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When Silence Speaks Louder Than Success · Groove with Portia

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Group Porsche, the podcast that uncovers the hidden
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: treasures within grief. I'm your host, Porsche the Producer, and
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: I'm inviting you to join me on a transformative journey
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: where we were exchange laughter, of course, the best medicine
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: of them all, reflect on cherish memories, Remember that time
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: that the little boy grabbed my hand instead of his
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: mother's at the amusement park yikes, And of course, discover
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: gratitude while navigating one of life's hardest challenges lost. So
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: get ready to grow with me, Porsche the Producer, let's
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: dive in. Hello everybody, and welcome back to grou Porsche.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: I am your host, Porsche Booker, and as always, don't
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: forget to like, share and subscribe to keep with the
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: latest and greatest of all, Withdrew with Porsche. Those of
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: you may remember when I had to make the pivot
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: for my TV career after I had my mental health
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: obstacle challenges back then, it's been about ten years now.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: One of the things that I held close in my
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: heart is that there was more to portious life than this.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: I'm going to say it again, there was more to
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Portia's life than this. But I didn't know what that
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: this was back in that time, and when I look
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: at where I am today, I'm very grateful that I
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: held on to that mantra, if you want to call it,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: because when I think on where I am, the things
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: that I've accomplished, I would have never imagined that I
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: would be here today. And so for all of you
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: who are tuning in today, I have the honor of
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: having an individual who also kind of went through a
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: same obstacle as me. She was the former CEO of
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: the Maryland Benefit Health Exchange, but she had kind of
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: a pivot also in her career due to a brain tumor,
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: and now she is the author of the new book
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: you Don't have to achieve to be loved, Escape the
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: lies you've been sold to design the life you want.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: So welcome to girl Portia, miss Becca Peers. Becca, it's
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: an honor to have you today.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: It is an honor to be here. Thank you so much, Becca.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: First starters, What are you grateful for today?
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: You know what, I'm actually so grateful for you and
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: the work that you do. I spent the morning listening
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: to several of the podcasts, and I was in tears
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: several times. And I'm so thankful for And just the
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: latest podcast, Eric lost his daughter named Elena, and my
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: daughter's name is Elena, and wow, all of a sudden
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: it just brought to light. And she's also eighteen years old.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: She's also a freshman in college, and so it just,
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: you know, it hit me directly in the heart and
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: thinking about like just being so present when she's and
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: recognizing like, I don't want to ever have to be
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: in the place where I think to myself, Oh, I
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: wish I was more present.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I've received that, Beck, I do, because you know,
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: there's so many of us we go through life waiting
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: on that big break or that moment, right, But it's
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: in the present is where the gift is. Right, And
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: even when we have experienced losses like Eric and I
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: with people in our lives that have made a big
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: impact on us, sometimes it's hard to be present because
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: it's as though we're waiting on that moment when we'll
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: see them again, but they've still given us that gift
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: of them leaving an imprint on our hearts.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right exactly.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: So I appreciate you sharing that with us today.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: Beca you know, Becca, as I brought up in the beginning,
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: you went from being CEO of this company to getting
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: a brain tumor. And I'm curious, Becca, what was your
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: faith journey like to getting to where you are today?
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: And also how did you learn to integrate the grief
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: of the past versions of yourself and the life that
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: you thought that you would have to the version of
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Becca who we see today.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, it's actually a very integrated process. In uh,
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: that's not the word. I'm looking for up and down process, right,
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: And nothing is linear, And I think that there is
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: a lot of When I lost my job quite publicly
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: above the fold with a picture on the news five
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: six and eleven, you know, the whole kit and car. Yeah,
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: I was devastated. I had talked about mourning a loss
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: like I had lost my identity. I had was I
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: And it feels maybe very similar to you in that
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: it's like this was my trajectory I had at that
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: point put everything in my life. I hadn't. I spent
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: two years not taking my daughter to school because the
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: job was so important and I was so integrated in that,
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: and I lost my identity in that. And so that
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: original loss and mourning figuratively and literally was sitting in
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: a dark room just morning. What's going to happen? Who
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: am I going to be? What happened? How could this
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: happen to me? How dare this happen to me? I
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: had done everything that I could possibly do, So there
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: was that a lot of anger wrapped in there. Fast
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: forward to after the brain surgery, So it was fourteen
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: months between the time that I lost my job and
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: I had my brain I was diagnosed with my brain timmer.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: I had surgery five weeks after that. Again, it's interesting
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: because directly following my surgery, it was optimism all over
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: the place. I woke up, they woke me up on
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: that table, and the first thought was, oh my god,
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: thank god, I'm alive. And I shifted from this place
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: of I've got to get done, I've got to get done,
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: I've got to get done to it's sixty five degrees
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: in raining in the middle of May. Thank god, I'm alive.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: Who cares? Right? So it was this complete shift from
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: constant pushing myself to achieve to this place of, oh
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: my gosh, like, this is the most beautiful thing in
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: the world. And I joke because I'm like I always
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: say can't we just sink all sing kumbayah, Like what
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: are we doing here?
