Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Mistletoe Realities: Navigating Family Traditions | Ep. 102

Transcript

Mistletoe Realities: Navigating Family Traditions | Ep. 102 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:06
  Ho, ho, ho, wonderful parents.
• 0:09
  Tis the season at The Parenting Podcast, and I'm Cheryl Lang, your festive host.
• 0:17
  Today marks the kickoff of a special series designed to bring peace and joy into your hearts during this bustling holiday season.
• 0:28
  Now, if you've been tuning in regularly, you know We don't just paint picture perfect hallmark moments.
• 0:37
  Instead, we tackle the genuine complexities and realities of family life, especially when navigating the challenges of holiday expectations.
• 0:49
  In this episode, our TPP team delves into the heart of family holiday traditions, exploring the impact that family dynamics and Life circumstances have on our celebrations and on our hearts this time of year.
• 1:08
  Our aim with this series is to be your companion for encouragement, peace, and an honest exploration of families, holidays, and relationships.
• 1:21
  So, grab a cup of your favorite warm and cozy beverage.
• 1:27
  Settle in and get ready for a heart to heart filled with insights, honest sharing, and a sprinkle of holiday cheer.
• 1:44
  Cheryl AI: All right.
• 1:45
  Cheryl AI: We're getting ready to start a series on holidays.
• 1:49
  Cheryl AI: Yay! And I have a really important question to ask that I've never asked the two of you.
• 1:55
  Cheryl AI: Okay.
• 1:56
  Cheryl AI: Did you believe in Santa Claus?
• 1:58
  Cheryl AI: Of course.
• 1:59
  Cheryl AI: Oh,
• 1:59
  Christie: yes.
• 2:00
  Christie: For quite
• 2:01
  Cheryl AI: a while.
• 2:01
  Cheryl AI: Me too.
• 2:02
  Cheryl AI: Hook, line, and sinker.
• 2:03
  Cheryl AI: Uh huh.
• 2:04
  Christie: All of it.
• 2:04
  Christie: Uh huh.
• 2:05
  Christie: Yeah.
• 2:05
  Christie: Yeah.
• 2:06
  Christie: I, I did until I didn't because I remember when I found out.
• 2:11
  Christie: So do I.
• 2:12
  Christie: I was playing hide and seek with a babysitter at our house.
• 2:15
  Christie: My parents were gone and I was hiding in their closet and in there was a big black lawn trash bag full of Gifts.
• 2:25
  Christie: Yeah, and I didn't dig too deep because I was kind of scared, but I saw on the top this little figurine Well fast forward to Christmas.
• 2:34
  Christie: It's in my stocking And my mom had mentioned one of the things in the stocking She said actually I bought that I just threw that in there.
• 2:41
  Christie: So I took that opportunity to say Oh, well, did you just throw this in there, too?
• 2:46
  Christie: And she said no, no that one's from Santa and I was like Oh, that's awfully odd.
• 2:52
  Christie: Yes, convenient.
• 2:54
  Cheryl AI: See, I didn't rise it to our conversation here.
• 2:57
  Cheryl AI: I think It may be a little bit like...
• 2:59
  Cheryl AI: Other significant historical events, like for us, it's where were you when you found out JFK?
• 3:05
  Cheryl AI: Yeah, right.
• 3:07
  Cheryl AI: And then also, 9 11.
• 3:10
  Cheryl AI: 9 11, everybody remembers.
• 3:11
  Cheryl AI: And now I'm finding it when you found out about Santa Claus.
• 3:13
  Cheryl AI: Right, yeah.
• 3:14
  Cheryl AI: Was it devastating for you?
• 3:15
  Cheryl AI: Well, yeah,
• 3:16
  Ellen: because I would hide underneath the giant dining room table that looks straight over at the fireplace in the living room.
• 3:23
  Ellen: And I was waiting for Santa to come.
• 3:25
  Ellen: Oh wait, you
• 3:26
  Cheryl AI: were hiding?
• 3:27
  Cheryl AI: So you could watch Santa.
• 3:28
  Cheryl AI: Oh, I always watch.
• 3:30
  Cheryl AI: This is Ellen
• 3:30
  Ellen: Gutz.
• 3:31
  Ellen: Yes.
• 3:31
  Ellen: I always waited for Santa, and sometimes I swore I heard him.
• 3:35
  Ellen: You know, I'd sit and look out the window for hours on Christmas Eve.
