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Sober Talk SA - Margie B · Sober Talk SA

• 0:02
  Welcome to Sober Talk. I'm Dennis and I'm an alcoholic
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  SOB to dear thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous.
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  If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcohol, please
• 0:13
  call Alcoholics Anonymous on 1300 double 22222.
• 0:19
  I'll visit their website ata.org dot AU.
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  I'll just run through the preamble of Alcoholics
• 0:29
  Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
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  fellowship of people who share the experience, strengthen hope
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  with each other that they may solve their common problems and
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  help with us to recover from alcoholism.
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  The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop
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  drinking and no dues of fees. Fair membership.
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  We are self supporting through our own contributions.
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  He is not alive with any sect in omission politics, organization
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  or institution, does not wish to engage in any controversy,
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  either endorses or oppose any causes.
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  Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other Alcoholics
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  are chiefs of Brady. Thanks.
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  My name is Maggie. I'm an alcoholic and I am so
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  thrilled to be back in my hometown of Adelaide.
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  I've moved back here from Byron and it's just feels like home.
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  So I'm just going to start with a little piece and it's called
• 1:33
  the concept of oneness. When I thought, when I think
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  about my 34 years of recovery and I think about my time before
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  that, the one word that comes into my mind is connection.
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  And the one word that comes into my mind when I think about my
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  recovery today and how I practice is that one word,
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  connection. So this is the concept of
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  oneness. close your eyes if you like, while I read this to you.
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  The idea of the concept of oneness is an ancient concept.
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  It's about unity, oneness. So imagine that the ocean is
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  completely limitless. It's one giant being.
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  Imagine the ocean decides to create clones of itself.
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  It makes beautiful little balls of ice, all made-up of the same
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  thing, just frozen into different forms.
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  And these balls forget where they come from and they see
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  themselves as separate, not the same as the other little frozen
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  balls. It's called duality.
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  And all these different little balls live in this world of
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  duality and we as human beings, if I was to melt one of those
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  balls of ice, what would happen? It would melt back into the
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  ocean. So the idea of oneness is that
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  we are all the same with no separation, no difference, just
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  formed into different forms. And the concept of oneness is
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  important when we're in moments of comparison, which is not good
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  enough and self limiting beliefs.
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  And essentially what we're doing in those moments is seeing
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  ourselves as separate. So if you embrace the idea of
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  oneness, there is no separateness, there is no need
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  to compare and there is no not good enough.
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  And it's a beautiful way to manage when we identify with our
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  ego because we are spiritual beings having a human
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  experience. And when in doubt, remember that
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  not good enough or comparison or judging is putting our power
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  outside to other people. When I come back to the idea
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  that I am 1 so there is no not good enough, no judging.
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  When I'm based on what I see externally, to me there is no
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  comparison. And I judge that I am good
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  enough to be that person, that body, that job.
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  I am the one. I am infinite because we're all
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  the same. We just put on different
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  costumes. We look, speak and eat
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  differently. But our purpose is that as
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  spiritual beings, we start to remember who we are.
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  And it's not the getting of earth, it's the living it.
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  So in a nutshell, that's my story.
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  From disconnection to connection.
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  This is lovely little saying that I'll read to you.
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  We each have 86,400 seconds every single day.
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  If we don't use them, we can't save them.
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  My account is cleaned out every night and I need to start again.
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  So day at a time for me has been my belief and my practice for
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  30-4 years. And I have for anyone who's new
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  this little saying sobriety is not a limitation, it's my
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  superpower. And I have this little prayer.
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  Dear God, I have a problem. Me scared child.
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  I haven't asked me. And that and my story.
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  When I I drank, I drank like an alcoholic.
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  I drank like an alcoholic woman. I got into all the terrible
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  strife that alcoholic women get in until one day I had this
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  thought. And that thought was I want to
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  live. And that I want to live became
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  my mantra. And I knew that there was
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  something better. My father was an alcoholic, my
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  grandfather was an alcoholic. I knew what Alcoholics were
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  like. And there came a time when it
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  was enough. And this extraordinary thing
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  happened. I was having a party at my
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  place. It was in Norwood.
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  And, and I invited all these people who I didn't know to come
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  to this party. And I was drunk as usual.
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  And something happened. I gashed my foot on some broken
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  glass. And two people, I had no idea
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  who they were, took me to the hospital.