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: Right?
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  Speaker 2: During my recovery, where I used to say every twelve
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: hours something got better, I couldn't wait to go to
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: sleep and wake up the next morning because something would
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: be better, like oh, I can go to the bathroom
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: by myself, or oh I didn't throw up when I
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: turned my head, or you know, there was always something new.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: But in recovery that slows down, and at some point
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  Speaker 2: it the trajectory forward stopped, and that's where the depression
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: kicked in, and that's where the anger started to kick in.
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  Speaker 2: So I was really this very optimistic person post surgery,
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: and then the anger kicked in. How dare you take
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: away my identity again? I don't want this identity. I
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: don't want to be, you know, a brain tumor survivor.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: I don't want these things, which I think is often
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: in grief that people have to deal with. I don't
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  Speaker 2: this is an unwanted identity. I don't want to now
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  Speaker 2: be have no parents. I don't want to not be
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: a daughter anymore. Right, Like I this is a horrible
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  Speaker 2: place to be, Like I can choose to accept this
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  Speaker 2: or I can choose to still be angry and in
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  Speaker 2: pain and wish for the life that I used to have,
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: or I can accept the fact that this is what
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: has been handed to me and I'm going to move
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: forward with it. And it wasn't until I tapped into
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: both the optimism and anger that allowed me to move forward.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: You know, beca.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: There was a quote I can't remember right now that
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: talked about anger and it kind of panted the picture
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  Speaker 1: of anger being that cheerleader for you when you know
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: that you deserve better. Right, It's that little voice in
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  Speaker 1: the back of your head like, uh huh, I don't
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: like is so because I don't like this, I'm voicing
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: it because I know I'm allowed to sit in this
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  Speaker 1: boat of upset anger.
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  Speaker 3: But at the same time, this is.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: Kind of that rebound moment where I'm like, Okay, am
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: I gonna just sit here and stewing it? Or am
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: I going to take this energy and actually use it
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  Speaker 1: in a positive way?
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  Speaker 2: Yes? Yes, for sure, And for me personally and for
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: the people that I coach too. It's being very specific
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: about it, understanding where the anger is. You can't just
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: be angry right angry at what? And what can you
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: do about it? How do you target that energy? You know?
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Becka, I'm curious what did it take for you to
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: hold on to your faith because I think a lot
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: of people like when they're grieving, especially like in Eric's
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: case where his daughter was murdered.
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  Speaker 2: Right.
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  Speaker 1: I know, even in my case, even though both my
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: parents didn't go in that kind of tragic way, both
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: of them had health ailments that kind of took them down.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: I know, for a little bit of time, I was upset,
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  Speaker 1: I was angry, and I told God. I wrote God
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: to letters that are in my audiobook Finding Grace Within Grief,
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: Her Transition, My transformation, And I blatantly asked, God, are
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: you okay with watching your children suffer? Do you find
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: glory in that? And if so, please explain to me why,
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  Speaker 1: Please help me understand and believe.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: It or not.
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  Speaker 1: That guy got a response is I did, And God
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: kind of told me listen, por should my child take
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: a seat?
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: Take a seat? Okay?
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I needed mommy back because I have a special calling
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: for you, and you were becoming too distracted by other
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: things in the world.
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: And so I'm.
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  Speaker 1: Curious for you, Becca, what was that faith journey like?
