Latest / Your Thoughts Your Reality / Navigating New Horizons: Coaching Veterans on the Journey to Civilian Fulfillment with Coach Dominika Staniewicz

Transcript

Navigating New Horizons: Coaching Veterans on the Journey to Civilian Fulfillment with Coach Dominika Staniewicz · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Michael is a dual elite certified neuro encoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles procrastination, self-doubt, fear and more.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Hello, hello, hello, forging a new path forward.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Novich, coach D, as everybody affectionately knows her.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: She is going to join us today and we're going to be talking about some things near and dear to our hearts for veterans.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: Coach D is a dual elite neuro encoding specialist.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: She's a brain health specialist, an author, a speaker, a coach.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Let's just go with rock star all around, shall we?
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: That's Coach D.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: So welcome, coach D, glad to have you on.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: Well, hello, hello, Welcome.
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: Dear to my heart, Michael Cole, so-called Coach M.
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: I'm excited to be part of your podcast and be your guest.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: I'm very honored that you have me.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: So a couple of things.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: Tell me a little bit more, or tell our listeners I know we're friends, so I know quite a bit, but tell our listeners more about you.
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: Do you really want to know?
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: Damn right, okay, well, I'm not a veteran, but I've worked a lot with veterans in different environments and I have the privilege to observe how they were first time out of the military life and transitioning into an organization that had absolutely different structures and roles, and how amazing it was to see how their old patterns would show up in the real world.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: I myself am a mom of twins.
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: I have been married and then I got divorced.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: I am a brain coach.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: As you know, I have a Master of Science in Sociology.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: I used to work for the President of the Government of Poland, where I used to analyze data and forecast labor laws, and my history is quite long and very rich, let's say, with events that I'm not going to embrace here, but let's just say personal trauma as well.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: As you know, growth and the life that when you go through a transition is not something foreign to me.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: So, not only as a support system to people around me, but also I have used coaches multiple times and supported myself in a transition from one life to another.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: Excellent, excellent.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing that.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: So I'd like to talk about first, because I have this pattern with this show of I get all into things and we start talking and we run out of time.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: So I actually want to start off with your book, okay, okay.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: So tell us a little bit about your book.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: I mean, I've read it multiple times.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: In fact, if you probably can't see, there's actually a little mark there.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: So I think it's a gem, I think it's honestly one of those golden nugget books.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: So tell us a little bit about the book so people can, and where to get it, of course.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: Well, where to get it is Amazon, so we're going to get that out of the way.
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: It's in Kindle and it's in printed form.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: And the book showed up because of my life experiences, and most people know, or those who don't know me, I'm a Tony Robbins girl.
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: I go to his events.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: I also crew those events serving people who are going through transitions.
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: And when you grow and you go through personal development, at one point he's a phenomenal human because he pushes you to do things.
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: And then, when, for me, when I developed certain traits and I embraced the fact that I'm a woman and I don't have to be very masculine, that I'm a woman and I don't have to be very masculine, it occurred to me that when I set goals that are huge and you know overpowering why that makes me cry and big action I freeze, I stop doing anything.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: So I went okay, is it me or is it everybody else?
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: And you know.
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: So I went okay, is it me or is it everybody else?
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: And you know, Master of Science in Sociology, data is my thing.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: So I stumbled across a study that I write about in a book where they talk about celebration of the process and celebrations, which Joseph also talks about, but the process is here more important.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: See, a big goal when we achieve, it is there and it's lingering over us.
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: And big goal has multitude of tasks and it's kind of like when you're a kid you know when you're taking one little step, that step is wobbly and tiny and that's a perfect step for you.
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: And when you grow within that ability, your legs get longer and steps get longer.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: And that study talks about concentrating on those little steps, on basic things that are repetitive, that you get to enjoy, and leaving kind of that big goal lingering in the background but not concentrating on it.
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: I love that and what I found is that this is a way that me and then, it turned out, so many other people actually need to live at certain stages, because there are stages where you need to push through the masculine language Right, you have to press through, you got to power through and because it's yoursaving decision or something is really tragic happening, but most of our lives we're not in flight or fight mode and that pressure is not serving us, because we are constantly on the go and we're competing and we have those.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: Everything has to be big, but what if it doesn't?
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: What if, as we know life is made of little tiny things.
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: What if those little tiny things can serve us and we can build on those little things, those steps?
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: And actually when we become fluent in those basics, then the more advanced things, the bigger steps become easier, and they're also simple.
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: We get to celebrate.
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: And that study shows that people who concentrate on the process and they studied them over 20 years in comparison of people who get praised for the results actually achieve more in life because they enjoy overcoming different situations and finding solutions.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: And that can only be achieved when we take life apart.
