Latest / The Tom & Gerry Show Podcast / Episode 6: Emotional Support
Transcript
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If you need a venue for anything from corporate day out to quiz night, a gala dinner, or even a virtual event, find avenue dot ee is your one stop shop for all. Head over to find avenue dote to see how they can help you with your next event. Thanks again to this week's sponsor for the Tom and Jerry Show. Find a venue that I Tom or a weda saying what else? I right? Okay, yeah, taught me by surprise. I have to say. You're talking to a well traveled man. I've just gotten back from my holidays. Hello everybody, you're welcome back to the Tom and Jerry Show. I'm Jerry McBride. He's Tom. O'manny and I've just come back from my travels. Oh my god, what what part of the world were you in? Well you might have guessed by Tom. I've been to London. Yeah, yeah, okay, but I threw in a boneur every now and then just to annoy the English because I'm petty like that. What can you say? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know we've all watched Hello. Hello. We know what they think of him. Yeah, we get it, we get I was only away for three days, Tom, and I didn't miss any recording. Ah, but I like to think in that three days I annoyed a goodly amount of English people, more than more than average one would imagine to be bare. You timed your short to the break between records which I appreciate. Fair platea looking get some the way that the TG showed him. No, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, I was where I do you know what? I had a fantastic weekend. I had no gigs this weekend, so I was working on on ouse. Things are gone fine, only lost the plot a little bit with a delivery guy today. Try this on for size. Jerry ton of sand dropped. Drop it where you see the sand with the little driveway hooks around in front of the double bait garage the reason to the high end. You will see there were sand there previously. Your man eight foot away planks it right in the middle of the two base like out in the middle to the point where he couldn't turn the truck. He had to back back up my fairly long driveway the entire way, and not once to across his mind. Maybe I'll throw the hooks into that again and maybe shling it over another seven or eight foot there where all the sand was previous. I didn't. I didn't. We were only talking before we recorded that. I'm keeping a cool head. I didn't come to the head prevail, And you're talking to a man here who I personally have delivered sand to the wrong area in my in my lifetime and had to go out and handball it ton sacks. Not I'm not handball and ton sacks of sand. A ton of sand in fifty kilo sacks, yeah, and me only a gas and Tom. But this fellow was he was out the gap before he could say goodbye, like he was gone, and herself was only landed on and was going, who's gone up the gap? So he should have a tipp it. We'll call a phone call. Happened? Not sure? Not long afterwards. Well there you're you're you're you're holding it down at home, Tom giving out the lads delivering sand and I'm overseas giving out to guards in the Tower of London. What do you don't talk into Peddington and all the Well, yeah, no, it's it's some that you're not supposed to take pictures of the Crown Jewels apparently, And I took my phone out and talk a picture and he's like, oh, I tell you not to be tigy pictures by the Crown Jewels. You don't mean you took a dig pic like you actually took a picture of the No, I didn't take a picture of my royal jewels. No, I took a picture of the Crown jewels because to be fair, if you were inside the Tower of London, yeah, that'd be a different story. And like you know, I took a picture of Tom for all like care right, I just like it wasn't like, oh I must mark this occasion of seeing these goddamn things. I was just like I was told not to here. We are there. We are never allowed back to the Tower of London again, no doubt, Yeah we are right. Yeah, calm down, Eggsy or whatever the hell your name is, no doubt. Yeah, I know. I can just picture you walking around every here on the back of your neck up, just like a dog that's backed into a corner the veg oul Fenian stamping head, and you wander wround going. Yet, with that being said, if you're if you're an English person listening to the Tom and Jerry Show, the feud is over. Yeah, but it's and English people are like, really, really, what's all? I gotta tell you? I got you know, I gotta tell you The English do it right. Sometimes I can't knock a can't knock a Gregg's Tom, I can't knock at Greggs. That's the one thing I will allow in problem problem with Gregs, give them another county for That's why I would. Yeah, or then again maybe not. Well, I'll tell you one thing. It was just a short social and we will jump into the show proper now a little second. Give us time, all right, you know, relax, relax. One thing that traveling gives me an opportunity to do, which I love. To him, I mean, like, you know, my wife is a wonderful woman. She packs the kids' bags to make sure they have clothes, socks, pants, shoes, swim wear if we're going swim, and suntan lotion, sprays, travel the overant for us, you know, everything. She takes care of all that. Yeah, and my job is the cables, what the wires right, the right chargers, cables, plugs, adapters, everything, and I have it down to a fine art. Tom you to I don't know, I don't know if I don't. I have it actually here in my hand. I'm want to hold up to the camera so you can see it is an adapter. Well, you wouldn't get you wouldn't get that in the Petro station, right, and it's got a load of USBs on it on a USB C as well. So now I know, like, okay, that's a phone, that's an iPad that charges headphones, that charges hair pods or some other thing, and you can plug in this for hair straighteners, hair drivers, whatever else it is that's coming with us. Okay. And I have another one. This is an ordinary standard three pain for when you're you're traveling either to England. Have to say, Jerry, this is how you right now traveling to the disputed territories up the north. But I also have a two pin variant of this. And if I'm going to Italy or Spain or someplace like that, I don't need a double adapt It is the double adaptor. My god, Jerry, this is and I have a little. I have a little like I ke a freezer bag for the cables and things and power packs and all that. And that is my one responsibility for the whole trip. I don't book a flight, a train, a hotel, yeah, trip to a museum. I do nothing. My one job as the man of this house is to make sure that we have cables for everything when we're on tour. What a time we live in, like the anxiety of things running out of juice. Now it's a new it must be a new feel, you know, it must be what they fit like in cave times when they saw the meteor coming. Do you know what I mean? From like a year out when they were like nowadays we have electric cigarettes, we have iPads. We have to charge your vapor pen either got to charge your car. Gotta charge your car. Now charge up your car. Imagine that you gotta charge the car. Chat. Yeah, like