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: What did it take for you to run towards your
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: faith and not turn away.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: I think it's interesting because the I imagine these things
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: in my mind is two incidents that led to my future.
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  Speaker 2: And in the first incident, I didn't listen. God was
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: saying to me, slow down, you need to do something different.
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  Speaker 2: You are not present for your family, You're not present
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: for anybody around you. You are solely focused on your future.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: You're solely focused on the achievement. Because at that time
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: that was my core belief. Why would people love me
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: if I didn't achieve And that had been my core
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: belief my whole life. So it was this constant push
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: to do something. You know, I was a CEO by
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: the time I was thirty nine. I'm so successful, Like
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: I'm so proud of myself. But I wasn't and so
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: God was saying to me, you need to slow down,
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: right And so it wasn't until the brain surgery, because
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: I went back and found another job. I was a
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: vice president within a hospital system. Like I was back
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: on that track until the brain tumor happened, and that's
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: when I figured out, Oh, I didn't listen the first
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: time I hear you. Now I hear you, right, something
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: has to change. This is happening for a reason because
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: I didn't listen the first time, and I hear you now,
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: and so that it was that acceptance that like, okay,
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: I get it that allowed me to move forward and accept.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: It and beca I'm glad you brought that up about
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: how you didn't have to be all of these things
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: to be loved. And I think we chase success, right,
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: because that's what we're spoon fed.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: Right. You go to school, you.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: Get the degree, you live the American dream, right, and
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: you've made it with the white picket fence, you know
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: the same probably why that you were sold that I
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: was too yep, And I'm curious, beca, what did it
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: take for you to really shift your mindset around success?
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is when did you
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: recognize that you you were living the success of somebody
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: else and not what you wanted.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: So two things here. There's an interesting story that suppost surgery.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: Right after surgery. My neighborhood, we probably do have white
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: pickup penses in our neighborhood, by the way, just to
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: give you a sense of kind of where I live
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: and the neighborhood. Did a food train for me, as
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: neighborhoods do. Right, This is just a very humane, very
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: nice This is what neighbors do for each other, they
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: do a food train. But I could not understand. I
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: honestly couldn't. My brain could not connect why somebody would
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: do that for me. Hadn't achieved anything for them, I
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: hadn't done anything for them. In fact, I had failed
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: just a year and a half earlier publicly, Why would
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: anybody do this for me? And it seems very simple
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: for people who aren't living it, right, So you're looking
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: at me and you're probably thinking, of course you would
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: accept that food train, right. But it was such a
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: mind blowing realization for me that somebody would do something
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: for me when a they didn't really know me, and
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: they may not even like me, right, Like it was
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: just like, oh my gosh, so I forgot the second
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: half of your question.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: That's okay, I was really getting that. When did you
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: recognize that the success you were chasing was somebody else's
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: and not what you really wanted?
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: So I think again. Post surgery, I went back to work.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: I had to prove to myself that I could do
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: the job. I didn't want the brain tumor to win.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: And so I went back to work and worked my
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: butt off to be able to do my job again
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: as a vice president. Was a very stressful job, and
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: I lost a lot of my abilities post surgery, and
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: so right at the time, it took about a year
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: for me to realize that I was able to do
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: the job again. And right at that time, I remember
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: looking in the mirror in the morning, I was getting
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: ready to go to work, and I was like, why
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: am I doing this? Daughter at the time was eight
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: years old, and the only thing I wanted to do
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: was put her on the bus one more day, because
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: we never know if we're going to have tomorrow to
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: put our daughter on the bus. So why was I
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: leaving my house at eight o'clock for an eight to
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: thirty meeting when my daughter's bus wasn't until nine o'clock.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: That's when I realized, this is not what I need anymore.
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: M You recognize the value of time currency.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: It's the only thing that matters. It is the anybody
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: who's dealing with grief right now, you know exactly what
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: I'm talking about. It is the only thing that matters
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: in the world. Yeah, the only thing that's going to
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: matter when you get a diagnosis, because we all get
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: some sort of diagnosis at some point in our life,
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: and that's when you realize it's the only thing in
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: the world that matters.
