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Self-Pleasure over People-Pleasing This Season · Brunch with Brittany

• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to Brunch with Brittany.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Thanks for joining me again.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: So today's episode I wanted to kind of just check in with the girls and the fellas.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: You too, you too second, but you too yeah.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: So we are back and I was thinking about how this is coming up, on what we got a few months till the end of the year, and I was thinking about everything that maybe you're going through this year.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Just checking in with you right now, you know like I always tell you to start the podcast with, like, a drink.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: And then I realized, like when I say a drink, I don't even always mean alcohol, right, like, when you think of brunch, it's typically like we're going to do mimosas or something which I love to do.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: But it's also like making sure that you are hydrated.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: You know like, ask yourself right now, are you hydrated?
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Like, when's the last time you had some water today?
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Right, and coffee, maybe Did you do anything peaceful for yourself today?
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Even Did you stretch?
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I know I didn't.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I did not stretch this morning, but I do.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: I do make time for that.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: But things like that you know like, how are you feeling right now?
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Are you feeling good?
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: Are you feeling like, you know, not good and what's the reason for that?
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: That's what today's episode is about.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Really, just what's going on with you, you know, are you in a relationship right now?
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Is he claiming you girl?
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Are you on his socials?
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Because if not, that's not your man and it's still summer.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: So you need to make, make arrangements for that, and these are the kind of things you need to check in with yourself about.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: You know, are you single?
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: Are you enjoying it?
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: You know, we were just talking I was talking to some friends about, like you know, it was an article, right, and they were talking about how being single is seen as like an embarrassing thing or maybe a negative thing.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: But it's also about what chapter you're in.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Right, maybe you are in your single chapter era and you don't want to be, but you need to be.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Maybe you need to be and it doesn't feel good.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: It feels lonely, but that's not loneliness.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: You're just bored, sis, pick up a hobby, it's all you really need.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Go stretch, you know.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Go back into pouring into you, because if you're not doing that, then everything else is going to be stressful.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: You're going to find a man in stress mode.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Don't do that.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: You're going to pick the wrong one.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: You got to do it when you're at peace, when you're feeling good, even if you're not.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: And I was thinking too about like boundaries, you know, are we?
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Do we have any boundaries?
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: As a former, like extreme people pleaser, oh my God, I was definitely that girl that if I spent a night even at a friend's house and I would be freezing cold and I wouldn't ask for a blanket, I'd be like no, that's too much, I can't even ask them for that, I don't want to bother them with that.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: And I thought that was kind of just a me know, just a me thing.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: And then I find out other people do that too.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: But it's like part of that people pleasing.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Right, you don't want to bother someone, but are you even creating that kind of self-pleasing for yourself?
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: You know, instead of worrying about always people pleasing and how others are perceiving you, how are you even taking care of yourself first?
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: And I had to unlearn that real bad.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: I think it's always important to care.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying don't care.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying be selfish.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: That's definitely not the message here.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: That doesn't even feel good.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: People who naturally like thrive off of being selfish.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: First of all, stay away from me please.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, I don't want any more like life-sucking people in my life, but, yeah, there are people who are enjoy that right and like understanding.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Are you around, those people who are kind of enabling you to even stay that way?
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: It's just important for you to kind of ask yourself Again those boundaries like for me?
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: You know, you know what I like, what I've been seeing too, when people put their phone on, do not disturb.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Like, are you always you get a notification or you get a message, and you have to answer whatever question or whatever someone needs, like right away.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: You just you know, and it's like is that really good for you, though?
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Is it that important?
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Can it wait?
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: And you know what I found?
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: A lot of these things can wait.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: A lot of these things you need to put in your schedule accordingly.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: Okay, for your peace of mind, because I have been searching for peace of mind for a long time and you got to practice different things that work for you, right?
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: You might think that something is good for you that's going to bring you peace, and then you realize like, oh, that was actually very stressful.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: That made it worse.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: You know, um, when I see people put their phone on, like do not disturb.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: I immediately, like I already know, don't bother them.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: Respect that boundary because even without them telling you directly, it's like, obviously, right now they are, they're into something, they're, they can't give attention to anything else, and I think that's important to, like, you know, really allow yourself to kind of detach too.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: Are you too much right now?
