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136 // 7 Reasons You Feel Stuck with ADHD · ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women

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  Sometimes we feel really stuck. We can't make forward motion on something,
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  and it can be incredibly frustrating when we can't figure out why.
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  So in today's episode, I'm going
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  to talk about seven reasons I believe you might feel stuck with ADHD.
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  So go grab yesterday's coffee from the microwave and let's get started.
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  Hey friends, welcome to the ADHD with Confidence podcast. I'm your host, Kelsey.
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  And today we're going to talk about some of the reasons you might be feeling stuck.
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  Maybe you can't make a decision about something. Maybe you are struggling to
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  complete something, struggling to start something.
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  Whatever it is, you are feeling stuck. It's not a great place to be in,
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  and especially if you're not exactly sure why.
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  Now, before I get into today's episode, where I will go through seven reasons
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  I believe you might feel stuck and what you can do about them.
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  I also wanted to let you know that I do offer one-on-one coaching,
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  which can be incredibly helpful if you are feeling stuck.
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  My clients right now all the time are mentioning feeling stuck in different areas.
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  And as we work together in the coaching partnership, a lot of times they are
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  able to figure out the reasons beneath that stuckness and then create a plan to move forward.
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  So if that's something you're interested in, go to ADHDwithconfidence.com and
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  book a free 15-minute intake call.
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  All right, so in today's episode, the first thing that we're going to look at
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  is I want you to just think about in your life in general, this can be in all
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  different areas, where are the areas where you feel stuck?
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  Is it in your relationships where maybe you don't want to reach out and make
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  new friends or there is some sort of barrier with the current friends that you do have?
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  Is it in your marriage, your parenting? Is it in your work?
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  Is it in trying to make progress? Maybe you're working on personal wellness
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  goals of, you know, fitness or nutrition or whatever it is. There can be so many different areas.
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  And there are several different reasons why,
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  I believe we can feel stuck. And it's important for us first in this step one
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  to recognize where are the areas and then look at these different areas because
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  it's not necessarily the same thing keeping you stuck in all of them.
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  And that's what we're going to look at next. All right.
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  Step two is we're going to dig into what is beneath these feelings of being stuck.
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  Now, I think a lot of times people assume with ADHD, if you're stuck or you're
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  not starting on something, you're not finishing it, it's because you don't care.
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  And that is simply not true.
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  Sometimes it's because we care too much. Sometimes we are stuck in perfectionism
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  and it's something that's really important to us and we want it to go well and
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  it can create so much pressure for us.
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  So I will go into seven reasons that I compiled that might be keeping you stuck.
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  Number one, comparison.
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  Maybe you are struggling to, you know, do a presentation for work because you're
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  comparing to what the last person presented and thinking about, you know,
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  man, they did such an incredible job and how am I ever going to live up to that?
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  And everyone's going to be comparing me.
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  And then you can just kind of start to downward spiral from there, right?
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  I mean, we can be very creative, which is good, but we can also be very creative,
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  which can turn to the dark side and we can think about, you know,
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  all the different ways that we might fail and we can struggle with perceived
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  rejection or failure and things like that.
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  Another thing within comparison that can be an issue is not just comparing to
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  someone else or something else.
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  It's also comparing ourselves to ourselves, a previous version of ourselves
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  or somebody that we think we should be, whether for now or in the future.
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  And that can be a really tricky place to be in too is that you know you might
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  think well I'm not comparing because I'm not looking at anybody else I'm just
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  looking at who I think I should be and within that I would just encourage you
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  to take a moment and think am I being realistic with my expectations for myself.
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  Am I putting too much pressure on myself am I expecting myself to be perfect
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  and that can really be a way to help you figure out whether you are comparing
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  yourself to a version of you that does not exist or does not exist anymore for whatever reason.
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  That could be a lack of support. It could just be a different stage of life,
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  maybe more overwhelm, maybe more going on. There can be so many different reasons for that.
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  So number one with comparison is to kind of have this awareness of is that something
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  that's keeping you stuck in some different areas of your life?
