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How to Handle Your Inner Critic · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening when you've chosen to tune in here, I just want to say thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: And today we're going to be revisiting the topic of the inner critic voice, because many of us deal with this inner critic that wants to judge us or sabotage us.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, think about it.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: Have you heard an inner voice say things to you like, don't do it, you'll make a fool of yourself, or don't do it, you're gonna fail.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: Or you don't deserve it.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe the inner voice says things like you'll always be alone.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: Or you're unlovable.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe you look ugly.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: That outfit looks terrible on you.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: Or simply you're a failure.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: You'll never be successful.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: Our inner critic voice is often our greatest obstacle to our own personal success and happiness.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: Some of us on the surface may ooze confidence and joy, and many high-achieving individuals are able to mask what the inner voice says.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: But recognizing that inner critic voice is the first step in learning to silence that voice and move forward with your life.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: So let's, in case you haven't heard any of the previous episodes or are new to this idea of the inner critic, everyone truly does have an inner critic.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: Some of us are able to not pay as much attention to it, but the inner critic voice is inside us that judges and criticizes us, whether it be a criticism of our looks, our behavior, uh the choices that we make.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: And the truth is most often we're not even thinking about whether it's reasonable or unreasonable what the inner critic is saying.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: When we are so used to that judge voice, that judge saboteur, that inner critic, we just it becomes normalized.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: And what I mean by normalized is we get so used to it, it's almost like the humming of a refrigerator where we don't even hear it, we're not aware that this inner critic is judging us routinely.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: We just almost accept that it's there.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: But acceptance and also taking it in as though it's true.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what's really important is recognizing that when we even subconsciously take on what the inner critic is saying is true, we then hold ourselves back.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I don't want to totally negate the fact that sometimes our inner critic can be helpful.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like for instance, if you tend to put off deadlines or um you tend to procrastinate and your inner critic shows up and actually points that out to you.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's actually helpful.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: The part that's not helpful is when you berate yourself for being irresponsible and disorganized.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: It is um there's a metaphor that I've used with clients and that I've heard in the past where you know there's an option of of you know, a donkey going from point A to point B, and you can either hit the donkey and and get the donkey to go from point A to point B by hitting it with a stick, or you can offer it a carrot.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: If you hit it with the stick, the donkey's gonna get to point B and be beaten and tired and just kind of done, not wanting to move on to point C.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: Versus if you choose to offer the donkey the carrot between point A and point B, the donkey's also gonna get to point B.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna enjoy that carrot and is gonna be ready for what's next.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: The inner critic is like hitting ourselves with a stick.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: And if we berate ourselves, we're gonna shut down at some point.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: So it's important to pay attention to the inner critic recognizing when the inner critic is showing up and actually making room.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about pushing the inner critic away, and I talk about this all the time that we're not running away from anything, but instead we're recognizing, noticing, expanding out, and also asking what else is true.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: When we don't pay attention to the inner critic, it eventually does wear us down, just like that donkey with the stick.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: Eventually, it is going to lead us to a negative view of ourselves.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why the inner critic and the judge saboteur mindset is linked to low self-esteem, is actually linked to higher incidences of anxiety, eating disorders, substance abuse, other emotional and mental health challenges, because the self-criticism can absolutely make it difficult to believe in yourself and can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: So, what are the seven types of inner critic voices that it's that we should pay attention to, learn to recognize, become aware?
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: And once we're aware, we have the choice as to how we want to move forward.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: The first one is the perfectionist.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: The perfectionist is your inner high achiever who sets these generally unattainable goals for yourself.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so, what that can sometimes do is that that inner critic can consistently push you not just to be your best, but also beat you up when you're not getting things absolutely perfect.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: So the favorite per phrases of a perfectionist are I have to try harder, or you'll never achieve anything really great, or you shouldn't you shouldn't ask for help.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's not okay to ask for help and you cannot make a mistake.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's important to pay attention.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: If those resonate with you, slow down and recognize that that might be the perfectionist inner critic.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: The second one is guilt tripper.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Your guilt tripper makes it difficult for you to forgive yourself when you have made a mistake or an error, and it keeps you from being able to move forward, keeps you stuck in the past.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: And they will often say that depression is a result of ruminating over the past, over past experiences and choices that you've made.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: The guilt tripper's favorite phrase is you're a bad person, you don't deserve love and compassion, and those people will never forgive you.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: A third inner critic voice to pay attention to is the inner controller.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: This kind of inner critic stops you from acting on impulse, which can make you feel bad about your choices every day.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: For example, the inner critic the inner controller will lash out at you if you eat a lot of sweets, for instance.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: The controller's favorite phrases are, how dare you, shame on you, you have no self-control.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: A fourth inner critic voice to just be aware of is the underminer.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: The underminer makes you constantly self-doubt every decision, causing you to fear failure and erode your confidence and self-esteem.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: And what this ends up doing is leading to a lack of self-trust and keeps you stuck in your comfort zone rather than willing to step into your growth zone.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: Its favorite phrase is why try when you're gonna fail anyway, or there's no point, or you're worthless.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: A fifth inner critic voice is called the taskmaster.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: The taskmaster is the greatest enemy of procrastination or our habit of putting off work that needs to be done for later, while urging you to do tasks on time, which can be beneficial.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: So let's be clear that part can be beneficial.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: The taskmaster will actually tell you you're lazy or stupid in order to motivate you.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not about motivating you from a positive perspective, it's actually telling you that you're stupid and lazy, and that's why you have to stay on task.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: So the favorite phrases are you're so lazy, or you have to start working harder if you're gonna ever achieve anything, or you'll never get the work done, you're so lazy.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: A sixth inner critic voice to keep an eye out for is the destroyer, which can be considered one of the more destructive inner critic voices because it usually is the result of childhood trauma.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: It is the one that's responsible for shaming you and making you feel just profoundly wrong.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: You may feel unworthy of respect and affection due to a loud destroyer in your head.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Common phrases are you're worthless, you're not worthy of love.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: It would be better if you had never been born.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: And then the seventh is the conformist.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: The conformist forces you to conform to the expectations and values of your family, community, and culture.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: When you deviate from those in the social framework, your conformist gets loud and judges you.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: So you resort to people pleasing to silence your conformist and avoid rejection.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: The conformist favorite phrases are do what they want you to do.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: What will others think, what will others think about you, or you'll look like a fool.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: I bring these inner critic voices up as a way for you to become aware.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: If any of those resonated with you, it's just important for that awareness to allow room for you to maybe do some more self-reflection.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: When we're learning to live with our inner critic voices, it is about practicing self-care.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: And when we notice our inner critic popping up to judge us, we have to be mindful of those thoughts and be able to not necessarily get into a fight with them, but rather notice them and lean into our own value system and what's meaningful for us in order to figure out what our next step forward is.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: Because at the end of the day, when we recognize that inner critic voice, we have a choice point.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: Do we go down the road of believing what our inner critic is saying and go away from where we want to be and who we want to be?
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: Or do we actually take the time to slow down, get mindful, get present, and take our actions based on our own value system?
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to learn more about how we can work through the inner critic, or if you find that the inner critic might be holding you back, feel free to book a time to talk with me at chatwithcomedy.com.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authenticme.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.