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  And I remember lying on this doctor's table at the hospital
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  and he looked at this woman, me, with such loathing and disgust.
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  You know, I had cigarette burns on my jacket.
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  I smelt like I hadn't had a bath for a while.
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  And I remember, I still remember his eyes.
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  And I got back into the car with these two people, and I sat in
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  the back seat. And as they were driving me back
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  to my place, these words came to my mind.
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  And that word was I want to live.
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  And I'd never thought I wanted to live before, that I was
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  destroying every part of my life.
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  And the next morning I woke up and I had heard of Alcoholics
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  Anonymous. Thank God I'd heard of
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  Alcoholics Anonymous. And I rang.
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  I found it really difficult to find, to spill that word
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  alcoholic the next morning when I was looking at it in the phone
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  book. And eventually I did.
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  And this Irish woman answered the phone in the AA office and
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  her name was Kate Irish Kate. She said two things to me.
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  She said, Margie, do you think you've got a problem with
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  alcohol? And I said, and she said, are
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  you willing to go to any length to get well?
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  And I said yes. And she picked me up.
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  She said, I'll pick you up tonight and I'll take you to a
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  meeting. And I had no idea what a
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  meeting, what sort of meeting she was talking about, but I
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  dress what I thought was appropriate for an, a, a meeting
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  with the oldest, daggiest clothes that I could think of.
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  She came in her car and it was filled with Irish people.
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  And it was Patty, Dennis, Kate and and a friend of Patty's.
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  I can't remember his name. And I thought to myself as they
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  were driving me, I thought a a must be all about Irish people.
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  And I got to the meeting and she said, sit in intensive care down
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  the front, sat in intensive care.
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  And I heard my story time and time and time again.
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  This was in awe. And you know, I've heard other
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  people say it and it and it is so true that you think to
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  yourself, that must have been eavesdropping.
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  I know my story and thank God, you know, for for Kate.
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  Kate was a gorgeous, flamboyant, over the top Irish woman with
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  these great scarves that she'd wrap around herself in the
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  meetings. She became my first sponsor and
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  she was the sweetest, kindest person.
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  But she didn't really know. And she said when, when my time
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  to do the steps for it came along and I said, Kate, will you
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  take me through the steps? And she's just said, no, I
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  haven't done the steps. And I'd then started looking
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  around and really hear, trying to hear what I needed to hear
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  about the steps. And I found a lot of people or a
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  few people that said they'd take me through the steps and they
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  took me through through the steps.
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  But I didn't get it, you know, I didn't get, I didn't see the
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  point of it. I didn't hear the gods stuff.
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  I didn't understand the gods stuff when I was a bit anti God
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  anyway. And I remember I went to Sydney
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  and I, I went to this great meeting at Bondi, which is on
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  the beach and I stood up from the front of the meeting and I
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  said, I, I can't get God. You know, I've been in AA for, I
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  know, six months or something and, and I just can't get God.
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  And this guy said to me, come out and my combi and I'll talk
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  to you. So I went out to his to the
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  combi and he took me through we agnostics and and then in we
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  agnostics, it tells me how to get from willingness to belief
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  and you know, starting off with a willingness, making a
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  decision, coming to believe and so on.
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  And then he said, now I want you to go out to onto the beach and
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  I want you to walk on the sand. And as you walk on the sand, I
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  want you to think to yourself, could I have created this, this
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  sand that I'm walking on? And he said, come back and tell
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  me the answer. And I knew then there had to be
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  a power greater than myself. And then I came back to Adelaide
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  full of love, I guess, for the fellowship and, and for what I'd
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  gratitude for what I'd learnt and as, and those who know me
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  from that time will know that I became a bit of AI.
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  Don't know quite how to say it. Totally in love with the steps,
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  should I say. And I wanted to be the best
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  sponsor so there ever was. I wanted to be the best student
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  there ever was. And I wanted to have the best
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  recovery there ever was. And in those days, which is 34
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  years ago now, 30 odd years ago, there were these two guys called
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  Joe and Charlie. And in 1970s Joe and Charlie was
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  1 was a a black guy and one was a white guy from the states.
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  And, and in those days there, there wasn't a lot of people,
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  you know, really getting together like that.