• 3:39
  Ellen: So anyways, I was hiding under the dining room table, and all of a sudden my grandfather, because he lived with us, walked in and started placing all the gifts.
• 3:48
  Ellen: Oh.
• 3:49
  Ellen: I was.
• 3:49
  Ellen: probably about eight and I went, Oh, it's true.
• 3:52
  Ellen: All my friends were telling me there was no Santa, but I was hanging on.
• 3:57
  Ellen: And then I then of course, my mind goes, So what else isn't true?
• 4:01
  Ellen: There's no Easter Bunny.
• 4:03
  Ellen: There's no.
• 4:04
  Ellen: So then I was like, Oh, my
• 4:05
  Christie: life is a lie.
• 4:06
  Ellen: That's exactly my conclusion.
• 4:08
  Ellen: Everybody's been lying to me about my favorite thing.
• 4:11
  Ellen: So
• 4:12
  Cheryl AI: see, I'm like, Oh, I didn't want To not believe.
• 4:16
  Cheryl AI: Uh huh.
• 4:16
  Cheryl AI: And I really embraced it.
• 4:17
  Cheryl AI: I remember when I was probably four or five.
• 4:24
  Cheryl AI: I woke up at night and who knows, it might've been 10 30.
• 4:27
  Cheryl AI: I have no idea.
• 4:27
  Cheryl AI: Right?
• 4:28
  Cheryl AI: It was just dark and I ran down the hall to my parents,
• 4:32
  Cheryl: room,
• 4:32
  Cheryl AI: and I know I was young because like I was just standing I could look into his face with the, um, mattress.
• 4:39
  Cheryl AI: And I just said, daddy, let's go see if Santa Claus came.
• 4:42
  Cheryl AI: And he said.
• 4:43
  Cheryl AI: We don't know.
• 4:44
  Cheryl AI: He just perpetuated it so much.
• 4:47
  Cheryl AI: And he said, you better go back to bed, because if he sees you, he may just turn around and leave.
• 4:53
  Cheryl AI: Oh no! And I can remember walking back down that hall, and standing, because I had to pass the
• 4:59
  Cheryl: door that went to the living room, where Santa might have been.
• 5:02
  Cheryl: And I was terrified.
• 5:04
  Cheryl: You know, and just stood there going, what do I do?
• 5:06
  Cheryl: I don't want him to see me.
• 5:08
  Cheryl: But I want to see.
• 5:09
  Cheryl: And so I wasn't gutsy like you, so I got down and crawled on my stomach.
• 5:15
  Cheryl: And I remember the night.
• 5:17
  Cheryl: You're asking all those
• 5:18
  Cheryl AI: Santa Claus
• 5:19
  Cheryl: questions And then my dad just perpetuated it.
• 5:23
  Cheryl: How does he, if you don't have a, how does he get everywhere?
• 5:26
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 5:26
  Cheryl: And then, the year I didn't get to sleep early enough
• 5:29
  Cheryl AI: and I heard my parents going up in the attic overhead and I heard and went, okay, that ruins it.
• 5:35
  Cheryl AI: So did
• 5:35
  Christie: you confess to knowing at that point?
• 5:38
  Christie: Yeah, I didn't either.
• 5:39
  Christie: After that hide and seek episode, I kept it quiet because I didn't want, well, we got our big gifts.
• 5:45
  Christie: from Santa.
• 5:45
  Christie: Like all of our good stuff was from Santa.
• 5:48
  Christie: And so I didn't want that to end.
• 5:50
  Christie: I'm the oldest, so I didn't know what the protocol was once you didn't believe.
• 5:53
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:56
  Cheryl AI: You know, so this is some of the magic that was fun in holidays.
• 6:01
  Cheryl AI: And, you know, it's kind of what everybody wishes.
• 6:05
  Cheryl AI: That it could always really be fun and rich and Santa esque and all the movies.
• 6:12
  Cheryl AI: Yes.
• 6:13
  Cheryl AI: bUt that's not the reality that most of us live in in real life.
• 6:18
  Cheryl AI: So what about if we just kind of explore the holidays and talk about some of the aspects of it and then some of the challenges and even the stress factors and, and Expectations.
• 6:31
  Cheryl AI: Yeah.
• 6:32
  Cheryl AI: And y'all, I'd like to get into changing family dynamics.