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Like there for everybody else?
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: That's a good thing up until a certain point.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: You know you got it.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Like they say, you always have to pour into your own glass before you can pour into others.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: That is so true.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Time and time again, I have experienced that you know where you end up with nothing and then you feel like you can't give anything because you really have pushed yourself to that point where you now need to replenish and whatever that looks like, whether it's more sleep, you know, going to bed at a good hour, making sure you're hydrated, making time to get to the gym.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: I struggle with that.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: I'm constantly feeling like you know where's the time and where's the energy.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Well, the time is there, the energy is there, but I'm clearly not doing things that allow me to feel like I have that Right.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: So something's got to change and we all go through seasons of that Right Like you might be going to the gym three, four times a week.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: I was that girl.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: And then life happens and then you get caught up with something else.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: I think I threw my shoulder out.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: I think I threw my shoulder out.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: I had to stop going and then it was just so easy to not go again.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: So life will really do that to you.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: But I love that we can always reset.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Right, like every new day you can reset and that's pretty cool.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: If you think about it, you know like today might have been a crappy day.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: We're always going to have some days like that, no matter what.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: And they do suck right.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: It feels like the worst.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: It feels like, you know, low.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: Nobody likes feeling like that, but I, what I do is sometimes I'll just go take a shower, go jump in the shower.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: You might be.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: If you are feeling low right now, keep this on.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, all right, you have me on the app.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: You don't have to turn this off.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: But, like, go and start taking a shower.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Go like, just wash your body, wash your hair, and you'll see how much better you feel and how like really, whatever you're going through is, you can deal with it later, and I don't mean to put it off, but I just mean that right now, clearly, your body and your mental need need nourishing right, need replenishing, need self-focus back onto yourself.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, or you know, calling someone that you love, that you care about.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: Have you done that recently?
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's even calling someone to say, hey, like you're doing a great job at this or I'm loving seeing this about you.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: You know that can really bring you like happiness.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: It's sharing happiness with other people and even reaching out, like some people.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: I don't know, sometimes I'm like I don't want to bother anyone with my problems.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: You know, like I'm going through it, I just got to go through it alone, and that's not always the way, but sometimes it is.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you do just need to go through it.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: People have problems, right, but I always feel like if you do have those resources, those key people in your life that you can trust, that you can call and you know that they'll be there for you, definitely use them, definitely use that, because I think that they'd want to be there for you too.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: So it's not so much a burdening thing, but it's allowing someone else to be there for you when you have always made yourself available for everyone else and to be there, that shoulder, for someone to lean on, that ear, you know, for them to just emotionally dump on you, like there's definitely that Recognizing who are those people in your life that just call you to emotionally dump.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: Do you have someone like that in your life right now?
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: I definitely have.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: I've gone through that and I never.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: You have someone like that in your life right now?
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: I definitely have.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: I've gone through that and I never looked at it like that.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: I always looked at it as you listen, you're just listening, lending an ear, but then when you have your turn and they're not there, they don't want to lend that ear, they want to bring it back to them and their problems again or what they're going through.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: That's when you got to realize like, oh okay, so this person doesn't really care about me in that way Doesn't mean they don't care about you at all.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: It just means that they can't be there for you.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: In that capacity, which I always say too, I learned to meet people where they are, wherever that may be in a good, in a bad place, right, if they're not that friend that can be there for you emotionally with support.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: They may not be able to because of other things going on in their life.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: You know where they're feeling, like that's the focus, and their problems are more significant, and it doesn't mean that they don't love you, they don't care about you, but it could just mean that that's their priority in that chapter, and knowing, understanding what chapter people are in is so important.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: What chapter are you in, though?
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Right, like, what is this moment of this time of the year?
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Like the goals that you maybe put out at the beginning of the year, or the thoughts or just the ideas?
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: Have you put anything into action?