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: One hundred percent.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: I think back to Becca when my mom, when we
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: got the notice that my mom didn't have a full
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: year to live. I was still working in then, and
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: I was one of the top performers on my team.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: And it was the fourth of July weekend, like right
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: after and I knew that Monday, I said, you know what,
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: you only get one mother in this world. Ye, And
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: I said, I would rather spend time with her than
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: give another early morning.
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: To do this.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: I'd grown tired of what I was doing, and kind
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: of like you, I looked in the mirror and I said.
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: What am I doing? Why am I not doing what
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: I desire to do?
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: Instead of, you know, following kind of the programming that
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: I've been spoon fed of, Oh, you need to get
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: a job, you need to work, you have to make
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: a living for yourself.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: And if you say.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: Yes to every single thing that's put in front of you,
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: then you're going to be successful and happy.
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: That part.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: And I'm still learning Becca to become a boundary Jedi
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: when it comes to people asking for different things.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: And like what I brought up to you.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: Early before we started the conversation, that I decided to
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: close all of my books for the rest of twenty
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: twenty five to give myself that grace and love and
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: to regroup that I tell my clients to do the
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: same thing, right, Yeah, and it's not always easy. Especially
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: let's be realistic that I think it's just a woman thing.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: We always feel like we have to prove right, we
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: have to show the world. Oh yeah, we're the little
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: train that could. But then we have to also recognize
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: that to what extent are we literally burning ourselves or
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: putting ourselves in our own grave?
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: Yep, absolutely, And that's and that is you know, the
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: subtitle of the book is escape theized You've been sold
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: to design and life you want because we never realized
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: this is the water we're swimming in. Mm hmm, until
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: you wake up one day and realize you're unhappy.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, and I think a lot of us
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: wants that awareness piece touch as you then you can't
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: go back right.
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: Right, you can't.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not you.
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: It hurts your something. You know.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: Me and my boyfriend talk about this often. How I've
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: seen a little digression here. I've seen several dream jobs
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: that I've wanted when I was still working in media
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: that are now open. They're vacant, And I told my
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: boyfriend when I see them, whether it's on LinkedIn or
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: indeed or any other career side that you can think of, yeah,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: my eyes get all excited, like, oh I could fill
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: this role. But immediately, Beckham, my stomach is like, don't
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: you dare, don't you?
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: It is so good that you have that bodily reminder
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: because some people still kind of even though you know
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: it's not what you want it, it's difficult for people
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: to say no to that because that is the shiny penny.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: That is the proof that we're powerful, that is the
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: proof that we're smart. That is you know, and that's
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: where we I hear you, it's very difficult to walk
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: away from that.
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: And just that time currency that I have.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, me and my boyfriend, we both I mean obviously
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: I control my own schedule and he works remote on
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: two days a week, so you can spend one of
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: those days with him and work from his house and
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: we can be with each other, you know, instead of
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: so many other people where they're on opposite shifts or
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: they're both at work all day. I'm grateful that we
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: have that flexibility in the life that I've created for myself.
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's been a.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: Struggle a little bit, but at the same time, I
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: wouldn't trade it for the world because of the abundance
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: of time that I've been given back. Right. Yeah, you know, Beca,
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: I love this conversation because I think it really hit
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: so on reinventing yourself after you've held on to this identity,
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: you were married to this identity of yourself, and then
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: it was stripped away from you, right, and now you're
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: in this boat that nobody wants to be in of
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: who am I now?
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: And I'm curious for you, Becca, what did it take
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: for you to show yourself grace during this reinvention of you?