• 6:34
  Cheryl AI: Yeah.
• 6:35
  Cheryl AI: Because when it was really nice in Santa Claus y, I didn't realize how much our dynamics were going to change.
• 6:41
  Ellen: Yeah, the holidays, I mean, they're such an important part of every culture.
• 6:45
  Ellen: Whether, whether you're Western culture or Eastern culture.
• 6:48
  Ellen: It's true.
• 6:48
  Ellen: Everybody has their holidays that are very significant.
• 6:51
  Ellen: And, you know, you start when you're really young with, with traditions.
• 6:55
  Ellen: And then you become the adult and you perpetuate the traditions and they can be good or bad.
• 7:01
  Ellen: And I think that's the hard part when you become an adult and you're in charge of the traditions, deciding how much you want to do or not do.
• 7:08
  Ellen: And I think that kind of bears on how you felt about whatever holiday it was.
• 7:13
  Ellen: I always felt like as a person that likes parties, I always felt like my parents did not party enough.
• 7:20
  Ellen: So I made sure then when I was in charge of the holidays, we party, you know, starting from Thanksgiving on, it was a party.
• 7:28
  Ellen: And I made sure we had.
• 7:29
  Ellen: Different days we did different things and it was a lot of work and I, and I've done them with my grandchildren now.
• 7:35
  Ellen: You know, we always had craft days and things like that and to me that was just the fun of the, the big party that starts at Thanksgiving.
• 7:43
  Ellen: Yeah,
• 7:44
  Christie: I love it.
• 7:44
  Christie: I love it all.
• 7:45
  Christie: I think it's very unifying.
• 7:48
  Christie: I love the chaos of being out in the stores and even shopping for Thanksgiving food.
• 7:53
  Christie: And I just, I feel like, like you said, all cultures have these traditions and rhythms in their calendar and it's just very, um, Lovely to be part of some community event.
• 8:06
  Christie: And that in itself, to me, has significance and value that we're all celebrating each holiday specifically.
• 8:12
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 8:12
  Ellen: Western culture, we all celebrate this together.
• 8:14
  Cheryl AI: Yes, yes.
• 8:15
  Cheryl AI: Yeah.
• 8:16
  Cheryl AI: And you know, but the problem with that is expectations that come with it.
• 8:21
  Cheryl AI: Mm-Hmm.
• 8:22
  Cheryl AI: But psychologists talk about traditions, even if it's a very simple tradition.
• 8:29
  Cheryl AI: Yeah.
• 8:30
  Cheryl AI: That it, it really.
• 8:32
  Cheryl AI: is significant um, in children's hearts and in people's hearts that, you know, you think, Oh yeah, we just always do that.
• 8:40
  Cheryl AI: Yeah.
• 8:41
  Cheryl AI: But actually, it's not just the fun of it.
• 8:43
  Cheryl AI: I know you're my party girls, but actually there's a sense of stability that having These same traditions.
• 8:51
  Cheryl AI: We always do it a certain way.
• 8:55
  Cheryl AI: What are some things, what do, what do y'all do?
• 8:58
  Christie: Well, yeah, we, so my parents were divorced when I was seven.
• 9:01
  Christie: And so we, I had two full Christmases because they always lived in the same town.
• 9:07
  Christie: And so we did it all twice.
• 9:11
  Christie: So we would do, my brother and I would go to my dad's on Christmas Eve.
• 9:16
  Christie: And have the whole Christmas dinner, it was like what probably what you're saying for your Christmas Day would happen at my dad's, or my grandparents, yeah, for Christmas Eve.
• 9:25
  Christie: So we'd have dinner and all the gifts and the whole thing and then the next morning or late that night, every time, it was kind of different, we would go.
• 9:34
  Christie: to my mom's and then do it again there.
• 9:37
  Christie: And, um, so yeah, I mean, I, I didn't know any different growing up, but I think most kids of divorce kind of like the, the fun part of getting to Christmas is,
• 9:49
  Cheryl AI: you know,, In my family growing up, we...
• 9:53
  Cheryl AI: We couldn't open gifts on Christmas Eve.
• 9:55
  Cheryl AI: Um, we did other things, but we could open one gift.
• 9:59
  Cheryl AI: Yeah, that's how we were too, just got one.
• 10:01
  Cheryl AI: And I remember when it was socks or pants.
• 10:03
  Cheryl AI: Yeah, something boring, yeah.