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: And don't get me wrong, it is important to look at how valid one goal is and how important it is, and not concentrate on the minute things all the time.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: I'm talking about taking the big goal and making it manageable, so it's not overwhelming, so it doesn't have to it doesn't.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it absolutely needs to be right, otherwise people don't don't do it.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: And I didn't know as a human beings, I know myself.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: I'm sure you'll say the same thing.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: When it's too big of a goal and it's not chunked down, we just say, oh no, procrastination starts sitting in and all the other.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: You know these are your dreams, if you will, so that's fantastic.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, please, please continue.
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: And you know I would add to that one more thing that when we have those big dreams, big dreams are different for everybody.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: So let's say you're making a thousand dollars a month, for you, being a millionaire really means making a thousand.
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: You know, $10,000 a month, that is a huge, gigantic step.
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: So why don't we start with making two and a half thousand?
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: It is a challenge but it's not.
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: It's doable.
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: See our brain, and this is where the brain knowledge comes in, and the structures of our brain and the wiring is looking for proof.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: So if you keep sitting in your chair, you know we're being taught those affirmations and that's very different than incantations or other things.
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: But you're saying I'm going to be a millionaire, I'm making $1 million, you know a year, and your brain goes, ain't you, ain't you?
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: We're not, you're making a thousand.
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: So, and then all the reasons why not set in?
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: So, instead of fighting yourself, which is a natural process of our brain, that our brain is created to conserve energy.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: Anything that takes a lot of energy creates resistance.
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: So what you're going to do?
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: You going to go.
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: Okay, now the million dollars somewhere out there.
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: I want to make two and a half, two and a half thousand dollars a month from that thousand.
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: You are making progress, you're concentrating and then you're adding, and adding, and adding and you will get to that million, trust me.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: But it's going to be easy and enjoyable and you get to celebrate along the way.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: So, wherever you are, make your million achievable, because if somebody makes 700,000, for them going to a million, it is a challenge but it's not a huge stretch.
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: But if you're making a thousand, that's your brain goes.
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: That's impossible.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: You're like dreaming it's not happening and it finds reasons why you shouldn't do it.
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: So you find your million, that's million for you, whatever that might be.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: And each as you go, I agree a hundred percent.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: I love what you're saying and as you as you progress, those dollars in your brain saying, right, those dollars, oh well, that's achievable.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: That's not a big deal anymore.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: Right, I remember you know for me and this isn't, you know, to to be a brag or be bold, but no, when I was in my twenties, you know a hundred dollars, and of course I was.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: I was a long time ago, but you get the point a hundred dollars, even today, a hundred dollars to you know, a teenager or whatever, is a significant amount of money, you know, compared to now, $100 barely pays for sushi.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: So as you progress in life and you're, and you build those blocks like you're saying, it just feels easier as well.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: Exactly and you don't.
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: You stop living in the stress level that is unachievable and you feel inadequate constantly because you're comparing yourself to an outcome that is coming, but it's just so far away that you can't see you're there.
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: And so many people say see yourself achieving the goal.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: But if you see yourself being a billionaire and you're at a level of a thousand, trust me, you'll get there much quicker.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: If you first imagine yourself, you know, having a thousand dollars instead of a thousand, five thousand dollars in a bank every month, and when you get that, your brain goes hmm, that was cool, that was fun, that wasn't that hard.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: Ok, why don't I try for ten thousand now?
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: And then it goes, why don't I try for 15?
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: And then it just rolls the ball and you enjoy the process, because we forget that life is about enjoying life.
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: It's not about achieving billion goals.
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: Because you know what?
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: There's a study coming from Harvard this time, and they studied people who get a raise and HR departments, which I used to be also a long time ago, know that that when you give somebody a raise, the celebration lasts maybe three days.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: They're excited, they got new money and then it's gone.
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: So if we look at from that perspective, imagine we're happy that we graduate high school, maybe go to college, get married, have kids, buy a house, sell a house, get divorced Potentially you can celebrate that.
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: Then get married again, potentially go for a trip and maybe get another promotion or a job.
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: So what?
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: In 80 years we really celebrate 10 times.
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: That's, to say the least, pathetic.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: I think we all well, not all, but I think we both teach our clients to celebrate all the little things on the journey, on the voyage, if you will, Because that's what it's all about.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: Because when you look back, yeah, you may say, yeah, I bought that office or I made that first million dollars, or whatever the case may be, but at some point it's just, it was normal.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: But when you go back and say, wow, we worked really hard and we were resourceful, had all kinds of resourcefulness and we earned that, it's different.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: And that's what I think you're talking about is really just enjoying the journey or the voyage and, uh, and the only way.