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: And I am by no means telling you like you need to get on it.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: This, you know, I'm testing you, I'm challenging you, not that, but I just mean that what your vision was at the beginning of the year, are you going back to it?
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: Are you following through with it?
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: And it may not be consistent, but art did you?
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: Did you just put it down and never come back to it?
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: You know, did you allow the rest of life and everything that comes with that, because, oh my god, like between friends, family, work, you know, I mean, that's three.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: To me, that's like three different circles that need attention, time and energy and love, and and sometimes it's not even that.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: You know, if you deal with friends and family, especially, sometimes that goes there's really bad times with that, really bad relationships, right, they go south.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: And um me going through that right now, like actually actually with a friend.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: You know, I found out that a girlfriend of mine was feeling some type of way about something that we had done over a year ago together, right, and it came out later when I was telling her I don't even remember I brought up something about us and then she goes on to say, like well, you did this.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, wait a minute, I had no idea you were feeling this way.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: I had no idea you were feeling that way, thinking that way.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: And also, why didn't you feel comfortable to come and tell me at the time like, sooner I don in, oh, you should have told me that day.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: I know some people are like, if you were feeling this way, you should have told me right there.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: And then you got to give people time to process what they're even feeling, and especially because if you are in a high stress or an emotion of anger, you don't want to say something and say it the wrong way and lose that friend or lose that relationship with the family member or with work?
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: Right, you don't want to.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: That's not the time to have those conversations.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: So I actually would discourage you to handle it right there and then you know if something's making you feel some type of way.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: But I, you know I was like I wish you would have told me a week after two weeks, after even a month After a month, I feel like you are definitely never going to bring that up again and it's going to boil over and it's going to blow up and there goes whatever relationship y'all had when it could have been fixed, you know.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: So me also feeling like because I do a lot of self-reflection and self-awareness why, I ask myself like, why didn't she feel safe or like she could be open and honest with me?
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: Why didn't she feel that way?
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: Did I not make her feel comfortable?
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: Did I make her feel like she couldn't be?
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: You know I wouldn't take it well and that our friendship would be over.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: I know some girls are don't like.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: They'll call it conflict right, like if we have a disagreement, they see that as conflict and I don't want anything to do with that and I don't work that way because I don't want to lose that friendship or whatever relationship it is.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: You know, I want it to be squashed, I want it to be worked through so that we can get to peace on the other side of it.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: It's never about like who's right, it's like, well, what's more important?
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Do I want to be right or do I want this friendship?
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: But we should be able to discuss that so that we can get back right, both together and at peace.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: You know, so I was like.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: I even asked her like I wish I would have known.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: I thought that I had an open, safe space for you.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: I didn't get why.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: And I've had other friends do this to me too, where I'm open and I'll say, hey, I'm feeling some type of way about what you did on this or what you said about this, right, your opinion on this, and it's always just to like let's elaborate.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Why do you feel that way, why you think that way, why did you do that?
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: And they'll hit me back with the well, you did this.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: And again it's from like way in the past, something I didn't even know was going through their mind, and I just think that that's so.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: It's like immature and toxic and it's not okay, like it's immature and toxic and it's not okay.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: Remember that when we have these friendships, these relationships, it is for us to work together.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: At the end of the day, we want to be on good terms, we want to be good with each other.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: We don't want to be going against each other.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Obviously, if we ended up in each other's lives where we liked each other enough to continue that relationship, then and then we want to always try to get back to that peace.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: So I don't get that, but I think it's something that it really took me aback, because I think that that's so important to have those safe spaces, and I got to figure out what I'm doing.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I need to talk to the girl from the beginning and be like every girlfriend.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Listen, you can come to me with anything.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: If I said or did something that made you feel some type of way, bring it to me, bring it to me.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: I am not the girl that's like well, now that you don't like something I did, I don't want to talk to you.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: It's over our friendship.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: It's not like that for me.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: But I definitely would like to see that more being reciprocated.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Because, again, what are we doing here?
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: Do we really want to be at odds with each other?
