Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / You’ve Got a Tone with Lake Bell

Transcript

You’ve Got a Tone with Lake Bell · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hi Katherine, Hello Chelsea. Excuse me. I took some chocolate
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: mushrooms last night and they were very strong. I actually
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: I took them the other night to my friend gave
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: it to We were going to someone's birthday party and
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: we walk into the party. We get out of the car.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: I was with Billy, my driver. We get out of
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: the car, walk into the party. I was like four
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: people and somehow I got separated from them, and then
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: the mushrooms completely hit me so hard, and I was like,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: where am i? And who am I with? I was like, who, who?
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Who did I come here with? And I'm looking around, going,
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: oh god. And I was like, you're with someone. Just
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: look around for a familiar face. You did not come alone.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: You are definitely with other people. And then I saw
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: my friend Alison. I'm like, say, isn't you And she's
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: like yeah. I go, oh my god, I just lost you.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: She goes, we just walked in. How could you lose me?
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I go, I don't know, but I don't know. I'm
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: fucked up. Let's go sit down. Were you also the
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: only one on mushrooms? Who knows? But somebody? Somebody's mother
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: the birthday boys mother cornered me for about twenty minutes,
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: and she had three heads while she was talking to me,
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: and I was just like, these are because she gave
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: me a little chocolate square, my friend, which are the
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: best mushrooms ever. I'll give them to you if you want,
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: but you have to take half of that. Last night
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: I took half and I had a good time too.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: So wow, and you can still just like relate to
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: people and you're fine. Yeah. You know what I love
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: about mushrooms. They just make you laugh. You know, they're
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: up and they make you laugh. And yeah, we went
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: last night, we said, we hung out for like four hours,
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: just sitting around, laughing talking. Yeah. I love the dreams
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: the dream Oh you guys, I'm performing this weekend. Tickets
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: are still available for both shows, So bye some okay
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: by our guest Today, she wrote and directed In a World,
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: which is all about voice acting. Her fascination with voice
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: goes way back, and so now she has an audiobook
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: out called Inside Voice, which dissects your voice, how you
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: come across, how people change their voices, and the title
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: of the book is called Inside Voice. It's published by
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Malcolm Godwell's company which is called Pushkin and then she
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: has a lot of famous people on it, Drew Barrymore,
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: Susie Yesman, Pam Career, Jeff Goldbloom, and Malcolm Gladwell. So
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: please welcome Lake Bell Hi, Lake, Hi, Chelsea. How are you?
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: I'm great. I'm better now now that I'm here with
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: you a long time. No see are you in New York?
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I know I am. You look beautiful, Chelsea? Oh thanks,
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: I just had Wendy's. Maybe that's it. I'm glowing. I
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: think it's the Wendy's grease glow. I came. I was like,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: you know what I need today? Once I found out
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: we were recording at this studio, I'm like, I need
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: some chicken nuggets from Wendy's. Did you really? I did?
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: I did. I allowed myself to do that about once
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: every three or four months. Okay, so it's Wendy's okay
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: for me. My my guilty one is Subway. I want
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: a Subway sandwich in a pinch. Yeah, I do. I
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: like get I like the combo meal. I like to
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: get a drink and you get a chip. I like
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: anything with like a combo. You know. I'm into combos
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: as well. I like a combo platter. I like to
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: think that. I don't like I want to opt out
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: of the fries because that's just like putting gasoline inside
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: your body. But then I'm like, you know what funkin,
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: I'm here, and I'm I'm going to enjoy myself and
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: your privilege, my white privilege. Actually, Okay, and there we started. Okay,
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: like I was listening to your book. Lake has a
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: new book out, an audio book in fact, called Inside Voice,
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: which is a great examination of all the different voices
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: that we use in different situations. Talk to us a
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: little bit about you. You've been fascinated by the subject
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: for quite some time, right, Yeah, I'm pretty openly vocally obsessed.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: I love voices because I think they imbue so many
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: different characteristics, but also kind of it's a roadmap of
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: everything we've ever endured. So it's it's like your voice
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: is in headibly recognizable, and it is. I'd be so
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: curious to hear you at like fourteen or sixteen, you know,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: because you as you are right now. Chelsea's voice. I
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: love where it's come because it has this intremendous evolution
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: and all these tapestry markers of like, Okay, you fucking
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: any traumas or delights or whatever. It's really kind of
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: this thing we don't pay attention to. Sure, we look
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: in the mirror, We're like, what kind of fucking crew
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: neck am I gonna wear? What? You know it? Where's
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: my part? Do I have a good lip? Is it mad?
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Is it glossy? Okay? But the point is our voice
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: is the thing that connects to humans in some kind
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: of communication. So the second you open your mouth and
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: you're learning about somebody, sure you're gonna look at what
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: they're wearing and how they're You're gonna make some snap
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: judgments perhaps, But when they open their voice, that's when
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: you really start to get to know someone, and you
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: are going to profile, whether you want to or not,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: You're gonna have some preconc you notions just based off
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: their pitch, their regional dialect perhaps, you know, do they
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: come from a certain burrow? Are they putting on an
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: affectation that feels inauthentic. There's a multitude of different things
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: and cocktails that we add on, whether we're aware of
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: it or not. Some people are so vocally self aware,
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: like myself, that they are obsessing over it, and then
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: other ones are like, don't play that back for me.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: I can't. I can't, I can't. Is that me? You
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: know there's this real self loathing and I love this disconnect.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: It's so interesting to me from a sociological point of view. Yeah,
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: I think people get really freaked out by their own voices,
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: especially because everybody has a variety of different voices that
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: they use, like you know, your phone voice versus your
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: angry voice versus your when you're trying to be for me,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: when I'm trying to be soft, I always have to
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: modulate my voice like okay, because I know I can
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: come up across as much harsher than I mean to
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: just by just by my you know, physicality, just because
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: people know that I'm a bit so I But when
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: I was a little girl, I remember doing stand up
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: and watching hearing my voice made me cringe because it
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: was so high and it was so unmodulated. I guess
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: would be the the term that comes to mind quickly,
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: and I remember always going, no, don't talk in that
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: high voice, like you don't sound serious, you know, lower
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: your register, lower it. And it is. It is an
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: evolution and a lot of people aren't even aware of
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: the sound of their voice or think about it, because
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: I can think of a couple of people when you
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: were just talking offhand, whose voices just made me disqualify
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: them as people like I can't listen. There's somebody in
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: my life that I can't listen to talk because I
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: can't take her seriously because she talks like this and
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: this kind of voice. Okay, so this is what this
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: is the next step, which is like our own vocal profiling.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I mean, you hit the nail on the head there,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: because I also have, you know, really conflicted feelings about
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: some female voices, which it sounds you know, we talked
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: about the sex baby voice, which is you know, like
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: why do we have to go so high and like
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: so much fry and up talk and it's like Jesus Christ.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: And yes, I have had things where I'm like, I
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: can't hire you, you know, and that can like I
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: can't hang out. I don't even know if I can
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: be in the same room with you, you know what
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: I mean. And that for me is that's where I
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: am in conflict because as a woman who you know
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: loves women. I love women, I mean fucking love women.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: I have sisters, I have daughter, you know, I just
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: I'm a girlfriend kind of gal and I don't want
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: to I don't want to isolate anyone. I don't want
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: to be that person. However, it is problematic for me
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: because it is it is harkening back that sexy baby
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: sand is harkening back to a time when we are
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: little girls and it's a submissive voice. It's taking that
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: little girls submissiveness and marrying it with bedroom talk. I'm like,
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: say what you know? And that for me is like
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: woes or you know what I'm saying. So yeah, I mean,
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: I'm with you. It sucks that we do profile, but
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: we do. I mean, even with regionalism, Okay, we're all
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: guilty of. You know, if someone talks like this and
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: the coming from you know, you're gonna have what you
