Latest / Very Fine Friends / Citizen Face Kane

Transcript

Citizen Face Kane · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  so we got a new hand-held like shower thing in our shower you know like a hand spray thing
• 0:22
  like a nozzle you can like take off and like yeah the boyfriend that's what i call mine
• 0:28
  okay well all right we won't get into that um anyway this it's great looking it's very beautiful
• 0:37
  looking but it was like functionally useless it was like the water would just like dribble out of
• 0:42
  this thing it was like this is there's zero pressure on this at all but then the plumber
• 0:46
  came over the other day and uh he took out the little restrictor thing which is just it's just
• 0:52
  like a little tiny thing inside this this shower it's like an iud for handheld showers and yeah
• 0:58
  and he took it out and suddenly it's like it's like what they clean elephants at the circus with
• 1:05
  it's unbelievable now it's the husband
• 1:07
  stop making this gross francis i was just thinking like this is crazy that what that
• 1:16
  little restrictor does so much and the poor people of california it's all their fault by the way it's
• 1:24
  all california's fault this is happening uh they got to sell it california style to everybody else
• 1:29
  poor californians just they don't understand because now it's like amazing it's like
• 1:34
  my head is wet and like instantly it's great i love it and one family in california's pressure
• 1:40
  got a little worse.
• 1:41
  Yep.
• 1:43
  Let this be a lesson
• 1:44
  and a reminder to all of us
• 1:45
  that small things
• 1:47
  do make an impact.
• 1:48
  This reminds me of a pebble
• 1:49
  that was once in my shoe
• 1:50
  that made walking suck.
• 1:53
  No.
• 1:54
  Yeah.
• 1:54
  A tiny pebble.
• 1:56
  Most of my foot
• 1:57
  was non-pebbled.
• 1:58
  One little pebble
• 1:59
  ruined my walk.
• 2:01
  What did you do about it?
• 2:02
  I took my shoe off.
• 2:04
  Uh-huh.
• 2:04
  I turned my shoe upside down.
• 2:06
  Yeah.
• 2:06
  Shook it about.
• 2:07
  Uh-huh.
• 2:08
  And then the pebble left.
• 2:09
  What?
• 2:09
  Put the shoe back on.
• 2:11
  But the lesson remained.
• 2:13
  But then you appreciated non-pebble walking so much more.
• 2:17
  Yeah.
• 2:17
  Or like one tiny little piece of pollen or something gets in your eye.
• 2:23
  It's a showstopper.
• 2:24
  Yeah.
• 2:24
  Little things make the most impact.
• 2:27
  Also, big things make an impact.
• 2:30
  Both make impacts.
• 2:31
  Yeah, yeah.
• 2:32
  But don't discount the little things.
• 2:34
  Yes.
• 2:34
  Don't discount the big things.
• 2:36
  little things if you're listening and we know that you are we just want you to know we
• 2:43
  we appreciate you and we know what an impact you have yes in this world yes welcome to very fine
• 2:50
  friends podcast where friends talk about stuff how are you francis how are you oh me yeah walking
• 3:01
  on a dream. No pebbles
• 3:03
  in your shoes? No, the pebbles are gone. My feet
• 3:05
  are soft like
• 3:06
  baby grass.
• 3:09
  Baby grass? Is that
• 3:11
  brand new grass?
• 3:13
  Yeah. Like little like whispers of
• 3:15
  grass? It's grass that hasn't been sat upon yet.
• 3:17
  It's grass that is new to the dew.
• 3:19
  I have never thought of
• 3:21
  sprouting grass as baby
• 3:23
  grass. You like it?
• 3:25
  I don't know.
• 3:27
  I either like it or it's really
• 3:29
  creepy. I can't figure it out. Okay.
• 3:31
  I really need this.
• 3:32
  I love it.
• 3:34
  God bless you.
• 3:36
  Quick interruption.
• 3:38
  Every week on the podcast, we do something where our producer Joe gives Francis and I each our own secret word.
• 3:48
  Throughout the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person noticing.
• 3:56
  If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point.
• 4:00
  and right before we die we add up all the points and then we get a prize whoever has the most points
• 4:09
  for guessing the most secret words here's joe with today's secret words jenna's secret word is
• 4:16
  commuted jenna's decoy word is fielding francis's secret word is decompose francis's decoy word is
• 4:27
  footprints back to the podcast uh okay and you oh i care about you too thank you
• 4:35
  oh now that i'm just soaked to the gills in my shower uh i'm doing great so that's quite an image
• 4:43
  and you can't take the image away from me that's happening right now nor would i want to thank you
• 4:50
  that one was for you appreciate and only you listeners i'm taking it away from you yeah no
• 4:55
  that's bonus material.
• 4:56
  Yep.
• 4:57
  Get it.
• 4:58
  You gotta subscribe.
• 4:59
  Yeah.
• 4:59
  We're putting the restrictor back on.
• 5:01
  Ooh,
• 5:02
  that's what the subscription versus non-subscription is.
• 5:07
  It's like a restrictor.
• 5:09
  You don't get the good stuff.
• 5:10
  Yeah.
• 5:11
  It's like people that only listen to the main feed.
• 5:14
  They're Californians.
• 5:16
  But if you subscribe,
• 5:19
  you're like an elephant at the circus.
• 5:22
  Hey,
• 5:23
  don't discount the main episodes.
• 5:24
  main episodes are great yeah you're the pebbles in our shoe the main the main episodes are with
• 5:30
  the restrictor off and then subscribers get like that but god mode to a whole new level
• 5:37
  that reminds me actually i don't know why i said reminds me i pretend i didn't but
• 5:43
  uh this is not i regret this no okay well i was just thinking you know how one pebble in your shoe
• 5:50
  hertz? Yeah. What if you put a bunch of
• 5:52
  them in there and you were just walking
• 5:54
  on a bunch of one even layer of
• 5:56
  pebbles? That might even be nice.
• 5:58
  Yeah, because it just evens the
• 6:00
  part of the problem with
• 6:02
  the pebble is it's one
• 6:04
  single point.
• 6:07
  That sounds
• 6:08
  like a really good invention. Yeah,
• 6:10
  I'm writing it down. Pebble shoe.
• 6:13
  I wrote down show.
• 6:15
  Pebble shoe.
• 6:16
  Yeah. Wow. We wouldn't have got here
• 6:18
  if we hadn't talked about your shower.
• 6:19
  Thank God.
• 6:21
  Pebble shower.
• 6:22
  Oh, so you're showering on pebbles.
• 6:25
  Hmm.
• 6:26
  All right, well,
• 6:28
  let's listen up to a future episode for that one.
• 6:32
  But for now,
• 6:33
  let's get to the current invention of the week.
• 6:40
  Inventions.
• 6:43
  Okay, y'all.
• 6:44
  Francis, I mean, we've already seen your wheels are churning.