I gotta tell I gotta tell you one thing, Tom. Now, I have had a mobile phone since what age min and I have already summoned but a mobile phone for about let's call it twenty five years. It's not quite that, but it's not far off it ah, And I like to feel like the day I got a mobile phone, the devil may care nature in me? That would perhaps for the crack jump into a body of water. Yes, just right there. First, do you know what we have to put the pole? A create a pole somewhere where we can put this in a small small question on our Twitter because even watching it on television, when I see somebody going, hey, should let's jump jump into where's your phone? And to and to to credit column uh. Callum A. Regan, a fantastic comedian. He had a great bit where he saw a guy chuck his dog into the canal and jump in after him for a warm day. But he said, there was a moment where you noticed the dog looking back at the world, and they look could only be described as on my fucking phone. Yeah, his pockets. Like I watch every Christmas, we watch It's a Wonderful Life. And if you've seen the movie, there's a bit where the dance floor splits and it's a swimming pool on hers and everything. Everybody's just like a fuck, let's jump in, and they all jump in and they're having a great time. Like for twenty five years, I'd be like, okay, where am I gonna put my phone? And nobody's problem. Yeah yeah, All than that, Tom, I would be you would never get me out of a canal, oh, for God's sake. For God's sake, but yeah, they just jumping in fully clothed for a splash around on a hot day, and not be like, oh no, I bet I'll put my phone somewhere. It's not going to get wrong. It would were at least we're of an era where we go It's still sappy, isn't it. It's sappy to care Yeah, electrics, it's absolutely sappy to care about electric goog. Yeah. But like before that, when I was eighteen, you yourself as well, Tom eighteen to twenty or whatever, when we did not have a mobile phone, like you know, you had your house keys, and as long as you don't stay in the water for long enough for them to row, you're fine. Yeah. Yeah, And if you have a fiver in your pocket, it'll dry. It's chances are all you have whe geez, And that's yes, yeah, that's all that's keeping me from frolicking in the water all I want. But Tom, let's go on some more travels. Let's go on some more travels. Let's start this show. This this is this is a jet setting episode of the Tom and Jerry Show because we've already been to London, but we're gonna go somewhere else here now for the big noise of the week against Tom the weekly what have You. This is a very complicated case, mad, you know, a lot of a lot of what have you and uh, a lot of scrans to keep in my head. Man, By god, I've saw so much of this thing that it didn't actually register initially because I'm looking at it going what what what? What? We so much? Why are we doing this? But the world does go on right off the big news stories, art installations and things like that do get put in places, and I mean, God, I love and I get embarrassed by Ireland. I love my country and I love my country man. But what we're talking about here, ladies and gentlemen, is the big news of the weekend. While I was in London, not because of me being in London, but just so happened. While I was in London, an art installation was placed in Dublin's Talbot Street that linked it via video to New York City. The portal they call it Tom and it does look kind of like a stargate. It's a it's a first target. And somebody put up on Twitter to have gone, well, well, give it a new nickname, you know, like they you know they all have nicknames for statues and stuff like that. Time yeah, yeah, and people. That's one thing the Doublin, the Dubliners love to give a rhyming name to things. And that is why I can't stand them. Well, they were all I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding, but you's got to knock that sho It was Paul Howard, he was on and he was talking about he put it up. He says, maybe he should put it over in the coomb and call it, I don't know, something in the coomb or the zoom in And I couldn't help, but I went, really it should be just uprooted and put over to the south of the canals and called the portal. Bellow that works? But see it works, Jerry, And because nothing that it doesn't work there, because it didn't rhyme with anything. I don't think anybody appreciated it at all. Yeah. No, the best I've seen, if I can call it, that, was the the hole by the pole because it's close to the spire. I guess that works. You could call it the wire by the spire, I suppose. But regardless of which you want to call this really cool looking stargate thing which allowed people in New York and I guess it was time Square, was it? Yeah? You wave over at you know those of us that stuck it out in the famine, uh watch of hater dodgers, you know, you know those of us that weren't quitters us and the bull McCabe stuck around and it's it's it's, it's, it's it's a it's a zoom link. Okay, And what did we do with it? Tom? What did Ireland? Well, well, first I'll tell you what the Americans did. They were absolutely lovely and American about it, because they conducted themselves like people who had armed police officers walking around times. I stood off the footpath pat at less slightly greater than ninety maybe three degrees one time to cross the road in a very previous, long previous episode. You will know about that trip to New York and I hadn't another foot off when two cops were on these hit me for jaywalking. So there's a lot of conducting yourself these days in Times Square, which is exactly what the Americans were doing. They were wave and they were so happy they had they were so it was one I know, family and mayo, how are you doing? All those kind of thing because you know, like offscreen there was like a I was gonna say, a soldier that might have been a soldier, but there was at least a guard going like you will step up to the portle you have forty five seconds to wave whoever is on the other side of it. After that you will step away from the portle. And they were just like, yes, sir, absolutely, yeah. So that was a wonderful thing to see. That nice. That was nice. Now for the Americans. The Irish side, however, jeez, you do you do not give a cat a fish if you do not want the cat to eat that fish. Huh. Much like Jerry taking pictures of the Crown jewels in the tower, he was told not, well, I don't know if there was signs of saying, don't be acting the maggot, which is possibly what they should have had around the one in Dublin, because the I mean, the one true line of anybody. There were some lads that were there holding their phones up text me. They were trying to chat women up either side, and you're like, okay, you know there is shot broke, there's there's dat naps, you know what I mean, let's get but those people talking about their back and forth, they we're gonna have flights. But the one through line for the whole thing was and the one job the guards had, the Irish unarmed police had was reefing women and women, Yes, who decided I'm gonna absolutely flash