• 10:05
  Cheryl AI: Something really boring.
• 10:06
  Cheryl AI: And then, uh, Santa Claus and all the gift giving, all of that went.
• 10:11
  Cheryl AI: All day on Christmas We just stayed in our pajamas.
• 10:15
  Cheryl AI: So that was really rich and fun for me.
• 10:19
  Cheryl AI: And it was complicating to me when we moved where Bill's family lives here in Oklahoma.
• 10:26
  Cheryl AI: Because they do it a different way.
• 10:28
  Cheryl AI: Yeah, having different traditions.
• 10:30
  Cheryl AI: And so we had to figure out different traditions because Bill's family always did everything on Christmas Eve, even when they were younger.
• 10:38
  Cheryl AI: They have a friend one time, actually came in a Santa Claus outfit but all on Christmas Eve.
• 10:44
  Cheryl AI: So my kids, when we moved back to here, thought, this is great! Yeah.
• 10:48
  Cheryl AI: Because they open gifts on Christmas Eve.
• 10:50
  Cheryl AI: Yeah.
• 10:52
  Cheryl AI: And then we had it all All day on Christmas day again so they enjoyed the double Christmas.
• 10:58
  Cheryl AI: Right.
• 10:59
  Cheryl AI: And
• 11:00
  Christie: we just, that carried on to my kids because then we would continue to go to my dad's on Christmas Eve.
• 11:05
  Christie: we had the tradition of wearing our pajamas and having breakfast for dinner, um, at his house.
• 11:10
  Christie: And now that he's gone, my brother will host that at his house from now on.
• 11:14
  Christie: But then we would have our own family's Christmas, Christmas morning.
• 11:17
  Christie: Do you get
• 11:18
  Cheryl AI: new?
• 11:19
  Cheryl AI: Pajamas
• 11:19
  Christie: every year?
• 11:20
  Christie: Usually, yeah.
• 11:21
  Christie: We have a couple of PJ events in December.
• 11:24
  Christie: So we usually go Christmas pajamas, well, when they were all around.
• 11:27
  Christie: But, um, they still milk me for some pajamas somewhere in the middle of December.
• 11:33
  Christie: Even though they're not at home.
• 11:35
  Cheryl AI: I think all of this is an example of that traditions do matter, whatever they are, when they're even silly or simple or whatever.
• 11:43
  Cheryl AI: And because you all move so much as a military family.
• 11:46
  Cheryl AI: What traditions have you had?
• 11:47
  Cheryl AI: Ellen, That was really
• 11:49
  Ellen: important to keep the traditions moving 19 times in 30 years, you lived in a different house, different community, but there were certain things that we always did Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and things like that.
• 12:01
  Ellen: So that the kids knew that was going to happen.
• 12:03
  Ellen: Um, it might have different faces around the table, but it was still the same stuff.
• 12:09
  Ellen: I wasn't going to make something because I, I liked to try new recipes, but I remember one Thanksgiving I learned very quickly from my Children the holidays.
• 12:18
  Ellen: You do not introduce anything different.
• 12:21
  Ellen: So I said, Oh, I think this year I'm going to do this.
• 12:24
  Ellen: And everybody literally went.
• 12:25
  Ellen: No, you can't not
• 12:28
  Christie: do that.
• 12:28
  Christie: Now.
• 12:29
  Christie: Are you trying to replace it with?
• 12:30
  Christie: Yes, I think
• 12:31
  Ellen: that's what it was.
• 12:31
  Ellen: I don't remember what it was now because it's so long ago, but I was going to just do something different.
• 12:36
  Cheryl AI: German food on Christmas Eve.
• 12:38
  Cheryl AI: Yep.
• 12:38
  Cheryl AI: That's one of our traditions.
• 12:39
  Cheryl AI: So, if you were going to say...
• 12:40
  Cheryl AI: If I did Italian
• 12:41
  Ellen: food, they wouldn't, yes, or grilled cheese sandwiches, they would not
• 12:45
  Cheryl AI: be happy.
• 12:46
  Cheryl AI: You know, and I want to encourage our listeners to think through starting traditions or continuing traditions because there is something sustaining about it that matters.
• 12:59
  Cheryl AI: Yeah.
• 13:01
  Christie: Well, yeah, and if your family's young, make the decision on what you can sustain.
