Latest / Rock My Finances / What Are You Really Holding Onto? The Emotional Side of Clutter, Chaos & Letting Go

Transcript

What Are You Really Holding Onto? The Emotional Side of Clutter, Chaos & Letting Go · Rock My Finances

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Investment advisory and financial planning services are offered through Simplicity
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Wealth LLC and SEC Registered Investment Advisor. SEC registration does
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: not constitute nor endorse of the firm, nor does it
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: indicate that the advisor has attained a particular level of
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: skill nor ability. Investing involves risk of loss. Insurance consulting
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: and education services offered through Diamond Life Planning is a
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: separate and unaffiliated entity from Simplicity Wealth. This information is
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: provided as a general information that is not intended to be.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Specific financial guidance.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Before you make any decisions regarding your personal financial situation,
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: you should consult a financial or tax professional to discuss
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: your individual circumstances and objectives.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: Welcome to the Rock My Finances show on K4HD Radio
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: and Talk4TV, where we put the fun in finance. Join
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: powerhouse Jennifer Jost, CDFA, CMC, and private wealth advisor, as
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: she collaborates with you to create clarity, control, and confidence.
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: With your money, your way.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: It's not about the zeros.
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: So what is it all about? Let's find out. Now
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jost.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: Welcome back to Rock My Finances. Okay, today we are
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: going to find out the emotional side of clutter. What
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: are you really holding on to? I know we all
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: feel chaos. We all have to let go of some things,
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: but we're going to figure out why we're not doing that.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: I want you to think of something in your home
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: right now that you really just don't need, but you
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: can't get rid of it. You're hanging on to it.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: You know, maybe that dress, a piece of furniture, maybe
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: a box of photographs, maybe your mother's dishes. your children's
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: old schoolwork, a wedding gift, maybe from a marriage that
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: ended like 20 years ago, something belonging to someone who's
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: already gone, maybe a stack of cards or birthday cards,
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: books that you're never going to read again, clothes that
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: haven't fit since your friends were still making, since friends
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: was making still new episodes. That was many years ago, y'all.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: And every time you consider getting rid of it, something
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: inside of you says, no, I can't. No, I can't. Today,
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: I want to organize that object. I don't want to
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: necessarily organize it. I want you to understand why it's
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: not being organized. Sometimes clutter isn't about the stuff, but
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: it's about the relationship. It's about the memory or the identity,
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: maybe the hope, maybe, or the promise. Maybe even it
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: contains guilt or grief. I know my stuff does for sure.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: And throwing away a $ 5 object can somehow feel like
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: throwing away a piece of yourself or a piece of
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: your life. That's what we're going to talk about today.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: Not how to actually organize your closet because there's tons
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: of videos on that. But actually, why does letting go
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: of things hurt so much? Let's begin with memory. We
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: attach memories to objects. That's normal, right? You pick up
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: something your grandmother owned and suddenly you're eight years old again.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: You can see her in your kitchen. You can see
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: baking with her. You remember her hands, her smell, maybe
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: even her perfume. That object becomes a doorway to that memory.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: So when someone says, why don't you just get rid
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: of that? They aren't seeing what you are seeing. They
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: don't see through that doorway. They're just seeing a bowl, right?
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: They're not seeing your grandma. And this actually matters. But
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: here's the question. Does releasing the object actually release the memory? No,
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: of course not. Intellectually, we know that. Emotionally, that's much harder.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: Sometimes we make an object responsible for keeping a person
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: alive inside of us. That's an enormous job to give
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: a little tiny bowl or a sweater or a chair.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: Maybe we can take that responsibility back. Maybe the memory
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: belongs to us. Maybe love is not stored in that
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: actual object. And maybe the object simply just helps us
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: access something that we already had inside of us. That's
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: very different. A different way of letting go, right? You
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: aren't throwing away grandma. You're deciding whether you're still going
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: to keep the bowl or not. And you are allowed
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: to absolutely keep it. This is a... trophy of my mom's.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: I'm going to keep that. I love it. It's gold.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: It's one of her old hair trophies. And yeah, I'm
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: going to keep that. This is not a minimalism show
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: for y'all because I'm keeping that, right? I'm not coming
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: to your house with a bunch of garbage bags and saying,
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: get rid of this. This brings you joy. Keep it
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: if it doesn't. Now, I do believe in this as well.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: Everything that you have should bring you joy for sure.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: If not, get rid of it. The issue isn't how
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: much you own. The Is my life supporting what I own, right?