• 6:47
  Oh, yeah, I'm indefinitely in make it mode.
• 6:50
  Or I'm in naked mode.
• 6:53
  Well, two things can be true at once.
• 6:56
  Okay.
• 6:57
  All right.
• 6:58
  I'm just going to lay out that this is a scientific invention.
• 7:03
  It's medical in nature.
• 7:05
  Okay.
• 7:06
  And as many elective procedures, I'm sure it's going to draw its fair share of complaint.
• 7:13
  And so I'm preparing myself for that feedback now because I know it's not for everyone.
• 7:16
  Okay.
• 7:17
  Thank you.
• 7:18
  That being said.
• 7:18
  Yes.
• 7:19
  You know how some people are fat?
• 7:22
  I do know that.
• 7:23
  Yeah.
• 7:23
  And you know how, even if they're not, you know some people just love to eat?
• 7:27
  I know that as well.
• 7:29
  More than they want or more than they need, but they just want it.
• 7:32
  I know.
• 7:33
  They want to gobble it up.
• 7:34
  Your food's great.
• 7:35
  I want to gobble it.
• 7:36
  Yeah.
• 7:37
  This invention is about to change the world.
• 7:41
  Okay.
• 7:41
  You know how...
• 7:43
  You know how there's colostomy bags?
• 7:49
  Yes.
• 7:52
  Good.
• 7:55
  That's good because it's a similar concept.
• 7:58
  Okay.
• 7:59
  Here's the invention.
• 8:02
  You eat.
• 8:05
  And it goes down.
• 8:08
  You pass to where you experience the flavor.
• 8:10
  So it's done with the mouth.
• 8:12
  and then it goes down
• 8:14
  and we install
• 8:17
  a valve system
• 8:19
  that puts a food bag
• 8:21
  out to the side
• 8:23
  before it gets to the tummy.
• 8:25
  And when you want to eat for pleasure
• 8:27
  you activate
• 8:30
  the valve
• 8:31
  so then when you eat
• 8:32
  you get to enjoy it
• 8:34
  you chew it up, you swallow it
• 8:36
  goes down the tube
• 8:38
  but before it can get to where it's trouble
• 8:41
  it goes out into the food bag.
• 8:45
  Okay, so this is an external bag?
• 8:48
  Yeah.
• 8:49
  But you can hide under clothes.
• 8:52
  Or not.
• 8:53
  This is expensive.
• 8:54
  Show it off.
• 8:57
  And then...
• 8:59
  So it's all inside your...
• 9:03
  It's bypassing your stomach.
• 9:06
  But then how do you...
• 9:08
  You still need some nutrition.
• 9:11
  yeah that's that's the valve the valve okay so when we want to eat normally and healthy
• 9:16
  make it you turn the valve um parallel to your body okay parallel
• 9:24
  yeah oh when it's party time you turn the valve perpendicular and then all the naughty delicious
• 9:33
  food never has a chance to hurt you.
• 9:39
  Okay.
• 9:40
  How do you dispose of the naughty, delicious food?
• 9:45
  You empty the bag.
• 9:46
  Eat it again.
• 9:48
  Yeah.
• 9:48
  Oh.
• 9:51
  You just, with the bag's here, you can, there's a second, smaller valve that allows you to
• 9:59
  deactivate the bag and you can just toss it or you can you know if you're frugal you can
• 10:04
  empty it and clean it it's just food you know or you can just get a new bag and luckily in the bag
• 10:09
  has a design on it it's opaque so don't worry that people could see you're not seeing
• 10:14
  masticated food right no you're no one's seeing that okay um
• 10:20
  i feel like there's got to be a reason why this wouldn't work because no one's thought of it
• 10:28
  I feel like people probably have thought about this before.
• 10:34
  Okay.
• 10:35
  Is there any kind of proprietary technology involved in this?
• 10:38
  The valve system is proprietary.
• 10:39
  Oh, okay, okay.
• 10:40
  And I mentioned there's two valves.
• 10:41
  There's a main valve and then there's a secondary miniature valve for the bag.
• 10:47
  So that some food...
• 10:48
  Well, you know, some people are stupid.
• 10:49
  So like they're eating while they're taking the bag off.
• 10:52
  We don't want food to like pump out the hole.
• 10:54
  so this allows for non-stop eating and it while you're disposing like um refueling a plane in
• 11:02
  midair or something yes yeah this is like this is buffet style is what we call that okay
• 11:09
  um it's pretty good right yes if it works for i'm worried about just
• 11:23
  the absolute like
• 11:26
  slovenly people
• 11:29
  that
• 11:30
  are just going to
• 11:32
  literally never stop eating
• 11:34
  as opposed to like being like
• 11:37
  you know what I want to go
• 11:38
  I want to go have a
• 11:40
  rich French meal
• 11:42
  at a nice bistro or something
• 11:44
  and just treat myself
• 11:46
  it's going to be the people that are just like non-stop ding-dongs
• 11:49
  are we enabling the non-stop ding-dongers?
• 11:53
  They have to sign a promise when they get the surgery that they won't be slovenly.
• 11:59
  Okay.
• 12:00
  I want this to be for the elite, basically, is what I'm saying.
• 12:03
  Well, it's a very...
• 12:04
  Yeah, it will be.
• 12:04
  I mean, because, you know, it's going to be very expensive.
• 12:07
  And by elite, I don't...
• 12:08
  This is not a money thing.
• 12:11
  That's not what I mean.
• 12:12
  Because you get disgusting people that are very rich, too.
• 12:14
  I mean, I only want people that are not going to abuse it and be gross about it.
• 12:21
  That's who I consider elite.
• 12:23
  um well we're here to make money so oh well i mean i also want i want the money yeah don't get
• 12:30
  me wrong but what i'm saying i didn't want the word elite to trigger any kind of like
• 12:34
  class i'm talking about like a respectability class system that's how i view things
• 12:41
  which is irrespective of money i think that's beautiful that's part of what makes
• 12:46
  this surgery so nice okay we care good good yeah okay good and they're gonna have to sign something
• 12:55
  that says they won't abuse it yeah and they and they'll and they'll and it's a promise we're not
• 13:00
  gonna follow up because we don't have time for that but um i just know that but don't abuse it
• 13:06
  yeah but don't but listeners but we might yeah it's like a it's like a random drug test uh we
• 13:12
  You might just show up at your door one day.
• 13:13
  Super random.
• 13:14
  And if you've got a zebra cake in one hand and a ding dong in the other,
• 13:19
  and there's a whole bunch of used bags around you.
• 13:21
  We're taking the valves away.
• 13:23
  We're taking them back.
• 13:24
  No refunds.
• 13:26
  Uh, no.
• 13:27
  Yeah.
• 13:27
  That check is cleared.
• 13:29
  Yeah.
• 13:30
  It clears the second we strap that bag to your body.