my either urs or my genitals New York's Times Square in the middle of the day, Jerry, because we're six six hours ahead. Yes, yes, yes, for all the booze. How did they think it was not going to wark? Like how like you know the drink that people are going to have at ten o'clock. It was going to be four o'clock in the afternoon. Times Like as they were announcing it, as they were like unveiling it, it was like, Okay, we're gonna go live in five four three, and all you hear is like belt buckles on buckling on cal Street. It's like, lads couldn't wait to moon this thing just and straight away. Yes, indeed, get the rsh out moon a bunch of Americans. I mean, it's hard to be mad, Tom, because that was just going to happen. I'm sorry, in no way was angry at it. I just there was a moment where I'm like, do you know what I would have been more? Probably I guessed if the word I have ever been a guest in my life. If people were just continuously waving at it, I was like, well, what has become of Ireland? Here us. We're justaving and showing placards, you know, and they're going to be up there with a guitar. You know where we're at. Given given a toddler, a biro and a bare wall, and you come back and he scribbled all over the wall, and you say, well, who gave him? The buyer? There you go with respect. Now, the right thing would have been to have a blank at one end, do you know what I mean? The right thing I would imagine would be to have a five second delay like they have on TV, and have someone manning it at all times, just in case, Tom, someone walks up with a picture on their phone of the Twin Towers on fire and hold it up to it. I'm not gonna lie has happened, Tom, It has happened. I mean, you wouldn't be surprised it hasn't happened. It has happened. People have been holding up like opening porn Hub on their phone and holding it up to them great and seeing where you go, Yeah, brilliant, brilliant. And I noticed the Americans, I haven't seen what it's like, shut. They haven't seen pictures from it on the other side. But I bet you the Americans are not as allowed up to it because there seems to be a group of Americans every time they're shown, so it looks like it's from a distance twenty foot back because the Irish ads are able to go up in lick it, oh, lick it, yeah, you know, and you're like, I'm just gonna rub a ball off the camera here just for the crack, Like, what the hell, I'm here's the thing. It's a wonderful it's a wonderful thing. Yes, you know. I'm going to give it a ten for the idea and I'm going to give it about a seven for the execution. God, it should have been a lay on this thing. You know. I'm sorry. I probably would have trusted with a live camera. They don't. They don't use live cameras on the news, tom Okay, I didn't. I know, they don't. They don't use live on the radio either, just in case you get magin bringing someone burns around and says oh yep, and the catchers and the beep it. So why they said that this was a one to one live Hey, that's art for your baby. What can I tell you? Why not do it during the there's a Badgic State Parade. Do you know what I mean? When you know there's going to be something at least going on, this is just people with nothing to do at all, or nothing for doing and all day for doing it, and all day for doing it. Yeah, I mean, I'd be I'm not gonna lie. If I still lived in Dublin in the city center and I was in my twenties, would I go up and act the Maggot Actabolics? I would act the Maggot Town. But I would like to think I would be at least a little bit creative about it. That's yeah. Anybody, look, Okay, we're gonna come back to in two seconds when you job here, Tom, but in the back you mind, think of the most creative thing you could do with this portal. While I talked to you about the fit, Joe Duffy spat out on his Joe Duffy Show talking about it. He was, ah, no, it's a terror, and like, no joke, this is exactly what it is, and not for nothing. I gotta tell you, it would have been a wonderful thing twenty years ago. All right, before I can if I want to see Times Square, I can open up the world webcam thing here on my computer and look at it. Right now. I can look at I can look at Temple Bar right now, I can look at the freaking top of the taj Mahal. Right now. We have this technology. So it's not news to me that I can go live to Times Square, right, but that it was this so called window from one to the other where you could wave and all that kind of thing. Okay, yeah, I guess I suppose. Yeah. I mean, for the notion of it is wow, but when you actually break it down, like, ah, so what is it? Like? What is I face? I FaceTime on my phone. I can FaceTime my cousin and yeah, we could be kayaking. The two of us could be on a double kayak in South Kerry and you can go, Tom, we have a look, well we have a look at soul right now, and what's going down in South Korea. You've got Yeah, let's do that. That's a thing we could do for for for good or for ill. So have you had had a thought, Tom, maybe what would you do rather than just we're not just going to show ourses what's that. I gotta sell something, I gotta purport trade a myth about Ireland. That's what I have to okay, because you've got an opportunity to fool a bunch of people. I'm not no David Blaine. But at the same time, you've got for the want to be a better phrase forrmless poor Albster Americans walking around Time Square going oh my god, it's Ireland. You're like, you're damn right. I worked in the panto business. There was a team of lads you could hire, okay, on a particular year that you were doing snow White, if you were, if you needed to, and you could hire these lads of professional actors, and there were there was teams of them, like but you could hire the seven lads, all small for us, all right, so little people. Yeah, you could hire them. And the lads were classed. They were big money now big big money because they were the real deal, like you know what I mean, they knew they were proper actors, like and this is there. You know a lot of the time they get picked up his role. I was just thinking, if you're going to go go all the way and literally lep I think, and just to have people nonchalantly, you know, receive gold from them in front of them. A bunch of and just say, oh, hey, how you Yeah. No, they come here every day every day. This is literally, yeah, this is this is the root home to the netherworld. Yeah what you don't have lepercoles, you don't. Yeah, No, the stories are true. We got them running around the place. I think you just have to do something to food because it's your one opportunity where they can't see behind the curtain. Put on a show. I like it. I like it, Tom. It's theatrical. That's what I like about it. I'd lean into the theatrical as well. Now, this would take a little bit of I'd need a guy. I'd need it. I'd need maybe a couple of guys to help me out. I'd go down with like a bag of clothes. Okay, So I'd go down to the the thrift shop, as Michael Moore would say, and I'd just like buy up a bunch of clothes. Okay, okay, all right, and I'd have like some people with me that I could perhaps like, you know, i'd