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  They got together and they studied the big book and they
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  put together these tapes and some of you have been around
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  long enough for remember the Jo and Charlie tapes.
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  So again, being a person that's a little bit full on, I made the
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  decision that I wanted to learn everything there was about the
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  Jo and Charlie tapes. So I took and in those days had
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  a little tape recorder and the Joe and Tally tapes and I took
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  myself off out to the Bush to a little Hut for I think it was
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  four days. I took reams of paper, lots of
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  pens and and so on. And I sat there and I
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  transcribed every single word from all their tapes.
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  And then when I came back to Adelaide, I put them together in
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  books and by then I had a few sponsors and I said to them,
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  from now on we're going to learn the steps through the Joe and
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  Charlie's. And I thought I'd show you these
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  poor people, these poor sponsors of mine.
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  This was one and this was just, that was just steps 10:00 and
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  11:00. So there is one person here
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  tonight who sat through that with all the 12 steps, with all
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  of this. And, and it was, you know, I
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  learned that that was the thing that was the only way that I
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  could really learn was to, to do it and to teach it.
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  And I've learned today that the best way to learn is to teach
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  because then you make all the mistakes and then you, you keep
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  them. So then I remember Broken Hill,
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  Jack used to say to me, he'd say whenever you get upset, go fine,
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  a sacred ground to sit in. And he said the sacred grounds
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  are where the churches are built.
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  And I used to go and sit in in all these different churches.
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  This began a thing for me to where I discovered a love for
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  all types of religion and again became fanatical about that.
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  But I felt the peace that he was talking about sitting in and it
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  didn't matter what faith the the churches were or the cathedrals
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  were, I could feel the sacred ground below me.
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  Not very long after that there was this extraordinary thing
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  happening in Melbourne. It happens every 10 years and
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  it's called the Parliament of World Religions.
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  And over 200 religions, every 10 years, over 200 religions.
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  And all the leaders of those religions would come in and they
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  would get, they would all hold little workshops.
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  All these amazing different faiths would hold all these
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  workshops, which we all free, which we could sit in on and and
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  learn. And, you know, Hinduism,
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  Buddhism, Christianity, all different faiths and that again,
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  you know, it, it opened my eyes to the beauty of sacred.
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  And I then made a decision that I wanted to learn more.
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  So I, I started, I went to Dharamsala to do some teachings
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  with His Holiness and all sorts of places.
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  And I ended up in in Vietnam and took precepts from Titnathan and
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  and then when I when I left from that teaching, which was, you
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  know, about, I think through four weeks, I thought I'd become
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  a numb. But he said, you're too old.
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  All the nun, all, all his nuns were in their 20s, just
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  beautiful, beautiful women. But you know, it.
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  It was extraordinary because by then I've been studying the
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  Jains. I've been studying the Quakers
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  and I went to a Quaker meeting once and I remember they what
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  they said. They said before you open your
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  mouth as everyone's sitting around in a circle and and they
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  said before you open your mouth, ask yourself, is it kind?
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  Is it true? Is it necessary?
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  And those three things have held me in good stead today.
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  When I'm listening to something I may not want to hear or, you
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  know, want to open my mouth and talk about something, I just
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  stop. Is it kind?
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  Is it true? Is it necessary?
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  So when I came back from all these travels, the Toronto World
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  Conference was on the a, a conference in Toronto and I went
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  over to that. And that's on again this year.
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  I went over to that and it was extraordinary.
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  Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds, probably thousands of
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  people all in a A and there I met my current sponsor.
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  I've had three sponsors in my time in, in a a I've I've had
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  three beautiful extraordinary women and Kate 1st and Polly
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  became my Polly. Pete became my third sponsor and
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  I am so grateful for the women who have sponsored me.
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  She introduced me to her friend Sandy Beach.
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  Sandy BI spoke to him before he died tragically.
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  I'll have to tell you how he died because it was so beautiful
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  and it's a really spiritual, extraordinary man.
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  By the time I got to speak to him, he was not well, but he, he
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  was gentle and just extraordinary.
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  He, the way he died. He, he was at a, a small meeting
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  like this around the table and they were reading step one and
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  he just as from the 12:00 and 12:00.
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  And as they were reading set 1, Sandy put his head down onto the
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  book and he died. And my story with Sandy was I
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  would ring him, you know, every few weeks.