• 13:35
  Um, I just know that this would have a huge, like, success rate.
• 13:39
  And we could probably charge 50 grand for this I gotta say I like it better than something like Ozempic which is like putting chemicals into your body and we not sure the long effects of that
• 13:52
  This is just like literally not eating the food that you're eating.
• 14:00
  Like it's just, it's effectively not eating food.
• 14:02
  We're just skipping the last few steps.
• 14:05
  It's like medical bulimia, almost.
• 14:09
  Yes.
• 14:10
  Yes.
• 14:11
  But then it's better for your teeth and your esophagus, I'm assuming.
• 14:16
  Of course.
• 14:17
  There's only one downside.
• 14:18
  Yeah.
• 14:19
  The bag.
• 14:20
  I know.
• 14:21
  But small price to pay.
• 14:22
  And, you know, eventually you'll probably get to the way you want.
• 14:25
  You could take the bag off.
• 14:27
  You can maybe have, like, some Rocco's Modern Life stickers on it to customize it and show it off.
• 14:33
  You know we will.
• 14:35
  The first thing I thought of was...
• 14:36
  That'll be the first customized option.
• 14:37
  Get those curlicues on the bag.
• 14:40
  Rocco's well-fed life
• 14:42
  I feel a good energy coming from you
• 14:48
  about this
• 14:49
  I feel like
• 14:49
  I feel like I need to redeem myself for two weeks ago
• 14:52
  yeah
• 14:58
  I don't remember what it was
• 15:05
  I just remember I was ashamed
• 15:06
  yeah I don't remember what it was either
• 15:08
  hence my long pause
• 15:09
  I just went with you.
• 15:11
  Okay.
• 15:12
  I don't think you've yet to have an invention that you should be ashamed of, Francis.
• 15:16
  Thank you.
• 15:16
  So I don't know what that's about.
• 15:18
  Yeah, our invention footprints are clean.
• 15:20
  Yeah, and I don't think you need to redeem yourself for anything.
• 15:24
  I think you have a flawless record thus far.
• 15:27
  Thank you.
• 15:28
  Thank you.
• 15:29
  No, thank you.
• 15:30
  No, speaking of, I mean, just to add one thing on really quick.
• 15:32
  I was in my car in the way we were thinking about loose tubes.
• 15:35
  Yeah.
• 15:35
  And I thought to myself, statistically speaking, every American thinks about loose tubes at least once a day.
• 15:40
  That's probably why I was.
• 15:41
  Yeah.
• 15:41
  It was my turn.
• 15:42
  It was your turn.
• 15:42
  Yeah.
• 15:42
  But I was thinking, wow, what if we just, we can make one that's just, the beverage system can be in your closet.
• 15:49
  It could be like per one room.
• 15:50
  So it's like, oh, I've got, I've got water tube in my room.
• 15:54
  Or like a CO2 can, so I can have my Diet Coke in my room.
• 15:57
  It doesn't have to be all over the house.
• 15:58
  No, exactly.
• 15:59
  I think that was even something that we talked about in the loose tubes episode.
• 16:02
  Because I think I said something like, I never go in the office in my house.
• 16:09
  So, you know, like, who's cleaning those tubes, basically?
• 16:14
  Like, they're getting old.
• 16:15
  They're getting stale.
• 16:16
  Yeah.
• 16:16
  Well, now I tie the tubes into this week's invention.
• 16:20
  Guess what?
• 16:20
  Now you can drink whatever you want, too.
• 16:23
  Okay.
• 16:24
  What about, here's the thing.
• 16:26
  What about with booze, though?
• 16:27
  that you actually have to digest if you like want to feel the effects of
• 16:32
  the alcohol right yeah so that goes that goes through so if i'm having like a nice glass of
• 16:39
  wine with my food i gotta like keep like switching the valve back and forth so that i digest the wine
• 16:44
  but i don't digest the food yeah if you want to get drunk but not that i want to get drunk
• 16:51
  buzz buzz you want to you want to feel a little saucy yeah yeah well think about this this could
• 16:57
  be great for alcoholics.
• 16:59
  Just keep the
• 17:01
  valve perpendicular and you won't
• 17:03
  get drunk.
• 17:06
  Although their hands
• 17:07
  right there and they could just turn it back.
• 17:09
  Yeah. And I think
• 17:11
  more than just
• 17:14
  the taste of the booze, I think
• 17:17
  they like that drunk feeling.
• 17:19
  Oh, so they're not going to get the surgery.
• 17:21
  I didn't know. Well, they might still get it for
• 17:23
  food. True.
• 17:25
  True.
• 17:27
  Um.
• 17:28
  Okay.
• 17:29
  I was thinking about calling it.
• 17:30
  I was just going to ask.
• 17:32
  I'm trying to go with like.
• 17:35
  Yes.
• 17:36
  Yes.
• 17:36
  Yum.
• 17:37
  Not him.
• 17:38
  Like yes.
• 17:39
  Yum.
• 17:40
  Not him.
• 17:41
  Yes.
• 17:41
  Yum.
• 17:41
  Not him.
• 17:43
  Yes.
• 17:43
  Yum.
• 17:43
  Not him.
• 17:43
  That sounds like.
• 17:45
  Yeah.
• 17:47
  Yeah.
• 17:48
  That.
• 17:50
  That sounds.
• 17:53
  Like if you.
• 17:54
  The way you were saying that.
• 17:55
  It sounds like if you play a word backwards.
• 17:57
  or like a person like pig.
• 18:01
  You're right, but I wasn't.
• 18:04
  I wonder what that is
• 18:05
  if we say it backwards.
• 18:06
  I'll write it down right now.
• 18:09
  You can talk while I do this.
• 18:11
  It's
• 18:11
  Maran Muise.
• 18:17
  Yep.
• 18:19
  Maran Muise.
• 18:21
  Well, no, it's mutton, so
• 18:22
  never mind. I'm not going to go there.
• 18:26
  Okay.
• 18:27
  So that's one option.
• 18:28
  Maybe something with like a guilty pleasure play or like, you know, no cow.
• 18:36
  Corral, caler free.
• 18:40
  Yeah.
• 18:41
  Caler free.
• 18:43
  The Taurus system, because you said medical bulimia and bull is in bulimia.
• 18:49
  Hmm.
• 18:51
  Okay.
• 18:52
  that'll take a little explaining but it's like a that's a
• 18:57
  no colostomy bag no colostomy bag no that sounds like you're scolding a colostomy bag
• 19:07
  um a moment on the lips never on the hips forever on the lips never on the hips
• 19:15
  on the hag
• 19:21
  or maybe just something with like buffet
• 19:23
  or eat
• 19:24
  eat your heart out
• 19:26
  eat your heart out
• 19:29
  we're gonna have like 10 names on this one
• 19:32
  yeah
• 19:33
  go to veryfinefriends.com
• 19:36
  to not only see a picture of it
• 19:38
  but also all the names
• 19:40
  that we come up with
• 19:41
  and our invention of the week section
• 19:44
  names.