• 13:05
  Christie: Yes, that's
• 13:07
  Ellen: true.
• 13:07
  Ellen: Christy, that is such a good point, and I tell that to moms all the time.
• 13:10
  Ellen: Whatever you start, think it through because you're going to have to keep doing it for the next 30 years or whatever, you know.
• 13:17
  Ellen: That's what your kids are going to want.
• 13:18
  Ellen: So if you do a lot, you're going to be
• 13:20
  Christie: stuck doing the idea of the tradition.
• 13:22
  Christie: It's just that it's repetitive.
• 13:24
  Christie: It doesn't have to be elaborate.
• 13:25
  Christie: One thing, my mom every year buys my girls this huge box of Sharpie markers and you know, they went through a Sharpie craze, probably middle school or so, and it's like.
• 13:37
  Christie: 50 colors, and it's a big wheel of Sharpies, and now it's just a tradition.
• 13:42
  Christie: I mean, I don't think they get, like, really excited about the actual Sharpies, but it's the tradition of it, and who doesn't need a Sharpie from time to time, so.
• 13:51
  Christie: A year's worth of Sharpies.
• 13:53
  Christie: Something very small that costs 9.
• 13:53
  Christie: It's the repetitiveness and the, like you said, Cheryl, the stability and security that's in something consistent.
• 14:00
  Ellen: And your point's really good.
• 14:01
  Ellen: It doesn't have to be this big thing.
• 14:03
  Ellen: It can be.
• 14:05
  Ellen: you make this sandwich every Christmas..
• 14:09
  Ellen: So, you know, figure out what you can do and don't get overboard because there's a lot to do either way.
• 14:17
  Cheryl AI: Well, and one of the things for our family that was significant is the Bigger values behind holidays.
• 14:25
  Cheryl AI: I'm particularly thinking of Thanksgiving and Christmas.
• 14:28
  Cheryl AI: Mm-Hmm.
• 14:28
  Cheryl AI: And as Christians, it had so much significance yeah.
• 14:32
  Cheryl AI: To it for us.
• 14:34
  Cheryl AI: Um, what are some ways that you all incorporated your values or how would you encourage our listeners to bring up the value part?
• 14:44
  Cheryl AI: Because the fun is fun, but we want something more sustaining than just
• 14:50
  Christie: having a good time.
• 14:52
  Christie: Yeah.
• 14:53
  Christie: Well, things for little kids that just pop into my head, one for like, for Thanksgiving, for the whole month of November, we would make a paper chain and we would write something we were thankful for and we would staple them together to make a papal chain and that would hang in our house the whole month and we'd add to it every morning and, and so we could talk about gratitude and, and, you know, pray and thank God for the things that we were writing on our.
• 15:18
  Christie: on our paper chain.
• 15:20
  Christie: Um, my girls My favorite thing about Christmas was Jesus birthday cake on Christmas morning.
• 15:27
  Christie: We always had a birthday cake and I mean, we're all too old to want cake first thing in the morning now, but it's been, I mean, probably just a couple of years ago, they were like, can we still make a birthday cake for Jesus?
• 15:38
  Christie: And, you know, it was just a cute way when they were little to explain and remind, you know, before we open gifts, we're going to honor the Lord and celebrate his birth.
• 15:47
  Christie: And
• 15:48
  Cheryl AI: we did a similar, we did do the chain, but.
• 15:51
  Cheryl AI: Because Bill's an artist and I got my artist children, we would take a huge piece of paper and draw a tree that had no leaves on it.
• 15:59
  Cheryl AI: And then that's what we would do is write on them and put the leaves on put the tree or anywhere on the picture that you wanted.
• 16:07
  Cheryl AI: And carry that over and then.
• 16:09
  Cheryl AI: Um, when we had people come to visit, um, even from diverse backgrounds or whatever, then we could say, here, fill out on and add your leaves to our tree.
• 16:23
  Cheryl AI: Um, just again to focus on yeah.
• 16:25
  Cheryl AI: Um, gratitude, thinking of others, we just wanted to really try and bring that in.
• 16:31
  Cheryl AI: Yeah.
• 16:31
  Cheryl AI: Well,
• 16:32
  Ellen: fun reinforces the value.
• 16:34
  Ellen: Yeah, that's true.
• 16:34
  Ellen: You know, that's, that's why we do fun things.
• 16:36
  Ellen: Right.