go clean shape and shall we say, right, I have no idea where this is going, by the way, and I would hang out and I would watch the screen until someone walked onto it, and I was like, I have that outfit in the bag. And then I'd like, say he had a red jacket or a blue jeans and and a red cap. I have that. I have that, and I red jacket and I get me blue jeans, and I'd walk out a mirror image of him. Okay, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, all right, you're this is some black mirror stuff where there's another yeah, and I'd have like I'd have like, you know, pie a piece of welding glass over my eyes or something, and I just walk out and stare, Okay, you're you're looking to trouble people, but it sounds I like it. Yeah yeah, And he'd be like, oh my god, that's me. And then I have like a bunch of people just like grab me and haul me off. I wanted to lie, Jared, did the edge just need smooth? And I'm your plan? But I like it. I like, you know, you just have just have like a half dozen different colored T shirts and jeans and hats and whatnot, and just wait for somebody that you're like, Okay, green trousers and yellow T shirt. It's Scooby Doo in the and then just like stand out and like, you know, have something weird like weird glasses or Weldon glass or something, just something that looked real sort of black mirror and like ah and just as he just as he recognized me and pointed, we just like fucking disappear. Do you know? Well, as I was thinking, because I can go yell at tower guards and how away this one here, I'm going to do the first the first thing I saw and you said it out loud, you went, it looks like the Stargate. It looks like the Stargate. Yeah, I you now, conspiracy theorist would tell us that it's a side of because of the Stargate in Iraq that's there and all the rest of it. But I think I think it looks How good would that episode have been if Richard Dan Anderson or if you went back to the Kurk Russell days they walked through expecting to see wild creatures and they landed into Dublin to be like, well, yeah, this is about right. Yeah, yeah, you know, yeah, mission accomplished. Now we'll go back to the planet there. Yeah. Remember the dog said, okay, well the hold in the pole, the pole in the hole whatever whatever you guys want to call it. That is. There were quite a number of lads that that that showed their skills at the hole in the poll. But for every lad that does something like that, there's a lad that just goes one beyond some of them becomes the star of the week, the guy that when you're talking about him, Tom, you don't say, oh yeah, and then there's this lad, you say, and then there's this lad. Now there's that guy, this lad. I skimmed by him accidentally because I thought I didn't believe what I was reading. If you know what I mean, for you know, it doesn't Yeah, I was the best kind of that's the best kind of this lad, Jesus to achieve. To achieve true this lad terriory, territory, you need to read it and then own like Bishop Brennan, you need to be you know, one hundred yards up the road and go like, hang on a second, yeah, yeah, And that's literally what this was because I went I'm reading that wrong, because I've made fun of this scenario on stage. If anybody wants to go to see my last special, there's definitely a bit in the middle about this, not this particular story because it's from two years ago. But at the same time it kind of ties in with what what this tell everybody about this lad? Or? Is he indeed this lad I mean technically you could look at it from any point from the owner or the actual pet itself. There was this is Wally the pet owner owned by a chap called Joey in Pennsylvania. And Wally the pet alligator Yes you heard that right, the lad that looks like a crocodile alligator the American ones. He had a pet one of those. But he wasn't just a mad who were like, you know, walking around with a crocodile like bloody Steve read Lord of Mercy and Steve Irwin. This was his his emotional support alligator. Would I tell you one thing, Jared, that's a tough cell. Trying to get into any cinema, I know what I mean, get not to any plane with Wally is going to prove essentially you're walking around with and no to tail one hundred and sixty five million year old predator like they haven't. They're like sharks. They have not. They didn't need to change, No, just they literally went from whatever spinosaurus I'd have to ask my four year old and this to this guy, and it's literally this. He got rid of the spine, you back and got a bit smaller, and that was it. And that was about it. He was seven foot long and now on a on a look from from Joey's point of view, he helped him out. He was a positive thing in his life. He helped him out, cured him with depression. I mean, you could have called for a pheasant, go for anything, but this. I gotta get the whole I got a time of time. I just want to say the whole emotional support animal thing. I'm all far said. You know, if you watch your buddy's getting blown up in Candahar or whatever it was, and you came back and you got it like a little service dog, that's your emotional help animal. That's helping you through some tough times. Wonderful. Can't doors enough. If you've got an emotional support budget, that's grand hamster. That's fine. Cat. Okay, Now once you get into as you say, there are seven foot killing machines. Yeah, now, look, I mean like that a cat was where I was coming from a mine where I heard somebody in the genuine in the restaurant. Say this cat was the support animal, and we all know that cats have only time for one person, that same fucking cat. Yeah, now, while he's gone missing. This is the problem, this is why, this is, This is what start into air news this week. He is gone, He's got he's gone. Skip Now, Chi's a terror. He's in an awful way about it, apparently, Joey, which you understandable. I've never been attached to an alligator of my life, the handful of times I've come across him. I was briefly living in Florida, and I literally was only talking about it today. I said, think about Florida and why we've no business there. You walk from your car or from the house to the car, both things are nice in the air condition, but in that ten foot walk, your balls to stick to your leg. You sit in the car, you drive up to the to the to the junction, and there's a dinosaur looking out of the ditch at you. You may or may not get eaten, like you know what I mean, Like you can't walk anywhere because of the heat. But if you did decide I can handle the heat, you might get eaten by a big giant mouth full of teeth, just tearing, killing machine, just a killer machine. I'm just saying it's it's a bit of a stretch he got. He became famous last year because they tried to get him into I don't know, is it a Dodgers game or yes, you know you're not cutting into any any bouncer, No bouncer on in the world has that in the book Jerry where the boy couldn't get into a nightclub wearing runners, fucking runners made out of the alligator skin. And this guy's got an alligator and this is life comes out as fast. So we haven't perhaps done as much deep