• 19:47
  Okay, well, this...
• 19:50
  Thank God you have that proprietary
• 19:51
  valve system.
• 19:53
  This is not one but two valves.
• 19:55
  That's right, that second valve.
• 19:58
  Even though I feel like just making
• 19:59
  the bags disposable is probably the best way
• 20:01
  to do it. For sure. And they're biodegradable
• 20:04
  so they decompose. And then the food
• 20:06
  can be then like it's compost-y?
• 20:08
  Yeah, you can compost it
• 20:09
  and it can go in your... Oh my God.
• 20:12
  It's just non-stop
• 20:13
  recycling. God, we're so
• 20:16
  earth-friendly. God.
• 20:19
  All of our
• 20:20
  composting just comes from junk food
• 20:22
  eventually. Non-stop
• 20:24
  ding-dongs.
• 20:25
  What does my tomato look like a zebra cake?
• 20:28
  I haven't gave it to me.
• 20:31
  Yeah, I feel good about this.
• 20:32
  Yeah, I mean, well,
• 20:33
  weight loss stuff, that sells.
• 20:37
  Big time, that sells.
• 20:39
  So, I mean.
• 20:40
  Weight loss, money gain.
• 20:42
  yeah you're right yep weight loss money gain okay yes yum notum yes yum notum yes yum notum
• 20:52
  yes yum notum uh it's probably on shelves by the time this episode drops well not on shelves
• 20:58
  it's on doctor's shelves so make an appointment yep ask your doctor about yes yum notum do not
• 21:06
  use yes yum no tum if you are allergic to yes yum no tum uh great well um good job solving
• 21:15
  fatness or obesity good job thanks round of applause for francis
• 21:20
  anything but dieting and working out am i right hey exactly it's almost impossible to change
• 21:28
  behaviors so well you know less than one percent of obese people lose the weight and of the one
• 21:33
  percent of obese people who lose the weight almost none of them keep it off so the world needs this
• 21:39
  yeah yes it does and guess what i'm going out with the friends i can just take the bag off
• 21:46
  and go eat and have a meal i don't have to worry about the weird shape under my shirt
• 21:51
  it's one meal yeah it's that's the way to do it just one meal and then you can
• 21:56
  so you're saying like bag it up when you're in private having
• 22:00
  we just got the name bag it up
• 22:03
  yeah that was beautiful but yes that is what i'm saying okay joe's with the names
• 22:09
  oh joe with the names all right bag it up yes yum yum
• 22:18
  forever on the lips never on the hips
• 22:23
  the Taurus something
• 22:27
  Taurus system
• 22:29
  Taurus system
• 22:30
  no Colossi bad
• 22:33
  bad
• 22:34
  I'm going to rub your nose in it
• 22:38
  oh
• 22:39
  oh no
• 22:41
  good job
• 22:43
  we're going to be so rich
• 22:45
  I might win the Pulitzer
• 22:46
  nope
• 22:47
  that's the writing prize
• 22:49
  you could win a Nobel prize
• 22:51
  that's what I meant
• 22:52
  I would also like, well, Joe in the Pulitzer for his writing ability with names of inventions.
• 22:58
  No, you just have to win something.
• 23:00
  I'm never going to win anything.
• 23:02
  No, you invented a pleasurable shower.
• 23:06
  No, I didn't invent that.
• 23:09
  It was just unlocked for me.
• 23:11
  I'll invent something and I'll win something someday.
• 23:14
  You will, you will.
• 23:16
  You will.
• 23:17
  Thanks.
• 23:18
  Thanks, man.
• 23:19
  that wraps up the invention of the week
• 23:23
  Francis are you ready for our next segment
• 23:27
  ready
• 23:28
  our next segment is
• 23:31
  old timey radio hour
• 23:35
  turn on some of that old timey radio
• 23:40
  like the kind grandpappy used to do
• 23:43
  I will be telling a story
• 23:47
  and Francis will be providing the sound effects
• 23:52
  like in an old-timey radio program.
• 23:57
  Thank you for this honor.
• 23:59
  No, thank you.
• 24:00
  It's really just a chance to showcase your sound effects skills.
• 24:03
  I've been training since I was two.
• 24:06
  Whoa, that's a long time.
• 24:09
  No wonder you're so good.
• 24:10
  Yeah.
• 24:11
  Well, they used to hit me with a cane if I was bad.
• 24:13
  That's why I'm good.
• 24:15
  Oh, well, good old-fashioned caning.
• 24:17
  It was a face caning
• 24:19
  That's how we get our
• 24:23
  brightest, most talented people in this world
• 24:26
  The sound effects that you would make from the face caning
• 24:28
  were just so good that they'd stop right away
• 24:30
  Who would have thought
• 24:32
  I don't know
• 24:33
  I would do such numbers
• 24:35
  I'm here and I'm ready
• 24:38
  Alright
• 24:39
  It was a dark and stormy night
• 24:43
  Jessica was lost in the woods
• 24:49
  She was cold
• 24:55
  Shivering
• 24:57
  And wet
• 24:59
  Suddenly up ahead
• 25:04
  She saw
• 25:06
  A castle on a hill
• 25:08
  She saw it because
• 25:12
  lightning came down from the sky
• 25:16
  and lit the castle from behind.
• 25:20
  There it is.
• 25:22
  It looked intimidating,
• 25:24
  but Jessica knew she had to get out of this cold
• 25:26
  before the wolves got her.
• 25:31
  Just going to have to risk it.
• 25:32
  And the wild giraffes
• 25:36
  that were all over this town.
• 25:38
  Neck!
• 25:42
  Jessica ran to the front door
• 25:46
  past the moat around the castle
• 25:49
  and came to the giant door knocker on the door
• 25:54
  and she slammed that knocker one time
• 25:58
  she slammed that knocker a second time
• 26:04
  she slammed that knocker a third time
• 26:09
  suddenly
• 26:11
  the door creaked open
• 26:15
  Jessica
• 26:20
  looked inside
• 26:22
  and there were
• 26:23
  torches flickering on the wall
• 26:27
  but she couldn't
• 26:30
  there was no one to be found
• 26:32
  Jessica
• 26:34
  Jessica cried out
• 26:38
  looking to see if there was anybody in the castle.
• 26:42
  Hey!
• 26:44
  It's Jessica
• 26:45
  from the woods.
• 26:49
  All she heard was an echo of her previous words.
• 26:53
  Hey!
• 26:54
  It's Jessica!
• 26:55
  Jessica from the woods.
• 27:00
  Before her in the entryway
• 27:02
  was a tall, tall, long staircase.