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: And that's where the money comes in. That's different. So
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: let's talk about guilt. Guilt is one of the strongest
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: adhesives known to women. It can apparently attach us permanently
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: to almost every object. My mother gave me that. My
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: daughter made that for me. My husband just loved that.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: That cost a lot of money. That's a big one
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: for me. That belonged to my father. I just can't
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: get rid of it. Listen to all that language, right? Can't. Can't. Can't.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: Is this really true? Or does getting rid of it
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: create a feeling that you just don't want to feel?
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: You know my F words. That's very different. Suppose your
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: mother gave you that beautiful china set, but you don't
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: even entertain with china anymore. You don't even like the
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: pattern or the colors. It's been in a box for
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: 15 years. Every time you move, you carefully move 60
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: pounds of dishes that you don't even want. Why? Because
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: mom gave that to you. Well, here's my question. Was
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: your mother's intention to give you dishes or a lifetime
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: of obligation? Probably just the dishes, right? We sometimes turn
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: gifts into contracts the giver never even asked us to sign.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: And this can become generational. We inherit things our parents
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: couldn't get rid of because their parents gave it to them.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: And nobody wants it. But four generations are apparently required
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: to store it and keep it. At some point, one
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: brave woman needs to break the cycle and maybe that's you.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: And you can do it with love, right? You can
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: do it on purpose and by choice. Thank you so
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: much for serving our family and now I'm letting you go.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: That may sound silly until you're standing in front of
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: the object that you're holding and it carries 40 years
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: of emotion and you can hear your mom telling you
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: in the background, right? Then it doesn't sound silly at all. Now,
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: let's go somewhere even deeper with this. identity. Sometimes we're
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: not holding onto the object, but we're holding onto the
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: version of ourselves. The business suits. You still have business suits?
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: I still do for sure. The career you left. I
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: know so many people that hang onto it forever. The
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: clothes that you had from when you were 30 and
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: your 30-year-old body that you had. Equipment from the hobby
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: that you just don't even enjoy anymore, but you did
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: back in the day. Books from the profession that you
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: actually retired from. furniture from the house that you raised
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: your children in. Suddenly decluttering is asking such a bigger question.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: Who am I if that chapter is over? That's why
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: downsizing can be emotionally brutal. You're not just choosing between
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: keep and donate. You're confronting endings. You're confronting, my children
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: don't live here anymore. I'm retired. My spouse is gone.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: My body has changed. That dream didn't really even happen.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: that relationship ended. That woman isn't who I am anymore.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: And sometimes keeping that stuff just keeps the door cracked
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: open a little bit to where you can still think
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: about it. Maybe we can say someday, maybe I'll wear
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: it again. How many sizes do you really have in
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: your closet? Maybe I'll start that hobby again. Maybe the
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: kids will want it. Maybe, maybe, maybe, right? There's nothing
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: wrong with the possibility, but I want to distinguish between
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: hope and emotional storage. Here's our diamond life question. Living
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: your diamond life means you have joy in your life
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: every day, freedom, financial freedom. You are happy and positive.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: I want everyone to live their healthy, wealthy diamond life.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: So here's your diamond life question. Am I creating space
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: for the woman that I am becoming or maintaining a
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: museum for the woman that I used to be? That's
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: a big one, right? That can hurt a little bit
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: because we honor our past.
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: My past got me to where I am today and
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: who I am today. Your past built you, but your
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: past does not get every square foot of your future.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: Your diamond life needs room for now. What makes you
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: joyous now? What makes you happy now? Who are you now?