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  Is a comparison into, you know, where you thought you'd be, who you thought
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  you'd be, or a comparison to somebody else in your life, or not even in your
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  life, somebody on social media.
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  Number two, are you feeling stuck because you are overwhelmed?
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  Now, feeling overwhelmed can stem from a lot of different things.
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  A few that I have here, number one could be not knowing what to do.
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  Are you overwhelmed because you're not sure how to do the thing.
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  You know, maybe you want to.
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  Start up a book club. I don't know, I'm just giving an example.
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  But you're not sure what to do.
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  You don't know, you know, what are the steps and who do I reach out to?
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  And how do you even start a book club? And do you get a book summary online?
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  And how do you choose the books? And do I get people to vote on it?
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  And as you can see, we can become easily overwhelmed when we get stuck,
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  in the unknown, when it seems like this big idea and we're not sure what the smaller steps are.
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  Once again, coaching can be very helpful with this in understanding the bigger
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  picture and understanding why it matters to you,
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  but then also understanding how you can take just one step forward to make progress
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  and it can break it down into something that's much more manageable and less overwhelming.
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  Another thing here is if you just have too much to do, that can be really overwhelming.
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  So if you have too many spinning plates, a part of that that I would encourage
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  you is, you know, looking at those and saying, which of these things matter
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  are important to me and which of these things can I let go of?
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  I think with that, obviously, there are seasons as well. And there are sometimes
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  things that we don't have a lot of choice in.
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  And during those times, you know, giving yourself grace, being gentle with yourself as well.
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  Another reason you might feel overwhelmed is a lack of support.
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  And that's something else. Sorry, I could go into a whole episode just about support.
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  But support can be people, whether they're related to you or not,
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  or friends. It can be paid support.
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  It can also be other things that you find supportive. So for me,
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  having a daily planner is supportive for me.
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  Having a calendar up on my wall in a very visible spot, that supports me.
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  Those are things that are supportive for me to succeed and feel good.
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  So sometimes we can feel overwhelmed with a lack of support.
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  The last one here for overwhelm is we can feel overwhelmed if we have a lack of systems.
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  So if everything feels like you're doing that for the first time,
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  figuring out, you know, what does my morning look like?
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  What do I need to do? And you're having to remember it over and over and over
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  again because there's no systems.
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  That can be incredibly overwhelming. Even just, for example,
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  as, you know, for what you're eating for dinner, right?
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  If you don't have any kind of system or schedule in place, it can be incredibly
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  overwhelming to try to have to think of that from scratch, so to speak,
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  or even if you thought of something to try to remember it if it's not,
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  you know, written down or planned somewhere.
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  So with that one there, you know, we don't have enough time for it in this episode,
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  but working on having systems and habits and routines that support you,
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  that support your family, that support your lifestyle. All right.
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  So he said comparison, overwhelm. Number three kind of goes along with overwhelm,
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  but this one's exhaustion or burnout.
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  So maybe you've been doing too much for too long with a lack of support,
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  a lack of self-care, a lack of things that are life-giving for you,
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  and you've reached a point of exhaustion and burnout.
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  I highly recommend that you seek professional help if that is a case that you were in.
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  It's really important to make sure that you don't neglect yourself and that
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  you are taken care of and you have a plan to move forward in such a way that's
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  not going to burn you out again.
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  Number four, as far as feeling stuck, is getting stuck in a negative thought pattern.
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  So catastrophizing or negative rumination, the shame spiral.
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  If, you know, even what I said with comparison, right, is if you start to think,
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  oh, man, I'm probably going to fail. Why bother trying?
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  Or, you know, I'm going to look so stupid and everyone's going to make fun of
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  me, whatever it is. And I think a lot of these things, too, can kind of be intertwined.
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  Like with this one, I think a lot about rejection sensitivity.
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  And when we feel like we've failed or we feel like we've been rejected or we
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  project that we're going to fail or project that we're going to be rejected,
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  we get kind of stuck in these negative thought patterns.