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: might think, Okay what some people I've talked to, they're like, yeah,
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: well that person is from deep South, right, Like if
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: you have a really beautiful deep South farmland accent, Okay,
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: that accent is unforcable? Is it depends where you're sitting.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: But no, I mean you might say that's unfussable and
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: then you know, it's it's interesting. It's like do you
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: do you not want to hire that person. Are you
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: making assumptions about that person socioeconomic or education status? You know, basically,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: I'm just making the assumption that I don't want to
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: suck them, but I wouldn't. But I I hear what
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: you're saying, and I think that it's interesting as you
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: go through life. I mean, I don't know, does everybody
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: have enough introspection to actually think about how they're coming
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: across It's almost like a rarefied topic that you would
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: you need the luxury to even discuss. But here's the
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: deal is, like it goes across the board. So we
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: all enjoy. We have a couple of drinks. Everyone wants
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: to do an impression right there, like, oh, I have
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: a great Just last night there was someone who was
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: like I got a great Christopher walking. You know, you're
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: just like, okay, drunk person, like go for it. And
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: people have these like oh I've got a good Drew Barrymore,
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: I've got it, like a great Jeff Goldblum, who are
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: both in the book. You know, these are iconic voices.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: We enjoy voices, we we relish in them, we we
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: enjoy playing with them. You know, people are they enjoy
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: doing accents. Even if you are not a professional, you
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: are using your voice to find love, to find connection,
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: to work, to interact with the person down at the
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: fucking gas station. You're always using your vocal tool, like
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: you right now revealing that your voice is going through
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: evolution from the younger girl who is perhaps just getting
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: up on stage and finding her voice as a comedian.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: And then you made a conscious decision to try to
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: lower it. And I bet you've now arrived at a
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: place where this is your voice. I mean, it sounds
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: so deeply authentic to you. It doesn't sound like you're
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: pushing it down though we could. You know you can
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: do vocal warm ups to kind of find it, because
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I used to push it down also, I did like, hey,
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: I want you to take me seriously and take me
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: as an authority. And now I find this is me,
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: this is just who I am off the truck. I
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: have a lower register than I did, and in the
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: book I reveal where I was vocally. But I really
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: love that pliability. I love that that has the ability
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: to kind of like we we vocally change. You know,
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: you you move to a certain burrow, you move out
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: of a certain burrow, you have a partner that speaks
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: a certain way. You smoke, you start smoking in your twenties,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: and you do it throughout and then all of a
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: sudden you've got you know some I mean, you have
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: a beautiful kind of text or to your voice do,
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: but that's your history. It's also interesting to dissect how
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: one person how we say things right, because something can
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: come across as argumentative in a certain tone, and the
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: same exact sentence can come cross as inviting. Or you know,
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: if you take a sentence and you experiment with five
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: to ten different ways of saying something, they all have
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: a kind of different out impact and outcome. I have
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: a very specific issue with that in my own life,
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: where like some people have resting bitch face, I and
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: my sister has the same problem. We have what we
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: call resting bitch voice, where especially with like the people
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: we love the most, like my husband or whatever, I
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: can be just telling him a piece of information like
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: what time is it, and my voice will go it's
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: ten thirty, And I'm not pissed, but I sound so rude,
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: and sometimes I have to be like, I didn't mean
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: it like that. I just meant it's ten thirty. Yeah,
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: I mean that's intonation, right, So that's I mean, it
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: is interesting when we start to think about performance versus voice,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: right so style because in the book it's very kinetic.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: It's not it's active, you know. It's like I want
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: your participation as well as just like sitting on your butts.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: It's it's it's an active participatory experience. And trust or
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: bust is this game we play. And I have anonymous
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: readers of all different socio economics and from different continents
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: read with all of their accents because even I have
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: an accent, right, we all have accents. We have strong
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: American accents, generalized or what have you. And then I
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: have anonymous judges be brutally honest about whether they trust
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: that voice or bust it. And that's not based on performance, right, tonality,
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: curtness or whatnot. It's it's about just voice. Do you
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: trust that voice or not? You know, it was really
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: extraordinary because people, boy, I mean, it's all over the
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: place and people have such strong, profiled opinions about you know,
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: if you hear a deep South accent, or if you
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: see if you hear a British you know, kind of
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: like an estuary British accent, you know, and it for me,
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: it was just like, God, this just goes on. It's
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: like we're we're walking through life and you're going, Okay,
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go get a fucking Starbucks or whatever like macciato,
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: and and the person who hands it to you, if
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: they're like you want milk with that, you know, it's
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: like you're immediately like, okay, where they're from. I know
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: that they have a big family. You know, you're just
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: making some assumptions. You could be totally wrong, but you
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: are gaining a lot from just the voice alone. And
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: so how do you apply this to your work because
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: you were talking about directing specifically, right, giving people notes
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: versus Yeah, I think I think in work, like you said,
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: I do lower my register a bit to just wield
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: kind of pure attention and respect. Right, I'm not trying to.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: It's like instead of being bitchy or whatever, you know,
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: it's like I'm just like I'm gonna wield a very
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: direct authority. Sound right, and that sound you know if
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: I was up here even without doing Sexy Baby, but
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: I just was a bit higher, you know, if I'm
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: up here that really, you know, would be a harder sound,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: I think to wield power. And so if I said, okay,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: everyone back to one, thank you so much, you know,
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: versus okay, thank you, everyone back to one. Let's let's
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: go one more time. Very different experience. And so how
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: do you apply that with your parenting and your little
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: girl especially? I mean both my kids. No Van Nazi,
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: no when I'm using directing voice when I'm missed, you know.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: And so sometimes you know, with my kids, when I
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: read them a book and when I talk about, hey,
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: how was your day? That really that must have really hard. Okay,
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: so let's go back to sleep, and let's just really
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: take some deep breaths. And then it's like, you know,
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: we do not bite in this house, you know. You know,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: so it's like there's a there's a big flip. My
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: voice is utilized. And then my kids they don't like
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: it when I put on like accents and stuff. They
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: you know, because I love doing that and I thought
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: they would think that's so fun, but they're very they're
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: very specific about it, and they don't like it because
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: it sounds like someone else. And I realized the beauty
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: of you know, our voices as as family members and
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: dear loved ones is we really count on those sounds.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: Those sounds are more important than we realize, you know,
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: like the voice of my my mom. Even I'm forty three,
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: I still ah the voice of my mom. She's alive.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: I could cry right now. I love it so much,
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: you know. And she's soft spoken and she you know,
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: it's like there's just something about it. And when I
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: asked my daughter in the book, I say, trying to
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: get a good sound bite, I was like, nova, honey,
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: what is my voice sound like? And you know, She's like,
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: I don't know. It just sounds like you mom, you know.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh God, that's sweet. I'm gonna
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: cry now. But it's true. It's it's like the voice
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: of my brother. It's terrific. It's just him, and it's
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: indelible more so than sometimes these senses, you know, like
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: a smell or something. You walk by a Wendy's and
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: you and you smell whatever you smell, something you go
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: that reminds me of an exact time. And I think
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: voices for me have that same that same powerful poll. Yeah.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: It's like when you think about people who have passed on,
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: you know, my mom, I always can remember her voice,
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: and it was quiet. She was German, but she was
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: not your stereotypical German women woman. She was very demure
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: and shy and quiet, and so when I came on
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: the scene, I remember her always going, where did you
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: get this voice from? Where did you get this voice from?