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: What does your body look like now? What does your
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: brain want to do now? The older I get, I
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: have to keep learning things, right? That's what they tell us.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: It's going to keep dementia away and all that stuff, Alzheimer's,
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: all that. So we keep learning new things. That's who
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: I am now. It's not because The past wasn't important.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: It's because the present is important as well. And there's
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: another category of things that we hold on to. Are
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: you ready for this? The fantasy self. This one hurts.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: This is a fabulous. She's going to bake bread every weekend. Okay, dude,
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: I am doing that right now. Just saying. Maybe you
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: think that fantasy woman that's inside of us is going
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: to scrapbook or maybe learn Italian or maybe wear those
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: four-inch heels again. Again, that's me. Maybe she's going to
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: read all those books. Maybe she's going to go do
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: all that exercise that you've got all the equipment for
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: that clothes are laying all over. And maybe we're going
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: to buy and store all of these wonderful things and
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: organize them. Sometimes those things become evidence of everything that
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: we actually haven't done. Instead of inspiring us, they are
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: quietly accusing us. You haven't learned that Italian yet, have you?
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: At some point, we can ask, do I still want
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: this dream or do I just feel guilty admitting that
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: I don't want the dream and I'm not doing it?
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: We are allowed to change our mind. That's huge. You're
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: allowed to change your mind. You're allowed to no longer
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: want something that you once desperately wanted. Changing your mind
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: doesn't make the old dream foolish. It just means you're
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: alive and ever evolving. That's the diamond life energy. We're
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: always evolving. We're not building a life around obligations or
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: former versions of ourselves. We're consciously choosing what belongs in
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: the next chapter. Now, let's talk about money. One of
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: the hardest things to discard is something expensive. I paid
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: 500 bucks for that. Yes, I know I'm that way
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: too as well. And now that $ 500 is gone. I know,
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: but keeping the object doesn't bring the money back. Now
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: you're paying for it twice or three times. I do
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: that with stocks as well. Do you want that stock today? Again,
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: with space, guilt, and mental energy. This happens outside of
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: our homes as well. We stay in businesses because we've
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: invested so much. We stay in marriages and relationships because
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: I've been there for years. We stay in careers because
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: we went to school and earned a degree for that.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: Commitments because we've already put so much into them, we
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: try to keep because we feel like it means something.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: There's a name for that economically, sunk cost. But emotionally,
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: it sounds like I've come too far to stop now. Maybe,
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: or maybe you've come too far enough. It's time now.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: That's the question worth asking. Not every investment needs to
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: be rescued. Some need to become just tuition. I learned
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: a lot from that. I paid my tuition and I'm
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: moving on. That is allowed. Now let's talk about grief.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: This is where I want to be gentle. If you
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: have belongings from someone that you've lost, there's no timeline.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: I still have boxes and boxes from my kids that
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: passed away. Even my husband at the time. I still
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: have pictures. I just went through other pictures from my
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: second marriage, my kid's dad. I just pulled up pictures
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: from that. Grief just doesn't work on a timeline like that.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: So getting rid of belongings isn't proof that you've healed.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: It absolutely is not. Keeping them isn't proof that you
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: haven't either. You could very well heal and still keep
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: some mementos around. The question is much more personal. What
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: does this object mean to me when I encounter it?
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: How do I feel the F word? Do I feel
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: a knot in my stomach and I get angry and
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: tense and it's just gross and I can't do it?
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: Or does it bring me warmth and joy and can
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: I go to the memories? Does it bring me connection
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: to that person who I used to be? Is it
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: a beautiful memory? Or does it just create pain, guilt,
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: or a feeling that you're responsible for preserving that entire life?
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: And you can't just preserve an entire human being that's
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: passed away and put them in boxes. And you don't
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: have to. That's not your job. Maybe choose the things
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: that tell the story best. Not everything, but some stuff.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: The things that make you feel good. Maybe a handwritten
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: card or note or letter or a watch or a
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: recipe or a photograph. I keep photographs as my choice.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: And prizes. They won competitions. My daughter was in gymnastics.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: We have every single one of her medals. There's just
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: certain things that we want to keep. Ball gowns, dresses,
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: pageant dresses. Those are the things that I've kept. That
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: crazy Christmas ornament that makes you laugh, maybe. I have
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: all the Christmas ornaments as well. What makes you feel love?