• 27:08
  I'm not doing that
• 27:11
  luckily
• 27:13
  right next to the staircase
• 27:16
  was an elevator
• 27:17
  it was one of those old timey elevators
• 27:21
  with the cage in the front
• 27:23
  got it Jessica went in and she looked at the buttons and she saw there was only two buttons
• 27:39
  one for the ground floor
• 27:41
  and one that said
• 27:43
  evil lair
• 27:45
  I'm already here
• 27:48
  two
• 27:50
  as the elevator
• 27:53
  slowly rose
• 27:55
  to what Jessica could only assume was going to be an evil lair
• 28:01
  if the button was properly labeled.
• 28:04
  She wondered, is this worth it? Is this a good idea?
• 28:10
  Why do I still...
• 28:12
  Suddenly, the door flew open.
• 28:16
  Bing!
• 28:16
  Whoa.
• 28:18
  And standing before her,
• 28:22
  There was another flash of lightning
• 28:25
  Illuminating
• 28:28
  Illuminated by this flash of lightning
• 28:31
  Was
• 28:33
  An old man
• 28:35
  With crazy white hair
• 28:37
  Einstein's so bright
• 28:39
  And a lab coat
• 28:41
  And he's holding a beaker
• 28:43
  And there's bubbling in the background
• 28:46
  Welcome
• 28:52
  to my lab,
• 28:54
  my dear.
• 28:56
  Oh, I do so hope I'm
• 28:57
  welcome here. There was wolves outside
• 29:00
  going awoo.
• 29:03
  I...
• 29:04
  Oh, I can hear the wolves now.
• 29:07
  This is
• 29:08
  scary.
• 29:10
  Good for you, managing to
• 29:12
  avoid the evil
• 29:14
  giraffes.
• 29:16
  Oh, yeah, so scary.
• 29:18
  Nick! Can I come in?
• 29:21
  What is this place?
• 29:22
  This is my lair.
• 29:26
  It's where I cook up all of my experiments.
• 29:31
  Wow.
• 29:32
  Jessica was weary, but it was warm inside the lair,
• 29:35
  and she was still so chilled to the bone.
• 29:40
  Come inside.
• 29:42
  I have just the thing to warm your little bones.
• 29:51
  What is that?
• 29:52
  Come closer and you'll see.
• 29:57
  Okay.
• 29:57
  Jessica's still wary, but there's something about the old man that intrigued her.
• 30:03
  And she wanted to see more.
• 30:07
  Here you go, my dear.
• 30:09
  What's that?
• 30:11
  Drink this and you will feel the warmth of a summer sun.
• 30:19
  Here we go.
• 30:22
  suddenly
• 30:25
  Jessica felt
• 30:27
  warm through every single
• 30:30
  part of her body
• 30:31
  but not too warm
• 30:34
  just warm enough
• 30:35
  like that pleasant way when it's
• 30:38
  when you come out of a
• 30:40
  cold movie theater in the summertime
• 30:42
  and the sun hits you and it feels
• 30:44
  good on your skin
• 30:45
  thank you
• 30:48
  you're welcome my dear
• 30:50
  Now, what else can I help you with?
• 30:56
  Well, I need a place to sleep.
• 31:01
  A place to sleep?
• 31:03
  Just for the night.
• 31:03
  The wolves, remember?
• 31:05
  Just for the night?
• 31:06
  Are you sure you don't want eternal rest?
• 31:11
  Ha, ha, ha, ha.
• 31:12
  Ha, ha, ha, ha.
• 31:15
  Oh.
• 31:16
  Jessica was wary, especially when that weird music played immediately after he said eternal rest.
• 31:24
  But she needed a place to stay.
• 31:28
  I'm kind of desperate.
• 31:30
  Come over here.
• 31:34
  Here I am.
• 31:35
  To a creaky little bed that I have set up in my lair.
• 31:43
  But why?
• 31:46
  You wanted rest.
• 31:48
  All right.
• 31:50
  I'll just get in it.
• 31:56
  Thanks.
• 31:57
  You're welcome.
• 32:00
  Now, let me tuck you in with my space blanket that crinkles.
• 32:09
  Chew!
• 32:11
  Chew!
• 32:13
  Chew!
• 32:15
  Chew!
• 32:16
  nice
• 32:17
  now my dear you are welcome
• 32:20
  to stay here for the evening
• 32:22
  and
• 32:24
  I promise you
• 32:26
  you will have
• 32:27
  the best dreams of your
• 32:30
  life in this bed
• 32:33
  not yet
• 32:34
  sorry
• 32:35
  comfortable creaky bed
• 32:37
  this will be the best sleep of your life
• 32:41
  you will have the best
• 32:42
  dreams of your life but only if you
• 32:44
  agree to one condition.
• 32:48
  Jessica was wary, but the bed was so comfortable
• 32:50
  and she felt she was about to slip into
• 32:52
  beautiful slumber.
• 32:55
  So she had to answer the man quickly.
• 32:57
  Okay.
• 33:00
  No matter what you
• 33:02
  dream tonight,
• 33:04
  that
• 33:06
  dream will become mine.
• 33:10
  Fine.
• 33:10
  I take it from you.
• 33:12
  Okay.
• 33:13
  I agree.
• 33:19
  Jessica dreamed.
• 33:21
  She dreamed the dream
• 33:23
  of
• 33:25
  a car.
• 33:28
  A car.
• 33:31
  A fast car.
• 33:35
  One that she could
• 33:35
  take to Bumper Boulevard.
• 33:38
  And no matter
• 33:41
  how much she abused the car.
• 33:45
  It would never break
• 33:46
  and it would never get a dent.
• 33:51
  And she would be
• 33:55
  forever
• 33:56
  with this car.
• 33:59
  This car would be one with her.
• 34:02
  This car would be
• 34:03
  her second home.
• 34:06
  Her first home.
• 34:08
  Her second home is no more.
• 34:11
  she now lives in this car,
• 34:15
  but not in a weird way.
• 34:17
  Oh,
• 34:18
  honk.
• 34:21
  And society accepts this.
• 34:24
  Yay!
• 34:30
  And she wakes up
• 34:33
  so exhilarated
• 34:36
  from her dream.
• 34:38
  Wow!
• 34:40
  Wow!
• 34:41
  Ah, yes, my dear.
• 34:44
  I was able to see your dream.
• 34:47
  I could see the car.
• 34:50
  And I've taken that dream.
• 34:52
  Per contract.
• 34:56
  Look over here, my dear.
• 35:01
  Look.
• 35:02
  Jessica looked over and she saw the car.
• 35:04
  The very car that was in her dreams was now in the mad scientist's lair.
• 35:10
  My vroom vroom.
• 35:10
  in this room room.
• 35:14
  Yes, my dear.
• 35:16
  Here you go.
• 35:19
  This is now your first home.
• 35:22
  I have a homeowner.
• 35:25
  But here's the catch.
