinking, Hey, when I'm a parent, I'm going to do things this way,
• 4:16
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: Um, it's kind of a tricky question for me because I mean, obviously I was annoyed by my mom.
• 4:22
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: Um, my dad wasn't really around, but I didn't have a lot of rules growing up.
• 4:27
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: So everything that she did or my stepdad did, or even my grandparents, I grew up with my grandparents, of course, it was annoying, but I didn't really have of rules.
• 4:42
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: and so that's why I feel like I'm an enforcer now is, and I've told my son, I want you to do better than I did.
• 4:49
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: I want you to have better than what I did.
• 4:52
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: I'm trying to think of some things that were annoying.
• 4:55
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: Um,
• 4:59
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: so let me just chime in for a second.
• 5:01
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: even if they did tell me to do something,
• 5:03
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Wait, what?
• 5:04
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: What was that?
• 5:05
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: I'm not sure I would have listened to even if they did tell me.
• 5:08
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Yeah, so when you were talking about not really having rules, I feel like I am kind of at the opposite end of the spectrum.
• 5:17
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Like I had so many rules and I was grounded all the time.
• 5:22
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And now as a parent, like.
• 5:25
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: I haven't grounded my kids ever.
• 5:28
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Like they lose privileges and gain privileges, but we don't really focus on punishment.
• 5:34
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: We don't really focus on like, Oh, here's all the rules.
• 5:38
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And I think that's part of the reason I really like to get into having empowering conversations with my teens.
• 5:45
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Rather than me being the bad guy, I'd like them to be the bad guy.
• 5:50
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: How would you handle this?
• 5:51
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: If you were me and they're usually like, well, I wouldn't do anything.
• 5:54
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And I'm like, okay, how would you handle this?
• 5:57
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: If this situation happened to you and it was your little brother and I just kind of help them come up with, Oh, well.
• 6:05
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: I'd be pissed at them.
• 6:06
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: I yell at them and whatever I can do, like, I don't want to punish my kids.
• 6:13
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: I don't want to be so prescriptive in like, well, you have to do X, Y, and Z.
• 6:20
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And I think that is a result of how I was raised and you kind of being in the opposite direction where you're like, no, we need structure.
• 6:29
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: We need rules.
• 6:30
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: We need boundaries.
• 6:31
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: That's like, you saw a need when you were a child and then that informed you like, Hey, this is who I want to be as a parent.
• 6:40
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Which, by the way, neither parenting style or strategy is better than the other.
• 6:47
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: In fact, I would say, you are better equipped to deal with your kids, and I'm better equipped to deal with my kids.
• 6:53
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And, that's just the way parenting works.
• 6:57
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: So, if you ever see Cortni in the real world parenting her kids, don't think, Oh, I have to do it Cortni's way, that's the best.
• 7:07
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: So let's talk about one of my favorite practices or one of my favorite principles that I like to teach people.
• 7:15
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And that is in creating a 10 word vision statement.
• 7:20
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: You and I, and we probably did one of these together probably about two years ago.
• 7:28
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Do you remember, kind of, what were your thoughts when I introduced this principle of coming up with a 10 word vision statement for yourself as a parent?
• 7:43
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: Um, it definitely took me outside of my comfort zone.
• 7:48
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: Um, I don't know if at the time I saw the same value in it I do now looking back.
• 7:56
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: Um, like I just showed you, like I still have.
• 8:00
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: All of my notes from the day that we did this in the coaching session and reading over it.
• 8:04
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: I'm like, wow, like I can see where this helped me focus on what's important to me as a parent.
• 8:13
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: And yeah, I don't know.
• 8:17
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: I can see the value in it now.
• 8:18
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: I was
• 8:19
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Yeah.
• 8:20
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: like,
• 8:21
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: So, Cortni, everyone listening, Cortni keeps trying to get me to read a book.
• 8:27
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And every time she gets, like, talks to me about it, it does move further up my list.
• 8:33
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: The book that I'm currently reading, though, is called Beyond Entrepreneurship.
• 8:36
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And this book talks about the importance of having your vision for your business.
• 8:43
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And they Have you identify your values and some of your dreams, and then you craft this vision for your business.
• 8:53
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And as I've been reading this book, I'm like, Oh my goodness, this is exactly what I teach when it comes to the 10 word vision statement.
• 9:02
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: So we'll talk a little bit more in the next episode, but for now, I just, I want to tell you that.
• 9:10
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: This is a strategy being used in the top, most impactful, most successful businesses in the world.
• 9:20
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And it's super simple.
• 9:21
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: And if it works for these businesses, I promise you, if you try and incorporate it into your life, it will work.
• 9:29
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: for your parenting.
• 9:30
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: It will work to help you achieve your goals.
• 9:33
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: So with that, I don't know, that's a pretty good teaser, right, Cortni?
• 9:37
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: You think that'll get people back next time?
• 9:39
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: yeah, yeah, sure.
• 9:41
  cortni_2_02-04-2025_183246: Of course.
• 9:42
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Okay.
• 9:42
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: Well, with that, we're going to leave you.
• 9:45
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: The 10 word vision statement is super important.
• 9:48
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: It will help you shift from getting stuck in the same parenting traps where you are now to start being the parent of your dreams and come back to the next episode and we'll walk you through a step by step process on how to create your own 10 word vision statement.
• 10:07
  ben_2_02-04-2025_173247: See you next time.