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: No, that's not the goal.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: That's not what I want anyway.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: But on a lighter note, so I um, I actually recently.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: So I was, I made an.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: No, I didn't make an appointment, I'm lying, I'm lying.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: So I was just like I want to go see a card reader.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: I haven't done this in years, in years, okay, it's been like no, over 10 years, I don't know Anyway.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: So I was like, random, let me go read, go go see a card reader.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: I just Googled one in the area and it was open.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: Okay, so I drive up there.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: First of all, it's definitely in a not a good area.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: Okay, I don't know if that's a good sign or a bad sign, but it was not in a good area.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, whatever, I'm already here, let me just go in and see what this, this reader, is going to say.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: Cause I just felt like doing it, I thought it was going to be for fun, to be honest, like I know there's some that are real.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: But then, you know, I also want to see, like, all right, let's see.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: So go there.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: The door is locked and I'm like, oh no, I maybe I should have left an appointment.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: There's a door to the left.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: There's two doors.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: So I go, I tug on the door, it's locked.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, okay, this building looks like the door for to.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: Maybe there's another entrance.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: So I go and I open the door and it opens.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, yeah, of course, duh walk right in and I see a patient, like in the on the left of me on the couch, and I'm like, oh, this is really this nice place, you know, I just keep on walking and then I realized it's not the freaking card reader spot.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, it's somebody's home, all right, literally next door.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: So I was like, oh my God, I am so sorry.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: He's like no, no, no, it's okay, I know what you're doing.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: You're trying to, you know, meet the.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: I don't know what her name actually.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: I don't want to say her name.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: I don't want to say her name.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: He's like she's not even here right now.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: You got to call her, you got to you for you to come in.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: Maybe she lived around the area and she could just really go down the street.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: So go there.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: She's not there.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: It's like not even worth it After I see the area, I'm like I got to go because I think I've had a bad experience before.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: I had another card reader tell me I was going to end up with.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: She said I think she said it was a policeman.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: I was like ma'am, ma'am, a policeman.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: Like are you telling me I'm gonna, you know, get murdered?
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: Like are you telling me I'm gonna choose the wrong guy, no offense, but the, the, the statistics aren't good for police officers with relationships.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's just say that, oh and that there.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: But I was like I want to see, I want to see what they say.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: So I didn't get to do that, but I enjoyed trying it, like just doing that with my day, I want to go get my skincare products taking care of my skin, because right now it is all broken out.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: No, I shouldn't say that, just a little bit, a little bit, but I don't like that, a little bit too much for me.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: So I was enjoying that, but yes, so, um, let's see where am I at.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: I told you about the safe space.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: I was really bothered by that, but I think we will work that through.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: At least I hope so.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: You know, on my end, I don't know.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: You know, some people will tell you oh, we're good, no, we're good, and whole time is, we're not good like they.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: They're gonna start treating you differently.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: Well, I hope not.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: That's me drinking my coffee, and I do have a big jug of water next to me and a really pretty glass.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: So if you're not hydrated, go ahead and grab a drink.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: Right now I'm telling you, do some stretches while you're listening to me.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: You're not hydrated?
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: Go ahead and grab a drink.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: Right now.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you, do some stretches while you're listening to me.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: You're going to feel better.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: But yeah, so checking on yourself, checking on your girlfriends, and maybe even I would say more so checking on yourself this time of year We've got a few more months left it's summertime.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: It's going to be, you know, fall, halloween, summertime.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: It's going to be fall Halloween.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: All of that's going to be going on, and I've been seeing all the Halloween decorations.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: I'm excited for it.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: There's a lot to be excited about, and I will say well, you know what?
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: I'll save that for another episode, but take some time for you.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: Do some good things for yourself that really make you feel good, and thanks for tuning in.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: Don't forget, though, you got to download this episode brunch with britney.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: I'm on iheart radio spotify.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: I am on youtube apple podcast.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: I mean, anywhere you listen to podcasts, you will find brunch with britney.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: Please share this episode.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: Subscribe to my youtube brunch with Brittany.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: We got more episodes coming your way, of course.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: Bye.