drilling into Wally the alligator. I don't know. He's had this alligator for like fifteen years. Where he came upon him, I don't know, but he's basically raised them as a pet in the house. He was a rescue, a rescue they found him abandoned or whatever. And he was only small, he was only a little squeak of a time, and I suppose he raised him from then. Like, but I talking to anybody I know who handles like even you know the bird hand you know the birds of prey handlers. Yeah, and they put the little caps over their eyes. I'm like, you not have a bit cruel like they're just sitting on the look because I'm not cotting at ham. They only fly to feed. They don't care. They don't have that care gene in them to go. Oh god, I wish I could go for a walk. I should go for do you know a recreational fly? They don't put the cap in my eyes when I'm full, Take the cap off when you got something to give it to me other than that, leave the cap on. Man, I'm like, I'm like a reversed fridge. They are just predators. They're only m o is predatoring. And I can't I when have you ever seen a crocodile or an alligator on any and I watched a lot of these shows where lads have fingers missing. Do you know what I mean? They got an ankle gune, Their half muscle is gone and they've all gone. And now that damn guided for thirty five years. I raised him by off my own day and then go and it just all of a sudden he didn't turn up with the rashers early enough one morning, and Freddy the alligator has decided chump. Yeah bye bye bye bye bye, I'm where I'm gonna, you know, do my best for this alligator. Okay, by all accounts, he wouldn't hard to fly. And Joe Henny, alligators don't funny, j O I E Joey Henny or Henny. I know that's only comments has had this alligator for fifteen years and takes them all around the place. And he's a known commodity. That's Wally the alligator. You know, he's like Left and Clyde. You know. Yeah, it's not strange that Clint Eastwood is wandering around with an orangutang in his van. It's not strange that Joey Henny is wandering around with an alligator in his truck. You can go up, you can pat him, you can hug him, and the alligator is fine because he's full of he's I guarantee he does not leave the house without being full of mate. I guarantee you. I knew a fellow that had a fox. He raised him from a from a pub. He had a fox. He would sit in his shoulders and he walked him down the road. But as soon as you go to pet that fox, if it was anyway hungry, Nipia because he just couldn't help it. He was like, well, he want you gonna do you know? Like, look, I'm not dissing the guy for having it. Who do we know, we've never had one, but what are unlikely to? But what happens only a bit of the story to him? Give it to us. What have we got? So what seems to happen, He's gonna He went on a bit of a hollybop down to Georgia, just above Savannah, right, And now Georgia you'll be getting into tell try do you know Pennsylvania not too many you get a bearer two shown up. It's cowled up there in Pennsylvania, so you get a bearer too shown up. But really he was taking him back closer to where he's originally from, that kind of neck of the woods. Right, they have him down there, is what I'm saying. They have not the only gat he's not. And by all accounts he had him in a little bit. I don't know how you what Airbnb? You ring up? My god? And by the way, I'm bringing an alligator. You're bringing a fucking alligator to Alligator Town? Like what do you okay? You probably think your man was gassing just some Madias was called the alligator like, ah right, yeah, bring the alligator and he had a pain in or out the back for him. Right. Apparently a call came into the local uh, I suppose paste control, Jesus past control and then gator squad that there was a there was a troublesome gator on the loose. Your man went well, I went ahead and picked up a gator that that that was kind of fit Well's description. But you know he's a geiter. I released, Hey didn't. I can't verify for I don't know. I mean, I'm not saying he should have painted his toenails to let everybody know, putting all around him if he's your if you're if he's your emotional I'm not victim blaming here, but god damn it, tag your gators. People. If you want to keep an alligator, then at least know where he's going to be. But yeah, as Tom is saying, there, somebody rang the dog warden for alligators whatever the equivalent is, and he came around and found yeah, all right, there is a wild alligator. I'm not going to say domesticated wild alligator. There's a wild animal in the back of this house, and I'm going to do what I do, which is catch him and release him back into the swamp, which you know, I gotta tell you is a lot more humane than I'm just going to go and put the boat gun through the top of his foret, which is what I would assume would naturally happen. But here we are. No, I'm just going to catch him and release him back into the wild. So that is where Wally is now. Wally is, we assume in the wild of Georgia, and it's probably after doubling in size, because if he's whatever years old, forty, he should probably be double that size. Yeah, he's getting that good swamp water into him, that good swamp. And at the same time, it wasn't like your man, do you know, when had a look and he's he's an expert in alligators, he didn't go, jeez, I wonder if he belonged to somebody. Now, should I do a knock around? He's you know, this guy's been lifting alligators for years. He's never once a bet it that has never crossed his mind. He's just looking, going, yeah, because nobody keeps an alligator as a as a But when that being said, Tom, every picture I've seen of Wally the alligator, he's got like harnaison like I have for the dog. Yeah, but you know, like women like you know, he's got like the little you know, the little dog vest with like the canine honors. Yeah, but he's one of them. Yeah. But you know, like like after a hot day, a woman likes to throw for bread. Yeah, I just get this thing off me here. Ah, let it get or live all right? Ah, set me free? Oh God, that eat into your back, wouldn't it. So that's maybe what what he did. He was like God, and he just unclipped him. He had to give a bit of a shake. He's like, oh, glass of wine. Now I am absent, jeez, burnt out this scale his heat. Let's Jesus, you would be used to would you. Huh. I'm not for nothing. We're missing out a couple of points here, Tom, because life comes actually fast. This was one of the most famous alligators on the Eastern Seaboard. He had two hundred thousand followers on Yeah no, this is this is not just a random gator. This guy is like big news. This is like a star gator. And he had this little TikTok channel where it's like, here's me and Wally bopping around the place. And look, I'll be honest with you, I'm not a cold hearted individual. Say, for example, an alligator. Okay, I hope that Joey Henny gets Wally back. I really do. Yeah, I genuinely do. But god damn yeah. And I mean he was he put it down to Joe Joe's He couldn't talk when he was flat out, He couldn't talk when the the the press rang He says, you have time, I'm on