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: But she meant it literally and metaphorically, like where did
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: you get your attitude? Where did you get all of it?
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: Because it feels like a package. And when you remember
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: people who have passed on my mom, you know, I
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: don't remember my brother's voice, really, but I do remember
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: my mom's voice. And when you remember, that's one of
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: the things that never goes away in terms of your memory,
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: your senses of smell. The other day, I was talking
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: to somebody like and we were talking about the smell
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: of smurfs, right, like I remember the way the smurf smelled,
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: and I remember the way Cabbage Patch kids smelled, and
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: I remember the way the school bus smelled and the
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: first you know, like going to school and all those smells.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: And it's like voices are similar to that. You hear
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: a voice and you're like taken. And sometimes when people
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: sound like each other, you're like, whoa I already know
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: this person. Yes, it does. That's a really beautiful thing
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: you brought up, because, yeah, you you feel all of
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: a sudden like, wow, I feel kindred with you. I
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: just met you. But you sound just like my sister.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know what to tell you or
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: whatever it is. Do you have any recordings of your mother?
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: Do you have any of her voice? Yeah? We have
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: some videos from Yeah, but she was you know, whenever
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: there was a camera on or anything, is when she
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: just kind of disappeared. So it was very hard too. Yeah,
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: I have to ask my sisters about that, actually talk
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: to me about, Like so, Drew Barrymore, Susie Aspen, some
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: of the people that you talk about in the book.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: Malcolm Gladwell, who actually published the book right with Pushkin Industries. Right,
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: are you guys friends? You and Malcolm Gladwell. Yeah. Malcolm
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: and I have known each other for many, many years,
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: and he is acutely aware of my obsession, and so
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: I would kind of talk to him a lot about
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: you know, from coming at it from a sociological point
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: of view, and I think that that I come at
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: it as an academic, you know, It's like I want
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: to learn you know. So it's like I ostensibly created
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: a post grad course in linguistics, you know, and the
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: sociology behind it is even a cultural conversation, like let's
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: talk about it, Let's talk about all the like pop
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: kind of fun stuff, and then also delve deeper into
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: things that I don't know as much about. And with Pushkin,
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: obviously I had access to just a tremendous amount of
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: professors and linguists and doctors to kind of even just
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: peel back the kind of architecture of how sounds are made,
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: you know, and then roll into kind of people's case
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: study stories, you know, stories that that are just moving.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: For instance, Pam Greers in the book, and she talks
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: about losing her voice, actually physically losing her voice, going
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: ostensibly mute. It's called psychogenetic dysphonia in response to trauma
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: in her body, and that she's very moving and revealing.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: I'm very close with Pam, and she was very giving
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: to kind of go there and talk about it. But
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: it's extraordinary that the voice can imbued with so much
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: emotion and also history, you know, yeah, and becoming self
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: aware of it, Like Drew has had the same voice
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: since the beginning of time, Like, she's not trying to
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: develop any sort of differentiation. And even though she gets
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: so many people do so many impersonations of her, she's
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: kind of stuck with her real voice and never put
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: on an affectation. And that's not an affectation either, that
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: is her real voice in real life. Yeah, it was
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: really fun to talk to her because Drew she has
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: a sense of she's quildly unaware of self aware of
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: her voice. She she sort of is a little shocked
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: that people are so interested in in mimicking it, and
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: now she's in on the joke and so generous with
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: her Her spirit is so fucking great. And she was
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: talking about even the kind of architecture of her face
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: and mouth and how it's framed. She speaks from one
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: side of the mouth and that affects the sound and
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: she said that. Actually Adam Sandler called her out on
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: that one time, like as an improvised line in a movie.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: He's a I love it with that, you talk on
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: one side of your mouth or something. She was like,
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: I do you know? And like and it was one
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: of those things where in the book she goes on
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: a ride with me and we kind of like dissect
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: and talk about all the delights that are in her
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: very very specific, iconic sound at this point, and why
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: people who are related sounds so much like each other.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: You know, sisters always sound alike, like I always can.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: People always fay like, oh my god, you and your
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: sisters sound exactly alike. And you're like, well, how's that happen? Well,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: my mom and her best friend. Frankly, my mom's best
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: friend can call me on the phone and I'm like,
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: hey Mom, and she's like, no, it's Linda, And I'm
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: like what, oh god, sorry. You know, like they sound
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: so alike, they're like voice matches because they just spend
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: so much damn time together. And your voice starts to
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: it just attaches onto certain it's sponges qualities, and you
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: do you start sounding like your sister, You start sounding
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: like you're chosen sisters. You know. Yeah, that's interesting. It
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: is wild. Yeah. I mean it's like, you know when
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: somebody has a really sonorous, booming voice too, Like my
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: dad's voice is just very uh come ending, you know,
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: just like I could hear I mean that that's one
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: of those voices where you're like, that's probably where I
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: got mine too, just as a mixture. Because I looked
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: at my mom and I looked at my dad. I
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: think I was like, Okay, I'm gonna go with you.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: I'm going to take the traidle over the Mormon bush. Chelsea,
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: where were you born? Like were you raised? Bored? Because
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: I'm hearing I mean both of you. I mean, let's
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: just do it. Where's everyone born and raised? Because what
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: are you hearing? Tell us what you think? Well, I
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: hear from you, I hear I've known you for a
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: long time, but now we're really dissecting it. I just
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: hear some hard d s and tease in a way
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: that I'd never noticed before, which makes me feel like
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: it's like New York Borough, Try State. And that was
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: just interesting to me in this moment where you know,
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: it's like you've got a little bit of that kind
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: of try State area. Yeah, I'm from New Jersey. Okay,
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: there it is, Okay, beautiful, Okay, so try State now, Catherine,
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: your turn. Catherine would have got well. A friend of
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: mine who was doing voice over for a while, she
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: was like, I couldn't nail a Midwestern accent. And then
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: she heard me say, like, I think I'm gonna have
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: an ball, and she was like Apple, she couldn't get
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: the ale. Yeah, but I'm from outside Chicago, Okay, Okay,
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: So that's really interesting because, yeah, so you're closer to
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: like that quintessential generalized American accent, which it does have
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: kind of Midwestern notes in it. But I would say
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: I lived there for four years and I was at
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: drama school, so it was definitely like everyone's listening to
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: other fucking voices, and you know, when I got there,
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: was the only American in my college, and they were like,
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: oh my god, you've got to get rid of your
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: accents so strong, you know, And I was just like,
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: oh no, no, I was like, I'm American, so like
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: you guys have accs at and they're like, no, we're
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: fucking English. You've got the accent. We were here first,
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: you know. So the whole thing was me trying they
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: were trying to iron out my strong American accent. So
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: that was an interesting kind of reframe, right because as
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: Americans were like, well, we're the baseline, right, We're America
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: and we're not. It's like there is no baseline. We
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: all have accents, every single one of us, and they
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: can change it any time asked Madonna. Just asked Madonna,
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: Chase somebody who went to England and you know, had
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: a British accent in six weeks. So there you go.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: But that's great. Look there it is again. Right, I'm
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: like very pro vocal evolution. I'm also pro regionalism. I
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: want people to lean into their like Burrows and their
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: fucking regions and they're like real deal authentic voice. Because
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: the authentic voice, if it is who you are. If
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: if Madonna feels authentic in that sound, then you know, hallelujah.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: Albeit you know. But this is what I find so interesting.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: It's like, as we there are more ways to listen
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: to different voices. Right, everyone's got a platform, they can
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: find access to it, and that is opening our ears,
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: thankfully to different sounds. And we're not even talking about
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: singing and people who use their voice in that way
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: and how they're able to change that. And yeah, I
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: mean that's a whole other set, that's a whole another book. Yeah, yeah, speak.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: I think I think that people do, honestly, Jose, like,
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: I think you're right, but I do. Singing is often
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: talked about. You know, nobody talks about their voice because
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: they're just like, yeah, but like a freaking boy who
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: gives a ship, and you're like, well, the truth is
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: is that it is the thing that you're wielding to
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: broker love, to broker deals. It's on you at all times,
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: and yet you're more concerned about do I like the
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: high Rise kick pant or not, you know which I
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: do really like. And it's also you know, when you're
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: dating somebody and you here like, this is why I
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: don't like FaceTime. I like talking on the phone when
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: you're getting to know somebody. I find that to be
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: much sexier than holding up a phone and looking at
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: their face until you get to know each other better.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: I think it's nice too, because I think there's something
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: very sexy about before you meet someone, which I don't
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: usually make a practice of talking on the phone very
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: much before I meet somebody if I'm being set up
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: or whatever, But I like, I find that much more intimate. Yeah, yeah, like, yeah,
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: it is like there's something very old fashioned about that,
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: and I like that you get to know a lot
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: about somebody when you're like just learning about them and
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: learning their voice for the first time. I agree completely, Yeah,
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: I mean I would just piggyback that, which is like
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: the voice. It's kind of broadcasting how you want to
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: be heard. And so in that intimate setting when you're
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: meeting someone and you're able to not just like be
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: distracted by the visual right you're even looking at yourself
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: on the FaceTime, you're like, how do I look in them?