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: That took a lot. That took a lot, And part
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: of it is because this whole achievement drive that I
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: had had my whole life. I firmly believe that if
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: you just worked harder for something, it would come to fruition.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: But the body always wins, So for the first year
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: post surgery, my face was completely paralyzed and there is
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: nothing you can do about it. There are no facial exercises,
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: there's no nothing you can do about it, and you
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: just have to wait for the nerve to regrow. And
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: it was the heart learning for me to say to myself,
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: you just need to let it be. There's nothing you
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: can be, there's nothing you can do. Give yourself the
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: grace to let your body recover. That was such a
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: hard learning for me.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: M It's almost as though your brain kind of had
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: a sense of permanent Bell's palsy.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: Almost yes, yes.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: And just as you're probably standing in the mirror every
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: day looking at yourself where one point in your life
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: you had free mobility, you know, without restriction to now
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: this is who I am, and learning to love the
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: woman in the mirror.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: Is still about all every day, I will admit, still
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: about every day. And it was my daughter who continues
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: and still continues to remind me, Mom, it's not what
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: your face looks like, nobody cares, nobody sees it. It's
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: really what's inside of you. Right, So what we teach
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: children is hard to believe as an adult. And so
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: you know, it's listening to her, listening to the out
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: of mouths of babes to remind myself that, like, okay,
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: saying that I don't need to achieve, My face doesn't
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: need to be perfect for you to love me.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: That part, I think, I love what your daughter said.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: Like people aren't paying attention to that. They're seeing that
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: Becca is still showing up as the Becca who we knew,
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: but even better right right, And essentially, Becca, you've through this,
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: You've been able to kind of channel and alchemize the
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: grief of who you, who you thought you were going
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: to be, and also the life that you were going
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: to have. In this new book, you don't have to
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: achieve to be loved. I'm curious, Becca, how did you
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: really settle on the title for this and recognize that
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: this was a limiting belief that you carried for so long.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: So it's interesting because I say this to clients every
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: once in a while, I say, you know, you don't
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: have to achieve to be loved, right, Like this is
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: this is a core belief that many overachievers have. Every
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: time I bring it up, people go mute. There's silence
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: in a room. If I bring it up in a room,
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: everybody stops and says, oh really, And so that's why
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: it was. It was that silence, that that that pervasive
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: silence when I bring this up. That had me choose
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: that as the title because I think it's so thought
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: provoking and it touches so many people.
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: M that silence spoke, That's what it was.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: I mean, a lot of people don't realize that there
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: is a voice in the silence.
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: M hm, right, and we tend to want.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: To avoid silence because I mean, so beca little's side
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: note too. I run grief groups, So I run the
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: parent loss group in the suicide lie group, and one
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: of the co facilitators who I've had the honor of
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: working with, often says the word, wait, why am I talking? Right?
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: When we want to talk and make a point, But
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: we're not here to be the ones to talk. It's
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: the participants who we're here for. We're creating a space
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: for them, a safe container for them to be able
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: to voice the hurts and also the grief journey that
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: we all have happened to be in as a result
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: of the loss, right right. And So for me, it's
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: I love being reminded of the power of silence because
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: I think so many of us avoid it, but really
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: there's a message within the silence for each of us
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: to take away.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: M H agreed.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: Becca, We're going to be running out of time here soon,
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: and it has been an eye to have you on
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: the show for our audience who's tuning in. I'm sure
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: there's going to be other individuals, Becca who want to
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: connect with you, who want to get a copy of
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: your book and just want to also see you as
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: a living example of taking something that was birth for you,
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: given to you and reinventing yourself to show the world that, yeah,
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: this happened, but I'm standing strong and I've reinvented myself
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: in ways that other avenues may not have done for me.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: So how can others connect with you, Becca and get
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: a copy of your book as well?
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: The easiest and fastest way to do that is to
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: go to more Becca Piers dot com and Pierce's p
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: E A r c E not the p I E version,
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: the PEA version Morebecca Peers dot com and what you'll
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: find there is a little bit more of my story.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: You'll find access to the book, and you'll also find
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: I do speaking engagements for women's groups. For I actually
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: speak at you know, conferences and things like that to
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: help people recognize that there is going back to your
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: original statement, there is life beyond whatever is happening to
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: you right now and recognizing. My thing is this, I
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: don't want other people to have to go through what
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: I went through to recognize the beauty that life can
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: actually be as opposed to the stress and the everyday
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: struggle that life is for a lot of people. So
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: my goal is to help people see that and create
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: the change for them in the future. And so I
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: do that through speaking coaching.
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: And the book Excellent.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: So everyone, you can go to more Becka Peers remember
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: that's Pea r Ce, not pie, and you'll be able
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: to find all the things you need Beca's book. If
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: you definitely want to book her for a speaking engagement
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: in the future, you can do all of that there. Yes, well,
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: everybody that was miss Becker Peers that you heard from
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: today on grew a portie. And that concludes another episode
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: and until next time, everybody piece and hair grease.
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: Everyone