the lookout for Walley here. But he said it was basically Messrs Ranksters would have rang in and I I would wager maybe he's got rose tinted glasses there. If you live in Georgia and a gator shows up in the back of say a rented place or you know, a motel or whatever wherever he was staying, chances are you're not acting the bolis ringing. No, you're you know what I mean about the alligator that has just showed up with an earshot of your property and it probably checked for tags and and you know, bracelets whatever, none none on so figure I'll ring no tag, no micro chip, nothing. So would you go down to the post office for the license for your alligator? Would you? Would you asked for I gotta yeah, you know. Okay, So that's it. That's it. On on on Wally the Alligator. I will say one last thing and we'll move on here. You can call your pet whatever you want on right, Yeah, And it's not you know, there's I don't even know if you want to call it an irony that he went missing and his name is Wally because that wouldn't wash with the Americans because they call Where's Wally where over there? So they're not you know, you're gonna go and hit them with a wonderful where's Wally joke? And they're interesting. I walked away with the second I said, it's an America. Oh yeah, I know ye're talking about it mindless. Uh. Do you know why he's called Wally? I don't. Is it after the cartoon Wally? No? No, he is an alligator. He's Wally Gator. And that does not work as a rhyme or a pun anything. I'm sorry, that doesn't work Wally Gator because he's an alligator. No, that's act. No, do you know what it is? It's it's it's Joey with an eye in the middle of it. Fuck acting around with a name exactly, and like I'm going to turn around and go like, I see what you were going for there, but you missed hard. You missed it. Unless you want to call him Wally Walligator the Alligator. Okay, I'll give you that, but Wally Gator doesn't work for me. Brother, Jesus Christ, No, I'm sorry. I would have called him Boots. Yeah, because he because when he's when you're when he's done, you know what you're getting. Snap, you know, I'll call him like you know, Wally Gator doesn't work for me, brother, But we hope that Joey hen he finds Wally again. Yeah, answers on a postcard. That's to the percentage of the chances of if you think Wally is actually going to show up after being released in a Savannah, Georgia where they hang out. Yeah, just say and that is that, Tom, That is that. That is our show for the week. Look at that. We got through it. We had contentious issues such as portals to New York, the English and alligat and you and I didn't even fall out, not once, but not once. While we're at it. Uh, I'm feeling I think we should start a row two years, don't stop? Why not? Why not? We get so close to the finish line, look at look at it? Every week we get so we could see the front door, and then we start a round because I know brings me back to my nightclub days. What can I say? I am runners for a fast exit. I'm getting quieter in my old age. I'm not losing the rag as I used to. But at the same time, it's nice to run one back and just go Hey McBride, McBride will, he'll, he'll joust with me, He'll have a set two. Let's do it. Okay, let's do it. Let's what are we? What are we fighting about this week? I would imagine, and I'm only I'm only spitball in here. But you've never shown me much love. Whenever I have thrown in the l O t R a lot of the lotter, I've thrown it out there a few times to see a little hook. I mean, you've you know, we we've danced around Star Wars and you are a movie guy, but no point have you ever leaned in and gone, jeez, you know what, Tom I'm with you on the whole Lord of the Rings thing. Do you know you've never you know, like even like the I think, well, you're obviously more appreciative of Fred Dibner front of the pictured and I don't know what's happening with what it's absolutely brilliant at which I could record this, But right now we're on zoom, but Fred's fingers as he's holding that point are actually wiggling up and down. You won't see it there, but on my screen, I'm seeing Fred's fingers just digging up. It's kind of creeping out the Lord of the Rings. But there's a new there's actually two. There's two. There's an anime one which can go into toilet as far as I'm keep that now, sorry, but there's a new one being planned. Andy Circus, the man who I'd say just gets the best phone calls. Andy Cirkus, is making her return as Gollumn in The Hunt for Column, which they expect to be out in twenty twenty six. This is a standalone Gollumn film set within the existing universe of Lord of the Rings. As we would have seen. Yeah now, I was read by Peter Jackson. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and going to be directed by Circus himself, which is what I'm excited about because he knows what he's about. Like but he I would normally, right, I'd normally go, e rotten bastards, your crow barn is in for the sake of crow bar in. But I kind of trust when I heard heard Circus is back on board and Jackson is back on board because that TV show that are there making mother. Yeah, I can't see where one hundred million in episode Jerry, one hundred million in episode No Wonder they were striking. When the strike came around, they were like, what what do you mean? I don't kick heavier on my crosshands in the morning. We're going to clear up a couple of falsehoods here, Tom, All right, right about where I stand with the Lord of the Rings, are not okay? I stand with the Lord of the Rings. Where I stand on any franchise, I weighed up on the amount of stuff there is, and if good out weighs bad, then it's good. That's a fair, like it's a fair very sick. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, yeah yeah. Star Wars for me, those nine films ten eleven, if Jesus Christ, many loads and there was the what I liked, and then there was what I didn't like, and what I didn't like. I weighed, Say, if it was ten, then I weighed by about seventy three. That's a bad ratio. I'm sorry. Right, this sounds like a Monty python trying to see if she's a witch. If she wears more than a duck, does she flout? But that original Lord of the Rings Rings trilogy love it can't speak hagly enough of about Rewatch it all there over the East or Bank Hall on the weekend. Watch the whole thing took sixteen goddamn hours, Tom, But it is right. You got no problems with it. Wash it in the cinema several times. Bought it. You know, remember the big they look kind of leather bound. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I loved all that, all into it. The Hobbard movies came along, the fourth one I was like, okay, and the second I'm like, and then the third one I didn't even bother one to see it in the cinema. The only Lord of the Rings project that I have not seen in it was the one I saw it in the cinema. And do you know what alright, so where where you are right now? And the Lord of the Rings? Now you're three for three, yeah, but I beg your pardon your three meat three yeah yeah, three good, three bad. And now there came news that there was another standalone movie. I'm like, this could tip it, but what is the left to go? And you and I know where the Lord of the Rings a little bit tom. There was a book called, I want to say the Silmarillion or something smarrillion. That one is some deep reading. That is that is that's right up there with you know, that's that's Joyce, that is Homer odestly stuff, that's ruesus Christ. It's like reading, it's like reading stair instructions to borrow a phrase from Beetlejuice Juice, which, by the way, which, by the way, while we're here, very very very excited to say that there's a sequel coming out later in the year. I'm all for that. I think you speak over that in a later episode. So I'm like, okay, so they're doing the Cilma Redion, fair enough, and then they turn around and go, no, no, we're not doing that. We're doing a stand alone film about column And I'm like, when are you even going to set that? Because that lad melted into a puddle at the end of the last one. And we know from the start that he was out fishing with his brother Digal, and then he killed him for the ring and we seen him like forget the taste of bread, and we seen him go into a cave and then he turned into a googie. Man, what do we What am I missing here? And this is exactly it right, I was banking. I had read the Hobbit books. I read it before, or the Hobbit, the Book of the Hobbit which they spread too much butter over three there, That's what happened there. We talked about this. We've talked about this before, about different TV shows that could have been made, or different movies that could have Like there's a new Once Civil War coming out, I could have made a twenty part series. By the looks of the trailer alone, certain things too much butter and are too little Butler and too much bread. And that was why a phrase from Bilbo himself, exactly there was one Hobbit book, there was three Lord of the Rings books. Why not follow that? Well, I'll tell you I didn't follow jer six billion dollars is what that franchise has made, like should The only thing I would say is that I'm hoping that they learned from They can't have looked at that and went nailed it again, guys nailed again? Do you know nothing but that they must have looked at back to the Wallex as moll But they're dragging that one out that could have been wrapped in a three and a half hour movie like that could have been wrapped. I think with Circus on board directing it. I just like the cut of his gym when he does the Gorillaz and he does you know, the ape stuff and he he plays a good baddy and stuff and he know he's directed and Jackson is right now, I have a funny feeling a Kiwi two would have to be honest with himself and I can help fish and chops, you know, or just a good bloody wrong, a bloody good at wrong. Let's fucking smash this because there's nowhere else it can go. It's done unless they do the Cimarillion. If they're talking about the Hunt for Gollum, then me knowing what I know about the Lord of the Rings, which will be a little bit like I wouldn't be smarter than the average bear, but I would be smarter than the average I guess the hunt for Gollum. He gets hunted by the Nasghoul to be brought to menus forever it is, be tortured and he's like, say, he gives up the information, right, so that must be it, right. It's the hunt to find him, to catch him to take I wouldn't be surprised if we saw a name change between now and then. It's twenty twenty six, a branking on a chair. I can't see what. And maybe there was other hunting that went on Ganda, maybe hunting him a long time back. I'm guessing they're gonna roll out if McKellen is still on to go oh, let's be honest. I have to be in there somewhere yet I would totally work, like you know what I mean. If it's either that, it is probably gonna end up being leaving just saying do you know, I will say while Ian McKellen draws breath, no man is going to put on that gray wizard's hat but him. Ah, But like what am I going to be watched? This little goddamn fish skeleton of a little GOOLEI man like, he's no crack, Tom, He's no crack. He's not gonna I reckon, I reckon, I reckon. He's good crack, like when he was trying to do the rigid deficies. Do you know I think I think we're I'm suspending what what happened with the with the hobbit and I'm going, all right, I'll wipe the slave clean for you. But you're only getting one slate. You're getting one one. I mean we start preaking around now and you start bringing out, start rolling out because did my cage has been rattled with that TV show. It's again. I don't know where one hundred million an episode went. I'll make my I'll make my opinions on the TV show Known Tom. I watched the first episode of I thought, huh, okay, I don't mind that. Yeah, I can see what they're doing here. That's grand and there's a little bit of mystery, and I can see whether there's a story be told. And then THESSIC goes you want to watch another episode? I was like, nah, yeah, because I'll be honest with you, Jerry. Everybody just thenders around, not really fluting around not really doing it. That's that's what I will not forgive with this column movie, Tom. I will go see it in the cinema, don't you know. But I'm going to tell you what this needs to be. This needs to be an eighty five minute thriller. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. If this thing is a three hour epic of this little ghoul chatting around the place with no romantic interest, no comedy. He can't even hold the sword, Tom, I look, he can cut your rock in his hand and hit a thing with much like much like get the new game at the Game of Thrones that came out when the bass man stood away you're all together and said you would tip away with the way you're going to do the franchises of the Dragon. I got two episodes into that and went, well, that can absolutely fly up my whole Oh oh, so I give you like it. I if you enjoy it, I'm happy for you. But I'm telling you now, I have a funny feeling they've seen the other ways. I'm not saying that, Jimmy Nez, but when you when you put him into your movie, you're kind of selling short. But at the same time, they dragged the arse out of the out of the and I don't see him doing the same with this. I'm intrigued to see what they do. I'm intrigued to see what they do. I always, I always feel so bad for the thirteen actors that played the thirteen Wars across the three Hobbit movies, because when they came in, when they got cast, they most have taught their ship had come in. Oh yeah, I mean, oh my god, we are going to be beloved, We're going to be iconic. People are going to be getting tattoos of us. And I don't remember three of their names. No, no, no. And when I say I don't remember their characters names, I don't remember their characters' names or their names themselves. I have jimmy nes but and there's that good looking lad from up the north, jimmy Nesbit's found rotten there that I didn't describe him as the good looking lad. No, there was a young lad and he's Irish. He's he's a young sort of fucking Jamie Dorny. He's not in it. No, no, no, I can't even think it his name. And then Openshield was was was Richard Armitage that I've