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Just keep that part. You don't have to keep everything
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: that proves that they actually existed. You are proof that
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: they existed. They changed you. They loved you. You loved them.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: That lives inside you. Sometimes releasing belongings isn't letting go
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: of the actual person, but it's letting go of the
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: responsibility to guard every physical piece of their life. That's
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: very different. Now, let's move beyond physical clutter. What else
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: are you holding on to? Do you have a grudge,
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: a friendship that ended maybe, something someone said to you
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: 15 years ago and you're still talking about it today?
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: Do you owe an apology to someone and are you
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: hanging on to that guilt or does someone owe you
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: an apology that you've never received? A version of how
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: you thought your life actually might have turned out and
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: it's so very different. Maybe you've made an old mistake.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: Maybe you have anger towards yourself, something that you regret.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: Maybe your most crowded closet actually isn't in your house,
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: but it's actually in your head. An emotional clutter works
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: a lot like a physical clutter. We revisit it. We
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: ruminate over it. We move it around in our brain.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: We take it out and look at it. We put
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: it back. We tell the story. We put it back.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: We share it with somebody new and different. We carry
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: that on from year to year, relationship to relationship. How
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: deep does it go, right? What am I keeping because
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: letting go feels like it didn't matter? That's a great
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: question to ask yourself. What am I keeping? Because just
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: letting it go makes it feel like it just didn't matter.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: Forgiveness doesn't mean it didn't matter. Releasing anger doesn't mean
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: what happened was okay. Letting go does not rewrite history.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: History is done. Sometimes it just simply means I'm no
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: longer giving this event free storage in my future, in
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: my diamond life future. That's powerful. I'm no longer giving
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: this event or this person free storage in my future.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: We don't require a perfect past. No one has a
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: perfect past and we don't require a perfect future. It
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: just requires enough space to create a joyous future for you. Okay,
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: you ready for some homework? Here we go. Coaching homework,
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: the emotional inventory. I want you to choose five objects
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: that you've had trouble letting go of. You might have
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: to walk around the house You might have to go
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: into some boxes to pick those five objects. It might
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: be an entire box. I have several of those. Don't
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: throw anything away yet. This isn't about forcing yourself to
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: do anything. Just ask yourself for each object, what does
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: this represent to me? Whose voice do I hear when
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: I think about letting it go? Is it your voice
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: or is it someone else's voice? And am I keeping
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: this because I'm protecting a memory? Does guilt pop in
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: there anywhere? Is guilt involved? Does this belong to the
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: life I'm living today? If this disappeared tomorrow, what would
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: I actually lose? Could I preserve the memory in another way?
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: So when my dad passed away, we moved my mom
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: into a different place. So we did have to downsize her.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: So we took pictures of so many things. And that's
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: what I did as well when I downsized my mom
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: to assisted living. So I took pictures of everything. We
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: still have all of her scrapbooks, all of her photo books,
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: You know, we kept the important things to her. And
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: there's always important things, which is great. It makes memories.
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: It makes feelings. And that's good. But we don't have
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: to just keep it all. Then ask yourself one more
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: important question. If nobody knew whether I kept this or
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: gave it away, would I still choose to keep it?
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: Or would I choose to throw it away? So if
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: nobody was watching you and nobody knew, just remove the
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: audience from this decision. Not your mother, your father, your children,
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: your friends, your judgment. There are no judgments. just you.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: Would you choose to keep it? Now, pick one item.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: You have three choices. Keep it with intention, like my
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: mom's trophy. I'm intentionally keeping that. I love it. It
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: brings me joy. Not shoved in a box, but give
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: it a place and honor like on the shelf.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: Use it.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: Use grandma's china. Eat every Tuesday night pizza off of it.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: Why are we saving beautiful things for people who are
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: not coming? The Friends episode with the president's going to
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: come by or the queen or something before she would
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: eat her china. Or release it with intention. Release it
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: with love. Take a picture of it. Maybe write down
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: its story. Maybe give it to somebody who wants it.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: I love donating things because I love consignment shopping as well.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: So donate it. Whatever feels right to you. But make
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: a decision. And then I want you to do the
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: emotional version. write down one thing that you're carrying that
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: doesn't physically exist. Maybe a regret, maybe a grudge against someone,
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: maybe an old identity that you might have or a
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: mistake that you made. I know we all have relationships
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: in our past. Maybe a dream that just no longer
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: fits who you are now. Then answer, what has carrying
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: this given me? Maybe it's given you protection. Maybe it's
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: given you identity. Maybe a reason not to trust again
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: to try to keep you safe may be proof that
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: you were wronged. Now we're going to ask ourselves, what
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: has carrying it cost me? Has it cost me peace, joy?