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: You know? Howes he look? And yes, I agree with you.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: It becomes a more authentic exchange. Okay, Well, today, like,
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: we're going to use our voices to help callers who
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: are calling in with problems, giving them life advice. And
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: some of the questions are specifically about voice. Some of
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: them are about you know, how we move and operate
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: in the world and confidence and that sort of thing.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: But we'll take a quick break and we'll be right
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: back with like and Chelsea, and we're back, and we're
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: back while our first email comes from Kenny, and Kenny
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: is a woman just off why I dear Chelsea. For
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: as long as I can remember, I've used humor as
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: a defense mechanism. I've always been the quote funny friend,
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: and I've pretty much accepted that this is my role
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: in life and generally have leaned in and been Okay,
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: with it. Now that I'm in my thirties, however, I
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: feel like I've come to a realization that no one
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: actually takes me seriously. I've allowed myself to be the
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: class clown for so long that I question if I
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: even take myself seriously. In general, it feels like when
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: I speak, people will glaze over my words and just
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: laugh at whatever I say, even when I'm not at
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: all joking or trying to be funny. I've also been
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: told in past relationships that I have a quote tone,
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: but I'm still bewildered about what the tone is how
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: I can turn it off. In my current relationship, my
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: partner has had to quote explain me to her family
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: because they can't tell when I'm joking or seria us.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: I guess my question to you, Chelsea is how do
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: I retain the best thing about myself without it also
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: being the thing that I start to resent. I've tried
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: talking about it in therapy, but my unfunny therapist doesn't
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: seem to get it either. Kenny huh question? How old
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: is Kenny? Kenny? The thirties? Okay, well, Chelsea, how would
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: you start with this one? Because I have a couple
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: of things that are you go ahead like and I'll
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: piggyback on you alreat copy that I mean first and foremost.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: It feels like this is like an authenticity believing in
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: yourself thing. The problem isn't being too funny. I think
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: the problem is believing in yourself and owning it and
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: and feeling secure and safe in a relationship and in
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: a room when you agree. Yeah, I would say the
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: more that you allow other people's opinions to sink into
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: your psyche, the less grounded that you will become. So
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: it's a slippery slope when you start taking it like
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: there's one thing to be like, we don't know when
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: you're kidding or not. Like I mean, I've I've experienced
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: that of course myself too. But I think that what
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Lake is saying is true. There has to be a
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: sense of ownership over who you are. And I think
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: what's getting in your ways allowing other people's opinions to
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: kind of sway your own opinion about yourself. You have
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: to stick to your guns and understand that this is
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: your personality. Maybe if you take things too far, you're
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: constantly offending people. There's something to reevaluate. But if people
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: are just not getting whether or not it's a joke
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: and it's not offensive, and that is kind of a
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: an other people's problem. Like your personality is your own
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: and you should embrace it and you should celebrate yourself
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: and kind of really just reject anyone's opinions about the
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: tone of your voice, you know, unless you're screaming at
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: people every day. Yeah, I mean, where this is a
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: nuanced thing. We were not there, but I do you know,
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: I want to piggy aboun you just said, which is
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: you can only be responsible for what's on your fucking
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: side of the street, you know what I mean, So
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: you can only be you and and then also be
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: kind to yourself that you're participating in your relationship with
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: all of the people around you in the way that
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: feels authentic to you. If you feel like that, you're
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: kind of your plan apart or something that's on your
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: side of the street, and you gotta fix that. Yeah,
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: you definitely don't want to be playing a role in
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: your own life, Like, don't do that. You want to
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: be authentic to who you are, and the people that
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: really love you are going to get it anyway, you know.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: And it's really annoying to have to explain things to
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: people all the time. I mean, a quirky personality is
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: a quirky personality. And from what I can tell, I
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: mean by your letter alone, which isn't much because you're
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: not she's not on a zoom right. It's just sounds
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: like that's your thing. Like you know what I said
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: about yelling, Like I used to yell when I was
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: doing stand up a lot. I was used to yell
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: to get my point across, and I would watch That's
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: what would make me cringe the most because it's like
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: sometimes yelling the nudes your point, you know what I mean,
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: It kind of diminishes the whole point. Here would be
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: I would just pop in here and say, okay, so
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: here's a perfect like you could try this, Kenny, which
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: is slow down because the hardest thing, especially when you're
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: like a funny person or you have funny bones, or
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: you feel like you have to kind of entertain a
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: little bit in a situation where you've been you've had
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: the propensity to do that people please e you know,
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: like hey I'm funny girl, Kenny. You know, like if
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: you have that thing, slow the fun down, you know,
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: like respect yourself enough to like read the room, listen
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: to the people around you, and then participate when ready.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: You don't have to fill the space, fill the space
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: with the I don't want it to be silent, so
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna say something Blacky. You know, that's a good exercise.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: If you are one of those people that likes to
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: just insert yourself all the time, it's a good exercise
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: to hang back and like if there's a lull of silence,
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: let someone else feel that. Anyway, good luck with your voice,
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: and thinks Kenny, good luck with your voice, Kenny, and
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: you're a new relationship. Well. Our next question comes from Toro.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: She's here with us, she's twenty seven. Especially because you
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: have had sort of a lot of different careers and
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: you continue to have a lot of different careers, I
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: thought this would be a good question for you and
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: sort of like fighting your inspiration again, Toro says, Dear Chelsea,
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: I'm writing as a longtime fan who has always admired
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: your passion and drive for what you do. I'm a
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: twenty seven year old woman living at n y C,
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: and I'm feeling completely lost in life. Growing up, I
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: always thought I wanted to be a cosmetologist. I grew
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: up neglected in poor but put myself through beauty school.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: Immediately after high school, I quickly realized I was in
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: a deadbeat job in a deadbeat town and moved here.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: I can't practice hair in New York because my license
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: is in a different state, however, so I became a
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: bartender up until just before the pandemic, when I left
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: to become a burlesque dancer. Since the pandemic, I've tried
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: a multitude of different jobs to attempt to make ends meet.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: I've failed at everything I have attempted and dug myself
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: a deeper hole than before. I'm currently trying to continue
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: dancing and performing, but without any formal training and without
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: any money to take classes, and once again stuck. I
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: now have no self confidence, no dreams, no goals, nothing
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: inspires me, and on top of it all, I'm still unemployed.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: I refuse to go back to the restaurant industry because
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: after seven years, I'm fed up. Everything I've tried that
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: has interested me or inspired me at one point no
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: longer does. But after months to years of putting my
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: call into something new, I've never been able to make
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: ends meet or come even close to being able to
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: support myself. Because of this, I've convinced myself that I'm
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: mediocre at everything I do and my sense of self
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: worth is completely destroyed. So I'm looking to you for
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: some help regaining inspiration and self worth. How do I
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: find my passion? How do I find inspiration? And how
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: do I find self worth and confidence after being beaten
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: down my entire life? Thanks for your time, Toro, Toro, Hi,
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: Hi to meet you. Toro. That's fatty Tuna, Toro, that's me.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: Are you poor thing? This is like Bell or special
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: guests today And you know, of course have open to Catherine. Hi, yes, Hi, Hi?