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: That's what it's about.
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and the only way we can do that.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: If those goals are achievable, absolutely make them realistic.
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: That is so important.
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: Whatever is realistic for you, but if it turns out it's not realistic, change the goal.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: Amen.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: How many times in your life I know for me it's happened multiple times where I thought, oh, this is what I want.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: And then you get there and it's great, just like we were just talking about right.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: But then it's like, okay, the car is great, I enjoy driving the Mustang, I enjoy this or whatever, and you're grateful for it.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: I know I make sure just through practices and so on.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for things that I've worked for, earned, because otherwise why do it in the first place?
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: But it's really just that journey and really just getting there.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: And how many times do you get there and say, okay, well, I'm grateful for it, but it really wasn't what I wanted.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: You know, susan and I have built million dollar business, multi-million dollar business, you know, and it's like, okay, we're here, but is it really worth it?
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: And so you know, like for us, we revamped and we were, we what we want in our lives, and we're rebuilding and successful and all those things.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: But sometimes you get there and it's not what you wanted and you have to revisit and do and it's okay.
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: And the beautiful thing about humans it's that we get to change and it's nobody's business that we change our plans, right?
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: Um, and there's so many wonderful people in this world who achieved so much, like a Kate Spade, who I absolutely admired, robbie Williams, who achieved every big goal that they have if you haven't read their biographies, I highly recommend and they end up committing suicides and it is our how we see what's going to happen in the future.
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: What we think that is.
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: It's not what it is.
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: It's our assumption of what it is to be, that Absolutely we compare that to people that we see just in parts of their lives, right, like we see Tony Robbins or somebody else.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: Well, the guy worked for like 45 years or 50 years somewhere around there and it wasn't all you know petals and roses and everything else.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: It was actually quite challenging.
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: So it's.
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: We only see the results, the tip of the iceberg.
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: Everybody probably knows the picture of the iceberg on top right and there's something under and what we chase actually and dream of is the tip of the iceberg and you know it's cold on the iceberg actually.
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: and just to lighten this up, no, no, let me know that, thank you.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: So we don't want to.
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: We don't want to be on top of the ice.
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: But tell me one very important thing that I really resonate with On our own, we can only achieve a certain level of joy.
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: To amplify the joy, we need to share it with others.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: And that is the time where we start giving back.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: And whatever you do is I, I.
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: You know I support Red Cross, I volunteer for Red Cross and disaster situations and I volunteer for other organizations.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: I sometimes coach for free those who need my support, and I am able to do that.
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: But the truth is that those people give me the most joy because I, I am able to give back.
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: And the only way I can give back is if I have enough.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: You can't give something you don't have I love that.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: That's really beautiful and I'm the same.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: You know it feels you can have all the money in the world, you can have all the material things in the world, but when you're being of service and you're helping somebody and truly having an impact in this world and for somebody, there's nothing better.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's nothing better.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: How many times you've got off a coaching call and you were just just you know all the, all the good feelings, just loving it, just happy as hell.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: Happy as hell, I mean just because of that, or a keynote speech or any of those things.
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: You know that you just make that connection and you change somebody's day hour life, whatever the case may be.
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: It's amazing, and it is.
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: You know, we were supposed to talk a little bit about stress, and I know we totally got it.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: We totally lost, though, because I think for veterans, stress is so important, absolutely, absolutely, and I just everybody, just so you know, we always start with a plan and then we have real conversations here, and that's what this has turned into, and it's been a great conversation.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: At least I've loved it.
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: I hope our audience loves it and they're learning from it.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: Taking notes something resonates.
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, if one thing resonates, it's worth it Absolutely and you know, I hope you guys really enjoy it.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: And Michael is a phenomenal human, by the way, who is built of servitude and joy and has went I've watched him go and joy and has went.
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: I've watched him go.
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: I was one of his coaches so I watched him grow and develop to the human he is right now and it's a really fantastic journey that I've observed that he put the work in.
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: And I want to say that, wherever you are right now, whoever you are, if you're watching this, you get to choose where you're going.
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: Yes, it will take work.
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: Yes, it will take some discomfort, or maybe a lot of discomfort, but you get to choose where you're going.
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: And one thing I've noticed about people who left the military is that they were looking for structure.
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: I invite you to create your own structure, because the outside world is full of choices.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: It is something that you get to choose and very often after 20, 30, 40 years, it is a very foreign concept to military personnel.
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: A choice how am I going to do this?
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: Well, what's the SOP for that?
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: Well, there's no SOP.
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: How do you want to do this?