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  And it can really hold us back from wanting to try, from wanting to move forward
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  because we're stuck in this fear.
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  Number five in keeping you stuck is perfectionism or unrealistic expectations.
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  So maybe you were trying to start on something, but you don't feel like you
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  can start on it until you have a perfect plan.
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  Or you don't feel like there's any point, and this is kind of goes into number
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  six as well, is the all or nothing thinking.
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  There's no point to do it. if I can't do all of it or if I can't do it really
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  well. These all kind of go together.
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  Perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, and all or nothing thinking.
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  So stopping for a moment and saying, you know, is this realistic?
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  Do I have the time, the energy, the support, everything I need in order to make this happen?
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  Or am I asking too much of myself? And
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  recognizing too that big part of our journey in
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  all areas is learning and we can't learn when we're sitting in judgment and
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  shame and just beating ourselves up we learn when we are able to give ourselves
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  grace when we're able to be compassionate with ourselves and curious and say hey you know what.
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  I just did that thing. It didn't work very well. How come?
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  And then looking at it and saying, you know what, was that realistic for me
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  to write a 15-page paper the night before it was due?
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  You know, things like that. And I mean, obviously, there can be other struggles
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  that we have within that of like, you know, why did you leave it so late and stuff like that?
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  But that's, once again, that's something that we can look at with curiosity
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  and say, why did I leave it so late?
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  Was I wanting it to be perfect and it it made me wait so long to even start
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  it because I was afraid I would fail that I didn't start it until you know the
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  dopamine of urgency kicked in so a lot of this is just kind of looking at it
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  curiously to understand,
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  where you might be getting stuck.
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  Number seven is getting stuck for a lack of motivation.
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  Is it something that's boring, something that maybe doesn't matter to you,
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  or maybe something that somebody else has imposed on you, which if you're like
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  me, I don't like it when people tell me what to do.
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  So having a lack of motivation. Our motivators with ADHD, we tend to be more
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  motivated by things that are interesting to us.
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  They're novel, they're challenging, or there's some sort of competitive aspect to them.
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  They're urgent, or we have kind of a passion or a purpose for it.
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  And so other things that are kind of mundane things, I always think of laundry.
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  Even, you know, tonight putting my kids to bed, there was a pile of laundry.
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  And I started on it, and then I said, no, I cannot. I cannot do this right now.
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  So there's a lot. This is a whole different episode talking about motivation.
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  But I think just essentially what this one is talking about.
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  You know looking at the times of your day where you have a
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  little bit more energy maybe right after a workout in
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  the morning maybe once your medications kicked in maybe
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  when you're well rested whatever it is and doing the difficult things then I
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  also find too you have to find a balance for you because I find if I work on
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  the difficult stuff right away and it doesn't work then it kind of ruins the
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  rest of my day and I like to start with something that will give me the dopamine
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  of having completed something.
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  So not something super easy or mundane, but things that are going to make me feel,
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  good to make me feel you know like I have
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  good giftings and I'm creative and all these things I like starting
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  with some of that first and then going into
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  something a little more challenging where I'm already you know
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  feeling a little bit higher from having done something completed something I
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  feel good about it and then going into something difficult and then ending on
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  something that's a little bit more mundane like you know sorting through my
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  emails which I am going to be talking about in a future episode is how to organize your email inbox.
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  So make sure you scroll down and click that follow button so you don't miss that one.
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  All right, as I usually do, I will do a recap of the reasons you might be feeling stuck.
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  Before I do that, though, if you are needing help in any of these areas or you're
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  feeling stuck, you want to overcome self-doubt, go to.
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  ADHDwithconfidence.com and click on that free intake coaching call to get started
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  with one-on-one coaching.
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  All right, the seven areas, comparison, overwhelm, exhaustion,
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  negative thought patterns, perfectionism or unrealistic expectations,
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  all or nothing thinking, and a lack of motivation.
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  I hope you found something helpful in today's episode. Thank you so much for
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  being here with me today. I look forward to the next one. Until then, God bless.