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: How are you? Oh honey? How you say you've got
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: to pick yourself up? First of all, you are giving
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: yourself a lot of negative feedback that is going to
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: keep you in a negative like spin cycle. So first
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: and foremost, I'm gonna give you one thing to do.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: And this has proven I've had I don't know, I
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: take on a lot of patients, even though I'm not
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: a medical doctor, a lot of people. There is a
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: thing that you can do every morning. It takes twenty
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: one days. You write down every morning, you get up
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: and you spend one minute writing down all the things
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: that you are grateful for, and you know you will
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: find things that you're grateful for. You have to write
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: down everything that comes to your mind. It could be
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: your sweater, it could be your apartment, it could be materialistic,
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: or it could be a family member or your hair.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. Just do that every single day for
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: twenty one days and you will have an energy shift.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: This has proven it's like data driven. I read it
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: in a book years ago. I've employed it on myself,
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: my sisters, my friends, and people change and they feel it.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: You feel an energy shift because your energy right now
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: is is going around in a negative circle. Secondly, let's
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: figure out what you want to do and do it.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: You know, can you get your license to do hair
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: in New York City? I would have to retake the tests,
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: but it's also been so long and because it's a
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: different state, I have to pretty much go back to
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: school for it. So it's something that I'm like not
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: sure I'm interested in. When I lo have cosmetology school
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: to go to the hair salon, it was a lot
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: of forty hour work weeks with zero dollar paychecks because
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: it was all strictly commission so that made it really
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: hard on me. So when I moved to New York,
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: I didn't even really want to go back to that.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: Of course, I've jruggled the thought, like in the past
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: couple of years since I've been so like confused. But um,
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know. It's such a big step to take
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: because I'm still paying off school loans from cosmetology school.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: Like if I really want to add to that or
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: I really want to like put my passion into dancing,
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: it's just really difficult. Classes are very expensive and it
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: takes a lot of time and training. So is dancing
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: is dancing? The passion is that the North Star Apparrently,
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: it's been like every like six to eight months, I
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: feel like I'm on something new. But I've been trying
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: to do dancing that was initially where I left the
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: restaurant industry back in twenty nine. I mean, I just
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: I feel like, yeah, you are being really hard on yourself,
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: and there's it sounds like an extraordinary path of like
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: you're looking at it from a negative lens, but I'm like, oh,
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: look at all those amazing experiences she has. I'm like,
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: as a writer, I'm like sucking write that ship down,
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: Like I hope you're journaling, and like every person you
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: meet is an opportunity to just like, oh my god,
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: this is wild. Like I have the privilege of living.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: I have the privilege of like getting to be here
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: and experience. I mean, you're a young, beautiful woman and
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: you have you know what I mean, Like you have
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: the act that you're dancing. I mean, dancing is one
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: of my favorite things in the world. And it's so
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: in body and so like that's such a privilege to
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: move your body. And I get that, girl, Like I
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: love that. And so if that is, even if it changes,
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: just remember I mean, I always have to remember this too.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: The terms can always change. It's okay to change your
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: mind and to try to try new things, right, I mean,
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: who says you have to do one thing for the
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: rest of your goddamn life. Like that's ridiculous. It's not
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: the human experience. Yeah, it's like the you're young girl.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: What are you in your twenties? Yeah, okay, well listen,
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: you have the whole world ahead of you. I wasn't
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: I was still waitressing when I was twenty seven years old.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: I didn't you know, get on my feet financially until
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: I was like twenty nine or thirty. So, like, I
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: honestly feel like we attract great things when our vibration
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: is high. Like when your vibration is low and you're
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: like funck, nothing works, nothing works, then then you're just
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: attracting negativity. Like you have to really focus on the
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: energy that you're putting out there because then you're gonna
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: draw things into you and people into you that are
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: going to help you achieve what you want to achieve. Now,
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: are you getting paid to dance at all? Yeah? So
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: I do burlesque and like go go, and it's pretty
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: much wherever I can book if they have an opening spot.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: But it's not a lot of money. It's you know,
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: mostly tip based, so it's hit or miss on the crowds.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: But I want to say, like usually an average gig
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: is like anywhere from seventy five to a hundred and
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: twenty five dollars. And can I just ask a question
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: about the waitressing thing, because I heard you were like
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: I'm burnt down on that. I'm just curious because I
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: actually I didn't like I loved it because a smile
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: can get you a great trip. You know, I just
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: be curious why it couldn't be concurrent. I know you're like,
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: funk this. You don't have to do it exclusively, but
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: it is like kind of a good gig if you
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: can get it to supplement so that you can continue
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: to dance. Yeah. So I had a really great bartending
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: job that it took a lot out of me to
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: actually leave because I had like benefits and everything from it,
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: and I was taking like a decent income. I had
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: a savings and everything. But when I got the dancing opportunity,
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: I said to myself, like, I have lost so many
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: opportunities because of my bartending job because you have to
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: work every night every weekend. So all of the dancing
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: opportunities or the classes I wanted to take, I was
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: not available to take those opportunities. I've thought about going
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: back because like of how financially strapped I am, but
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: it really was really bad for me mentally. I was
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: like crying every day on the way home from work
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: because it was just so stressful. I worked at a
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: really high end like high energy lower East Side cocktail bar,
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: and the people and the massive amount of tickets that
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: would come in for two bartenders, and it just became
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: too much over the years. And on top of it,
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: I was drinking every day and just being behind the bar,
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: being around it. I couldn't control myself not to because
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: of the stress. It's like not a healthy decision for me.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: Back wasn't a healthy Okay, But I think that's one like,
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: that's one experience like you can have you create a
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: complete Listen, everybody is strapped for servers right now. You
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: can easily find a part time gig. I have no
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: doubt about that. In New York City there's understaffed and hotels,
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: like a hotel hotels are really dying right now. That's
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: where my last job was at hotel. And you don't
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: have to be behind a bar. You can be a server.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: You don't have to put yourself in that situation. I
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: know you probably make more money behind the bar, but
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: there are plenty of serving opportunities. Even if you supplement
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: what you're doing two or three times a week, you
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: can easily get in a part time and just make
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: that your mandate, like I'm only available three nights a
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: week or three shifts a week or whatever it is
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: that's going to help you financially. Sustain yourself until you
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: can get more classes and until you can cast a
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: wider net for the places where you can perform, find
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: more places and actually do the legwork so you can
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: have more shifts at different places and possibly places where
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: you're gonna make more than seventy five dollars, you know, dancing.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: So I think you want to put your best foot
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: forward and just kind of suck it up for the
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: time being, Like, you don't have to look at serving wait,
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: you're singer bartending as a permanent ending to your life,
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: or like this is going to be a permanent thing.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: This is to help you get a leg up to
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: get you where you need to go so that you
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: can become a professional dancer and make plenty of money
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: doing it. And I have no doubt you will. You
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: kind of have to make a couple of sacrifices right now,
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: which is totally normal for being in your twenties. That's
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: what we always have to do. We have to do
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: ship we don't want to do because we want to
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: set ourselves up. Yeah, and also, like you're very clearly smart.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: You have a great voice. PS. I love this episode
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: is brought to you by Lake's voice. You do this
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: woman is beautiful and strong and has a great voice.