• 16:37
  Ellen: You know, because then the kids remember.
• 16:38
  Ellen: Um, I'm one of those people that likes to mix it up all the time.
• 16:41
  Ellen: So we had some basic same traditions, but I always did things differently.
• 16:46
  Ellen: But I think for, My children in particular, food was really important because I like to cook.
• 16:51
  Ellen: So, you know, the meals were always German food for Christmas Eve, Chinese food on New Year's day.
• 16:58
  Ellen: And, um, you know, the same kind of thing.
• 17:00
  Ellen: I think that, that was one thing that I could keep constant in terms of a tradition and, you know, and then just making sure my kids understood that, you know, it wasn't about them.
• 17:12
  Ellen: And it wasn't about just gift giving and getting, making sure that the kids, um, especially for the, the, uh, Christmas holidays, making sure we had projects, if you want to call them that, where the kids could focus in on a friend or a stranger or whatever it was so that we could give to people outside.
• 17:33
  Ellen: We were always fortunate because we were military.
• 17:35
  Ellen: So there were lots of.
• 17:36
  Ellen: Military members that didn't have anywhere to go during the holidays.
• 17:40
  Ellen: So I remember my daughter saying to her friend one time, who was not military, she goes, did you have like holidays where you had strange people at your table who you didn't know?
• 17:51
  Ellen: Is this normal?
• 17:54
  Ellen: No.
• 17:55
  Ellen: And I just overheard it and kind of laughed and I said, Oh yeah, I never thought of it from, from her point of view as the youngest child, we'd have maybe, you know, we, I mean, it was common to have 30 people around our table and so she might only know.
• 18:08
  Ellen: six or seven outside of her family Um, and so she's sitting in between two strange people
• 18:13
  Christie: That's neat.
• 18:14
  Christie: That reminds me of a tradition I heard someone did, um, they had a, a white tablecloth and I think they kept it at the dessert table or the certain table every year and whoever was there for that.
• 18:24
  Christie: Your Thanksgiving would sign the tablecloths.
• 18:27
  Christie: Oh, nice.
• 18:27
  Christie: Yeah.
• 18:28
  Christie: And that would be neat to have, to have everyone's names that you'd ever
• 18:31
  Cheryl AI: encountered.
• 18:32
  Cheryl AI: Yeah.
• 18:32
  Cheryl AI: My daughter-in-Law got one and she wanted everybody to sign it and then her plan was to embroider that in over the next year.
• 18:40
  Cheryl AI: Oh, that's neat.
• 18:40
  Cheryl AI: Wow.
• 18:41
  Cheryl AI: So it would be permanently.
• 18:42
  Cheryl AI: Yeah.
• 18:43
  Cheryl AI: You know, and then they moved overseas, so I don't know.
• 18:46
  Cheryl AI: I love that idea.
• 18:46
  Cheryl AI: I forgot to ask her if she's continued.
• 18:49
  Cheryl AI: Yeah.
• 18:49
  Cheryl AI: And we did the same thing, Ellen.
• 18:52
  Cheryl AI: Possibly picked it up from you, but particularly after losing Bill, looking for new and more different things to give meaningfulness and outreach.
• 19:05
  Cheryl AI: And so we, I would say the same thing, the kids, if you know anybody, particularly as they got older, older teens in college or post college.
• 19:12
  Cheryl AI: Anybody that doesn't have somewhere to go, invite them.
• 19:15
  Cheryl AI: And I can remember they're asking mom is there still room absolutely.
• 19:19
  Cheryl AI: And there were Thanksgivings where we had to go get another table, you know, and bring a different table and set more.
• 19:27
  Cheryl AI: And it was so much fun.
• 19:28
  Cheryl AI: Except for the year, I think my older son was a junior in college.
• 19:36
  Cheryl AI: And so, let's see, I think we had Two Saudis come that year, but he also asked two single girls who didn't go home to their families, okay?
• 19:51
  Cheryl AI: And so The Saudis were wonderful, but the two girls, it was very quickly obvious to all of us that they thought...
• 19:57
  Cheryl AI: They
• 19:57
  Christie: had a crush
• 19:58
  Cheryl AI: on him.
• 19:58
  Cheryl AI: Oh, yes.
• 19:59
  Cheryl AI: Alex has invited us home to meet his family for Thanksgiving.
• 20:04
  Cheryl AI: And they didn't know each other.