seen and enjoyed in a couple of things, and the rest of them, I don't know who the hell these people are. No, no, but yeah, apparently, three billion dollar movies apparently, and it's a total twelve hours of screen time and I don't know any of their names. I paid money to see them. We're back back for lower. Apparently. Tommy Tiernan turned down a role as one of them because he had no idea what was going on. He was like, no, no, you're grand You're grand right, you'll be all right me selling out giant theaters everywhere else. Stick with that, thank you very much. So well, look, I I you may be you know, I think we're closer than I thought we were going to be. But at the same time, you're kind of yea, this is there, this is their Absolutely you've got it. You've got a cocked fist right whereas I'm kind of like, look, I've got the hands open. I'm willing to take you back in, but I swear to God, you make one bad move, Jackson, and I swear to God or you made and we are done. We're I'm throwing your close out the window, cutting up all your stuff. You can have your ake on CD back. That's it is, get your ship out. That's where I am as well. Tom, You guys are three good movies, three bad movies. This is the seventh bottom of the ninth or whatever they say in basically, I really understood that. But this is make our break time, and this is make our break time for the Tom and Jerry Show. We had a big week this week in the social media's which you can follow us on at Tom and Jerry on Twitter and I'm sure at Tom and Jerry on Instagram will get you there as well. We crossed a thousand followers on Twitter. Thank you all very much for that, and we hope you enjoy the little bonus bits and pieces that we're putting up, including tom a poll on when it was okay for irishmen to wear shorts when do we let the pale legs out on Show Tom, the options were on the hottest days during the summer months all year, rain or shine, r indeed an ever, and everybody seems to be in agreement, or at least fifty percent of the boat seems to be in agreement that during the summer months it's all right to let the storks legs dangle out of the nest. Yeah, a worrying twenty eight percent of you say keep them pale White's out all year round. Okay, that soldier, I gotta tell you that ain't the way. We have a message from long term. Listen to Chris, Chris with a K. He'll forgive both the one thing he cannot forgive, linen trowsers and sandals. Do you've entered a new era in your life if you're you know, linen trousers and sandals. I think I'm not. I'm not going to start a second round, Tom. I'm going to save it for a later date. But if I'm wearing sandals, I'm also wearing socks. I'm sorry he gave me to the grave. That's just what I'm doing. More on that in a later episode. Uh, and we also threw it at you. What would you say if I told you that I was very smitten with a young lady called im Quinn who came in and out from work. And we had another trap heat chimed in Chris not with no butt Sandard issues standard issue Chris. So like we are over indexing and Chris is over here and we've got regular scheduled Chris with a see, and then we've got Chris Cross will make a jump jump that you chimed in there as well, Mickey jump jump Chris. Yeah. While he was delighted with the new show, Jerry's story about the woman going into the hardware store reminded me of when I worked in Wicks. That's alright, Wicks is all right there, listen. They're probably always sponsored as Wicks. They're probably owned by screw Fix. Anyway, this one glorious summer's day, and this is a great incredible woman came into the store and needed help getting full palette of sand into her car for the palette for a guy doing her patio. She's confusio two o six terary, Jesus, great car, I have I have been there loading cars where I'm like, this thing's scraping off the ground there like one I'm throwing at a couple of bags and all right, it's your because your suspension don't get on me. So this is this please, And I'm so ignorant. I still wouldn't even think of it. He'd been in ton bags, I was thinking, but it's obviously twenty five killabags. Luckily for me, she was made five trips So here was me handball on these bags into the car, sending her on away and then come on back. And the last trip she said, if you're out in town tonight, me to Wildcats and I'll get you a few drinks. And I, eve eighteen year old, didn't know that Wildcats was a strip club. Not only did I get a few drinks, she gave me a lap dance to Well. That was that's love, you know. I gotta tell you that is heartwarming story, isn't it. I gotta tell you there are plenty of men that loaded palettes of sand into Pugo six two sixes in their time. God not just to thank thank you, free drink and lap dance. I'll be honest with you. Even if it was a bloke that was the stripper and offered me a lap dance and a few drinks, I would have been smitten. I would have been absolutely delighted. Because it's nice to be appreciated, isn't the I'm taking it, and it is nice to be appreciated. Tom, And we love our listeners who are following us, and indeed some of them are subscribing to us, but some of them haven't done it quite yet. Tom, So what do they do. Whatever platform you're on, hit subscribe right now. Typically it's it's Apple, it's Spotify, it's all the user suspects. If you can hit subscribe, if it's if you can possibly rate as well, hit the highest rate and do as a favor what it does that makes it more available and more exposed to other people getting to see it. If we've higher ratings, i e. Five stars, If you can leave a comment, brilliant, if you will be wonderful, do do like a bunch of people have done. Screen grab your message underneath, maybe tag tag us so at least we get to see it, and of course we will repost it and what not. And if you do want to send us own any more stuff like that, please do cracking story. But if you leave, if you leave a comment on it, you may show up on the show. Look at these two christs, Look what look Look at the glory we heaped on this across Meg Mack will make you a jump jump. I'm just saying. I'm just saying as well, all right, Tom, I've gone without chewing them them out for quite long enough today, fantastic, I have gone without tea and I haven't lost my plot at all, So I'm off to maybe run into a hedge till next week. There, Good luck, Good out. Tom and Jerry Show is sponsored by find a Venue dot i e. For over ten years, find a Venue dot i has been working in the Dublin area helping thousands of companies with all their venue needs from corporate parties to away days, training seminars, conferences, sell barbecues to Christmas parties. That a lot. As a pair of comedians who know what it's like when the wrong venue gets booked for the wrong occasion, we can assure you that find avenue dot ie is the go to service when you're looking for a venue for your upcoming event. Simply contact them at find Avenue dote and they'll do the rest, saving you precious time and hassle. Best of all, find Avenue dot e is absolutely free to use. Get here, I'm telling you now. 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