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: Has it cost me energy? Has it cost me connection
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: with a new loved one? Has it cost me space
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: for something new, maybe a new career, a new identity,
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: a new body shape, new clothes? It could be anything, right?
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: And finally, Who could I become if I didn't have
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: to carry this anymore? Ooh, that's the question. Because letting
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: go isn't always about having less. Sometimes it's just about
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: making room, room for a new friendship, a new dream,
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: a new identity, maybe a new home, maybe just a
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: new version of yourself. So here's the questions again, okay?
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: If nobody knew whether I kept this or not, would
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: I give it away or would I keep it? And
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: on the emotional side of things, think of one thing that,
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: you've been carrying emotionally, a grudge, regret, identity. We're going
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: to ask, what has carrying this given me? What has
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: it cost me? And what could I become if I
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: did not carry it anymore? And how does that feel?
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: Go into the F word. We love the F word, y'all.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: How does that feel? Some things... complete their purpose a
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: long time ago and we just keep hanging on to them.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: Maybe the most loving thing you can say is, thank
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: you for what that meant to me. You don't have
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: to carry me anymore and I don't have to carry you.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: It could just be a memory. It's going to make
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: room in our brain, our energy. Not because your past
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: doesn't matter, but because your future matters. Your future matters.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: There's so many things that they say that today is
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: already the past, right? And we're going to live in
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: the now, which is difficult and it takes practice for sure,
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: but our future matters. So I have my mom's trophy.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: That's great. My kids who passed, they had great big
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: trophies for so long. I carried them around forever and
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: I decided to let those go. I still have my memories.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: My kids are still with me every day. Nick and Shuri,
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: they're here, right? I still have some things of them,
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: but I did move across the country. So I did
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: pare down a little. It did not change my memory
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: and my relationship and my feelings and my joy when
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: I think about them all the time. So stuff isn't
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: necessarily there. Now the grudges and the judgments, that takes
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: up a lot of mental space in our brain. So
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: I always have my clients journal as much as possible
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: to get it out of our body. Make a song
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: out of it. I know AI can do that now.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: A friend sent me some songs that she did. I
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: won't call her out. until she tells me I can.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: And it's awesome. She put her journals to songs and
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: they're great. That is so healing. And now you have
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: a tangible thing for some thoughts, but it's out of
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: our brain, right? The bad things out, the good things
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: are in. There's so many things that we can do now.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: We can make mementos of things, take a bunch of
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: pictures of something to get rid of it, and then
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: make a collage out of it. Maybe put it in
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: a picture frame so that you can remember the 10
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: things that you gave away. So many different things that
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: we can do. So we have physical things and we
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: have emotional things. And sometimes we don't want to walk
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: through the emotional things by ourselves. That's where coaches come
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: in just saying, that's where financial advisors come in when
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: we don't want to walk through our money life by ourselves.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: Nonjudgmental financial people. So yeah, you don't have to do
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: it alone if you don't want to do it alone.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: A lot of this work we do ourselves, or maybe
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: you might want to do with your partner, your spouse,
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: or a good friend. And have them do it as well, right?
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: I just can't wait to see what your future is
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: actually going to be. And I will come back on
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: and tell you when I'm done with my taxes and
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: all this clutter is cleaned up. I can't wait. It
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: feels so good. It feels so good. I hope you
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: enjoyed today's episode of not necessarily organizing, but getting organized.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: I hope that helped you. And I want you to
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: be able to walk away from every episode to say,
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: I rock my finances.
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: We appreciate you joining us today, and don't forget to
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: subscribe to the Rock My Finances YouTube channel for more
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: engagement and bonus content. Tell me, what is your money story?
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: Let's find out with Jennifer right here on K4HD Radio
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: and Talk4TV. It's not about the zero. It's about the
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: F word, feelings. Feelings Jennifer can't wait to explore with
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: you next week. Until then, let's all say, I rock
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: my finances.