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: You you, you come off very You're terrific. You know,
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: so fun this so like you turn it around right
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: fucking now, You're gonna write in that thing that Chelsea
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: told you to do that every day and then it's
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: just this is just happening to you right now, and
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: this is the turn it just is it just I
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: know it's weird, right, but this is what it is.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: I agree with that. I agree with that you need
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: a little kick in the ass, and you know, just
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: you have to turn your whole attitude around and just
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: move towards the goal. Don't resist everything that it takes
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: to get towards your goal. Just move towards it. Yeah,
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: And I think having some sort of supplementary income will help.
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: Like there's when you're at that age, like not to
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: put everything back to your age, but like when you're
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: twenty seven, you have this dichotomy of like, Okay, I
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: need to have enough money that I'm like kind of
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: comfortable and can afford to feed myself, but also enough
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: time and energy to pursue these creative pursuits. And I
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: very much identify with where you are. I you know
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: felt the same way until a few years ago when
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: I found podcasting. You just kind of have to like
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: keep throwing ship at the wall and see what inspires
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: your passion. Like I did acting, I did voice over,
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: I did improv, I did writing. I did all these
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: different things, and at the end of the day, it
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: was the conglomeration of all those experiences that I had
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: that led me to where I am now and really
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: gave me this fabulous career that I love. Where she
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: throws around where it's like supplementary, what the fund is
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: that supplementary? What? No? I love it though, fucking yeah,
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: creates some words, she hears stories, hard boiled eggs around,
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: and a step blocked bag on planes. Okay, so let's
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: just be clear with right now. Toro, Toro do not.
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: I don't think, I won't think I'm not to. Is
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: that is that short for something? Toro? Is that your
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: full name or is that a nickname? Nope? So that's um,
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: it's actually my stage name. But nobody in New York
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: calls me by my legal name unless they're like blood
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: related to me. So I don't tell people my legal
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: name because I don't even respond to it anymore. But no,
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: it's actually because I was a cheerleader growing up. So
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: the mascot in the movies, the Mighty Toros, that's how
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: I choose my name back when I was a teenager Anazing.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: I feel like you gotta write the stories. This is
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: just cool, Like you have a lot of really, I
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: don't know, I feel like you might. You you talk
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: like a writer. I think that you should be journaling
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: and allowing yourself to own your stories and feel even
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: if they go nowhere. It's a beautiful exercise to just
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: be like you know you you say, you dance one
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: night and there's just like some crazy you know, a
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: couple that came in and they're just hilarious and they're
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: from you know. You just start to catalog your experiences.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: They're yours, they're personal. That's special. Yeah. And additionally, have
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: kind your conversations with yourself. You know, like you you
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: cannot be so rough on yourself. If you feel that
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: way about yourself, that's what you're projecting to everybody, you
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. So you have to start with
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: that inner dialogue and change the conversation that you're having
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: with yourself into a loving, positive one. It makes a
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: huge difference. Yeah, thank you, Like it really all in
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: my brain. I guess coincides with the obviously as we
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: all have the pandemic. I think because like that's I
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: started doing this right before the pandemic and then nightlife
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: and everything just succeeded, and that was kind of it
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: for me until last year. And I think it's just
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: really hard getting back up into the industry. So I
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: just needed a push to like get that kickstart going again.
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: And I needed the inspiration because I was telling Katherine
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: the other day, I've tried like a bunch of different therapists.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: I'm having trouble finding a really good one right now,
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: and it's just been like really bad advice. And I
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: just needed to hear somebody tell me you'll just do
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: it it, just do it. It's not an advertisement for Nike, No,
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: you got this, though. I think you should also, like
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: you could dance and commercials and stuff, you know, Like
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: I think you should try and also put on your
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: list of things to attain in the next couple of years,
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: like finding a commercial agent and like going out and
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: using your talent to for cure money for commercials for
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: films for whatever, you know, that's a great idea. I
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: have a question about commercials. How do they don't they
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: care a lot about tattoos because I do have a
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: lot of tattoos. They love it because my hands and like, no, no, no,
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: it's it's all that's like, you're gonna get booked tomorrow
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: because in my head it's always old. And now people
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: are into tattoos. Okay, you should be going to like
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: open call, you know, getting backstage West, you know, back
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: backstage East, just like just say, you know, just try
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: to throw some ship to the wall. And she said,
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: you're like, oh, what's this. Okay, they're like auditioning people
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: for a fucking taco bell whatever. It doesn't matter. Just
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: you're just you're just trying some ship. You're trying to
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: like gain experiences, and that is a fucking privilege, you know.
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: I was a waitress too, just f y. I loved
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: I mean I thought it was because I love human
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: beings and I loved voices and all this stuff. And
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: it was just like a constant rotation of different people.
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: I did cotail waitressing, I did hostessing. I then went
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: back to coutail waitressing and then just classic waitress. And
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: I also waited tables for probably seven eight years. I
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: hated every single minute of it, and I was fired
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: from every job that I ever had, but they were
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: some of the best times and best friends I ever made,
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: you know. So, like I don't love the act of serving,
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: like I I don't like how rude people can be,
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: but you also develop all these other relationships and I
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: have friends that are you know, I've known now for
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: twenty five years from waitressing. So it's not the worst
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: thing in the world. You just have to find an
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: environment that suits you and just start looking at everything
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: in it, like try to just look at everything with
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: it just a little bit more of a positivity, and
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: I promise you it will become infectious and then opportunities
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: will present themselves that you didn't know that we're there before. Yeah, great,
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: thank you. And I'm definitely gonna try writing down gratitude lists.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: I've had people tell me to like talk to myself
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: in the mirror doing it, but I feel like stupid
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: doing that. So I think writing is the way to go,
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: which I will try make sure you keep tracking of it.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: Twenty one days. It takes to change your energy. Okay, great,
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: that's good. Yeah, And I think there's something very powerful
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: that both of these women told you to start writing,
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: you know, so there's something there. I used to journal
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: a lot actually when I was younger, so great like us,
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: it's a sign. Sighing girl, wonderful. Well, thank you so
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: much for calling in Toro, Toro, thank you, thank you
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: so much for taking the time. I really appreciate. Yeah,
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: good luck with everything tomorrow. Keep in touch and let
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: us know how things go. Okay, great, I will do
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Bye, bye bye. I've definitely felt like that
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: in my twenties, felt hopeless, like nothing was going to
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: work out fucking I mean, it's it's like she's right
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: on target, Like that's exactly at your twenties, especially when
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: you're in your you're in the late twenties whatever, you're
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: just like, oh my god. Yeah, you're like, what if
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: I hit thirty and I'm still working at this like
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: a place. Yeah, and I feel like twenties seven specifically,
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: like you have so much stress age like that you
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: don't even have in your thirties, but you have it
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: in your twenties. Like if I don't get this by
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: this certain time, everything figured out, Yeah, laur next color
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: is Emily, She says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Emily.