• 35:33
  The door is too small for you to drive out.
• 35:36
  You are stuck here with me for eternity.
• 35:40
  Honk, honk, honk.
• 35:41
  Oh, no.
• 35:42
  All the honking won't get you out of my lair.
• 35:46
  You now live in my lair.
• 35:48
  You are my prisoner forever.
• 35:51
  I know what to do.
• 35:53
  Oh, get in here.
• 35:56
  What?
• 35:57
  Neck, neck.
• 35:59
  Get in here.
• 36:01
  Suddenly, a gang of wolves and giraffes came in.
• 36:05
  Neck.
• 36:08
  And they captured the mad scientists.
• 36:10
  And the mad scientist was, please, please, no, no.
• 36:17
  I must appeal to your better nature, wolves and giraffes.
• 36:20
  Kill him.
• 36:21
  Take me.
• 36:21
  Don't kill me.
• 36:23
  Don't kill me.
• 36:25
  Take me.
• 36:26
  Just take me to a judge, and we'll do whatever he said is fair.
• 36:30
  Attention.
• 36:31
  Guilty.
• 36:32
  Kill him.
• 36:33
  So the mad scientist, after seeing the judge, was in prison.
• 36:36
  but then he started a
• 36:39
  letter writing campaign
• 36:41
  and eventually
• 36:44
  his sentence was commuted
• 36:45
  and he made his way back
• 36:47
  to
• 36:48
  the tower
• 36:51
  where he lived to capture
• 36:53
  another Jessica
• 36:55
  again
• 36:56
  mwahaha
• 36:58
  thank you listeners
• 37:03
  for listening to our broadcast of
• 37:06
  Jessica and the Mad Scientist.
• 37:10
  We hope you enjoyed it.
• 37:12
  Tune in next week for another gory tale.
• 37:19
  That was original.
• 37:22
  Thank you.
• 37:24
  I wrote it myself.
• 37:25
  Yeah, normally you can trace those stories back to like Grimm's or something, but...
• 37:28
  No.
• 37:28
  No?
• 37:29
  No, that's a Jenna.
• 37:32
  Yeah.
• 37:33
  I'm gonna trace it back to a Jenna.
• 37:34
  You know, you never see wolves and giraffes together.
• 37:37
  I like them together, though.
• 37:39
  Yeah, they make sense.
• 37:40
  Wolves are kind of long and they're long parallel to the ground.
• 37:46
  Giraffes are perpendicular long.
• 37:48
  It all comes back to valves, doesn't it?
• 37:50
  It's all the valve system.
• 37:52
  You put the parallel and the perpendicular together and you get a plus sign.
• 37:57
  You could, like how they have like H and C in the hot and cold faucets.
• 38:00
  faucets you could have like a wolf
• 38:02
  when you want to get rid
• 38:04
  of the food and then a giraffe.
• 38:05
  Yeah. That would be cute.
• 38:07
  Yeah, it would be.
• 38:09
  That's the upgraded model.
• 38:11
  Yep.
• 38:13
  The standard one says fat and thin.
• 38:16
  The upgraded model
• 38:16
  is bag it and tag it.
• 38:20
  Oh.
• 38:23
  I know
• 38:24
  that's like hunting, but to me it
• 38:25
  feels like dating.
• 38:27
  Bag it, tag it.
• 38:28
  Yeah.
• 38:28
  yeah
• 38:29
  oh look at that one on the floor
• 38:32
  dance floor
• 38:33
  are you going to bag that and tag that?
• 38:36
  yeah
• 38:36
  my hunting rifle
• 38:39
  alright well
• 38:44
  that was a very successful old timey radio hour
• 38:46
  I think
• 38:46
  well now they sure don't make radio
• 38:50
  like that no more
• 38:52
  yeah I enjoyed
• 38:54
  your story
• 38:54
  I enjoyed your sound effects
• 38:56
  I knew that's what
• 38:59
  giraffes sounded like
• 39:01
  yuck
• 39:01
  I studied under Jane Goodall's cousin
• 39:05
  Veronica Goodall
• 39:07
  she was working with giraffes
• 39:10
  Jane
• 39:13
  okay
• 39:15
  sometimes
• 39:16
  stupid
• 39:21
  very laugh
• 39:23
  thank you
• 39:24
  Yeah.
• 39:26
  Time for one final segment on the show.
• 39:29
  The big question.
• 39:32
  The question is very big.
• 39:36
  Francis, I really hope you have a big question because I don't have one.
• 39:40
  Actually, I do.
• 39:41
  Great.
• 39:43
  I'm going to task you with coming up with one or two or whatever, whatever you think of.
• 39:49
  I was thinking this earlier.
• 39:50
  You know how families have made up like baloney like myths, but the kids don't know it's fake.
• 40:00
  You know, like the one that comes to mind is like, oh, you can't drive with the light on in the car or you'll get pulled over.
• 40:05
  Or like there's that stretch of highway camera where it is, but there's like a fake animal they tell you to look for the kids to look for.
• 40:10
  So they shut them up and they're like looking for this like fake animal.
• 40:14
  A jackalope is it?
• 40:15
  uh in my family my older siblings would tell me that we had that i had another brother named jason
• 40:21
  and anytime they would want me to not do something they would say hey just stop doing that that's how
• 40:27
  jason died that's pretty good yeah that's pretty good it was effective so you can't use that one
• 40:35
  okay but i was thinking you could invent another one that's like really
• 40:40
  Like, heinous.
• 40:42
  I mean, heinous is my word.
• 40:45
  Well, like, some of these lores are just, like, preventative lore.
• 40:49
  Like, when I was a kid, my mom, if we went to, like, McDonald's or whatever, and we were eating there, she would always tell us that a kid just threw up in the ball pit.
• 41:00
  And so we couldn't go play in the play area.
• 41:03
  and that was her way of
• 41:06
  of stopping
• 41:07
  because we were like
• 41:08
  she would be non-stop
• 41:09
  like fielding requests
• 41:11
  to go play in the ball pit
• 41:12
  right
• 41:13
  and that would be her way of saying like oh I would let you but I can so that wasn really like as terrible she doesn have to be preventative here let me give you an example of one i thought of
• 41:26
  so it could be anything so here's what i was thinking i was thinking you could tell your kids
• 41:32
  when you're boiling water um you have to change the boiling water every five minutes or the food
• 41:40
  will become poisonous.
• 41:41
  Because I thought it would be funny to like,
• 41:43
  so you're boiling water.
• 41:44
  Like once it reaches boiling,
• 41:46
  it can only be used for five minutes.
• 41:47
  But foods take longer than that to cook.
• 41:49
  Yes.
• 41:49
  So you have to boil two pots of water.
• 41:51
  And then after five minutes,
• 41:52
  you transfer the food to the other boiling water.
• 41:54
  But that water has also been boiling.