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: What's the SOP for that?
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: Well, there's no SOP.
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: How do you want to do this?
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: And then you are presented with all those people in front of you who've done it in different ways.
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: You get to design what feels right for you.
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: You get to design and create your own comfort.
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: You get to design your reality.
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: And, yes, it is uncomfortable at the beginning and, no, there are not many rules that you need to follow.
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: But if you really need them, create your own rules.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: And how does that look like for you?
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: If you want to be a good person, how does looking being a good person look like for me?
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: What do I do on a daily basis and celebrate every time you do that?
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: That's the time to do it.
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: And yeah, so it is.
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: The transition is quite challenging and you know, tony tells another story where he has two friends that unfortunately had the horrible experience of seeing their friends blown up.
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: And I'm not saying this to bring anybody down, but there is a moral to the story.
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: And those two friends, when they left the military, one became an alcoholic and a drug addict and the other one started a foundation and started helping people post-traumatic stress disorder.
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: And Tony had a chat with them and he goes dude, what's up Like why?
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: And both of them answered the same thing.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: After what I've seen, what's up Like why?
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: And both of them answered the same thing.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: After what I've seen, what else could I have done?
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: And the moral of the story is is that whatever you experience and PTSD and those traumatic things that you see there's no way your brain has not changed.
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: We have seen multiple brain scans after those traumatic experiences.
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: It looks different, but your brain has not changed.
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: We have seen multiple brain scans after those traumatic experiences.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: It looks different, but your brain can regenerate.
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: Choose the path that will serve you the best and you always have a choice, even if it's not an easy choice, and all of you are phenomenal human beings.
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: Don't forget that.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: And it's not.
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: I'm not going to say thank you for your service.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: I'm going to say you're a phenomenal human being who did something that most of us wouldn't have the guts to do it.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: And coach, just with that said, thank you for sharing that.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: You know it's not.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: You know, not everybody is in the line of fire and actually sees that.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: But even you know the the veterans, and it's an interesting stat.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: But the veterans that go over and don't go into active combat actually have higher suicide rates than the ones that do.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: It's an interesting study I was just reading not that long ago, so it's really interesting.
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: That comes from structure and belonging In a military.
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: They have a community, they belong.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: It's clear, it's predictable, it's safe.
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: The outside world has no community, no clarity, no structure.
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: When not serving in combat, you find out that everything you knew doesn't work anymore and you need to rebuild yourself.
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: And that is the challenge.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: It can be a challenge, and it's the definition you give it to as well, because it can also be an excited anticipation, absolutely.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: That's the difference, I think, with a lot of the military that I deal with and I talk to and so on.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: It's the definition that you've given, the experience itself.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: So you see one person and it's the same thing in neighborhoods or brothers and sisters or whatever.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: Same exact upbringing, same exact experiences, but one goes and thrives and one doesn't, in terms of drugs and alcohol and whatever the case may be.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: So it's a really great point that you bring up and I've seen it as well over and over again.
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: So, creating your own community, creating your own set of values, surrounding yourself with people who are a little bit not far, but a little bit farther ahead in the journey, so they can be your guides, they can be your mirror, they can support you when you don't know.
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: And also the curiosity.
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: I invite everybody to be curious, because when we're curious, I'm curious how they do it.
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: It allows your brain to explore different options and that exploration allows you to choose what works for you.
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: Imagine how amazing it is to safely, because a lot of veterans who do leave, they do have a certain amount of money that is at least for a period of time granted to them, if not forever, then first and pin and you get to reinvent and rediscover yourself without fear of ending up on the street.
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: Now, needless to say, people make bad choices and good choices, but you get to choose, you get to create.
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: If you don't want to create, create your own rules.
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: And if you love rules, create your SOP of operation and then adjust it as needed.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: I love it, I love it and literally it's all choices.
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: Whether you get out of bed that day or you go work out and you go help people or whatever your calling is, it's always going to be your choice and people, a lot of times they get so stuck in the in the minute, in the in the day-to-day grind they're not really thinking there's that choice, but there always is.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: So it's again a great point you bring up.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: And also I'm going to just add you know that camaraderie and really making sure you have those connections, because from my experience I've seen over and over again that's when our military veterans and people in general let's call it what it is but where they aren't, they don't have that camaraderie.
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: You're talking about Biggest killer actually.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: Absolutely Get on Facebook groups, you know.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: Make a phone call, get a partner before you leave so you have someone to just check in with.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: There's so many different resources now.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: It's not a weakness, it's really.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: It takes more strength to ask for help and to reach out than it does to just lay in bed and not move forward in life.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: So reach out, get those connections, do not isolate yourself.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: Reach out to everybody.