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: I'm a twenty three year old currently living in Ohio.
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: I jumped right into law school after graduating with my
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: BA from George Washington University in Washington, d C. I
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: loved living on the East Coast, but the school I
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: attend in Ohio gave me such a big scholarship that
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: it was almost impossible to turn down. I grew up
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: in Ohio and the majority of my family still lives here,
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: but I have a constant worry in the back of
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: my mind that I'm going to get stuck here. I've
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: had it in my head that I'll move back to
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: the East Coast once I graduate, and I'm determined to
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: make it happen. But there's also a nagging voice in
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: my head, keeping me up at night at least twice
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: a week, telling me that I'll never get a job
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: as an attorney in New York City or d C.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: When I go to send internship applications, oftentimes I don't
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: even send them or apply because I don't think I'm
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: going to get it, and I don't want to feel
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: the rejection when it inevitably happens. I know a lot
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: of female law students and lawyers also suffer from this
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: sense of impostor syndrome, like I'm not intelligent enough to
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: be a lawyer or won't be able to succeed. And
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of my intrusive thoughts boiled down
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: to that. Latically. I know I'm a very intelligent young woman.
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: I'm a well rounded candidate, and I'm only twenty three
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: years old with my entire career ahead of me, But
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: right now, it's incredibly difficult for me to see all
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: of the possibilities that will be available to me. Any
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: advice on how to combat these feelings of imposter syndrome,
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: or does any advice in general that you would give
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: yourself in your twenties trying to figure out life and career.
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: All the best, Emily, Emily, Hi, Emily, Hi, Chelsea, how
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: are you? I'm good. This is Lake Bel she's our
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: special guest today, and you've spoken to Catherine. We all
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: have that voice in our head, Emily that tells us
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: that we are not good enough, that we're not smart enough,
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: that we're not capable enough. And that's not the real voice.
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: You're the real voice. You got a full scholarship. You
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: graduated or you're graduating, I have a A and then
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: I'm almost halfway through law. Okay, yeah, you you just
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: need to flip the script with yourself. You're just you're
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: giving yourself an incredibly difficult time and you're not even
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: done with a school and don't you can't not send
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: in applications because you're scared of rejection. Then you're gonna
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: end up exactly where you are. You have to take
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: leaps of faith and you have to be prepared to
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: be rejected. It's okay. The more times you get rejected,
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: the closer you are to getting your real job. Hey man,
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: you know what rejection is one hundred thousand percent about
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: the human experience, Like you have to If you didn't
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: have rejection, you wouldn't appreciate anything you I mean, you
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: know this. Even being in school, you're like, Okay, I'm
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: gonna try really hard on this and then you're gonna
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: you know, they're gonna give you criticism, and then you're
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: gonna learn from that fucking criticism, right, So that that
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: is that's it. You're doing it, But you gotta apply
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: like the idea that you're putting up roadblocks, for yourself
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: and like creating your own like you're you're creating a
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: false store, like a false narrative about yourself, Like you're
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: basically out to get yourself, is what you're doing. So
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: you need to get on your own team. You have
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: to be your best ambassador because unless you believe in you, like,
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: how are other people going to believe in you. You've
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: got the skills, you're getting the education, you've got the tools.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: You're good looking, that's a bonus. Thank you, You're gorgeous,
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: you're smart at hell, listen, what are can I just
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: ask you personally, what is it about that, that idea
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: of staying in Ohio. I'm just curious, why is that
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: negative for you? I wouldn't say it's so much a
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: negative obviously, because I don't want you to get like
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: Midwest slander here. I love the mid West. I loved
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: growing up in the Midwest. But I think after I
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: left and went to underground in DC, I loved d C.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: D C was home. I think I just realized that
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: I don't picture myself living here or working here long term,
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: and so I guess I just kind of had it
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: in my head that when I came back I was like,
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: oh gosh, like I cannot, I can't get stuck here.
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: So it's not so much a negative. And it's wonderful
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: being close to family since I was away for four years.
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: Sometimes when I get stressed about this, I'm like, this
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: is such a Champagne problem, Like you poor thing, You're
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: in law school, Like, so what if you don't get
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: a job right away where you want, You're still going
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: to have a job and these degrees, um, So it's
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: not so much a negative. It's just I think I'm
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: so very type A focus and so I just I
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: have to have a plan of where I'm going to go,
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: and I think that uncertainty of not in undergrad I
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: was going to law school, so that was the plan
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: I was. I was always a plan, and so I
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: think now it's it's just uncomfortable to kind of sit
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: with it. I am Type A two. So I just
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: want to speak to this really quickly. I really freaking
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: know what you're talking about. And all I can say
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: is you don't know where you're going to end up.
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: And I know that's a hard pill to swallow, but
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: you could have opportunity in San Francisco. You don't know
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: You could be in Chicago for two years. You're in
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: school right now. All your only concentration is be great today.
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: Do things that make you proud for the hard work
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: that you're doing, like pat yourself on the goddamn back
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: and apply everywhere. It might be New York, it might
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: be d C. You know, it might be sand for
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I keep saying sand Fran for you,
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: I don't know why. But the point is you just
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: don't know. And that's a delight. God. I mean, that's
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: the thing. Another thing like you young people do not
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: understand how nice it is to not have your life
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: mapped out for you. You're on the precipice of the
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: beginning of the rest of your life. This is exciting,
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: and being uncertain about where that's gonna be is also exciting.
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: I understand your type A, and that's not exciting to you.
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: It doesn't feel exciting. But when you look at it
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: from like a thirty thousand foot perspective, everything is about
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: to begin for you. You don't know who you're going
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: to fall in love with, how many times you're gonna
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: fall in love, what kind of cities you're gonna get
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: to experience, what kind of work life you're gonna get
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: to experience. And I mean being present like in the moment.
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: It is a very hard skill to develop as a
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: young person. I'm sure because I didn't develop it until
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: a few years ago. But like, if you can just
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: be present in the uncertainty, that's a huge gift and
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: it will be a huge life lesson for you to understand, Like, Okay,
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: this is a process. While you're applying to all these things,
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: it's okay to just give it up and give it away,
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And let it happen the
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: way it's supposed to happen, and things will come your way,
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: and then you'll make decisions about where you're gonna go
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: and where you're gonna live. I don't think you're gonna
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: stay in Ohio. I don't think you have to worry
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: about that. Yeah, people, you're fine. People who stay in
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: Ohio really want to stay in Ohio. Yeah, you you'll
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: just go out of You're not going to be in Ohio.
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: We're both sitting here going like, she's not gonna even
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: be in it. You don't want to be You're not
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: gonna So just apply everywhere else, you know, and let
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: it and let the surf take you, let the currents
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: take you to wherever that's gonna be. And then additionally,
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: you did say something which was, you know, it just
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: feels so uncomfortable and that I really relate to. Guess what, Yeah,
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: it's uncomfortable. There are times in life where it will
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: just be uncomfortable, and that is harder as a young person.
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: You're like, wait, what, Like, how do I fix it?
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: There's no, it's just that ambiguity I know is torture.
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: But you gotta reframe and see it as promise for
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: the unknown. It's a wonder. God damn, it's cool. You know,
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: we're you know once again, San Francisco could be SANFC.
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: You could live in San Francisco for San Francisco. I
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: don't know what really selling Sanford's you should apply you
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: should apply to. It's like you're looking down instead of
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: looking up, you know, look up. Yeah. My best friend Liza,
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: we always talk about it, and she's like, you know,
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: you would never tell me don't apply to that, You're
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: not good enough. She's like, so why would you say
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: that to yourself. She's like, that's not fair. She's like,
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: you're kind of short. Changing yourself, which is true. Liza
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: is correct. Where's Liza? Goddamn she's lovely. You don't even
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: call her if you have a line in your life.