• 41:58
  But also the food entering the water
• 42:02
  is what starts the boiling going bad.
• 42:07
  Oh.
• 42:08
  Boil the boil.
• 42:09
  Ooh.
• 42:10
  spoil the boy yeah it comes with a rhyme you know it's real let's see what would i do so right now
• 42:16
  it sounds like we're just messing with future generations yeah okay oh another one i just
• 42:23
  thought of which wasn't really like a like a lore thing in my family but it was amusing to me in
• 42:29
  retrospect um one time my older brother mj and i were in the car waiting we were like in the car
• 42:35
  waiting for my dad to come out of the grocery store it wasn't like a hot day or anything we
• 42:38
  weren't like trapped in the car i was probably like five and he was so that would have made him
• 42:46
  like eight um and so we were just sitting in the car waiting and he told me that if you press the
• 42:53
  garage door button when you're not in front of the garage door the house will explode
• 42:58
  and i was like that's not true and he's like well then press it if you don't think it's true
• 43:03
  i was like i don't know what if it is true and then eventually like i pressed it and he was like
• 43:09
  holy cow what if that was true our house would have exploded and i was like well it didn't so
• 43:16
  it's okay but i i was willing to take that risk as a five-year-old i guess i forgot what i was
• 43:21
  gonna say after i thought of that okay so you would do the boiling water trick
• 43:28
  trick yeah okay i would tell my kids that every time they sneeze
• 43:36
  they need to hop around on one foot counterclockwise to avoid getting an aneurysm
• 43:45
  oh that's got serious yeah like if you don't want to die immediately immediately when you sneeze
• 43:52
  you gotta do that
• 43:54
  cause like that
• 43:55
  helps like circulate the blood in your head
• 43:59
  cause the sneeze opens something
• 44:00
  I would believe that as a child
• 44:02
  like oh it makes sense I'm circulating my blood
• 44:04
  and then I wanna see
• 44:05
  but the problem is I'd have to do it too
• 44:06
  well at least only when they're around
• 44:08
  but I wanna see like is this something that they
• 44:10
  do like well into adulthood
• 44:12
  and like would anyone call it out
• 44:15
  would be fun to see
• 44:18
  my kids like in a business meeting
• 44:20
  or something like
• 44:21
  and I'm there for some reason
• 44:23
  in this business meeting.
• 44:25
  You're the one hiring them.
• 44:26
  Yeah.
• 44:26
  I'm just there in the newspaper
• 44:27
  with two eye holes cut out.
• 44:28
  With a finger mustache.
• 44:31
  I like that.
• 44:32
  That's sufficiently just nuts.
• 44:34
  They lose their job
• 44:35
  and you're just laughing.
• 44:37
  You look so dumb.
• 44:39
  You idiot.
• 44:39
  I can't believe you believed me,
• 44:41
  your parent.
• 44:42
  I can't believe you trusted me enough,
• 44:45
  stupid morons.
• 44:47
  I don't know if my family,
• 44:48
  like my dad,
• 44:49
  I don't know if he ever did anything like that.
• 44:51
  Was there anything like, yeah, now I'm wondering, is there something weird that I just never questioned that was always a lie?
• 45:00
  I mean, your family seems more creative.
• 45:02
  I don't think my dad has a creative button on his body.
• 45:04
  He's more like the, don't do that kind of person.
• 45:09
  The why I oughta kind of guy.
• 45:11
  Yeah.
• 45:12
  The Kenya in the face kind of guy.
• 45:20
  Okay.
• 45:21
  jump up and down joe that was a little cough oh coughs uh oh coughs should have something too
• 45:28
  yeah you gotta oh that would be so mean like because when you have a like when you're sick
• 45:32
  and you have a bad cough there's nothing worse than that i would rather be sick to my stomach
• 45:37
  than have like a non-stop cough let me ask you one last question okay if you had to come up with
• 45:45
  a new condition because this is like tangent related okay if you come up with a new condition
• 45:50
  that if you came down with it,
• 45:53
  something weird happened to you,
• 45:54
  what would the condition be?
• 45:57
  Here, let me give you an example.
• 45:59
  Yeah.
• 46:01
  Let's say
• 46:01
  there's a new airborne disease.
• 46:07
  And if you get this new airborne disease,
• 46:09
  every time someone laughs,
• 46:12
  you like mock laugh back at them.
• 46:15
  Like they'd be like,
• 46:15
  and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 46:16
  so is it something i would want to happen or not want well i mean i wouldn't want that because
• 46:24
  no one would know if you were it's like they just have to believe you're like no i have
• 46:27
  i have hee-haw itis and they're like sure you know okay uh this is a water-based disease
• 46:40
  airborne gets all the fun diseases i feel like there should be more that's transmitted via water
• 46:47
  you're right well you're here now okay yeah is this from just bad water or random water
• 46:51
  or lake water it's like if if a certain disease it can only live in water so if it just happens
• 46:58
  to get into the water so it could be coming from anywhere oh scary yeah this is real scary i know
• 47:03
  spooky
• 47:04
  it gives you a condition
• 47:07
  where every
• 47:09
  now all I can think about is sneezing
• 47:13
  not sneezing
• 47:14
  every time
• 47:17
  someone says the word god
• 47:21
  you just
• 47:24
  you involuntarily go
• 47:27
  yes my son
• 47:29
  and then you'd have to constantly be exposed no i don't think i'm god i i swear
• 47:40
  yeah the drink out of the wrong loose tube someone didn't clean the office loose tubes
• 47:47
  oh that is very funny i feel like that's something i've done on purpose a few times yeah yeah yeah
• 47:53
  but it'd be funny if you couldn't especially you realize people probably say it all the time
• 47:57
  I mean just like even someone going oh my god
• 47:59
  like that would be every single time
• 48:01
  right yeah that would make me laugh
• 48:04
  especially if the first time didn't make me laugh
• 48:05
  the second time I'd be like ah it's funny now
• 48:07
  and then like the eighth time you'd be like
• 48:10
  shut up and then by like the
• 48:11
  18th it'd come back around again
• 48:13
  smiling again against your wishes
• 48:15
  yeah thank you that's funny
• 48:17
  my disease is
• 48:19
  it's a skin to skin contact
• 48:21
  disease and when you get it
• 48:24
  if someone
• 48:25
  is about to sit down
• 48:27
  within five feet of you, you involuntarily
• 48:30
  put your hand palm up on the chair
• 48:31
  that they're about to sit in.
• 48:34
  Give me that.
• 48:38
  Oh, but then you're then further
• 48:39
  spreading the disease. This would go real fast.
• 48:42
  You'd have to like avoid
• 48:43
  chairs if you had it.
• 48:46
  This would be like non-stop.
• 48:47
  Everyone's just going like hands everywhere.
• 48:50
  Imagine you're in school.
• 48:52
  Especially if they're not
• 48:53
  wearing pants either.