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  The first thing he said to me was Maggie, who's with you?
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  And I said, you know, I was big knife in myself.
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  No one. And he said, what are you doing?
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  And I said, I'm writing this and that.
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  And he said, from now on, you give God the credit for
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  everything you do. You are never alone.
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  And that changed everything. He taught me about forgiveness.
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  He taught me when anything happens to you.
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  Well, I'll, I'll give you the example he gave to me when he,
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  he had two daughters, both died, one was murdered and one died of
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  a death. And he said when he, he knew,
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  when, when two men came to his door, 2 policemen, I think they
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  were came to his door, he knew something bad had happened.
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  And he said to himself what his sponsor had said to him.
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  His sponsor said no matter what happens Sandy, you are a
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  forgiving person. And he said, when I heard the
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  knock on the door and I saw who was there, I said to them, come
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  in, I'll come back to you in a moment.
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  And he said he went to his room, his office, and he prayed.
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  He prayed to God. And he said to God, no matter
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  what, I am a forgiving person. No matter what, I will never
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  doubt God. And he said he went out and he
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  heard what had happened to his daughter.
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  And he said, and this always sticks with me.
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  And he said, no matter what, you must have that little gap, that
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  sacred pause before you respond. And he said in that time, in
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  that little sacred pause is when you bring God in and how
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  extraordinary was that? He taught me about forgiveness.
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  And you know, he, he had real and, and he was a real human
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  being as well, you know, as a spiritual person.
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  And he said, yes, I forgave that.
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  I had to forgive the person that did this straight away.
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  Otherwise I would never have forgiven him.
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  But he said as time went on, you know, that forgiveness became
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  harder and harder. And he showed me his humanness
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  in all of this. He wasn't a St.
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  So you know, his I, I just think I am so blessed to, to know
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  people, to have people around me, to to have sponsors around
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  me, to come to meetings like this and just be happy.
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  So, so my own sometimes people say, you know what, what is your
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  practice? And my practice is, I believe
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  what Sandy told me that he said, where is God?
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  And he said the only place you find God is in the now in the in
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  this second. And and so for me, my practice
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  is always trying to stay present where possible.
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  I have a meditation routine that that I love where I look first
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  at the five senses where I feel, you know, tasting, hearing,
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  touching, smelling and so on. And then I do a centre in
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  prayer, which is just one single word.
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  And often that word for me that I meditate on and I repeat is
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  the word love. Sometimes it's the word God,
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  sometimes it's the word peace. But it can be any word.
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  And that just brings me back into the present moment.
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  Where do I find God? I find God in all things.
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  This is what I've learnt. You know, when that guy who took
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  me put, told me to go out in the sand and recognise that I
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  couldn't have made that. I now look at every, you know,
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  flowers. I look at flowers in my garden.
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  I look at trees that are, you know, I walk past and I
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  recognise the extraordinariness of the privilege of living a
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  human life and to be able to look at anything in my garden,
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  to look at any tree and recognised not what I can't
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  remember how many trillion, 6 trillion.
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  I think there's, I think there's 200 million or 200,000 leaves on
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  every tree and there's something like 6 trillion trees in the
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  world. Something I, I looked it up once
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  to see how many leaves were in the world, because every leaf is
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  different, every colour of every leaf is different.
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  And, and sometimes when I'm walking around or, you know,
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  going for walks and I think to myself, what a privilege, what
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  an honour to, to know this sort of stuff, to look around and to
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  be a part of life and death. So I find God in all things.
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  I find God, you know, if I look at your eyes, if I look at some
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  anybody's eyes, I, I will see God.
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  If I'm in a good, good space, if I look in the eyes of my
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  grandchildren's dogs, I see God. I see God in all the things.
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  And you know, how extraordinary are we to, to be part of
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  humanity? So I think that's probably it
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  from me. A A As more than two million
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  recovering Alcoholics throughout the world.
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  In Australia there are about 18,000 members.
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  They're made in over 2000 local meetings spread around the
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  country. Meetings range in size from a
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  handful in some areas to hundreds or more in larger
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  communities. And once again, if anyone you
• 25:07
  know is struggling with alcohol issues, please call Alcoholics
• 25:11
  announcing 1300 Double 22222 or visit their website on aa.org
• 25:19
  dot AU.