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: Listen to Liza. A new podcast coming soon. She's like,
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: it's Liza Menela. Actually, so two things. I think the
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: sending out applications is this thing that feels kind of
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: like weird and uncomfortable and squishy and weirdly embarrassing. So
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: you think somebody's gonna be reading it, and like, uh,
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: you know, making a numbers game. You know, the person
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: who's reading this is going through a lot of different stuff,
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: and so they're not gonna unless it's totally egregious. They're
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: not going to be looking at your resume or whatever
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: and be like, oh my gosh, what a joke. So,
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: you know, give yourself a number, make it kind of
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: low and achievable, whether it's like two or three a week.
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: Just be like, I'm sending out two or three a week.
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: That's all I'm gonna do. And like just making a
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: numbers game, and after you get a certain amount of reps,
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: it just feels like, Okay, here's another one, here's another one,
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: and that stuff goes away. The other thing, I will say,
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: I grew up around lawyers. I know a lot of lawyers.
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: My early career was in marketing specifically for lawyers, and
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: I know a lot of very dumb lawyers. You are
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: smart enough to be a lawyer. What kind of law
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: are you practicing? So you know? The ultimate dream I
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: think would be I made her in history and undergrad
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: and focus on Holocaust studies, war crimes, all of that.
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: So I think the ultimate dream would be international human
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: rights law. Wow, even if that's something that I have
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: to I have to work another job just to do
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: that pro bono. That's kind of ultimately where I want
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: to end up. Now, that's cool, that's interesting. I mean,
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: you could do that anywhere in the world. Year Turriffic.
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: You're fucking great. I can't wait for your career. You
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: have to get in touch with a law Clooney and
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: and go do it with her in London. She said,
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: she's a human rights lawyer d C. I think you've
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: got to get to d C. Yeah, yeah, and she
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: was in DC and loved it. Right, let's get you
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: to d C. Rights taken away soon anyway, So you
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: get just go straight and work within this own country,
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: you don't know? Yeah, perfect, But anyway, do you feel better?
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: Do you feel like you have a better outlook on
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: this or can start to cultivate one? Yes, for sure.
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: And I think that's why I love your podcast so much.
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: It's just everyone's questions are valid, and so I think,
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: of course I think worrying about that. I was again
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: like I feel like it's a champagne problem, Like how
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: dare I worry about that when I'm in like this now?
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: But don't even say that stuff to yourself, you know
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: what I mean? You keep a rating yourself. Why am
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: I worrying I'm not good enough? And now I'm mad
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: at myself for saying I'm not good enough? Just go, Yeah,
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: you just have to. I know I'm saying you just
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: have to. It's it's a process, but you have to
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: believe in yourself. You have to know that all of
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: these steps are going to lead to something. There's no
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: way that they won't, right, And just every time you
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: have that negative thought, just go uh no and say
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: the opposite thing to yourself. You know, you are going
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: to New York, pretend you're talking to lies, you know, like,
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: like you wouldn't say that to fucking Liza, you know,
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: so just be a friend to yourself. Yeah, yeah, good, Okay,
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna get bumper stickers for that and send it
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: to other think like a man. Well, thank you for
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: calling in. Yeah, thank you. I take care and keep
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: us posted. Okay. I will thank you so much again
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: by such a female support. Yes, okay, Well we'll take
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: a quick break and we'll be right back to wrap
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: up with Chelsea and like, and we're back with lake Bell.
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: We are concluding our episode today. Yes, Like, do you
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: have any advice you'd like to ask for from Chelsea? Oh?
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: My god, gosh, Chelsea, to be honest with you, I
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: was sitting there looking at you, and I was like,
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: some of your realizations sometimes I think come from plant
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: medicine and your kind of openness in and around that,
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: and I really am curious about it. And I wonder
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: what are the prerequisites that you think one needs. I've
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: never done and like ayahuasca, and I would be curious
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: if you could give me some advice. Do you take
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: mushrooms ever? I micro dose? Yeah, micro dose mushrooms. Mushrooms
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: I think are connected. You know, all those psychedelics I
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: think are connected. I think plant based medicine is a
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: way to open up all sorts of things, right. I mean,
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: I'm I'm about to do a five gram sit with
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: my friend who's going to guide me of mushrooms. Because
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: the ayahuasca is a special situation and it gives you
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: this you kind of look at your life outside of
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: your life. Mushrooms, I think gives you a philosophy and
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: you're able to open up and like, get rid of judgment,
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: get rid of ego. I'm always trying to get rid
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: of my ego, which is very difficult to do in
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: this industry and business. It's almost like futile, it feels.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: But I think ayahuasca for anyone who's open minded, as
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: long as you're not on you know, a bunch of antidepressants.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: You can't do it on that stuff. I think most
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: people have a pretty eye opening awakening experience and you
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: walk away from it definitely different. I mean, iowaska change
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: my relationship with my sister forever and it's never gone
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: back to what it was. So I would always be
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: an ambassador for anyone who thinks that they are open
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: minded enough if you don't mind possibly vomiting, and some
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: people ship their pants. So that's not a plus, that's
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: a minus. But you know, I always have an advocate
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 1: for anything that's going to expand your thinking. Right, Yeah,
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: me too. I just I am somewhat in all of
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: it and excited by it and curious about it. But
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: I'm a little scared and so I was just that
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: was genuine. Yeah, I think scared is good. Also, you know,
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: it's good for us to do things that scare us.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: It's good for us to go through that screen of
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: fear that we all fear. Like, I don't want to
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: be safe all the time. There's a lot in our
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: lives that are safe, and then there's a lot that
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: are unknown, and it is good to walk through fear.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: I think when, especially when you are feelful of something,
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: you get through it, you have a great experience. It
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: makes you want to do more things, you know, it
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: makes you want to under standing on a deeper level.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm always I would say, yes, go for it.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: The only person I've told not to do it is
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: Juliana Marketles because I think she's just good as as
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: good as she is, Like, she's just set, she doesn't
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: need anything, Okay, all right, Well, alright, guys, I will
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: take that glass of Ayouaska. Thank you so much. I
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: just turned to the wall. Report back. You in the wall,
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: report back and let us know how your journey was.
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: Thank you though. That was very that was that was encouraging.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: Al Right, guys, this has been so fun. I just
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: feel like this is like sisterhood. I know that was nice.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: We gave a lot of girls pep talks today. Thank you,
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: Lake Bell. I'll see you soon, see you soon. Bye.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: So I'm winding up my stand up tour. Vaccinated and
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: Horning is coming to a screeching halt at the end
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: of the year. I have my last dates coming up,
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: and these are the last opportunities. You have to also
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: buy merch from the website Chelsea Hamler dot com if
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: you want vaccinating Horny Captain's hats that's say We're the
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: Captain's now for women only. Our t shirts for men
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: and your family that say I'm sorry because they should be.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: I only have a few dates left Wooster, Mass wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: Wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania. There I said it, and then San
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: Diego and Riverside, California, and then Baltimore, Maryland, and then
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: my very last date is December in Reading, Pennsylvania. If
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can subscribe to
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea. That is our podcast, and you can rate
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: us if you want. Yeah, that's a great idea. It
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: actually makes a huge difference for this podcast, for any
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: podcast that you like, subscribing giving it a rating actually
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: make a huge difference in who all we gets served
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: to and helping spread the word. Okay, yeah, yeah, subscribe
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: and and and and comment, yeah, and follow. So if
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced by
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: by Brad Dickert. H