• 48:55
  Oh my goodness.
• 48:57
  Oh yeah.
• 48:59
  I think everyone would suddenly start wearing gloves
• 49:01
  all the time.
• 49:03
  So that if you had the disease...
• 49:05
  Also people know, don't sit around me.
• 49:07
  Don't come within five feet, or if you do come within five feet
• 49:10
  and be prepared to get your
• 49:11
  cheeks honked.
• 49:15
  Yeah, that should be with a name.
• 49:19
  Caboose honking disease?
• 49:21
  Yeah, sounds like with a hyphen.
• 49:23
  It sounds like the name of someone.
• 49:24
  It'll spawn a whole generation of children
• 49:26
  who grow accustomed to sitting down really fast.
• 49:30
  But then you know someone's going to be like,
• 49:32
  I swear I've got it.
• 49:37
  Sit down, my son.
• 49:40
  They have two diseases.
• 49:44
  Oh, that's a rare strain called the hand of God.
• 49:50
  Yes.
• 49:52
  We did it.
• 49:53
  All right.
• 49:54
  Well, good job, us.
• 49:55
  we successfully answered the big question.
• 49:59
  The big question.
• 50:00
  It's time for one final thing.
• 50:03
  Okay, this is tough for me.
• 50:04
  Oh, go ahead.
• 50:05
  No, you go ahead.
• 50:06
  No, this one's really hard for me
• 50:08
  because I got nothing for you
• 50:10
  because nothing at all stood out to me as weird.
• 50:13
  So I'm going to...
• 50:16
  So first we...
• 50:18
  How do we do the invention?
• 50:22
  I don't...
• 50:23
  I got nothing.
• 50:25
  Nothing.
• 50:26
  That was it.
• 50:27
  That was my word.
• 50:28
  But you said your word?
• 50:29
  I said my word and I said my decoy word.
• 50:31
  Okay.
• 50:32
  Oh, man.
• 50:32
  I don't even.
• 50:33
  This is so bad because I don't even have like a real guess.
• 50:39
  So I guess if I had to pick something I would say we were talking about.
• 50:45
  Sorry.
• 50:46
  We were talking about the invention, which I think I'm going to guess this is when you said it.
• 50:50
  is during invention.
• 50:53
  And I'm going to say that the word that you,
• 50:55
  that was your word was,
• 50:57
  we were talking about,
• 50:59
  I don't know.
• 51:03
  I don't know.
• 51:04
  Wow.
• 51:04
  No guess, period.
• 51:06
  Oh, I want to have a guess though.
• 51:07
  Yeah, you should.
• 51:08
  I feel like if you literally don't even have one single guess,
• 51:10
  then that should get me a point.
• 51:13
  That's what I wrote down.
• 51:15
  You wrote down?
• 51:16
  A picture.
• 51:17
  A picture.
• 51:17
  Okay, then I'm going to say it's,
• 51:19
  doctor.
• 51:30
  That is not my word.
• 51:33
  Okay.
• 51:35
  Let me guess one more.
• 51:36
  Okay.
• 51:37
  Am I right?
• 51:38
  It was during invention?
• 51:39
  No.
• 51:40
  Shoot balls.
• 51:42
  Okay.
• 51:43
  Then I'm just going to throw a wild hair out
• 51:45
  and I'm going to say
• 51:47
  giraffe.
• 51:49
  That was not my word.
• 51:52
  Okay.
• 51:53
  Beaker?
• 51:54
  Nope.
• 51:55
  Okay.
• 51:55
  All right, I'm done.
• 51:57
  It was during old-timey radio hour.
• 51:59
  It was?
• 52:00
  Yep.
• 52:01
  Towards the end.
• 52:03
  My word was commuted.
• 52:07
  Yeah, that slipped in nice.
• 52:09
  Yeah.
• 52:10
  I had to get the doctor in jail so that he had to do a letter writing campaign,
• 52:14
  and then a sentence was commuted.
• 52:16
  I was really into that segment.
• 52:19
  Yeah. You actually picked up your thing right after you said it, but then you used it to make sound effects.
• 52:25
  Oh, yeah.
• 52:27
  I was like, oh, I was working too hard.
• 52:29
  Yeah, you, you, I said commuted and then you picked up your index card and then I was like, shit, he's got it.
• 52:34
  And then you went.
• 52:36
  Oh, man. What was your decoy word?
• 52:38
  My decoy word was fielding.
• 52:41
  Well, I'm glad I didn't get that.
• 52:42
  I said my mom would be nonstop fielding requests.
• 52:46
  But that worked so well.
• 52:47
  I know.
• 52:48
  cut out my long silence where I didn't have a guess
• 52:50
  okay no we leave that in
• 52:52
  that's how you feel this
• 52:54
  wow well you did a really good job
• 52:56
  thank you
• 52:57
  it's too normal
• 52:59
  like you were so good at putting it in it just feels like
• 53:02
  I have
• 53:06
  a few guesses for you
• 53:08
  shoot
• 53:09
  oh I'm like oh I have no words but it's on the other side
• 53:13
  okay
• 53:14
  where would you like to start
• 53:15
  baloney
• 53:20
  is that a no
• 53:24
  that was just a fun one for me
• 53:26
  that's nothing
• 53:28
  baby grass
• 53:29
  baby grass no I don't think it's baby grass
• 53:33
  that would be a fun generated word
• 53:34
  like what are you doing generator
• 53:36
  heinous
• 53:38
  no
• 53:39
  preventative
• 53:42
  no
• 53:43
  I have one last guess
• 53:45
  Taurus
• 53:47
  good one but no
• 53:49
  baloney's so funny because I said it and I'm like that sounds funny
• 53:52
  yeah but no
• 53:54
  it did sound funny
• 53:56
  my word was decompose
• 53:57
  oh
• 54:00
  so the when you unstrap
• 54:02
  the bag it can decompose
• 54:04
  yeah yeah
• 54:05
  and my decoy was footprints
• 54:07
  oh our footprints
• 54:10
  are clean
• 54:11
  or our footprints are
• 54:13
  yeah
• 54:13
  Yeah. Nice.
• 54:17
  I love that you said baloney though.
• 54:20
  Oh well.
• 54:21
  No points this week. Yeah. You were so
• 54:23
  smooth with everything. So were you. Yeah thanks.
• 54:25
  But nothing stood up to me at all. I just love talking
• 54:27
  to you. God.
• 54:29
  Love talking to you too Francis.
• 54:31
  Consider the restrictor off our friendship.
• 54:34
  It's now gushing.
• 54:37
  Finally we've reached gush levels.
• 54:39
  Your friendship is so wet.
• 54:42
  It's so wet.
• 54:43
  All right.
• 54:44
  Well, that does it for very fine friends.
• 54:50
  Thanks, everybody.
• 54:51
  Thank you.
• 54:52
  Bye.