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: And if you do decide to lay in bed because you might want to one day like this is what I want to do today, although you can't, and I'm going to do that um, put a time limit on it.
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: How long are you going to be unhappy?
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: Allow yourself to be unhappy, because unhappiness is a part of human experience.
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: There's nothing wrong and I think I want to bring that up nothing Nothing wrong with being angry, upset, hurt, feeling unneeded, unwanted, unloved, whatever you're feeling.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: All of these are valid.
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: The question is, how long are you going to stay in those feelings that are preventing you from being happy?
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: So, put a timer on it.
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: Say, okay, I'm going to be miserable for 24 hours.
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: I'm going to cry and do whatever I want to do, and stay in bed and eat a lot of sweets and ice cream and I'm going to play with my cat.
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: But after 24 hours, no matter how I feel, I'm going on my rebounder and I'm going to jump and I'm going to put on music that I love and I'm going to force myself to smile, and that's a method I invite everybody to try.
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: Smiling forces release of dopamine and serotonin.
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: Even forced smile for three minutes allows your brain to flood your with happy chemicals.
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: Make sure when you sit, you put your arms back and you smile and you have your back straight.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: Even changing your pose will change your mood.
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: I guarantee it takes three minutes, it doesn't require medication and, yes, it might last for long.
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: Do it again and again.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: It's simple.
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: After all, you get to choose how you feel, and I mean, do you like to feel crappy?
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: Because I don't.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: No, no See, can't help it.
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: So it's funny you bring that up.
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: I literally just was with a client earlier today and went through this exactly and I, I like for me and it's my personal rule I give myself.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: I generally have a 15 second or a 15 minute rule, okay, okay.
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: So, if it's something small, and give it like you said, give it a structure, yeah, 15 seconds.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: Whine, cry, even complain out loud, I don't care, throw a tantrum, get it out of your system and move on, because is it going to matter in 15 days, 15 years?
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: And most people are going to say no, it's not.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: So if you have a really bad one, go for the 15 minutes, go cry, get that ice cream, start eating it for a minute, but then make sure you work it off later.
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: I'll go with the 15 hours.
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: Okay, I'm not 15 seconds, it seems terrifying.
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: So 15 minutes sounds better for me, and 15 hours.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: And that's okay too, because whatever you choose, just keep the promise to give to yourself, because that way you build your own trust in you and in integrity.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: And if you mess up, it's okay, we all do.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: Everybody.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: Absolutely Fantastic.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: This has been great, and I know we just scratched the surface and you know we're about out of time here, so we'll have you back on.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: I'd love to have you back on, of course.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: Of course, it will be my pleasure.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: Fantastic, thank you.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: So I always throw everybody under the bus at the end here.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: So we didn't discuss this.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: No, we didn't.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: Awesome.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: I'm curious what you're going to do.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: Three tips.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: We need three tips for veterans and or families.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: Please do not forget, the families go through a lot too.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: They're the silent heroes that no one really thinks about, and they go through all the similar things when that you know their counterparts are going through it's, it's loneliness, it's separation, it's not knowing how to rebond or reconnect, and kids and you know we have Venu Keller on here tomorrow, which is fantastic.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: We're going to be discussing a lot of that stuff, so you know.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: So three tips for any of those people.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, three tips go.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: Number one create your own happy place.
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: Create your own structure, your own rules and your own place that makes you feel happy.
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: Number two make sure that you acknowledge and feel everything you feel and everything is valid.
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: None of your feelings are not important, all of them are.
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: Three put a time limit on feeling bad.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: And I think those three things if you just start practicing and get better and better with time, oh, I got to do.
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: Number four Celebrate.
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: Celebrate the tiniest achievements in the process.
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: Celebrate Allow the happy chemicals, happy hormones, the way you sit, flood your system, because life becomes lighter when we celebrate.
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: It does.
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: Don't know how, get my book.
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: I teach you how to celebrate.
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: And if you're a man, let me tell you a secret.
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: We women need to learn that from you, because you guys are absolutely amazing at celebration and we don't even know it.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: Absolutely fantastic, Everybody you know.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: Coach G, again, thank you.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: I'm honored.
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: I say this at every episode.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: You know, our most precious resource is time.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: As humans, we don't get it back.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: So thank you for spending the time giving some tips for me, for all of our listeners and our veterans, et cetera.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: Really appreciate you spending the time and honored, as always.
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: My honor and pleasure.
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: Thank you for listening to me.
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: Absolutely Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we are out of here.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your Thoughts your Reality podcast with your host, michael Cole.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit empowerperformancestrategiescom.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: Remember your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: Catch you on the next episode.