• 20:05
  Cheryl AI: They didn't know each other.
• 20:06
  Cheryl AI: He didn't realize that was code for something.
• 20:10
  Cheryl AI: And we just, all of us, it was so obvious.
• 20:11
  Cheryl AI: And they just stayed and stayed and we played games and they stayed.
• 20:14
  Cheryl AI: Oh gosh.
• 20:15
  Cheryl AI: And we just thought, what do we do with this, you know?
• 20:18
  Cheryl AI: So anyway, that was a unique invitation.
• 20:22
  Cheryl AI: So later on I said, Alex, maybe not invite multiple
• 20:25
  Christie: girls.
• 20:26
  Christie: Right.
• 20:26
  Christie: At least without some clarification.
• 20:29
  Cheryl AI: I think they picked up a little bit.
• 20:30
  Cheryl AI: He goes, Oh, I'm just friends.
• 20:31
  Cheryl AI: I go, don't think they think we're just friends.
• 20:34
  Ellen: Yes.
• 20:34
  Cheryl AI: That's funny.
• 20:35
  Cheryl AI: Okay.
• 20:36
  Cheryl AI: And so we, we've kind of talked about the fun, the bigger meaning, and maybe a little of the snowflake.
• 20:45
  Cheryl AI: Wonderful aspects.
• 20:47
  Cheryl AI: Because our time's gone, what are some other things you'd want to bring in at this point?
• 20:51
  Cheryl AI: Well, I think
• 20:52
  Christie: in light of traditions, I would say one thing I've realized with my girls as they've grown, um, Is to just check in with them over the years and take inventory on the traditions and say which of these are you guys still loving and which ones are kind of, have you outgrown?
• 21:09
  Christie: We should pack away until we have grandkids around or, you know, and, and some of the ones that I've been surprised that I've thought you guys still want to do that.
• 21:16
  Christie: And they're like, no, we, you know, we have to like one year we, we always go to look at Christmas lights together.
• 21:22
  Christie: And, you know, of course at one point we all fit in one car and, yeah.
• 21:26
  Christie: One year, my daughter and son in law were in town and we still crammed, I hope no police officers are listening, we went very slow and we were in a neighborhood, but we were all crammed into one car and I thought this is the last time we should do that.
• 21:39
  Christie: Or rent a
• 21:39
  Cheryl AI: limo.
• 21:40
  Cheryl AI: Yes, yes.
• 21:41
  Cheryl AI: That's what we would do is, uh, as Bill's parents aged and then when his mom was widowed and just got older but we would still, everybody know we still have to go over to grandma's on Christmas Eve.
• 21:54
  Cheryl AI: So it was very different.
• 21:55
  Cheryl AI: Everybody's grown and she was significantly elderly.
• 22:00
  Cheryl AI: But they did love it and then we would go drive and look at lights afterwards.
• 22:05
  Cheryl AI: And it is fun to say, what do you want to do?
• 22:08
  Cheryl AI: Because it's surprising sometimes they go, we can't quit doing that.
• 22:14
  Christie: And then there's some where they're like, mom, why do we do this?
• 22:18
  Christie: You know, when I realized I'm the one doing all the work and nobody's showing up or wanting to participate.
• 22:23
  Christie: I'm like, okay, this one we've outgrown.
• 22:25
  Ellen: I think that's a good point because usually all the work falls on us.
• 22:28
  Ellen: As they get older, you can delegate some of the things, but really going through the traditions and saying who thinks this is still good and meaningful and do we want to keep doing this or do we want to add a new tradition and get rid of this one?
• 22:41
  Ellen: I think that's the fun thing because as everybody gets older and then married and spouses, you know, things change.
• 22:48
  Ellen: So you have to kind of say what's
• 22:49
  Christie: important.
• 22:50
  Christie: Yeah.
• 22:51
  Christie: Here's a fun tradition that I have.
• 22:54
  Christie: Uh, we started the, the Christmas pickle and do you know what the Christmas pickle is?
• 22:57
  Christie: We have a Christmas pickle.
• 22:59
  Christie: Now our tradition is mom forgetting the Christmas pickle.
• 23:02
  Christie: What is it?
• 23:03
  Christie: I don't know.
• 23:03
  Christie: Okay.
• 23:04
  Christie: The Christmas pickle is a green pickle ornament.
• 23:07
  Christie: Yeah.
• 23:07
  Christie: And then, you know, usually Christmas Eve, I think people hide it on the Christmas tree and you can attach money like I would do a 5 bill on it.
• 23:15
  Christie: And so whoever found it on the tree got the Christmas pickle, you know, trophy and the 5.
• 23:21
  Christie: But I never remember it.
• 23:23
  Christie: That's why I'm so glad that I didn't have to mess with that elf on the shelf.
• 23:26
  Christie: I would not be good at that.
• 23:28
  Christie: And so now that's the tradition is mom forgetting every
• 23:31
  Ellen: year.
• 23:31
  Ellen: Yeah, we have the Christmas pickle and usually It gets lost.
• 23:36
  Ellen: Somebody takes it in their well meaning and they're going to hide it and they lose it from themselves.
• 23:40
  Ellen: So then everyone's where
• 23:41
  Christie: really is the Christmas pickle.
• 23:43
  Christie: Until you take the
• 23:43
  Cheryl AI: tree down.
• 23:44
  Cheryl AI: Well, like Ellen, I can imagine because you said you got where you just put numbers on Christmas gifts and then you forgot who the numbers were.
• 23:54
  Cheryl AI: Yes, we've done that.
• 23:55
  Cheryl AI: You know, the same.
• 23:56
  Cheryl AI: One thing that I thought, everybody go, Oh.
• 23:59
  Cheryl AI: In their twenties.
• 24:00
  Cheryl AI: Everybody's late teens, twenties, and all.
• 24:03
  Cheryl AI: And I said, so we can quit doing stockings, right?
• 24:07
  Cheryl AI: No! You know?
• 24:10
  Cheryl AI: And it was a lot of work and a lot of expense to fill stockings.
• 24:14
  Cheryl AI: so now we developed it, and so what we do is, Put the stockings on the sofas and chairs, and then when everybody comes over, they just sneak in there, and everybody helps fill everybody's stockings.
• 24:28
  Ellen: Yeah, that's really good.
• 24:29
  Ellen: That's
• 24:29
  Cheryl AI: a great idea.
• 24:30
  Cheryl AI: It makes it a lot of variety, and Again, I'd like the evolution of new, um,
• 24:37
  Ellen: traditions.
• 24:37
  Ellen: And my dogs hate it when we forget their stockings.
• 24:40
  Ellen: Oh.
• 24:41
  Ellen: Because they can smell their stockings with a little dog bone in it.
• 24:45
  Ellen: Just side note.
• 24:47
  Ellen: That's so
• 24:48
  Cheryl AI: fun.
• 24:49
  Cheryl AI: Oh, fun.
• 24:49
  Cheryl AI: Well, thank you.
• 24:51
  Cheryl AI: This is just the beginning and we'll come back and we're going to delve into some of the more complicated aspects of the reality of holidays that we do want the wonderful, you know, everybody really wants the yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus feeling about the holidays.
• 25:11
  Cheryl AI: Yeah.
• 25:11
  Cheryl AI: So let's come back and talk about some of the more challenges next time.
• 25:15
  Cheryl AI: All right?
• 25:16
  Cheryl AI: Okay.
• 25:17
  Cheryl AI: So hang in there, parents.
• 25:19
  Cheryl AI: Keep loving.
• 25:20
  Cheryl AI: Keep persevering because it's worth it.
• 25:29
  As we wrap up today's conversation on family holiday traditions, I want to extend my heartfelt thanks to you, our amazing listeners.
• 25:40
  Your presence here transformed this podcast into a special place filled with shared experiences and genuine connections.
• 25:51
  Before we part ways, we invite you to share your own stories.
• 25:56
  How do your family traditions shape the holiday season for you?
• 26:01
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• 26:09
  at the parentingpodcast.
• 26:10
  com.
• 26:12
  Your thoughts matter and we always look forward to hearing from you.
• 26:17
  Be sure to join us in our upcoming episodes as we continue our holiday series diving into the practical tips on managing stresses and expectations during this very special season.
• 26:31
  It's going to be a conversation with encouragement, understanding, and honesty.
• 26:38
  Lastly, if you found value in our podcast, Consider sharing TPP with friends and family who might benefit from our discussions.
• 26:48
  Your recommendations would be a wonderful gift to them and to us.
• 26:55
  So, until next time, keep those traditions alive, stay connected, and take care.
• 27:02
  See you soon.